Just another day. I sigh as I make my way to the coffee shop I've been frequenting since I moved here. At least the weathers nice today. Normally that wouldn't be annoying but the fact that I had already been dressed and ready to go to work and had to then change definitely might make me late. Oh well. They'll make due without me for ten minutes.
I can't help but groan when I see the long line of customers inside after I park but I'm already here so I might as well go inside. I barely have a second to look up from my phone where I've started to check my emails when I make it to the counter. "Hi I'll take a large Caramel latte, quad shot with almond milk please." I smile and pay leaving a healthy tip before moving to the end of the counter to wait for my order. *
*When they finally call my name I take my drink with a polite 'Thank you' and turn to leave, only making it a few steps before I slam face, and coffee, first into a man that I don't think I've ever seen in here before, not that I ever really pay attention. "Shit I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I was going" I shake my arm, trying to flick off some of the excess hot liquid that has managed to ruin the majority of the dress I slipped into before leaving. Groaning in frustration, "Now I'm definitely gonna be late.. fuck"
@bonghitsforfeds
I ground my back teeth together in frustration as I ran this week’s busy schedule over once again from top to bottom, making sure to make mental notes of each part I was not yet confident on. The whir of thoughts stirred in my mind as the hot California air wafted in through the large pair of swinging glass doors that hang from the front of the small cafe. Ivon always liked this spot, as it was tucked into the corner of the strip mall making it seem private among the millions that lived around him.
The aroma of freshly brewed espresso and cream seemed to hang thick in the air as I stood almost too still at the end of the bar, waiting for my drink to be called out. Something about the plan to smuggle the explosives through the border checkpoint not originally planned upon did not sit right with him . It was not the fact that the plans had changed, as that was to be expected in an operation this large, but more the fact the change seemed to come from a source that was new to the family, and had a history of being less than reliable.
I barely even registered the tiny barista’s voice as she passed the steaming, and very hot, drink to me. As I brought it to my lips to take a sip, the sweet taste of mocha rising from the smoke and into my mouth, I took a quick step to make a turn from the far end of the counter and collided with a figure that had been hurrying behind me.
I winced and exclaimed a loud “Fuck me!” as the searing liquid sprayed up into my face, and then soaked quite willingly into my white undershirt and dark purple jacket. Anger rose sharply in my chest, and after collecting myself from the initial collision I had already begun to think of many razor edged insults to aim at whatever reckless dipshit had torn my focus from work.
However my entire demeanor shifted as the girl began to apologize and attempt to clean her dark flowing hair of coffee. A feeling of icy shock seemed to leap from my throat as I took in the image of her, scrambling for wor
14:49
ds like a fool. “I’m sorry you.. Well I meant to..” I pointed at the door with my left hand that still held the crumpled coffee cup, trying to explain myself to this person who had seemingly completely wrecked my flow.
I finally had collected myself after several seconds and pulled a clump of napkins from the nearby counter, offering them out to her, “Here try these, it might work better than just flinging it about like that.” I took a small risk and attempted to wipe some of the liquid from her now ruined dress, wanting any acceptable reason to touch her.
"No no it wasn't your fault I was looking at my phone and-" I was about to keep rambling on and on about being an idiot when I finally looked up and felt my cheeks heat up in a blush.Great not only did I ram into someone but the someone is really cute. I let out a huff that I'm sure just came off as frustration from the stinging in my skin and the fact that now I was down a coffee and a dress.
"Thank you" I said with half a smile as the man tried to help me clean off the hot mess that was quickly becoming sticky. This couldn't get any worse. "I'm sorry about your shirt and your jacket god are you alright? Are you hurt? I know my arm is on fire right about now" I looked up at the handsome man again wishing I had some napkins to be of some use cleaning up the mess I made as well.
"Let me buy you a new one? I am the reason yours is all over you now after all" Before you can even say no I make my way over to get back in line. "What did you order?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Now that she mentioned it the burning was growing rather painful beneath his clothing, but it was not just the pain from the coffee exciting him, an excuse to be near her longer was impossible to ignore. “I guess you do owe me after ruining my shirt.” The shirt he specifically picked out to match the room of his meeting later this afternoon. “I had a cafe mocha.” I stepped up beside her in line, glancing down at her to catch glimpses when I thought she wasn't looking.
Standing this close to her I could smell the shampoo in her hair, “Do you live around here?” Maybe I could see if she is from here, give me something to do while in town this week. Any excuse to get her to talk to me more, or maybe slip up and tell me something I can use to follow her later. You said you would not do this again, my conscience pleaded at me.
As I awaited her answer I searched my mind for more reasons to talk to her, maybe I could ask her about the dress? I glanced down at her again, taking note of how the now stained fabric draped about her. She will need a new one, maybe I could offer her a ride to that clothing shop on the other end of town, buy her something nice? I suppose it does not matter if she agrees anyway right.
"Cafe mocha you got it" I smile over at you and I could swear that I catch you glancing down at me too but I tell myself it's only because you were talking to me. It's not a big deal everything is fine. I hope I didn't make him too angry...
When we finally get to the front of the line I re-order my quad shot latte along with a large cafe mocha not bothering to ask what size you had before because I feel like getting the large is the least I could do. "Sort of, I'm in the suburbs, being downtown was too much for me so I moved further away" I smile again and shake my head. "I needed to be able to breathe after work you know?"
I can't help but bounce nervously from toe to heel as we wait for the new drinks to come up, knowing that I'm so late for work and now have to choose between going home to change or showing up covered in coffee making me grow more and more stressed by the second. "I'm sorry again about your shirt."
"Large cafe mocha and a quad shot caramel latte" I step up to the counter to take the new drinks and hand you yours being extra careful to not spill anything again somehow. "I hope the rest of your day goes well." I say before I step through the crowd to make my way to the door and out to the sidewalk to make the short walk to where I parked.
@bonghitsforfeds
I take a big sip of the coffee, happy to have its caffeinated warmth working its way through my sober brain. Even though the usual fury churned within me over the ruined shirt I still blurted, “Really, don’t worry about it.” I tried for a warm smile but it's entirely possible the darkness moving in my mind betrayed me and instead of a smile I managed a wolfish grin.
Before I could say more she was gone, her hair bobbing up and down as she scurried off to start her day. You did not even get her name, idiot. For a moment in that mostly empty cafe I considered just letting it go, heading back to the hotel for a quick change of clothes before moving on to my own business. Yet the day dreams returned rather quickly of the pretty girl's arms pinned above her head, of her soft skin struggling beneath me, of her unheard cries ringing against the walls...
I make a quick 180 and switched the coffee to my left hand, holding it close as I quickly step from the cafe back into the morning sun, the hot rays quickly reminding me it is almost summer already. Glancing left and right I barely catch sight of her as she steps around a corner into the neighboring parking area. Just a quick photo of her license plate with the make of her car is all I should need. Doing my best to blend into the light foot traffic, I make my way up the sidewalk towards where I last lost sight of her, hoping she is too focused to notice my appearance again. Not to mention I am parked in an adjacent lot, so I do not have that big of an excuse to be tailing her.
@killahxkylie
When I finally make it to my car I pull my keys from my bag to unlock the door and slide inside, setting the coffee cup in the holder before sliding the key into the ignition. I sigh when the calming hum of the engine starts and glance in my mirrors before putting the car in reverse.
It's then when you catch my eye, standing there with your phone out. There's no way he's following me...right? I brush it off assuming that it's probably just coincidence and that you could be taking a picture of anything before I back out of my spot and make the drive to the office.
Thank God I mostly work for myself. I grab my coffee and head inside making my way to my tiny office quickly, I know I have to finish editing the current column I've been working on for the online magazine I managed to land a spot in but my brains so frazzled I can barely think straight.
Sinking into my chair I let out another heavy sigh before taking a sip of coffee and logging on to at least act like I'm getting some work done. I really hope I didn't burn him. I frown looking down at my own arm which is angry red and still stinging. Gonna need to put aloe on this when I get home.@bonghitsforfeds
As she slips into the car I quickly tuck the coffee into my lower arm and pull out my phone, thumbing the camera open in one smooth motion. As soon as I snap the photo your eyes make contact with mine, and an icy feeling creeps up my back. I swallow heavily while trying any way to look normal. She totally saw you... “Well shit you are in it to win it now kid,” I whisper sarcastically to myself through clenched teeth.
As she pulls away I relax a bit, knowing I have what I need to find her later. Walking back to my car, I type up a quick text, ‘Hey old friend, can you run these numbers for me and get me a basic workup?’ Attaching the photos of her car I sent the message off, hoping they are around today to get back to me.
I hop rather excitedly into my car, pressing the button to start the engine. I glance at my phone in the cup holder rather impatiently. While waiting for the engine rpm to come down to idle, I fuss with my shirt, only now realizing how much the low grade burn truly stings. She really did kind of fuck my day up so she gets what's coming to her I suppose. I shrug my shoulders but just as I am about to put it in gear the phone chimes. Before it's even done vibrating I have it unlocked. ‘Hey F, I ran this shit for you real quick before stepping out for breakfast. You lucky I even checked this after that last poker game. C’
It did not take long for me to find the little buildings she worked in, she is likely unaware of the fact her business information is mostly public due to recent data leaks. Mostly anything can be found or bought nowadays if you know the right guy, or know the right guy who knows the right guy. Data brokerage is likely worth more than the basic smuggling stuff I am involved in now.
These thoughts move through my head as I find a place a block or so away to park. Locking the car door behind me I keep my hands in my pockets as I stride up toward the nearest lot, scanning the cars for her small sedan. After a few minutes of searc
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hing I see the right color and car, and after quickly cross referencing it with my picture from earlier, I lean down and attach the small airtag beneath the right rear fender. I considered making my way back to my car, but a peculiar idea had begun to pull at my mind. You could leave something. I had never considered toying with someone in that way before, and the idea was rather exciting. I pondered the car for a moment, looking at it front to back as I stood beside the driver side door. Pulling my hands out of my pockets a small piece of paper fell to the floor, the receipt from this morning's coffee. Perfect. Snatching up the small receipt for the spilled mocha, I stuff it in behind the driver's side handle. Once satisfied with my work, I made my way back up the road to where I had parked. My plan was to wait for her to get off work, and watch from up the road as she discovers my gift, I wanted to see her find it.
The rest of the day seems to drag by so slow and I find it so hard to get anything done with the annoying sting in my arm and chest and the way my mind keeps running over what an ass of myself I made. God I just wanna go home and have a glass of wine. I tap a pen against a pad of paper I have on my desk and take a few notes of things I need to double check for accuracy and people I need to follow up with and that's about as productive as my day is.
When 4:00 rolls around I gather my things and log out of my computer before making my way to the elevator and to my car, I stop outside the door to dig my keys back out and when I reach to open the door handle I feel it, a paper? I hold it up to unfold it and my brows pinch in confusion. "What the fuck.." I mumble out loud until I realize. "Holy shit" I look up from the paper in my hand to look all around me as if I'll be able to spot whoever put this here. When I don't see anything familiar looking I crumple the receipt up and shove it in my bag before getting in the car and pulling off to head towards home.
The entire way home all I can think about is who would leave the receipt there and why? I turned the music up trying to quiet the thoughts racing through my head, someone obviously wanted you to find it. When I get home I can't help but look around before I head inside locking the door behind me. "What a weird fucking day" I huff before setting my things down by the door and heading to the bathroom to strip off the coffee stained dress and step into the shower.
@bonghitsforfeds
I poured over the brief dossier of information that had been sent to me via text. Camila Roberts lived at 3478 Gargoyle Lane, a mere twenty minute drive from where I sat in my car at this very moment. I had burned the route from here to the home in my mind after looking it up, and at first I had been tempted to beat her there. However after some brief thought I decided I still had a greater desire to see them find the receipt.
The hours flew by, and even though I glanced over any time someone left the building she worked, my heart leaped to my throat when it was finally Camila. The far off figure moved toward her car, and for a brief moment I became worried she could catch me, but there was no way she could see me this far through the tinted windshield.
As she glanced around herself after opening the car door, I felt a stir in my pants that spread a warmth up through my chest into a blush in my cheeks. It made all the hours waiting here worth it, and likely only solidified the evil plans forming within me. I would follow her home, I wanted to see where she lived in person.
I waited 20 minutes after she had left before starting my car and making the drive to Camila’s home that started with getting on the highway. I was on autopilot as the tall buildings gave way to California countryside and cute houses, and a serene peace flowed through me as the drive progressed. I knew touching her again was a guarantee now, an event that would eventually take place, I no longer had to wonder. I wanted desperately to make a fist in her long hair, locking her head into whatever movement my hand made.
My plan was to park up the road and wait until sunset, when I could move through the neighborhood as a stranger and be less likely to be noticed. I thought of the possibility of her having a security camera of some sorts, but my lust overcame any sense of self preservation so I decided to just ignore this and cross that bridge if need be.
There was a small park a few houses do
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wn and across the street from her home, this is where I parked yet again to bide time. Patience, I thought, if you move too fast you could blow this. It's only a few hours until the hot sun will set anyway, then I might get a chance to see her again.
@killahxkylie
I took my time in the shower, lathering up the length of my hair and even doing a deep conditioning treatment after having such a weird and shitty day. After toweling the long waves dry I made sure to put some aloe on my arm and even a little on my chest where the irritation from the burn still tinted my skin pink. "Stupid coffee" I mumbled to myself checking in the mirror for any more spots I may have missed and not seeing any.
I pull on a pair of loose cloth shorts and a tank top, havinf been waiting to turn on the air conditioning it was warm inside but not so warm that it wasn't comfortable with just a fan and that's what I would use until I absolutely couldn't stand it anymore.
After doing some simple skin care I make my way into the kitchen rummaging through the cupboards and refrigerator before deciding to make a simple tofu stir fry with some fresh veggies I want to use before they go bad. I turn some music onto the Bluetooth speaker and start cooking, smiling softly to myself at the setting sun. I've been so much happier since leaving the craziness of downtown, getting to watch the sun go down from the window of my own house instead of some stuffy apartment complex has been such a blessing.
Once I have the rice in the rice cooker and the veggies chopped and into a pan a grab my phone to open up one of the million skeevy dating apps I told myself I'd never use. "We all have to get laid sometimes right?" I muse out loud as I send off a message to a guy I've seen a few times now, laughing to myself when the reply comes in so quickly.
Have any plans tonight Cami?Are you inviting yourself over again?Only if you're gonna say yes
I roll my eyes but can't deny the fact that the physical connection is nice.
Come over at 9 I still have to finish up dinnerSee you then
19:39
I set my phone back down and stir around the veggies so they'll cook evenly before I pour myself a glass of wine, for some reason I've never been able to have meaningless hookups while completely sober.
I ran my hand over the familiar outline of the handgun hidden underneath my right arm via a deep conceal harness, and stepped out of the car into the cool air of a setting spring sun. The clean smell of flowers filled my senses, and the sound of the car door shutting echoed in the quiet neighborhood. It was just after eight, and there were only dim tendrils of light left stretching out over the pitched roofs.
I slunk up the right side of the road, keeping my head downward and quietly humming a jazz tune I had probably heard somewhere earlier today. What would father think of my absence at the meeting tonight? The rebellious side of me beamed from within, I was truly doing something just for myself.
Her house is next. Grass crunched softly beneath my shoes as I crept into the side yard, happy the gate latch operated somewhat quietly. My heart beat hard in my chest, my ears ringing from adrenaline. Her backyard still had leaves from the previous fall in the corners, and a blanket was coiled up on a couch concealed beneath a screened in porch. I had to resist the urge to immediately open the door to said porch and take the blanket. Relax, take it all in.
20:05
A figure moved past a window in the corner of my vision as I snuck along the fence, and it froze me dead in my tracks, I only caught sight of Camila as she moved back deeper into the house. After I was sure she would not return for a moment, I quickly moved across the yard up against the building. I could hear the soft hum of an air conditioning unit in one of the neighbors' yards. I was so close to her now I swear the presence of her body could be felt through the walls. The craziness of the moment struck me suddenly, and I almost had an urge to run back to the car. I shook the thoughts from my head as I slowly peered into a nearby head level window.
She was walking from a hallway back into what looked like a kitchen. I hungrily devoured the image of her exposed legs, letting my gaze wander back up to the tank top. I turned away from the window and put my back against the house again, feeling spoiled at having seen her just now. I was going to risk another glimpse when a dog barked next door and startled me. Instead I slid down and sat in the grass, feeling dizzy from the adrenaline still coursing inside of me. I’ll stop here for a moment to get a grip on myself. I ran my right hand through the grass absentmindedly in an attempt to ground myself.
The sound of the neighbors dog barking startles me as I walk from the hallway back into the kitchen, glancing at the clock I wonder if maybe it's the flavor of the month having shown up early like he tended to do. I make my way over to the door window to the side of the door to peek out only to find it empty and shake my head. "Fucking dog barking when the wind blows" I roll my eyes and finish off the rest of my food before cleaning up the kitchen.
I spend the next short while cleaning up what little mess is around the house, tossing laundry into the hamper, putting dishes in the dishwasher and sweeping the kitchen floor just in time for the dog to bark again. "That must be him this time" I go to the door to let him in, opening the window nearest the porch to let in some fresh air now that it's cooling off outside.
It only takes a matter of minutes for things to turn physical, my back pressed against the kitchen counter as my lips lock with a man who may as well be a stranger since all I really know about him is his name and dick size, oh and that he snores. Definitely don't let him fall asleep here tonight I remind myself mentally as my shirt falls to the floor.
@bonghitsforfeds
Stooping in the grass I mulled over ideas for what I could do here. Sneaking photos and returning another night is a valid option, although I can only ignore my work for so long. Maybe I could wait until she falls asleep and use that time to make my way inside?
I must have spent longer in the grass than I originally intended, because the sound of the dog barking again startled me into alertness and I was subconsciously aware that some time had passed, it was much darker now. Peering back through the window I saw Clarissa let a man into her home, this immediately made me furious for a few reasons, the main being that this stupid piece of shit was not me.
Anger rose up from my chest in powerful waves, and I had to steady myself on the wall as I concealed myself once again. I had to think somewhat quickly as it did not appear they were wasting any time getting physical. Anger rose to violent trembling, and my hands began to shake as my rational mind gave way to the unstoppable wave that is fury. I can't kill him, this is not the place, and I was too far from the friends who could help me make him vanish.
20:45
I walked with a murderous certainty to the side of the house I came in on. Straining my eyes in the darkness and trying to see in the ambient light of the neighborhood, my gaze happened across a piece of rebar set atop the cinder block fence. Clutching it in my right hand, knuckles white from a sure grip, I made my way back through the side gate into the front yard, where this douchebag's car was parked. Glancing around quickly to make sure no one was outside or nearby, I raised the piece of metal high above my head and brought it down as hard as I could through the windshield. The glass crunched in, leaving a crater a foot across in the windshield, caving in far down enough to touch the dash. In a continued moment of rage I brought the rebar up again and threw it at the front of Camila’s house.
The rebar sailed almost comically through the air in a large arc before colliding with an upstairs window in an explosion of glass. The tinkling of shattered window rained down across the slanted roof and fell into the front patio, shimmering in a hail of sharded dust. Turning quickly I ran like fuck up the sidewalk until I came across a large bush in one of her neighbors yards, where I then dove headfirst into it like a maniac. Freezing once settled in the bush I prayed no one would find me when Camila and her company came out to investigate. I could feel blood running from my back and head where the sharp sticks had cut at me.
I had truly lost my mind.
Just as a warm hand slipped down the front of my shorts and I was about to let out a soft moan the sound of glass exploding outside made me jump. Brushing it off briefly as two idiots getting into a fender bender at the stop sign everyone loved to ignore we kept going, laughing it off until a second shattering sound made me scream. "That came from upstairs!" I shouted clamoring to cover myself up as if someone had broken into the second floor, the lack of logic in that thought list in the moment of fear.
Scooping my shirt off of the floor I tuck myself behind the man who came to see me as we make our way outside, first to see what could have possibly caused the upstairs window to shatter, the rebar on the patio making my stomach do an uncomfortable flip. This doesn't feel right. The red alerts were going off in my head, I knew this was a safe neighborhood and the most that ever seemed to happen was the few and far between car robbery while everyone slept.
When we discovered the damage done to the car it felt much more personal than random and that struck even more fear into me. "Please stay with me tonight I'm terrified-" 'Stay?! Are you crazy Cami someone just busted my car and your window I'm not stupid' I don't know what I expected but it wasn't to be left to watch the taillights disappear down the street.
I make my way inside to go clean up the explosion of tiny shards from the floor, doing my best not to step on any in the process. Who would do this? I was so busy trying to conjure up anyone who would want to harm me that I ended up slicing open the tip of my finger. "Ah fuck!" I suck in a sharp breath and bring the finger to my mouth as I make my way back down the stairs to the bathroom with the first aid kit to grab a bandaid, the irony taste on my tongue just another reminder that someone seemed to be out to get me since this afternoon.
@bonghitsforfeds
I honestly did not expect it to be that easy to get rid of him, I thought watching his car speed away from my makeshift hiding spot. I desperately wanted to rub at the wound on my head, and I sent a curse after the man who would leave this gorgeous woman alone after a crazy dude breaks her window, maybe he is just a car guy?
I slowly and awkwardly free myself from the bush, spilling out onto the sidewalk in a heap of coffee and blood stained designer suit. I scratched at the gash on my head while standing up, thankful my hair seems to be soaking up most of the blood.
I begin to make my way as normally as possible back to my car now that I was sure she was not going to fuck a man who isn't me tonight. I would return to the house, but if she has not called the cops already, anything else would surely trigger her too.
As I collapsed into the front seat of my car for what felt like the upteenth time today, fatigue slammed into me like a sack of bricks, and I was suddenly aware of the fact I reeked of pine bush on top of the coffee too. I needed to get back to the hotel, clean up, rest, and let the heat die down at Camilla’s place. Tomorrow I will hopefully return after answering for my absence... work was suddenly in my thoughts as a priority again, my drowsiness distracting me from the horny stalking.
Yes that sounds good, I'll be back here tomorrow, and I began the boring drive back to the hotel, saddened I will spend this evening by myself.
The rest of the night seemed to go by without anymore strange occurences much to my relief, and I would know since I didn't get more than 3 hours of sleep. I laid their tossing and turning for hours and hours after managing to tape up the window, the last thing I needed to top everything off was bugs getting inside.
This is so stupid. I throw off the blanket and drag myself out of bed, I might as well get ready for the day early since I can't sleep. Knowing that I need to get a repairman over for the window I decide to take a sick day from work, I doubt I'd be productive with all of this on my mind anyway and I still have a week to finish up the editing for the column, plenty of time.
I make my way down the stairs rubbing the little sleep I did get from my eyes. Today seems like a good day to stay home completely. I think to myself as I grab an espresso pod from the cupboard and get started on making myself a drink, blocking the so called man who left me alone with a rebar pipe while I wait for it to brew. "Asshole." I mumble to myself grabbing the milk from the fridge before putting some ice into a glass, after yesterday iced coffee seemed to be the way to go.
@bonghitsforfeds
The next morning I awoke with a fervor I had not felt in my entire life. Today was going to be a very special day. Despite last night's exhaustion I had laid awake thinking of what would be a good use of my time at Camila’s house, and had finally decided on breaking in to leave her another gift.
As I munched on a donut from the breakfast buffet, I thought of what could be a worthy present for my new friend. Something coffee related felt too boring after the receipt, and it would have to be some sort of escalation in order to still be fun. This donut sucks. Tossing the half eaten treat into a nearby trash can, the hotel staff member sweeping to the left glanced at me with a raised brow while I mumbled to myself. It was then as I headed toward the valet that I spotted the security guard at the door, and it gave me the perfect idea.
The local gun store was more than happy to sell me a taser gun, and assured me it was well rated for self defense, and had a smaller handle for a woman's grip. It did not have a serial number since it was not a firearm, and since I doubted LAPD was going to take their time to search the security camera of every gun store in California to find me, I felt confident in giving it to her.
I considered writing a note as I made my way back across town toward Cami’’s but I was thinking a little clearer this morning and so I was also worried about handwriting being traced. Dad’s lawyers were good, but they were not perfect. Speaking of dad, he never called me back last night, hopefully he is just busy and not rightfully pissed I was absent.
But my worries soon faded as I returned to the now familiar park from yesterday. I was going to wait here for a good chance to approach the house, but the street was still relatively busy with morning neighborhood traffic, and it gave me time to ponder something to leave with the taser in the house so the irony is explicitly clear to Camila. If she even deserved humor, the anger inside of me from her tou
22:00
ching someone else yesterday still hibernated, and I was still unsure how to resolve these strong emotions. Time would soon tell.
Once I finally finish breakfast I clean up the kitchen and the second the place opens I make a call to get someone out to replace my window, they tell me that they won't be able to make it over until at least 3:00 so I decide to make the most of the time until they come and run a bath.
Making my way into the bathroom I pull the stopper and turn the water on as hot as it'll go, while the waters running I browse the few bath bomb options I have in a basket under the sink and settle on one that smells peachy, adding some Epsom salts in as well to really try to relax my muscles that have been tense since I left work the day before.
Once the water is almost to the edge of the tub I shut the water off and step into the water, sinking down until it's just under my chin and letting out a sigh of relief. "God I needed this." I mumble out loud before closing my eyes and slipping on a mask.
@bonghitsforfeds
For some reason I felt creepier watching the neighborhood traffic slowly die down than I did pursuing Cami, and I found that over time I began to grow impatient of waiting for a clear shot at approaching the house. At this point there was only the foot traffic of walkers in the park, or the occasional car moving through the neighborhood.
Impatience won over me, and I soon found myself approaching her house from the same side as last night. Missed glass lay splintered in the yard, and I felt a pang of guilt for having damaged the innocent girl's home. These feelings were rather for me to move past however, as the excitement of being in her yard once again had my heart thudding.
Peering into windows did not seem to be doing the trick this time, as there was no sign of her in the same parts of the house as last night. Thankful that the privacy fence concealed me from her neighbors view, I snuck around to the opposite side of the yard, trying at the side of the house yet unexplored. Perching upon the AC unit that sat silent, the fan inside slowly turning from the slight breeze flowing in the cool morning air, I peered into a window that was higher up, and much smaller.
She was lazily resting in the tub, her knees and head visible above the sudsy colorful water left floating at the top from some sort of bathing product. My knees shook slightly from standing up on my toes, craning my neck in order to get a better view. I wanted so badly to be in there with her now. A primal urge awoke within me, and I thought of my hands running themselves over her naked form. I thought of pulling her from the tub to do as I please, taking my time toying with her in the quiet suburb.
I stayed in the tub until the water was almost completely cooled and the tips of my fingers were pruny. The water did a lot to relax me from the night before and I realized just how tired I was. Stepping out of the tub I step into the shower to rinse off the excess from the bathroom and then step out again to wrap myself up in a fluffy towel.
I keep my hair up in the messy bun that I put it up in before getting into the tub and make my way back up the stairs to my bedroom, checking the phone to see i still had a couple hours to spare before the repairman came and deciding to try to take a nap.
I let myself fall into bed on top of the covers, still wearing just the towel I wrapped myself up in and letting my eyes close to hopefully get a good nap in, the coffee from breakfast only doing so much to wake me up.
@bonghitsforfeds
I helped myself to the show as much as I could stand peering awkwardly into the window. My knees burned, but nothing could make me leave where I was, and as her naked body emerged from the bathtub I audibly gasped at her perfect beauty. I let my eyes wander her body top to bottom, her wet skin tastefully amplifying the image I so desperately memorized. I resisted the urge to touch myself now, as I did not want to risk being seen.
Clambering down from atop the AC unit, I made my way to the unlocked screen porch and carefully tested the back door to the house. It was locked, obviously, and sturdier than I had anticipated. Kicking it in, or attempting to break the knob would be much too loud. I would need another way inside. I worked my way systematically around the rear perimeter of the home, until I happened across a window that gave ever so slightly when yanked on. Pulling the screen off the window for better access, I slipped my fingers around what little lip was on the outside, and yanked forcefully upward.
The window slid open powerfully to the top of the frame, and the plastic piece that served as a handle for the lazily secured window lock clattered across the hardwood floor. It's now or never. I stepped over into the house, letting the broken window fall closed into its original position. Quickly scooping the pieces of plastic off of the ground, I glanced around desperately for a temporary hiding place. A large corner pantry in the kitchen hung open slightly and light spilled out from somewhere within.
I stepped into the pantry, making myself as small as I could manage in the corner the door hung from. Perspiration clung to my brow as I had begun to sweat from nervous excitement, I was finally in the same building as her again. Now it was a game of chance, and I waited concealed in the closet to see if my intrusion had been detected.
I had just managed to fall into a light sleep when the sound of something banging inside the house made me jump away, my heart hammering in my chest as my eyes shot open taking in the room around me. It didn't come from in here. I carefully got out of bed trying not to alert whoever may have just came inside to my movements. I slide open the bedside table drawer and pull a small bottle of pepperspray from inside, unlocking it so it would be ready to use should I stumble upon an intruder.
"Is someone there?" I called out into the quiet of the house, it seemed so strange to be doing this in the middle of the day, every movie or show she had ever seen these types of things only happened at night. I made my way through the halls, peeking into every room as I went before I ended up in the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water.
"You're losing it Cami" I mumble to myself as I take a sip of water, locking the pepperspray again and setting it down on the counter since I couldn't find any sign of anything being out of the ordinary. What the hell was that then? I sigh and finish the glass of water before deciding to go back to my room to pull on a pair of shorts and a plain black v-neck tshirt and then come back to the couch to try and finish out my nap there.
@bonghitsforfeds
A peculiar mix of fear and excitement had my fingers trembling as Cami’s head poked around the corner at the bottom of the staircase. Her barely concealed figure appeared innocent and naïve as she, rather poorly, searched the home for signs of my intrusion. As I watched her finish the search and return to the staircase, it occurred to me that I could have my way with her now. I was suddenly acutely aware of the fact a new level of emotion brewed within me for her, a protective feeling. This was different from the fiery jealousy I had experienced yesterday with the car guy, this was almost a budding love.
I compartmentalized this feeling for now, encasing it with a stubborn concrete. I almost jumped when Camila reemerged from upstairs, barely steadying myself against the sharp drywall. Is someone there? Her voice played back through my mind, and I again had to quell the budding feelings of true limitless obsession.
I waited what must have only been about twenty minutes before emerging silently from the pantry. Leaning against the wall I raised my legs up and removed both my shoes, hoping just socks would help me to silently move about the house. I crept about the kitchen and located a pen on the counter next to an uncompleted to-do list.
I flipped the small piece of paper over and wrote a note that simply said, ‘For your security problems.’ Deciding to not sign it as if this would somehow save me in court, I left the brand new unboxed taser gun next to the note atop the counter. I could only hear her soft, even breathing from this part of the open kitchen, and I took two steps where she lay on the couch a room away before deciding to explore the second story first.
15:49
The second floor felt much more intimate than what I had seen downstairs. I floated with ill intent about the upper floor of the property, starting in the bedroom. Some loose articles of clothing were strewn about the room, including the used towel from her recent bath. I grabbed it quickly, bringing it to my face in a deep inhale of her scent. It was still damp, and smelled of fresh floral body wash. I sank to my knees and took another deep inhale before tucking the towel under my arm as if it always belonged to me.
Continuing to the next room of the home, which appeared to be a spare bedroom, I came across a changing closet that was stuffed full of cardboard boxes. Some were open, but most were taped closed and unlabeled. Squeezing my way deeper into the closet past the stacked containers, there appeared to be a small space in the far back that may have had something placed there previously. I took a large step to try and make my way into it when my leg caught the end of an exposed bed frame pole and fell face first into the back corner of the closet. Light exploded throughout my vision, and I immediately had the copper sensation of blood in the back of my mouth. I resisted the urge to cry out, and cursed at myself internally for being so clumsy. I once again froze and made myself appear small, hoping she was naïve enough to pass this off as well. You fucked up this time genius.
I managed to stay asleep for another hour until my phone buzzed with the quiet alarm that I'd set to make sure I was awake before the window repairman would arrive to fix the damage from last night. I push myself up to sitting and stretched my arms above my head before getting up to go back to the kitchen for a drink, feet dragging lazily as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
It isn't until I've grabbed myself a can of coke and cracked the top open that I turn around and see a box with what appears to be a note. I take a few steps over to pick up the note and read it, eyes going wide when I see the words. 'For your security problems' Opening the box I see that it's what looks like a taser. Why the fuck...how.. the thought trails off in my head when I realize somebody was in my house when I was asleep, when I was asleep right on the couch they were only a few feet away in the next room.
The thought makes the hair on the back on my neck stand on end as the soda in my hand goes crashing to the ground "Shit!" I set down the note and scramble to grab the hand towel to wipe up the mess and then there's a knock at the door. "Oh come on I can't get a fucking break today" I let out an exasperated sigh before I go to let the repairman in and show him to the room that needs to be fixed before I go back downstairs to try and figure out the note.
I don't recognize the handwriting.. why would they give me a taser? Is it the same person who broke the windows last night? I stand there for so much longer than I realized just holding the taser in my hand and I'm so lost in thought that when the repairman comes back down to let me know he's finished who knows how long later I jump. "Thank you" I say with a forced smile before showing him out and locking the door.
16:11
.
Something doesn't feel right. I know that it's stupid when I do it but I'm so pissed at the fact that someone would violate my space this way that I put the note back on the counter and grab a pen to scrawl out a message of my own 'Next time you're paying for the window. Stay the fuck out of my house or it won't be a taser you have to deal with' I set the pen back down and decide I should probably mop the floor so it doesn't get sticky and attract ants before I make my way up the stairs to make sure the window looks good.
I lay frozen for so long my muscles ached. I finally relaxed slowly, my left shoulder aching from having been pinned beneath me. Forcing myself into an awkward sitting position within the cramped space, I found a way to rest there that was not painful. I massaged at my shoulders and legs, trying to reduce the cramping and burning sensation that seemed to radiate in waves.
I smiled in the dark space, not only from the luck of still not yet having been caught, but just in general at how much of a good time this was. I traced the logo of the box in front of me, enjoying the tactile sensation of the rough surface beneath my finger. What to do next. I wanted to see if she kept the taser on her, the idea of her trying to use it against me in an altercation was rather humorous, and it elicited a feeling of power to know I still felt comfortable approaching her even if she was armed.
Maybe I could toy with her another day, at least now that I was actually hidden inside the house. I don’t want to hurt her, at least not excessively, but people do tend to behave like cornered animals when approached in their own home. I had honestly never been part of the more violent side of things with the family business, and had only seen a handful of people die before, and none of their deaths were violent.
My heart skipped a beat when the car pulled into the driveway, it must have been some sort of utility vehicle as the engine idled at a loud rpm. The rage I felt when I heard the front door open quickly turned to fear as I heard heavy footfall coming up the stairs of the house. Shit she called the cops. I unbuttoned the front of my shirt and reached my hand into it, wrapping my fingers around the familiar handle of the handgun.
05:08
I did not realize how tense I had been sitting there when it finally occurred to they were repairing the window the next room over. I relaxed once again, letting go of the gun but forgetting to button up my shirt. Biding some more time, a feeling becoming familiar to me in this escapade, I waited for the assumed workman to leave, and the sound of his car to recede from the house before I tried to stand in the small space.
Cami must have come back up the stairs as I heard creaking on the same floor as me now. Crouching down so my head does not strike the low hanging closet shelf above me I considered stepping back over the boxes so I could possibly go see her physically, but I was worried of falling and eating shit in the corner of the closet again. It would really not benefit me to knock myself out in here like a fool. Although, I could probably get to her before she got to a phone, assuming I did not die stepping over these boxes.
I managed to get out of the closet rather stealthily, and moved to crouching behind the bed. I laid flat on my stomach and peered underneath the bed at the hallway, hoping to catch sight of her moving about the home.
"Well.. looks like a window" I mumble to myself running my hand along the edge as if I'll be able to tell what a job well done actually feels like and I make sure to flick the lock into place at the top of the bottom section of window. After I look around the room briefly I make my way back downstairs to look around the house again.
Someone was in here they had to be.. I make my way from room to room opening closets to look inside of them this time, assuming that nobody could have gotten upstairs without me hearing them as if I hadn't taken a nap that would make it easy to hide elsewhere.
When I don't come across anyone I feel my stomach rumbling, glancing over at the clock I realize that it's been hours since the last time I ate and decide to grab my phone from the coffee table in the living room to order some chinese food, feeling to stressed and lazy at the current moment to make myself cook.
@bonghitsforfeds
I almost stood up to move back to my original hiding place when I heard her coming back up the staircase. I panicked momentarily and rose up to one knee to jump out and make my move, while at the same time considering jumping out the window. I took a deep breath, swallowed my saliva, and slowly laid back down on my stomach. In a moment of desperation I squeezed myself underneath the bed I had been lying next to.
I had no way of knowing if she was about to spot me, as my new and improved awful hiding spot had me positioned in such a way my face was pressed into the bottom of the box spring. Struggling with the facefull of dust I was now fighting to not sneeze in, I could hear who I assumed was Cami traipsing around the room. I almost chuckled out loud when the self patronizing thought of how awful I was at this when I finally heard her go back down stairs. Thank God.
Sliding out from underneath the bed, I stood up and stretched my sore arms. I was alone upstairs again, but was now worried about alerting her with a creaky floorboard or some other unknown source of noise. *What if she has a cat or something and it mauls you? A cat, that is what you are worried about right now? *
Once I hang up with the with the Chinese restaurant that was just on the edge of downtown I let out another heavy sigh, padding into the kitchen to once again look at the note that whoever had been inside my house left. Why would someone who's breaking into my house want to protect me from themselves? Were they playing some sort of game? Was this some sort of sick sexual thing? I rub at my eyes feeling the start of a headache blooming behind them.
Nothing more water and some tylenol can't fix right? I grab my glass from the morning and rinse it out before adding a bunch of ice and filling it with water from the pitcher in the fridge. I take a healthy gulp of the water and swallow down the two pills with ease before I go to grab my phone off the counter again, slipping it into my pocket and heading back to the couch to flick on the T.V.
It takes me awhile but eventually I settle on some corny rom-com to take my mind off of things, the knock at the door making me jump before I realize it's just the food. I get up to go and take it from the kind looking man at the door but I can't help but question everyone now. Who knows who it could be.. it could be anyone. Thoughts of whether or not it's someone I've met before plague my brain as I sit there on the couch and eat, the food doing at least a little bit to comfort me from the long night and day.
@bonghitsforfeds
I loitered in the spare bedroom for some time. I was half listening for any other noises of concern, and half basking in the glory of still having not been caught. I peered out the blinds of the nearby window looking down at the neighborhood from a new angle. A tall man was walking his little dog down the opposite sidewalk. Caddy corner to this property a younger man mowed his lawn with a driveable lawn mower.
I had a few ideas for her at this point. I could restrain her here in the home, and then come back with a different vehicle to transport her to somewhere I can keep her secure. I could also continue creeping around the house for days on end, but it was inevitable she would eventually discover me. At this point I admitted to myself I was against the idea of directly harming her. I don’t want her to die, I want to keep her safe... for me.
05:45
While scheming a sedan pulled into the driveway, and I ducked down a bit to be less noticeable. The driver exited quickly with a plastic take out bag, and made his way out of sight to the door below. It was then it hit me how hungry I was.* Damn. I probably won't even get to eat until she goes to sleep.*
Walking slowly to the bedroom door, thankful it was left open, I made sure to step as close to the wall as I could. Every tiny creak in the floor made my heart rate increase. Moving down to all fours in order to spread out my weight better I crawled down the staircase. Once at the bottom I peered around the lip to see the back of Cami’s head on the couch. I smiled at her simple beauty there, at just how perfect she looked while doing nothing in particular. I slowly switched to a sitting position, and proceeded to watch her eat dinner.
"Oh come on!" I exclaim at the t.v when the main love interest once again makes a terrible decision and pushes his partner away. I get so into the movie that it takes me almost an entire hour to finish my food before I set it on the coffee table in front of me.
Once the movie is finally finished I wipe away the tears it managed to make me cry and sniffle a few times before pulling out my laptop to log into my work email and get at least a couple of them answered, knowing I'll regret it later in the week if I don't. After I get a few typed off and sent my phone rings interrupting me and I scoff when I see the number. "You have a lot of fucking nerve calling me after the way you left last night! I already blocked you on tinder you should really take a hint and lose my number asshole!" I hang the phone up and toss it onto the opposite side of the couch with a huff. "Fucking asshole" I mumble to myself "never gonna find a decent man in this shitty fucking city."
@bonghitsforfeds
The angle from where I sat was not perfect, so I was unable to properly watch the movie. My heart ached at seeing her emotional even if it was a prompted reaction from the film. I had an urge to sprint over to the couch and embrace her, an urge I had to force myself to ignore.
I was slightly taken back when she yelled at who I assumed was the guy I scared off yesterday. She is feisty when defending herself. How admirable...I am your decent man, I thought hastily to myself, offended she even felt this way after leaving the taser for her. It was easily understood why she would be responding like this, but I still allowed myself to feel selfishly betrayed by her words. The familiar feeling of rage began to broil within.
“I am your decent man,” the words involuntarily fell out of my mouth. My voice had been just above a whisper, the anger I had brewing possibly helping to amplify the short sentence as it flew from my face. Biting down on my tongue so hard I almost yelped, I sat frozen in disbelief at my own stupidity.
'I am your decent man' The words had been barely audible but I knew I heard them none the less and they sent a shiver up my spine and my heart rate through the roof immediately. I was frozen for what felt like ages even though it was likely only a minute before I slowly rose to my feet, wishing that I hadn't tossed my phone to the opposite side of the couch, I forced myself to try to move naturally as I went to reach for the only lifeline I really had to anyone outside of this house.
I tried to tell myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me, that I didn't really just hear someone speaking from a mere few feet behind me and the second I had my hand on my phone I snatched it and forced my feet to move towards the door as fast as I possibly could without tripping. The fear coursing through my veins was unlike anything I'd ever felt before, so much stronger that what I'd felt the night before hearing the glass shatter. This, I knew, wasn't just a coincidence or random, this was someone inside my house. Someone I didn't want to take the chance in meeting face to face.
@bonghitsforfeds
One second became two, and then 10. The sudden cease in movement had me sure she had heard me. I panicked and froze there on the staircase. I tried to hold my breath, and stole tiny inhales of air when I could not take it anymore. Grab her! Run! Hide! Poor plans circulated in my head, a dance of sick thought.
When she ran for the door I stood up to chase after her. I rounded the corner to follow her before changing my mind and turning back up the stairs instead. Scrambling up it on all fours I quickly reached the top and dove into her bedroom. The thud I made as I fell into the room was hopefully masked by her own attempts to escape. I laid with my ear cupped to the floor and awaited her to make the next move. If she called the police, or fled to get help, I may be able to escape out the back window. My mind played out the process of jumping off the roof and running to my car. You are a dipshit!
Yet I found myself trembling with a euphoric level of excitement. Her fleeing an unknown horror had me aroused. It was the same feeling I had felt watching her find the receipt yesterday. I had to control my impulses to chase her still. *She can’t get away. *“She won’t,” I reassured myself quietly, not having learned anything from the past few minutes.
It's not until I'm outside and standing in the middle of the street looking back on my house that I take a second to breathe, Nobodies chasing me.. I think to myself as I try to slow my heart back down, the feeling of it trying to leap out of my chest making me gasp for air. "Breathe Cami fucking breathe" I say out loud to myself before I stand there watching my own home.
I don't see any movement in the windows and I know if they were to try to sneak out the back door and climb the fence my neighbors dog would bark and alert me to it. Maybe you really were just hearing things.. its been a long night and day
I stand out there for a long time just waiting to see if I can see anything and nothing happens so I get myself together and push back in the front door, making sure to lock it behind me just in case.
@bonghitsforfeds
Once I heard her come back inside I swallowed the lump in my throat and raised up into a squat. The recurring adrenaline dumps had my hands quivering, and I wanted a glass of something cold desperately. Being among her things in the bedroom calmed me slightly however, and I slowly took in the belongings. Pictures of her and what I assumed were some close friends, books, a few purses, a tv which was on but currently only displayed the startup menu.
I hobbled over on my knees to the bed and peeked underneath. There was a plastic container full of... yarn I think, and some other hard to see boxes concealed in the darkness. I rolled over onto my stomach slowly, and pushed myself back into the space, which ended at the headboard against the far wall. From this angle I could see up the hallway to the bathroom and spare bedroom, as well as a clear shot of the top of the staircase. As long as I stayed in this rear spot it would be rather hard to spot me. Unless you were paranoid of a psycho in your house.
I stifled a laugh at my own humor, and relaxed into a proper lying position. My heart still pounded hard enough I could hear and feel it in my temple, and I would need to be careful to not fall asleep here. With my recent luck I may begin to snore. I took a calming breath, rested my head sideways in my hands, and awaited my next sighting.
@killahxkylie
Once I make my way back inside I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and start thoroughly, in my opinion, checking the house again. I start downstairs going from room to room checking the pantry and the closet my the entryway, the taser that was left on the counter in my hand and ready just in case.
Once I make my way up the stairs I start in the bathroom, whipping open the shower curtain before I make my way to the guest bedroom, If anyone's here I'll definitely find them. I thought to myself opening the guest bedroom closet. The only room left is my bedroom and I make my way there, opening the closet and once again finding nothing. I let out a frustrated sigh and grab a baggy Tshirt from my dresser before pulling off my clothes from the day and slipping it over my head.
"You're fucking losing it Cami" I mumble out loud before flopping into bed to grab the remote, turning to Netflix and finding another movie to hopefully get lost in, finding myself borderline desperate at this point to release all the tension that's built up in my body, making my muscles ache. Do not text him Cami he doesn't deserve you after last night. I have to remind myself when I pull out my phone and instead reach my hand down blindly to the floor for the charging cable to plug it in.
@bonghitsforfeds
This flooring is not half bad for inner city residential bullshit. My drifting thoughts were waved away by the sudden sound of doors being opened and closed. My sore body tensed up at the prospect of conflict. She is either going to start ripping this place apart board by board, or finally collapse into true paranoia. Her appearance at the top of the stairs caught me off guard. Perfectly still, I stared in sick fascination at her looking for me yet again. This is definitely my favorite part.
I don’t even care if she finds me at this point. The dizzying arousal I felt in these moments of panicked searching... I had to adjust the way I was laying. I was glad I did because this was the next and final room she searched.
‘Your fucking losing it Cami.’ No you aren't hon. If you live through this you will learn to trust those primal instincts a bit more.
She was in the bed above me now. I found it difficult to force myself to relax. The intro music to whatever show or movie she had selected was just loud enough to allow me to scoot around until I was not in as much pain.
When her hand brushed against my trouser leg while searching for the phone charger I almost jumped. I don’t honestly know what is more pathetic; the fact it scared me, or the fact it turned me on even more to feel the brush of her fingers against my leg. I had not directly felt her since the coffee shop. This made up for the fact I could not see body while she had been changing. Had this occurred earlier today, I may have jumped at her now, but I was too tired to try and be the aggressor currently. I needed to conserve my energy for a real emergency. Please just plug your phone in and watch the stupid movie.
Once I get my phone plugged in I make sure to set my alarms so I don't sleep the entire day away, I work from home tomorrow and honestly for the first time in a long time I wish that I was going into the office instead. At least you can sleep in. The little voice inside my head reminds me even though I don't know that I'll manage to sleep at all.
By the end of the second movie my eyes are so heavy I can barely keep them open but I keep convincing myself that I'm hearing things, the floor creaking, doors closing, I feels like I'm losing my mind. I try for a little longer to fight it but eventually I end up succumbing to the sleep that's so desperate to take me.
Curled up in the blankets I manage to fall into a relatively deep sleep, the small little noises I've been told I make the only sound that accompanies the audio from the tv until the timer shuts it off.
@bonghitsforfeds
I found it a little easier to stay alert now that I was in such close proximity. If I laid my cheek to the floor I could even see part of the television. I smiled at a few clever jokes in the first movie she selected, but as the next few hours ticked by I began to grow drowsy.
It felt like a race to fall asleep at this point. Every time I thought it was safe to slip out I would wait just a teensy bit longer. It was several moments after the tv shut itself off that I found the courage to slowly come out. I took a deep breath and held it as I army-crawled forward. My arm dragged the blanket a bit on the way up and scooted her covers slightly. I grit my teeth and waited a moment, eyes clenched shut as I held myself still. Finally, I rose to my feet and stretched with my arms upraised while slowly turning around.
My eyes watered up at the pure sight of her sleeping there. She made these cute little cooing noises that were matched by tiny twitches in her fingers and face. The image of her sleeping, the smell of her sweat under the covers on the hot day, her chest moving as she breathed, and the taboo of being in her sanctuary made me swoon. I stumbled back and caught myself on the door frame. It was too much.
19:02
I made my way downstairs. Being sure to move at the pace of a secret home invader. Your dad would be proud.... Mom maybe not so much. I popped the fridge open and looked inside for anything easy to grab. I decided on the grapes and the already opened almond milk, as they were on the edge.
I stood there at the edge of the granite island munching on fruit and sipping the supplementary milk. I stared at the counter top while I ate. The cool sensation of both the food and drink was soothing. After my lunch, or was it dinner?, I desperately wanted to go back up and look at Cami more. Let her rest, asshole.
I returned the milk to the fridge, but chose to leave the now empty bag of grapes and stems atop the counter. I floated about the lower floor of the house now, checking the locks of windows and doors to make sure no weirdos could get inside.
Somehow I manage to sleep through the night barely even moving to roll over throughout the night until the morning comes and I'm grumbling when my alarm goes off and rouses me from the sleep I was enjoying so much. "Ughhhhhhh" I groan and roll over to grab the phone off of the bedside table to shut the alarm off. "It's too fucking early" I mumble as I drag myself out of bed and to the bathroom down the hall.
Once I'm there I get the shower running and strip the shirt I wore to bed off before moving to the sink to brush my teeth while I let the water warm up. Once I rinse my mouth out I take my phone to turn on some music hoping the combination of that along with the water will wake me up a little before I really get started with the day.
@bonghitsforfeds
Instead of sleeping, I spent the night snooping through the entire lower floor. At this point I was acutely familiar with the half bath, closets, cabinets, kitchen, and the entry area of the house. There were two broken tiles by the front door that needed dealing with, and many of the cabinets squeaked. It never occurred to me how privileged we were to have house staff, or even just a once a week maid.
I was sitting on the couch staring at the powered down tv set. I liked it here because it was not only a central location in the lower part of the house, but the cushions smelled like her hair products, and I found this comforting. The couch was one of those ones where if you traced a pattern in one direction you could almost draw on the felt. I left a tiny heart on the corner of each arm wrest.
I heard her alarm go off and immediately jumped up, thankful for the small adrenaline rush. I stood still there until I heard water from her shower. I crawled up the staircase and came to a stop in front of the bathroom door. The electronic tune she was playing was thankfully somewhat constant and helped to mask my movement. Peering into the bathroom through the cracked door, I could see steam had already begun to gather in the small space. Is she trying to boil herself? I peeped into the room, planning to wait until she stepped out in order to try and steal a glimpse. I was not sure what I wanted more at this point, her or the shower.
I spend as much time in the shower as I can lathering the shampoo into my hair and filling the room with the sweet smell of the fruity peachy scent of it before I rinse it out and slather the long brown waves in conditioner. While I let that sit I grab a scrub and work it over my legs and arms before repeating the same action with body wash, rinsing off once I'm thoroughly cleaned.
I stay in the shower as long as I can until the water starts to run colder and I turn the squeaky knob to shut the water off before stepping out on the slightly worn bathmat to grab a towel, pressing my face into it before doing anything else to get the water out of my eyes from washing my face.
@bonghitsforfeds
I did not dare step into the bathroom. Standing there listening to the running water and sound of bathing did make me jealous. I was exhausted, dusty, and sweaty myself. The fragrant air wafting out amplified my sleepiness. It may be in the cards to sneak out and grab a shower back at the hotel.
My heart thumped so hard when she left the shower that my vision shuddered. The water ran down her perfect naked body and onto the floor. I jumped back as she began to towel off her face, fighting the urge to pin her to the floor and have my way.
I half walked half stumbled down the staircase and fell to my knees at the bottom. Once kneeling, I pressed my fingertips together and took a deep breath. “Jeeeeesus,” I buzzed aloud to myself. How is she single? Does she have peeled corpses in a freezer? Opening my eyes I spotted the empty grape bag still atop the counter. Suddenly I was very aware I needed to hide.
"Hello?" I say out loud hitting the pause button on my phone to silence the rhythm that was previously coming through the speaker I could have sworn I heard something.. I haphazardly dry off missing a bunch of the water still clinging to my body before I tug on my bra and tank top and pull on my underwear before I tiptoe down the stairs spotting the empty plastic that once held the grapes I had planned on eating later today. Mother fucker!
I move into the kitchen and grab the pepper spray I had left on the counter yesterday before turning to face my surroundings again Wonder if he say my note.. the thought amuses me a little before I focus again "Where are you asshole I know you're in here! You have the balls to come into my house but not to fucking face me?!"
Somewhere in my head I know that it's a stupid idea to egg on someone that's in my house and possibly armed and dangerous, most likely definitely dangerous since they feel so comfortable in my house like this. "What do you want from me?!"
@bonghitsforfeds
'Hello?' Ah yep, definitely time to hide. I quickly dive over the couch and lay prone. Somewhere off to my right I can hear her storm into the room. Something clatters, and then, 'You have the balls to come into my house but not to fucking face me?' I know my time is running out but dont ta- 'What do you want from me?'
I knock my head against the floor in frustration. I want all of you, literally your entire life I want to be by my side. Keep pushing me... see what happens. My mind races out of control, I knew the chase was nearing its end. I could give you the life of a princess. I trembled with anticipation. I watched a bead of sweat fall the short distance from my forehead to the floor where I lay.
"Why won't you fucking show yourself huh?! Is this some sick game to you? Some fucking cat and mouse fantasy?! Well I hate to break it to you but this mouse fights back!" Great one that'll surely scare them away Cami. I roll my eyes at my own thoughts before I whip open the pantry in the kitchen and then the closet in the hallway outside the half bath, followed by the half bath itself.
"Where are you?! I know you're in here!" I can feel the anger and adrenaline thrumming through my veins, every beat of my heart roaring loudly in my ears and it feels like I might very well fall over but I keep pushing myself to run back up the stairs and to the guest bedroom thinking it would make sense for them to be there since I didn't see anything in my own room when I woke up. "Come on fucking show yourself!" I should have put pants on The thought flickers in my mind as I make my way back into the master bedroom to check that closet and then get down on my hands and knees to check under the bed as well. Where the fuck are you?@bonghitsforfeds
I almost got spotted as she went to check the doors in front of me. Shit! Shit! Crawling backwards, I made a dash for the stairs. Making no attempt to mask my movement I rip my shirt off sending buttons bouncing around the floor. Bathroom! Ducking into the room she just used to shower, I wrapped the shirt around both my wrists in preparation to take her to the floor. The idea was to either choke or bind her, possibly hogtying her ankles if I win over quickly. I heard her coming up the stairs.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the fogged mirror while she searched the master bedroom. My short hair stood up on ends. Underneath my eyes were dark bags betraying my exhaustion. My once pressed trousers were now wrinkled and dusty. The pistol harness wrapped around my upper torso was no longer fit snug, the matted handle of the gun itself dangling haphazardly. “God damn,” I mumbled quietly at my own visage.
It was hard to get my footing as the still wet floor was slippery. Tackle her into the hallway? I was suddenly extremely aware of how I had no idea what a proper fight looked like. School yard scraps are one thing, invading and cornering a woman in her own home is an entirely different bout. My unrested body dumped adrenaline into my bloodstream again. My whole body shook in the pre fight jitters, even my teeth chattered slightly.
"I know you're here just give it up already!" I shout to what feels like nothing and more than one person all at the same time, my voice bouncing off the walls and right back at me and making me feel crazy. I know there's someone here I didn't leave the grapes out I didn't even eat any. I almost go to doubt myself but then I remember the taser, the taser that I wish I had on me right now instead of the pepper spray in my hand that's definitely well past it's expiration. It'll still work.
At least that's what I tell myself as I make my way back into the hallway to check the only room that I haven't yet, I know that it hasn't even been long enough for the steam to have completely emptied out of the room but someone could have easily slipped in while I was looking around downstairs.
I take a deep breath and right when I'm about to push the door open my phone buzzes on the counter and catches me off guard. If it shuts off early there's definitely someone in the bathroom I think to myself as if there was no way someone could jump out and catch me as I hesitate.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I know you're here just give it up already,’ her muffled shouts only strengthened my resolve. As soon as this fucking door moves I am going medieval on you.
When the phone buzzed I actually thought I may have died for a moment. Whipping my head around I picked it up quickly. I almost thumbed it off, but realized it was too late. Lifting it from the counter had caused its noise to cease almost entirely already. It was barely audible as my hands were partially wrapped in cloth due to my makeshift bindings.
I might as well have been three hundred feet under water. The tension was so thick I was almost sick. I stood there with the phone still vibrating angrily in my hand. She is right, no more cat and mouse games. Time to make fantasy reality.
My murderous deadpan tone cut crystal clear through the heavy air. "Run if you want. You know I'll be faster Camila." I wish I could see her face!
The second the phone got quieter, the vibrations almost going completely silent, I knew I really wasn't alone in that moment. I felt like all the air was sucked from my lungs and for a second that felt like an hour I couldn't even think, couldn't move, I couldn't do anything. It wasn't until I heard the voice that it really hit me. You're in danger.
Like a switch was flipped before the door could even move I was running back to the stairs and trying not to fall down them as I went for the back door, figuring that whoever it was would assume I would immediately go for the front. I didn't care anymore that I was only in my underwear all that mattered was getting out of the house, getting away from him whoever he was. I may have talked a big game in my efforts to try to scare them away but the man on the other side of that door sounded like he was anything but afraid.
@bonghitsforfeds
I came crashing out from the doorway expecting to see her there, but she was already around the top of the staircase. “Wait Goddammit!” Genius. I thundered after her, and cursed at my exhaustion.
I make a quick left at the bottom, dashing to the front. “How?” Then it hits me. Back door! My legs were carrying me toward the rear of the house now, her quick thinking providing her escape a precious few extra seconds. I was leaning into my sprint now, planning to tackle her into the wall if I can. The only edge I had left was to hope she fumbled the lock.
I manage to make it all the way to the door, almost tripping on the small area rug in the hallway, I practically throw myself at the door before I look back briefly to see the stranger round the corner knowing that he must have started to go towards the front door instead of the back door like I had hoped.
"Fuck fuck FUCK!" I barely manage to get out in the panic that I feel as I try to get the door unlocked, my fingers slipping and the lock sticking should have just went to the fucking front you idiot "Stay back!" I practically scream, all the venom that was in my voice before suddenly gone and replaced with nothing but terror.
@bonghitsforfeds
It almost worked, except right as I collided with her she flung the back door open. I half tackled her out into the backyard and we spilled out onto the screened patio. “You are fucking this up for us!” I screamed at her, while trying my hardest to keep her in my clutches.
The dog next door immediately began to bark. It scratched at the fence desperate to join our struggle. As we crashed onto the floor my legs tangled into a tiny plastic patio table and a sharp pain shot up into my right leg. This is going bad very fast. Whatever had been on the table clattered to the floor, and something glass shattered. My car felt half a world away at this point, and I was still not completely unconvinced I could pull her back into the house.
@killahxkylie
"Get off of me!" I wish I could have screamed it so the neighbors would have known that their dog wasn't barking at nothing like he usually was but the wind was knocked out of me when we fell to the patio floor. "Get off of me you freak!" I shout again kicking my legs to try to get out of your grasp.
It doesn't take long for you to end up tangled up under the table and when you seem to yelp in pain and your grip loosens just the slightest I manage to shove away with one hard kick and scramble to the patio door to fling it open and run screaming for the road, uncaring of who sees me in the current state I'm in, clad in only a Tshirt and some underwear with tears that I don't remember starting running down my face. "Somebody help me please there's a man trying to attack me!" I scream over and over again sometimes only bits and pieces coming out but the message remaining the same: help me.@bonghitsforfeds
I knew my grip on her was slipping. She was tougher than I expected. I had delivered two swift punches into her ribs, and other than a grunt when they landed it did not seem to take the fire out of her fight. “If you would just let me expl-’ her heel delivered a powerful kick into my torso, and I lost my words.
She had already left the backyard by the time I managed to get to my feet. A floating rib clicked on my left side with every breath, and I stood shakily trying to gather myself. I could feel a warm trail of blood running from my calf, but the pain of that wound was far outmatched by the likely broken ribs. Car! Go! Go! Hobbling out the door I head right toward the gate. Cami’s panicked screaming was soon to have the entire fucking neighborhood out here.
Without even taking the time to glance in her direction I immediately head left toward the park. My hobbling eventually turns into a sprint and soon her screams grow quieter, drowned out by the sound of my own running over the concrete. “Hey dude hold on!” A voice from a nearby porch shouts out at me as I fly past. Don’t stop running.
I almost got hit by a car crossing over to the park area as I did not bother checking either direction before flying out into the road. Their honking horn was deafening at this close distance. “Get out of the road you dumbass!” Not taking the time to respond I turned and continued my original course toward the rental car.
By the time someone finally pays attention to the screaming I'm doing in the middle of the road and we get the cops called the man that had tried to tackle me is long gone. They take me to the station to do an interview after checking the house to make sure there isn't a trace of him leaving any cameras or microphones and when I give my statement I realize I have no real description to give. The whole thing happened in such a blur that I don't even really remember what his face looked like, the only thing I remember was that his hands felt soft when I tried to pry them off of me.
After the interview at the station they escort me home and tell me it wouldn't be a bad idea to install a security system, what they don't realize is that I thoroughly plan on moving the second I can find a place to. It doesn't take very long for me to find a house in a neighboring suburb, a little closer to the beach than before but still with plenty of trees to make it feel more homey. It takes me weeks to get it all decorated to my taste and settle in, making sure I get a security system in place with a 4 digit code that only I know, 5683, corny because I remember it only because it numerically spells love.
I even managed to transfer to a different office for the magazine and the environment makes it much more easy to get my work done as it's smaller and full of much less people.
@bonghitsforfeds
The drive back was less than pleasant. Every inhale I took was agonizing. There was a painful pulling sensation in my left ribs, and the gash in my leg was going to need stitches. My initial plan had been to head toward the hotel when I initially left the neighborhood, but it quickly became obvious that was not a good idea as the severity of the wounds became more evident. I had to make multiple pitstops to try and stop the bleeding from my leg.
My paranoia came to a peak a little over halfway back. I realized I cannot just walk into the lobby in this state, and I was worried that there could be police waiting to apprehend me. I ended up pulling over in a crowded mall parking lot. There in the hot car I stared at the contact screen for Father on my phone for over an hour. It was the blood I began to cough up that finally convinced me to go through with the call.
He did not have much to say, and although he did not allude to it on the phone, it was obvious he knew what I had been up to. Two men eventually arrived in a long sedan and helped transport me to a private hospital. I was admitted for what turned out to be three fractured ribs, dehydration, and a laceration to my calf. I was only there one night before I was flown back home. The bastard actually made me fly coach.
13:03
I knew he was furious at me from the way he embraced me when I finally saw him a week later. Growing up he always had this angry way of hugging you where he pulled you in forcefully to his chest while usually whispering something hostile into your ear. The choice words this time had been, “You are going to get caught Ivon. I will not bail you out.” He lectured me over my inability to just do hookers and blow like a normal rich boy. I left feeling emasculated and furious.
I genuinely considered giving it up for a while. I spent over a week secluded in that same estate father had just dressed me down in. I hardly ate anything and managed to lose a few pounds from the small depressive episode. What ended up pulling me out was a small package of zipties I had spotted while crossing through a foyer. *I should do it again... but properly prepared. *
I could not stop thinking of the night I had stood there above her in the bedroom. I should have done it then. Many long showers secluded in the mountain estate that week had let hindsight work its toll on me. It was not just the sexual pleasure I wanted now. A powerful desire to make her know that she could not escape had grown deep inside.
It has proven nightmarish to track her down again. I had to do without the help of any usual tools previously available to me. I might genuinely get disowned if this goes south once more. My initial mistake was trying to use her normal name. She was using a nom de plume, but her writing style betrayed her. At that point all that needed to be done was to follow her home after work. It’s a good thing flights into LA are dime a dozen.
I finally settled into my routine again, having settled into the new house fully and decorated it to my hearts content it finally felt like a home. The kitchen is my favorite part. I think to myself as I flit around making my breakfast for the morning, I decided on french toast today when I woke up craving something sweet.
Once I finish with my breakfast and getting the kitchen cleaned up I make my way to the new bedroom and bathroom to grab a change of clothes and do my hair and makeup, settling on loose curls that are a little tighter than my normal waves and some natural makeup. I smile at myself a little in the mirror, Things are finally back to normal. I think to myself before I grab my purse and head out for the day.
Getting in my car I find myself checking the backseat like I always do out of habit now before I start the drive to work. It goes by a lot faster than the drive to the old office did and it leaves me plenty of time to swing through a starbucks drive-thru on the way. I lost my affinity for the local cafes in the area after whoever had been following me left a receipt under my door handle.
Work goes by with ease and I find myself actually making some friends in the office this time and getting much more work done and much more of it on time as well. This is how things should be. I think as I my fingers click away at the keyboard, sending in my article with hours to spare under the name 'Isabelle Bailey' I don't remember what made me choose to write under that name but it stuck with ease and I've been using it ever since.
@bonghitsforfeds
I arrived an hour later than I had meant to. The traffic in this city always managed to take me by surprise no matter the amount of times I have been stuck in it. This area of town was busier than where she last worked, and it made it much easier to sit idling in the parking lot unnoticed. I eventually chose to turn the engine off. I was worried the low hum of the motor would make me stand out.
It had been long enough since physically seeing her last that I still at this point doubted she would actually be here. Camila had developed an almost supernatural persona in my mind. She was this unachievable hunt I would never have. I had dreamt about her countless times at this point which did nothing to help curb my constant thoughts of her. I had run the encounter on the porch in my head a thousand times. Even now I yearned for the feeling of her struggling beneath me desperately screaming for help. The fact she fought only made it more fun to try again. Although it had taken weeks for my side to stop shooting pain with every breath. She's my feisty bitch.
It occurred to me that it might be a good idea to just try and approach her casually. Run into her accidentally a few times and develop a relationship that way. I never saw this out though, because the anger of her having slipped my clutches always changed my mind. She would spend the rest of her life with me, but first she had to pay for making a fool out of me.
My leather gloves squeaked slightly as I loosened my grip atop the steering wheel. I was calm, focused, and ready to patiently wait as long as it took this time. I was in the middle of the parked cars with a partial view of the three sets of doors into the multi story office building. From this spot the silver hatchback I had rented blended in among the rows of cars rather flawlessly. I continued to rub my hands on the wheel. The noise it produced was working to calm my nerves.I wonder if she will even look the same. The thought of her having possibl
14:18
y cut her beautiful hair off in an attempt to mask herself made my nostrils flare in a quick flash of hot anger. It took a moment to dissipate. “Hair grows back.” I said, attempting to reassure myself.
Once the day was finally over I collected my things and said goodbye to everyone that was staying late. A few co-workers and I decided to go out for dinner and drinks after work and I was excited about it, it seemed like I had spent so much time on edge after what happened on the porch that day.
We make our way out of the building together and head to our cars agreeing to just meet at the small bar/restaurant that was just on the edge of downtown. Traffic was a pain as it almost always was around this time and I was playing music loudly the whole way there before I finally arrived and found a spot on the curb to pull into.
When we walked inside the place was cozy, the walls were a mix of deep dark colors and the lights were dimmed making the ambiance relaxed even as the noise of people talking and laughing filled the air. We ended up at a high top table, the five of us managing to make it work by pulling over an extra chair before the waitress came over to get our drink orders. I settled on a fruity cocktail and told myself I would only get one drink so I could still drive myself home by the time we were ready to go.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had never seen her with multiple people before, so when she exited the building with the group of coworkers I almost did not bother looking up. The time we had apart from each other only served to sweeten this moment. There she was only a few hundred feet away from me. God, even the way she walks is hot. I took a few blurry pictures of her on my phone.
I was a few cars behind her now, honestly I could not be sure she would not recognize me. I almost lost sight of her right away due to the fact she pulled out of where she had parked quicker than I anticipated. I thought she may have gotten a condo when we began heading toward the inner city. Already I scrambled for how to silently subdue someone in an apartment scenario. I blasted past her when she pulled off to park at the roadside bar having not expected her to stop so suddenly. There was a moment of slight panic as I fought for a parking space, but eventually I stole one half a block up from someone leaving.
It was definitely a smarter decision to stay here in the car while they ate, but I couldn't help myself. Stepping out into the breezy afternoon air I made my way up the sidewalk. It was a nice day out and white fluffy clouds blew past low overhead. Pushing the swinging door open my ears immediately perked up at the sound of Cami’s laughter across the room. I requested a table across the restaurant from where they sat, my excuse having been that I wished to be away from the front windows. I ordered water and sat glowering at the five of them. *What did these people do to earn being in such close proximity to her? *
The rest of dinner goes by so well and I find myself really letting go and having a lot of fun, the sound of our small groups laughter helping to fill the restaurant and bar with noise and earning more than a few looks from the more grumpy or tired looking patrons and not having a care in the world.
We end up staying for a couple hours and I watch them order more drinks as I switch to soda and then to water, one of my male coworkers getting a little more flirty and handsy as time goes on and I find that I don't really mind it he's cute enough I think before I smile and laugh at some joke he made that really wasn't all that funny if I'm honest with myself. Before I know it it's already been a solid 3 hours that we've been there and I decide its time to call it a night. "I'll catch you guys tomorrow make sure you all get home safe" I smile and leave some cash on the table for my part of the bill and then make my way back to my car.
I step back out into the spring air of LA and can't help but smile at the setting sun and the way it paints the skyline with so many different shades of orange and pink. I find myself looking at it all the way back to my car before pulling off the curb and making the drive back to my house. Once I arrive I unlock the door and punch in the security code once I'm inside 5..6..8..3 God that alarm is annoying it drives me nuts every time it goes off when I enter the house but it makes me feel much more secure at the same time.
Once I'm inside I open up some of the living room windows to let in some fresh air and the cooler night breeze before I head upstairs to strip off my work clothes and pull on some silky pajama pants and a matching tank top.
@bonghitsforfeds
I ended up having to order an appetizer to not just look like a creep staring daggers through the group from across the bar. Thankfully their little party was focused on themselves while they loudly discussed their gossip. It was nice to observe her in public like this. I found myself smiling at Cami when she laughed. It was an infectious noise.
One of her coworkers was obviously into her. He kept touching her legs when speaking to her, a small flirtatious move he assumed no one else saw. I had a tension headache from gritting my teeth together so hard. I wonder how he would feel about being followed home afterwards. It hit me then I had no idea if she’d been with anyone else since I last saw her. These thoughts only amplified my jealousy. A few times I thought of anonymously paying for their dinner, but that asshole who kept touching my woman would get no favors.
My bill had already been paid for when they stood to stand. Beating them outside while they made their goodbyes I quickly made my way back to the car. It was cooler out now as the air seemed to have an easier time cutting into my green cotton shirt. I was thankful upon being back in the vehicle and safe from the wind.
It was much harder to tail someone in a car than I originally thought it would be. Being careful to keep my distance while also being cognizant of her direction was no easy task. Eventually she pulled into what I assumed was her new home. I continued up the road past her on purpose this time in an attempt to make my movements seem more natural. I drove in a straight line through several stop signs before turning back around toward the house. Parking a few lots down I barely caught sight of her making her way inside.
16:39
I actually liked this house more than her previous one. It was a tasteful mix of flat and pitched roofing that accented the midwestern style home nicely. The large bay windows would be easy to peer through, and the smaller home could likely prove easier to navigate. I spotted a tiny hexagonal sign that proclaimed the home was alarm protected. I expected something like this but was still not pleased about it. A frustrated sigh escaped my lips and I sat back in the car rubbing at my temples with the gloved hand. This will prove to be annoying. I will personally burn this whole city down if that alarm keeps me from her.
Once I've changed into my pajamas I make my way down the stairs to the kitchen to grab myself another glass of water knowing that I should have it since I did have a drink at dinner. I grab the glass down from my cupboard and get some ice and water from the upgraded fridge with the ice and water right in the door, one of the smaller upgrades that feels like a huge one.
What to do what to do... I wonder as I aimlessly wander around the house trying to think of something to fill the rest of my night with. I haven't been brave enough to have anyone over overnight since what happened on the patio, finding it harder to trust people after so having some fling over was out of the question. Hmmm maybe a book.. I make my way over to the built in bookshelves on either side of the television and look for something that I haven't read in awhile before settling on something and pulling it out.
I bring the book and my glass of water out to the back porch along with a big fluffy blanket so that I can shield myself from the cooler air of the evening while I crack it open, turning on a small space heater that I've had plugged in back there for this exactly reason whether it's curling up with a good book or working on my laptop but not wanting to be stuck inside.
@bonghitsforfeds
After pondering the alarm for sometime I came to the conclusion there were only a few curveballs it could throw. It served as a deterrent from me entering, and a tool for Cami once I was inside. I would have to find an open window or door to overcome the first issue. The panic button was only a concern once she became aware of my presence. My mind went to the black zip ties contained within my back pocket. She won’t be able to trigger an alarm.
I opened the driver door and stepped confidently out of the car. Just look like you belong. I let the car door swing itself shut, only lightly pressing on it to ensure it at least latched. Soon the sound of concrete was replaced by the soft crunch of grass as I made my way up to her new home. The familiar feeling of my heart thudding in my chest returned. It had been a month since it last beat like this. I was back in my element. A shark in the water.
I almost immediately fucked the whole thing up when I stepped into the backyard. She was lounging on the porch not twenty feet from me, her nose pressed tightly into a novel. I backpedaled a few steps. Clamming up at the unexpected sight of her I stood with my back pressed to the side of the home. I needed to move in order to not be spotted by a pedestrian who may make their way by the front, but I also did not want alert Cami to my arrival already. I need to get inside before she arms that alarm for the night.
I stay out on the back porch for a long while, I don't have to be in to work until later tomorrow so I have some extra time to stay up and enjoy myself and I do just that, letting myself get lost in the pages of the most recent fantasy romance I picked up a couple of weeks ago.
It takes awhile but eventually my eyes feel heavy and I can't help but start to yawn so I know I should make my way inside to start winding down and getting ready for bed, deciding to head to the couch first to watch an episode of the current show I'm watching, some awful reality dating show I've gotten sucked into and way too invested in to really let myself get cozy before I head to bed for the night.
@bonghitsforfeds
There was no sound of her having risen from her reading spot, but I waited a little longer just to be sure. Making my way back around the first corner I checked the front door. Locked. I was about to give up when I spotted a half opened window at the other end. The universe is practically asking for this to happen. We are meant to be with each other.
These windows were more sturdy, and there was a brief struggle to pull the screen from the outside. As quickly as I dared I slid the window open, slipped inside, reattached the screen as best as I could, and returned the window to its original position. It's just that easy. Now inside I slowly scanned the room while in a half crouch. The décor in here just made me appreciate her more. She really must have worked to make herself comfortable here. It almost felt cruel to be disturbing her peace like this... almost.
I wanted to spend longer in the lower part of the home, but was worried that she would spot me if she decided to reenter anytime soon. Upstairs it is. This staircase and upper landing were carpeted which just made it easier to move around. I checked the hall closet first. It was only a few feet deep with recessed shelving that ran floor to ceiling. Currently it is being used to store towels and spare bedding.
18:29
Next I checked her new bathroom. There was a large artsy jacuzzi tub as well as an all glass shower. I guess the idea was no one could get the drop on her. This bathroom had two sinks and a large mirror that spanned the entire wall hung above them. The countertop was neigh spotless, and the only thing atop it was a charging toothbrush alongside some basic makeup supplies. I grabbed a container of black lipstick and twisted it open. It felt intimate to be touching her private beauty stuff like this. I looked up at myself in her mirror, only briefly taking in the image before writing a large message with the lipstick. ‘Miss me Cami darling?’ I placed the still open lipstick back on the counter before making my way back into the hallway.
I floated into the master bedroom and was immediately hit with the familiar scent of her sweat. Resisting the urge to dive into her bed and roll around in it I instead opened up this room's closet. I recognized many of the clothes in here from the last time I snooped about her property, and this closet was better organized than her last one. I ran my fingers over some of the hung up clothing. She likes blue and white, I'll have to remember that.
I was about to leave the master bedroom when I heard the back door slide across its track. I froze solid, waiting to hear her footfall on the staircase, but instead was relieved to hear her turn the tv on downstairs. *Guess I am stuck up here for the time being. *
I find myself watchinf the one episode I'd planned on and half of another eating up a good hour and a half of time before I find myself drifting to sleep on the couch and force myself to get up. "Can't believe those two idiots ended up together" I mumble as I stretch and grab the remote to turn off the TV having stopped the habit of leaving them on the idle screen when I wasn't watching.
I make my way into the kitchen to refill my water glass before I head up the stairs to the bedroom, setting the glass on the nightstand before I pull my socks off and toss them on the floor I'll grab them in the morning I think before I go to get comfortable under that comforter but of course the second I get comfortable I feel the urge to pee and get up again with an annoyed huff to pad my way into the bathroom. At first I don't notice the lipstick on the mirror as it isn't until after I've finished peeing and go to wash my hands that I finally look up and see it. I swear I feel my blood run cold when I read the words someone- he put on the mirror. 'Miss me Cami darling?' the panic that slams into me takes my breath away and I have to grab onto the marble counter to keep myself from falling over as I try to catch my breath.
Phone get your phone and get out Cami Is all I can think but I can't get myself to move, I'm hyperventilating and I know it but I can't make myself stop. My breaths are coming so quick and so shallow that I can feel my fingertips starting to tingle like static on a television and my head starting to feel light pull yourself together! Finally I convince my feet to move from their cemented spot on the tile floor to go back into the bedroom, clamoring for my phone before grabbing a hoodie from a chair in the corner to hopefully make it down the stairs and out the door in time.
@bonghitsforfeds
Once she was settled downstairs I finally allowed myself to relax somewhat. It seemed whatever was on tv had a good grip of her attention down there. It could be fun to try and grab her while watching the show, but I really wanted her to see my little message up here. I made my way to the only room yet to be searched upstairs. At first I had been assuming it would be a spare bedroom like the last house, but instead was surprised to find a loft office.
The room was decorated mostly with plants which filled the room with an earthy smell. The wrap around desk at the center of the room had a laptop dock, monitor, and other office supplies strewn about it. Every wall in here had a window. Up against the largest one was a treadmill which had a towel draped over its front. Seems decent enough place to hide for now. I left the door cracked behind me so I would hear Cami come up the stairs.
I sat on the floor near the door taking this moment to rest. I could almost hear her show through the vent in the floor, but it was just a bit too quiet to make out. This was frustrating as I quickly found myself antsy while alone in the office. The secluded and cozy space made me drowsy and had it been any other day I likely could have fallen asleep right here. I expected myself to be excited, instead my entire being pulsed with focus.
When she came upstairs I rose to my feet smooth as a ghost. There will be no escaping this time you little shit. I was disappointed to hear her head straight for the bedroom, and almost sprinted up the hallway into her room when she settled in for the night. I reached for the door when I heard her moving around again. Eventually her walking ended in the bathroom.
She came flying out of the bathroom in a recognizable scramble for safety. I immediately began to chase, expecting her to make way for the staircase. She doomed herself by running for the bedroom. She was grabbing something when I filled the doorway to the same room with myself, blocki
It took me two panicked steps towards the door after pulling on the hoodie to realize that there was a figure standing right in the doorway blocking my only way out "What do you want?" I said as evenly as I possibly could trying not to sound as panicked as I felt. Anything that I had to possibly defend myself was still in the bedside table drawer and I felt like an absolute idiot for not grabbing any of it. This must be the same man from before. I couldn't see him super clearly that night but somehow I just know, not only from the message but from his presence.
I start to take slow steps backwards thinking maybe I can make it to the window, get 911 on the phone in my pocket somehow, or better yet get the taser from the bedside table. I knew it was stupid to keep a so called 'gift' from my stalker but it was strong and I didn't know where to get one for myself. "If you want money there's a safe in the office just please leave me alone."
@bonghitsforfeds
She almost ran straight into me, but then slowly backed away at the last moment. ‘What do you want?’ I ignored her first words instead choosing to tilt my head slightly at her first question. What do I want? She was moving slowly now and toward what I had no clue. None of it mattered to me. I am definitely excited now. Never in my life had I felt a sensation of arousal more powerful than this. My breathing was heavy and slow. Both my fists clenched and unclenched slowly.
Her second statement about money made me laugh out loud. A terrifyingly icy sound in the dark bedroom. I chose then to lunge at her. I wrapped my left hand around her throat and gripped her hair in my right. With this grapple I attempted to throw her backward into the wall. I did not want to waste my time on words until I was sure she could not escape me.
"What are you-" I go to ask what you're about to do but before I can even finish my sentence my words are cut off by your hand around my throat, the other gripping my hair in a way that sends a searing hot pain through my scalp. "Stop!" I try to scream but it comes out choked from the hand around my throat, my back hitting the wall knocking the wind out of me and making me dizzy for a split second.
Fight back you have to fight back! I bring my arms up to try and claw at your face, my legs thrashing wildly trying to escape the grip that I was lucky enough to get out of once. It was a stupid idea though because in my struggle I hear the soft thud of my phone slipping from the silky pocket of my shorts and onto the floor. "Let go of me!" I try to get out, feeling the heavy feeling in my head from the blood flow being cut short from your fingers pressing into the sides of my neck "please!"
@bonghitsforfeds
The will of finally being in control combined with being prepared and well rested made it pathetically easy to manhandle Cami. Her wide eyes and desperate cries for help did the opposite of what she had in mind. Something flew from her pockets in the struggle. Her weapon maybe?
Ignoring her pleas I forced her down onto the floor. It was likely a painful position for her as I was attempting to push her down onto her back, but her legs were still pinned beneath her. I stared into those dark eyes as she thrashed and tried to strike at me. I was attempting to kneel atop her so she could not stand or keep using her fists to hit me. With my hand still wrapped around her throat I leaned into her hair inhaling a deep breath of its floral scent. I brought my lips down to her right ear allowing them to brush against her as I spoke softly, “You are going to spend the rest of your life with me Camila. How long that life is depends on your behavior tonight, do you understand?” I finally eased the pressure from her neck so she could speak, being sure to dig my knees painfully into her torso as a pacifying measure.
"Ah ahh!" I cried out in pain when my legs finally gave in and let the stranger push me down to the floor, the way they stayed stuck underneath me even as my back hit the carpet making pain shoot through my knees and hips, the knees pressing into my torso making it harder to breathe along with the panic that buzzes though my veins.
'You are going to spend the rest of your life with me Camila' I barely even heard the rest of the sentence that part playing in my head over and over again what feels like a hundred times in the span on seconds. "Like hell I am" I grit out with as much anger as I can muster, still trying to wriggle my way out from underneath the knees that are crushing me slowly but surely. "Let me go!" I manage to get one hand up to land a scratch right across the flesh of his cheek, the sick sound it made making my stomach turn as I try my hardest to get my legs out from underneath myself so I had even a slight chance at getting away, finding this time much different than the last in the way he seems to easily overpower me and trying not to let the realization bring me to tears.
@bonghitsforfeds
Not choking her turned out to be a mistake. ‘Let me go!’ Her nail tears into the side of my face with surprising ease. The wound immediately began to bleed and burn, shooting a searing pain throughout my face. I found this equal parts arousing and infuriating. “Bitch!” I scream the words out at you before delivering a powerful headbutt into your face.
With the hand I still have grabbing her head I make a fist in her hair and pull her head backwards forcefully. Scraping my lips along your neck now I bite hard with my teeth. Already a large dark bruise forms in the shape of my mouth, and I press myself more forcefully against your struggling body. “I am trying to confess my love for you and you are making this fucking difficult!” I shout at her in our desperate struggle, wishing I could make her understand how her life will be so much better after this.
The headbutt to my face immediately has blood pouring from my nose and makes me so dizzy I can't barely see straight, choking on the blood that drips back into my throat from being on my back I barely even register the teeth breaking the skin on my neck. It takes what feels like ages for my vision to clear even though my head is still pounding and I can't feel it getting harder and harder to fight, the only thing keeping me going being adrenaline and fear.
"You don't even know me you sick fuck!" I spit the blood trickling into my throat into your face in a last ditch effort to do something that catches you off guard enough to loosen your grip like the last time in the patio but knowing in my head that that's probably not going to happen this time around, I don't have the upper hand and I know it. "I don't need or want your love get off of me!"
@bonghitsforfeds
While she was dazed I reached my right hand backwards to my pant pocket in an attempt to grab the zip ties just in time to have my eyes and mouth filled with her blood. I turn my blind attention back to the fight now, pinning you to the floor while trying to wipe my face off on the shoulder of my shirt. ‘I don't need or want your love...’
Her words kicked my ego into full swing, and now I was properly pissed. I press my palm into your face making sure to apply max pressure on your freshly busted nose. With my entire weight being pressed into your torso via my knees, I speak down at you in a balanced tone. “But you do know me Cami. You just aren't thinking hard enough.” I lean towards your face, droplets of our mixed blood pattering down at you. “You did ruin my shirt after all.” Her blood spattered and panting face made me sad. While waiting for her response I absentmindedly wiped away the tears that well in your eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" I try to shout even as sobs start to wrack my body mixing with borderline screams as the pain radiates through my face and torso and it feels like with any more pressure one or more of my ribs will break and the thought terrifies me. I force my eyes to stay open when you lean down towards my face, little drops of crimson dripping down onto my face and shirt but I don't recognize the person starting back at me at all, especially not with the smeared remains of what I managed to spit into his face.
"Please I don't know you I haven't done anything please!" I jerk my face away the best I can when smooth thumbs make their way under my eyes to wipe at my tears which only makes my head throb harder. "Let me go!" I scream another dump of adrenaline making it possible to finally get my legs unstuck and stretched out, kicking them the best I can to try to roll underneath you which proves to be a futile effort, they're borderline numb and weak from being stuck as long as they were and after a few strong kicks they're rendered just about useless as they lay outstretched on the floor.
@bonghitsforfeds(edited)
At this point I know to watch out for her kicks, but she still almost manages to catch me in the lower torso with the panicked flailing. Each wave of her fighting was growing less effective, and I hoped that soon her energy would falter enough I could bind her. For a moment she almost got the upper hand, but I managed to stay atop her once she was completely flat on her back. I switch to a sitting position on top of her, using my legs to pin her arms down to the floor. Pressed against you like this, my arousal is now obvious. Using my hands I grab your face and force you to look at me.
I stare knowingly down at you. My voice is eerily calm now, barely audible over your labored breathing. “From the coffee shop my love.” I lean down to plant a forceful kiss upon your lips keeping my eyes psychotically locked to your face the entire time. Pulling away and biting your lip hard while doing so I pleadingly add, “Just give into it Camilla. I’ll make you a goddess.”
When you switch positions and use your legs to pin my arms to the floor I can't help but feel how hard you are against me and the thought of this turning you on makes my stomach lurch and if it weren't for the adrenaline I might actually be sick right here on the floor.
When your words hit me my eyes go wide and it all slams into me like a truck "the guy I ran into with the mocha" it comes out barely audible, at least to me, I can barely hear it over the sound of my own breathing and the slamming of my heart in my ears. Before I can even fully process anything your lips are planted against mine is a forceful kiss, the way your eyes stay open and locked onto my face has me closing my own just so I don't have to see you like this. My eyes shoot back open when you bite my lip hard enough to make me whimper in pain and I shake my head "I don't want anything from you I want you to leave me alone!"
I can feel myself getting weaker but I refuse to completely let go and give in, the idea of not fighting worse to me than dying right here underneath you. "Get off!" I shout again bucking my hips underneath you trying to make you lose your balance and in the process making the loose silk shorts ride up my thighs exposing more of myself in a way that has my cheeks flaring.
@bonghitsforfeds
When she finally realized who I was, an immense stress was lifted from my shoulders. Finally the initial point of this month-long venture was realized. The smile on my face would make a hyena jealous, but my internal celebration is cut short when you try to throw me off. I lose seating momentarily, and have to throw my body down atop you in order to keep control. We lay chest to chest now, my hands now holding your arms still at their sides.
“Stop struggling!” Our labored breathing has our bodies heaving against each other, and my hands brush against your exposed legs while pinning you. I crush into you with my body weight, trying to keep the upper hand so I can continue speaking. “Yes, the guy you ran into with the mocha.” My hot breath exhales out and past your face, “I don’t want to kill you. I just want to be with you.” I plant another hickey on your neck, being sure to drag my lips in a long path up to your face. Simultaneously I bring up one of my legs and push its knee into your crotch in a rolling motion. “You can push back against it you know, I won't tell anyone you did.” This final sentence I say while still dragging my lips over your face, enjoying my right to have you any way.
'Stop struggling!' As if I could possibly sit here and take this without putting up some kind of fight, as if I would just let you have your way with me. The way you're laying on top of me now has us pressed impossibly close together and it makes me sick feeling your warmth on top of me this way.
"Is this all because I spilled your fucking coffee?!" I ask in disbelief that the man I ran into over a month ago is the one doing all of this for no real reason that I can put a finger on, I would have offered to pay for any clothes I might have ruined but something tells me this goes deeper, this is some kind of sick obsession or game.
"Please- stop-" I choke out as your lips and tongue work in unison to leave another purple bloom on my neck, knowing that if I do somehow make it out of this that I don't own enough makeup to possibly cover it up. "I don't want to be with you! I don't know you! You're sick" I quickly realize just how sick when you press your knee to where only the thin silk fabric separates us and tell me it would be okay for me to move against you, as if any of this would turn me on in the slightest. Well.. maybe if it was consensual I push the disturbing thought from my mind and convince myself it's just how my brain is trying to cope with all of this happening. "Like hell I would! I've never been more turned off in my life!" I stay defiant not moving at all, willing myself to ignore the sensation of your knee pressed against and rubbing at my pussy. "I'd rather die than give you what you want you fucking freak! Is this what you do huh? Stalk innocent women because you can't get any attention from them unless you hunt them down and assault them?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Is this all because I spilled your fucking coffee?’ Her words managed to momentarily pull my mind from its horny stupor. Was this just about the coffee? No, of course not. It was more of an imprinting. I had to have you. It was not just the perverse pleasure I felt pinning you to the floor. It was more than a monetary thing. I did not care about my ruined clothing. An epiphany was close, but your next words shattered the moment of clear thought.
‘You can't get any attention from them unless you hunt them down and assault them?’ Both my hands shoot up to your throat, gripping the soft sweaty skin with lethal intent. “Shut up!” I press another kiss into your face while still applying a pressure to the sides of your neck. I try to force my tongue into your mouth, but your waning attempts to throw me off makes this difficult.
Why are you here Ivon? I could hear my mothers voice inquire softly in the back of my mind. Tears streamed down my face now, and I wiped it again on my shirt in an attempt to remove the smeared liquids from the forceful kisses. Even in the fading afternoon light the blood soaked into his sleeve was obvious. “I sacrifice everything to have you!” I scream down at your blueing face, “Would you rather me talk you up in shitty dive bars first? Or would you rather it just be a quick fling Cami? Stop acting like I am the only one. With! Commitment! Issues!” Each of these final words I emphasize by shaking my grip on your throat, smacking your head into the floor. Finally, I release my hold of your neck and change my grip to your now matted hair. I use your hair to pin your head to the floor, again forcing your gaze to be on my face. Awaiting your response I grind my knee into you even harder wanting desperately to feel your body move against mine.
The second both of your hands wrap around my throat this time it feels different, it doesn't feel like a threat of a way to make me cooperate it feels like you're trying to kill me and I can barely suck down any air with how hard your squeezing, the loss of blood flow making every pulse hurt my head and floor my ears with a roaring sound.
"St-op" I try to squeak out once your lips leave mine but I barely manage to make a noise at all, it catches me off guard when I see you crying and I wonder to myself if you're only crying because you're about to kill me which only makes me cry harder myself. Every smack of my head against the floor hurts and makes me dizzier and dizzier until I'm squeezing my eyes shut to try and fight the sensation. I probably have a concussion by now. The warning thought flits through my head and I know I have to do something to make you stop hitting it against the floor.
When your hands finally leave my throat I suck in a choked breath, unable to help the coughs I let out into your face from the grip you have on my hair. "I-I'm sorry!" I rasp out wondering now just how long you were in my house before that you knew I was having meaningless encounters. But it wasn't because I have commitment issues, if anything it was because nobody would commit to me but I won't waste my time explaining that. Your knee pressing even harder against me has me whimpering in pain, it's too harsh and it only hurts instead of bringing me any pleasure. "Please-" I go to plead with you to stop again but I know it's pointless so I just cry and try to steel myself for what I know is coming.
@bonghitsforfeds
You are killing her. The thought passes through my head and at first I consider not even acting on it. Maybe I should just choke her to death. Maybe that would finally bring the closure I need to stop following strangers home. No other person had elicited this much of an emotional response from me. I wanted her to have feelings for me too. I wanted us to spend forever together. It was a painful weakness deep within me, I knew this now.
‘I’m sorry,’ your cries cause a lump in my throat. A feeling of guilt floods into me as I take in your battered form. You already fucked this up, she will never love you now. “Ahhhh!” I let go of your hair and pound the floor next to your head with my fists in a desperate fit of rage. My chest heaves with actual sobs now, tears flowing freely from my eyes and down my cheeks. I sit back up into a seated position looking forward off into the distance somewhere behind you. A moment passes where nothing happens except the painful grinding of my knee which then slowly comes to a halt. Wrapping my arms around your back I pull you upward into a seated position, forcing you into an awkward hug. I was sitting partially in your lap now since I had been atop your legs before.
I crushed you into a selfish embrace while digging my face into your neck and blood stained hair. My sobs echoed back at us in the bedroom, my tears now soaking into your head. “Please forgive me Camila. You have nothing to be sorry for.” I peck tiny pathetic kisses into your neck while whispering the apologies. My mind was a whirlwind of memories, thoughts, and regrets. My entire body was shaking from adrenaline as my teeth began their familiar chattering.
When your fists meet the floor on either side of my head with a deafening crack even through the carpet I squeeze my eyes closed waiting for the impact fully expecting the next one to land on my face and fully knock me out. When it doesn't come I manage to open my eyes again Why the fuck are you sobbing?! You're the one doing this! That's what I want to say, no, scream, but I can't force myself to get any of the words out.
The pull up into the hug sends pain shooting through my head and I can't form a single straight through as you beg me for forgiveness and pepper tiny kisses along my bruised neck as if we've been lovers for a long time instead of a stalker and his victim. It's then that an idea comes to me and I wonder if maybe just maybe I can play along with this and get you to let me go. "I-its okay I forgive you." I repeat it over and over again just wanting to stop feeling your lips against my skin and go get help for my injuries.
@bonghitsforfeds
The repeating reassurances you feed into my head do nothing to help curb the madness. Rocking back and forth with you in my arms I bask in the sound of being told it’s okay. I selfishly ingest your undeserved forgiveness. My hands crawl up your back in the embrace up to your head forcing my fingers into the tangles.
Your writhing had almost come to a stop at this point, and we sat in that tragic embrace for what felt like eternity. It is possible for a fleeting moment in time I genuinely considered just leaving you there. However, the smell of your breath and spit still filled my nose and I found that evil within me crying for justice one more. We will see if you forgive me after this.
With the grip I had slowly been working back into your head this entire time I made a fist with both hands and pulled your head backward as far as your spine will allow. I weaponize this ambush by leaning my weight down onto you forcing you once again onto your back. While your neck is craning I work kisses down your neck until I get to the seam of your shirt and upper chest. Wrapping the seam in my teeth I pull the shirt forcefully down in an animalistic motion, taking a deep breath through my nose as it drags between your breasts. Again my knee is pressing into you with angry pressure.
"W-wait!" I stutter out when your hands make their way back up my back to tangle in my now completely tangled knotted hair, it burns so badly every time and I swear you've probably pulled a good amount of it out with how many times you've pulled at it and used it to manipulate my body. For a moment I think that maybe this is it, that this is where it'll stop and you'll somehow for some reason just let me go and realize that this is insanity.
The thought it short lived though when I feel you start to pull my head back again, the curve in makes in my spine so painful that it makes me yelp until finally I give it and I end up on my back again. "What are you doing?!" I shout as if I don't know when your teeth rip down the silk tank top like nothing leaving my breasts totally exposed, the cooler air and the adrenaline coursing through my system betraying me and making my nipples tighten into buds. Somebody please help me. I plead with the universe, hating my body for the way your knee starts to slip easier again my core. I don't want this I don't want this I don't want this! I scream at myself in my head knowing that it's just my body reacting to the stimulation but hating myself for it just the same. "Why are you doing this" I whimper, my lip quivering as fresh tears spring to my eyes and roll down the dried blood on my cheeks.
@bonghitsforfeds
A grunt slips from my lips while exposing you. I savagely bite down into the flesh of your right breast wanting to elicit a vocal response. I am rewarded with a painful yelp, and it only encourages me to do the same but to your left nipple instead. Forcing myself onto her was proving to be more enjoyable than I had ever dreamed. No sexual encounter previous to this had ever made me feel something. I was capable of lust no doubt, but not this primal soul filling feeling that flooded my body as you whimpered beneath me now.
Why? I brought my face up momentarily to glimpse at your tear strewn eyes after the question. It fanned the fire of hate that still burned inside to have you shaking my confidence with inward thought at a time like this. I wanted to scream at you that I have no idea why I am doing this. Why have I not been able to fuck anybody normally my entire life? Why did my family have to embarrassingly bail me out for beating a whore half to death in Nevada? Instead of answering your inquiry I instead deliver a sharp punch into your lower torso just above the right hip. “Will you stop asking so many fucking questions?” Finally I found words to yell at you. If she keeps talking to me Ill have to bind and gag her. Somewhere inside I knew that you could talk me out of this, and I hated that.
"Ow jesus fuck!" I yelp when your teeth sink into my skin again, this time in the flesh of my breast but it's nothing compared to the borderline scream I let out when you do the same to my nipple and I swear it feels like you're ready to bite it right off and it's then that I realize I've lost count of how many bite marks I have so far.
When you momentarily come up to look at me I don't know what I'm expecting but it isn't the sharp blow to my torso that feels dangerously close to my hip and I wonder if it was any lower if it would have cracked it with the impact. I nod and try to stifle the sobs that are wracking my body deciding that the questions floating around in my head and eating me alive aren't worth risking not being able to move at all once this is done, if it's ever done. It occurs to me in that moment that maybe you won't ever leave after this or worse yet maybe you don't intend to let me live, either way my battered body is already in so much pain that I don't want to risk any more blows from your fists. "I'm sorry" I whimper again but can't help writhing in pain underneath you, effectively rubbing myself against your knee in the process.
@bonghitsforfeds
The devilish part of me reveling in your pain was amplified by the fact I was unsure if you were going to live. I did not plan to kill you at this point, but I did accept it as an unfortunate outcome that may occur from my ravaging of you. The repercussions of defamation, police, and prison were so far lost to myself at this point, because in my mind nothing could stop what was about to happen. I wanted to be with you for the rest of your life. If that life continued after tonight depended entirely on my self control.
I knew the pained movements against my knee were not a response to pleasure, but I decided to torturously tease you about it anyway, “Enjoying it now?” I move my knee out besides your leg and allow my right hand to replace it. The silky shorts are easily moved aside, and I spread the lips of your moist pussy apart before forcing my pointer finger inside. Before you have a chance to seriously object I press my lips against your mouth forcing you to face me with the left hand still locked into your hair. The sloppy kiss ends with a wet smack as our lips pull apart, “Just give in honey it will hurt less.” The evil words wash over your stained face with every syllable.
All I manage to do is shake my head when you ask me if I'm enjoying it now, I know you're only asking to taunt me and I don't want to give you the satisfaction of giving in and giving you a real verbal response. When you slip my shorts aside and do quickly force a finger inside of me I want to scream and thrash and somehow get away but I can't even make a sound aside from some muffled whines against your lips, the pain that was radiating through my scalp turning into a more numbed sensation which I honestly don't know if is a good or a bad thing.
"N-no I won't give in" I stammer out trying my best to not acknowledge the feeling of your finger moving inside me or the way my body reacts the same way it would if you were just some strange guy from an app coming over for a one night stand. "Please I don't want this" I try to plead with you even as your finger starts to slip in and out of me easier and I can only hope that you don't think it means I'm enjoying this.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I won’t give in,’ I can see that. I wonder if you would be so full of willpower if you knew how pathetic you looked right now. I wonder if you would be so confident if you knew how much your blood streaked face made my cock throb. I suppose it may just be an attempt to convince yourself as well, but then again why do I even care? Why? Cami’s words rattled off the inside of my skull again. How do you explain to the girl you currently have pinned to the floor you want to marry her corpse? The dam inside of me that was failing to desperately contain the rushing current of hate that grew behind it finally crumbled open. My eyes grow wide and my eyebrows climb high up my face to create a mask of psychotic rage. I suddenly remember the zip ties in my back pocket and let go of your head to snatch them from it. Your head falls back to the ground with a tiny thud as I make no attempt to set it down carefully.
I rip my finger from within you and grab your face by the chin and mouth with the same hand. I bring the other hand up, which is now fiercely clutching the plastic wrapped zip ties, and hold the bag inches from your face. “I am going to tie you up now. If you continue to fight and talk back to me I am going to spill your Barbie doll brains all over your cheap residential carpet.” I did not phrase it as anything but a fact because it was true. It was not the physical fighting that was infuriating me, but the fact she kept managing to say the exact things to make me want to kill her.
Watching your face change into something much more twisted and dark makes fear peak inside of me in a whole different way, before you just looked like a man doing something bad, a man that I was scared of none the less but now.. now you looked like a monster, one that I shouldn't push.
I wince in pain when my head once again bounces off of the flood, the carper doing little to cushion it from the pain it sends jolting through me after so many blows and bashes. The relief that I feel from you pulling your finger away is quickly diminished when you hold the plastic full of zip ties up to my face. "O-okay I- I'm sorry" I stammer out, the mental image of brains and blood all over the floor making my stomach turn and my face pale. "I-I'll do whatever you want just please p-please don't kill me..." I go to say your name at the end but I realize that I don't actually know it and in a last ditch effort to try to appease you I actually pucker my lips like I'm trying to get you to kiss me.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you apologize again I almost pressed my thumbs into your eye sockets. Why? It’s the pathetic plea for your life and the sad attempt to appease me with a kiss that keeps me from going through with it. I take your offer, pushing my tongue forcefully past your teeth and into your mouth in another sloppy french kiss. Then, without warning, my hands are wrapped around your wrists wrenching them painfully backwards up above your head. Biting the plastic bag open with my teeth I rip the container open, spilling most of the one hundred plastic restraints onto your bare chest and surrounding floor. Clambering upward slightly I press your face sideways into the floor with my right knee to keep you from trying to escape while binding your wrists.
It's not easy to keep you pinned to the floor while simultaneously attempting to hold your wrists together and operate the tiny zip ties. There are a few seconds of struggle but soon the plastic is biting painfully into your arms. The pressure grows stronger with each tiny zipping sound coming from behind you. “You know,” I begin to explain flatly, pausing a moment to wrench on the plastic zip tie one final time, “You broke three of my ribs. Do you think it's maybe fair if I break some of yours too?” The power fantasy of finally being in control was almost sweeter than the obvious fear peering out from your big dark eyes.
"No no no no why?!" I practically scream before your knee is pressing to painfully into my cheek that I can barely make a noise, the audible zip of the plastic wrapping around my wrists ringing loudly in my ears, the pain of the edges digging in bringing more tears to my already burning eyes.
"N-no please no please I'm sorry I didn't mean to I was just scared you scared me!" I try to explain as if I'm not equally terrified now, especially not that my hands are tied together and useless in putting up any sort of fight against you, my body quickly becoming exhausted and the adrenaline coming and going in waves that make me shake. Please just get it over with and kill me if you're going to. My mind thinks all on its own, the idea of having to suffer for who knows how much longer thinking that that will be the inevitable outcome seeming more hellish than something quick and merciful.
"I didn't mean to hurt you I'm sorry please I'll make it up to you somehow" I'm so desperate to do anything to make you hurt me less that I let my legs fall open to try and distract you with something else. "W-why did you stop touching me it was starting to feel good" I lie through my teeth hoping that you'll be enticed enough to ignore that obvious fact.
@bonghitsforfeds
Another blast of mixed emotions explodes outwards from the center of my chest as you attempt to explain yourself. I wanted to drag you into the car and drive you to one of my family's properties, but at the same time I grew angrier at the fact you still did not understand I hated being talked out of this. Moving back to where I had been before tying your wrists up, I cupped my hands together in a makeshift sledge before bringing both arms high above my head. I almost ended your suffering then and there with a mighty blow to your face. It was the new dynamic offered by your legs falling open that had me lowering my arms slowly back down instead.
My vision swam in ecstatic lust at the prospect of you giving in. The depraved side of me screamed in sexual desire to take you up on the offer even if it was bullshit. With one hand pinning your tied wrists to the floor the other snakes back between your legs. This time I penetrate you with my middle and ring finger while also pressing my thumb firmly against your clit. With my thumb I make an almost gentle circular motion. While in this half straddle I continue to stare down into your no longer defiant face. “If you promise to love me I will spare you most of the pain. I can take you in.” Somewhere I was aware of how egotistical my venomous words were. I knew that you hated me for being a monster. I loathed myself for the same reasons, but I wanted to hear you lie to me again.
What will you even do with her? Yeah I could take her back to one of the houses if I even managed to get her into the car, but what then? Do I roll up on the staff and tell them this battered girl is my date? Maybe I am better off keeping her tied up here in her own home. I only managed to piss myself off more with the sobering thoughts. I don’t want her to die. I want her to be as obsessed with me as I am with her. It’s the soul shattering thought of how impossible that is to ever come true that I cannot come to grips with. "Has anyone ever tol
13:22
d you how pretty you look when you cry?" Before the words fell out of my face I had intended it to be a true complement, but my razor tongue could not help playing it's cruel hand anyway.
It probably sounds like I'm grateful for you to be touching me in such a sick way again when I let out such a heavy sigh of relief, anything was better than the blow that I imagined was going to be intended to put an end to my existence on this earth. The intrusion of both of your fingers instead of just one this time causes a burning stretch since I haven't been touched since that night I invited the asshole that desserted me over and it causes my body to tense around your fingers God please don't think I'm enjoying this.
"I just don't want to be hurt" I admit when you tell me you'll spare me most of the pain if I can just love you. Love you the thought makes me sick to my stomach but I can't help but notice how your touch feels different now, it's vile and cruel and I don't want it but it's almost gentle and that alone is confusing to me. Does he actually want it to feel good for me too? No.. no there's no way. "I-I don't even know you how can I love you already?" I add the already on in the hope that maybe you'll think there's a chance that I could someday.
"N-no nobodies ever told me that before" I sob out, the way you say it sounding so cruel as if you're enjoying my tears. Tears that are purely out of terror and pain not the kind that come from joy or overhwleming pleasure. There was nothing to find beautiful here as the tears kept making tracks through the blood staining my face. I almost open my mouth again to ask a stupid question but remember what was threatened to happen to me if I did. I want to ask if this is all just because you want to fuck me, why you couldn't just stop and ask for my number that day at the coffee shop, why it had to be this way, but I tuck those questions away for a later time if I manage to make it through tonight alive.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your body betrays you with its choice to pulse around my fingers. A cloud of lust begins to take form over the burning field of hatred scorching away at my character. I curl them within you now in a pleasurable pattern as I continue to stimulate your now hot clitoris with my thumb. It’s not just an inward and outward movement anymore, but an upward motion designed to make you buck your hips up in pleasure. I consider stopping a moment to pull the silky shorts off, but I find it more arousing to leave them on.
I ignore the whimpering about not wanting to be hurt. Did you think about how you damn near perforated my lung with your useless escape attempts earlier in the month? The comment about loving me already prompted the little narcissist in my mind to begin turning the cogs of manipulation. “You don’t have to love me now. It’s okay to be angry with me.” The last sentence seems to betray everything I have told you so far this evening. I knew it was cruel to tamper with your mind like this, but I enjoyed the prospect of you scrambling to make any reasonable conclusions. There was a deeper meaning to it all though, I wanted you to start at least picturing a twisted future together.
14:00
Of course no one has said that to you before. Normal people sit around and feel things when they speak to each other. A normal person would not be thinking, ‘God, when will you shut your fucking mouth,’ anytime someone talks to them. A functioning member of society does not wonder if everyone else is merely pretending to elicit the proper emotional responses to each other during conversation just to keep the day progressing. A healthy mind does not experience physical discomfort when carrying on casual conversation. A brief memory of my mother explaining empathy as if it was some sort of law or rule flashes through my mind. I physically shake my head to clear the thoughts before lowering my mouth to your now swollen nipple. I begin to suck on it, allowing it to pass between my teeth in a repeated pulling motion matching that of the upward pulling I make with the fingers still moving inside of you.
I can't control the way my hips move when you start that come hither motion inside me, it takes a couple tries but it's not long before your fingers are targeting my gspot over and over again and the wet squelching sounds it elicits from my body are so embarrassing I can feel my cheeks flaring in a blush underneath the blood and bruises.
God please fucking no. I squeeze my eyes shut as your lips close around my nipple and all of the stimulation at the same time has my breath quickening in pace It doesn't feel good it doesn't fucking feel good this is sick! I try to remind myself, convincing myself that this is just a physiological response to the crazed man on top of me trying to satiate some sick need.
"Please- fuck please stop I don't wanna-" I can feel heat pooling in my lower half and I know that means pleasure, or what should be pleasure, is building higher and higher in my exhausted body, so exhausted that I can barely fight to keep it down. "No nooooo" It comes out so ragged and rough from how many times you've choked me along with all the shouting I've done. My back arches off the floor just barely and my knees bend off the floor repeatedly as I desperately try to fight off what I can feel is coming.
@bonghitsforfeds
When your back begins to leave the floor in repeated movements I let your tit fall from my mouth after a final bite to its tip. I could feel the path of wetness trickling down the back of my hand as you buck your hips upward. Taste it. The primal urge to pull my hand and suck the fingers dry is easy to ignore when you start begging me to stop again. Moving my head up to your neck once more I push my lips into your right ear. “Are you going to cum for me Cami? You were threatening to kill me just minutes ago, and yet this is all it takes to reduce you to a quivering harlot?” I resist the intrusive thought to press your clitoris with painful intent and instead nibble at the top of your ear. Your breath is coming out shallow and quick with our heads this close, and it made precum drool from the tip of my cock pressed painfully tight against the inside of my pants.
Losing myself at the prospect of you somehow getting off I continue to taunt you, “Stop. Please. I don't wanna.” My voice is raised up now in a mocking tone as I feed your own words back at you. My legs begin to shake in an uncontrollable and admittedly frustrating tremble, and I have to make a focused effort to not faint. My heart was beating so hard I thought it might explode, occasionally it skipped beats in a painful tachycardic rhythm. Drowning in the intensity of the moment I forget for a second that you did not invite me up here, “See how easy we share pleasure Camilla? You would never worry or want for anything again.” I was whispering now, sneaking tiny kisses on your lower jaw where a thick spattering of blood had yet to fully dry.
"Yes" I squeak out when you asked me if I'm going to cum knowing that it's pointless to lie and deny it when I know you can feel me getting closer and closer to doing just that. Your demeaning, cruel words both terrify and nauseate me but at the same time it feels like some sick and twisted part of me likes it. It's all too much to take and I can feel it making me crazy.
"Sh-shut up!" I try to spit it with as much venom as I can as your fingers keep abusing that same spot inside of me. I can feel just how much this effecting you too, between the shake in your legs and the obvious bulge in your pants. How long have you wanted this? I wonder if it really started there in the coffee shop or if even that was somehow a set up. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
I can feel your lips pressing against my jaw in the one spot where the thick sticky blood hasn't dried yet and I wonder how the taste of it doesn't make you sick to your stomach. 'You would never worth or want for anything again' It makes me wonder just who you really are, if you're some rich asshole who thinks he can just take what he pleases because he's never had to work for anything before. Would it always be like this though? Would my voice always anger you to the point of beating me to a pulp? I shake the thought from my own head even though it makes it whoosh with pain. "Fuck stop please!" Its far too late though and I feel my pussy pulse and squeeze around your fingers rhythmically as I cum, the slick mess dripping down your fingers and on to the floor underneath me as I sob with both shame and embarrassment.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had been so focused on your pleasure that I had not realized my own had been building up inside. Hooking you upwards powerfully by your G spot when you climax I force you to experience the entire thing without being able to rest your back fully on the ground. However all of this felt like it was taking place somewhere far away, because while you were experiencing your orgasm I also had one of my own. I had thought the pressure and shaking in my legs had just been side effects of a never before reached heightened state of arousal, but I was so very wrong. The hot ropey strands of semen shooting into my pant leg took me by so much surprise I genuinely thought I was having a medical incident.
Ignoring your ashamed sobbing, I collapse atop of you with my arm pressed at a painful angle between us, fingers still soaking inside of your clenching pussy. If you said anything to me in those next twenty seconds I heard none of it. I laid still as a corpse atop you, my breathing much too slow for how fast my heart was beating. Inside my head was a chorus of embarrassing laughter. Awkward formative moments flip through my mind in a sick slide show. A godlike wave of fury rolls from my head to my toes, and every muscle in my body clenches as the cup of thought in my mind shatters, spilling its few remaining drops of sanity. I let my hand slide from you and I pull my legs up to my chest in a seated fetal position. Rocking back and forth while muttering incoherently, I stare beams of hate straight through you. “I- I didn’t, I wante-” Stammering awkwardly for an explanation I feel you don't deserve, I can feel my jaw tensing up in a muscle cramp from how hard I have it set. That was not how I imagined it. That was not how it was supposed to happen. I felt ashamed and embarrassed to be sitting near you, as if I had the right to be focused on my own psyche. ‘You can't control yourself at all can you,’ my own mind conjures a fake voiceline of my father to internally mock me.
All I can do as the aftershocks of stolen pleasure race through me over and over again is lay there staring at the ceiling as sobs continue to wrack my body, your fingers still inside of me a harsh reminder of what just happened. It takes me a moment to even realize what's happening with you until I see the wetness starting to soak through your pants and it honestly catches me off guard.
I would have thought a monster would have more self control. I don't even know if it stayed a thought or if it accidentally flew out of my mouth but the fact that you don't brutally attack me tells me it was the former. I find momentary relief when you roll off of me and end up in the fetal position muttering something that I can't really wrap my head around. Is he seriously haven't a fucking meltdown after doing this to me? I don't understand it at all, my mind can't make sense of it. Of how someone who's made my life a nightmare could be so.. pathetic. "Pathetic" it comes out barely audible but it still comes out none the less and I automatically squeeze my eyes shut from making the mistake of speaking.
@bonghitsforfeds
You might as well have slowly and meticulously carved my heart out with a cheap swiss army knife. It was a sickening feeling of hollow emptiness that forced me to uncomfortably retch. I would have likely started crying if not for the fact my ears began to ring with a dizzying whine. My face got so hot so fast it burned painfully, and I felt beads of sweat immediately begin to trail down my shuddering body. I leave my fetal position and instead switch to a crawling stance on all fours. If I was angry before this was true unbridled rage. A million ends played out to this night in my mind. Drown her in the fucking toilet one room over. Shut her head in the bedroom door until she stops twitching.
My hand wraps around your ankle and I yank you downward across the floor so you come to a stop directly underneath me. I pull my blood soaked green shirt off over my head in a move that first appears to just be one of comfort. However, it’s quickly obvious I do it to get better access to the same concealed handgun I have strapped to me from the first night I spent in your home. Pulling the short black pistol from the holster it reflects no light as I press the barrel so hard into your right cheekbone there is a tiny pop in your jaw as it momentarily leaves its socket. “Pathetic?” I spit the word down at your face leaning my weight atop the pistol. I mock you in a tone suggesting I did not hear you correctly, but before you can say anything else I use my free hand to rack the slide of the handgun still pressed to your face. The action of it sliding while being pressed into you tears two painful gashes in parallel lines out of your soft skin. “Do you know what this is you stupid bitch?” I grind the pistol hard into your face with each word.
"Wait wait wait please!" I shriek when you grab me by the ankle to drag me back underneath you, the smell of your sweat and the irony scent of blood making my stomach turn. At first when you rip your shirt off I think you must have decided to finish what you started but then I see it, the strap holding a gun to your chest.
An entirely different kind of fear spikes in my blood and I try to thrash underneath you even with my hands tied when I see you reach for the weapon. It's only when it's pressed to my cheekbone so hard that my jaw pops in an agonizing pain that I stop moving and lay there completely still underneath you, the only movement being my rapidly rising and falling chest. When you smack against the gun with it still pressed to my face I can feel the searing heat of the cuts it left behind and the trickle of blood as it makes my way down to my neck and then I to my hair.
"A gun" I rasp out softly as if speaking to loud would cause it to go off and leave my every thought splattered on the carpet and wall. "I-I'm sorry" I manage to say and my jaw clicks back into place in a pain that's also somehow relieving. I don't know how many times my false apologies will get me out of trouble but I keep trying, if only you could keep your stupid mouth shut.@bonghitsforfeds
It was obvious from the amount of white visible in your widened eyes that you immediately were aware of what was being pushed into your face. I still felt a tiny stir in my abdomen when I heard you whisper the answer. I knew something awful had happened to me tonight because now the panicked apologies hardly registered to my ears. The visceral scene of me turning your short life's memories into a spray of red skull chips plays out in my head once or twice. “I really wish you would stop repeating yourself, it’s rather annoying if I am being honest with you.” As I speak the pressure of the gun in your face subsides as I decide to return it to the holster. Having gotten such a strong fear response out of you seemed to slightly satiate the murderous feelings within me.
Spotting the shirt I had discarded just moments ago I pick it up and remember my original plan with the button up back at your old house. The embarrassment of you having escaped from my own foolish choice to pick up your phone bloomed in my internal furnace once more, amplified even more by the hatred of what you had just said to me. “No talking this time.” I bark the command down at you as I begin to wrap the blood soaked shirt around your head in a makeshift gag. Your hair pulls as it's trapped beneath the wet rag and your face. I tie it so tight behind your head that the cloth makes it impossible to close your mouth all the way. Not even your teeth can make proper contact. Once I am done securing the binding I lean back to get a good look at my work. Without warning to myself a monstrous question falls from my lips, “Are you on birth control?” It had not even occurred for me to ask until this point. My mouth filled with saliva at the thought of filling you with my cock, and I found myself slowly growing hard again.
"I-" I almost go to apologize again when you tell me that repeating myself is annoying you, as if I would genuinely be sorry for annoying the person who has beat me bloody and done who knows how much damage that I can't see yet. I let out a sigh of relief when I feel the pressure from the gun ease off of my face. It doesn't last long though when I see you grab the shirt again and at first I think you're going to use it to somehow bind my legs but of course it has to be worse than that.
"Wait please I'll be quiet!" I try to plead with you but it's pointless and before I know it the bloody tshirt is all I can taste against my tongue, the feeling of the cloth and the taste of the blood makes me gag repeatedly and all I can hear is my own muffled cries. That is until your question seems to break through time and space itself. 'Are you on birth control?' The question makes my head spin as I shake my head no. It's the honest truth, I had been on it for a long time but it started to make me sick every time I took it so I'd been relying solely on condoms ever since much to my own disappointment.
@bonghitsforfeds
If there was any doubt I would be able to get fully erect again your answer to my question alleviated it. Holy shit, that is really unfortunate. The idea of tying you to me with an unwanted pregnancy was a new tier to the power fantasy I had never even considered. Even if it was just chance, the simple fact it existed as a possible outcome was intoxicating. The hateful psychopath inside jumped with glee.
My hands go down to work the two buttons on my trousers while my lips go to your still very warm clitoris. I plant a kiss on it before slowly sliding my mouth and tongue up your body and belly, the entire time working to pull my pants down. I avoid your bruised and swollen breasts instead tracing a path up your left rib cage, taking a brief moment to nibble at the underside of your arm. Finally my mouth finds yours, and as I begin a selfishly one sided passionate kiss, my fingers work to open the lips of your post climax pussy. My sticky cock still slick with semen brushes against you momentarily. I hesitate a slight moment before burying my penis all the way into you. Our bodies collide in a moist smack, and I let out a guttural moan.
The weight lifted off my shoulders when you recognized me earlier was nothing compared to the feeling I got upon finally being inside of you. All the nights peering through windows at your naked body. All the hateful thoughts that had been churning within me from watching those other men touch you are finally given a moment of vengeful pleasure when you cry out. A sick smile grows over my face as I realize the amount of stamina I will have from being on my second round of sex so soon, and I began to laugh through the teeth of the perverted grin. It was a nervous sound. Not the sound of a man, but the sound of a broken hateful creature.
It take everything I have inside me not to buck up against you when your tongue slides against my wet slit, the idea of maybe making you bite your tongue clean off gives me some satisfaction but the idea of what you would do in return keeps me still and compliant underneath you as your tongue and lips make their way up my body. The way you kiss me even with the gag in the way makes me wonder just how lost in this delusion you are to think that there would be any possible way for me to kiss you back.
I cry out so loud even with it being muffled by the makeshift gag when you push your cock all the way inside of me with one swift motion, giving me no time at all to adjust to the size of the intrusion and it burns so bad it makes even more tears run down my face, I didn't even think I had any left.
When I watch the smile twist your face into something so evil it makes me wish I could get away, that I could land one lucky blow like that last time and run away screaming. Although with how broken and battered my body feels right now I'm not even sure I would be able to stand without collapsing. The feeling of your cock buried inside of me and the excitement I saw in your eyes when I said I wasn't on the pill has my eyes squeezing shut, willing this to all be a dream and when you start to move I can't help but beg and plead with you to stop but its so muffled I doubt you can even make out what I'm saying, probably twisting it into something sick to match whatever delusional fantasy you're living in.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your puffy lips wrapped around the spit soaked shirt are still too much to ignore. I once again begin to desperately suck at them, frustrated my tongue cannot get past the binding I placed between them. The buzzing of your lips in mine as you attempt to scream out muffled cries is satisfying both in a sickening and tactile way. “Open your eyes and look at me!” I scream into your face not even an inch away. Slowly my hips begin pumping our wet sexes together. The thrusting rises steadily in rate until I am fucking you as hard and fast as I dare go without hurting myself. Eventually I give up on sucking on your face to instead rise up into an almost missionary position. With one hand next to your torso and one hand returning to grip your ruined hair, I continue to savagely have my way with you on the bedroom floor.
Each time my pelvis smashes into yours I grunt in pleasure. Once in full swing my cock throbs inside of you to the point it hurts even me. The grunts rising from my throat take on a painful moaning pitch as I keep the pace of the ravage fucking steady. I find myself breathing too fast again, and the room starts to feel very tiny and much too hot. Nothing short of being executed from behind would make me stop at this point. Who cares why I am doing it when finally something feels this good. Who cares if I don’t know why the fact you're bruised and bleeding makes this better. I could die right after we are done and I would no longer consider my life a waste of time.
I force my eyes open when you scream at me, so close to my face that I can feel the hot air of your breath fan across my face. The pace at which to start to fuck into me hurts so bad and I swear if I'm not bleeding down there I'm at least going to be extremely bruised simply from the repeated impact. Every meeting of your hips against mine causes me to let out a pathetic muffled noise as the air is forced out of my lungs and I wish more than anything that I could cut your cock right off and feed it to the sharks.
Your hand in my hair again doesn't hurt nearly as much as before and I wonder if somehow my entire head has gone numb from the repeated abuse. The sound of your breathing picking up has my pulse racing with the fear of you getting closer and the idea of you cumming inside of me has me squirming underneath you in an effort to get away. My eyes go wide and muffled pleases keep coming out around the spit soaked gag as I plead with you not to do this, as if you haven't already done more than enough.
@bonghitsforfeds
After your witty comment from my premature ejaculation no part of this encounter had felt like your pleasure was remotely taken into consideration. The pace and force behind the whole event was animalistic now. I wanted to bury my cock into you and fill you with my seed. I wanted it to happen twenty seconds ago, but it seemed like no matter how hard I tried to force myself to finish it just would not happen. It’s when I turn my attention fully back to you that I feel the pressure begin to build behind my torso. Your squirming battered body, your matted blood filled hair, and the angry furrowed brows your eyes stared up at me from underneath finally getting me to where I need to be.
My eyes began to glaze over and I was suddenly aware that it was finally about to happen. No smug fucking lawyer could steal this from me now. No good samaritan would report your screams to the police tonight. “Thank fuuuck!” I scream loudly into your face as my cum explodes into you. What feels like pump after endless pump of it flows from my cock in an emptying of my balls so powerful it makes my stomach ache. I collapse onto you when I am finally done spilling into your ravaged cunt, a trail of semen leaking from you as I finally slide from within. I almost fell unconscious, and had to repeat the familiar drunk’s mantra over and over to myself to not lose myself. Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out. Exaggerated breaths rack my lungs, and a serene peace fills me that I have never felt. Like a hug from your mother but at an otherworldly level. I felt completed on a metaphysical level. As if I had awoken from an infinite nightmare and suddenly the world had a bit of color.
My eyes go wide when I can tell it's about to happen, when I can feel your muscles getting tighter and your pace getting just a little more sloppy. I can feel the warmth of you exploding inside of me and it makes me wretch around the gag that's making it impossible to speak or even cry the way I want to.
It feels like I've been completely broken from the inside out when I feel you slip out of my bruised and battered pussy, cum following and dripping down my thighs to the crease of my ass. All I can do is lay there and cry as you try to catch your breath like this is the best thing that you've ever experience and that somehow only serves to confuse me. How can something so good for you feel so horrible for me? It's not fair. It's not fair. That's what I latch onto and keep screaming through the gag as tears keep spilling over. It's not fair that I just happened to bump into you at the coffee shop, it could have been anyone in the world but it was me and now here I am bleeding and broken on the floor of my own house with no idea what comes next.
@bonghitsforfeds
Now that this hellish destiny had been fulfilled I could finally think clearly for the first time for what felt like my entire life. I had almost caught my breath when you began to chant a muffled noise from beneath the gag. Listening to you try and cry under the cloth made me acutely aware of the mountain of shit I now found myself in. The fact this beautiful and innocent girl sat forever ruined by my night of pleasure was not lost on me. I tried to push my sore cock back into my pants, but now that I was clear of mind I was disgusted by my own trousers. I slip them off using one of the legs to wipe myself partially down. *Guess I will be cleaning this mess up in my underwear. *
Before I move to help you it occurs to me I don't even know where to start. You had lost a concerning amount of blood from your head, and your bruised face was swelling from the likely broken nose. Zip ties still lay strewn about this area of the room, and your hands were near blue from the one I had wrapped around your wrists. Now I found the coppery scent of blood disturbing because it was leaking out of the only woman I ever felt anything for while she likely internally wished curses upon my bloodline. Twice I reach out to help you, but both times my shaky hands find themselves back at my sides. “Oh my good God Camilla. What have I done?” The words leave my mouth and sound genuinely empathetic.
20:13
I stand up and leave the room, almost sprinting to the bathroom. Flinging the cabinets open underneath the double sink I rifle around for a wash cloth before I remember the closet in the hallway. Quickly exiting the bathroom I pillaged said closet for a handful of towels.* Of course they are all white, these will be ruined.* Back in the bathroom now I start a warm bath in the fancy bowl shaped tub. I soak one of the full size towels full of hot water from the faucet before finally returning to the bedroom.
I drop the pile of towels except the wet one on a pile on the floor near your feet before sitting down beside you. “This is going to hurt.” With the gag still in your mouth I start to clean the blood from around your mouth and nose. I stop occasionally when you jerk painfully away, but always return the towel to keep cleaning the purple bruised flesh of your face. At any moment I fully expected you to become violent again, and I honestly was unsure of how I would handle it.
I can only half watch as you clean yourself up, wishing that I could do the same, although at this point I don't think they make water hot enough to rid me of the dirty feeling that has sunk in far deeper than just the skin. I don't really fully understand what you're doing when you keep reaching for me just to pull your hands away again.
I pinch my eyes shut, the amount of crying I've been, and still am doing, leaving them red rimmed and puffy. When you practically sprint away I think that maybe this is it, you'll leave and I'll move again, maybe with some roommates or into a complex this time. I let my mind wander to the different scenarios, daydreaming about my future life to try and distract me from the searing pain all over my body my mostly centralized to my head and pussy. Nobody had ever been that rough with me before and I could barely close my legs without it hurting like hell.
You pull me back into reality when you come back with a handful of towels and when you warn me that it's going to hurt I try to scoot away, at first thinking you were actually going to somehow hurt me more with them. It was the last thing I expected when you started to wipe my face clean of the dried blood and snot that had solidified on my bruised face. The cuts from the gun slipping across my cheek hurt the most when you clean them and I can't help but shake my head back and forth to try and get away from the sensation, it honestly feels like they need stitches or at least butterfly bandages but I guess I'll take what I can get. "Please please take it out" I try to push on the gag with my tongue, my jaw absolutely burning with how long it's been stuck like this. "PLEASE!" I plead with my eyes trying my best to convey that I just want to be able to breathe and that I won't scream.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your begging is misinterpreted by me at first as more curses. I had accepted that you hate me now. I just felt like I at the very least owed you to clean you up and provide basic first aid. I wonder if I will even be able to get you stable before the sun comes up. Although I had made some progress wiping your face down, it was dawning on me that this was going to be a sort of process. When tears still continue to stream out of your eyes and your whimpering cries continue at the same pace, it dawns on me finally to remove the rag. “Cami,” I say in as reassuring a tone as one who has never tried to be truly calming could, “Don’t scream. Okay?”
I slide around on the carpet behind you before pulling you into a reverse hug. I try to move you as painlessly as possible, but it's obvious the more I shift you that no pain is not a realistic hope. I cup your head gently for the first time all night undoing the knot on the gag that has pieces of your hair wrapped into it. With a creaking pop in both of your stiff shoulders I place the hands that have been stuck above your head into your lap. It's shocking how cold they are from lack of blood flow. The body's ability to survive surprised me. Finally after unweaving the shirt I pull it slowly out from your mouth. “My dentist showed me this, watch.” I work the first two fingers of each hand into the tendons running along the side of your face, and although the massaging motion I make is incredibly painful, it does help somewhat to alleviate the lockjaw. I plant a tiny kiss on the back of your head, not caring its right into your blood soaked hair. The bruising on your neck catches me off guard. It looks like I tried to pull her head off.
I nod sucking in desperate breaths, I didn't even think it was possible for me to panic any more than I already had but it was getting harder and harder to breathe the longer the gag was in my mouth. I wouldn't scream. I don't think I could if I tried.
However when you pull me up before you remove it that proves to be a lie, the pain that shoots through my entire body when you move me makes me scream around the gag, my body trembling with how badly it hurts. My heads the worst and now that I'm upright it throbs in pain again. My torso is the second worst, the several blows I took there feel like they're badly bruised and I'd be surprised if nothing was broken.
When you finally remove the gag I suck in desperate breaths, crying in agony as I try to close my mouth like normal again, it isn't until you rub the aching tendons there that they finally loosen and even though it hurts like hell I'm thankful for the relief. Finally. I think to myself. My hands start to tingle so badly that it's painful and I can't help but panic even more when I see how discolored and swollen they are. I wonder if they'll just fall right off. "I feel like I died" I whisper to nobody in particular as I stay there going completely limp in your arms, my body being so exhausted and battered that even keeping myself say up is too much work. "Shower...please can I shower?"
@bonghitsforfeds
When you make the first comment I stop massaging your jaw and instead move my hands up to your head. You almost did die. While you talk and cry I slowly gather your hair over to one side, trying to get a better look at your neck and head. How did I split her scalp on the carpet? The savagery of my own attack seemed to be lost to me. I feel like I should answer what you say first, but there are no words I can find that are worthy of saying.
When you ask me to shower there is a small pang of selfish sadness within me. “I guess it makes sense you don’t want me to bathe you.” I speak as quietly as possible, worried if I raise my voice too much you will crumble away. My mind goes to the still filling tub in the bathroom, and I suppose some part of me thought I was going to clean you like an injured puppy. I wondered if you even had the strength to stand and shower yourself at this point. Without offering you an explanation as to what I am doing I grab your arms, careful to not touch your hands, and hook the zip tie on a sharp piece of the metal bed frame only a foot away from where the entire grisly scene took place. It takes several attempts, but finally the plastic snaps off, flinging a piece of itself across the room. It clatters loudly off the wall somewhere in the darkness. Immediately a bit of color begins to rush back into your swollen hands.
I felt complete with you collapsed there in my arms. I knew that you only accepted my help because there was no one else around to save you right now, but it grounded me to know you needed me in any capacity. “Just tell me how I can help you, please.” The violent man from before seemed sedated for now. A hollowness rang from where the fury had piled up for so long, and I found it hard to speak above a whisper. The sound of my own voice was harsh to my own ears.
"Ah-ahh" I suck in a sharp breath when you move my hair and judging by how much heavier it feels when you move it I know my head must have been bleeding from somewhere other than my nose and cheek, there's too much blood for just that and I wonder just how bad it really is. "Please just- help me" I choke on the sobs that come when you free my hands, still too numb and tingly to use but at least I don't think they're going to fall off anymore.
"I just wanna be clean" it sounds so pathetic and broken when it comes out and I'm so desperate for it that I try to pull away from you in an attempt to drag myself to the bathroom, quickly realizing just how badly I really am injured when I can barely pull myself half a foot before collapsing completely, curling slightly inwards on myself as my body shakes. "Please help me please I-I won't run I can't just please"
@bonghitsforfeds
Anger almost manages to spark inside when you crawl from my arms, but the way you sort of flop over into a pile reminds me of the severity of what I did to you. Sliding over to the spot you just collapsed at, I scoop you into a cradle and pick you up off the floor. I stand still for a moment after raising you, waiting for your cries to calm back into whimpers. Every time any part of you is moved you cry out. Tears well in my eyes from the hell I have made out of your life. A few fall down my face and onto you, adding to the many liquids covering your trembling form.
I walk you to the bathroom, using my foot to push the doors open being sure to turn sideways to not let any part of you catch a door frame. The tub was almost full at this point, and the water had already begun to trickle down the emergency drain at the top of the far end. I sit on the edge of the fancy tub and then let myself fall into it with you still in my lap. The hot water is scalding, but I tried to match the same temperature I witnessed you using over a month ago. Water loudly splashes out in large waves onto the bathroom floor, the tub now having been overfilled with the water displaced by the both of us.
I actually have to grit my teeth to not yelp from the hot bath water still yet to settle in the sloshing pool. Realizing now I probably should have gotten more supplies before getting in here, I make use of what is available. Holding the blue bath scrunchie that had been hanging from the faucet I pour a healthy sized blob of body wash into it from the nearby container. It was a familiar peachy scent, and I resist the urge to ball at how well I recognise the scent. You are demented. We have only been in the tub for seconds, and before I had begun to scrub you the clear water had already turned a bright pink from the now rehydrated dried blood caked to our bodies.
"It hurts so bad" I cry out when you scoop me up off of the floor, the way it makes me curl in on myself even more making every blow you made to my torso known. Every small move makes me cry out again and it confuses me so much when I see tears running down your face and landing on mine. Why are you crying you're the one that did this..
When I realize you already started filling the tub my confusion only grows even more but I just assume it's so you can wash away the evidence of you being here. Sinking into the water makes me cry out in pain, it's the temperature I normally enjoy but my body is in such agony that it only seems to amplify it, every cut and bruise screaming so loud that I can't even be angry about the floor being ruined with the loud splash of water.
"My head- my head hurts so bad" I barely manage to get out, the split down the back of my scalp growing more and more apparent to me now that the adrenaline is starting to leave my body. Even in the scalding water my body trembles in your hold and I wonder if this is what shock feels like. Maybe that's what will kill me. I think briefly as I notice the water changing colors, only this time not from a bath bomb but from my own blood that's caked everywhere. This is sick. I wish we were in the shower. And then a smaller voice that I'd much rather ignore tells me I should be grateful for even being in the tub.
@bonghitsforfeds
Most of the wounds on your body had managed to attempt and seal themselves closed with clotted blood. The large straight gash on the back of your head was not near as cooperative. Soon after water began to soak into your hair the wound began to bleed once more. Shit. Right after this increased flow of crimson you began to complain about the pain in your head. I worm my way out from underneath you. Climbing out of the tub I spill more of the steaming red water onto the floor, and I realize with the epic mess that if police investigate this I am fucked. There was an elation I felt at my father having to see the crime scene photos in the courtroom. Eat your heart out dickhead. My mind is pulled from the day dream by your sudden cry of pain.
Now beside the tub I position your body in a way that you hopefully will not fall under the water before planting another kiss on your forehead. “I am going to go get stuff to help your head.” I wanted to add for you not to go anywhere, but I doubted you could make it that far anyway. I left a trail of water on the carpet as I left the room and made my way back downstairs. Pilfering the cabinets from the spotless kitchen I locate some plastic bags. Filling these with ice from the bucket in the freezer I construct a few makeshift ice packs. Before I head back up-stairs I notice my own bloody footprints now tracked throughout the lower floor. How does one small girl have so much blood? I find myself pulling closed curtains that are open in this part of the house. I don’t need a neighbor spotting anything from the road. I knew I needed something to actually stop the wound from opening, but at this point I was mildly panicking and more focussed on trying to alleviate the pain. I fill a glass with water from the fridge dispenser before finally making my way back to the bathroom.
I thought you were dead when I walked back in the room. Your eyes were only part way open, and your cries had become very quiet. It was not until I took
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a few slow steps closer I could hear them still trying to escape your lips. I fall to my knees onto the soaked floor beside you. I cup your head in one hand and pull it forward so I can press the ice pack to the back of your temple properly. Your winces as I begin to apply pressure with the ice only makes my guilt multiply. I wanted to say sorry, but honestly how could I? The water was a deeper shade of red now, and the tub was only half full of water from how much of it had been sloshed about. I pull you into a hug while holding the bag behind your swollen head. Your sniffles against my bare chest remind me it's all still real. “I- I brought you water if you want it.”
I almost ask you not to leave me when you tell me that you're going to get stuff for my head that I can tell is bleeding again, I can feel the warmth as it soaks my hair even more than before. The only thing that scares me more than dying is dying alone and that's what it feels like is going to happen, I'm gonna die right in my new tub. I watch with disdain as the red water splashes out over the rim of the tub surely to stain the floor and it seems like such a silly thing to be worried about, stained tiles, ruined carpets, when there's a chasm on the back of my head slowly leaking out my very existence.
I can barely make out the sound of you making a disaster out of the kitchen, the kitchen that I put so much work in to. It's like you came into my house like some sort of violent force of nature set to destroy everything that came across your path, including me. I find the sounds muffling and turning fuzzy right along with my vision as I sink just a little further into the tub, I don't even know if my cries are audible anymore all I can feel is the weak tears still running down my face to fall into the tub along with everything else.
I barely even register you pulling me into what resembles a hug until the hard cold ice hits the split in my head and shocks me back to life with a sharp cry. "I'm gonna die here aren't I?" I rasp out after a few long moments of you holding me like this, completely ignoring the fact that you brought me water because I think if I tried to drink anything right now it would come right back up. Clean water. If I'm going to die I don't want to be in a tub of my own blood. I muster absolutely all of my strength to kick the little knob that releases the drain to let the deep red water rush down the drain. "Can't get clean like this" Is all I manage to say, I should be reaching for something, anything to smash against your head and escape but I don't think I can at this point.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your breathing had become so shallow that when you did not answer the question I thought you were fading away in the hug. When you finally spoke it made me jump, sending ripples over the dark bathwater. Staring past your naked body at the small waves I thought of answering you honestly. I was unsure if you were going to live. I had no idea how to perform any sort of trauma care beyond basic first aid, and it was becoming apparent to me how beyond my capacity this situation had evolved. Keeping the ice pack pressed to your head while you kick the plug out from the drain, I hold you to me until most of the water is gone. All four walls of the tub had long streaks of red running down them, and there were chunks of hair and plastic stuck to the bottom.
It looked like I had done nothing but thrown pink paint all over you and the once clean bathroom. I catch sight of the message I had left you in the mirror in my peripheral vision. She would not miss you if you died right now. Looking down at the top of your head I kiss a tiny bald spot near the crest, “You are right, I- I don’t know what I was thinking.” Goosebumps covered my arms and upper chest now that the water was gone and I had been outside the tub. I wanted to turn the bathroom light off. I wanted to hide the scene from my own eyes.
Pulling myself together I scoop you up again, trying and failing to keep it from causing you to groan in pain. I carry you over to the all glass shower, immediately ruining its shiny surface with the bloody print of my hand on the lip of the hanging door. Stepping inside onto the smooth stone floor I turn the water to hot and immediately we are blasted with the cold water from the pipes. Even after our time in the tub the water running down the drain is still pinkish red. “Do you want me to set you down?” I was not sure what to do, and it felt wrong to lay you on the ground, ironic considering I had just forced you into non consensual sex only one room over. The water feels nice
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on the gouge in my cheek, but it does not feel fair considering the two that were in yours. I realize now holding you like this has your body pressed against the very weapon that was used to make those wounds.
When the cold water from the shower pipes sprays down at us all I can manage to make my exhausted body do is flinch until it starts to run warmer and it finally feels like some of the crusted blood and tears and who knows what else are being washed away. The worst of it is in my hair though and I can barely even pick up my own head. 'Do you want me to set you down?' It's such a simple question and it should have a simple answer but the idea of being on the hard tile floor by myself somehow feels worse than being cradled like this, even if it is by a monster.
I don't answer instead I just make no efforts to try to move away from you, there was time for that later when I had my strength back.. if I ever got it back. I can feel just how concussed I really am because I can barely think straight and I regularly have to force my eyes to open and refocus. "My.. my hair.. need to wash my hair and I think.. I think I need stitches.." I know that it isn't logical for me to ask for stitches, that would mean going to the hospital and that would mean I could tell someone what happened. "Superglue.. I have superglue you're gonna have to glue it shut."
It wasn't the best solution and it was going to hurt like hell but I'd watched my father do it when I was younger and it would make due at least for a little while.. it would keep me from losing any more blood, at least from that gash. I still can't tell if I have internal damage from the blows to my torso or if the gashes I can feel on my cheek are just as deep. I don't ever want to look at myself again. I know I have multiple bite marks and bruises and cuts and that they're probably going to get infected if they don't get disinfected and bandaged properly.
"Please.. please help me"
@bonghitsforfeds
Your pupils are different sizes. The words almost fell from my face, but I managed to bite my tongue hard enough I tasted copper instead. I almost retched at the thought I was unsure if the blood in my mouth was my own. For a moment I almost spat it onto the floor, but I forced myself to swallow it out of some weird respect for your condition. When you request your hair to be cleaned I start to move for the shampoo, but the comments about superglue seem much more important after hearing them. Too much of this blood is fresh, she's right.
When setting off to look for the glue I almost placed you in a pile on the ground, however when I went to set you down you just would not let go. ‘... please help me.” Again the burning sensation of tears in my eyes and I swallow hard to avoid crying again. Deciding to take you with me I step out of the shower with water still splashing loudly to the floor from our undried bodies. I take two confident steps out to the hallway before I realize I have no idea where the superglue is. Shuffling you in my arms to get the brunt of your weight off of my same shoulder I give you the slightest of shakes. “Hey, hey!” I have to raise my voice slightly to rouse you from the concussed state and when I finally get your focus I lower my voice again. “Shh, it's okay I am not mad. Where is the super glue babe?” The pet name comes out as if I have known you our entire lives. I feel the crunch of dried carpet from my previous trip out here. The sensations are all too much. My head begins to swim with panic.
Damnit. So close. You almost washed my hair and I know it would have been such a relief to have the extra weight of all of the dried blood off of my head but I know that it probably would be a better idea to get the gash closed before doing anything else.
When you pick me up out of the shower with you I want to cry harder than I'm physically capable of, the only thing that had comforted me at all for what seems like years even though it's only been hours had been the warmth of the shower beating against me in a rhythm I could focus on instead of the pain I'm feeling now. My poor carpets. I think somewhere in the back of my head when I see how messed up they are, I'm definitely going to have to replace them at this rate.
I don't even realize that you're speaking to me until you raise your voice in a way that would have made me jump if I were capable of it. I think I'm worse off than I thought. The more the adrenaline wears off the worse I start to feel, the pain really settling in and making a home in my body. "First aid kit...under the sink.." I would have told you that before we left the bathroom but for some reason my brain couldn't make the words come out.
When you make your way back into the bathroom with me still in your arms and grab the kit to open it I brace myself for the incoming pain. The feeling of the chemicals in the glue burning against my scalp have me letting out the most pathetic weak screaming cry that I think I've ever let out in my life, the pains so bad I feel myself wretch and lean over just in case I actually get sick but nothing ends up coming up. "Does my face.. does my face need it too?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Aren’t you supposed to clean wounds first, idiot? My conscience had regained its cruel tone, but I ignored the back and forth advice in my head in order to just start making progress on your care. Jumping at the sound of your strained wailing I grit my back teeth so hard I can feel a tiny piece chip off with a crushing crack. It took a couple tries to get the seal to stay properly in the revolting mess of hair. Every time I moved the flesh of your scalp to keep it pressed while drying you would cry out again. After torturing you with the glue on the head wound you remind me of your face.
I had not properly looked at your face in the bathroom light since the previous incidents. Your nose was obviously crooked and swollen. The tenderness of the purple flesh was hard to look at, and I kept finding my eyes forcing themselves to avert. The two long gashes in your left cheek definitely needed attention. The wound hung open in a concerning way, and I forced myself to unset my jaw in order to respond. “Yes,” I manage flatly.
The question seemed permission enough and so I sat on the floor for better stability and sealed the wounds on your face while you laid in my lap. The way your limbs hung limply without support did not have me convinced you were going to make it, and I used that thought to distract myself from the pained screams as I glue your face shut. I resist the urge to kiss you once the screams lull again into whimpering. Instead I give you another slight shake, “Stay awake Cami, please?” The words land with a pleading tone as opposed to the reassuring one I was looking for.
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Now that you were not on the verge of bleeding out I returned my attention to the shower which still loudly sprayed water nearby. Hoisting you up in a movement becoming familiar to me at this point you soon find the sensation of warm water working its way into your hair. I am careful to not scrub or disturb the area near the shoddy glue job on your scalp and instead try my hardest to lather shampoo into the rest of the mat. Long having since given up on it being painless for you at this point, I work as quickly as I can to clean your head. Eventually I end up pulling the shower wand from its spot at the top of the shower and plop into a seated position so I can use both hands.
Mercy kill her. “What the fuck?” The response to my own psychotic thought rolls from my lips in a startling change of tone. Your battered form was beautiful in a way that pleased the evil inside, but I managed to stand atop the monster and wrestle it back down. Why did I even think that? ‘Why?’ Somewhere in my memories your questioning cry replays a hundred times in a second. I shake my head to remember I was supposed to be helping you and find it had been several moments since I had done anything while lost in thought.
I manage a weak nod of my head before you start the work on gluing my mangled face back together, it doesn't hurt as bad as it did when you struggled to get my head together but it still hurts enough to make me cry out in pain. It takes awhile for the cries to melt back into whimpers and when they finally do I'm so exhausted that I can feel myself slipping, what I can't tell is if it's into sleep or something much more permanent of a rest.
My eyebrows lift a little when you tell me to stay awake and I manage to force my eyes to focus on your face. Funny, if he didn't do this I would have thought he was handsome. The thought drifts through my delirious brain and makes me laugh softly. That quickly ends when you hoist me up again to bring me back to the shower.
It feels so nice when you start to wash my hair, it hurts at the same time every time it tugs on my wound but it makes me feel at least a little more human that before. I let my eyes fall closed during the second work through of shampoo and it isn't until I hear the 'What the fuck' fall from your lips that I jerk awake again assuming that I'd done something wrong I try to pull away from you only for you to keep me held close.
"M'sorry I- s-sorry" I mumble even though I have no idea what I could have done to upset you, maybe its the fact that the body you were so desperate to have is now a mangled mess but then again, that isn't my fault. I reach up to grab the conditioner myself, my shoulder making a god awful pop when I raise it above my head again and my fingers barely feel strong enough to grip the bottle when I bring it back down. "Tangles.. this'll help with the tangles." I don't need to feel my hair to know that it's full of knots from the way you were using it to control me and keep me still. That combined with the blood it would be impossible to get the knots out without ripping the glue apart without conditioner.
@bonghitsforfeds
Murmuring your apologies causes a lump of sadness to form in my throat so thick I cough. The fact you occasionally laugh or say something that seems to make little sense makes me sickeningly aware I may have scrambled your brains. The water at least made it easy to hide the tears running from my eyes. I pull you a little closer and pluck a strand of clumped hair from out of your mouth, “It’s not you, trust me.” Having failed to explain myself I am thankful when you move to grab something as it seems to progress the awkward moment.
I help you bring the bottle down by supporting your lower arm, worried that if I don’t you'll split an elbow letting it drop. Any other day it probably would have made me laugh to think about how only now am I worried about something splitting your skin, but I still felt an emptiness inside that seemed to dull all other emotions. While trying to unstick the conditioner bottle from your hand I respond simply with, “Good idea love.” It takes several treatments of both substances to make any progress. At first the hair product would not even soak in properly and would just sort of add to the mass of tangles. Soon it progressed to a state of thick ooze that seemed to always turn the color red. Finally the nastiness soaked into your hair began to come out in a liquid form, running down my legs which you laid atop and into the shower drain. It was a laborious process, and there were spots on your head that showed through bare from having the hair ripped out. The drain made a sucking sound as gravity worked to pull water through the strands damming it up. At least I could mostly pull my fingers through your hair without ripping into a tangle.
Hanging from the shower handle is a clear wide bristled wet hair comb. Scooting back and letting your head come to rest in my naked lap I begin to comb out the long mane. I have to pull it up onto my chest in order to lay it all the way out, and my heart did warm backflips at being able to care for you t
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his way. Working like this I locate the remaining tangles and debris. The entire hair cleaning process took some time, and already my fingers were pruned. The water was not so steamy anymore from having been on so long, and I felt my eyes grow just a tad heavier. I wished I could stay here in this spot forever with you. “Are you waiting for a chance to kill me?” I cannot help but ruin the solitude with another direct question. I stare at the strands of hair wrapped around my hands that should still be attached to your head while awaiting a response.
I find that I don't really have much of a choice but to lay there in your lap and let you work the product through my hair over and over again in an effort to reverse at least some of the damage you selfishly caused. It only half occurs to me just how close I am to the very thing that bruised my insides but I'm so dazed that I can't bring myself to react to it at all in the moment.
I don't really have any way of telling just how much time passed as you were working through my hair but I can tell the water is starting to slowly cool, even the new water heater incapable of keeping up with running forever, and it saddens me. I don't ever want to get out because getting out means facing whatever comes next. When you run the comb through my hair I can see just how much of it you really pulled out and now it makes sense to me why it hurt so badly when it was happening. I guess I didn't really realize just how savagely you were treating me in the effort to fight back against you. "My hair" I whimper as my lip quivers and fresh tears run down my wet cheeks. I find that I'm embarrassed by my own weakened emotional state, there was no way this was the same girl who not long ago was fighting for her life. But I am. And I hate it.
I lay there crying as you work to detangle the rest of my hair, watching more and more of it slide along the tile to the drain. I know that it's stupid, that I have thick wavy hair that can easily cover up the damage until it grows back but it just makes me feel weak and ugly knowing that you did this to me. And I know the worst is yet to come, I haven't even seen the rest of myself.
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I hadn't even realized just how lost in thought I was again until I heard your question and I really don't know how to answer you because if I'm honest I don't doubt that roud take advantage of my injured state and just kill me now so I decide on a half truth. Not a lie, not the truth, a little bit of both to maybe preserve my life a little longer. "I don't know" I say soft and raspy before I turn to look at you "I need you to reset my nose."
I knew of course that this was a deviation from the question I was being asked but I also knew that I wouldn't be able to do it myself in this state and waiting too long would mean having to rebreak it. "...please?" I almost add that I just want to still be pretty but I doubt that's something you'd understand nor care about, you'd already gotten what you wanted from me after all.
I take a deep breath when you dodge my question in an attempt to prepare myself for rage, but I was surprised to find no anger broiled up. I felt so little of anything in fact that I thought the running water would melt me away down the drain. I probably deserve to pass through the mat of nasty hair into the pipes. Part of me wished I could just so the sewer could move me miles away from the mess I had made. Your pitiful ‘please’ made my cheeks burn. *She’s already wrapping you around her finger. *
I expected a perverse response from myself when you asked me to set your nose, but again the emotion I expected did not coalesce. It felt like I did not even know who I was anymore. I slowly rub my fingers into your now clean hair in order to find grip. I needed to hold your head still to make torque. I scoot slightly to make sure your face will not go into the stream of lukewarm water when I cup my hand over your face. Grabbing the swollen skin of your nose with three fingers I softly say, “On three Cami okay? No bullshit. One. Two Three.” I wait to grip hard until three just as promised and while steadying your skull firmly I wrench your nose back into place with a guttural crunch.
Your scream actually made my ears hurt. I had to clench my eyes shut, and again I found my back teeth grinding together. Fresh blood ran from both nostrils and I panicked to clean that while also trying to wipe your eyes of tears. For a moment I considered getting the ice packs for you, but then I remembered they were likely melted by now. Feeling my handle on the situation capitulating once more I just pull you into an awkward reverse hug. “Shh, honey.” It was not the threat of a neighbor hearing you that even worried me. My insides instead are churning over how this is all my fault. "Ill always be here for you. Always." I realize after saying it that you likely have no interest in hearing that, but I knew it in myself to be true.
I'm surprised when you actually move to help me set the broken bone and maybe even a little grateful for the fact that I won't have to experience even more agony having it done later, or worse live with a severely crooked nose. When you let me know you're going to do it on three I manage a barely there nod, your fingers threaded into my hair once again making my heart race as if my body is preparing for you to wrench my back by the head and rip open the freshly glued wound.
When I find that your touch is actually gentle it does little to actually settle me but at least I can stop visualizing it in my head. 'One. Two. Three.' I want ready for the pain that followed those three simple numbers, letting out a scream that I thought would ruin my vocal chords forever. I feel the warmth of fresh blood running down over my lips and into my mouth and that makes me sputter and choke on the taste already having had enough for a lifetime.
I feel myself start to shake violently again at the sudden rush of extra adrenaline and I know you can feel it too. I definitely need to get out of the water and into warm clothes but somehow leaving the shower will make this too real. The idea of you always being here for me makes my stomach turn and I can't help but wonder if you're taking my weakened state for acceptance or even wanting when the reality is that if I could I would rip your head off like a mantis and put it on a post in my yard for show. "Who.. who are you?" I ask wanting to at least be able to refer to you by name, especially when I get my revenge.
@bonghitsforfeds
At first I open my mouth to answer you with a lie, but quickly snap it shut when I second guess the idea. What if she gets away again? I suppose it would not matter at this point. Disappointed the thought and hesitation has made it to where I can no longer get away with fibbing I let out a shuddering sigh. “Ivon. My name is Ivon. My family is from Germany, but I was born in Washington.” The psychopath inside beats his fists against the walls of my skull for spilling more information than required. I guess at this point she may at least be worried I will kill her for what she knows. *
Feeling vulnerable to you without it being a planned move makes my nostrils flare a teeny bit, but that is all the hate engine manages for now. A part of me laments over still getting angry over things like that. For some reason I expected my crime to cure me of all nasty qualities. I wanted to pull the part of my head out that let me process internal thought. *I hate myself.
Without saying where we are headed I scoop you up and turn the shower off in a quick pairing of movements. After hours in the glass room your almost clean pale skin made a perfect backdrop to the many bites and bruises covering it. The one above your hip had a gross ring of yellow around it that suggested there was a little more than basic bruising at play. My arms burned from carrying you around so much, but it was my favorite part because it forced your body close to me. It made me dizzy to feel your heartbeat thud against my bare body no matter the reason for it. Walking to the still open hallway closet I scratch my hand around in it for a remaining towel. Sliding my back down the wall to sit on the carpeted floor I then set you down and begin to dry you off.
"Ivon.. mm'camila but you already knew that." I wonder why you offered up more information than just your name but for some reason it makes you feel a little less like a monster with no identity and instead a slightly less terrifying monster with a name.
For a moment when you shut off the shower and scoop me up again with a choked whine of pain I wonder if maybe I asked too much, or maybe you said too much and now you've realized you have to shut me up forever so I can never turn you in. I almost start begging and pleading for my life but I'm still so exhausted that I find it's too much effort to make the words come out. Coward. You're just gonna let him kill you? The little voice inside my head nags at me insisting that I could still fight, that somehow I could live past the night.
Before I know it though we're sunk down against the wall near the linen closet and you're working to dry me off. Why are you being so nice to me? That's what I want to ask, what I need to ask but I can't make myself do it. If I ask there's a chance you'll realize that's what you're doing and that could actually be deadly for me. I wince every time the towel runs over a bruise which I find is more often than I had even realized, the one above my hip looking particularly bad when I glance down and see it. Will I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again? "I.. I should put some polysporin on the... the bites" I have to choke out the last word because I never would have imagined that I would have human bite marks so deep in my flesh that they would be bruised and bloody.
@bonghitsforfeds
Working to dry you off made the soreness in my arms grow tighter. I wonder what time it is? I am thankful that finally something I am using to clean you off with is not coming away soaked in blood. The moment almost begins to feel peaceful for me when your question pulls me from the selfish lull. “Poly-?” I stop speaking in frustration before continuing, “You are kind of a bossy little thing you know that?” I let the words take a playful tone to not come off like a complete ass. The humor was dark, but it’s not like I was going to hide who I am from you anymore.
I think about carrying you back into the bathroom with me, but am worried about dropping you from my tired torso. Instead I lay you out flat on the carpet being mindful to place both your hands on your stomach so they don’t get stepped on when I stand. This time I just brought the whole first aid kit out and dumped it on the floor. “I would put you back in my lap because it makes my stomach flutter, but I am feeling nice right now so I won’t force you to touch me.” Telling you what is going to happen gives me a slight semblance of control again and this helps to comfort me somewhat. Kneeling, I rifle in the pile of medical supplies and pull out the tube of polysporin and a grip of large band aids. I thought about teasing you over the fact this first aid kit looks like you were preparing for a home invasion, but decide against it. There is even a basic suturing packet with a fold out instructional card. *Well, good thing I already glued her shut because I have no idea what to do with that shit. *
Yanking the cap off with my teeth I begin to fill the bites and cuts with the disinfectant and pain management combo. I start with the worst and always finish by covering them with a bandage. I had begun to steel myself back up inside, and although I still had a powerful passion to be with you forever, your cries of pain as I treated you now felt oddly deserved. I could not exactly figure out why I felt like you
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deserved it after what had just happened, but I honestly did not care to explore the feelings more than that. By the time I am done the tube of yellowy clear ointment is almost gone. “Anything else princess?” I use the same sarcastic phrasing as when I called you bossy. A hand worked with gentle care to pet your head in a puzzling counterpart to how I spoke.
My lips pull into a frown when you make the remark about me being bossy and I wonder if that's genuinely how I was coming off when I was just trying to keep myself from getting a huge infection from the multiple open wounds. I try not to think about it too much because nothing about any of this has any sort of rhyme or reason to it.
I wonder if maybe you've already grown tired of me when you leave me on the floor this time instead of scooping me up to take me with you but before I know if you're back crouched at my side. "Th..thank you" I mumble before you start to get all of the bites and cuts covered in the ointment and then the bandages.
I can visibly see the shift happening with you and I wrack my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong or different to make you suddenly act not as nice as before... Not that it makes any sense because you're the same monster who forced themself on me and left my body this mangled and broken to begin with. The whole thing doesn't make any sense to me at all anymore and I decide maybe I just need to sleep it off, try to recover from the concussion. You shouldn't sleep with a concussion. I'm reminded by that little voice in my head but I couldn't care less right now, my body can't handle anything else. I shake my head to let you know I don't need anything else and try not to flinch too hard at the pain of you touching my head. "I.. no.. thank you.."
@bonghitsforfeds
The tiny whined ‘no thank you,’ you emit to answer my last question causes a tiny crack to appear in the wall I am trying to build within. I press my fingers into my eyes and take a deep breath in order to settle the nerves. “I really, really fucking hate that I cannot stay properly angry at you.” My mind briefly goes back to the day in the coffee shop when I could not even find the words to tell you it was no big deal. You close smuggling deals with corrupt three letter agencies and yet you can't talk to some Cali slut? The inner voice's insult toward you makes me curse back at it internally. The argument goes back and forth in my head for a moment before I manage to slip the mask of sanity back on. Is it just women that throw me off? Is it that fucking simple. She said it herself, your fucking pathetic. I snap my view down toward you in a flash of anger that takes longer to dissipate than I am comfortable with.
“If you don’t need help are you going to just get up and manage the rest of tonight on your own?” I motion my arms around the dimly lit hallway we sit in now as if to imply you would have to clean this up tonight. Finding the momentum to continue I say, “You cannot walk Cami, you are going to need me.” I say it more as a command than a reassurance. I take another deep breath before laying down next to you on my side so I can talk to you at eye level, moving with a familiarity as if we are having a small chat. “What do you want to happen, I will make it so.” Finally a sentence landed with the loving tone I had been searching for. I was talking a little quieter in an attempt to not be so harsh. I could not help my eyes glancing at the way your belly rose and fell as your breathing increased. She will always be scared of you.
"I'm.. I'm sorry Ivon" I say quietly when you say that you hate how you can't stay angry at me even though I have no real idea why you would be angry with me to begin with, it's not like I asked for any of this, in face I quite literally begged for the opposite. I once again watch the look in your eye turn distant and can't help but wonder what goes on inside your head when that happens.
Whatever it is I can only assume that it's some sort of mental battle with yourself since the next words you say come out with the bite of venom in them again. I squeeze my eyes closed willing myself to sink into the carpet so I don't have to go through another beating that I've only just barely been cleaned up from. "I-I know that I'm sorry I just- I didn't want to make you mad asking for anything else." I melt into a puddle of tears, eyes still shut when I feel the carpet shift beside me and it makes me grow fearful all over again, my pulse and breathing picking up immediately.
"I.. I just want to sleep I think." I let my eyes open to meet yours the best that I can with how out of it I still am and I can't help but wonder how long it's going to be until I can function like a normal human being again. "My head- I think I have a concussion and it's.. it's making me feel a little sick." At least it doesn't feel like knocking on deaths door anymore. It's then that I realize the entire time I've been on the floor I've been shaking like a leaf that's barely hanging on a branch in a windstorm and I know it's from the adrenaline leaving my body and coming back in small spikes. "What are you going to do with me?...are.. are you gonna kill me?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Cut her throat so she stops apologizing. The hateful thoughts I had hoped would never return already had. A simulation of my future life plays out in my head at lightspeed. Will I always be like this? I force myself to not touch you I actually shake with the effort to contain myself. I love her. I love her. The fact you fear me when asking me things is a powerful feeling, but a part of me wished you could also speak to me plainly. I knew none of it was realistic, but I was too high on the whole show.
I start problem solving a place for you to sleep assuming that you do not want to go back to the bedroom right now, but your last question makes me frown. I wish you would kill her. Ignoring the internal taunt I just stare at you blankly for a moment. “Not as long as you don’t try to kill me first.” This answer pleases me because it puts the burden back onto you. If I can keep your head spinning forever maybe it will keep you dizzy enough to be with me. If you are too chicken shit to kill her you are going to have to isolate her. Finally some useful advice from my ego. Maybe there was a way I could work while you slept to make it so you can't escape. I wished I could step away to scheme now, but I pull my attention back to your shaking form upon the floor. “Couch?” I offer the solitude of the lower level for the evening. I was not confident in my ability to limit your escape while you slept, but what was I going to do about it now. When will I sleep? I sat up in preparation for your answer.
'Not as long as you don't try to kill me first' Not the flat out no that I was hoping for but it's better than another blow to the face or a yes. The image of you on top of me with both your fists raised above my head flashes through my mind and I know that I came close to dying today, probably more than once, and I likely wasn't out of the woods yet judging by the pain in my head and the nasty bruise on my side above my hip.
"The couch is good... Can I have some clothes?" I know that might be pushing it after it took so much effort to get all of mine stripped off but I'm so cold and shaky and I know that being bundled up in clothes and blankets is the only thing that will make it stop. Every time I have to ask for something I wonder if that'll be the straw that makes you snap and hurt me again and being on edge this much is making all of my muscles ache even more.
It's then that I have the genius idea to try to sit up on my own, to try to prove that I can still do this to myself and the second I push myself up into a seated position with a yelp of pain my head spins so hard I topple over onto my side. "Fuck" I mumble putting my hands on my head "spinning.. spinning.. I definitely.. have.. a concussion"
@bonghitsforfeds
When you ask for clothes I have to look down at my lap to hold back laughter. A genuine smile grew on my lips at your audacity. It was not a look of cruelty or hate, I genuinely found it funny. Raising my head to tell you as much I realize too late that you were trying to sit up. I was too slow to react and instead just catch you at the tail end of the pathetic flop. I place my hands on your side to roll you over onto your back but the pained mumbling you are up to changes my mind. Instead I just let my hands rest on your side while you attempt to ground yourself. “I’m sorry,” is all I manage in a tiny voice. I think I am?
Initially I had stood with sure heading into the bedroom, but as soon as I stepped inside the blanket of evil that had been pinned to the ceiling fell on me. It reeked of sweat, blood, and sex. Shiny white plastic danced in patterns across the floor with every slight movement my head made. When I gained the courage to take a step inside my foot fell on something hard. Reaching down in the darkness I pick up your phone. ‘Face not recognized.’ There are a few notifications that have their contents partially displayed in a summarized form. One from a number not saved, ‘Hey writer girl! I had a good time tonight, may-’ It was probably a good thing the message cut off because it was who I could only assume was the guy who had been touching you at the bar. I almost snapped the phone in half in a small temper tantrum, but just flipped the vibration switch and hid it under the mattress.
The anger at least worked to let me move about the room without care, and I found myself looting the closet for a set of pajamas. Inside a set of drawers I decide on a pair of sweatpants and an old band shirt. Reemerging from the room I soon find myself pulling you into another reverse hug. “Let’s get you dressed then beautiful.” After a painful struggle with your bruised and bandaged body we eventually manage to work you into the clothes. You almost looked normal
20:23
with your clean wavy hair and fresh pajamas, too bad your nose was swollen so big it looked as if the tip might pop, and there were two lines of glue holding the flesh of your cheeks shut. “Anything I can get for your head before bed?” My heart did a kickflip at hearing those words leave my mouth. I wanted to be there every night you went to sleep.
Did I hear that right? Did he just apologize? I pinch my brows together a little when I hear you say it and lay there in a crumpled ball as I hear your footsteps make their way down the carpeted hall back to the bedroom. I can't imagine what it looks like in there. I wonder to myself just how much blood must be pooled on the carpet, along with things I don't even want to think about.
It takes you longer than I thought it would to come back as I lay there shaking and shivering in the hallway and I wonder just how pathetic I must look from anyone else's point of view. I briefly contemplate trying to pull myself to the stairs to somehow get down then but the second I try to pull myself even an inch I have to hold back screaming in pain. I decide then that it's gonna have to wait.
"Thank you" I say with genuine appreciation when you come back with clothes in tow and it doesn't even feel as bad having your hands on me again when they're working to put clothes on instead of rip them off. The thought makes me wince and recoil briefly before I relax again and hope that you didn't notice or that if you did it didn't upset you too much. "Tylenol I have some Tylenol in the kitchen the last cupboard on the left..and maybe some water I feel super dehydrated."
I let you scoop me up to bring me down to the couch and honestly wonder how you still have the strength to after fighting to subdue me and then taking care of me for so long after. Why is he taking care of me like this? I'm weirdly grateful for it but at the same time it works to confuse me further. How can someone so cruel be so caring? When you set me on the couch and put the blanket from the back over my I sigh in relief at the first feeling of genuine comfort I've felt in what feels like much longer than it's actually been.
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.
"Are you going to stay the whole night?" I ask when you come back with the Tylenol and the water, managing to take a shaky sip of the water to swallow down the pills and then finishing almost the entire glass.
A slight pang of selfish sadness rings in my hollow chest when I finally get you all tucked in and am no longer carrying you. Following the instructions you gave me locating the Tylenol was easy, and soon I was watching you gulp down the water and medicine. Your question catches me off guard. Not because I was not prepared for it, but because my head had been racing to figure out what I was going to do next. I thought of telling you how if I thought for a second you were going to get away from me I would probably kill you. And then yourself. The suicidal thought caught me so off guard I involuntarily fell to the couch on the cushion beside you. Dad forcing himself to look like he cared would be amusing. I used the revenge fantasy to distract myself from the fact my mind just recommended killing myself. I knew if you were never going to escape I had to set some sort of social trap, but it had yet to occur to me how I would do that.
I don’t know how long had passed when I finally decided to answer you, “Yes.” I deliver the news you don’t want in a frustratingly simple way. “I know a million thoughts are assaulting you as I say that, but yes I will be here all night.” I almost added an explanation as to why I can't leave, but something tells me you already knew why. “I-” I start to try and desperately explain the twisted way I love you, but I save us both the effort. I collapse over onto your legs allowing my head to end sideways in your lap, ignoring how your body recoils from pain and probably disgust at my touch. A part of me almost hoped you’d plunge some hidden weapon into my neck while I lay there staring across the dark house. I closed my eyes and waited desperately for you to say something to distract me from my own mind.
I nod when you say that you'll be staying the entire night and I had already expected as much. I know you can't risk me calling the police, especially not right now with blood and cum all over the floor in the bedroom. It would be easy for them to identify you Ivon and the rest would follow suit.
What I didn't expect though was for you to flop right over on the couch with me, head sideways in my lap. It seems like something that two people who actually cared for each other would do and that certainly wasn't the case here. I can't help but recoil and try to shrink underneath you as if there would be some invisible barrier between us if I could.
I pull the blanket up under my chin and feel myself slowly start to warm up and relax, the shaking slowing to something much less obnoxious as it happens and begrudgingly I admit to myself that your body heat is probably helping. "You should sleep.. I can't move I'm not going anywhere." It probably sounds like I'm trying to plan something but the reality is if I tried to stand right now I would just fall over. My eyelids start to feel more and more heavy and I can feel myself starting to fight against falling asleep myself, not lasting for very much longer before my breathing mostly evens out in as peaceful of a sleep as I'm going to get, my unconscious mind plaguing me with nightmares about what just took place.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was just about to sit up when you made the comment about sleeping. It’s like a spell got cast over my body when you spoke the words as my eyelids suddenly grew heavy. The laundry list of things that needs to be done scrolls by my vision. I have to find a way to keep you from getting away physically. I’ll need to either find a way to pick this mess up, or burn the fucking house down. A smile crosses my face at the image of fire pouring from every window of this building as we escape in the rental car. Eyes closed now I could feel the puppet master of sleep begin to tug at dream threads in my heavy head. I think I had almost fallen asleep while listening to the steady rise and fall of your chest when the psycho spoke softly from the corners of my mind. You could get her fired.
I sat up so fast I was surprised you did not wake up. How did I not think of it before? One or two fake emails or calls and I could have upper management raining missiles down on your career. I shut my eyes in a wince while bringing the palm of my hand to my face in a display of self disappointment. God, it was so fucking obvious too. See, you do need me. Looking over at your seemingly peaceful sleep that crazy look masked my face in the darkness. I even had family contacts that would send fake mail with proper water marks, they would not even ask me why I had them doing it.
I found myself nervously pacing the upper floor of the house trying to figure out exactly how I would do it. Walking back and forth throughout the sight of the grisly crime scene, I pieced together an outline of how I would ruin your life in my head while making sure all lights and faucets up here were off. I did not settle onto the couch next to you again until over an hour later. I could hear birds chirping outside from the fireplace, but no light had yet to peek up over any horizons. Somewhere a few houses down a neighbor started their car to head off to an early AM shift. I revel at how someday soon their prope
21:43
rty value will likely plummet from news of crimes occurring in the house I sat in now. Even though I knew it was what I should be doing I was too excited to sleep, or so I thought. About twenty minutes later I fell unconscious on your legs, selfishly stealing your body heat as we slept together.
Somehow despite that nightmares that plague my sleep all night I manage to sleep into the early morning, the sun pouring in the windows rousing me from my sleep. The pain shooting through my body is a harsh reminder that last night did indeed really happen and it wasn't some brutal nightmare that my mind conjured up out of nowhere.
It surprises me when I look down when I feel the weight of your body on mine to see you still asleep. You look less like a monster this way. I think to myself before I try to stretch and it shoot so much pain through my body that I choke on a sob almost immediately.
It scares me for a moment and I clap a hand over my mouth, I don't know how you'll react if I accidentally wake you and I don't think I can handle being any more hurt than I already am without my body completely giving in and going in to shock and I know even if that happens you won't be taking me to the hospital any time soon.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was walking through a mix of every building I had ever been in. Doors opened into rooms at angles that made no sense, and every time I backtracked my path changed. I tried to run toward your screaming in the distance, but my legs would sink into the floor and I would awake somewhere new every time. Sometimes it felt like I was finally about to throw a door open to whatever rooms your cries came from, but whenever I got close my eyes would fill with spit and blood. Scrubbing it desperately from my face I would clear my vision just in time to see myself drag you backwards over the carpet around another corner.
Slowly my eyes open to the morning light. Panic rose in my chest momentarily until I realized where I was, and then I sat up sharply like the night before. My head snaps to where you lay and it triggers a cramping spasm in my neck from sleeping at such an odd angle. Reactively my hand shoots up to rub the side of my throat. While rubbing at mine I see the black markings on yours and my arms then slink to my side in embarrassment. At least her pupils are almost the same size now. I wonder why I am cold before feeling a cool gust of air breeze past my mostly naked body. Oh yeah, right. I find myself jealous at your warm bundle of blankets. I want to say something to you, but everything I try to speak seems to catch in my throat on the way out. Finally I managed a quiet, “How uh, how long did you sleep Cami?” Internally I roared for something to anger me to distract from the expanding mass of guilt in my stomach.
"I slept all night somehow" I mumble trying to push myself into a sitting position on the couch, the pain having fully set in when I was asleep making it next to impossible to do without tears running down my cheeks.
"I think I need some ice" I mumble before I'm rudely reminded that I shouldn't rub my eyes, both of them a mix of deep reds and purples from the broken nose I suffered the night before. I manage to get myself to my feet even though I feel extremely unsteady still and take a few small steps towards the kitchen hoping that you'll realize that I'm not trying to escape or even fight and that I really do just want ice and probably some painkillers. "I feel like I'm fucking dying"
@bonghitsforfeds
I can’t help the sigh that escapes my lungs when you tell me you slept all night. It was possible you were lying, but there was no point in pushing the subject. My next question was going to be aimed at how you felt, but you answered that yourself. At first the tears that immediately sprang from your face upset me, but when you got up and slowly hobbled to the kitchen I grew warm. She did that without you. Standing quickly I wanted to help you, but instead just took a few healthy steps and beat your pace into the kitchen. Now in-front I stare with hawk like eyes at your condition. Can you run?
‘I feel like I’m fucking dying,’ she is trying to convince you. “Stop!” When you freeze I immediately grow more frustrated because of my inability to keep the arguments internalized. “Sorry, I didn't mean you.” That will convince her. I make some space between us by stepping around to the other side of the island bar so you don’t feel as trapped by my sudden mood change, running a hand through my crusty hair while doing so. Once there I turn to you while drumming my knuckles across the hard countertop in a self soothing pattern. Leaning down with the elbow of my other arm I cup my mouth with a hand to hide my scowl. Muffled now I say, "I'll just stand over here and let you do your thing, doll." I could not help throwing the pet names at you, it always made me feel good in that sick way.
The second I hear your yelled 'Stop' I feel myself freeze and all the air leave my lungs. The sound of it makes me feel like even if I wanted to I couldn't run and I hate it, I hate that you've turned me into this weak compliant puppet that can't fight back. Just wait until you're healed. The voice inside my head soothes me and tries to remind me that I have to play the long game when it comes to this.
"Oh.. okay.." I don't understand what you mean, were you seriously yelling at yourself? Do you have split personalities or something? The possibilities keep running through my head as I reach into the fridge and grab a bottle of water with a shaky hand. I then move to the cupboard to grab a stronger painkiller, I figure since I won't be going anywhere it doesn't matter if I take something that'll make me loopy.
"I'm.. gonna have some cereal." I don't know why I feel the need to announce it, maybe so you won't freak out when I reach for the bowl, or then for the spoon, the cereal itself and then the milk. I end up settling on fruity pebbles because I know if I don't eat the painkillers will make me sick. "Babe.. doll.. I don't feel like any of those things I feel like a defenseless little mouse" My eyes go wide when I realize I let my thoughts come out in words and I focus hard on holding myself up on the counter to start eating my breakfast.
@bonghitsforfeds
Is that codeine? Damn, she must really hurt. My chest heaves when you tell me you are going to make some breakfast. The emotional burning is like sorrow, but also contains the warmth one might feel if they just spoke to a crush. I like that you feel the need to announce your movements. The colorful cereal waterfalling into the ceramic bowl felt too cheerful so close to your battered face. There was a spot high up the cuts on your cheek where the glue had not properly set while asleep. I made a mental note to fix it later.
I tried to hold back a reaction when you accidentally spilled your thoughts, but my hand fell from my mouth with a tiny smack onto the stone counter. In typical fashion I wished to say something cruel or monotone, but surprised myself with attempted comfort, “Mice rake the guts of snakes out many times their mass while being crushed to death.” The fantasy of you killing me played out in my mind’s eye. Why did that turn me on?
While letting you chew on that metaphor I started preparing you another makeshift ice pack. It was pretty easy to find the supplies again since the same cabinets were still open from my panicked ransacking. The air from the freezer felt nice and I found myself deeply wishing for a real shower. After completing the process of filling it with ice and tying it off I made a small motion with it to imply I was going to use it on you. Stepping behind where you ate I placed a hand on your forehead so I could pull you backwards into the pack to apply pressure. I probably should have gotten a paper towel to wrap around it so it was not so cold, but your hair served a good enough insulator for now.
"They also get picked off by predators in the blink of an eye" I shrug, I don't mind being a little mouse but I'll definitely be the kind that fights back not the kind that gives in so easily. I don't say that though, not right now anyways. I can't help but wonder though if that's what you want, to be the snake getting it's guts raked out. There has to be easier ways to accomplish that.
I watch as you get another ice pack ready for my head and can't help but flinch when you put your hand on my forehead to press it against the even more painful gash. I hope it isn't getting infected. I find that the entire night is a blur after the attack, I briefly remember being in the tub and then the shower and then everything else feels like I'm watching it though a haze. "Your name... Is your name Ivon? I can't.. remember?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Unable to stop the proud smile crawling over my face I chuckle at the witty response, however the heat radiating outward from the shoddily sealed split on your head regains my attention and the laughter peters out. I had to keep readjusting the palm on your forehead from how clammy it was. I was about to tell you I think you have a fever, but you were in the middle of chewing on your breakfast and I chose to not ruin that solitude. The sweet scent of sugar made my nose tingle causing my stomach to grumble.
‘Is your name Ivon?’ I dropped the ice pack, not managing to keep grasp now that my hands were shaking. I told you to kill her. In an act of rebellion aimed at the angry voice behind my face I chose to tease you instead of crush your swollen nose into the countertop, “You trying to build a profile?” I traced the wounds on your neck with the back of my cold fingers. With a creepy kiss on your head I growl, “You are a smart mouse.”
"You can eat you know. It would be the least damaging thing you've done since you step foot in my house." I can't help but be at least a little bit of a smart ass, it was always in my nature and if I was gonna die then I was gonna die still being myself. I shovel another spoonful of the soggy sugary mess into my mouth as I listen to your stomach grumble.
I almost drop my spoon when I hear the ice pack crash onto the floor, thankful that the bag didn't split open and send ice scattering across it. I find myself tilting my neck when you run the back of your icy fingers along one of the wounds there, in a sick way it feels satisfying, or at least it would had you left them there consensually.
I can hear the threat in your voice even when you try to leave it out, the question really having more than just the one layer. You wanted to know if I was trying to figure you out, if I was planning on somehow getting ahold of someone and telling them who you are and what you've done, but it seemed even deeper still, I couldn't place why though. "No.. I'm not I just want to know what to call you." I could build a profile on you somehow sure, but then where would I get the satisfaction of watching the life leave your eyes when I'm finally strong enough to. "And you're one mean snake."
I sigh heavily and take another bite of cereal, it's not necessarily that I have that much of an appetite but I don't want to deal with the effects of not eating. My hands are still shaky and every bite takes more effort than it should. I feel like a fucking toddler.@bonghitsforfeds
Upon hearing you call me a mean snake I desperately wished for a pair of pants. It did not help that you were allowing me to lightly caress your swollen neck. The sensation of blood pumping through your jugular had my own heart rate increasing. I took a step back and forced my mind to refocus on the thought of food.
I sit on the barstool beside you while adding more cereal and milk to the bowl you are eating out of. Gently I take the spoon from your hand without asking, and after stealing a few bites I let you have it back. It had been so long since I had last eaten cold cereal that it tasted too sweet. It did work to fill my empty belly and that was a sensation I could be thankful for. “Yeah I said my name was Ivon, but I suppose you have earned the right to address me how you please... within reason.” I stress the last word, reliving some of the fury I had felt when you called me pathetic. Does she even remember that?
Watching you struggle at your turn to eat extinguishes the memory and I scoot the steel legged stool closer to you. Pulling you into a half hug with my left arm I use my right hand to help steady the utensil while you eat. It was a delicate balance of helping you move it around while not making you wince from touching your shaky hands. I knew without following through on my plan from last night that these moments of contact were going to become rare, and this caused me a great deal of anxiety. I rested my nose atop your head and enjoyed its peachy scent, the feeling of tendons in your head flexing as you chewed working to amplify the spinning in my head.
"Does that mean I shouldn't call you a snake then?" You just can't stop yourself can you? "Sorry.. I guess I cope with pain through shitty humor.." I clear my throat a little and let you take the spoon from me to eat some of the fruity cereal. It's funny, almost, seeing you this way. Doing relatively normal human things like eating sugary cereal. It almost makes it possible to forget that you're a monster. Almost.
When you move to scoot the stool even closer to me I feel my heart rate pick up, and when your arm makes its way around me I can feel myself starting to panic. I had no idea that you were just trying to help me eat and it feels like I'm swallowing cement now with how big of a lump had formed in my throat, still though, I let you help me eat because I know I need nourishment to heal.
"Do you..." I want to ask you so many things but I don't know how to word them without making you angry, without making you hurt me even more. "Is this.. I mean is this all because you want to have sex with me?" I feel my entire body tense, trying to prepare itself to take another beating even though I feel like I'm barely hanging on by a thread as is.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had begun to softly nuzzle the spot of your scalp I had been laying on when you tore my focus away. My lungs slowly filled and then emptied of air in a meditative attempt to swallow my sadness at the question. Tell her about the whore you almost beat to death, tough guy. “Fucking tears.” I wipe the stinging water from my eyes onto my hands and become frustrated there is nothing nearby better to use. How do I explain it is so much worse than what I felt at the coffee shop? At first it was just a sick game, I could admit at least that much to myself, but now it has evolved into something much more fierce. I felt like I owed you my loyalty, whatever amount of it I still had. I wanted to build a brick box around you and sink it to the bottom of the ocean so no one could ever look at you again. When I pressed myself against your body the cup of my soul felt so full it fucking burned.
“I want to scorch this entire sick planet dead until nothing is left but hot black ash, then I want to spend the rest of eternity sitting in the smoldering remains of man’s greatest cities with you.” I bite my lower lip and wrench my eyes closed trying to not cry in front of you. Force it down. Swallow the lump. “It is not just sex, I-” I grind my teeth together trying to find the words. “I don’t know Cami but if I could crawl inside your chest I would.” For some reason I could not bring myself to look you in the eyes. Instead I just stare down at my hairy legs wishing that I knew where the chunk of dried skin stuck to them had come from.
Thats not what I was expecting. I can hear you taking deep breaths trying to settle yourself and for a moment that drags on what feels like an eternity I think it's because you're gearing up to beat the shit out of me but this feels different somehow. I can't quite put a name to it but it almost feels like maybe you're sad? I didn't even think you were capable of actual human emotions.
"I-." I go to say something, anything, but the words die on my tongue. How can I explain that being near you makes me want to rip the rest of my skin off and scream until my voice box explodes? That I don't know if I'll ever be able to set foot in my own bedroom again? That I'm ready to uproot my entire life again to find another new house that's walls won't echo with the screams of my own pain or the grunts of your stolen satisfaction. "Oh" Is all I manage to get out before I let my spoon clink into the nearly empty bowl.
I go to stand back up to bring the bowl to the sink when an overwhelming feeling of weakness overtakes me and I stumble forward only barely managing to catch myself against the counter. I'm freezing.. I'm burning up.. this isn't good. "Fever.. I have a fever." I let myself slump down onto the floor with my back against the counter the world suddenly seeming to move so much slower. "I don't think mm'okay"
@bonghitsforfeds
Did you expect her to care? It was the reaction I deserved but not the one I had wanted. I resisted the urge to kick the wooden cabinets beneath the counter until I was too exhausted to stand. I had as much time to pull myself together as it took for you to catch yourself on the counter’s edge. Before I knew it you were on the floor in a pile again.
Kneeling where you had fallen I took the bowl from you and set it above us so it does not get broken, “We don’t need this shattering on you right now.” Giving it a shove toward the center of the island I then scoop you up into my arms, “Let’s get you back to the couch, Mouse.” You had already begun to shiver by the time I had your clammy form tucked back into the sofa. After returning another moment later I pull your hands from under the blanket and push a glass of water into them, “Drink.” Waiting a second until you did so I add, “Do you have general antibiotics here somewhere? Like amoxicillin? Maybe something you had taken when you had a sinus infection?” My brain did not feel so full of syrup after a night's rest and some sugary carbs. I kneeled on the floor by you so our eyes were level as you rested. “If you die I will resurrect you and kill you again.” I spoke of the impossible threat as if it was a certainty. Lick the sick sweat off her body. My head fell backward and I let myself gaze at the ceiling in self loathing. Maybe I should become a eunuch. What made me this way?
"Thank you" I mumble when you take the bowel from me and save me from surely shattering it on the floor and giving myself even more cuts than I already have. I hate that I keep thanking you. This is your fault. You shouldn't even be here.
When you scoop me up this time I wrap my arms around your neck to keep myself from falling and let you get me tucked back in on the couch. I take the glass of water and chug the entire thing having been much more thirsty than I have originally realized, it makes sense considering how much I cried last night and all the blood and sweat I lost, I've definitely been neglecting my body of the much needed elixir of life that it desperately needs.
I meet your eyes when you crouch down next to me and can't help but notice they're actually sort of beautiful when they don't have a storm of rage and hate burning behind them. What did I do to make you hate me? I shake my head and can't help but let out a weak laugh when you say you'll bring me back just to kill me again. "I don't have any I don't get them very often and I always finish them when I do... is it my head?" I ask reaching a hand back to run it over the rigid line of messy superglue. Dad would have done it better. "I have.. I think I have an actual kit to do stitches I think the glue is making it worse.. did you.. did you clean it with alcohol or anything last night? I can't remember"
@bonghitsforfeds
Of course you always finish them, you are my clever little survivor. I felt like a tool for rambling about antibiotics when you asked if I had even bothered to clean the wound. Sucking at my bottom lip and grimacing in embarrassment I say, “No, I didn’t.” I can imagine a perfect picture of where the suture kit upstairs is too, which I also did not use, and also opt to not inform you I saw. I consider telling you that as a spoiled brat I don’t know anything about medication or the process of wound care, but don’t like how that would paint my image to you. You forced yourself on her upstairs, did you forget that?
I stomped away back up the staircase without any mention of where I was headed. At this point my sick mind had already adapted to moving around in this tainted space, but the bloody footprints dried into the once beautiful carpet still stood out as rather gruesome. Cursing to myself, I snatch the kit off the floor and grab a grip of alcohol wipes from the mound of them nearby. Crunching over the bandage wrappers I make my way back down to you. At the bottom of the landing I taunt, “Still here, huh?”
I sit cross legged with my back to the couch and you while removing the pamphlet from the thick plastic of the emergency pouch. The cardstock unfolds what feels like three thousand times until I am holding a massive piece of paper with a plethora of information on it, including colored photos of familiar looking gruesome injuries. “Damn babe, if this was a collectable thing you’d have near all of these.” I almost laughed at my own joke, but my ego managed to keep that from happening. I took a deep breath before attempting to absorb the instructions on how to properly stitch your scalp closed.
"We should do that" Is all I manage to get out before you're making you're way back up the stairs to where the carnage happened. I wonder if you're going to get the first aid kit or maybe just the sutcher kit but either way I hope you're getting something to help me since for some odd reason you seem to want to do that just as much as you want to hurt me.
'Still here, hug?' I wonder to myself if you mean that in physically still laying on the couch shivering even under blankets or if you mean here as in still hanging on the thread tying me to this plane of existence. I guess either way the answer is the same. "Still here." I answer softly before bundling up further in the blankets. Watching you unfold the pamphlet of instructions makes my stomach flip flop with just how many steps their seem to be to doing this, I assumed it would be easy but I think I may have been wrong.
The crude joke definitely doesn't make me laugh even though it's one I would make myself if I was using the kit after a car accident or something that wasn't a brutal assault. "Thank you for doing this" once again it feels weird to thank you but I know that if it doesn't get properly flushed and cleaned and then sewn up the infection will only get much worse. While you read over the instructions I reach back to see if I can feel the edges of the glue to try to get them to separate but it makes me whimper in pain and I realize that I can't do it myself.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘If the wound seems outside your control to manage, immediately seek out proper medical attention from a licensed physician.’ I was scowling at the stupid little message when you told me thank you in that squeaky voice. Again I find myself looking a the ceiling in a moment of self loathing, through an outward sigh and grit teeth I add, “You’re welcome Cami.” I wanted to attempt something loving but it did not feel appropriate. Rubbing my scalp while trying to memorize the pattern of stitches I suddenly wished I had gone to medical school.
“I am going to have to use acetone to get that glue off your head.” Struggling a moment with the large pamphlet I finally manage to get it all settled near me before hopping up toward the staircase again. Mumbling more curses I grab cotton balls from the same pile of medical supplies and nail polish remover from under the sink in the bathroom. I had expected the message on your mirror to elicit a response but I was surprised at the lack of emotional reaction. “Huh.” Was I all I managed while staring at my disheveled form looking out from said mirror back at me. My hair stood up at different angles and the scratch on my face had a tinder puffiness to it. I traced that sore line across my cheek with a knuckle and it made my heart flutter. I felt the psychopath stir, it wanted to say something but decided to keep its mouth shut instead. I took a passing glance at the murder scene around the bathtub before leaving the room.
Back downstairs again I stand in front of you while soaking a few of the cotton balls in the aromatic liquid before plopping down beside you. Eyes watering from the sting of acetone I pat my lap with a tilted head, “You know the drill Mouse, get over here.”
Acetone. "That's gonna feel great." I can't help but laugh just barely at the prospect of even more pain and the fact that it just doesn't seem so stop coming. I watch as you disappear up the stairs again and have no choice but to sit and wait for the impending suffering of soaking a serious wound with acetone.
The smell of the acetone hits my nose before anything and I take in a shuddered breath before letting out a heavy sigh and get myself into your lap, biting my lip to stifle the pathetic sounds of pain that try to escape with every move that I make. "You might have to hold me from moving through this part" I admit even though I hate it, the actual stitches I could handle just fine but this? This is going to feel like hell coursing through my skin.
@bonghitsforfeds
Dragging yourself into my lap I cannot help but be grateful there is no snide comment brewing inside so I just enjoy the sensation of fake love. I hope you don’t feel my loins stirring when you instruct me I may have to hold you still. Pushing my face into your hair I set my chin on your shoulder, “Okay hon, I will go as fast as I can.” I scoot us back into the couch and wrap my legs around yours to pin you to me. With a soaked swab in one hand, I push your head forward slightly with the other so I can see better before flipping most of your hair forward over your face for a clean view. Finally, I wrap the arm no longer being used around your chest to hold you in the secure bear hug. Don’t think about her breasts pressing into your arm. Don’t do it.
“Ready?” I say with a kiss on your spine at the top of your back. At first it seemed only tender flesh was going to be of my main concern, but once the glue began to bubble and ooze away exposing the meat beneath you began to yell. It was so much of a struggle it stopped being pleasurable to my madness immediately. Applying backwards pressure with my legs to keep you immobile was not easy without anything to keep the fabric of the couch from pressing into my bare skin. I was not able to hide all the frustration from my tone, but I did my best to coo at you, “Shh, it’s okay,” and “You are doing great, almost there.” Were my most often repeated.
The way you hold me like this before wrapping your legs around me feels borderline intimate, or at least it would if you weren't a crazy person and the cause of all of this to begin with. I can't help but feel you pressed against me and it makes my stomach churn but I try my best to ignore it because I know this needs to be done.
"I'm ready." I nod and the gentle kiss to the top of my back makes my skin raise in goosebumps that I also try to ignore. At first when you press the acetone soaked cotton to the glue in my head it doesn't hurt and I find that I manage it just fine, but once it starts to bubble and melt away I can't help but start to writhe in your hold, yelling and borderline screaming from the pain of you having to wipe it away. "It's not okay!" I shout after letting out a borderline animalistic growl "This is all your fault!"
I know that you're only trying to soothe me and for some reason that only pisses me off more because it is your fault and if you hadn't decided to do any of this then it would be just another normal day of my life today. My head wouldn't be split open, my nose wouldn't be bruised and swollen along with my eyes, my cheek wouldn't be ruined with cuts, my body wouldn't feel broken and tainted with your assault, I would still just be normal Camila. "I hate you" I grit out as I try to catch my breath from the pain coursing through my veins and making my body feel like it's going to disintegrate into nothing.
@bonghitsforfeds
It is all my fault. I was capable of managing that accusation. The thrashing was annoying however a proper reaction considering I was prying open the nasty wound on your head right now. There was glue left near the end of the thickest part of the cut, and I was trying to work it out of your hair when you said you hated me. I had no problem quickly pulling the two parts of your scalp apart after that, and there was a mortal squelch as the two flaps came loose.
I pulled you into me as tight as I could, my body quivered with the effort to squeeze the air from your chest. Your pained cries became wheezing chokes then finally began to slow into quiet gasps. I felt your warm tears running down my arms, not recalling when I had dropped the cotton and wrapped both limbs around you in the compress. I could smell the fresh blood in your hair inches from my nose. Before finally loosening my grip I whisper hatefully into your ear, “Press my patience, I will pull your tail off.” Your gasps as I let go make my chest pound. I wanted to pull you back into a more loving hug, but that evil stopped me. Let the bitch stew in it.
It wouldn't have surprised me at all if the neighbors heard the blood curdling scream that I let out when you pulled the two sides of the gash apart with such ease after I know I pressed my luck. Even knowing that I had basically asked for it, knowing damn well that you didn't take my sarcasm well, but it didn't change how badly it hurt. I could hear the skin give way again and feel the warmth of fresh blood running into my hair again.
I started to panic when you squeezed around me so tight, tight enough that I could feel the air being crushed out of my lungs and for a few moments it felt like you might squeeze until you heard my sternum crack wide open. In my panic I brought my hands up to your arms, trying desperately to pull them away with gasps and choked pleads and pained wheezes, much to my relief you finally loosened your hold on me again only for me to be left gasping for breath. I nod at your threat knowing that I shouldn't keep pushing my luck, not with the current state I'm in at least. "I'm sorry.. it just hurts."
I reach up to wipe at my eyes as carefully as I can before putting my hands back down, my body trembling in pain just like it was the night before. "W-will you be able to do it? The stitches I mean?"
@bonghitsforfeds
It took every fiber of my being to not grind my hips against you as you apologized. I knew the chivalrous thing to do is tell you it’s alright, but since I just tried that and it made you upset I did not attempt again. I understood that it was a reaction to pain, I just chose to remain indignant on the subject. After you wipe your eyes I cover one of your pale hands with both of mine. “As long as you don’t expect better results than my previous attempts to provide medical care.” The pounding of your back from having just squeezed the air out of you made it hard to focus. I even love the sound of your labored breathing.
I took that as you asking me to get started, so after leaning past you to grab the supplies off the floor I was pretty much ready to go. I was nervous about it, but not because of any concern over my capability. I knew I had a high chance of messing it up somehow, so that was not my worry. It was the chance to run a needle through your soft flesh that had me shaken. I had everything set out beside us now in the general order of use. There were some tweezers, a spool of thread, a needle, some gauze, medical tape, a pair of scissors, and a small bottle of disinfectant. I glanced down at the handled blades and wondered what I would do if you tried to jab me with them. Probably nothing. Rolling my eyes I worked the potent smelling sanitizer into my hands. “If you do this with minimal fuss I’ll let you do the one on my face.” I don’t even know if it needed stitches. Why did I say that? Maybe it was the idea of you near my throat with the scissors I found exhilarating. I set my arms on either of your shoulders with a swab of alcohol in one hand and a clean cloth in the other while awaiting your response.
"I don't I just want to clear the infection." It was an honest answer, of course I didn't expect top of the line care I knew that wasn't possible but anything would beat the feeling of the superglue. I can't believe in the haze last night I even let you glue it together without sterilizing it first, I must have been way more out of it than I even realized.
"O-Okay.. um just try not to go too deep in the skin when you do it- please." I'm quick to add on the please to try not to anger you, what I don't tell you is that I've had to use one of these kits before just for a simple three stitch cut but I learned that going to deep wasn't a good feeling and would make it heal way worse. It does surprise me, when you offer to let me do the one on your face and the image of scissors or a needle gouged into your eye or neck gave me a chill that I write off as the fever and pain.
When you dab the alcohol swab along the gash I cant help but cry out in pain again, everything hurts so bad and I wonder just how much pain one person can take in such a short period of time before their body just gives out. "Why do you take care of me?" I ask after you have the first stitch in and I can literally feel the two sides of skin tugging together.
@bonghitsforfeds
Not too deep, not too fast, keep it at the right angle, and be sure to make the pattern even. My mind was tumbling with instructions. I could not help the little gasp that blew from my lips across your neck when I pushed the suture needle into your head. The flesh pulling together was mesmerizing in the way a puffy cloud might make you feel on a cool summer afternoon. That was as far as I got before you decided to interrupt. “Well,” I start while pulling the thread with the tweezers enjoying a bit too much how it turned from blue to reddish blue after passing through your scalp, “I really like the smell of your shampoo.” I said the low effort joke with a small smile and was not committed to fully answering the question as I was trying to not lose count. She’s asking me this now? I stopped at the end of stitch five to clean a bit more oozing yellow I had missed in the initial disinfection. After doing so I realized it had been a minute and I still had not provided a good answer.
Tell her you help her because you like it when she whines please at you with those big pouty lips. I stop my work for a moment and rest my forehead against the top of your back, slowly dragging it back and forth over the lump of your spine. For the first time in my entire life I offered someone a view of the gears in my clockwork, “As long as I can remember nothing has ever felt enjoyable to me.” I stop a moment staring down at the back of your shirt, “Not to say I am not capable of being content, or I guess calm.” I wanted to finish the stitches but for some reason tears were falling into my lap, a ball of pain grew in my stomach, “Every party. Every social gathering. Every passing moment with a friend. Every-fucking-thing was me tricking myself into believing I felt the same things people around me did.” I had begun to tremble now. I was trying to not get mad, but the ringing in my ears made it difficult. “When I am here,” I shake you slightly on the last word, “I feel something.
14:42
I guess it’s just unfortunate for you, I feel it whether or not you want me to be there.” One choking sob wrenched its way out of my throat, but after that I finally managed to swallow the lump. My whole body tensed up at your response. I was terrified of not only your response, but also of how I would react to it.
It's a stupid joke but I can't help from letting out a small laugh, whether you were trying to make me feel better or not it did distract me from the burn of the thread and the tug of my skin. I can feel the air grow heavier around the both of us with the unanswered question hanging in the air, my breaths coming short and shallow as if I'll miss the answer if I make too much noise.
Oh. Your answer was the last thing I expected to hear, I wasn't even expecting you to give me a real answer, to let me into what seems like the actual human side of you and not the monster that I met last night and even just ten minutes ago when you almost crushed me to death. 'When I'm *here I feel something.'* so are you a psychopath or not? I honestly can't tell anymore. I don't expect the feeling of pity, no, empathy, to sink in my body and tug at my stomach like an anchor hearing the genuine sadness and distress in your words but it does and all I can hear in the back of my mind is my mother telling me not to take in stray men as if they could be fixed like puppies.
I've never been a good listener. I learned that the hard way.
I know that I can't fix you, I don't even want to after what you did to me but I can't help but feel bad for the pain you're feeling anyway. Especially when you let out one choked sob before whatever monster that lives inside of you cut it off. I find myself doing something so ridiculous that I'm not entirely sure I can blame on the lingering concussion, but I reach for the hand that just set down the extra alcohol swab full of blood and who knows what and squeeze it for just a moment. "I'm sorry." Is all I manage to say before I let go.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you touched my hand I felt the shakes dissipate in a flash of emotional steam. In the silence that followed it was so quiet the house settling was the only thing audible over our breathing. I wish the contact had lasted longer, but it was much more than I deserved. I deserved death row. The angry side of me was running around the inside of my head spilling gasoline on the ground, but I managed to keep it contained by turning my attention back to your stitches. I finished up the last few of them without a word and soon I was cutting the final strand of fiber and wrapping gauze around your head. The little piece of tape holding it all together was my final touch. You looked like a cartoon character with the way the bandages set canted a few degrees in their wrapping. I wanted to steal a selfish hug. I wanted to run out the door. I wanted to throw you to the floor and start it all over again. I thought of asking you if there is a chance of redemption for guys like me, but instead just shoved all the emotion back down into the box I tried to keep it in.
Looking for anything to distract from the flames flying out of my ears I give you a playful nudge with my knee, “You wanna put a needle in my face now?” It came out with too much excitement, I hoped you wouldn't notice. At the same time I traced the band logo on your back, enjoying the sensation of your ribs rolling beneath the fabric as I pressed over different parts. I found myself disappointed it was not your bare skin instead.
I find myself taking those same short shallow breaths in the deafening quiet that lingered between us now. It felt like this time I was afraid to dismantle the delicate balance we'd found in this moment and I wanted it to last, it was better than the alternative anyway.
I let out a sigh of relief when I hear the thread being cut and I can't help but find it amusing the way the bandage sits on my head. I hope this stops the infection. I find myself zoning out a little before the nudge of your knee brings me back and I nod. "I'm ready if you are." But I don't move, feeling your fingers trace over my back I'm afraid that if I move I'll upset you and you'll grab me so hard you break something, more something's that is.
Once I feel your fingers drop from my back I go to climb off of you assuming that's what I should do, only for you to catch me off guard and turn me to straddle your lap. I wish you had clothes on because I can feel you against me through my sweats and it hurts even just barely being brushed against, I can't imagine how bad it is down there it makes me scared for when I eventually have to pee. I pick up the needle from your hand and can't help the way that mine shakes "I-I don't know if I can stay steady enough to do this Ivon"
@bonghitsforfeds
I knew why you were getting up, but I did not want your touch to be anywhere other than with me. It was as if I was worried of freezing to death without you atop me. Spinning you around to face me I felt my head grow familiarly light at the smell of your breath. The flinching pull you make to ease pressure from your crotch against mine only makes my cock stiffen. I grab your shaky hand holding the needle and bring it up closer to my face. The hair on my cheek stands up in response to the point being so close to my eyes, the fear amplifies my beating heart. Our faces are barely a foot apart, “It’s just a few tiny pokes Mouse,” I have to swallow my spit to continue speaking, “You may even like it.” The last part comes out barely above a whisper. I am worried if I speak any louder my voice will crack.
In order to steady you I place my free hand on your back. I could feel your strength had returned a bit since last night, there was a firmness to the way your legs gripped my lap. Clocks ticking. I was peering past the shaking shiny steel straight into your big dark eyes. Every time your gaze would meet mine my skin would pulse with a cold wave of lust. I realized I had not blinked in too long and did so to not seem creepy. I had to bite my lip in order to not nibble at yours. I felt a need to wear your skin.
"R-right just a few tiny pokes" I nod a little and swallow hard, I can feel you underneath me and I hate that I have that effect on you even in the state I'm in, perhaps even because of the state I'm in but I try my hardest not to focus on it. I don't tell you that I know I'm going to like it but only because it's going to hurt you.
Your hand at my back keeps me steady enough to be able to thread the needle the right way and press it through your skin at just the right angle before tieing off the stitch and snipping and repeating the process. The entire time I find myself having to remind myself to breathe, so afraid with each poke and tug of needle and thread that you'll snap and shove the scissors into my back or my neck.
It's surprising how little I think of hurting you more than I need to during the process but I imagine it's because I'm not the kind of person who enjoys inflicting pain, I've always preferred to heal it. I snip the thread of the last stitch and hand the needle back to you, only realizing after the fact that it's not smart to hand anything sharp to a crazy person. "All done" I say out loud hoping that you'll let me off of your lap now and hoping even more yet that you won't try to force yourself on me to satisfy the growing problem in your boxers.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you passed the needle through the skin of my face I could not help the sharp inhale I took. There was pain there for sure, but I did not expect to like it that much. It even made that insulting little voice shut up for a second. The feeling seemed to fade after that, and the rest of the stitches did not cause the same level of excitement. I’m not sure if it was the vulnerability that slowly snuffed the perverse flame, or the fact it seemed to be over much quicker than I expected. It felt like only a few seconds before you gave the needle back to me. I did not take it at first, instead choosing to let my gaze linger on your face. I found it humorous that now that I could do anything to you I no longer had as strong of an urge to force you down. I had been observing how your upper lip shakes when you are anxious when I realized you were waiting for me to do something.
“Thanks doll.” I wish you would spit in my mouth. With a level of self control unknown to myself I slowly pushed you off my lap to the right. You landed on your back with a tiny huff, legs still draped over me. It had been in an attempt to ease my racing horny thoughts, but now that you were chest up on the couch it only made the thoughts run faster. I leaned backwards and stared at the ceiling to distract myself. The long beams that ran parallel to each other in the roof suddenly became very interesting. I pleaded to the universe through the white roof that whatever you said next was not stupid.
When you hesitate to take the needle at first and choose instead to just stare intently at my face I can't help but wonder what you're thinking and sickeningly so the little voice in my head wonders if you still think I'm pretty even with the bruises and cuts and swelling. Sick, I'm sick.
I let out a huff when I land on my back and I just lay there for a few long moments surprised that you let me, no, pushed me off of your lap, the one place I assumed you would want me the most. After adjusting a little so my head was propped back up on a pillow I wrack my brain thinking of something to say. "I'm not your fucking doll." That's not what you should have gone with I wish I could reach out and pull the words back into my mouth, unsay them, unthink them, but obviously it's too late and everything in my body is screaming at me to pull my legs off of your lap and run for the door but I'm so afraid that I can't move.
@bonghitsforfeds
For a moment it seemed like we would enjoy a quiet minute together. The universe had other plans this morning, ‘I’m not your fucking doll.’ My heart rate spiked so powerfully my vision tunneled with each beat, constricting more and more until I could only see about a quarters worth of space. My ears rang with a painful whistle, and I pleaded internally for you to start running. My body finally caught up to what was probably the biggest adrenaline dump it had ever managed to produce, the darkness snapped away and I whipped my head toward you so fast my neck popped. *Finally, my turn. *
Grabbing you by the ankle I stood up and using the fulcrum of that motion combined with every muscle group I could engage tore you off the couch and flung you across the floor. Sliding across the tile you spun a full half circle before colliding ribs first into a bookshelf with a nauseating crunch. A couple volumes accompanied by two picture frames rained from their perch down around you onto the floor. “Why is it always a fucking lie?” I screamed the question so loudly at you something caught in my throat. Not running but diving over to where you were sprawled wide eyed and sputtering I grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled up toward my face in a jerking motion. “Why not a round two?” I roared the hellish words through grit teeth while my eyes danced haphazardly around your face. The tears in your eyes amplified my anger. I wanted to plunge my fingers into the swollen sockets those orbs stared out of and rip them out so you could not waste your bitch tears on me anymore. I leaned in so close to your face I could hear the inside of your mouth moving. “It would be so sweet to bash your whore skull against the tile floor until it was covered in your pink, steaming, stupid thoughts.” I was hissing the words at you through clenched teeth.
Run. Run. Run. RUN. Was all my brain was screaming at me but I couldn't make the connection between my brain and my body, I couldn't make myself move. I think some part of me had hoped that maybe the peace that was between us for the hour or so it took for the entire process of melting glue and doing stitches would be enough to quell the monster.
I should have seen it coming when you sent me flying across the floor and into the bookshelf, family photos crashing on the floor next to me and sending little splinters of glass sinking into my skin. I couldn't focus on that at all though over the sick crack of my ribs against wood. If they weren't broken before they definitely are now. The pain is so intense that for a few long moments my vision whites out completely, my ears ringing so loud that at first I couldn't hear you even when you were screaming.
It isn't until you're on top of me again grabbing me by the shoulders and jerking me that I can hear and see clearly again, tears pouring down my face and cries freely flowing from my lips. This is not a man you can save. I think to myself as you scream about how sweet it would be to bash my brains out of my skull, trying not to think about the fact that you're the person who just helped make sure they stay safe inside my head. The whiplash of feeling temporarily safe and feeling once again like I'm going to die at any second is enough to make me dizzy as I try to think about what I can do to make this better. Play the one card you have in your hand.
My brain hatches an idea that makes me feel so sick I almost gag in your face but instead I bring a hand up to fist into your hair and pull us together to crash my lips against yours in the first kiss I've actively participated in in all the times your lips have been pressed to mine.
@bonghitsforfeds
When your hand reached into my hair I thought you had a hidden weapon or something. Maybe you had pocketed the scissors or some other tool while I was not looking. I let a hand leave your shoulders and put it onto the fist in my hair to wrench it free when your lips suddenly smashed into mine. I froze with my heart doing backflip after painful backflip. My eyes were so widened in shock the muscles in my face hurt. It took until you wormed your tongue into my mouth for me to finally start to relax. At first it was just the hand over yours that stopped flexing in fury, but it progressed to a warm sensation of peace that spread outward into my wrist and all the way down to the core of my chest. When my mouth finally gave way to the forceful kiss I pressed my weight down into you. We fell over together onto the floor and I felt myself kissing you back now. I was sucking at your tongue trying desperately to pull every drop of saliva out of your mouth. The pulling of my hair in your grip had blood rushing back into my cock, and I wanted you to rip my fucking scalp off. If you had turned into an actual mouse and then scurried out the door it would have made more sense then what was happening to me right now.
Now that you were properly on your back I cupped the hand not intertwined with yours around the back of your swollen neck to offer your sore body some support. The confused anger that sparkled like seltzer in my blood only worked to make me want it more. I pressed my body against yours so hard it seemed like I expected the fucking to just magically start to occur from force alone. Your whimpers from your battered form being squished into the tile had drool running from the corners of my lips, or was that your spit?
It's working. My brain screams at me to keep going even if I hate it because doing this, being with you this way, anything was better than actually dying and for a brief moment that's exactly where I think this was heading, my brains splattered on the tile. So instead of stopping I let my tongue run along your bottom lip before pushing it past and into your mouth to dance with yours. The ferocity in which you started to finally return my so called affections caught me off guard and had me whimpering in a mix of pain and fear.
When you let your body weight come down on top of my freshly cracked ribs it takes everything in me not to bite down on your tongue until it comes clean off so I can spit it back in your face. Instead I tug at your hair with the hand that's still tangled there. I swear I can feel that you're fighting between two forces, both equally as strong in the way that you touch me. Like you're trying to press me right into the floor but at the same time keep me comfortable with the way you cradle my neck.
Feeling the intensity ramping up I force my legs open for you to rest between them and actually manage to make myself grind my hips against you, another whimper escaping into your mouth from the pain of my bruised core getting any sort of attention but again I tell myself, this is better than dying. "I'm sorry Ivon" I pant out against your lips, having only pulled back just enough to speak against them as you keep pressing in for more as if mine are your newfound oxygen. "Please- let me make it up to you"
@bonghitsforfeds
When the wrenching of my hair increases you are pulling so hard it has my forehead tightened up on my face. I almost give in to the tugging and let you pry our lips apart, but suddenly your legs open and we fall even closer together. It caught me so off guard I thought I had managed to crush your pelvis into powder. Is this crazy bitch grinding her hips? I managed a brief glance down passed your arm at the glass around us and it made me recall the fact I had just thrown you into the wall. What the fuck is going on? I almost adjusted my weight in an attempt to stop crushing you but then my nose is full of your breath and you are whispering apologies out of those puffy lips at me. Just before I thought it could not get any more batshit insane in this house of horrors, ‘let me make it up to you.’ I tried to answer you, I really did, but all that falls from my mouth when I open it is a moan.
I tried to sit up and get some air but your locked fist would not let me come up for it. As if my life depended on it I forced the hand behind your neck between our heaving chests and pushed as hard as I could to move it past the weight of myself pressing into you. I pulled your black sweatpants down toward your knees and tried to bring my hand back up to shove fingers into your pussy, but the angle was wrong. I managed to turn my head just enough to part our lips and gasped out, “You have to stop pressing your hips into me or I can’t get my junk out yo-.” before I can tack an insult on to the end you bite at my lip and cheek so hard it makes me yelp. There is glass pressing into my knees and I feel hot blood running out of my legs. A lightning bolt of fear rocks my body and it only makes me moan again.
The sick sense of satisfaction that seems to course through my veins like a drug when you can only let out a moan in response to my statement is something that catches me so off guard I don't even know how to process it, so I don't. I let myself live in the sick delusion that this is something and someone that I want because right now I'm thoroughly convinced it's the only thing that's keeping you distracted and therefore myself alive.
Your turn asshole. Is all I can think when I bite your lip and cheek enough to have you yelping and then I reach my free hand down to shove the front of your boxers down enough for your cock to spring free and then wriggle my legs completely out of mine, my bare ass and thighs catching on little bits of glass on the floor but it's nothing compared to the pain in the rest of my body. I bring the hand that isn't still fisted into your hair up to my mouth and spit on my fingers before reaching down to spread it over my sore pussy, if I was going to go through with this then I was at least going to make it as least painful as possible.
Before you can say anything else or make me stop I'm gripping your cock and adjusting my legs at your sides to slip you inside of me with a cry of pain that I don't know if you'll misconstrue as pleasure, either way I start to move my hips in a way that drags my silky walls along every inch of you, sickly obsessed with just how easily it is to make you crumble.
@bonghitsforfeds
I feel a line of something warm running into my mouth after the bite and I don’t know if it's spit or blood and I don’t think I even give a shit anymore. Our hands were colliding as you worked my boxers down. At first I tried to help, but eventually decided you were doing a better job. Instead I move the hand behind you and pinch your ass cheek so hard my forearm hurts. Glass cut into my knuckles from being pinned beneath us both, and the squeaks you emit when you pull me inside of you causes my heart and cock to throb powerfully in unison. I move my hand underneath you to the small of your sweaty and bleeding back in a move to pull you upward into me as we begin to fuck each other on the floor of this sunlit room. I tried to call you a whore but it fell out as a high pitched noise I had never made before, and this caused an embarrassing choking flame of anger to cough up in my chest.
Giving up on words I just growl and press my lips into the side of your lower jaw before licking down your purple neck to the collar of your shirt. With my nose now pressed to your neck I huff in effort to meet the pace of your bucking hips. The smell of your wet sex reaches my nostrils and I let your back fall to the floor so I can grab the wrist of the hand you used to wipe spit into yourself. I push myself up onto my elbow so I can pull the fingers of your hand into my mouth. The tingly taste of you makes me moan again and I fall against you into the glass covered floor so I can mash my lips to yours and make you share. After a sloppy kiss I finally manage to push words out at you in a pitch still too high to hear come out of my own throat, “I am going to put a fucking baby in you Camila Roberts.” I stare into your eyes so I can memorize exactly what they do when you process the information I just spoke into your mouth.
"Oh my god" I can't believe that I let it slip out but I couldn't hold it back. I don't know if its the desperate way that you fuck yourself into me or the way your hands clamor at different parts of my body but it feels like you can't get enough of me, like you need me to survive and I hate myself but I can feel my pussy getting more and more wet until the sounds of skin meeting skin turn sticky and messy and- Fuck it feels good. The thought hits me like a freight train and makes my stomach turn so violently but I still can't stop my hips from bucking up into yours.
I watch in awe as you take my fingers and pull them into your mouth before your lips are pressed into mine again in something desperate and messy and I can't stop myself from kissing back, sharing in the slight taste of myself on your tongue. The only thing that manages to pull me from the haze I managed to find myself in is the words you say 'I am going to put a fucking baby in you Camila Roberts' It dawns on me that I haven't taken plan B and you've already cum inside me once, I have no idea if I'm in my fertile window or not because I haven't been sleeping with anyone so I haven't been checking the app to be sure. I know you can see the fear blowing my pupils wide when you stare at me waiting to see my response and wanting to keep the upper hand even if only for a short while, I respond by rolling my hips up into yours even harder, and before you can say anything I reach between up to run that same hand over the slick that's coating your cock before I bring it up to your mouth to shove my fingers between yours lips, giving you a better taste of what my arousal is actually like.
@bonghitsforfeds
When your eyebrows shot up and most of your eyes turned white in terror I thought I was going to vibrate through the floor into a different dimension. I grunted so hard I almost gagged when you began rounding the motions of your hips into a smooth angle that had the head of my cock brushing the textured roof of you in a way I had never felt before. I tried to turn my head even an inch but the grip you had of my hair sprang tears into my eyes that ran down over my cheekbones and into the fresh stitches you just sewed into my face. I whimpered for freedom and I was about to tell you to let go but then two fingers are stuffed into my mouth so hard I can only breathe through my nose. My whole head and throat are filled with the smell and taste of watery of sex and my eyes involuntarily roll into my head. I wanted to keep looking at you but it was too much sensory input at once. Desperately I swallowed the liquid on your hand, an action that was more on purpose than I would admit to even myself. The ecstasy was so intense that I swore to grinding into you on that cold tile floor that I would spend the rest of my life with you.
I tried to speak past your fingers that I was going to write my entire lineage's wealth into your name just to make my ancestors spin in their graves but no matter how hard I pushed with my tongue you would not pull your hand from my face. I was gagging on the sharp points of your nails scratching the back of my throat. Finally I give in to your counter assault and let go of the fist in my hair. Surrendering to it was so intoxicating I felt my cock throb inside you again. Having nothing better to do with my free hand I just hooked my thumb into your mouth and pulled at your cheek sideways. Your tongue working around my finger made my knees shake and it was then I realized that I had no urge to painfully bash your brains in. It was such a paralyzingly new feel to me my eyes went wide in surprise. Am I about to die? As I tried to pull your face s
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ideways to the floor you pulled with strength I didn't know you possessed and I actually heard hair start to rip from my scalp. So that’s what that feels like. I had no idea how to escalate the situation without becoming neigh murderous so I just started fucking you harder in a desperate attempt to pump you full of every ounce of cum I could. I was going to press my goddamn hips so hard into yours that there was no way you weren't getting knocked up.
I don't know what it is about this that is so intoxicating to me but I can't seem to get enough. Maybe it's giving you even the smallest fraction of what you've been putting me through since last night or maybe it's actually having what feels like real power for once in my life all I know is that is has me panting and letting out actual moans of pleasure over and over again as the head of your thick cock brushes against that sweet spot inside of me over and over again. "That's what I really taste like" I pant out feeling you swallow around my fingers and refusing to move them every time you try to make me. I would have taken them out but the fact that you wanted me to makes it that much sweeter to leave them there pressed against your tongue.
I give you a wild smile when you hook your thumb into my cheek and try to pull my face sideways only to be met with more resistance than I even knew I had left and in our battle for control I feel the hair start to rip from your scalp, knowing this is what you did to me sending a shiver straight up my spine and a heat into my gut. More. I tug just a little harder to hear you grunt in pain before I ease up and finally pull my fingers from your mouth. I can feel my body climbing higher and higher even through the pain of every thrust of your cock into my battered pussy, my drool covered fingers clawing at the floor beside me.
"Fuck- fuck I'm gonna cum" I half pant half moan before closing my lips around your thumb that's still hooked into my cheek and dancing my tongue all over it as I suck only to bite down when my body finally reaches its peak and my thighs start to tremble and my hips lose their rhythm, whining desperately as my pussy pulses and squeezes around you uncontrollably.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you finally pull the hand from my face there is a long dangling sticky string that stretches out from my mouth to your fingers that takes much further to snap than I would have expected. I feel the half on my end fall down my face and wrap around my chin to my neck. Your hand pushes a picture frame as you twist and turn closer to your orgasm. Every picture frame in our home will be just us. No one else. Just us. *
The noises of pleasure that slip from your red lips cause a sweat to break out from my forehead and my vision begins to swim in waves. I press against your tongue as it circles my thumb drinking in the way your eyebrows get closer together in pain every time I mash it into your mouth. Next thing I know your abdomen is clenching with so much cramping power that it hurts. "Do it Mouse slut, come for me." The vibrating joy reaches my fingertips as you climax, and I manage four or five more pumps after your hips crash to the floor before I feel a pressure building in my core. My moaning takes on that new tone again and I could not help the nervous laughter that starts to wrack my body.
I have to press with purposeful effort to keep my swelling cock pushing into your tightening cunt, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose my pace. I opened my eyes for a mere second at your panting pale body on the floor and I knew I was about to get my release. I pop my finger from your mouth so I can wrap both hands around your back and pull you into me. Burying my cock as far in you as I can I spill my entire load into your guts without pulling my hips an inch. Collapsing atop you still inside I take deep breaths while listening to your lungs also attempt to fill with air. *Tell her you love her. Jesus Christ no moment is sacred from my own mind.
"Don't stop" I mumble out around your finger as my body keeps riding the high of the orgasm, I didn't even realize I said it until it was far too late and I was too high on the pleasure to care at the moment. I could feel you getting closer, and the way you had to fight against my body to keep pushing inside of me.
When you finally lose the battle against your own body and cum inside me with what somehow feels like even more urgency than last night I completely go limp underneath you. The only motion is my chest heaving to try and catch my breath and the tremble of my legs. I know I should push you off of me and rush to the bathroom to try and get as much of you out of me as I can but I feel borderline comatose from having cum so hard. I can feel my cunt still pulsing around you as if my treacherous body hasn't already had enough.
I can also feel the pain setting in, both from the freshly cracked ribs and from the continued abuse of my sex without any real break to recover in between. I need to keep him off of me until I can get away or kill him.. I can't get pregnant right now. Not with him. "I think my ribs are broken" I say as I continue to try to catch my breath, the pain of you still collapsed on top of me starting to take its toll.
@bonghitsforfeds
The room was spinning in rapid lurches that had me stuck collapsed onto you. We quivered against each other's insides and it was hard to move my tongue around in my mouth from how slimy and sticky it was. The pain in my hand sprang to life on queue and I summoned enough energy to roll my arm over and take note of the trails of blood running down from the shiny shards peppered into it. There was something hanging oddly in my vision and I let out a tiny gasp of air when I realized it was my own hair stuck to my face.
When you said your ribs are broken my head flip flopped to try and piece together whatever had just occurred between us. You sucked air through your teeth in a moment of sharp pain, and I sat up realizing I should have done it before. Pulling myself from you I hated how bruised your groin was. My seed leaked from you and I don't know what I had expected to feel upon seeing that but it was not the gut wrenching guilt I did now. I pulled my boxers back up and found scooting around was much easier to do so since I had slick crimson blood covering my shins from our many new cuts. Ignoring the urge to make a joke about how we were even on rib smashing, I shook my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts. The hair on my face fluttered to the floor beside you. It came to rest on a small spattering of blood where it floated for a second before sinking partially into it. “R-ribs. Right.” I tried to rise up but kneeled directly on a shard of glass and it cut hard into the flesh stopping only once it reached bone.
Closing my eyes and inhaling a deep breath trying my hardest to not let rage shed the skin off my body I calmed the panicked anger back into myself. I found the will to rise to my feet, still wincing at the carpet of pain surrounding us, before I scooped your bleeding, crying, and sex soaked body into my arms once again. Drowning out the sounds of your screaming and the hatred you stared through my being, I took several wobbly bloody steps back to the c
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ouch before I did my best to gently set you onto it. I kneeled beside you shaking in pain at the little cuts covering my legs before I said, “Let’s do all this shit over again, I guess.”
Thank god. Is all I can think when you finally sit up and let me breathe without the crushing pain of my ribs feeling like they're cracking under the pressure. I cant help but let out a wince and then a scream when you scoop me up again to take me over to the couch, trying to make sure that I stretch outright as much as I can to avoid the pain.
"It's not that bad, think they're just cracked." I grit out looking at where a jagged piece of glass is still sticking out of your bare leg. "You need to get that out and let me sew it back together so it doesn't get worse." I gesture towards the shard and the blood dripping down your leg. Fucking entire house looks like a crime scene now
“Not that ba-” before I could properly get across to you how you are a breathing corpse you point out my leg. I switch to sitting flat on the floor so I can pull the red smeared legs out in front of me. Why is she worried about us? I could not help but agree, why were you so focussed on my condition? I try my best to make it a joke, “Cami, I hate to break it to you, but the house is ruined you can let me bleed all over it with no worries.” The shards of glass were beginning to sting painfully, but I was not going to let you know that. “We need to clean you up and make sure you aren’t like, internally bleeding or something?” I run a hand through my mat of hair at the thought of a rib poking into your lung.
Looking back over at the latest scene of twisted coitus I have trouble remembering the order of events clearly. When did the power dynamic change? Now there is pain in my arm, and I remember its bleeding too. Did we just fuck in a pile of glass? I stare at you now desperately waiting for you to distract me. My body shook from the power of the orgasm I was still trying to clear my head of, and the fact I broke you after just having barely put you back together.
I don't really understand why but it's not until you mention the fact that my entire house is pretty much ruined that I burst into tears again, not even from the physical pain which is still a little dulled from the flood of endorphins, but from the emotional pain. I had just started to feel like my life was my life again, started to feel like the house I spent so long putting together was really a home and now here it was in shambled covered in a mix of our blood and other fluids.
I can feel myself starting to lose it falling into what feels like the beginning of a panic attack, my breaths coming quick and choppy each and every one making the pain in my ribs worse and worse but I can't manage to make myself stop and breathe. I clutch onto the couch underneath me and squeeze the fabric for dear life as my vision starts to turn fuzzy on the edges. Breathe. Breathe. BREATHE. BREATHE* But I can't and soon I'm audibly gasping with the effort its taking to suck in air.
My eyes dart from you, to the pile of glass on the floor thats currently covered in little drips and puddles of blood, to my own torso which is still covered by that same band tee which now has tiny cuts in the fabric from that same glass. *What the fuck just happened? What am I doing? What the fuck do I do?@bonghitsforfeds
My head still felt heavy and this made it harder to be upset at the nervous breakdown you were having. Lost in the moment a tiny piece of me assumed maybe a weird dynamic had formed for which I now felt incredibly foolish for having thought. I considered just letting you cry it out, no grouping of magic words was going to make this terrible nightmare better for you. Causing pain was something I was somewhat new too, but ignoring it was a method I was good at.
I was looking around for what happened to the tweezers when you started to make squeezing panicked attempts at breathing. I was way outside my element now. Whiplash did not even begin to describe it. I am supposed to be the one keeping you guessing, why do I feel like a useless fucking idiot right now? In my mind I only had a few choices, and I was not really in the mood to kill you right now so I went with the next best one.
Sitting down on the small lip of the couch beside where you were laying I stroked at your chest in a circular motion. I did my best to ignore the side you had collided with the bookcase on and made an awkward attempt to keep you from hyperventilating. Cooing, “Come on Cami, you have to breathe.” I cannot imagine what the shuddering movement in your chest feels like with those smashed bones. “Come on honey, please you are going to pass out if you don’t breathe deeper.” I wanted to pick you up into a seated hug but the noises you made when I moved you to the couch originally changed my mind. I need to get her out of this house.
When you sit down next to me on the couch I can't help but feel the need to run away, far far away from you and everything that's happened here. Far away from the fact that I actually just fucked the man who assaulted me and turned me into the beaten pulp that I am now. I try to tell. Myself that it was just a distraction to keep you from bashing my head against the tile until every thought and memory leaked out to again it forever but somewhere deep down I can't help the itching feeling that it was more than that.
I visibly shake the thoughts out of my head and I'm so panicked that even though I flinch when you start to rub my chest I can't actually make myself run away. I shake my head again when you tell me I need to breathe because I just can't. "It's ruined it's all ruined everything I did to make myself a new home-" it all comes out so choppy through my panicked breaths and sobs but still clear enough to hear as I press my palms into my bruised and swollen eyes.
@bonghitsforfeds
My psyche was flipping to invent a solution to your emotional breakdown. The calm motions and words did not seem to be doing the trick, and anger broiled as I began to lose control of the situation. I scrambled to find a way to say that the house is not that bad, and that your wounds would heal. I opened my mouth to make the statement and decided it sounded a little bit too unhinged considering what had been done here. Already downplaying it like last time?
The familiar spicy hug of hate bloomed in my chest, and again the sick thoughts from last night of finishing your sad life in a moment of cruel mercy played in the theater of thought. Everywhere I attempted a calming touch only seemed to escalate the level of pain you experienced. The boyish coward pleaded at me to just leave you here and run out the door, but I knew I was in too deep. As much as I liked to play tough guy I did not like the prospects of spending my life in a supermax cell. Selfish.
Manipulative guilt spilled out, “I-I’ll clean it up. Myself. Make it like I was never here.” I realized after speaking how convenient it was I spoke as if the things I had done to you would not remain pounded into your brain like nails in a wooden fence. “Please, stop crying.” I hated that I felt bad. I knew it would be at least a full floor remodel of the upstairs. I was acutely aware of how impossible these promises were. I just wanted the tears to stop pouring out of your eyes. I loathed that every emotion I felt had to be mixed in a stew of hatred.
"I just wanted to feel like I was home again" I cry and shake my head never having experienced the kind of panic I couldn't control like this until that night on the back porch at the first house. Since then they came few and far between, especially at night when I would wake up in a cold sweat from my blankets being wrapped too tightly around me, trigging memories of you wrapped around my legs trying to keep me from escaping. This is what would have happened that night. The thought shoots through my head like a bullet and hits me just as hard. You didn't really escape.
"W..what?" I turn to look at you with watery eyes and wipe at my nose, your words only really sinking in once you repeated them again. 'I'll clean it up.' I can't tell if you're being serious or not and I know that at least the entire upstairs carpet and the bathroom tiles will have to be replaced or at the very least steam cleaned to get what I imagine is more blood than I originally thought out of them. "O-okay if you mean it" I manage to start sucking in some deeper breaths and even though they're still coming broken up and choppy as least my vision starts to clear up and my fingers start to tingle less.
It isn't until a few moments later when a very disturbing through enters my mind: he isn't leaving.@bonghitsforfeds
“I mean it.” I almost said doll again, but managed to not slip it in. Cleaning up the mess was serious enough of a promise. It may take my stupid ass a month to do, but I would eat a mountain bite by bite if you asked me to. I needed a distraction from the growing feeling of protection; the feeling of vulnerability was making me go mad.
“Do you want me to get the glass out of you?” Of course you did not want me touching you. How was I this bad at talking to people? Staring at the staircase I pictured myself dragging rolls of carpet up them like we were renovating a new home together. That’s sad, even for you. My jaw clicked from being set on edge. Looking into your eyes now while still petting at your sobbing body, “Anything Mouse.” It was an open offer. We both knew you truly wanted me to get away, but the tone was genuine enough. My eyes caught a shiny new stain on the couch, and I cataloged yet another piece of ruined furniture. Was there anything here untouched?
It took me a bit longer to get my breathing under control and I was left feeling absolutely exhausted as if it all finally hit me at once, everything that had happened a month ago and everything that had happened since last night. When you ask me if I want you to take the glass out of my all I can do is nod but I'm not even sure you can tell. "Y-yeah" I say because I know I won't be able to get it all out myself, especially the small pieces in my back.
I wondered what would happen if I told you that I wanted you to leave, if you would have gotten up and walked out the door leaving me to collect the shattered pieces of myself or if you would crumble those pieces into dust and let them blow away in the wind. Once you find the tweezers and start to pick out the small pieces of glass from my back I can't help but speak up again with the crushing need to fill the silence between snake and mouse. "People will notice that I'm missing you know.." It wasn't said in a mean way or even with a sarcastic bite to it, it was just a quietly stated fact and I didn't know how you planned to handle that.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was thankful your breathing had petered out into something almost steady. Soon I found myself plucking the tiny shards of glass from your back with the familiar tools, and I tried to ignore the combination of sadness and elation that sprang up every time you jumped in pain. I had long since run out of adhesive bandages so now I had switched to tiny pieces of gauze and medical tape. It looked like someone had pushed you out of a window and into a thorn bush.
My hands felt crusty from the streaks of blood sealing up the seams in their palms, and I wanted a nail brush to clean the evidence of my sick fun here away. I was working to free a shard from your shoulder when you told me people will miss you. Do I have a switchboard on my chest that has buttons only she can press? I felt nauseous from how back and forth every minute in your presence was. It was weird to try and wrap my mind around how these words made me feel. On one hand I still knew there was a chance of keeping you under my lock and key, on the other hand I knew there was no way I would cope with someone trying to ruin this for me. In a tone of evil velvet, “Are you trying to get me to kill you?” I honestly wonder what your intentions are when speaking to me. Did you get a rise out of pushing me? Was it just concussed trauma compounded with naivety? If I made you into a real corpse what does it matter who knows, you would be dead. I could not keep my head from tilting while awaiting your answer. Even now I could feel heat in my chest at how your back rose and fell to the fearful panting you emit.
I can feel the goosebumps raise in my skin when you ask me so deceivingly calmly if I'm trying to get you to kill me and of course I'm not but if I don't say something I feel like I'll explode, something that until last night I didn't realize was such a problem I struggled with. "No.. I just.. I guess I'm trying to figure out..." What exactly is it that I'm trying to figure out? I let my words trail off and couldn't think of anything else to say because I don't know if you even have an answer, or if you did there you'd give it to me.
"I don't want you to kill me... And I don't think you really want to kill me either." I think back to when you said I was the one thing that made you feel something real and try to use that to my advantage to maybe get you to keep riding up over that monster inside of you that seems to have the most control over your actions. To maybe give myself a chance to escape at some point.
@bonghitsforfeds
You could see right through me. Like my body was made of the same glass shattered all over the floor besides us, and my disgusting filth pumping heart lay bare for you to gaze upon. I wanted to compress you in another death hug until your gasping became involuntary shudders. How do you reconcile that with the intrusive thoughts of our lives together that keep flashing into my mind? I wanted every experience of your existence to be stolen for myself. It was not just enough to raid your home and steal from you the most intimate gift you can give, I had to suck down every last drop of what you could offer.
I did not speak again until I had most of the shards free from your flesh. You wanted to know why I had not slit your throat and wiped my hands of this situation. My fingers began to shake and the trembling in my voice betrayed the cool façade, “No. I want you to-” Goddammit how do I get this across, why do I even care about getting it across? “If I could bottle the fucking air you exhale I would, just so I could be the only one to ever huff it.” I wanted to stop but the feelings kept pouring, “I think you can help me.” The words were so quiet now, barely above a whisper, “I need you to help me.”
At first I thought I had gone too far, pushed too hard, I sat there waiting with bated breath trying to prepare my body for more pain. When it didn't come I was surprised. You just kept working picking shard after shard of glass out of my skin, once again trying to clean me up from the mess you made of me. Was this just some sick cycle of needing to fix broken things or did you actually regret hurting me? Maybe it wasn't any of those things. Maybe you were just a sick bastard that still had a guilty conscience.
Your words weren't what I was expecting to hear at all. I'd never heard such strong declarations from anyone before, hell I'd barely ever even heard weak ones outside of the bedroom. How could someone who wants so much to keep me for themselves hurt me so much? It was so confusing. I wracked my head trying to figure it out, if you actually wanted me or if you were just fixated on me and why that made a difference at all with everything you'd already done.
"What makes you think that I can help you? I don't... I don't even know you." I pinched my brows together in confusion and took the tweezers from your hand to pick pieces of glass from your legs, wincingand yelping in pain when I bent just a little to far forward to try to get a better look at a smaller one to get it out. "You don't really know anything about me either I mean.. not really"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I don’t even know you.’ The other side of myself howled at me with laughter. What do you know about me? I’m a peeping tom. I have no bounds for consent. I am violent. I brood. A sweat broke out over my brow and the pain from you pushing steel into my leg felt far away. A scalding weight pressed into my chest and it was hard to find air. All I had to do was flex my leg up and I would drive those stupid tweezers into your question puking face. The yelp as you bent over to continue helping me pulled my head from the sand. As I sit here shooting hateful thoughts into the back of your head you are still attempting to clean me up.
A deep breath. Two deep breaths. It took three large inhales before I felt the pressure in my head release after you pointed out how little I know about you. I fought the urge to shake you by your hair and scream how wrong you are. However I simmered because you were right about this too. Why are you always right? What do I know about you? Or better yet, what do I know about you that makes all of this somehow different. It felt like we were back in the café, I could not find the right words. “I know you’ve felt loneliness. The kind that hurts.” It was vague, but it was true. I had seen you surrounded by people with that longing look of still being isolated. You are talented and gorgeous. This place is decorated like someone who is educated in art, or at the very least has been exposed to it. So where was everyone? Was I just convincing myself? I stared at the blood tinged hair breezing on my leg as your perfect breath moved passed it. Even though you made my head feel like a rock in a mud filled bog I still hinged on everything you said.
I hated how heavy the moments of silence felt as I waited for your reactions every time I said something. I never knew if every breath that crept it's way in and out of my lungs was going to be my last or not. If the next or last thing I said would be the last words to ever leave my lips, if the thoughts running through my head would suddenly be snuffed out into nothing. The silence between us was terrifying, maybe even more than the violence, at least that was something tangible.
Loneliness. That was true. You know at least that much about me. Ever since moving here, maybe even before then, it's felt like the people who come into my life come to take what piece of me they need before leaving and taking it with them, leaving me just a little bit more empty in the process. I longed for real connection, for something that lasted longer than an overnight stay in a sweaty sex smelling bed, but that's what had become safe. If I didn't give them the chance to take different pieces then I could hoard the ones left inside the caverns in my chest left by others.
"That's true..." I'd started finding other ways to keep myself occupied than other people. Decorating the new house was the latest endeavor but before that I would find myself lost in movies, doodling in a sketch pad, painting and taking a lot of lonely walks at the beach or through the suburban streets. Anything to keep my mind busy. "So.. how does someone see someone who's so lonely and think that they can help them?" Why are you even talking to this freak? Jab the tweezers in an artery and leave.@bonghitsforfeds
Goddammit she wrapped back to the question. I had been hoping you would not make me answer this. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and winced when it passed over the raw flesh of where you had wrenched some out. "Help may have been a bad word. It’s not that I felt as if you were going to fix me like one would fix the leg of a broken chair. It's not a process of mending or repairing, but one of mutuality. I crawled out of my hole and saw a creature just as empty as I was."
I recall a night aboard my father’s boat. 'The world son,' he had said before whacking a golf ball out into the Pacific, 'Doesn't care about men like you and I.' I saw the splash of where the shiny sphere landed before I heard the sound. I hated when he managed to catch me alone like this. Even in this instance at twenty years old I would rather have dove three stories into the cold water below then stand here and listen to one of his chats. He turned to hand me the club but before letting go said, 'They don’t feel things the same way. They will eventually catch on that we are there to use.' At that point I was still living the lie that I was not like him.
You had stopped pulling glass from my leg and it ripped me from the memory. It seemed you expected more. Staring at your patchy head I sigh, “Like two birds with the wrong colored feathers.” No, that was too artsy, but I had already committed, “Two fish in a polluted lake with the same amount of eyes. I- I don’t know what you want from me.” I felt like I had come to practice without memorizing my lines. I felt my face get hot in embarrassment. It may have been the first time I ever cared about a woman thinking I was a moron. I could not help my arms wrapping around you in the reverse hug, an act of selfish grounding.
Mutuality. I wouldn't call any of this mutual. The words scratch at the back of my teeth like a prisoner banging on their cell wall until they finally come out just so I can have the relief of not holding them in anymore. "I wouldn't say this has been exactly mutual so far Ivon.." it felt like I had opened the flood gates of things I wanted to say, the only unfortunate part was I was likely only going to drown myself in the flood. "I mean last night.. you left me that message on the mirror and then you attacked me in my own house and you- you-" I shake my head my stupid lip starting to quiver again as I try my best not to cry, not to show how weak I really am. "You took something that's never supposed to be taken that way.. I'm so broken now I don't know how I'd ever be able to help fix someone else."
The last part came out quiet as if I was ashamed to say it because honestly I am, I can't help but feel disgusted with myself for getting off both times this has happened in less than 24 hours but especially the first. I brace myself there in your arms waiting for them to squeeze around me and finish the job the bookcase started, squeezing the life out of me just like the snake I think you are, trying to focus on every happy memory I have so the last thing on my mind is anything but your face moaning above me or your fists hovering waiting to strike my face.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘You took something that’s never supposed to be taken that way...’ Walked into that one like a barbed bear trap. This was not working. I was running out of armor to strip off. I expected to talk my way out of it. Not so charming outside a villa huh? The ball in my chest started to press outward, and my arms shook with a mix of angst and melancholic self loathing.
Like a meteor had pierced the roof and split me into gore it finally struck me why I didn’t care what happened in the end. This was one long dramatic suicide. There was a cold pang of mixed relaxation and shock when I realized it. If I got caught or you managed to gain the upper hand, why does it matter? There was no way in hell I was going to go back to bumping shoulders with senators while pretending to enjoy fly fishing after this. Not even the work I did was helpful; it only brought pain and suffering somewhere far off in the world.
I leaned back to reach into the stupid gun harness. It felt like a toy strapped to me now. What was I going to do with this fucking thing? Shoot my way out of a situation? Murder this broken girl? You squirmed so hard when I set it in your lap that it took effort to keep you from leaving my grip. In hindsight I probably should have announced that I did not intend to use it on you. “There shithead. Shoot me with it.” It did not sound as edgy as I wanted it too, it came out pathetic. Pathetic, just like you had said yourself.
When I heard and felt you reach into the gun harness I tried to pull away from you, to run as far and as fast as I could, not that I thought they would be very far or very fast at the moment but maybe by some miracle I would get lucky enough to avoid the lead chunk that surely had my name on it. You managed to keep me there though in your grasp and I didn't stop moving until I heard your words. They hit me like a bucket of ice water and I didn't know why. 'Shoot me with it.' You said it like it was the most simple thing in the world and yet I couldn't make myself move.
I looked down at the cold, shiny, and lethal metal sitting there in my lap and couldn't make myself say anything. It felt like the words were dying on my tongue every time I tried to speak. After a few long moments I wrap my hand around the handle and rest my pointer finger along the side, dad always said don't put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot. I sit there holding it, feeling the weight of it in my hand and seeing what looks like a pieces of my skin and my blood tainting it's perfect polished finish. I lift it and it feels like it weighs fifty pounds in my weak and shaky hand, before I turn in your lap so I'm sideways in it now instead and let my eyes meet yours as I press the cooling metal to your temple.
I let it sit there for what feels like ages keeping my eyes locked on yours and trying to figure out if you actually want to die or not before I take it off of your head and instead press it to my own. It would be so easy, too easy to pull the trigger and send the memories of the last 24 hours out of my head and onto the couch, floor, and wall instead.
@bonghitsforfeds
The struggle got rough enough I thought that it might go off in your lap. I almost wrapped my arm around your throat when you finally stopped thrashing. You were staring at the gun, and I wished desperately to hear your thoughts. I almost asked what you were thinking when finally your trembling hands wrapped around the textured handle.
I had never had a gun pointed at me by someone else before. Sure maybe an accidental sweep by a drunk acquaintance who can't help pulling theirs out, but never pressed straight to the side of my head. You are going to let this scrawny cunt end us? It felt so nice to turn the tide on that hateful little shit for once. Every part of my being screamed with flight or fight. Anyone who says suicide is a cowards way out has never had a gun pointed at their face. Those big dark eyes... There are worse ways to die. I think the most surprising part to me was I couldn’t cry. I began to wonder if it was going to hurt when you turned the gun to yourself.
If whiplash was what I felt before, I had now been bisected and thrown into two pieces. My eyes went wide in anticipation of watching your life sprinkler into the room around us. I couldn't move, and I was worried if I did it would only make you jump. I resisted the urge to swallow and instead spoke the only words I could think of, “I love you.” If before I anticipated to see you die, after those words I was sure of that outcome.
'I love you' My finger was already rested on the trigger, occasionally squeezing just enough to test the resistance like my own sick little some of Russian roulette when the words came out. 'I love you' My eyes squeezed shut. I'd wanted to hear those words out of someone who really meant it for such a long time now, someone that I didn't share blood with. 'I love you' I didn't know which emotion was the strongest. Confusion? Anger? Disgust? Longing? No I wouldn't let the last one sink in. Not right now.
I dropped the gun away from my temple and felt tears spring to my eyes again. He was gonna watch you do it he doesn't really care and why do you even want him to? The confusing tornado of thoughts swirling around my head was enough to have me putting the gun back to my head, small broken sobs making my whole body tremble. "No you don't" I shake my head and curse myself for lacking the ability to just pull the trigger and end my own suffering, you really want to live a life stuck with him? The voice in my head taunted me but I still couldn't make myself pull the fucking trigger.
"I can't do it" I whimper out, my watery blurry eyes still on yours. "I can't pull the trigger I fucking can't just- just fucking pull it for me"
@bonghitsforfeds
When the gun dropped from your temple the sigh that flew from my face was so cleansing of stress it was a near religious experience. Like all good things in this reality though it was short lived because soon you had it pressed to your head again, and were accusing me of lying. ‘No you don't!’ It was a deserved claim, but it still hurt. An explosion of burning pain seared in my chest, I did not know how to react. Everything I thought of doing seemed wrong.
‘...just fucking pull it for me.’ I don’t know what's more fucked up; the fact I was disappointed you had not shot me, or the fact my freaky houndish love was real. I did love you. The tears streaming down your face had my heart doing lurches. I could not hear anything through the rushing in my head.
Stealing a move from your playbook, I simultaneously reached for the gun to push it from your head while pressing my swollen lips to yours. Pain stabbed into my cheek from where your fresh teeth marks had yet to be treated. Now tears ran from my face to mix with yours. My whole body was tense with the expectation of one of our lives being ended in a quick flash of gun smoke.
The second your lips met mine my eyes shot open wide, this was the last thing I was expecting you to do and it caught me so off guard I think I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew it was just a distraction but I still had to remind myself of that fact. You just did the same thing to him stupid. I feel you push the gun away from my head at the same time and for a few moments I let myself kiss you back as if this was just an every day kiss with someone that I share real love with before I put the gun right back where it was nuzzled against my temple and pull the trigger.
ClickClickClick
Jammed. The fucking gun was jammed, probably from being in so much water the night before. My lips are still on yours but I can't help starting to sob even harder, I don't know if more from relief or disappointment that the gun didn't go off and send a lead chunk that would finally quiet my thoughts shooting through my brain.
@bonghitsforfeds
When your tongue swirled into mine I thought it was working. Maybe my monstrous presence and the grand slam manipulation had distracted you from putting kinetic lead through your brainstem. It was a battle in myself to not press you flat down and start running my hands over your bruised body. I almost lost this battle when suddenly I heard the sear of the gun clicking next to our faces.
I opened my eyes wide not even realizing I had closed them during my lunge for your lips. I did not know how to cope with the fact you should be dead and my ears should be ringing from the detonation that failed to occur. Every time you cycled the trigger I expected the gun to realize its mistake and cough a bullet out at you.
“Goddammit Ms. Roberts, stop!” I pulled my lips from yours to try and wrestle the blood stained metal from your grip. I had shifted both my hands to the arm you had around the pistol which I now tried desperately to pull from your head. I seemed to forget my place as an intruder into your sanctuary, and now fought with new found will power to get my gun back. “The piece of shit apparently doesn't even work. Stop pulling the trigger! Mouse!” My voice raised higher in volume when barking the last nickname out, and I shook your arm around now trying to fling the firearm out of your fingers.
"No I don't want to do this anymore!" I cry when you start trying to wrestle the gun from my hand wanting nothing more than to not have to suffer with the pain thats taken residence in my body and even moreso my brain. I fight against you without even thinking about the fact that you're trying to save my life and keep me from pulling the trigger over and over again against my head, even as you try to fight for me to stop.
It isn't until you shout to stop pulling the trigger and call me the nickname that for some weird reason my twisted brain finds endearing that I actually realize what I'm doing pulling it over and over and over again just begging it to end everything forever. *You're better than this. Stop. Stop.* I let the gun fall from my fingers and crumple into a ball against your chest no matter how much pain it causes me.
"I thought that's what you wanted." I manage to get out through sobs feeling somehow stupid for not even being able to shoot myself in the head right. "I'm sorry I tried" I squeak out.
@bonghitsforfeds
The pistol flew from your clutches and landed with the crack of gunmetal on tile. When your sobbing form collapsed into me I still tensed stiffly waiting for a gunshot until it finally spun to a stop some distance away. With a sigh I allowed both my arms to pull you into a shaky embrace. Combing at your hair in a soothing motion I say, “No Cami, never.” It did not feel right to try and remind you I originally wanted you to shoot me, not yourself.
I wish I could condense the fluttery feeling I get when you plead ‘sorry’ into a powder and snort it. We rocked slowly in the seated sideways hug now, and I kept petting at the long dark hair as if I could pull the sadness from your head through it. Previous attempts to charm you back into submission had me thinking twice about trying to talk more, and so I tried to just be an anchoring point for your valid panic attack. After I had most of your hair pulled into straight strands I sat you up so we could look at each other. I wiped a tear away from your swollen eyes, but instead of helping it just worked to re moisturize the blood on my hands which now streaked outward from your face like war paint. Gauze bandages wrapped around your head sagged at the improper angle. The twinkling sparkle of your watery eyes rooted mixed feelings within. What makes me enjoy the controlled suffering of another? I could still taste you in my mouth. It was too much. Staring at you I waited for a distraction, anything to make the raw emotional feelings cover themselves back up.
That feels nice. I think to myself when your fingers comb through my hair even though occasionally it causes a sharp pain when it tugs are a sore spot or near the gash. It's soothing and I hate it, I hate that somehow you can make me feel better but also worse than I've ever felt before in my life. It isn't fair.
When you sit up so tbsg we're face to face again I find myself embarrassed having you see me so up close for some reason. Embarrassed for you to see the girl who couldn't even get a gun to go off even when she was pulling the trigger. Who's the pathetic one now? My mind taunts as you thumb over my cheek leaving sticky crimson behind unbeknownst to me. I wonder what it is that you're thinking as you stare at me so intently that it feels like your eyes are burning into mine. If there's any way you could actually have any kind of human feelings towards me or if I was just a sick obsession that you'd eventually tire with and get rid of. I honestly didn't know which option made me feel worse anymore. You'd become someone whom I was terrified of because of the monumental damage you could do but also someone who I turned to to fix me and make it better. It was confusing. "Everything is so confusing" I say just barely above a whisper as my eyes search your face for who knows what.
@bonghitsforfeds
I love when your breath is in my face like this. Wrapping my hands around one of your legs I squeezed it in reassurance. Thank goodness you said something, because I almost kissed you again in panic. I felt my head nodding as I processed the statement. “You’re right, Mouse.” Frowning now, “Given time we might figure each other out.” I knew better than to flirt, but nothing made sense anymore. One of my hands moved to cup your cheek. It felt like I was in the backseat of my own mind and the wheel was just out of reach. A hurricane of emotion tore at my stoic foundation of character.
The lighting shifted as the sun hid behind a cloud. Anxiety cooled my blood. What was I going to do with this fucking place? In an attempt to avoid feeling so exposed my mind cartwheeled in Machiavellian planning. I still needed to isolate you from any income. I still needed to get us both out of this house. I cannot even remember the last time I drank any water. If you would stop humping her leg for ten minutes. My gaze ripped from yours as I shook the hatred away. Both my fists clenched your shoulders in frustration. “Say something. Anything. Please.”
"What am I supposed to say? I don't know what I'm supposed to say.." Its all I could come up with when you borderline begged me to speak as if the silence was suffocating you as much as it was suffocating me. It hadn't even been a full day but it felt like it had been years already since I'd experienced normalcy. I wanted to take a nap, to eat some ice cream, to watch tv, but every normal thing that I wanted to do felt so far out of reach. It felt like I would never be normal again until eventually I just disappeared into nothing.
"I want ice cream, and rest, and to watch a movie but I can't do those things with you.. I can't do those things here with the bloody carpet and the ruined tile I mean I'm afraid to even get food in my own home I don't.... I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore." All of my thoughts pour out of my mouth because I'm too tired to keep holding them back. Maybe you should since the guns jammed and that was the only quick death you were gonna get. The thought makes me grimace as fresh tears spring to my eyes. Tears I'm surprised I can even produce still with how much I've been crying.
@bonghitsforfeds
Of course you have no idea what to say, what is there to say? You are a victim in every sense of the word. I was applying too much pressure. ‘I can’t do those things with you.’ This woman was so broken already she just wanted the most basic of comforts. The hatred of hearing your truths loomed over any ‘good’ feelings I harbored. The hateful ego was hitting war drums. The careful blanket of logical emotion you had weaved pissed me off, I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted you to love me back.
Frustration, guilt, rage, and love all mixed into a nasty sludge. I couldn’t take it anymore. Standing up with a dramatic few stomps toward the staircase my foot found a forgotten piece of glass. I could feel the temper tantrum roiling beneath the surface. Standing on one leg I angrily pulled the shard from my heel. With a thick glaze of poorly hidden anger, “Let me make a few calls.” I could not remember where my phone was. It was long past a blurred mess, and had since drunkenly stumbled into a hailstorm only licensed psychology could unravel. That was just how I felt, who knows where you were at. Before limping up the staircase I turned back, “Don’t go anywhere. I am going to fix this.” Liar. My eyes danced between you, the door, and the handgun on the floor. I almost padded over to snatch it up, but decided it ultimately did not matter as both of our lives were effectively ruined. If everything went to plan yours more so.
Upstairs it took me a moment to retrace my steps but soon I had the cell phone pulled from my old pant pocket. Sitting on the edge of your bed trying to ignore the patterned spattering of your dried blood everywhere I made some emails and texts. Messages with the intent to ruin and defame. I had some important missed calls, but they might as well have belonged to a different person. You know they can trace cell phones right? “Yes.” I said through grit teeth in a bubbling of self directed anger. It took longer than I thought to peck everything o
15:51
ut on the tiny screen. It did not help that my hands would not stop trembling.
He's getting up.. he's leaving.. you could run away right now. The thoughts running repeat in my head when you stand up and leave me sitting there on the couch staring at the blood and glass on the floor. I manage a small nod when you tell me not to go anywhere, that somehow you're apparently going to fix this. I don't know how you could possibly manage to do that but I'll admit a small part of me is curious to find out. When you're gone for longer than I think you will be I end up getting up and dancing through the glass free spots on the floor to make my way to the kitchen. Why aren't you running?
Instead of running I open a cupboard and pull down a bowl before I open the freezer and grab the cookie dough ice cream that's been in there since I went shopping last week. I scoop way to much into the bowl and then grab a can of coke from the fridge before I sit back down on the couch. You should be running. "I can't" I mumble out loud in return to the voice screaming at me inside before shoving a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. I wonder what you're doing up there, how long you're going to be up there for, if I could finish this ice cream and then hobble my way out of the house just long enough to call for help.
Where is my phone? The thought hits me out of nowhere and I can't help but wonder if maybe it's down here, if I left it down here last night before it all went to hell. Where the hell did I leave it? I crack open the top of the can of coke and take a sip and it feels like drinking genuine happiness after everything that's happened so far. I even manage a small smile with the second bubbly sip as my brain keeps bouncing around wondering where I left my phone.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was not sure how it went down on the other side of this. Normally I was just given names to send down the pipeline and those individuals would have stories cooked up that crumbled their life to dust over a few weeks. Never once had I attempted to use these channels for personal gain. It was one thing to text a friend like when I first acquired your name, but this was a whole new echelon of family resources. I did not know if there was some vetting process that occurred to make sure we were not just marking red X's on everyone we hated. I had done this dozens of times for work and never once had a follow up question. But what if they know? I thumbed the blue send button, too late now.
I did not know what I expected to find when I rounded the stairs into the living room, but it wasn’t you snuggled on the couch with snacks. My eyes followed the swallowing motion in your throat, and I found myself jealous of the crisp soda. Glancing to the gun and then back to you I raised an eyebrow in silent questioning. Without saying anything I made my way to the kitchen. At this point I was relatively familiar with the layout of your cabinets, and I soon found myself standing near the couch with a glass of water.
Gulping down the refreshing liquid I wipe the leftover from my lips with the back of my hand. I watched you stuff a few more bites of the frozen treat into your mouth before I finally spoke. “You don’t happen to have anything in my size do you?” The tone was comedic, but I had no other ideas for getting us past the back and forth emotional discourse we had been sharing all morning.
"It's jammed anyways." I mumble around my spoon when you glance from me to the gun and back again. Of course the thought ran through my mind, to grab it and have it pointed at you when you came back down the stairs but what good would it have done? It would have jammed again and the dull click would be the last thing I'd hear before you backed my brains out on the tile. It wasn't worth it. Ice cream and a coke though.. that felt worth it right now.
I watch as you pad into the kitchen to get a glass of water, managing not to step on any more glass this time and coming back to stand near the couch. I watch you drink down the water as if it's something you've done a hundred times in the comfort of my home. My home. For some reason it both pisses me off and amuses me because how the fuck did I end up in this situation? All because I had to stop for coffee when I was already running late for work, if I had just gone straight to the office I never would have gotten that latte, I never would have ran into you, and I wouldn't be a mangled mess sitting on my couch eating ice cream to keep myself from losing my mind. "I think I have some sweatpants that'll fit you.. maybe a Tshirt too. You can use the washer too if you want" I say with a small shrug, it wasn't as if that was any more sacred that anything else you'd already taken or used without permission since this started last night. "Might have to help me up the stairs to get those clothes for you, I don't know if I'll be able to get up then by myself.."
@bonghitsforfeds
A smile broke out over my face at the offer of clothes, and it progressed into an honest hearty laugh when you even tell me you will help look for them. I tried to stop the chuckling but my eyes watered with the madness of it all. “You are a crazy bitch, you know that?” I say it like I am diagnosing you with something. As if this was how you always behaved with all of the crazy strangers you have had take over your home. The words were cruel, but I meant it as a complement. Eventually I regained control of myself by focusing on drinking the water. Soon the glass was empty, but it felt like I had barely had any.
The warmth fell away when I actually walked myself mentally through the process of taking you back to the bedroom. A part of me wondered if you would really do it. Do you actually have enough kindness stored inside to go back up where you experienced all of that just to get me dressed? Is it even kindness at that point, or would it just be survival? ‘I can’t do those things with you.’ The words played like a bad song stuck in my head. What if I make you do them with me? I could not help but push the boundary, “You mean it?”
'You are a crazy bitch, you know that?' Of course I know that. I've been reminded over and over and over again every time some sick and twisted thing happens between us. Which is just about everything considering you shouldn't be here, I didn't invite you here, I don't want you here and yet here I am shoving ice cream into my mouth as if nothing is wrong. As if most of the decor in my home isn't blood now. I really am crazy. Maybe I deserve this. I watch as you laugh until you finally settle and finish off the glass of water in a matter of seconds.
"I'm not in the habit of saying things I don't mean Ivon. You'll learn that about me I'm assuming." Because I have the feeling you're not planning on letting me go unless it's wrapped up in plastic or a carpet to be dumped into a hole somewhere. At least you won't be lonely anymore. I grimace at the intrusive thought, knowing damn well that I would rather be alone than have to go through this, this was violent, this wasn't fun. This definitely wasn't love. I finish off the rest of the ice cream and scoot to the edge of the couch before I stand up, trying to hold back the pained noises of standing up again before I bring the bowl to the sink and then go to stand at the bottom of the stairs. "Well.. do you want those clothes or not?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘You’ll learn that about me...’ I felt the wry humor dry up within. I wanted to hook on the fact you implied our future interaction, but the hateful man was stuck on the truth I had more to learn. It was true. Just because I spent a month filling every waking moment with thought of you does not mean you suddenly have feelings for me. My jaw found that familiar grinding angle. Smash her head in, coward. Why are we still here?
I jumped when you stood up having expected pain for some reason, but instead it was just a simple question. “Yeah,” was all I could manage. With our familiar dance over the glass I helped guide you up the staircase with an arm around your back. Immediately the stairs set a terrible tone with the red spattered carpet and smeared handrail. We managed to glide up the flight easy enough, other than the whimpers from your mangled ribcage. Both of us stopped at the bedroom door. “You uh, ready?” My voice shook with awkward apprehension. The only noise other than our breathing was the sound of car doors somewhere outside. I almost forgot there were people living around us.
I nod a little and let your arm come to wrap around my back as we walk up the stairs both thankful for the help and wanting to recoil at the touch. Funny how not even an hour ago I was leaning up to kiss you and shoving your dick inside me to distract you and now your hand at my back felt like knives. Every step just another reminder of the cracked and broken pieces of me. I wonder how long it's going to take to be able to move without it hurting. If I'll ever move without it hurting again.
When we reach the door and you ask me if I'm ready I nod a little and swallow a thick lump in my throat before pushing the door open. I don't even step inside before I can see the mess on the floor, the blood stains, strands of hair, the smattering of zip ties all over the floor. I don't know what possesses me to do it but I reach down between us and grip onto your hand, needing something anything to keep me grounded so I don't melt down into a complete panic again. Keeping my fingers interlocked with yours I take a few hesitant steps into the bedroom for some reason I expected the carpet to feel different but it doesn't. It feels the same. It's the same room as before and I know that somewhere inside but everything about it feels different now.
I lead us over to the closet walking around the carpet where the stains are and pull out a pair of old gray sweatpants that will fit you and a shirt that's much too large in me to hand to you. "These should fit.. I don't have boxers or anything though." I mumble before I grab myself some fresh clothes knowing the shirt I have on at the moment now has tiny cuts in the back and bloodstains of its own. I miss my bed. I turn to face it and it looks so comfortable and welcoming but I can't bring myself to take the few steps over to it to climb in and get some sleep.
@bonghitsforfeds
I stopped beating myself up for enjoying any touch offered by you. Our fingers locked together had me spinning. I knew what I was at this point. Who cares if I selfishly soaked up every step we took in the cursed room? There was an undercurrent of guilt sure, but it paled in comparison to being here for you. It was impressive how well you navigated the space, all things considered. Again I felt devilishly proud of your ability to adapt to what had happened.
I was disappointed when our flesh parted so you could rifle through the closet, but it did serve to pull my head out of the clouds. I replaced the underwear with the sweatpants, and was grateful for the suspiciously sized shirt. My ego prayed that no previous man had worn this, as if it was any sort of priority in the current moment. Soon I found myself spinning around looking for a laundry basket, but once I spotted it I no longer felt as if I had the right to put anything in it. Yeah, leave your blood stained clothing at the crime scene. I stared at the garment while clutching it as if it was a radioactive canister. What the fuck do I do with these? What do I do with any of this? I felt panic spike up in my chest and tried to snuff it out. I could hear you changing behind me and I wanted to turn at the chance of seeing your wounded body. However, I found this too was something I no longer felt worthy of seeing. My own inability to grapple with internal skewed morals only made me angry. Why is it only anger or feeling lost that I am capable of experiencing?
Something clattered in the living room downstairs. My blood ran so cold I thought my knees would collide into my face as I fainted. “Mouse, did you hear that?” I whispered so quietly I was not sure if you could hear me from behind.
You are a crazy bitch. Those words ran through my head again as I watched you change before I moved you change my own clothes. My curiosity getting the better of me, cat and mouse all in one. I almost laughed at the thought and it was strange how attractive you would be to me if the circumstances were different, if none of this had happened. Why couldn't you just stop and talk to me that day like a normal person... I had to quickly remind myself that no normal person would be capable of doing the things you had done.
I'd just finished pulling fresh sweatpants up over fresh panties before I heard the clattering coming from downstairs. At first I told myself I was hearing things, that I'd become paranoid and delusional from what had already taken place but then I heard it. A whispered question coming from behind me. You heard it too. I'm not crazy.. not that crazy. I turn to face you and nod, my face having gone immediately pale under all the bruising. "I heard it." It could be the police.. maybe somebody heard or saw something somehow.. they could be here to save me.. but would I ever see him again? The last thought catches me by disgusted surprise and my eyebrows pinch together. "The taser... I still have the taser." I swallow hard at the admission and go to the bedside table moving quiet as a mouse and open the drawer to take it out and turn the safety off before handing it to you, and in turn, putting at least some of my trust in you to keep me safe from whatever or whoever is down there.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I heard it.’ Shit. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you handed the taser to me. Why had you not used this before? Why were you expecting me to defend you after what I had done? What's wrong with you? I wanted to ask you the questions, but a million other thoughts smothered them. Is it the police? If so, why did they not announce or knock? It is possible someone had seen, or that you had managed to get a call out? My nostrils flared in anger, but then I realized there is a low chance you would hand me the taser if that was so. Unless it was all part of some master plan you had to make me walk straight into the hands of a SWAT team. I could jump out the window, but if it's police that would not matter as there would be backup waiting. If it is another threat then I want to be here to defend you.
I nodded as if everything I had just thought would somehow be telepathically communicated through the quick motion. With the taser in hand I crept over to the doorway. Peering around the door frame I gasped in surprise at what awaited me on the staircase.
Four fighting size men with rifles froze with the barrels of their weapons pointed at my face. They were staggered at various distances, and one of them was crouched at the top. The plastic in my hands felt like a brick compared to the military gear these people had in their gloved grip. They wore street clothes, but the weapons they carried had me convinced for a moment they were actual police. Just like on the couch I expected my life to end in a flash. A thousand years passed as I stared down the barrels of the assault rifles until finally a familiar head poked around the bottom landing, “Ah, Mr. Feldt. Or should I say Feldt Jr. Do you mind joining us down here for a quick chat?”
I didn't do it. I wanted to scream it at you because I could tell you were doubting that when you looked at me and for some reason it made me angry. For some reason I wanted you to trust me, it didn't make any sense but it was true I could feel it in my gut. I tried to tell you with just the look in my eyes but I didn't know if you'd be able to tell from both the swelling and from barely knowing me when it came down to it.
I followed a couple paces behind you, staying out of sight as you peeked around the door frame. I could tell by the gasp that you let out that whatever you saw wasn't good and it made panic seep into my bloodstream for what felt like the millionth time since last night, I don't even know how my body is still producing adrenaline at this point. Feldt. That must be his last name.. his family name by the sound of it. They only asked for him I wonder if this is my chance maybe they don't know I'm here.
Thoughts start flying through my head about how I could manage to get out now, if I could find my phone and call 911 before it was too late, maybe I could climb down from a window the injuries couldn't be anything worse than what I was already feeling and a little more pain would be worth the freedom right? But then that little voice I hate so much spoke up somewhere in the back of my mind and wondered what would happen to you if I left. These people certainly didn't sound too friendly and by the noise you made I could only assume there was either many of them or that they were armed and dangerous. For some reason I didn't want them to kill you, I wanted to save that for myself. They couldn't take my revenge away from me. I reach for you other hand to get your attention back for a moment and shake my head no before speaking as quietly as possible while still being audible.
"Don't leave me"
@bonghitsforfeds
When his face appeared I knew this was going to be a bad day. I had to ignore the intrusive thought of throwing myself down the stairs just to die by gunfire rather than whatever this man had cooked up. I had seen his face many times growing up, and he was always friendly enough. A recent operation had us using a different method of transport then the one his group provided. I could only assume this had something to do with that. I wanted to know how he found me. I wished the stupid gun was still strapped to my body. Although, I knew the individuals currently pointing rifles at my face would smoke me in any gunfight. *If it even worked in the first place. *
I almost responded to Parker when your cold hands grabbed my attention. Your pleading eyes shook at me, ‘Don’t leave me.’ Afraid to speak with the guns still pointed at the side of my head only a few feet away I squeezed your hand and nodded in response. Turning back to the staircase outside the door and trying my best to sound confident, “Okay Parker, I will come out and talk, but my acquaintance comes too. I nee-” I had begun to invent a lie about how I needed you for work but he cut me off, “Yes, yes. I know about the girl. She can come too, I only want to kidnap you not murder you. Now if you would please, I am in a bit of a hurry.”
My eyes were back on yours now as if it was all up to you. “There is no normal life for you if you tag along Mouse.” I said the words as if you had a choice in anything so far. There was no way I could guarantee they would not just execute us downstairs. The fact he openly threatened me was already a drastically different dynamic than what was normal. A part of me was aware that your life would never be normal anyway, but this was different and I hoped my serious tone reflected that.
Do I really have a choice? I wonder if the people out there that you appear to know would actually let me stay behind and try to resume a normal life or if they would just come in here and drag me out and down the stairs with you to wherever they want to take you. I doubt it. So I just squeeze your hand harder, right now you're the only thing I actually know even if it's in a horrible way it's better than whatever's on the other side of the door.
"I don't think they're gonna let me stay here either way Ivon.." I have so many more questions that I want to ask. Who are those people? Who are you? Why do they want to kidnap you? Where are they going to take you or us? They go through my head on rapid fire and I can feel my body trying to panic and have to focus on keeping it together. "I meant it.. don't leave me." Is it the dumbest thing I could say? Probably but it was too late and for some sick fucked up reason I had to know that you weren't just laying on the street dead somewhere.
@bonghitsforfeds
You were right. There likely was no choice in the matter. A sick part of me probably just needed to hear you say it. Maybe it was just emotional insurance in case we step outside this room and you get blown away. Maybe it was just my exhausted mind scrambling for any semblance of control. ‘I mean it...’ I had no idea why or what your angle was. Is it possible I really did hit you too hard in the head? I nodded at your final statement and tried my hardest to force a reassuring smile. “Let’s go then baby.”
The very moment I pulled you into the hallway a rifle butt smashed into my face. Explosive pain blew through my nose and head. Immediately my throat filled with a thick current of blood. I managed to swallow the first mouthful in reaction, but the rest of the liquid I soon found myself sputtering out of my mouth and onto the fresh clothing. Everything was white and the sound was muffled and jumbled. I felt myself being hauled around by more than one set of arms. I tried to yell but I could not make my mouth move right, everything felt so thick and soupy.
The world seemed to throw itself back into my face from nowhere. I was on my knees now and there was glass? Ah, downstairs. Someone had my chin in their hand, Parker's rugged mustached face was close to mine. “You hit him too fucking hard. Dipshit. I told you not to do that!” I could hear your voice yelling somewhere nearby. I smiled at the anger in your tone. I had no idea what was going on, but I liked the idea of you fighting for yourself or me. I tried to call out to you, but still nothing in my body seemed to fire in the right order.
I nod and can't help but find your smile at least a little charming. Yes because this is the time for that. It was the first time I'd see you smile that didn't look absolutely wicked though so I couldn't help myself. I let you pull me along into the hallway and almost immediately I heard a sickening crack as the butt of the rifle met your face. No. NO. NO!* I can't help but try to pull away and run back into the bedroom only for my arm to be caught by another man as they drug you down the stairs, blood spattering what little clean carpet or wall was left in sickening crimson.
I wanted them to stop. I didn't like this. It was one thing for me to try to hurt you after everything you'd done to me but to just stand here and watch as someone else was doing it was too much. It made my stomach turn and I think the only thing keeping me from actually being sick was the fact that I couldn't shut up. I couldn't stop yelling at these extra strangers in my house for hurting you even though they could easily end my life in the blink of an eye after what I just witnessed. *I'm sick of strangers doing whatever they want in my house.
"Leave him alone!" I honestly couldn't believe the words coming out of my own mouth at this point "Don't you dare fucking hurt him!" As if I had a chance in hell of doing anything about it. My eyes flicked to the gun on the floor but I knew the likelihood of getting to it and having it work was slim. Not to mention the grip one of the men had around my upper arm, his big hand easily dwarfing it and turning into what was essentially a cuff around it. "Let go of me you bastard!" I kept pulling against his grip even though every tug made my body scream in pain. What if they were lying? What if I'm about to die?@bonghitsforfeds
The man Parker shouted at simply shrugged in response to getting reprimanded. I tried my best to raise my view and look around, but the second I changed my head by any major inclination the trail of blood would switch to my throat and it felt like I was drowning. I let my head hang downward as it was the only thing that felt remotely comfortable with the spasming pain in my sinuses. Shock gripped at me from the amount of my life that flowed freely into a piling puddle on the floor. I tried to be angry, but my fucking face ripped my focus from any coherent thought. I could not help the tears rolling from my eyes.
Parker walked over to you now where he seemed to take in your battered form head to toe. The man whose grip still wrapped your arm seemed to hardly struggle with your jerking movements, and none of them really seemed to care about your outbursts. Six of the armed fugitives were in the room not including us and their silver fox leader. Now that he approached you I found the strength to shout something, “Mmmdont touch her you mmmotherfucker!” It was excruciating to speak and if I lived through this I promised to make up for your broken nose with a castle on the moon if you desired. Parker stopped as I spoke and simply spat out, “I have no interest in Cali sluts. It looks like you did a number on her already, Ivon. Like father, like son?” He did not wait for a response, but simply turned to leave through your open front door. He pointed to two of them who stood apart, “Torch the house and catch up to us.” The remaining men began to drag us out front as everyone sprang into action at once. The man who had you in his clutches leaned in close, "If you scream while we are out front I will cut your fucking eyes out."
'Don't touch her' Those words rang in my head over and over again and whether is was for the same reason I didn't want them to touch you or not for some reason it made my heart race. Maybe there was a little more human in you than I thought, or maybe I was having a psychotic break after all of this. All I knew was it gave me the strength to keep myself upright and fighting instead of dissolving into a puddle of tears.
The next thing to catch my attention was the like father like son comment. So your father was a monster too.. maybe the hope I had really was just a sick delusion my brain came up with to try to make everything that had already transpired better somehow. 'Torch the house' "Wait what?! No why?! Please wait I have things here I can't replace I-I need to get them!" I knew the men wouldn't care, I barely even cared about the threat to cut my eyes out when all I could think about was the small box of keepsakes in my upstairs closet. "Please! Please not my house please! What is it with you people and taking fucking everything from me?! I've never done anything!" My throat felt like it was going to rip wide open with how loud I was screaming trying to get them to listen, to leave my house standing in one piece with my little box of memories safe and tucked away for me to return to retrieve one day.
It wasn't until the front door open and that same threat was repeated that I stopped screaming, gritting out a mild insult instead as I was pushed out into the daylight "At least if you cut my eyes out I'd never have to see your ugly fucking face again" I hoped one of the neighbors would see, a dog would bark, someone would jog or drive by and see just how completely battered and bruised I was and stop to help or at least call someone. That was the one good thing about my less quiet neighborhood I lived in before, someone was always walking by. Now? It was like there was nobody to be seen. Everyone was either safe inside or out enjoying the beautiful day.
I could almost hear properly again, and had mostly regained my vision. I knew Parker had said something to invoke a loud response out of you. I tried to stand or lunge in your direction but my head spun every time I moved. Anger was roiling inside and I was thankful at least the familiar emotion was returning. I hoped he had not groped or hurt you. Not like he could do anything we have not already? It was very bright now and my knees were being drug over concrete.
The man just laughed at your cruel jest. There were three cars out front; Two luxury sedans and a large black windowless van. Parker was already stepping into the passenger seat of a sedan and appeared to be making a phone call. The goon who was not working to transport either of us opened the rear double doors of the van. Everything had been stripped from the inside, there were not even benches to sit on. They stuffed my barely conscious body into the back head first like a ragdoll before the man escorting you stuffed you inside behind me. He got one look at your bandaged and swollen face, “Who you callin’ ugly you fuckin’ banged up house wife lookin’ ass bitch.” The van door slammed into your face and we were plunged into near total darkness. The only light available trickled through holes in the ground where things had once been screwed to it. I stirred face down in the middle of the floor and tried my hardest to roll over. I could already feel the metal floor where my head lay pressed to it slick with my own blood. This fucking sucks. “I’mm smnorry.” I managed a muffled and pained apology. I knew nothing I said would make up for what was happening, and I was not even aware yet they were scorching your house. My thoughts still swam with pretty stars and dreamy weight.
"You wouldn't know a housewife if one bit you in the ass!" I half shout trying to remind myself that if I scream this man will very likely really gouge my eyes out in the middle of the street. It's a split second layer that the door is slamming in my face and I can't see anything anymore which sends me into a panic and I scramble to the back corner to try and gather my bearings. "Don't. Don't you fucking dare start being sorry now I mean who the fuck even are you Ivon what kind of shit did you drag me into?!"
I'm not expecting the pang of guilt I feel after shouting at you with such venom when you're clearly in pain. Yeah a fraction of the pain you've been in since last night. I shake my head of the thought and come to where your voice is coming from and your body is blocking past screw holes to help you sit up against the back wall with me. "Are you going to be okay? You can't leave me to deal with them alone you just can't.. promise me right now that you won't."
@bonghitsforfeds
Sorry may have been the wrong word. It is possible I was just upset that this was not something I had intended to occur, but there was no way I was going to vocalize such an insane thought to you. Honestly I was just thankful that I was not fountaining blood to the point of not being able to think clearly. I tried to push myself up into a sitting position and soon found your arms helping to move me around. Tensing as you first grabbed to help I relaxed upon the familiar touch of your calming hands, and we were propped against the back wall a short moment later. I still had to lean my head forward to allow the non clotted liquid to spill from the wound, but now I dare to speak past it. “I think these guys are mad we did not use them for some sm- business.” I almost facepalmed at the slip up, but only caught myself because I'd rather keep my arm wrapped in yours like we sat now. I absentmindedly bicycle kicked with my legs to try and alleviate the shooting pain every time my face moved.
When the van started backing up I realized that I was not blindfolded, and that it was just really dark in here. I could not believe your second question. Am I okay? I turned to look at your face but could only see the occasional glint of white in your eyes. I winced at the warm chuckle that resonated in my chest at your wacky priorities. “I mean, if you are referring to my face. Yeah, I think it hurts too damn bad to kill me.” I paused a moment to try and flex my jaw however the electric burning suggested I wait longer, “As for all of this broad daylight kidnapping shit? I don’t think they will kill us... but this is already outside their MO.” It felt silly to try and hide what I did at this point all things considered. I hoped you would not ask again who I was or why they were here, but at this point I should probably know better. "I- I promise Mouse."
Business.. what kind of business would these people be doing? And they know his dad.. is it a family business? Are they drug dealers? Clearly some kind of criminals. I'm stuck so deep in thought until we hit a bump that pulls me back into the present moment, finding myself with my arm still intertwined with yours and my head leaned against your shoulder.
"That's good" I answer when you tell me you think it hurts to bad to kill you and I can hear the surprise in your voice when you do which given the circumstances4 makes perfect sense. I guess I've just never been able to help myself when someone is hurt, I have to care. Good luck with that when you try to get your revenge. "I don't understand.. why would they come to hunt you down I mean..." It felt pointless to try and keep asking, to try to make sense of all of this. Nothing has made any sense since last night and I highly doubted that was going to change in the span that this ride in the back of this van took. "I'm sorry if this is my fault somehow."
@bonghitsforfeds
As the fog began to clear my rage was torn between two sides. I was furious that Parker had double crossed the business for any reason, but I was even more upset I could not smell your hair with how busted my nose was. I just allowed my head to rest atop yours in the sideways snuggle, and tried to piece together the very thing you asked me next. Why is he here? It can’t be about money with how he was jeopardizing everything to abduct us now. What the fuck had them so desperate? He has been friends with my father for years. He could just ask for a loan, hell he may not even have to pay it back. “I don’t- I don’t think I rightly know why." You really want to tell her who we are? ‘I’m sorry.’
Incredibly disappointed at how your apology turned me on, “Listen to me you little freak.” I paused as the smile crept over my swelling face, “You have nothing to apologize for. Not unless you called these fuckers over.” I felt my anger growing with the panic of the situation. We are currently sitting in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic and yet we might as well be on a different planet with how little help we could summon. I tried to nuzzle your hair, but immediately regretted it with the reminder where the rifle had split my face. “If anything, I am sorry for breaking your nose.” I could not help the laughter that rocked me now. It was partially because of how much more I realistically owe you an apology for, but also a sound of stressed madness.
"Oh." I couldn't tell if the fact that you didn't know why they were doing this made me feel better or worse. On the one hand it could be worse, they could be after you for something specific and out for blood. On the other that could be exactly what it is and you just don't know it. Either way there's nothing I can do about it, they put me back here right along with you and part of me knows I didn't try harder to get you to go without me, to make them leave me behind. They had to know I wasn't a part of whatever family business you had, I may have been able to somehow squeak by. Don't kid yourself they were never going to leave you there.
"I didn't I don't even know who they are." I reply as if I could have actually been the one to summon your fellow monsters to my house, not able to see your smile in the almost pitch black of the truck to know that you aren't being serious. "You're not sorry you're just saying that because now you know how it feels." I can't help but laugh too though, the absurdity of the entire situation not being lost on me. I let out a heavy sigh and cuddle up closer to you trying to warm myself up from the chills the anxiety is giving me. "Do I really look like an ugly housewife? You know.. besides the cuts and bruises I mean is that what I looked like the first time you saw me?" Realistically I know it's such a stupid thing to be caught up on but given how my life has been turned upside down I give myself a little leeway.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘You're just saying that because you know how it feels.’ She's onto you. At first I felt my soul tighten up in horror at you calling my selfish thinking out, but the anger dissipated like water in a hot pan at the sound of your laughter. It made my fingers tingle. God, even my head hurt at the amount of swooning pleasure I felt. Although, the more I think about it the pain might be more related to the nose I vainly wished was not broken. The lightheadedness only grew in power when you pulled yourself into me. I could get used to that. It was nice to feel a drop of anything in what was a dire situation. Will they find our bodies if we die?
I was not expecting the sharp stab of pure sadness when you asked me if you were ugly. I am going to delete the family of the man who said that to you. I grit my teeth so hard it's possible I may have chipped a bit more off. Gripping at your thigh in the darkness, “Ms. Roberts, do you have any idea how inside my head you got that month we were apart?” I stopped at how awfully creepy the words sounded out loud. I almost quit talking in embarrassment, but the ball had already started rolling, “The first time I saw you I-” A big sigh, “I wish I could bring you to the parties and show you to the painted up rich cunts who talk about nothing. Nothing. Honest to God how do they have so much schooling and are still so fucking boring?” Ah there it was, I felt like a tool again. “You are a beautiful Mouse.” Should have started with that.
I'm not exactly sure how your words about wanting to be able to bring me to parties manage to give me butterflies and make my face heat in a blush but they do. Maybe I'm just really really good at compartmentalizing or maybe you really are just a crazy bitch. I wondered just how much higher of a class you were in life than me to be going to such high end sounding parties, just who the hell are you really? "I would have said yes if you had just asked me out" The words dribble out of my lips before I can stop them and I don't even know why I was thinking that. Because it sounds nice to have a partner who's proud to have you. I wish the voice in my head would just shut up and leave me alone. "I mean.. parties sound fun that's all." Great save.
I want to push more, ask more questions, figure out who the hell you are but it just doesn't feel like the right time. It doesn't feel like I should care or want to know. The only thing I feel like I should want to do is to get revenge for all the pain you've caused me, both mentally and physically. I should want to end you forever. Make you suffer. Violate you in ways you couldn't ever see coming. But I find myself just wanting to figure you out and I hate myself for it. Have I always been this twisted or is it just because last night and today broke me? I wondered if I'd even live long enough to find out. "Do you think we're gonna make it out of this?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘...if you had asked me out.’ The blade from your original stab of sadness was twisted now. The air went out of my lungs because the guilt built so bad. I hated these feelings. It was not anger like I was used to, it hurt and it was raw. Thankfully you kept going on about parties and it cooled the flow of new emotion. I imagined you in a custom dress, porcelain legs peeking through a slit in the side. I could see an heir loomed headpiece holding the massive curls of flowing hair in a braid of some exotic design. I hated every single one of those stupid dinners, but I would relive them all again one hundred times if I could do it with your fingers in mine. My chest pounded at the thought of it all.
Your anxious muttering pulled me from the hazy daydream. This was a weird place for me as my mind suddenly tumbled you into thoughts of work. I scrambled behind the pain in my drying face for what I knew about stuff like this. I began to think aloud, “If it’s a ransom they will need us intact.” Well at least me but I was not going to say that. I was confident in my ability to work you into the deal, but I did not want to scare you anymore than necessary. It may have been insulting to know I was keeping information from you that way, however the concerned and protective side overpowered any respect. “What gets me is they have no reason to be doing this. That man with the big mustache is really good friends with my father.” The answer felt so obvious why was my brain not working? Some part of me was aware I did not directly answer your question - it was just that I was still brainstorming myself.
He has no idea why they're doing this. Great. That knowledge only fuels my racing heart and at this point I feel like it's going to explode right out of my chest. Why would someone who's such good friends with your father do this? Wouldn't it make bad blood between them if he kidnapped his son? None of it made sense to me but then again I clearly had no idea what kind of business you were talking about, for all I knew you were part of a fucking human trafficking ring. I grimace from the thought and try to shake it off. Just like his father. It isn't that far fetched of an idea.
"Okay so.. so if it's for ransom then they'll keep us alive until they get the money and let us go right? That's how those things work?" I could only hope that I didn't sound as stupid and hopeless as I felt, I'd only ever seen these kinds of things in movies and I was trying not to think about the fact that most often either the kidnapped people or the kidnappers ended up dead before any kind of money was ever even exchanged. It almost never ended well. I let out a heavy sigh unable to cope with the fact that I feel like I need to accept my impending death much sooner than I'd ever anticipated. "I have no home to go back to now." It comes out at the same time that I remember it, my house and everything inside were probably up in flames and given all the blood in the house.. when it was found everyone would probably assume I was dead. Fat hot tears started to roll down my cheeks onto your arm as borderline silent sobs wracked my body. In less than 24 hours I went from having it all together and knowing where I wanted my life to go to having nothing and no idea what was going to happen from minute to minute.
@bonghitsforfeds
“That’s the idea, hon.” I let the statement fall flat not wanting to expand on how my current hypothesis was that it's possible my father may have done something first. It would be just my luck that those missed calls I ignored could be a very important warning. My phone! My hand shot to my pocket but then I remembered the change of clothes. The back of my head smacked the metal wall in frustration. I am fucking pathetic. What would dad do to get me, and hopefully you too, back? My skin suddenly clammed with the thought of them possibly having my father abducted too. Uh oh. That would shift the power dynamic drastically. How could they even get to him?
I was just about to voice this concern when you made the comments about your house. Questions assaulted my brain while your shuddering form sank into my side. Your home what do you-? Then the brand of painful realization struck that they probably ransacked your house, or worse. I gave you a tiny shake by the same leg I still gripped, “Mouse, what are you on about?” I feared the worst. I felt your hot tears soaking into the thin t-shirt. I turned in the darkness and tried to kiss you on the cheekbone but missed and got you in the tear soaked eye. Readjusting my aim I instead planted one on your forehead this time. “I don’t remember what happened.” I didn't mean to vocalize the additional thought, however I could not help my frustration at having been so useless during the entire encounter.
"Before they brought us out, the one told the one holding me to torch the house." I don't even jerk away when you kiss my wet eye and then my forehead, instead accepting the small kindnesses where I could get them, who knows how long it would be before you were bouncing my head off of the floor like a basketball again. I want to act like it isn't a big deal, that I can just start fresh somewhere again but then I think of the box of keepsakes and I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt. "I had one box of keepsakes in my closet and now it's just...gone. I can never replace those things."
My voice comes out quiet much like a mouse and my sobs come out just the same. I wish I could just pull myself closer and closer until my body disappeared into yours and I just ceased to exist, ceased to feel any pain. "I know it's stupid you don't have to say it it just.. it hurts. I feel like my life is upside down and that was all I had left. I could make any house a home as long as I had that and now..." I shake my head knowing that it probably doesn't matter anyway. You had your sights set on me and now we were both taken for who knows what. I was foolish to think I'd ever have anything near happiness or normalcy ever again.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had to work my regular routine of deep breaths to not come unglued at what you told me. You torched her house Parker? You fuck-. If there was a God he heard my thanks in those moments that it was too dark for you to see the twisted smile on my face. Parker you magnificent bastard. Someone could nail me to the floor in a torturous execution and I would still go to my grave with the sick elation I felt at having the evidence erased. Maybe a cruel wish of mine did get granted. It turns out we are pulling away from the house with fire pouring from the windows just not in the rental car. The rental car! I was having a silent selfish meltdown beside you.
The tantrum nearly spiraled into a fit, but then you mentioned the tiny box. It worked to calm me from ramping up, but also had that spiky feeling from earlier clawing at my throat. I still only felt that pained choke with you, and I had yet to become a fan. The perspiration on my forehead broke into proper sweat with your hot breath moving over my neck. Again I found myself disappointed at how quickly I turned to melted butter in your company. For all I know we are about to get executed in the desert Russian mob style and all I can focus on is the used air you exhale. Get a grip man. It was not a state I faked easily, however I tried my best at empathy for you, “Even a sick freak like me knows what it is like to lose something irreplaceable.” Visions of my mothers casket in the ground flash through my mind like old photos. I was too young to properly recall the entire event, but I do remember enough to know I felt the pain of loss. “It’s not stupid. I will never be able to make that up to you.” I resisted the unholy urge to press my lips into yours. Don’t hump her leg, she is sad right now.
All I can manage to do is nod and try to take a few deep breaths to settle myself. Working up into another panic attack wasn't going to help the situation any especially being stuck in the back of this van. I couldn't help but wonder if you were just okay with being this person, this monster. You admitted to yourself and to me that you were indeed a sick freak so why didn't you do anything to change it? Do you just genuinely enjoy being this twisted? Can you not help it? I almost ask but then you say you'll never be able to make it up to me and twist my brain around. I can't figure you out. It pissed me off. One second I thought you wanted to send me straight to the pits of hell and the next you were coddling me like a fabergé egg. Like I was priceless and precious and you would protect me from anything.
"Which is it?" I mumble out loud without meaning to, shifting uncomfortably when I realize what I've done. "Sorry.. my brain is on overdrive." I try to explain it away in the hope that you won't push me for any more than that. I let out another heavy sigh and sink down a little against the van wall the steady vibration of the tires on the pavement below us making me tired, I've never been a good passenger. Always falling asleep on road trips with friends or family. It was always amusing before but now it felt incredibly inconvenien. I was already exhausted and this certainly wasn't helping. "I'm so tired"
@bonghitsforfeds
“Hm?” I heard the question however it made no sense in connotation to what I had said. Any other day my paranoid brain would be bucking at the outburst, but the slurry of events had me lost in thought. Your reassurance made me feel better and worked as a good distraction. Some part of me screamed to make a mental note of the entire encounter, but being here with you was making it easier to ignore such things. The sound of city traffic could still be heard around us as there are no quick escapes from LA. Where are we going? I was not some super spy. I could not trace our path by the movements of our car.
Tired? In a time like this? I wonder if you have a loose screw like me. You don’t seem to react in any way I can expect. Your words catch me off guard. I was supposed to be good at this dammit. I felt your body shift and I scooted into the corner so your head could fall into my lap. This part of the van was not entirely comfortable, but at least I could lean back against it while making your life easier. The perverted monster liked your head on my legs anyway. I pet your hair in a self soothing motion letting it comb out between my fingers until it grows a little cooler and thinner toward the bottom. It was a soft, tactile, and temperate sensation that pleased me greatly. As your breathing slowed down I became aware that I too was a little drowsy. It was hard to stay awake in the dark space, even with road noise and dust slowly peeking up from the floor. I may have been able to stay upright no problem if not for the two hours asleep I had the night before. The ground rumbled concerningly away beneath the vehicle. Not sure if you were asleep yet I spoke quietly, “We are regarded for our uncannily cruel ability to get back at those who hurt us and those we love.” I wanted to expand, but did not want to chance disturbing you too much. There will be justice for all of this.
Moving so I could get more comfortable and rest my head on your lap was the last thing I had expected when I announced my fatigued state. The fact that it was strange I could feel so tired in such a situation wasn't lost on me but I was useless anyway, I had no way to get us out, no way to figure out where we were going. Half the time I'd end up lost walking down my own street when I first moved in. My brain and my body were absolutely exhausted even after sleeping relatively long the night before. You're probably still concussed stupid. I huff out a laugh at my self hurled insult.
"Car rides have made me tired ever since I was a baby" I admit as your hands start to run from the roots to the ends of my hair in a way that was so soothing it seemed to numb the tsunami of emotions ravaging my brain. I found myself letting my body relax for the first time in hours, my poor joinst and muscles aching from being so tensed and overused since the night before. I let my eyes flutter shut even though it made little difference back here and could feel my breathing slow to something more even and less panicked. Less stressed. Just less.
I was focusing on the rumble of the tires beneath us, the visual of them spinning on the pavement playing in my mind, between that and your fingers running through my hair I was just on the edge of slipping into sleep when I heard you speak up. A quote. I couldn't place it but I think I understood it's meaning, maybe. It made me wonder if you were more educated than I had originally assumed, if you enjoyed reading in your free time, just what kind of person you were when you weren't uprooting my life. Have there been others? For some reason that made jealousy burn hot in my stomach and I hated myself for it. As if doing this to just me somehow made it more meaningful. *It does. It doesn't!* I let out a small huff at my internal struggle and decide to stuff it far into the back of my mind for now so I could let myself drift off.
21:31
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"That feels nice" I say so soft you can just barely hear it over the noises of the van. I nuzzle my cheek into your leg a little and drape my one arm over your lap to get more comfortable. It could have been like this to begin with. Is the last thought my mind decides to torment me with before the lull of the motion is too much to fight against and I let myself drift to sleep.
Your resting form stirred slightly in the darkness when I spoke. I was not sure if you had properly heard me, but it doesn't really matter as it was more of a statement anyway. It’s probably better to not regale you on the type of people we send after traitors like Parker at this time. The kind of men who bury you and your family in drums of concrete underneath constructed tower pads to never be found again. Even thinking his name had my skin getting hotter. I will peel you for interrupting all of this.
Although, I had second thoughts when you mumbled out and pressed your face harder into me for comfort. My heart fluttered as your arm crossed over into a proper resting stance. It is possible if we live through this that it could serve to make us closer. It was not a loving group of thoughts, but it’s not like I can just stand in the way of my own animalistic tendencies. I wanted to continue picking at your mind and having you tell me the sweet nothings that seemed to slip your lips, however I could soon hear the little noises suggesting you had fallen asleep.
I let myself slip down into the corner a bit enjoying the bouncing feeling of my head vibrating against the metal wall. It would have been much easier to find the sea of sleep had my nose not stung every time the vehicle jostled even in the slightest. With my head resting like this I could hear the quietest of melodies. It was then I realized that the punk driving this thing had the radio on low volume. I could not help the pumping feeling of unease I got at knowing they felt so casual about all of this.
I eventually managed to pass into a fitful half sleep that made time pass at an odd rate. If one had asked me if I slept I would not be sure. It was obvious to me I needed the rest, but I did not want to miss any minutes in such close proximity to you. When my conscious mind poked its head above the water I realized the van was not moving anymore. A few seconds passed and then I remembered what was happ
04:42
ening. Shit! I gave you the tiniest of shakes, “Mouse. Mouse! We stopped.” I could smell wet soil, and it was cooler. It was infuriating, I had no idea how much time had passed, or if there was even anyone still in the driver's seat. Feeling you move in my lap, “Shh. I don’t know what's happening.”
I have no idea how I manage to stay in that blissful state of ignorant sleep for as long as I did but the next thing I know I being roused awake by the feeling of you shaking me gently and telling me that we stopped. At first I don't even register what you're saying, only hearing you calling me mouse and wanting to ignore you to stay asleep longer. After all in my sleep I wasn't really aware of the devastating reality around me. It finally sank in though after a few moments and my eyes shot open further and I quickly sat up. I nod a little when you shush me and tell me you don't know what's happening.
Even in the back of the van the air feels different. Damper and cooler than it did when we had first left the house and I wonder just how far they really took us, how long I was asleep for. I want to ask you but the idea of making a noise feels impossible at the moment, as if they would just forget about us back here if we were quiet enough. I wished that I had anything at all to defend myself with, to spring an attack of whoever decided to finally open the back door, they had to let us out eventually after all right?
@bonghitsforfeds
I was thankful you woke quietly. We both sat huddled in the back corner of the van now, and I gripped at your arm without even realizing it. My mind sprinted to make sense of this hellish race. If anything happened today I pleaded that it would not be your life ending with lead through your face. I don’t know if I could handle that after everything. I already had you in my nest... Just a little longer.
The backdoors flew open one at a time with two loud bangs. Light assaulted my eyes and I could barely see past the man who pointed a gun at both of our crouching bodies. Physically shielding myself from the blast of sunlight he began to bark commands at us, “Out of the van! Fuck around you die, easy rules!” Still latched onto your arm I gave you a tug behind me as we began to scramble forward. The stranger took a few steps back to keep distance as we emerged onto the dark soil. We were surrounded by tall thick trees, and the van was parked in some sort of unfinished wrap-around driveway. In the middle of the driveway grew a long forgotten overgrown garden. Behind this scene sat an old dark wood cabin whose iron front door already appeared to be open. I cursed at myself at the sharp ground uncomfortably pressing into my socked feet. My mind wheeled with pathetic squalls like 'don’t hit me', and 'I wish I had some fucking shoes.'
You looked so out of place stumbling around beside me. A gorgeous creature thrown into a pack of wild coyotes. Even now I found your image striking among everything else going on. I wanted to lunge at the man and bite into his jugular with my sore jaw, but I knew better than to try and fight someone with a machine gun. “If you have to do anything, please don’t hurt her.” The tone came out more as begging than the flat tone I had been aiming for. He simply responded, “Open your mouth again and I will pull that swollen knob off your face!”
So death is definitely on the table. I think to myself when the man flings the door open and barks his orders. I let you pull me out of the van staying as quiet as I can, the task proving difficult when the pain shoots through me with every move. I'm pretty sure my body stiffened up even more when I was sleeping and now it was like I was pulling it apart at the seams all over again.
Once we're out of the van and my feet meet the driveway I grimace, I wish I at least had some socks. I almost laugh when I look over to your feet to see you struggling just as much, I guess the socks don't make much of a difference. When you ask them not to hurt me I looked over at you shooting daggers into you. Don't. Is what I hope you can feel me thinking. If you die them I'm left out here all alone and I don't think I would make it.
I can't help but look around, taking in more of the surroundings now that I'm on my feet and my eyes have adjusted to the light of day again. If it weren't for being kidnapped and having my house burnt to ashes this place would actually be beautiful. At least I'll die some place beautiful. I hope they bury me under one of these big trees..@bonghitsforfeds
Something about the way he said it made me snap my mouth closed. I am not used to being the one marched around at gunpoint and I have to admit, not a fan so far. Trying to crane my neck to get a look at the dirt road leading into this alcove I got scolded again, “Keep your fucking head down, in the house! Move!” The ammunition rattling as he shook the gun our way was enough motivation for us to start heading up the driveway. If it was not for the fact I feared my imminent demise the sound of birds chirping would probably be relaxing. At least they were letting me drag you around like this, better than breaking us apart.
When we got closer to the front door my hopes of there only being one gunman deflated. Someone was deep inside moving furniture and smashing things around. Our chances of escape dwindled as my lizard brain tried to think of anything as I knew any moment our hands were likely to be bound. The property was dilapidated and desperately needed a fix up. The wrap around deck sagged as we approached and there were smells of rotten wood somewhere beneath the structure. I resisted the urge to turn at the top step and look around for any sign of Parker or other methods of getting away.
The entrance to the home ominously welcomed me to pull us inside. From within the sharp smell of kindling and burnt wood wafted out in a thick wave. It was such a strong odor my clotted nose perked up at having detected anything. I pulled you closer taking my first step into the house, worried that the door would slam shut and cut me off from you forever.
Approaching the house felt like approaching certain doom and yet I knew if I didn't force my feet to keep on moving I'd meet my end sooner rather than later. Would that really be such a bad thing? I hate that this time that stupid voice has a point, it felt like the likelihood of it being quick and painless what more apt to happen with a bullet through the brain than whatever they had planned for us inside the cabin.
I wanted to say something to you, anything. Oddly enough you were the one so called "comfort" that I had in this cabin. I was thankful when you tugged me into the cabin almost at the same exact time as you so that we didn't get separated. The cabin wasn't nearly as nice as the area that surrounded it and it looked at though it had been almost forgotten about completely probably only used for shit like this.. I could feel goosebumps raise in my skin at the thoughts that ran through my head, the countless people that may have actually gotten murdered here.
The fire scared me. Normally I loved fireplaces, the calming crackle that would emit from them was enough to lull me to sleep at my parents house growing up but now it just felt like a threat, at any given moment they could pull a smoldering stick from it and shove it in someones eye or something. I shook my head at the thought trying to focus on the grip you had on my arm instead. How the hell are you going to get out of this?@bonghitsforfeds
The glowing coals within the open cast iron wood burning stove served as the only artificial light in the stuffy interior. This room looked normal enough with some furniture and sleeping cots. The first floor was mostly one large space except for a small door in the back that appeared to lead to a room, or perhaps a closet. The floor was unpolished hardwood that showed decades of wear. I swallowed heavily at the thought of the marks near this doorway being from individuals dragged about on their knees.
“Up the stairs! What part of this makes you think it’s a sightseeing tour?” I felt like I had barely stopped for a second and already the captor was yelling again. I am going to take immense pleasure in cracking your fingers one by one street rat. Whatever was being rummaged around was happening up the thin staircase we were being pushed up. It took me until half way to realize it was the sound of a hammer driving nails through a hard surface we had been listening to this entire time. Intrusive thoughts smashed into my mind of thin steel in your hands. I swear to God Parker. Why? There are people above us who work in this chain of bullshit... Who do you think you are?
At the top of the staircase there was an open door only a few feet away that held the answer to what awaits us. Another man from earlier worked to hammer the legs of makeshift stools to the floor. Each seating spot was positioned several feet away from a tripod mounted camera. A wire ran to a laptop nearby that was energized by a small power bank beside it. The blinking lights of technology looked fake next to all the antique furniture barricaded against the walls. An old hutch lays collapsed in a corner with what appears to be dried blood splattered within its broken glass doors. The threat of harm against whoever touches you almost fought its way up, but I managed to swallow the words in fear of it only encouraging something. Okay, there are two. Can we kill two people? I felt my jawline quiver
The shout made me jump almost clean out of my skin and I hated the fact that it was so obvious that I was jumpy, that I was afraid. I made my way up the stairs staying as close to you as I possibly could, every time I had to pull myself up another step I was trying not to cry, my body was screaming and I anted to collapse into a pile right there. I managed to make it into the room they were trying to get us to and everything I saw there made my heart sink.
What the fuck is this. It felt like my eyes were bouncing around inside my skill like a pinball as I took everything in. The stools, the camera, the laptop, the blood, I'd only seen this kind of thing in movies but I knew what it was. They were either going to torture or kill us and they were going to get it on camera to send to whoever it was they needed to send a message to. I didn't think this kind of stuff happened in real life.
I can't help but pull my arm out of your grasp so that I can hold on to yours instead digging the tips of my fingers into you as if I could physically anchor myself to you forever. I don't want to do this alone. I can't. My body is screaming at me to run but I know if I do it will only make it worse for the both of us so I stand there waiting, wondering who's life ended or started to end on the broken hutch.
@bonghitsforfeds
When the barrel of the rifle struck painfully into the lower arch of my back it caught me so off guard I let loose a yelp and fell to one knee. Immediately a coppery taste sprang out over the back of my tongue, and I felt an odd deep sense of nausea that seemed to radiate from my abdomen. “Why did you stop?” The man yelled from much closer now. At some point I must have let go of you during the exchange. Did I stop? I must have. I tried to retrace my own actions in confused haziness while hobbling to my feet. I heard a smack as he backhanded you forcefully with the rear of his hand, “Sit!” He motioned to the chair with the long gun only moments after hitting you. I turned in a quick motion to yell, “D-!” I hardly got one letter out though as he seemed to expect my reaction, all it took was another sharp poke with the gun to my torso and I was back to my knees. The nausea grew into a nasty churning that almost had me sick.
While trying to gather myself about the floor he let go of the gun allowing it to dangle about the strap hooped through it. With both his hands free he grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you back toward the chairs with a hateful shove. “I said sit!” The longer this exchange continued the more I became suspicious both these men had done this exact same thing before. It was obvious they had a method in how they worked with such little communication. The one who had been hammering about was now pecking into the laptop, he had not even glanced up at our entrance or the small beating. I felt that burning in my core at having done similar things to you.
While trying to steady myself once more, I spotted piles of blue paracord near the door missed upon entry. Holy fuck we are dead. A hopelessness akin to the emptiness I had felt while suicidal on the couch with you earlier sank into my being. It was almost the same state of fear except it was messily coupled with a primal hatred. I don’t want these fools to kill us.
<:blankspace:104117293242
Once again I felt myself jump when I heard the shout the pulled me out of my thoughts, watching you in what felt like slow motion as you fell to a knee on the old stained wooden floor. I wanted to scream, to tell him to stop, but I knew it would do more harm than good, he would probably only hurt you further.
I hadn't even realized that we were supposed to sit and by the time I did I was being shoved so forcefully I felt and heard a sickening crack coming from the same ribs that started to give way against the bookshelf earlier. The pain took my breath away and I couldn't help but cry out as my ass hit the chair and sent another jolt of pain through me. "Okay I'm sorry!" I shouted before I could think about it almost instantly I'm met with a strong backhand to the face. Immediately I was dizzied again having only just begun to recover from the night before. I'm to concussed for this any more strong blows to the head and I'm done for.
I looked to the man now clicking and clacking away at the keys of the laptop and wondered what he was setting up, if they were getting ready to record, what exactly they were planning on recording. So many questions and all I could do was sit here and wait to see what fate had in store for me. What did I do in life to deserve this?@bonghitsforfeds
I stood up compliantly and fell backwards onto the cobbled together stool. Don't vomit. The room would spin in one direction before forcefully reversing in the other without warning. My head rolled loosely to the right to glance at where the man was moving back toward you, colorful rope in hand. Even in the dazed state I worked my mouth to try and speak out, but the burning in my gut made my mouth mealy and thick.
“Piece of shit.” A curt cuss came from the shorter man typing while working at the computer. “Thirty seconds.” Was all he reported while stepping from his original spot to head out the door. I tried to keep my vision focused on you but the roiling in my stomach had me doubled over in the awkward seat. Now that I was bent over the poorly cleaned stains in the cabin floor were more obviously shining out of the wood grain.
Without warning the man grabbed the skin on the outside of your thigh, “You are a cute little one.” He spoke with an almost inquisitive tone, but the grooves of the statement were filled with menacing caulk. His other hand gripped your chin and forced your eyes up to meet his. “Ever suck a man’s cock before?” Licking his lips he glanced over at my dazed form, “I could start with him first if you prefer to watch?” The rage in reaction to his motives combined with the sickness I already felt forced a retch out of my throat. He grunted a short laugh in response to the choked noise my body had betrayed me in making, “Probably kill him first so he does not interrupt?” The question was directed at you, his eyes now back on yours.
"W-what're you going to do?" I stammer out as the man approaches me with the rope in hand, already knowing he must have intended to tie me up and I couldn't resist or fight back in any way. My eyes bounce back to the man at the computer and when he said thirty seconds my heart sank so low I'm surprised I didn't start to digest it. Thirty seconds to what? Where is he going?
My thoughts are quickly cut off by the feeling of a large rough hand on the outside of my thigh, my eyes slowly looking up to meet his. No. No no no no no no no not again! I wanted to scream and thrash and bite and kick but I couldn't make myself move as the hand felt like it was burning into my skin. "Leave him alone!" I shout when he asks if I'd rather him start with you but then he threatens to kill you and I jerk my thigh away to get his attention back and it seems to work when the disgusting eyes land back on my own. "He's not worth killing it would be a waste of time."
I don't know why I feel the need to protect you, to keep this animal of a man from killing you when the clock is literally counting down to who knows what but I do. I can't let them hurt you if I have any say in it at all. I just can't. Even if it means kissing whatever shred of sanity I have left goodbye in the process I couldn't make myself sit by and watch them hurt you.
@bonghitsforfeds
When the pained gasp left my throat I already knew I planned on lunging at the freak. My stomach still lurched from having the surrounding tissue bruised, but at this point it was just a matter of biding time. Everything was quiet and far away, all I could hear was my own breathing moving in and out in slow focused breaths. My knuckles were white at the power of their grip around the stool top. I knew you were trying to drag the attention off of me, but the comment over my usefulness only heightened the spike of fury.
He opened the mouth hanging from his sweaty face to move toward your neck when I jumped from the seat in a silent leap of hunting fury. I was aiming for his head, but one hand found his shoulder and my other went up toward his eyes. The gun got stuck between our chests as he and I collided together from the tackle. He was much larger than me, and I hardly managed to shake him off balance. Luckily he stumbled in surprise and his hands clattered into the rifle he desperately struggled for.
We fell over into the floor in a twisting pile of adrenaline and flesh. He had one hand up in my face now that we were on the ground, and immediately tears filled my eyes from the shooting pain awoken in my nose. All the insults I wished to scream at the abductor fell out of my lips in one cracking voice of jumbled thoughts, “Fucker! How dare y- Mine!” He almost threw me off shortly after the fight began, but I managed to hook a finger into the soft flesh of his eye socket. Jab. Twisting and pushing with a sick feeling of pressing into jelly he roared in pain at having his left eye gouged out. My knees raised into his abdomen with sharp drives as I flailed hatefully atop him. “Mouse! Run!”
I squeezed my eyes shut the second I saw the man starting to move towards me, I had already dealt with this last night and even though I had a feeling this would somehow be much worse I tried to steel myself for it. I wasn't expecting the sudden noise of two bodies colliding and the heat from his being so close to disappear. My eyes shot open to find the two of you on the ground and I couldn't even process what I was seeing. Is he really protecting me right now? All I could do was sit there and watch the struggle as jumbled words left your lips, only able to make out the one word: mine.
I knew that I should listen when you told me to run but I couldn't just leave you there not knowing if I'd ever see you again. Instead I sat there watching until my legs finally decided to cooperate with my brain to carry me over to the broken glass of the hutch, grabbing onto where it was broken to pull a piece off, being lucky enough that it ended up coming off in a large pointed shard. Without thinking about it I ran the few steps over to where the two of you were struggling, pushing you over and off of him and swiftly jabbing the glass into his neck repeatedly, slicing my hand open in the process with every push and pull of the makeshift weapon. "Don't. You. Ever. Try. To. Touch. Me. Again!" Each word was punctuated with another sick squelch of glass into flesh and I was blinded by so much hate I didn't realize there was no way he'd ever do anything again.
@bonghitsforfeds
An evil grin replaced my yelling mouth when his screaming increased at each inch of additional thumb into his eye socket. You sat frozen in place for so long that I thought the upper hand was going to be lost before anything happened. Peace filled my tired body when you finally stood to flee. I felt at ease knowing there was a chance of your escape even with blow after blow from his defensive elbow smashing into my body repeatedly. I was trying to work myself into a straddle atop him when your arms shoved me over onto the floor.
I deserve this. The thought of finality inflated into my head as I was under the impression you had come to deliver a death blow to my struggling form. Hot sprays of blood splattered out onto your face and my spilled self from the sharp point you were now jabbing into his neck. I wanted to help, but my eyes widened in surprise from my shock at your actions. His screaming changed into a pleading gurgling as a pool of crimson formed beneath us.
I heard shouting at the bottom of the staircase and I knew our time was running out. Before there was a chance at true escape we were going to have to deal with this other one. I tried to pull the rifle from his chest harness while you plunged the glass into his severing neck. However, the strap was looped around him and I could not gain free purchase of the weapon. With the footsteps growing closer I pressed myself into his body in order to get a sideways angle with the gun still strapped to him. I could feel his last desperate attempts to breathe beneath me while I waited for any sign of the murderer approaching us from the doorway.
As soon as I saw the man appear over the lip of the top stair I squeezed the trigger on the rifle. I had never heard a gunshot without ear protection before and especially not indoors like this. Blow back gas filled my nostrils and the detonation made my ears pound with each of the seven shots it choked out before the recoil took my spray into the top of the door f
18:55
rame. The noise startled me so bad I was not sure if I hit him until I caught sight of his boot from the backwards tumble his body did down the stairs. The temporary deafness, the blood, and the fact I just killed a man had me stuck. Powdered wood fell from the doorway and the smell of copper and gunsmoke replaced the scent of burning wood downstairs. I could not move.
I couldn't stop myself. I could feel this man's life ending underneath me, his chest rising slower and weaker with every rise and fall, could feel his sticky blood splattering on my face with every added unnecessary stab into his chest and neck. The roaring of my heart in my ears was so loud I didn't hear the other man coming, didn't register your struggle with the gun attached to the man who's life I was ending. I didn't hear or register anything until the gunshots.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
That's all I heard before everything was ringing and my head felt like it was spinning, I jumped back so fast when the first shot went off and landed flat on my back, my head bouncing against the wood in a way that made my vision blur. Fuck. My poor brain. It took a few long moments for me to register that it was the gun that had gone off and all I could think about was wether it was you doing the shooting or the one getting shot. I tried to sit up but my head spun so badly that I fell over on my side. My ears wouldn't stop ringing and when I reached up to feel the side of my head I could feel the warmth of blood trickling out of one of them. That can't be good.@bonghitsforfeds
EEEeeeee. My ears rang with a powerful whine. It was so loud I wondered at first if I had caught a bullet or something and the pain had not caught up. I patted my hands over myself in an attempt to check for wounds, but I was already sopping in blood from the man you just killed. Cami! I rolled over toward you and saw your still body face up on the floor. I haphazardly crawled over the death rattling man toward where you lay. You were completely patterned in speckles of red, and your hand was gashed open something fierce.
Your chest still moved, but the last twenty seconds had shown me that does not mean much. Apparently people do not die cleanly like in film. Sitting flat next to you I pulled your torso into my lap and cupped the back of your head. I tried to grab your hand, but the wince you make from the wound in the palm quickly changes my mind. I was so pitifully happy that you flinched in response to my touch. “Are you okay? Your head is bleeding. What happened to your hand? How do you feel?” I blasted your confused face with a handful of questions without pause. Tears ran down my cheeks now as the unfamiliar fists of guilt rattled into my being. “C’mon Mouse. You can’t die now. We just fucking killed those guys!” The last statement was said with an unexpected air of surprise. With my free hand I tried to wipe the blood off of your clothes and only succeeded in smearing it around in a large pattern.
All I can do is stare blankly at the ceiling. I can't even force my eyes to blink, can't get my body to move, the only functions happening right now are autonomous as my chest rises and falls on its own. I can feel the pain in my ear, and I know my hand is split wide open because it feels like it's on fire but I can't move. Even when you pull me into your lap I can't get myself to move. It isn't until you try to take my hand that I snap somewhat out of it and wince, my eyes finally blinking and my body finally feeling like it was my own again.
The questions hit me all at once and I feel so overwhelmed at the last sentence. 'We just fucking killed those guys' I just killed a man. I killed a man for the man who not even 24 hours ago was going to kill me, multiple times at that. Sure he was a creep and no doubt had hurt people before but I could have ran and let the two of you kill each other and been home free- if I still had one of those that is. "My ear.. the gun.. glass" I lift my hand up a little to see the middle of my palm and my second knuckle on three of my fingers cut open. "The glass." I repeat, still feeling dazed from hitting my head again. "My ear hurts.. my hand hurts.. I'm a murderer.." I let out a soft and weak laugh and it feels like I really could just will myself to die right here on this floor as I let my eyes flutter shut. "I don't wanna do this anymore Ivon." I say so quietly I can barely hear it over the ringing in my ear.
@bonghitsforfeds
Hearing you manage to say something slows the adrenaline dumping into my veins. I have to turn my head and move my ear closer to your mouth to even be able to pick up what you are saying. Is that due to my deafness or the fact she is barely conscious? The room began to spin again as you explained your feelings. Murderer? I almost responded how tired I was of it all when you mentioned not wanting to do this anymore. The cold feeling of guilt at least helped to dull the nauseous tumbling. Apologies were not enough hours ago so I did not even attempt to use them now. Instead I just pulled you into a big hug and spoke close to your ear, “We are getting out of this.” Even that I was unsure of, but all I wanted to do was work any reassurance I could into your mind.
I moved to adjust my grip and felt the fresh flow of blood from your ears. Oh Jesus this is bad. My hands began to tremble with overwhelming anxiety, and I could not think of what to do next. I pressed a tiny kiss to your forehead and let you lay back down into my lap. Scanning the room in a nervous move of survival, a teeny red blinking light caught my attention. Was that camera on? Gulping, “Mouse. I think we need to get out of here. Can you move?” Realizing only after how stupid a question it was, I scrambled for any solution. I could maybe drag her using one of the cots? “Stay awake!” I yelled the command down at you as your eyes began to roll backwards into their sockets. The feared look you gave me sparked more guilt to bloom so I pecked you with another tiny smooch to the forehead in reassurance. We needed to move before any of my wounds set in, I could feel my ribs tightening already where the dead man had driven his elbow into them.
I managed to nod when you told me we were getting out of this even though I could barely think or see straight. Even with how exhausted I was I could feel the frustration with myself building. I wished I could just brush the concussion and clearly blown eardrum off but every time I tried to move my body felt like wet cement. I'm okay. I want to tell you that I'm okay, or at least that I will be.. maybe, but I can't force my lips to move.
I force my eyes to focus when you yell at me to stay awake and I know you can see how afraid I am even with how dazed my brain is at the moment. I just need a minute. "I just- I just need a minute" I rasp out a little louder than before so you can hear me without having to lean down. I know you must be in a lot of pain too between the blows from the gun and the man's elbow. If we didn't get out soon I had a feeling we never would, whoever was on the other side of that camera would come and we'd be fucked. I'm not gonna die here. Not like this. "H-help me up I can do this" I didn't want to force you to carry me or drag me out of here, not when you were hurt too. I didn't want to make it worse.
I wait for you to help me to my feet, stumbling a few times like a drunken fool before finding my balance for the most part, holding onto your arm for dear life. "I- I need you to rip my shirt" I hold up my other hand a little to gesture to the cuts wanting to use a strip to wrap around the wound so it isn't just open. "Need your help"
@bonghitsforfeds
Disappointment in myself coupled uncomfortably with guilt when you asked for a moment. Of course you needed time to rest. You had just been through another life shattering traumatic event. I still could not help the pressure that seemed to increase in weight all around us at every second we spent here. Not only was I worried about some sort of backup arriving, but it’s almost like I did not believe these men were actually dead. As if one of them would reanimate to continue their assault on us. I had almost stood to make my way to the cots when you asked to stand. “Ok babe.”
Once we were up and steady I felt my face flush at your request for help. “Yeah, anything.” My body strained with the effort of supporting your weight while not giving in to whatever was wrong with my lower abdomen. I really hoped it was just bruised innards and not something burst. It took some awkward shuffling to keep you stable while ripping the shirt, but soon I was wrapping a piece of the cloth around your wounded hand. Monk-like levels of focus were required to not be sick at the sight of your split flesh.
I jumped as we emerged from the doorway, having almost forgotten about the other pile of dead man heaped at the bottom of the stairs. Thankfully the worst of his wounds were concealed underneath his own body. The red that pitter pattered down from the ceiling above him and the bits of bone on the stairs said enough about his condition. “Look at my face and don’t look away until we are outside.” I don’t know where the sudden bravery rose from, but my only focus at this point in time was getting you out of this shithole. My inner dialogue repeated, Cami. Van. Cami. Van. It was a mantra of focus from a damaged mind attempting to compartmentalize this entire awful day.
The stairs went smooth enough until we got to the corpse near the landing. I had to half pick you up over him to provide enough support for you in the awkward space. “You are doing great doll,” I said to you once you h
20:50
ad finally managed to step over the twitching body. Only a few more steps and we were back out on the front deck. Never in my entire life had I been in a place so dilapidated, but I could have sucked the air from the skies with how happy I was to be out here.
"S-sorry" I mumbled as we struggled though the awkward dance of getting a strip of fabric torn off my shirt and wrapped around my hand. It was so deep that it felt numb at the same time that it was burning and the worst part was that when I was doing it I didn't even feel it. I was so focused on nearly decapitating the man underneath me that I didn't feel myself slice my hand open. The thought makes my stomach turn so hard that I gag and have to stand still and take a couple deep breaths to regain my composure.
'Look at my face and don't look away' I listened and kept my eyes on your face which even with the swollen and bloodied nose was still just as annoyingly handsome as before. I hated you for not being ugly. I keep looking at you all the way down the stairs trusting you to guide me and keep me from falling even though both of us were in pretty rough shape now. "Sorry I'm sorry" I mumble out as you have to help me over the lump of a man at the bottom of the stairs.
When we finally make it outside I suck in such a deep breath that I feel my ribs click against themselves and feel the first but of relief that I've felt since I opened my eyes this morning. Maybe we'll make it out of here. "Where should we go?" I ask looking around so fast I make myself woozy and fall into your size a little. "I don't know where we should go"
@bonghitsforfeds
I brought my view from the blue sky above the wavy tree line back to your face at the question. The emotional force that crashed into me from your simple living beauty was otherworldly. If it was not for the mortal wounds, near death experience, and painful awareness we just committed mad crimes I would probably try to have my way with you on the porch right here. How are any of those qualifiers different from normal? Shaking the distractions away I wrapped my arm tight around your hips in support as you leaned into me. “I think... I think there was only one way in, but I did not get a long look down the road.” I backtracked mentally in an attempt to remember anything helpful, but everything felt like it had just happened to someone else.
“We could use the van... but that means finding the keys.” The thought of corpse robbing to get out of here was not beneath me, but the process of rifling through two partially headless men’s pockets does not sit well in my gut. Everything to make our escape was right here, but with the mounting pain of our wounds I was growing worried at our ability to actually use any of the tools. I felt useless.
I nod a little as if I have any recollection of the way in or even half of who I am right now with how rattled and messed up my brain is but so far, as far as being kidnapped goes, you've kept me safe so I trust you to get us at least away from this god forsaken cabin. The keys..fuck. "That means we have to go back in there right?" I grimace at the thought and subconsciously press against you even tighter uncaring of the pain it shoots through my side.
"I'll go with you c'mon we need those keys I don't want to stay here" I take a few wobbly steps back towards the doorway avoiding looking at the bottom of the stairs or anything in the stairwell. "They're already dead we just... We just gotta get the keys.." everything in me was praying that they were in the man at the bottom of the stairs pocket so I didn't have to look at what I had done. The brief images of it flashing through my brain were already enough to make me feel ill.
@bonghitsforfeds
I almost told you to wait out here while I went inside alone. However the more I thought about your personality the more I realized it may just come off insulting. Hell, I had basically just watched you pull half a man’s throat out with what you said was only a shard of glass. My crazy bitch. ‘They’re already dead...,’ here I am trying to piece together the fact you just asked me to go inside period and now you are already talking me up? “Alright you brave freak, let’s go.”
The resolve and humor I managed to build up dissipated the second we stepped back inside. There was just something so terribly evil about this place, and that was before we put two more ghosts in it. The fire crackling was even more ominous this time around. My voice was no longer confident, just a whisper you could hear, “Ill search him.”
Down on my hands and knees now I picked through the man’s pockets for anything we could use. He had done what appeared to be a reverse somersault down the stairs and landed headfirst into the wall. His torso and knees were folded up over his face concealing most of his grisly headwound. Is that part of his fucking brain? I tried to not think about the fact the barrel of his gun only inches from my face was probably loaded and hot. His pants pockets had nothing, and I almost went up the staircase but then I checked the chest pocket of his torso rig. I felt my hands clasp around metal and triumphantly pulled the keys free. I turned around to jingle them near your face pulling my sore mouth into a partial smile, “Fucking freedom.” Tears sprang into my eyes as I spoke the words up to you.
I bet someone lived here once, or at the very least used to escape from their every day lives here. I tried to distract myself imagining what it may have looked like in it's glory with all of its cozy cabin amenities and furniture. I imagined the floor before it was stained with the blood and pain of who knows how many people, the windows adorned with curtains, a couple cozied up by the wood burning stove with some cocoa in the cooler winter. Anything happier than what it had become, hollow and haunted. "I'm sorry" I whispered to the ghosts that I could feel in the walls. I wondered how many of them were innocent.
I couldn't bring myself to look at the body of the man who went somersaulting down the stairs but I did turn to face you again when you jingled the keys so close to my face. I was so happy to hear the sound of the metal on the little ring that I almost managed a smile too, almost. I couldn't quite do it though, I was too exhausted. "Freedom" I repeat even though it feels ironic coming from my tongue, escaping my captors with my stalker. What a twisted fucking nightmare my life has become.
He's crying. It surprises me and doesn't at the same time. There was something so soft about you, hiding in the grasps of whatever monster most often controlled you and it was so strange to see it come out. Were you really worried about me? Do you really care? Is any of that even humanly possible? I sigh softly and feel my knees buckle a little before I trudge back out to the van and lean against the passenger side. "I call shotgun"
@bonghitsforfeds
I knew the day was getting to me because your face so close to mine did not cause some terrible thought to come crawling out of my soul. I limped along behind watching your hips sway in a pained pattern back to the van. We could have stepped straight into a forest fire and I would be happy to never have to set foot in this hell house again. I had a shake in my entire body that was uncomfortable. It was like the post adrenaline trembles but instead my entire body shuddered, even my teeth clattered together. How did it feel to kill a man?
Thankfully your joke pulled my mind from the dark spot. I responded, “What, you thought after all this we are like equals now or something? I was going to make you ride in the back.” I motioned toward the doors we climbed out of earlier with my thumb. Was that too much? I unlocked the door of the car from my side using the key and immediately flipped at the powered door button inside the column to open yours. A huge sigh flew from my lungs as I slipped into the old leather chair. It was nice to sit in something that was not covered in blood of any kind. I offered a hand out over the center to help you climb in. “Sorry hon, I should have helped you over there.” I thought about mentioning how usually doors are opened for me, but decided it would only make me sound like a rich douchebag.
It took two tries to get the engine to turn over, and I would be lying if I said it did not terrify me when it did not start at first. “That would be your luck huh?” I tried more humor now that the RPM was slowing back down to idle. I wanted to reach over the center and squeeze your leg in reassurance, but now that we were alone the full brunt of trauma seemed to be crashing into us. “What are you thinking about Mouse?” Awful question.
"W-what?" I stammered out not realizing for a moment that you were also joking around with me and for a second I stopped breathing at the idea of riding back there by myself. I was so grateful when I heard the mechanical thunk of the door unlocking that I didn't even care that you didn't help me up into the van. It was worth the pain to know that we were going to get out of here and back to civilization. There's still nothing civil about this Cami. "It's fine lets just get out of here." I huffed with a brief glance back at the cabin as if it was going to lunge out and swallow the van whole.
"Yeah.. guess it would be my luck. I don't know what I did wrong but I guess this is what I deserve somehow." I swallowed thickly at that, I really didn't know what I did to deserve any of this, ever since I was a little girl I was always sure to try my best to be a good person. I'd never even littered beyond a receipt flying away in the wind before I could catch it. 'What are you thinking about mouse?' What a loaded question. "Everything. I just-. I just killed a man for the man who was going to kill me I have his blood all over me I think my eardrum is busted I'm so concussed I can barely think straight and my body is in so much pain I feel like I'm constantly fighting going into shock and dying... You?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I guess this is what I deserve somehow.’ Man this shithead really has a way of sucking the air from our sails. I was doing terribly at cheering you up, but it was understandable. The things that had happened to you previous to our kidnapping was enough to drive most people completely mad. With the van still in park I ran a hand through my hair in frustration at everything. I was so close to being back to where I could somehow try to make this up to you.
I felt a tiny aftershock of anger rile within me when you mentioned how I tried to kill you. However I found it hard to argue with fact, and it only rolled up into a ball of regret when you finished speaking. With one hand on the wheel and one in my hair frozen in shock at your honest response I sat staring at you for a few awkward seconds of silence. The only way my brain could solve this was to double down on your play, “Well, I am in mild control of what was previously a hopelessly spiraling situation while still in the company of the one woman I am twistedly forcing to spend every remaining moment of her life with me. I am also in a lot of pain, tired, hungry, and desperately wish to get the fuck away from that.” I point at the cabin over my last word. I add, “It’s likely at least some of our priorities line up at this time.” Putting the van in drive I made a circle out of the driveway and back onto the gravel path I assumed we drove in on. A deep part of me squirmed with fear that you could still escape my permanent clutches.
All I can manage to do is stare back at you and nod a little. Of course you were in a lot of pain too and this had happened to you just as much as it had happened to me and that was hard to grapple with. We shared one terrifying experience but you were still the more terrifying experience for me. But he also kept you safe. If I wasn't already concussed I would probably bang my head against the glass in frustration but I decide against it right now, the last thing I need is permanent brain damage.
"I'm hungry too..somehow." The fact that I was capable of eating after plunging that piece of glass into a man so many times really made me question what the hell was wrong with me but I decided there was no point in dwelling on it, it wouldn't change the fact that my stomach felt empty and my mouth felt like sandpaper. "And thirsty... Do you have any idea where we are? Like does it look familiar to you?" I ask as I turn to look at you again instead of out the window. None of it looked familiar to me at all and that scared me.
Trying to get a feel for the way this thing drove we slowly crawled over the gravel road. Rocks crunched and bounced at the sides, and it was hard to hold myself still with how sore I was. Plant matter grew over parts of the path, and the mystically tall trees lazily hung over us as we fled the cursed area. Even though I already knew I had no idea where the hell we were, I still found myself craning my neck around at the surroundings when you asked me. “No idea, love.” I answered with a quick meeting of your eyes before refocusing on the road. I was terribly paranoid about running over something and popping our tires, or bumping into a tree and bursting the radiator.
Several moments later we turned off of the dirt road onto another partially graded roadway. This one was at least bladed and compacted by some sort of local governing body. The road we turned off of had no sign or markers noting its location, and in fact the turn was not noticeable unless you were coming the wrong way up this current path. I tried to distract my mind’s eye from replaying what had just occurred on loop with some words, “I will get you food and drink. A bed. It’s almost over.” Already I regretted attempting the comforting phrases though when I realized nothing is over for you. All I could hope is whatever dark side of you enjoyed our time in that glass possibly found a shred of solace in what I said to you now. My mind was working toward that goal for you, “We need to find a highway or some sort of landmark.” It seemed obvious after saying it, but thinking out loud was becoming a bad habit for me. No idea what was in store for our evening, I kept pushing forward.
I nod a little again finding it hard to really come up with the words for this situation, how can I manage to feel so much relief and at the same time feel so much fear. I knew that we were away from them and hopefully they wouldn't be able to find us now that your phone was likely torched along with everything else in the house. But at the same time I was still stuck with you, the person who got me wrapped up in all of that to begin with and the person who's been hurting me for the last 24 hours.
I sigh heavily and drop my had against the glass of the window enjoying the feeling of the cold against my skin. The sun was finally starting to sink a little lower in the sky and I wondered just how many hours we had until we were out of daylight. Not that it mattered, hopefully we would find a street sign or something that let us know where we were sooner rather than later.
"Where are we even gonna go when we figure out where we are?"
@bonghitsforfeds
As we crept down the mountainside backroads I expected a convoy of cars to round the corner and finish the job at any moment. Rolling waves of shimmering green filled the horizon in either direction, and the late afternoon sun cast long draping shadows over any low parts of the canyon. It was truly an awesome sight that was totally lost in my distracted and exhausted headspace. It did not help that if I sped up too fast the traction would slip and we would start a scary slide toward certain death. When you spoke I changed stance to respond and a stabbing in my shoulder suggested I had been still for a while.
I had been trying to figure the same question out. Without access to a phone or wallet we had no source of money. We could get to a payphone, but then we would need to bum spare change from someone. If we need to stop for gas before the money problem is solved we are double hosed that way too. What I would give right now to step from a heated floor into a hot tub. Maybe we could borrow someone's cell? “Without a phone call or access to cash we will not be going much of anywhere.” I paused for a moment to make an angled turn before continuing, “I guess it depends how far out here we are.” I had still yet to spot a sign or any mile markers, and a creeping sense of nervousness was slithering down my spine. “Do you have any ideas in that pretty head of yours?” God, please have an idea.@killahxkylie
"We need money.. without any money we're fucked we should have checked those guys for cash." I mentally kick myself for not having thought about it before it was too late. I lean forward to open the large glove compartment and only find some loose change and some clips on ammunition. Fucked. We're so fucked. "Do you have any friends we could get to? Or.. fuck I don't know"
I wrack my brain trying to think of different ideas and hate all of the things my brain conjures up, none of them seeming like truly viable options. "Well.. theres a lighter in here so if we need to we can make a fire if we run out of gas before we hit town... we should find some sort of water to wash ourselves off with too.. not that we can do much about our clothes but I can feel his blood on my face and it's making me sick."
@bonghitsforfeds
Goddammit.She is right, we really should have searched those dudes for money. I thought about mentioning how there was a lot of other stuff going on at the time, but you already knew that. ‘Do you have any friends,’ this was getting rather awkward. Tell her why no one is a close friend of yours champ. “Parker was our main west coast guy.” It was not a complete answer, but it would do. There are some people I know that would send help for me, but they are all in Washington state. I had just planned on calling father once we got to a phone. “Have you ever hung out with rich people before?” It was a blunt question, but I had to know, "People who amass wealth do not typically have friends like others. You have business partners, some pretty faces, and maybe a few people you almost trust, but if they are outside your blood family they might as well be a foreign combatant."
I could not help but chuckle at the lighter statement, “Gunna start a fire in the van?” I knew what you had been getting at, but I could not help teasing you. The humor dulled out when you struck me with wanting to bathe. I glanced over at your face, you had spattering of cracked drying red all over your features. This was way more than what we had seen at your house, as now It was a solid sheen of material that covered every imperfection and wrinkle in your face. Staring just a moment too long I felt the warmth of lust. Really dude? “I will get you a bath.” No leg humping, focus on driving.
The road winded down via switchbacks at a low grade now. Soon the path began to even out into a lower angle and we were passing turn offs that had recent maintenance. ‘Highway 1, 30 miles.’ I almost slammed on the brakes in excitement to point the sign out, but I could see now that you had noticed it too. “We will be on asphalt by nightfall.” Hard as I tried, the goofy smile poured over my lips. We might make it.
I shook my head "No I haven't fanciest thing I ever went to was probably my senior prom" I managed a small laugh at that, I guess I really don't know anything about you that isn't completely surface level. You had mentioned super educated people still managing to be boring but for all I knew then you could have just been some collegiate snob. I let out another soft sigh. Do I actually want to know you though? Clearly we're from two sides of a different coin.
"Noo I would start one in the woods." I knew you were teasing me and honestly it was sort of appreciated at the moment. It distracted my mind from the way my body was aching all over and the way my eyes desperately wanted to close from exhaustion, the adrenaline long having worn off and leaving me shaking and depleted.
"Do we have enough gas?" I asked as I tried to peek at the dashboard but I wasn't quite tall enough to be able to see any of the gauges. God I hope we make it.. still though where are we going to go? I had a couple of friends but none of them were going to get involved in a mess like this to help me. It dawned on me that all of my identification that I had on me had also gone up in flames, the only thing I might have left is a birth certificate that was in the closet. "I feel so helpless" I say softly mostly to myself without even realizing that I said it out loud. With no money, no home, and nobody to turn to I felt completely cut off. There was no way anyone at the office would care enough to help me and after a few days of not showing up they'd surely just think I quit with no notice like so many others had before me. I feel more alone than ever.
@bonghitsforfeds
My heart fluttered when you leaned closer to scan the dash. “Just above a quarter.” My guess was maybe a hundred miles if we are lucky. “Not enough gas to make it to LA, but likely enough to find a phone.” The sun was getting lower in the sky, and I did not trust my ability to navigate unfamiliar terrain under cover of darkness. I pulled the knob beside the wheel to turn the lights on, and only one powered up. Figures.
‘I feel so helpless.’ Yeah, probably because you are right now. I wonder if they really burnt your house down? “You know what makes me feel fucking helpless?” I wanted to stop the temper from flaring up, but the hatred seemed to be pouring out of an infinite cup. “This twisted awful dance of blades that happens in my goddamn stomach every time your pouty face starts getting sad.” The emotions were rolling over my lips now, “Every other person on this entire planet could snuff out in a moments notice and I would feel nothing but the annoyance over having to make my own fucking coffee!” A trembling worked its way into my hands as the hateful thoughts continued. “I just blew a man’s skull out of his ass with his own fucking machine gun in order to scurry you to freedom!” My mad rambling was taking on the tone of someone not grounded in reality.
I slammed the brakes and we slid to a stop, it was so sudden that your seat belt is the only thing that kept you from going through the dash. Our cloud of dust caught up and floated by the windows, and the smell of dirt came in through the vents. I had let go of the wheel now that we were parked and I was looking at you with a face of psychosis, “I know most of your current issues are caused by me okay? I’m insane, not stupid. And I know that you just fought your way out of the hardest 48 hours of your life.” I had to pause a moment to try and figure out what my point was with all of this. Oh yeah helplessness, “You just won a death bout against a murderer three times your mass with a shard of old glass yo
15:05
u crazy bitch! You are a badass! Start talking about yourself like you are fucking badass!” I was screaming now. I knew my conversation had rambled on at this point, but this was more of an emotional dump then a pep talk, “Stop making me feel helpless by-.” The thought of readmitting my love to you suddenly felt useless. I did not like the way my fight immediately went out at the thought. My chest heaved with having just screamed so much, and I fell back into the driver's seat with an exhale of frustration. Suddenly another burst of rage, “I don’t even know why I am yelling at you!”
"I- I-" I tried to get something, anything out, but you seemed so upset that you felt anything towards me and I couldn't understand why, wasn't that the point of this whole thing? Isn't that why you started? Was you having feelings for me just a fluke that ended up happening after you started stalking me? Everything I thought I knew ended up turned on its end all over again and I felt like my head was spinning. It made me feel sick. I didn't understand. Of course you had killed a man for me but I did the same for some sick fucking reason.
When you slammed on the break and the vans tires went skidding along the road my seatbelt locked into place and when my body slammed against it I felt all the air leave my lungs with a pathetic pained noise from the damage done to my ribs. Just fucking crack the rest of the way and collapse a lung already.
Between the pain in my body and the way you were yelling at me, something I've never been able to handle right, I couldn't help but dissolve into tears, burying my face in my hands so I wouldn't have to look at the angry expression on your face as you rattled off so many confusing things I didn't even know how to process any of them. Do you love me or hate me?! I wanted to scream it right back at you but I couldn't all I could do was sit there and sob because everything that had happened was just too much and I could feel myself on the edge of completely losing it. "If I'm such a problem why didn't you just let me die?!"
@bonghitsforfeds
I thought catharsis would mercifully smother the anger, but then you asked me that fucking question. “Do you listen to any of the stupid shit I say to you?” I tried to stay calm, but my voice rose into a shout anyway, “I don’t want you to die! I want to build a tower and lock your dumbass away in it! I want no one but me to ever lay eyes on your body!” I angrily pointed my finger into the windshield with a dramatic tap tap, “Do you see these fucking morons out here? None of these bottom feeding urchins are worth you! No one is fucking worth you Cami!” I wanted to keep yelling at you, but my voice was going out. “All that love at first sight shit I thought was bullshit.” My tone was quiet, hoarse, and scratchy from yelling past its ability, “When I saw your bouncing curls after running into you Cami it was like...” I put my head into my hands trying to find the words and now I spoke muffled through them, “Nothing else mattered. Nothing blew my skirt up but the idea of being the only thing in your life. It's selfish, but I don’t even care anymore. Blow your brains out with the information for all I care...” I brought my face up to look at yours, angry at the hot tears rolling down it, “But I love you Camilla. I do. And there is not a goddamn thing you can do about that.” This I said with an eerily cool tone of fact.
"THEN WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOU HATE ME?! You say all these things about loving me but then you threaten to spill my brains on my living room floor and force yourself on me! I thought you were gonna kill me more than once WHY?!" I was screaming too at this point, my voice cracking in and out from the effort it took to yell this loud after yelling so much since the first time I saw you in my house again and all the yelling and crying I've done since them. And moaning. I hated myself for having that thought. I hated myself for this entire thing, I wanted to close my eyes and just never have gone to that coffee shop that day. "There is NOTHING special about me I'm just a fucking girl!"
Sure I killed a man, sure I was fighting back against you, but other than that I was just another girl. I had an ordinary childhood, an ordinary job now, everything about me was ordinary. I couldn't understand why anyone could ever want anything to do with me, nobody had ever stuck around so what the hell did you find so special about me that you wanted to keep me all to yourself. Hidden from the rest of the world. Was that what you planned on doing with me? Cutting me off from everyone I've ever known and even those I never would just so you could keep me all to yourself? Was I supposed to just be some prized possession now instead of a person? "I DONT UNDERSTAND!" I screamed it so loud it made my blown ear hurt so bad that I felt myself get woozy for a few moments before I was dissolving back into tears and the worst part was I didn't know whether I wanted to punch you in the face or have you comfort me and tell me things would be okay.
@bonghitsforfeds
She has a point you did do those things. It took every fiber of malicious respect I had managed to save up for you to not start the evil all over right now. I was so tired of shaking. Why am I always trembling with rage? ‘...I’m just a fucking girl!,’ Just when I was sure no more feelings could rack my body, you found a new peak of the roller coaster to take us over. The visions of our future together were turning to sand, and I was not going to have any of it. Not after all of the added things we had already overcome. It did not help everything you said was a fact.
The new tears leaking from your eyes were not enough to quell it, not yet, “Why do we have to understand? Have you ever fucked the way we have? Have you ever felt that way with anyone else?” Maybe you are a megalomaniac and it's all in your head. “I don’t deny what I have done.” Are you convincing us, or her? I pressed my palms into my eyes, “Make it fucking stop!” I wanted to break the windows of this van out. I wanted to drive us off a cliff. Hell, I thought about smashing your head in again, but none of it felt dramatic enough. I shook the steering wheel with all my might, trying my hardest to tear it from the steering column in a fit. When it obviously failed to do anything but wrench around a bit it only served to make me more embarrassed and angry.
'Have you ever fucked the way we have? Have you ever felt that way with anyone else?' I could only shake my head willing the answer to not come because I knew that it was no on both counts. Nothing and nobody had ever made me feel so wanted even if it was in the most vile and sick way at least it was something. I make myself sick, am I seriously that desperate for someone to care deeply about me that the way you forced me into sex on the bedroom floor is suddenly okay? No. No it can't be, it isn't.
When you shouted to make it fucking stop I didn't know what you were talking about but I could only assume you were fighting some kind of internal war the same way that I was. I watched as you shook the wheel and the look on your face was one of anger but also something else.. helplessness maybe? It hurt me to see you looking so lost. I closed my eyes to try to stop myself from caring, maybe if I didn't see it I could just ignore it and not feel the need to make it better. He hates the fact that he loves you. Make it worse.
With the van stopped I felt safe enough to un buckle my seatbelt and climb my way over into your lap easily straddling you between the seat and the steering wheel. Just above eye level with you I meet your eyes, both of ours still wet with tears and I just let them linger there for awhile before I bring my thumb up to brush over your bottom lip. "Why do you hurt me if you love me?" It comes out soft and raspy from the screaming and crying, new tears still rolling down my cheeks and carving a path through the crusted blood but never once leaving your own.
@bonghitsforfeds
My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. My nose rang with dull pain every time I tried to suck air through it while the hysterical sobbing ravaged my body. I grabbed the door handle and was just about to give it a yank when your warm body was sliding into my lap. I swooned for a moment from how high my heart rate was already, and I had to let my head come to rest on the chair. I tried to slow my breathing down so I was not exhausting hot air straight into your face, but there was still too much adrenaline. Don’t let her walk you around like that. The madness spun with mixed messages. I felt a stir in the sweatpants that only made me more angry. Why do you do this to me?
I stared up into those dark eyes lost in what you had planned. Your finger over my lip only caused it to quiver in emotional overload, and a sweat broke out down my back. The question caught me so off guard I felt like I was about to fail a test. Part of me was pestering about how we were stopped in the middle of some road, but who cares you were giving me that attention I needed. Don’t answer her. “I-I don’t... I think you can help me figure that out.” It wasn’t enough, “I-I don’t want to hurt you... I think?” Goddammit how? I never stuttered before you, “You can fix me. I feel a spikey ball here,” I poked you in the lower gut softly, “When I hurt you. I have never felt that before in my entire life.” Tears ran down into my face again. Yours was shadowed from the straddling angle that had your back to the setting sun, and the combination of that with the blood soaked features made it look like you wore a mask. The rivers of wet that run through the dried blood make it look like its cracked porcelain. It was a horrifyingly gruesome image, and it made my chest thunder with arousal. My gravity was off center and that safe spiraling insanity only our bodies shared was close. I wanted this angel of death to kill me right here. It would be the most fulfilling of ways to pass. I cou
17:15
ld smell your breath now and it had your spell near completion. Why do I hate feeling so vulnerable? I did not know what to do with my hands so I just let them sit between us awkwardly.
It's not your job to fix him. My muscles tightened under your finger when you poked my stomach and I thought maybe you were feeling guilt but how is that possible? Do monsters feel guilt? Maybe he isn't a monster after all. That thought was almost too much to deal with when you'd already done so many monstrous things to me and yet here I was wanting to make it all go away for you. You should just end his miserable existence. But I think I might miss you if I did.
"Guilt. I think what you're feeling is guilt." I poke your stomach back in around the same spot "That's where I usually feel mine.. that and sadness but I usually feel that here too" I poke your chest and then run a finger down the front of your neck where I always feel sadness the most. Your eyes in this light were captivating and I didn't feel like I could pull mine away, the way the slowly setting sun made the hazely green seem to glow was beautiful. You were beautiful in general and I hated you more for it every time I looked at you.
"What if I can't fix you Ivon?" I ask with a slight tilt of my head, turning it just enough that I could kiss your cheek where the tears were streaming down it, and then doing the same on the other side before I kiss your lips in something so soft and barely there before I pull away to wait for your answer.
@bonghitsforfeds
The psychotic voice was screaming so loud I thought you might hear it. Trying his hardest to get me to not feel anything for you he blasted my mind with evil thought. Kill her! Kill her! Gut this fucking bitch! The squeaking broken mental gear was red hot and screaming with all its power to snap free and disrupt the sanity engine. ‘Guilt.’
I sat crouched over the dead bird, its soul having only recently left our plane. I expected something to happen when I hit it with the bat, but instead it just fell over and moved around in an odd way. Now I was in a kitchen, a tall spindly chandelier hung high above. Several staff were cleaning a red mess on the floor, glancing my way with hushed whispers. From somewhere behind I heard mothers voice, ‘What did you feel when you hurt the cat Ivon?’ I tried to turn and look up at her but there was nothing but the sun where her face should have been. I was on a baseball field now with someone's shirt wrapped up in my left hand. My right fist was frozen above my head just after having delivered a powerful blow to the other person’s nose. I could hear the deafening whine of a whistle.
I was back in the van now with the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She traced her fingers over my neck in an explanation of sorrow. ‘What if I can’t fix you Ivon?’ Then you’ll do to her what you do to everything you get bored of. The perfect creature was planting kisses on either side of my face, and now her big lips were inches from me. It seemed to expect an answer. My hands shot to your back in a movement that seemed to come from a puppet master above me, “Then I’ll set you free little Mouse.” My eyes were wide with emotion, and my face displayed a mix of fear and wonder. “Kiss me again. Please.” I whispered the words out over your mouth.
"I don't think you will." I hush out when you say that you'll set me free if I can fix you. I don't think you'd set me free even if the heavens above or the hell below demanded it and a part of me doesn't think I'd want you to. A sick part of me wants to push and test and see just how far your love for me goes before you give up and run like everyone else in the past taking the rest of me with you and leaving me an empty shell.
Your hands feel so warm on my back and the way you plead with me to kiss you again instead of just pulling me down and forcing me to makes my stomach flutter in a way that makes me want to reach my hand in and pull it out. Your hands feel so much better than the sicko that tried to touch me in the cabin. My eyes squeeze shut at the thought of what he may have ended up doing to me and more tears manage to sneak their way down my cheeks. A sob is just about to work it's way out of my mouth when instead I press my lips to yours again and all that sneaks it's way out is the ghost of one. A small pathetic noise from a small pathetic mouse. I reach behind me to grab your hands and put them on the outside of my thighs. "I don't want to feel him anymore" I say against your lips still leaving soft kisses on them "Make it better...fix me"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I don’t think you will.’ Never before had someone called me out and it did not end up making me angry, but to feel so naked in your presence was a heaven no man is worthy of. This new state of wanting you to see through me had the hair on my neck standing up. We entered that experimental space between time where everything felt pure and safe. When the tears ran down from your eyes in a thicker line I thought for a moment I had done something wrong, but then your lips crashed into mine and the rocking feeling of ecstasy started again. Your words fan over my face in a slap of whispered requests.
My hands shook in apprehension of touching you. I fear if I apply any pressure to your body the part will come off and crumble like fresh snow. Your hands on my wrists and mine on your thighs completed a circuit of true emotion between us that had me growing harder beneath you. I let one hand work its way up your shirt where it carefully slid beneath your right breast. I cupped my palm flat to your ribcage so I could feel your breathing. My left hand crawled its way toward your inner thigh and I squeezed with just enough force to let you know I was still here. I drove the kissing now, ramping the pace up to the point the wet smacking of our lips was heard over the engine. I was so overwhelmed by new emotion I was having trouble remembering to breathe, and tiny gasps of air now filled the space between the loving kiss. I pulled back a bit to speak, “I don’t want to hurt you.” Instead of feeling hate for having spoken my thoughts to you, a thunderous drumming emotion rattled in my heart. It was warm, sticky, and thorny, almost comfortable except slushed with raw protective worry. What the fuck is happening?
The feeling of your hand slipping up under my shirt in such a gentle careful way had my skin raising in goosebumps as I sucked in a sharp breath between kisses, I thought you were going straight for my tits but instead you stopped on my ribs and it felt like you just wanted to feel my lungs fill with life over and over again. The squeeze of your hand on my thigh was enough to pull a soft moan from my chest, the feeling of your hands replacing the ghost of his made my heart soar in a way I didn't think it really would. How can you really be fixing it?
I followed your lead in the kisses, the tempo picking up so quickly that my heart was racing and so were my breaths. I felt need blooming in my gut like a flower in the summer, quick and eager, I wanted to devour you whole. 'I don't want to hurt you' when your words hit me between kisses I rolled my hips against you without even thinking of it and I could feel the stick slick mess you had already made of me just by kissing me. "It already hurts" I pant out as my hands come to tangle in your hair. I've never felt such raw need like this. It's sick and twisted and it shouldn't exist but it does and I need more so much more. You make me feel like I want to rip your skin open and crawl inside to stay there forever. I don't know who I am anymore. "I need you to touch me" I plead with you still rolling my hips and pulling back enough to meet your eyes again, mine blown dark with a need I didn't know I could possess.
@bonghitsforfeds
A tiny moan aired out when your hips started their rocking motion. Even with the layers of fabric the feeling of you glossing over me shot bolts of electricity into my fingertips. ‘It already hurts.’ Like reeling a catch you yanked another moan from my panting lips. Your fingers gripped into my hair with intimate resolve that replaced the hateful ringing typical within them instead with the rushing roar of arousal. 'I need you to touch me.' At your new request I nodded with a pout and looked into your eyes, “Being commanded by you on how to love is my new favorite sound.” While speaking, the hand I had gripped into your thigh worked its way palm up between your legs and began a gentle stroking back and forth. When pulling backwards my middle and ring finger would drag between you and I could feel how potent your own arousal had become through the pants. I resisted the urge to suck your taste from my fingertips. I would experience whatever we just went through with a smile on my face three times a day to get a fraction of whatever this vibrating feeling you put inside of me was.
I wanted to be complete with you already, but this desperate clutching of each other was better than any sex I had ever experienced. My cock was pressed firmly to the top of the sweatpants now, and my own knuckles brushed it in unison with the stroking of you. I pulled the hand pressed to your chest out of the shirt so I could instead use it to support your neck as we continued to suck at each other's mouths. The beginnings of our attempts at making love had the mind gremlin hiding somewhere far away. *Am I in complete control? *
"O-oh god just like that" My mouth falls open and such a whiny moan makes it's way out when you start to stroke my pussy so gently. I wasn't used to this touch from you and it felt like so much more than it was. Every drag of your fingers was driving me more and more insane and I'd never felt anything like it. Nobody had ever had this effect on me before, half the idiot men I'd ever been with couldn't get me off but you? One touch from you and I was already rocketing towards the edge. "I'll show you how to love me in so many different ways." I had no idea who this person was, how you managed to make me brave enough to take any sort of control but you did. I didn't even realize I said the word love out loud.
I could feel how hard you were beneath me and knowing this was effecting you just as much made my head fuzzy, and this time it definitely wasn't from the concussion. I briefly broke the passionate kiss we were sharing to pull the blood spattered shirt over my head to fall to the floor of the van, my nipples tightening into buds at the cooler air of the evening. Before I could overthink any of this I crashed my lips back into yours, one of my hands fumbling between us to palm at your cock the best that I could in this position. I pulled away again biting your bottom lip as I did before I tugged your shirt over your head too, the feeling of your body heat against mine was too much to resist and I found myself trailing kisses and bites along your jaw and then to your neck, sinking my teeth into the junction between your neck and shoulder. You really are a crazy bitch.@bonghitsforfeds
Hearing your pleasured cries at an act that was initiated, enjoyed, and actively participated in by you had so much blood rushing to where you stroked at me now that everything felt thick. Then you gave me the greatest gift anyone ever had; the word 'love' floated off your puffy lips and into my ears with such sweet harmonious deliverance I think some of the evil inside of me died permanently right there in that shitty little van.
I was thankful for the few seconds it took for you to pull your shirt off as it gave me time to shake my head of the witchcraft you ruthlessly pumped into it. I kept hearing ‘I’ll show you how to love me...’ how sad the key to my possible redemption was such a simple act from such an innocent creature. Now you toyed at my stiff cock, bit my lips, and stripped me of my shirt. “Fuck.” The word fell heavy and hoarse from my chest. I wanted to say more, but you kissed up my body into a bite that startled me into a tiny yelp. It got me so good I whipped my hand out from underneath your hot pussy in a moment of panic. Honestly I was thankful for this as it allowed me to force my hand into the top of your pants and actually press my fingers into you. There was so much of you leaking already I managed to cram my index to ring finger one knuckle deep after only two tries. “Keep biting me and I may do something rash.” The threat was real, but it oozed with a sultry air of ecstasy void of any anger. I spoke it directly into your ear while you kissed at my arms, I could see the outline of your spine down your bare back and the thought of your body moving to please me like this combined with your bare skin filling most of my vision caused a sob of joy to escape my lungs. Again that painful swelling of obsessed heat filled my chest. What is this?@killahxkylie
Hearing that heavy and hoarse 'fuck' leave your lips only fueled me even further, I loved hearing and feeling the way I effected you in so many different ways. I could feel you breathing faster and harder under me, feel your cock twitching under my hand, all of it was so intoxicating to me. This. This I could get used to. "Fuck that's so good-" I could feel myself clenching around your fingers as you started to work them in and out of me. The threat of you doing something rash was too tempting to ignore and I kissed back up to your shoulder to sink my teeth in again, I accidentally did it just a little too hard and could taste the sweet hint of your blood on my tongue and the moan it ripped out of me was sinful. More.More.
My brain was absolutely swimming in a way that it never had before and I didn't know how to handle it, my one hand made it's way into your sweats, well, my sweats, and the other was trying to touch absolutely every inch of you that I possibly could. I was fucking desperate in a way that felt borderline animalistic. It scared me in a way that I could feel this way with you when everything between us so far had been so full of violence, but I did and it was too much to push down.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was working my fingers up and down in the sopping mess of your pants, and was just about to try and add a fourth when your teeth sank deep into the soft flesh of my shoulder. I sucked in a sharp breath that filled my lungs all the way to capacity before they emptied in one long sigh of a borderline orgasmic moan. I put my free hand into your hair and gently applied backward force until you moved your gaze to meet mine. Your panting naked chest heaved as you smiled devilishly into my eyes, a small trickle of my own blood seeped from the corner of your lips. The madness that burned from your pupils was the single most insane beautiful gaze you had produced yet. “I’m going to make you squeak for that, take off your pants.”
I helped you to scoot your pants down toward your knees just enough to get your bare rear free. My eyes rolled back into my head now that your crisp musk was so clear. With your help to get my cock out I used my arms to support your ass while I gently pried the lips of your pussy apart. I wanted a clear shot at insertion. “Look at my eyes.” Lost in those dark orbs I helped to lower you down onto my erect cock as slow as our strength would allow. When the head passed into you and your eyes shot wide I could not help but tack on a praise, “Good job baby.” Once you were fully lowered onto my lap in the straddle I let myself stay stuffed inside you twitching while using my hands to pull your face into mine. Our lips crashed together sharing the taste of my blood you selfishly stole. Every few seconds I could feel one of us squirm or move inside and it would force a tiny grunt from deep within me. Now that our lips were locked back together I let my hands wander your body searching for any unused piece of skin to clutch at. Tears I did not know I even had left sprang from the corners of my eyes and ran down between our faces into the sticky mask of red you still wore. This was the most pure form of anything I had ever felt. It didn't feel legal.
<@6
"I might do more than squeak Ivon" I said with a playful smirk before adjusting to help you get my pants down far enough to expose my ass and pussy. When you gave me such a simple command it was easy for me to lock my eyes onto yours, watching the pleasure fill them as you slowly helped me sink down onto you. "Fuck" I said on a breath when you went so far as to praise me for doing a good job. The words went straight to my aching cunt and I could feel myself dripping arousal down your length.
I wanted to move so badly but you kept me seated right there in your lap, buried completely inside me as you crashed our lips together. It was such an intense feeling and all I could think to do was cup your cheeks with my hands gently, not wanting to hurt you, and I could feel the tears streaming down your face. "Don't cry, just love me" I hushed out against your lips before kissing you again, deep and passionate as if my tongue was trying to memorize the slow slide of yours against it. I couldn't stop twitching around you, my body begging me to move and feel you the way I was so desperate to.
@bonghitsforfeds
Any other day and that ‘fuck’ you blew into my face would have had me over the top already. You told me not to cry, but there was no stopping the sobbing moans into your mouth when you told me to love you again. With our tongues still waltzing about our lips I began to buck my hips back and forth into the chair just enough to provide an inch or two of thrusting movement. Only a few pumps in I felt the primal need to go faster knock around inside my skull. I stopped running my hands about your body to set them both under your sweaty ass in order to provide a lifted bounce to the movement.
Once I began to properly fuck you I had to pull my lips apart from yours just to keep enough air in my lungs from how much escaped in the pitched wails of sex. In between each thrust I huffed out, “Thank. You. Thank. You.” Your hot humid breath was filling my head. The silky sensation of your walls sliding over me had my body doing the familiar tingling. I wished I could dive into your fucking face. There were no thoughts of violence only a creeping sensation to be inside your body. To be the same exact being. This was as close as our kind would ever come to such a wish. I had never cried such pure tears of joy before. I found it hard to cope with how happiness and sadness both share that same pang of nervous worry.
"Oh fuck don't stop- holy shit that feels so fucking good baby" The nickname slipped off my tongue before I ever had a shot in hell at stopping it when you started to bounce me up and down on your cock. The way you filled me to the brim over and over again was so addicting, the head of your cock brushing against my gspot and then hitting the deepest parts of me with every thrust was enough to have my moans and whimpers bouncing off the metal walls of the van.
I put a hand on your chest to slow you to a stop before I manage to wrangle my pants off the rest of the way before sinking down onto you again with a gasp. I wanted to show you how badly I wanted it too this time, and not just as a distraction. I felt something for you, what it was I wasn't sure yet. If it was some kind of twisted hate and need for control or if it was turning into a genuine attraction. Either way I found myself kissing you again so I could taste the moan that left your lips when I started to bounce myself in your lap. I don't think anything could ever feel this intense for me every again with anyone else. Maybe that's what you wanted though, for my brain to end up so fucked up that you ended up being the one thing that could make me feel anything anymore. "Goddd I can't get fucking close enough" I half whined half growled out in frustration, it felt like I couldn't feel enough of you against me even as most of my upper body was pressed against yours. I'd never felt this way before, there was so much emotion built up inside of me that I felt like I could tear you to shreds with my bare hands if I wanted to but instead I just wanted to use it to be as close as humanly possible*
@bonghitsforfeds
It was a good thing you asked me to not stop because there was nothing short of ending my life that would have made me even consider it. Every time our sexes would meet in a moist smack of lovemaking a surge of heated emotion would spurt out into my veins. I kept trying to tell you how much your cries of pleasure had my vision rocking, but it would only come out as a huffed moan of my own instead. ’...baby,’ another frustrated grunt flew into your face as we passionately kissed.
The short break while you wrestle the sweatpants to the car floor let my vision correct a bit, and I almost had time to process one complete thought, but then you were sinking yourself back onto my lap. I had to grab out at the door column to not make a mess of myself when you sucked the moan from my lips that was meant to be a plea for you to slow down. This couldn’t end. We have to stay locked together physically like this forever. It is the only way to be sure you are only mine. The thought of anyone else having possibly felt this way with you made me jealous. Have I been missing out on this for years? Claustrophobia set in as my skin grew hotter against yours, and the cab of this van felt much too small.
‘I can’t get close enough.’ Interesting, I am trying to not come unglued at the fucking seams. I tried at confidence, “Me either baby,” there is that word again, “Do you want to move to the back?” The thought of unplugging from you even for the time it took to move to the back of the van was a terrible one, but I had to be able to press more of my body to you. I wanted to lay you flat and have every piece of myself against you that I could. “I need to feel more of you.” These words were spilling out from locked drawers I didn’t even know I had. Pounding whores leaned over the third story railing of dad’s boat was the same tier as brushing my teeth compared to whatever the fuck we were doing right now. Why does this feel so wrong? I waited for the evil to answer but my mind was
11:35
wiped clean from the monsoon of sensory input you were feeding to me.
All I could manage when you asked me if I wanted to move to the back at first was a nod and not even a good one, you probably couldn't even tell that I was agreeing to the proposition. "Yes- god yes please I need more I need fucking more" I felt absolutely ravenous in my need to be closer to you somehow even though it felt impossible with you deep inside me, how could we get any closer?
"Take me to the back of this fucking van right now Ivon" before you can even move I'm pushing the door open and inching my way off of you, an embarrassing drip of my own arousal running down my thigh as I stand on the road waiting for you to follow. I have no idea who I am anymore I never would have done this a month ago or is it that nobody would do it with you?@bonghitsforfeds
After your initial agreement to move we still kept pushing into each other for several more pumps before you commanded me by name. “Yes Ms. Roberts.” Before I had time to add anything else on you were disappointingly pulling yourself off of me and climbing outside. I did not even tuck my leaky cock back into the pants, I just followed behind like a hungry dog. I took two steps toward you before I almost tripped face first into the dusty road. It was exposing to be half naked next to a running car parked on a hillside like this. It was risqué and added a taboo rushing excitement to everything. I stared at your legs while pulling my pants up from my ankle to not trip on them. Scooping you up in a fireman's carry I walked you to the back of the van. There was a brief struggle as I tipped your wounded form up over my head, but you seemed to calm at the sensation of my arm now being pressed into your leaking pussy. "Lady like you can't be walking around out here all alone." I tried to laugh at my own joke but I had to focus on not falling over.
Rich boy arms do not make the best of lifting utility, but it was a good thing you were not that large in the first place. Now at the rear doors of the van I turned myself sideways and crouched slightly so your face was close to the handles. Teasingly, “If you wouldn’t mind ma’am, my arms are a little full.” I fought an animalistic urge to drop you on the ground and press my face between your legs before you even had a chance to open the doors.
@killahxkylie
I couldn't help but let out a small giggle when you scooped me up in a fireman's carry, it was awkward and I was nervous that you would drop me face first onto the ground but something about being carried around by you whether it was like this or when you were patching me up after that first night that made me feel good in so many different ways. I liked this, and I hated myself for it. "Well it's a good thing I'm not alone then isn't it Mr. Feldt" it came out of my mouth before I even second guessed it and I hoped that it would be okay to use your last name since you'd used mine more than once now.
I pulled on the door handle to open the back doors up when you asked me too and couldn't control the blush that spread from my cheeks down to my chest, not that you could see it on my face from all the blood spattered there. My stomach filled with butterflies at this teasing playful side of you and I wondered just how long it would last for. If things could always be like this... I cut the thought of because I knew it wasn't likely and I knew that after this reality would come crashing back down around us popping the little bubble we managed to make for ourselves.
When you pulled me back as I held the door to open it up for a split second I was filled with fear at the idea of being back here again. It took my brain a few moments to remember that this time we were climbing in ourselves and could get out at any time we wanted, that and the way your arm was pressed against my pussy was too much to ignore, I probably would go head to head with a bear right now if it meant feeling you pleasing me again. "Our luxury accomodations await us"
@bonghitsforfeds
A wobble had started in my left forearm when I heard you pop the latch of both doors. The pressure of your bare breasts into the side of my body was my main motivation to not drop your broken form. Everything felt so skewed in the perfect moment. Normally this level of affection I feigned through set jaw at women of state, but with you it felt so natural and rewarding. I did manage a curt laugh at your joke, “Yeah Mouse, I got us the Jade Mountain resort.”
Kneeling into the once prison with one knee I lowered my head so I could drop you onto the rigid floor. You were parallel to the back of the van now, head toward the driver’s side. “Sorry doll, I’m not the strongest.” The humility managed to stir the evil just enough to get it paying attention. I liked this, I wanted his mean ass to watch. I gave you a tiny push at the top of your shoulder to help rotate you around inside the van, and give me enough space to crawl in behind you. However once I had you pushed parallel to the walls your legs fell open just enough for me to get a view of what was between them.
“Lord, have mercy.” I had dreamt about it too long. I couldn’t help myself. I let my knees come to the ground on the hard gravel road so I could press my face into your pussy. I half licked half slurped from bottom to your clit in a moment of ecstasy so pure to myself I thought I might float away. It didn’t matter to me how many times I had spilled myself into it without you having properly cleaned it. I needed this. My hands wrapped around your legs to make sure you couldn’t go anywhere. As if my life depended on it I sucked and nibbled at your swelling clitoris while the smell of us filled my entire head with what may have been the first icy grip of true love I had ever felt.
@killahxkylie
"So fancy" I laugh softly as you lower me into the van, I thought it was cute that you apologized for not being the strongest and couldn't help but wonder if you'd feel that way still if you had felt the strength I felt being used against me on my bedroom floor or when you sent me flying into a bookshelf. Maybe that was more hate than strength. "It's okay" I managed to say softly before you were helping me adjust in the van so you could crawl in too.
What I wasn't expecting was for you to drop down to your knees on the road before you even managed to get inside with me "What are you-" I didn't even get a chance to finish my sentence before your tongue was running from my soaked little hole all the way up to my clit in a way that had my hands flying into your hair and pulling you closer. The moan I let out echoing off the metal walls of the back of the van.
"Holy- fuck-" I choked out each word as you attacked my clit with your lips and tongue, every time you'd suck it in between your lips I felt like the air was leaving my lungs and if it weren't for you holding around my legs I would have squirmed my way all the way to the back of the truck already. "Fuck- your tongue feels so good" I felt almost embarrassed by just how whiny and desperate every little noise and word you pulled out of me sounded but it felt so good I couldn't help it, it felt like my brain was turning into a puddle and I couldn't even think straight anymore. Nobody nobody had ever made me feel this good just using their mouth.
@bonghitsforfeds
It was hard to not bite or pull too hard with my mouth when your pathetic squalls of encouragement reached my ears. I had wanted to do this since that first night spying on your snoozing form upon the sofa. I had been trying to pull my head back and say something snarky, but your hands in my hair would not let me come up for air. The music of your rapturous echoing moans and the cold feeling of you running down the sides of my face had my ego inflated to epic proportion. I had to focus on the movements of my mouth to not fall backwards into the dirt. Finally in a distracted moment of pleasure your fingers loosened so I could wriggle free and sit up straight. Wiping my face with the back of my hand I choked out, “Goddamn lady. I couldn’t breathe.” My mouth burned from overuse of new muscle groups, but I was not going to tell you that.
I wanted to suck you dry, but my swelling cock hurt from how horny I was. I used my fingers to pull back the hood of your clitoris and peck a final smooch into it. Now I slowly kissed up your shivering body, but instead of ignoring all of your injuries I focused on them. Sometimes my lips would not even brush your skin, and I would just make the kissing noise worried that if I actually apply pressure to the specific bruise you will disappear forever. Every time I passed over a gnarly one, like your ribs or hips, I would whisper a “Sorry.” Soon I was at your chest, and for the first time since you peeled your shirt off in the car I gave your breasts attention. Kissing and sucking at the hardened nipples had new noises floating out of you and I could not help poking at you more, “Told you I could make the little Mouse squeak.” I looked up toward your face, mine still inches from your chest, so I could memorize the patterns of shuddering pleasure floating across its red masked visage as I awaited your response.
@killahxkylie
"Jesus Christ Ivon-" I could feel my thighs pressing against your face even with your arms trying to keep me still. I could feel my body climbing higher and higher the more your tongue worked over the most sensitive parts of me and it felt like I was moment away from exploring when you pulled away to stand up. I let out such a pathetic whine feeling the impending orgasm slipping away and I wonder if you even how how hard you just edged me or if it was coincidence. "Sorry" I say on a breath when you tell me you couldn't breathe.
It took a few different presses of your lips to my bruised and battered skin for me to figure out what you were doing. He's.. apologizing? The whispered apologies following every soft press of your lips twisted an entirely different emotion in my gut and I could feel my eyes welling with tears again before they spilled down my cheeks and onto the floor of the van. When your lips finally closed around my nipples I let out a softy moan and then an actual squeak when you switched to the other. Your lips felt so warm and wet around them and it made my cunt ache for you to be inside of me again. My back arched ever so slightly into the feeling and when you rubbed it in my face that you could make me squeak I rolled my eyes and let out a huff "Fine you win" I smile down at you a little before looking up at the roof "I like it when you call me that" I admitted softly "I'd like it better if you kissed me again though."
@bonghitsforfeds
The tears in your eyes confused me at first, but then ‘Fine you win.’ I wonder if you feel it too? That sick hot burning at the base of your throat that only barely subsides when we are close to becoming one. ‘I like it when you call me that.’ Now my own tears patterned down onto your bare chest slowly rolling together to form a small pool of clear liquid. I swallowed the ball in my throat and tried at coy humor to help force it down, “You shouldn't have told me that, now I can use it against you Ms. Roberts.”
I brought my arms to either side of you and pressed myself down into your huffing body so I could bring our faces together. Close enough now to get my lungs full of your used air I kissed the tip of your nose before pressing my lips to yours as requested. Your once solid red mask of dried blood now made sticky tack like splorts when our faces would part for a new angle in the sticky kiss. The pairing dance of our lips now was not like the ones I had forced into you back in the bedroom, but instead a gentle mating of mutual reverence. The way your hips bucked up into mine made it plainly clear to me you desired the same coupling my soul yearned for too. I rose to my knees just long enough to pull my pants down again before desperately working to shove my cock back where it belongs. Once I worked it in far enough for proper purchase I leaned back down into your face and let our hips slap together as we shared a gasping group of moans down each other's throats.
I wrapped my left hand into the fingers of your right and pulled it beside your head in a grasp of reassurance. Squeezing your hand with every inward thrust I let my right hand go behind me to the back of your thigh so I could pull your leg up around my back in a half leg lock. We might as well have been in a pillow top four posted bed beside the cold blue waters of Jade Mountain, because the back of this dingy abduction van was my new favorite place in the universe. Tell her you love her.
"I don't care anymore" I breathe out when you tell me that you can use it against me now because all I care about is you and me in this moment where everything hurts but everything also feels like it's somehow meant to be this way.
When you pressed yourself down onto me I could feel my ribs screaming but I couldn't care less the second your lips met mine and they started working together in unison as if we had done this a million times before. Every slide of your tongue against mine drove me deeper and deeper under your spell and all I could think of was the way your body felt against mine. It still wasn't close enough but I didn't think close enough existed in this moment. I nodded and looked at you with such needy eyes when you got back to your knees to shove your pants back down.
"Fuuuuck" I whined when you pushed back inside of me and ran my hands up your back to dig my nails into your shoulders. "You feel so fucking good" I pant out against your lips as your hips smack into mine over and over again. Our sweaty bodies sliding against each other with every thrust. I couldn't hold back the whines and moans that were coming out of me like a chorus only muffled by your lips against mine. My leg being hooked around your back only made it easier for me to pull myself against you and I loved every second of it, every slide of your cock back into me was like nirvana and I never wanted it to end.
@bonghitsforfeds
This is what I needed. This was the medicine for my broken brain. All it takes is your leg behind me, our slick chests together, your fingers in my back, and my cock pushing into your cunt. So much of your skin against mine had both my legs trembling with such intensity I had to focus on not messing up our heavenly rhythm. You think I feel good? “I wish you could have my angle so you could watch it happen.” I said while glancing down between our bodies so I could brand the images into my fucking eyeballs.
We were in a void in space. There was no van or back mountain highway. There was no dead man’s blood covering your face and neck. The only thing happening in the entirety of any sick god's universe was our private primal practice. I could feel a ball of stimulation forming in my core and I knew that it was going to be over soon. That some demon of our reality would come and smash the dark gazebo we worked so hard to construct here, forcing our spirits to be ripped back into the normal dimension of pain every human is used too. This only made the tears pour from my eyes faster. “Mouse,” I tried to get my whole thought out in one sentence, but I was panting and flexing to keep the love making happening. “I am going to cum buckets, you need to get off or be okay with,” another airy moan floats my lips, “Me helping you after.” Finally I got the whole fucking thing out, I had my eyes clenched shut because the image of you was too much. Pathetic.
"God I don't want this to end" I had thought that it stayed inside my brain where it was safe but it came right out of my mouth, it's like I had zero restraint left when it came to this moment and everything that I was thinking or feeling was yours for the taking. For once he's not just taking though. The way you were telling me what you were going to do in a completely different way than the first two times had my head spinning. I could do this for the rest of my life and be more than content with it and I hated myself for that. You'd taken so much from me but at the same time I'm pretty sure in this moment you were ruining ever being with anyone else ever again. It just wouldn't work.
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When you told me you were getting close I pulled you into another desperate kiss, wrapping my other leg around you so both were now resting behind your back. The action only made it so that you could reach even deeper and I swear if you pushed in any further I'd be screaming. "Don't you dare fucking stop I'm so close I- I wanna cum with you" I have absolutely no idea what possesses me to say it but it's already too late. I work my hips to rock into yours and keep your upper body held as close to mine as I can, panting into your mouth between messy kisses. I can feel the tension in my body growing, the winding coil in my stomach growing tighter and tighter. "Fucking hell baby I'm gonna cum-" I whine and bite at your bottom lip before I have to let it go and my head rolls back against the floor of this giant tin can we're in, coming apart harder than I think I ever have in my entire life. I feel like my vision goes fuzzy and all I can do is curse and moan your name over and over again as I grind my hips against you to ride out the ecstasy. Tears are running freely down my face and I can feel my thighs trembling and my cunt pulsing around your cock and I swear I can feel my own cum dripping down and making a puddle under my ass. Maybe you could love him one day. The thought makes me start to cry even harder.
Being pulled down after such an intimate admission startled me. I loved the tingling in my skin when you tell me to do things. ‘Don’t you dare fucking stop..’ Did you hear what I just said to you? I wanted to bark the question out, but you kept pressing those addictive lips into mine and there is no way in hell I am going to get in the way of that. I still had my eyes clenched shut in fear of beating you to the finish line. I could feel your body cramping and pulling at me. There was no way to be sure anymore how much of the movement was you, and how much was me.
‘Fucking hell baby...’ I didn't hear anything after that but the rushing roar of orgasmic pleasure because I emptied my nuts dry at the sound of you calling me that sorceress word again. A sudden bite into my lip forced my eyes open, but everything was a hazy fog through my own tears and explosive pleasuring sensations. Your legs around my back had me pulled so close to you there was this paralyzingly comorting eroticism to what we shared. It terrified me you were in complete control, but it only amplified the godly spasming in my core. There was no thrusting through my own act of cumming as I lost all my strength and your limbs had me glued to you. “Jesus.. Fucking. Holy.” I panted into your own moaning face the entire time of what was an endless pumping of what felt like my entire lower gut into your body. I could feel a muscle in my back tensing with the effort to clean myself into your clenching cunt. My vision tunneled into a spec focussed on your face. The world was so uncomfortably hot and there was this buzzing in my brain. Something is wrong. The last thing I remember before losing consciousness was attempting to tell you I loved you while you cried my name out in what was now my favorite sound. That was before my face smashed into your panting chest and void swept my mind’s pallet.
This time when I felt you start to cum it felt like it was warming me from the inside out in more than just the literal sense. I could feel your cock throbbing inside of me with every spurt of what seemed like endless cum. The way you could barely even get words out through the panted moans we were pulling from each other had my head swimming and my whole body felt fuzzy with the high of orgasm.
When your head landed on my sweaty I thought you had put it there on purpose but then I felt it, I felt the dead weight of your body on top of me. Something's wrong. I tried to tap your back and you still didn't move, I tried shaking you and nothing. I could feel my heart racing even faster that I thought was possible after it was already running a marathon at the idea that you just died on top of me. No I don't want you to die! That thought alone was terrifying to me and I had no idea where it came from but it was all I could scream in my brain over and over again. "I-ivon wake up" I stammered out with a weak voice as I tried to shake you again "Ivon please wake up!"
I could still feel you breathing against me which gave me minimal peace but not knowing what was wrong was starting me and I was so sore and so weak in comparison to your dead weight that I couldn't get you off of me. I squeezed my eyes shut for a few moments to try and calm down but all I could do was sob and smack against your back with my palms. "Ivon! Ivon baby please w-wake up! Wake up! I need you" The last three words came out so choked up and broken that I didn't think I had even managed to get them out. Please.. please let him be okay@bonghitsforfeds
I have awoken in many strange places in my life. One time after closing a deal I flew home to visit extended family in Vienna. I awoke somewhere early in the next morning bent over the edge of a large stone fountain with a mail courier tugging at the neck of my jacket. My head spun with the assaulting stabs of hangover, and I had an empty packet of cigarettes and two hundred US dollars clutched in my fist. I made it to Austria, but not to my planned destination. The family I was supposed to visit told me I never made it to their party, and that they assumed I missed the flight or got myself into trouble. I never told them that I had unidentified bruising all over my body, and the recent flesh of some unknown victim under my nails.
Consciousness ripped the rug of death off my mind. My nose stung from the painful aching pain of having been busted, never set, and now pressed into your rocking chest. I felt sick, but also cathartically chilled to the point that a dorky smile spread over my face. Waking up in your tits staring at the wall of this shitty van was definitely up on the list of odd places I have found consciousness, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. I knew where I was and what had just happened, but now I was worried about how you felt. I tried to pick myself up and steady on my elbows, but the dusty interior swam with sick fury, and I didn’t even manage to pick my head up. I could hear you shouting at me, but the words sounded like we were submerged, or that my ears were stuffed with cotton. In barely a whisper I said, “I-I think I am fine. You almost fucked me to death doll. That’s kind of hot.” The words felt like they came from a face two feet in front of my own, everything was out of whack. Drool ran from my mouth and stuck between us. I felt the stir of normal hatred within, but it wouldn’t stick. I could still feel myself inside of you, and this helped calm my nerves. “I’m dizzy. Everything is weird.” There, that should clear it up.
I laid there under you for what felt like eons crying and yelling for you to wake up, begging you to wake up before I heard you speak again. "What the fuck just happened?" I stammered out when I heard you talking, you said that you thought you were fine but it didn't do much to make me feel any better about anything. You were still dead weight on top of me and my heart was still hammering so hard I know you could feel it. I thought I lost you. Why do I care?
"Please explain before I have an actual heart attack" I reached between us with one hand to wipe at my eyes as the other ran slowly up and down your back, tracing over the raised red lines I had managed to leave in your skin when I came harder than I ever had in my life. I could still feel you inside of me and in a weird way it helped keep me calmer too, it felt like that connection, that moment we were sharing where things were okay hadn't been severed yet. What if you end up pregnant? My hand stuttered on your back at the thought but I brushed it off, there was no way it could happen that fast. Focus. Focus. Focus. Please be okay.@bonghitsforfeds
‘What the fuck just happened?’ I really wish I knew. I had never passed out after sex before, or had any fit that could be related to this experience. At least not that I can recall. Not sober anyway. I don’t have any latent medical conditions, well other than maybe being a mean asshole. I must have been lost in thought for too long because you were pleading at me for more answers.
I managed to at least prop my head up a bit and lock eyes with your chin. Something told me that if I attempted to sit up or glance around I was going to be ill, so I just stared at the pretty curves of your face instead. “I don’t know. I feel sick.” The words were short and took effort. The back door of the van suddenly felt like a million cameras were recording straight up our naked backs. I was aware of how exposed we are in the back of the van now that the horny fog was clearing. A part of me was furious that this solitude was ending, and that we had to pull ourselves back out to reality. All of the paranoid fear grappled with the floating completeness I felt at being in this space with you to create a swirling emotion of sticky dread.
Forcing my hands underneath me I pushed with all my might to alleviate some of my dead wright crushing into your injured body. Now that I was propped up somewhat I spoke with tone and not just a pained whimpering, “Sorry Cami.” I felt like a baby bird with how little I had control of this situation. I was scared that once I got my strength back and we left the van that I would feel just as twistedly hateful toward everything. I worried that soon you would finally see a true chance at escape and turn me over as the sick monster I deserve to be known as. Everyone already knows you are sick. Still shakily pushed up with my hands I couldn’t help the question once I looked into those shining dark eyes, “Does it all go back to normal after this? Will you hate me again now?” It felt like such an obvious question after I asked it. You had no real reasons t
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o like me. If you only liked me in these intimate moments because I really did scramble your Barbie brains, and there will never truly be mutual obsession between us, I don’t know if I could cope with that.
Please if there's a god don't let this man puke on me. It was a small and selfish thought in the mess that was right now and I knew I should be more concerned with how you were feeling than the fact that it might inconvenience me. Still though, I think that might actually put me over the edge. "It's okay.." I don't want you to move yet. I don't say that part though, it feels too needy, too vulnerable and that doesn't feel right. It can't feel right.
I laid there completely still as you pushed yourself further up on your hands and looked at me with so much emotion in your eyes it caught me completely off guard. Not as off guard as your question though. 'Will you hate me again now?' I felt my brows knit together in confusion as I tried to figure out how to answer you, never letting my eyes leave yours. I didn't know how I felt, or rather I didn't understand how I felt. I've never felt more terror or more comfort than I do when I'm with you and I don't understand how the two can coexist.
"I-. I don't know." I answer softly because I'm genuinely afraid that if I don't give you the answer you want to hear that you'll just end up hurting me. "Are you.. I mean are you gonna keep hurting me?" I already knew the answer, at least right now. I could see it in your eyes all the times that you wanted to hurt me, whether you fought it off or gave in I could always see it happen. That flicker of hate that lived inside of you. I still can't understand why it's directed at me so strongly or what it means for us.. whatever 'us' is. That thought makes me get lost in my head for awhile thinking about what it even means to be with you for the rest of my life, only yours for nobody else to look at or touch in a way that you don't want. Would it be fancy parties? Would I be a part of your crazy rich criminal life? Kids? A ring? Or would I just be a human punching bag until I couldn't take it anymore and jumped off something too high or fell down the stairs just right?
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I was stuck in my head until I felt you go to pull away, likely with frustration for my lack of a real answer and I found myself locking you in place with my legs. "Don't go yet-" I pulled you back down to my chest in a hug and ran my fingers up and down your back "just a little longer.. I just wanna feel happy a little longer" and then... "Do you really love me?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I could feel the strength of anger shooting into my muscles as you peered up at me so confused. It’s a simple question, she is going to lie. The need for murder grew in my forehead when you said you didn't know. ‘Are you going to keep hurting me?’ In your typical mystical ability to throw my mind off center you wiped the anger out and replaced it with confusion. How can I answer that when seconds before my mind is demanding that I spill your blood? How the fuck are you going to trust any answer I give you when I ruined your life? I have beat you to near death with the very fists shaking with rage at you right in this very instant. I felt the glue you had just poured into my mind melting off already. Images of me taking you to a party and someone grabbing at you in a flirtatious move played out in my mind's theater. Good, now bite her fucking throat out.
I need to get out of here. I need to run. I need to go. Refusing to hurt you after what we just shared I tried to summon the explosive muscle movement to climb off of the van, but my body betrayed me with barely a lurch. Your legs were pulling me down now and I was stuck here. Our faces were close again. I don’t want to hurt you Mouse please. Please. I wanted to beg the words out at you, but I was frozen in fear that if I opened my mouth it would only be to use it as a weapon. ‘I want to feel happy.’ An atom bomb of guilt destroyed my inner confidence at the fact I had already filled myself with so much confused anger while you still basked in the afterglow of goodness from the almost love we just made. What is wrong with me? ‘Do you really love me.’
Before that evil little shit could step in the way of my thoughts I let them waterfall out into your face, “I think the first time I said it I lied.” Your blood masked face twisted up at that so I rushed for an explanation, “It was not a lie that I made willingly, I think I thought I felt love back at the house.” Yes I liked the sound of that better, “This
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exorcism of madness that fills my body when we are close like this,” I can’t help but plant a kiss on your quivering upper lip, “If this is love then yes I love you Camila.” I was so bad at this part; This speaking of feelings to someone without just delivering it with pain. I felt the threads of fate starting to fray. If I cannot keep you spinning with confusion and feelings over me you will wake up from the hypnotization and fly away.
I felt something vile twist in my heart when you told me that you think you were lying the first time you said it to me which, of course you were, how could you really love me when you didn't.. don't.. even know me? I don't know what I was expecting. When you pause your explanation to kiss me so softly when I just saw the hate in your eyes only moments before when I had answered your question it only served to confuse me more. I just wanted this. Why couldn't it just be this. I want to kiss you again but then you're explaining how you didn't mean to lie and how if this is what love is then you love me.
But this isn't love. This was sex. Amazing, passionate, best I've ever had sex but that's all it was. You told him you'd show him how to love you. I swallow the lump that's growing in my throat and suddenly not close enough feel like too fucking close and I want to crawl out of my skin and run away. I can feel myself crying before I even register that it's going to happen and I hate myself for it. For showing weakness to you more than I already have. 'If this is love then yes.' Those words played on repeat like a scratched disc in my mind. 'If this is love then yes' Was that how every man had felt about me before? Were the velvet walls of my cunt really that easy to confuse with one of the most special feelings in the world? If that were the case then why was it never enough? Because that's all your good for. You're not different than anyone.
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I drop my legs from around you and push you away as hard as I can before I rush out of the back of the van and back around the front to grab my pants and shirt and pull them on as tears run down my face and cum runs down my thigh. You're fucking disgusting. This is all you're good for to anyone. I can hear the sound of running water and I know we must be near a stream of some sort so without a care in the world for the fact that it's now dark in the middle of the forest where I've never been I tromp my way through the grass and into the treeline. Maybe a bear will fucking eat me.
I don’t know if it was the surprise of you shoving me while I was still in a fugue state from being sick or the fact that you responded in the exact way I deserved, but you were lucky it startled me so or I may have killed you for what felt like the betrayal of emotion. You were gone before I could say anything, and the feeling of being dumped off you so fast had my head centrifuging painfully. I wanted to sprint after you in hunting anger, but I was stuck paralyzed from emotion and whatever medical event I was still experiencing. At least this feeling of staring at a roof with a girl running away while my insides filled with a hopeless spinning feeling of pure white anger was one I am used to.
While pulling my pants up I thought about how I was under the impression I had done everything you wanted. My man-brain was retracing the wrong parts of the event. I let her start, she asked me to touch her, and she told me she would show me the right way. Finally finding enough strength to throw a bit of a fit I kicked out at the wall of the van as hard as I could with my heel. “She fucking told me she would show me!” A thousand memories of growing up blasted through my head with unstoppable force. Mother explaining how to fake a social interaction and being angry when I fucked it up. Counselors in school trying to teach me proper social techniques that never worked when they were implemented. Father screaming in my face when I say something that loses our business. Where was this book of lines that had all the proper things to say? “Fuck me!” I screamed with all my might while kicking out at the side of the van with another echoing metal impact.
Flipping myself over I crawled out of the back of the van and barely managed to get myself standing. Leaning against the back door I scanned around for any sign of you, but couldn't see any. Tears ran down my face in a lifetime of frustration. A part of me knew that if I had just felt things like a normal person, or said the ri
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ght thing, that you may not be leaving me here right now. If I had just given you my fucking phone number instead of following you home. I felt my mind torn between spiraling staircases of branching paths. Leave her here. I could try and apologize? Leave her here. Maybe I could get her a new job and buy her a little house then disappear? Leave her here. I could throw myself off this cliffside and let her figure it out. Leave her here. “Shut the fuck up!” I screamed at the nagging voice and slammed my fists into the side of the van. Flesh split across my knuckles as the thin sheet metal buckled in more and more with each pitiful attempt to bust through it. FInally I collapsed in exhaustion, falling into a seated position with my back to the van. I tried to cry but nothing would happen. Even though I had to suck huge gasps of air to try and not pass out again, my body still shook with incurable hatred for myself.* I hope Parker rolls up on me right now and just runs me over and leaves my twitching roadkill corpse for your stupid ass to find later.* I wiped at my tears with the back of my hand while staring at the grooves my heels made in the gravel when I slid down.
I don't know what I was expecting when I walked myself into the trees but it definitely wasn't that you wouldn't follow me. Half of me expected you to maul me and leave me here for dead but instead it was just me and the dark of the night, the moon doing little to make a difference. I made my way not even fifty feet into the woods to find the stream I had heard and started to scrub my face. It hurt so badly from the bruises that remained there and I wondered how long it would take until I looked like my normal self again.
I jumped when I heard you yelling but you still sounded like you were just as far away as you were before and then I heard the slamming of metal and all I could think of was that I was grateful it was the van and not my face. I kept scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing every bit of me that I could reach with my sweats and Tshirt still on until my face and arms were stinging from how many times I had gone over them. I even managed to get a bunch of the dried blood out of my hair from the man who's name I didn't know but who's life I took anyway.
You killed someone. The thought immediately made me drop to my knees to empty what little I had in my stomach into the swiftly moving stream before I broke down in a broken sob that was more silence and squeaking than anything else. It felt like the weight of everything that had happened since the bedroom floor came crashing down on me at once and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I clutched at my chest and tried to get myself to slow down, to think straight, all I could think of was the message on the mirror, the crazed smile on your face when you took me for the first time the way you took care of me, the way you tossed me into the bookshelf the way you said you loved me, the way I killed a man the way you killed another for me. It was all too much and I couldn't handle the confusing fight that was taking place in my head. I wanted to put my face under water and breathe until it all went black.
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I need you. My brain was screaming as I tried to get a grip for far too long until finally I managed to get it together on my own. I had no idea how much time had passed since I bolted from you at the van and I couldn't help but hope that you didn't leave me behind. Walking up to find you slumped against the side of the van I felt my heart racing. You waited for me. Probably to kill you. At this point I don't think I would care. I made my way over to you in the gravel and sat down parallel to the van in between your legs before leaning my head on your shoulder. I could tell you were tense by your jaw where my eyes fell and I was almost too afraid to speak. I wanted to explain that I just needed to think, that I heard water and wanted to wash my face, I wanted to do something but the only thing that decided to fly out of my mouth- "Am I good enough for you?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I tried to stand up twice to continue my search for you, but the pain in my bleeding knuckles changed my mind both times. Most of them were just bruised or scratched, but two were split clear to the bone and they burned pretty bad. Fucking idiot. I took a deep sigh to try and slow my breathing, but it still went in and out in shuddering waves. I let my head rest against the van so I could stare up past the trees toward a barely visible airplane. It streaked across the night sky in a peaceful trail of blinking red and green. If I could just switch places with someone on that plane and be flying to a vacation as a normal functioning law abiding member of society. “I didn’t ask to be like this.” I said aloud to the van who was now my only friend left who could attest to your existence.
A million simulated evil plans were whispered to me by that hateful voice, but I had already decided to sit here until Parker’s friends showed up and killed me. I mean the second time around they would probably just ice me on the road right here, at least I hope. Smiling at my own dark humor I was finally able to take a breath that was uninterrupted by any gasping or hyperventilation. I wonder how far she will get? There has to be something around as we were passing roads that get used at least sometimes. I tried to flex my right hand, but it immediately punished me with more roasting sharp pain. Okay no right hand tonight, got it. I felt super screwed now, how the fuck will I do anything with my hands messed up?
A skittering of rocks off to my left did not even make me jump. Somewhere deep inside I hoped it to be you, but I knew better. The only emotion that stirred within me when I finally saw it was you, was relief you were at least okay. The closer you got to me the more my muscles tensed in apprehension. You were so inside my head that I was overthinking everything. Don’t move too fast, don’t speak too loud, and don’t look at her. A small flame of anger managed to take hol
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d, but I had been working too hard to calm myself down to let it relight that easily.
I hated that my heart rate picked up so quickly when you leaned into me. After everything today I wished I really could just turn all emotion off. You were wet and I was jealous that you found somewhere to clean up. An evil part of me wondered if you washed me out of you. I kept my hands at my sides so you would not feel pressured, and also because I was embarrassed to show you what I had done to them. I closed my eyes when you asked me the question. I took another deep breath as a hopscotch of thoughts leapt behind my mouth. Why can’t they ever just be like, Hey Ivon how are you? I did not know how to answer the question without making you flutter away again, so I just let the stoic nothingness I felt speak, “I’ll never be good without you.” It felt selfish to twist the answer that way, but I was just so fucking full of feeling, “You are all there is for me.” It was dramatic, but it felt true. If I liquidated all five generations of my family's wealth there is still nothing that I could spend it on that would give me the same feeling that just sitting next to you does. “Why did you come back?” I had to know. If I left you here you would still be out here on your own, so why didn’t you leave?
'I'll never be good without you.' I had to sit with that for a few long moments before I could think of how to answer and even then I couldn't find one. How was this good? Does that mean that if I were anyone else I would have ended up dead already? How many others have there been? And why did the thought of you with your hands wrapped around someone elses neck make jealousy burn behind my eyes?
"Because it felt wrong to leave.. and I only wanted to wash my face I heard the water when I got up and-. I'm sorry for leaving." I peeked up above us to see the dented remnants of your anger and hatred and then picked up one of your hands to bring your knuckles to my lips in a feather light kiss. "You've gotta stop hurting yourself I don't have a needle out here." It was a pathetic attempt at lightening the mood and I knew that whatever we had just shared in the back of the van was long gone and over. I already miss it. I could feel my eyes filling with tears again as I leaned back against you and it reminded me of the first night when you carried me all over the house. "I just want someone who really loves me and not just fucking me or using me for whatever sick need I meet for them... That's why I ran. You reminded me of every asshole that's told me they love me when all they actually wanted was my body and then when they get bored of that they leave and I don't-" I shake my head hating myself for what I'm about to admit "I don't want you to leave."
@bonghitsforfeds
I could feel the twine of my mind pulling taught at your explanations. Staring off into the few rows of tree line barely visible in the moonlight I tried to center myself. The sorry you tacked on at the end worked to ice the raw feelings rolling inside over all of this at least. The defensive wall being constructed inside was not pleased at you grabbing my hand. I felt a desire to yank it away and hide it from you, like it was a mess I made and was nervous of your disappointment. The kiss stole another sigh out of me and I felt the half built barrier of hatred already crumbling.* Can I just stay mad at you like everyone else?* Your joke was humorous, but for some reason I could only answer it truthfully, “Yeah... I have always been bad about breaking things.” I let you pull my hand into yours where they came to rest in our laps.
‘You reminded me of every asshole..’ Preparing yourself for a brick bag of anger and instead receiving the sinking feeling of pure depression was something I was not fond of. I was about to interrupt to tell you that I’m not even sure if I am capable of feeling love, but then you finished your thoughts with that baseball bat to the brain of spinning statements, ‘I don’t want you to leave.’ The act of wrapping my arms around you as you leaned into me was an unconscious reaction to how your words made me feel. I was still chewing on everything you had just said. I definitely didn’t just want to fuck you, there was something else here. The urge to hurt you like all other beings was small, and getting further away as time went on. Is it hellishly cursed that I had already permanently altered your brain chemistry with my selfish actions? Yes, it is. It hurts to care about permanent harm you have done to someone's psyche, I hated this.
One of my hands went to your hair to try and pet it in that act of grounding I steal from you, but the trembling pain in my hand quickly reminded me of my own stupid choices. “I am bad at this part. The pa
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rt where I am supposed to reassure you with just my words. I don’t just want your body.” Probably not a good idea to tell you that my sad shack of a mind had already conjured images of our future life together. “When I pair you with myself in my mind’s eye...” I trailed off for a moment, suddenly terrified that when I was done speaking you would run away again, “I think I prefer these moments of just sitting with you more than anything. Anything.” There was no reason to repeat the statement, but I did not know how to drive the proper point home.
I couldn't help but feel some kind of sick sense of comfort when your arms wrapped around me, I was a little bit surprised that you had taken what I said so well, that you had even let me sit down in your lap to begin with really after I left that way. I had half expected you to lunge at me or to back my head against the van until I wasn't recognizable anymore but here you were with your arms wrapped around me making me feel better. Why do you make me feel better? I wondered if something had always been broken in me that made me react this way to you or if I had just been that easily twisted into something sick by your actions.
'I am bad at this part' No shit. I couldn't help the way I internally laughed inside at that, I mean you couldn't have said anything more obvious if you tried. But still, you were giving me something and I knew that I should be grateful for it since you certainly didn't seem like the type that was readily open with your feelings. Can you even actually feel anything? I wondered how much of what you felt for me was manufactured and how much of it was real, or if you were having real feelings and just didn't know how to process them. Either way I was going to enjoy this moment between us while I could, was it selfish of me? Probably. But did I feel like you owed me everything? Yes.
I peeked up at you without moving my head off of your shoulder when you went to say something but then didn't. I don't know why I wanted, no, needed, to know what you were going to say. What you imagined what you saw us together in your minds eye. "What were you going to say? Please tell me? There's not exactly anything left that you could do that would scare me off Ivon."
bong
Every emotion piling inside the trash heap of my soul suddenly offloaded into a different dumpster when you asked me to reiterate. The pile of garbage was replaced with a bonfire of embarrassment at having to try and explain this. I honestly would have told you nevermind until your eyes flutter up at me before you pushed that magic word ‘please’ out of my favorite pair of lips. I tried to pick words out of the smoldering wreck.
When I thought of our future together I saw me dragging you around to every exotic locale I could possibly get a reservation at. Endless hours of letting you pull me into whatever store, park, or show your perfect heart desired. You could do anything you wanted and I just saw myself as a drooling adoring fan little ducking around behind your bob of hair forever. I saw all of the properties that rot way empty in my stupid heritage redecorated with the same eye for beauty you managed to stuff into the places you lived. I could hear the giggling laughter of our children filling those unused corridors as we raised a family of our own. Will your children throw pets out of windows like your parent’s kids did? I had to force a sharp exhale to not set my jaw so hard it locked up. I thought of lying again, but you had already said so yourself, what could I possibly do to scare you off other than forcing your soul into hell?
“I see multiple centuries of broken familial coverups finally aligning to create a generation that could do something that doesn't harm.” I had to close my eyes and look off to the right to hide my own blush, “I feel the cold mist of the Atlantic breezing into your veil covered face on our wedding day.” I hated hearing these soft words come out of my mouth, it felt so weak and naked. I pulled you tighter into the hug without even realizing it. “Shit, we could live in a cardboard box on Broadway begging for change, but if I could sit next to you and pick at your mind forever... I would raze fields of grain for the right.” My e
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ntire being tensed up expecting you to shove me down and run again. She hates me, and its deserved.
I watched you for what felt like ages waiting for you to answer and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because you were trying to conjure something up that you thought would make me happy or if it was just genuinely that hard for you to be honest and tell me what was going on in that head of yours. Are you actually insane? I couldn't tell if the question my mind threw at me was meant for you or for myself but either way I had a feeling the answer would be the same.
When you finally spoke up I found myself just staring at you. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, both literally and as a figure of speech. Was it actually possible that you meant any of those things? A wedding? Children? You wanting to raise a family that didn't cause harm. The way he does. My mouth opened a little to say something but I found the words getting lost before hey ever made there way out.
It took me probably way too long to say or do anything but I couldn't lie, the picture you painted of the future we could have sounded beautiful. It sounded like everything I'd ever dreamed of. He probably knows that don't be fucking stupid. But I of course ignored the warning sounding in my mind and instead put a knee on either side of your legs so that I could wrap my arms around you neck in a hug. I still didn't know what to say so for a few long moments I just enjoyed the embrace we were sharing. "It sounds beautiful" I said whisper soft before pressing a kiss just as soft to your cheek.
@bonghitsforfeds
The way you froze up did not instill confidence in speaking honestly like this, but it was better than disappearing again. I could barely see up the road, as the yellow hazy single functioning headlight of the van did not do much to illuminate anything. Honestly the whole scene would be creepy if not for the fact I was the monster on this hillside, and you were too precious to make any situation worse. Some tiny fuzzy creature was peering out of tall grass at us, its eyeshine visible from the reflected van light. Again I found myself wishing to be something else, even this mysterious forest rodent, so I could skitter away into the California wilderness. The life of a creature must be so easy, eat, fuck, and sleep. Not much different than yours, rich boy.
Managing to distract myself for a second, I forgot I was waiting for a response when you shifted in my lap. I could feel your piercing gaze boring a crater in the side of my face. Everything was so deflating right now that I was selfishly thankful for more of the attention. Our comforting home of your arms around my neck started a shaking in my fingers. The bowling ball of mixed feeling that appeared in my throat almost stayed down after your words, until you pressed the kiss into my cheek. Two tiny sobs huffed out of my lungs, and fury lurched into my body from the horror of crying real tears in front of you. I was so drained at this point I could not hold the thoughts back, “It sounds beautiful Mouse, but is it realistic?” You had already seen enough of my true self, and yet you knew so little of the hidden evils. Another grainy memory of mother’s coffin in the ground wriggles into my mind, except this time I let myself recollect the still gaze of secrecy father was pouring into me from across the grave.
I finally turned to look into your eyes, and felt all the heat in my body turn to frozen lakes when you met mine. I brought one of my trembling hands to your face and forced my scabbing knuckles to bend so I
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could cup a cheek. I can’t remember if there was ever a time I touched your face without it being sticky with blood. The stitches in your soft flesh were swollen and needed care, I tried to let the guilt form but being so close to you snuffed the painful emotions.
'But is it realistic?' Of course it isn't, logically I know that but the idea of things not possibly ending up like that and just staying like this for the rest of my life feels impossible to face, I'd rather die. Cause that went well the last time you tried it. It hurt me so much to hear you crying in such a genuine way even if it was only two small sobs. I couldn't imagine the fury that must be raging inside of you to let any kind of so called weak emotion show.
I couldn't bring myself to answer you until you turned to lock eyes with me and managed to cup my cheek. It was so soft and I couldn't help but lean into the touch. Your hands were so warm and I could feel the tremble in your fingers. I rested my hand on the outside of yours being careful to avoid the split flesh of your knuckles. "No.. no it isn't realistic." I sighed softly and let my eyes close for a moment, a few tears sneaking out before I opened them again. "Crazier things have happened though right?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I had expected more of a reaction inside myself when you held my hand. How does she always know where I am hurting? You agreed that it was unrealistic, and there was only a tiny shattering in my heart when you said so. Well, at least I am reading emotions in a woman properly for once. Your crying eyes shot a bullet of reality into my skull splitting it open and spilling any rational thoughts I had onto the dirt road. So this is it?
‘Crazier things have happened though right?’ Bicycle riding Jesus backflipping Christ this girl is going to kill me. I had to shut the cheering crowd inside up so I could try and think through this all properly. How did we go from you shoving my sick body off and storming into the woods to toying with the idea of our loving future together? An endless destiny of things that would have to be cleaned up for such a reality smacked into my still reeling psyche. How would you handle the business? You may think you like me now, but what will you do upon learning we have been smuggling US manufactured firearms out through Mexico and then across the sea to Europe? Who knows how many terrorist attacks or mercenary contracted wars my family has worked to fund. How the fuck would I approach father about wanting to give it all up for a girl? Would he cut me off of everything? This is all steam in the sauna compared to me managing to keep a grip of myself and not eventually just killing you in a fit of rage. Wait till someone tells her about your mom. I took a deep calming breath and tried to ignore the possibility of somebody eventually managing to slip a secret to you. I could see some tall broad at a party pulling you aside while I am distracted, ‘Do you know why they say to not get caught alone with a Feldt?’ My face grew pale.
I tried to smile but nothing would happen, I realized we had been staring at each other for another awkward pause. Do I do that a lot? “We may be insane enough to overcome the craziness. Something ab
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out fighting fire with fire?” Now a small chuckle shook out of me, even if it was at my own joke, I was grateful for something other than empty boyish rage.
I watched you for what felt like ages waiting for you to have some sort of response. I think even anger or telling me I was being fucking stupid would have felt better than the blank stare I was receiving right now. I don't know if I was more afraid that you would laugh at me and then choke me to death or that you would agree with me and tell me that even if it was crazy we could somehow make it work. Make what work? He's a stalker that assaulted you in more than one way. That thought made my brows pinch for a moment but I still didn't tear my eyes away from yours. I watched your face go pale and wondered what must have went through your mind to make that happen, after everything we had been through I don't think I had seen this look on your face yet and that was saying a lot.
I let out my own small laugh when you said something about fighting fire with fire because every moment that passed I could feel my fire burning out. I was still so angry, so hurt, so murderous, but the one thing that trumped all of those feelings was the feeling that I needed you. I don't know how it even happened. How you managed to twist my brain up so much so quickly but every moment that passed I felt it getting worse. I was starting to get attached to you. This always happens too fast.
"I.. will I ever be safe with you?" I knew it was a loaded question. It had become obvious with the people coming after you and dragging me along in the process that your family was into something dangerous, and along with that there was the question of how long you could actually go without hurting me or worse, completely ending my life.
@bonghitsforfeds
That laugh was not hearty. It is never a good feeling when my thoughts on a situation align with that mocking demon. My charm does not work on you like other people. It probably says something about me that someone had never failed to laugh at my jokes before. You really want to know why? My stomach still churned with stabbing pain, and I was beginning to make connections with the moment of syncope in the van. I already knew why people were scared around me. If it was not the legends of evil in our house, they would laugh along just to get at my wallet.
Your new question was one you had sort of asked me before. Averting my gaze to the ground between us I stared at a shiny piece of quartz. Can I guarantee I will never hurt you again? I don’t honestly know how to answer that. How would I respond to you acting out? I had enough life under my belt to know better than to expect a flawless existence together. There was bound to be an event between us that could shake that hateful demon. Not even twenty minutes ago you had me so mad I was having murderous thoughts. Unless you meant the lifestyle? “This is the first time I have been kidnapped in thirty-one years, so not too bad if you average it out... that’s only like one or two more abductions.” I did not look up to see if you enjoyed the joke, I didn’t really care right now anyway. “If you mean me... I’d like to think so. I don’t want to lie to you. I have... some problems.” It felt edgy to laugh at the final word, but I just found it fucking funny. You already knew that, but it felt so downplayed when I worded it like this. She's planning your long con downfall.
That was a thought that had not crossed my mind since the first night at your place. What if you are just playing along to dismantle my house from the inside out? Are you capable of that level of deception? There is a possibility I am being outplayed on my own chess board. Why does that make my chest flutter with a perverse heat? I hope my face did n
I can't help but find it cute that you make so many jokes, I never would have guessed that you had a sense of humor when we had our first, well, second encounter. Honestly I didn't think that there would be any human characteristics to you but I guess most serial killers I had ever watched documentaries on all had everyone around them fooled. I can't help but wonder if you've ever killed another woman before, men were one thing and I could only assume that you had considering what I'd just witnessed in that cabin. Whatever you were involved in seemed a lot like war.
"I guess that is a pretty good average. I managed to make it 28 years but I guess twice in that time period isn't a great average.. although I don't know if I can consider this kidnapping since I'm here... willingly?" I tilted my head a little on the last work like a curious puppy as if I was surprised by my own words and in all fairness I was confused about my own feelings. What I would give to go back to the simple every day monotony of my life before I had ever known you. 'Problems' That was the understatement of the century. "Well.. I guess first things first we should probably get out of here and back to... can we see if they really burned down my house? I know it might seem stupid but I just- I mean if they didn't then we could stay there r-right?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Your counter joke to mine caught me off guard for a moment. What do you mean tw-? I felt stupid for not immediately realizing you meant me. Bracing for anger it surprised me to get a lashing of embarrassment instead. The caboose to your statement about being here willingly almost went over my head. It surprised me enough to snap my eyes back to yours. Even though we had just discussed this premise for the last several minutes, it blindsided me to hear you say it so plainly.
I nodded as you spoke about getting out of here, but my head slowed and a frown sprouted when you talked about your house. I don’t think I’ll ever admit in my entire life to your face that I secretly prayed they burned that hell-thing to carbon. You deserved to know though, and I had to be sure for my own peace of mind. It would be a prophetic end for us to roll up on a crime scene just to have LAPD arrest me there. Selfish thoughts petered away when I processed the fact you invited me back into your house. It caught me so off guard I had to ask, “Did you just offer me to stay at your home?” A devilish smile crossed my lips, “Are you trying to get me caught in a Mouse trap?” I drug my finger up your chest to the clean skin of your neck. It was cruel to poke at you now, but I liked making you squirm. Deep inside I knew it was an offer of kindness out of you. I wonder if you are smart enough to see through the glimpses I accidentally spill on the inner workings of my plotting mind?
"Well I- I just- I mean-" I felt myself sputtering like an absolute idiot when you asked if I just offered for you to stay in my house with me. I hadn't really thought about it when I was saying it but I had already attached myself to you for the foreseeable future and it just came so naturally. Now that I thought about it it was a pretty sick thing of me to offer. You had been sneaking in and spying on me for who knows how long and the violence that took place there would haunt me for the rest of my life and yet I couldn't imagine going back without you.
"I just mean we need somewhere to stay and we don't have any money or anything like that so i-it would make sense" As far as trapping you went I couldn't even imagine how I would do it. I suppose I could get you comfortable and then slit your throat in your sleep once you trusted me enough but I had no idea how to clean up a mess like that and every time I thought about the man whos like I did take I felt my stomach threatening to evacuate all over again. I couldn't get myself to say any of that though with the way your finger was dragging up my chest and neck so all I do is shake my head no. "No trap.. I'm just tired and I want to sleep in my bed and see if my stupid stuffed bear from when I was a kid is still in one piece."
I felt an overwhelming sadness taking over at the sinking realization that there really is a good chance my house and everything in it is gone. Why would the professional criminals leave anything about me behind, it would be much easier if I just fell off the face of the earth. I felt myself starting to cry again and wrapped my arms tightly back around you. "It's all gonna be gone isn't it?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Finally I had you against the wall for a minute. It felt nice to reverse the tide of crooked thoughts. I drank up the way your throat stretched beneath my fingers as you scrambled for words. That’s more like it. Your continued spilling out about money and a place to stay had me acutely aware of how poor an idea it was to leave the van on like we had. The gross perversion sputtered out as you started talking about your bear and belongings. There is that cannonball of guilt again about how my actions have permanently changed you forever.
The safety of your hug always caught me off guard. Normally my skin would crawl in a scalding jump when anyone embraced me, but with you my arms just assumed the position of pulling you into me. God, my fucking hands hurt. ‘It’s all gonna be gone isn’t it?’ Your hot tears soaked into my shoulder, and now there were tears coming out of my eyes. Why the fuck am I crying? It felt like I was messing some part of the play up to have my own tears pouring into your hair. I needed to say something or you were going to start that sad spiraling you do. Rocking side to side with my mouth just above your ear, “It’s okay to cry baby.” Confused anger budded within at how I had to choke the words out past my own sobs. I was terrified of trying for any real advice, because any time I did you connected the sins I was talking about to me and started hating me like you should. I had to bite my tongue so hard it bled to not say something stupid like, ‘I can get you another bear.’ It made me fume that in these moments where we discuss permanent loss my mind always went to my mom. “It’s okay to cry.” I just kept cooing the words at you, not sure if it was to calm you or me down.
I nodded and probably smeared tears over your neck in the process when you told me it was okay to cry. I don't know why but hearing you say it only made me cry harder. I hadn't really had the chance to mourn everything that I had lost. The home I managed to make for myself after fleeing the first one, the job I had established at a place where I was finally starting to make good friends out of my coworkers, the success that I had with my last few articles, the small collection of belongings that I had that I cherished even though I didn't look at them all to often, the stupid bear that I'd had since I was a child. My dad had gotten for me when I was sick as a five year old and I hadn't spent a night without it since, I would even pack it on trips with me just to keep in the suitcase. I would never have any of that back now, and that wasn't even including the pieces of myself that I had felt die in the days passing.
"I'm sorry I just-" I just what? I don't even know. I let the rest of the words die before they can ever even fully form and let myself keep sobbing, I didn't feel the panic coming, this was nothing but sadness and grief in its most raw form and there was nothing that I could do to blunt the force of it all. "I killed somebody" I say it out loud as the thought once again rears its ugly head in my own and have to try not to choke on it. "W-what if they had k-kids or- I mean they had a family I- I killed somebody"
@bonghitsforfeds
This mimicking of your emotions had me so confused I could not even enjoy the feeling of you crying into me. Normally being a rock for you would have me woozy, but I just kept crying with you, why? Your sorry pulled my mind up like it always does, sending that cold swallow of thick feeling down into my core. ‘I killed somebody.’ Goddamn, I am really bad at keeping proper mental memos about what awful things have occurred to you since we met. I had never taken a man’s life so directly before like I did today, but I have spoken the words that made the work happen for people to disappear. Thinking back on it, when you began to gut his throat like a fresh caught fish, it did work to properly scare me for a second. The one I had to take care of was several feet away, and I closed my eyes after the first gunshot, so I did not even see his skull open up like spaghetti squash.
It didn't make sense to me why you cared if they had families after what they did to you, but I just cataloged this under my own madness, or as you coping with complex emotional overload. I felt us tread into the deep end of human interaction that I tend to mess up. “I-I don’t-” Smooth as fucking butter Ivon. Frustration built, “You did, you pulled that sick bastard’s neck out.” What the fuck is wrong with me? “I think most other people would have become a statistic, but not you.” The words were firm and factual. I knew this was not what I should be saying, but it's what I wanted to say. Since I had already committed this far, I coped with our situation with that dark humor that made it hard to keep friends, “Honestly it’s more fucked up you came to my aid than the fact you went scissor hands on him.” It felt like self sabotage to call myself out like this, but I wanted to redirect your emotions so your tears would stop pulling mine out too.
Feeling and hearing you struggle with figuring out what to say about my current meltdown about taking a life made you feel even more human to me. After all who would have the answers for something like this? Where did we draw the line at when it was acceptable to take a life and when it wasn't? I never thought I would be in the position to find out, and come to think of it I guess I still am.
At first when you thought of something to say it caught me off guard because how could you be so crass about something like this? But then, then you said something that caught me even more off guard, you mentioned the fact that I didn't become just another young girl murdered by a sick man. I sniffled and pulled away just enough to look at you, did he even mean to make me feel better? It didn't matter. When I thought about the fact that I didn't just take off running like so many people would, I fought back, I took back some of the power that people kept trying to steal for me. Hasn't he stolen the most? I couldn't explain why I wanted to save you, to protect you, maybe it was just some sort of stupid instinct in the heat of the moment all I know is it happened. Because you wanted to kill him yourself. Right. I almost forgot. "I just.. I didn't want to see you die. You took care of me when I was hurt a-and I didn't know my way out of there." I added the last part on in a last ditch effort to try and make it seem like I cared less than I do because the fact that I even could care about you this much confuses me.
@bonghitsforfeds
Not the reaction I was expecting, but you are still here sitting in my lap, so I must have done something right. I felt the hot ball finally working its way back into my stomach, and found myself deeply thankful that my sobbing stopped. Cram it down. Swallow it. ‘I didn't want to see you die.’ Well, I have to admit that is not something a woman has ever said to me. Shouldn’t you know that most of my reasoning for putting you back together was selfishly charged? Most...
It was too much to process before I felt the pressure to respond, “So you admit you just needed me to get out of here?” It was a tease, and I hope the oaky laugh that resonated in my chest got that point across. The humor ripped its coat away to reveal the somber feelings beneath, “I promise to always take care of you.” Have I ever made a promise before? I couldn’t remember. I recall something about not leaving you alone, so I hope this at least coupled with those emotions in you. I rolled your head forward with my chin until you were looking at me, and then planted a kiss on your forehead. It was hard to not lick the sweat from my lips afterword.
Goosebumps broke out over my arms as cool air breezed by. The top of the trees whipped and hissed in response to the interruption, as if upset they cannot hear us anymore. I felt like an animal of prey in a tiny dark hole. It was getting late, and I felt the weight of exhaustion. I put a hand on the ground to push my back against the van and sit up, but sharp pain shot into my fingers as I tried. “You may need to drive.” I hated pulling us away from the little camping trip, but I felt responsible for us both being out here.
"Exactly why else would I save you" I smiled and let out a watery laugh before you kept speaking and you promised to take care of me. It was sweet, too sweet. I wondered if there was any way you could really mean it at first but then I remembered the first two times you took care of me were from injuries that you had inflicted in the first place. Some happy medium. "I'd do it again." That's not what I was supposed to say, I was supposed to say thank you or something along those lines but instead I decided that pledging to kill for you was a good idea. Who the fuck am I? I found I was asking myself that more and more often.
When you kissed my forehead and it didn't lead to anything else I felt my heart race and my stomach flutter, it was nice. When the wind started to rip through the tops of the trees I felt myself shrink with a shiver. I grimaced when I watched the way your face changed with the pain from your fingers when you tried to get up. "I think I can manage that" I smiled softly and got to my feet along with you before I tiptoed just a little to press a kiss to your lips before climbing into the drivers seat and leaning over to push open your door for you. "Should I just keep going straight?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I was not sure if you meant you would kill for me again, or if you would still save me to escape if you could go back, but both of the answers amused me in a way they shouldn't have. The experience of standing up was less than pleasant, but your arms under mine made the process bearable. Need the petite girl to help you up, tough guy? My thoughts were whirling trying to remember when that evil voice first started, but then you pressed your witchcraft lips to mine and it blew all the thinking away. Am I blushing?
Passing around the back to shut the rear doors, I was thankful that I could walk a straight line without stumbling now. There was a sensation of rocks in my lower abdomen that was concerning, and the sound of the door closing so close to my belly sent tiny shocks of pain up my spine. Did that punk bruise my guts? Despite my best attempts to force the memories from my mind, the images of the greasy man poking his gun into my belly played out. Yup, gunna need some four bill therapy for that shit. I couldn't help the cautionary glance back up the dark road before wrapping around to the passenger side.
Reaching for the door handle I felt a small jolt of warm emotion at having the latch opened for me. I missed that. I muttered, “Thanks, doll,” while sliding in, and then while buckling my seatbelt, “I would follow this road to the highway, at least if that sign we passed before is to be trusted.” I hope we have enough gas to get somewhere. My entire being was sucked into the seat as I let my muscles actually relax for the first time in who knows how long. Glancing around at cupholders I was left disappointed that there were no water bottles or anything in here. My eyes worked up your form to the focus on your face as you took the car out of park, and I found myself filled with odd arousal at the furrow in your eyes. “You look cute when you do that little thing with your eyebrows.”
Once I was in the driver's seat I felt my anxiety spike, the idea of driving the vehicle those guys were using scared me. Thoughts of one of them seeing us driving down the road and slamming into us to send us flying through the windshield flashed through my head only cut off by the sound of your door closing. "You're welcome" Still not your doll. I don't know what it was about that nickname that set me off but I was too tired and enjoying not fighting for a moment so I let it go. Maybe you'll like that someday too.
"Well hopefully the signs are all up to date then but I can't imagine the roads changing that much." I put the van into drive and started towards the highway, peeking nervously at the gas gauge. Did you just call me cute? I pinch my brows together even more and look over at you briefly. "What eyebrow thing? I don't do an eyebrow thing I just hate driving at night." I hope you can't see me blushing at the simple compliment. It was hard for me to process the fact that you could be sweet.. soft even. I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter as I tried to work through the mess of emotions in my head. "How are you feeling.. physically I mean?" Please stop being nice to me I can't handle it.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your brow nearly furrowed into the shape of a cross when you turned to question my observation. The laugh that floated my lips was so real it made my sides hurt, “Yeah, yeah. Driving at night is hard.” I hid the snickering laughter into my shoulder. It was nice to not have to focus on anything with active thought. I felt like I had just run a marathon, then failed a doctorate cross examination, and then fell out of a train into a minefield. I was working to stretch my neck when you seemed to read my mind.
“Other than the self inflicted idiocy on my hands, it's only my gut that hurts right now.” My knees were rolling together in a self comforting motion in response to the pain. Maybe it is obvious I am hurting. I couldn’t help my double take at your face on how you were pressing into my state of wellbeing. I tried to remember the last time someone had checked in on me with awareness of what I was feeling, and I did not like how far back I had to go.
I let the conversation lull for a bit as I watched the edge of the road in the hanging darkness. The visibility was poor, and I was impressed at your ability to keep a steady course at this speed. I almost said that you were doing a good job, but was worried it would come off patronizing. Some bag of trash was laying on the side of the road as we rumbled down it, and I found myself relaxing at the prospect of another person having seen this place sometime recently. I wanted to turn the question right back onto you, but something else came out instead, “Do you want to know what I do?” It felt like a rush, or a bad question in general, but for some reason I felt a pressing urge to tell you about myself. Maybe it was because I was worried you would scurry away someday, or maybe I just liked the warm feeling I got at being honest with you. Normally discussions in my life were a trading of secrets, a parley of information. I wanted to offer you the chance at knowing who I was before you came to live with me. *Like she ha
I felt guilty knowing that you had hurt yourself because I ran off without saying a word. I could have at least said that I heard water and was going to wash off instead of running away forever, not that I would have lasted very long in the wilderness on my own, maybe a day or two tops. "Well.. when we figure out where we're going we'll get them cleaned up and put ice on them too...I hope your stomach is okay" I felt my brows do the thing that I was now hyper aware of and felt my cheeks flare red again, how the hell do you do this to me? And why does it feel so much more different than anyone else that I've ever flirted with? Maybe because he's a monster that forced you into it.
I found it strange that the quiet that settled between us for awhile was calming, comfortable, it didn't feel like the suffocating silence from before where I had the overwhelming need to fill it with whatever words decided to bubble up. I was focused so hard in the road I didn't even notice you looking between me and the window, I was determined to get us to civilization before the van sputtered to a stop so I just kept going, making sure that I didn't lose control or go too fast or too slow. You can do this.'Do you want to know what I do?' Those were the last words that I had expected you to say and if I wasn't focused on keeping us on the road then I would probably be gawking at you like an absolute idiot. I felt anxiety creep up my spine at the idea of knowing what you really do, a part of who you really are, but maybe it would give me some sort of idea of why you're the way you are. I took in a shaky deep breath before I nodded slowly. "...Yes.. I want to know." It came out softer and way more timid than I would have liked but I was running on fumes and didn't have the energy left to hide how I was really feeling. It was vulnerable and I hated it but I couldn't help it.
@bonghitsforfeds
I took a deep inhale after you said yes, and I could feel the plug about to come off of a drain I have been waiting to empty down for a long time. Jesus, where do I start? I felt a drop of sweat go down my neck, I was breaking all the rules. A weird paranoia of being recorded crept into my core. I turned my gaze to the floor mat and set my jaw, “I bump shoulders with corrupt members of state, and if I am lucky cabinet members, so my family can trade our pre-war networks back in Europe for large sums of shaved US tax dollars to move weapons down through the southern border and then across the Atlantic to Ireland, the UK, Morocco, and...” My voice trailed off as I had been monologuing without watching your face, but since you had not said anything since I stopped, I just clenched my eyes shut and kept going, “The guns are new, manufactured here in the states. We do not have to manage the sale, just the transportation and direct supply back over the pond. If the deal is really good, and there is a slimy shithead in office over here, it gets so easy there can be semis of the fucking things driving straight through monitored checkpoints with no questions. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book over here.”
I wanted to keep going, there was so much to say. This was not even specifics of how we went about it, or what day to day operations look like. I almost made a joke about how if you really do marry me someday, for some diabolical reason, you will probably have to play a hand in it somehow. Unless we found a way to escape it all... You were still quiet, and I could not bring my gaze up to see your face, I was scared of your reaction. “Do you want me to keep going?” When I opened my eyes and water pitter pattered down into the grooves of the rubber floor it surprised me, because I had no idea that I had started crying. Pathetic. I tried to paint a pattern with the way the tears fell off my face while I waited for you to say something. The quiet rolling of tires ov
Oh. I don't know what I had been expecting but weapons dealing wasn't it, I thought it would be something much more diabolical than that. It hadn't occured to me at first just how much violence those weapons were going to be used for or the violence that went on between the parties. Today made a lot more sense now. I couldn't bring myself to say anything though, I didn't understand how any of this stuff worked or the seriousness of it all. Questions racked up in my brain as you kept going and my hands gripped the wheel so tight my knuckles were white.
When I finally looked over at you I saw your tears dropping down onto the floor and couldn't help the pang of guilt I felt. Here you were opening up to me and I couldn't even make myself speak. "Y..yes yes I want you to keep going." I had questions but they could wait until you were finished, you were talking at the moment and I didn't want you to close down and shut off on me because I interrupted. "Please keep going I'm sorry I'm being quiet I'm just.. trying to process. I want you to keep going though."
@bonghitsforfeds
I had been holding my breath, and it finally went out in a long wheeze when you said something. You sounded so small and timid now, and it broke my heart. However, the sorry added to the end threw fuel on my fire and gave me the resolve to continue. “Sometimes it’s hosting a Senator’s family at one of our estates, other times it’s keeping up relations by going to a Gala hosted by an old contact... Most of the time though it’s sitting in a resort with a guy like Parker, ignoring all the pleasantries of where you are, and spending two days planning a job down to the speed the trucks will be governed at.” Sitting up in the seat I had yet to find the courage to look at you, but now I could at least watch the road go by. I swore I saw lights off in the distance through the trees that could be cars driving over a road.
Another shuddering sigh, “We had been running most of the recent shit down through California, but now after all of this,” I waved my hands around in a circle at the van we drove in, “We will probably have to re-route somehow.” I had not thought about Parker since we had our little roadside meltdown, “I don’t know what that stupid dickhead is up too, but he is messing with people more powerful than smugglers.” Finally I managed to look over at your face, where you sat tense and appeared much too focused on driving, “Corrupt government officials do not enjoy having their bottom line fucked with, or to be publicly made out as fools.” Now I furrowed my brow as I awaited your reaction. I felt like a tool explaining all of this. It sounds so grandiose to be describing what is basically a bunch of power hungry old money vultures trying desperately to pick at the same dying corpse of nations.
More and more questions started to fill my head the more that you explained and it was all I could do to not pull over just to catch my breath. "Okay..." Great start stupid. I tried to gather my thoughts about all of this, to figure out where to start but it was hard. I felt like an entire planet worths of information was just dumped on my head and I couldn't figure out what to do with it, how to digest it. "So..okay so you smuggle guns to be sold overseas right? I think.. I think I got that part down but I don't.. I mean I don't understand how it all works." Phenomenal job
I smacked my hand against the steering wheel in frustration with myself a few times before I gripped it again. "Why did they come after you? Did a deal go bad? Does this mean you're gonna leave California?" And me? "More powerful than smugglers that means like.. other crime shit people or...? Or what? The actual government? I don't understand. Is Parker trying to get the upper hand or become the head honcho?" I felt so stupid and clueless, I knew this kind of shit happened but I thought it was way more underground and that I'd never have the unfortunate luck of being involved in any way. "I understand the events and the trips and all of that but I don't understand why anyone would go after the people they're supposed to be working with, wouldn't that screw you both?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I smiled as you started so simple, but slowly my look changed to one of neutrality as you continued. I found myself nodding along as you reiterated the movement overseas. When you whacked at the wheel in frustration it made me jump. Even though I was looking at you, for some reason I expected you to hit me. That was weird. The longer you dumped questions out the more I began to feel overwhelmed. Leave California? "I don’t even live here. I am just visiting for work." Why would you even care? ‘Is Parker trying to get the upper hand?’ That is the million dollar question. Why?
“I have a few ideas.” I felt like a rookie cop trying to piece together a fake hazing case, because none of the parts fit properly, but I might as well tell you what I thought since you were involved, “The main split between most of my guesses is his endgame.” I gulped in fear at recollecting the cameras and bindings, “Is he working to undermine specifically my family? Or, is he after something bigger?” Again the anger at feeling so lost in this situation crashed out in swelling waves. “For fucks sake Mouse I don’t know, he could be a goddamn Fed for all I know and he has been playing us this whole time.” My cheek came to lay on the headrest as I felt my will go out. I swallowed the frustration while staring at the side of your face. So pretty. Your pointy facial structure worked to calm me in the same way one might find solace in the trickling water of a stone fountain. “I’m sorry you got wrapped up in this part of it all.” Apologizing felt too silly after what I had done to you on purpose, but it was true, I never meant for you to get abducted and tortured over politics.
I nodded along as you tried to explain what you thought it could all be about, it still didn't make any sense to me but just a couple days ago all I knew was typing away at my computer safe and sound from experiencing the bad and writing about things like vegan food and local political movements, things like this were way out of my scope of life. No wonder he's so fucked up. I wondered what kinds of things you must have seen, heard, and experienced when you were supposed to just be being a kid and enjoying life before the reality of adulthood came crashing down on us all.
I was so lost in my own sad train of thought that I didn't even notice the change in your voice until you were yelling again and snapping me out of it. I hated the way I immediately shrank in my seat as if I had done something on purpose to make you angry at me. Well that's just about everything you do so. "S-sorry sorry I just- I've never- I don't know anything about any of this I'm sorry I won't ask anymore questions." Liar. I swallowed hard and picked at the peeling coating on the steering wheel with my thumb as I drove trying to keep us steady on the road as we passed a sign for the entrance to the highway. Just a few more miles. Wait.. you don't live here? "Where do you even live?" I asked turning to look at you for a moment, confusion and worry evident on my face. Are you gonna leave me behind when you go?
I could already feel myself getting angry, feeling betrayed, as if everything you had told me you pictured earlier had been a lie and I was just your plaything to enjoy while you were in town until you fucked off to somewhere else and found a new girl to make your conquest. The thought of you finding some new person to be obsessed with made my stomach twist and my heart clench in ways that I didn't even think were possible and it's then that I realize I think if any other woman ever caught your eye I might just sever their neck the way I did back in that cabin. Crazy bitch.(edited)
What ritual did I successfully complete to have you say sorry to me three times in a row? Lines formed in my vision and I had to close my eyes to force the dorky smile from crossing my features. I almost told you how much I enjoyed that sound prying your big lips apart, but it worried me it would make you stop doing it. “Where do I li-?” The thought was cut short when I saw the sign for the highway go by. Thank God.
Your jaw had been shaking this whole time in a pressed quivering I recognized all too well. Is she mad at me? This was a weird question to answer without sounding overly privileged. “I mean I guess I spend most of my homebound time in our Washington Estate.” My gaze turned back to the road as my chest flushed in heat. Scratching at the back of my head, “I mean we could get a place in Cali if you wanted...” I felt like an idiot for turning the conversation back towards houses. “Well, unless your place is still-” If I cannot be the best smooth talker I suppose there may be a competition for worst.
I fell silent for a moment so I could properly collect my thoughts. There was a semi truck’s trailer lights streaking by some distance off. I never thought I would be happy to see other people. “Anywhere I go you are welcome to come...” Should I tell her she better tag along if she likes being above the dirt? “Anywhere we go together is going to be home I suppose.” It was very cheesy, but it felt good to say. I was giddy at the idea of showing you around the country. What I had said seemed to hang in the air though. Something felt wrong with the energy between us now. I placed my left hand on your lap to stop the anxious rolling that was washing over me. "Do you want to go with me Mouse?"
Washington. I've never been there but I wonder what your life was like there and everywhere else you've ever been for that matter. What is wrong with you? A question that is growing more and more concerning to me as I find that I don't know the answer. The only answer I can think of is currently sitting in the passenger seat. 'I mean we could get a place in Cali if you wanted' Okay so at least you don't plant on just leaving me behind.. Unless he's just saying that because he can tell you're mad.'Anywhere I go you are welcome to come' I hate the way that makes my jaw clench even tighter, it feels like all the times in life everyone around me was doing things and instead of telling me they wanted me to come they could just say I was free to tag along. Always an after thought. I swallow hard and look down at your hand for a second when I feel it land on my lap and momentarily pull me out of my head.
Could you be phrasing it like that because our situation is far from normal and you're nervous about if I would want to go with you? Sure. But right now I can't really fathom that because since when do you give a shit what I want? That was certainly news to me. I let out a huff and kept my eyes on the road because if I looked at you I know I would give myself away much more than I wanted to. "I don't know, do you want me to come?"
@bonghitsforfeds
The way your face tightened up even more shot a freezing needle full of chill into my veins. Turning my head back to the floor like a reprimanded boy I swallowed the nervous feelings of failure. The drug of shock worked to tame the mind storm into something defensive instead of aggressive. The eye of the emotional hurricane was thick with a plotting stillness. Why is it so hard to run circles around you? I risked a tiny glance over at you, but you still stared daggers out the windshield.
‘...do you want me to come?’ How am I so bad at explaining how I feel that you are not picking up that you have no choice? I felt the speed of my internal wind gust at the fact you honestly question if I wished you to stay at my side. I would staple your soft fucking face to my chest if for a fleeting second I thought you will slip away. That’s more like it. Here is that wishy-washy back and forth slide between hatred and obsessive lust you had me growing used to.
With newfound fiery resolve I whipped my head to stare at your locked jaw. The pressure of the anger you contained made me feel lightheaded, “Cami, you are coming with me. I will not lose you. I will put you in a chest and pull you around behind me if I have to.” My hand in your lap squeezed tightly as I spoke, and hot pain radiated up my arm from the resplit scabs. I almost felt bad at getting so stern after the softer moments we had been sharing, but there is nothing that stops the dam breaking flow of panic I feel at the prospect of you not being with me forever. Do you feel that loss of gravity at the prospect of not being glued to each other?
'You *are coming with me'* Why was that so hard to say in the first place? Why the fuck do you want him to? That's a question I don't know if I'll ever be able to answer. I could feel your hand squeezing at my thigh even tighter, to the point where it was starting to hurt and for some sick reason that made me feel better. It was twisted and vile but somehow it was the reassurance my brain decided it needed. Still though, it wasn't what you had said at first and my warped brain had already latched onto that and convinced itself you didn't really plan on taking me with you anywhere.
Your blood dripped down onto my thigh off of one of your split knuckles and I could feel it soak through my sweatpants and stick to my leg. There's the entrance to the highway. I turn the blinker on and pull onto it heading the only way I know and that's towards home, or whatever rubble pile stands where it used to. I'll find out soon enough I hope, as long as we can make it there. I swallow hard trying to think of what to say to you that won't end with us veering into oncoming traffic either by yours or my own volition.
After what feels like ages but is probably more like ten minutes of silence I put my hand on top of yours and squeeze a little. I can't figure out if I want to rip your throat out with my teeth for what you've done to me or if I want to stay with you forever and fuck like animals all over the world but I do know that I need you to keep needing me. I don't know why or how but I do. But still there's a question that's eating at me from the inside out. "Has there ever been anyone else?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I took the lack of response as silent compliance because the thought of it being anything else only made me dangerously upset. My fingers gripping into your leg like I had a bad farm dog by the scruff of its neck helped me to feel in control. Try as you might, but right now you can’t do anything about me grasping at your flesh anyway I want. Maybe I was just tired, but you managed to reach inside and pull that chipped gem of dark personality out of its hovel. If there was not a selfish worry about the gas running out, there may have been a pitstop where I forced you to let me grab at you. Good luck holding that in forever. My blood soaked into your legs like a brand. With how much was seeping out there is no way you didn’t feel it. Mine.
I was so lost in my high of owning you that the transition from rumbling dirt to smooth blacktop caught me off guard. Oh nice the blinker works, but not the headlight on that side, love that. Resting my weary head against the window was soothing, and being in physical contact with you always helped the dreams to come faster. The slow weaving pattern of the reflective white shoulder lines helped to pull me into a meditative focus that almost put me to sleep.
The question worked to pull me from the sandman, but it was not a jolting to alertness. Slowly I opened my eyes and picked my head back up. A homely feeling spread around my ribcage, because it almost seemed like you were jealous? Why do I like that? This is a inquiry that no matter how I answer will probably just piss you off, so how do I even begin to navigate it? “I can tell you that there has never been something in my life that I dream about every night, or that I think about every time I am alone... Until you.” It really was every time too. “If you mean women I have hurt? There was the escort in Vegas.” What are you doing?
I pinch my brows together again all too aware that you like it every time it happens now and I feel like when I try to stop it from happening it just makes it worse. What does that even mean? And why does it not just being a flat out no piss me off so much? He said something not someone. Are you avoiding the real question? Do I even have the right to feel this way? It's not like I've never dated or slept with anyone else but the idea of you being this obsessed with someone else makes me want to gouge your eyes out.
"That's not a real answer.. the first part. I meant have you ever-. Have you ever done this to someone else? Stalk them? R-. Assault them? I mean what am I really to you Ivon?" I wasn't even going to ask about the escort yet, not until I got an answer for what I really needed to know. Was I just some temporary obsession, a moment that would pass, or did you really mean it? Still, why the fuck do you care?@bonghitsforfeds
Pulling my hand away from yours I rotated myself in the seat so I was partially facing you. That look on your face had hateful eroticism fanning the kindling flame you laid inside me with this conversation. The barraging look I stared into you right now would light the side of your porcelain face on fire if such a thing was possible. Do you secretly enjoy yanking me around on this endless chain of inward questioning?
Your pressing nagging of this topic had my other fist bleeding now with the shaking grip it had around my own knee. Something bad was coming and I really hoped you were not on the verge of saying some classic Cami provocation bullshit. Leaning across the center console just enough to have it encroach on your personal space, “Yes, I have assaulted a few other souls before. I followed one home, but I did not go inside. Those were different though, it was in response to them making me angry over something personal.” The words rolled like glassy fresh obsidian. I paused a moment to give you time to respond, but then squinted my eyes in anger and decided to just let it keep coming, “I think those instances just served as good practice to give me the confidence to follow you,” I gave you a poke in the soft flesh of your side, “The freak beauty who captivated me in such a way my words choked out to smoke in my throat.” What are you going to do about it anyway? Like me or not this conversation had that psychotic floating feeling in my gut. I could hurt you right now. Keep asking questions and we will really talk this out.
I heard and felt you rotate in your seat the atmosphere in the van turning more and more hostile and dangerous feeling the longer this conversation went on. Had I meant to change it like this especially this fast? Not at all. But I couldn't help myself because this stupid bitter jealousy was burning white hot in my gut and I needed something to put it out, stifle it from existence. Of course your words did anything but, if anything they threw gasoline on the flames, it felt like you were enjoying watching me burn to death from the inside out. 'Different' How were they different? You still put the effort into doing it. What the fuck is wrong with you?
I felt my breathing kick up just a little and I was gripping the steering wheel so tight I thought I might break a fingernail clean off. I wanted to find anyone you'd ever stuck your dick in before me and watch the life leave their eyes. What made them special enough? I knew somewhere inside me that I was just afraid. Afraid to be just another box you ticked off on your long list. Afraid you would kill me. Afraid you would leave. Afraid I wouldn't be enough. You never have been before, he'll figure that out. You're nothing special.
"How does that make them any different from me? You still did it you still- you-" I took a deep breath so I could try to finish getting out what I was trying to articulate even though I find it almost impossible to find the words. "I mean is that what you do you fuck people to get revenge? Sounds to me like you just wanted them. I mean how long until you get bored with me too Ivon? Am I gonna end up like the escort?" I hadn't even had a chance yet to ask what happened, how or why she ended up hurt. Why you'd even hire an escort to begin with. I knew the second the words flew off my lips that I shouldn't have said it but I couldn't control myself. You've always been so jealous.@bonghitsforfeds
I was in complete shock that you had the gall to continue pressing the topic. Still leaned over you, my head tilted just slightly, a houndish gaze crawled from the crown of your hair to where your legs disappeared beneath the dash. Different from you? Do you hear the words I am slithering into your ear like a hunting snake? No matter how much venom I forced into the way I explained how I felt the first time we met, you always seemed to skitter right past it. She’s obviously stupid, can we get this over with? In the same deliberate slow moment I made to lean over toward you I slowly came to rest in my own chair. I let my eyelids droop, and took a deep calming breath. Every atom in my body was working to not lose my temper. Why was the rolling of rubber over asphalt beneath us suddenly so loud?
Like a hammer shot from a cannon the spinning iron of your next insane statement careened through the aura of calm I barely managed to comb out. I just wanted them? Like the escort? Bored!? Before I even knew what was happening my hand was grabbing the side of your head like a ragdoll where I used the sick purchase to push your left cheek into the driver side window. It happened so fast I was unsure how violent the act had even been. “Maybe I should ask you some fucking questions, huh?” The words were loud now, but not quite a shout yet. They carried a firm fierceness, like you had just messed up the cadence of your step in a bootcamp. “Do you want me to fucking hurt you Cami? Huh? You sick little bitch, would you like that?” Even though there had been no opening for you to reply yet I added weight against your face and raised my voice louder, “Are you going to answer me? You were talking all that good shit a minute ago, what the fuck happened?” We lurched and pulled through highway lanes. My eyes were so hooked into the way your fearful breath left a pattern on the window that I hardly cared if we suddenly crashed and became meat crayons.
It all happened so fast I hadn't even registered that you had grabbed my head when you were pushing my cheek into the window. It took everything in me to be able to keep us on the road, albeit poorly and it was lucky that the roads weren't more full of traffic or we definitely would have crashed. In initial crack of my face against the window had my vision fuzzing in a dangerous was and I could feel the trickle of blood running down my cheek from where my skin split right along where my forehead met my temple. How many more blows could I take to the best before my poor brain just gave up and shut down.
The way the pain and added blow to my already concussed head had my vision blurring had me terrified. I was panting out hot breaths against the glass of the window and I wondered if you even had any idea the way you just hurt me. Ironic since he's asking if you want him to. If I wasn't so scared I might even laugh. 'Sick little bitch.' Did I want you to hurt me? No. But did I want to be the only one who you would or have hurt? In some sick way yes.
"No I d-dont want you to hurt me that's not what I meant! I just don't want to be the next girl on your fucked up list of girls you've attacked and left" How could I possibly explain to you what I was feeling or what I meant? That I was jealous. Paranoid. Afraid. Delusional. "Why would you ask me if I wanted to come instead of just saying you wanted me to?" My lip quivered and I felt like this was it. This was the moment where you were going to end me and I was ready for it. "Looks like I might end up like her anyway"
@bonghitsforfeds
The initial jerking correction as you fought to pull us out of the power slide had me convinced for a split second I may have knocked you out. We passed beneath the illuminated green paneling of an exit sign, and the light that filled the van as we did betrayed the line of blood trickling down the glass beside your face. Fuck her as she bleeds. Your panicked explanation had the opposite effect you desired.
Then you did something so profoundly dumb that you had to be dying, you asked another question. My head whipped about the van as I looked for something sharp to plunge into your neck. Maybe if I open that hose of stupid into your head you will finally stop talking. I was so mad my body was vibrating. Combined with the trembling it felt like a cardiac event. No pen? No plastic knife? Not even a fucking thumbtack? The train of razor words that I was about to scream into your still living head in response to your inquiry was interrupted by your next genius line, ‘Looks like I might end up like her anyway.’
I pushed into your head as hard as I could, “Aaaarg!” So lost in the vortex of rage I had nothing left to offer you but a barbaric yelp. I let go of your head and opened the glovebox to continue my search for a weapon. “You are asking for it!” I pulled the napkins and useless paperwork out from the compartment in a few searching sweeps. “Fuck!” Now I unbuckled my seat belt so I could feel around beneath my seat for something, but still it was only crumbs and useless trash.
Scrambling back up to my seat on all fours I put one hand on your head rest and the other on the driver side window, so I could lean in so close to your ear my teeth brushed against it. “Ask me another question, I fucking dare you!”
I wondered what exactly it was that had set you off the most. The fact that I had the nerve to ask you questions or the fact that I had mentioned the escort. Maybe he had feelings for her. Oh if only you could crack my head open and see the thoughts I was having maybe you could understand why I couldn't shut myself up. I watched in a panic wondering what the hell you could possibly be looking for in your blind rage, whatever it was you seemed to be coming up empty and for some reason that only made you more angry. I was just thankful my head wasn't pressed against the glass anymore. I wonder what people driving by will think if they see the blood.
I was just about to reach up and wipe it off the best I could when I your hand slammed against it instead, boxing me in as if I could go anywhere else while I was driving this god forsaken tin can. 'I fucking dare you' I knew inside that this wasn't an actual dare that this was very much a test that I shouldn't fail. I should just keep my mouth shut and leave you to calm back down into the almost human you were before we go on this highway. I really hadn't meant to upset you so much. You had finally opened up to me and I thought the questions I had asked would be okay. Did you really though? I could feel it happening, the urge to ask one more thing just. One. More. Thing. I knew it could very well be the last thing I ever did but I didn't care. "Did you love any of them?" I don't know why it was so impossible for me to get through my brain that you'd never felt something like what you felt for me before. Maybe it was trust issues ingrained in my head from everyone I'd ever been with. Yeah because he's so trustworthy to begin with Or maybe I was just looking for a reason that I could hate you ever more, either way, I hated anyone you'd ever laid your disgusting fingers on and I don't think I could handle not being the only one. I just needed to hear it, even if it killed me.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your words stuck a screwdriver into the center of my face and twisted the look up on it to the point it may have started spiraling inward. My teeth pressed together in cataclysmic hellish fury, and I pushed on the window so hard it flexed outward at a noticeable angle. There was this moment of cathartic mist that swept my mind as I turned to glance out the windshield. Rolling black highway stretched out past the guardrail separating us from the space-like shimmering span of the Pacific ocean. It almost looked like a pit into infinity, but the reflection of moonlight across its surface would occasionally betray the rolling tip of a frosty wave before it nosedived back into the water. Something spilled over in the darkness inside that never had before, and you managed to push me into uncharted territory. Kill her. “Fuck you.”
You may have thought the words were aimed at you, but they were murmured instead at that voice in my head. I decided in that instant to keep you alive and torture you for the rest of your pathetic existence by forcing you to be with me. Love can probably work in one direction. Does a potato love its gardener? Does a sex doll need to feel anything for it to work the cock of the man inside of it? Just spill her blood you coward.
Like a cobra lunging in the grass I sank my teeth into the outside section of your arm just under the shoulder. I bit as hard as I could into that soft chunk of flesh, and found it surprising how my jaw cut straight through like hamburger meat. You screamed louder than the time I set your nose, and the noise worked to gush some much needed dopamine into my shriveled receptors. I felt my teeth come together with a squelching mush as the piece of meat came loose from your arm and worked its slimy way into my mouth. The irony spray of your blood that filmed up into my upper lip and gums filled my mouth with more liquid than I ever would have thought a living creature could dispense. I would have bit the slice clean o
17:33
ff and been back in my seat already, but the fabric combined with your spasming jerking escape attempts had my teeth locked up in your arm. I sputtered, choking on the pieces of you that squeezed past the t-shirt like a cheesecloth into my mouth and were now trying to get sucked down my throat. I wonder if any of the incoherent screaming I was doing at you made it past the choking?
'Fuck you' Well there it is I managed to make you hate me. I don't know what I was expecting to happen next, I was ready for you to bash my head against the window again or to slam it forward into the steering wheel until my skull split open. The seconds of waiting to see what you were going to do felt like years.
I wasn't ready at all for what happened next. For a few split seconds I couldn't even fathom what was happening all I heard and felt was the sickening squish and crunch of my skin breaking and my flesh being separated from itself as your teeth sank into it. When the pain and what was happening registered I couldn't stop screaming, it hurt so bad it felt like lightning was shooting through my body. I couldn't take it. I was trying to get away all while trying to keep up from veering off the road until I had to slam on the breaks uncaring if someone was behind us or not. I tried to scream for you to stop, to pull out of your hold but that only made the pain worse. It felt like my vocal chords were going to explode and leave me unable to speak ever again when you didn't pull away and I could feel pieces of myself coming separated, I could feel you swallowing around my blood and flesh.
My heart was racing so fast and I couldn't get it to slow down this time, my vision started to go dark around the edges and my screams started to sound muffled in my own ears until it sounded like I was far away from myself, like I was hearing someone deep inside a cave from the entrance. "I just wanted to be the only one" I slur out before everything goes limp and my head lulls to the side and lands on the window, the pain being too much to handle and my body temporarily deciding it would be easier to just shut off instead of feeling it.
@bonghitsforfeds
The brakes locked up and the van screamed into a double donut. I braced myself against the center console and the steering wheel as I struggled to maintain my balance against the centrifugal forces. The direction reversed rapidly as the snap oversteer suddenly jerked the wheel back in the other direction. We came up on two tires before slamming down perpendicular in the middle of six lanes. At some point the driver side visor had dumped its contents into your lap, and there was the squeaking of suspension as the entire vehicle rocked to a rest. The entire event was wrapped up with the pretty bow of your terrified screams reverberating inside the tiny space.
My mouth was still wrapped up in your arm when you barely managed to speak before falling into the window with a tiny thud. “Hwaht the fhuck,” I mumbled loudly through the greasy feeling of flesh into your unconscious body. How am I supposed to throw a fit if you are not awake to see it? There is no way you died right? Did the impact to the window kill you? I tried to open my mouth, but friction from being jammed up by the fabric of your shirt made it impossible. I had to stick my fingers into the corners of my lips and shove the shaking pained appendages inside my mouth to forcefully separate the gummed mess. With a shlorp my jaw finally popped open and a grisly piece of you fell onto the chair with a wet slap. I could still feel chunks of it behind my lips, but I got startled by a pair of headlights that stormed past us with a droning honk. “Goddammit Camila!” I yelled at your barely breathing form like this was all your fault.
A nasty pattern of red ran down your arm, and there was this discomforting look to the wound, like it was made of mulched wet plant-matter. Absentmindedly swallowing some of the leftovers I finally processed what you had said. “The only one?” I asked this into your slumped form as if awaiting a response. Please wake up. None of this was making me feel better. I wanted to get out
18:44
and cross to your side, but I was worried about getting struck by a passing vehicle. What if highway patrols spots us? Now I was shaking at you, “Cami! Mouse! Goddammit, wake up!”
Half of the vans dramatic stop wasn't even registered to me before I slipped out of consciousness, the loud honks of horns passing and your screaming all sounded so far away and I couldn't make out anything that was being said. It felt like I was sinking into cold water going deeper and deeper and I found the sinking feeling strangely comforting as I let it envelope me like a blanket.
Somewhere far away there was still pain but I couldn't really feel it anymore as my mind's eye started playing memories of every person in my life that had ever left me or replaced me with someone better. It flashed to my first best friend who found better ones once her mom let her get blonde highlights and she made the cheer team ditching me as she went to spend time with her new shiny friends. Then to my first boyfriend who cheated on me with a girl who's chest was bigger and who's name must have felt better coming off his tongue than mine, I don't think he ever even apologized. A flash of every man's face after that that betrayed me in one way or another. The one who pushed too far too fast but I never said no so it must have meant yes, the one who stole my favorite necklace from my dad because it was worth more in money than it ever could be to me, I watched myself standing there as piece after piece of me was ripped away and all I could do was try to bandage the wounds and keep breathing.
I could feel my body jolting back and forth my head bobbing like one of those silly novelty toys people keep on their dashboard but coming back to reality sounds so terribly miserable that I think I'll just float for a little longer. Maybe I'm actually dying, maybe it was finally too much more the fragile body to handle and this is what dying feels like. It's cold, I miss your warm hands, I wish you didn't need to hurt me. Sinking. Sinking. Sinking. My arm feels hot but the rest of me is still freezing, am I waking up? God please just let me go.
@bonghitsforfeds
I yelled your name so hard my throat cracked in a painful snap that would have made me yelp if it did not come out a croak instead. A shattering ripping emotion tore at my body in every direction at once. Anger clashed with guilt in a saber battle that had my breaths coming hot and quick. Another vehicle thundered by like an angry buffalo, and it was such a near miss the van rocked with the buffeted air. I threw myself back into my seat and kicked at the dash with my heel. The brittle old car plastic exploded into faded pieces as my foot crushed a rotating vent into dust. “Fuck!” I yelled the only word I seemed to know anymore as I sat at the end of everything. If you are dead I will throw myself into the water over that railing.
I threw the car door open and stepped out into the breezy nighttime air. Waving my hands around and cussing at nothing in particular I made my way around the front of the van to the driver side door and flung it open. You almost fell out, and I had to catch your slumped groaning head so you did not collapse into a familiar pile. The van began to roll forward. There was a moment, where in an image only LA could conjure, I ran down the road with you half dangling from the door until I finally clambered in and got it in park. With a quick movement I undid the latch on your seatbelt and lifted you up over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Still cursing, I walked back around the passenger side door where I dumped you into the seat like fresh roadkill. I saw my own face in the side mirror when I shut the door. Blood ran in rivers from the corners of my mouth, and it looked like I had just consumed a blood orange with the ferocity of a starved ape. I turned toward a car that barreled past on the far side of the road with my arms splayed wide screaming, “Fucking stop! See if I care bitch!”
19:52
Finally mounting the driver's seat I pulled us back into traffic in the proper direction and tried to figure out where to go. While accelerating back to full speed I started ranting at your gurgling slumped body, “What do you want from me? Do you want me to put a ring on your finger? Do you want me to cut your arms and legs off and keep you in a box forever? Do you want me to drag you around behind this van and put you out of your misery?” I paused for a moment so I could casually flip the blinker on and merge over toward an offramp. Something was in my teeth and I spit it out onto the dashboard just for it to slide in a long red line before stopping where it contacted the wind shield. We came to a stop at a red light just beside the highway and I began glancing around for anywhere remotely private to treat you. “Can you wake up and tell me where to fucking go?” I felt the adrenaline-rage dying out. This was worrying because I did not want to know where my mind was headed after the anger.
@killahxkylie
I still didn't have half a clue what was going on in the blur of events that was taking place while I slumped there in the driver's seat feeling more dead than alive. If I could see it from the outside I probably would have laughed at the way you had to run with the moving van. Cruel I know. I let out a pained and ugly groan when you tossed me over your shoulder, I wonder if anyone is going to call the cops after seeing this. I wonder if they came if I would even say anything to incriminate you.
Once I was back in the passenger seat I felt my eyelids fluttering as my body tried to fight to come back into itself for some unholy reason that I couldn't understand. I could hear you yelling, could understand the words even, but I couldn't quite process them. My brain felt like it was full of swamp sludge as I manage to bring my one hand up to my arm only to find a mouth sized chunk missing from it. I was still so out of it all I could do was let out a pained huff. Sick fuck really took a bite out of me.'Can you wake up and tell me where to fucking go' I let my head roll in your direction trying to force my eyes to open but all they did was flutter and struggle to focus even behind my eyelids. Does it really matter where we go? I tried to move my lips but it felt like my tongue was stuck, like my mouth was full of cement. Am I actually dying? No. No that can't be it I can't die yet I'm just too tired, in too much pain. Losing too much blood? My arm felt warm and wet but I couldn't tell if it was blood or not and I couldn't open my eyes to see. "Anywhere" I slurred out.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had just turned through the intersection and onto a main road when your head slid over to look at me. A tiny bit of ease crept up at seeing you move. I was trying to recall if I had ever driven myself around this part of town specifically. This whole suburb looked different at night time, and I felt newfound rage pour at how I am surrounded by contacts that should be able to help me, but I cannot reach any of them. Where do any of these people live? ‘Anywhere...’ Now a tiny sigh slipped my lips at hearing you speak. “Not dead yet, you are an unlucky thing.” Glancing over at you after the jest I saw a decent free flow of blood from your arm. “Stop bleeding!” Quickly applying brakes I turned us right off the road into the parking lot of a closed strip mall.
Putting the van in park under a group of trees away from a street lamp I unbuckled to get over to you. “For fucks sake Cami, you need to not hang out with people like me.” I kept the cruel jokes coming as I was worried if I stood in front of the rolling ball of regular hatred I would just start panicking at the whole situation instead. Pulling my shirt off I used it to secure a poor makeshift bandage over the missing chunk. Giving the knot a tight pull you winced at the pressure over the wound. “Yeah, yeah.”
Slumping back into the driver's seat an unholy weight of exhaustion fell onto me from the roof. I could probably write a flow chart on the after effects of adrenaline at this point. First the stomachache, then the slow progression into shakes, and finally the tears. Right now we were transitioning to the trembling stage. I just stared at you slowly stirring around in the passenger seat. I wish I had a cigarette.
"Mmm" I hummed when you told me I was unlucky for not being dead yet and I wondered again why you didn't just kill me. Why you would seemingly try to do things to end me and then scream at me to come back. How did this become my life? Where did I go wrong? What did I do? I couldn't even react when you yelled at me to stop bleeding as if I could just suck the blood back into me. I'm sure I would feel better if I could. My fingers are tingly. I wonder just what you bit out of me. My stomach turns at the thought just as you pull over and pull your shirt, my shirt, tightly over the missing bit of my arm. Oh god it's really missing hebitit out of me My stomach turns again and I weakly push you out of the way to half hang out the passenger door and dry heave, nothing coming up because it'd been forever since I last ate and I'd already evacuated my stomach in the stream. What kind of person bites a chunk out of someone?
"I feel- I feel like I'm dying" I half whine at you after you're back in the driver's seat and I don't even have to have my eyes open to know that you're staring at me. "Just kill me already" I could feel the wetness of tears running down my face even though I didn't have the energy to actively cry. I didn't want you to kill me, I didn't want to die. I selfishly and sickly wanted the breeze through my dress on the coast and the family of kids who wouldn't hurt.. I wanted the future you told me you saw but I couldn't stop feeling bitter about your past. I still want to know about the escort. I didn't know if I had said it out loud or kept it in my head but I figured it didn't matter at this point anyway. There was nothing I could do, concussed with broken ribs and a chunk missing from my arm, why would you even want to keep me anymore?
@bonghitsforfeds
I could just walk away from the van and leave her in here. Someone would probably help you eventually right? All you had to do was survive one night until some passerby saw you in the morning. Would I even make it that far before being caught shirtless and covered in blood? How am I going to find a phone to get a hold of anyone? We have to be down to minutes of gas in this thing. This was just a breeze of the hurricane of thought that spun inside my mind.
Your words elicited zero reaction out of me. It probably looked like my gaze was going straight through you. There was not even energy left in me after today to make a cruel joke. I wonder what you would do if I told you that the fact you are begging me to kill you just turns me on? I felt like a spider in the corner of her web watching you wriggle helplessly in my trap, and at any point I was going to swoop over to the passenger seat and finish you off. Just have your way with her again and walk away. Without saying anything I sat back up and put the van into reverse.
Back on the road I looked for any inspiration to jump out. If I was not so tired I may just mug someone for their phone. Something snapped, “Cami you have lived over here for a month. Any ideas?” The tone was full of pressure and urgency. A part of me wanted to threaten your life with sexual or physical violence, but considering you just asked me to kill you it probably would not do much for me. I rubbed at the textured pattern in the top of the wheel from where you had been picking at it. “Please Mouse, I am getting desperate and starting to feel a little crazy.” The laughter over the end of that sentence probably did not help it to land gently.
I don't know what I was expecting you to do but it definitely wasn't putting the van in reverse without another word and driving out of the lot we had pulled into. See? He doesn't want you anymore. I scoffed a little at the voice in my head and let it fall back against the window as you drove. The hum of the tires on the ground keeping me awake and probably alive. Am I dying or just exhausted?"
I wish that I had an idea of where we could go, I knew if a ton of different hotels in the area just from passing them so often but with no money and no phone I had no idea how we could pay for anything. I felt useless. *You are useless. "We have... no money... I don't know" It took way too much effort to get the words out and I could feel myself fading in and out of consciousness. You sounded so desperate and the way you laughed when you said you were starting to feel a little crazy was unsettling. If this was you just starting to feel crazy I didn't want to know what it would be like when you were full fledged crazy.
"I think.. I don't think I'm doing so good baby" I felt so sick, so cold, and so shaky and the fact that I couldn't get a handle on what was happening with my body was starting to really scare me, not that I had the energy to react to it or try to make it better. I managed to reach my hand up to press on where the chunk of my arm was missing and let out a pathetic cry of pain but that was about it. "I just.. wanna sleep..."
@bonghitsforfeds
Listening to you walk me through thoughts I had already cataloged would normally have the rage building inside, but I was just too tired to care anymore. When you called me baby it worked to splash some water of focus into my mind. “No!” My right arm shot over to hold onto your left leg, “You can sleep, but do not die!” Surely death works like everything else in my life and it will just take a bribe right?
When the first sputtering cough of the engine running out of fuel choked its way into my ears, I started laughing. I had never laughed this hard before, and the noise of madness only grew into a shrieking cackle as the cab began to lurch around from the loss of power. There were a final few jerks of momentum before with a concerning little shaking the fuel-less the engine rumbled into silence. We cruised silently over the blacktop until I turned the steering wheel right and just let us grind against the curb. There was a single loud rubber screech at the first contact, and then we just came to a sad stop. Another piece of my psyche snapped off like cheap plastic and clattered across the floor of my mind. There was this weird emotional wind that seemed to just push me straight over into tired catharsis. I could not recall a time in my life when I had ever been this exhausted. Jesus, I mean I shot a guy for you earlier today.
With the mad laughter coming to a close I opened the driver side door of our favorite van for the final time. The one headlight was still working when I opened your side as the battery would take some time to die yet. “Let’s go get you a bed shithead.” This time I picked you up in that cradle from the first night making sure to hold you in a way you can let your head come to rest on my bare chest. I started carrying you toward a gas station, motel, and fast food combo tucked off in the corner of the roadway we just abandoned this vehicle on. Every step carrying you like this was agony, and my fingers screamed that I just dropped you on
22:22
the floor. I looked like a cannibal carrying their favorite corpse to some sort of ritualistic sacrifice. The calmness had this undercurrent of psychotic planning to it. I did not even intend on talking to the receptionist of this shit hole. If they have old school locking doors I may just bust the handle off of the most dingy room and plop us inside.
"I'll try" I managed a weak smile and put my shaky hand on top of yours when it came back to my leg. Focusing on the warmth of your hand underneath mine to give me some kind of tether to this plane of existence as I felt myself struggle. The sputtering of the engine felt like a slap to the face when I heard it, as if the universe itself was laughing at us. Haven't we been through enough already? The way you laughed sounded like something that would likely haunt any normal persons dreams but to me it was just strange to hear you laughing this hard, you must be exhausted.
I blinked and the next thing I knew we were out of the van and I was back in your arms, this time in that same familiar cradle from the first night, it even felt like you were purposefully being careful of my head. Yes because that changes the fact that he just slammed it against the window again. I didn't care and I nuzzled into you anyway, the best I could with how weak I felt. Even after everything we'd been through you still smelled good to me. I really am sick. "I'm sorry" I rasped out feeling guilty for making you carry me when you must be exhausted from everything that's happened too. I hoped that the shitty little rooms had that stupid snack and drink drawer stocked with stuff we could indulge in without them ever seeing a penny. I'd drink from the faucet at this point if I had to.
When we finally made it to the motel I could feel your arms shaking with the strength it was taking to not drop me. Settling one of the back rooms farthest from the office it took a couple tries but we made it into the door. It was run down but it felt like the Ritz compared to the cabin from earlier that day. How has it only been a day it feels like years.
22:37
.
I let out a huff when my back met the bed and I wondered if you'd meant to drop me on it that hard or if it was just your body finally giving out. I wanted to shower, to clean out the disgusting wound on my arm, but the soft blanket and mattress beneath me were too comfortable to move. I managed to open my eyes enough to see you and make sure that you were really still here. "Sleep with me" I pleaded softly reaching out my uninjured arm for you. Selfishly I wanted you close to me so that I would know if you tried to leave me behind. I don't think I would be able to pick up the shattered pieces of myself this time and I think if you left I would probably just curl up and wait to die.
I probably would have collapsed in the middle of that dingy parking lot had you not said sorry to me. I was too worried that if I said anything in response it would mess up my focused breathing and I would just fall over. All I had the energy to do was press a small kiss between the stitches in your cheek. I had messed both sides of your face up now, and I knew I was tired because it did not stir even a drop of emotion.
The backside of the building was dark and creepily deserted. Normally a scene like this would have me doing a life protecting half step back toward any source of light. Not tonight though. Tonight we were two roaches skittering from the streets to some rock we could hide under until morning. “Sorry,” was all I managed to say as I sat you down beside the door. It took three solid leaning kicks into wood just above the handle before the hollow hanging door crashed inward with spilling of particle wood.
Saying nothing I scooped you back into my arms, took about four steps over to the bed, and then my strength gave out. I did not even let go of you, I just fell to my knees with my arms still underneath you. A small whimper escaped me as I pulled my hands out from under you. They had stopped bleeding at one point, but now looked to have just partially reopened. The door did not latch properly anymore since the wood was split on the inside frame, so I just pushed it shut and drug the desk nearby in front of it. It probably won't even work to stop someone from entering, just alert us to their arrival.
23:03
.
I turned to lay down on the floor and pass out when you asked me to sleep with you. The choking pressure of needing to cry worked its way up into the base of my neck, but try as I might no tears would come. It was like my tear ducts were just empty. Nothing seems to happen but a burning in my chest. Crawling over the bottom of the bed I worked my way under the covers next to you. It took a bit of struggle with my messed up hands, but I managed to get you underneath them as well. Wrapping both my arms around you I made a little spoon out of you for the first time since we had met. This was definitely the most tired I had ever been, because when I pulled your ass into my crotch to get as close to you as I could there was no stirring of anything. I patterned little kisses down the back of your head and then worked my way back up the same trail to the top. “The Mouse let me sleep with her?” It was the only tease I could manage. Words felt like they took immense effort to speak. I could already feel myself dozing off. These awful cardboard blankets might as well have been made of puffy white clouds.
@killahxkylie
I couldn't help but feel myself relax when you made your way up to the bed and even managed to get us both under the blankets, I had been completely ready to just fall asleep on top of them and deal with it when the chill from the night inevitably left me frozen. I wondered if it would ever stop confusing me, the fact that you could hurt me so badly but still be so.. sweet? To me after. I don't think I know many people who commit the crimes you do against other people and then cuddle them up in bed after and make sure they can sleep safe and sound.
I let out a soft hum when you left a trail of little kisses up and down my head and a big part of me wished we could stay like this forever, minus the pain of course. Although I had grown accustomed to experiencing some sort of discomfort before the comfort, I wonder if you're capable of just comforting without the pain beforehand, I wonder more why I want to stick around long enough to find out. "The mouse will try to be alive still in the morning" I mumbled back softly already feeling the weight of sleep trying to carry me away. My eyes drifted over to the door only blocked from whoever wanted to come in with the desk but it wasn't enough to keep me from sleeping. I think I could love you someday. I mean to say it out loud but I think I only managed to whisper the word 'love' before my eyes lost the battle and slipped shut for the night.(edited)
Your words brought a smile to my face, and I pulled your relaxing body into mine as you drifted to sleep. I liked how when I grabbed onto you tonight you did not tense up, but instead melted into my grasp. The smell of natural river water in your hair combined with sweat and a hint of fresh blood mixed into a personal perfume that helped to pull me under. Serenaded by the cooing and twitching you do, I finally hit that finish line and fell asleep.
Hazy impossibly long hallways of homes I recognize run like wet mascara in a twisting pattern of non Euclidean space. The longer I would run in a single line the more the horizon would contort in spiraling tenseness until it would snap. The roof came apart in tessellated fractal gear like patterns to reveal the moon, which would scream insults down at me like acid rain. Reality would then unravel and I would stumble grasping at the carpet and floor that slowly slid into walls before I free fell into a churning ocean of blood. No screams would leave my throat, and thick foamy sprays of the stuff worked to drag me deep into the sea like a siren's fingers. A porcelain boat rocked in the waves pulled by giant sails of taught translucent skin. Swimming with desperation as tears of my own rolled into an endless swath of pain, I moved with godlike effort to reach the floating craft. Just as I would work to pull myself into the boat an arm would grab mine and I would look up to see you. Except where you should have been was only the screaming charred and peeled smiling face of your skull staring back at me. ‘Try to still be alllive,’ the ghostly image of you spoke in a thousand pained voices. Your arm then snapped like a broken doll, and dark smoke poured from your wounds in a thick spilling of choking vapor. Finally I fell backward into the laughing sea where I peacefully drowned to death while clutching your severed appendage.
Sleep came easy but it certainly wasn't very restful. The entire night was filled with terrifying nightmares, I was running through the forest and the more I ran the thicker and thicker the trees became until it was so claustrophobic I couldn't even tell if I was moving forward anymore. The only thing that kept me moving forward was the sound of your voice daring me to stop, your laugh echoing off the trees in every direction, tormenting me. I could feel my body being cut up by branches and thorns as I tore through them as fast as I could. The thicker the foliage became the less light got through until eventually I was running blind, the only thing letting me know I was still moving was the pain of more and more of my flesh ripping away. My feet felt like they were getting heavier and heavier as if the earth itself was trying to suck me in and make me stop but I couldn't, I just kept going and going until eventually I was a skinless terrified creature screaming with every step I took. Leaving a trail of blood that you could easily track me with.
I had no idea just how violent my unconscious mind could be until tonight. Every time I would stir awake I would fall right back asleep into another bout of terror the one thing remaining the same was you and your intent to end my life. The last one was us standing on a cliffside somewhere where the warm salty air of the ocean was whipping through your hair and the beautiful wedding dress that fit me like a glove, only when you leaned in to finally kiss me you pressed a gun to my temple and blew me away with the breeze. That one managed to wake me with a gasp when I swore I heard the blast of the gun. I woke with your arm still around me holding onto me tight and looked around with my tired eyes to make sure it was indeed a dream. You distracted me when you made a noise that sounded like you were in genuine pain, it was different than any sound I had heard from you when you were awake.
07:44
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I managed to turn in your hold so I was facing you and planted a soft kiss to each of your cheeks and then your lips, and your fluttering eyelids. "It's just a dream" I said in a hushed and raspy tone, my voice still thick with the sleep from the night before. "I'm right here." I'm still alive.
Who? It took me several tumbling seconds to place myself. The cold breeze of your breath over the spit left behind from the tiny kisses immediately had my chest full of mush. I already hated that I knew this peaceful embracing would not go on as long as I needed it too. Even though we had just woken up, you already had this distant sadness in your eyes that had me filled with guilt. The fuzzy feeling of being blessed enough to have you pushing words through my favorite fat pair of lips into my face already had the nightmares melting away. It was cute how you thought they bothered me after being awake. Years of this had me numb to the sensation of even caring.
My arm was asleep from having it pinned underneath you all night, and I pulled it up by my head so I could prop myself up a bit. The other hand I kept on the small of your back in an attempt to keep you pressed to me. This soupy feeling in the air was so thick I could slurp it up. What is this floating? Now that things were coalescing into sense I placed a kiss on the tip of your nose. “You sure this isn’t a dream too?” I hoped some of the soft odd emotions were mutual. I still felt stupid after saying it though since your pillow had a soaking of blood from where your unpatched temple had leaked into it. How much of that stuff is even left in you? I was so groggy, and I wanted to sleep through the day.
08:41
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By some miracle of hell it appeared no one had detected our escapade into the motel. Did I really kick that open? There was a stirring of boyish mischief inside from the skewed nature of the whole situation. ‘Do you think of anyone but yourself?’ Mother’s words seeped out of the water logged cracks of repressed trauma. I let my head fall off my arm and back into the bed so our eyes were level, “How are you feeling punk? Should we find you some food?” At the mere mention of sustenance my stomach growled to life. There was a stiff burning deep in my abdomen, but it had thankfully resided since last night.
@killahxkylie
I let out a soft hum when your eyes fluttered opened to meet mine and you placed such a soft kiss on my nose. That was the one thing on my body that was finally starting to hurt a little less even though my face was still different shades of red and purple. 'You sure this isn't a dream too?' It could have been for all I knew but if it was I didn't want to wake up, maybe I really had died in my sleep and this was my weird twisted version of heaven. Waking up softly with you and getting sweet kisses that I'm sure wouldn't last very long. "If it is let me stay asleep." I smiled softly and sleepy before I tried to move my arm to rub the sleep from my eyes and let out a yelp of pain. The shirt you had wrapped around me had managed to turn into a mostly hard crust that had attached itself to the open wound in my arm and when I moved it the whole thing shifted and tugged at it. It was gonna hurt like hell when I had to peel it off.
"I feel half dead.. thirsty.. need a toothbrush.. food sounds good too. A shower. I need a shower before anything and they have soap here." I let out a soft sigh and tucked my head under your chin just to be closer to you and to avoid your piercing eyes on mine. "They always have water bottles and snacks in these rooms." I hadn't even thought to check before we had fallen into bed the night before but now that you had mentioned it it felt like my stomach was trying to digest itself. I knew I needed to get up, to pull myself away from you, but these moments where we built a bubble of peace around us were so nice that I didn't want to pull away and pop it.
@bonghitsforfeds
I expected to feel bad when you yelped, but the madness stepped in the way first. That’s what you get for pushing me past an obvious boundary. I felt my head nod twice in silent agreement to its whispered evil. If we spend together forever there will be lines crossed in both directions I am sure. Suddenly I am recalling the shadowed pattern of hellish red spattering up onto your canvas of a face. Dream like glances of a glinting blade being shoveled into my neck plays out behind my eyes. Will you snap on me someday? God, I hope so.
‘If it is let me stay asleep.’ So maybe you do feel it too. Similar undertones of feeling in your words helped to pump some calming smoke into my head. I tried to memorize everything you asked for as if this was a day at work. Feeling dead, water, teeth, food, shower, okay you got it. I almost chose to stand up and roll away to fetch all of these things for you, but then you worked your head into my neck and it froze me solid. The deep breath I tried to pull came in waves from the way your discarded air down my neck had me shivering in enjoyment. The hand that was palming at your back now paced at your spine in long sweeping strokes. Giving up on something loving to say I just kissed at the top of your head in a random pattern. “Do you want to shower alone, or are you looking for full service?” I didn’t mean for the teasing laugh to rumble forth, but it did anyway. Keep her spinning.@killahxkylie
That feels so nice. I half expected you to get up when you mentioned food and I heard the way your stomach rumbled to life, or for you to realize you were being somewhat sweet to me and pull away when I tucked myself under your neck, carving out a safe spot for myself in your body. I wasn't expecting you to do something so soothing, it was driving me insane trying to figure you out along with myself. I could feel myself getting goosebumps and any remaining tension left in my body melting away, if it weren't for the discomfort of being filthy and in pain I could have easily fallen back asleep like this. Is this all a game or is it real? I wonder if I'll ever actually know or if one of us will die first.
I felt my cheeks turn rosy when I heard your laugh, it felt so real and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe that's what your real laugh sounds like. I think I may have heard it once or twice before briefly. Why do you hide it? "I.. I may need some help I hate to admit it but I don't think I'm gonna have the strength to pull the shirt off my arm on my own." Definitely not because you want to see him clean and naked. I bury my face a little as if you could see my embarrassment from my own thoughts.
"Plus we should get your knuckles cleaned... I wonder if we can find some first aid stuff around here somewhere. I think my fever is coming back" I pouted at the thought of having an infection, it was way more likely to get worse now that I had a human sink his bacteria filled fangs into my arm to take a chunk out of it.. I hope I don't pass out when I see it. You're gonna die without a doctor anyway. "Maybe in one of the janitors closets or something... We can look once we're clean though." I didn't want to push it too hard and ruin the moment between us, I wanted things to stay good as long as they possibly could. As long as you can go without fucking up you mean?@bonghitsforfeds
“Mhmm,” I cooed out at your mentioning of needing help to pull your shirt off. I let my hand stop just above your tailbone where I made tiny circling motions with the tip of my pointer finger. A smile sprouted on my face as you began to audibly fuss over me. I liked how I could feel the inside of my chest shake with the resonation of your voice as you did so. The sweet feeling dissipated as you mentioned the fever, and I felt myself stiffen just a tad in awkward embarrassment. I knew I needed to say sorry, but it did not feel remotely honest at this point so I did not even bother. You had a jeweler’s eye for spying straight through my bullshit anyway. I nodded along as you recommended robbing the janitors of supplies. Another tiny smooch on your head, “That’s my little shithead in training.”
It was time for the comforting wet glue to pry and snap apart as I rolled off the bed to my side. I felt awful, and the room spun a half twirl of nausea as I sat up. Rubbing at my forehead, “I am going to go start the water for you babe. I will be right back.” It’s not like I could escape out of the bathroom anyways as there was no window, and you would see me move the desk if I tried to leave. Still, I felt a silent requirement to tell you what I was doing and where I was headed. This was a new feeling of responsibility that felt stressful to try and process right now, so I just crammed it down into the emotional compost.
11:12
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The bathroom was awful. The entire toilet was off yellow like someone had smoked two packs in here a day, and none of the fixtures matched. The sink was white, but the faucet and handles were chrome. The light switch was a matte cream and only the fan came on when you flicked it. The mirror was shattered out and only a single long shard of it remained. I could see the corner of my lips where a few lines of dried blood painted it in the shape of a crow's foot. Choosing to not lean down and catch the entire reflection of my face in the glass, I instead took a step over to the bathtub shower combo. Here I opened the hot tap up all the way before pulling the curtain closed. Well, at least I know how you like to shower.@killahxkylie
'My.' I liked it when you used that word when you were referring to me even if you were calling me a shithead in the process, it made my heart do that stupid flip flopping that you managed to make it do somehow. At least you were willing to help me pry the dried shell of blood off of me. I hated the way it felt when you peeled away from me leaving me to feel cold and suddenly much too alone. Nodding when you told me where you were going I decided to get up myself. I swung my legs over the bed and that in itself was an event. My head was pounding and spinning, my ribs were on fire but at least they didn't hurt as bad as yesterday, the worst of it was my arm. I managed to get myself to my feet and pad over to where sure enough there was four bottles of water and a variety of packaged cookies. I opened a bottle of water for myself and took a few sips that felt like liquid heaven going down my throat. I opened one for you too and then grabbed one of the packages of cookies to bring to you after I heard the faucet squeak to life. "Here, it'll help. You haven't had anything but a couple bites of cereal."
I mildly hated myself for knowing that but being around someone in close proximity for however many days straight it's been now made it sort of impossible for me not to know. I leaned against the sink and took a few more sips of water waiting for what was likely an ancient water tank to kick in to gear and get the water actually warm. I looked down at myself in the hideous florescent light and wished they I hadn't. I was a mess, half coated in a mix of three different people's blood including my own. I pulled on my sweats to uncrust the blood from your knuckles from my thigh in a gross peeling sound. You're a disaster. I was thankful for the lack of a complete mirror when I caught a glimpse of how the inner corner of my eyes were still so bruised along with my nose, I didn't need to see my cheek to know it was ugly.
14:37
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"I hope I'm still pretty when this heals" I whispered to myself before setting the water down and peeling my sweats and Tshirt off. I almost tossed the panties into the trash, the crusted layer of cum inside them was too gross for me to be able to make myself put them back on but instead I ran them under the water with some soap and scrubbed them before hanging them on the side of the sink, I could use the janky hairdryer to dry them after. My ribs had bloomed with reds and blues and there were multiple hand prints from you on my thighs. Good.
I reached a hand in to feel the water and it was finally warming up so I stepped into the spray, I figured trying to get the clump of Tshirt and blood wet before attempting to peel it away would make it hurt less and maybe allow me to keep a little more blood in my body, I knew it was going to be bad no matter what. I waited for you to step into the water with me before I tipped my head back into the water and grabbed the off brand shampoo to lather into it, the bubbles turning a shade of pink from all the blood.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had waved my swollen hand under this stream of water a hundred times, and still it was pouring cold.* Is there a guy climbing onto a treadmill somewhere to power the hot water heater?* Cloaking undercurrents of anger settled onto my shoulders like a familiar morning cup of coffee. At least the brooding hatred worked to get the stiff joints working. The scabs on my knuckles were thick enough that the water didn't hurt as it washed over them. I wonder how many hotels like this men who have worked for me slept in? Somehow the thought had me swallowing a burning lump.
Snatching the bottle from your hands I quaffed half of it in a gluttonous quadruple gulp before stopping for air. Some of it ran from my mouth down the easel of red on my face to make a pretty pink line of your blood across my chin. I went to wipe it and was greeted by the gross feeling of my own facial hair scratching against the back of my hand. My head swam with the dreamy recollection of my Washington attendant’s soft hands over my cheeks. I wonder what you would do if you had to watch her shave my face in the morning? The gladiatorial thoughts spawned a ghoulish smile. “Thanks doll.” I actually panted from how thirsty I had been.
I watched you undress while eating the airy dry cookies. The first taste of artificial sweet immediately glossed my mouth with saliva, and I had the bag vacuumed empty before you had all your clothes off. The cheap food already felt like concrete in my stomach, but it was a marathon better than the hunger before. My tongue coated itself in more spit at the sight of all my markings on your body.
15:26
.
Immediately my mind started a horse race of terrible thought. Your body was a pristine chapel that I have tagged up so bad with my madness it resembles more of an ossuary. It was so perfect I actually looked away. It is a good thing I ate before the earth shaking blush broke out over my face or I may have passed out. ‘I hope I am still pretty when this heals.’ My head snapped to you, “Don’t ever question your beauty in front of me again.” I had not meant for the words to land so harsh, but the way your face jolted at the statement at least had me confident the point landed. The anger had boiled over from watching you clean my blood off, but I doubted you would react well to me telling you to leave it. That mark on your shoulder will remind you for the rest of your life who you belong to.
After your naked body disappeared from my view I stripped my clothing in record time so I could have my eyes full of your marked flesh again. Ignoring the urge to immediately add to the underpass of graffiti tags covering your body, I just watched you work the soap into your hair. The pink trail of suds down the valley of your spine was such a tasty picture I bit at my lower lip. I wanted to help work the product into the dark waves, but my hands already hurt from using them to eat. Might as well enjoy the show. “When you are done with yourself will you clean me?” I wonder if my naked body betrayed how aroused I was. This whole situation had me yearning powerfully for staff. Would you think less of me if I admitted I hate taking care of myself?@killahxkylie
I couldn't help but pinch my brows together as I washed my hair I wondered what you were smiling about but bit my tongue quite literally to keep myself from asking. I didn't want to ruin the relatively civil coexisting we were doing right now. Save it for later. I'll try to. It was strange the flurry of feelings swirling around in my head. The relief from the water making it's way through my waves, the itching wonder about what you were smiling about, the sense of weird security it had given me to hear you tell me to never question my beauty in front of you again. I was grateful to be facing away from you because thinking about it again had my cheeks heating up. Could you really think I was beautiful even like this?
I was in the middle of rinsing out the first pass through of shampoo before selfishly adding another to get my hair really clean for the first time in days when you brought me out of my thoughts. 'When you are done with myself will you clean me?' The idea of doing something so blissfully domestic with you made my heart race. Was this some kind of trick? A test? Was my blood going to add to the stains in the bathroom if I did it wrong? I nodded anyway. "Okay." I rinsed my hair out and worked some cheap conditioner into it to let it sit for a few minutes as I washed my body, I could feel your eyes setting my skin ablaze as my hands smoothed their way over my body inch by inch giving myself the good scrubbing I really needed. I can't believe he ate you out without showering. And there go my cheeks again.
15:45
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I let the water wash away the meager bubbles I managed to get out of the hotel body wash and then rinsed the conditioner from my hair before switching places with you. "Tip your head back for me" I said softly before running my fingers through your hair to get it wet, I grabbed the shampoo again and started working it into your hair, nails working into your scalp at the same time. I couldn't stop looking at you as I did, you looked a little like an angel with the water dripping down off your lashes. It isn't fair how beautiful you are. I was careful during the rinsing of your hair to not let any shampoo get into your eyes before replacing it with conditioner. I let that stay in your hair for a bit as I started working my hands over your body. I started with your arms before I moved to your chest, feeling the muscles underneath tense and relax as my fingers passed over them. You weren't a body builder by any means but you were toned and sexy and it was impossible to ignore. I ran my fingers over the bite marks I had left in your shoulder before pulling you closer so I could reach around and wash your back, feeling the obvious erection you had pressed against me making my heart race all over again.
The flat way you agreed to the statement normally would have served to upset me, but it only made me feel hot to hear the squeaky hint of fear betrayed in the rattle of your voice. I tried to lean against the wall, but the sharp grout between the tiles cut into my back. So much for that. Watching you lather your hands over every wound I had etched left me so hard it was embarrassing. I swore you were putting on a show with the way you bent over and drug your fingers up the back of your calves. Waxy anger covered the entire situation over how I cannot be the one cleaning your hair right now. *Why did I hit the van?* Biting even harder into my lip I turned my gaze to the ceiling. For the first time in my entire life I had a moment that could probably be described as prayer, ‘Thank you.’ The silent thought went to whatever gods were fucked enough to accept my religious mail. The water you used to rinse the cheap body wash away made me sad to watch run off your legs and into the drain. I wanted to drink that.
Thankfully you pulled my mind out of wherever that thought train was headed, because now you were switching places with me. The moment where my stiff cock brushed your leg as we crept passed each other stole a tiny huff from my lungs, and I was primally upset at how fast it happened. ‘Tip your head back.’ “Yes ma’am.” My spit felt thick as hot-mix asphalt, which I would gladly swallow a smoking truck full of for this moment to continue. The shampoo felt watery and cheap, but that thought immediately spread thin like cigarette smoke in sunlight when your nails pressed into my scalp. This rolling squeezing pleasure worked its way up from the base of my tailbone to the top of my neck. I moaned, and the embarrassment from having done so from such a small act had that gushing mix of emotion spreading like oil over the inside of my being.
16:33
.
I managed to keep it together after that until you started running the concave shape of your lathered hands over my arms. “Slower.” I don’t know where the word came from, but it only made me throb to have it roll from my face with such little thought. I turned to face you and almost pressed my lips to yours in a rushing moment of pleasure, but you pulled me toward you to start working at my back. My eyes rolled up and I tensed in a moment of stabbing pleasure at being so close to you. The warm water, steam, smell of anything remotely akin to soap, and the feeling of me pressed to you had my knees buckling. The way you brushed so gently at the wounds on my arms had that empty bottle of emotional paste inside rolling out a teeny glob of guilt over you. I wrapped my arms around you to complete the hug, and held you closer to my body. Now the pure horndog thoughts slowed into something more viscous and muddy. The room tilted and I felt us slip into our private cosmic space. I kissed at the slick flesh of your purple neck, and swallowed a bit of the water pooling in the dimple of your collarbone. There was a painting of my lips in red from the gristle of you still in my teeth which immediately disappeared in red trails down your body. There was so much I wanted to say, but all of it would probably just ruin this blissful moment. So in a new move for me, I shut up and kept softly pressing my lips into your chin and neck as you scrubbed me clean.
@killahxkylie
'Slower.' It felt like my world slowed down when I heard the word slip off of your lips. It was like you hadn't even meant to say it, to let what you really wanted slip off of your lips so easily but I couldn't help but listen when I heard it. It sent a shiver up my spine even in the heat of the water. I could feel us slipping into that same sacred space that we somehow managed to carve out of space and time just for ourselves, I wonder if you feel it too. If you wish that we could stay there forever the same way that I do.
You once again caught me off guard when instead of taking advantage of the situation you instead wrapped your arms around me and started leaving soft electric kisses along my neck and I swear I feel you slurp some of the water right off of my skin. "I can feel how badly you want me" It comes out hushed and laced with my own lust. I can quite literally feel your cock throbbing against my stomach and just like some sick and twisted call and response I can feel my own arousal slicking up my thighs.
I keep smoothing my hands up and down your back, pushing my fingers in just enough to feel your muscles tense and relax again underneath them in a way that had me accidentally letting out a soft whine because I remember how the flexed under my fingers when we were fucking in the back of the van. It felt so close to love. "Your lips are so soft" I mumbled softly, tilting my head to give you more access to my neck and squeezing my eyes shut when the flash of an image of you biting out my throat went through my head.
@bonghitsforfeds
My thighs were jelly, and my legs wobbled with intense effort to keep me standing. You were stealing the very paste that holds me together with the way your hands hungrily swept over my flesh. I wanted you to sink all your bony fingers into the middle of my back and pull me apart like a rotten trunk of wood. ‘I can feel how badly you want me,’ the way I stood up that almost had me spearing you straight through the torso. “Fucking rip me open Camilla,” there was this rushing pumping to the way my body yearned for you like a missing nutrient. Where has this been my whole life? This red room of a murder motel was a spinning cube of breath fogged glass that I wanted to tumble endlessly in with you.
We both knew where this was headed, but I wanted to keep smearing this invisible sexy super glue all over your dripping skin. The mushy muscle feeling massaged its way up into the core of my being, and my bleeding hands memorized the fold of your softness over every pressing shape of your bones. If I could grab onto this rib in your back and just pinch it out of you. ‘Your lips are so soft,’ the spell words had me dragging my parted rims up your neck to the side of your temple, where I left a tiny kiss where your head had fused to the window last night. I could feel the hard chunk of flesh that my lips stole as they parted you with a tiny meaty smack. “Give me your diseases.” The words growled out, seemingly tattling on my hunger for your soul. Water worked to wash away all stress, and it evaporated off the floor in a burning forest of drug like steam.
02:53
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I let both my hands fall to each side of your ass where I gripped into the bottom of both cheeks and pulled you upward toward the ceiling. You came up on your tippy toes as I stretched the handfuls of skin, and I pressed my closed teeth flat to the side of your throat as you did so. The hot rushing of squeezed blood constricting up through that life hose in your neck pulsed beneath my taught jaw. The room rocked upside down as we came unhooked from reality and shot like shooting stars across the colorful skies of ecstasy.
@killahxkylie
"Oh my god" I whimpered out when your twisted words met my ears,'Give me your diseases.' I don't think there's anything I wouldn't give you in this moment. I'd separate my soul from my being and lay it at your feet just to have you touch me where I was absolutely throbbing with need. I wonder if you can feel just how bad I need you, if you can feel the way my entire being vibrates to life when you touch me like this, when you kiss me so softly as if I'm this delicate thing that might break while at the same time being the one to crush me to pieces. You make me feel more alive and closer to death than anyone ever has, it's like you're my own personal reaper.
When your hands drifted down to grip onto my ass and pull up I can't help but let out a soft moan that bounces off the decrepit walls of the shower. Your teeth against my neck felt so dangerous as if you had read my mind about you tearing my throat right out. Right just one bite you could end my life completely and that power made me dizzy. "Ivon- please-" I could feel my throat vibrate against your teeth with the words as my thighs tried to squeeze together to relieve some of the tension in my core.
@bonghitsforfeds
We could be in a giant spiked fish tank suspended above the red square taking a hailstorm of hateful bullets, and I would die strapped to you like this with a shiver of pleasure. The slurpy way you whispered my name had me leaking for you so bad it hurt in the base of my cock. I had you by a blue-hot chain that was secured with two rotten hooks into the sides of your tired heart. This is the height of human feeling. Something borderline spiritual occurs within me as I drop to my knees so hard they ring with a hollow kerthunk against the peeling floor of the shoddy tub.
With my hands still gripped into each side of you I pull your waterfalling cunt into my face. I sunk my mouth so deep that the lower row of my teeth threatened to cut the bottom of my tongue as I pushed it from my mouth. Looking up past your panting belly toward your chin I had to clench my eyes shut from the combination of slimy pleasure and hot water pouring onto me from you and the shower head. One of my hands slips down to the back of your thigh, and I wrap my fingers around the flesh of it so you cannot escape me. The scurry like wiggling you do to try and get away at first has your legs pinballing my erection around, and the simple act of it all combined with your wailing almost spilled me all over the floor. My left hand leaves your ass now to creep up your back where it paints against the tendrils of your hair that lie flat to your spine wet with water. I weaved my shaking swollen fingers through the clean mess of it and pulled hard enough to point your eyes to the ceiling. Pulling my mouth away just long enough to speak, “Say my fucking name again.” There was this sludgy spray to the way the words left my mouth. I needed to hear it.@killahxkylie
At first when your knees hit the bottom of the tub I thought you had passed out again, maybe from the combination of the lack of food and the hot water but then I felt you pull me against your soft hot tongue and I let out a gasp as my one arm shot to the wall to keep me from falling right down with you. I couldn't control the way I tried to squirm away from you at first, I was so not used to this feeling and your tongue lapping at my slick so greedily had me unable to even speak it felt so good. "Fuck oh my god" I squeak out as my fingernails scrape against the wet shower wall. It was too much, you were going to make me come completely undone.
As if that wasn't enough I felt your hand snake it's way up my back into the bottom of my hair to pull, I didn't even try to fight against it as my head craned towards the ceiling and the way you kept devouring me made me feel like I was your own personal altar and you were desperate to drink my blood and taste my flesh. 'Say my fucking name again.' Hearing those words and the way you said them almost made me cum on the spot but instead my knees just buckled and I blindly fisted my free hand into your hair. "I-Ivon, Ivon please it feels so good g-god you feel so good you have no idea please I need more." I felt embarrassingly messy. From my dripping cunt to the way I was so desperate I would kiss the ground you walked on if it meant this moment wouldn't end. I was a mess. I was your mess.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you said my name again an angel placed two freezing hands on my shoulders and wrung a shocking bolt of pleasure out of my core. Sucking and licking at you with your fist in my hair had me convinced I wanted to finish things this way. ‘I need more.’ So lost in the sewing of our souls all I could do was respond with a horny growl, but it did work to pull my head above Cami water for enough clear air of thought to process that I had an otherworldly urge to plunge myself into you.
I let go with both hands to simultaneously use them to stand back up. With a quick fling of my arm I rattled the hanging curtain rod open and stepped out soaking onto the slick floor. With another grunt and no indication as to where we were headed I stuck both my hands under your armpits so I could hoist you out of the tub like a wet dog. I only managed to get you about an inch off the ground and your dangling lower limbs knocked the tub side as we left. It was not the most impressive of feats, but it worked well enough to drag you back to bed. The look of lustful confusion on your face the entire time had me doing my best to not slip and die with how it made me wobble. *Yeah that’s right you freak, I can take you wherever I want. *
Spinning you around I flung your sopping bruised body chest first onto the unmade bed we just cleaned ourselves up from sleeping in. “Spread your legs, whore.” The thick loving air of the shower was spread thinner out here. The words were not a reflection of any direct hatred, but instead an edged side effect of how I had a medical need to fill you with me right this instant. Before you had time to react I already had my hands grabbing into the rounded edges of your hip bones just to have as much of you in my grip as I could.
@killahxkylie
"Oh fuck" I cried out when you kept going, every drag of your tongue working me to the edge until I was dangling off of it one tiny push away from flying over and of course that's when you pulled away from me to stand up. I couldn't hold back the frustrated whine I let out at the loss if I tried, I swear you do it on purpose edging me this way.
I let you lift me out of the tub the best you can, not even caring about the way my legs thunk against the edge because I have no idea what you're doing or where you're taking me. All I can think about is that I hope wherever it is we're going that you're not done with me yet and judging by flushed and leaking head of your cock I'm assuming you aren't. God I wanna taste it. The thought alone catches me off guard because I hate sucking dick. At least I think I do. I'm pulled out of my thoughts again with a squeak as you flung me onto the bed in a way that made my ribs scream in agony, the sick part of me loved it. 'Spread your legs, whore.' Before my brain even had the chance to fully process what you said my legs were pulling apart for you, my cheeks and chest going rosy with a blush from being so exposed like this. Funny how every time I try to scrub myself clean from you from the inside out you're right back for more.
@bonghitsforfeds
The power high of every order I give you being followed just tears more animal sounds from my body. There is this dangerous mix of needing to dive straight between your legs while also being consumed by the fiery desire to rip your body into two lengthwise pieces. Now I am pushing you down by the center of your back forcing your ass to pop upward just enough to work my slick cock into you without having to bend my knees. As the full length of it stuffs your bent form I lean down into the side of your head to lap hot whispers into your ear, “That is a good little Mouse.” The hand in your back drags in a claw shape down your skin leaving five long abrasive streaks. You were such a pitiful little sopping mess from just having rubbed up against me that I already had my gaze occasionally glancing at the poorly textured ceiling for distraction. I couldn’t help but pour a final humid tease into your moaning head, “I am going to fuck you in every building we walk into for the rest of your life.”
12:04
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Standing up tall now to get proper leverage I return both hands to your hips and start the rocking motion we both lust for. I want to go faster. I know you need it faster, but I was already so close from your teasing in the shower. Besides, I wanted to hear you beg for it. Nothing feels like enough to hold onto, and one hand pushes up toward where the purple-blue of your ribs peeks around to your back to seek purchase of more bucking flesh. With the asymmetrical grip finally seeming to provide the contact of you I am looking for I can feel the spins start again. My breath tastes funny in my mouth from the amount of deep raspy breathing. My heart pounded so hard it felt like it was sucking from an empty tank. My chest did kickflips, and the concerning feeling of my life's pump skipping beats only amplified the entire experience. "God, yes." The words were repeated every fifth collision or so of our mess, and I found myself hoping that when I cum I just fucking explode into gore and paint the walls of this shitty motel room and then disappear forever.
@killahxkylie
"H-oly fuck Ivon-" I fisted my hands into the scratchy sheets underneath me when you slid inside of me and the teasingly slow way you fill me already has my pussy fluttering around you and begging for more. 'That is a good little Mouse.' I felt like my earth shattered when the words melted against the shell of my ear. "Oh my fucking god" I pushed back against you just to feel your cock jam against the deepest parts of me in a way that shot a mix of pain and pleasure through me like a lightning bolt. I wanted to hear that over and over again until my heart stopped working. "Shhhhit" I squeaked at the end of the word, shivering from the way you drug your nails down my back, leaving hot lines that I knew would make my skin puff up in your wake. 'For the rest of your life' The idea of it alone had me ready to fall apart but I was so deep under your spell I felt like I couldn't, not yet, not until you wanted me to. Who the fuck am I?
"Please don't stop oh my god" I was a panting moaning mess and god forbid there was anyone in the rooms attached to ours they were going to know every little thing you were doing to me and just how amazing it made me feel. Every time your hips met the swell of my ass it just sounded messier and messier and it was driving me insane, you made me a wreck in so many ways. Every time you'd let out a moan of a praise it felt like my world was spinning and I think the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth was the grip you had on my body. Keeping me here, claiming me, owning me.
12:51
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"Please- please fuck me harder da- Ivon- please" The sick little nickname almost slipped off my tongue but I managed to stop it before it could. I was so close, so desperate, every moan and word out of me was raspy and rough with need and it felt like when you finally let me come apart I would be shattered forever but I didn't care. I wanted it anyway, I wanted you. This part of it wasn't one sided anymore and I couldn't even pretend it was. Your body was the temple I wanted to worship at as long as you would let me stay alive, and God I hoped it was a long time.
Your wet twirling mess of hair lurched upward with an addictive jolt every time we smashed together. You had me in a trance with how your entire being seemed to roll with a pulsing growing intensity with each passing second. I was jealous of the way your fingers twirled forcefully into the bed. I wanted the fabric of the twisting sheets to instead be the skin of my face. ‘Please don’t stop.’ The words ripped a dripping shred of lust out of me, and I solved this feeling by smacking the top of your ass hard enough with my right hand that the clapping sound made my ears ring. The shared moment of unexpected pain drooped the corner of my lip just long enough for a small line of drool to escape. Now I drug my quaking hand in a soft circle over the mark of my own hand print. I am going to paint you with the sins of my family's demons.
The half syllable of the hidden nickname ran straight into the sound of my own had your barbed fish hook looped around something in my gut. The barking moan that you lifted from the bubbling lake of magma inside me embarrassed my ego so bad that the tail of your catch was a nervous laugh. There was this growing spot in my vision that I could not be sure was forming from lack of blood flow through my shriveled heart, or just a side effect of my planetary pleasure, but I hoped that it would grow into a void that whirlpools my mind into hell with you until time ends.
13:27
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Our sick race was on, and I could feel the edges of my tongue melt away as my mind teetered on the end of that abyss. A fiery blush spread across my chest as I spoke down at the back of your head, “If you finish before I do I’ll-” the command was cut short by a ghostly gasp you managed to win with the clenching your body began to do around me now, “I’ll take another bite out of you.” Did I mean it? Probably not. Did it make my cock throb so hard inside of you that my balls hurt? Yeah. Now each thrust was pulling a moan out of me. I turned the knob up a bit and let my moans mockingly match the pitch of yours. After my threat I wanted you to cum first just so I could dangle it over your head all day. I wanted you to owe me.
@killahxkylie
Jesus Christ this is how he's gonna kill me. It wasn't going to be through bloodshed or violence, no, it was going to be an earth shattering orgasm that turned me into dust to blow away in the wind. That's all I could think when your hand met my ass in the hardest spank I'd ever gotten. Is this what I've been missing all this time? The thought made me both sick and ecstatic at the same time because I knew just as deep as your hooks were started to sink into me mine were already well into the very core of your being and the barbs were never going to let you pull them out.
"I can't- I can't hold back please please" I'd never been this desperate in my life, if I was stranded in the desert and could only have this feeling one more time or water to save my life I'd choose this without a second thought. My entire body felt like it was buzzing with electricity, every brush of your fingers, the push and pull of your cock dragging over the most sensitive parts of me, the sounds that were enough to get there alone, it was pure pleasure and I wished I could shoot it right into my veins.
I didn't want to lose though, at least not yet. The way you were mocking me was somehow turning me on even more and I knew if I didn't do something I was going to fall apart in seconds. The next time you pulled your hips back I scooted forward on the bed tearing myself away from you and in the brief moment of 'what the fuck' that was written all over your face I managed to get on top of you and slip you back inside of me. Right where you belong. "You have to at least give me a fair chance if you're gonna threaten to eat me Ivon." I started with a slow roll of my hips before one of my hands came to wrap around the front of your throat, squeezing enough at your pulse that I could feel it fighting against my hand as I really started to bounce on you, my other hand taking yours to put on my own throat with a smile. "What do I get to do if I win?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Convinced of my win I picked the pace up and leaned forward into the brunt of my sexual attack. I recognized the piling weight in your cries, and then you beg, ‘I can’t...’ The smile on my face would run off the devil. The bonfire of my orgasm was about to crumble into embers, and I had a chunk of my cheek bit between my teeth so hard that the sweet running of my own blood spiced at my tongue.
Then it was gone. There was no warm pressure of you, and there definitely was not the echoing cries of yours that I had been working on memorizing the pitch wave of. I was so in shock that for some reason I looked up. The puppet master had no idea though, and he just stared back at me with a confused shrug. This bitch come off her strings? There was enough time for my body to process that it needed to dump rage into my muscles so I could rip your head off, but then your hands grip my shoulders and I am twirled onto the sopping bed beside you. Since you had already been kneeling to get a tuned grip of me, all you had to do was throw your leg over me to complete your straddle. It’s good you sank my cock back into its proper sheath again or this would have been your last little moment of rebellion.
14:21
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‘You have to give me a fair chance...’ The erotic anger was tumbling to place itself. Wait so she is on me now? The psychopath lifted its feral head from the hateful cat nap and peered out my eyes at you.. “Like hell I do!” You did not seem to like that very much because now your fingers are clutching my throat so hard that I can feel the tips of them wrapping around the back of something in my neck. Suddenly aware that you could end my life with the ease of making a fist the anger flashed like hot oil in a pan. My vision warbled with how hard my heart was beating trying with all its might to push liquid past your hand and into my brain. My cock climbing the slimed insides of you and the slow feeling of losing consciousness combined to melt me like ice on a hot sidewalk.
You ramp this madness up by holding my hand? No wait, this crazy cunt wants me to choke her back? My vision is anchored into your eyes as you put my hand on your throat. ‘What do I get if I win?’ I felt my eyes go wide as water streaks out of them. I tried to speak, but it choked out before your fist. The way you grabbed at my neck pressed something in it flat that made it burn to try and talk. I was torn between prying your hand off my throat, or squeezing you back. The psychotic lion sharing my mind forced my choice, and I squeezed my fingers into your throat. Can’t cum if I choke you unconscious first. You already had a lead on this new lap, and I was unsure of my ability to get you to tap out first. I wanted to keep looking into those mad eyes. I had never seen you look at me like this... Like a perched hawk watching a disemboweled rabbit kick its own intestines out. I felt my cock twitch from your murderous stare. Goddammit, I am going to marry this woman.@killahxkylie
"Fuck baby just like that" I choked out through the grip you had on my own neck now, loosening mine enough that some of the red left your face before squeezing again. I could feel my head throbbing from the lack of blood and it only added to the insane pleasure that was building in my body. I kept my eyes on yours the best I could even though they so desperately wanted to squeeze shut from the pleasure. You have no chance in hell of winning this. I knew that before I ever moved but the chance to be on top of you again was too tempting to resist.
Determined to make this just as hard for you as it was for me I started an absolutely hellish pace, fucking you as fast and as hard as I could, all the while choking out pathetic squeaks of moans, anything more than that being too large to squeeze past the grip you had on my throat. Fuck I can't hold back anymore. I could feel my abs and thighs starting to tremble with the attempt of holding back but there was only so much I could do when it felt like your flesh was molded to fit mine perfectly. Every single time your cock dragged against the silk inside me it felt like being plunged deeper into nirvana.
I had to let go of your throat to grip onto both of your shoulders to keep moving the closer I got and before I could even squeak out an attempt at a warning I was coming undone. I felt my eyes lose focus and I know that I was screaming in pleasure but I couldn't tell if any noise was actually coming out, I could feel myself absolutely gushing in way that I never had before but I couldn't stop, my hips were stuttering but still moving as I tried to ride out the high perfectly ready to accept the next missing piece of my physical body for it. "Oh my god oh my god Ivon, Ivon, fuck!" Again I couldn't tell if the noise was actually making it past your grip or not but it was all I could do as my brain felt like it melted into goo.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘..just like that!’ I wanted to tell you that you are lucky I find this killer stare you are spilling through my head so hot, but all I got out between the loosening of your hand was, “I-” The smile on your face as I corded my fist through your neck had me convinced I broke your brain. The seesaw of sexual power we played on now was my new favorite toy. This terrifying dynamic of not knowing if you were going to pulp my spasming neck had my hips bucking without my control.
I was seconds from exploding, but my vision was so narrow it looked like I had a cup over my eyes. My left hand slapped at your naked chest in desperation for air, and crying eyes had two freezing lines of water trailing down my cheeks. The close icy touch of void had me beaming an orgasmic smile. The sprinting pace you picked up rolled crashing waves of sex up through my hips into my chest, and I thought my heart was going to pop. My head hit the bed and I watched the patchy ceiling begin to fade into black as my mind throbbed with a receding dreamy pressure. You are going to die like a little bitch. For once that taunting madness only made me more horny. I felt a tingling in my toes as a limp coldness began to creep up my body toward my groin that pulsed occasionally with the hot needles of sleeping flesh. There was a cat hanging from its tail by the ceiling fan that had a spread of photographs in its mouth each displaying a frozen memory of a woman I had choked into some form of darkness.
15:33
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Just as I was about to fall unconscious you let go of my throat and put both your hands on my shoulders. The thundering return to reality pushed my brain into overdrive as a bucket of survival adrenaline flooded my veins. Every single inch of my flesh felt flush with warmth. I had not realized that my hearing had dropped out so much until there was enough blood in my head for my ears to work and I could properly hear your pitiful display. ‘Oh my God Ivon-’ I lost it at how my name pushed out of your throat, and the feeling in my extremities vaporized as my grip slipped from your neck to the bed, and I pumped what felt like three sticky liters of cum into your rolling hips. My own confusing anger at you not choking me all the way out had me squeezing my muscles in a way that only amplified my squirting into you. Sucking air and shaking with laughter I managed to rasp out scratchy words that were so pitchy and feminine sounding I blushed, “Oh, my fucking God.. That was-” I slapped up at the side of your face with my bendy wobbly arm in frustration at how girly I felt, “I concede.” My head hit the bed again as I panted through the tranquilizer of that post sex fugue state. I could not stop smiling, and all wanted to do was beg you to choke me again. Why did I never ask for that?@killahxkylie
'I concede' Two words I never thought I would hear stringed together from your lips. I could barely think straight, my entire world felt way too big and way too small all at the same time in a way that I had never experienced before. Can you cum too hard? I felt my entire body trembling in a way that normally only happened if I was freezing or as discovered in the last few days, knocking on deaths door. I felt like I was floating in space as I let myself flop forward and rest my head on your heaving chest. My hips jerked a couple times of their own accord and I felt like I was going to cry from how sensitive everything felt.
"Tell me again." I said whisper soft against your neck needing to hear you say something, anything that told me how you felt about me. I had no idea who I was turning into needing assurance like some kind of drug but I felt like what little sanity I had was going to crumble completely if I couldn't hear it right now. No really did that sex just break you? I reached behind me to pull the scratchy shitty blanket up over the both of us to try to get my body to stop the maddening trembling it was doing right now. I couldn't understand what in the hell was happening to me and it was sort of scaring me.
I nuzzled into your neck even further, the scent of fresh sweat and cheap motel shampoo suddenly becoming the best thing I had ever been lucky enough to have dance its way up my nostrils. You always smelled so fucking good to me and I didn't understand how or why when I should hate your fucking guts and be taking this chance to bite down on your artery and watch your life leak out of you into a puddle on the bed but instead I was the puddle and all I wanted to do was sink into your skin.
@bonghitsforfeds
You soaked white light like a prism that refracts beauty in a cascading color beam of perfection, and I sucked that rainbow static pool through a pink puffy bendy straw as you collapsed onto me. Reality moved in slow motion, and your lips against my neck had my eyes fluttering closed. ‘Tell me again.’ I had to push my mouth through molasses, “I give in. I’m yours. Whatever you want to hear I’ll say it. Just don’t lea-,” how could I be so foolish to forget the sadness frisbee that spins into my soul after we fuck. I swallowed the flat emotional circle that had seemingly cut into my neck, and as the spit funneled down my throat it hurt going past where you had gripped at me. The stretching pain against your lips tossed another empty can of pleasure into my struggling mind.
16:47
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I sighed deeply and summoned the strength to wrap my arms around your back, “You have to stay with me. You have to.” Why am I shaking? “Gah.” I forced the frustrated scoff out of my throat to try and stop the tears I felt burning to spring free. Everything felt unsafe, like I was unraveling from a ketamine high that would dump my celestial form back into some sad body that will forget these moments. I want to remember. I need to remember. Panic seeped black out of a long dry well that had not drawn water since my mother died. I tried to summon anger. I pleaded it to boil this fucking stream away, but it would not come. “I feel unsafe. Help me.” The psychotic voice would not even chip in. I was alone in my mind and I hated every second of it. Tears finally pooled out of my face and leaked in a frustrating stream. I tried to look away toward the wall so you would not feel me crying, but the thought of pulling from your lips made me sob. “Goddammit!” I yelled the words as loud as I could at nothing. My legs pleaded at me to run. I could feel a hateful sludge in my bones that could never be dredged dry. A god could give me ten thousand years and I would still be wrong. My thoughts were spiraling and the trembling was so bad it was almost working to coalesce the anger I needed it to.
@killahxkylie
'You have to stay with me' It felt like you flipped my world right side up just to flip it upside down again. I didn't know it could be so fucking cathartic to hear someone say that they needed me, even if it was from someone who I was pretty much convinced was only half a man and the rest a monster. I could feel you shaking underneath me and I wondered if the same thing that was happening to me was happening to you or if this was something different. Did I do something wrong? The thought has me squeezing onto you tighter.
'I feel unsafe. Help me.' Oh. That was far from what I had expected, this is definitely something different than what I'm feeling.. at least I think. This feels like it was from more than just mind numbing sex. I wanted to tell you not to run, that it was okay, that I was right here and I wasn't going anywhere but I couldn't get my mouth to move, it felt like my lips were glued shut and like my tongue was stuck. I jumped a little when you yelled so loud right next to my head and I felt so bad that you were clearly struggling with something.
17:02
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I forced my own trembling hand up to wipe away the tears from your cheeks as I left a soft kiss on your neck and then another on your jaw until I had managed to prop myself up on one arm so that I could kiss your lips. "I'm right here." I hushed out at you wishing that the incredible highs we felt together didn't come crashing down on you like hail in a storm afterwards, I wondered why they did. "Don't leave me." In this bed, in this life, ever. I couldn't say that much though, I didn't want you to know just how completely fucked I was already. I didn't want to admit it to myself either. How could I fall for someone so.. so.. evil? It was too late though, the muttering of those three words opened up a flood gate and before I could stop it I felt myself sobbing, salty tears falling down and landing on your cheeks to mix with your own. "Please don't fucking leave me Ivon please I- I- I need you to love me."
That chattering had managed to make its way into my lungs and my breaths were shortening into gasps. The feeling from just moments before of my brain not getting oxygen returned, but in a light filmy haze. You were wiping my tears away, but it scared me and I tried to pull myself down into the bed. Lower. I need to sink into the floor. I need to fall into Earth and let gravity crush me into a spec of nasty dust.
Then safe lips are wrapping around mine in a grounding kiss. There was a kick start of something in my chest. A hate motor had its starter cranked on so many times all the gear teeth are rounded smooth. ‘I’m right here.’ You managed to get my attention, and the imploding feeling of dissociation softened back toward that swishy jello feeling. ‘Don’t leave me.’ Cool cathartic water worked from your lips into my head via the teddy bear soft kisses you put into my jaw. I loosened the muscles in my face, and I had not even realized how much I had been clenching my teeth until your lips left my skin. I almost swept myself up into a dustpan, but then your own explosion of tears into my face kicked the neat pile of my psyche I had managed to form. ‘I need you to love me.’
Suddenly everything felt much easier to think about. Your perfect words converted me into a banner carrying zealot of your witchcraft. It was not just the sex. I need you to keep me sane. Life cooked a sunburn into my skin and I needed this sticky balm you emit via your pouty lips to soak over myself. Forever. Staring straight into those dark orbs while our mad sick tears formed a potion in a pool on my bruised throat I fell in love with a woman for the first time in my life. “Okay Mouse. I love you baby. I do. I really think I do. You are so fucked now.” I own you. My soul owns you. I literally need you.
@killahxkylie
'Okay.. I love you... Baby..' Your words tumbled around in my head like a pinball machine and I almost thought I imagined you saying them. I blinked away the tears that were fuzzing my vision and just stared at you for what felt like way too long. I don't love you, I don't, I can't, but God the way you make me feel has to be something close to it. Or maybe I'm just developing some sort of weird Stockholm syndrome from all the shit that has happened in such a short time period. I really am fucked now.
"Don't ever leave me." I squeak out, voice cracking from the way my body keeps trying to cry, everything still feels so unstable and I don't know how to put myself back together from the way you shattered my world mere minutes ago. I put my head back on your chest up near your shoulder, shaky breaths fanning over your skin as my fingers trace over the bite marks on the other side over and over again. "I think if you ever left me I'd die." It comes out quieter than a whisper and if it weren't for the borderline silence of the room I don't think you would have been able to hear it. It scared me but I knew it was true I think if you left I would cease to exist, I would just stay in one place until I withered away to nothing. You're sick and scary and the most dangerous person I'd ever met but for some reason I needed you now. I needed to be a part of whatever twisted life you lead until my heart stopped and even then I think I'd like to think you'd find me in the next life, maybe next time you'll just ask for my number.
@bonghitsforfeds
She didn’t say it back. Finally the familiar raft of that awful meddling noise. I found myself silently agreeing with its assessment. The monster demanded an answer, but I was not sure if I wanted to push the topic. Last time I breached any sort of emotional boundary you shoved me and ran into the woods. I wonder what is worse? Forever being cursed with the cold lonesome quiet plotting, or forcefully pushing admissions of love out at a woman whose mind has melted like candle wax. Can you make someone love you?
I was soaking in your shaking breath, and using its brushing comfort to pull a veil over my center. My arms were still wrapped around your back where one of my hands pets at the valley of your spine. “Cami. Did you hear what I said? Listen to my words baby.” I let my hands slide off your air drying back to grasp at both sides of your face and force your tear filled eyes back onto mine. “I am not going anywhere. You are not going anywhere. You are stuck with me.” I nodded as I said the words trying to coax the agreement out of you. Maybe I don’t need the love. Maybe I just like to see your eyes widen at being commanded what to do. Is love personalized? At this point I just wanted to hear you say it. All I ever hear from people is I need this, I want that, say this, and do that. I want to fucking hear somebody tell me directly to my evil face that they are going to be here. Was it always about this?Is this just a control game? I wanted to shake the thoughts out of my head, but I still had your eyes locked into mine. Fucking say it to me. Why don't you say it to me? I felt the panic trying to press in.
@killahxkylie
Every time you call me baby or mouse or hell even when you say my name I swear I feel myself slip a little further under whatever spell it is you're casting on me. When you grab my face and force me to look at you again I nod as your words come out. 'You are stuck with me' There's nothing that I need more than that. "I-I heard you" I wonder exactly what it is you want to hear from me as my wide eyes explore yours. "I'm not going anywhere.. you're not going anywhere" I repeated your words back to you and I knew that I meant my half, I wasn't going anywhere, the world suddenly felt like it was way too big without you and I had no interest in being in it on my own.
Can I really love you? The thought makes me tremble even harder, how can I know so little about myself now? How is it that you came into my life and managed to completely undo both it and me. Am I just sick and twisted now or is this how I've always been somewhere deep down underneath it all? You tried to tell him last night. The memory strikes me like lightning, white hot and rushing through my being, I wonder if you heard me try to say it or if you were already asleep when my stupid mouth muttered the word 'love'.. is that what you want to hear from me right now? "I-. I'm afraid to love you." I knew the honesty came with a 50/50 chance of you squeezing my face even harder until it cracked right in half but after the morning we shared I had been lulled right into a false sense of security that made it feel okay to say whatever I needed to. "I want to but I'm afraid."
@bonghitsforfeds
Cloud-like fuzzy joy floated out of your face and up through my arms as you nodded along. Just stare into my eyes forever baby, it’s that easy. Still, you weren’t saying what I wanted you to. I kept waiting for that scum sucking feeling of anger to pull me down, but it never came. Maybe you were helping me. Even though the radiation from the sadness nuke still cooked at my soul it felt like the shocking heatwave of hate managed to stay back a few seconds longer every time we did this.
I let my hands drop from your face in an annoyed huff of sadness. I think the reason I could not get it to make me mad is because there was that pulling wrench of knowing that I deserve it. My eyes drifted back to the fan which kept kicking into a half spin every few minutes even though it was off. This place kinda sucks. ‘I- I’m afraid to love you. I want to, but I’m afraid.’
I laughed so hard in your face it made me feel bad. If we had not just spent the past few minutes sobbing into each other pathetically, the howler would have likely made my eyes water. It petered out quickly, but it may have been the funniest thing you had said to me yet. It worked to pick my mood up and I scratched your head with a hand, “That’s because I have not knocked you completely dumb yet doll.” The crown of your head had a little cowlick from where I had rubbed at it. I wonder if I’ll ever gain the courage to tell you that your fear of me brings great joy. Now the warmth of the whole even had me soft enough to wrap you back up in the hug. Staring at the stupid fan I basked in being under the prison blankets with you. I knew this was going to end soon, so I might as well soak it up.
@killahxkylie
He's fucking laughing at me? I cocked my head to the side in confusion because I thought that's what you would have wanted to hear all along, well maybe not quite but it was close. 'That's because I have not knocked you completely dumb yet doll.' So maybe I am losing it and I shouldn't feel anything for you, if you can see that when you're as bat shit insane as you are then I should be able to too.. right? We both know it's not just because he's beat you stupid. My face flares in an angry blush at that and I was grateful that you pulled me back down into a hug so I could hide it.
I let you hold me like that under the scratchy blankets until I was so relaxed I had almost fallen back asleep when my brain decided we shouldn't do that, after all if I sleep when you're awake you could easily slip away and I didn't want that to happen. "Where do we go from here? We still need to find a phone somehow." I grimaced when I realized my arm was still wrapped up in your shirt. "And I need to get this off of my arm..." I let off a soft huff because the idea of moving from this spot was miserable to me. I wanted to stay here forever until we melted together into one being and then melted together through the mattress, into the floor, and down to the dirt.
@bonghitsforfeds
It was meditative to try and center on matching our breathing. Where our hot naked bodies pressed together in the embrace had my skin feeling so doughy I thought we would rise into some gooey loaf of bread. I lulled wistfully in the push and pull of you laid atop me while staring at that stupid fan. Honestly, I don’t even need you to marry me or love me. I’ll just sew you to me in kangaroo body horror, and carry you around in a little skin pouch. That cooked a tiny smile up on my face and helped soften the blow of you prying the moment apart. Even though it had to be done there was a stab of grumpiness at it.
“Well, let me think...” Your neck was radiating heat, and it passed into my injured hands as I massaged at you. The muscles around your upper back were tense. I repressed the urge to tell you about the in ground ice bath back home, and it was a really good thing I did too, because next you mentioned the arm and I would have looked like a fool. “If we can snag a phone I can get you to a care professional.” This fever that you can't shake from my perverse toying of your walking corpse had me concerned. Why do we care?@killahxkylie
"Really?" I couldn't bring myself to lift my head up and off of the warmth of your chest so I just turned it so I could half peek up at you, the idea of actual medical help felt like an impossible miracle for days now and I hadn't been sure if ever be able to have it again. I felt my lips curve up in a soft smile at the premise that you actually cared about me enough to let me get professional help for this, I knew it was gonna be ugly either way but at least this way it wouldn't kill me. I still wasn't ready to tear myself away from the feeling of you against me like this so I nuzzled against you and continued to trace the marks I left in your skin with the tips of my fingers, in a strange way I found that I wanted to see them there forever.
"Hey Ivon.. I know I haven't said this yet but thank you. You tried to keep me safe from those assholes yesterday and I.. it means a lot to me that's all." I knew in the back of my mind that you probably couldn't care less if I thanked you or not but I had this bubbling need inside of me to say it that wouldn't have gone away until I did, at least this time it wasn't something that would get me slammed into the wall. At least I hoped not.
15:58
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After what felt like endless minutes I felt my stomach growl and the pain numbing endorphins wearing off further, my arm was screaming at me to get up and get looking for a phone. I pressed a series of soft kisses on your chest before I peeled myself away from you to put my clothes back on. I finally got a good look at the room as I padded over to the bathroom to grab said clothes and it was much uglier without the haze of sex fogging up my mind. I'm glad we're getting out of here. "Hey if.." I paused for a second trying to think about how I wanted to phrase what I wanted to ask. "Does this mean you're taking me home with you? After we see a doctor?" I hoped you could tell by the genuineness of my tone that I wasn't asking to try to start a fight and that I really just wanted to know if that's where we were going next... Together.
These rolling chuckles you press out of me are always a welcome fiery feeling. The absolute level of confusion in how you respond to being offered care would be sad if it was not so tragically funny. Probably better you don’t know I am selfishly interested in your survival. The caressing spin of your fingertips on the bite mark tunneled little mazes of serenading happiness into my aching body.
She’s thanking me? Another thunderous rumbling laugh, “Damn, you are on fire with these.” Why are you thanking me? You would be eating a hot meal in your own kitchen as a free woman if it was not for my ruthless actions. I did not want to punish the purity of your openness with only giggling so I found some more words, “You are welcome, freak.” ‘Can you say anything without being a fucking asshole?’ An old date’s words flash through my head, and it only served to make me chortle again. “Sorry, I am really not trying to be mean. You are just cute.”
I watched your form rise while lounging on the bed until the spit of your kisses on my skin was not so noticeably chilled. Stretching as I got up it was nice to feel some soreness loosen in my abdomen. I was stepping up behind to join you for clothing when you asked the question. You were facing in toward the hovel of a bathroom so I pulled my arms around you in a reverse hug. I tugged you close and leaned on your head.. “Hmmm.” The noise oozed out like honey in the tiny space. I already knew you were coming home with me. I could see the path to the bedroom I would drag you into and ravage with our mad sex already. “Yeah that seems like a good idea doesn’t it? I was going to let you go, but now that you mention it, keeping my mouse in a cage is probably a good idea.” Ill fucking stomp you if you try and leave it too. I hummed in agreement with myself enjoying how my chin rumbles on the top of your skull as I do so.
@killahxkylie
He thinks I'm cute. It felt like I was floating as I went to put my clothes on and when you followed me into the bathroom to wrap your arms around me in a backwards hug at first I'm convinced you're going to squeeze until my guts pop out for asking too many questions. Instead you let out a soothing hum that I could feel reverberate through my skull, if you weren't holding me when you did it I think I would have turned into a puddle right there on the floor.
I felt a twinge of hot anger spike in me when you said that you were going to let you go because for whatever reason that was the last thing I wanted, I think if you really tried to leave me behind I'd either kill you or myself, maybe both. "You wouldn't leave me behind." It came out sounding much less confident than I wanted it to but I had to try to believe it or I think I would completely lose it. I put my hands on top of your arms where they're wrapped around me and run my fingers up and down them. "At least you better not." I added on softly, I hated how insecure I was around you. Sure it hurt when other people left me behind but I was never like this about it, I was never willing to get on my knees and beg for a person to stay with me the way I was right now.
"We um we should find that phone." I need to start doing something before I make an ass of myself or say something that pisses you off even more than anything that I've already said, I really don't want to die somewhere this ugly, although I guess one more stain wouldn't make much of a difference in this shit hole of a motel room.
@bonghitsforfeds
It made me oddly fuzzy inside to have you on the fence like this. I wonder what this back and forth between confidence and abject fear you do is. Not very long ago you risked your life in a moment of sexual power play, but now you are unspooling over being teased about being alone. Maybe she does love me? I kissed into your neck and gave you a tiny pinch on the lower back, “Yes ma’am. We can find one, steal one, or borrow one. Honestly, I just want to get you care, and then both of us home.” I wanted a massage and a full meal so bad. I would strangle a conveyor belt of puppies to wear a pair of fitting clothes, or god forbid some shoes.
Since all I had to my name was sweat pants, a shirt, and two socks, I got ready at a soldier's pace. After trashing your house and then this motel room I was beginning to enjoy the feeling of completely destroying places and then just walking away. When you would bend over to put something on I would bat at your hair like a cat plays with string. “You are going to get sick of me.” I wonder how many buttons you have? Do you get properly angry? So many fun little things I am going to learn about you.
I floated back toward the front door and rocked the desk back out of the way. A cheap plastic lamp pulled from its top, hit the ground, and broke into two sad pieces. The door already sagged open a few inches from not being braced against anything, and with barely any pressure it swung open. Light stabbed my eyes, and someone was a few feet away loading their car with luggage. They did not even pick their head up to look at me, and just continued the back and forth route between their room and the trunk. That’s right, mind your own fucking busisness. Looking back over my shoulder, but keeping my form in the doorway, “You ready hon?”
@killahxkylie
'I just want to get you care and then both of ushome' I swear I felt my heart skip a beat when you referred to wherever you were taking me as my home too. It shouldn't have had that effect on me considering it took me a month to make the house I just got feel like a home but it did, it made me feel like I was floating. Thoughts started rattling around in my brain in rapid succession, where were we going? Was this a legitimate doctor? Did you live alone? What was your house like? Were you really taking me with you? What if the doctor put me under and you used the opportunity to run far away from me?
I was so lost in my head that I jumped a little when I felt you bat at my still damp hair as I pulled my own sweats on. 'You are going to get sick of me' I'm already sick of you. I wish I never met you, if you could even call what we did meeting, but at the same time I could never live without you again. "Who says I'm not already sick of you?" I teased with a smile before I turned to kiss you before you could strangle me.
I followed along to the front door and watched as the lamp landed with a crack that sounded eerily similar to the multiple cracks of my skull against different surfaces and it made me grimace. I nodded when you asked if I was ready and made my way over to the doorway spilling blinding light into the room. It made my head feel like it was on fire and I couldn't wait until I was fully healed from whatever level concussion you had managed to give me. "What about that guy" I said quietly and pointed to the person casually loading their luggage into their trunk, blissfully ignorant to the monster standing behind them. "I bet we could take his phone.. or we could find something less risky, maybe one of the rooms has a working phone?" I was so eager to get medical help that I'd probably run someone over if it meant I could steal the overpriced mini computer in their pocket after it skittered across the pavement.
@bonghitsforfeds
Even this back alley parking lot was an exciting place with you by my side. I almost stepped out, but then you grabbed at me and pointed out the older man loading way too many suitcases into the back of the old hatchback. I turned my head slowly to the side to peer down at your mischievous form. There were so many things I wanted to say, but all I did was pat your head before returning my gaze to the man.
I cleared my throat, “Hey, man. Can we uh- borrow a phone?” He stopped and a frustrated look crossed his face. He did not say anything, but just looked back and forth between us. You were standing behind me and peering around like a scared puppy. I tried again, “Look, I don’t wanna steal it for crack or anything. We were in a car accident last night, and are from out of town. I really just need to get my girl to a doctor.”
This seemed to actually get his attention, and he sat the box he was carrying down to properly engage with the conversation, “You okay honey?” He nodded his chin up toward you, as if to imply there was something wrong with you. Oh my God, her neck. It took every fiber of control I had to not snap my look back toward you. I took a deep sigh before stepping out of your way so you could respond yourself. My fortune and freedom suddenly being at stake had such a pole of fear run through me I thought I might split open and spill out. My mind scrambled for solutions. All I could come up with to calm myself down was the comforting thought that I could definitely finish you off before the police got here.
@killahxkylie
I smiled like a proud puppy when you patted my head after my suggestion. I half expected that you would just run up and bash the guys head against the side of his car, I didn't think you had it in you to go about things in the smooth way that you were. I never would have thought to say that we were in an accident. Wow he really has knocked you fucking dumb hasn't he? Continuing my lost puppy act I stood behind you just peeking out enough to watch the exchange between you and the older man. It was sweet that he seemed perfectly inclined to ignore you until he realized that you were trying to get your sweet girlfriend to the hospital after a supposed car accident.
You could rat him out right now and get help. I was shocked when you stepped out of the way to let me answer for myself. If I had thought to ask you such a stupid question you probably would have taken another chunk out of my flesh at this point. "I'm okay.. lucky actually, I was stuck in a really bad situation at home.." I let my eyes wander down to the ground feigning some kind of shame "He finally got me out just for some pick-up to not be paying attention, almost took us clean off the road."
I took ahold of your hand and laced my fingers with yours before stepping forward to be next to you instead of behind you. "If you could just spare a minute or two so we could call someone to come and get us I'd be so grateful." I flashed my best most pathetic eyes that I possibly could hoping that the man would just fork over the phone so we could get out of this shit hole. It amazed me that anyone was actually willing to pay to stay here.
@bonghitsforfeds(edited)
Tackle him? No, that did not work so well last time. Can’t shut the door because it’s broken. Maybe just run? My mind was whirling for a backup plan. When you continued the lie and even put on a show of it, it made my heart do little butterfly wing flaps to see it. She is going to kill you. It may be nice if you did as at least my mind would quietly rest for once. I had to fight the urge to smile down at you. *Has handholding ever made me blush like this? *
It seemed to work just fine, because the man nodded somberly along with your story before pulling a blue flip phone out of his jacket's side pocket. Before tossing it over to us, “Alright, but try and be quick I am on my way out.” When the phone hit my hands it might as well have been a solid bar of gold bullion because I felt richer than the man who invents a penis elongation treatment.
He must have trusted us, or just not cared about the phone, because he continued to load his car after finishing with the box he set down. The smile I gave you was so big it hurt my cheeks, “You earned yourself a prize with that one.” I bent to peck a tiny smooch into your forehead before flipping the phone open, and dialing my family’s private concierge.
18:47
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The phone rang twice before he picked up. “Hello?” His cool professional voice was so refreshing to hear that the sigh it produced from me almost had a hint of moan. “Michael, thank God. I need a ride to the hospital.” There was a short pause, “Ivon?” After another brief second, “Where are you calling fro-” He must have felt my face heating up through the phone. “Where are you sir? And is it a private matter?” I glanced out across the parking lot before I spoke, “Some shitty motel off of Highway 1. Just as you come into town. There is a gas station...” I tried to think of more images from last night, “I think there was a statue of a giant bird? And yes, discreet please.” There is a long pause before Michael responds, “Do I need to arrange for legal counsel as well Sir?” Now my gaze drops to your curious peering eyes, “Uhhh. No?” After a final pause where I can hear the vein on his forehead pumping in frustration, “Very well sir, I will have a car for you immediately. If you will just give me a brief moment.” There is the distant sound of a clattering keyboard. “License plate G, four, three, dash, two, zero, eight, nine... Is there anything else I can help you with sir?” I was so relieved to have contact with anyone that I wanted him to stay on the phone, but I knew it was unrealistic, “No Michael, thank you.” “Very well sir,” and then the line dropped dead.
@killahxkylie
"Thank you sir we'll be sure to make it quick." I smiled softly as he handed you the phone and continued busying himself with loading up his trunk with way too much luggage. Where the fuck is this guy even going? I didn't really care. Especially not when you looked at me with such a genuine and non threatening smile for once, you have a nice smile when it's not laced with the intent to rip my heart out while it's still beating. The kiss you press you my forehead makes my cheeks rosy and my heart flutter in my chest and I wonder why praise has never felt as good as it does when it's coming from you. Because you're a sick sick bitch.
I watched you open the phone and dial the number, still holding onto your hand and watching the man go back and forth to grab more bags. A tiny part of me wondered if he had been living here or if he was in the process of moving with the amount of things he had. I listened to the conversation and was surprised you had even noticed that much detail in the night before, I barely even remembered getting to the motel let alone anything surrounding it. What even happened last night..? I remembered asking something stupid, my head meeting the window with a glorious crack which explained the cut on my temple. Oh. Right. The missing chunk out of my arm seemed to laugh at me, it made sense that I was so incredibly out of it after that. Did I pass out? You carried me here I remember that much. I hope my memory stops being so fuzzy when my brain is unscrambled.
19:01
.
I peeked up at you curiously when I heard the question in your voice. I wondered what the person on the other end of the line had asked you, who they were, what they were doing. I had so many questions about the way your life worked, were you a part of some mafia family or had you all stumbled into this randomly? I had so much to learn about you and your life and I wondered if you would ever actually let me or if all I would ever get to know was the surface level of you. The anger and the sweetness that mixed together in the most confusing combination on the planet. God I hope you'll let me see more than that, I want to know the real you, the good the bad and the ugliest parts.
Once you gave the nice man his phone back I reassured him that we would be just fine and thanked him again for letting us use it before he finally loaded into his car and left for whatever his destination was. "So.. how does this work now? What happens next?" I realized I was still holding your hand and not just for show anymore and thumbed over the thick scabs on your knuckles. Our hands fit together perfectly.@bonghitsforfeds
I realized I had not thanked the man once after he left. Well, at least you complete that part of me. I felt relaxed knowing that someone knew we needed help, but there was still the anxiety of something going wrong in the next few minutes. I was thankful for your distracting question. Crossing my legs and taking a seat right in the doorway I pat my lap so you would sit down in it. Once you were sitting facing me, I wrapped my arms around your lower back to secure you comfortably.
I thought about giving you the quick answer, but I leaned into a longer explanation just to have something to do. “Well, you see little Mouse, the good man Michael will call a chauffeur. While those people are inbound to pick us up, our friend will be calling ahead to a private hospital for our care.” I booped you on the nose with my own swollen sinuses just hard enough to make contact, “If there is not already an EMT in the vehicle that arrives to get us, there will definitely be people waiting to patch you up when we get there.” I liked that spot on your nose so I pecked a kiss into it. I let a hand move up and down your back in a large circle, “Then if my baby needs anything else they will get it for you there. Food? They will probably have a few menus. Bored? They will have a show or game for you.” Now that you had some balance I leaned back on my hands so I could stretch back a bit. The pain biting into my knuckles almost made me regret it, but at this angle I could see the fold of your body through your t-shirt with how the sun angled into it. “I think I thought of a reward for you behaving so well this morning.” I tilted my head at the fun game of everything. All things considered today felt pretty good so far.
@killahxkylie
I easily and happily took my spot in your lap right in the doorway when you patted it for me. Things had been going freakishly well all things considered this morning and I didn't quite know how to process it all so I was happy to take your lead. I let my eyes go from yours to exploring your face as I nodded along. 'Little mouse' Why does that make me so happy, I didn't think when I called myself a helpless little mouse that you would be able to take that and turn it into one of my favorite strings of two words.
I smiled softly when your nose met mine and I wondered if it hurt you to do it, the swelling on mine had started to go down even though the bruising was still prominent but it didn't hurt as much when you touched it. My eyes fluttered shut for a moment when you kissed that same spot and that combined with your hand rubbing up and down my back felt like some sort of magic. What are you doing to me? I was so excited to be going to an actual hospital that I almost didn't register the rest of your words, almost. Instead they hit me like a truck. 'My baby..my baby.. my.. my.. my..' I could feel my heart doing flips in my chest at hearing you say those words. I didn't care about the food, the shows, the games, all that mattered was that you called me yours.
19:34
.
I watched as you leaned back and felt myself blushing being in your lap like this without you close. It felt like you were watching me now and as much as it excited me it also made me nervous. "Oh?" I smiled softly and bit my lip a little "I thought my reward was the sweet forehead kiss you gave me.. what else did you have in mind?" The idea that I could earn any sort of praise or reward from you had my head spinning in a whirlwind of need to make you happy and I hated myself for it. Was I really still doing this to eventually get revenge? I could have ran away in the middle of the night, I could have ran away at the cabin, why was I still here and why did the idea of running away scare me more than staying now?
@bonghitsforfeds
As the morning light beamed straight through your body into my face I had to squint to keep it from hurting. I am so infatuated by you that just being in your shadow is making me swoon. Two deep growling giggles escaped me as you talked about the forehead kiss. There was this excited tumbling in my belly from just being the man that has you in his lap. All your attention will be on me. Forever. I’ll kill anyone who looks at you. Oh one man and you feel tough now? The frustrated exhale I blew out at my own thoughts went straight up my face and fluttered a piece of my hair.
“Nooo...” I let the teasing ‘no’ roll out, “That was just because I like to kiss your soft skin.” I smiled at the flirty atmosphere that hung so thick right now. Why do I feel so good? “Your reward is... You can ask me any question you want.” I paused, but then felt the need to expand, “And I promise I won’t respond with anything but an answer.” I was suddenly nervous about the whole situation, but it only made my heart thump with odd lust. I leaned over on one hand so I could reach up with the other and pull a few strands of your frizzy hair out. Once I had a fair amount of it pulled around the front of your face I twirled it in my fingers. Now I let my head tilt back over in the other direction. My eyebrows raised as if I expected you to say something, and the perverse smile I wore probably betrayed my thoughts. What will you ask, you little shit?@killahxkylie
"Oh." I answered with a soft smile when you said that was just because you liked to kiss my soft skin, I would have been completely happy with that being my reward too and that made me a little worried for myself. When you told me that my actual reward was that I could ask you any question that I wanted I felt my eyes go wide. The idea of getting to ask you anything and not having you answer me with violence was almost incomprehensible to me after the way you'd responded to half the ones I'd already asked.
I watched you twirling the hair in front of my face and I was thinking so hard, tumbling so many questions around in my head that I'm surprised you couldn't hear it. Do I ask about the business you do? The home we'll be staying at? There were almost limitless options and I didn't know where to start. I don't know how long I sat there worrying my lip between my teeth as I tried to figure out what to ask but when I finally spoke up the question I blurted out wasn't the one I had expected to. "Why me? What about me makes me so special?" I had been desperately wondering what on earth had attracted you to me in such a deadly way since that first night. What it was about me that could have possibly possessed you to follow me home and then hunt me down again a month later. I was terrified that you would change your mind and send me toppling backwards out of the door before pouncing in attack but I guess I'll never learn how to keep my mouth shut.
@bonghitsforfeds
I wanted to suck that pouty lip you were passing between your teeth off your face like a wet noodle and swallow the thing. We should thank the morning spirits that you fucked me when we woke up, or every cursed patron of this rotting establishment would be forced to listen to me ravage you right here on the sidewalk. The hand twirling your hair was now lightly tracing the poor stitching in your cheek with the back of a finger. If this is what you do to me in blood-soaked street clothes I cannot wait to see how you possess me with an hourglassed satin fabric wrapped snug about your perfect body. Have you ever been to a tailor? So many fun little things to wow you with.
09:51
‘Why me? What about me makes me so special?’ My smile faltered for a brief unstable moment as I swallowed past the unexpected question. I knew whatever you ended up asking was going to throw me off guard, in fact, I had been looking forward to the feeling. Yet, in classic Cami fashion, you managed to smith a new blade of words that passes smoothly between the gaps in my armor to sink gleefully into my soaring heart. I wanted to make it romantic, or to take the time to come up with something loving. However, the psycho wrapped his giant poltergeist hand around the back of my head and forced my face an inch from yours. “Because, when I looked at you and your Mousey little face pointed a look into my eye holes I...” There was a moment where I considered lying, but then that hand on my head squeezed the honesty out, “I got so twisted that my words caught in my throat and the very next image that punched into my mind was your struggling arms pinned above your head as I pounded you into a screaming mess.” It felt so nice to have you stuck and listening to me. You always blew past how I felt when I first saw you when I tried to be sweet about it, so how about some thick hot madness? Sometimes it seems to stick to your Barbie doll head better anyway. Maybe some people just need some percussive maintenance? I tilted my head while moving both my hands back behind you in a prison of flesh that had you locked to my lap, “How does that make you feel, freak?” I could feel the eyebrows on my face rising into that look of dissociative hate.
@killahxkylie
I don't know what I was expecting when the question slid its way off my tongue into the space between us but when you brought your face an inch from mine I felt my breath catch in my throat as if your hand was wrapped right back around it. I felt your breath on my lips and I wished that I could exist solely off of the leftover breath you didn't need. I felt my eyes crinkle with a closed mouth smile when you called my face mousey, normally if someone used the term to describe me or my features I probably would have scoffed and been pissed at them forever but when you did it? God when you did it it was like sweet honey dripping off your lips, sweet liquid gold for me to survive on.
'the very next image that punched into my mind was your struggling arms pinned above your head as I pounded you into a screaming mess.' Off guard wasn't even the word for how that caught me. It felt like you punched me right in my cracked ribs and stole the air from my lungs, like you shoved your hand right through my chest and gripped around my heart. Never mind the pulsing heat it sent through my gut right to my aching core. It shouldn't have turned me on that one of the first things you thought after I spilled over priced espresso all over you was stealing something so precious, but after having you more than once now it made my mouth water. For some sick twisted reason knowing that I could make you want to do something so depraved after just looking at me was all too satisfying.
10:14
.
'How does that make you feel, freak?' Of course you couldn't just let me have the moment to glow in what you had said. Wow you are a fucking freak. I rolled my lips together a couple times to compose myself after managing to gain a little air in my lungs again. "It.. makes me feel special. Maybe I am a freak." My lips tugged into the smallest pout but it was hard to actually feel sad when you were still holding me like this right here in your lap. Questions of whether you would always have such a devastating effect on me danced around in my head as my eyes managed to find yours again.
@bonghitsforfeds
The anger cooled into rocky hot ooze when the words managed to make you flush so red. If I had been forced to bet on the outcome of that little hateful slip up I would have gone all in on it upsetting you. Wait, so I tell you 'I love you' and you shove me spiraling off you to the wet mess of our sex, but I tell you the very second I saw you I wanted to fuck your innocence out and that makes you wet? Women are fucked.
“Special huh?” I pressed my thumb to that rolled lip just to keep you spinning. It was only there a second, but it served to fill the moment enough I could think of something else to add. “No ‘maybes’.” I made a mock frown of disappointment, “You are a freak, because I said so.” Then with a mischievous smile, “And more importantly, you are my freak.” I nodded satisfied with this breakdown of the situation. I am obviously too outrageously stupid to know what to expect when I say things to you, so I might as well press your squirming swooning bruises when I locate one.
There was a lint fuzz stuck to a part of your sweat pants that I worked at prying free of the static it used to cling to them. With a few different attempts at getting it off of my finger I eventually just wiped it into the split wood of the busted door frame. As I did so the bracket that the dead bolt locks into clattered to the floor beside us with a brassy tinkling. Picking up the partially painted piece of metal I turned its bruised reflective surface over in my hand a few times before holding it between us. “Souvenir?”
@killahxkylie
I nodded a little when you pressed your thumb against my lip and parted them just enough to take the very tip into my mouth before you were pulling it away, too soon if you asked me. "No maybes." I echoed, I knew you were right anyway, anyone who wasn't a freak would have taken the multiple changes they had to get away from you but not me, apparently I was a glutton for punishment. Maybe I wouldn't miss the boring life after all, not that I had much of a choice.
There was that word again. 'My.' Apparently I was so desperate for someone to want to claim me that even you doing it made me dizzy and stupid. I watched you with too much interest when you tried to pick the fuzzy off of my sweats even though it was stubbornly hanging on. I guess we had that in common. I was just happy to have you touching me still. Normally our intimate moments were cut so short by more violence or anger so this felt strange, it was a good strange but strange all the same.
I smile a soft and goofy smile when you lifted up the old painted piece of metal between us and nodded. "Definitely the ugliest souvenir I've ever had." And probably my favorite. It feels like this was the place where I got even a tiny glimpse into who you really are and that, to me, was something worth remembering.
@bonghitsforfeds
The ugly comment sent a pang of sadness through me that was not aimed at anything in particular. I compartmentalized it as just an outcome of how swimmingly silly I felt at being so nice. “Everything is ugly when it is around you.” I felt something stir in my core, and I was just about to pull you into a kiss, when the rolling of rubber over concrete drew my attention to the right.
When the long sloped hood of the L class Mercedes crept like a lost show dog around the corner of the crumbling walls I knew that we were finally about to get some proper help. Still, there was that same used mop bucket of depression from just a moment ago. We have been on a private expedition that is about to get ruined by responsibility. Not like that was the part that bothered me. I knew the closer I brought you into the depths of my life the higher chance of you getting spooked and fleeing from me raised. Can you lojack someone? Would you hate me if I made you check in with me every thirty minutes we were separated? I almost wanted to ask, but the driver must have spotted us.
The car ghosted into park, and then a man of medium build and a hard to place age stepped from the driver's seat. While making his way to open the back doors the trunk appeared to open on its own. He spoke while operating the rear door latches of the long rumbling sedan, “Apologies for the lack of proper medical transportation.” I expected more of an explanation, but they did not seem to provide one. All things considered on my poor description of where we were, they got here pretty quick. They continued in a smooth voice, “I was not expecting transport for two, but as long as your luggage is not of high capacity it should not be a problem.” Now he stood with a gloved hand over the top lip of the door facing us. I turned my eyes to yours and wiped a line of water that ran from a spot near the top of your forehead, “Ready to go shithead?”
@killahxkylie
'Everything is ugly when it's around you.' I'm pretty sure that was the first genuine compliment you had given me without some backhanded insult added to the end of it to put me back in my place beneath you. I wanted to say something, anything, but it felt like my tongue was glued to the top of my mouth and I couldn't make it move. "You-" I finally went to say something when the sound of a car approaching made me jump, I don't know why but my first thought was that somehow the people from before had tracked us down and had come to finish the job.
The only thing that kept me calm I realized was the fact that you didn't seem to be worried, unless you had for some reason completely given up in which case I was screwed anyway. I didn't have a chance in hell at fighting men like those ones off by myself. My eyes drifted back from the car to you and back again when I heard the quiet shifting of the fancy vehicle into park.
I hadn't even realized that I'd moved my hands to grip at your shoulders betraying the fake sense of confidence I was trying to keep on my face. Maybe if I act like I belong it'll be okay. The fact of the matter was I was terrified, what if this was somehow a set up and the two of you were getting ready to dump my lifeless body into a ditch somewhere? Maybe I should run. I thought blew through my empty brain like a tumbleweed and I felt my legs twitch with the urge to listen. I forced them to still and stay in your lap, I didn't want to lose this, lose you.
13:21
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All I could manage to do when you asked if I was ready to go, shithead- I guess the sweet talk is over now, was nod and hum a quiet 'mhm' before getting back to my feet, my cheeks heating up something fierce when the gravity made a thick sticky drip of your cum slide down my thigh. I hope that doesn't show through my sweats. I thought as I followed you to the car to slip inside the cushy backseat. So this is how the other half lives.. I had barely been in your world for two minutes and already I felt so out of place. I took your hand again and squeezed it and I wondered if you could feel the way I was trembling. This was terrifying, I was really leaving behind the life I'd known to follow a criminal, one who beat me to a pulp and assaulted me more than once. What the fuck is wrong with me?
After I slid into the cooled leather seat beside you the chauffeur leaned just enough to speak into the cab, “Is the luggage inside sir?” I shook my head once, “No luggage, just get us there.” All he responded with was a flat, “Very well,” before closing the door with a smooth whoosh. I glanced out the tinted window back into the obliterated room with just enough angling to get a view of the barely visible broken lamp. As the driver stepped into his own seat and the trunk slid shut behind us with a hiss he said, “We will arrive at Future Song hospital in about thirteen minutes.” Without another word he put the car in drive and looped us back around the front side of the parking lot.
The van from last night was still there, and there were some people around it who appeared to be investigating it, or maybe even looting the useless contents. I found sick joy in all the random nobodies having to pick through our crime scene for what will amount to napkins and the aftermath of our fun in the mountains. Your fingers looping through mine brought my attention back to the side of your broken face. I wanted to give your hand a squeeze of reassurance, but the further we got from the motel room the further I got from my squishy emotions.
I still had the metal door piece in my hand, and I reached over to place the scratchy brass into your lap. You looked at it a moment before your dark eyes came up to meet mine. It managed to melt the shell I had already begun to form just enough for something, “Forty-five minutes from now Cami, and you will be feeling so much better.” After she heals she will leave. I couldn’t help my glance of frustration over your frizzy head out the other window as I let the angry sigh roll out. Let her run, I’ll catch up.
13:51
.
I pulled your cold hand into my lap to bring it closer to me, and I switched its grip to my left so I could brush the fingertips of the closest hand to you up the smooth skin of your underarm. The crusty bandages around your hand had my mind replaying yesterday's events in an annoying forced recollection. “I forgot about your hand baby.” My ego absorbed a sharp stab of anger at saying the pet name with the driver in ear shot, but I just used it as a reminder to continue to get into proper headspace for the hospital. After a few laps up and down your arm I brought the hand to wrap around both of ours in my lap to secure your fist to me. Is your dumb rubbing off?@killahxkylie
'Future song hospital.' I'd never heard of it and I wondered if it was going to be as nice as you made it sound. I watched as we went by the van from the night before and it was strange how far away it all seemed. As if it was all too familiar and also like I'd never seen it or been inside it before in my life. Strange. At least they were dirtying it with their own fingerprints, if the police bothered to investigate it ours, or at least mine, wouldn't stick out too much. Unless someone reported me as missing, that could potentially be an issue. I'd ask about it later, as long as I could talk to my parents still and convince them I decided to move awah things would be fine... Probably.
The best and worst souvenir I've ever had. I thought before I looked back at you, a part of me wished we could have stayed in that motel room forever. I don't think you realized it but you gave me something I could start a new box of possessions with. 'Forty-five minutes.. feel much better' It was weird the way fear crept inside me at the idea of feeling better. Would you still love me if I wasn't wounded and weak or would you just do it all again? Do they have frequent flyer points for the hospitals you visit? Check in ten times and get free room service? An upgraded meal? I laughed at my own stupid joke inside my head. "You'll stay with me right? I'm.. sort of afraid of hospitals." It felt like a stupid thing to be afraid of after everything we'd been through but the sterile smell, the needles, the smell of death that no amount of bleach could wash out. It was all too much.
14:42
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I wish you would tell me what was running through your mind when your eyes got distant as they found the window. I wished that I could crawl inside your brain and worm my way into the matter there to always know what you were thinking. 'Baby' God I loved the way it sounded when you called me that. I was shocked that you said it in front of someone that clearly worked for your family. Is it really okay for them to know? I wanted to test it, to find out if you'd still take ownership of me in front of people that mattered to you, people other than me. You don't really matter to him, he'd replace you in a minute.
"It's okay.. it's.. mostly numb." I let out a soft sigh when your fingers trailed up and down my arm, the skin there raising in goosebumps and my hairs standing up on end. You really are like electricity to me, how unfortunate that I was like water. I stared at your hand wrapped around the both of ours for a few long moments, letting my head rest on your shoulder even though it tugged at the jagged stitches in my cheek. "I think I need you."
@bonghitsforfeds
I had to set my jaw to not coo out at your question. I swallowed a lump and then the evil cat flicked it's tail, “Would you let me give you a necklace with a GPS tracker? Would that maybe give you the confidence to know you are always mine?” Does such a thing even exist? It cannot be too hard to make happen. It was not a direct answer to your question, but my mind was trying to skirt the words to take a stab at the character flaw behind the point. With enough time maybe I can work this barbed wire you have caged around my heart back into yours as well. Keep each other bleeding.
I felt a cold bath of swinging self hatred splash into my face when you mentioned the numbness. “That’s... That’s not a good thing, doll.” I wanted to add more on, but I already regretted saying something that could stress you out. Jesus, I need a drink. A smoke. A good sleep. Hell, if she would just wrap her hands around my throat again. Our morning together hazily breezed my mind like strong hookah smoke.
Then your head is on my shoulder and my body melts like a sticky sweet popsicle. I felt the power balance shifting already. ‘I think I need you.’ I hope you did not feel my stirring beneath where our hands were clasped together. I glanced a look into the rear view mirror and the driver’s green eyes were still straight ahead. Gulping, “You think?” It was a tease, and it sort of called back to when I was poking at you being mine earlier. I did not want to push the subject too much though, because I liked this game of you slowly coming around to my charm.
15:11
.
In an attempt to push this emotional puck back toward your team’s goal, I put both my hands on top of yours and pressed it into my legs just enough that you could feel the growing erection I had from you leaning on me. I casually turned my head back out my window and watched a group of birds take off from a long swinging wire. If you want to play the social game of making me admit how I feel in front of others, Ill make a whore fucking prove it.
It was a gorgeous day outside, but it was a sad backdrop to the oddly zoned neighborhoods we traveled through. There would be large old money houses made of brick and of mixed design, but then one street light would flash by and there would be a row of tents and someone passed out with their face pointed straight up. My mind began the list of events that would have to happen before I got you back in a cage at the Washington estate. The hospital, at least some nights recovering, a plane flight, and that’s if we don’t check on your house. I took a large exaggerated sigh that spread a smile over my face as I grew against your hand. Oh well, at least I can torture you the whole time.@killahxkylie
I knew it wasn't a good thing that I couldn't feel a good portion of my hand from the deep cuts in it from the glass but I could still feel them enough to feel your skin when I touched you and that was enough for me. "Well.. I.." My words trailed off when you put both of your hands on top of mine and pressed them down into what was an easy to feel beginnings of a hard on. The idea of you knowing my every move no matter where you were made heat pool between my thighs but the idea that you would ever need to use it because you would be away from me pissed me off.
I couldn't figure out why exactly you were doing this and with someone so close by none the less but I knew better than to try and pull my hands away. If you wanted to try and make this hard on me then I wasn't going to make it any easier on you. Is it because I put my head on your shoulder? What did I do? I nuzzled my head against you and pushed my hands down when I felt you growing harder against them. Two could play this game. I peered up at you from where I was and palmed at you through the fabric of the sweatpants, never once taking my eyes off of your face. "Maybe I don't think.. maybe I know I need you." I said it in a hushed tone that would barely be audible over the hum of the tires on the asphalt to anyone but you.
@bonghitsforfeds
“Mmm...” The judgmental note hangs out while my gaze lingers on the road. I could feel those infinite orbs burning into my lower jaw. I knew it was either look at you, or let the pressure build in my torso. Finally glancing down toward you I leaned forward just enough to get sensually close to your ear, “See.” I paused for drama, “Normally I might be inclined to believe you.” Tilting my head the other way I let the arm closest to you wrap around your back, “But you keep on doubting it to me with those soft lips.”
Leaning back now in the seat I let the arm not wrapped around you rest on the soft door so I could be in a full backwards slouch. I traced at the stitching that secured the padded top to the hidden material underneath. With an evil smile and in a voice loud enough everyone in the car could hear, “If you take your hand off my dick before we get there I’ll push you into traffic.” My voice bounced off the window as I looked up at the white clouds. It was a good thing I was turned toward the outside again, because if I saw whatever face you made it probably would have broken my façade. My right leg had been bouncing up and down in nervous betrayal. Forcing it to stop I swallowed as I had no idea how long it had been happening. I heard the driver scoot up in his seat, but other than that he did not do anything else audible.
@killahxkylie
"I can't help it.. can you really blame me?" I wondered just how you couldn't see how normal it was for me to have doubts, the fact that I was even here at all was so far out of the realm of normal but apparently I didn't know what my normal was anymore. It felt like the hand that you wrapped around my back was burning into my skin, god I wanted you to touch me again. I'd never been such an insatiable person before in my life, I went months without sex at a time but all you had to do was breathe in my direction and my cunt was weeping for you.
When you leaned back in your seat I thought that maybe you were going to let it go, that you were just going to relax the rest of the ride to the hospital. I should have known that you wouldn't make it that easy on me. When your words hit me like a bullet train I thought I was going to burst into embarrassed tears. My face was red hot and my heart was hammering so loud I couldn't hear the hum of the tires anymore. I almost moved my hand but I knew the threat of you pushing me into traffic was very real. Would you even think twice about me if you turned me into road kill?
I swallowed hard before I pressed a soft kiss to your jaw and leaned up enough to nip at your earlobe. "Would you miss me when I was nothing but blood on the highway?" I asked it as I slipped my hand into your sweats and wrapped it back around your dick, technically taking it off of you for half a second in the process. "Would you come back to scrape me off the road and keep me with you forever? Or would you leave me behind?" I kissed your jaw again, my hand slowly moving up and down your length, a thumb coming to swipe over the pre that was leaking for me already.
@bonghitsforfeds
Fat lips to my ear had my eyelids involuntary fluttering. Your change in grip had me convinced that you may be up to something, but the question you had oozed into my ear just before kept me distracted long enough to not react. Your cold hand wrapped around the girth of my leaking cock forced me to take long deep breaths to not make an audible noise. I said don’t let go, not work a mess into my pants. Now my eyes rolled behind closed lids at your ability to push everything.
You pressed the inquiry by loosening my jaw with magic kisses and rubbing the sensitive head of my erection with your thumb. The soft gloss of cum that you spread over the top of it only amplified the entire experience, and I had to hook a foot under the driver’s seat to keep control. “I would peel your nasty splayed corpse off the ground and make it into a frothy smoothie. Just so I could gargle a bit of you down every night.”
When I forced my eyes open they of course locked with the confused driver via the mirror who returned his gaze to the road immediately in the fastest move I had ever seen a human make. The awkwardness of it all had me swallowing and moaning at the same time in an embarrassing awkward choke. The hand I had around your back grabbed at your far leg and pulled it apart in order to splay you open. I desperately reached for your crotch, but when I could not get the proper angle I just wrapped my swollen hand through the top of your pants and yanked the fabric taught. It must have rubbed on something right because it got you to buck your hips slightly. I let my gaze fall back to back ceiling upholstery. Anything to keep my eyes from meeting the driver again. I just repeated the motion of tugging at your pants hoping it worked to balance the torture in anyway. My heart was doing the fluttering again, and could not hide the dorky grin that formed.
@killahxkylie
Your sick words shouldn't have had me making a mess of my own pants but they did, the idea that you would drink down my guts so I would be a part of you forever had me biting down on my own lip to hold back a moan before you'd ever managed to touch me. I wanted you so bad it physically hurt to not have your hands on me and I knew it was turning into a problem. I needed to somehow cure myself of the addiction I had formed for you. I breathed out a heavy sigh against the shell of your ear again, watching you trying to hold back in front of the driver was doing things to me that I didn't know it would.
Of course you couldn't let me have the upper hand for long, I thought I might have been in the clear when you couldn't reach my pussy from the angle you were trying to come at it from but then you tugged at my pants just right and the seam brushed against my clit just right. "Fuck-" I choked out as quietly as I could, my hips jumping off the seat for a second. I cursed myself for giving away the fact that it felt so good away before I could even try to stop it. Every tug you gave at the fabric made them jerk again and it was getting harder and harder to hold back the moans that wanted to fall off my lips. "I wanna feel you inside me so fucking bad Ivon" I half moaned into your ear before my tongue came out to swipe over the lobe, nipping at it again when I was done. The pace of my hand picked up at the same time, you were making me feel dizzy with need again in a way that only you ever had and I didn't know how to handle it.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your cursing exhales against my scratchy face would have ended it if not for our morning sex just an hour before. I thought maybe it would just be us fooling around until the hospital, but then you punched that sleeping lion in his face with your taunting and licking of my ear. You may have accused me last night of only loving you over the twisted lovemaking, and you may be right. It’s just that good.
Fuck the driver, he gets paid enough, I know where his tie is made. Since we never buckled up it made it real easy to yank your hand from my pants and force you down onto your back in the car seat. I helped you to wiggle longways into the leather while pressing hot taboo kisses into every spot of your face and neck I could get my greedy mouth into. In a familiar position to the night we met I brought my knee up into your crotch and pressed it forcefully against the mess.
With both my hands gripped into the bottom of your chin and up over your mouth I pressed a few fingertips between your teeth and lips. I twisted your face toward the back of the seat so your ear was facing the roof and I licked you houndishly jaw to eye socket. Now with my lips pressed into your ear I gave you a few mocking moans before growling out, “Still want it slut?” Something about you asking me to fuck you with my name tacked into the sentence makes me feral. I heard the driver take a deep breath in the front seat and it only amplified the stupid grin on my face. I blasted another taunt out while sucking kisses into your stitched cheek, “I did say I’d fuck you in every building, cars can qualify.” My own dirty talk had my cock twitching. I needed your touch back.
@killahxkylie
I could have swore I pushed it too far and you were about to fling me out of the car under the tires of another to turn into nothing but a stain when you ripped my hand from your pants but then the next thing I knew I was on my back and you were ravaging me with hot messy kisses. "Oh my god-" I choked out still trying, and failing, to keep myself quiet in the process.
The position you had me in was all too familiar, it terrified me and turned me on even more than I thought it would, I brought my hands to your back in a desperate attempt to hold onto something anything to keep me grounded. That didn't last long when your fingers pushed past my lips into my mouth and my eyes fluttered in a way that I knew had to look incredibly lewd. I had already started grinding myself against your leg, the way you mocked me made my cheeks flare but I still nodded eagerly to your question. 'Still want it slut?' the words rang over in my head again as my hips jerked harder and my tongue danced around your fingers. I was practically begging you with my eyes "I want it" I garbled out around your drooly fingers, bringing one hand off of your back to claw at the front of your sweats.
A big part of me felt embarrassed and ashamed of the way that I was behaving in front of a man that had never met me before, what if he told someone else in your family what was happening right now and they decided I wasn't worthy of being in your life. What if someone else decided to dispose of me for you? It didn't stop me from absolutely ruining the inside of my sweats. "Please"
@bonghitsforfeds
I was forcing my fingers deeper into your mouth, and managed to get them far enough in you gagged, when your hand started trying to strip me. Still pushing my hands with near lethal force into your drooling throat I may have gone until you started choking until you garbled out a ‘please’. That managed to ease my assault on your face, and I pulled my hands from your mouth with a scrape against your teeth. After sucking your spit from each finger I had in your lips like I was cleaning them from a juicy meal we worked together to fumble our pants off in a motion I was thankful was becoming religiously familiar to both of us.
A galactic level of primal embarrassment flooded my entire body when my cock sprang free. It was such a conquering powerfully new experience to be so indecently exposed that I laughed at my own impossibility to cope. You are no better than a wild ape. Is this mind parasite aware of how much you are making me enjoy being degraded? Now I used my slippery hands to work the lips of your pussy apart so I could rub my cock into it. Tracing my fingers up and down inside the mosaic of your bruise painted thighs in a light teasing I let my hands meet at the lower part of your belly with a couple tiny pats. You were grinding desperately against the first bit I had inserted, but I would not allow you to sink down onto it. It was half my normal power hungry self, but also revenge for you pulling off of me back in the motel. “Beg me for it, you sweaty little mess.” I stared maliciously down at your eyes. Your panting flushed face begged me to dive straight into it and wiggle down your mouth like some awful horror movie monster. I am going to tattoo the shape of your lips into my neck.@killahxkylie
Fucking finally. The relief that I felt when your cock sprang free from the confine of those sweatpants was immense, I needed you like an addict, like I would start shaking if I didn't have you. Ironically I knew once I did that's what would actually make me shake. I gasped when you started rubbing your cock through the slick mess of my pussy, barely teasing me with the tip. It wasn't enough but you knew that and I could see it written all over your face. God the way you touch me drives me insane, the way your hands traced my bruises as if I was fine art and you were seeing for the first time.
'Beg me for it.' I met your eyes and knew you weren't kidding, that you were absolutely not going to give us what we both wanted unless I did what you asked and I was so far under your sick spell already that I don't think I could ever say no. "P-please fuck Ivon please I need it I need you so bad" It came out embarrassingly whiny and every word sent my blush further down my chest and all the way up to my ears. Sweaty, blushing, and embarrassingly needy, I was the image of lewd disgusting sex in the back seat of this car right now and I couldn't care less. "God damnit Ivon please fuck me I need it so bad it hurts I need you please please let me have it please." I was so frustrated at the fact that you wouldn't let me move and take you deeper inside of me that my eyes were welling with tears. "Please please please fuck me please!" The last bout of embarrassing begging came out much louder than I intended and I wanted to barrel roll out of the door myself so that I could leave the memory in a splatter instead of in my head forever.
@bonghitsforfeds(edited)
Every time ‘please’ or ‘Ivon’ slipped your lips a tiny grunt would escape my chest and my cock would throb. At the end of each sentence I would shake my head in a tiny no, and you would keep the game up by begging more. My smile broke into an open mouth grin when tears started swelling in your eyes. Searing a memo into my mind to ask you later if you knew I was laughing at how pathetic it is you are crying, I toyed at your clit feather light to coax more bucking of your hips against the tip of me.
There is no doubt that what we shared was special, but I still had to wonder at how many times you’d been laid. I was pulsing against you, and felt heat in my torso, but I had barely toyed at you and already the entirety of you was pancake batter. We passed underneath a bridge and the flashing light of underpass bulbs painting you with light and then darkness in a strobing pattern made my head hurt.
'Please please please..." Like a falling tree I collapsed into you so hard it made the dry base of my cock burn. We finally became one, and I immediately felt foolish for mentally bullying you over being so soupy already. A deep throated coo floated my lips like fresh peeled bark that was so honest in its emotion it startled me pale. I brought my arms to either side of you in a close bear hug, and rubbed my chin into your forehead in a sensual dragging of dominatingly abrasive skin on skin movement. The power top act seemed very hard to recall lines for now, so I just switched to sucking the moans out of your throat the medium fucking pace seemed to churn up.
@killahxkylie
"Fuck!" I borderline screamed when you finally pushed the rest of yourself into me so fast and so hard that I couldn't hold back if I tried. The feeling sent a jolt of pain through the deepest parts of me and it only made me pulse around you, I wondered if I'd ever be able to separate pleasure and pain in my head again or if my brain was just completely fucked. Feeing you making me whole again was almost enough to have me cumming on the spot, if I could just live perched on your cock like some dick drunk little whore I think I would, at least right now. I'm sure I would hate myself for the thought later. Your mother would be so proud Camila.
The little cocoon of pleasure you wrapped me up in with your arms at my sides and your chin on my forehead made those tears that had welled up in my eyes spill over, how was it possible you made me feel this good? "Th-thank you fuck- thank you. thank you. thank you." It kept coming out of me like a chorus every time you plunged back into me until my words melted into shapeless moans. I dug my fingers into your back letting them drag down little by little with every thrust, it wasn't fair you'd left your mark on me so much more than I had you and it gave me something to focus on other than the hope that the driver wasn't watching my slippery cunt swallow you up over and over again, it's a good thing the seats are leather. Fucking focus Cami. I hated the way I kept getting distracted from the pleasure you were bringing me, I wanted nothing more than to be back in that dusty motel bed.
@bonghitsforfeds
My ass sticking straight up in the air is now the most exposed I have ever felt, but who gives a shit because the reward of the world having to see my pale bare cheeks is I get to ravage more miles into your perfect cunt. The repeated witchcraft had my eyes bulging with effort to not bust out laughing and nutting in the back seat of this poor luxury sedan. They will have to hose this thing out after we are gone.
I wriggled a hand up over your mouth and pressed into it to stop your words from spilling me over. “Do you have any idea what your 'sorrys' and 'thank you’s' do to me woman?” Something about plugging into you in perverse and new inventive ways causes honest thoughts to shoot from my mouth, and I think part of me is starting to like it. The slow personalized hieroglyphs you sliced into my back had me pressing into your lips even harder in the pain parlay.
Wanting to distract you from the secret I just shared I bit at your ear while huffing out some evil, “I am going to get my bite mark tattooed into your neck.” With that I planted a nasty hickey into a clean spot under your chin that was so slippery and loud that we would be floating in spit soon. I picked up the pace of my hips, but the shape of this car was pissing me off. The seat was just barely not wide enough to pump into you at full speed inside our hug.
@killahxkylie
The second your hand went over my mouth I swear I only got louder, it was like knowing it was there to muffle the intense noises of pleasure made it okay to finally let them go. God I fucking hate you. My brows were knitted together and my eyes were half lidded, I hated how easily you put me under your spell now, I really really needed to learn how to fight it, I needed to stop fucking you. It was too intimate and I'd never felt anything even remotely close to it with anyone else, it was going to be the death of me if I didn't get a grip. I shook my head underneath your hand, as far as I knew most of what I said had only served to piss you off so the idea that it did more than that was news to me.
The harder press against my lips had them mashing against my teeth in such a painful way I felt myself trying to squirm away from you, it was useless in the tiny backseat though. Before I knew it you were using my own tricks against me and leaning into my ear and the idea of you permanently marking me was enough to make my eyes roll back, as if you hadn't already basically branded me by taking a chunk out of my arm with your own teeth. I couldn't take it when you started to suck at my neck so messy and loud and it hurt and felt so good all at the same time, my hips worked against yours in a desperate manner and I could feel myself getting close. "Please-" I mumbled under the press of your hand but before you could tell me it was okay my pussy was pulsing around you and my nails were digging deep enough into your back to draw blood. I wonder if the driver could hear the wet squelch every time your hips worked into mine as I was coming apart underneath you like this, if he knew his leather seats would probably never be the same. I wonder if he's ever fucked anyone else in the backseat. My nails dug in deeper at the thought.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your furrowed brows, lips beneath my hand, and the squelching chorus spilling from me slamming into you had me ready to fill you up again. The voice had been far away today. It really is unfortunate for you that my cure is pumping the anger out of my cock and into your broken sobbing body. I felt us slowing to a turn, and a large red and green sign passed by for the moment I glanced up, ‘Future Song: Cutting Edge Private Medical.’
Something about the pressure of being near to our destination and you coming apart at the seams beneath me worked to create a mess out of your guts finally. I let go of your mouth in order to betray you by leaking a few of your moans out, and also because I had to grab out at the nearby environment to keep myself from flying apart. With one hand on the door behind your head and the other behind me on your thigh, “Fuck yes baby. That’s the stuff. Fucking thank you.” I could not help the rolling wave like grinding I did as we came only seconds apart. I kept switching between sitting up on my knees and being close to you in an embrace during my orgasm because the car suddenly felt way too small to contain everything. Collapsing atop you in the fiery embrace I laughed at the explosive awkwardness of our situation in sudden post sex clarity. Between the panting we did, “You really are the freakiest bitch I have ever met.” And goddamn do I love you for it.
The car came to a floating stop and the driver cleared his throat. “Uh,” You could hear him trying to center the professionalism back into something manageable, “As soon as the gentle sir and his companion are both ready I can pull us into receiving where they should be waiting for you...” I sat up just enough to peer down at you mischievously. In my best attempt at joking to savor our favorite rare glowing, “Is my Mouse companion ready?” I giggled at the audacity of my comment while still being balls deep in you as we quiver together.
@killahxkylie
'Fuck yes baby. That's the stuff. Fucking thank you.' The praise you were giving me as you spilled inside me again was enough to have me moaning even louder which I hated you for, the grinding motion you were doing only kept my pleasure coming in waves and I felt like I was gonna melt right through the car and into the ground."Sh-shut up" I panted out at you once again being right about me, I was trying desperately to come down from the crazy highs you always brought me to and your teasing was making me feel way too small. Mouse.
The man in the front clearing his throat brought me abruptly crashing back down to reality and my entire body glowed red and tensed up underneath and around you. We really just fucked in front of someone. I never would have done this before you but I'd also be lying if I said the fact that it sounded like you'd never done this either didn't make my heart race. I wanted to find every little thing you had never done with anyone else and do it with you so that the memory was ingrained in your brain. I had to stop myself from scoffing when the man called you gentle, he must be afraid for his life too. I managed a small nod when you asked me if I was ready even though I was absolutely terrified at what was going to come next. "I'm ready."
@bonghitsforfeds
Your small nod had me working to disappointingly pop myself from you and work my own pants up my messy legs. I sat up into a crouch that had me leaning from the roof of the car. Helping you to get dressed, “You should know better than to behave this way.” Turning toward the front of the vehicle, “This nice man was working to get us somewhere and now he will have to clean up your little mess.” The pool of our sex that slid out from you and into a reflective circle on the dark seat would normally have me diving between you, but thankfully you had already tamed my mind.
I don’t know where the confidence over the whole situation was coming from, but I did know the second I lost the act I would probably start crying from embarrassment. Picking up your light frame I helped to place you back first against the door of your side, so you were sitting up and facing me. Glancing down at you I laughed at the absolute state of your sweat pants. Looking around now it appeared to be a mostly empty parking lot, and the car was stopped at the top of a hill that sloped with smooth black asphalt into a covered alcove. From where we sat I could see doors in the lowered part of the building that appeared to lead into a deeper level. I could see the bobbing head of two or three staff members peeking up from the entry way toward where our car hovered ominously. ‘Emergency!’ Rolled around the corner of the building in repeated white text on a red background.
09:19
.
Still swimming from our taboo display I spoke toward you even though the words were meant for the chauffeur, “Pull us in, we are ready.” Without a word the car slid like butter into gear and we cruised down the hill into the shaded and artificially lit bay. Before the driver had managed to get his door open there was a nurse popping the door on my side, “Mr. Ivon, we were not expecting you to arrive with company.” The woman next to him who was dressed in a more administrative fashion reached to her shoulder for a radio, “We are going to need a double room for Mr.Feldt.” Now arms were helping me out of the car to sit in a wheelchair. I did not like being outside without you, and the anxiety of the situation had me standing to move back toward my rock. Leaning into the vehicle I reached a hand out toward your form that was huddled in the back like a cat in a carrier. While helping you up, “Let her have the wheelchair, I can walk.”
The nervous manager type from earlier stepped up between where you sat in the chair and where I stood to offer her hand out to me. Taking it with a perplexed look on my face she began, “I wanted to personally thank you for your family’s contributions to Future Song.” I did not know we had a hospital out here. I let her pull my hand into the awkward shake while I scrambled for a response, “You are very welcome, you do amazing things for the community here.” I heard a camera click somewhere and I whipped my head back toward the glass doors of the building to see a crouched photographer. Turning back toward the woman with a large fake smile spread over my face, “I really hope he works for you.” The women only returned the houndish grin before responding, “Well of course, who else would he work for Mr. Feldt?” I could not help my eyes falling down toward you in the chair. The knowing look I exchanged with you over what we had seen in the last 24 hours helped to center me.
@killahxkylie
Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. I was chanting it to myself in my head like a mantra when your words slithered their way into my ear and sent my high into a crushing low. "S..sorry" I managed to stammer out with a trembling bottom lip before silent tears started to run down my cheeks. You were the one who started this whole thing so why did I feel so dirty for going along with it. I pulled my pants up so fast after the embarrassing puddle dripped out of me and onto the seat. I wanted to curl up and die when you started laughing at me, I don't know why I tricked myself into thinking this morning in the motel would be the norm. I should have known better. Fucking idiot, he doesn't care about your feelings. I hated the way it was so easy for you to manipulate me and put me back where you wanted me, both literally and metaphorically. When you put me back on the seat right and against the door I pulled my legs up against myself as if I could make myself small enough to disappear.
Maybe they'll think you're abusing me and take me away from you. I wasn't sure if it was something I hoped for or feared at this point as the car moved down the hill into the bay. I couldn't help but let out a small gasp when the professional looking woman opened the door before anyone else could. 'We were not expecting you to arrive with company.' At least now I knew whenever you did come you weren't often with someone else. Or they just didn't expect itthis time. I was yanked from my thoughts when all of a sudden I was alone in the backseat, frozen and not knowing what to do. Don't go. But I couldn't make my mouth say it. I was so thankful when you reach your hand back in for me and took it almost immediately, accepting your help into the wheelchair.
11:38
.
I pinched my brows together when the same woman took your hand and started to thank you as she shook it. So that's how they get medical attention.. money. It made sense but it still blew my mind that I was involved with someone that reminded me of so many people I'd only ever seen on shows and in movies. I want to cut her hand off and shove it down her throat. How dare you touch anyone but me, I felt myself spiraling inside but then the clicking of a camera had my neck snapping towards the photographer. I let my eyes meet yours when you looked back towards me and it felt like we were both thinking the same thing. 'Who else would he work for?' She didn't know the half of it.
When we finally made our way inside the sterile smell of the air immediately had anxiety spiking in my blood. I wish you were the one carrying me instead of being sat in this damn chair, I also wish you carrying me wasn't what made me feel the safest right now. They could have stuck us in a single room for all I cared, then I could just crawl inside your skin like I wanted to. Sick bitch. I tried not to look at anything we passed and instead let my mind wander to what the room would look like, what kind of treatment I was going to need, if I'd ever have the feeling completely back in my hand. "I'm scared." I whispered just loud enough for you to hear me.
I wormed my way into the position of piloting the wheel chair. The simple effort of shoving your red aluminum seat around had my forearms burning with effort, but I did not love the idea of anyone else being in control of your position. The nurse who spoke to us originally floated behind, obviously perplexed by my choice. He kept trying to silently retake control of you, but I just pretended to not see him. The large sliding glass doors hissed open and closed as we passed through the climate controlled entrance. The blast of air that fluttered over my messy hair was breezy heaven, and I wanted to just stand in the doorway and soak it up.
I was watching how the managerial lady’s blazer bounced with each step as she led us with an outstretched hand toward an open pair of double doors when you spoke up at me. I gulped hoping you had not noticed my eyes hanging on her. Leaning down I planted a kiss on the swirl of your hair, “Nothing to be scared of, doll.” I wanted to say more, but I was worried about the outlook of everything now. The individual snapping photos of us as we came in has my head whirlpooling in worry. Suddenly feeling very underdressed I let the momentum of the wheelchair carry you forward down the straight hallway we walked down so I could run a hand over your shoulder. It was a motion to reassure you, but also a selfish grounding action at my own surprising feelings of nakedness.
13:08
.
Now the hallway curved right into a downward spiral that had me gripping painfully into the handles to not lose control of your speed. We were working our way down toward a circular span of doors that each appeared to lead into a two story private medical area. The windows of each of the pillared set of rooms faced outward into a small courtyard that had an indoor tree sprouting up from its center. Each room made up the far wall of the circular area, and the current path that led us down into the gorgeous space made up this half of the circle. When we were about half-way down the blonde director spoke back to us as her shoes clicked with each step, “This is part of the accommodating upgrades we were able to afford thanks to your donation packages last year.” She paused for a moment before continuing with a proud smile, “The tree is a 'Grenadilla'.” When neither of us seemed to care very much she continued with a press to her touring voice, “It had to be shipped in because they are notoriously slow growing.” I glanced down at you curious as to how you were feeling more than anything, but I still felt an anxiety over keeping up some performance. Why am I so nervous? Do I really care if these people think we are together? My head tilted as I peered down at you still over my final thought, would you let me tell people we are dating?
@killahxkylie
I nodded a little again when you leaned down to press a kiss to my hair and I couldn't tell if I saw you staring at the dumb manager bitch or not. It seemed like it but after having gone through so much I wanted to write it off on just being exhausted and zoning out. Maybe he wants to fuck her too. I put a hand up onto the one you had on my shoulder, even if you wanted to act like I wasn't anything important to you I wasn't going to do the same.
'Grenadilla.' Should I know what the fuck that means? To me it just sounded like some sort of weird quesadilla that I would order at a weird restaurant. When she continued to explain just how special and rare this tree was in an overly obvious and desperate attempt to impress you I felt my cheeks flare, this time not in embarrassment but in anger. "Wow baby we should get one of those for ourselves. Look at how beautiful it is." I smiled up at you from my spot in the ugly wheelchair. "I bet it'll last our entire lives since they grow so slow." I knew I was probably doing something that I shouldn't be but the way she was clearly trying to impress you made me skin crawl in a way that made me want to rip it off and the only thing that eased it even a little was making it known that I was important to you.. even if I wasn't.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your hand over mine had me swimming in silly embarrassment. Never in my entire life walking this cursed planet had I ever once blushed in public over something so basic. Then when you returned the pet name I had been force feeding you for days my knees buckled just enough I was thankful to be holding the chair. Who cares if it was part of your show. So lost in the fuzziness of hearing it I almost missed the point to your whole outburst. The spicy venom you poured into the end of your statement had me beaming internally with pride.
I was trying to think of something clever to say, but the look of confusion over the director’s face had me stifling laughter. God, I’d throw this blonde bitch over the railing to have you call me baby again. Butterflies gathered in my stomach over the thought of it. It was such an odd few seconds of sloshy emotion, because it was laced in a frilly red hot dress of anger at you not being capable of shutting the fuck up.
Gripping into your collarbone under your hand I dressed my words with a shiny gloss of fake affection, “What a wonderful idea my love, do you think they grow in the shithole you are from?” My teeth were grit in rage at this fight I found myself between. It almost felt too cruel a counter outburst, but I am not going to let two cunts work a bit into my mouth. In typical fashion though I had the thought too soon, because the director responded, “How long have you two been together?” What the fuck is going on? Heat pooled up into my neck.
We were almost near the bottom of the spiral now, and she stopped near a security checkpoint where an old man was being wheeled by hospital staff on a tall rolling bed. There were multiple bags of solution hanging from a wobbly pole over him that drained some unknown medicine into his shriveling body. His eyes were only half open and our gazes met for a brief moment. Trust me dude, I’d rather be you.@killahxkylie
I could feel the mix of venom in your sweet words even if nobody else could tell. I knew I had crossed the line but I didn't care, there wasn't too much you could do about it at the moment. The pressure on my collarbone definitely hurt but maybe if I let you snap it you'd love me a little more, enough to not stare at other women right in front of me maybe. "Hmm I don't know but I guess we'll have to find out won't we" I kept the sweet smile painted on my face as we kept making our way down the spiral.
'How long have you two been together?' Mission accomplished. "Oh it feels like it's been forever, doesn't it baby?" I turned to kiss your hand even though it felt like it was seconds away from crushing my collarbone to dust. I watched the raisin of a man be wheeled by on the hospital bed and I couldn't help but wonder if being in this part of the hospital meant that he was also some high roller that was finally on his way out of if he was just your average every day man. I don't know why one made me value his life more than the other.
When we finally made it to the lush double room my jaw dropped open, I didn't think a hospital room could look so comfortable. It was nothing like anything I had seen before, not even in the movies. I managed to get myself out of the wheelchair and into the bathroom to change into the gown that felt like some of the best cotton I've ever had my hands on. What the fuck is this place? When I came back out I was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that we were going to be alone together in a room full of things you could easily kill me with. Fuck if you managed to get your hands on a needle you could pump enough air into my IV to kill me in seconds.
@bonghitsforfeds
Shaking in fury I could only manage a deadly smooth, “Mhmm.” I don’t know how much force it takes to crush someone's collarbone into pearly powder, but I bet we got close. The nurse traveling with us seemed to taste the tension as they quickly scanned their ID to get us out of the hallway and into our room. Once we passed off the tile of the well lit travel way and onto the wide hardwood of the private quarters I suddenly felt as if deep in the bowels of a high security prison.
Stepping ahead, the green scrubbed nurse quick-walked to the far end to poke at a touch screen mounted on the wall that slid closed a pair of blinds over every window. After fluffing a pillow on one of the queen sized steel framed beds he made his way back over to the doorway. “If you need anything before the doctor arrives just press one of the little red switches in the wall.” He eyed the director nervously before dipping back into the hallway.
I was surprised you stepped out to leave me alone with her, but you did prop the tall gray bathroom door open, so you can’t trust me that much. It made me warm in the gut to know you were so jealous over everything. The director took one of my hands in between both of hers and let them linger a bit too long while slipping a smooth card into them. “My name is Sarah Webb, if you need anything,” she glanced back toward the door you were changing behind, “You let me know.” With a flourishing turn she clicked back into the hallway. With a flirty look back at my disgusting form standing alone in the semi lit room she smiled as the automatic door slid shut. That was fucking annoying.
15:47
.
Suddenly fueled by the anger of being hit on while so disheveled I stomped over toward where you were at just as you stepped out in a gorgeous robe. It managed to cool my head enough that I did not immediately wrap my hands around your throat. Instead I pushed you backward through the doorway you had just left through. As you stumbled I shoved you again so you had your back up against a section of wall beside the white countertop.
“Bitch.” I said it down at your face as if that one word would get across the boiling brimstone sea of frothy hate I wanted to force into your ears. I looked up and down your form twice in two long sweeps while clenching my hands open and closed at my sides. If we were not in a hospital. I knew they were going to separate us and question your bruising at some point, so I needed to be on my best behavior.
@killahxkylie
'Sarah Webb.. if you need anything..' Fucking bitch. I couldn't stand women like her, women that even if they knew you were with someone else they would still have the audacity to blatantly come on to you. I don't even know why it made me so angry either, it wasn't like we were together. You weren't my boyfriend, you were my stalker for fucks sake. I stood in the bathroom seething in anger anyway, digging my fingers into my palms the gash in the one be damned, I could feel it start to leak fresh blood and that just made me even more angry. When I finally felt like I had composed myself enough to not get myself killed I walked back out only to quickly be met with you pushing me back into the bathroom. Fuck, this is it.
I braced myself against the wall, my palm leaving a bright red stain on the opulent white tile, I could feel myself shaking immediately with a mix of fear and the anger I felt at you for letting someone else flirt with you like that. 'Bitch.' The words hit me harder than a slap when you said it in that tone, it wasn't playful like before when you told me I was a freak, no, this felt like it was full of hate. Why can't you just act like you care about me?
I burst into tears. Loud, ugly, sobbing tears. "Why can't you just act like you care about me?" I couldn't help but vocalize the thought, I didn't understand what I had done that was so wrong. You told me you wanted me forever, that I was stuck with you, that we'd get married on the coast and have kids that ended the fucked up depravity that apparently ran in your family but me saying that we were together was too far? I didn't understand but I couldn't form the words to explain that. "I hate you!" Was what flew out instead. Easier to try to push you away and make you snap to end this for the both of us than to try to explain the confusing slew of feelings that were bombarding my brain. "I just want to love you but you keep making me hate you! Why?!"
16:16
.
I wanted to push past you and hit the red switch on the wall, to have some doctor or nurse come rushing in because for some reason everyone was all to eager to kiss your ass, just to tell them that I needed to be taken away from you. I wonder if they would even listen of if for whatever reason they would just leave me alone and helpless with you. God I hope the doctor gives me some strong drugs. Maybe they'll be enough to put me deep asleep and when I wake up you'll be gone and this will all just have been some crazy nightmare that I'll never recover from.
@bonghitsforfeds
My face twisted in surprise at your tears, ‘Why can’t you just act like you care about me?’ I was rolling with volcanic anger at how you called me out. There was a part of me that wanted to get defensive and point out how you would never afford care half as good as this without some corporate insurance. I wanted to scream about how we don’t even know if you have a house that is not cold sticky washed ash. Deep inside it was all my fault. It was quite actually my plotted idea to delete the bedrock of your life so you had to rely on me, but it was not supposed to burn so bad.
It felt like trying to respool an unwound head of cattail. There was a desperate need to make you feel better, but then ‘I hate you!’ I took an involuntary threatening step forward as you barked it at me, but I pushed a sigh out of my nostrils and managed to not kill you. My ears were ringing with murderous selfish rage. For every ounce of her squishy brain you eat off this bathroom floor I’ll dispense you dopamine. “I-” There was almost a chance to explain myself, but your floodgates were open, ‘I just want to love you-’
16:43
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Now I am swallowing a hot ball of pain in my throat that is skittering up with hateful force. If I cough up this hook you are trying to yank it may take my heart with it. Kill her. Staring up at the ceiling nostrils flaring, “I don’t-” The rage needed an outlet. Bounding back into the middle of our private room I snatched a glass figurine of Elizabeth Blackwell off a knee high bookshelf and launched it as hard as I could at nothing in particular. I had expected it to detonate, but instead it bounced loudly with a crack off the wall and smashed into a bowl of colored candies. Other than the clattering of marble like bouncing and the small gash in whatever chalky surface the wall was made out of nothing else happened.
While the multiple different materials rolled or skittered to different pitched stops on the floor I slowly turned back toward the bathroom door. While huffing with exertion, rage, and pain from how hard I threw the small statue, I slowly brought my pointer finger up toward your direction. I opened my mouth to say something, but then shook my head to try and stop it. Every fiber of my being wants to destroy you, so I just swung to the opposite in a manic decision, “Marry me then Cami. That way you will drop this.” As soon as it left my lips I knew it was deceptively manipulative in its delivery, but all I wanted to do was hit the bell on this stupid tantrum carnival minigame first. Did I even mean it? My head tilted over as I awaited your reaction. Anything to push past you making me explain my emotions with words.
@killahxkylie
'I-... I don't-' I was bracing myself for you to finally just admit that you don't love me. That all of this was just some sick depraved game you wanted to play with me but now that it had gotten real and you had had your fun you wanted out. I wouldn't be able to blame you if that was the case I mean why would you want to stick around with the sickest bitch you had ever met. Nobody else ever did and that was before you had sunk your claws into my very being and twisted it into something ugly. When you tore off into the main room again I assumed you were leaving me completely but instead I saw what looked like a statue go flying across the room into the wall only to land with an unenthusiastic thud as the candies scattered everywhere. What kind of hospital room has candies? Seriously that's what we're thinking about right now?
I brought my attention back to the tantrum you were throwing and couldn't bring myself to move. I wanted to escape this sinking feeling that this was all coming to an end, that somehow I would have to put my life back together all on my own, the shell of a person. 'Marry me then that way you will drop this.' I felt all of the blood leave my face and my knees buckle. 'Marry me.' There was no way you were being serious, no way you meant it. You had just been flirting all too willingly with another woman and now you were asking me to marry you just to shut me up? Say yes. "N..no.. no you don't mean it you're just trying to make me feel stupid. You don't even have a ring you didn't even-" This wasn't how this was supposed to happen, my entire life I'd always imagined a romantic proposal with a ring someone had taken the time to pick just for me. Someone who really wanted to dedicate themselves to me, someone who only wanted to make me feel happy. "No I don't want it like this."
17:02
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I felt my angry resolve breaking into more tears, was I really so insufferable that someone would propose in a last ditch effort to get me to shut up? Is this why nobody stays with me? Am I that terrible? "I don't want you to do it like this.. you didn't even want to tell someone we were together why would you want to marry me. We aren't-. We aren't even a couple." I wasn't even trying to hurt you with the way I said it, it came out sounding all too sad and depressing for my own liking but it was the truth. When it all boiled down all I was to you was a victim.
The first time you said no it only hurt a little bit because it seemed like you were winding down into a yes. However when you said no a second time it was truly an impressive feat of human feeling, as I grew full of anger faster than I ever had in my entire life. It filled me instantly to the very top and flew out my ears in a metaphysical spray that felt so hot and real it likely almost tore our entire reality apart. The sprinkler of hate covered the floor on either side of me and instantly kicked my head over into cathartic cool hatred. It was such a fascinating fast blast of pure fury I wished I could experience it again in slow motion just out of how interesting it felt when it rolled through my body.
Make her stop crying. My jaw was on edge and I shifted my weight quickly between each leg in nervous psychotic jittering. ‘We aren’t even a couple.’ It worked to pop the cap off my mouth, “Are you fucking stupid?” I took a step back toward the bathroom, but then froze as I spoke again. “Do you just say all the sweet shit in between all of this to lead me along? If you are going to kill me or run away it would be awfully convenient to make your mind up about it so you can stop wasting my precious time with these hysterical bi-hourly meltdowns.” The way your tears had amplified only made me more angry. I did not care what you were crying over anymore I just wanted it to stop. “You do realize. You stupid. Fucking. Moron,” I had to pause to swallow, “That you are going to spend the rest of your life with me? Call us a couple. Call us a fucking sex slave and her evil owner. I really don’t care what stupid label you put on it, because you will always be right there.” I pointed over to where you stood now, “Only a few feet away from me... For the rest of whatever useless time you spend floating that pretty empty head of yours around this planet.” No matter the level of evil paint I smeared on my words it did not feel like enough.
17:28
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I sprinted back over into your face stopping just short of colliding into you. “So let me wrap back around in case your fat whore skull lost its place” I poked at the front of your forehead over the word skull, “You would really turn me down because you don’t like the way I am proposing to you? Would you really rather go down as the little slut that I kept in my closet as opposed to the little whore I kept by my side?” I shook my head side to side keeping my eyes locked into yours as I finished, “Because believe me Cami I will. I will keep you locked up in a fucking box for the rest of your life if you cant learn to keep this shit,” I poked at the tears running down your face so hard my finger left little red splotches “On lockdown.” Now I stood still inches from your panting face while I waited for you to catch up. Kill her already.@killahxkylie
"W-what? No I- no I don't! I don't say it for no reason I mean it you're the one who's nice to me one minute and then says the meanest things after! You- you confuse me too much I don't know if you love or hate me!" I kept trying to yell back at you but it was all broken up by ugly sobs and I didn't know if you even cared about what I was saying or not at this point, it was probably the latter. "If I wanted to run away don't you think I would have done it by now?! I could have killed you in your sleep! Or this morning in the stupid motel but I didn't want to!" Yes you did. I hated the way I couldn't stop crying I was just so fucking confused and sad and broken that I couldn't get the tears or the sobs to stop. My body and my mind were in so much pain and I was absolutely exhausted and fighting who knows how bad of an infection, I just wanted everything to stop.
"I'm not a whore" I mumbled unable to make my eyes meet yours this time as you poked the front of my forehead. I hated it when you called me such vulgar things, apparently I only enjoyed them during sex, the rest of the time they just made me feel dirty and used. He doesn't love you. "I want it to be special! I've always wanted it to be special it's not fair you can't j-just tear away every dream I've ever had why can't you just- why can't you just do it when you mean it Ivon!?" I knew you wouldn't care or understand wanting something seemingly so small as a romantic gesture for a proposal but with my entire world upside down and in shambles I wanted at least something to go how I imagined it would.
17:57
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"If you wanted a girl that never cries or shows any emotions then you picked the wrong girl Ivon.." The tears kept rolling down my now splotchy cheeks only irritating the gashes there even more. I could feel some sort of deep self hatred twisting in my guts and I wanted nothing more than to just disappear off the planet. I couldn't even do this right so what was the point? If you wanted to shut me up so bad then maybe I should just help you get a head start.
I pushed past you in an angry defeated huff and started to tear apart everything I possible could in the room looking for anything I could use to get the job done, something I could use to take away my pain and your hassle of dealing with me, only growing more hysterical the longer it took me to get my bloody little hands on anything. Finally I whipped open a drawer to find a small pair of scissors, opening them up to get a brief glance of the sharp insides of the blade. I wasn't really thinking when I slide the cold metal straight across my wrist and then again just a few inches above the first. The pain wasn't what I had expected, it stung and then a weird warmth seemed to spread up my arm and down into my hand. Now all you had to do was leave me here to turn into a stain on the floor of the fancy hospital and you'd never have to deal with me crying again. I relished in the idea of the woman from before having to see the mess, I'm sure she could think of a few ways to help you with your manufactured grief. "Happy now?!"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I don’t know if you love me or hate me!’ That much managed to break through the squalling. It spiked my fury again with how it only mirrored my own thoughts. I don’t know what I feel. The only person on this planet who remotely chops through my forest of bullshit is you, and here you stand questioning my devotion again. There are valid reasons for you to be doing so considering how we met, but that does not negate the fact it makes me want to chew your lips off for pointing it out. I am trying my hardest! We are standing inside of a revolutionary care facility. I wanted to go down the same road of logic you were using by pointing out how I could have left you at the motel, but I knew it was pointless.
Once again I failed to communicate my point to you. The soul of your argument haunted the fact you have not run yet. Mine was more focused on how I cannot communicate my love to you in this direct way you are asking for without messing it up. You’ll never admit it though.
When you shoved me back and turned toward the cabinet I thought you were trying to get around me, but when you did not even move for the door it only froze me solid with confusion. I was chewing on the way you wanted me far away from you. My ego refused to acknowledge how scary I am in these instances, and only wanted to focus on how you were not listening to me.
When you pulled the twin blades out I took a nervous step back in anticipation of you stabbing me with them, but then you managed to ruin all the fun we were having by opening your wrist up. My eyes shot so wide the room felt brighter, and my entire body iced at the sudden prospect of losing you. Head whipping back and forth between the painting of red life running down your hand and the mess it was piling onto the floor, “Goddammit Camila!”
18:28
.
I took two steps back to smack the red button on the wall outside the doorway several times before rushing back toward you and wrapping a hand around your wrist. I could feel your pulsing bubbling life trying to squelch past my fingers, but I had your arm gripped with righteous fury. Tears ran down my face now, and every emotion a human being can feel tormented my body with their own laughter. “Why Cami? Fucking why? Am I not good enough for you?” You were forced to absorb the blows of my choking words because I had you locked in my grip. I knew it was a selfish way to phrase the question, but I was reeling with a future without you.
Turning back toward the door of our room which had yet to open, “Can you people hurry the fuck up? Someone who actually matters is dying here!” Now I yanked you back out into the main area trying desperately to get you closer to the automatic door that would eventually fly open with the people who should already be here to help. I wrapped the hand not grabbing your wrist up behind your head into your hair and pulled your face an inch from mine, “I’m sorry! Okay? I’m fucking sorry! I am an asshole. It’s old news. It really is old fucking news. I’ll work on it. I’ll do whatever you need. Just trust me okay?” You had no reason to trust me and the words felt silly coming out of my own face. It felt dumb to try and wrap back to your original points, but I was having a panic attack, “I’ll stop being so mean around others. I promise.” Wow, you really mean it too. I hated that I did. I would do anything to keep you from leaving me.
@killahxkylie
What happened next wasn't what I expected you to do. I thought you would stand there and watch me bleed out with that freakish smile on your face or maybe start drinking the life dripping off my fingertips but instead you grabbed a hold on my wrist so tight that I felt the bleeding slow. What the fuck? I tried to pull away from you, to get you to let me finish what I started but it was no use, I'd never felt your grip this strong before. 'Am I not good enough for you?' That question wrapped itself around my throat and squeezed. How could you not be good enough for me? "I'm the one who's not good enough for you! You deserve someone better who's not fucking up all the time" I couldn't stop myself from saying whatever stupid emotional babble was running through my mind if I tried now. "I'm not good enough for you I'm too stupid and too emotional and nothing like the women you're probably surrounded with all the time!" I was a sobbing mess now still trying uselessly to pull away from you as you tugged me back out to the main room. "Just let me die!"
18:49
.
I couldn't stop sobbing even with your face close enough that I could feel your panicked breaths fanning over my lips. Your apologies made me feel so immensely guilty for my brain being so twisted and fucked up. I was confused about why I felt so guilty for hurting you when I wouldn't need a hospital to begin with if it weren't for you, my brain wouldn't be this warped and twisted, I would still be plain old Camila Roberts just another face in California trying to get by. Now though? Now I didn't know who I was. 'Just trust me okay?' How could I? I'd seen you battle whatever demons you had living in your bones and I knew the second the life wasn't leaking out of me they would start winning again. How many times could I slice myself open in an attempt to see your real feelings before there was nothing left of me? It wasn't a viable plan for the future, I did wonder how many different ways I could try to end my pathetic existence before you would just watch though.
"I just wanted a good life" I choked out, my heart felt like it was breaking in my chest as the reality I'd been trying to ignore hit me again. It felt like it came and left like the tide, rolling in to crush me and leaving me devastate in it's wake and only letting me feel relief briefly before it returned to repeat the process. I wish I could just forget what my life was like before, the hopes I had for the future. It all felt impossible to reach now.
@bonghitsforfeds
As the seconds ticked by the prospect of me being left alone to cope without you again became more likely. Even though I squeezed your wrist as hard as I could get my trembling hand to work there were still trickling lines of you escaping past my grip. The spell you set over me as we sat next to the van yesterday must have had me convinced I could treat you like every other person in my life. It was beginning to dawn on me only now after thirty sad years that you have to continue working at that kindness in order for it to stick.
“Wanted?” While whining the word I drug us down into a seated position as I felt my strength failing. The adrenaline from watching your life drain so quickly was already faltering, and I suddenly felt very tired from the gut punch of guilt I just absorbed. “Baby, If you manage to not kill yourself with this new rebellion of yours, I’ll give you a life so good they will make up religions about you.” I glanced down at your bluing hand peeking out from the death grip I had around your leaking wrist, “Hell, you can have my blood to waste away in fits like this if it’s what you desire.” My mind was a galaxy of promises and excuses I wanted to rain like comets into your crying head.
Finally the door hissed open to reveal a pair of nurses who had yet to be introduced. The first one to step in widened her eyes in surprise at our forms on the floor, “Oh shi-!” She caught the slip up just at the end before turning to rush toward a row of dark wall hanging cabinets. While she rifled through a stack of plastic shelves inside, “I’ll get bandages! Quick get some saline!” The other nurse sprung into action and rushed over to knee high drawers near the first nurse to begin searching for her own supplies. I could not help my rage, "Took you long enough! You let he-" I glanced down at you. Fuck it. "You let my girlfriend die and I will rain hellfire onto the sad excuses you call medical careers!"
@killahxkylie
I felt the world start to tilt when you brought his down to a sitting position, everything was starting to feel fuzzy and light and I wondered if this is what it felt like to die. It was definitely stronger than the way it had felt when I was bleeding before, I guess it makes sense since it was coming out so fast. Could I really believe you about you giving me a good life? Would a good life mean you stopped taking your anger out on me with your fists and your words? Would we be able to last like that? I knew that I could, or at least I had been able to before but you on the other hand. It felt like violence was the only thing you knew, my mind wandered back to the escort again and I wondered what happened to her. What she did to set you off and if she made it out of it alive. "I'm.. I'm sorry." I squeaked out feeling myself go more and more limp in your arms.
I barely heard you call me your girlfriend when you hurled a threat at the two nurses, this felt like the time I came home from the bar after some asshole slipped something in my drink. I felt like I was floating between two worlds not anchored to either one. 'Girlfriend.' I smiled just barely and accepted that if I died at least I would die being yours.
19:40
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The rest went by in such a blur. The teamwork it took to get me into the hospital bed, the nurses stitching me up, the wrapping of bandages around my arm, the sharp stab of an IV. I felt like I was floating through the whole thing but I still felt that itching fear that you were going to leave me now. Now that I'd really lost my fucking mind completely. I had no idea how much time had passed when my eyes fluttered open, I tried to make a sound but the only thing that came out was a crack of my voice. I looked up to see a bag of blood hanging from a hook along with what I assumed was saline and some kind of other medicine. Sure enough when I looked down the tubes were attached to the port in my not sliced arm. I felt so out of it still that I couldn't help but wonder if they had given me some kind of sedative, I couldn't see straight and it was hard to even keep my eyes open. There was only one thing I really cared about though.."I..I-Ivon?"
19:40
@bonghitsforfeds
Original message was deleted or could not be loaded.
When you began to slip in and out of proper consciousness it was probably a good thing for our relationship, because the war of insults I waged into those poor nurses would make anyone fall out of love with me. I was inches from the oldest one’s face screaming hate the entire time they worked to flush your wound and wrap it with bandages. It felt good to let the anger pour at someone who was paid to hear it. Eventually they both gave up on offering excuses and just switched to letting me belittle them while they worked in silence on you together.
At some point they managed to get more staff into the room, and I had several large security members working to wrestle me back away from your side. There was such a powerful need for me to be with you that I actually managed to get an elbow up into one of their faces and bust his cheek up. After that my world became sludge as the nurse who originally walked us in jammed a soothing needle of liquid Ativan into my arm that had me lulling into a cradle of cloudy floating.
20:21
.
There were a couple times I remember waking into full lucidity during the next few hours. At one point they wheeled your bed out for a CT scan, and they refused to offer me an explanation as to why because I had no proper medical power of attorney over you. They seemed to be adapting to my temper at this point, because when I launched the globe sitting on our shared side table at the nurse’s head who was wheeling you out she pressed a remote on her hip that delivered another powerful dose of anxiety medication via my IV. I didn't even manage to work out a proper, ‘Fuck you,’ at her direction before the cold spike flowing through my veins had the back of my head hitting the pillow.
20:21
.
They kept you in a drug haze all night after surgery on your wrist. The only reason I was staying calm at this point is due to the promise I gave the medical director I would behave if they let me stay in the shared room. I had been staring at the rise and fall of your chest from my own bed forever now. They said hours ago that your medicine would wane eventually, but I was too impatient to hear your voice again. The stitches in my hands and face were nothing compared to how sewn up you looked from over here, and any awkward guilty tears I had were cried out long ago while you rested.
When you stirred it hardly drew my proper focus as you had been murmuring all night. My eyelids were heavy with exhaustion, but I would drink bleach if I missed the very second you woke up. When your eyes fluttered open I let you glance around at your surroundings, and did not say anything to you until my name floated off your sweet lips. The borderline orgasmic level of relief that flooded me from being in the same room as your conscious body again had me woozy with crush like floaties. “I’m right over here, baby.” I let the words hang while your eyes worked to focus onto my face. “Don’t work too hard honey, you have nothing to worry about.” I wanted to ask how you felt immediately, but our fight earlier combined with your recovering state now had me worried about pressing you. Right now you are my pile of microscopic radioactive diamond dust, and if I blow too hard you will scatter into a haze before disappearing forever.
@killahxkylie
'I'm right over here baby' The immense relief that flooded my system when I heard your voice, and the fact that you called me baby, felt like nothing in this world that I could possibly compare it to. I felt the fear that you would be gone when I came to slowly dissipate and for the first time in days I felt myself relax all the way. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the drugs coursing through my veins but it was still a welcomed feeling. Once I finally got my eyes to focus a little better still seeing you and a shadow of you I smiled just barely, my face felt tight and itchy and when I reached up to touch it my hand was bandaged up too. What the hell happened?
I was just about to open my mouth to try to ask when you told me not to work too hard and when you called me honey it felt like that's exactly what you had covered me in, like I was in a pool of thick warm amber liquid and all I needed to do was float there feeling safe and content. It took a few moments but when everything that happened came flooding back I was hit with so much embarrassment and shame that I wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere and hide from you. How could you still be here after that display of absolute insanity.
07:20
.
I tried my best to pull the much nicer than most hospital blanket up over my face so you couldn't look at me, suddenly all too aware of my physical and mental condition I didn't want you to look at me. I was perfectly fine with hiding under this blanket until everything was healed and I looked like myself again and not this beat up ragdoll that I had turned into. My hair was a frizzy mess from not being cared for properly, my face was bruised and stitched, I could only imagine how absolutely god awful the rest of me would look once I finally got the chance to see myself. It all hit me so fast and hard that I felt sick. I could hear the steady rise of one of the beeping machines they must have put me on after surgery and like a hawk to prey a nurse came swooping in to jam something into the IV that made everything feel slow and soupy again. "Just enough to keep her calm, she might doze off but we didn't sedate her." I heard her explaining to you but it sounded more like a teacher from charlie brown.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled in my drugged stupor, the steady beeping started to slow back down and every time my body tried to panic it was like it ran into a wall and was forced to stay calm. I didn't know if I loved or hated this feeling more. "Are you okay?"
@bonghitsforfeds
The painful rolling you did to try and find a comfortable position in the wide bed had new frustrating waves of guilt grabbing at my belly. I almost told you to stop squirming around over there so much in fear of you twisting something up, but the nurse who swooped in must have had similar thoughts. Plunging a thick liquid into a port on your IV you soon fell back to the bed again.
Even though she explained what she was doing to me I was furious that she put you back under before I could pick at your mind. I wanted to talk to her, you useless fool. We got lucky because your wispy sorry distracted me enough to not break the stupid nurse. My head pulled back over toward your face as she stepped back out from the room as quickly as she entered. “Am I okay?” My eyes unfocussed as I let your words force me to take stock of myself.
10:55
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Stretching my hands out they definitely still hurt, but it was a distant throbbing after stitches and painkillers. There was nothing burst in my gut, but the doctor had assured me that it would still hurt for some time. My cheek had an infection, but they managed to clean out the bad flesh. Supposedly they are going to send me home with something I have to take to keep it suppressed. I wanted to report it all to you like we’ve been married for years, but it felt like nothing compared to the permanent loss of feeling you will have in your finger tips. Judging by the conversations I caught from the hallway they do not seem confident in you regaining one hundred percent use.
I was dragging my eyes over your concealed form beneath the blanket, “I’m fine. Honestly I’ll be fine other than maybe a scar on my cheek. How is your-'' I paused trying to find a prioritized mental list of your injuries, but I could not scramble it fast enough. “Well, how is everything, I guess.” It took every drop of control I had to not jump in bed with you and assault you with questions. She is going to leave you. My fingers gripped my own arm with brooding anger.
@killahxkylie
"That's good" I smiled softly and hummed a little, I don't know why I wanted you to be okay so badly and the back and forth between wanting to kill you and needing you to stay alive so you could stay by my side was only growing more confusing as time went on. My eyes kept trying to droop shut as I kept them on you trying to take you in myself so I could see that you were really okay. They definitely stitched you up I could tell that much, I was thankful that you let them help you when I was away from you. I hadn't heard everything that was discussed about me between the nurses and the doctors as they operated. About how I did too much damage to the nerves in my hand and would likely never regain full feeling or grip strength in it again, or how I was lucky to not have had a stroke with how badly my head was beat to shit, I also missed them talking about how they wondered if you were the one who had inflicted all the damage seeing as we were both so beat up. Even the doctor was shocked to see the bite taken out of my arm, that would never heal all the way either and I was always going to have a dent there now. A permanent reminder of my lack of the ability to shut the fuck up apparently. "It hurts." It was the only answer I could think of, my cheek and scalp were the worst of the infected wounds but thanks to them cleaning them out and stitching them up the right way I would be just fine, most of my hair would even grow back.
11:53
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"How long are we stuck here?" I asked peeking just my eyes over the blanket so that I could see you and it looked like you were trying to squeeze your own arm into dust. I reached out the bandaged hand with the IVs sticking out of it towards you, "Come here you're too far away." Apparently the drugs they gave me to relax always made my lips loose and made it easier to give in and be soft for a little while. "This bed is big enough for us both can we just.. can you just hold me for a little bit?" It felt like such a stupid question to ask when the sound of you calling me a bitch in such a vicious tone was still ringing in my ears. "Please? I hate the hospital"
‘It hurts.’ Such a tornado of emotion those words stormed up. There was definitely guilt and anger from having caused most of it, but also pride and lust for the very same reasons. Better. I switched the grip from my arm to the side of the bed as I took controlled breaths to slow my heart rate. I like to party like anyone else, but I had a raging headache from how many blasts of anxiety meds the nurses had forced through my blood the past day, and I do not want to summon more by setting the heart monitor off.
“How long?” I blew the air I had been meditating with out of my lungs in a long huff. “I could probably leave today, but you need longer to recover that swollen head of yours.” I let the words hang a moment before adding on in realization you probably thought I was alluding to leaving, “But I am staying here until you are ready to go of course.” There was a pressing need to explain how they won’t tell me anything about you. Not only because we are not related, but also due to the fact they probably think I did this to you. I mean, you did.
12:18
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A couple left over tears spilled out when you asked me to come join you. “Baby...” Glancing toward the sliding door that led to the only escape from this prison we had been in. “They don’t really want me doing that..." I had taken notice every time the automatic portal hissed open there was a broad shouldered man sitting in a chair across the hallway, eyes peering in directly to where I lay. ‘Please?’ I jolted partially up, but then forced myself to lay back down as the very second I did so the door slid open and a purple scrubbed nurse floated in, “Can I help you Mr. Feldt?” Even from behind her matching facemask I knew who the cross woman was, but you probably didn't. My eyes darted to the remote on her hip and back to her blue eyes as I spoke, “I uh-” I am going to kill you. I am going to eat the palms of your hands if you press that button. “I think Camilla has a question for you.” I looked back over to where you had just reached out for me hoping you were still lucid enough to catch on.
@killahxkylie
"You better.. cause if you try to leave I'm just gonna follow you" I let out the breath of a laugh as I kept fighting to stay awake, I already had no idea how long I had been out for but the idea of being asleep when you weren't was anxiet inducing, or at least it could be if I had the capacity to feel anything but dopey right now. 'Theh don't really want me doing that.' Does that mean you had tried to when I was asleep? Why would they tell you no? My mind went back to the slew of questions I had been asked before the doctors started fixing me. Oh. That makes sense. I understood why they wouldn't let you in the bed with me but what I didn't understand is why they would let you stay in the room if they were so concerned. Just when I was about to speak up a nurse came in and I could tell there was something about her you didn't like even if I didn't know exactly what it was. "I want my boyfriend to be allowed in my bed I don't.. I don't understand why you would tell him no I never asked for that." I didn't right?
"I'm terrified of hospitals and I would like for him to be able to hold me if I ask him to." I wondered if whatever ass kissing spell you had on these people would also work for me since they thought we were together.. are we together? Everything in my mind was so fuzzy and I really hoped that it would all make sense to me once the drugs had worn off and my brain had started to calm down. "I would also like to add him to my healthcare proxy and as a person my medical information can be shared with.. I've been so out of it and I won't be able to remember everything the way he can." I knew they wouldn't be able to tell me no, I wasn't pressing charges against you and as far as I knew I hadn't said anything to incriminate you, all I had to do was sign the papers and everything would be okay.
12:42
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I watched as she looked between us and disappeared only to come back looking incredibly agitated with a clipboard in hand. "I hope you know what you're doing Ms. Roberts." I took the clipboard and signed the best I could, immediately requesting to hear my list of injuries so that you could know as well. The nurse rattled off a list of lacerations and contusions, a concussion, nerve damage in my hand that would likely never fully heal, the scar that would remain deep in my arm forever, the infection that was days away from working it's way deeper I to my bloodstream, the 3 cracked ribs. She sounded so confident in it all until she mentioned the fact that it looked like there was also sexual trauma. I almost laughed, almost.
All I could actually do was sit there dumbfounded as it sank in just how badly you had really hurt me. Maybe I should run. The flash of that thought again but I knew I would be miserable without you, I still just wanted you to crawl into bed with me so I could melt into your chest and pretend it was all okay. My attention was abruptly brought back into the present moment when the nurse asked me if I was interested in emergency contraception. "Oh um.." I really am a dumb bitch I hadn't even thought about it. It was hard to fully comprehend everything that was happening but I assumed the right answer would be yes. "Yes please.." With a few more words the nurse took her leave, assumingly to be back soon with the stupid little pill.
I am pretty sure in the past twenty four hours they had pumped enough liquid benzos through my bloodstream to kill a show horse, but the heavy blanket of thoughtless wonder those drugs created was nothing to how I felt when you called me your boyfriend. Letting the soft pillow hug my head I fluttered my eyes shut and fell through the bubbly swamp we floated on into a drowning perfect sludge of some nasty emotion I had only ever felt in small spurts. It was like the moment just before you swirl into drunken stupor. It’s this sex like hug from an angel whose soul incubated purpose has been to deliver a loving embrace to you since the moment God created it at the beginning of time. It passed just as fast as it came, but there was this lingering web of sticky something that wrapped my caged heart up tighter with my hunt for you.
When I finally brought my head back up you were signing papers, and then they were reciting the rap sheet of beautiful things we had done together the last few days. I wonder what the nurse thought about the smile that grew over my stitched face with each new injury she added to the list. There was a joke cooking up in me about how you just like it rough and we play messy, but then you answered her contraception question incorrectly.
13:12
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It was not a good thing the nurse stepped out, because of course now I wanted her to dump medicine into me. With a dizzying stumbling step I rose to my feet and clattered perpendicular over your legs. My legs still dangled to the ground, and my head was pressed face first into the mattress on your right lower side. Rolling myself up so I could half prop my head up and look at you I had to keep closing and reopening my eyes to keep the room from tumbling like a poorly balanced dryer. Once everything slowed a bit and all of the rattling bags on my IV stand came to a quiet rest, “That was less graceful then I intended it to be.” There was fury that needed to explode out from within, but the headache, injuries, meds, and nausea had me locked in my own body. “You want to flush your boyfriend's baby out?” It sounded so fucking awful falling out of my face that it actually made me laugh which only succeeded in making my sore body hurt. “God, that sounded terrible didn't it?” My own awkward druggy explanation only had me laughing more at both of us. Suddenly everything felt less serious. Did she dose me on the way out? Everything felt heavy and I had no idea why anymore.
@killahxkylie
"I- no I just- I thought that's what you would want..." I looked at you with so much confusion on my face when you looked so devastated, there was a high chance that there wasn't even anything in me to, as you so eloquently put it, 'flush out', but I had assumed that it was something you wouldn't want yet. I guess what they said about assumptions was true, I made an ass of myself. "I.. I don't have to take it..?"
I truly had no idea what was going on anymore I really thought that there was no way in hell you would want to risk having a kid with me right now. "Are you- I mean do you not want me to take it?" Just tell me what to fucking do. Even with the drugs keeping me calm running through my system I felt tears running down my face. I didn't think that coming here would somehow manage to make things both worst and better at the same time but it had and I just wanted to leave and go somewhere to curl up in a ball and hide.
@bonghitsforfeds
“What I-” Trailing off in thought my laughter petered out into a small confused smile. Since when have you ever cared what I want? The way you warbled between needing my permission and wanting the right to make the choice was oddly sweet. With a slow crawl I worked my way up next to where your frizzy head peeked from above the covers and laid myself propped up next to your right side. There were not nearly as many tubes plugged into me, but there was still a new draping of wires laying over you from our tangling lines. There was something eerily intimate about having pipes of your blood and my saline wrapped together like the competing roots of two poisoned weeds.
Now that I had my eyes level next to yours I pecked a tiny kiss into the bandages wrapped around your temple. There was a mummy joke somewhere, but I did not want to ignore your repeated question, “We don’t even know if...” Goddammit. “I want you to try and-” I let my face hit the bed next to your head in frustration. I was so scared of you hating me now. I am navigating a rose maze that shifts and turns every time I blink. Picking my head up and placing it sideways on your chest so I am looking into your chin, “I want to do everything with you that neither of us has ever done.” It was a vague answer, but I was high and so were you. I wanted to hear your heartbeat, but the blankets, IV lines, and your gown was too much material. "Do you want to talk about it?" It would technically not be our first parlay about raising a family, but high as a kite and half battered to death in a private hospital bed while pinned beneath the head of a psychopath is good a place as any.
@killahxkylie
When you let your head rest next to mine I took my head out enough to press my forehead against yours. It caught me by surprise when you didn't immediately respond with anger and I didn't really know how to react to it which sort of makes me feel just as sick as you always say I am. Maybe there was always something wrong with me. That thought just made me wonder if I was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off if I met the right person.. or the wrong one?
I listened to you try to get your words out and it seemed like you were having just as much trouble as I was processing this whole thing, this thing that we didn't even know if it was a reality or not. I wondered if it was the drugs that were making you so docile or if something had actually broke in you when I almost died right in front of you. It didn't seem to bother you before though so was it only because it would have been by my own hand to get away from you? What made it so different that now you seemed to care how I was feeling or what I wanted?
'Do you want to talk about it?' Somewhere inside of me there was a 'wow this is so soon to be discussing this' joke but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I was so exhausted and the fact that I couldn't feel any emotion strongly was irritating me, it suddenly made sense by people did drugs though. They took everything way, even if just for a little while. Don't even think about it. "I.. I guess we can. I don't know where to even start I mean have you ever even wanted to have kids before? I know I always wanted to be a mom when the right person came around but.. I can't imagine you ever wanting that..."
@bonghitsforfeds
Have I ever wanted to have kids? A few tears leaked into my eyes and a shuddering sigh rattled forth, but that was the only emotion that broke through the drug barrier before it slammed its gates shut again. “What I said back at the van was real. I want to raise a family that stops hurting people.” The brutal honesty of my statement stole a few more tears which only succeeded in flaring a bit of anger. It all swallowed into the maelstrom of nothingness. I fucking hate downers.
Close as we are now I had to touch you. The forehead bump was not enough. I had been staring across the room at you for over a day now. With a wobbly wrapped hand I pat at your mess of hair with attempted tenderness. “You haven't even seen where I live yet Mouse. How can I be your right person?” Oh the horrors that await you my love. “I will not hate you if you take the medicine now, but I would like to revisit the topic someday if you do.” Maybe I should take a bag of this stuff around before I do business. Everything was mealy and thick, but at least the hatred stayed locked up. I had to force myself to not try and link the drug to my current soupy happiness.
In order to distract myself I just kept lazily patting at your head while staring into your swollen face. At least all the visible sections of stitching were not inflamed like my poor job had been. The flesh clear colored sutures they used made it almost hard to tell they were even there, but I had memorized every inch of your face at this point so nothing escaped my eye. Your nose was looking a lot better, at least the bruised section peering out from the head bandage did. Lick her face. I was wondering where that nagging fuck had gone.
@killahxkylie
"I don't know if you're the right person but you said yourself that I'm stuck with you forever.. although I have my doubts about the fact that I'd be a good mother after everything I've done." Like the fact that you killed a man or the fact that you're falling for your stalker and man that nearly beat you to death? "I don't...know what to do." I had only said that I would take it because I assumed you would want me to but the idea of putting a stop to something that could possibly start was making my chest ache in a way I didn't think it would. I definitely needed to swallow the stupid pill. The way that the topic seemed to upset you made me wonder if anything like this had ever happened to you before which only brought more questions to float around in my brain that was too high to even attempt to filter them out.
My mind drifted back to the first thing you said about raising a family that stops hurting people and I wondered if you even knew how. If you were born this creature with so much hate in his heart or if someone had put it there for you. Would you really ever be able to walk away from the life you've led thus far? I had my doubts. My mind's eye conjured up the image of you tossing our toddler out the window for crying too much and I visibly shuddered from it.
16:45
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It took me a long time to figure out what else to say, probably too long but for once the silence didn't feel suffocating it was probably the drugs. The way you just kept on patting my hair made it seem as though I'd been away from you for much longer than what I assumed were the few hours I had been. "You're touching me like I've been away from you for days." I smiled softly at the meek attempt to lighten the mood before my filterless head and mouth worked together to push you away. "Have you ever been in this situation before? I mean.. I mean with.. someone possibly ending up having your kid?" I knew what I really wanted to ask. The questions that were really burning in the back of my throat but I couldn't bring myself to say them. How many have there been? Would you cheat on me? I saw the way you looked at that stupid doctor. Do you have some kids out there somewhere? Is that why you killed the escort? Did you kill the escort? The escort the escort the escort. I wish you had never brought her up because she felt like some invisible competition that I had to win against.
@bonghitsforfeds
It has almost been two days. I thought about mentioning the passage of time and how much you have been through, but I decided to selfishly keep to myself so you would keep talking to me. It worked too, however it backfired painfully because you brought it back to a hellish question. My hand paused for a moment and it was an immense effort to keep patting you after the emotional blow, so I just let it rest on your chest next to my head. “I have never had anyone pregnant... as far as I am aware.” I chuckled at the thought of some poor Feldt bastard out there carving up some unknown countryside. Kill em’ all you little shit. The wheel of our conversation was headed back to the night I smashed your glass face into the invincible window beside you. What worried me was this time you had me manipulatively attached to you out of the new fear of you killing yourself before I could. Don’t ask about her, don’t do it.
17:11
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I was in the library of my father’s personal home. Rain pattered against massive three story stained glass windows beside my head. Despite my hardest attempts to focus on the colorful streaky reflections of the gorgeous shining light across the polished concrete floor, I could not ignore the spittle flying out of Father’s mouth into the side of my face as he screamed at me. With a tone so powerful my ears rang, “Fifty-Five million dollars Ivon! Million! With a fucking M!” My eyes were wide with a lifetime of internalized fury. The heat from his face was gone as he stormed around the desk we had been standing in front of so he could pick up a stack of papers off its huge top. Launching them in a hail of fluttering ripples that did not seem to impact me hard enough he clambered up onto the desk now so he could bring his face back to where he had been. I stared at the mess of legal work around my feet as he screamed again, “A hooker? A fucking hooker? You saw her over a hundred times in four months, Ivon!” A part of me wanted to point out technically it was the private flights and houses I had bought her, but I don’t think he cared to hear it.
Staring at the side of your face I poured pleading energy into your third eye to not ask me about her because at this point I don’t know if I could hold it all back. She will see it when we get to Washington. Now I was shaking, and had the sick thought of trying to bash your face in so the nurse would come in and fry my brain with more Ativan.
@killahxkylie
I nodded a little when you said that as far as you were aware you didn't have any little Satan spawns out there running around committing god knows what kind of crimes your child would commit, although if they were loved enough maybe they would be doing just fine. Maybe that's all you had needed in your life too. I could tell that a part of you knew what was still running around in the forefront of my mind by the way your hand stopped patting my head. Would it really be so bad to just tell me what happened? How badly could you really want this to work if you couldn't tell me anything about your past... How bad could you really want me if you couldn't do that?
That sinking feeling that things were terribly terribly wrong sank into my bones and brought me even further down than the drugs already had. I flirted with the idea of just going to sleep and forgetting we had ever had this conversation to begin with, maybe if I acted like I was freaking out enough they would shoot me up with enough of the shit to make me forget about all of this. I knew that wasn't how it works but it was a nice thought.
I think if you were staring at me any harder you might burn actual holes into the side of my face and it was so uncomfortable that I turned so I could face you better and meet your eyes with my own instead. Sometimes you were so good at reading me, I wondered if you could see the genuine sadness in my eyes from having this thing you threw at me still lingering over my head. If you would care if you knew how crazy it was making me every since the words had left your lips. I knew you probably said it to hurt me to begin with and boy oh boy did it work, probably even better than you had originally intended too. "Will you please just tell me.." The words came out so soft and sad because I knew you probably wouldn't, that you'd more than likely just try to hurt me for having the nerve to ask you anything, for wanting to know you so much. For needing answers to move forward.
The psycho had his massive monstrous claws wrapped around the bars of the drug cage. Prying with magical might it tried to bend out of that box and work to use my hands to gouge your eyes out as they stared at me. All it managed to get out of me was a small smacking of my inner mouth and a dramatic sigh. Well shit, here we go again.
“There is so much to tell.” My eyes closed in embarrassment and fear of the sad gaze you pouted at me now. I was nodding my head trying to lay the thoughts out in some invisible pattern only accessible to my mind’s eye. “Alright Mouse. There was an escort.” Excellent start. “I liked her a lot.” Bravo.
I had my feet up on the edge of a long matte black poker table. The way the buckle on the back of my shoe clacked into the metal paneling of it sent a satisfying little sensation up my leg that had me doing it over and over. Alone in the room my head rested on my left shoulder as my gaze peered over the lip of my blue dress shirt out at the twinkling top of Las Vegas. The chair I was in could almost lounge all the way flat, and the rocking motion I had myself in, the shimmering lights, and the little gouges I was leaving in the tabletop all worked together to lull me into daydreaming.
She should have been here several hours ago. Every time I came to see her there was always a last minute change of plans. They would be late, the location would change, or sometimes I would get off the plane for her to text and say she cannot make it at all. I had to wonder if she was easier to access if I would no longer care as much. Was this edging to the high of getting to see her part of the act? The massive door opened behind me and I rose to my feet so fast the spinning sensation of having done so made my head spin.
18:05
.
Long midnight black hair ran in perfect resolute curls in cascading waves of perfection down over the body of my favorite woman. She had dark shimmering lines of eye liner twirled in asymmetric patterns out from the corners of each eye that ended in gem encrusted stones that were glued into the shape of constellations. “Chelsea I...” My words stammered out into nothing.
“Shut up dipshit.” She threw the small purse she had been carrying across the long room at my face. While I was scrambling to catch the spinning leather bag she started a sprint that ended with her crashing into me and spilling us both backwards onto the felted top of the table. Oval shaped poker chips and thick cards scattered in waterfalls of spilling color, and her lips crashed into mine with heavenly conviction.
The beeping of my own monitor shook my head from the memory. I felt guilty for having gotten lost in it for so long in front of you, but something about your face and the drugs had me spinning in mnemic confusion. “I asked her to marry me.” I had only said a few words to you and already it felt like we had been doing this for hours. I felt a ball of panic growing in my chest, and my resolve to keep going was spinning away. “Ask a follow up question, please.” I needed you to distract me. It had only been seconds since I stopped, but I was scared if you took to long to think of something to say I would fly apart into mist.
@killahxkylie
'There was an escort... I liked her a lot' Well that much I had managed to put together, or at least I had assumed as much but it was a start.. it was something. I watched as your eyes got distant then and I wondered what kind of memory you were lost in. I couldn't help but feel bitter jealousy when you stayed lost in it for much longer than I would have imagined. I had made the grave mistake of assuming that you had never had real feelings for anyone after the words you had smacked me with like a weapon in that van. I thought I was the only one who made you feel anything real. The sinking realization that that wasn't true hurt more than I thought it would. I don't know why.
'I asked her to marry me.' It was lucky that I was stuck in this bed from the drugs and the exhaustion because I wanted to run as fast as I could into traffic and the nearest semi truck to obliterate me into pieces. There was no way this was the same man who however long ago was screaming at me and throwing a fit because I asked him for a real proposal. Obviously you aren't worth the effort that she was. I felt like I could barely breathe even with the drugs meant to keep me calm running through my bloodstream. I can't do this. The room felt like it was shrinking and I wished that I had never met you all over again. 'Ask me a follow up question, please.' I could barely even breathe and you were asking me for more as if you didn't just slap me with that. "What...what happened?" I could save the accusatory 'i thought you only loved me' for later, for some sick reason I needed to know the rest of the story between you and the escort that could make you have that look in your eye.
@bonghitsforfeds
No matter how long I scrubbed at my hands in the bar sink of that penthouse suite the water would run pink with smeared remnants of murder. The rushing sound of water over my hands was still not loud enough to drown out the sounds of her rattling lungs working with basic cerebral power to suck air past the collapsed flesh of her throat. At some point I had lost my tie, but in the peripheral vision of my obsessive hand washing I could see the torn and blood soaked fabric of my dress shirt hanging loosely from my body. Far off in the deeper parts of the hotel room a needle scratched repeatedly at the end of whatever record it had been playing when the night first began.
The color changed from pink to slightly less pink and this seemed to please the madness as it allowed me to turn away from the sink back toward the center room. A large tv hung canted on the far wall, and a massive splattering of purple black liquid was sprayed up the side of its plastic surface from where a glass wine bottle had collided with the corner of it. Exotic flowers lay in gorgeous patterns all over the carpet. A gift I had sent ahead via room service. It was an evil backdrop to Chelsea’s barely moving body.
19:16
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She was bent backward over the center of a smashed glass coffee table. Her back was in an arch, and her belly was pointed straight up at the ceiling from the body slam I had driven her through the table with. Her arms would occasionally flop about, and her fingers slowly opened and closed with random spasming movements. The gurgling gasping she did past her powdered jaw and ruined neck matched the intensity of flow from whatever frothy dark liquid leaked from her gaping mouth. I wanted to yell something at her in case her swelling brain still worked enough to hear past the blood leaking from her ears, but my throat was so hoarse from screaming that no sound came out but air as I tried to speak.
Finally opening my eyes so I could meet your gaze, “She said ‘no’ Mouse.” I stared into your dark eyes. Curiosity at what you were thinking, what you would ask next, and what you would do the first time you saw her tumbled in my mind. If only it ended there huh? I let my eyes fall down from yours back to the running of your porcelain jaw. Suddenly bashful I had no interest in you looking at me. “What are you thinking?” It was cruel to keep rushing you forward. In the brief silence I had begun to shiver, and my teeth were chattering. Emasculated I forced my body up into a seated position so I was facing the wall to your right side. With my back to you now I let my face screw up into a grimace of deep yearning and pain. “I broke her after that.” My voice was so quiet you barely heard it, and my head was pointed straight at the floor.
@killahxkylie
I watched you get distant again and wondered what you were remembering this time, I wish that I could crawl right into your brain so I could watch the memory playing over myself, then I wouldn't have to ask so many questions and be left with so many blanks to fill in. This entire thing was more terrifying than I thought it would be, I thought it would be a simple and quick answer but here I was trying to figure out how to disappear into thin air. When you finally opened your eyes again I snapped mine back up to meet yours. So many more questions flew through my brain and I wished that I could just make them stop. 'She said no, Mouse' Well.. at least I had the slight relief of you never having been married before. It didn't do much to settle my mind though.
When you sat up my heart started racing even despite the mild sedatives, it felt okay for me to want to disappear myself but the idea of you leaving me right now wasn't okay at all. 'I broke her after that.' You cut me off with that knowledge before I could even tell you what I was thinking and when I opened my mouth to speak at first all I did was squeak. "Is.. she dead? Do.. I mean did you love her? Am I ...am I like her? Is that why you picked me?" The last two questions came out the most quiet, they were the two I was most afraid of hearing the answer to. I don't think I could handle being some replacement for the one who got away from you. The one you really wanted... The one who wasn't me.
@bonghitsforfeds
Staring at my dangling feet I shook my head in a small chuckle, “God you-” Now my neck rolled back so I was looking at the angled ceiling, and my eyes danced across the different colored butterflies painted into its surface, “You just know the exact things to ask I swear.” I bit at my lip while falling backward over your thighs so we were both lying facing the ceiling. It felt easier to explain myself further away from your pressuring inquisitive gaze. I mean technically she is dead.
“You know what the real fucked up part is Cami?” There was a group of painted flowers that set a nice corner frame to the entire ceiling mosaic that wrapped in a woven shape my eyes could not stop focusing on as I spoke. “I can say with sure confidence now I don’t love her.” Tears spilled out from my eyes that turned the perfect images into a smear of color that kaleidoscoped into random swirls as the water ran down my hot face. “I think after all this time I can say I-” What the fuck can I say? Do you want to hear how I was rich-mad she could not be won by my dollars? “She saw through my evil and it scared her. Just like you can.”
I wanted to wipe the tears away, but I liked having the barrier between me and my main human sense. “As for being like her...” Don’t lie, she will find out. “You resemble her in some ways. She was less gentle, and taller.” And dark hair, fat pouty lips, shiny porcelain skin, patterned eye freckles. Tell her the truth. Ignoring my pleading consciousness, “She is brain dead.” You are piece of shit. My eyes forced themselves shut in self pity and it pushed more salty stinging tears down the river of pathetic liquid that was now pooling into your bed spread.
@killahxkylie
'You know what the real fucked up part is Cami?' I was ready for you to tell me that you loved her, or you didn't love me, or I was just a sad attempt at a replacement but I wasn't good enough that I couldn't measure up to whoever this woman before me was. The last thing I expected was for you to fall back across my thighs, for you to tell me that you were sure you didn't love her now. He'll say that about you to the next girl too.'She saw through my evil and it scared her. Just like you can.' I let that roll around in my brain for awhile trying to understand it all. I didn't even realize it when I started to card the half numb tips of my fingers through your hair.
'You resemble her in some ways.' My fingers froze at your words. I don't know why but I was praying you would say she was nothing like me, that she was some blonde bimbo who was nothing like me. Nothing like me. I needed her to be nothing like me. Less gentle? Taller? That's it? I didn't know what I was supposed to do with that. What other ways was she like me? What other ways was she better than me? Probably all of them. If my hand wasn't in so much pain I probably would have balled it into a fist to bring down right on top of your face.
'She is brain dead.'
I felt my stomach lurch and the world spin violently at those four words you strung together, having the nerve to cry when you're the one who thread the needle. 'Brain dead.' Flashes of the many times you bashed my head against the floor or the window went through my head, the way you had held your own fists above my face that first night. I was one step away from ending up another woman you'd turned into a vegetable and I didn't even know just how close I'd come. Run. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I felt completely numb. I just laid their staring at the ceiling deciding it would be easier to count each color tile than to try to formulate words right now.(edited)
20:24
.
All the times that someone had picked someone better than me, all the times that someone had tried to use me to replace someone else, they were all flashing through my memory on repeat. Never good enough. I felt tears running down my own cheeks but I couldn't do anything to stop it, god I was sick of crying. "How did you ask her?" My voice cracked when the question came out and I could feel myself crying harder now. "I bet it was something nice wasn't it? She was worth the effort she was- sh-she was- she- was-" I was losing it again, I don't know why I was so fixated on the fact that I wasn't worth the effort when she was. It was an all too familiar feeling and I realized now that it had always made me want to crawl out of my skin. Every comparison, every critique, every abandonment, you managed to dredge them all up so easily and I hated you for it.
@bonghitsforfeds
Infinite twinkling disco like refractions of light danced around the massive octagonal ball room in a dazzling display of pearly brilliance. The source of this spinning star like effect was due to the crystal chandelier that hung hundreds of feet above Chelsea and I from a rotating mechanism. Silent gyroscopes rotated laser lights in computer timed synchronous spins to perfectly cast the show she and I sat in. The room was empty besides her and I. She was several feet away from me, and the valley of her spine was easily visible shuddering with her sobbing through the laced openings of her dress. The long white gloves on her arms had smears of green from the running makeup she had wiped into them already. I was on my knees with the small purple box still open in my hands. The giant stone atop the two piece engagement ring looked stupid in my hands now. I wanted to grind it point first into the back of her head with enough force to push it out the front of her face. “Why are you crying Chelsea?”
She started laughing through her tears now, and rose to her feet as she turned to look down at me. Her eyes were red with sadness, and whatever image she had painted about her face ran in pitiful rivers down over her pointy collar bone as an unrecognizable mess of rainbow color. She shook her head as she spoke in a choked voice, “You ruin everything with your fucking stupidity you know that? Beautiful things.” She waved her arms around the room we were in, “Things that should be made into poetry. Things that should be kept pure in memory forever.” She squinted down at me like a disappointed parent, “Do you even know what I am talking about you sad man?”
20:57
.
I crawled back up to your hyperventilating form now and wrapped my arms around your shuddering body. “I gave it my everything, Mouse. She threw it in my face and called me stupid.” It was a partial truth, but fuck her I get to have my selfish moment of retribution at how she treated me that night. With annoying water still running from my eyes I patterned little kisses into your swollen cheeks. Whispering into your ear, “If I had tried harder when I asked you would you still have told me no too?” I could not help the hot air carrying the weight angry sadness. As I awaited your answer I continued my lips assault of your face. I felt my world spinning apart into madness. Why am I cursed with this?@killahxkylie
"You are stupid" I shook my head and tried weakly to push you away at the same time that I buried my broken face against you in the most confusing push and pull I'd ever experienced. I was trying and failing miserably to avoid your kisses because I hated the way they chipped away at my anger. "You're so fucking stupid I can't stand it" I was gripping onto your stupid hospital gown now as hot angry jealous bitter tears kept pouring from my eyes. Why was I jealous of someone who had no life now? "I'm not her why wouldn't you try for me to find out for yourself." It sounded much more hollow than I meant for it to but it hurt that you let how she reacted make it so that somehow I didn't deserve the effort. It only made more and more questions than through my mind and I wondered if that would ever stop when it came to you and I.
"How did you meet? Did you- did you find her the same way you found me or did she get nice things and real dates before she got a concussion and a broken nose? I thought I was special so why do I-. Why do I feel like this?" I turned my head so I wasn't looking at you and found a spot on the wall to focus on. Everything was starting to feel way too real and I was tempted to push that dumb little red button and call someone in here to get you away from me. To make it so that you couldn't touch me anymore, to call someone to come and rescue me. I could always go home to my parents, they would gladly have me while I got back on my feet. I didn't need to do this. "Am I just some shittier replacement of her to you?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘You are stupid.’ You punched into my chest with that one, but it's okay because you doubled down by calling me stupid again and pushed my heart out my back and crushed it like melting gummy candy. If the words did not cause such a physical catch of pain in my throat I probably would have seen how much of your face I could chew off before the nurses got in here.
‘How did you meet?’ My arms were crossed as I leaned on the smooth marble railing. A light breeze blew through the air that carried the scent of garden wall flowers up from the beds a few stories beneath the balcony. A military drumline echoed with thumping thwaps in the large space. In the center of the massive castle courtyard garden hundreds of feet away stood several rows of royal soldiers who all flourished whatever object they held as a horse drawn carriage was pulled past them. Thousands of people were peeking out from the red bricked building I currently stood outside of, and all I could think about was how exhausted I am.
21:43
.
The petite hands that suddenly appeared close to mine caught me by such surprise I almost jumped. When you are expecting your cigar smoking father to coalesce and instead you get a fair skinned woman it tends to startle you. I glanced down expecting someone shorter, but was surprised to catch her shoulder so close to my face. Bringing my eyes up to meet hers, my tongue caught in my throat. She had an impossibly detailed spider web painted over her face in thin makeup that had a gemmed faceted black widow clinging to it by some unknown force. “I fucking hate weddings.” The icy words leapt from her throat with practiced intonation. Her eyes crawled over my face as I scrambled for a response, and I stared hopelessly at the white tips to her long fluttering lashes. I glanced behind her as if expecting to see someone controlling her with a remote several paces behind. Following my gaze behind her she turned her eyes back to me while teasing, “What? Waiting for your daddy to come back?”
I had been lost in thought again, and had missed something you said, ‘Am I just some shittier replacement of her to you?’ I let you scoot away from me, because I was so twisted in emotion and drug haze the memories were starting to slide into the current. Chelsea stood across the room with her arms crossed, and she shook her smashed head with disapproval. Crawling closer to steal back the few inches of space I had just conceded moments ago I buried my face into your cold neck. “No. No baby please I swear.” My tears ran into the wounds in your lower jaw, “Please, please. I’ll do what-” I had to clench my teeth. “Please.” I didn’t even know why I was begging at this point. Anything I said felt wrong. “Don’t leave me.” Would I let you go at this point? Is that what love is?@killahxkylie
I watched your eyes wander to the other side of the room and your throat bob in a nervous swallow that I'd seen you do more than once since we'd been stuck together, since I'd been stuck with you I should say. Suddenly the room and whatever this was between us felt more haunted than it already had. Was she still rotting away in some hospital just like this one? Paid off by dirty money to keep her bragging with some top of the line machine that was wasted on her lungs. "I feel like you're lying." My voice was shaking, broken, I felt like the room was getting too small. I wanted to peel my skin off and then the muscle before grinding my own bones into nothing to blow away in the wind. "It feels like you love her.. not me.."
I don't even know when my own tears started to come harder again to mix with your own in a salty sea of sadness pooling in the divot of my collarbone. I bet she was thinner, prettier, stronger. "I wish I never knew about her." Was I going to be able to get over this? It wasn't like I had never been with anyone else before, hell I had even been in love before but this.. for some reason this felt so much different. It felt like you betrayed me before you ever even knew my name, none of it made sense but it didn't stop it from hurting. I wish I could pull the plug on her myself.
I wonder what you would do if you knew just how badly this was eating me alive. Would you go back and change the fact that you ever mentioned her if you could? Keep my stupid little brain protected with cushy lies that would make it easier for you to wrap me around your finger? Probably not. You were too cruel to not have flung her in my face. The fact that you were begging me not to leave made me want to undo the threads holding my arm back together to watch the rest of the life leak out of me. It's not like he actually cares. You're just a replacement. "Why didn't you let me die? You've threatened to kill me so many times... Why didn't you let me die?"
<@2217985608
You kept pushing me with your words. “I’m not lying.” No matter what I say it sounds pitiful through my sobbing. “Goddammit Cami, why do you make me fucking repeat everything? Do you know how hard this is for me?” I pulled my head from your neck and pressed the palm of one bandaged hand into the wall above your head with a pitiful tantrum like fury. ‘I wish I never knew about her.’ “Finally, something we fucking agree on.” I spat the words out hatefully over your head toward Chelsea’s ghoulish image in the corner. She had crawled up the wall onto the ceiling and was hanging upside down by a web made of her own intestine.
‘Why didn’t you let me die?’ Floating French lyrics swam like a choir of molten tin from down the hallway to my right. Chelsea was singing along to it in a hollow tenor sound that never matched her face when you saw her doing it. I could tell from the way the noise carried up the long space to my ears that she was moving around the master bedroom. Turning to my left away from the heavenly noise my eyes caught sight of her dress draped like an angel's wings over the back of a long L shaped couch.
22:17
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None of it mattered to me though. She might as well have been a shit covered homeless psycho screaming like an exorcist poltergeist for all I cared. Wrapped through my fingertips like the toxic insides of an alien pathogenic monster was the clear fibrous floss-like wire of a hidden speaker. In my other shaking hand was the priceless bottle of half drank wine my own father had shared with my dead mother the day he proposed to her. I launched it like a missile over the top of the couch into the tv before bounding up the hallway toward the bedroom like a starving hellhound.
“Because you back me up. Because I have told you who I am and you are still here. You could have told that man at the motel, you could have told the chauffeur, you could have left me back in the mountains, shit Cami, you could have turned me into the cop sitting right outside that door.” I pointed toward the sliding door that I knew concealed the large man who was always outside it. Turning back toward your face now and putting both my hands on your rising chest, “But you didn't. You are still right here chugging along like my little mouse who got dropped on its head.”
@killahxkylie
'Do you know how hard this is for me?' I wanted to split my jaw in half laughing at that question. How hard it is for you? I wanted to scoff and laugh because how could it be that hard for you when all you had done was become obsessed with me. I wanted to scream about how it must have been oh so difficult for you to force yourself in my door and in my body. Really I should apologize for putting poor Ivon Feldt through the trouble of almost killing me on more than one occasionz how selfish of me to not think of how hard it must be for you to remember the ghosts of your past that you put there. I watched you hurl your next words over my shoulder at that very same ghost and wanted to scream in your face that I was right here and to look at me instead.
When you rattled off a list of reasons why you didn't let me die I couldn't help but to let the anger diminish at least a little. You were right about all of them I could have said something multiple times, hell I could have attacked you with that piece of glass instead of the man underneath you but I didn't. Missed opportunity. Your hands on my chest sent that stupid electric fluttering through my body and I had to steel myself against it. 'My little mouse.' I wondered if you knew that it turned me to jello when you called me that, especially with that pesky little 'my' in front of it. "I-. I know. And if you keep paying more attention to the ghost of her than me I still could." I said it as I let my eyes meet yours again and there was a desperate pleading in them to please just let it go and focus on loving me instead but I had the sinking feeling that she wasn't going anywhere.
@bonghitsforfeds
I shook my head at the end of your comment. “You know, for someone so twisted up with commitment, you sure do hold breaking up over my head a lot.” I dropped to my stomach and let my chin rest on the palms of both my blue cloth wrapped hands. With my head pointed just right of your face, but my teary eyes locked into yours, “We just became a...” Jesus what are we? “A thing in the past few moments. You did tell the nurse we were together after all.” I said it with a charming smile trying my best to steer the conversation to anything else. We were dancing with fencing poles and instead of trading sportslike blows you just kept jabbing the point repeatedly into my stomach.
Selfish anger rolled up the longer I tried to choke down your words. All your injuries are my fault, but you are the one who keeps asking me about this. What makes you so perfect? Have you never hurt anyone? Have you ever made a selfish decision at the emotional expense of another? My smile dropped off into a straight line, and my eyes betrayed the stewing thought. I was not sure if it was just the drugs, but the anger just made me want to force my lips into yours. That desire to pump my pained memories into your broken body through a twisted ritual of sex was smoldering through the wet medical napkin draped over my feelings.
My eyes crawled your face while I waited for you to do something. The tension in the room was thick, but your comment about ghosts resurfaced and I suddenly felt some wind go out. We did bring it up originally. The dying hate rekindled immediately. So what, you are in your mid twenties and have nothing haunting you? Are you trying to compare us to other people? My face grew red hot in a failed attempt to contain my tail spinning emotional load.
@killahxkylie
"Coming from the guy who just randomly asked me to marry him in the middle of a fight?" I couldn't help but smile when you called us a thing though because you looked like maybe you were actually happy about it. "I want to be your girlfriend Ivon or.. whatever.." I felt a blush creeping onto my cheeks because this entire conversation felt so foolish and stupid. Fuck it. "I know it's stupid but I want to be exclusive." I wanted to crawl in a hole and die at saying something so cringey but at this point I literally had nothing else to lose. Sick bitch.
I watched you look over my face like you were trying to figure me out, as if you could just see inside of me and all the stupid little things that make me up if you just stared a little harder, if only it could be that easy. I suppose the majority of my issues were my own fault for the men and friends I chose to keep, or tried it anyways. Maybe I'm just a terrible judge of character, or maybe I really am just stupid.
"I don't think I'm perfect I just.. I'm just trying to know you more. I just want to know you." I sighed and thumbed over your cheek when I could see you deflate a little, I wish I could always know what was running through your mind. "I know you probably don't believe me but I'm really not trying to upset you or make you angry I just want to know about you. I don't know if you realize but I'm at least a month behind in getting to do that." I tried to joke but it was the truth, you had time to watch me and learn little things about me that people don't usually find out until they've been together. I didn't have that at all.
@bonghitsforfeds
Exclusive. The smooth word rolled around my mind’s tongue with a satisfying buttery slide that tickled me in a pleasing way. I nodded along as you spoke, and was betrayed by the tiny huff of air your finger on my face stole. ‘I don’t think I’m perfect,’ Curiously out of everything you have said this evening that managed to get the most hate water over the drug reef. Is she questioning our judgment? Rolling my eyes at the thought I found myself irrationally worried you somehow heard it pass over my mind. I trapped your thumb over my lips with one of my hands so I could press kisses into it as you continued.
Closing my eyes at your well timed joke my lips spread into a warm smile that had your finger pressed against my upper teeth. Running my mouth down your finger across the palm of your hand and toward your wrist I spoke so my lips brushed against your skin as I did so, “I think I do believe you...” The tactile sensation of you on my face shot little icicles of lust into my head. “Mmm.” I mused at your comments about being behind. “You are relentless, hm?” Now that my lips found your ruined wrist I pecked little kisses into the bandages, “What else do you want to know, my love?”
The words vibrating out of my own throat helped to tilt the room toward the angle of our perfect space. Love. What do I even know about love? My eyes were still closed, and I was afraid if I opened them you would have a look of displeasure at how I massaged my lips into your body. Working the trail of moist brushing up your arm I pressed a few hard ones into the sweaty fold of your elbow. Exclusive. The big puffy letters floated my vision again as my mind swam with a powerful mix of endorphin and IV medication. Already I regretted asking you what else you wanted to know, because now I am aware it would have been a much better use of my time to just beg you for more words of affection.
@killahxkylie
I was just about to say something smart when you rolled your eyes at me because here I was trying to be genuine and let you know that I'm not perfect I have my stuff too and all you could do was roll yours eyes? But before I could say anything your lips were pressed against my thumb and my brain went blank. I wish I could blame it on the drugs but I knew without a doubt it was just because how soft and perfect your lips were. It wasn't fair at all.
'I think I do believe you' I felt my heart beating faster even against the drugs in my system when your lips started to travel down my finger and across my palm, the little vibrations of your voice against my skin like this was making it next to impossible to focus on anything else. I let out the smallest whimper when you kissed over the embarrassing bandages on my wrist and felt my face turning red from the shame. You'd do it again for more of this attention. That stupid little nagging voice was probably right and I hated myself for it. 'What else do you want to knowmy love?' I knew right then I could listen to you call me that for centuries and never get tired of it.
There were so many things that I could still ask you, so many things that I wanted to know but all I could focus on was you calling me 'my love'. "Do you.. will we.." I kept starting and stopping again because your lips against my skin were taking away all of my focus and I could feel that fuzzy feeling setting into my brain again already from it. "When we go to Washington.. do you live with your family?" I wondered if that would be less painful to answer for you than more questions about the escort. "Also.. I like hearing you call me that."
@bonghitsforfeds
The cadence of kissing up your cold arm was nearing the bandages wrapped around your shoulder from where I took a chunk out of it. While you were asking about Washington I silently passed over the section only noting its presence with the feeling of my face alone. Chills crept down my back and I hated that it charged a growing need for you. Wiping feather light kisses into the packed wound I progressed my way up toward your neck. You smelled like cleaning agents, sterile gloves, sickness, and body odor. It was a disgusting love potion that reflected your time here, and it was working to cloud my mind. What have you done to me?
I already knew what you were referring to, but I could not help lapping the hot tease into your ear, “Call you what?” I nibbled at the top of it while humming an inquisitive tone into the soft flesh. Tell her what awaits at your house, tough guy. Returning back down your stitched face and toward the pointy edge of a cheekbone, “There is no one else who actively lives with me other than staff. It would just be us, them, and a few ghosts.” With the softest edge of pushing panic, “Unless of course you want to live somewhere else. The world is open to you baby.” Kissing down toward your chin I left a slurpy one on the corner of your lips as I passed it. “If you could live anywhere, where would it be?” Finally I opened my eyes and looked up towards yours as I nuzzled my nose into your jawline. Fluttering my eyelashes I could not stop the smile that crossed my pressed lips at the blush in your cheeks. It felt hard to gulp air now, and I had a feeling pressing my mouth into yours and working to steal oxygen would probably help. A nervous bead of sweat spun into existence and trailed down my face toward my eyes. Your own past words spun into my head, Help me forget.@killahxkylie
Nervous. You make me so nervous and somehow you've managed to make my body respond to that feeling with so much lust it's almost palpable between us any time we touch like this, any time your lips are on me. I felt those feelings swirl together and surge the closer you got to my shoulder, I think a small part of me was afraid you would take another bite.
"L-love I like it when you call me my love" I whimpered after the words slipped off my lips from the feeling of your voice in my ear and then your teeth nibbling there. God this isn't fair. I was surprised to hear that nobody else lived with you aside from staff, it was definitely a relief though. I didn't want your family around when we were going at each other like wild animals, both in violence and in sex. "O-oh I don't know why I thought you lived with family." 'Unless of course you want to live somewhere else. The world is open to you baby.' The idea that we could really go anywhere in the world, that you would take me anywhere in the world made me dizzy. Nobody had ever wanted me this much, I was sure of that. It felt like torture having you ask me a question when your lips were so close to mine, I could feel your breath against my lips when you asked where I would go if I could live anywhere.
When your eyes fluttered open and met mine the look in them was almost too much, I had to force myself not to look away from you when you smiled into kissing my rosy cheeks. "I think.. I think I would go to Italy, maybe live near the sea. Or somewhere in the mountains somewhere else.. I guess I've never really thought about it." I probably did when I was a teenager or even in my early twenties but I had accepted years ago that I would probably stay in California forever. I didn't mind it much because it was beautiful here too but I had always wanted to see more of the world, it was so big and there was so much beauty in it, it felt like a waste to not see as much of it as I could.
13:09
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"I'd go anywhere with you." It came out breathy from the way you were still looking at me and I brought my hand up to rest on your cheek before pulling us together in a heated but slow kiss. Feeling our lips and tongues work together like we had done this a million times before I couldn't help but moan softly. I don't know what it is about you that makes me like this but you're the only one who ever has. I'd been turned on before sure but this? This was like a sneak peak into heaven every time. It felt like you put me under a spell whenever we were physically close like this.
@bonghitsforfeds
Anywhere. The sensual rubbing of lip and tongues against each other had the sweat drops on my forehead dribbling into a run of drips. The word bounded up the walls of my skull and onto the top of my head in such a loud cyclone of thought it was a miracle I did not accidentally just speak it back into your mouth. The squeak you fed into my throat fished up a tiny grunt of my own that only had my entire body breaking out in goosebumps. Instead of pressing my face forward into yours so hard it crushes your head to powder I pulled my lips off of yours with a tiny smack.
With a few spider web thin tendrils of our saliva snaking between our separated kiss, “How about Turin? I do lots of business there. It is kind of a hub.” My face broke out in a blush at bringing work into this, “It sits near the West Alps, and is nestled among hundreds of old Roman structures.” Instead of exhausting more of my stupid hot thoughts at you I continued my assault of every inch of skin I had been forced to stare at from my bed. I worked the march of our mixed spit kisses down your chin and onto the bare flesh of your upper chest. I could hear your heart thumping with nervous perversion, and now I spent time suckling the length of your collar bone back and forth across the full distance of your body until it began to glisten.
13:38
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Instead of following my desire to pull the seam of your gown down and work toward the soft flesh of your breasts I made a U-turn and kissed back up your body to the side of your head I had not gotten too yet. I had to come up on all fours and lean over you to get to it properly, and every memory of me being mounted over the top of your shadowed form blasted my mind in an erotic slideshow. Now that my lips had found their way to a lower part of your dry ear I nipped the bottom, “Well, my love?” I was sure to pant the pet name out, “Is something distracting you?” Passing a final kiss over your temple I brought my face nose to nose with yours and pressed the weight of my gaze into your teary eyes. I rested the urge to ask why you always cry, and instead just brushed my lips over yours while waiting for you to say something. I wondered if you knew I was huffing at your exhaled air while hovering?
@killahxkylie
"It sounds beautiful" I practically panted out when you asked me about Turin before continuing to trail those soft wet kisses all over my skin. "I've never even heard of it until just now." I let out a small laugh at my lack of knowledge of the world but I really would follow you anywhere at this point. Wherever you went I would follow, even if it was straight into the depths of hell. It hadn't even really registered when you said you do a lot of business there exactly what that meant. It was all too easy to let the business you do slip from my mind out of convenience, it was easier to pretend I didn't know anything about it.
"God I love your lips." I whine as you kiss and suck all over my sensitive collarbone, my back arching a little bit into the feeling before you surprised me and kissed back up the other side of my head instead of bringing your lips lower down. When you ended up on top of me like this I couldn't help but tear up, how strange that the most terrifying moments in my life and some of the best both took place in this same position. I felt my cheeks heat up again when you used that sweet pet name against me deepening that spell on me even further. "You know you're distracting me Ivon" I let out a small breathy laugh. "Your lips just feel so perfect" I can feel mine brush against yours with my answer and the urge to press them back together was so strong but I just let them hover near yours in this same way instead. "I love your lips.. I love the way you kiss me"
“Hmm?” I rose up to my knees in a seated position so I was straddling you. It pained my soul to pull our faces apart, but I could not resist teasing. “Well doll, I love your lips too...” I let the phrase trail off while canting my head to the side and laddering my eyes up and down your concealed form beneath the blanket. The adorable way your accelerated breath had the peak of yourself shifting quickly beneath the soft sky blue fabric intensified my teasing mood. “Don’t let me distract you or anything.” I nodded toward your vitals on the wall, “At least your oxygen is really good right now, it's ninety-nine.” The tiny number was a happy blue. “Although I have to admit Ms. Roberts, your bpm is looking a little high.” I put on a fake frown that barely managed to overpower my dorky smile.
An incredible supernova of guilt blew my stomach out of my torso like a cosmic shotgun blast while I looked down into your flush face. You looked pathetic wrapped in bandages and plugged full of plastic tubing, and your hair was matted in ways I know was driving you internally crazy from how much product was back in your home. The confused tears spilling from your perfect bloodshot eyes wiped my face of happy emotion and had my heart tugging in an annoying rattling against its barbed wire cage. “Why am I sad looking at your sadness?” The words felt so boyishly stupid fluttering down onto your car wreck of a walking corpse, but the question sprang free without filter from the honest and semi safe aura we shared. “You don’t have to answer that.” Anger seeped slowly at my lack of confidence in this situation. Everything scared me, and I regret every thought or thing I said after it happened. She will learn to hate you, this one is too smart for it not to happen eventually.@killahxkylie
'I love your lips too.." The words sent a shiver up my spine, I knew obviously that I had a strong physical effect on you but hearing it out loud was different. I looked up at you and I wondered if I looked as small as I felt underneath you like this, judging by the way you were looking at me it seemed like it was probable. I peeked over at the beeping machine when you pointed out my oxygen levels and then teased me about my heart rate. *Is he really joking around right now? I didn't even think you were capable of doing that. I laughed a little and shook my head "I wonder why, couldn't be because of all your kisses."
I watched as something seemed to change in you so quickly and I had no idea what could have happened when I had been playful with you right back. 'Why am I sad looking at your sadness?' I almost couldn't believe that the words had really come out of your mouth and if it wasn't for the look on your face I might have really thought that I imagined it. Does he actually care about how I feel? For some reason even though I now knew you were feeling sad I felt my stomach fill with butterflies. I was just about to say something when your lips opened again for more of the stupid to come out. 'You don't have to answer that.' I snapped my mouth back shut and felt my brows pinch together. Why doesn't he want me to answer?
I thought about it for a few long moments before I felt my mouth open anyway. "Because... Because you actually care about me. It's actually normal believe it or not." The last part came out with more attitude than I meant for it to, could you actually just be this stupid? Or have you genuinely never actually cared about someone before? The idea that I might actually be the first in that regard made my blush deepen. "It makes me sad to see you sad too you know."
@bonghitsforfeds
I could only nod and smile an evil toothy grin as you tried to compare my behavior to normality. “Normal?” My brows furrowed in mock confusion. Do you really think my emotions are normal? Sucking on your words I was trying to decide if it was more sad that I had never felt this way if it was so ordinary, or if it was more pitiful I had you explaining it to me. My arms floated to either side of you and I covered your body in that familiar cocoon shape from the car ride here. I used my knees and elbows to support my weight so that your recovering ribs did not have to bear any of it. The top of my head was level with your eyes. I was thankful for the slight distance my position left between us, because if you gained knowledge of the awkward erection I hid from your tears and flushed cheeks I may fade of embarrassment.
Everything was so fake and floaty that I had no choice but to bask in the drunkenness of how easy it was to push the hate down. Angling my eyes up just enough to see yours, “Don’t be sad little Mouse, your explanations of my stupidity make me feel better.” My head canted to the side as I studied your reddening features, and I caught myself trying to think if I always did this when thinking or if it was a behavior I was copying from you. I filed the thought away for closer inspection later.
15:18
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I pressed my lips into a long kiss at the line where your frizzy hair meets your clammy forehead. While letting the smooch linger I took deep mind cleansing breaths of your scent in through my nostrils. After several centering huffs I pulled my head back quickly in anxiety over how creepy of a maneuver it may come off as. You broke into her house dipshit, why do you care? My hair fluttered from the frustrated exhale I shot up at it. In an act of rebellion aimed at the court of hateful voices I softened my tone before rumbling, “Do you want me to get off of you Cami? I can just lay here if you prefer.” I glanced with my head toward the open spot I had originally climbed into after collapsing angrily onto your lap.
@killahxkylie
I could stay just like this forever, aside from being in the hospital. I loved being wrapped up in you like this, it felt like I was being sheltered from the rest of the world when you caged me in this way. When you peeked up enough that your eyes met mine I tried to blink away the tears that had welled up in them before, I hated that I cried over every little thing so much I didn't even have to be sad for my eyes to fill up. Any intense emotion made it happen, even happiness. When your head tilted to the side mine followed, trying to figure out what you were trying to figure out. I found it endearing that your movements started to mirror mine a little already, was that something you had done with anyone else before?
I let my eyes fall shut when you pressed another life giving kiss to my forehead and even when it lasted longer than normal it still wasn't long enough, I wanted to tell you to come back the send you had pulled your lips from my skin. "No! I-" I cleared my throat a little and shook my head. "No.. I like having you on top of me" I visibly cringed at how stupid and perverse that sounded but really I just liked how you made me feel safe. I guess that in itself was a little perverse given the situation but I found it harder and harder to care the longer time went on, people had fallen in love under worse circumstances right? I mean at least we weren't relatives or something. "You.. you make me feel good. Not just in a sexual way just.. in general you... you make me feel all protected and fuzzy inside."
@bonghitsforfeds
I stifled the chuckle that you stole in whining out how you enjoy me being on top of you, but you did manage to win the asymmetrical raising of my eyebrows. The humor was flowing freely, however it was also a defense mechanism at feeling so raw and exposed. “Fuzzy...” How is it you have the fearless willpower to push me at my angriest? I will be inches from your face begging you to shove me another inch into madness and you will do it without even batting an eye. Yet, the very second anything remotely sticky happens you retreat into this awkward persona. It was endearing.
I leaned back down so I had you wrapped up again, but this time I let our eyes rest level with each other. Pecking a tiny kiss into your nose, “No one in my entire life has ever called me fuzzy. Can you believe that shit?” I drug my lips down toward your mouth in a similar fashion as earlier, but this time it was slower and I let the hot air of my breath wash your face. “It’s kind of messed up the more I think about it. I’m just such a doll.” I let the sarcasm drip thick into the last word, and felt my cheeks turn red from how I laughed at my own joke. Now I was grabbing at your top lip with mine like it was a stuffed animal in a claw game. The wet smacking as my lips would grip at yours had me stealing little quick gasps of air that had the quietest foundations of a moan beneath.
Your stale medical breath was a refreshing spring I couldn’t get enough of. “I want to get the cheapest tube of lipstick,” I pressed a wet kiss into your lips, “Spread it like hot tar all over your perfect puckering fucking face flaps,” This time I pushed my tongue into your mouth and around your lower teeth, “And then have you press them into my fucking face. So I can walk around all day with your mouth branded into my skin.” A heat grew in my core at the prospect of being owned by you.
@killahxkylie
I didn't think the word I used to describe the way you made me feel inside would set you off the way it did but when you started to drag your lips down my face again I wasn't going to complain. It was funny how even when you seemed like you were angry with me all you ever wanted to do was kiss me or touch me, I wondered if the urge to break me was still there too hidden under every press of your lips to my skin. "I- I just meant that you make me feel good inside" I could never tell what you wanted from me, when you wanted me to bad down and when you didn't and it felt like I had a constant case of emotional whiplash. This can't be healthy.
The way you described how you wanted to have the marks from my lips on your face all day from a cheap tube of lipstick my mind immediately flashed back to the message you had left me on the mirror with mine. "Fucking hell baby you can't just say things like that" I whined feeling myself growing frustrated with the need that ached between my thighs. I wanted to push the blanket out of the way from between us but it was stuck and I didn't want to accidentally rip the tubes from my arm.
"I don't have any lipstick.. but I can still do this for now.." I pulled you closer to me so I could kiss along your jaw and down to your neck where I attached my lips to your skin and sucked hard, tongue and lips making a high pitched sucking noise when a little bit of air managed to sneak past as I sucked a pretty purple bloom into your neck before moving up just a little bit to do the same thing all over again. "You're mine" I breathed it out hot and low against your damp skin before finishing by planting another mark right where your jaw met your neck.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Cant?’ My mind’s oven was working overtime to bake up a witty response, but then you were pulling me down with promises of a threat. There was this rehearsed reactionary blast of rage when you began to suck the hickey into my neck. Years of being brainwashed by my father that any single solitary sign of my sex life being visible could cost the entire family its image had my muscles frozen in fear. I almost resisted completely reacting, but one of my hands managed to push itself into your chest momentarily. ‘You’re mine.’ Any resolve I had flash boiled instantly into vapor and the hand I had been using to push you away folded into a useless limp flesh noodle between us. Everything was in slow motion and my dumb boy brain was firing on every cylinder to keep up. Then my favorite wet skin was tunneling another mark of your lips into my neck. Having you claim me audibly and tag me like this was such a taboo combination of feelings that it stole a surprised moan out of me.
17:48
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The shame of having my cock grow stiff from just two hickeys and your words spiked my veins with erotic anger so powerful that my mouth filled with saliva. “You ca-” Dammit, “But yo-” Fuck. “You just said I can’t-'' Jesus Christ Ivon. To buy myself some time to gather my thoughts I wrapped the skin of our faces back up into a passionate french kiss while glaring down at you with lustful frustration. While sucking at your tongue my mind danced with accusation. Do you have any idea what my dad will say when he sees pictures of my neck in the media? Does your Barbie doll brain actually process the fact that you have me on a leash already? Finally the stirring anger worked to let me tell you something. Biting your lip and pulling it up as I pry our faces apart, “I don’t know if that's enough. That Sarah Webb lady might be willing to overlook two little splotchy marks on my neck.” I could not recall a time in my life I had ever let a woman pursue a dominating presence in sex and then teased her, but I was equally terrified and excited to see how you would respond. The evil teasing grin I glared down at you with faltered when my mind reminded me you could bite my throat out. God, please wrap your bony fucking hands around my neck and squeeze my eyes out. Call me yours again. Bite my life hose out and laugh as my blood spills over your face in a crimson waterfall of physical heart throbbing love. In a desperate attempt to keep your mind spinning through my hateful pillow talk I let the hand that fell between us work its way down to rub at you from outside the blankets. There was hardly any proper contact, but my ego just wanted to see if you would immediately grind against it.
@killahxkylie
"I know what I said" I panted out against your skin before you were pulling me back into a hot kiss, I could feel just how frustrated you were in the way your tongue slid against mine and everything felt so fucking good in this moment. We weren't fighting anymore and we were floating somewhere between earth and that special realm only we could get to, and then you had to open your fucking mouth again. I don't know what possessed you to have to ruin everything good but when the name 'Sarah Webb' floated off your dumb lips with the threat of her looking over what was my obvious attempt at marking my territory I wanted to reach up and gouge your eyes out, to pull you into another kiss just to bite your tongue off so you would stop saying stupid shit.
"Do you think so?" I cocked my head to the side a little bit looking up at you with big innocent eyes even as my hips started to work against your hand where it was rubbing at me from outside of the blanket. I stifled any moans that wanted to work their way out of my mouth not wanting to give you the satisfaction. "Do you think Sarah Webb would make you feel as good as I do though?" I pinched my brows a little to make myself look even more pathetic as I slipped my hand down to palm at the obvious hard on you had from this whole thing. Oh but I'm sick? "Do you think you would feel sad when you saw her sad face?" I brought my other hand to fist painfully tight into your hair to drag you back down to my mouth so I could litter your neck and jaw with bites and bruises. "Does it make you feel good to threaten me with another woman having you baby? Maybe I should find a dictionary and rip out the page with the word exclusive and shove it down your throat so you understand that I'm not fucking sharing you with anyone whether they're a ghost or a stupid cunt like Sarah Webb"
@bonghitsforfeds
The way your demeanor shifted after the first word you spoke nuked the cocky grin off my face. It fell off my head so fast it may have made a audible noise as it did so. The psycho doe eyes you fluttered up at me would have my cock throbbing in pain if it was not so genuinely scary. Great, she is going to kill us you fool. The ego high I wanted was as potent as wet cardboard, because even though your hips were moving the lack of facial movement it elicited made it feel like you were not enjoying it. If I am being honest with myself this would normally just make me like it more, however you had me worried that this murderous cute girl look you were casting at me was the last thing I was ever going to see. The way you spat her name back out at me broke a tiny smile through my fear that even though only lasted a second only seemed to make you more angry.
Now your hand was on my cock and the heat of pleasure in my chest started rapidly rolling between heat and cold. At first I thought it may be a medical event, but it was definitely directly tied to the pace of your hand on me. I got roughly half a nanosecond to process this brand new feeling when you continued the pouty threats. ‘Do you think you would feel sad when you saw her sad face?’ I gulped and shook my head in a tiny no as you asked me this. “No baby I-” You probably never intended to let me explain myself, but damn I still tried. It was too little too late as now your hand was corded into my hair. Each bite, bruise, hickey, and kiss you forced into my face stole a girly moan from my throat that gathered in pitch and volume. I was thankful you stopped to pour more hate into my ear because my neck almost collapsed from the effort to squeak the noises out. You had my hair pulled so hard up in your fist that my eyes watered with my poorly contained effort to not cry out in pain.
18:38
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I tried to get my hands up onto my head to pry your fingers off, but the way my fists were wrapped made it impossible to gain proper grip without busting the fresh stitches in my knuckles out. I started spilling excuses at a hundred miles an hour, “Okay baby. Okay you got it. Not sharing. Whatever you say Mrs. Feldt.” The playful slip up fell from my mouth in pain so my ego hardly cataloged it, “Please let go of my hair. I’ll do anything.” You are making it awfully difficult to not hurt you. I hated how the embarrassment from being manhandled by a small girl would peak past pleasure into fiery anger for brief spurts. Not being able to use my hands like this had an extra knot to the whole encounter from how properly useless I was. Now there were tiny sobs leaking past the tears you had spilling from my face, “God. Please. Anything. Let go.” I was smacking at your wrapped hand trying to get you to give up.
@killahxkylie
I don't know why but it was satisfying to me to see your eyes filling with tears from the pain for once. This was just the smallest taste of the grip you used on my hair for hours on end that first night and something about giving it back to you was cathartic for me. 'Mrs. Feldt.' My grip loosened a little when you called me that, it sounded like an angel song coming off your lips. When you started pleading with me to let go I waited until it looked like you were about to snap to actually give you what you wanted.
I let go of the death grip I had and pulled you into another fiery kiss. "She can't have you" I panted out between kisses, my hand still working in that same up and down motion through the fabric in the way. I reached for one of your hands that had moved from between my legs in your attempt to get me to let go of you and pushed it down under the blanket so you could feel just how hot I was for you. I moved my hips against your fingers again, this time letting out the soft moans I was holding back before. "I swear to God if you ever let another woman touch you I'll have another man's cock right here." I emphasized by rolling my hips again. I wondered if I would ever actually have the guts to hit on someone in front of you let alone bring another man home to fuck me. I'd probably end up dead if I did.
Right in the middle of the searing kiss we were sharing there was a soft tap on the door before it pushed open and the same grouchy looking nurse from before came in with a small pill in one of those god awful medicine cups. "The emergency contraception you requested." She said it so flatly and it was no wonder why, she probably figured this is exactly what got us into this mess to begin with. There was the soft tap of the plastic cup landing on the table along with a bottle of ridiculously expensive water before the door opened and shut again and I felt like my cheeks were actually on fire with how red they were.
@bonghitsforfeds
The webbing of my psyche was stretching thin and little fibers of it began to snap off into frayed twirled segments of hate that spewed hot evil into my veins. You had a lead on exactly how far we could push each other as I was just about to cave your soft face in when you finally let go of me. Just like earlier I got an atoms flash of time to think before you progressed the moment by pulling my lips back into yours. The angry mouth dance tightened your sorceress control on my soul with every pass of our wet lips. “I don’t want that stupid bitch.”
Churning seas of feeling pulled up in a tide of repressed desire. The hours spent across this room felt like eons compared to the original month, and my entire being was warbling with need to slip into our private dimension. I was so lost in our rehearsed sins that when you pressed my fingers into the mess you had been making for me it stole a gasp. Then you countered my stupidity earlier by forcing a heightened level of dumb defcon wordplay. “Another man’s-” I got two words into the last sentence you were ever about to hear when the door slid open. The anger was trying its historically trained best to stifle the embarrassment, but they both met in a sparking steel clash that ended with two emotional deaths. The hand I had teasing into your wet lips shook with effort to vibrate the rage out of my body as opposed to hooking my fingers into you and opening your torso lengthwise like a zipper.
19:30
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In a cool flat voice of hate, “Alright Camilla Roberts. I will make it up to you.” Snaking underneath the covers I wiggled down between your legs. Wrapping my fingers into the meat of your thighs I forced your trembling appendages apart with vengeful fury and began nibbling at your hot clit. After only a few seconds I stopped to tease you, “Let’s see if you can keep quiet hm?” Slurping into you my vision immediately swam with the effort to not let you know how much I enjoyed doing this. Going down on someone was always a neutral act for me, but with you the fact it summoned such rolling audible pleasure from your core swelled my ego to godly proportions. I tried my hardest to not give when you bucked up into my face, but the pressure you had smashing into my upper lip was so strong it was going to push through my teeth. “Goddamn. Ca- Cami.”
@killahxkylie
The fact that you barely even took pause when the nurse came in and left again caught me off guard, I thought that maybe it would have splashed some cold water on the smoldering situation that was happening in this hospital but apparently it was gasoline instead. My eyes briefly bounced over to the table where that little pill sat in it's cup and its like it had a magnetic force trying to pull me back to the conversation from earlier. That was before your voice brought me back into the present moment, it seemed yet again you were going to turn the tables on me, I should have seen it coming.
'I will make it up to you' One of my eyebrows raised wondering what you planned on doing and when you started to snakes your way under the blankets I already knew I was doomed. 'Lets see if you can keep quiet.' I meant to say something smart back but then you were slurping into my wetness with that devil mouth of yours and all that came out was a choked punchy moan as my eyes rolled back. "You know I can't." I panted out my breaths already coming so much faster from the way you were ravaging my clit with your lips and tongue and even your teeth. "Ivon oh my god" It was impossible to stay still and my hips kept trying to move against your mouth to get even more pleasure. "Fuck please I'm begging you to make me cum Ivon please I need it" I was trying so hard not to moan loud enough that the entire wing of the hospital would hear it, my pleading came out so quiet, my voice wobbling with pleasure. "Please I need your fingers or your dick just please give it to me" That dangerous little nickname almost floated off my lips again but I managed to catch it on the tip of my tongue.
@bonghitsforfeds
I don’t know what terrible depravity mountain you have managed to mound my mind into a mocking pile of, but the nurse's presence floating up to the side table hardly registered on any radar of mine. In fact, her comments about the medication only served to whip my neck with a crack of lust. A lifetime of rules are being broken with every step we take together, and we are doing much more than walking now. My entire jawline was iced from air breezing past the spitty wounds you sucked into its flesh, and every time my face would rub against the inside of your legs pain would shoot through its freshly purple painted surface.
My plan was to stay down here feasting on your aromatic perfection until I passed out and died of exposure, but your angelic begging of my name had a hot line of watery pre cum dripping from me that was demanding to be plugged into you. Still, I was proud of my ability to ignore this until you specifically said you needed my dick. The door could slide open to reveal an interdimensional drug induced silver elf to alert me of my inheritance to all that is between everything, and I would tell them to leave me alone, because I have to fuck this stupid woman. There was growing concern that the tension from our wrapping IV lines and blankets was going to yank a floating plastic needle from one of our arms. However, the furniture was sliding to the corners from how close to the angle of our secret sex comet we were, and nothing was going to stop this ritual.
06:53
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Clambering back up toward your face I let my cock fall from the soft gown and lay against your warm pussy. I pressed hateful kisses into your face in the same spots mine burned now. God, you probably look like a whore Ivon. Eyes rolling slightly at my own internal mocking I huffed teasing hot words into your skin as I kissed it, “You need it huh? You interrupted my selfless act to beg for more?” We were humping that power seesaw again, and it was my turn to jump. With us still loosely draped against each other I put my hands on either side of your head so I could hold it straight and then mashed my ear into your fat lips. While staring sideways back toward my bed I chuckled at the twisting rope of plastic highways that drove toward our IV stands. Someone will have to untangle that. “Tell me how bad you want it.” I was throbbing with just the air of you working to humidify the side of my face. I was so excited for you to start talking over the top of it another strand of ropey cum ran out of me and into the mess of you. “You feel that baby? You feel how much I love you? Its practically leaking out of me. Fucking beg more for it.” Someday I will gain the sexual stamina to please this woman properly. Medicine, your touch, the leaking cum, your marks on my face, the taboo practice, and your breath on my ear had my mind whipping into a frothy egg like mess of nothing. I was begging the gods for you to not grab at my dick because just the pressure of your fingers wrapping its thick base would probably work to empty me dry.
@killahxkylie
I once again found myself whining when you pulled your hot mouth away from my dripping core, I know I was the one who asked for it but I selfishly wished that you could somehow do both at the same time, that I could just have every piece of you at the same time. It would probably shatter me into bits that could never be put together, that must be why the universe made it impossible to do. It took me a few presses of your lips to realize that you were mirroring your lips on my skin where I left the marks on yours and that sent its own jolt of excitement rushing through me.
I was briefly confused when you pressed your ear right to my lips, at first I wondered if maybe you had lost consciousness again but then you were demanding that I tell you how bad I want it, as if you couldn't feel it dripping out of me in a slick sticky mess. Before I could even give you what you wanted you were talking again and asking if I could feel it and god I could, so much so that it had my eyes squeezing shut for a moment. This is how he's gonna kill me with that stupid fucking mouth. "I-I feel it god I feel it." My voice was so high pitched and whiny but still somehow soft at the same time and it was embarrassing when I heard it, of course in my typical fashion though I couldn't get myself to shut up, not when you had asked me for something, not when you had just asked if I could feel how much you love me. I noticed the word started to come from you much more easily and frequently now.
07:20
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"Please Ivon I want you so fucking bad, I need you so bad I know you can feel it" I tried to roll my hips against where your cock was resting against the slick mess of my pussy so you could really feel it. "Please fill me up I feel so fucking empty without you I need you inside me please please n-nobody has ever made me feel as good as you do." I hadn't meant for the last part to come out, I knew that admission of it would probably be used against me later on but I didn't care, it was true no matter how sick and twisted it was nobody had ever managed to make me feel the way that you do. Not in any way. Nobody ever brought my emotions to such extreme highs or extreme lows and whether or not that was a good thing for the moment I didn't care I only knew that it was true. "Baby please give it to me please I swear I'll be so good for you just please let me have you."
@bonghitsforfeds
Your pitchy moany speech was so loud this close to my ear that it filled my whole head with its sound. The hot wind of your breath worked so far into the side of my face with such intensity it burned. There was an icy hot shivering that crept down my neck and into my chest that pulsed radioactive pleasure matching the intensity of your speaking. I could do this forever. I had to do this forever. The more you begged the more I needed to feel you and so I began nodding my head along to what you said. The rolling motion of your wet face against my ear was too much and I clenched my eyes shut. ‘I need you.’ “Thank you baby.” ‘Fill me up.’ “Anytime you need it honey.” ‘I’ll be so good.’ “Holy fuck.” Even with my eyes closed those words managed to explode color into my vision in an injection of hot glass-like love. The way you pushed your hips into me convinced me of your honesty, and so I began to work toward the mutually required climax of this spell.
07:47
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Pulling my head and chest back up I began to fumble my bandaged hands down between us. I opened my eyes so I could watch your rosy face pant and beg at me. Something slipped in my arm that was accompanied by a pinch of hot pain, but I kept ignoring it to work at stuffing myself into you. At the same time, “You promise?” My eyebrows were furrowed in true inquiry. As if to clarify, “You’ll be good for me Mouse?” At the same time the nickname rolled my tongue I managed to work your lips open and began a constant but slow burying of myself in you. The pleasure that had been painfully building in my hips ran down into my body, a spilling of warm feeling. It was such a spiced soul filling experience I had never had pair sex before that it stole tears from my eyes. “Fuck!” My favorite word fell onto you when our hips finally met. Falling into your face again I kissed at the high points of your cheekbones so I could hear if you managed to work a response past your whining. To add to the torture of whatever few thoughts slipped past the whore dam in your doll brain I began to slowly work my hips in the pattern I know hits the top of you just right with the head of my now soaked cock. Still sucking at every yet untasted inch of your face. “C’mon baby. Don’t you have anything to say?” I hoped you did, because I was not confident in my ability to not fill the rest of your empty head with my cum.
@killahxkylie
"I-" I went to answer you but then my mouth just fell open in pleasure instead when I felt you start to push inside me, a task that was easily done from how embarrassingly wet I was, I would never admit to myself that it started when we were still spitting nasty heated words of hate at each other. That I had been craving you like this since the last fight started, something about wanting you for so long and then finally feeling you satisfying in such a different way and I wanted it forever. I needed it forever.
When your hips finally settled against mine I let out a gasp at feeling so perfectly full of you, every time you were this deep it felt like you were stealing the air from my lungs, as if not even oxygen had the right to be in my body at the same time as you. 'C’mon baby. Don’t you have anything to say?' I felt my eyes squeeze shut again for a second at your teasing words and nodded when my eyes opened back up. "I- I promise I promise fuck I promise I'll be good." It was impossible not to when you were kissing me like this at the same time your hips rolling in a mind numbing way. I hated you for how easily and quickly you learned how to do all the things that turn my brain off. "Fucking god I-" No. No no no no no. I refused to let the words roll off my tongue, I was going to fight it as long as I possibly could. "I love it so much I love the way you fuck me Ivon." Close enough.@bonghitsforfeds
‘I promise,’ Your words froze me for just long enough to stumble my wet cadence across your face. “Mmm. That is a very good girl.” The dark melodious tone thundered out into your jaw where I peppered a few final kisses into it. The slapping of me into your bandaged body had the rolling bed rocking with metal screeches every time I bottomed you out. I know the stupid fuck in the hallway could hear me ravaging you. He probably sat out there dreaming all night about being some hero that would save you from my evil arms. My ego swelled at the fantasy and it yanked my chain forward enough for my pace to pick up. I wrapped you back up again and tucked my arms into your sides tight enough to hear you whimper against the force. Now I assaulted your lips with mine and skipped nasty little hisses out between the parting of them, “Oh yeah?” A wet smack, “You love it?” ‘Ivon’ I felt my nutbag ascend a few levels up into my abdomen as my name thundered out of your face like an out of control train. Someday you will figure that if you flutter those long eyelashes and mutter that sound at the same time I would uproot a gothic chapel and have it moved piece by piece to our backyard if you wanted it. Shit, I would murder the dissenting city council and then swim the thing into this hospital parking lot and fuck you inside of it just to prove a point. Just to say I did. Just to hold it over your pretty little head.
08:45
The wet sucking between us ramped again as my internal monologue worked to hype me up. With you still wrapped up I nibbled at your ear hard enough to elicit a yelp. “Sorry baby I can’t help myself. You are just so goddamn tasty.” Any other time I would knock someone out for saying something so dumb, but with you the cheesy steamy dialogue finally felt safe and right to use. “I could do this forever, you know? I would drive to every bank in every country and force them to withdraw my money just so I could burn it into a soft pile of scraps for me to ravage your pale body on.” My vision glazed into a sheen of color as I felt my body nearing an embarrassing finish. You would either learn to love the rich boy monologuing, or eventually adapt and carry a rag to stuff in my stupid mouth when we do this. We might as well have been upside down with how backward my movement and the surrounding space felt. The filter was gone from how close I was and the words kept pouring, “Do you feel it too? The spinning?”
@killahxkylie
'That is a very good girl' Just when I had barely managed to suck some of the sterile hospital air back into my lungs you stole it out of me with the most whiny moan I'd ever let out in my life. I hated the way your praise went straight to my slippery cunt the way it did. I wondered if you would feel the way it made me squeeze around you. "Oh my fucking god-" I wanted to squirm right out of my body the way you were talking to me, it was too much and I felt like I was losing what little sanity I had left because of it.
"Yes y-yes fuck I love it so much I love it fucking christ-" My attempt at telling you just how crazy you were making me feel or the fact that you made it so I couldn't think straight at all were lost when your lips crashed against mine again and all I could do was keep letting out the chorus of pleasured moans in between the wet smacks of our lips and bodies against each other. "Holy shit-" I gasped at the quicker pace as it brought my body way too high way too fast, I was teetering on the edge already and I needed you to shut the hell up before I lost it completely.
You didn't though, of course you didn't instead you bit down on my ear and sent a painful jolt of pleasure rushing through me. 'I can't help myself' Something about that made my head swim in the deep deep ocean of submissiveness that you liked to plunge me into so easily, I don't even know if you realized that you did it or how strong the effect was, you made me willing to do the most depraved things known to man while at the same time making me want to curl up in your lap like a stupid puppy. I hate you for it, but I also think I love you for it.
09:32
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I should probably be disgusted with the way you flaunt your money around, it made me curious just how much you really had if you would be willing to burn piles of it just to fuck me on or if you were just saying that to say it. Just who are you really? I should be disgusted but instead the idea that you would throw so much away just for me only drove me crazy. I wanted to live the perfect life with you, the images of us living such a plush little life were too much to handle and then- 'Do you feel it too? The spinning?' The second I realized that you felt it too, that feeling of being completely out of control, like we were in another dimension made just for us, I couldn't hold back anymore. "Fuck- Ivon-" Was all I managed to squeak out before I was cumming for you again, I couldn't hold back the loud needy moans I was letting out for you as my body went careening over the edge, every time you got me off it felt like it was the best orgasm I had ever had in my life. I didn't even know I could cum the way you make it happen. Puddles of my love for you dripping and squirting out of me around your cock, I knew nobody else would ever be able to satisfy me again no matter how many times I threatened it.
One of the things I found so attractive about you was how timid and contained you were during most of your life. Except when I would wrap you up in this tight plastic stretching of our skin. Only then would you let me push sick thoughts and words out of your mouth. Every forceful shove of me inside of you worked to push a cork loose on the welling spring of mad sex that built with primal need to detonate. We had fucked with an audience of people twice now, and enough smart managed to kick into my head to process a terrifying concept. I would do this anywhere. You are going to ruin my life as I know it. I have no doubt now. Solid pillars of my existence and character that should take bundles of explosives to topple will simply huff into smoke when you touch them. I yearn for the moment I get to sit up among the burning rubble of my life and hold your porcelain ash covered skin. I’d fuck you there too. Right in the middle of my entire world's end. Then I would use the wetness of our sex to fashion a mud hut out of that mind mess so I could den down with you and do it again and again forever.
Just like last time, the very second your mouth slapped out the sound of my name relentlessly shadowed by the titan of your own looming orgasm I emptied myself into you. I switched my hands up to your shoulders so I could pull you down into my cock as if our entire existences were pre planned by God for this moment, and if I failed to get every drop in you a bolt of lightning would rip my body into sweaty atoms. As my mind drained down my throat and scorched your face with the spittle of my psyche shattering moaning, that web you had been working around my heart solidified into a shell of zealotry. Is it normal for people to cum synchronized like this so often? Is this what I have been missing? Can money buy this? I’d kill that nurse if you asked me to. No convincing required. Before ‘Yes ma’am’ could flutter my lips I would already have her head pinched off.
10:13
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My arms and upper legs trembled so badly to hold myself up the muscles tickled. I knew if I collapsed onto you like I wanted to I would risk messing up your barely healing ribs. In the swimming fugue of this mess I just let my elbows prop my torso up so I could rest my head against you without flattening you. I was still pumping my balls empty, and I felt the walls of you clenching around in a motion that I liked to think just worked to pull more out. Even if you hated my hair in your face like this it was better than killing you with my inability to control my body after you steal parts of my soul through your cunt like this. My mind was still tumbling, but I found some very important words, “Fuck!”
@killahxkylie
Something about being with you like this made you seem so much more man than monster. The way the sounds of your pleasure would roll of your lips so easily, the way your arms and legs trembled with the power of the nirvana that only we could make together, it made you seem so human. I loved getting to see you this way, knowing that I was the one that you were sharing it with, something about it made my head spin in a completely different way that just the sex itself. I felt that same sticky warmth filling me and it made my entire body feel like it was hot and buzzing. Funny how that little pill was sitting on the table taunting me now that we'd done this again. I should really get on birth control. It was the only lucid thought to flutter through my cock drunk brain.
I let my arm trail up and down your sweaty back not caring about the way it tugged at the tubes in my arm, it could rip right out and let the life drain out of me right now for all I cared, I would die in the sweet bliss of being wrapped up in each other like this any day. 'Fuck!' I couldn't help the sweet soft giggle that melted off my lips when that was the only thing you said. "You're the best I've ever had Ivon I hope you know that." I had a feeling that your ego had informed you of that long before I had ever even thought it but I wanted to say it out loud, I wanted you to hear it from my mouth and not the monster inside you.
I pressed a soft kiss to your hair that was tickling my face but I didn't mind. It still had the faint smell of the shitty motel shampoo but it also smelled like you and that worked to calm my mind even more than you already had. "You smell good even when you smell bad" Wow that made sense, good job.@bonghitsforfeds
The girly loving laugh you vibrated into the crown of my head was a code word that melted my soul into yours while we embraced as one. It was a gross pairing of two demons posing as society respecting mammals. God this girl- ‘You're the best I've ever had Ivon.’ If someone’s mind could rupture from pure euphoric ego blasts my skull would have been shrapnel in the walls right now. You stole the words right out of my mouth, and I was scrambling to invent a way to hear you say it again. Anything to get that pulpy juice of feeling to rocket my veins. It was still springing around my extremities, and it was so good I’m genuinely awestruck that the whole experience did not light my nerves on fire. At this point we don’t even need the sex. I just need you to whisper a few words of pretend affection my way and acknowledge my existence for several seconds a day. Pretty sure after that I would throw myself off a cliff into moving traffic doing giggly front flips if you asked me to.
10:47
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There was a rubbing of spacetime where I may have had a way to respond, but this brainstem tingling feeling of being inside each other was so personal that nothing could formulate into coherent thought. ‘You smell good...’ You managed to squeeze this tiny little drop of cum out that was still hiding in my deflating cock that contained the last bitter essence of life I had left. Laughing, “Did you know that your teasing words will have me in puddles?” Did you really just say that you pussy? “Uh- I mean.” My face flushed up. Anyone else in the world and I would be choking them to death in embarrassment, but with you it just made me smile. “Before we even fuck...” I felt stupid explaining this while you are still finding ways to press more of me into you as we speak. I raised my head up so I could look at your dark eyes. Just your breath in my face like this had something stirring in my core again already. You are an animal. With the brushing kisses of swelling pain on my face from the chapel ceiling of markings you had splattered into it, “Just own me baby. Anything you want. Got it?” Finally the mushy feelings sludged down a drain and it allowed me to pull myself out and collapse onto the bed next to you. Still under the covers, and with a realized growing pain from where something had pulled from my arm earlier, I wrapped you up in a sideways hug while kissing the side of your temple.
@killahxkylie
"I think it's you that has me in puddles baby" I laughed softly at my own stupid joke feeling the literal puddle of the both of us leaking out of me and onto the nicest hospital bed I'd ever been in, something told me that your family dumped enough money into this place that the housekeepers wouldn't complain too much. Not that I would care if they did, the things I would brush off if it meant I got to be touched by you were close to limitless. There wasn't much I wouldn't turn a blind eye to for you, obviously or I would have ran for the hills by now.
'Before we even fuck...' It was starting to feel less and less like this was just about sex for you and that made me feel good as well as terrified me. It would have been easier if it was all about sex, eventually you would get bored and move on but this? This felt like maybe you actually had some sort of actual feelings for me and like this could really turn into something real and something real was always terrifying because it never ended well.
The sinking feeling that you would end up getting bored of me anyway crept into my bones and make me want to run away for a completely different reason. I don't think I could handle losing you. "I want you to stay with me forever." I mumbled after you wrapped me up in a sideways hug, turning in your arms so I could be the little spoon and you wouldn't see my face as the confidence I had when we first started this started to crumble away and leave me in a pile of nervous rubble. "Will you say it again?" I asked in a hushed tone as my fingers along yours.
@bonghitsforfeds
Forever. While you squirmed into a sideways position I let that hot air balloon of thought drift around behind my eyes. Would you really put up with my shit forever? Can I keep myself from hurting you that long? Will your feelings fade the first time we are at a party and a nice billionaire chats you up? There are bound to be a few charming rich guys out there who don’t want to lick the underside of your exposed ribcage. The thought of someone else catching your eye heated my blood. My imagination ran with the image and soon there were false memories of your legs up in the air as some nobody fucks your eyes into a roll. How many times could I get away with killing someone for looking at you? The universe must have known I was close to rattling its fabric apart, because it gifted me with nostrils full of your hair.
I forced my eyes to not flutter closed and inhaled your scent while using my arms to pull you backwards into the hug. This is my favorite part of us. By now I was normally across the room drying my cock off and prying the door open to get away from the cuddling. With you I wanted to stay wrapped up in this post sex rollup forever. If only this spiraling dive into a basin empty of confidence or grounding safety would leave us alone. ‘Will you say it again?’ I kissed your head, “Forever baby. It’s the least I can do.” A squeeze around your body for reassurance, “Until you grow tired of me and finally split my neck open, or find someone else who blows your skirt up higher than I do.” A tingling from your petting of my hand spilled up my arm like whitewash on a beach shore. The words sounded accusatory, but I hoped my tone did not reflect that. Too bad you can’t stop stupid, “I mean it’s only a matter of time. There are smarter, faster, and nicer men out there.” There were those two chicks who decided they were gay after you.
12:17
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Swallowing in anger at that teasing piece of madness I pulled you even tighter into me. At least in these hugs I can guarantee to myself the only way you can escape is death. It’d be funny if my eyes were not currently locked onto the swinging blood bag above us. The evil banjo in the psycho’s hands choked out a nasty happy sound at the fantasy of my blood getting pumped into you. I wonder if we are matches? The butterfly on the high portion of the steeple like roof behind the bag peacefully redirected my mind back toward a path of grounded thought. I wonder what your mind wanders about? Does everyone have three separate streams of thought competing for control of the headspace at once? I was glad now you could not see my face stirring in inward reflection. I pulled my hand you were not stroking up toward your hip pointed at the ceiling so I could pet at it.
@killahxkylie
I felt myself sink into the mattress of this bed a little more when you said forever too, you could be an absolute liar and it wouldn't matter to my brain right now. You said it and that's what counted. Yes because murdering stalkers are so honest. I was quickly cut off from my own inward battle of whether or not a bad person could still be honest, or if you were really a bad person at all when you said that I would find someone else, or rather that the option was there. My brows pinched together and my fingers stuttered against your skin because how could I ever find someone else? 'Its only a matter of time. There are smarter, faster, and nicer men out there." Are there? Because so far the only ones that I have met are assholes in their own way, it's not like I was in a flourishing relationship when you plucked me out of a crowd.
I churned the words over in my mind over and over and over again until they were thick and curdled and sat there stuck unable to churn anymore. Do I really seem like the kind of girl who would just up and find someone new? *You seem like the kind of crazy that falls for your stalker. "Why.. why would you say that? Do you really think I would just.. try to leave you for someone else? You're the one who threatened me with Sarah Webb" Her name slithered off my tongue with enough venom to kill anyone that was standing too close but still, it was obvious in the rest of my tone that I wasn't trying to fight. If anything I sounded saddened at the idea that you think I could possibly want someone else after the way we seem to rip a hole in the fabric of space and time together.
@bonghitsforfeds
I sat peering up at those painted bugs for a long while before you spoke again. There was a change of style in the way they were rendered every third one or so, and I had to wonder if there were multiple artists working on the room when the mural was done. If I had any doubt before the long silence if what I said was dumb the way you spat out the forbidden name told me what I needed to know. Now it was my turn to suck on the sour orange of your words. “Why?” My voice trailed off. I patterned a few kisses into your head again to hopefully soften the blow of having upset you. "No my little Mouse, I don't think you would do that." Yet.
Then it occurred to me for the first time that you have no clue what it is like to be me. It seems like a weird thought to not have had yet for a narcissist, but there have not been many times in my life I have interacted with what my father kindly refers to as, ‘plebeians.’ I recall at some point back during the van ride having mentioned that friends are rare, but I also say a lot of useless stuff. I suppose I cannot really blame you for ignoring some of it. “Baby you have to understand...” I scooted a bit so I could use the arm on your hip to roll you flat onto your back. Staring down into the soft peering wells of your face I clashed for a way to explain this. There was a pressure now since I had pulled you over. In hindsight I probably should have completed the thought before rolling you. I went for half truth half manipulation, “This feeling we share. I have never felt this before. I am so deathly afraid of losing you.” Was I projecting my own infidelity as a man who has no proper understanding of emotion onto you? Somewhat I guess yeah, but there is this primal directive to make sure you feel safe. You have to feel like your home is with me. Even if I have to twist things to keep you here... It's where you belong.
12:57
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There was a tiny toad on a mossy log floating among the black broiling swamp of my mind. It was croaking something about how I should be humble and admit that the way we met was not normal. It went on about how admitting this truth to you will help you to feel comfortable with me. I responded like any god of our domain would by pushing his stupid log under the water until the bubbles stopped rising from where it was pinned beneath the caustic toiling pit. There is time for open honesty later. I need you to stay with me. "I only brought it up because I need you to stay with me too."
@killahxkylie
I felt the pinch in my brows deepen when you pressed those soft kisses to my head, I wasn't used to you not responding with anger yet and it was dangerously addictive. I wondered if this would be the new normal or if this was something that would only happen after our most intimate moments. Either way I was going to soak up as much as I possibly could like a needy little emotional sponge. You told me that you didn't think I would do that but it felt like there was more, like the sentence wasn't finished. At least a small part of you must have believed that I would do such a thing if you brought it up at all. Because this has all been so logical so far right?
Before I knew it you were tearing me from my cocoon that was made out of you and turning me back onto my back so you could look at me. I unpinched my brows the best I could still remembering that first time you mentioned how I always do it. 'Baby you have to understand...' I thought maybe you were about to give me some kind of real glance into your life and what it would entail to really be yours out there in the real world. Instead you filled my world upside down once again when you told me you were deathly afraid of losing me. Not to mention the fact that you'd never felt anything like this before which satisfied the most selfish of needs in me. 'I need you to stay with me too.'
13:37
.
I must have looked so absolutely idiotic laying there on my back with wide eyes as if I'd never heard a man speak English before. I didn't know if I wanted to smile or cry more, my body settled on both. My lips curling into the most subtle smile as my eyes welled with happy and relieved tears. I still had no idea what it would be like to be the woman of Ivon Feldt but I would learn if it meant I got to hear you say things like that more often. It was as if I'd completely forgotten the way you also sling insults and violence recklessly, although judging by the bandages on my wrist and the red and purple marks littering your skin I could say the same for myself.
After a few more long moments I rolled the rest of the way into my side so my eyes could connect with yours again. "I-. You-." I let out a small huff of frustration with myself for struggling to get the words out, to try to explain a part of myself. "Everyone I've ever let in in this way has left me for someone else. Replaced me when they found someone better.. someone sexier or smarter or less emotional. I've never been good enough for anyone and I don't feel like I'm really good enough for you either and I'm scared.. I'm scared that you're gonna figure that out too." A large part of me hoped it stung to remember when you yelled at me for crying too much, I always hated how emotional I was, the way I was always too much, but I couldn't change who I was in my core no matter how hard I tried. "I don't want anyone faster or richer or nicer I... I just... I just want you Ivon.. I don't care how wrong it is." I added the last part on quietly because saying it any louder was too much for myself to take. It still made me want to crawl out of my skin when I really thought objectively about the fact that you stalked me, broke into my house, assaulted me and almost killed me more than once and I still felt myself falling for you. It was so wrong and I wondered how I ended up this sick.
At first you held the gaze. I thought you would offer up a response in your typical ability to instantly out maneuver me with your words, but your eyes painted over my face and then disconnected to wander my jaw. Water sprung out in flowing currents of sadness down your sculpted features, and a sharp blade of panic pierced my gut. Fully convinced I had said something dumb I tumbled for a follow up. The tiny smile that tugged the corner of your face mellowed my mind just enough to slow the racing thoughts. My mouth opened and closed a few times to say something, but you were teaching me that sometimes it's better to just stay quiet. Besides, at least smacking my lips open and closed like this was wafting alive the remnants of you spread over my tastebuds. Have I ever gone down on the same girl twice?
14:33
.
Your hips rolled over flat and that pulled my attention back to reality. You were peering up at me now. Already I was losing my train of thought again. The longer you stare at me the more this growing urge to smile back at you mounts. I can feel a heat on my face wherever you scan over me. I swear I can taste the beams coming out of your eyeballs, and god they taste so sweet. Then stuttering attempts to work your thoughts out at me spread a loving warmth that snuffed out the previous horny ideas. At least I am not the only one struggling to make sense of all this. I nodded along as you explained yourself to me. My teeth grit as you stressed over ‘emotional,' as it was obviously a jab at me, and pain licked at my face from how I had it set on edge. Skin stretched over the fresh marks of your hickeys, and now there was a stirring remnant of what we just did in my core. It combined with the anger of your words to create a thunderstorm of fire. Oh God, am I going to get brushings of erotic pleasure every time my face hurts until they heal? The teetering on love and floating memories of our sex would be fun if I did not feel guilty for being so distracted while you opened up to me. Focus idiot. ‘I just want you Ivon.’
14:33
.
Now pressure built up on how I don’t deserve any of this. I can’t even keep my mind focused on what you are saying after you just drained me. There were too many emotions. There was budding love, obsession, sexual desire, and violence. Why am I always angry in every scenario? I just want to be normal. Pressing a kiss into your face so I can taste your tears, “You are too sweet to me.” It was a distraction, but a surprisingly sober admittance as well. Shaking my head and squinting in confusion at myself, “You make me feel so good with your honest words... and your eyes.” My lips brushed over your face. There is never enough of you touching me. Slurping at you freakishly, “The sex, the love, and the fact you dedicate yourself to me after what I did. I know you explained why already Mouse I just...” You just what asshole? Will say anything to get her home? “I’m sorry I have hurt you.” I had no idea where these feelings were coming from, but the sloshing roll of new and polar opposite emotions had it spilling out, “You are good enough for me. If anything you should be scared of waking up to what is truly happening here, and realizing you are too good for me.” I had worked my kisses up to your eyes now. You had fluttered them shut in expected reaction to this assault, and now I tasked myself at getting these tears. There was fun in the sick chess game of letting multiple layers of my personality leak through the words. I almost felt the tickly sensation of being buzzed at the base of my skull from slipping it all in. “I will work my hardest to make you feel like enough. I promise Cami." It was obvious you needed to hear this from what you were saying to me, but I still meant it. "No more tears baby, I am not like them. I won't leave." If anything that is probably the one constant you should count on. You are fucking stuck with me.
@killahxkylie
'You are too sweet to me.' I felt like my brain stuttered and my whole body jolted with the realization that you think I've been sweet to you, this entire time I've felt like I was being a bitch. Am I really that bad at being mean? I realized it was probably because underneath every bad feeling I felt towards you there was this urge to understand why you're the way that you are, the wonder of if you can change for me, if you would let yourself. It was ironic that you told me I was too sweet to you just to follow it up with so many sweet words of your own, do you even realize it when you're being kind or just it just slip out on accident?
My eyes searched yours when you even when as far as to apologize for hurting me before your lips moved to kiss my face again. The swell of emotions that I was feeling from your apology, from the fact that you were afraid I would really I was too good for you, it was drowning me and I felt like I couldn't breathe but not in that same panicking way from before this was different. I couldn't explain it but it was like I didn't even need air anymore after hearing that. How could you think I was too good for you when I am so astonishingly average of a human.
15:18
.
I let out a small gasp when your lips moved up to my eyes in what was probably the softest show of affection I'd ever experienced. 'I won't leave.' You had said so much and it all boiled down to that one three word promise. I knew right then if you were to ask me to marry you again someday I would in a heartbeat. I could practically feel the breeze from the coast on my skin already as I pictured it. "Okay." I said softly, the only word I was capable of mumbling from you effectively turning my brain to mush, strange how you could fuck me with your body and then make sweet love to me with your words immediately after. Your lips and touch on my skin felt like poetry and I wanted to memorize every word. "Ivon I-." I couldn't bring myself to say it yet, I wasn't sure if I really meant it or if I was just confused from the drugs and exhaustion. You know you aren't. "I'm hungry." Fabulous cover.
‘Okay.’ Disappointment is not the word I would use to describe how your reaction made me feel, but I would be lying if I said enjoyed it. There was a piece of me that caught alight with anger, and it was a good thing you had my mind tamed for now. Switching to your other eye I used the tears there to distract myself from the brewing hatred. If only everyone reacted the exact way I wanted them too all the time. Everything would just be so much easier. Yeah, for you. I had worked to swallow enough of your tears at this point that my tongue tingles with the salty nip of them. Now that most of them were gone I caught myself trying to not pant my breaths into you. I really need to remember to suck air in between molesting you like this.
‘Ivon I-’ I leaned back so you could flutter your eyes open at me. They were still puffy, but they looked better empty of water. Involuntarily I swallowed again basking in the memory of having just cleansed you. There was this glowing ray of hope in me that whatever you said next would work to help me get over your basic response. Surely this whole time I worked at sucking your other eye clean you thought of something really rewarding to say. Finally you will admit your mutual love for me. Maybe you are wrapping back to the house conversation... Perhaps you want to go for some round two in a freak ritual of sex?
15:58
.
‘I’m hungry.’ Excellent. Harmonious. A personalized melody from the harp of a cyber angel built by man’s greatest to deliver a chord so perfect it rips me to shreds. After a sigh, “Let’s make the purple bitch bring you something.” I let go of you to roll and mash at the red button before returning to scoop you back into the hug. Now that we were done it was obvious the pain in my arm was from a slipped IV. It was not completely pulled out, but it had receded enough that the red floating plastic of it was visible. Neat. Now I was working to push hair off your sweaty face while you peered up at me. While struggling to straighten a strand I caught sight of that perfect brow wiggling around, “Stop furrowing your cute face at me or Ill start tongue fucking it again.” After finally untangling the piece I added, “What should we eat for our first little dinner date cutie?” I had not forgotten the cereal and hotel snacks we had shared, but for some reason the way we were about to order food felt different. It was not the proper date dynamic by a long shot, and we were currently hospitalized for reasons completely all my fault. Still I found my stomach rolling in excitement at getting to do something so simple with you.
@killahxkylie
I swear I could hear you deflate when all I said was 'okay' I wanted to explain that I was just overwhelmed with the newness of you being so open with me and not following up with some horrible comment after the sweet one but I couldn't make my mouth work more than that. This is why everyone leaves. You're a let down. Somehow even with my mind attacking itself you managed to make me laugh when you referred to the unpleasant nurse as 'the purple bitch' "Oh come on I think she's a ray of Sunshine babe you should be nicer to her"
I smiled and felt so much happiness when you came back to the bed to scoop me right back into a hug and before you could start pestering my face I landed a soft kiss to your still bruised nose. When you called me out for furrowing up my brows again my eyes snapped to yours instead of the hair they were trying to see you move. "I-" I dipped my head down bashfully and focused on not scrunching up anymore until the hair was untangled. "Don't laugh but I really want a salad with chicken and strawberries in it.. and a strawberry milkshake? Is that.. I mean can we get that from somewhere around here?"
I was trying desperately not to let on how fast my heart was beating at the idea of you calling this a dinner date as if we were anywhere but a hospital.. still it felt different. It was our first real meal together, I can't imagine if we ever go on a real date I think I might actually combust from happiness. I shot a glare at the beeping monitor which completely gave me away. "Hey are you okay?" I take a hold of your arm where the IV has started to slip out "Ivon" I huffed "How long has this been like this? You need to get it fixed so you don't get an infection or hurt a vein or-" I felt myself being overbearing and annoying and snapped my mouth shut before dropping your arm. "S-sorry.. bad habit."
@bonghitsforfeds
Oh she’s a real ball of joy. I really hope that nurse does not manage to get across to you that I almost killed her with an orb of glass. There was regret over telling you to stop scrunching your eyes up as now I missed the furrowing brows. Although maybe I was just upset you were not interested in my lips crawling your face. No matter the reasoning you were focusing on not doing it now which means that I had gotten in your head and that is all that matters.
Immense relief pounded my body when you started ordering your desires at me. There are not many things I am good at when it comes to taking care of women. Not a smooth talker, not that funny, not good at emotional stuff, and I can hardly fix anything. If there is one thing these spoiled hands can deliver it’s physical objects in a timely manner. ‘Can we get that from somewhere...’ Smiling warmly down at my favorite woman who was trying her hardest to not scrunch her face at me, “Baby,” I paused just long enough to plant a tiny smooch on your nose where you had pecked mine, “We are like thirty minutes from LA. You can have anything you want.” I needed to get these items for you. It was my primary directive now.
17:50
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In typical form you erased every thought in my mind and replaced it with something new in a spell only you know the proper incantation for. When you asked me if I was okay it pulled a grip of young memories out of me. Mother dabbed something off my face with fathers handkerchief, and somewhere far off high behind her was an airplane pulling a banner. The memory is hazy and it ripples in and out of my mind’s eye like rocking waves in a tub. I tried to pull it back but I was splashing desperately in the mnemic waters. ‘Ivon.’ I snapped to attention so quickly when you said my name it had my head rolling in discomfort. Normally feeling so tightly wound up on someone's leash would infuriate me, but with you it only elicited a warm glow. Looking down at my arm as you questioned my health the warm burning blossomed into a supernova of hot feeling. When was the last time someone fussed over me so regularly? Then your mouth shut. “Why did you stop?” I felt stupid as soon as the words slid out of my mouth. She is scared of you dipshit. I was trying to respect your space after having just been with each other, but your lips moving as you spoke overcame that resistance. I planted a wet kiss on them before saying, “I like it when you check on me. I love it actually.” My head canted right as I studied your breathing chest. There was a part right before your jugular disappeared into it that pulsed with your heartbeat, and my eyes always lingered on it. Creep.
17:50
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The door slid open with a familiar hiss and the nurse stepped in with another large scrubbed individual. I didn’t recognize him, but I could only assume he was here in case I acted out. The nurse spoke up, “Can I help you two somehow?” Before she had even finished her last word I was talking, “Yeah actually you can. The love of my life here,” I glanced over at your form right beside me before looking back at the nurse, “Is hungry. I need a phone so I can order some food. Do you have those here? Phones?” I knew I was being an asshole, but this bitch really got on my nerves. When she nodded toward the one near the door she stood at I shook my head and clicked my tongue. “Yeah see that phone has a few problems I can’t see myself overcoming right now. First off, it’s way the fuck over there. Second off, it is also a model I do not recognize.” The completely normal silver handset reflected light back at me as I spoke as if upset I was calling it out. Turning back to you now, “What about you baby? Do you know how to use that thing?” There was a devilish smile on my face now, and part of me was worried you would think I am just being an ass. The other part of me did not care.
@killahxkylie
'Why did you stop?' Who even are you and what have you done with the monster that broke into my house to spy on me? I wasn't used to this at all and I didn't know how to act, it was like you stole every bit of normalcy from my life and I had to learn how to be in a relationship all over again. Was it really okay for me to fuss over you? As if you knew exactly what I was thinking you told me you love it when I fuss over you and the kiss your planted on my nose once against mirroring my own actions gave me butterflies. I smiled softly and nodded before I picked your arm back up to make sure it didn't look like the slipped IV had hurt anything.
I was just about to say that it didn't look too bad miraculously when the door slid open and 'the purple bitch' came strolling in along with a man I didn't recognize. At first I panicked thinking that maybe he was here to drag me away from you but he just stood there like a useless lump. I watched the entire conversation about the phone unfold and even though you were being an absolute asshole something about it was oddly sexy to me. It was as if nothing was good enough for you and before I "met" you someone being such a smug prick would make me want to gag but with you it made me want to bury my tongue in your mouth. 'What about you baby? Do you know how to use that thing?' I shook my head with my best innocent face painted on. "I don't think so babe I haven't been in a hospital in ages, I didn't even realize wall phones still existed." I knew I was being rather unpleasant for no reason and it really wasn't fair after the people that worked here had saved my life but I couldn't help but play into your little game. "Also someone needs to fix Mr. Feldts IV it's slipped and I would prefer we leave without him having caught a secondary infection from your negligence."
@bonghitsforfeds
The way you always played into whatever I did like a trained lap dog turned my crank like nothing else. When you doubled down with the IV comment you had me biting my lip in floaty attraction. A pulse or two of loving pleasure drummed at my chest and radiated in circles off the edge of my body. You tell that bitch. I felt the oozing of chemistry begin bonding us. Our past few days together have been verifiably cursed, but we have been in each other's company enough to almost be capable of having fun. Almost. Purple yanked the phone from its hook and looked down at the number pad with her eyes squinted in fury. “What do you even want?” What I wanted to do was casually walk over to her and chew the soft flesh of her cheeks off, but instead I just opened my mouth, “Well, I suppose that depends on the accommodations, doesn't it? Do you have a chef? A menu?” She let her hand holding the phone fall to her side in frustration. The orange backlit screen peeked angrily out at us. “Yes,” you could hear her grit teeth through the face mask, “We have a chef.” My turn now, “Splendid! Fantastic!” My words were laced with fake joy, “Why did you not start with that?”
18:34
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She motioned for the big nurse to move toward the bed. At first my eyes grew wide in anticipation of pain, but when he just took a few steps and started fussing at the IV line I felt foolish. Yeah you big fuck, do your job. Looking back at purple while the big one worked on my arm, “She is going to tell you what she wants the kitchen to make her. She is only going to do it once. You will then bring what she asks of you back to us. Are you capable of following these simple instructions?” The way the big guy kept glancing between my face and Purple’s as I spoke down to her let me know everything I needed to know about this lady. Days of them thinking you were going to wake up and turn me in was backfiring in their face painfully. All the pent up anger I have been swallowing and not directing at you is being unloaded on the hospital staff, and damn it felt good.
I turned to you now and with my free hand dramatically brushed a few lines of hair out of your face. Smiling at you with a bit too much teeth, “My love, would you please tell this very smart and well educated lady what she needs to fetch for you?” My eyes opened wider over the last few words like I was talking you up for something really big. As if telling this nurse the salad order you told me earlier was the hardest thing you were going to do all day. In reference to how you spoke to her just before, “You did such a good job of telling me what you wanted, can you be a good girl and tell her now?” Something stirred inside of me praising you like this. I hated that it felt so good to do, because it was making it much harder to save it for manipulation.
@killahxkylie
Something inside of me mentally prepared to jump on this large man and wrap the tube still in my arm around his neck until his head turned purple and his heart stopped when he made his way over to the side of the bed but when he started to fix your IV I settled, feeling a little stupid for being ready to murder someone else so fast. The threat of you possibly being taken away from me was enough to fill my body with murderous intent and that was somewhat terrifying in itself.
I had to hold back giggles when you made the nurse more and more angry and it never even crossed my mind that she hated you because you tried to chuck things in the room at her when I was floating somewhere between life and death. I was just starting to feel like maybe we were taking this whole thing too far but then you had the audacity to open your mouth again and ask me to be a good girl to tell the woman what I wanted. My cheeks absolutely flared a bright red and I hated hated how strong the urge to please you was when you talked to me that way. Have you always been a submissive little bitch? "I would really like a salad with chicken and strawberries and a strawberry milkshake please." My eyes stayed on you the entire time I was asking for the food because I wanted to impress you so badly.
@bonghitsforfeds
I could not help the way my chin dropped to the floor and I looked up at you from an angle as you relayed the order. The heat in my core grew up into my chest and lapped at my neck. The swimming high I felt at having come this far from those first nights in your house. Would you really do anything I ask? I let my ego swell at the feeling of being able to pull it off. When you were done I planted a kiss on your forehead before turning to Purple, “See how easy it is to behave? Maybe you should be more like my little Mouse here and do as you're told.” I let the mock parental tone roll thick as I could ooze it out. The nurse stood so stiff now I thought she would grow roots. Slow as frost she responded, “Is there. Anything else. I can get you?” Her eyes were boring holes through my face. “Yeah you can actually,” I was looking back at you now, “Be a doll and double the order. Anything my Baby wants is going to be good enough for me too” I put another kiss into your reddening forehead.
19:45
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Just as the bigger one let go of my arm I added, “That will be all from you. Get out of our room please.” I poured my gaze through your face as the two stepped from the room. The nurse slid the phone back into the receiver and did her best to control her anger as she stomped out. Once the door was closed behind them I felt the cruel persona wash off. “Good job Baby, I am so proud of you.” Now I let my lips meet yours in a wet, powerful, and quick kiss. I already regretted pulling our faces apart, but the teasing of you had me burning inside and I needed to apply brakes before it got out of control. I tilted my head now, “Is there anything else I can get for you honey?” Suddenly without an audience I was not feeling as confident, and the way your infinite orbs soaked up my gaze was making me nervous. I could tease you like this all day though. It felt like I was barely getting started. The way your body so obviously reacted to it only served to encourage it. There was this roasting in my soul at how easy it was to tug at you. God, even trying to shove it down like this wasn't working. It's like I had spent my whole life with this side of me hiding around a corner waiting for the right person to leap out at. Now that urge to taste your skin was back. The dominating façade faltered as my eyes glanced away from yours.
@killahxkylie
"I don't think anybody can be as good as me" I let the words slip off my tongue on accident and wished that I could grab them and shove them back down my own throat. My cheeks were glowing now and I felt myself visibly shrinking when you looked back at me after telling the nurse whatever was good enough for me was good enough for you. I had to admit watching her watching us was amusing, I wondered if she found it more disturbing that you were being such a royal ass or that the girl the surely had assumed was a damsel in distress was playing right along with it. If I had half the sanity that I had days ago I would have been clamoring at the opportunity to get away from you but that was long gone now and I would do just about anything to hear you tell me how good I was for you, I should really be careful not to let you realize that.
When the two disgruntled workers made their way out of the room more than likely to go on a rampage about how awful we are I was shocked to find that you still had more compliments to give me. 'I am so proud of you.' I can't even remember that last time that I heard that and I didn't realize just how much it would effect me until I heard it. I felt my heart swell and my stomach flutter with more than just hunger and before I could even say anything your lips were on mine in a kiss that made me see stars. It was like every time our lips met I got a glimpse into our little private universe we've started to make. 'Honey.' How is it that everything you call me manages to melt the walls I try to rebuild? "I.. was thinking about taking a shower." I pointed to the bathroom door, when we had been in there briefly before I noticed a much cleaner shower that even had products I recognized. My hair was a frizzy disaster and it was starting to take a toll on me not physically feeling like myself. It was bad enough that I'd been completely deprived of makeup and fresh clothes, I at least wanted the long wavy locks to be presentable.
20:19
.
"I know it's been at least a day since everything happened so I figure it's probably not a bloody mess in there anymore right?" I didn't know exactly how long it had been but I know the nurse that was with the purple bitch was a different guy than before which means there had to have been at least one shift change since I lost consciousness. "You can join me if you want." I wouldn't say that it still gave me anxiety to be for than a few feet away from you, I figured the chance to see me naked would be enough, even if it was doing something as mundane as bathing while we waited for our food.
@bonghitsforfeds
When you mentioned the shower my mind swam in hazy happiness at the thought of having a proper bath. It should have spiked more guilt in me to have immediately recollected the hands of my attendant running a scrunchie full of soap over my skin. If anything is truly pathetic about me it is how little I want to take care of myself. I had to resist the urge to preemptively ask you to help me, and I was glad I did. Your joke caught me off guard, but finally managed to make me feel a little bit bad. The longer I spent with you the less I enjoyed hearing about pain I caused you. Thankfully, it was hard for any real negative emotion to take hold with how soft and squishy everything has been since we reconnected. There was an urge to joke about how I could not have hit you that hard, but it’s almost like I was worried that if I started tacking the hateful endings onto my sentences again I would never stop. My eyes widened at the epiphany that you may actually be able to help me. What would I look like as a nice person? That would almost be worse.
‘You can join me if you want.’ Dear God. It really is different when you are offered a spot besides someone. A lifetime of chances to be real with partners flashed my mind, but none of them really seemed worth pursuing. What is so different about you? I felt bad about the thought, but all things considered this should be mundane. We went over this earlier, she looks like Chelsea. The thought may have skirted me a few times earlier, but having it delivered to a post sex sober pallet widened my eyes again with fearful realization. No, no no no. It has to be more than that. My head canted as I took in your sharp features again. You need to stop thinking about other women when she is talking to you. Fuck! Your question!
20:43
.
“I’d love to join you Baby.” I almost said the words too fast, but I was in it to win it now. “Can I wash your hair again?” Sometimes my mind gets ahead of itself in its attempts to cover my ass, but this time it finally managed to scrape together some quick words I liked. The memory of cleaning gore out of your head after the first time I had you replayed so clearly I could smell the copper in the room now. Before I had always hated hair and wanted nothing to do with it. With you though? I could see myself making excuses to mess yours up just for another chance to run my fingers through it. Now I felt like I needed to have it, “Please? Let it be a reward for how well you behaved...” It began to sink in how fucked I was now, because I did not even expect sex in the shower, I just wanted to see your marble body again. Would you let me have a nude painting of you done? Fuck, I wish I could turn these thoughts off.
@killahxkylie
When I saw your eyes go wide I assumed it was just because I had offered you to join me in the shower and I couldn't help the small smile that made it's way onto my lips. It felt strange offering to do such normal things with you but it also felt good, like maybe we could really do them and actually be a somewhat normal couple. It still felt weird even just to think it couple...would you really stay faithful to just me? My thoughts were interrupted by you eagerly accepting my invitation to join and then even offering to wash my hair again. Had you really enjoyed doing it that much the first time? Probably because it was coated in blood. I swallowed hard at my own realization and hoped you would still enjoy it just as much when it was only soaked in water. "A- a reward" My cheeks turned bright red again as I nodded "O-of course you can I love having my hair washed" It was a soft admission but a truthful one, ever since I was a kid I loved having my hair washed and played with it was something that always soothed me.
"You know.. I've never been this way for anyone else" I started to say as I got up from the bed and reach to unhook the multiple bags from the IV hook to carry them into the bathroom and rehook near the shower, assuming you would follow when you were ready. "You make me feel so small and.. I don't know.. like I want to make you happy. I sorta hate it." I said with a small laugh, I hated it because it made me feel so vulnerable and weak. At the same time I loved it because you made it feel like it was this great thing to be. "I also sort of like it." I made sure to say that part out loud too so you didn't think I only hated it. For some reason it was getting more and more difficult to pretend that I didn't feel anything for you. "Can you untie me?" I peeked behind me and tugged at the hospital gown, I probably could do it myself but I knew it would shoot pain through my wrist and I really didn't want to if I didn't have to.
@bonghitsforfeds
The rebounding warm feelings managed to push sweat out when you agreed to let me clean your hair. Already my mind raced ahead at your relaxed body in the bathtub while I kneel outside and comb thick suds out of your long dark curls. Then you are moving and talking at the same time. My pathetically simple man brain struggled to process what you said while also memorizing your gowned form floating around. There may need to be a rule in the future about you walking and talking at the same time, as I can’t keep up. When you went on to explain how you have mixed feelings over being so obedient it only cemented my resolve to keep doing it forever. How long can we keep this relationship going if there needs to be some sort of cruel element to it for me to stay interested?
Now that you were done unhooking your IV’s I had no choice but to quickly chase behind you. Our lines were tangled, and there was no time to get my own bags off of their hooks, so I just grabbed the entire reflective bag pole and hoisted it up to carry after you. ‘I sorta hate it.’ I almost dropped the load to choke slam you into the floor, but you must have felt the change of my mood because you added on a pleasing memo to the end. Finally I found something to say, “I like making you feel small too.” Holy shit I am so bad at this. The words sounded better in my head before they squirmed past the stupid ooze that my lips manage to secretly soak everything with on the way out. We were in the bathroom now, and as you turned to show me your back I felt a pang of anger at not being able to see how my words had made you feel. “Y-yeah baby.” I fumbled at the stringy ties now. My knuckles were trying to flex out of muscle memory, but every time they bent it shot sharp pain into my fingers. “Sorry, trying my hardest here.” Eventually I got it and the gown slipped to the floor around your legs with a ghostly movement.
10:33
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I felt my soul float up into the ceiling at being around your well lit naked body. Somehow being surrounded by white granite, well grouted tile, and full mirrors only worked to make your ruined body more beautiful. It felt like I had just confidently sauntered into the King’s private bed chambers and threw a half chewed piece of bloody raw meat onto the floor. Your back ribs had lost the yellow to their perimeter bruising, but I could tell by the way you moved that they still bothered you something fierce. My head tilted as I walked my gaze up and down your form. Leaning to kiss between your shoulder blades, “You are so beautiful Camilla.” I don’t even care anymore if you know that I love your marked flesh. Hell, you are so broken in the mind maybe I can get you to enjoy being physically broken too. I mean, it worked on us. The voice was trying to prove its point by getting me to glance at your hickeys on my neck through the mirror. The thought made the room feel smaller. To distract myself I pried away from your back so I could sit on the edge of the bowled jacuzzi tub and turn the taps to full. Running my hand under the water as it heated up I waited to pull the knob for a shower until it had gotten to temperature. There was embarrassing angry pressure growing in my mind, and I hated it. The self loathing only worked to spiral my thoughts deeper into madness. That's more like it.@killahxkylie
'I like making you feel small too' I was so happy that I decided to turn around so you couldn't see the blush that creeped all the way down to my chest. When you fumbled with the ties of the gown I felt my own pang of guilt, your poor knuckles wouldn't be so ruined if I hadn't decided to disappear into the woods at the side of the road. It's not exactly like you were in the right state of mind. I sighed a little at that. "It's okay I'm not in a rush and um I'm sorry.. your hands must hurt."
I could feel your eyes raking up and down my body once the gown floated down onto the floor and being under such bright lights left me feeling even more exposed than that first night with you. Everything in this bathroom was so bright and clean even after what had happened yesterday and it made me wonder just what kind of insane cleaning people they employed here. I almost laughed to myself but then I felt your lips pressed between my shoulder blades, my skin immediately raised in goosebumps at the feeling and I felt my knees buckle. I had always had a weakness for this. For soft kisses and warm embraces from behind. Something about them just felt so intimate and sacred, if only you knew just how deep under your spell I was. Don't ever let him find out.
10:53
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"As long as you think so that's all that matters." I didn't want to tell you that I was too afraid to let my eyes land on a mirror in the fear of seeing just how broken I still was. The brief glance I had gotten in the broken shards of the one in the motel were enough. I wonder just how badly my face is going to scar from the handle of that gun and if you'll still think I'm just as pretty if it does. "I'm afraid to look at myself" I admitted softly, the attempt to not tell you flying out the window as you pulled the shower knob to release the steamy hot water from the head. I felt stupid for being so ashamed at seeing myself, it's not as if I had never had a bruise or even a hickey before but I could tell just by what I could see looking down at myself it was going to be far more extensive than that. I was like a patchwork quilt that you had stitched together with all your many acts of violence. It wasn't all during violent acts. I felt the blush creep up to my ears at the reminder, there were handprints on my body that were from the insane sex we had too, those ones I could live with. Those ones were a different kind of pain.
‘As long as you think so,’ Oh, if only you had any idea. The water was steaming now, and I could only keep my hand underneath the stream for a few seconds before it started to burn. By my estimations it was roughly hot enough to melt flesh to liquid, so almost how you preferred it. I was just about to switch it to a shower when you quietly mumbled the saddest thing I had heard you say yet. “Cami...” My voice trailed off in mixed emotion. I had no idea guilt could work to fan the flames of anger like this. It’s because you are selfish. Now the temper tempted to spill over. There were a few seconds where I almost got the lock back onto the hateful cage, but then I remembered telling you back at the motel to not question your beauty and it got the ball rolling again.
11:22
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Standing straight up I moved with lethal speed to where you stood. Now I wrapped you up in a reverse hug and ran my wet fingers up the front of your belly. Your panting soft flesh beneath my dripping skin had my own breathing huffing out shorter. The fragility of your form when I had you encased like this always flooded my mind with intrusive thoughts to just pick you up by the midsection and squeeze you in half. It probably would not even be that hard since most your bones were already warmed up with crunchy fractures. Now I worked my mouth into the side of your bruised neck so I could vibrate my words into that pumping section I like so much, “Listen to me.” A hard kiss into the purple flesh, “You don’t have to be beautiful to anyone but me.” My coiling of you tightened with anger as I continued, “And you are perfect to me.” I loosened the painful gripping now so I could spin you around and look you in the eyes. With a finger under your chin so I could force your gaze up into mine, “Anytime from now on I hear you questioning yourself, I will assume it’s because you are trying to be presentable for someone else.” I liked this twisting of everything. Not only did it torment your mind by making the insecurities of being beaten somehow your own fault, but it also makes you more careful around me. The psychopath seemed pleased for now and the licking flames danced back into their caldera. I could see the one gear in your Barbie doll brain spinning uselessly behind those dark eyes to think of something smart to say, and I wondered if it was going to spark something stupid out instead. I wish she would spit in your face What the fuck is wrong with me?
@killahxkylie
I let out a tiny gasp when you wrapped your arms around me from behind like this, dwarfing my body in your own. Your wet hand running up my stomach leaving behind drips of water to cool on my skin had my mind swimming with the most dangerous thoughts. Nothing felt as dangerous as your lips at my pulse point though, the command to listen wasn't even necessary when you had me like this, I was putty in your hands. 'You don't have to be beautiful to anyone but me.' That felt mostly true, I didn't care what anyone else thought really, not anymore, but I still wanted to feel beautiful to myself too. I whimpered in pain when your arms wrapped around me tighter. 'And you are perfect to me. I hated the way my mind drifted back to the escort and wondering if you only thought so because I look like her.
When you spun me around and forced my eyes up to yours there wasn't a doubt in them that you meant your words and that in itself made me feel mildly better, at least you think I'm beautiful. "I-." I found myself completely lost for words when you told me you would assume I was trying to look nice for someone else. How was I supposed to avoid questioning myself for the rest of the foreseeable future? Would I still be allowed to ask if things looked nice or if you liked me hair or whatever stupid makeup I put on for the day? I felt that pinch forming between my brows again and tried to figure out what the hell to say. I would also be lying to the both of us if I said I wouldn't be trying to impress the people in your life, not in a way that said I wanted them but in the way that made them think I was worthy of being yours. "But.. don't you want me to look presentable?" I tilted my head to the side, I had almost added that I didn't want to make you look bad but that seemed like a direct defiance of you telling me not to doubt myself.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I-’ It seemed like wires were crossing in that head. Now your brow was furrowing together into the magic shape that steals air from my lungs, and a smile grew on me at how on the fence you were. There was a creeping realization that you really do care what I say to you, and not just enough to open the leather of my wallet. Here I am foolishly pouring my admissions of love out to you when your mind has not even made up the fact it feels anything yet. Maybe I should take this time to remind you that every time I lean over you and say something in a remotely smokey voice your eyes well full of tears. Tears she lets you drink.
The tilt of your head after the innocent question had strings on my heart strumming I didn't even know were strapped to it previously. Anger that had worked to originally fuel my aggressive hug of you cooled into toxic steam as the crashing waves of your purity fought to wrestle it back down below. I let the hand on your chin stroke a line down your neck and between your breasts until I removed my finger somewhere around the middle of your belly. Words mounted behind my mouth in a dam of competing ways to respond to you. Should I tell you that it is your life's job to be presentable for us now? Maybe I could just try to have my way again with you right now and see if you still like me after? Just kill her please. Please? This is so old. Swallowing a sudden mouth full of spit, “You are a fucking dork Cami.” It felt so cruel to toss out at you, but it was arguably true. The most inane odd command will flush your face into heat and have you licking praise out of my hand, but I hold you tight and make threats and you question the background? You take hammers to the foundations of my manipulation? Who hurt you?
12:45
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“You can do whatever you want as long as it's a selfish choice for both of us. Carve your skin off and replace it with sweet icing if you want Baby, just do it for me.” With that grounded and totally normal phrase I pressed a kiss right into the middle of your furrowing brow. ‘Your mine,’ A puffy memory of you breathing the fact out over my still burning jawline forced a replay on my mind’s stage. It was a good thing I had not removed my own gown yet or I would give myself away. I motioned my head toward the loud water of the faucet, “How do you want to go about this doll? You are covered in bandages.” Now I nodded toward the IV bags you had hanging from the secured hooks near the shower head, “Plus you are all plugged full of that shit.” Damn, maybe you really did need my help.
@killahxkylie
Original message was deleted or could not be loaded.
When your finger trailed it's way down my chin and neck and then disappeared before you got any lower than the middle of my stomach I was decidedly confused. I could have sworn you were going to keep going lower and lower until you hit that spot that shut what little brain I had left off. Instead though you called me a dork and I screwed up my face in offense for all of two seconds before I had to laugh and shake my head. "Well.. I guess you have a thing for dorks then so you better get used to it." The idea that someday maybe we could actually be a somewhat normal couple who was playful with each other had my stomach full of butterflies and my heart throwing a riot in my chest. Carve your skin off and ice yourself like a cake for his birthday. I hated the fact that I wanted to see what your reaction would be if that really happened. Knowing you you'd kick it off of me until I bled out and then you'd lick up all of that too.
Thankfully my thoughts were brought back to the slightly more sane present when you asked how I wanted to go about taking this shower. I looked down at myself and then remembered the bandages on my cheek and head too and sighed. "They'll just have to redo the bandages when they bring us our food. I'm taking this damn shower if it's the last thing I do my hair is a mess Mr. Feldt" I gave you a cheeky smile as I started to peel of bandages and then carefully stepped into the steamy water with a long sigh of relief. I let my head hand forward as the water pelted at my back and started to soak into my hair. "I'll be fine with the IVs especially if you're the one washing my hair- i-if you still want to I mean I can do it myself too if you don't that's fine too."
@bonghitsforfeds
A proud warmth grew at watching you make such declarative statements about what the staff here are going to do with your bandages. I should probably put more thought into why exactly I get perverse joy at watching you talk down to life saving medical staff, but that would require some inward reflection and I have had enough of that for one day. You were making jokes at me and taunting my name, but I was leaning forward now with a canted head as I watched the water glisten the fresh wounds you had just exposed. Would you let me wrap you in bandages just to peel them off like that again? Would you let me make sure there is always a seeping injury hidden beneath one of them? My knees actually buckled a bit, and my hand shot to the corner of the counter to steady myself. Freak.
‘...that's fine too.’ Tearing my eyes from your body to lock with the back of your head as you stepped into the shower, “God no!” The statement spilled much louder than I had originally anticipated, and an angry blush spread over my face. Goddammit Swallowing, “I mean uh. Yeah. I still want to do it.” Now the bashful backpedal had hatred broiling up again. I was going to put my creepy fingers into your hair tonight. It was just a fact. Whether or not you agreed to it is up to you.
17:23
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I took this as my personal invitation to step over toward you, and while still standing outside the tub reached in to angle the shower head toward the far wall so it would not get all over the floor. The pipe I gripped into was scalding, and already the room filled with the scent of your unwashed steaming body. Something warm began to spread in my core. Focus. While repeating the mantra of focus I pumped a few thick squirts of the pink shampoo out of a large vanilla colored bottle. As it pooled in my hand already the fruity scent of the product was potent enough to replace all other smells. I realized now I had gotten ahead of myself as your hair was not even properly soaked yet. Staring at the pile of stupidity in my hand, “You make my mind crazy Cami.” It felt so silly once I said it, but it was true. “Just standing here next to you I-” Now my eyebrows pinched together as the thick ooze began to string through my fingers and patter to the floor with colorful splats. Something was happening with me the longer I spent with you. There was always such intense anger sharing emotions like this, but with you it almost didn’t hurt at this point. Almost. “Everything I do with you feels like the first time I have ever done it. I want to do everything again.” At first I thought the ceiling had sprung a leak when water mixed into the top of what product was left in my hand and swirled to create a waxy pool of suds. However I frustratingly realized they were my own tears. Holy shit, I am so tired of crying. I felt small and pathetic. There was a growing desire to run, or hurt you. What we were doing now was so simple. Why am I panicking? The sound of water pounding into your body and the tiled floor was too loud. Everything was so bright. I felt a tremble working its way into my fingers and now my eyes were closed trying to block the senses out.
@killahxkylie
"Okay good because I really want you to do it still." I smiled softly when you seemed almost shy about wanting to do it so badly which, thinking back on everything was pretty ironic. Nothing about you made sense and for some reason that was exciting to me. 'You make my mind crazy Cami' I felt my heart do that weird stutter again and couldn't bring myself to turn and face you yet, afraid that I would ruin whatever moment was about to happen. You went on to start another sentence and when you stopped it I held my breath hoping that you would finish, only to blow me away when you did. 'I want to do everything again' Selfishly I wanted to be the first everything you had ever had but being able to maybe replace those memories with new ones was the next best thing.
"I wish I could have been your actual firsts" It slipped off my words softly before I could even think to stop it. When you didn't say anything back I was worried that I did something wrong somehow by just standing here existing, when I turned to face you and saw your eyes squeezed shut and tears rolling down your cheeks I quickly turned the rest of the way around. "Baby what's wrong?" I reached up to thumb over your cheeks and then I tried to coax you into the shower with me after tugging the strings on your own gown to let it fall to the floor. "Let me help." I said softly and once I had you into the shower I turned the water so it was on the both of us and kissed softly over your salty cheeks. "What's going on in that head of yours?" I asked before I tipped yours into the water and ran my fingers through it, it tugged at my IV painfully but helping you was trumping everything else on my mind right now, I'd panicked enough times to know what it looks like. "Let me in Ivon."
@bonghitsforfeds
The comment about being my first did not even register in my head. My entire world was red splotches of spreading hate in the darkness of my clenched eyes. All sound had faded out into a rushing ringing roar that grew in volume with each pump of my accelerating heart beat. At some point my palm holding the shampoo had clenched into a fist, and the squelching soap bubbling from my shaking hand burned as it leaked into the wounds on my fingers. Then soft skin is painting mine, and I snapped my eyes open to the blinding light of existence in a desperate scramble to find your face. Everything slowed down and the ringing roar suddenly snapped into nothingness to be replaced by the sounds of water. A wet hand of yours is on the fabric behind me tugging at strings. Cold air kisses my body when the gown falls to the floor, and at some point my legs must have stepped or moved, because now I was in the shower with you.
18:27
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‘Let me help,’ I think my heart stopped when you kissed the tears off my cheeks. No fling, ‘girlfriend’, actress, whore, hooker, suiter, or lotion covered hand had ever cared for me in the intimate way you were doing now. The tears only rolled faster down out of my eyes and onto your perfect lips. I put my arms around your back and heard the IV stand outside roll around as the lines grew taught. The pain only amplified the spinning gooey gross emotions I was coalescing for you now, and every pass of your words over my bruised face helped to blow away the hate. This was the most confused I had ever felt in my life. I wanted to melt into your body. I wanted to brutally fuck you brain dead right here in this hospital. I wanted to press my hands into the side of your face until your Barbie doll head exploded into a hollow mess of plastic. If I had not already proposed to you today I would probably do it again right here out of fuzzy fucking madness. Rip her cunt off. ‘What’s going on in that head of yours?’ “I-” it was all I managed to get out before your fingers were scrubbing at my scalp. If I was a dog I’d have kicked. ‘Let me in Ivon?’
18:27
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You want in? Fine, “Half of my body wants to split you open and play in your blood like a giggly insane patient with finger paint as that little drain right there works to gulp your viscera down it.” We both knew what that noise sounded like now too. I rested my head on your shoulder as you worked to scrub at me through the terrifying words, “The other half of me wants to hold you like this until we both die so we can haunt Purple Bitch together forever.” Normally I would have laughed at my own joke, but everything I said felt so serious. I had never found success trying to explain to a woman before that for every nice thought I have for them there are five more screaming to hurt them. “I want it to be, maybe I should kiss Cami, and not, maybe I should kiss Cami while crushing her hand to powder.” At any point I expected what I was saying to ruin this, so the words just kept coming. “I just want to be good for you, and I really worry I will hurt you. A part of me likes to hurt you.” The opposite statements after each other made no sense, but you had asked for a peak into the stream. My arms pulled you closer in fear that you would leave. At least now if you try to go I can see if squeezing you into two pieces is possible.
@killahxkylie
'Half of my body wants to split you open and play in your blood..' The idea of that made my blood run cold even in the steaming water of the shower but I managed to force myself not to pull away from you and try to bolt to the officer that was sitting outside our room. When you continued to explain I felt myself let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. The idea that you wanted to be with me even in whatever afterlife exists made my heart skip a beat again. The back and forth that was happening in my brain was so confusing but I just let it sit there because you were actually letting me in and I hadn't expected that at all. 'I just want to be good for you...a part of me likes to hurt you.' It didn't feel right that a part of me liked that you liked to hurt me, as if if you didn't enjoy hurting me anymore you would up and leave me for someone else.
18:53
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I let you pull me in closer and felt myself relaxing instead of tensing up like a normal person would after hearing such perverse and opposite statements. The truth was I would let you crush my hand to powder as long as you continued to hold it after. It scared me how far I would let you go as long as you kept me by your side. "I'm not going anywhere." I said softly feeling your need to have me close to you. I pressed a soft kiss to your chest and then another before I cupped your face in my hands trying to get you to look at me. "I-. A part of me likes it when you hurt me." I took a deep breath in preparing to try and explain my own depravity. "It's like.. the feeling that you can't control yourself when you're with me. Something about that makes me feel good even though it hurts. I know that's sick." I could feel myself falling harder and faster than I wanted to, I didn't want to at all but apparently I couldn't stop it. "Just don't let me go Ivon and you can crush my hand to powder and snort it off some fancy marble counter after I don't care I just need to be with you." It was probably the weirdest way I had ever comforted anyone in my life but I was desperate to make you feel better. To try to calm the swelling waves of panic inside you.
The uncanny ability you possess to cut through my mind’s budding tantrums with basic phrases is probably the main reason you are not a corpse yet. I knew what you meant when you mumbled to me you are not going anywhere, but it was just so funny to think you thought there was a choice in the matter. Your lips to my sternum stole heat from where they landed, and it managed to cool even more of the panic attack back into a manageable flow. Now you work with your hands and eyes to rip the hate away with this magic only you know. I swear I could feel the vacuum of all thought in my head as you stared at me. ‘A part of me likes it when you hurt me.’ Oh. My. God. Holy fuck. I may have passed out if we were not gripping onto each other and being pumped full of electrolytes as we live and breathe. You go on to mention control, and at this point I am convinced you are a mind reader because I can’t control it. She has you figured out You wrap up the moment that bubbled real love into my blood with declarations that you would continue to let me hurt you. Every time I thought you had managed to make me feel genuine peak adoration you would top it moments later. I might overdose on the new gooey feelings if you keep pushing it.
19:18
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Maybe I am a hopeless pathetic romantic because I needed to propose to you again. I had to be sure the law was involved in this relationship somehow. She could leave you and take half of everything. Why did that only make it better? With our eyes still locked together I let one of my hands slide up to your upper back where I rubbed at it in wide slick circular motions. “Do you have any idea what it means to hear that from you little Mouse?” My voice was quiet enough it cut in and out through the rainfall of shower water working to ruin hours of hard nursing work. The tone of it warbled with genuine awe. The panic attack is gone now. I was zero. Everything inside is empty and void. My head canted to the side as this empty cathartic hollowness managed to actually stick around, “How did you do that?” I asked this to you like you knew what I had been thinking before. “I’m not mad anymore?” It sounded childish to question the resolution like this, but I kept waiting for the other emotional boot to drop. For the anger to spike. There was nothing but you, me, and steam. The liquid pooling in your collarbone was too much to ignore, and I slurped a pile of it up and let the cool Cami-water fill the empty nothingness. “You are an angel.”
@killahxkylie
'Do you have any idea what it means to hear that from you little mouse?' I didn't, not really, but I could only imagine it was something similar to how it felt to feel it at all. I smiled a little when your head tilted to the side and you asked me how I did that. I didn't have an answer for you, I had no idea how I managed to wash away the anger that seemed to have a permanent home deep in your bones but I was happy I was able to, seeing you panic was painful and I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat. "I was just being honest." That's truly all there was to it, I was letting my thoughts out instead of hiding it for once.
'You are an angel.' I stood there naked with half wet hair just staring at you when you said that. What kind of angel could I possibly be letting someone ravage me and then falling for them anyway? "If I'm an angel I've definitely fallen from grace." I let my eyes meet yours again and went up on my toes to kiss you. "We um- we should get clean before the food comes." I cleared my throat trying to clear my head of the haze that you had a way of filling it with before I grabbed a squirt of the shampoo myself and lathered it into your hair that was much more wet than mine at this point. "Half of me wants to kill you too you know, watch you bleed out and stain whatever floor you land on." I massaged at your scalp as I worked the shampoo into your hair further. "And the other half.. the other half imagines a wedding with the warm breeze from the sea and a family with you until we're old and grey and end up drinking poison together because we're both too stubborn to die first."
@bonghitsforfeds
I could only nod and smile in silent agreement at your assessment. If you are in a private space with me you have definitely traveled very far out of any realm that could be considered ‘with grace.’ When you redirected our attention to the original reason we stepped in here I felt my cheeks heat up, “Right, sorry.” Why are you making us apologize? Luckily your mention of food and the bony fingers in my scalp helped to get me focussed. Getting another glob of shampoo I rubbed it between my hands before I began working it into the length of your hair. With every inch of your mane that would glide between my hands another shred of my empty vessel would fill with cups of obsession over you. Your mix of sweet and cruel words had my knees doing that buckling bend again.
20:07
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A wedding... I know I had been the one to bring it up originally, but the idea was so preposterous. There were many ways I expected this to all end that night I broke into your new home, but married on a cliffside? My eyes squinted with effort to imagine the whole scene. Would we do it privately? Would we make everyone fly in from every hovel my family resides in and watch? There is something sort of mischievous about shaking the entire extended Feldt hive to make them all come witness us do awkward pet play in front of a pastor. Do you have a family? Wow, that just occurred to you? “You know Baby...” I trailed off while working to rinse the shampoo and begin a treatment of conditioner, “Musings of ritualistic lovers suicide is kind of cute.” It felt funny enough, but I thought of more after, “Also, I will not be going gray.” I was not sure if you would take that as I don’t plan on getting old, or if I meant I literally will not grow the color, but I decided to just let your one gear spin on that.
Already the thinner feeling of the potent conditioner had the tangles in your hair working free, and my hands could almost pass the length of the whole mess without encountering a snag. Every once in a while your fingers would tug into one of my own and I had to resist the urge to gasp or moan. Everything felt so sweet, but this was the first time I could ever recall being this grossly intimate with someone. I couldn’t resist ruining it at least a little bit, “How many times have you done this?” I nodded my head up and down between us while we cleaned each other's hair. Part of me was referring to the explanations of how we felt, but I also meant physically bathe another person. I had to know if another man somewhere had done this with you so I could watch the life leave his inferior eyes.
@killahxkylie
"What can I say, I'm a sucker for a sweet ending." I smiled knowing that I fully well meant it, and if you somehow died before me I would easily take the so called cowards way out. I'd rather not live at all than live on a planet without you on it existing at the same time as me. 'Also I will not be going gray.' I wondered what exactly you meant by that and decided for my own little remaining sanity that you must just have great genetics or faith in gray covering hair dye. I could feel myself relaxing the more your fingers worked through my hair, having finally rinsed the shampoo from yours I also moved to working conditioner through it, marveling over the way it slipped so easily between my fingers. 'How many times have you done this?' I wondered if you meant the showering together or the falling head over heels bat shit in love.
20:24
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My mind conjured up the one other time I had felt this with someone else in a combination of the two possibilities. We had stumbled in from a friend's housewarming party in a fit of giggles from some joke made in the back of an Uber that in hindsight wasn't nearly as funny we made it seem. It was just like a scene from a movie, the frenzied tearing off of each other's clothes, smiles between kisses. If I imagined it hard enough I could still taste the sweat from his shoulder on my lips. Our bodies moved in tandem with each other for hours on end until neither of us could move let alone fuck. I can feel my skin raise in goosebumps at the memory of the way his fingers traced every inch of me until we had laid there long enough for the sweat to dry. That was the first night I had shared a shower with anyone else, it was also the last. The sweet intense fire we shared together turned to ash one day when I opened a message to find endless pictures of messages and other damning evidence that I'd once again been played for a fool. The only other time I had shared a shower, if you could even really call it that, was after being dragged drunk and stumbling into lukewarm water and left there to sober up and realize what had happened the next morning. I didn't think that counted.
"Um. Once if you mean sharing a shower with someone else. I've never imagined myself marrying someone else before though, not anyone I was in a relationship with anyway.... What about you?" I knew of course that you'd asked the escort to marry you but I wondered if you had ever done this with someone else, I hoped that it wouldn't stoke the fire of your anger too much since it seemed to flow more with the conversation than other times I had asked you about previous relations that you had in your life.
@bonghitsforfeds
I could tell by the way your eyes locked into the invisible horizon I had summoned a memory in you. I will fucking kill them. I’ll wrap a rope around their arms and hoist them backwards an inch off the ground, so I can bleed them dry like cattle. I will bury them waist deep in the ground and cut a quarter sized hole in their gut so I can string their intestines out one little inch at a time. The racing thoughts of protective anger spiraled in depravity until you spoke. ‘Once.’ If my hate could be physicalized every object in this building would be rumbling around. A memory of my father’s voice, ‘Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to son.’ The whole image fades out in a puff of his blue cigar smoke.
‘What about you?’ Now it was my turn to tumble backwards down mnemic madness. ‘Ivon wake the fuck up!’ Consciousness painfully rattles my mind alive and the room immediately spins in a violent tumbling. In the center of the spinning swirl that is reality are familiar long tanned legs. Everything was upside down, and my spine burned fiercely from sleeping backward hanging off the bed. With immense effort to not spill my stomach’s contents I lifted my head so I could look up at her face. Long bright artificial red hair pillared down toward my eyes from how she bent over to look at me. ‘I thought you were dead.’ She said the words as if the fact I was not disappointed her. ‘I would not be so sure yet,’ the pathetic words are all I managed before my head fell back to the floor. There was this tugging at the edge of my mind that something bad was coming, but I tried to just drift back to sleep. Then a cooler of freezing water, ice, and booze is waterboarded over my face in a punch of icy painful feeling.
21:21
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Instantly I attempted to sit up and only succeeded to fall off the bed into the pile of blue liquid spreading over the floor. ‘You fucking bitch!’ Still drunk I tried to gain my footing and slipped each time until eventually I landed on my face so hard stars exploded out into my vision. From the way I was pressed into the ground now my lips were fused to the floor. This mix of mystery liquid tasted like mangos, and mangos reminded me of last night, and last night is not what I wanted to be remembering right now. ‘God please, just go away.’ I begged pitifully but now her loud voice was inches from my ear, ‘You have shit to do today Ivon. Wake up or I’ll dump another one on you.’ The bitch did not even give me any time to respond as now her fingers were under my arms as she drug me across the floor. It went fine at first until we got away from the liquid and my skin started squeaking across the hardwood. ‘That fucking hurts!’ She dropped me then, and my forehead collided to the floor with another crack and release of shooting stars. ‘Then stand up Ivon, I really don’t have patience for your bullshit today.’ I wanted to remind her I pay her to put up with my bullshit, but something tells me I was in trouble for things last night that I will never even remember. Now that my mind was clearing I could hear the sound of running water floating up the wide hallway we were near. ‘I will use the pumice in that shower to scrub your face off if you do not get your ass in there right now.’
21:21
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Your fingers found a hidden tangle and it pulled my mind back to the shower we shared now. “I have shared a few baths, but think of it more as a professional courtesy than a thing of emotion.” I felt bad being so vague, but now I was not so confident in you meeting my attendant. Before there was sick glee in you two fighting it out, but now I had promised you there was no one else. A bridge for later? I gulped, “What we do here is different,” as if to drive this point home I began pulling your hair out behind you in a long wave of shiny wet strands while checking it for missed soap, “Our time in here feels... thicker. I don’t want it to end.” I felt bad for taking the conversation in this direction now. “When we go back to Washington... Will you help me shower there too?” The fishing for affection seemed so pathetic every time I did it, but there was still that lurking shark of fear that you would disappear on me.
@killahxkylie
'A professional courtesy' What the fuck does that even mean? I pinched my brows together and tried to figure it out, rolling the words over and over again in my head until they were smooth and shiny and still meant absolutely nothing to me. 'What we do here is different.' The thick bob of your throat when you swallowed before you said that told me otherwise but I wasn't sure if I wanted to push right now, these times with us were so precious to me and I didn't want to ruin it by adding fuel to your always brewing rage. "I don't understand.. but I will if you want me to. I would like to." I ran both my hands through your hair one more time before I pressed another kiss to your chest.
My lips lingered there for a long moment as I tried to figure out my next move. Truthfully I wanted to stay here in the hot water with you all day, I could feel it relaxing out aches that I had from the trauma my body had endured since our meeting. Mentally I was still aching all over. My mind was running wild with the question of if that professional courtesy including shoving your dick in whatever hired whore was helping you in the bath. I hated how I wanted to kill someone I had never met just for having their hands on your warm wet skin, I hated that I wanted to kill someone at all. I felt like I was a kid again and some kid at school was trying to take my shiny new toy, it was mine and I didn't have to share it if I didn't want to. Now you're the one with me, the shiny new toy, and I'd sooner shovel a playgrounds worth of gravel down someone's throat than share each other.
I finally took my lips away from your skin for the briefest moment before I had the urge to bit down on your chest and leave a mark to match the ones on your neck and jaw. I wanted to cover your body in them so if anyone ever thought there was a place they could touch you that my lips hadn't already found they'd realize they were sadly mistaken. I wanted to devour you whole whenever I thought about it.
I wasn’t stupid. The way you lead your sentence with, ‘I don’t understand,’ alluded to me that you saw through my lies. I did feel a coalescing ball of respect forming in me at how you moved past it though. You either feared me, did not care, or enjoyed what we were doing here enough to drop it. Whatever the reasoning was, I was just relieved that the conversation was over. Then your lips were on my chest again, and for some reason the brooding energy behind your form now had me slowing my movements. I had walked us a few steps back behind the shower head, and was working to squeeze your hair dry. You were still pressed to me, and now my hands dropped your mane to snake down your back. The longer you pressed those two perfect flaps of skin to my chest the more my desire to fill you with my cock grew. You must have sensed that I was going to make you late for your food order though as you removed the lips just in time.
I peeled myself off of you and immediately missed the presence of your skin being so close. “Just a sec, doll.” On the far side of the shower were two sparkly black scrunchies that hung from stainless steel hooks. Snatching them both up I worked to pump the clear body wash onto both of them before handing one to you. Now I was working the scratchy sudsy surface into your neck with deliberate slow circular movements. I saw your eyes squint just a tad as I passed over the bruised flesh, “I know it hurts Baby, but you are doing so good.” I had to bite my lower lip to not press the feelings of the situation. Every moment that I was in extended contact with you drug out this primal urge to rub against you like a cat in heat. “We are almost done, and then you get to enjoy that yummy salad you ordered.” My stomach growled at the mention of food, and now my mouth was watering at the thought of crunching into something fresh and crisp. “God, those strawberries really do sound great right now.” The dreams of food managed to pull my mind from pinning your slick
22:02
body to the wall and tasting every crevice in it. There will be time for that later.@killahxkylie
My head cocked to the side when you stopped me from getting out of the shower completely. I hadn't even seen the two black scrunchies and I knew without a doubt it was going to hurt dragging over all the bruised skin. Still though I took the one from you and started to drag it along your skin, starting with your back. 'I know it hurts baby' I guess I was doing a worse job at hiding that fact than I thought. I moved my own scrunchie to drag along your chest and stomach which he growled at the mention of the food that was coming and I couldn't help but laugh. "Strawberries always sound good. I think I'm most excited for the milkshake though, I'm a sucker for sweets." You probably already knew that from when I was curled up on the couch with a tub of ice cream instead of running away from you but this felt like actually getting to know each other and it was nice.
When I ran the sudsy scrunchie over your neck and got my first good look at just how much damage I had done I felt oddly satisfied, my purple and red marks looked like they belonged on your skin and I couldn't help myself from staring. "Does it make me a bad person that I enjoy this?" I really hadn't meant to ask that out loud, it was supposed to just stay a silly little musing inside my head but it was too late now. "The marks and the.. pain I mean." And also this entire situation but I wasn't going to say that out loud when my hair was clean and all my split open sections of skin were sewn together, I didn't need any new ones right now.
@bonghitsforfeds
'I'm a sucker for sweets.' I made a deep mental note of that. How does a woman who is a sucker for sweet things get caught showering with a guy like me? I wanted to dive into more introspection on our odd pairing, but the way your eyes locked on my neck nervously pulled me back to the present. Your words had me sucking my tongue back and forth while I tried to think of an honest answer. Bad person? I don’t think it necessarily makes us bad people. You just belittled life saving medical staff. “Hmm...” I rumbled out the musing tone while working to clean your upper chest and collarbone. While scrubbing at a stubborn spot of medical glue, “I think you have some valid excuses for being weird yet.” I nodded at this statement as the eggy blob of sealant finally broke loose of your skin. “As for me?” I let the end drag on as a sly smile grew over my face. “I may actually be a bad person.” That managed to steal an honest chuckle out of me, and its unpracticed sound rattled back at us. Now Chelsea's words were rolling my mind, 'You laugh like a fucking creep, Ivon.'
12:18
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I was working your arm out flat so I could scrub it off. I wanted to massage soap between your fingers and into the soft palms of your hands, but the IV had me genuinely worried. The clear plastic tape was already curling at the edges from stress, and the last thing I needed was you bleeding in here... again. At this point my skin had grown accustomed to the hot water, but it would still occasionally lick across my face just right and reawaken the pain there. Since we were already being so honest, “Every time my jaw stings I think of what you did to it.” The thought was a sultry one, but my tone was flat like I was delivering conference news. A part of me really did want to eat that salad as soon as possible. I picked up your free hand once I was done cleaning the arm and placed two of your fingers on a particularly painful hickey, “This one right here,” I pressed your hand in a little harder, “Hurts real bad Mouse.” Now I dawned a mock frown. We were almost done here, and then it would be back to real life. Your gaze was too much for me after my teasing though, and I had to glance up toward the edge of the shower curtain where the almost empty blood bag peeked through in order to not blush. Drink it all up, you are going to need it.@killahxkylie
Some valid excuses? The only valid excuse that I had was the fact that you came into my life like a literal wrecking ball and scrambled my brain. 'As for me...' I tried to focus on washing you but I kept just staring at your face. You were so focused and honestly every time I looked at you I was caught off guard by just how handsome I found you. 'I may actually be a bad person.' I felt like everything I had ever known was being rearranged by meeting you. I used to have such a cut and cry idea of what good and bad were, what made a person good and what made a person genuinely bad. At first I thought you were bad, pure evil, but now? I'd seen different sides of you, I've had you scrub me clean and stitch my broken skin back together. I've seen you shouting a nurses to save my life because if I died you would rain hell down on them. Would a bad person do that? "I don't think you're a bad person." I smiled at you softly hearing a laugh that actually sounded real. I liked seeing the real bits of you and I hoped I would get to see more of them.
I watched now as you scrubbed my arm as carefully as you could around the annoying IV port and the tape keeping it jammed inside my vein. 'Every time my jaw stings I think of what you did to it.' Call me selfish but it made me feel good. I wanted you to be thinking of me 24/7 and knowing you were feeling even the smallest glimpse of the pain you had inflicted on me stoked the flames of satisfaction inside me. "It looks pretty on your skin." I said softly after you pressed my hand into the collection of blood vessels that I sucked into breaking. "You have nice skin.. that's probably creepy to say." I laughed softly and kissed over the same hickey you had just pointed out when you glanced up. "I would say I'm sorry for hurting you but I wouldn't mean it. Not completely anyway.." I finally managed to focus back on washing off your arms and then rinsed all the soap from my battered body. "Let's go get this food I'm starving."
‘I don’t think you’re a bad person.’ Are you just saying that to make me feel better and cover your tracks, or do you really mean it? I am not sure which outcome is more terrifying. This genuine smile that spread over your face afterward only served to creep me out even more. Usually you clear things up or add some Barbie thoughts afterward that serve to alleviate the anxiety. ‘You have nice skin...’ Is this what it feels like to suddenly be aware that you are standing toe to toe with a crazy person? Swallowing water that had managed to slip past my lips, “Only a little creepy.” I managed a wink. For a moment I almost added that I liked it, but I am not sure if encouraging this behavior is healthy. Since when have you cared about healthy choices?
Rinsing and drying I helped you to wrap back up in a fresh gown before dawning one myself. Now I caught sight of my face in the mirror and you had really done a number on my jaw. It had stung, but part of me was sucking on a cope popsicle that was flavored with cushy reassurances that it always feels worse than it looks. Neck to cheek in splotchy lip shaped patterns was a canted zigzagging reddening of perfection. They changed a hue just slightly as the blush crossed my features, and my eyes squinted just a bit at the fluttering happiness. Whore.
14:51
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The tall gray door swung lazily open as we stepped from the bathroom to reveal the silent work of housekeeping while we had been gone. Sitting on a rolling table were two wide white handled plastic trays holding bowls and plates of various food items. Each leafy salad was topped with colorful chopped fruit arranged in a tasteful domino-like sliding stack. Various dressing surrounded the dishes in stainless steel bowls, and there also appeared to be a tiny board that held cheeses and olives. An earthy flowery scent steamed from the nose of a hot kettle, and two folding chairs were open on either side of the table with large folded napkins hung over the back. In the middle of the black table was a comically large frosty container with two handles and two straws poking from its smoking top. “Mouse, I can taste that fucking milkshake from here.” I could too, already I was swallowing spit from the tingly expectation of sweetness.
@killahxkylie
"Thank you" I mumbled softly when you helped me get myself into a fresh gown and tie the strings around the back again. I watched your eyes move to the mirror and I wondered if you were looking at the series of marks I left along your jaw. Honestly I hadn't meant to get so carried away but I still didn't care, as far as I was concerned it was nothing compared you what you'd done to me. In the process of watching you watch yourself I finally caught a full glimpse of my own face. The bruising around my nose and eyes had started to face into greens and yellows and the gashes in my cheek were only a little puffy from the stitches. The bruises on my neck were fading and so were some of the bites and hickeys. I couldn't even imagine what the rest of my looked like, I wasn't sure I wanted to know. You're sick.
Without another word I followed you back out to our hospital room which looked as good as new, the food presented to us in the fanciest display I had ever seen and the fact that it was in a hospital made me wonder just what kind of life I was going to live from now on. "Fanciest date I've ever been on and it's in a hospital room." I let out a soft laugh before I made my way over to the large chilled container containing what was going to assumably be the best milkshake I'd ever tasted, picking it up carefully to bring between the two of us, pushing one of the straws towards you. "Better get a taste now then Mr. Feldt." I smiled at you as my lips wrapped around the straw and sucked the pink frosty goodness into my mouth with a satisfied hum the second it hit my tongue. "It's so good!" I smiled brightly before repeating the same process knowing I could probably suck down the entire thing right now if I tried hard enough.
15:30
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After a few more sips I felt myself on the edge of a brain freeze so I let the straw fall from my lips and looked over the dressing options. "Hmmm I think I'm going to go with this one." I dipped the very tip of a finger into a pinkish vinaigrette and sucked it off. "Oh yeah that's the one for sure." I picked it up and poured enough into the salad to coat all the leafy greens when I mixed it up and then say down with it on the edge of my bed to take a bite. It was so good my eyes closed and I just sat there chewing on the little bits of heaven as they burst with flavor in my mouth. It was probably in part because it had been days since we'd had any real food but it was one of the best things I had ever tasted. "It's so good I could cry."
I was glad you spoke first, because I was going to complain about a lack of water pitcher. Swallowing the spoiled thought I simply nodded at your command as you began sucking the straw empty. There was no doubt this thing was fresh as the handle of the spoon I gripped into already stung with icy power. The gluttonous bite of fresh strawberry had hints of plant from whatever protein powder had been mixed in. The color of it was so bright you would expect it to be artificial in flavor, but the silky cream and chunks of berry worked together to form a naturally tasting milkshake. “Okay yeah,” I paused to squint from the freezing pain behind my forehead, “that is excellent.” The purity of the smile on your face solidified the moment into permanent memory.
While you made a selection of dressing I had already begun popping olives and cheese into my mouth. “That crumbly one is good.” I mumbled while washing it down with a drink of the milkshake. Reaching for a dressing I stopped halfway through the motion to watch you crunch into a bite of the wavy salad. My own smile grew to mock yours while you happily munched on the food. “I am glad you like it,” While coating my own in a darker and savory dressing, “You did pick it out after all.” Now I took a bite while winking again through the small talk. Salt, sweet, and umami tickled the entire surface of my tongue as my sore jaw worked to mulch the food. I used the back of my hand to cover my mouth, and a piece of the food slipped off my fork and fell to the floor as I did so, “That really is too good.” Anything after cold cereal and expired cookies. There was a pressing urge for more chat bubbling within, but I had to work at cramming a few more bites down.
16:05
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After the initial monstrous part of my appetite had been sated I finally took a seat on the edge of my bed across from you. Unstacking two of the little porcelain mugs I tipped the scalding tea into each cup. The scent of the liquid filled your entire mouth and head with the strong sensation you get standing under a fresh rain cloud. It was a humid tactile tasteful experience that made me wish I had a vat of the stuff to jump into. Just before my first sip, “Do you like to cook?” I don’t know where the basic question sprung up from, but I do know that for some disgusting reason I cared to hear the answer. The hot tea had a floating herb in it that worked to coat the inside of my throat with the cool tingly sensation of mint.
@killahxkylie
"Hey that doesn't automatically make it good what if the chef had been awful or the greens were wilty or the fruit was mushy and too ripe, a lot of things can go wrong with a salad Ivon" I smiled softer now at the way that conversation seemed to be coming at least a little easier to us now, I hoped we would never run out of things to talk about as I laughed around a bite when a piece of your food slipped onto the floor. I watch you pour the tea like it was something you had done thousands of time and suddenly felt like a neanderthal in comparison to you. You're from two completely different worlds. I tried not to let the thought sink like a rock in my stomach as I worked to eat more of the salad, popping a juicy strawberry slice into my mouth.
16:17
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'Do you like to cook?' It was such a simple question and one I had been asked on more than one occasion, not even on dates but just in casual settings, and yet I found myself completely floored that it came out of your mouth. "I enjoy it yeah, I can't say for sure if I'm any good at it but I'd like to think so. I used to cook a lot before I left home." The thought made me frown when I realized that once I moved out and was on my own I had stopped cooking quite as much for myself. When I was done with work and finally got home half the time I was so tired I could only bring myself to make the bare minimum. "What about you?" It felt like an idiotic question the second it left my lips. I couldn't imagine you ever lifting a finger for yourself if I was being honest, I imagined you having beautiful staff doting on your every need and want and without realizing it I gripped my fork so tight my knuckles went white. My mind wandered to the thought of all the meals you probably shared with other women too and I hated the way it so easy to spiral into a jealous rage when it came to you. You would think that by now I would be desensitized to the idea that there were other women who were arguably better and much more suited to you but every time I thought about it again it made my skin crawl.
The tea was soulfully refreshing, plus, when it washed over the taste of the salad it combined into a very springy garden aroma that tickled my fancy. At this point I was just sipping the liquid and staring at your lips while you blew words my way. My mind wandered to the two kitchens at the Washington estate. The big one hardly ever got used anymore, and the smaller one only had cooking staff in it twice a week. I almost told you that I would hire people to teach you at home, but I was worried you would press into staffing, and that could lead us to her.
Luckily you distracted me with a question, “Me?” An incredulous smile slashed my features. “I mean I am not useless. I could make like...” Oh Jesus. What do I know how to make? “Do basic things count?” I set the cup down and crossed my hands so I could lean my chin on them. Again I asked a question I was unprepared to answer myself. “I can scramble an egg, or follow a recipe.” When have we ever followed a recipe you liar? My eyebrows furrowed, “Maybe Mouse could teach me?” Throwing it back at you satisfied my panicked ego, and now I was munching on more salad. By now the cheese board was decimated, and I only had the appetite to pick my bowl of the large berry chunks. A pang of honest sadness forced a memory up, “I used to bake with my mother.”
16:48
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‘Ivon! Get your hands out of the bowl.’ I was teetering on the top edge of a step ladder as she slapped my fingers. Whatever sludgy sweet yumminess was in the trays tastes like coconut, and I had been stealing bits out when I thought she wasn't looking. Somewhere behind me I heard father’s voice, but I did not look to see his face, ‘Those caterers fucked us. There are going to be three hundred people here Marlena.’ I could smell the thick sick sweet smell of cigar smoke. I scratched at my nose trying to stifle a sneeze. Father always called me mean names when I cough or reacted to the smell. Mother’s stern voice now, “Not in the kitchen!” I could hear her from the way she spoke that her face was pointed at me, but I just kept decorating the finished cupcakes and played dumb. Mom’s cakes each had cute little faces that I was trying desperately to match with a huge icing bag, but mine always came out splotchy in comparison and it was making me mad. A tiny part of me wanted to ask why mine were worse, but whenever I asked questions when they were talking to each other someone got hurt.
At some point I had stopped chewing, and the food in my mouth had become uncomfortably soggy. Swallowing the damp mess, “I liked to pipe the decorations. Now that I think about it, we did that a lot in those last few years.” The words were sad, but for some reason telling you this made me feel better. Now my head was tilted while I watched you sip more of the milkshake. “You have a big appetite for a tiny thing. My dad always told me if I didn’t eat like a girl I’d be taller like he is.”
@killahxkylie
I couldn't help but laugh as I nodded "I think basic things count, it's all most people know how to make." I shrugged a little and kept stuffing my face in an embarrassing fashion as if I would never get to eat again after this. I don't think I had gone days without food before without being ill and I hadn't realized how hungry I truly was. 'Maybe mouse could teach me.' I felt my cheeks tint pink and my stomach flutter with nerves. What if you think everything I make is absolute shit? I let myself get lost in the thoughts of all the things I made the most when I used to cook more and told myself something about each one you wouldn't like. 'I used to bake with my mother.' My fast moving jaw slowed when I heard you say that, it was the first mention of your family that seemed to have some kind of happiness attached to it that I had heard from you and yet you looked so sad.
I watched as you seemed to get lost in another memory and when I swallowed the bite I was chewing it felt too thick for my throat. I didn't know what to say, I still had my mother even though I hadn't seen her in awhile and it sounded like you had lost yours, I couldn't even imagine that pain. I stayed quiet for a few moments as my brain digested the new knowledge, this seemed like a sensitive subject that I didn't actively want to use to push your limits for once. 'You have a big appetite for a tiny thing.' I felt myself blushing again as I set the milkshake down. "Sorry I- I mean it's just been awhile since I ate that's all." He probably thinks your a fat cow good job. I looked down at my bowl and pushed the food around in it instead of shoveling another bite into my mouth. "Were you and your mother close? It sounds like you two have some nice memories together.. I'm.. I'm really sorry you lost her. At least it sounds like you did."
@bonghitsforfeds
The apology caught me off guard. Did I do something wrong? I was retracing the last few seconds, and then felt foolish for having made any comment about your eating. Already I wanted to backpedal, but didn’t want to give you some complex over our first ‘date.’ Trying to take an awkward lead I forced myself to take a few more large bites to hopefully coax you back into the action. The food was almost good enough to make me feel bad for talking so poorly to Purple, but I rationalized my continued hatred for her by noting that this is technically the kitchen’s work.
‘Were you and your mother close?’ When you said the words my mind filled with a spilled mess of memory. Running on a beach behind her long dress. Another one of me looking up at her with buildings behind, but her face is concealed by a sun veil. A few of us baking like previously mentioned, and then some sprinklings of an amusement park. One finally stuck harder of her long arms working fingers over a shining black piano. For some reason the room is unfamiliar, but the instrument she plays is immediately recognizable as an heirloom. She never sang over any of the songs she played, but as a child I remember being impressed with how many pieces she could recall from memory.
18:33
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On my second cup of tea, “She died when I was young. I know what she looks like from photographs, but in memory her face is always fuzzy.” Squinting, the clearest image of her features I can recall is a hazing of her eyes, and the way her smile always reached up to touch them. “Truly a kind woman. Most of my pleasant childhood moments were with her.” Now a painful memory of father gripping his hand into my shoulder spools to life. He is speaking down at me as I stare off over a large rolling grass lawn, ‘All you have to do is keep your mouth shut Ivon.’ “She-” Even a thousand miles away father’s presence seemed to fill the room around me. My voice got tiny, “It’s complicated.” I was staring down into the mostly empty cup. A few grounds rested in the bottom, and occasionally the remaining liquid would slosh them around as my hands shook. Dont. Cry. Setting the cup to the table with a tiny clink, “Eat your food Mouse, don’t let some stupid shit I say stop you.” The rough emotions had me speaking abrasively now. I hoped you could tell it wasn’t aimed at you.
@killahxkylie
"She sounds like she was a wonderful woman" I smiled softly over at you even though I could tell the thought it whatever happened to her made you sad. I couldn't help but wonder if it was something tragic and violent or if she had someone passed of natural causes, maybe a terminal illness or something. I wasn't going to ask, it never felt right to me to ask how someone's loved one died. 'It's complicated.' That pretty much solidified all I needed to know about it. I wish she could have been around for more of your life, maybe then the answer wouldn't have creeped into your skin and settled so deep in your bones. 'Eat your food Mouse' The tone in your voice was much different than before and I wished that I hadn't asked a question that would cause you pain. You and your stupid fucking mouth. I picked up my fork and took another bite, I was still hungry so it wasn't like it was a difficult task.
After another bite I picked up my bowl and came to sit next to you on the edge of your bed instead and I rested my head on your shoulder. "I'm sorry I brought up such a sore subject.. maybe.. if you wanted to we could bake together sometime. I'm probably not as good as your mother was but I make some yummy cupcakes." I knew the offer would either go okay or it would send you into a rage but I would be lying if I said the idea of us in the kitchen together didn't give me butterflies. I took another bite of my food while I waited for you to answer, trying to tamp down the growing anxiety bubbling in my chest at what you might say.
@bonghitsforfeds
A brief massaging of relaxation worked into my muscles when you continued eating, but I froze when you stood to float over to my side. The psycho was slamming his war drum. Talking about my family always worked to stir me up in odd ways, but mother was an even nastier infected wound. She was the only bastion of safety I ever found harbor in. Not only was she gone, but there were people with names still breathing who I know in my bones had a hand to play. Father only ever struck me with a closed fist once in my entire life, and it was right after I graduated and worked up the false courage to ask about her while drunk on cheap booze. Even after your head came to rest on my shoulder, and your wet drying hair pressed into my cheek, it still took some time for the freeze to melt. From the shoulder your head leaned on was a growing safe warmth that slowly defrosted the tenseness raging in my soul. At first the apology only ramped the awkward paralyzing sadness into anger, but when you mentioned wanting to cook cupcakes I de-atomized into nothing. The anger and the awkward sadness just poofed into smoke from your perfect presence. The massive white kitchen was a background to your curly bobbed hair bouncing around to discover what was behind every cabinet. For some reason in this fake memory I had an apron on, and somewhere behind me was the laughter of a child. Pathetic.
19:06
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I wiped my hands off on the lap of my gown before wrapping the arm closest to you around your back so I could pull you into the leaning hug. “You wouldn't believe me if I told you what I imagined when you said that.” Turning to plant a tiny kiss into your fruity hair, “If you ever ask me to make cupcakes with you, and I say no, you have permission to kill me.” After a second kiss I let the arm behind you drop so I could sit back up and start working at the milkshake scraps. Normally the metal spoon scraping against the bottom of the steel container would irrationally ramp me into murderous rage, but it was just too good to resist. Scooping the final runny bit into the spoon I held the cup up to your face with the melty ice cream a few inches above it, “Last bite for my sweet girl?”
@killahxkylie
Every millisecond that ticked by waiting for you to say something, anything, even if it was something laced with hate was making my skin crawl. I needed you to say something, to let me know I hadn't somehow found the secret to pushing you away completely. "Permission to kill you huh?" I let out a soft laugh and closed my eyes when you pressed the sweet kiss to my hair. I wondered if I would really ever be able to kill you or if that was just some false goal I told myself still existed to give myself some rational excuse to stay with you. "You can be incredibly sweet Ivon." I smiled softly before I leaned forward to wrap my lips around the spoon full of melted heaven. It was probably gross but after I swallowed I pressed my sticky lips to yours in a slow sweet kiss so you could get one more taste too, it was a different kiss than many of the ones we had shared before. It was sensual and slow and my tongue slid against yours but there wasn't any intent to go further, I just wanted to feel you.
19:23
.
When I pulled away I started to pick just the fruit from my salad to eat since I was starting to actually get full. After popping a blueberry into my mouth I looked at you with curious eyes and tilted my head a little. "What did you imagine when I said we could bake together sometime?" I could think of plenty of possibilities. The two of us laughing in the kitchen, covered in flour and chocolate, you putting batter on my nose or cheek just for the excuse to lick it off, ending the night with piping bags and glasses of wine that turned into slow dances and soft kisses. Or the two of us up early in the morning to make breakfast for some bumbling babbling toddler who ends up spilling more than she gets in the bowl but that's okay because watching her is more than enough sustenance for the day in itself. I imagine birthdays and anniversaries full of sweet treats made with the love that I won't admit I have for you yet, meals shared over some ridiculously expensive wooden table that I have ready for you when you get home from doing whatever it is that you do. I could easily get lost in the fantasies of it all and each of them had me smiling like an idiot.
‘You can be incredibly sweet...’ We were breaking records for things women have never said to me in the last three days. My mind was already melting out my ears, but then you pressed the sticky strawberry kiss to my mouth and my soul snuffed out too. It was so sudden and honest that it made my chest flip flop with that silly crushy mushiness. Suddenly I wished my stomach was not so full of tea, because I wanted to wash the thick spit down with something so I could focus again. Instead I just slowly worked the loving mess down my throat while trying to piece my psyche back together. Something about that one felt different. Yeah, she kissed you back freak.
20:03
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Your question took my sloshing mind that had barely begun to settle and spun its bowl back in opposite direction at a ludicrous velocity. At the center of the whirlpool was a drain where the thought was supposed to happen, and you were keeping any liquid from running down it. Lie I didn't, “You were at the Washington estate with your hair in a lazy bun.” I ran my hand down your mid back, “There were unsecured strands of it running down your back here...” Once my hand got to the end of your mane I pulled it away. “I was wearing a powdery apron that had red velvet smeared up on it, and you were throwing all the cabinets open in a scramble for something.” Now that I reflect on it I cannot even be sure if that is how you would react in a situation, it had just felt right to my mind's eye. My face was blushing and I felt stupid, but I kept going, “A child of ours was laughing behind us. It was a tiny little giggle.” Shame forced me to turn away toward the opposite wall. Light from the bathroom spilled from around the partially opened door, and my legs pleaded for me to run into it and shut myself behind the large frame so you would stop looking at me. Still turned away, “Stupid. I know.” Swallowing I bit my lower lip while wishing I could spontaneously combust into a pile of ash. This was no longer part of the act to keep your head spinning with confusion. I had made the mistake of actually opening up, and now I felt bitter hateful regret.
@killahxkylie
I wouldn't have been able to hide the smile on my face if I tried when you actually started to explain to me what you imagined. This was so different, so new, it had only been a few days but it felt like so much longer with everything that we had already been through and I never would have imagined during all of that that we'd be sitting here having a real conversation, and not just a one sided one either. I felt a shiver run up my spine when your hand ran down my back and I felt like I could actually imagine when you were explaining to me as your words came, flashes of all the times I've frantically searched my cupboards because 'I swear I put it right here' but it was nowhere to be found. 'A child of ours was laughing behind us.' I felt mouth just barely fall open in shock I never would have guessed that you would have imagined something so... Sweet and pure.
20:13
.
When you turned away from me to the opposite wall my smile wilted into a pout. 'Stupid. I know.' I wished you could crawl inside my head and realize just how very not stupid I found the fantasy. The idea of us really having a future together was something that had become more and more of a need for me over the last day and a half and hearing that you might actually really want the same things as me made my heart skip a beat. I got up off of the bed just long enough that I could come and sit on the opposite side of you so it was me you were looking at again instead of the wall. "I don't think it sound stupid." I said sounding more shy than I had this entire time. "I.. I think it sounds perfect." I brought a hand up to thumb over your cheek and tilted my head to look at you. "How could something so perfect ever be stupid?" Seriously? Having his demon spawn would be perfect? I knew it didn't make any sense and it probably never would but I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else anymore, and the idea of you with someone else was too much to bare. It turns out you were right there first night on the floor, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you.
The lava had barely begun to cool when your face was in mine again. Did I not just turn away from you? Now the mind flow flashed red into a rushing stream, and I felt the hand opposite you grip into the bedsheet with painful attempts at self centering. As my breathing increased the air in the room started to feel much too hot. Now gouge those big eyes out so they can’t witch at our mind with their scheming whorecraft. Come on champ, be like your dad and punish her for wringing something nice out of us. A stitch popped on the knuckle of my tightening hand, but then you came charging through my madness with that beaming sword of calm energy. Each loving psalm you added was a wide swing of its humming blade, and each holy pass of its gleaming magic was accompanied by a cleaving chop into the spine of my irrational hatred. Thumb on cheek combined with head tilt had the room skewed just a degree. The fact you had backed me out of two rage induced panic attacks today almost worked to gut my ego enough to spawn a third. It was very telling about my character that being defused of my rage only worked to almost reignite another tantrum.
20:38
.
I let go of the bed sheet so I could put the now burning hand into your lap. Maybe if I place it on you it will keep me from gripping it into something. Sure, that stopped you in the past. “My little mouse...” I let the words trail off as a sarcastic smile sprouted. Selfishly I used my practiced razor tongue to defuse the anger, “That is because you are also kind of stupid, and obviously a fuzzy fluttering bug that has mistakenly attached itself to a powerful bug zapper.” I pat at your thigh before dragging the hand back to my own lap. Looking down, a tiny trail of my much too familiar blood was running out of the reopened wound. “How much of this stuff do I have to leak before I catch up to you?” Whatever they were pumping us full of must be doing a good job at accelerating our healing beyond our shoddy first aid kits, as it was hardly bleeding. "You have to remember to subtract the blood they gave back to you." I was desperate to change the topic before you managed to reverse your love spell with some classic Cami mouth gasoline.
@killahxkylie
"Well then I guess I'm a stupid bug but I don't care. I like what you imagined." I said it matter of factly even though there was a slight waver to my voice that gave away that I was still afraid of upsetting you, or moreso the consequences of upsetting you. I frowned when I saw that you had gripped onto the sheet so hard your knuckles left blood behind when they left my thigh. "Baby.." I took your hand and kissed over the bloody knuckle not caring about the makeshift color that it left on my lips and even going so far as to lick it right off. "We should get someone back in here to fix this." I sighed and got up to smack at the red button as if it had done something wrong a good five times to get someone to the room faster. Something about being around you made it feel safe and even a little fun to be so demanding, I knew it was wrong but I couldn't bring myself to care.
When the purple bitch and her giant lacky entered the room looking beyond unimpressed to not see an emergency I gestured to you. "He broke one of his stitches open, please fix it." At least I used the word please. "Of course." The nurse seemed to grit it out trying and failing to sound pleasant as she left to get whatever she would need to sew your skin back together. I came to sit back down next to you and kissed your cheek "I'm not great at math especially when it comes to blood but I need you to keep yours in your body." Unless I'm the one taking it. I didn't add that part, that was probably too fucking weird even for the two of us.
@bonghitsforfeds
The next two days flew by in a stale medical breeze of hazy healing. Most of my time was spent sleeping as my body worked to repair the overworked and undernourished fibers of its foundations. The time we were not unconscious we chatted about various nothings, or pushed Purple and Lackey while hiding giggles when they left us to our hospital lullabies. The kitchen kept up their flag waving finishes by delivering more delicious dishes that we savored while cross legged on those beds. Nothing felt as fuzzy as that first dinner we shared together, but there were a few more sweet memories whetted into thought’s stone. We never made love again in those forty-eight hours, but it didn’t matter to me. The eons spent with your head on my chest while you would reach up and massage sadness out of my undeserving mind worked more healing magic then any doctor or prescription could in that time.
08:43
.
Early in the morning of the last day we spent at Future Song I woke long before you did. You had your arms wrapped around me, and your head was tucked chin down into my chest. I am not quite sure how you managed to get enough air with the way you were pressed into me, but somehow you figured it out. The only way I was sure you even still had life in that plastic head was the constantly shifting health stats on the glossy reflective-free monitor recessed into the wall above us. From the way Purple had been musing about our discharge paperwork I knew it was likely we were leaving today, and I spent those few hours before you stirred chewing down the panic trying to choke up. This was about to go from fun fantasies with my victim to actual plans of a life together. How long would I be able to keep you from an entire wing of the Washington estate? Why had I spent all this time talking that place up when we could have gone to one of the smaller older homes in Colorado, or Vegas? Could I sneak an entire shift change twice a day of palliative medical care team members through a back door? Maybe a staff member runs their mouth when they think you are on a different floor. Perhaps you hear the air pumped hospice bed shifting one night as it echoes up the long hallway, because a forgetful doctor didn’t care to shut a door..
08:43
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The brief beeping of my heart monitor shook your tiny steady breathing and I saw the lashes of your eyes moving before you turned that curly head to look at me. “Morning, Mouse.” I pressed a tiny kiss into your forehead as you yawned and stretched awake. At this point accustomed to the way you did this sprawling bed yoga thing when you first woke up I scooted back in order to not catch a knee or elbow to the stomach. “We might be going home today.” I had made no effort to contact Michael or any family since we had been hospitalized, but I knew Father had a way of keeping his tabs. If he wanted to contact me, or check in on me, there were ways to do it without a phone call. “How did you sleep?” Another kiss into the top of your head once I felt brave enough to scoot back over. The small talk might help to keep me from smothering you with the pillow so we can save ourselves the hell of this next week.
@killahxkylie
The night before had been so relaxing and sweet that I had almost forgotten we were in a hospital by the time I had fallen asleep face first in your chest, I had tried so hard to stay up longer to keep up our sweet hushed conversations but eventually couldn't fight it anymore. The next morning I had managed to ignore the sun leaking into the room but the steady rise of the one lulling heart monitor made me stir. 'Morning, Mouse.' "G'morning handsome." I smiled soft and sleepy when you pressed a tiny kiss to my forehead, stretching with a drawn out squeak before my body went limp again and I pressed a soft kiss to your chest.
'We might be going home today.' That made my still sleepy she's shoot open wider. Home. Home as in your home, the estate that I had heard so much about over the last week or so. I'd be lying if I said the idea of being sucked a little more into your world didn't terrify me. What if when we walked out the doors of this hospital you realized I didn't belong in your world and therefore your life. "We... Do?" I tried not to let my own heart race out of control at the idea of leaving the safe haven of this room and then you asked me how I slept. "I slept like a baby, you're really comfortable and warm." I managed to smile because sleeping with you had quickly become one of my favorite things to do. You made it so easy to drift off into dreamland even though I was still in pain. "Does this mean I'm gonna meet your family?" I peeked up at you from where my head had found your chest again, nervous energy filling my eyes when they met yours. After learning a little more about you I was terrified to meet the monster you called your father.
@bonghitsforfeds
Seconds into waking up and already we are talking about my family again. Regret danced at opening up in a way that made this conversation comfortable to bloom on your lips so often. The ice pack of you calling me warm did help to alleviate some of the early morning grumpiness, but just a few syllables and you had ignited the AM hatred. I wanted to run my fingers through your curls, but my arm was still asleep from where you had pinned it for hours. Never would I admit out loud that I was afraid to move it incase of disturbing your puppy dog sleep. You needed to heal so the fighting was fair again. Washington had a lot of stairs anyway, and something tells me you would make me carry you up them if you got permanently broken. Flip flop went my mind and along side it my weak emotional fabrics fluttered with colorless whipping. Tell her about the girl Ivon. “My Father does not live there, but if he catches wind of me moving a girl in who is not on payroll I’m sure he will be...” What will he be? “Interested...” My tone did not change between the pause, but the gap still gave way that I had almost gone backward down the memory hole.
09:54
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Dark thoughtful eyes pried my gaze into yours. I was jealous how fast your mind started working in the morning. Maybe since the one cog is not connected to anything it has an easier time getting to speed? Pulling a card I had been saving, “What about your people?” My lips found that spot on the bridge of your nose as punishment for looking at me, “What clan does my shithead hail from?” Muscles in my chest coiled in preparation of you having a tragic upbringing. That file I had requested way back in those moments after we first bumped into each other had mentioned something about your parents, but now I cannot recall it. You were thinking with the wrong head at the time. The second motor of never ending sub conscious thought rumbled to life, and already I was scrambling to prepare more family stories in case you asked. Most of the time when I asked people distracting questions they had the courtesy to be dumb enough to not wrap back around to what I had pulled their attention away from. How much schooling did you have? My brain prayed for me glance around for the coffee pot that was sometimes left in here before we woke up. It seemed to depend what shift rotation we were on, and I did not smell anything so my hopes were low. Your sorceress eyes had me pinned however, and I waited for an answer.
@killahxkylie
"I remembered that you didn't live with them I just assumed that he would be.. around I guess.. cause the business and stuff.." I didn't want to poke my nose too deep into that part of your life. I knew enough about what you do from when you briefly spoke of it but I didn't want to pry. I couldn't know how many innocent lives were taken because of what your family does and I certainly didn't want to be a part of it. Meeting him was a terrifying aspect of this entire thing but I knew if I was going to be a part of your life it was inevitable, I only hoped that you could keep me safe from him.
"Heeyyy that's not nice first thing after waking up." I pouted when you kissed my nose and sighed. "Well I mean I have my mom and my sisters.. sort of. I used to be closer with my mom but.." I shrug a little. "I was close with my dad too when I was little until he turned into a drunk asshole, eventually my mom got sick of it and told him he had to change and so he slipped and fell into a coworkers pussy and left us to make a shiny new family." I could feel how bitter and sad my words were coming out and I hated myself for it. I hated the fact that I was just another girl with stereotypical daddy issues but he was the first man who ever showed me what it was like to be replaced by someone better. My mother looked like me, or rather I look like her, and his shiny new family looked like a group of blonde bimbo barbies. I hated all of them.
"My youngest sister moved to Australia and the other moved to New York City so I don't see them much but we talk here and there, I helped take care of them a lot when I was younger when my mom was at work. Things were.. hard. Honestly now she's always so pre-occupied with some new guy to even notice when we haven't talked in awhile." I let out another sigh and found myself wishing that I could just close my eyes and go back to sleep instead of talking about the family that I wish I still had.
@bonghitsforfeds
The dragging calming weight of your whine over my head only encouraged me to poke at you more, but you jumped into the answer fast enough that I was listening now instead of teasing. So dad is a cheat? Interesting. This whole ‘dedicating yourself to one person’ thing was very new to me, and I made a mental note of how you spoke about him walking out on your family. That is how your kin will speak about you when you hurt them. Selfish embarrassment kicked at my skull for forgetting that not everyone will turn a blind eye to their family’s evil. There was genuine hatred seeping in your tone. I silently pulled a strand of hair off your face while you recited the old feelings to me. We were at the part about your sisters, and I nodded along while also trying to put all this to permanence. Seems to me that there are not that many people around to miss you. Got lucky hmm?
12:24
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Taking advantage of the dreamy sheet still draping your mind I pressed another quick kiss into your head where that strand had been before. “Thank you for sharing that with me Cami. It hurts to do that, and that was brave of you.” I was just about to finalize the phrase with a real manipulative kiss to your lips, but the door hissed open and Purple stepped in. She had a tablet in her hands, and she was glancing down at it while she spoke. “Good news, love birds.” Her head was shaking back and forth in humorous disapproval, “Paper work is all done, and you are good to leave whenever you want.” Now she actually made eye contact with us while pointing a scrub draped arm up the short hallway past our familiar shower, “There are some simple clothes up this way to change into before you go. Housekeeping said yours were too ruined.” She would never tell us how the discussion on what to do with our clothing shook the tree. An email chain went all the way to the CFO in a message back and forth between them and the head of housekeeping. Eventually they threw them away and agreed to just deal with our anger if we got upset.
She pushed the tablet onto the countertop near the door with a gliding of plastic on plastic. “Take your time.” As she was leaving she peeked back around the doorway with a hand in the frame to support her leaning, “The people up front can help you to get a car whenever you decide to go.” After that Purple floated away. Glancing down at your always questioning gaze, “They threw our stuff away, kind of rude.” My eyebrows furrowed to match the fake mocking frown I tried to form. There was the sneaking grabbing of the humorous smile hidden beneath the poor poker face. Last night the original nurse that had greeted us crept in late to remove our IVs, and now that I was facing having to walk around outside on my own the pounding headache from the slight come down of medication felt much stronger.
@killahxkylie
'...and that was brave of you' I didn't feel very brave with how my voice was wavering and my insides felt like they were boiling in a stew full of hate when I thought about the way my father had all but up and left us, and worst of all replaced us with a new wife, and new daughters. As if the old ones weren't good enough. Maybe if you were better he would have stayed. For once I was grateful when Purple walked in, she was a more than welcomed distraction from the internal war I was currently fighting. "Thank you." I mumbled when she mentioned the new clothes for us to change into before she finally left again after mentioning the car.
Washington.. does that mean I have to get on a plane? I had only been on one once before and it was terrifying to say the least. Heights were terrifying in general but I didn't want to let on just how afraid I was, I didn't want you to leave me behind for the fear of me being a nuisance. 'They threw our stuff away, kind of rude.' I felt more sad than angry, even if they were covered in blood they were the last things that I had that were really mine. The rest most likely went up in smoke days ago and now all I had left was my physical self. Now you can start over, just like good ole dad.
I grimaced before I managed to get myself sitting up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. It felt strange to be going somewhere else now, I had just started to adjust to being here. I wonder if I'll ever feel like I have an actual home again or if things will always be like this, moving from place to place after devastating and painful events. I don't think I would be able to live like that forever. "I liked that tshirt" Was all I could really bring myself to say. I had gotten it from a concert I attended years ago and it had become on of my favorites to wear when I needed something cozy. I guess in the grand scheme of things it seemed silly and stupid to be worried about some dumb shirt. "We should get coffee somewhere."
<@2217985
The anger you still allowed to ferment behind that almost healed face was contagious, and the longer you dwelled on it the more I felt a surrogate need to seek vengeance at your behalf. I patted at your head when you mentioned the shirt, and only frowned in response. You summoned the ghostly kiss of hot caffeine slipping over my tongue and that managed to throw my legs over the edge of our bed. “Good idea, doll.” I dipped back into the short hallway where sure enough in an unexplored closet were basic clothes on shelves and hangers. There were button ups, blank t-shirts, jeans, leggings, underwear, and various other accessories in three boring colors. I grabbed a grip of each in a few different sizes before padding back in and plopping them down on the foot of the bed we had slept in. “I am bad with sizes.” It was sort of a lie as I was just eager to get out of here, and figured bringing a bunch out would let you find fitting clothes faster.
13:22
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Without even bothering to untie my gown I just slipped it off over my head and started to wiggle into some white boxers. “At least it is soft.” Deep inside was an awareness that I should probably be comforting over your continued realization how you have lost everything, but I wanted to get the hell out of here. “Faster we get dressed, the quicker we get coffee.” The unisex clothing was all tailored like garbage to my picky eye, but there was a V neck thing that I paired with a shirt that did not feel too terrible once it was on. After you sat up I helped you to slip your own gown off and forced my eyes to avert upward toward the mural I was intimately familiar and rather sick of by now. Your face had this lazy puffiness to it early in the morning that was adorable in a tender way, and I used the purity of these thoughts to not start acting out. Offering some encouraging words to get you moving, “Good job Baby.” My ego pouted at how no one offered me sweet wake up blessings. Usually I received slaps, cold water, or loud noises. Your mournful gaze over the fabrics yanked my attention from the selfish thoughts, “I know none of them are exactly luxurious Cami, but we will get you replacements from anywhere you want.” I found my hand scruffing at your hair again, and this forced a teeny blush into my cheeks. That is a full grown woman, stop doing that. Ah yes, good morning hate.
@killahxkylie
I managed to force the smallest of smiles when you said that coffee was a good idea and watching as you made your way out into the hallway before coming back with an armful of different clothing. All of it was simple and plain and I didn't much mind aside from the fact that it all looked like it would be either a size too small or a size too big. "That's okay I can figure it out" Another forced smile as I watched you get out of your gown and into an outfit that you somehow managed to make look much better than you should have.
"Coffee is always good." I felt bad for being such a drag this morning, I should have known well before our departure from the hospital that my life was never going to be the same, I just wished that I could have at least had a few of the creature comforts I was used to. Including my old shitty band shirts. 'I know none of them are exactly luxurious Cami..' Luxurious? Does he really think that that's what I want or need or hell that I'm even remotely used to? "I don't need luxury Ivon it just.. it just hurts having nothing left. None of my stuff I mean." I didn't want to make it sound like I felt like I had nothing at all because I felt like I had you and over the past few days that feeling had only grown stronger and stronger despite the voice in my head telling me that was a terrible idea.
"That's not fair that always makes me smile." I said with a determined pout because I didn't want to smile but I couldn't help it when you pat my head the way you had developed a habit of doing. I leaned up to kiss you briefly before looking down at the leggings and black tshirt I had settled on. It wasn't totally unlike and outfit that I would have put on at home aside from the leggings being a little too tight, I would rather have them too tight than baggy though for reasons I refused to admit to myself. "Do we have to do anything else before we leave?" I asked as I finger combed a couple tangles from my long waves.
@bonghitsforfeds
My fingers felt so much better, and I was thankful for this while working to button the jeans up. I still wish they had some shoes, but I suppose we will have to make due. The tinge of sass in your voice when you mentioned how you missed all your belongings only served to steal air from my sails. This was admittedly a valid reason for you to be upset, but it still fanned my souls stupid mean flame. Deep in the caverns of my mind there was some mining being done for a backpedaling excuse, but the bitterness dwelling about how I managed to walk myself into a conversation I was specifically trying to avoid lurked silently. At least the awkward affection made you feel better. “When I have I ever fought fair?” Your next question sort of irked me, but not for any fault of your own. There was a crouching awareness that I had failed to use any of our time here to explain that even though I have promised to be nicer to you publicly there were expectations of behavior. Break the rules then coward. I suppose there is always that...
14:19
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The small kiss scrambled my head just enough that I almost forgot what you had asked. I felt pampered to be explaining this, but in a way it was your business now. “We have people who take care of nitty gritty details like our discharge paperwork Baby.” They had likely been in contact with Michael this entire time, and I felt foolish for having been worried at any point over my presence being unknown. Gluttonously my eyes hung over your legs to drink the image of how fresh fabric wrapped your skin before I drug my gaze away and added, “All you have to do is keep looking pretty.” A shimmering light on a shelf caught my eye while I was sweeping for any belongings, and my hand scooped up the door bracket from the hotel. Tossing it up a short distance before catching it in the same hand with a tiny metal clinking, “Oh, you also need to decide if we are getting coffee here, or on the way to the airport or whatever.” A small waxy lump of guilt bloomed in my lower belly at having brushed over your feelings. The offer fell out of my face before there was time to reconsider and I immediately regretted it after it left my mouth, “Do you want to swing by your place and take a look around?” There is a large chance that we will arrive to rebar poking out of bulldozed debris and this will knock your mind back into sane mode forcing you to leave me. Oh no poor Ivon.@killahxkylie
'When have I ever fought fair?' It was a valid point, you hadn't fought fair from the very second we met and I knew that so why did I expect anything else? "You make a fair point but still, you'd think a girl could get a little time to wake up first" I tried to tease but it felt like somehow I had managed to push a button without realizing it. 'We have people who take care of nitty gritty details like our discharge paperwork Baby.' Oh. Right. I should have figured that much when we rolled up to such a fancy hospital, and then again when we got such a lavish room. See you really are dumb. "Right right.. sorry. I guess I have a lot to get used to." I managed to force another smile feeling more and more sour about the day as it went on, even your half compliment barely got a flutter from my stomach and then you mentioned stopping by my house, or whatever was left of it.
"Maybe on the way? I'm sick of hospital air... and.. are you sure it's okay if we stop to see if it's really gone?" I don't know why but I felt like I wouldn't really be able to let go of anything unless I saw it for myself. I had to see that my life from before was really burned to the ground leaving nothing behind but ashes to be able to start something new. I was like some fucked up phoenix but way less graceful and a lot more messed up in the head. "It's okay if we can't I just.. I just.. if theres any chance anything is left.."
@bonghitsforfeds
Smack this stupid bitch for talking back. I was rubbing at my face with a clammy hand hoping to scrub the hateful intrusive thoughts away. The part that loved you knew that this change of mood was a valid reaction to the spiral staircase you have been shoved down. The angry little critter skittering about was not as willing to put up with it. This interaction was only working to add wood to the fire of paranoia licking at the support beams of this new day. Why are the spinning thoughts starting already? This should not be making me so angry, and that fact it was fanning my flames only served to make me angrier. This is the part of being with other people I hated, the part where you have to actually put up with what they want. You did offer, idiot.
15:55
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The squeaky way your voice pitched up at least let me know that the offer made you feel better. Then your eyes caught mine a moment and it softened my rocky heart enough to say something, “I would not have offered if I didn't mean it.” Liar! Hate choir was in full swing this morning, and it was serving to remind me why I had been rushing us out of here. I felt the need to explain myself over your mourning, “I’m not trying to be an ass.” Yet you are. “Even this morning, you spend as much time resting as you need before we actually leave.” Lots of white lies today? The tuft of hair hanging above my forehead fluttered to betray the self loathing blast of air I shot past it. This whole conversation felt like a head on collision. I was rolling my fingertips across the countertop near the door in a nervous drumming. The vibrational impacts sent tiny stabbing pains into the fresh skin holding my hand together, and this helped to focus my entire mind on at least one thing. My eyes were closed and I was facing away from you at the long row of shut cabinets. In an attempt to level and with a shred of honesty, “Look, I guess I am rushing you. I just really want coffee.” The psychopath was kindly reminding me that clarifying only made the lying more obvious, but I desperately wanted today to be a half decent if we could manage it. Something felt skewed already, and since we had just worked to get you taped back together the last thing I need to do is start putting new holes in you.
@killahxkylie
'I would not have offered if I didn't mean it' I guess that was a fair point but it still didn't make me feel any better, returning to where everything happened wasn't exactly a happy feeling for me either. I wasn't sure how it would feel to be back there seeing where everything that first night happened and the other men that had ended up there too to take us away. I still had vivid nightmares about it that had managed to wake us both in the middle of the night more than once. "No it's fine." I tried not to sound too short but it was hard not to, we wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for you but here we were anyway, what right did you have to be upset with me? "It's okay I'm ready to go." I was watching you grow more and more agitated, every time you drummed your hands against the counter I was just waiting for your knuckles to start bleeding, I wondered if it would ever register in my head that you weren't broken anymore, hell even I was starting to noticeably heal. It didn't feel like it though.
"I want coffee too, maybe we just need some caffeine." I came over to stand by you to let you know I was really ready to go, I would have walked out the door first but I didn't want you to think I was trying to take charge or run away and end up landing me right back into a room here being sewn back together again. All I could think about was how weird it was going to feel to breathe in the outside air again, to feel the sun on my face and not through some thick window, the breeze was going to feel like magic tickling my skin and the more I thought about it the more eager I got to leave. I took the chance and reached out to lace my fingers with yours. "Lets get out of here."
@bonghitsforfeds
I really did mean to make you feel better, and I was hoping my words had achieved that ‘... it’s fine.’ Fuck. My fingers ramped their angry cadence, and my eyes shot open to peer unfortunately back into reality. In a desperate attempt to calm down I was counting the grains in the palm wood of the cabinet. At the mention of caffeine I chilled a bit more since at least you were pretending to agree with me now. Then your cold hand wormed into mine, and that worked to snap my attention back down to your eyes. You were doing that prying peer up at me through those impossibly long eyelashes. My dumb ass almost asked if you had extensions, but it’s possible I was learning because I managed to snap my mouth shut. I palmed at the little switch near the door and it hissed open for the final time. “At your command.”
17:39
.
Strolling out into the hallway with our arms anchoring us together and your step a half pace behind me, the sound of trickling water caught me off guard. The familiar weepy tree whose name already slipped my mind stood pouting in the middle of the fountain that surrounded it. A thousand jokes pogo sticked around my mouth in an attempt to cheer you up, but something told me to avoid the topic of the plant because it could lead back to the hospital director. Are there always this many little rules to a relationship? Is this part of love, or am I just paranoid? A short man in green scrubs was walking by and he spoke at you from behind his large mask, “Good to see you up on your feet, keep an eye on that wrist!” He shot awkward finger guns at us that only an old surgeon could pull off without it being weird. “Must be the guy who undid that hack job you worked so hard on.” Looks like I had found a joke that was worthy. If dour was the mood we were setting today then morbid dark humor it was.
We were pattering in our socks up the circular ramp, and it was a good thing they had signs pointing back to reception because I hardly remembered the path in. Glancing back over the edge toward the tree I guess my mouth couldn’t help itself. “You sure you are not interested in a clipping for our garden babe?” Walking hand in hand with you like this had my chest floating in that gross sticky can of old oil. Every person’s eyes who happened to gloss over us only stoked my ego. Yeah, she is fucking gorgeous isn’t she?@killahxkylie
I sighed a little as we made our way out into the hallway it already felt like it was too big compared to the sanctuary that our hospital room had become, a small part of me wanted to make my way back in to it and crawl under the blanket to hide away from the reality of the rest of the world existing. 'Good to see you up on your feet, keep an eye on that wrist!' Did this asshole seriously just give me finger guns after telling me to keep an eye on an attempt at taking myself off the planet? I probably should just say thank you but it feels so.. gross. So is the fact that you tried to kill yourself over an ex. "Yeah I'll try to be more thorough the next time!" I said it with a bright smile on my face and he looked confused as hell so I considered that a job well done. "Did I wake up wrong today or something? I'm sorry I didn't finish the job I can try harder next time if you'd like."
I almost felt bad for saying it until you pushed me even further and asked if I was sure I didn't want to take a clipping of the expensive tree the cunt liked so much for our garden. I wanted to say it seems like a stupid question for someone who hasn't even seen said garden yet let alone the house I'll apparently be living in but I had to push it one step further, I was so on edge and it felt like I was being picked on since I opened my eyes and none of it was fair. "Ah yes a reminder of Sarah Webb right where you can always see if maybe we should ask for a clipping to take with us babe" That was probably too far. I found myself thinking that more and more and I never knew when it was actually going to be too far. I squeezed your hand to keep it in mine even though I knew we were both playing a dangerous game of who could piss of who more for whatever reason and knew I had no chance of winning, at least not in a way that didn't end with some new part of me broken.
@bonghitsforfeds
I deserved a medal for how I kept the madness under control after your first little counter outburst. I had been making a genuine attempt at teasing, but it was obvious to me now after my second joke you were out for blood. In all honesty I had been on your side with the surgeon and my poor attempt at following their humor up. A good guy probably would have defended you with a chivalrous comeback, but even the nurses knew I was difficult at this point. Maybe it was because we no longer shared the mutual enemy of Purple? Our planned destination was your supposed burnt home. Once we arrived I could just club you over the head and leave you face down in a puddle to drown. If your cockroach tendency to live through all methods of chaos persisted then an actual lung full of bug spray might do the trick. Would I be able to hold you down and force you to breathe a can of wasp killer? This got the train moving enough to wrap a gift bomb of hate up in a sentence. I was returning your grip now, just under enough to seriously hurt, “Do I seem like the kind of man whose patience you want to test?” My tone was flat and in a pitchless voice only years of hate can pressurize into a gem of jaded noise. The only reason I managed to not add on a ‘whore’ or some other hateful word was because we were stepping past a group of people. I did not stop out of respect for them or anything, I just did not want to risk any confrontation right now in case you push me to lose it.
18:26
.
We were nearing a desk now that looked to be the proper place. The octagonal kiosk was floor to ceiling glass and had enough room inside to fit a few people and their computers. The reflective surface of someone's plastic ID badge was visible dangling from a neck all the way back where we stood. Unfortunately there was a bit of a line before it looked like we were going to get a chance to ask for help. One of these days, I see. Honestly, enough years of wisdom have been experienced in my life that I should have just recognized at this point today was going to be hell, but still my mind was taking it personally. Why be water around the rock when I can smash the rock into pieces and snort its stream logged dusty bits? My third eye screamed through a megaphone at every mind in the room. Please no one fuck with me. Now I was glancing down at you where you stared up at me past the fluttering eyelashes with a hateful pout. I titled my head and tried to push the thoughts out at you with a raised brow, Don’t say something stupid you stupid cum dumpster. Don’t do it. The gear was careening red hot behind your eyes. Now I was shaking my head at you in silent desperation. Don't be a brat.@killahxkylie
'Do I seen like the kind of man whose patience you want to test?' Right now absolutely. I was so pissed off and sad and anxious and it was making it hard for me to think rationally at all. Normally I was so well mannered and quiet, especially when it came to being around strangers and I had no idea what had gotten into me. Ivon Feldt, who knows how many times now. Whore. The grip you had on my hand was painful and it felt like if you just squeezed a little more it would crunch the bones. Funny, you did offer him to snort your hand bones off a counter. The irony of that made me laugh, I really was just happy you were still holding my hand.
I let out an audible huff when we made it to the line that had formed before the kiosk, I had myself completely convinced we would just be able to waltz out the doors and into whatever fancy car was waiting this time and having to stand in line near so many people was making my skin crawl. All I could imagine was what they must think seeing the two of us together. What if the nurses had talked where other people could hear and now they knew all about the poor battered girl who was delusionally falling for her attacker? When I looked up at you and you started to shake your head in a silent plead for me to not say anything it just made me even more angry. Maybe he's ashamed of you, or maybe he wants to impress someone else. "How long do you think we'll have to wait?" I decided not to push my luck, I wanted to actually get to our, or my, new home before you ended up spilling my guts onto the floor again. "Can't we just leave?" As pissy as I felt I was even more anxious and every second that passed by standing here felt like a small eternity, the walls felt like they were closing in and everyone was too close to me even though they weren't. It was suffocating and I hated it.
@bonghitsforfeds
I was disappointed in myself how the second you opened your mouth to speak I immediately got mad. Even though what you said was unrelated to the fight, and you had made an obvious attempt to redirect our anger, I still had to swallow that initial caught bullet of hate. In a moment of meditative practice I let the feelings slosh down the mind’s drain a bit before answering. “Normally yes doll.” My words still landed in a flat way that betrayed my petty grumpiness. All things considered it could have been worse. Since I was ahead I decided to destroy my progress in a moment of infinite wisdom. “Since we have not been in contact with anyone there is no one ready to pick us up. Explain to me with that massive brain of yours and its infinite wisdom how we would have a car waiting Baby?” Now the hate was rolling on thick.
19:07
.
The universe caught a whiff that a Feldt could use a karmic bat, so it reared back and smacked me good. From behind came a familiar voice. “Mr. Feldt?” It startled me bad enough that when I spun around I stepped in front of you in some weird reactionary defensive move. Standing only a few feet away was the chauffeur who had driven us here originally. If I was not still trying to catch my breath from the shocks of anger at our previous squabbling I would have blushed from what he had witnessed us do only days before. He spoke again with a little less confidence, “Your estate contacted our company again with instructions to pick you up this morning.” He glanced at a watch that he had to shake a cuff past to be able to see. I had a matching pair of cufflinks to this professional driver and that drop kicked my ego so bad I scarred a mental note into my brain’s side to throw them in the pond when we get home. Covering his watch back up, “You are both early according to the timeline I was given, but if the gentle Sir and his beautiful companion are ready for transportation we can get going.” The way he drug out the word was done in a tone that matched the voice of a teacher who was dropping hints about someone who was misbehaving. There was polite work being done to tell us we need to learn from past mistakes. My reactionary counter culture mindset wanted to fuck you in his backseat again just to prove the point not to tell me what to do. Good news for him we were already slap fighting, so the stains he hoses out today are much more likely to be crimson.
19:07
.
Embarrassment rattled the psycho’s cage, and he was frothing for me to bite into your other arm. As if this interruption that proved my rant that had barely begun incorrect was somehow your fault. The only reason I did not double down and say something else mean to you was because you looked distracted enough by this new development that I hoped you forgot I was just being an ass. Maybe one thing will slip I won’t feel the need to apologize for. On queue the guilt sprung up and it worked to loosen my grip on your hand. With a dramatic sigh, “Well there you go Mouse, you summoned someone apparently.” He seemed offended that I was not more pleased to see him, but why should I care? Since when has it been my job to bother with what people think of me? That is quite actually your job, Ivon... I tried my hardest to make you enjoy me and that only succeeded mildly, and even then the very moment we left our cave we have been snapping at each other. So why try to impress riff raff? Instead of Mouse and Snake maybe the better metaphor is a two headed snake snapping at itself. Why was that hot? Focus dipshit.@killahxkylie
I felt myself absolutely seething when you talked down to me about being able to leave and the car as if I was used to having a chauffeur other than myself to get anywhere. If we were in front of so many people I honestly might have slapped you right in your dumb face for trying to make me feel so stupid. Just like that though before I could move a muscle there was a semi familiar voice saying your name. Had we not been spitting venom at each other all morning I might have found it sweet how you stood in front of me as if on instinct, funny how you wanted to protect me from everyone but yourself. 'Your estate contacted our company again..' So people in your family know that we're here somehow.. which means they know about me for sure now. That made anxiety start to win over the anger, it felt like a tidal wave crashing into me and all I could do was stand there and drown with a straight face. "Thank you for coming." I managed a small smile, this one more genuine because I was grateful to be getting out of having to wait in this line.
I didn't even dignify your sarcastic jab with an answer after you'd been so mean to me for no reason and instead just following after the chauffeur. I hated the way that you always made me feel so insignificant and stupid as if I wasn't capable of even having a thought. Of course though as we were almost to the door a familiar voice assaulted my ears and I turned to the right to see none other than Sarah Webb talking to some nameless faceless nobody. Please don't do it. "Ah babe are you sure you don't want to say goodbye to Ms. Webb? You could ask her for a clipping of her precious cunty tree while you're at it, I would but I'm just too stupid."
@bonghitsforfeds
Today was definitely going to suck. A saturation bombing of feeling detonated in my gut when you gave the chauffeur a half real smile. You are jealous of a smile? You are damn right I was envious of the smirk you gave him. Even with shoulder bumping this visit is going to cost an exuberant out of pocket amount, and that is if Purple does not sue me for giving her what will probably end up being a new scar. It was not just money though, there was this stupid hyper-envy that always burned over you. It was another new exciting emotion on Camilla’s mind coaster. A sore was forming on my cheek from biting into it so much since we woke up. How long has it been? I doubt it has been thirty minutes since we actually stood up and it feels like entire military service contracts have been fulfilled. Already I was worked up enough that I was tempted to tell this guy to take a hike just to make you walk a few miles. It cooled my blood to muse on the fact technically I can legally just walk away from you and nothing bad will happen. She can turn you in.
He simply nodded in response to your thanks and we were little ducking behind him toward where I presumed he had parked. You could feel the hate from everyone else in the waiting room, and it felt good to be connected to other angry people. Everything was turning around, and I started to feel better again. The universe answered. As soon as I saw that layered blonde hair flowing I actually got an adrenaline dump because the urge to run was so strong. I swear to God Cami. There was enough time for me to open my mouth to start begging for you to not do it, but then in a move learned from me you escalated. Again I would be proud if it was directed at anyone else. Your hateful incantation injected me with a full syringe of early morning anger.
20:27
.
Sarah’s head whipped at your venomous words, and the person she was talking to stuttered out what they had been saying. The mystery person offered, “I’ll come back later.” As an excuse before shooting me a partial look of pity and then disappearing. I would rather be random assistant guy who just got to leave then billionaire Ivon Feldt if it means I got to skip the next one hundred twenty second of my life. The chauffeur, whose name we should really know by now, took two side steps and made himself look small against the wall. Thanks, guy. The tension growing between you two was thick enough the buffed wax was peeling off the floor. Tails swished and ears flicked. Then God stuck a beam of confidence down my throat, and I suddenly remembered who I was. “Fuck this,” I mumbled out loud before taking a step forward. Pointing at Sarah, “I am so not in the mood this morning to watch two pimp lost dick carousel pumping raptors rip each other apart in a cock fight.” I almost stopped, and I should have stopped. Looking at you and pointing back up the hallway, “Camilla I stuffed your empty head full of cum three hundred steps back in that direction not two days ago, so drop the jealous feathering, please baby?” Now dragging my finger back toward Sarah, “Ms. Webb, my heart belongs to this cute moron.” I titled my head sideways at you when I said moron, and I squeezed your hand that was still locked into mine as I did so. “Now get the fuck out of our way before I memorize your face, and trust me you can ask Cami what happens if I memorize your face, let me assure you there is a very low chance you are interested.” My ego leapfrogged at hinting in a room full of people that I had somehow gotten away with hurting you. This is how our kind gets caught, you fool.@killahxkylie
The second Sarah's head whipped that annoyingly perfect blonde hair around to look at me all I could do was shoot a shit eating smirk her way, if there was one person I wasn't afraid of it was her. You I was terrified of but her? I'd pounce on her like a rabid animal and rip her apart with my teeth if I had to and I didn't really care who saw it. I was a little surprised that the chauffeur tucked himself away to look so small, I figured that anyone that worked for your family would thrive on violence. 'Fuck this.' Oh boy now I've really done it he's gonna leave me to grab her and drag her out of here instead and leave me behind to crumble into dust. Instead you opened your mouth to both somehow weirdly defend me at the same time you insulted me in a vile string of words I may have been impressed with if they weren't aimed at me.
I shouldn't have been so smug about the second thing you said about the fact that you filled my empty head with cum in a space where everyone could easily hear you but I was. My cheeks were blushed and I wanted to sink into the floor but at the same time the feeling of you claiming me made my heart race. I'd probably fuck you again right in front of all these people just to give them a first hand glance of what you were talking about it I could. 'My heart belongs to this cute moron.' I swear I don't know if I want to punch you or kiss you, maybe a little bit of both. I smile up at you when you tell her to fuck off and then back at her. "Don't worry Sarah I won't tell him to memorize your face, I wouldn't want him to have nightmares." I know it was petty because she really isn't an ugly woman but she showed an interest in you therefore she's hideous and should probably be exterminated.
20:42
.
In my blind jealous and possessive haze I turned to face you before I planted my free hand on the back of your neck and leaned up to give you a hot kiss right in front of everyone, tongue sliding past your teeth and into your mouth to give you a taste of my own anger while also tasting yours. You could run me over later if you wanted to I don't care, at least I got to watch that dumb bitches face curl up in disgust.
That magic you possessed to calm me had an opposite spectrum too. I was furious. This very straight and well designed hallway was thrashing in rage in my mind’s eye. I knew then you were going to be the death of me. Some spraying of stupid would spittle out past your mouth and my heart would pop in rage. Unfortunate that there would likely not be enough time in that scenario to take you down with me. Oh well, living on this planet alone is punishment enough. Your cold hand was reaching up onto my neck now, and the anger was so deeply soaked from its boiling in an ocean of self loathing that I was going to just let you kill me. I actually closed my eyes in preparation for the explosion of pain that I knew in my bones was incoming. You threw another curve ball by forcing your mouth to mine in the most aggressive kiss I have ever received. Your face digging into mine found a not so healed hickey and the surprise of the whole encounter stole a teeny gasping moan out of my throat. I was pleading that the noise got lost down your neck, but I knew better. In another dimension I backhanded your porcelain face so hard it exploded into sharp shards, but the pain combined with your tongues brutal cleaning of the inside of my head just had me swooning instead.
21:12
.
The look of true horror that coiled up on Sarah’s face was genuinely impressive. Someone hopefully got a picture, because it was obvious she hated us. Before storming off in a rising and falling of shimmering sun colored hair she did get a few words in, “I guess what they said about you is true. You are a freakish little bitch.” I could only chuckle at how she has no idea that the word she chose likely only encouraged you. The tiny laugh did not work to cure me of the rising temper though. Chauffeur was just as eager to leave as I was, because he resumed his hunched march when angry Sarah was gone. Dragging you along behind me I licked your spit off my lips when I thought you were not looking. Daydreams about buying a private car floated my mind while I worked to yank your arm off as we followed him. If we had our own vehicle I could beat you senseless before we drove around. I am not sure if this old guy will let me spill your blood. Could I specifically get a shady person to drive us around so I can abuse you when it is deserved?
21:12
.
We were passing through large sliding doors, and the morning sunlight pierced my body open. It felt so welcomingly warm on my skin that I am pretty sure someone just threw a thin blanket on us when we walked out. It heated me all the way to the bones, and it even smelled nice. I would have said something about how beautiful a day it was, but that would require me saying something good about LA within earshot of people who live here. Majority of me would rather tattoo ‘Cami’s Slut’ into my forehead than ever have someone in California know I said positive words about this place. I swear there is a microchip they implant in people born here that makes them talk about it nonstop. The Chauffeur reached into a hidden internal suit pocket and thumbed at a key fob. The familiar car chirped not too far ahead where it was parked alongside the sidewalk idling quietly. I probably should have waited to say something until you were stuffed into the sedan, but that would be something a smart criminal would do. "You are not out of the woods yet Little Mouse. You will owe me for acting out." I was satisfied letting you chew on that.
@killahxkylie
"You don't know the half of it!" I shouted after her as she stormed off looking thoroughly pissed and it gave me way more satisfaction than it should have to know that I hopefully ruined at least a few hours of her day. It didn't occur to me at all that there was a possibility it could end up getting you or your family in trouble, not sure if I would care even if it did. I let out a yelp when you started to borderline drag me to the exit where the car was surely waiting. I don't know why it made me feel good to piss you off too, I think it was just the knowledge that I could make you feel any kind of emotion at all. So you're still a kid acting up for attention? I grimaced at the thought but I'm sure it just came off as being in pain from how you were trying to pull my arm right out of it's socket.
I thought that maybe being outside in the nice weather with the warm air and sun in your skin might help to tame the beast that I was poking at since I woke up this morning as we approached the car but then you finally spoke again, 'You are not out of the woods yet little mouse. You will owe me for acting out.' I felt disgusted with myself at the rush that ran through me at the thought. I wondered what exactly I was going to pay you back with, I knew it would likely be with my body but I didn't know if that would entail pleasure or pain. Likely the latter for the way I just put on a show and not just in front of Sarah but in front of plenty of waiting people as well. I wonder how many of them heard you make him moan. The thought made my lips curl into a slight smile as the chauffeur opened the door and you practically shoved me inside. "I'm sorry but she shouldn't have been drooling all over you I mean what the hell was that about?" Had it been days since it happened? Of course, but I still wasn't over it and I don't think I ever would be.
@bonghitsforfeds
Only a bit more effort and I would have been stuffing you into the backseat of this thing. Using the momentum from dragging you down the sidewalk I launched you into the cab. For a split moment I thought your skull was going to collide with the lip of the door, but your hair barely scraped it as you flew by. It was disappointing as maybe hearing your hollow head ring like a bell would work to calm me down. Chauffeur seemed surprised that I opened up the car without his help, and once I clambered in behind you he just closed us in without a word.
10:00
.
I was staring spears through the back of the headrest in front of my face. Calm down. Then you opened that mouth and spilled out some stupid, ‘...what the hell was that about?’ My head rolled back and I looked up at the top of the car, “God, help me.” Never in my life had I prayed before and somehow your nonsense had me doing it a second time this week. Only reason I did not close fist punch you square in that pouty face is because you looked so goddamn cute wrapped up in ill fitting clothes and crammed into the corner of this car that it distracted me for a second. After a frustrated growl, “Are you fucking stu-” I cut myself off suddenly remembering what happened last time I started backing you into a corner with shouting. Now I sucked a very deep breath to try and calm down, but my hands still trembled. “You really have no idea who I am?” It sounded so fucking pathetic so say that sentence, but it just genuinely blew me away that you had no clue with what you did for a living. “I read your articles, Mouse, you wrote about local governing bodies, and you even had that one about shipping regulations that made it hard for communities down here to get certain fruits.” I was rambling at this point, but you were stuck in a car with me now, “My point is, you never once came across my family, or even why those restrictions got put into place?” Guess I cannot blame you for not being able to keep up with all of California’s constantly evolving political sphere, but my ego was furious.
10:00
.
My eyes locked into yours while I await your response. It took a constant mental effort to keep my gaze from drooping to the frumpy outfit. Your hair was in a messy waterfall, and the entire bratty look fluttered my heart rate up. Thankfully Chauffeur saved me by sliding into the front. Before he even had time to ask I barked an order at him while still staring at your panting angry form, “Coffee. Anywhere. It could be a fucking drive thru just start driving the car.”
@killahxkylie
I watched you burn holes into the back of the headrest when we were both in the car and I knew for sure that there was a good possibility you wished it was my skull you were actually shooting lasers through. I really hadn't meant for things to get so out of control but you just had to keep on pushing me and it wasn't fair that you were the only one who was allowed to snap when they were pushed at, hell half the time it didn't even take anything for you to snap. I think I'm starting to finally realize that your baseline is angry and you might be even more dangerous than I originally thought.
'Are you fucking stu...' You didn't even have to finish the sentence for me to know what you were about to say and it hurt. I don't know why it hurt so bad every time you insulted my intelligence, I genuinely don't think that I'm stupid and I try really hard not to be but apparently in your world I'm dumber than a brick. You started talking about my articles and I just grew more and more confused, did you seriously read my writing? I couldn't help but blush a little at the idea of you reading through my articles. I honestly had put in the bare minimum to so many of them after getting stuck writing abou things I really didn't care much about, I wanted to have my own column but I was still at the bottom of the totem poll.
10:41
.
I felt like your eyes were burning into mine waiting for me to answer, I didn't know what you expected me to say. Was everyone in California supposed to know who you and your family were? I racked my brain trying to think about if I had seen anything about you when I was skimming through information for the article but all I remembered was people being pissed about fruit. "Seriously now you're mad at me for not knowing who you are? I really can't win at all with you can I? You're mad when you let me know you and then you're mad when I don't. I had my own life and my own shit I was worried about it was just a job. I don't remember seeing anything about the mighty Ivon fucking Feldt, Sorry."
@bonghitsforfeds
Several words into the quaint tirade you were hysterically spouting about I had already decided to lay my hands on you. Not only was the little bastard out of his hate cage, but I had been the one to let him out and given him full range of the controls. Nodding along as you continued I could feel him running his long claw like fingers over every button on mind’s command platform. You finished by throwing on the shitty sorry which was a butchering of what was normally my favorite word. Showing you the comatose woman in the back of our Washington estate did not seem like too bad a chore now that you were being such a shit head.
I leaned up to calmly speak to the driver as if you and I had never been talking to each other, “Take the long way if you don’t mind, I have to kill this little cunt real quick.” Planting a sarcastic pat on his shoulder I turned to look at you now. “Are you sorry Camilla?” I tilted my head in mock confusion of your own mannerism, “What important stuff were you up too Baby?” Without giving you time to answer I scooted a little closer, “Were those poorly translated soaps you watched late at night on that shitty couch the shit.” I waved air quotes around the word ‘shit’, “that you were so worried about honey?” Now my head titled the other way while I closed the remaining space between where I sat and where you were huddled against the door.
11:05
.
We were moving now. The car was rocking and my body sloshed with that nausea of being sideways in a mobile vehicle you are not looking out a window of. Leaning close to your face, “You feeling tough today Cami?” Gingerly with a shaky hand I scoot some of the hair in front of your porcelain mask out of the way. “Did you forget why we were in the hospital?” Now an evil grin crossed my lips and my eyebrows climbed to that hateful perch, “You think there is anything stopping me from making your insides outsides you loudmouthed bitch.” I was close enough to your face now at ‘bitch’ that my hateful spittle was spraying onto your skin. I tilted my head toward the driver’s seat with a sad pout, “You think he will stop when you start screaming?” Honestly I had no idea what he would do, but I know he buys expensive cufflinks and I doubt he wants to compromise that. “I asked you back in the hospital, but since we have some history I will give you the benefit of the doubt and ask you one more time. Do I?” I grabbed your wrist and forced your hand to hatefully pat at me in cadence to my words as I finished, “Seem. Like. A. Guy. To. Fuck. With?” I was locked onto that cog, and if you did anything actually poorly thought out I was going to reach in and yank the thing out. Then I could bathe in the fountain of your oil glugging out of the hole it left.
@killahxkylie
I felt myself swallow hard when you leaned up and told the driver to take the long way because you had to kill me, I really hoped that you were being dramatic but maybe I really had just gotten too used to how things were between us at the hospital. Why couldn't they always be decent? Why was it so hard for you to not hate me at the same time that you loved me? "I-. Just because I was watching tv to try to not think for a couple hours a night doesn't mean I didn't have shit going on Ivon." I could already feel myself tearing up from the invalidation of the crap I had going on in my life, maybe it wasn't the same kind of stuff you deal with but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
'You feelin tough today Cami?' I'm sure the tear that snuck down my cheek when you asked was enough of an answer but I still shook my head no anyway. I wasn't feeling tough, I was feeling terrified and anxious and backed into a corner and forced to live a life I wasn't looking or asking for. 'Did you forget why we were in the hospital?' I guess a part of me really had. Things were.. mostly okay when we were in the hospital. You literally tried to slit your wrists? You were nicer to me in the hospital, like you didn't want my insides to be outsides. This was quite the rude awakening and I wanted to scream and cry and throw a fit about it. Maybe I could just unravel my stitches and split the skin open again to let this end faster. I visibly flinched when you spat the word bitch at me with so much venom in your voice. "N..no.. no you don't I-. I'm sorry." I practically blubbered out the apology through tears this time the anger melting right into that same overwhelming sadness from before. It wasn't fair, this was all too confusing. You were the one hurting me but you were also the one who I wanted to run to for comfort about it. You're so demented. "I-I'm just scared Ivon I'm sorry."
@bonghitsforfeds
My right hand cupped your tear covered cheek with a mocking grasp of affection. A thumb wiped water from your eyes, “Is part of being scared making a fool of me?” The heightened level of fear you were displaying with the obvious heaving of your chest only strengthened my hateful resolve. “I’m not fond of the way you start behaving like a fuck off,” the faux loving grip tightened into a painful grasp, “every single time we step outside.” There is no way the level of stretching your face was doing right now didn’t hurt, and a sick part of me hoped to pop the dissolving stitches right off of your stupid cheeks.
13:53
.
The car rumbled as we sped up to get out into traffic, and the sudden jolt of momentum threw me off balance enough that I lost my grip on your face. Poking at your plastic head only made you more upset last time, and the salty tears you were wasting on this car ride desperately needed to stop flowing or I was going to lose it. You looked just like her, and it was pissing me off. I wrapped my hands up in the fabric of your tight shirt and used it to pin you angrily to the door. My arms pressed into your chest as I leaned my weight into you, and air hissed past your whimpering teeth as fleshy lungs compressed. Ivon was in the cage now, and this hateful creature was loving every second of it. I drug my nose across that perfect hairline and hummed angry words into your skull while I worked to wipe your scent onto me, “Your fear means you are not actually stupid. This leads me to believe that you are just playing ignorant.” I used my chin to wrench your head down sideways so I could press my lips into your ear. There had to be no doubt that every word I forced into your head managed to brush across the few thought strings holding whatever dumb instrument strummed in your mind together. “Perhaps you need some rehabilitation?” My teeth were pressed into the soft cartilage of your ear with such hungry pressure that I could hear the crunching of it trying to move out of the way.
13:53
.
There had been genuinely no plan for it when we left this morning, but something needed to happen to get this darkness exercised out. One hand left the wrapping of your shirt to force its way down to just above your knee. Gripping the trembling flesh of your legs I wrenched the limb aside, and let my hand wander up and down the upper section of your thigh. Heat radiated out of you, and even though it was probably just natural core warmth my ego still took it as a response to what I had been doing. My face twisted up in a sad mask to match yours, “What would you do to punish a bad little Mouse? What kind of sentence would befit a criminal like you?” While you worked to spin an answer up I licked the tears off your cheek starting at your chin and ending just above your cheekbone. The tickly stinging had my teeth chattering in nervous excitement. I felt like a hound with a toy made out of something too soft and cheap. All I had to do was work the stitches out the sides and out would spill your soft stuffing and whatever little cheap device made you emit that whore squeak.
@killahxkylie
"I'm sorry!" It came out a high broken squeak when you thumbed over my cheek, it felt soft and loving for only a few moments before it turned into something so painful I was squirming trying to get away. "Ivon please you're hurting me!" I don't know why I thought that would have any effect on you as if hurting me wasn't one of your favorite things to do, if not your absolute favorite. I could feel my skin pulling tighter and tighter and the thought that you might rip clean through the stitches only had me crying harder. I'd never been more grateful for a car speeding up in my life when I felt your hand slip off my cheek. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to makr you upset!"
I couldn't stop crying, I was terrified and now there was nobody here to save me if I wanted them too, the guard sitting outside the door was long gone and now it was just you and me and the chauffeur who would pretend nothing happened if my body ended up in a ditch on the way to the airport to take you home to your cushy house. "Ivon- please-" I choked out as the air left my lungs like a tire with a leak in it, I could feel my barely starting to heal ribs wanting to give way and crack even more under the pressure. "I'm not playing anything." I managed to get out in a squeak before I tried to expand my lungs enough to get a substantial amount of oxygen. I really had no idea who you were and I didn't realize what I had done would make you this angry. Hell with how you had acted in front of the nurse a part of me thought you would actually like it. Apparently I really just know nothing.
14:07
.
"Ivon please I don't want this right now" I whimpered when you wrenched my legs apart and your hand made its way up to my thigh. I don't know why I thought telling you no would make a difference as if the first time we fucked I wasn't screaming it over and over again. "I-I'm sorry I'm sorry please-" I felt just as helpless as I did on my bedroom floor pressed against the door right now, I squeezed my eyes shut when your tongue ran up my cheek and the air conditioning of the car cooled the wet trail you left behind. I'd give anything to go back to this morning when I felt safe against your chest instead of like prey to a rabid animal.
I pried your head over in the other direction after you spoke, and now it was pointed toward the back of the passenger seat. Using the leverage of my grip into your clothes I forced the rest of my weight down onto your fractured body. Your breath came in tiny laborious desperate gasps, and my face was inches from your blueing lips. The only part of you not flat to the clean seat was your head which was still propped awkwardly against the folding plastic of the car door. With our eyes locked together, “You don’t want this right now?” I ground my hips against your legs so you could feel my hardening madness. Once enough hot Barbie air had been wrung from your stupid lungs that you could not vibrate more words out of that shiny throat, “If I am being honest with you doll I didn’t want to be worked up by your bratty bullshit either.” Forcing my cock against you with another hateful press, “Don’t push me or I will fucking destroy you.” I almost sat up, but I had to add one more angry spurt of hate. Screaming as loud as my throat would work, “And that is a fucking promise Cami!”
14:35
.
Finally I sat up and let my back fall against my side’s door. While you worked to collect yourself and suck crying gasps of air back into your lungs my fiery eyes wandered out the window above your head. Wherever we were on the highway was not immediately recognizable to me, but the amount of traffic surrounding us had me suddenly acutely aware someone could spot us. This was working to compound with my rage and now there was an explosive need to kick out with my heels until I compressed you into mush against that stupid door. C’mon, just one powerful kick. Break something. Should I bother telling you the only reason I am not crushing you is because we just spend days waiting for your slow body to heal itself? Anger flashed up when I realized you never answered me earlier, “So, just to clarify, you think you should just get away with acting like that?” Part of me must be gaining the capability to read your mind, because I felt the excuses building, “And don’t you dare flap an apology off those lips! I really do not give a shit how bad you feel about yourself. I thought we had gotten over this whole crying over the fact you are stuck with me thing. I am over it!” Every word I shouted at your pained stupid shuddering body made me feel better, “Do you want us to pull over Cami? Was all that sweet stuff back in the hospital just more of the fake niceness I was accusing you of before you painted that bathroom with your wasted blood?” I knew I was projecting now, but I almost felt better. “Huh? Are you going to say something? Do you even really care to be here, or is this just a game to you? You giving up already?”
@killahxkylie
All I could manage to do when you ground your hips against me was shake my head against your hand, I could feel my head starting to feel lighter and lighter from the lack of oxygen and I really thought that this is how I was going to die, right here in the backseat with you pressing the air out of my lungs. I wonder if you would even care if my body went completely limp with lifelessness underneath you, if you would panic like you did in the bathroom of the hospital or if you would just move on to find someone to replace me next. 'And that is a fucking promise Cami!' My body shook with fear when you screamed it in my face and finally pulled away.
I scrambled as close to the door as I possibly could wanting to be as far away from you as physically possible, every thought it my head was spinning and screaming and I couldn't make sense of any of it. I tried to focus on sucking air into my burning lungs but all I could hear in my head was your screams melting into the screams my father used to launch at me and my family when he was drunk or pissed off. "No no no no no." I just kept mumbling it through tears and shaky panicked breaths over and over again trying not to completely spiral and losing. I tucked my head into my hands and rocked myself in a self soothing motion I had adopted a long time ago. "N-no I don't I- I don't know what I was th-inking Ivon p-lease please stop yelling at m-me"
14:56
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I was trying so hard to get myself to stop crying because I knew it was only making you more angry, you had said it yourself and I still couldn't make it stop. I did feel bad about mysefl but it hurt me that you thought I was faking everything from the hospital and even before then I mean for fucks sake I killed someone for you. "I-m not crying because I'm st-uck with you I- I'm SCARED! JUST PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME! I'LL DO WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER JUST STOP YELLING AT ME PLEASE!?" I didn't even notice the volume of my own voice steadily raising until I was screaming to the point of my voice cracking and feeling like my voice box was going to explode.
@bonghitsforfeds
Where do I find these women who feel safe running their mouths at me like a broken fountain, but the moment you apply pressure they fold like wet paper into mulch? For a split moment I thought we had broken through this pitiful exterior to unlock some real Feldt like emotion in you, but all you managed to do was raise your voice. To be fair the volume was on the same level as when we were fighting in the van. At least I had gotten through to you. Eventually you will learn to keep those pretty lips zipped up, or your plant-logged muddy corpse would get dredged out of a river by some small town police force. You had me mad enough at this point my mind ran with the fantasy of just pushing you backward into highway traffic.
My ears were still ringing from your outburst, and the encounter gave the chauffeur enough bravery to lock my eyes in the rear view mirror. His look was one of desperation, and in a rare moment it served to cool my hatred. Now guilt rolled into the ring, and it was throwing haymaker punches. There was an annoying urge to drag you into my lap and calm you down, but the cruelty reminded me you need to stew in the outcome of your own poor choices. I swung my legs back into the floorboard so I was using the seat properly. With a pouty gaze out my window the drooping power lines stole my eyes in a rollercoaster like rise and fall of meditative imagery. Without turning to look at your sobbing body, “Sit up and collect yourself so you don’t get hurt.” There was no love in the tone and its flat commanding noise rattled around in the backseat. Being a scary prick is not near as fun when there is no aftercare.
15:25
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I tried to distract the simmering hate, “Where are we going for coffee?” The driver shifted in his seat just enough that the fabric of his dress jacket squeaked against it. “Local place that has solid reviews Sir. I have had their Americano, it is wonderful.” His professional voice pissed me off. How come he can hold it together? Also who drinks Americano? How do you judge a place based on espresso and water? Just order drip coffee? I should have known better than to ask someone else for their opinion. Turning back toward you the way your hair floated about with static from being manhandled spiced me with more guilty loathing. Whiny thoughts about how it’s not fair I am having to calm you down right now fought to escape, but I knew you had the high ground in that conversation and it only worked to keep throwing gasoline on the tantrum I just escaped. The Chauffeur tried his best, “It’s called Lava Java, and it smells so good wh-.” In a move learned from Father I smothered his words with mine, “Please shut up.” It was sharp and icy, but anything that was not someone directly kissing my ass was going to push me back over into hate. “Unless you know something that is going to make her feel better just shut the fuck up.” Now there were false movies of him giving you a calming hug rehearsing in my thought’s theater. Glancing at the ceiling again, “God, kill me.”
@killahxkylie
'Sit up and collect yourself so you don’t get hurt.' I felt like I was 15 again coming home to find my father plastered at barely 3:30 in the afternoon after getting out of school, by the look of the things strewn about the living room and kitchen him and my mother had been going at it for awhile now and when his fiery unfocused eyes met mine he would always say the same thing at me with a deadly calm tone. 'Mind your business so you don't get hurt.'
Just like a switch flipped I managed to sit myself upright in my seat and stop the tears from coming. I reached up to wipe at my puffy eyes and cheeks and sniffled a couple times as my own gaze drifted out the window. Every time I took a breath in it burned and I still felt the fear and anxiety coursing through my veins only now it was stuffed deep deep down inside where it couldn't get out, at least not yet. I would save it for later when I could let it out in private where no one else could see me. Although now that I think of it I might never actually have a moment in private ever again.
I let my gaze drift out the window watching the cars and palms go by in a whirl deciding to open it to let the warm slightly salty air whip through my already messy hair from your assault on it. The conversation between you and the chauffer barely registered in my head as you seemed to ignore my existence. I let my temple rest against the window and let my eyes close imagining that I was somewhere else, somewhere safe and comfortable and with someone that really really loved me without all the twisted back and forth that we had. It was the most toxic thing in the world and I knew that and yet I didn't think I could let go of it. "I am sorry" I said just loud enough that it could be heard over the wind.
@bonghitsforfeds
LA traffic had us crawling over the road, and like every other trip around this area it was taking us forever to go a few miles. The dividing wall that separates the highway noise from the nearby poorly zoned residential areas made it a boring sight. It was just a repeated textured concrete wall slowly rising and falling frustratingly out of sync with the drooping power lines and billowing palms. Hate was still scraping its teeth over the backbone of my mood. I was in such a poor state of mind that when you rolled the window down I almost snapped at you to roll it back up. The angelic image of your dark hair fluttering about in the hot sunny air stole enough of my focus to choke out the mean arrow I was preparing to send your way. I hate that I cannot stay mad at you.
Staring at my legs I rolled the fabric of the cheap jeans back and forth under my finger tips in an attempt to distract the ball of hate still tumbling down its mountain. As the wreck of our relationship, if it could even be called that, came to a clattering rest I felt the guilt growing more and more. At first there had been hope of our arrival to ‘Lava Java’ working to progress the moment, but it seemed we were still going to be in traffic for the foreseeable future.
16:27
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‘I am sorry.’ The sigh that hissed out my face was probably a tad too exaggerated, “Goddammit Mouse...” Shaking my head I turned to you “I-” That was all I got out before the feelings started demanding I cook up some more awful things to spit out at you. Another long hot exhale, “I think I-” Stuttering in a poor attempt to find words was only working to undo the past few minutes of calming combing. Finally I managed to squeeze something out, “It’s fine.” I stopped pinching the fabric and instead switched to just gripping at my knee angrily. You shot a quick glance over in my direction and I turned my head away in fear of your gaze pulling up more feelings of guilt. Keep mashing the emotions down big guy, it has worked for us so far. It was hard to speak past the sudden thorn of sadness in my neck, but I got it out without spilling tears, “You have been through a lot. It’s understandable.” My peripheral vision caught the driver’s eyes widened in a brief look of, ‘Holy hell, these two are insane.’ I heard the ghostly laugh of Chelsea before she giggled out, ‘If you are anything Ivon, it is unpredictable.’ Dont. Cry.@killahxkylie
I listened to you trying to stutter out something and it managed to pull me out of the shitty thoughts that were flooding my head long enough to glance over at you. I didn't actually know what I wanted to say to you at this point. I was so confused about whether you actually wanted me or not, I really wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. Just like a mouse. Do I push to try and find out what you were going to say right now or not? My mouth opened a couple times before it closed again, I was truly terrified that you would kill me today with the way your anger seemed to be bubbling out of control. Was it really all because of what I did in front of Sarah? Or was it more?
After a few long minutes of not speaking in the shitty LA traffic I turned to look at you briefly again before I leaned over in the seat to rest my head in your lap, if you were going to kill me at least I could die in one of my happy places. "What were you going to say?" I asked softly "You said you think...? You think what?" I was saying a silent prayer that you would let me in again to get a little glimpse inside of your head. I was so afraid that now that we left the hospital you were going to completely shut me out and only ever be like this to me and I couldn't live like that, I think I would end up actually ending my own existence if that was the case. "Please tell me?" I asked as my thumb made small back and forth motions on the top of your thigh where it was resting.
@bonghitsforfeds
The broken emotional radar that uselessly spun in your smooth Barbie brain must have started squeaking on its stupid hinge, because it seemed you thought it was a good time to make moves. Every muscle in my body froze in surprised hatred when you brought your cheek to rest on my lap. I held my hands above your head where they opened and closed in slow plotting rage. Glancing around there was not a satisfying amount of hard material to start bouncing your face off of, and it began to dawn on me I may have to just accept your touch.
17:06
.
Of course though you could not just be okay with physically fucking with me as now you were working two soaking fingers into the burning mess that is my mind. What had I even been saying? My pouty eyes emptied a bucket of venomous energy into the side of your head as you twirled your hand into my leg. After a few more seconds I set my shaking fists down, and let the one closest to you rest in the valley of your hourglass figure. Even though it sat closer to your hips I could still feel the rise and fall of your ribcage from the air your body worked into itself. Typically breathing just made me angry, but yours was settling my nerves. My ego reminded me it was only because you had stopped crying, but I shoved that useless thought out of an airlock. ‘Please tell me?’ That crushy warmth floated into my core and stole another sigh, but this one was not as harsh. The exhale took some of the fire with it and it managed to snag some honesty on its way out, “I was just going to say that I hate doing this with you.” Immediately I bit my tongue in frustration at how my words sounded more accusatory than I intended them too. “That sounds like I am placing blame, I just-.” You just what dipshit? You think she really cares? I turned my pitiful face toward the window like it would somehow hide my boyish anger. In a quiet voice, “I want us to feel safe with each other. I like the... good moments more.” Then I tacked on a tiny addition to please the ego, “At least with you.” You probably should not imply to her that there will be anyone else, moron. Using my free hand I wiped a sudden line of sweat from my brow. You had me slipping into that scary pit of mushy emotion I only felt for you.
@killahxkylie
I was ready for you to either wrap your hands around my neck and twist until one quick crunch put my lights out forever, or maybe for your closed fists to come down on my head over and over again until my thoughts and memories were turned to applesauce I had accidentally pushed you so far in such a short time period and I hadn't even meant to. What I wasn't ready for was every word that managed to flow out of your mouth. Did you really mean it? Was that even possible? Everything you said only threw me further into that confused storm that was swirling in my head, if you liked the good moments more then why were you so quick to be so awful to me? Why did hurting me put a fire in your eyes that I only ever saw when we were fucking or fighting? I wished that I could ask you but I didn't dare.
I let your words hang in the air for awhile before I finally opened my mouth to speak again. "I like the good moments more too Ivon.. and until we left the hospital I felt safe with you too. I'm sorry that I got carried away when we left I just.. I have no idea what I'm doing I don't know what it means to be in your life all I knew is that I didn't like the way she looked at you....or the way you looked at her." That part was added on softly because it embarrassed me to admit how jealous I was that someone else could catch your attention. "And I'm sorry I say sorry so much but I don't know how else to apologize. And I wasn't crying because I'm stuck with you I was crying because I was genuinely upset and scared. "You turn me into a monster Ivon."
@bonghitsforfeds
At this point I should be used to the gaps in our conversational flow when we discuss feelings, but I still took it personally when you paused after I spilled out the words you asked me for. When you first started explaining yourself everything seemed obvious. Nodding along above you I could agree with the way you felt about the hospital. Everything had been sweet there and I have been trying to retrace my steps this entire car ride to pinpoint when it all went wrong. The final puzzle pieces started twisting into their proper home when you mentioned Sarah again. Peering down at the hard curve of your face I let a finger trace the length of your jawline. Are we both just clawing at each over jealousy? No, that cannot be all there is to this. My brow furrowed in focus, and I came to the conclusion there was something else going on here. No shit Sherlock, this is obviously more complex than a typical relationship.
I kept tracing the soft skin stretched over that tasteful bony cheekbone when you continued. Now I wanted to tell you that I am sickly obsessed with your repeated apologies, especially when they are overshadowed by cries of pain. You kept this train derailing by adding a new phrase from you that will haunt my dreams forever, ‘You turn me into a monster.’ The finger I had been sensually painting your face with froze, and goosebumps prickled out over my arms at the nauseating load of sadness that tilted over into my soul’s dumpster. Similar thoughts had crossed my mind as a young boy many times, and the way you bonded those words worked to yank many painful memories up. Touching you did not feel right anymore, and I tucked my hands between your head and my belly trying to hide them away. “I see...” The sad note stuck to the ceiling with little dew drops of sadness.
18:27
.
This was my least favorite feeling in the world. This mix of sad self hate that brimmed to the top of my well when you made me feel bad for what I did to you. How many innocent creatures have been harmed by me in my life? Still very few of them elicit any sort of guilty stab, so what was different about you? It does not help that your head being so close to my lap has me flexing my calves in an attempt to not lose my blood to the wrong head. “Yeah well,” I glued my eyes to a car next to us in order to not think about your hot breath working to heat my leg up, “You turn me into a fucking crazy man, so what do you want from me...” A clicking drew my attention to our changing course, and it appeared we had begun to merge toward an exit. Get me out of this car, please God. If I keep these prayers up I may have to visit a church. That thought managed to force a smile on my face, and I found myself silently mulling over what Father would think if I suddenly became a God fearing man. “This won’t make you feel any better, but I can’t help it most of the time.” Oh yeah sure, she just calmed down let's try and revisit this topic. “Even right now I am consumed with a hungry need to taste your body Cami.” Actual super models have shared my bed, and my eyes would barely hang their form after we were done, but with you I would let my gaze just fucking soak you up. “Maybe when you choked me at the motel you finally broke me.” Now I was working to pull your frizzy hair out of your face. Why do I care about you? Is it just because you put up with me after I hurt you? Maybe she was sent here to specifically mislead you. I hated that thought as now I could hear Chelsea’s rattling throat sucking past spinal fluid for a desperate attempt at oxygen. What are the chances of that happening twice?
@killahxkylie
I shouldn't have said that. I missed your finger trailing up and down my cheek and I knew that my words must have hit deeper than I thought they would, back at the hospital with the purple bitch nurse it seemed like you liked that side of me, I didn't think it would bother you to hear it. "I know I do.." I didn't bother acknowledging the fact that we were getting closer to coffee because closer to coffee meant closer to the probable wreckage of my old home and after the heavy adrenaline dump of you screaming in my face I didn't exactly need the caffeine anymore. I couldn't help but wonder what it meant for someone to break you. Was it because you felt any sort of remorse after things went downhill for us like this? Is that what you considered broken?
I let my eyes flutter shut for a moment when you moved the hair off my face and I hated the way it soothed me. It was way more than it should have. 'I can't help it." Those were the words that stuck out to me the most. Is that what had happened when it came to the escort? Did you just lose control and then regret it after? Is that what was gonna happen to me? I was trying really hard to come to grips with the reality that being with you was signing away my right to a long healthy life. How many more hospital visits were in my future? Would you end up killing me or adding me to your collection of vegetables with her? I needed the thoughts to stop. I turned over onto my other side so I was facing your stomach and peeked up at you through still damp lashes. "I really did mean everything I said at the hospital.. this isn't just some stupid game I'm trying to play with you baby I care about you.."
@bonghitsforfeds
There were only a few strands of hair left to move when you rolled to face me. There was a lump of frustration as thick as a golfball I had to swallow from how you had interrupted my soothing task. At least now you were pointing those pouty dark eyes at me. With their typical magic those inquisitive orbs of sorcery started draining my mind of all thought. Luckily you were glancing back at my chest every few seconds, and within those brief moments outside your mind control I could almost think again. When your fat lips parted to call me ‘baby’ I fell completely under your control. The anger was gone, and all I wanted to do was cradle you until the tears stopped.
Carefully my thumb began to squeegee the hot tears from your face. I started with your eyes, and then worked my hand down your smooth cheek. Occasionally a new line of water would appear on my shirt from where I would wipe my damp hand into it. “Yeah doll?” With my other hand I stroked at your side in long passes from just under your arm to past your hip bone. Will I ever be able to properly convince you of how much I enjoy feeling you breathe? A soft smile forced its way onto my face, “You said a lot to me back at the hospital. It sort of felt like a dream hmm? Forgive me darling, I must be trying to recollect it all.”
19:43
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Detecting he was interrupting the Chauffeur spoke quickly, “Five minutes.” My eyes never left your face, but my smile did grow at the approaching destination of caffeine. So far I had yet to level with you and offer a counter apology, but I sort of like how you seemed to be doing a mild form of groveling. Even if that was not your angle I was going to pretend it was. The hand that had been petting you froze on the top of your hip where my finger switched to lightly licking tiny circles into its highest point. The way your hair frizzed out, although cute, was a perfect example of the exact kind of behavior we would need to talk about. Our image is going to matter. One snapped photo from some douchebag on a smartphone and next thing we know Father will be making a surprise visit to knock us both around. The only reason we were going to let it slide today is because I was currently dressed like a low grade porn videographer. After wiping the last bit of water from your face I felt a pang of regret for not sucking my finger dry of salty tears. At the last moment the psychopath whispered to me a good way to apologize without directly saying the words, “Do you forgive me Mouse?”
@killahxkylie
I really had no idea how you were going to react to me rolling over to face you, I hated the way that even when our eyes met half the time I still couldn't tell what you were thinking or feeling. There was always a chance that you were going to hurt me, but there was also always a chance you were going to surprise me by being more gentle than I think you even realize. When you lifted your hand up I winced just a little trying to steel myself for impact but instead you started to thumb so gently over my cheek that it startled me. Oh you are so broken. Eventually the motion worked to make the tears stop running down my face and I was left with glassy eyes and damp cheeks looking up at you. 'It sort of felt like a dream hmm?' I can't help but wonder if maybe it was, maybe I was actually knocked out cold at that shitty little cabin and I dreamed up the whole thing.
'Five minutes.' I wonder if we're going through the drive thru or going inside, I felt so frumpy in this outfit and I didn't want anyone else to see me like this. At least we would be out of this suffocating car for a little while if we ended up going inside. "Well... it wasn't a dream it was real and I meant it all. You know me better than a lot of people now you know that right?" He probably did before too since he's a STALKER.'Do you forgive me?' My heart lurched when you asked me that as if you had actually apologized for anything. I looked at you for a few long moments before I could make myself answer and even then I sounded so quiet that I didn't recognize it after screaming at each other the way we were. "I forgive you.. do you forgive me?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Asking for forgiveness, even in roundabout manipulative ways, is a method of conversation I am not well practiced in. Your eyes locking into mine had a ghostly fear whimpering pitiful panic into my ears. Maybe I would get lucky this morning and you would have some hidden scalpel ready to disembowel me right now. I was biting my tongue when your lips parted to speak, ‘I forgive you...’ A sigh of relief so powerful fluttered out of my mouth that my lips actually pursed as the used air forced its way through. Then you continued to ask for my forgiveness as if you had somehow actually messed up in any discernable way.
The deep oaky laughter your pure apology managed to steal out of me was so genuine it hurt my sides. I had to pull the hand on your hip to tuck underneath my lower floating ribs to alleviate the pinching pain. “I’m not laughing at you Cami I just...” Now there was water pouring out of my eyes, and my vision darkened from lack of air. It was your pouty twisted face that pushed me over into collecting myself. “Sorry Doll you just,” A deep breath, “Yes, I forgive you. Always.” I put a small kiss into my fingertips and then pressed it to your frowning lips, “You are too sweet for me.” I swore I heard the driver nod to my statement, but my eyes had been too focused on yours to properly notice.
11:06
.
The angle change of the front tires pulling us into a parking lot drew my attention back out the window. This place was busy, and I could see the coffee shop patio peering out from an old house. It looked like someone had bought a vintage home and then put a bunch of doors into it so it had a cafe feel. There were thick leafed vines covering an entire wall, except someone had taken the time to cut out holes for the antique green glass windows. You were still laying down, and I gave my hips a small twitch just to get your attention, “Babe, this place is really cute.” Normally the soft air of that statement would serve to piss me off, but with you it only made me fuzzy. Honestly, I am not sure why the driver’s presence did not bother me more. You have fucked three feet away from him. A hot rosy blush crept my face.
@killahxkylie
"I-" I felt myself wilt into a pathetic pout when you started to laugh at me asking if you forgave me and for a second I assumed that it was because the idea of forgiving me had pissed you off somehow or something. It caught me completely off guard when you said you weren't laughing at me because you definitely weren't laughing with me either. I had to admit it was amazing to see and hear you laughing like this though, even if you were laughing at me I think I might be able to be okay with it if it meant that I got to hear you laugh. 'Yes I forgive you.*Always.' That last word managed to take my own breath away as you pressed your kissed fingers to my lips. *Always. I wonder if you would really always be able to find forgiveness for me within yourself or if one day you would forget that you had said it and snap completely.
I hadn't bothered to move when we pulled into the cafe, to be honest I hadn't expected much out of anything when you had told the driver you didn't care where we went. I probably should have realized though that everyone would be doing their best not to piss you off, something I didn't quite have a grasp on yet. I felt my heart and stomach flutter in tandem with each other when you called me babe again and pushed myself up on the seat so I could look out the window too. The pretty little cafe that I was met with managed to pull my lips into a smile, it was really cute, and I was shocked to hear you say so. "It is really cute!"
Just like that all of the anger, sadness, and worry managed to melt away into background noise as the driver found a place to park the all too fancy car, it was a good thing we were still in California or I would have felt like we stuck out like a sore thumb riding around in this thing. "Are we going inside?" I peeked back over to you with a hopeful look in my eye, even if we just went in to grab the coffee to go I still wanted to see if the inside of this place matched the outside.
@bonghitsforfeds
Wafting from the cracked window was a heavenly head filling aroma of brewing teas, coffees, sweets, and flourishing plant life. The vine stalks that called the building home had tiny yellow and orange flowers that grew in angry spiraling towers. Occasionally a zipping blurry shape would stop in front of one just long enough to betray its true form as a hummingbird before it sped off as another wavy blast of speed. The car slid to a halt, and my favorite spheres locked into my eyes to deliver commands as questions. I tilted my head and shut my eyes, “Unless we are going to make this poor man go get it for us, then yeah honey.” The tone was genuine, and I was happy things were remotely jovial again. “Let’s go shithead.”
My door was open before the Chauffer’s, and stepping out onto the parking lot blacktop with only socks had me feeling weirdly exposed. Somewhere in the dark warehouse of my growing list of notes for this relationship was a memo being shoved into a filing cabinet to get us some clothes before we leave LA. The only thing bothering me more than the way we were dressed was the scratchy stubble that has yet to be shaved off my face. Originally my plan had been to step around and open your door for you, but I guess you had decided to just kind of scramble from your spot in the middle out my side as well. I really hope this guy has a tab or something I can charge too. A little nervous video spun to life in my mind of us getting to the counter and having no cash.
13:25
Now embarrassment and guilt mixed from the red puffiness of your eyes. Great everyone in here will know you were crying just a moment ago. “Come here.” With a hand on your shoulder I helped you to maneuver to a spot right in front of me so I could start finger combing your hair down. Without looking away from my work I raised my voice so the driver could hear, “Go get us a spot in line please.” Please? What the hell were you doing to me? So many mixing voices from the busy tables and small crowds stung my mind with acute awareness that we had been way from true society awhile now. Normally I would be yearning to return to a hotel or home, but right now beside the gore spattered corpse of my ego everything felt pleasant. After I had gotten the majority of the dark frizzy pieces under control I used a knuckle to pull your chin up, "Ready?"
@killahxkylie
'Honey.' Every time you called me that that's what it sounded like dripping off your lips. Sweet, warm, sticky honey and I wanted to drown myself in it over and over again. 'Shithead.' Well it was nice when it lasted, still it seemed like it was affectionate and playful so I scrambled my way out of the car after you, my eyes going wide after a hummingbird zipped by, surely on his way to the flowering vines crawling up the side of the building. I looked down at our feet briefly and wiggled my toes in the scratchy socks on the warm pavement. It was weird being outside in socks but this was LA weirder things had happened on a daily basis.
14:00
.
I let you move me to stand in front of you and looked up at you briefly before I looked back over at the café admiring the flowers and the attention to detail, whoever owned the place definitely put a lot of care into making it welcoming and warm even from the outside. When you told the drive to go get us a spot in line I tilted my head curiously, I had fully expected you to lecture me about how to behave in public after what happened this morning but now that we were out of the vicinity of Sarah I didn't feel the need to act like a rabid animal anymore. When you started patting down the frizzy waves on my head I felt my face blush with embarrassment, it always did this when I didn't get to put product in it to keep it tamed and neat. 'Ready?' The way you tilted my head up with your knuckle made me weak in the knees and I wanted so badly to kiss you but I just nodded and then followed you towards the café entrance, taking your hand in mine as I found that it helped to ground me and make me feel safer. "Sorry.. um maybe when we get to wherever we're going can I get some mousse to put in it? I haven't had any of the usual wavy hair products that I normally use to keep this from happening and when I don't it gets all frizzy I-" I felt the blush deepen when I realized I was rambling and it felt weird to not have any access to my own money that I had worked so hard to save, I didn't ever like asking people for things. "If not it's okay I understand I um I mean I have some money saved up I just don't have my bank card or anything so.. y-yeah."
@bonghitsforfeds
Your cold hand laced into mine always accelerated my heart rate just enough to turn my thoughts to sloshy mushiness. The chattering of birds nesting far above us was barely audible over the clattering of spoons and conversation. You were rambling on about your hair, and I wanted to interrupt with what would probably be a poor attempt at making you feel better. Yet another scroll is written about you: Anything I say will make you self conscious in some way. You were going to reprimand her for not looking cute? I suppose that is true. Minutes ago my muscles almost worked to crush your soft face into saucy flesh. Still, it was admirable you felt the need to explain it. There may be hope yet that you are capable of learning.
The chauffeur’s balding head was visible through the tall double doors we stepped through. Both of the gorgeous wooden portals had circular stained glass images of saints. The edges of each thick slab had copper hammerings that rolled with various swirls and dots. Usually I would make jokes about coming back to steal these later, but I was still distracted by your silly mutterings. “Camilla. You worry too much.” You abducted her? Blowing the hair off my forehead in frustration I stopped us before we made it through the waiting area into the café proper. I was looking down at your head now, “I just like having an excuse to touch you, and fixing your hair seemed a good enough reason to at the time.” Liar. I hope the grimace I was trying to hide at the internal dialogue was not leaking out. “Don’t fuss over your hair Doll,” Now I raised my voice so the few people waiting on a plush seat nearby could hear, “Besides, you are still miles cuter than any of the cafe cunts rotting in here.” Honestly no one in here was terribly ugly or anything, I was just trying to cheer you up.
14:47
.
Dragging you under the second set of doors we were blasted with a brick bag of powerful smell. Whereas before each aroma had been distinct now that we were inside the middle of the building it was just coffee and sickly sweet. There was a gigantic spiraling staircase to our right that had a cute little chalk sign, ‘Employees Only,’ it read with a cartoonish image of a scornful looking butler. If you tilted your head back and looked up this space was mostly circular, and closed up toward the roof until it came to a point where beneath hung a colossal chandelier. The ancient thing was so concerningly large that I became nervous being beneath it. Good thing we have to stand in line here. It appeared that further up the hallway was the kitchen, where various staff dressed in aproned red and white uniforms scurried about like ants. The driver had his eyes locked into mine, and this was likely because his turn was next and we were still sort of dragging our feet.
Stepping up beside him I felt pathetically underdressed compared to what in my mind amounted to a cab driver. He must have read my hateful gaze, because he spoke up as we got close, “If the gentle Sir and his lovely companion would tell me their orders, I can take them for you and meet you at a table.” It was right then that he upgraded from cab driver to brother in Christ, because he totally read the room and knew we had no way of paying. Sitting down is all I wanted to do so I could hide these ugly jeans under something. Your eyes were already scanning the cute cursive menu, and so I put you on the spot, “Know what you want my love?” The drug-like heartbeat flop when I called you that made the room spin a degree. I wonder if you felt it too?
@killahxkylie
'Camilla. You worry too much.' As if I didn't know that already, I think around 99.9 perfecnt of my time with you had been spend working and half of that minor percent that wasn't was also spent sleeping. I blushed like a tomato when you announced that I was still miles cuter than anyone else in the cafe and as I looked around I didn't feel like that was true, just the couple people I got a glimpse of were pretty great looking but I wasn't going to argue, things were relatively peaceful all things considered and I really really wanted something yummy. "I just want to look nice for you, that's all." Tell him that it makes you melt like a stupid puppy when he touches your hair. Absolutely not, as if you needed more weaknesses to use against me. You already had the upper hand.
When we got hit with the strong smell of coffee, tea, and baked goods my eyes lit up and my mouth watered, it was just as beautiful inside if not more and I really wished we looked like we belonged here right now and not like two homeless people that some kind man brought to buy some coffee. My eyes traveled up to the massive chandelier and all I could think about was how beautiful it would look if the sun hit it just right, the room would be dancing with rainbows. The mental image I conjured up was magical and made me smile softly.
15:13
.
Before I knew it you were tugging me from my imagination and over to stand next to the driver where my eyes quickly found the menu, there were so many things I had never tried before and now that things felt a little calmer between us I really did need the caffeine again. I wonder if my body will ever get used to such insane highs and lows with you. 'Know what you want my love?' "Only for you to call me that forever." I said it just loud enough that I could be heard by you over the many people inside the space and when I realized I had said it out loud I felt myself shrinking. "Oh um- a dirty vanilla chai with a double shot and whip? And maybe one of those berry muffins?" I pointed to where they sat in the display case, the tops of the cracked just slightly from where they had been put in the oven just long enough to melt the sugar on top. They looked so sweet and I realized I was starving.
@bonghitsforfeds
The sucker punch of your slip up had me twirling. My head was spinning so hard I am surprised my feet did not leave the ground as I spun away. It was a good thing the man whose name I should learn was listening. He nodded to you, “You got it ma’am, those muffins do look rather exquisite.” I was still staring down at your head like a lost cow wandering train tracks when it occurred to me he was waiting for my order. My mouth had been agape, and the flesh of my cheeks reddened in embarrassment. Finally I found some words, “Just whatever she is having is fine. Double it.” My hand was waving at him to shut up because he was ruining our moment.
With a loving palm on each of your shoulders I stared down at you until those dark eyes turned back to mine. At this point the driver had already stepped up to order, and we were sort of holding the line flow up by standing here. To hell with all these people though, “That was sweet of you to say Cami.” The desperate need to tack a tiny bit of hate on crept out, “You probably should not have told me that though, now I can hold it over your head.” A stranger standing behind you cleared her breath at our hold up, but honestly she can take a hike because even if she was standing here our order was still being taken, so she was just mad over lost ground.
17:00
.
Before any incident could arise from impatience I used the hand still on your shoulder to steer us out of line. Interesting how people treat you poorly based on how you look. The mocking voice was right, but it only made my neck heat with anger. With a quick sweeping gaze it appeared there were many options for seating. There was another smaller staircase that went up to a balcony area, and beside those stairs was a set of gorgeous doors that granted access to a bush walled garden. There were little white gazebos that had private tables, and from here I could see someone on a small stage with a stringed instrument. They looked like they were still setting up, but already I had shivers from the thought of some live sound. “Where do you want to sit? You can decide since I was an ass earlier.” That was probably the most of an apology as you were going to get out of me. The manipulative psycho pat at his own scaled hide for coming up with that one. I had to rebel against the madness, "Unless my love," I stopped to scruff at your hair, "would rather take it to go?"
@killahxkylie
I was so busy looking at the variety of pastries that I hadn't even really noticed it was taking you awhile to tell the driver your order and when you did I couldn't help but smile, something about ordering the same thing in a little cafe like this was sweet, it seemed very couple like of us and it made me smile softly to myself. When your palms landed on my shoulders and managed to heat me from head to toe I couldn't help but look up at you again. 'Now I can hold it over your head.' I didn't even care as long as I got to hear it. The woman behind me clearing her breath suddenly had me feeling super self conscious about the way I was dressed and my general state, I had healed a lot but I still had remnants of bruises and a face full of stitches. I swallowed hard but kept my eyes on you, I was too ashamed to say anything to her and I was grateful when you led us away from the line.
I followed your gaze to the multiple different seating areas and I noticed your eyes seem to linger just a little longer on the garden seating area, do you like music? Is that a thing that's possible for someone like you? My mind wandered momentarily to what kind of things you would enjoy and the idea of getting to maybe learn more about you excited me. "I see what you mean now about using it against me" I let out a soft laugh and chewed my lip for a few moments "I feel awkward being here dressed like this but you looked like you wanted to see the music" I nodded towards the garden. "If you want to stay we can, it's almost like a second date."
@bonghitsforfeds
How did we go from me pressing the life out of your lungs to you biting your lip and giggling at my manipulative quips? Something about both of us being near caffeine made the universe start panicking. My head snapped from its gaze in the garden back to your face when you mentioned the music. How did you put that together from my peering outside? I guess after everything we have shared I should not be surprised that you are so in tune with me, but some part of me still reels at the fact you actually care enough to pay attention. You couldn’t just shut up and let me process that though because then you had to call it a date, and now I am blushing in front of all these people while dressed like a vagrant.
17:59
.
I swallowed some nervous spit, “I have always enjoyed live music. I went to a lot of shows when I was younger.” At least something I said in here today was completely true. Since I had just been honest it was time to take a jab at your second statement, “It’s only appropriate for our twisted relationship that we have our first public date be in a coffee shop, considering we met in one.” With that loving interaction out of the way I wrapped our hands back up and walked us out to the patio. At first from where we had been standing I thought it was just a solo musician, but now that we got a little closer it was a trio of violins. One of them was rubbing oil onto a wand, and the other two were fumbling with sheet music. Around a small bend in the bushes was a tiny alcove with two tables pushed together from a previous party. This spot was somewhat secluded, and you would have to walk around the corner to see anything over here. “You mentioned feeling self conscious honey, so what about this one?” The metal table and chairs did not look too comfortable, but someone must have had this thought before because there were little cushions on them. Part of me felt like an ass for bringing your appearance up again, but I honestly felt the same way. “The privacy might be nice.”
The sun went behind a cloud and the lighting shifted to a hazy blue. This place really was gorgeous. Even in this little corner there were giant clay vases that sat on the floor. In every third pot or so was an odd looking stemmy red leafed plant that looked unsafe to touch. Each vase had a different design carved into it, but each image seemed to share the theme of food. It took me until now to realize the bush wall had little red bugs that would flutter out of it and buzz away on some unknown bug business. The mix of flowery colors reminded me of the salad we shared a few nights ago, and it only amplified the silly dizzy feeling this whole moment was beaming with.
@killahxkylie
*I smiled brightly at you when you told me that you always enjoyed live music, the idea of you going to a lot of shows when you were younger made me wonder if you used to go with family or if maybe you actually had friends that you did things with. Was it possible you actually had any normalcy to your life? I realized then that this whole time I imagined that all you did was hurt people and do terrible things but I didn't actually know much of anything about your life aside from what you did for a living and that you turned a woman into a vegetable. It also rubbed me wrong that I was willing to look past that fact as if it was something minor.
"We did meet in one didn't we." I don't know why that made me smile considered out relationship was the definition of fucked up but at the same time you made me feel things that nobody ever had before. I nodded and followed you when you mentioned sitting over away from the prying eyes of everyone else, even if I didn't look like one of the people everyone avoided in LA I would still want to sit away from the more crowded area. Plus we could still hear the violins from here and I was excited for that. After sitting on the cushion that made the metal chairs bearable I sighed a happy sigh for a change. "You know I used to play once upon a time" I smiled softly "It's been ages but I miss it a lot whenever I hear someone else playing."
I let myself really relax and enjoy our surroundings, I hadn't ever really explored much outside of the suburbs where I lived and the beach. There were clearly a lot of little places like this that I was missing out on and it made me feel a wistful kind of sadness, I should have been going out and doing more things here when I had the chance to. My thoughts were brutally interrupted when one of the little red bugs decided that it was the opprotune time to try and find something delicious on my face and I let out such a girly little shriek that I embarrassed myself. I fucking hate bugs.
<@221798
I chose to sit at the head of the table as this way we were diagonal with each other. You gave me just enough time to get lost in your porcelain face before you mentioned being a musician. With widened eyes and a slight lean to my head, “Violin?” The rise to my voice may have given away the level of surprise. It might be time to catalog your level of stupidity as something higher than braindead. A tornado storm of ideas rattled my mind. I wanted to offer to buy you lessons to catch you back up. Part of me selfishly wanted to explain how there is nothing more I would love then for you to play something for me. Goosebumps broke out and I was about to spill a hundred more thoughts at you when the bug assaulted our peace.
You stole an involuntary duck out of me. It’s like I was worried the reactionary screech would decapitate me on its way over the leafy wall. “Babe...” There was a judgmental smile on my face now, and I grabbed one of your wrists with my hand. “It’s a little ladybug thing.” The orange and red spotted creature could not have been larger than the back of a thumbtack, and it fluttered down to rest on the side of a glass maple syrup container. It scurried around in confused little circles. “Look, you broke its poor fucking brain with your seismic screeching.” As if on command it tried to fly away before crashing into the table and falling through one of the diamond shaped holes in its metal top. I shook my head in mock disappointment, like I had a seat to be judging the harm of innocents.
19:40
.
With the grip on your wrist I forced your hand to hold my other one before finally letting go to leave just our fingers laced together. I had to drag us back to music. “Were you any good?” It was a blunt question, but if you played in any serious capacity it was definitely one you had heard before. Music was competitive, strings were even more brutal, and violin was basically bloodsport. It didn't feel right to not have both my hands on you, so I brought the other one back over to trace little circles into your arm. In my peripheral vision I saw the chauffeur spinning around looking for us, but I needed to hear the answer to this question.
@killahxkylie
"Sorry- sorry I inhaled a bug once when I was a kid and ever since then I've been terrified of them I know it's stupid" I laughed a little out of my embarrassment and the way I could tell you were judging me for the way the little bug terrified me, especially given everything that had happened in the course of the last week. It was nice too, to be able to feel a little bit of normal human again. I couldn't help but pout when the thing ran in circles and then fell "Well.. there's plenty more of them. I didn't mean to be so loud." I rolled my lips a couple times again out of embarrassment.
I smiled when you took my hand though, I don't think I'd ever be over how warm and perfect they were. I wished I could always be holding your hand or having you touch me in one way or another. 'Were you any good?' The thought had me swallowing thick heavy memories of other people never thinking so. My mother and my teacher told me I played beautifully but whenever I tried to practice at home my father would berate me and tell me it was a waste, that I was terrible and should do something less noisy. I let out a sigh as my eyes laser focused on one of the flowers in the vines, memorizing the way the slight variations in one color could make something so strikingly beautiful. "I was. At least I think I was.. maybe.. I did a couple solos when I was in orchestra and I was trying to learn Paganini when-. I couldn't play anymore so I never got to finish."
I don't say that I couldn't play anymore because when I was practicing both the violin and bow were ripped from my hands. I don't say that I had a bruise on my chin from where the rest smacked against it in the process or how three of my fingers were broken so I couldn't press down on the strings right. Not that it would have mattered when it was smashed into useless splinters of wood against my bedroom wall. "My favorite thing to play was The Swan by Saint-Saëns, my mother liked that one a lot."
@bonghitsforfeds
The entire world shrank to just that little island of flowers and leaves. Your eyes locked onto something behind me, and the way your voice got tired betrayed the evil behind whatever story you skipped. There was a pressing need to grip your hand tighter and force you to tell me what you were hiding, but your soft look had me swallowing sad little lumps. I stopped tracing your arm and instead brought that hand down so I could wrap yours up in both of mine. I closed my eyes to stop focusing on that thing you were doing with your lips. Somewhere in distant memory was the haunting tune of the intense music you described. Now I was pissy because there was a story tickling at my tongue about the individual Paganini, but all I can recall right now is that he is Italian, and that is pretty fucking vague for Violin. I opened my eyes to speak, but kept them pointed up toward the top of the wall behind you, “You should be proud of that, those are not basic pieces in any regard.” Squeezing your hand with loving affirmation I planted the seeds of manipulation, “If you ever want to talk more about it honey, let me know.” There was more to this story, and I wanted to hear it.
20:24
.
The driver seemed to magically appear at the end of the table where he dipped his head before speaking briefly, “I will let the gentleman up front know that this is where you chose to sit.” With a wide motion of his arm toward the doors we came through, “I will wait in the car.” With a quick about face he quickly walked toward where he came from. I sat up a little straighter and directed my eyes back to you, “We should really learn his name.” It didn’t sound as funny after I said it, but hopefully it would work to distract you from whatever had made you so gloomy. On queue a spark of sound shot out over the wall from the springy start to whatever song was being launched to life. This arrangement started quick and loud, and now it made sense why they had chosen to sit so far away from where most people had been eating. “They are putting out a lot of sound for three people.” The universe called me out, because right after I said that the melody took on a more somber noise that was backed up with rumblings of long sad notes from one of the performers.
Another one of the little bugs fluttered down to land on top of my hand. Even though yours was safely in between mine you still jumped slightly, and had I not been holding you still you probably would have yanked your hand away. “There is a very low chance this one goes in your mouth my love.” It was doing some weird thing with its dainty rainbow colored wings. It almost looked like cleaning, except they were sort of just undulating around. “Okay I will admit they are kind of weird.”
@killahxkylie
'You should be proud of that.' Those words hit me in a way that I wasn't ready for in any capacity. I knew it wasn't you saying you were proud of me but it was close enough to feed a need in me that I had buried deep deep down after not receiving any kind of praise for such a long time. "My teacher told me I was a natural." I smiled softly nodding and looking down at our hands when you squeezed and told me to let you know if I ever wanted to talk about it. I didn't think I ever would, I had made the mistake of opening up to people about my life before and it never ended up being worth it.
My eyes flickered over to the driver when he said he would let the front know where we were sitting, aside from the fact that he was willing to ignore me being slaughtered in his back seat he seemed like a decent man. Because you're a good judge of character? "Thank you " I gave him a polite smile before you managed to pull a laugh out of me. I didn't care what the man's name was I would probably forget it whenever we stopped being driven around by him. When the music started to play I could feel myself relax even more, this wasn't so bad. "They're so good too.. this song is really pretty." I blushed when I jumped from the little bug. "I know but still.. I don't like the way their little legs feel either." I watched as you just let the bug sit there and do it's weird little wing dance on your hand. "I know they are! Anything with more than four legs is too much for me I can't help it."
20:41
.
I let out another small laugh and not very long later our drinks and muffins were brought out to us by two workers that looked way too calm for how busy the place was. Once my drink was in front of me and I could smell the sweet and spicy mix of the chai and vanilla I grinned. "This is one of my favorites, I don't always get it dirty but today felt like an espresso kind of day." I used my free hand to pick up the mug and take a sip, letting my eyes close and licking my lips of the whip with a satisfied hum when I was done. "That's one of the best dirty vanilla chais I think I've ever had to be honest, I wonder if this is a stand alone business or if there's others somewhere?"
Blushes, laughter, and fluttering eyelashes were clues that the tension had passed. Honestly, your ability to light like a string of firecrackers, but then cool my blood like an ice bath is why I have not cracked your shiny skull like an egg yet. I had you backed into that emotion corner we liked to pin each other in, but the stupid servers interrupted the cadence of my spell with their sudden appearance. The small frown I had grown when they scared our little friend away immediately fell off my face as the cups of spicy chai slid in front of us. I nodded at the one who sat our muffins down, and the only reason she got any attention is I liked the shape of her nose. You were too attentive for me to be stealing glances at women, but maybe I could get away with a nod? You made eye contact, this crazy bitch will notice trust me.
The amazing smell made me overzealous and the sip I took was much too large. It had me squinting my eyes from the heat, but God it was excellent. The Chai was so spicy it made the back of my nose tingle, and the espresso must have been paired to the tea because neither of their flavors overpowered the other. My stupid little dip into the cup had been so deep that I could feel a dot of cream on my nose. I wanted to reach up and get it, but for some reason your chattering about the business distracted me enough I forgot about it. The way you talked about it made me aware that you were probably referring to the act of buying old houses and turning them into cafes, but I was going to tease you anyway. “You think they just plop down old houses to sell coffee Babe? Did you see how thick the bottoms of those windows were? This place is ancient.”
21:03
.
While you turned your face up at that little poke I took the time to break off a piece of the muffin. I knew it was going to be good because before it even hit my tongue the edge of my mouth was watering from the sweet inhale of sugary aromatic goodness that floated off it. Each bite was a little pop of buttery nutty yum, and I had not even realized there were cherries and blueberries until one exploded into hot flavor, “Jesus Cami,” I had to pause to swallow properly, “You can just choose everything I eat from now on.” Even back in the hospital you had chosen the next few meals we had shared. Up until this point I had been letting you pick out of laziness, but now there was realization you may have a genuine taste for it. For some reason I felt bad for giving you trouble over the business comment, and chose to try and wrap back to it, “Honestly though it is a good question. Maybe we can do something like this someday?” There was no way to be sure if you knew I was referencing back to the conversion we had about pulling out of the family’s crime, but at the very least it would be fun to fantasize about for a minute. You should propose to her in a place like this. Now I was blushing, and this little shaded alcove felt much too hot.
@killahxkylie
I had to hold back a giggle when you took too big of a sip and your face scrunched up from the piping hot liquid, It was an astonishingly human response and I was surprised that you were capable of having it when I saw it. It warmed my heart a little though, every time a little bit of human slipped through that barbed wire exterior you had I wondered what it was you were hiding yourself from and why. Do you actually enjoy being a monster half the time or is it hard for you?
"It could be a chain that bought an old house babe. You never know.." I couldn't help but giggle this time though when I looked over at you and you had a dot of whip on your nose. I reached over to swipe it off and without thinking I sucked it right off my finger. I wanted to make fun of you for a second about public appearances but I decided against it, I didn't want to make a failed joke and have you be upset with me again when we had just settled from before. 'You can just choose everything I eat from now on' So you don't hate everything I decide to do. That made me so happy as I tore off a piece of my own muffin to pop into my mouth. It was so good and the berries were so tart and fresh in comparison to the sweet sugar on top that I couldn't help but do a happy little food dance in my seat.
09:27
.
"What you mean like.. own a cafe?" I tilted my head in that same lost puppy way you had a habit of making me do and popped another piece of muffin into my mouth, chewing it as my brain chewed on that idea of having a cute little life with a cute little café in Italy somewhere. The idea make my stomach flutter with butterflies and I looked away from you as my cheeks pinked with a blush. "I think that would be sort of magical honestly.. I could even make some of the baked goods for it. It kind of sounds like a dream." I finally reached to take another sip of the chai and let out a contented sigh. This was so peaceful it was almost like something out of a movie, aside from the drabby attire we were currently wearing of course. "Did you ever have any dreams of what you wanted to do when you got older when you were young? Like.. before everything I mean?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Your cold fingers wiped my mind empty when they brushed the dollop of cream away. With a tiny pop you sucked the sweetness off your thumb and the casualty of the motion had waves of soft heat rolling in my chest. Sprinkling that pitchy giggle on top only solidified that I was going to tear that tight shirt off at some point today. The sexual brutality of that thought thickened the flow of lust pouring into my soul, and I took the time to swallow another sweet pooling of the spicey liquid. The heat from the Chai and the caffeine from the espresso burned the iron webs from my mind. The trio of violins were ramping back up into a faster segment of the piece that matched the rushing sound they had been making at the beginning.
My head followed that tilt, and the way your eyes lit up at the prospect of being a café owner had a smile slashing out over my face. I was staring at how those pursed lips worked while you chewed, and the lump of food causing your throat to stretch as it slid down your neck stole a line of perverse sweat down my back. Thankfully the giant muffin worked to distract me, and my shaky fingers pried some crumbly looking bits off while you continued. Your frizzy ponytail bouncing around behind rows of glass display cases full of sweet treats hazily floated behind my eyes. Out an open window a sailboat rocks up and down like toys in a tub while it slowly glides across a harbor. One of the little fluttering friends landed on the rim of my glass, and it yanked my attention back to our conversation. It was kind of rude though, because you immediately pushed me back into my head by asking about dreams.
10:57
.
My chin was resting against the bottom lip of the car door as we rumbled down the dirt road, and my eyes were stuck on the dinner plate that was rising over distant mountain tops. We had been driving down this stupid road for an hour. Occasionally a spark of bravery would light in my gut, and I would almost find the courage to ask how much longer. However the oppressive smoke of Father’s cigar from his spot in the front passenger seat would remind me of my place. Mother’s hand gripped my knee reassuringly, “I know you are tired Ivon, we are almost there.” I’m not sure what made me more upset, the fact I was not tired, or the fact she had already said something similar to me twice. The convoy of cars took a right turn, and now we were pulling into an artificial alcove of trees that surrounded a fenced in horse stall. Parked in a semi circle were various vehicles with all their lights pointed at a man who was tied with rope to a blood spattered office chair. Mom’s hands were on my face now, and she drug my gaze back up to her eyes. It was too dark to make out her features, but her calming voice splashed like cool water, “Don’t look.” Both the driver and passenger doors opened to my left, and as both the men stepped out Father turned back with hate in his voice, “Make sure that little pussy watches, he will be out here instead of me someday.” He slammed the door after that, and the loud sound made me jump. A few tears rolled free, and Mother worked to wipe them out of my eyes. “You don’t have to be like him, Ivon.”
10:57
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You had reached for me, and at some point my breath had tightened up into tiny gasps. My eyes locked into yours, “I always wanted to do something else.” I barely managed to swallow the sadness, and now I was slurping hot tea out of the cup to try and wash it down. Patting at the hand you had on my arm, “A cafe somewhere far away would be beautiful, little Mouse.” Now a few tears snaked out, and I slammed my fist into the table top with a furious crash, “Goddammit!” Nothing spilled, but both of the drinks did slosh around with concerning tilt. Pushing back from the table with a tiny skid my feet carried me over into the corner where I stood arms crossed and foot tapping. With one palm desperately trying to wipe my face clear of tears, “I’m sorry, I swear I-” You what loser? Had I been wearing shoes this clay pot that was in front of me would have a hole kicked into the side of it. Spinning back to you with puffy eyes, “You just pull this fucking ocean of feeling out of me Cami.” The tone was accusatory, but I had not meant it to come out so hateful. Embarrassment shot tiny holes out of my chest because the somber notes of the trio were stealing more water out of my eyes. “I fucking hate crying.” As if you didn’t already know that. Now guilt collided into the tantrum fist fight with a machine gun of painful emotion. The crazy trembling started, and now fury was leaking to overpower everything else. “Help me.”
@killahxkylie
Watching. I did so much watching when it came to you, I had learned over the past week how to tell when you were lost somewhere else in your mind, it was obvious in your eyes. At least it was to me. I couldn't help but be curious as to where you went this time, how old you were, what was happening, what you wanted to be happening. I wasn't going to pry that far and ask for the fear of upsetting you like I tended to do but it was all running through my own mind as I watched you and took another sip of my drink between nibbles of muffin. 'I always wanted to do something else.' That simple sentence worked to steal the air from my lungs. How did you manage to end up like this? I had a sinking feeling that your father who you mentioned more than once had a strong influence on it and it made my heart ache. Weren't our parents the ones who were supposed to want us to be happy and safe and not committed to a life of crime and hurt? "It would be beautiful I agree." I managed to smile softly but not too bright because it seemed almost like that would be insulting to whatever it was you were feeling.
When your fist slammed down onto the table I jumped in my chair and almost fell backwards. Watching I waited in my seat to see what was going to happen when you got up and went over to the corner. Why can't you just not ask questions you stupid bitch? I saw the tears start to run down your face even as you seemed desperate to try to rub them away. 'I'm sorry, I swear I-' Why were you apologizing? I met your puffy eyes with mine and they went wide when you told me I pull an ocean of feeling out of you. "I know.." I said softly when you said that you hate crying, that much had been obvious to me the first time tears slipped down your cheeks I front of me. I kept watching and waiting not wanting to press you and make things any worse but I could see you starting to shake and the tears start to come down faster.
12:11
.
'Help me.' I felt frozen in place hearing those two words couples together and coming off your lips. You really wanted me to help you? I had no idea what kind of feelings you must be experiencing if you were willing to open your mouth and ask me to help. It took me a few moments but I got to my feet and rushed over to you, I didn't even know how to handle this but I wanted to help you if I could. "I'm right here Ivon I've got you I'm here. What can I do?" I reached up to cup your face and guide your eyes back towards mine before I tipped up to kiss you. "How can I help you?"
You scared her, it was all swirling into a mucky hatred. Adrenaline dumped a powerful pulse of panic, and I was just about to sprint back to the car and abandon all of this when you stood up. As you floated over to me and brought your ghostly hand to my eyes I was expecting pain, but was thankful when it was just a reassuring touch. Psychopathic fists pounded outward from the center of my skull, and any moment I was sure it was going to pop with a spray of hot gore. With magic lips you sucked some of the hatred out via a hasty kiss, and one of my hands desperately gripped into your shoulder. Maybe if I hold onto you I won't fly apart?
13:13
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“I. I-” Memorized hate demanded I push your head into the soft soil of these planters until your fingers stopped wriggling. The press of your lips had cooled me just enough to feel more guilt roasting. My teeth were pressed together with such great force that my vision shuddered, and a rolling roar was fighting to steal my hearing. It was the caring honesty in your face that barely kept me grounded. “Just keep touching me.” The hand on your shoulder wrapped your rear neck and I pulled you forcefully up to my mouth. My other arm gripped your lower back to help lift you, and my hot tears glistened your skin as I worked my tongue into your lips. Our heads bobbed around from the fervor of the pressure I worked into your face. With a smack we pulled apart, and now your shirt crept up your spine from the fist full of it I had gripped to keep you close. The violins spun up, and my mind was lost in the fantasy from earlier, “Maybe the café could have a little house above it? We can cook meals together and you can play me Violin?” In a sad whinnying finale the song came to a sudden stop, and the only sound was the soft applause of a few tables. I let go of your neck to push a strand of hair behind your ear. That stupid trembling was still in my hands, and my heart beat with fury to pull you into my chest. Sink you down into me, and assure you never get away. Next came the stickiest, nastiest, and most honest thing to ever leave my mouth. My voice was barely a whisper, and had the song still been playing you would not have heard it, “There is this angry man inside of me. I don’t think it’s who I really am.”
13:14
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This was a secret phrase of my own unknown invention that worked to light an inferno of loathing akin to the one I felt when you turned my proposal down. I barely managed to not shove you, and the only reason I didn’t is because I could still feel the tingle of your saliva on my tongue. I’ve been violent for years now, but there was a time I remember enjoying pretty things. *You are a pathetic creature. Sad, angry, weak, and lonely. You let me win over your mind all the time.” A piece of cheek accidentally rolled into my grinding molars, and I yelped while sucking at the side of my finger. A painting of blood in the shape of my front teeth shined on my skin after pulling it away. For some reason the self-inflicted pain helped to sooth the hate, and subconsciously a note of that interaction was made.
@killahxkylie
He's going to hurt you. That's all the voice inside my head was screaming at me when I kissed you and I was fully ready for you to rip my face open wide again in retaliation for doing exactly what you asked me to do. 'Just keep touching me.' Shock was an understatement, it felt like the entire world melted away around us aside from this little corner of shady sunshine. The violin faded into a soft soundtrack to the forceful kiss you brought me up into but this felt different. It didn't feel like you were trying to fill me with all the hate and anger in your heart it felt like you were trying to run from it. When you rome your lips away from mine I kept myself close to you, your hand was still at my back and I could feel the warmth of the hazy sunshine leaking through some of the clouds on my skin. I knew you were suffering in your mind and still this felt like a magical moment somehow, scratchy socks and all. "It sounds perfect my love." I felt my cheeks pink up all over again when the words slipped off my lips on their own accord.
The ending of the song the violinists were playing pulled me back to reality at the same time you tucked the hair behind my ear and I couldn't help but lean into it, reaching up to hold your trembling hand against my cheek. 'There is this angry man inside of me. I don't think it's really who I am.' I couldn't believe that the words had really left your mouth, that you had offered them up without me having to drag them out of you. Does that mean the soft pieces of you that I see every so often are the real you? How do I manage to murder the angry man inside of you without hurting the one that I can feel myself falling for. Would you let me? Would you help me? Or would you fight me tooth and nail to keep him alive and well living inside your body like an empty husk? I had a feeling I was going to find out because I couldn't imagine making my feet move in any direction that wasn't leading me back to you anymore.
13:32
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I watched you pull your finger away from your mouth after a yelp that made me jump again and saw it painted in your blood. "Baby-" I pouted and reached to thumb over your cheek this time. "Don't do that. Don't hurt yourself." I have no idea what possessed me to do it but I took your bloody finger and put it sideways in my mouth to suck the blood off before I kissed your lips again. "That's my job remember?" I smiled softly with the tease trying to distract your mind for even a moment as I kissed your jaw over one of the bruises I left there before.
@bonghitsforfeds
Freezing marble fingers had their poltergeist grip rooted through the ventricles of my heart, and you closed them tight with the release of that pet name off your lips. I swear they physically floated through the filtering sunny air and then each letter sunk its little sharp teeth into my face. I’d let them drain me dead, but you already did that by cleaning my finger of blood. Your silky tongue only slid across my skin for a moment and it stunned me with another sorceresses wave of ice. Your joke at least worked to snuff the flaming hate.
My eyes rolled back enough I saw red when you started to waltz your lips across the fading bruises. At some point my hands had worked their way down, and I only noticed because the hot sun kissed skin of your lower back surprised me. I gripped into the valley of your spine, and as your mouth left my face it cleansed more of the boiling sea behind my mask. Our eyes connected and I rubbed back and forth over that lump of your vertebrae while softly saying, “You are good at your job. You keep me anchored.” Our hot breath smelled like coffee, sweets, and spiced Chai. It stirred with flowers, thick leaves, grass, and sunshine into something I will never forget. If I took a bullet right now and choked to death on my blood while staring up at this hot gazebo roof it would be a death I’d die with a smile.
14:44
.
Even with the anger gone the panic still lurked with hunting precision. When I would work to relax or ground myself it would strike out with a flying sharp paw that would rend my attempts at centering open with a hissing spill of sanity. Now my arms were back on that exposed part of your back and I used that spot to pull you into a tight hug. Every cell in my body worked to memorize how your soul was touching mine, “I need you Cami.” Pathetic. It could have been, but I was starting to not care anymore. We needed to find every semi peaceful alcove on the planet and embrace like this until finally one of them worked to melt us together. The safety of the space was suffocating. If we ran into nasty loving wax and soaked into this grassy floor together, what color would we leave behind on the blades of green? Would it be a nasty cursed sludge? If we spend enough time like this together and then repeat the experiment could we work to create a color that is beautiful? A fiery need waterfalled into my chest with screaming desire to feel you. My hands were shaking again, but for a different reason. I was hoping you did something soon before my life drained down those dark eyes.
@killahxkylie
'You are good at your job. You keep me anchored.' I wish that I could have put into words how happy it made me to hear that, how warm it made me feel from the inside out, but all I could focus on was the way your hand kept running back and forth over my spine. Every slide of your skin against mine had my need for you increasing ten fold. Tell him you love him. My own thoughts had me tearing my eyes away from yours, if I kept them there I think that I would actually give in and say it even though it was impossible that I felt something to strong already.
Say it say it say it say it say it.'I need you Cami.' It felt like lightning had struck out of nowhere and shot straight through the crown of my head in a flash to get to the ground through my feet, scorching every inch of my insides on its way through. I was grateful for the way you had pulled me into a hug before you said it or I may have ran away to hide just because of how overwhelmed I felt. How could someone as powerful and dangerous as you need someone like me? It was probably less than appropriate but I let my hands slip up the back of your shirt to hold you back just as tight, letting my fingers run back and forth a little.
15:22
.
There were so many feelings between us right now that it felt like the air had grown thick in a way I couldn't blame on the humidity. The tension was growing the longer you held me like this and now I never wanted to leave this alcove just like I had never wanted to leave the hospital room. It felt like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest and I forced my brain to connect to my feet to shuffle us over to the far corner where nobody could see us before I pulled you close again and leaned up to press my lips to yours in something soft but hot and full of all the things I couldn't bring myself to say yet. I kissed you like this, tasting the spice of chai on your tongue until my lungs were screaming for air and I pulled away just long enough to hush out an "I need you too" against your kiss swollen lips.
You were a magic pixie rock that if I pulled hard enough would crush into a malleable powder that could be mashed into my chest. If this scratchy sweet sand scrubs in through my skin it will cure me of the evil. What if it doesn’t? There was no time to answer because you were using that mind control to push me over into the corner. My foot caught one of the pots, and we almost tipped the tall plant over. Wind breezed through the holy space, and the flowers seemed to shake their heads in disappointment. The kiss started slow, but worked in pace as we both played that game of air chicken. That fresh wound in the flesh of my inner cheek leaked a copper sting into the mix of sweet from our drinks.
A few seconds before you ended the passionate sucking of lips my eyes had fluttered open in mild oxygen panic. There was a slurpy Smack. Now you were staring up at me, and my insides were so sloshed with love’s acid that my soul started leaking out my pores. ‘I need you.’ You may as well have said the words, because it had a similar effect. I swallowed that thick slime that you turned my spit into, “Show me.” Now our lips were pressed back together, and I pulled our bodies back into one. I crept my hand into the rear seam of your pants just enough to feel the top of your tailbone. The confidence of your actions had me pressing my waist against yours, and now my growing desire for you was evident.
15:52
.
My other hand left that road in your back to wind into the roots of your hair. It was soft and smooth from the hospital showers, and I made my hand into just enough of a fist to pull at the skin of your scalp. Using this purchase I turned your head enough I could kiss up the side of your face to your ear. With a steamy whisper, “I’m going to melt.” I stumbled backward, and the pokey sticks of the bush caught our fall. We sank several inches into the leafy wall, and there was a rustling hiss as it adjusted to make way for our intrusion. It was sturdy enough that we didn’t fall through, but the leaning angle into the bed of wood was painful. Something sharp poked into my back, and I felt a stab of anger at the fact this shirt was already torn. A mix of red and orange petals fell onto my neck, and the natural brush of them stole a shiver. The pause from the surprise fall was almost enough to ruin the spell, but I was not going to let this happen. Luckily my hand was still tangled into your mane, and with this control I pressed our lips back together in another passionate sharing of spit and blood before you could get off me.
@killahxkylie
'Show me.' God if I could just crawl inside your skin and live there forever right now I would. The way you pulled my body back against yours had my body temperature skyrocketing and I could feel myself growing desperate for you, there were things I wanted to show you that I definitely didn't think I could in this little alcove of hidden paradise that we had found. "Fuck I need you so bad" I breathed out against your lips, it came out mumbled because I refused to completely let my lips leave yours. When your hand made its way up to easily tangle into the roots of my hair to use it to turn my head I couldn't help the ghost of a moan that left my lips. The way you used my hair to maneuver me reminded me so much of that first night but this was completely different, this was something devoid of violence and full of pleasure and it was making me feel crazy.
'I'm going to melt' If only you could tell what a puddle you had already turned me into both literally and metaphorically. I let out a small yelp when we went tumbling over into the wall of bushes and I could have sworn that that would have been the end of the moment we were sharing together. I burned the image of the flower petals dancing across your skin into my mind, surrounded by the orange and red silk of nature you looked almost like an angel, I knew better though. I was surprised but not at all disappointed when I felt you pull me into another kiss without even getting us back to our feet first, I knew that the bushes couldn't be comfortable on your back as the leaves and branches tickled and poked the skin of my arms but I couldn't bring myself to care, we had shared far more pain than this before.
16:42
.
"Ivon I fucking need you right now" I pleaded against your lips before I moved to kiss along your jaw my lips just barely ghosting against your skin before they would move to another spot, I wanted to rip your clothes off right here and fuck you where everyone could hear your skin meeting mine over and over again, wanted to drop to my knees for you and slide your cock all the way into the back of my throat, wanted to sit on your face until your were begging me for air, you made me feel insatiable and I couldn't take it anymore. "We have to stop because I don't want to stop, I want to show you but I can't.. not here" All the while I kept kissing you between words, our lips sliding against each other easily from the mix of spit and blood we were sharing.
@bonghitsforfeds
The admission you shared while planting succubus kisses into my jawline squeezed this airy little moan out of my lungs. The fingers I had in your pants wrapped up into the seam and yanked to pull them taught backwards between your thighs. Pressure between us increased as you bucked your hips just slightly from the unexpected rub of fabric. Everything began to swim in a rolling sea of sexy color, and I thought you were going to let me fuck you in this snug heaven. Let the universe know I would have done it.
‘We have to stop,’ the way you worded that forced an angry growl into your lips. I pulled your head backward and trails of red saliva snaked between us. “You would turn me down little Mouse?” My face twisted into a forced pout, and I even managed to flutter my eyelashes like you always do. The look only stuck to me for seconds before the poker face melted into an honest smile. The evil mind-lizard demanded that I force you to comply, but the sweet air of the moment just made your sudden fear of exposure endearing. I pressed a kiss into your forehead that left a near invisible red outline of my mouth. A good man would tell you it was there, but I hoped you didn’t notice. I rocked my hips up into yours just to torture you with what this forced ending was going to have us missing out on. Being blanketed by your body filled with this desperate monstrous need to fill you had my lower lip quivering in emotional overload. “Do you have anywhere else in mind Baby?”
17:30
.
My lips crashed back into yours before you could answer, and I pulled those sweatpants so tight up through you that my forearm shook with the effort. You probably only came up onto your tippy toes to avoid the pain, but I like to imagine your feet completely left the ground. I forced you to stay in that kiss until there was saliva running from the corner of my lips in a failed attempt to contain our sloppy love. With a soft bite to that fat upper lip I let both my hands fall away. My head tilted to the side, “Are you going to get up? You asked me to stop.” With a sly smile, “I know I kept going a little bit, but what can I say doll, I can’t help it.” The sharp wind that had begun to grow since we arrived managed to slice through the leafy cave surrounding us, and it froze my face from where you had been sucking on it.
@killahxkylie
"Ivon-" I choked out when you tanked my paints up so the seam was teasing me, all of this was like sweet torture and I didn't think I would actuallly be able to tell you no. All I managed when you asked if I would deny you was a tiny shake of my head, I couldn't believe you were being such a bastard and fluttering your lashes at me like that. Another soft moan slipped from my lips when you rocked your hips up into mine enough to let me know what I was missing. I don't think sex with anyone had ever made me this stupid.'Do you have somewhere else in mind baby?' I didn't I couldn't think straight right now if I tried. The bathroom flashed into my mind and I should have been disgusted with myself, this place was nice so it was probably clean but still, a public bathroom? The back of the car also flashed through my mind but we had already put the poor cab driver through so much and he had probably just finally got his seats to dry all the way from needing to clean them. Not that any of this mattered because you crashed your lips back into mine before I could get a single syllable out of my mouth. The way you were yanking so hard on my pants was borderline painful but I was also trying to fight the urge to squirm against the seam just to take the edge off, I really wanted to grab your hand and shove it down my pants instead of having you just toying with my via my pants. How many new ways that I'd never experienced would you have to torture me with?
.
17:45
When you pulled away I couldn't help but whine from the loss of your lips on mine and I looked at you through pouty eyes and gave you back those same fluttery lashes. "I don't wanna stop" I dipped back down to pull your bottom lip between my teeth, tugging at it a little before I let go and kissed my way along your jaw to your ear. "I want to feel you inside me so fucking bad right now that it hurts Ivon I wish I could tell you how crazy you make me but I'm sure you'd be able to feel it right now if you wanted to." I nipped at your earlobe and let my hand come between us to palm at you through your pants "I'm so addicted to you baby I'd let you do anything to me right now." I knew how dangerous and stupid those words were to say to someone like you and yet I couldn't plug the fucking dam that was my mouth to keep them from flowing out. You could stab me through the eye with one of the branches from this bush right now and I'd probably thank you for it. Sick. Bitch.@bonghitsforfeds
Apocalyptic levels of confusion sundered my mind when you did not stand up. You asked me to stop? The phrase sloshed around my skull in cyclic cycles as you dove in to assault my face more. We were going to have a talk about this kissing my jaw thing, because it turned me into a mindless ghoul. Then you said there is a painful need to feel me inside of you, and I actually scoffed at how unbelievable this was starting to feel. Your hot humid breath as you licked sweet nothings into my head widened both my eyes to the point it hurt the muscles in my face. “You-” There was almost enough time to protest this abhorrent flip in the dynamic, but then you went full crazy and started toying with my erection. I was pleading with the universe for you to put your hand down my pants and milk the cum out of me, but you had to keep running that mouth instead.
The mistake was telling me that I can do anything. It's convenient I was attuned to manhandling you when this horny fog gums up that gear. With pathetic ease I used an asymmetric grip of your torso and neck to force you backwards out of the bush and onto the ground. The branch in my back snagged at the shirt and audibly tore a section out of it with a shredding rip, but the only reason this did not upset me was because I was now relieved from the painful poking of the plant wall. The way the potted flowers obscured our position made it hard to see us unless you walked right up on the table. The odd spindly colorful petals loomed over us judging how we ravaged their secluded sanctuary. If we actually started doing anything it would be very obvious, but just pinning you to the grassy floor like this was relatively stealthy.
18:45
.
Now that you were on your back I laid flat atop you to try and stay hidden from everyone here. My knees were on either side of you, and this let me relieve some of the pressure off your battered body. Even though I had been the first one to bite at your lips I took the time to sink two little gashes into your lower one matching where mine stung now. In the spirit of the game we had been playing my eyelashes fluttered with mock exaggeration, “Camilla Roberts,” My tongue clicked, “You told me to stop, have you lost your mind?” Our faces were inches apart, and now it was my turn to torture you with fairy kisses across your jaw. I felt some snarky comeback about to spill your face so I took the time to snake my fingers in between us and down your pants. The absolute pathetic state of a sopping mess you were in stoked my ego into an inferno. Using my pointer finger I painted feather light circular motions into your hot clit. We really should stop this, but I had to tip the scales before we did.
18:45
.
“Do you remember back in the cab before the hospital?” The question wasn't done yet, but I took some time to reverse the circles and add a little bit more pressure. “How all I had to do was look down at you and it reduced you to fucking tears?” I shut up for a second to pepper more lapping kisses into your cheekbone before continuing, “You started it you freaky little bitch. I asked you to help me and you drug us over into that corner.” It still didn’t feel like enough, and I sunk my pinkie and ring finger into your quivering pussy. That little crease formed in your brows and with a humming growl I kissed it before you could hide it. “Do you still want me to stop?” My head pulled back just enough you could see the pout, “If you make me stop you have to promise to save this sad little mess you have made so I can drink it out of you later. Now my own words had the tip of my cock swelling with lust, and if one of us did not stop the tilt we were going to enter that special spinning slip between dimension.
@killahxkylie
"Ivon!" I squeaked when you grabbed me and so easily maneuvered us back onto the ground, I couldn't help the lovesick smile painted on my face when you hovered above me and it was only interrupted by you pulling my bottom lip between your teeth in a way that had my own eyes fluttering. 'Have you lost your mind?' I did just tell you to stop but not because I wanted to, because I couldn't stop thinking about the damage I was already doing to your reputation by just existing in your space, all it would take us one person stumbling upon us and taking a picture. Those delicate kisses along my jaw had me fighting to keep air in my lungs "I think I have and it's all your fault baby." My words pitched up at the end when you slipped your hand down my pants and started circling my clit so gently as if you thought I would break.
It took everything in me to be able to nod in response to your question as you kept toying with me, your words in combination with the way you were touching me had my back arching up off the ground. "You told me to show you-" I gasped out when you buried your fingers inside me, my hands digging into the flesh of your back as you kissed my forehead. "No- god no I don't ever want you to stop" I couldn't stop myself from squirming trying to get your fingers to move faster the idea of you drinking down my arousal like honey almost made me promise I would save it for you but the idea of you not touching me right now made me want to scream. "What if someone sees us?" I let tried to stifle a moan by biting down on my own lip this time "I don't want to get you into more trouble but fuck I want you I want you so bad I've never wanted anyone the way I constantly crave you."
@bonghitsforfeds
That crunchy exterior you wore melted beneath my hands, and we had just barely gotten started. Perverse spit filled my mouth with the way you had to physically restrain from moaning in pleasure. I sucked at my own lip involuntarily watching you do it to yourself, and when you told me to not stop my fingers pressed into your clit just hard enough to roll it beneath its hood. While repeating this back and forth motion of letting it wave beneath my finger I used my free hand to push loose strands of messy hair out of your face. Every inch of skin on that marble mask needs to be visible so I can kiss parts of it I may have missed. It was difficult to work the back and forth motion of my lower hand and the teasing spinning of my pointer finger at this angle, but if I pulled my face away to do a better job that meant I would have to stop huffing your breath like a can of laughing gas.
19:35
.
My entire brain kicked into overdrive in an attempt to locate a spot for us to fuck each other dead. The car seemed boring, and the driver might just kill us both if we ruin his seats again. We could do it right here, but you were right, someone could see us. In order to buy myself some more time to think I dove my tongue back between your lips. Even after all of the blood and spit we have shared there was still this misty hint of the chai on your breath. My cock throbbed again and I almost took my hand off your head to start touching myself, but then it hit me. “What about that staircase on the way in?” I nodded my head sideways toward the potted plants that concealed the massive house, “There has to be some room upstairs we can borrow to stuff my cock where it belongs hmm?” We had done this enough times I recognized that flush look in your cheeks, so I slowly peeled my hand out of your pants so you could think clearer. The daggers you shot me meant I probably shouldn't have done that, but if a waitress walks up on us right now we are doomed. What you are doing is illegal. Fuck the law, what we are doing could get back to my Father, and that is the real fear. I wiped the slime from my fingers into your cheek and then switched to licking it from your face while waiting for you to say something. The intimate feeling of precum leaking down through my shaft had a tiny tremble shaking my knees, and I sat up just enough to stuff your hand into my pants. It was animalistic, but I just drug your hand around over the swelling head of me so you could feel it leaking out. There had not been time for you to answer my question yet but you had me in that primal spinning place and I had to keep pushing. "Do you feel that Baby? I only do this for you. It runs out of me for you." Just your cold hand haphazardly bumping against me stole tiny lurches out of my hips.
@killahxkylie
"Oh god" I couldn't do this, there was no way I was going to be able to stay quiet enough to not attract attention out here if you kept this up, the way your thumb kept rolling over my clit was too much. I'd never done anything like this, there were so many people around that could catch us at any moment and for some reason that only turned me on even more, even if it could implode your life and therefore probably end mine. When your tongue dove back between my lips to dance with mine I let you taste the moans that you were pulling out of me in a string. 'What about...' I didn't even need to hear the rest of your sentence to be nodding, you could have suggested a dumpster and I would have agreed eagerly if it meant I got to feel the perfect stretch of your cock again.
I let out such a pathetic whine when you pulled your fingers from me, everything was happening so fast I felt like I was spinning, you made me so dizzy in the best way possible. And the worst. I still hadn't even managed to spit words out before you were wiping my own slick on my cheek and licking it off. You were such a pervert and you did things nobody else would ever dream of doing to me, it made me ache for you even more. My hand being shoved into the front of your pants so I could feel just how badly you needed me too made me gasp, you were so hard and hot I couldn't actually believe I had this effect on anyone even though I was literally feeling it right now. "I feel it." I gripped around you the best I could to stroke you a couple times before I lifted my head from the ground to catch your lips in a kiss. "Take me to the fucking staircase right now please I'm begging you."
.
19:49
Just like that you were helping me off of the ground and somehow I had the mental capacity to straight myself out before you took my hand and practically dragged me back to the front of the cafe. I wonder if anyone could tell from my kiss swollen lips and flushed face that we had been up to no good over in our little alcove, I didn't care if they could, I'd probably let them watch your cock disappear inside me as long as I got to have it. When we reached the little sigh that said employees only I felt nerves flood my body. What if we get caught? I nervously bit my lip before we stepped up onto the stairs to make our way up them while it seemed like nobody was coming in or going out for a moment.
@bonghitsforfeds
Heart thundering excitement had me climbing to my feet so fast that my head spun. There were icy remnants of where you had wrapped your cold hand around me, and already the loss of pressure from your fingers had a yearning ache stabbing into my abdomen. You were only half off the ground by now, and so I grabbed your wrist and yanked you back up into a standing position. Before I drug you out toward the house my eyes passed in a sad gaze over our half finished breakfast. Oh well, a small price to pay.
Who knows what people thought we were off to do. With how bruised we both were it’s likely it looked like I was about to drag you somewhere to beat your porcelain body into little shards. We barreled past a waiter who barely managed to dodge us with a spin. The drinks he carried sloshed with angry jostles, and tiny bits of whip spilled over the edge of a few steaming cups. I think he said something as we flew up the steps into the house, but my mind was already playing images of me pounding into you and so there was no attempt made to catalog his useless drivel. Honestly, had you not agreed to going upstairs we would be back to drinking Chai with flushed faces, but now it was a prime directive to get you up this flight and turn your brain off with that place we go.
07:19
.
Hovering near the landing for a moment the cashier leaned down to grab something, and we took this as a sign to just wing it. Once we wrapped the far side and no one had shouted at us yet it seemed like we were in the clear. At the top it was obvious this floor was not kept up as well. Dust covered an old still grandfather clock, and a pile of bags and jackets were stacked on a loveseat in the corner. This must be where everyone dumps their stuff before getting to work. A voice sprung to life from a room to our right so we just shot straight up the hallway in front of us. Passing several doors on either side I randomly selected one and cranked on the knob. Locked. Now I continued to drag you down the hallway trying doorknobs until one clicked open with a creaking groan. Turning around just long enough to slam the door shut behind us my hand worked to lock the door.
07:19
.
We had stepped into an old hobbyist room. Pencils, pens, brushes, and old thick parchment scattered a long table that had no space left to set anything else down. The walls were cabinets, shelves, and hutches full of various little statues of angels. It smelled like clay, and light snuck in through gaps in massive floor to ceiling curtains. I reached to grab at your body, but then my ankle hooked a stack of books and I stumbled into a pile of old reading material. Piles of poorly stacked shapes scattered in spilling plies of antiques as I crashed to the floor. Frozen with wide eyes I stared up at your blushing face hoping no one heard my poor attempts at breaking and entering. Swinging my arms and legs open I motioned with my fingers for you to join me in the embrace on the floor. “Come here Camila, let's finish what we started.” Your heaving chest panting with effort to keep air moving through your flushed body was such a beautiful sight that it had that orb of heat growing behind my stomach. I loved laying backward on the floor with you standing over me, but good luck getting me to ever admit it to you or myself.
@killahxkylie
I don't think my heart had ever raced so fast in a positive manner than it was when we were rushing down that hall trying to find an open door, at first I wasn't sure we were going to find one and we would just have to awkwardly go back down the stairs left frustrated and yearning for more but then click the door pushed open and you dragged me inside. I couldn't help but let out a giggle at how hard you slammed the door because weren't we supposed to be being quiet or something? Not that that would last long at all once we had our hands on each other.
I barely even cared enough to look around the room to take in our surroundings, I really didn't care where we were or what was in here as long as we were alone and I got to touch you. I jumped when you backed into the stack of books and papers and sent them flying, thudding to the ground in a way I hoped wasn't loud enough to send anyone up to check on what happened. Not that they would be able to get the door open, I hoped anyway. 'Come here Camila-' that's all I needed to hear to have me moving, it was as if my body did it all on its own when you were the one calling to me.
Once I was straddling you right there on the dusty old floor I rolled my lips once and then dipped down to kiss you, it was slow at first but quickly grew hotter and hotter as that fire inside me from when we were in the alcove reignited ten fold. "I don't know if I'm gonna be able to stay quiet." I panted out against your lips as my hips started to grind against you, making a slippery mess of my pants in a way I was definitely going to regret when we were done with this. Right now I couldn't care less though as my lips made their way down to your neck and I let out a series of soft moans in between kisses. "God I need you so fucking bad please don't make me wait."
@bonghitsforfeds
Hot doses of lust’s drug hungrily devoured every vessel in my body. Your legs wrapped around me when you sat in my lap, and the added contact had fireworks exploding little ripples of sparky pleasure where our bodies met. This kiss you pushed into me had my neck crushing backwards into the spine of a book, but at least it was more comfortable than the plant wall. With every second our lips remained together a multiplicative piling of lust built in the core of my torso. My eyes rolled when you mentioned staying quiet, as if I had not already tripped over these volumes and slammed the door. Not to mention I am well aware of your throat's inability to lock back those whorish cries. I wanted to share this with you, but then you started that evil motion with your hips, and each pass of our sexes together relieved just enough of the pressure in my balls to steal tiny moans out of me. It did not help that you felt it too, and I knew this because of the pathetic whispers you kissed into my neck. Honestly, we could have just kept grinding on each other like this and it would have worked for me, but then you had cast the spell of, ‘I need you.’ The president could walk in with a full press detail and I would finish this.
10:34
.
“Alright, but remember you asked for it.” Gripping both my hands into your mid section I twirled you sideways into the floor full of literature with a meaty thump. The action probably could not be described as violent, but it wasn't gentle. We really were making too much noise, and the nagging embarrassing pressure of getting caught tickled at the edges of my mind. It’s okay though because the horny evil haze did a good job pushing the logic back. I pinned your head to the floor via your hair until I could work my way on top of you, and I used my legs to push yours apart until we fell into each other with a dry missionary hump. Now it was my turn to kiss at your face, except now I just licked at your jawline and cheeks with primal need. I repeated this spitty assault of you while grinding my hips into the hot mess I could feel through the tight pants. Once the skin of your face stank enough of Chai I growled some words into your ear, “I am so thick for you right now Mouse, I am going to fucking split you.”
10:34
.
I sat up straight so I could work my pants off, and once they were down to my ankles my hands worked to pull yours down too. In the desperate attempt to pull them past your feet I heard a stretching rip and the lower right leg of one opened a hole about two inches. Freezing with slight guilt I peered down at you with a bad attempt at hiding my mischievous smile, “Sorry, I’ll go slower.” Working more carefully at the other leg I soon had the annoying barrier peeled off, and I tossed them carelessly over my shoulder. Working the crotch of your panties aside I licked clean the finger used to do so before using both hands to open the lips of you so we could complete this madness and be one. There had been plans for more teasing, but you were so wet already that I slid to the end of you with pathetic ease as we shared a sharp inhale of pleasure. Those dark eyes widened and I wished to suck them out of your skull and keep them as mine.
Now my hands were back in your hair as I rocked my hips with wet slaps that finally worked to relieve the pain that had been building in the base of my cock for you. Before I fell back into your chest and began banging you properly some words fell out of my mouth, “Fucking thank you. God, yes. You were made to sleeve me.” With hot lips I slammed a kiss into your mouth so I could drink each moan out of your throat as if my life depended on it. I was trying to force my tongue past your teeth, but you were pushing back so hard we just kept each other fighting for mouth space.
@killahxkylie
"I know I'm asking for it I'm fucking desperate" I hated how high pitched and pathetic my voice got when you had me like this, I felt like a slut the way I would plead with you to fill me but I couldn't care less, especially not when you were maneuvering me onto my back and pinning me to the floor with my hair. I let out a small pained yelp but it was definitely mixed with pleasure and I know it was obvious in the noises I was making. "You drive me fucking crazy" I half moaned half whined when you finally fell between my legs and started grinding your hips into me. Your words shot straight to my cunt and I swear if sexual frustration could kill a person my heart would explode out of my chest and leave me dead on the floor right now. I wanted to say good but I couldn't make my mouth make words.
When you worked your pants off and your cock sprang free I couldn't tear my eyes away from it until I heard the sound of fabric ripping. "You ass you aren't sorry" I said it playfully with a smile on my own face as you worked slower to get the other leg off. I felt my cheeks turn beet red when you licked your finger and spread me open, it all felt so filthy and it made me feel so good anyway. "Oh my- fucking god baby it feels like you're gonna split me in fucking half" I choked out when you finally slid inside me, the embarrassing amount of wetness making it an easy task. "Fuck I wish we could just do this forever" I tangled my own hands into your hair as your hips started to meet mine in a steady pace before your lips crashed into mine and stopped any words from coming out. My legs came to wrap around you as our tongues battled for dominance and I was so lost in pleasure that I had no idea just how loud I was really moaning in the small space between our mouths, the relief of having you sliding against every inch of my pussy was so relieving I felt like I could cum for you already. "You fit me so perfect-" I managed to get out between our messy kisses.
<@22179856084749
Bony hands locked into my hair made every lurch of our sex-mad hips a painful maneuver, and the way it reminded me of our time in the glass only increased the pace of my ravaging. Then without any help of my own you leg locked me. The intimacy was so sudden that it lulled that pure horniness into something golden, and my eyebrows furrowed with swimmy crush like love. The position made it impossible to work the full length of me out of you, but it also served to stir up memories of the van, and now I was spinning with so much steamy muscle memory that I had to pull out of the kiss to catch some air. After a few of your moans slipped out into the dusty space I planted a hand over your mouth so you wouldn’t get us caught. It may also have been due to the fact your admissions how well I filled you already had my torso swelling with permission to end this. Your hot exhales switched to running over my hand, and the sensation had my arms in goosebumps. Slowing the pace a bit to savor the moment a bit longer I swallowed your spit before whispering, “I know. I can feel you drag against me. You know every time you clench up like that it hurts me just a bit?” On queue you did that rolling muscle thing and it lulled my eyes back just a second. More fiery whispers, “God yes, just like that. The way it squeezes me forward makes me wish I could just keep you fucking pinned like this.”
12:17
.
Keeping the pace at that slower rate I switched the hand over your mouth and hooked a thumb in your lips to crane your head sideways to the floor. Now that this fresh part of your back neck was exposed I hungrily laid hot kisses sideways past your throat into your hairline. The smell of your curls yanked a long growling moan out of that love sick sea, and now I was just huffing at the back of your head while pounding my hips into you. More of the piles spilled into messy sliding trails of paper and books. My throat got so thick I couldn’t swallow anymore, and it kept me from pouring more dirty talk into your head. Each word came between huffing gasps, but I managed to work them out, “Touch. Yourself. Before. I. Fill. You.”
In order to help in case you were too lost I popped my fingers from your mouth so I could drag one of your hands out of my hair and down between us to your sloppy cunt. At first you didn’t want to let go and stubbornly kept your grip, but maybe some of my words leaked through and you realized it was for your own pleasure. I could have done it myself, but the power dynamic of telling you to do it had my nuts doing that rise and fall of tickling pleasure. “It’s okay, you can share the taste if you want.” I was poorly rubbing that gripped hand in a circle over your own clit until your whore brain finally managed to start the motion itself. “Good you figured it out, now stop looking at me.” It was just an excuse to hook that finger back between lips and teeth to drag your gaze back toward the wall. Diving my face down into the back of your hairline I kept sucking that smell down my throat while we neared the end. Every time our hips met I could feel your fingers working to massage yourself. Before my eyes started to glaze over and that sea started to broil I delivered a sharp command into the back of your head, “Bite me again.”
@killahxkylie
I swear every time we're connected like this it feels like you're going to kill me, not with pain but instead with pleasure. When your hand clapped over my mouth I couldn't stop moaning against it, my brows pinched and my eyes kept half rolling back and fluttering with your words. The way you said it hurts a little when my cunt squeezes around you had my body doing it again all on its own, even if we weren't fucking right now your words in my ear alone would probably be enough to get me off. I muffled out a 'fuck just like that' underneath your hand, the slower pace had my brain melting, I could feel you so much better like this and it felt weirdly more passionate somehow. I could imagine us doing this in some cushy bed, the sun dipping behind the horizon and making your creamy skin glow orange, whispering words of love to each other as we fell apart in each other's arms.
"Don't stop" I garbled out with your thumb hooked into my lips, I was dangerously close to the edge when you moaned so long and so close to my ear. I could barely comprehend what you were saying when you struggled to tell me to touch myself but when my hand ended up between us rubbing the wet mess around on my clit eventually I figured it out and started moving it on my own. The fact that you had been doing it for me made me dizzy with desire. 'Now stop looking at me.' I don't know why but that pissed me off when you said it until I realized you just wanted an excuse to hook your thumb back into my mouth. Your words about not being afraid to share the taste echoed in my head when you told me to bite you again. I didn't know if you meant your fingers that were in my mouth or something else but I brought my fingers up from between us to push into your mouth at the same time that I nipped at your fingers.
12:34
.
"Please- kiss me I wanna taste us" I had to work to get the words out with how quickly my breaths were coming and I tried to fight against your grip keeping me facing the wall but I was so lost in the pleasure that I couldn't manage to move much at all. "Please baby I want it so bad kiss me and cum with me please- I need it I need you"
Everything was sloshy and the solid thumps of your back against the floor as we repeatedly smashed into each other were growing muffled and far away. Feeling your hand work those little circles when our hips collided was just about to spin my mind enough to send me over the edge, but then you had to mess it up by pulling your hand away. It all worked out though, because the anger of your betrayal melted like butter when you stuffed those fragrant fingers in my mouth. My yelp from your sharp teeth sinking into my thumb was lost in the gagging swallowing I did around your fingers. So many memories of ours mixed in this encounter, and I swear I could feel those little bits of glass cutting into me even now. My tongue did laps around your digits until the taste ran out before I started worming it between them for more of your slime.
When you popped them from my lips and begged to share I punched that spitty solution into your mouth in the form of a messy french kiss. I slid each sticky gram from behind my teeth back into your lips via my tongue, and felt watery precum running from my cock when you started swallowing it too. You acted so surprised the first time I tasted you, and now you were already corrupted enough to enjoy it too. The perversion we glued your shattered psyche back together with now was going to have repercussions. I didn’t care what any of them were as long as it meant you wore my dick more, and kept making these healing squealing noises.
14:07
.
Locked in the thick kiss my hips kept that rocking lull of a pace we seemed to enjoy so much. Honestly I wanted to fuck you harder, but I was swelling so thick against your quivering pussy that it took effort to force myself into you. Sliding my teeth back over your bottom lip I brought my face up just enough to talk. “You better be about to cum ri-” There was no time to finish my sentence because I glanced at that furrow in your brow and immediately I emptied my balls dry. Part of me wanted to keep pumping in and out while I finished but your legs had us sandwiched so hard against each other my cumming cock just stayed buried while working to sludge into your wet cunt. I wasn’t sure if you were finishing too, but the blush in your cheeks and the moans you were irresponsibly screaming out had my ego convinced you were. “Good girl. Oh my fucking God. Fucking empty me.” After a guttural moan, "You were built to take my cum Cami."
@killahxkylie
I moaned so loud against your lips when you crashed them back into mine and tasted myself on your tongue and lips, the taste of myself was definitely not something I was used to aside from kissing you after you've gone down on me the few times you have. It was making me so dizzy in combination with how your hips kept smacking into mine. Your teeth sliding back over my bottom lip had my eyes fluttering and my brows pinching together even harder. 'You better be about to cum' The way the last word was cut in half from you starting to spill inside me had we wiggling my hand back between us to circle my clit not even a full three times before I followed you right off the edge, I knew you couldn't move because I had my legs locked around you so I moved my hips to push you in and out of me as we both rode out the high of orgasm that only you could ever get me to this intensely.
The good girl you let slip off you lips had my cunt clenching around you so hard, the praise was almost too much for me to take I felt like I was going to float right out of my body. The way you asked me to empty you had me trying my best to do just that even as my brain went completely blank with any thoughts that weren't all about you and me and the way your cock was pumping inside of me. "Oh my god yes daddy give it all to me I want it all" It came out so whiny and needy and I hadn't even realized that I said it when it floated off my lips and into the air between us. I had to bite down on my bottom lip to even attempt to muffle the borderline screams I wanted to let out from just how high you had managed to bring me this time.
@bonghitsforfeds
A blush inferno roared down my face and over my chest as you used your legs to forcefully rock us together. I felt like a toy that you were pumping empty with this leg prison. Every time you brought our hips back to a close I’d moan, and then you cranked the dial to eleven by calling me daddy. That got my attention, and I tried to bring my head off the crease of your neck to say so, but being called something so dirty by you worked to empty me of more ropey cum. “I am Baby, You are taking it all.” A line of drool left my lips and ran into your hair. Whoops. I seriously couldn’t believe the twitching was still working to leak cum into you, and the intense continued release of pleasure had me whimpering for it to stop. “You succubus, you are going to kill me.” I meant it too, my knees had this pathetic wobble, and there was so much life coming out of me it felt like something was wrong.
Finally it ended and I collapsed on top of you. My plan had originally been to roll over to your side, but you had yet to let me free of this wrapping hug and it made me feel so floaty I didn't want to leave it. I kept waiting for the panic attack sucker punch, but so far it was just me and you. From the sideways view I had of the room from my cheek on your head everything was still doing the dimensional warble, and it seems like we were still returning to a material plane. That sick phrase you had used on me still rolled in my memory, and I would do anything anything to hear you say it again. I wanted to just ask you to replace my name with it, but I knew you had a habit of forming complexes.
15:42
.
Still pulsing inside of you I continued the soft kisses until I got down to your ear. “Thank you Baby. You helped me just like I asked.” Now I raised my head just enough to nuzzle our noses together. “That is what a little Mouse is made for.” Part of the sticky mess I had just released into you snaked past your opening and ran down my shaft and onto my balls. The sensation was usually annoying, but with you it just amplified the intimacy. “I wish I could seal it in you, that way you had to carry it around all day.” I decided to just keep walking these little paths of kisses around your face until you let your legs flop off me so I could sit up.
@killahxkylie
'You are going to kill me.' I couldn't help but laugh softly when you said that, feeling you still throbbing inside me had me spinning in my head. I'd never been filled up by anyone before but this was the fullest you had ever made me and I didn't want to let any of it out. Of course just when I had that thought I felt some of it leak out of me and down between us. I finally felt like I could start to catch my breath even as our sexes continued to do a twitching call and response.
I couldn't move so I just kept staring at the ceiling, it was so full of cobwebs in every corner and I wondered what exactly this room used to be used for and if all the books were from whoever had lived there before, if the original owners of the home were the ones who had decided to open the cafe here. It didn't seem like it because I couldn't imagine that anyone still lived in the upstairs given it's condition.
"I did my best" I smiled softly as your lips trailed soft kisses wherever they could reach. "Mm'was made just for you Ivon" Another drip of us ran between us and I pouted at the feeling of losing another little bit of you. "Wish you could to but then you wouldn't be able to fill me up even more" I smiled and let my legs down, catching your lips whenever I could anytime they would be close enough to my lips. "I think we were definitely a little loud about all of this. I hope we don't get in trouble when we leave." I wanted to add something else on about how I hoped sex with us would always be this incredible, and how you made me feel better than anyone else ever had, maybe even about how I was falling in love with you, but I couldn't get my mouth to move anymore to interrupt the syrupy haze as were in.
@bonghitsforfeds
I’ll never get over how each of my senses falls back into place one at a time after we do our sick ritual. The clattering of spoons and dishware in the kitchen below us was audible now that we are done. “Give me a few minutes Baby, and I probably could give you more.” With a final wet slurp to your upper lip I sat up now that you were going to allow it. I already missed the road of kisses we were working into each other and the loving embrace of your legs, but something tells me there will be time for more later. Now that we had a chance to wreak some havoc in here I had to admit that there had been some level of organization to this stacking before we made a mess of it all. A snow angel of our bodies bore a hole into the book storm, and it was sort of cute we had managed to work all the way to the bottom. “Even if they did hear us, what are they going to do?” They could take a photo of you two. “Let them issue a no trespass,” and then shrugging, “Wouldn’t be my first one!”
17:22
.
With a few reaching grasps I found those leggings and while still kneeled in front of you worked them back right side out. While doing so my hand slipped through a hole in the back of the leg, “I really am sorry about that.” Now I was working the pants back over your ankles when the mess leaking out of you caught my eyes. Biting my lip, “Guess you will kind of be walking around with it held in you huh?” It was going to be so obvious what we did when you stood up and gravity worked to plop me out into the pants. It felt like I owned you, and the honey thick feeling of pride that warmed my gut with was addictive. It’s sort of hard to dress a sex leaking mess, but we were doing our best. Tapping at the side of your hips, “Lift your ass so I can get these under you.” Let her do it herself. I shook my head at the thought as if you heard it, “I like taking care of you.” It felt silly once it left my face, but it was true. “I just want to run you around town and get you clothes, and little things to put in your hair.” Now that your pants were on I tapped at my head like it would summon an example tiara. “Have you ever been to a spa? Like a full treatment one?” I was rambling, but the thoughts were coming quickly, and for once they weren’t violent.
@killahxkylie
"I-" I laugh and shake my head "I guess you make a good point. It's not like we'll come back to this exact café." I would love to come back here but I couldn't imagine we would end up back in the area again unless you dragged me along with you for work. That thought made my brows pinch together in the worth of if you would bring me with you when you needed to travel for work and if you didn't just how long you would be away. I watched absentmindedly as you got my leggings right side out again and started to pull them onto my legs. "It's okay I'll get new ones eventually." I felt my cheeks heat up when you mentioned that I would be holding you in me all day. "I'll try to keep as much inside as I can." It was crazy just how much more embarrassed I was saying that stuff during the come down in comparison to the build up.
I managed to lift my ass in the air when you told me to and smiled softly "I like it when you take care of me too. A lot." It was such a small thing, pulling my pants up for me but it made me feel so special for some reason. It was like you actually cared about me and not just in a psychotic stalker way either. "You really want to?" I titled my head to the side. Did you really want to spoil me like this? I don't know why but for some reason I had been so convinced that I was merely a possession to you and not a person that you actually cared about and wanted to spoil. "I haven't no, I could never afford it." I felt ashamed at the admission because I felt so incredibly average next to you. "I feel like we're from two different planets" I laugh softly trying to cover up just how embarrassed I actually was about that fact. I just wanted to feel like I really belonged with you and the more I found out about you and how you lived your life I felt more and more like I didn't have a place in it.
@bonghitsforfeds
The question coupled with that head tilt paralyzed me to the core with icy sadness. “Of course baby...” My shoulders drooped just slightly at how you would doubt my desire to care for you. Foolishness spilled out to mix in my mind's pot, and I felt silly for having forgotten the foundations of our relationship. With a huff I slid my legs out to sit on the floor flat. Usually I would just churn inwardly until exploding with rage, but I wanted to try and explain it to you. Still, there was apprehension because the longer I mulled over everything the more your point of view made sense. My immediate defense is to bring up the hospital and motel to remind you of how close we have grown, but then I remember today’s itinerary involves visiting what we assume to be the burn remnants of your house. Now there were little rage stalagmites forming, but I tried to stay ahead of them with apologies. “I’m sorry, I forget what I am sometimes.” Freak. Well, at least infinite dark sadness after sex is better than murderous rage. Although the mix of them forming now is not that much more comfortable.
18:30
.
The final statement about being from different planets succeeded in knocking my soul prone. My eyes went to the floor between us, and I got lost in self pity among those scattered books. It is hard to argue with facts, and I cannot even be sure you know exactly the level of life you are stepping up into. There was no doubt in my mind the truth was the wrong angle, so I went for manipulative reassurance, “That’s true Baby, we grew up very different.” Obviously it was an understatement, but I hoped downplaying it would make you feel better. “You can be my little alien mouse if it makes you feel better. Even if you are from a different planet you can still let me dress you up and drag you around.” My plan had been to force a smile after that, but objectifying you made me feel bad. What the fuck? The monster was right. There has never been a point before that I ever cared about such things. Countless models and whores had been unfortunate enough to share my bed, but the nicest thing I had ever done for any of them after was walk them to the door, or maybe let them stay the night with me.
18:30
.
“Look...” Damn, I really needed to start thinking before I talked to you. What do I even say? “I want to share everything with you Cami. This... class divide that you feel so called out by?” I waved my hands around like I could just whisk all your emotions away, “Let’s try and move past this. There is no different life, we are one life now.” My hands clapped together in an attempt to solidify the mushy statements. It felt so basic and cliché to be saying these things, but I meant it. “How are we ever going to fix the Feldt bloodline if you always feel like my little pet?” As much as the power games were fun, and my words would never make you equal to the eyes of my peers, all I wanted for us was to feel like one being. It may have taken me three decades to figure out, but there are ways to do that beyond sex. I scooted over toward you and grabbed both your hands to help pull you into a seated position with me. We were close enough now that I could rest your arms in my lap, and I spoke with earnest fervor, “Anything I can do to make you feel more involved you let me know.” Staring into those infinite orbs I nodded trying to get you to agree with me, “Anything Mouse. If you need me to board the windows of this place up and burn it down with everyone inside I’ll do it.”
@killahxkylie
"You don't need to be sorry.. even if things started badly I'm happy that I'm here with you right now." That was true, even if I was leaving out the fact that I was also still terrified that you were going to snap and kill me. I really was happy to be here, I don't think I'd be able to live a normal life without you now that I had the chance to know you even a little bit. 'You can be my little alien mouse.' That brought a genuine smile to my face even though it didn't seem to do the same for you. I love you, just say it. It made me feel a lot better knowing that you wanted to be with me still even though I really had no idea how to live the kind of life you had grown accustomed to. Would you really be okay with living a simpler life if it meant being with me?
'Look...' You brought my attention back to the present moment in the way you tended to do and I couldn't help but smile again when you explained yourself and even went so far as to ask how we were supposed to fix the feldt bloodline if I always felt like your little pet. But you like being his little pet. I blushed at my own thoughts and nodded along. "I'll do my best to not think about it too much. I want to do everything with you too Ivon." When you pulled me up into a seated position I took the chance to lean forward and press a kiss to your lips before listening. "Just don't leave me behind and.. keep me in the loop of what's going on?" I let my eyes meet yours and mirrored your nodding even though I knew it would take me a long time to feel comfortable asking for anything more than that. 'Anythong Mouse...' "I just need you to keep loving me baby."
.
19:25
I leaned forward to rest my forehead against yours, so many things running through my mind. I had just promised that I wouldn't think too much about the divide between our classes but it was all I could manage to think about now. Just how rich were you really? Is that why the woman at the hospital was so up your ass? Was your family really that well known? I knew my life was going to change even more than it already had and I would be lying to myself and to you if I tried to say that didn't terrify me to my core. What if I was bad at playing the part you needed me to play? Was I really going to be able to keep you? "I like feeling like your little pet though. The way you talk to me and treat me when we're fucking.. it makes me feel good. It melts my brain but it makes me feel good, honestly even just now when you put my pants back on me for me it made me feel so soft and.. good." I didn't want to admit it to you but at least it was something to pull me out of the downward spiral I was experiencing in my head.
@bonghitsforfeds
I had expected you to laugh in my face, or to call me stupid and shove me reeling into the floor of books so you could take the time to sprint away for help. It wasn’t just a conditioning thing I genuinely felt wrong talking like this. There was this suffocating weight that I had lost control of some metaphysical sphere of conversational control. It hit me as our foreheads were pressed together that the reason I was so scared is because everything I said was true. Manipulation and white lies ran from my mouth in such a natural flow with my speech that my mind had forgotten long ago to consider them morally gray. Even the words of affection whispered to you most of the time had an icy foundation of guidance meant to lead you down a path I specifically designed. Not this admission of care though. It was true, and I needed you to stay with me so I could keep doing it.
19:51
.
Your truthful monologue about liking to be a pet caught me so off guard I almost laid down to gather my thoughts. It was obvious during the sex that you enjoyed being demeaned, and that was something that made sense to me. I was self aware enough at least to know that one’s mind has a hard time seeing the light of reason through pleasure’s fog. Still, these things you said to me felt different. You were admitting you liked the play of being treated as useless little thing that I had to lead around like a lost lamb. I pulled your chin up so you were looking at me and pecked a tiny smooch onto the tip of your nose, “I like it too.” That felt too simple, “It’s not just a control thing it’s...” Trailing off for a moment I shot up straight with a sudden way to explain it. My hands drug all over your arms and chest in quick motions, “All around my body,” now I was doing the same maneuver but to your crossed legs, “even down here in my legs. There is this warm growth that blooms outward in radiating waves when we enter that silly space.” Now it felt like I was referencing only sex, and I rose up to my knees in frustration. “Even outside the actual fucking. The play of it is just so...” The way you had put it with ‘soft and good’ made sense now, “Fulfilling.”
19:51
.
Up on my knees like this my gaze was turned down at you. Huddled among those spilled pages and leaning piles of literature you looked so small and innocent I just wanted to scoop you up and pull you into me. Sinking back down onto the floor with you a big sigh seeped out of me. My tone was quieter now, “You mentioned a few seconds ago that you want me to keep you in the loop.” Swallowing now and shaking my head back and forth, “I don’t think you understand Mouse. The business, the houses, the money, all of it. I want you involved with all of it.” You kept talking to me like this was going to be a one way thing. As if I was going to go away on trips while you stayed behind to do nothing. “I want a partner in crime, life, or whatever you want this to be.” With another sigh I twisted my eyebrows up in emotional confusion. Explaining my feelings this way never seemed to work, and you have been a witness to it yourself even. After dumping so many thoughts out at once I was left feeling scraped and empty. A final thought spilled out before I fell into sad silence, “I mean it when I say forever. You are stuck here.”
@killahxkylie
'I like it too.' I think if I wasn't so spent and shaky from the mind-blowing sex I would have jumped right out of my skin with how happy I was to hear you say that. You continued to explain and it just made my heart race all over again, the way your hands trailed over my body so you could show me exactly where that warmth bloomed in you and I swear the flowers outside were nothing in comparison to the warmth you had blooming in me right now. "I feel it too." I smiled softly before you continued to go on to talk about how you wanted me to be your partner in crime or life or whatever I want this to be. Whatever I want it to be. I tumbled those words around in my head over and over again, it seemed so hard to believe that you would actually want our life together to be whatever I wanted it to be. What do I want it to be? "I want that too, I guess it's just hard for me to wrap my head around everything still... That you want me involved with it all. I guess it'll just take getting used to."
I could see it all over your face that you were sad and I couldn't understand why, I thought it would be a good thing that we both enjoyed and wanted the same things with each other. I could feel my lips tugging down into a frown. "Why are you sad?" I asked with a small tilt of my head as I hugged around my knees. "Did I say something wrong? I don't mean to make you sad so much I don't know what I keep doing wrong.."
@bonghitsforfeds
A tapping frustration at my own feelings pecked at the side of my head, and for some reason the way my resolve just huffed out was embarrassing. All we are doing is sitting here and sharing words, so why am I so exhausted? Your admissions of mutuality helped to soften the odd invisible stabbing a bit, and it made me feel better to know you felt something similar. Will I always be like this though? After we make love will there always be this gut wrenching guilty pain? I know you experienced something similar from how we reacted in the van, and that only made me hate it more. Would time and practice of our ritual lessen the aftershocks? Or, perhaps the sudden clarity of what we have been doing will win over one of our heads and tear the whole dynamic apart?
My favorite lips puckering into a frown reeled me in from the anxiety spiral. ‘Why am I sad?’ Humor spilled out before I could stop it, “Kind of a loaded question yeah?” It was sort of rude to call you out like that, but I hope the boyish smile on my face made it obvious I was making attempts to turn this car around. I did a weird hobbling knee walk so I could pull you into a sideways seated hug. With a little kiss into the crown of your hair, “No my perfect little shithead.” A few more kisses in that same spot, and now there was a spitty cowlick in the middle, “You are just asking questions people don’t bother asking me. I am not well versed in the answers.” Now that patch of hair was extra cute with how it was turned up so I assaulted a final kiss into it, “If you work on anything today let it be these feelings of being ‘wrong’ my love. You are perfect.”
09:46
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I kept the side of your head pressed to me in that lean. A spindly tall shelf next to us held a collection of little statues. All of them were broken in some way; An angel would be missing a wing, or a little cupid would have no bow. There was a steamy jealousy cooking at how the person who owned this place had the time to mess with dainty things like this. I had a little tug of smug satisfaction that they had to sell their old property for a business. Even if that is not how it went down I am going to pretend it was to feel better. At some point my hand had started rubbing your back in large circles, and the only reason I noticed is your hair was tickling at my skin. There was still that rocking boat of hate, anxiety, and guilt over how our bonding felt so cursed. I wanted to take the time to heal it of you completely, but I had to admit the confusion may serve to keep you with me for now. Maybe a distraction would work to cheer you up? It did seem like your attention was easy to redirect, “Where do you want to go now Baby?”
@killahxkylie
'Kind of a loaded question yeah?' I suppose it was, I had been so lost in my own spiral since that first night on the bedroom floor that I never even thought about how this could feel for you. Why do you care? He CHOSE to do this? I pinched my brows again at that thought because this was all your fault but somehow now it felt like mine too. It was probably because now I felt trauma bonded to you from everything that happened at that stupid cabin, camping would never be the same that was for sure. I was about to say something else when you scooted over to pull me into that awkward sideways hug and pressed those sweet little kisses to the crown of my hair, I could feel it messing it all up but I didn't care. It was so comforting. "Well.. I'll probably ask a lot more as time goes on so just let me know if you ever want me to stop, not that I can promise I will." I'm sure that went without saying but I added it on anyway.
When you called me perfect I felt this weird mix of sadness and confusion mix inside me. You always seemed so mad at me and I always felt like I was pissing you off so how could you think I was perfect? How could you really mean that? Did you just mean physically or did you mean it in other ways too? I didn't want to ask. You seemed to get upset whenever I doubted myself, if only you could be inside my head you would constantly be angry with me. I let out a soft sigh when your hand started to rub relaxing circles into my back as if you could just tell that I needed it and I turned to press a kiss to your arm before resting my head back against it.
.
10:27
'Where do you want to go now Baby?' Now that was a loaded question. I wanted to go home but I didn't really have one of those anymore, it was more of a where do I need to go, and that was to see whatever remained of what my home used to be. Can a person be a home? The thouht fluttered through my mind and I knew it was probably dangerous. I shouldn't make a home out of you, I shouldn't even find the comfort in you that I do but I can't help it. Even though you had physically hurt me more than anything in my life ever had before you also made me feel the safest I ever had. I knew if anyone else ever tried to lay a finger on me ever again they likely wouldn't live to brag to their friends about it. That thought made me smile just barely. I took a deep breath in before I answered you. "Can we still stop by my old house.. just to see if anything is left?" I peeked up at you from where my head was resting on your shoulder waiting for your answer. Even if you had told me no I would still follow you wherever you wanted me to, not that I actually had a choice in the matter but I would go willingly.
@bonghitsforfeds
Muscles in my face tightened at the request, and when the rippling anger fell off my mask it left behind pursed lips. We had discussed it at the hospital and been dreading it silently all morning. Part of me wishes I had just told you no in bed before we got up. It may have planted a seed of hate for my being in you, but at least the boundary would have been laid. What’s annoying now is that I actually care enough about you to take us there. The biggest fear I harbor is that we arrive at a completely intact home and you just get over me. No doubt it was a hellishly selfish thought, but I stopped beating myself up for those long ago. As long as I can learn to ignore this caustic guilt IV you use to pump emotion into me.
“Of course my love.” I couldn’t bring my gaze to look at you, because if I did I know the pity would explode into rage. With my eyes closed now, “You deserve to see it.” It may have looked like I was swallowing sadness, but it was actually the hateful urge to start yelling at you. It only made me more upset to know part of my issue was doing something that is not completely my idea. All I want is to get your breathing body to Washington, and I suppose this is not too bad a price to pay.
11:24
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With a little too much force I pushed you off of me and helped us both rise to our feet. Something itched on my face, and after rubbing at it my hand revealed it to be a dusty streak that your spit had helped glue to me. All of the figurines felt like friends now, and there was another tiny pang of sadness at leaving this area behind. Somewhere was a stirring of humor to mention the promise to fuck you everywhere, but the mounting anger was doing a good job keeping it at bay. I was trying to make sense of the fact that looking at you made me simultaneously less and more upset, but it was hurting my head to try and process. Instead I just brushed dust off your back and legs, “Maybe I should leave you on a shelf in here doll.” I had been trying to make a joke about the dust, but now it just felt like I was calling you broken. “I meant that to be sweet...” Why am I explaining myself?@killahxkylie
I nodded a little when you said I deserve to see it and honestly I was surprised to hear you say it. I had been surprised that you had agreed to take me to see it at all when we had talked about it in the morning, with the way your eyes were closed now I couldn't help but wonder if you regretted telling me you would bring me at all. I couldn't blame you, a lot had happened there and when it all boiled down it was your fault it was gone. Although that probably made things easier for you in the grand scheme of things so maybe you were just annoyed with having another detour on the way back to wherever it was we were going. "Thank you." I really was thankful, given the way things were I still felt like you were the one that was in charge, it would be stupid of me to assume that any of this was equal. I was happy you were willing to go out of the way to take me back. Even if it meant facing the reality that my past life was there in those ashes.
11:44
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I almost said something smart when you pushed me off of you with more force than was necessary but then you were on your feet and helping me get to mind so I just brushed it off as a mistake. Do you make those? Did we forget about the potato of a woman he made? I felt a pang of worry that I was going to end up just like her and tried to wipe it off along with the dust on my knees. 'Maybe I should leave you on a shelf in here doll.' I tilted my stupid head again at that and I was really starting to hate the way I did it, had I always looked this pathetic to everyone I had interacted with in my life? 'I meant that to be sweet..' It was kind of cute how nervous you seemed to get sometimes. Especially when you were trying to be nice to me. I wondered if you had meant that I was like an angel, maybe minus the wings like a few of the figures on the shelves, or maybe you meant you wanted to keep me somewhere for safe keeping. Either way, I hadn't taken it as a bad thing when you had said it. "I didn't take it as mean, I promise."
I smiled softly at you and dusted off my butt trying not to make it look quite so obvious that I had been on the ground underneath my..boyfriend? It felt strange to call you that. It felt like such a childish title compared to the very adult and scary things that were happening between us. I didn't have a better word for it though so that's what I settled on in my head and it made my cheeks pink. "I promise I won't take too long at the house I just.. I need closure and it means a lot to me that you're letting me get that Ivon. I just wanted you to know that."
@bonghitsforfeds
Soft thanks off fat lips is all it took to start disarming the anger bomb. The longer we spent in this dimly lit dusty room the more I felt the walls of the place pressing in on me. It just didn't feel fair my options were to stay here, or go back outside and face the aftermath of what I had done at your home. It felt like years ago, and I wonder if I’ll still get smug satisfaction out of seeing it all over again. Is it right to not feel bad about it? This is something I had battled with my whole adult life. Should I even be working to drain my soul of all evil qualities? If I manage to smooth the jaded gem into something clear, round, and soft will I be able to survive that way? In my experience not many kind people live to be old, and the distrusting cold ones always die ancient. Perhaps we can balance it out? Or maybe one of us will just smash the other into tiny fragments, or sell them to a passing pawn shop.
Your blush while talking palmed a smooth aloe into the burn of my fury, and with that it finally diminished enough to get over myself. I finger combed the pointy ends of your hair while talking now, “Take as long as you need honey...” Liar Only sort of as I earnestly would sit at your old place until the sun set if you needed it. If it isn’t just ash. Swallowing, “If you are honest about coming home with me then we can do whatever you want.” That felt better, and doubling down shut the stupid voice up for now. My hands were not going to get all this frizz out, but at least now they would smell like you. I rubbed at my mouth for an excuse to do so, and after stealing a sniff of the shampoo and sweat, “Let’s get you over there then.”
12:25
.
With your hand in mine I unlocked the latch before twisting the crystal doorknob. The door was swollen with age and popped outward with a thud before creaking open into the hallway. “Fuck it.” Pushing the door open with a shove I drug you outward into the wide space with a confident saunter. At this point I was sure they would not stop and hold us for questioning. It's just a coffee shop after all. We were on our way out anyway, so it's likely our goals would just align with theirs. Passing by the pile of bags and jackets we were soon pacing sheepishly down the staircase. It still smelled so heavenly in here, and if we had access to our own funds right now I likely would have gotten something to go. Although the confused glances of patrons and workers were enough to keep me moving with a hurry towards the front. A voice from behind did call out, “Hey wait!” Increasing the dragging pace on your arm, “Don’t even look at them Mouse, just keep skittering.” The doors were swinging open with our forceful shoves, and finally the California sun was blistering our skin again as we ran out into the front patio.
My heart was hammering with mischief, and everything felt so stupidly joyous. A rumbly giggle escaped me as we tripped off the curb into the parking lot and almost went spilling into a pile. Stumbling with nervous energy, “Keep up shithead!” It would be hard for you not to, considering the death grip I had in your hand. I don’t think we were even being pursued, but the surprise of patrons while we made our pointless escape made it seem like we were. There were so many cars in this space, and the sun was so bright without glasses that it felt like an endless maze. The floaty adrenaline had me twisting my head back and forth for the car. "Do you remember where it was Cami?"
@killahxkylie
"Even if it's still there I'm still going with you. I meant it when I said forever too you know." I smiled softly at that as you took my hand again and I was once again left marveling over just how perfectly our hands fit together like this, laced together as if the universe had crafted them purposefully to go together like this. 'Fuck it.' Was all I heard before the door was wide open and we were walking out into the hallway as if we belonged there. At least you were, I still probably looked like a skittish idiot who had no idea what I was doing. I was going to have to study you to figure out just how you always seemed to look so confident when you were dealing with anyone that wasn't me.
When we made our way down the stairs and passed the rope that was meant to keep people like us out of the area I suddenly felt absolutely giddy with the idea of people seeing us leaving the exact spot we weren't supposed to be in. 'Hey wait!' I only looked over at you as you told me not to look at them, fighting the urge to look back at them. It probably wouldn't help if they saw my bright smiling face as we rushed to the door and out into the patio. The feeling that was rushing through my body reminded me of so many of the cheesy movies I had watched, when two idiots much younger than us fell in love and everything just felt right. I couldn't help but break into a giggle myself when you almost tripped right off the curb "I am I am!" I said through my laughter until we finally stopped to look around the parking lot.
12:49
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I finally turned around just to see some employee shaking their head as the door shut behind them and I couldn't help but feel like we had gotten away with much more than just a fuck on some dusty floor. 'Do you remember where it was Cami?' My eyes snapped back to the parking lot as I looked around it. "Is that it over there?" I pointed to the far left, I would recognize that car in my dreams and nightmares alike for the rest of my life, there was no way I wouldn't be able to point it out in the parking lot.
I leaned up to kiss your cheek before I tugged on your hand in the direction of the car. The closer we got to it the more and more that feeling of elation seemed to deflate inside me. The reality of what we were going to do seemed to finally be settling in and my heart suddenly felt like a twenty pound weight was tied around it and dangling down to the floor through my body. I slowed down my pace now and squeezed your hand a little. I didn't want to stoke the fire of anger inside you by letting you know how I was feeling but this was enough to suffice.
@bonghitsforfeds
My eyes were still painting a nervous sprint up and down the trunks for the proper vehicle when you pressed that kiss into my cheek. I should be used to the way you swipe a magnet over my head every time you do that, but another part of me is worried there is no immunity. Real thoughts melted, and I had just enough time to glance down at you before you were returning the tugging war by yanking me off toward where you had pointed. I’m ashamed to admit that the only reason I finally saw the car as we approached is the gray spirit of exhaust leaking out the tailpipes. I know it was all in my head, but it felt like the sun was burning that little kiss into my cheek as a scorching tattoo. The spit itched, but there is no way in hell I was going to reach up and wipe it off. The grand cloudlike floating this moment had almost encouraged me to ask you about the tattoo of your lips again. However in typical fashion I had gotten ahead of myself as now you were slowing down.
13:25
.
The energy of the scrapbook moment burned like heated tissue paper in little growing scorching circles. Your soft hand gripped a nervous warning into mine, and after a quick glance around to make sure it was not a silent heads up of danger I stopped you with a palm into your chest at the back corner of our car. Evil wisdom was urging me to get us in the vehicle before pressing the problem as it was worried you were about to flutter away. Leaning on the hot boot lid so our faces were closer together I cupped a clammy hand into your cheek, “Baby?” I had several ideas of what was plaguing your cute head; The house, the fact you are stuck with a psycho, one of the sudden panic attacks from whatever hidden disorder we may share, or maybe you just finally felt shame at all the perverted things I have put you through. Knowing me though all of these were wrong and I was about to learn about some exciting new angle of emotions my stupid boy brain has been unaware of my entire life. Why are there so many missing pieces to my soul’s toolbox? You did grow up without a mom. That one got me really good, and now my nostrils flared with internalized hatred. Now paranoia mounted at the twirling thought you probably thought I was mad at you. With my thumb I wiped little sweeps into your cheek bone, and for once I tried to give you a choice, “Do you want to talk about it?” The sun was cooking me against the back of the black car, and there were pinpricks of regret over my choice in the discussion locale. “You always lock it down, I recognize the look.” *Now you are prying, asshole.” Perhaps it was a direct betrayal to my last few thoughts, I just desperately needed to be let in.
@killahxkylie
I braced myself for the worst when you first stopped me with that palm to my chest. I had tried really hard not to make it too obvious that I was sad or worried in order to not upset you but apparently you were just as good at reading me now as I was you. Maybe we had more in common that I thought. Then again the soft way you cupped my face had me thinking maybe I wasn't as good at reading you as I thought, constantly picking up on the underlying anger that was always bubbling inside you was clearly throwing me off. 'Baby?' You just had to go and tear down all the walls I had only managed to lay a few bricks on all over again with that stupid word coming off your stupid perfect lips.
I sighed when your thumb swept over my cheek the way it did like you were trying to wipe the tears away before they even fell. 'Do you want to talk about it?' No. Definitely not I don't want to talk about it or think about but or be going through it. I wish I could live in a make believe world where you didn't stalk me or break into my house or assault me and instead we were just like any other happy couple that had issues to work through. I couldn't do that though and the way you were looking at me and telling me you recognized the look I had in my face had me easily giving in. How could I ask you to let me in and then not do the same, I could only hope you didn't react as poorly as you had a habit of doing. "It's just.. it's going to be hard to say goodbye to my old life in some ways. The... Incredibly boring normalcy I was used to you know? It probably sounds stupid but it feels like it's been years since you came barging into my life and at the same time it also feels like I just had the rug swept out from under me out of nowhere. I don't know how to explain it. I guess... I guess I'm just gonna be mourning the old me for a little while."
13:58
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I chewed my lip after blurting it all out and prayed silently that the hand cupping my cheek wouldn't rear back to smack it instead. It was going to take a long time for me to feel like it was actually okay for me to be honest with you, I could only imagine what was going to happen the first time we disagreed about something major although maybe by then we would be a little more solid and settled into our new life together.... I hope.
@bonghitsforfeds
At first when you parted those lips and fluttered your mind’s stream into my ears I was topped with a juicy release of satisfaction at knowing you chose me to splash it onto. The problem was the cascade was supposed to run down a waterfall to produce some shining rainbow of new depth to our relationship. Instead it ran right into the gaping maw of hate’s volcanic crushing teeth. The longer you confided in me the more the need to crush your pathetic body grew. My hand fell from your face and I hid both of them behind my back so you wouldn’t see the trembling. My face managed to stay the same except for an edge to the way my teeth locked together.
You were way off base, because I definitely didn’t find it stupid and I hated that I agreed. Every word that I had ever been unfortunate enough to hear spill from the mouth of some babbling broad was suffering to sit through. Even people I respected only got a few sentences or thoughts out at me before I was pretending to stitch their lips closed as the conversation grew distant in my ears. With you everything was so personal to me and made sense to us. Even my internal phrasing on the subject felt vague, because honestly I don’t think there is a healthy way to explain I dont fucking care what most people say. If only the same mechanism of human disdain could be weaponized against you that way what you said just slid around me and floated off like smoke. Somehow the same exact way you were capable of perfecting language into this healing golden aura without thinking about it also made you capable of crafting honest messages that only set me off like Barbie plastic explosive.
14:36
.
The next few seconds felt important, and if I messed them up it would have a butterfly effect throughout the rest of time. With a deep breath, “It’s not stupid.” Okay, good so far, “Thank you for opening up to me.” The tone was robotic and empty, but it was truthful. I wanted to pry your mouth open and wiggle down it and scream lips pressed into the flesh of your heart that if you give me some time I may love you enough to let you go. Not yet, and not right now though. Part of me died in a ghostly phantasmal spray of interdimensional blood when you tried to empty your arm onto that bathroom floor. Even if I had not found a way to couple all of this fucked up mess into a clear adorable little present of words, the wounds we have left in each other need each others presence to heal. At least, that was the reasoning I was going to use to not spiral into madness that I had committed human abduction.
The tremble had betrayed me by forcing my teeth into their psychotic chattering. “I-I am feeling a lot right now.” More truth and I was weirdly proud of it so far. “I want you to know that what you say makes sense to me, and sounds valid, but-” But what dickhead? You want to strangle her for not just spinning in your lap like a magic whore toy? With a sigh so large it pushed your hair around in little waves, “If we keep talking about this right now I am going to do something stupid. I support you. Can we please get in the car now?” I looked off toward my right at nothing in particular, as if my eyes just needed to peel off yours to hide the pointless fury. You make me embarrassed to act so irrational, and I don’t think I was in the mind space to try and work through why.
@killahxkylie
I frowned when your hand fell off my cheek and ended up behind your back, I think I would have preferred that you did end up slapping me for my weakness because then at least you would still be touching me. I stayed standing close to you even as I waited for you to say something, anything to not just leave me hanging in this awkward silence.'Its not stupid.' I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding when you said my feelings weren't stupid, hell even I thought they were stupid in the grand scheme of things. A house was the least of what I had lost during this entire thing. The but you left hanging in the air made me nervous all over again and the sigh you let out like a gust of wind certainly didn't help. When you so bluntly said that if we kept talking about this that you would do something stupid I didn't know what to say, you actually wanted to stop yourself from letting that angry beast inside of you win and hurt me and it made my heart flutter weirdly in my chest.
"Okay." I nodded, I might have pushed against you saying that if we hadn't just barely gotten out of that crazy sex dimension only we could enter together but right now I wanted things to stay as normal as they possibly could between us. I was dumb enough to press a kiss to your lips before I pulled away to climb into the back of the car. Once you were in next to me I took your hand again just like before. I could still feel the tremble in it and I let my thumb slide over yours in an attempt to let you know I was here for you. The bony knuckle kept me grounded as my thumb went back and forth over it in a steady motion. "How are we going to get back to Washington?" It popped into my head and flew out of my mouth before I could even think to stop it. I was genuinely curious about if the driver would be the one to get us tickets or if you were going to have to get in touch with someone else to get them for us.
@bonghitsforfeds
Reality was about to spread apart into fluffy chunks before buzzing away, because for once you just let it drop. Genuinely I had expected you to at least tack on some quip or final jab disguised as words. At least there was a little bit of normalcy to your tendency to push when you pressed those lips into mine. Another bundle of important cabling got snipped into pretty pieces by the scissors of that kiss. There had been inklings of a character epiphany and intense rage just moments ago, but already the stupid magnet was fuzzing me. The rage storm was summoning a lightning strike. You must have seen it coming because you clambered into the car. Are you allergic to using the proper car door?
I must have been standing rather tense as all it took was the semi comfortable cooled chair to wrap its faux hug around me and muscles were melting that I had no idea needed too. Your soft porcelain hand was running cute laps around my thumb. Every pass would take two steps off my rage-climb to the tantrum's dune, but my fury could only add one step before you paced it again. A younger me would be kicking at the back of the center console in surrogate rage, but the universe knew that was my plan today because it had declined to provide me with any shoes. The driver’s eyes were looking out of the mirror at me with the question, ‘where too?’ but before I had a chance to answer you launched a Cami cannonball at my head.
15:35
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The smart ass demanded I respond with a sarcastic joke about how I doubt we will be walking, but the confusion of the last half hour had my mouth glued up. “Well Baby...” I almost looked into your eyes however that always proves to have mixed emotional results for me, so I just stared at our clasped hands instead. “LA has a private airport that we can take a charter jet out of. They have papers on file for me there, but I worry about your ability to pass security.” My free hand was rubbing at my face in responsible frustration, “If there is nothing left at your house, we may have to just suck it up and spend a few days in town recollecting paperwork.” My eyes rolled painfully backward at the tortuous experience a social security office is. “I know my dad got cau-” I swallowed, “Lost in France one time and he was able to get a lot of stuff sorted out at the airport.” The Chauffeur's look was burning into my face, “Cami can you tell him where you live so we can get you where you need to be?” My choice in the word ‘live’ reignited my anger enough that your circling hand was not going to keep up. Oh, I thought she was an independent free spirit to do as she wishes? My foot hooked the back of the front seat and pulled upward enough into the sharp metal that my toes went cold. Maybe if I distract the hate with pain it will go away?
@killahxkylie
"Oh.. right yeah I didn't even think of that." She frowned unsure of why she had just assumed this was all going to be some walk in the park because of all the connections you have, as if that would make it so I could just slip through the cracks without any of the proper paperwork or identification. "Sorry.. I.. should have..." My words trailed off because there was truly nothing I could have done to change the situation. Really the fact that I had nothing to prove who I was anymore was your fault because the assholes who kidnapped us were after you and I just got caught up in the mix, along with everything I've ever owned. Hell I couldn't even say I owned the clothes on my back anymore because the hospital had gotten rid of those too. I almost almost let out an annoyed scoff at it all when I remembered the reality of it but there was no point, it wouldn't change what happened and it would only make the present worse.
"Oh right sorry it's um 255 Meadow Drive.. thank you" I felt myself shrink into my seat at the feeling of two people being upset with me now, you for asking such a seemingly stupid question as if I should have known the answer and the chauffeur for making him wait to tell him where my house might be. "Is there any way to just.. make fakes with my real information on them?" What a great thing to ask when he's already mad. "I just thought it might be easier than dealing with the social security office is all." I wanted to soften the blow, to annoy you even a little less than I clearly was. Just once I wished I could open my mouth when we weren't fucking and not have it make you angry. Was it actually me or was it just a part of who you were? Could other people talk to you at all without poking the beast inside of you? Because if they could I was jealous.
@bonghitsforfeds
The nervous bundle of slimy wire in my gut unwound a couple knots when the driver slipped the car into reverse. I would never admit it, but a quality my father shared with me is that we both get nervous if there is not a goal being actively pursued. Waiting is no problem as long as something happening is worth the pause in productivity. There was a grumble in my belly from the half breakfast trying to work its way around the stress. Whatever drink this man had in the cup holder up front smelled like cherries, and if I was feeling more brave there would have been a demand for him to throw it out. Not that I have a vendetta against the fruit, it just pissed me off he was getting to finish his. You left yours to get laid? So? I can still be pissy about it.
You had the polite courtesy to keep your red lips zipped just long enough for the front tires to hit asphalt. You did spoil me with a sorry though, and that sent a shiver down my upper back. My eyes rolled at your audacity, and had your hand not still been locked with mine I may have shoved at you. “You can fake documents, yes.” Lady do you not fucking know what 9/11 is? “It’s not like getting into a bar though Cami, they are very strict about this.” Roots of my mind had little blades carving out chunks to make room for the absolutely mad plan you were trying to concoct. “It’s one thing to get a cheap copy. It is a whole other ballpark to make something that can be held up to a light and look real.” Not to mention expensive. New panic from this craziness was not helping settle the rage that seemed to seep out of the interior of this stupid Mercedes. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves my love, we have enough to worry about before that anyway.” Let’s see if we can retrace the steps of where this all began without having some climactic fight to the death in the ashes of your old life. For some reason that image summoned a tiny smile.
17:30
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Inner city traffic is my least favorite part of being in a car, and LA made it worse by sprinkling in random people wandering through red light stops knocking on windows for change. For once I actually had nothing to offer them. The one who came to the driver’s side window was missing most of their front teeth, and it stirred a guilty stab in my gut. What the fuck? Twice today the psychopath and I’s thoughts had aligned, and that is never a good thing. Why do I care about this guy? He was rapping his tiny hands on the glass of the vehicle. They are lucky we don’t spit in their face. “I didn’t save my muffin or anything...” Something had to happen to force this moment into history, so I offered up some distraction, “At least we can agree to hate the Social Security office.” I had only been once, and it took fourteen hours. Why do they make me go in person? Probably because God is dead and we killed him.
I wrapped the hand you were holding mine up by the wrist with my other hand and turned it over while bringing it to my lips, and stole a few clammy kisses from its palm. “I’m not trying to blow you off...” Yes you are. Two more kisses buried that hateful inner burst. Finally I let your hand drop, “There is no reason to break the law if you don’t have to.” Are you eager to get locked up? Orange jumpsuit Camilla trying to survive max security prison instilled me with about as much confidence I would have in myself in such a circumstance. “I admire the audacity though.” Now I was looking over at you with a tilted head. Where did I find a twisted thing like you? I don’t deserve this. She is going to kill you. Maybe I do deserve this.
@killahxkylie
"Right... Right of course. I'm sorry I just.. I'm just trying to help make things easier j know you want to get back to Washington faster than it's going to take to get new documents... Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll still be there somehow." I forced myself to smile but I knew it didn't meet my eyes at all. It's not like I knew what I was doing by any means, I'd never even used a fake ID to get into a bar or anything like that, on the contrary I had followed just about every rule about everything when it came to age restricted activities. After seeing my father throw our family away after drinking I never had much interest in it anyway. A glass of wine here or there was about all I had ever had the taste for. We're just forgetting about those parties now? I shook my head trying to rattle the thought out of it. "You're right I'll try not to worry. I trust you to know what to do." That made me actually smile a little because I really did trust you when it came to things like this, I trusted you more than most people I'd ever put it into for some reason no matter how weirdly it sat with me.
When we made our way through the inner city I felt my own anxiety spike, I hated driving through this area the amount of people that carelessly flocked the streets made me worried I was going to accidentally run someone over every time I had to take them. I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with any of the people that approached the window, my heart couldn't take seeing the way we neglected so many people, it made my heart ache. "I didn't either" I mumbled looking hard at the back of the front passenger seat. I didn't comment on hating the social security office, I was too focused on making it out of the inner city and to the suburbs that I loved so much. It was crazy what a contrast there was in the same city.
17:53
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I was grateful when we pulled away from the man rapping at the window and your lips against my hand managed to distract me from my spiraling thoughts again. "I know.. it makes sense I just don't want to be more trouble than I have to be that's all. I feel like I've already put you through so much." You've put HIM through so much? I rolled my eyes at myself, it really was a stupid thing to say but it was too late now it has already flown off of the stupid flaps on my face I called lips. When I glanced over and saw you mirroring my tilted head in curiosity I blushed and looked back out my window. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Wistful curiosity tickled me at how not only were you seemingly willing to put up with my crazy so far, but you also came in a package so hauntingly stunning. The houndish way my eyes shot lasers through your jawline must have been burning, because soon you were calling me out for it. “Looking at you like what?” I knew exactly what you were muttering about, but it was so easy to work you up that I couldn’t resist the tease. The momentum of our turn onto a highway onramp assisted in the sly scooting motion I performed to steal a few more inches of seat space. It made me sad you were looking away, and so with the same hand you had been holding earlier I squeezed at your leg just above the knee. “I guess if I am being honest I was trying to figure out how I managed to snag a freak who not only puts up with my madness, but also looks so cute I want to take bites out of her.” Even after what had happened in the café that managed to flutter a little stir in my stone heart.
It felt cruel to keep that cog spinning so fast in random directions, but you were stupid enough to be attracted to other bad parts of me so it's possible you enjoy the never ending taunts. Another small scoot had me wormed halfway across the back seat now. With the grip in your thigh I squeezed just enough to see your skin bulge beneath the tight fabric. My voice was in that mocking tone one uses to passively scold a bad dog, “Did you forget how much I like you already.” Every fiber of my gross being wanted to close the distance both on the seat and up your leg, but instead I just leaned in close to your ear to whisper a message only you could hear, “If you forgot already just open the front of those pants up and look down at the mess we made earlier.”
18:52
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Without bothering to see how your face reacted to that intrusion I returned to my side of the car to lean on the doorframe. Mystery Chauffeur guy must be used to this nonsense because from what I could tell he was purely focused on the road. About time. With a nod of agreement at the voice I seemed to pretend we could all listen to my eyes scanned the highway we were merging onto for anything interesting. There was a state trooper parked behind a pillar beneath an overhead road, and even though nothing was wrong other than the abducted girl beside me, there was still this startling anxiety at just seeing law. Another wave of paranoia blasted around my body when I remembered there may be police at your house. It has been long enough right? What if you are somehow important and I never found out about it by digging around. Then as we pull up your marine ex boyfriend jumps out of a tree and pulps my head into gore... It seems unlikely, but stranger things have happened to us in the last week.
18:52
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A car blasted past my side in a condensed display of California stupidity. Sitting up just enough to see the dash we were already going ten over the speed limit, and yet people acted like we were taking our sweet time. I wanted to go home so bad it physically hurt in my gut. Every second not actively being taken to progress that outcome was hell, and even though this trip needed to be done to clear your mind I still hated it. You can just change your mind? The idea had sort of occurred to me earlier, but for some pathetic reason I seemed to actually care about what you thought of me. Unfortunately this meant I had to continue to at least pretend to care. You do care. It really is not fair that the monster can take both sides just as long the taunt lands. Already not being in direct contact with you felt like way too long, but my mind was madness today. Something told me if I kept my eyes on you we would just repeat that first night, and that is not working toward getting home. No, but you might finally kill the dumb slut and move on. Holy shit, it is going to be a long day.
@killahxkylie
"I-. I'm assuming you mean freak in a good way somehow.. and for the record you did take a bite out of me. And it still really hurts." I pouted and turned to bat my lashes at you just enough that I knew it would make your heart do that same weird floppy thing mine did before I looked back out the window to watch the world pass us by. "I-" I was just about to answer you before you had leaned over into my ear to tell me that I could just look down into my pants to get a reminder of how much you liked me. Like. Why did the word suddenly seem like an insult. Probably because I really wanted to keep hearing the word love. Totally normal of you. I swallowed thickly at the spike of heat you managed to send through my body with your words and before I could even react you were back on your side of the seat and much too far away from me.
When we passed by the troopers car I reached over to take your hand out of my own anxiety, god forbid someone had reported me missing and they saw me. I didn't know how I would handle them taking you away from me and I really didn't want to end up in jail for trying to fight a cop. The fact that I would actually try to do it was jarring to me. Once we passed them without incident I let out a sigh of relief, I didn't want to let you know just how afraid I was of someone taking you away from me or vice versa.
19:21
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The car ride seemed like it was taking forever and I could feel myself getting more and more antsy the longer we were sitting here. I kept thinking about your words and pressing my thighs together just so I could feel the mess you were talking about and as gross as it may be it just kept that same spike of heat running through my body. God I hate how easily you get under my skin like this, how you can go from seeming to be angry and annoyed to whispering filthy words in my ear. He obviously gets off on teasing you. True, but I think I like it. As the minutes ticked by and I kept thinking about what you said I couldn't help but to actually pull the front of my pants out enough that I could see the slick sticky mess that was in them just to see what you would do. "You must really like me." I bite down on my bottom lip as another disgusting thought ran through my head and I pushed a hand down into my pants to gather some of the mess on my fingers before licking them clean. If you were going to tease me I was going to do it back even if it got me into trouble. I had to make this car ride bearable somehow.
Tall office buildings tessellated out into a tetris of low storefronts until eventually it was just rolling roads and offramps into communities. My heart was still pounding from your eyelashes, and the way your hand had laced through mine after the police officer. It all swelled the sick sensations of love within. I was not sure if you had grabbed at me because you were worried of my anger, or in fear of the police catching us. Either way it made me feel important that you sought comfort in me, and that was enough to keep my head spinning. Big puffy stationary clouds loomed like fantasy explosions whenever the horizon was visible. The image was beautiful, but I was distracted by pulsing nerves. It wasn’t even that I was bored, there was just that stalking tiger of panic. It was far off in the trees right now and I hated how still its presence was felt between us. Will it reach out and rend you or me this time? My head was jumbling for input as our conversation lulled and the minutes passed into tens of minutes. One thing that one had to admit about Cali is that these highways were smooth and the asphalt was dark. What would have happened to you the first time we rode around had I pushed you out? Would you have popped open and left a multicolored spilling of hot flesh? Perhaps you would paste a long dark line in the road until you skid into something solid? Does everyone think like this?
20:19
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‘You must really like me.’ “Huh?” I whipped my head around just fast enough to see you pull the pasty mess out of your pants before swallowing it like icing off a velvet cake. There in that stupidly familiar luxury car barreling down the interstate at eighty five I think my heart stopped beating for a few perfect seconds. Several things happened all at the same time. First, an icy blast of shocking surprise pierced the very center of my sternum and passed out my back like a hot knife through butter. Second, every thought that had been fighting for space in my head instantly disappeared in a flash so impressively quick they probably reappeared somewhere else and split someone's head apart in a moment of quantum universal correction. Third, my cock grew so hard my balls hurt to the point it made my stomach burn. Fourth and finally, I dove for your face because I had to share the taste of what you were selfishly hoarding for yourself.
20:19
.
When our heads met my jealous lust threw my aim off and my lips collided with the corner of yours. Slurping your face like it was a melting popsicle I corrected with a dragging course over to my original goal. A hand was on the back of your skull, and I made a fist of your hair to help keep your head locked in the proper place. Your neck was craning at a painful angle from my assault on you, and I attempted to correct this by using my other arm to pull myself up sideways into your lap. My legs were dangling into the floorboard, but it was all worth it when my lips finally passed into yours. It was sticky, salty, erotically strong, and the most surprising part was the heat of it all. It had only been between your thighs, but it was so hot that my eyes went wide in surprise. Desperately I pushed my tongue into your mouth for more, and we sucked at each other's mouths until I finally pulled my face away with a smack for air. One thick oozing line of our love strung between our faces, and a glistening piece of it gathered in the center where it bent down into a long U shape between our chins.
“That was the hottest fucking thing I have ever witnessed in my life.” At first I thought my groin was throbbing so hard I could feel it, but it was just my foot bouncing up and down in anxious excitement. My eyes locked into yours with wide love obsessive madness while I worked to swallow and savor your gift. “Is a Mouse willing to share more?” I felt so pathetic begging sideways in your lap like this, but I had never been more turned on in my life. I would let you chew my eyelashes off in trade for more of whatever this sick game you were currently playing is. Any other time all of this would revolt me, but with you it just made my heart beat so hard it hurt. Oh good, it finally started beating again.@killahxkylie
I had just barely pulled my fingers from my mouth with a lewd sucking noise when you were darting across the seat to try to press your lips to mine, you caught me so off guard I let out a squeak before your lips finally caught mine in a passionate hot messy kiss, swapping that salty pungent flavor back and forth between our tongues. I felt a pang of guilt for doing this again in the back seat of this poor drivers car but I couldn't help myself from teasing you back, I hadn't expected it to end up like this, I didn't think you would want to taste yourself in my tongue. My cheeks turned bright red when you said it was the hottest thing you'd ever seen and I had to work hard not to shy my eyes away from yours when they interlocked.
"You can have anything you want." I pushed my hand back down the front of my pants and pushed my fingers inside myself with a lewd wet squish before pulling them out, slick and sticky with a mix of our cum. I ran my tongue over the mix before I used one hand to pull you closer again and put my fingers between us for a messy kiss as I ran them over our lips so we could share the taste of what we'd done together. I wondered how long you would be able to do just this, if you would last until we made it to the house and even after. Just how many times in one day could you fuck me before you got bored of it? Would you ever? Was I going to end up being sore all the time from us fucking like rabbits all day? I let out a soft moan between our messy lips and moved my fingers out of the way so I could kiss you fully, licking into your mouth like I was trying to map every inch of it.
@bonghitsforfeds
What had I just been thinking about? Now a furrow worked into my brow while I squinted in attempted recall. You were angry? That doesn’t really narrow it down though. At the girl whose cum you are currently smearing around your mouth See, unfortunately that does not really narrow it down either. I was always mad at this stupid whore, but she made me feel high on experimental drugs too. A woodpecker of rationality hammered on the side of my head with desperation to let me know that there is an unwilling participant in the front seat. To be fair, they came back for more. Maybe that sick pervert likes it. The entire planet disappeared and it was just the backseat with you and I as that exposing thought turned my crank so fast my mind shattered. In all honesty I think a sane part of me poofed away in a puff of man bimbofication. Fuck the driver. This little thing is asking for it.
21:24
.
The whore goddess sent a little beam of command into you because on queue, ‘You can have anything you want.’ I moaned, twice actually. The first one was in reaction to your words. The second one was from the pressure of your leg against my swelling erection. Each time blood pulsed into it the counter pressure of how I rutted my side against you in a dry hump licked little lacey tendrils of pleasure out into my body. You reached between us, and at first I thought you were going for my groin, but then you brought up more of the slimy forbidden taboo. The noise your squelching cunt had made when you drug out more of our cum already had me swallowing in excitement. My eyes were wide in love, and filled with amazement at how you licked your fingers. The viper strike of a kiss you leaped into my face reactionarily had my eyes shut with fear of an impact, and my confusion only doubled at the unexpected intrusion of your fingers. It only took a second for me to realize you were painting our lips with the aromatic mess while licking at my mouth through them. A dorky smile stole my features at the audacity of these actions. While you slipped the hand away and forced that snaking tongue into my mouth I worked at climbing your lap into a straddle. I had to bend my head to not have it collide with the roof, and you craned your neck upward to keep our lips locked. We took turns memorizing the inside of each others head with that mouth tentacle, and while the salty kiss progressed I began to glide my hips into yours in a dry lap dance.
21:24
.
I can’t be sure if it was the previous mess, or a new one you had been baking up, but every time my lap met yours there was a quiet sticky smearing squelch. Honestly we could have kept doing this until one of us passed out, but my stupid body forced my mouth away to gasp for air. With the added brushings of clear cold oxygen over the back of my mouth the stingy taste was only amplified. “Can you taste it behind your nose too?” Panting made it hard to talk, and it took more effort to ride someone's lap like this than I ever would have thought. With some effort I used the hand still in your hair to turn that marble head sideways and pressed my lips into your ear. With effort to exhale as much hot air as possible, “Are we really going to mess up this nice man's car again?” It was definitely loud enough for the driver to hear, and I hope the added embarrassment fired you up as much as it did me. “We can just tease at each other until we get to your old house and then I can pump more of this muck you are so addicted to down that silky throat of yours.” My eyes were clenched now form the way your hair and sweat combined with the smell of the filmy cum coating my mouth. “C’mon Cami you must have some ideas in that pink whore brain of yours. You started it.” After the amount of times we had done this without me going for your breasts I knew it would catch you off guard. With predatorial speed I lunged my hand into the nipple of your right breast and squeezed a quick and powerful pinch into it. The shocking force of the way I squeezed the flesh was going to take a moment to reach your head, and in the brief second it took to do so I licked back up to your lips and returned us to the sloppy french kiss.
@killahxkylie
"I taste it" I panted out in response to your question wishing desperate that our positions were switched so I could grind my aching cunt against you through your sweats, I would probably be more than enough to get me off again and hold me over until we weren't in the back of this car anymore. "Think you can last that long?" I asked with a teasing tilt of my head as my eyes met yours, the promise of you filling my throat this time had me humming out a moan in itself, I had yet to have you in my mouth and I was getting more and more eager to the more that time went on. "Would you really fuck me in the ashes of my burned down house? Make a charcoal colored mess out of me in the place where the same place you first touched me?"
When you said I must have some ideas I wanted to rattle off all the nasty things I wanted to do with you right now but for some reason I felt like I couldn't say them, it wasn't until I felt you pinching my nipple and I let out a pleasured yelp that I felt like I could say anything again, I wasn't able to until we finally broke apart from that same messy kiss to breathe again. "I have a lot of ideas but all of them involve your cock stuffed in one of my holes and that doesn't much sound like waiting to me." The way you were straddling my lap made it easy to tease a finger over where there was an obvious wet spot forming from where your dick was leaking precum. "I want to switch spots with you and bounce in your lap until even more of your cum is leaking out of me because there isn't room for anymore, or get on my knees for you to finally feel you throbbing on my tongue" I licked my lips at the thought. "I just want to make you feel good and I still have two holes you haven't used at all yet."
21:41
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I had no idea just how far away we still were from the address I had given to the driver, or why I was offering myself up in my entirety to you right now when with anyone else I had ever been with I hated going down on them and nobody had ever touched me anywhere other than my pussy. I didn't even know if I liked it and here I was offering it up on a silver platter. Something about you triggered something in me and it was like all my deepest darkest desires were now just a part of my every day normal life. I didn't know whether or not that was a good thing or something to be afraid of considering which I was getting involved with.
@bonghitsforfeds
By now you should know I would. I’d pin your mousey face beneath the ashes of that burned cookie cutter home and fuck you stupid as you coughed useless sputtering empty headed thoughts into that mound of nothing. The fantasy ran a little longer and the entire scenario had me flexing my hands repeatedly in rapturous excitement. Are you from hell? Everything about this was so powerful and otherworldly. The way you went on about filling any of your holes stole this weird squeaking moan from my nose that actually managed to embarrass me. The driver heard that you fucking slut. This mocking internal dialogue that leans toward perversion had your voice, and it took me until now to realize it. “Fuck honey, you are going to give me a heart attack.” I was going to press our faces back together to shut you up, but you lapped more whore-speak out at me about riding my cock. “Oh-oh my God.” When did the roles reverse? I am riding your lap while you circle the head of my leaking sex and coax out gasping little god chants from my panting mouth. A second time you offered me more holes, and it was much more concise this time around. “Fuck!” The pitchy squeal rose in volume till my voice cracked, and the way you were sliding viscous pre around the swelling head of me had a tingly hot pleasure inching up my inner thighs. I leaned into your ear and whispered a phrase so embarrassingly personal there was no way the driver got to hear it, “You make me feel like a little whore bitch you know that? You make me moan and gasp and fucking pulse with nervous jittery bimbo need.” I felt the rope of pre cum work its way from the back of my crotch all the way up to the front of my cock. It came out in little separated spurts from the way your finger ran circles over the hole of it.
22:19
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With my mouth still pressed into your ear, “How do you want it baby? You can have it anyway. You want me to stuff your tight ass? I’d be leaking out of both your bottom holes at that point.” I craned your head around to the other side so fast your hair made a little zipping sound across the pressed seat leather. Now at your other ear, “You also mused about sucking me dry. Would you do that for me honey? Would you suck me dry one meal a day as a replacement for your breakfast?” That one sounded dirty even coming out of my mouth, but the fantasy of you drinking me for a meal had me panting so heavily now that my chest heaved against yours. I pressed weight over you out of power and desperation to feel more of you against me. I left your ear to pattern trails of kisses down your neck and toward your collar bone.
22:20
.
Speaking up so you could still hear me, “You were such a good fucking girl earlier and drained me to help me feel better. As a reward you get to choose where it all goes.” Now I pressed my chin into your face with angry pressure, “But you can not waste it. You have to take it into you somehow.” Now my toes were flexing from the pleasure of these circles. It was an odd sensation because normally I expected that pressure build up in my core that proceeded ejaculation. However since we had just done this thirty minutes ago it just kept spreading that prickly feeling of trembling heat further down my legs. It was at my knees now, and had my lower limbs trembling so bad I almost couldn't sit up.“Ohh my God babe, you are going to fucking kill me.” The power top facade slipped as you pushed my body into personal uncharted sexual territory. "Please Baby, that is so goddamn sensitive!" If this is a quarter what you felt when someone teased your clit then no wonder women are such horny little freaks. My eyes were rolling back now, "You are going to waste it in my pants if you keep that up." It was mostly true as eventually this would work to spill me, but honestly this trembling was in my feet now and it was starting to concern me. "Do you feel my legs? They are doing that thing yours do." Comparing us made me feel girly like back in the motel, and it made me moan again."
@killahxkylie
"Just don't die on me Ivon" I bit down on my bottom lip watching you like this, I never would have expected you to be this effected by me especially in front of someone else. Every little noise and moan you would let slip for me had my heart pumping even harder and my cunt absolutely throbbing with need. "I love it I love hearing you moan just for me" I kept up those teasing circles on the leaky head of your cock feeling that small wet spot get even bigger.
Of course you kept the tables turned on me though when you started spewing so much filth right into my ear, letting you move me however you saw fit because whenever we were like this I was always willing and eager to just be a hole for you to play with. "Y-yes god yes I would I'd drink you for breakfast every day if you let me." I let out such a lewd moan when you put more weight into me and trailed those kisses down my neck to my collarbone, finding it harder and harder to feel like I was getting enough air into my lungs from how high up you had me. My hips bucked underneath you when you called me a good girl again and I could feel myself getting so desperate that I was ready to shove my hand down my pants and do it myself. "I won't waste a drop I promise, I'll be so good for you."
08:14
"I know it's sensitive baby that's why I'm doing it." The threat of you spilling into your pants, Again?, had my slowing my fingers. "Well now that would be a waste wouldn't it?" I put my other hand on your leg and felt the trembling you were talking about "You have no idea what you do to me, this is just a small taste." I brought my hand up into your hair to pull you back into kissing me something hot and messy before pulling away to speak against your lips. "You know nobody else has ever fucked my ass? You'd be the first and only one to ever have me like that, to ever ruin me like that.. and I hate sucking dick but god with you I want to shove it all down my throat until my eyes are watering and I'm gagging on it. You make me want to do things I never wanted to do before you make me fucking crazy baby you have no idea, god please I need you to fucking touch me I can't wait I can't I need it."
@bonghitsforfeds
You played into your sick part of these rehearsals in madness so perfectly I had to wonder if a magic floating script was hanging behind my head. Every push of my dirty words is answered by more of your own or a new connection of our bodies directed by porcelain flesh. I had my lips pressed into your neck when you slowed the little circles. That at least provided me enough focus to open my eyes, but it was coupled with extreme disappointment you had stopped. It took forever for that pulsing aura to reach my ankles, but the very moment you quit touching me it all dissipated in a primally frustrating puff. Growling with a pout I brought my head back to say something snarky, but then your hand fisted into my hair and crashed our lips back together. Every spasm of your grip into my frizzy mess massaged out any bits of smart that may be stuck up there, and at the same time the ghostly taste of us between the kiss sundered my mind into useless jelly. I was still working on processing your words about how the leg shaking was nothing in comparison to you. It made me jealous, and I hoped to the universe for some reason that was an exaggeration.
09:23
.
Soft wet lips brushed mine with more succubus talk, “Baby I’ll do anything you want.” The same fantasy of ravaging the sight of your burnt down house replayed, but this time with me spilling into your virgin ass. Being able to do anything with you that had never been experienced had more cum dripping out of me. You will walk around like a slut all day Ivon. Inner dialogue stole a moan from me. “You want me to touch your dripping mess Camilla?” I let go of your hair to work a hand between us and grip at the flesh of your thigh where it creases to your crotch. It had to be stretching the lips of you open, and I swear my mind could perfectly picture the strands of our love smearing apart as they did so. Laughter rattled out of my chest from the smashing earthquakes of lewd embarrassment rocking me. “You see Baby, I want to touch you so bad.” I’ll never grow tired of sucking on your lips, and I proved it by kissing them some more. Maybe I just liked the slurpy smack that they made when we pulled them apart. Once I was sure enough spit was painted back between us to reward me with the sound, “A good girl wouldn’t just expect to get touched though. How about you wrap those fat lips you spill stupid out of around my thick cock?” After pecking a kiss into one of your fluttering eyes, “I want to see those big orbs cry real tears as you try to take it all the way to the back of that whore head. Maybe my hot cum will cure you of dumb?”
Gooey limbs were not behaving properly, but I managed to scramble my way backwards onto the seat beside you. With my head pressed against my door I let it tilt in mock of yours, “Come suck my dick Mouse.” The heaving crash of my chest trying to suck air was obvious now that I was laying alone. Being prone and chest up like this was incredibly exposing with an audience, and I was thankful that commanding you to do something at least stoked my ego enough to save me from backing out. Not that anything likely could have stopped us now,
09:23
but a part of me liked to pretend there were still shreds of standards intact. “C’mon Baby, come swallow my love. It’s all for you now.”
@killahxkylie
"Yes yes please please I want it so bad" I was practically panting as I pleaded with you to touch me only for you to grip my thigh so close to where I needed you that I could feel you spreading my lips apart. I let out such a pathetic whine when you said how badly you wanted to touch me only to go on to explain how if I was really a good girl I wouldn't expect to be touched by you. I was so frustrated that I could feel the threat of tears pricking behind my eyes and I had to focus so hard on not letting them well up and spill over. The idea of finally getting you into my mouth was the only thing that minorly soothed the burn of you not touching me the way I needed you to.
When you somehow managed to get back over into your seat and kept letting those filthy words flow from your mouth I couldn't help but feel my mouth fill up with even more spit, I was practically drooling and I hadn't even experienced having you like this yet. "I don't know baby every time I get more of your cum I think it just makes me even dumber." I licked my lips as I mirrored the tilt of your head before I finally moved to yank your sweats down. I was really praying that we didn't hit a bump that sent me flying off the seat with the way I was crouched onto it so I could reach you right. "I'm gonna swallow every. last. drop. don't worry Ivon, I won't waste I promise."
.
10:03
I lifted your shirt just enough so that I could drag my fat lips down your hips through the small dipped V that led to where I wanted to be the most. I let my teeth drag over your hip just to feel the way you seemed to shiver underneath me before I finally let my hot tongue run up the entire underside of your cock. When I reached the head and I got a taste of you my eyes fluttered and I let out a moan before running my tongue in a circle over the whole thing. "God you taste so good already." I pressed a messy kiss to the head of your cock before I kept running my tongue all over every inch that I could reach, making sure every inch of you was nice and wet before I finally took you into my mouth. At first I only manage to get just a little bit past the head but after working my mouth up and down a few times I managed to go deeper and deeper until you were hitting the back of my throat, one hand gripping onto your thigh and the other wrapped around the base of you to stroke whatever I couldn't fit with every bob of my head.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your familiar soft tongue passing over those lips had me pressed so hard against the top of my pants that it hurt. Throbbing with desperation for release I wanted to use my own hand to relieve some of the explosive pressure. The issue was both of my arms were being used to prop me in this awkward spot in the back seat. ‘I won’t waste I promise.’ A gasp ripped out of my mouth and my eyes furrowed into a cross at the callbacks to our previous dirty talk. “Please do honey, it’s all for you.” There was so much spit in my mouth that my tongue was slapping through it when speaking, and every gram of it had this hazy aftertaste of what we had smeared into each other's face. The cold exposing air of the car punctured goosebumps into my pale flesh when you ripped the pants down. Just the sensation of fabric brushing over the top of my shaft was enough for me to shiver and groan in pleasure. The tip was freezing from the cum you wrapped into it before, and I was desperate in mind, body, and soul to watch you put it in your mouth. Red hot and pulsing with need for you my cock stood straight in the air with flushed blood. “Touch it before it explodes, I am literally fucking begging you.”
11:01
.
Concern bloomed when you started licking at that gap in my skin, and I thought you were finally going to make me pay you back for holding out on delivering insertion all those times. Your teeth had my knees trembling again, and I know you could feel it against where you crouched. Finally after all this time you lapped your soft Mouse tongue onto me. “Sweet zombie Jesus.” My eyes closed as you did that initial climb to the top. I barely got them open in time to watch you circle the top clean and swallow it down with a smile. My eyes were circles in awe matching the look you gave me the first time I tasted you back at the house, ‘God, you taste so good already.’ I had to swallow past the stupid moan that sentence ripped from my neck. Somehow I found the courage to talk back, “That’s not even the good stuff Mouse.” The runny precum was nothing compared to what you were going to milk out of me if you kept this up. I wanted to bite at my knuckle, finger, or my shirt, anything to try and relieve some of this no man's land of pleasure you kept teasing my body toward. My hands were too busy holding me here, and if I slipped to try and readjust you might bite my cock off. As much as we seem to enjoy the blood play that might actually edge into something that would actually upset me. You think?
11:01
.
I should have known it could get worse when you started painting every inch of it with spit. The way it bounced off your face while you hungrily memorized its entire surface had drool running out of my mouth. My chin was lulling into my chest so much my eyes were looking up at you while you worked your evil magic. Part of me hoped there would be warning before you finally rammed me down your throat, but all I got to say was, “Wait!” You did this swirling thing with your tongue as you took me in you. Honestly I can’t even be sure if you did it on purpose, or if the muscle was just fighting my dick for space. Either way it felt divine. The rumbling of the car down highway road had your sharp teeth bumping against it, and each time it happened the stabbing little lick of pain would summon a buck of erotic pleasure from my hips. Since I could not free my hands to touch you I just started talking past my moaning, “Good job Cami.” Some more panting cries, “Fuck yes Baby, thats my girl.” This time there was a yelp as your teeth scraped deeper, “You can never take your mouth off of it. Ever. Oh my God.” My pathetic display went on and rose in pitch when your hand joined the party. You made me feel massive, important, and truly desired. You were not here for some tertiary reason in this exact moment other than being a cum vampire, and you were doing a fantastic job of it. “You can keep,” It was getting harder to complete my thoughts, and my words were spilling out whenever the full body heat waves would dissipate enough for my brain to share some blood, “doing this until I cum.” Another moan, “Or you can switch places with me.” The idea of you pressing that dripping icing cunt to my face forced a bulging rush into my cock so strong I felt your teeth again. I am going to die. That was all I could think now, and it was just repeating over and over.
@killahxkylie
'“Fuck yes Baby, thats my girl.' Everything you were saying through the panted breaths and moans you were letting out was only egging me on and feeding my non existent ego to the point that I might actually have one by the time we were done in this backseat. Every time I would feel my teeth against you I would be nervous it would piss you off but there was really nothing I could do about it given the fact that we were in a moving car. It almost seemed like it was the complete opposite reaction though because every time it happened your hips would buck and send you even deeper into my throat than I was ready for.
All of your rambled words had me so messy that I could feel my slick dripping down my thighs in these stupid leggings. I managed to flick my eyes up to meet yours and knowing you would be able to see the insatiable lust in them only turned me on even more. I let myself moan around you and the sound would be cut off every time the head of your cock jammed its way into my throat. I briefly pulled off of you with a string of messy drool left connecting us that I sucked into my mouth, "We can switch places after you give me every drop of your cum down my throat." I flicked my tongue over you again and then took you back into my mouth, pushing you even deeper into my throat than I had been before. The action was enough to have my eyes watering and I couldn't help but choke on it but I kept doing it anyway just because I loved the way it felt.
.
11:22
I couldn't resist the urge to grind my hips down on your leg where it rested underneath me knowing you could feel the heat radiating off of me and the mess I made soaking through the thin fabric. I let out such a lewd moan around your cock at the feeling of my clit finally getting some attention and kept that same motion of my hips, matching the pace I had set with my mouth on your cock. I would be begging for you to cum for me if I could make myself pull away for even a second but I was so addicted to sucking your cock already that I didn't want to.
@bonghitsforfeds
Somewhere inside of you is a machine that turns my choices into confusing twisted counter offers before spitting them back out at me with a smoky choke. This gall you found to push at me even in these intimate moments grew less infuriating and more endearing as time went on. My eyes had rolled at you a hundred times already today and here they went again. The playfulness of the disgusting inhumane thing we did now was like pink frosting on a rotting cookie cake. Instead of dealing with us this driver just kept throwing the rotting mess into his back seat to ferment into a gross thorny tree of trashy love. The last thought to ever go through my mind will be that spaghetti noodle of drool you slurped back up between your lips. If the fluttering my heart normally did was crush like this thing it was doing was mashing it down into a flat pancake paste. Maybe if you work it down thin enough I can drain my heart out my cock and into you as well. All in all I suppose there is no reason to get upset over the counter offer because it meant I got to empty this second load down your pale neck. “You don’t have to ask me twice honey.”
12:06
.
It must have been driving you batshit to service me with no return as I could feel your hot fuck slit rubbing with desperate grinding into my leg. Through all of the fabric a furnace of desperation radiated need. I’d give it to you again right here in this back seat, but something about the way your eyes already bulged with your choking gag solidified you were swallowing this. There was something powerful in surrendering to it. “I love giving into you Cami.” It was true. When those chords of ecstasy started floating, and there was no more race or game to be played, the brushing death-like void that starts to reclaim all thought, emotion, and sentient mindfulness is a toxic addicting thing. We fell into a rhythm as I rocked upward into you against the wet choking gags. A couple times you coughed a chortling snort out your nose and mouth that made the rest of the blood in my brain rush to my dick. Your lips pressed into scratchy pubic hair a few times, and every time you bottomed out the entire length I would praise you with, “Good girl,’ or a, “That’s my baby.” Now that you had pushed that orgasmic heat into every part of my body again it started to roll back toward my balls with an icy drag. The magnet swipe over my mind was familiar enough of a heads up to what was going to happen, but the way it was happening was new to me. The freezing return pulse was much faster than the growing heat, and the second it reached the core of me it was over.
12:06
.
The pressure grew so thick that as my eyes glazed over I lost the feeling in my legs. I wanted to warn you as it only felt polite, but the quick glance of your face I stole let me know you were aware. My cock swelled so thick I thought it would burst, and your upper teeth cut into the top as my cum began to snake down my shaft. I could feel each pulsing hot squirt of me because the expanding girth from it working to empty into you would add just a tiny bit more biting pressure from those top teeth. “Holy shit you crazy fucking cum dumpster.” It kept going and going, and I’d have let my head fall back if there was room for it to do so. Instead I was forced to watch your throat bob with each gram of the sludge you worked to swallow down. “Good girl, guzzle it all. That’s your meal after all.” There were more teases I wanted to pour about how it’s a good thing you saved room after breakfast, but then tears started running from your eyes, and it managed to steal more love for you to swallow. My eyes started watering from ecstasy and probably from lack of blinking. I think I had been moaning? Everything was so fuzzy and floaty, and the entire surface of my cock was so sensitive that my legs were shaking with effort to not kick you off. “Sensitive Baby! Sensitive!” I kept barking the word out as if my pleading would stop the torture.
@killahxkylie
'I love giving into you Cami.' God I swear my name had never sounded as perfect to be as it did when it came off of yours lips and floated into my ears. Every praise you gave me of 'good girl' or 'that's my girl' send shivers down my spine, every time you attached that simple two letter word to anything you said made me absolutely dizzy. I knew I was falling for you and it was happening fast, way too fast. I tried not to let that thought distract me as I kept bullying your cock all the way down my throat no matter how hard it made me choke.
I could feel you getting closer and closer to giving me what I was desperate to taste with the way your cock was throbbing and swelling on my tongue. I felt guilty for the way my teeth dug into the top just before I felt you start to spill down my throat and the taste of you along with the whorish moans you were letting out were almost enough to make me cum right in my pants too but I couldn't quite get over the edge. Every new spurt of cum that spilled from you was quickly swallowed down as if it was the most delicious nectar I had ever tasted, delivered straight from the gods themselves and right onto my waiting tongue.
'Good girl, guzzle it all.' I felt my eyes roll and flutter when you said that and kept sucking it all down like my life depended on it. I could feel tears running down my cheeks but I didn't care I was desperate to get down every last drop just like I had said. My jaw and throat hurt from the effort I had put in to doing this when I wasn't used to it at all. I felt you start to squirm under me and when you started to tell me how sensitive it was I kept going for just a little longer because I liked watching you react to it. Finally I sucked my way to the tip and came off of you leaving one last kiss to the sticky spit covered head before I stopped torturing you, my hips still moving of their own accord against your leg. "Had to make sure I got every drop."
@bonghitsforfeds
Milliseconds from delivering a blow to get you to stop slurping at my painfully sensitive head you finally relented and popped those big red lips off me. Of course you had to swirl a final kiss into it which prompted a reactionary bucking of my hips and a whiny, “Fuck.” Long shiny trails streaked from your eyes, and there was a bloodshot puffy redness to your face. ‘Had to make sure I got every drop.’ Nodding with a stupid lovesick grin, “And you did Cami. I am so proud of you.” Talking to you like this was so glowingly good that a final teeny spurt of cum coalesced into a bead on the tip of my slimy deflating dick. I wish I had some magic sex-Xray so I could confirm the presence of it in your gut, and the way it had to have left a filmy coat all the way down your throat.
13:42
.
Staring down at my shivering body with those desperate lust filled orbs made me feel like a piece of bloody meat on a plate. Before you could start toying with me in sensitive torture again I finally adjusted sideways further into the seat so I could gain use of an arm. Wrapping it around your upper back I pulled you forward over my lap downward on top of me to share in another slimy kiss. It was a much different experience than earlier. There was less of the stinging aromatic head filling quality to it, and more of a salty gummy film. I had expected regret in the post sex fugue from tasting myself in the kiss, but instead it just had little flames licking at my chest. Any time someone before had said they were multi orgasmic I made fun of them to their face, and now I realized I had just been giving myself away the entire time. You were still so horny from lack of release that I could not keep your tongue from working into my mouth. Eventually it just served me better to give in and let you force the taste into my face. Prying the hand around your back in between us I had to shove you away with a slurpy smack to get you to stop. I could see hot balls of the stuff in your teeth, and the animalistic way you smiled at me was terrifying.
13:42
.
Gulping, “You did such a good job princess.” I already knew the plan had been to offer you whatever you want. However you had yet to blink and it was starting to freak me the fuck out. “How do you want it baby? You want me to nibble on your hot clit until you go stupid? Perhaps you want to use my face as a seat until we get to your house?” Blood desperately tried to rush back into my battered dick for another round, but still it was too soon. “I’m already trying to get hard for you again Mouse. You are going to milk me dead at this rate.” This driver is going to send this car off a cliff, and we would deserve it. When he spoke up it scared me so bad I jumped, “Fifteen minutes...” Even though that was all he said it felt like there was something else he almost added. Turning back to your hungry eyes, “You hear that Baby? Fifteen minutes of heaven. Anything you want.” I mean it, and if you wanted to just open the door and roll me backwards out of here like an empty jug of cum that would work too.
@killahxkylie
'I am so proud of you.' If there was anything you could have said to send me completely off the rails in this moment that was it. Blame it on the daddy issues I constantly tried to shove down until they were lost in a sea of other bullshit but it always made my head swim to hear it. I was shocked when you pulled me into a kiss just after I finished swallowing what felt like buckets of your cum, I was happy to oblige though and danced my tongue with yours in a messy slippery kiss that I know must have tasted like you. I could still feel the way you coated the back of my throat and if I could I'd gargle you like mouthwash.
I let out a frustrated borderline growl when you pushed me away from you and broke the kiss that was at least giving me something. I was so desperate for anything at this point that I felt like a crazy person. 'Princess.' Would your words always be enough to send me off the deep end and turn my pussy into a lake of slick? I sure fucking hoped so. Everything you were saying was so hot to me in this moment that my chest was already heaving and I wanted to slap my hand over your mouth just so you would stop the torturous flow of erotica spilling from it.
14:15
.
'Fifteen minutes...' With how worked up I was already that would be plenty, it would probably be too much but I was going to take advantage of every last millisecond. This time I was the one to pull away and lean back against the door, the hard plastic feeling like a pillow with how many different happy chemicals were flowing through my bloodstream. "I want you to see how many things you can figure out I like in the fifteen minutes we have. See not many guys I'd ever been with were very generous in the eating pussy department so I'm still pretty new to that too and I bet you can figure out things they never had." I pulled my leggings and panties down and off my ankles to let them fall onto the floor before I spread my legs for you, strings of my arousal spreading between my thighs in the process. "I want you to devour me like I'm the last thing you'll ever taste."
While you were lounging back my eyes were scanning over that marble body back and forth for a hidden threat. Why is it that most if not all of the true harm since we have known each other was done by me, yet every time you rear back my body prepares to take a flying kick. She did break your ribs with a surprise heel kick. Yeah, but that was different because it was deserved. It wouldn’t be now? Wow, I guess I get all of about forty-five seconds before that pressing little voice starts whispering hate spells. Then a bunch of things started happening at once. First off you started talking, which was only a good thing because it meant your lips were moving and you were paying attention to me. I had a few issues with the way your cum full brain decided to meld words though. It doesn’t matter to me how unfair it is, but I hate hearing about your past lays. I knew we were both mid twenties to thirties, and we had been with other people. I’m not that stupid, but something about it instantly pissed me off. Maybe it was because you had just got done sucking lust’s fog out of my cock, and so I was taking it too seriously. The only reason the feelings were ignored is because you struck me with the offer to devour you. It almost seemed like you were figuring out that my hate can be distracted with lust, but you dropped the ball by letting me finish first.
15:11
.
“Yes ma’am.” A sarcastic quip was definitely more my style, but if you kept running those stupid lips at me I was going to bite one off your face. Would the flesh stretch before ripping apart? Or, would it tear off your head like a hangnail? Luckily you had supplied me with some practice on what you like, and I immediately started by nibbling with my lips at your clit. It only managed to keep my attention for a few seconds though, because soon I was lapping long paths up the length of your slimy slit to swallow as much of us as I could. The watery warm liquid made it hard to breathe as the film tried to close the opening to my throat. Now that I was sort of leaning into this I gained use of both my hands, and I used them to wrap your legs up to keep you from squirming. My mind was still clear enough to continue processing my hatred over the thought of some other douchebag’s lips being where mine were now. Hate mounted into fury grew into rage which finally climaxed in a real murderous motive. While still licking long repeated sucking slurps out of your hole deep enough my nose was pressing into it I used one hand to grip into the flesh of your thigh with righteous vengeance. I squeezed and flexed my fingers until you rewarded me with a vocal response. Once we found the spot that makes you scream I would lull my grip just below that painful terrace before pushing you back into it with mean strength. Yeah bitch, keep talking about other men and I'll punch you in the stomach.
15:11
.
I pushed my tongue deep enough into you on each pass that the bottom of it cut into my lower row of teeth. It could have been bleeding, but that may have also just been the smell of you. None of it mattered to me though because cries you made from the assured bruising my hand painted into your leg would fuel me to do this forever. A conference table of psychopaths was conveying in my psyche for a way to communicate to you to never talk about your past like that during sex again, but then you screamed in a way that reminded me of that first night. The mnemic madness that noise injected into my veins was so nostalgic and pure I thought of just biting your cunt to hear it escalate. The only reason I didn’t is the noises you made in between the screams almost suggested you liked it. Plus, your cum-cleansed whore thoughts probably processed enough to realize if you told me to stop the pleasure ended, or the pain got worse.
@killahxkylie
'Yes ma'am.' before I knew it your lips were wrapped around my throbbing clit in a way that had my brain misfiring immediately. It felt so good but then you started running long paths up my entire slit and I couldn't help the lewd moans it tore out of my mouth. The way your tongue felt against me was so perfect and addicting, it was so warm and wet and added just the right amount of pressure where I needed it the most. I hummed in pleasure when you hooked my legs over you but I wasn't ready when you gripped onto my thigh so hard. I cried out and thought maybe you just accidentally got carried away but then you kept doing it over and over again. I felt bad for the poor chauffeur because I couldn't stop screaming when the pain mixed with the pleasure.
"Fuck- baby-" I was trying to put into words that I wanted to you go back to lapping at my clit but you kept cutting me off by tongue fucking me again. The next time you squeezed my thigh I let out a blood curdling scream and my hands shot to your head to tangle in your hair. "My clit- please it feels so good when you lick and suck it please please fucking please" my hips were squirming the best that they could with the grip you had on me trying to get my clit back on your tongue. "Ivon- please I'm begging you finger me and use your tongue on my clit please, please, please daddy please!" My voice was coming out so ragged with how pleasure drunk I was and I couldn't wait to see the bruises you were leaving later on. I was hoping so badly that you would give me what I was begging for after I drained you of all the cum your balls had to offer me but I knew I was probably way more lost in that lusty place now than you were and I think if you denied me I might cry.
@bonghitsforfeds
Your begging was music. Each time my tongue passed up you a new noise would crawl out in a throaty wail. Someday I am going to tie you to a post and lick you for hours while ignoring your clit the entire time just to see what new squeaky sounds you make. You exhausted the entire Cami arsenal too in an impressive waste of ammo. First it was my name, then you called me babe, after that it was the desperate pleases, but then you tied it all up with that nasty bad word again. I’ll be honest to God it almost worked. There was a split second my mouth rose up to start sucking your hot nub how we both knew would send you over into that pit. Still though I could hear it, ‘See, not many guys I’d ever been with...’ and every time it repeated hatred for you replaced that waning lust you drained. Is it unfair? Most definitely. Is it slut shaming to get mad at you for past encounters? One-hundred percent. Was I about to fuck this up for you by being selfish? You bet.
16:06
.
Slurp My mouth left your cunt with a devilish smile. Coming to all fours I slowly rose up into a seated position while swallowing down what was now mostly your cum. “No Camila. I don’t think I will.” Oh that look you gave me could power word kill a weaker man. “See, I don’t take that kindly to you taunting me with people in your past.” I forced an evil sad frown over my face, and tilted my head in an exaggerated form of your mannerism, “I can tell you about my past fucks if you want? Let me tell you Cami, they did know a thing or two about pleasure.” That statement definitely crossed a line, but you will either learn or you won’t. Pulling my pants back up and settling back into my seat properly I used my thumb to wipe my lips clean before cleansing my finger of it with a sucking pop. “You don’t get to cum this time. Don’t get me wrong Baby you still did a very good job of emptying me dry, but...” I drug my bottom lip through my teeth while glancing down pitifully at your exposed pussy, “You still made a mess of it all by bringing up those other boys you let taste you first. Since you felt so inclined to bring them up maybe they would be willing to finish you off hmm?”
16:06
.
The fresh bruises on your pale canvas had me regretting my choice to end it like this, so I turned my gaze out the window to the now suburban landscape. There were many more trees out here, and I recognized a few of the places we passed from my last trip to your house. “If you can come up with a meaningful apology before the end of the day I will help you get off, but if you touch yourself before then without my permission I’ll cut one of your ears off.” You have heard similar threats in the past few days, but my flat voice was honest. It may not be that exact punishment that befalls you, but whatever it ended up being would leave a disgusting permanent disfigurement. From my peering out the glass there was no way to know if you had already done so, but I still added some more teasing, “Pull your pants up and put that mess away, you are distracting me.”
@killahxkylie
"What're you-" The look on my face was one of complete devastation and just a dash of anger at you stopping before I could tip over the edge. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong, what I'd said, it was weird but the fact that you pulled away made me panic. "Taunting- but I- I wasn't." I shook my head stammering and tripping over my words. Sad tears immediately springing to my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. When you rubbed in my face that you'd been with women far better than me at pleasing you, at least that's how I took it, I couldn't help but choke on a sob as I brought my hands up to cover my face. "That's not what I was trying to do if anything I was just saying how bad they were and what a waste it was." I tried to explain myself but even if you had wanted to touch me again I was far from in the mood now.
'A meaningful apology.' I couldn't think straight enough to even process what had just happened let alone figure out a way to apologize to you in a way that you would find good enough. Then you even went far enough to call me a mess and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that it physically hurt to take my hands away from my face so I could grab my pants and pull them back on. Once they were up I brought my feet up onto the seat so I could tuck my knees against my chest. I was so physically uncomfortable now but that was nothing compared to how sad I felt. I really hadn't meant to taunt you with anything, and now all I could think about were all the women in your past that had probably made you feel much better than me. I bet they didn't always slip up and say something stupid, and they probably didn't trouble you well past when the act was done the way I've managed to. Hell it was my fault we were going to be stuck here trying to get my passport sorted out too. I was just one giant fuck up in your life and I couldn't figure out why you wanted me around.
16:23
.
I was trying really hard to control the pathetic cries coming from me as my head rested against the window. I hated that fact that I was crying like this, it wasn't that obnoxious crying I was doing when you were physically hurting me. This was quiet and hiccuped and full of genuine hurt and sadness. I couldn't even think of anything to say to you because I felt so stupid and ashamed of myself. I knew I was spiraling, I could feel it. The mental plummet was like jumping out of a plane at 5000 feet with no chute and I couldn't stop it. I felt disgusting for some reason. I hated the way you could make me go from the highest highs to the lowest lows so fast, or the way that I would have preferred you actually just hurt me than wound me with your words. I think I handled that better.
Stumbling foolishly you dumb stepped right into the gaping maw of that manipulative bear trap. It worked with brutal efficiency, and those teeth sank deep into the flesh of your mind’s skin. At first with how you had reacted in the past I had expected you to get angry and see through my faux words. Any other time I would like to think that is how you would have reacted, but you were falling at terminal velocity from the cruelty of this rug sweep. Your mutterings almost had me regretting my absolute intensity, however there was just something about the acute level of anger your talking of other people had brought me. I should know better with how you invited that guy into your home over a month ago, but I felt so weirdly betrayed. That is because you are a narcissist, Ivon. Oh man, I was fuming now. I’m pretty sure the car heated up several degrees, and had you not been rocking back and forth in a stupid emotional ball my own thoughts might have pissed me off enough to start ripping your hair out. Would the driver let me actually beat you? I wanted to check the mirror for his gaze, but nothing was working to make me feel better and his eyes might just push me into a tantrum.
17:01
.
Tiny barbed venomous tentacles of regret puckered around my belly, and it only served to add fissile material to the burn pit. The protective love-like aura demanded I make apologies by wrapping you up in a true hug, but fuck love you hurt my feelings. I thought you were a grown man? My foot was doing that familiar hook under the driver’s seat. Of course the metal was not working to sooth me either. Was I just spiraling out of those post sex blues? Probably... but I am a spoiled rich brat so you get to take the vanguard of my hateful outbursts. Mind lizard was scrambling around on twenty backwards legs over the roof of my skull for something else to escalate with. Last time I let you stew in the car it seemed to work, but the shaking wouldn't stop. The racing thoughts wouldn’t stop. Now your raspy pleading has ceased too. Nothing was going my way. When did my fists start clenching, and why is your breathing so annoyingly loud?
17:01
.
I decided to see if you had a new breaking point. Without turning from the window, “Do you like doing this after we fuck? Do you like to spin me up just enough to make me gooey so you can spit in my melted form after?" It was undoubtedly projection, and it was so painfully obvious even my sociopath was aware of it. Your mind was so broken already I had to double tap and see if maybe this hatred could split your psyche further. Turning to your huddled form, “Why would you bring them up?” You had already explained why. It was because you were trying to imply I was better, but this was gaslight town now baby, and the flames shoot high here. “It really hurt me you know that?” It only made you angry. Why the hell is he defending you? The psycho should love this? An adrenaline rush was teasing its hot embrace. “Am I good enough for you Cami?” The car was rumbling to a stop now, and I had been so focused on this lovers quarrel and how much sick fun I was having doing this that I had missed our exit off the highway. We were sitting at a red light, and form what I can remember this should only be a few blocks from your house. I hope it’s still standing so she can leave you. I shook my head, “Your little slip up disappointed me.” Cry harder you bitch. Burn like I do. It’s not fair you get to feel good after I was done. Days of pent up fury were caulking you up in an unfair outpouring of madness. This is who I am Cami? Can you put up with it forever honey? Somehow I really doubt it. No one else does unless I pay them.
@killahxkylie
I could feel your anger building and building even without you saying anything. It was all you were radiating and I don't even know if you were aware of it, part of me wondering if you were getting ready to bash my head into the window again and I couldn't say I would have blamed you if I did, I don't know what I was thinking letting you know I was inexperienced in so many things. "I- I didn't do anything I didn't... I didn't mean to." All my words were coming out squeaky and broken from how I was crying and I hated it. You decided to do this when I was at my most vulnerable and I wanted to hate you for it. I wanted to open the car door and let myself splat out onto the pavement and let any of the oncoming cars finish the job until I was just an unrecognizable pile of roadkill. Maybe if I did that you'd be able to really see that there wasn't any evil living inside me, I was just a girl trying to do my best in the situation we were in. I was trying. I really was.
"I'm sorry I- I wasn't trying to- not like that-" I sucked in a stuttered breath as my lips chattered together "a-at least I was telling you they were bad and not rubbing it in your face that I'd had better- because I haven't. I'm sorry I'm so.. bad at everything." I could feel little pieces of my heart crumbling off and breaking down into dust every time I replayed your words over again in my head. You'll always be a disappointment. "I KNOW!" I hadn't meant to borderline scream it out loud but I did anyway, I didn't care. "I'm s-orry I didn't mean to i- of course you're good enough for me! I already told you you're too good for me!"
17:28
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This wasn't good. This mad spiral felt even worse than the panic and desperation I was feeling in that bathroom when I split my arm open and let my life spill out onto the floor. Part of me was tempted to unravel the stitched and pull the freshly put back together skin just to watch you panic as I bled out in the backseat without a stupid nurse here to put me back together again. 'Your little slip up disappointed me.' Disappointed. I disappointed you because I'm a disappointment and the sooner you realize that and put me out of my misery the better so you don't have to live with me constantly letting you down and upsetting you. "I'm sorry." It came out much more evenly even though I was still crying, I didn't have any more emotion left to give I felt so dead inside from the realization that the little voice inside my head since I was a kid was right, I'm a disappointment. "If you don't want me anymore I understand." He can just replace you like everyone else does.
Whenever the anger would spread thin enough for the heat to dissipate that cute phrase you said repeated in a whispered hush and instantly the acre fire of hate would reignite with multiplicative fury. The glowing magma current of emotion did such a good job of melting rational thought to slag that I couldn't work to the root of why it made me so mad. No doubt there was the manipulation, but real human feelings ran in a reverse undertow. None of it made any sense. Could it be as simple as it reminds me of watching that stupid car guy put his hand down your pants before you knew my name? Is it just the selfish basic boy brain wailing of not being first? Honestly it was more, and whatever that nasty missing puzzle piece is will probably rock me with an epiphany so strong I ascend to a new plane. Maybe this is how Oppenheimer cured his insanity by fucking a hundred whores...
Your valid confusing crying anger was not helping either. The betrayal backhoe I used to pick up your security and dump it over our relationship’s fence still ran with a choking motor of destruction. If I looked at your tear strewn face I would feel guilty, and that only ever went two ways. ‘Sorry,’ kept slipping those lips like it was going to fix everything, and the pathetic part is that it sort of was making me feel better. Every time you said it a sonic pulse of energy blasted through me and tore little fluttering tissue shreds of rage away. If only you kept saying it.
18:19
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The car was making long turns down familiar roads, and it blew me away to see the rental car still parked a couple blocks up. They didn’t tow it? The rental fees never even crossed my mind it just surprised me that the company did not reclaim it. I guess they thought I was still using it? One more stop sign and I was forced to look out your side to see the house. The side of your head was in frizzy mats from tears that had been caked into it. Your legs were still pulled up into a body heaving from sadness. I wonder what my stoic gaze past your head made you feel? It was easy to hold my jaw in this indifferent line when your stupid Cami pixie words kept rattling against the lizard’s cage. My eyes were locked on the ruin of your once beautiful suburban home. Each window had scorch marks painted upward in evil black streaks from where fire had blown the glass out and poured up the side of the structure. The door was completely gone exposing the bottom floor to the elements since the fire department had kicked it in. It looks like the HRA had covered the holes with trash bags, but a couple of them were gone and most had holes. A section of roof had caved in, over the upstairs bathroom if my memory served me properly, and it must have raged for a decent time because debris had fallen into the lawn and burnt parts of it as well. This was obvious by the large patches of brown compost that had once been your green grass. Worst of all may have been the red spray paint that covered the driveway in large red letters reading, ‘WE SEE YOU.’
18:19
.
My heart was in my throat, and I could hear the driver’s head craning around in sweeping movements. I was peering out the back window, and everything looked normal in this direction. Nobody was even outside from what it looked like, and the only sign of life was a stray cat standing in the middle of the road with a craned head. Looking back out my side for anyone peering from windows I spoke in a whisper, “Anyone see anything?” The question was directed at the driver who simply responded with a, “No boss,” Boss? It was a weird phrasing, but the sudden thick terrifying tension everything was weighted with warranted the slip up. “I’ll let you know if I do. Do you still want to get out here?” His inquiry was a good one, and I was still so mad that risking our life over something stupid pleased the manic tantrum brewing. “Well shithead?” Looking straight at you when I asked, it was obvious the choice was yours now. Maybe Parker will be inside to finish the job. God, I fucking hope so. I am so tired of feeling.
@killahxkylie
When we pulled up to what was left of my house I couldn't help but feel an added stab or pain from you not even acknowledging half of what I said. I guess it made sense from someone who was only pretending that they had any sort of real feelings for me. 'Well shithead?' I didn't even say anything before I opened up the back door and stepped out to make my way across the sidewalk and to the wreckage that was there. Everything was in shambles, even the yard had gotten scorched in the inferno and I wondered what I must have looked like while it was burning. While everything I had ever owned and worked for was charred into ash. I knew I probably shouldn't go inside from the way the doorway was taped off with bright yellow ribbons if caution but at this point in time if the rest of the roof caved in on me I'd happily accept it.
The ground crunched under me when I stepped into the threshold of what was a beautiful home. Maybe it was better this way since I didn't have to see the carnage that we left behind, I don't think I would have been able to handle seeing just how much of my blood you had spilled on the floor. I made my way over to the stairs behind careful where I stepped to avoid any nails or broken glass, they were burnt but it looked like they were stable enough so I made my way up them to try and see if there was anything left of the few things I treasured in life. The door to my room was gone and there was a giant hole in the ceiling from where it had caved in but I managed to make my way to where the closet was to push open the charred door. I found the wood box that I had the few things inside burnt to a crisp along with everything inside of it, all that I was able to salvage was a small piece of charred teddy bear fur and I broke down into tears all over again as my knees hit the floor.
18:36
.
"I didn't even do anything" I sobbed holding the tattered burnt bit of fur in my hands where they rested on top of my legs. "I didn't do anything why did they do this" I felt even more pathetic than I already had sitting here crying over a burnt teddy bear. The pictures I could get over because I mostly remembered what they looked like anyways, there was always a chance my mother could get more copies made for me but the bear.. I couldn't ever replace it and it was just gone. The heavy suffocating loss of the house I worked so hard to make feel like a home after that first night to tried to attack me and everything inside of it settled heavy on top of me and I just wanted to lay down and disintegrate right along with it.
In an alternate reality my fingers wrapped your hair to yank you back into the car until you actually answered me. This reality’s Ivon was too full of fear trying to outthink whatever mind game the message was supposed to play at. Are they recording us now? Does Parker know we lived? It would make sense considering we killed those two guys and that camera started recording, although we don’t actually know if the filming went live anywhere. I ran a hand through my hair with a defeated sigh as my control over the situation unraveled. A soft ding ding ding chimed from the front seat from the car's angry chirp at your open door. “Should we leave her here?” I asked the driver this without peeling my gaze from your angry storming stomps across the yard. He was leaning over the center console looking toward the house, and he didn’t even turn his head toward me at the question. In my peripheral vision I did see his eyes dart over to me a few times though. He didn’t say anything, but he did offer a neutral grunt in response. I nodded my head along to this like it suddenly made sense. In all honesty the fury had melted out with his refusal to really answer, and all that was left was this tiny kindling flame of embarrassment.
19:22
.
“You have a girl?” Who fucking knows why I was asking this guy for advice, but I felt very alone when you disappeared through the tape into that condemned building. My fire was gone, and no note in my memory seemed to fit this. My dad arranged to have my mom killed, my dad would have no advice and likely only scold me for having gotten close to you, this cab driver probably thought I was insane, and all of my buddies would just call you a dumb whore who deserves to be dumped. They might even still say that if I told them how we first got acquainted. The driver finally spoke, and I had not realized he turned to look at me until he began. “I have two daughters, a son, and a wife of thirty-five years.” I grit my teeth so hard staring into that empty spot where you had been sitting that my jaw burned. Everything we did together was infinitely more embarrassing now. “Do you want advice, or just an ear, guy?” Anger spiked at his casualty, but with everything he had experienced helping us it was tame. “Just lay it on me man, you can’t be worse than my dad.” My voice was even and firm, and my eyes were vibrating from how clenched my jaw was now. He nodded through pursed lips before simply saying, “If you care for her you need to go talk to her.” My eyes rolled upward in the direction opposite him, and without saying anything I crawled out your side before slamming the door behind me with a solid echoing thud.
19:22
.
I only managed to take about four of my steps in confidence before the red letters beneath my feet stole a gulp of fear. You already made it this far. Suppose that is true, if they were going to whiz a sniper round through my neck it probably would have happened already. Yeah, channel that suicidal hate. With madness on my side what can go wrong? If the cabin we escaped had been thick with evil, this place was evenly full of feeling but instead it was longing depression. Everything was scorched to unrecognizable ruin. The only remotely recognizable shapes were mounds where things used to sit, like the couch, kitchen island, and dining set. I already knew you were upstairs, it’s like I could feel you haunting this place already. Fear almost forced me to call out for you, but the chauffeur's advice pushed me onward.
19:22
.
You were on your knees hunched over something in the closet. The creaking rumbling of the ruined staircase had to have alerted you of my thundering arrival, but you made no attempt to turn when my form filled the doorway. My most distinct memory in this place you mourned your entire life and everything that had been in it was pinning you to the floor and robbing you of an un-mendable innocence. Looking up at the natural sky out of a man made structure where you aren’t supposed to invokes an odd sense of sonder. It would probably be oddly sweet if I didn’t know why it looked like this. I slowly lowered to my knees just to feel level with you. Even though you were huddled across the burnt skeleton of a room it just made me feel less imposing. You had to remember what happened the first time I ghosted into this exact spot. The words flew from my face before I processed them, “Do you want me to leave you with money and go away?” It seemed cruel after they fluttered out. Thanks for letting me take everything I needed Cami, here is some cash you fucking hooker, ta-ta! “I want you with me, just to clarify, but I can leave you with several million and just disappear. Convenient for me to get away with it all I suppose, but it’d be the least I can do.” I’m not even sure if the offer was genuine. A wrong choice may just lead me to execute you right here, but at least you would get to pretend for a second.
@killahxkylie
I wondered if maybe you had already left, told the chauffeur to just leave me here in the rubble of my life. It's not like it would be beyond you given everything I had learned about your past. Maybe I really was just another conquest who didn't make the cut to earn a place in your life. The creaking of the stairs interrupted my thoughts and let me know that you at least hadn't left. I couldn't bring myself to move or even to act like I was okay. My clean face that I had only gotten to enjoy for as long as we were in the hospital was now muddied with ash from where I'd been trying to wipe tears away.
I bet being in here is a nice memory for him. I wonder if that was true, if being here was like some sick way to relive what you did you me when you came into my life like a tsunami and ruined it all. At least you hadn't kicked me like a wounded puppy yet, instead you lowered down onto your own knees and I couldn't figure out why, you'd never had a problem with looking down on me before. 'Do you want me to leave you with money and go away?' Seriously? Is that what this was all going to boil down to? You were going to use me for everything I had, take literal pieces from me, and then pay me off to keep me quiet and supposedly content? Did you seriously think that I would be able to live without you now? That I wouldn't just shrivel up and die right here in this spot if you tried to sever the ties that trauma had formed. 'I want you with me..' Liar. You're lying. You don't want me with you you want to leave me here all alone to try to put together the pieces of my life again.
19:58
.
I felt anger spiking a fever pitch in my blood when you offered to just leave me with money as if that's ever meant anything to me as long as I could eat and pay my bills. As if I was some spoiled little trust fund brat who was eager to get my grubby little fingers on just a little more cash. I felt the swelling love that I had felt for you melting away back into a sick and bitter hate. "Are you fucking serious?" I let out an incredulous laugh as I gripped the tiny piece of fur in my hand so tight I was worried it was going to disappear into nothing "Why would you even ask me that Ivon?! I keep telling you I don't want to be without you why can't you just listen to me?! You think I'm just some whore you can use and then pay off to fuck off into the sun like this never happened? I'm not going anywhere and I don't care how much money you offer me I'd rather be poor than without you! As much as you want to rub all the other stupid bitches you've fucked in my face I'm not like them I don't want your money!" I was so angry and hurt that I was shaking now and I felt like I could barely breathe.
Here we go again. Kneeling in a setting I directly worked to create as a woman I think I love yells at me through tears while I do my best to be honest. Knowing my track record my angle is probably shallow and misguided. As you began to rip into me a dam of conversation built behind my mouth about how I just want to help you now, but even if you believed me it’s not like that means very much I suppose. The anger was long gone. It was six feet under even as you continue the tirade. A couple times I tried to interject and answer your assault of questions, but it seemed like you were uncorked now. Genuine proud trickles ran deep in my soul that you actually managed to get this worked up at last. The only time you were remotely this angry that I can recall is the fight we had in the van, but that had mostly been volume. There was purpose and care to what you said now. You were quaking with fury, and I was very glad instinct told me to kneel here, because had I not there is little doubt in my head you would have finally struck me with those bony fists.
20:41
.
Since you had stopped to either gather air, or strength to kill me, I took the time to try and respond. “I only ask because I probably relate to stressful situations by trying to solve them with running or money. I suppose the previous offer was just a shitty combination of both.” Resolve reserves were depleted long ago, and this reminded me so much of my proposal to Chelsea that my eyes just stayed on the destroyed floor between us. I had nothing left but honesty. We were at the end of the world, and the wrong choices would send our futures careening over the edge of infinity. “Trust me Camila,” I almost called you Baby, and that probably would have sent you over the edge, “every time you say that you want to be with me it's scorched into my permanent memory. I don’t mean to erode your confidence by offering you an out...” Tell her the truth dipshit. A massive sigh as your house sucked out my defensive layer, “I suppose it’s just a manipulative question meant to make you feel forced to stay out of no better option.” That was the complete truth. Of course selfish love was at play too, but I knew that you were already aware of that. We had previously talked about the budding feelings for each other, so it just felt insulting to chance bringing it up like you don’t know.
20:41
.
There was still much more to unpack with what you had screamed to me. I don’t think you are a whore. Even if I say it a lot, at the end of the day it’s just a mix of cruelty and jest. My razor tongue is a jaded coping mechanism that would take decades to fix. I’d tell you that I am willing to work at it, but that just feels like making it all about me. Maybe I am overthinking it. This is a time to overthink things. I wanted to add on how it was obvious to me at this point that money does not wow you, and I think that is part of the reason I love you so much. Even after seeing me at my purest evil you loved me for who I was. The soft hearted man who was locked behind this puppeteered evil persona. It’s just that the mask I wear doesn’t come off. “I can keep explaining myself if you want to hear it. Or you can keep yelling at me.” I tried to sigh again, but I was worried that a lung full of oxygen would make me start to cry so it was just a tiny inhale instead. If God is real he will open a hole in the floor and let me fall into hell. Stupid bitch, she wanted to come here. Normally I would agree, however right now I was zero and zero feels nothing. Now my eyes fluttered closed just as a breeze picked up to stir a dust devil of ash between us. It lasted only a second and that second was just long enough to whip a cloud of gray around the space. My eyelids stayed pressed shut awaiting my demise or whatever true statement you said next that I had no real way to respond to. At least I had the wisdom now to not propose in moments like this. Good job bud, maybe a few more dead broads and we will have the emotional maturity of a twenty year old!@killahxkylie
"Well don't fucking do that I need you and it makes me feel like a useless pile of shit when you- when it feels like you're trying to get rid of me." I know I should have been thankful that you were being open with me at all, it was a rare thing to have you being this honest but I was so angry and hurt that it didn't matter. I just wanted to launch across the small space we were in and maul you like a lion, ripping your throat out to watch to die. You'd miss him though. "I don't want to yell at you.. I hate yelling I've never been a person who yells. I want you to explain yourself but I also want you to stop trying to hurt me! It isn't fair when you don't even just- you could just tell me what was wrong instead of making me feel terrible. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wouldn't do that."
I sat there watching the small little cyclone of ash and dust run through the room and it really solidified the fact that this was real. The pile of rubble and ash that we were sitting in was all that was left of my life before. I wasn't a materialistic person by any means but it was a whole different kind of pain to have nothing. That's when it dawned on me to check for the tiny safe that I had had in here too but it was nowhere to be found. Did they take it? Maybe the firemen took it trying to identify whoever lived here? Where the fuck did it go? I let out a heavy sigh as my thumbs ran over the crisp fur in an attempt to self soothe knowing that it was going to be a pain in the ass to get all new papers. Just another thing you've failed at.
21:46
.
"I don't want to feel like this so please just explain it to me. Everything I've ever had is gone and I'm really struggling to keep it together enough to stay alive so please just.. I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore just.. please." I felt so stupid now because my brain was so scrambled I couldn't even think of what I actually needed from you, not that it would matter because you probably wouldn't give it to me anyway. I'm sure you would think of something that I had done wrong and hold it over my head to deny me of it.
At least this vessel finely honed as a weapon built with the sole purpose to make people feel awful is good at the job. How is it that I get away with my awful behavior everywhere else, but you scold me for trying to push you away? You really are invested in this if that is the only thing that ever gets a reaction out of you. Our fights were smearing together in a caustic color, but if I think about it the thing you have always hated the most is me doubting your loyalty. Apparently there will be plenty of time later to pick your shattered whore brain as to why you stick around. “I-” Excellent job, Stud. My head dropped all the way to a hang so my gaze was just knees and floor. I tried to hide the smile that crossed my stupid face. I was worried you would think I am laughing at you, but in reality I think it's just cute that you only call it hurting you when I jab at your emotions like this, and not when I physically maim you.
You were rummaging through the destroyed closet space, and it was turning up little tufts of ash. This experience is definitely knocking years off our life. Wisdom told me to go help you, but I took the chance to talk more. “I’ll make an effort to not hurt you honey.” Admit you were an ass in the car. This whole being honest and open thing really sucks. Not a fan. The will to keep pouring was drying up. “It’s obvious you are serious about this,” for some gross reason I will never know, “So... I will stop offering you to leave or whatever.” You asked me to explain it to you, and now I was confused if you meant my own emotions I mentioned earlier or if you meant the spiral it was obvious you sloshed downward into now.
10:15
.
“Cami I,” Wiping sweat off my forehead, the thick paint of ash it left behind was obvious from the nasty feeling of clogged pores. “It’s all smashing together in my head love I-” A frustrated grimace slashed me at slipping the pet name in at a time like this. You are the worst. Lost count of how many times the lizard and I have agreed today. “You are a surviving smart creature Camila. I know I call you heinous shit that implies you are basic or stupid. Not that an excuse will validate it, but that is not a reflection of you.” I am almost half dead, why is admitting my failures still so fucking hard? Why does this make me feel so exposed when the only audience is you, the sky, and this ruined home. “Its projection Cami. I have to feel smarter. If I don't, what else do I have?” Shrugging, “I’m just another douchebag no name rich boy who beats whores because he has no mommy.” I had expected tears, but instead laughter at myself rattled my dusty lungs. The urge to cough was strong however nothing would stop this outpouring, “I don’t want to make it about myself. You just asked. I see you hurting over there Cami. Let me help, please.” You’ve done enough. True, but she told me to stay. “I’m sorry okay. I mean it. The way I treat you is beyond unfair, it's cruel.” Every card in my hand was face up on the ground now, and beyond ritualistic suicide there is not much else I can offer you. Glancing around the room just made me feel worse. How do you talk out of whatever the hell this is?
@killahxkylie
"I don't care. I don't want to hear your excuses okay we all have shit parents that doesn't mean that you have to treat me like this. I haven't done anything to you and the things I have were either trying to protect myself or accidental. You could just tell me if I say something that hurts you instead of trying to hurt me back even worse." I could feel myself getting less angry and more sad all over again the more you tried to explain. It didn't make me feel any better. If anything it made me feel worse because I wasn't important enough for you to put effort in to not being toxic towards me. Would you ever learn to?
'I'm sorry okay. I mean it.' I swear I could remember you saying that you were going to try to treat me better before when we were at the hospital too and yet somehow you hadn't done it. You had been decent to me when we were there but I had a feeling it was only because of that guard that was sitting outside the door the entire time. "I don't need help. There's nothing left here we can leave."
I held on to the small piece of teddy bear fur and got myself up to my feet before I left the closet to make my way back to what was left of the stairs to make my way back down. being careful to avoid any of the spots that looked especially weak so I didn't go through them and land myself right back in the hospital again. "Thank you for letting us stop here.. I guess I had my hopes up for nothing." I didn't even know if you were following me but I didn't really care, it was so quiet in the house that you should be able to hear me anyway.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘I don’t care.’ Bitch, you *asked for my explanation. Really convenient for women that they get the upper and lower hand in conversations like this. How tough do you think you would feel if I smashed your cunt face into this floor and let you die on the cancer carbon of your old life? Maybe I should have just left you here on the ground leaking my seed that first night. Would you have succumbed to that brain bleed? Were you even close enough to anyone for them to find your seeping sad body? You are a woman. A social creature. A parasite. Every sad fucking choice you make will already have been made thousands of times before you by other long lost name forgotten whores. Will your family’s name be carved into anything when you die? Will generations after us sit next to buildings named after you? What do you create? My mind was running a four inch circle of hate and every revolution got faster. A lifetime of moments like this one was filling my body with a glaze of misogyny. She’s right, you could just tell her when something upsets you. I rolled my eyes at the thought. Yeah right, if I spoke up every time someone annoyed me I’d be an infinite chattering box of complaints. Everything bothers me. The sound of people eating, the crying and laughter of anyone’s stupid voice no matter the age, hell I even hated the way most people smell.
You didn’t even bother to wait. Just another Cami quip and you were floating out the door behind me. Who knows why I let you slip by me and walk downstairs. Honestly it would make both our lives easier had I just gripped your ankle and flung you around in here like a limp stupid ragdoll. Every creaking step you took down the staircase I prayed for a board to give way so you could fall onto an impaling chunk of four by four below. Maybe if I ran up behind you and pushed? I feel like I have done this exact thing with dozens of people in my life. Something dark gelled up into my soul kneeled on that ashy floor. If Phoenix were sup
14:25
posed to rise twice as beautiful, this scaly monster was coming back twice as furious. I’ll never explain myself to someone again. It doesn't even matter if you butter them up first as they will just use it against you later. Next time she asks you to explain, punch her in the upper torso. Her clothes will hide it.
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The only reason I finally rose to my feet to follow you out is because if I did that meant I got to hit you someday. You gave me until my first foot hit the top stair before you added that cute little sentence about having your hopes up. Even if every stirring thought in my head right now was a selfish one, that thing you said at the end undid some of the budding love that had grown like moss around that cage. That’s what happens when you get vulnerable Now Father’s words rumbled through my mind, ‘Women are like trophies. You keep them polished and in their glass case.’ I don’t remember the context to that specific conversation, but I doubt it would make his phrasing any less cruel. Karma almost took me a few steps from the bottom when a board gave way with a cracking groan and tumbled to a concrete pad somewhere below. Why can’t we just die? Finally at the bottom of the stairs I saw your standing form hovering near the door. So many hateful things I needed to say to you. Why does it always feel like you are on the moral high ground? You fucking abducted her? It’s not fair that you are the only one who gets to poke hateful final words in, “I’d tell you what I feel right now, but you already said upstairs you don’t care.” Part of me wanted to just walk to the door and head back to the car, but my eyes were just locked on you after I spoke. Kill her. Taste her sweet insides one more time.@killahxkylie
When I heard the step give way I couldn't help but turn around to make sure you hadn't fallen through the stairs and into some split piece of wood to die. Turning back around when I saw you were okay I decided to wait in the doorway for you, I felt the ache of guilt stewing in my gut at the fact that I had told you I didn't care about your issues. I hadn't meant it that way I just meant to say that it wasn't an excuse to treat me this way. I'm sure you would hold my inability to word things perfectly with the kidnapper against me too though. "That's not what I meant Ivon.. I just meant that it doesn't make the way you treat me okay." I let out a sigh. "I do care about what's happened to you and I'm really happy you tried to explain yourself I just.. I'm struggling really hard with this.... and just so you know I didn't mean I hoped it was here so I could stay I just really wanted to be able to grab my passport and this stupid teddy bear and go home with you." I held up the stupid little scrap of fabric as tears still ran down my face.
"I'm sorry. I really am, I don't mean to keep upsetting you I really hate doing it especially when I l-." I stopped myself from finishing the sentence and instead pressed my lips together in a tight line. "Please don't hate me.. I really don't want you to hate me." I looked over at you nervously because I wasn't sure if you would ever forgive me for the way I shut you down before. "Please?"
@bonghitsforfeds
‘That’s not what I meant...’ Can you just let me stay mad at something? Nobody ever bothers with the continued explanations or attempts to appease. Most of the time people just clam up or find an excuse to disappear. Not Camila Roberts though. No, this crazy fuck toy has to try and calm me down. You would be the kind of person to approach a snarling pit bull and say, ‘Aww look at the cute smiling puppy!’ Before it proceeds to deglove your fingers and steal an eye. It probably still wouldn’t matter when Camila fucking Roberts comes walking down the sidewalk on her hot girl walk with three more pitbulls on leads a week later. Is it still scary dog privilege if they are ripping your hands off when you get home? ‘I don’t mean to keep upsetting you.’ Oh you stupid whore. I bit the knuckle of my pointer finger while looking off into a high corner of the scorched ceiling. Sunlight was peeking through the rafters from some secret hole not visible from this angle. Regret riddled my body with tiny steaming holes at your honesty. Just get mad at me! Hit me! Leave me standing here like they all do. I wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake until that stupid head pops off its doll hinge and rattles fake eyes fluttering into a corner. Why do you care? Why are you still here? I hate that you care so much.
15:56
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Already we were into a DEFCON 1 meltdown and this apology of yours had barely gotten started. Now you were spattering sorries onto the open reactor and it was just making things worse. It almost seemed like you were going to say something about loving me, but you stopped. I think the worst part is that you kept cutting me slack. Internally I am cooking with ideas on how to rend your soft flesh, and it seems like your mind just simmers with genuine concern. Part of me cares, but you love me to a point I’d call it revolting. Putrid stinking pustules of your oozing cuddling personality pop with sick thick chunks of this forgiveness. ‘I really don’t want you to hate me.’ I have noticed! Keenly aware I am! Each time you prove it with your actions you place a pink hot bandage over my sewer underpass of a character. It sizzles and brands into my undeserving skin with its sweet kiss. You must be getting tired of the way I turn into a statue like this when you talk to me because you used my kryptonite, ‘Please?’
All I could summon was an opening of my arms to offer you a hug. “I don’t hate you Mouse. That’s why this is so fucking hard.” Oh shit. Yeah, I have to agree. It hit me now why this sucks so bad. Any other person on the entire planet, even my own father, could eventually drive me to the point of just forgetting their name. Not this stupid bitch though. For some reason this specific collection of sick meat gets me going just the right way that I actually care to fix it. Although if you aren’t stupid there is still something wrong with your rattled mind that makes you want to stick around. Is it that hard to find a man who occasionally tries to care? That can’t be it. Why are you here? That question has pried my mind apart a hundred times since we got here. Someday when we are in that glowing god beamed place we share I’ll have to ask what makes you stick around.
@killahxkylie
Each and every millisecond that ticked by felt like an eternity as you stood there not giving me an answer to all the things I was saying. You deserve it. Yeah. I really do after the way I treated you upstairs but it's not like you didn't purposefully try to cut me deep when we were still in the back seat of the car. I was just about to open my mouth to say something else when you opened your arms to me and for a few seconds I hesitated thinking that it was some sort of trick or that maybe I had lost it so badly that I was starting to see things.
After that few second delay I pretty much ran the couple steps it took for me to be in your arms. I wrapped mine around you so tight as if you would disappear into nothing if I didn't. "I'm sorry." I whispered again as I pressed my cheek against your chest, almost forgetting about the stitches in my cheek until the skin tugged and I winced in pain. "I really am trying to make this work.. I want to make it work.. and I know that's fucked up but it's true. I feel attached to you whether it's because of trauma or whatever else I just do. As much as you hurt me you also make me so happy." Which is almost immensely fucked up and I know that but right now with your arms wrapped around me in something that resembles even an ounce of forgiveness I can't bring myself to care or want to change it for a thing.
"So.. what do we do now that we know I don't have any of my papers or anything?" I asked looking up at you from your chest. I genuinely had no idea, the only time I had been to the social security office it wasn't for myself I just got dragged along by my mom so I had no idea what the actual process was like. "Do we just.. find somewhere to stay while we sort it out or..?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Your hesitation to accept the hug had me worried you were going to throw it in my face like upstairs. How did you turn this around to her apologizing to you? It’s likely neither of us were operating within the realm of grounded thinking anymore. You wrapped those cold arms around me and it worked to make me not feel bad for the irrationality. Muttering those mind control words my anger began to melt into that sweet shell. Why are you sorry? Are you playing the manipulation game too? Is your mind killing itself with the effort to stay ten steps ahead? The guilt turned icy at the prospect you really meant all of it. Do you actually feel bad just for shutting me down? I definitely do not deserve this quality of love. You have every right to push me away, and I hate it. I poured a hateful poison into the roots of you, and this giant honey dripping flower grew out of the top. Am I going to let these vines keep wrapping up my legs?
17:23
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Drilling your cheek into my chest like this must have hurt, but it meant I could use my arms to pull you into me even more. One of my palms was in your upper back, and the other one pulled with hungry pressure just above your tailbone. Every breath you drew shuddered into me now. Now your soft words were muffled by the half press of your lips into my dusty shirt. Doesn’t that ash bother you? Reading my mind you answered me with further promises of devotion. At least you finally admitted it was fucked up. Twice in this very space you have directly stated that I hurt you, and it tore me to pieces to hear it. It’s true? That’s why I hate it so much. “You make me happy too, Little Mouse.” You had me overthinking everything again. What should I say? Will the wrong words make you shove me away? I don’t think I could handle this hug being forcefully ended. “Whatever cursed thing has us bonded you have my word I’ll keep working at it.” I hope honesty cuts through the dry worry. A part of me meant the promise I had made to myself about not sharing how I feel anymore. Is part of being human just lying about what you think? You have to at least sugar coat things, Ivon
17:23
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Now those eyes were staring up at me. Gritting my teeth I let my gaze turn down just enough to meet yours. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t say something stupid. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t move too fast. All of the Camila rules were clattering around my aching head. “No papers just means we can’t fly.” How did you suck it up enough already to move onto planning our next steps? Is this constant momentum you carry toward the next responsibility a method to deal with that constant simmering anxiety? I can respect that move at least as that same pressure ails me. “We can stay here in town somewhere, or drive.” An entire day or two in the car scared me for a million different reasons. What if we fight? Would we just spend the entire time drilling your cunt out with my raw cock? A blush burned my mask to ash. That stupid nose was too cute so I pecked a kiss into it. “You want to stay in town until we can get some schmuck to fetch your papers? Or do you want to go on a cross country road trip with your pathetic caretaker?” I almost called myself your daddy, and if you had killed me afterward I would have arrived at the river Styx with a look of understanding. She *is going to kill you.* We have been over this a hundred times. I hope she does. While you scrunch your brow up at that question I took the time to dip my knees and suck two wet slaps from your upper lip.
@killahxkylie
'You make me happy too, Little Mouse.' It shouldn't have made me smile the way it did to hear you calling me that. Of all the things you've called me that would always be my favorite, maybe because it was one of the first things you called me that wasn't completely insulting. Your promise to keep working at it soothed the ache that was burning inside of me enough to make breathing bearable again and I really really wanted to believe you. You can't trust him. I know that but I can't bring myself to care. I'd probably ignore the fact that you lit me on fire as long as you were also the one who was extinguishing the flames.
'No papers just means we can't fly.' The idea of taking a road trip with you that was just the two of us excited me. Wait would it be just the two of us or would the chauffeur be the one driving? For some reason I almost preferred the former, maybe we would actually get to know each other a little better if we weren't constantly under the eyes of someone else. Yeah because that's stopped you from doing literally anything? I wondered if it would be like the hospital where things seemed... Good. Sure we were in the hospital but everything seemed so much softer and happier there. "Maybe we can just drive? It would probably be faster than waiting for new papers now and then I can just get them when we get to where we're going right? Plus a road trip with my boyfriend doesn't sound half bad to me." I had to make sure you knew I didn't just think of you as someone I was stuck with and even though the title felt so small in comparison to what this was it was definitely better than just being a caretaker.
17:46
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When you dipped down to kiss my I felt my chest flutter with that happiness that had completely dissipated from before. It was muted and small but it was like a little flicker of hope that we could get back to where we were before. Maybe I didn't end up completely ruining everything. Again. I leaned up on my toes to press another kiss to your lips trying to really communicate how sorry I was and how much I wanted this with my lips on yours. "Oh! My car did it get burnt too? Wait.. fuck we have no money nevermind it doesn't matter" I laughed a little and shook my head because I felt stupid for not remembering our actual situation.
Oh God, her eyes lit up at roadtrip please do- ‘Maybe we can just drive?’ Kill me. Parker please come through the door and hold me to the dirty floor while just compacting fistfulls of ash into my mouth. Just press and press until it's coming out my nose in running dark rivers of spit and lung grease. You brought it up, fool. This trip will be the end of me. The way your eyes lit up said everything I needed to know about backpedaling this one. As much as I hated to admit it, you were correct that it would technically be faster. Technically killing her is faster. Yes okay, technically throwing myself from the upper window is faster. “Boyfriend huh?” My eyebrows rose a tad at your wording. It was such a soft way to put it, but it always made me fuzzy. I was preparing more sarcasm, but you stole it away with that kiss. Every time you pulled those hot red flaps of stupid off my lips it stole more of my mind. I would trade it all just to press naked to your sweaty body and trade spit like that forever. If I swallow enough will I get sick?
“Your car?” I was still knocked stupid from the dull club of the hot kiss. To kill me you just need to flutter those dark eyes and paint your lips over mine. I’d let you do it too just as long as you keep kissing me while my world goes dark. Okay so we fought in the car, then we were upstairs fighting, next we came down here to fight, and now we are making out and talking about a road trip... Am I the stupid one? Musical laughter caught me off guard, and I swear your giggling only got cuter as time went on.
18:21
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Unfortunately you were right though, we still had no access to money. “We can get the driver to take us to the airport for my ID, and then from there we can rent a car and drive?” Images of me having to pilot a vehicle all the way up Interstate 1 had me gulping in nervous fear. I’d do it for you though. If we wrap ourselves around a highway barricade driving like love sick idiots in a rented super car it would be a fitting end to this nasty parable. My fingers were scraping your ash filled hair out of your face and back behind your ear. This poor woman's hair. At this point we should consider just getting you a little cap to wear. I wonder what I look like right now? For a moment I considered pulling away to glance at myself, but that would mean losing your body heat. “Is there anything else you can think of before we go my love?” Once we step out of this place there is no coming back. You may even have a hard time putting up a true defense in court if you continue to follow me around like this. At least if we eventually get married they can’t make us testify against each other. Would you sit there in a courtroom repeating, ‘I do not recall your honor,’ to cover up some heinous crime I did? Will you find some prettier rich boy to run away with? You are a jealous freak. The conversation we just had kept me from saying anything stupid. She just told you- Yeah, I know what she said. I just like to hear her say it. Now I was regretting not ending this embrace earlier because the little huffing your chest did had that haze lathering up my head with bubbly lust. You are sick.@killahxkylie
I nodded a little as you explained that we could stop at the airport and then rent our own car. I could tell that you were apprehensive about the idea of us driving but the idea of being stuck here just waiting seemed even worse. Plus this way I could avoid getting on a plane for at least a little longer until you inevitably had some reason for me to get on one and of course I'd follow you no matter how many feet in the sky we ended up. "If you don't want to drive we don't have to.. just so you know." I didn't want to force you into it if you really didn't want to do it no matter how badly I wanted to. "I can drive too if you want.. so you don't have to drive the whole time I mean." Why am I trying to sweeten the deal as if this isn't shit you already know?
When you asked me if there was anything else I needed I shook my head no, my fingers were running back and forth over your skin where they landed in this hug in a self soothing manor. "I can't think of anything. I wish I could have grabbed clothes and my hair stuff." I let out a tiny huff I must look like such a mess compared to how I looked when you first saw me that day in the coffee shop and for the almost two months after that that you were stalking me. I couldn't wait until we were settled and I could get the good products I was used to that kept my waves silky smooth. Everyone always loved my hair and it made me put in extra effort to keeping it nice, the last week had been driving me crazy with how frizzy it was.
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18:33
"Promise me you really want me to come with you?" I looked up again to let my eyes meet yours, I needed to hear it just one more time before I left the threshold of what used to be my home, the symbolism of actually leaving it all behind feeling heavy in my gut. "I just wanna hear it one more time before we go." I didn't want you to think that I was having doubts or changing my mind because I wanted to go with you more than anything. I pressed a small soft kiss to your lips to try and express that, trying to preemptively smother the flames of your anger before they could roar out of control.
Why are you so nice? People are not this naturally caring, so what is the motive? People in our world aren’t. Bullshit. There has to be more going on here than class divide. My forehead is a projector that just shines my thoughts into your hollow skull apparently, because you were offering to drive for me. All I could do was smile and shake my head at you. I switched from the strand clearing to just cupping your cheek and sweeping passes into it with my thumb. I was lost in those eyes when you started in about the hair product. At some point we had started this slow back and forth sway. We were a metronome of twisted love ticking to an unknown heartbeat. The fuzzy crush emotions were oozing syrupy thick, so much so I missed the fact you were referring to the scorched belongings upstairs. Just as I was about to mention that once our access to cash is restored we can get you clothes you asked me that precious question.
19:09
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I had prepared an initial answer, but there was this odd bubbling of anger that seemed to come out of nowhere. Who knows if it was due to your words, or the rumbling aftershocks of this entire pitstop but you must have detected it. Your lips popped the safety back onto the mine my soul was working to arm, and now I was scrambling for the words you had erased. My eyes closed just long enough to process a few real thoughts, and to exhale a long sigh into your face. “My fuzzy Little Mouse.” After having worked to move all that hair I messed it up by fussing at it with a few scritches. “If I take a sledgehammer to this place and knock it down flat will you finally believe that I would destroy everything if it meant I could have you at my side.” You were doing that torturous anxious lip bite thing, and I kissed your forehead so I didn’t have to see it anymore. The sweetness of this should have been killing the weird sex drive, but it just made me want you more. Gross. It was kind of nasty. One time a girl I had over every night for a week told me she loved me over breakfast, and I never got hard for her again. Not a single time. It ruined that woman for me, and she left hundreds of voicemails after I kicked her out without food that morning. With you though these sticky intimate moments filled me with more desire than any other depraved act I had ever committed. “I mean it. I love the way you care about me. You make me want to be better.” I chose to leave out that you twist my mind into a braid of madness. God, I hope you can’t feel my erection through this hug.
19:09
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Placing a hand on each of your shoulders I pushed you away just a few inches. Enough to stop the racing thoughts, and also to redirect us to what I was about to say. “Let’s go rejoin our friend in the car, and get to the airport.” What I really wanted to do was fuck you in the ashes of this home like the fantasy you chose to torture us with earlier. Dude, get a grip. Lizard brain was right. Maybe I can offer a distraction to motivate you to let go of my back, “Once we get our stuff sorted out we can get you some comfortable clothes.” I hummed out clothes like you were a dog with a treat dangled over its wrinkling nose. In all honesty I was just as eager to have my own money again. The past few days really did ruin us. It’s like we got torn down to nothing and put back together with each other's parts swapped out. “I need you.” I hated that it was true, but I had to admit hate’s flame grew dimmer each time I mulled over it.
@killahxkylie
'My fuzzy little mouse.' If only you knew the half of just how fuzzy you make me feel inside you would see just how true that name was. "I believe you.. I just like hearing it. I don't know if you've noticed but you're not the only one in this relationship with issues." I smiled softly when you kissed my forehead and tried to pummel down the voice inside my head laughing maniacally at me calling this a relationship. It is one now though even if it didn't start as one I was in this just as much as you were. Hell sometimes it felt like I was even more in it than you were, I felt like I'd lost a lot more in this whole process of my brain being melted into useless mush. 'You make me want to be better.' I wonder if I had ever had that effect on anyone else before, I didn't think so, after all I didn't even have that effect on my own father.
I was mentally spiralling just a little bit and for a second I panicked when you pushed me away until you spoke again about going back to the car. "Oh right yeah" I nodded but I was still holding on to you, I just needed it a little longer. To feel the warmth of your body sinking into mine like a skin deep blanket of whatever sick love we shared. "Comfortable clothes sound really nice.. or even just ones that fit." I laughed softly again at the way you seemed like you were trying to bribe me with clothes, and to be honest it was working, I was definitely eager to get into something the right size and not ripped and stained.
07:58
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I let out a heavy sigh and took one more look around at what used to be my home and then nodded as if I was silently agreeing with myself to something that I couldn't manage to say out loud. "Okay.. okay I'm ready to go." I still held on to that stupid little tuft of fur even though it was full of ash and smelled like fire, I couldn't bring myself to let go of it. Maybe I can get a locket or something to put it in, the thought made me smile and I realized I hadn't answered you yet. "I need you too Ivon, I really mean that." I finally let go of your back and took your hand with my free one instead so we could make our way back to the car. I hope this man is getting paid well.
How many more times can we shove each other back into that hypnotic ooze of false security before we find the bottom and break this cast iron cauldron we call a relationship? Somehow you were back to soft giggles and fluttering eyelashes. Minutes ago the arm of that Barbie brain was wrenched back in a painful game of manipulation. Luckily the distraction worked, and after a few more seconds in this suffocating hug you finally let go. I got a whole couple of seconds of clear thought before you grabbed my hand, and now I was purposefully avoiding that upwards gaze. It’s genuinely pathetic how easy you turn me into a distracted panting dog. ‘I need you too, Ivon,’ Oh my sweet baby girl, you will regret that someday I am sure of it. All I could offer up in response right now was another kiss to your head.
Hand in hand we strolled out your condemned property a final time. Fresh air had me suddenly aware of just how oppressive the dusty interior had been. In the sunlight it looked like we had both been rolling around in it. Knees down of the pants I got today were caked in remnants of your old life. I should have been worried that it was going to mess up the back of this hundred-thousand dollar sedan, but honestly I was just pissy that we were going to be reminded of this pit stop until we changed clothes. Of course I felt bad that you were going to feel sad every time you saw it. I am just ready to bury your entire life behind us in distant memory. My eyes were rolling again at the prospect of this road trip. Knowing our excellent track record when we got half way through Oregon they would add a brand new state we have to travel through before Washington. I’m never gunna make it home. The whiny thought had me pouting as we trapsed over crunchy grass.
12:33
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A tiny part of my rich boy brain was upset that the driver was not out here to help with your door, but at least it leaves me something useful to do today. The soft metal of the door handle popped upward with a satisfying little click, and once the door was open I motioned for you to climb inside. “After you, my love.” In all honesty nothing seemed to quite get me over this little emotional speed bump I was stuck on, and because of that I almost called you a shithead again. We had just barely gotten you scraped back into a little slimy pile seconds ago, so I should probably just keep the teasing on lock down. With the door shut we were sitting in opposite spots as usual. An annoying scratchy tickle itched at my mind over this change in normalcy. Are you ever happy? No. I figured that out a long time ago. “You make me feel better Cami.” After everything we had said to each other the past few days it felt watered down to put it that way, but it did spill out without a filter so take that as you will.
12:33
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My eyes were already back out the window hanging on that ruined building when you turned to look at me. An unexpected spike of embarrassment pierced me at my unfiltered spilling of words. You fucked this girl in this seat you idiot. Yeah, I know I have. I think it just makes me feel naked that you get me to speak without thinking first. “Airport please.” Please? It’s funny because until the voice pointed out I asked politely I had been under the impression my wording was short. Maybe you are doing something to me? The car slid into drive with buttery smoothness and now we were rolling away from the building. The entire time we had been inside that choking place my mind had been full of selfish thoughts over this little pairing we find ourselves in. Now that we are pulling away the feelings of finality are sinking in. Before it had just been worrying over getting caught. It took until just now for me to process having an entire future with you. No doubt we had daydreamed about the wedding and family before, but will I stay sane with a woman in my house every day who isn’t on my payroll? I hope my turned look out the window hid the bobbing my throat was doing to hide the concern.
@killahxkylie
'After you, my love.' I felt myself smile softly and nod when you said that before climbing in, honestly I was a little shocked you even knew how to open a door for yourself since it seemed like you had definitely lived a pampered life. At least when it came to material things and people doing things for you, I shouldn't say someone who's father likely killed their mother lived a good life in other regards. I'd take being flat broke over having that knowledge constantly rotting away the grey matter in my skull. "Thank you." I looked over at you just long enough to say it before my eyes were cast downward at the floor. I knew my old life was gone but it still felt too depressing to watch us drive away from it. You make me feel better Cami.' I was in such shock when I looked over at you and I wished that you hadn't been looking out the window, maybe you would have been able to see it in my eyes how much I already loved you even if I refused to say it. "You make me feel.. alive."
I hoped that you wouldn't be offended by my lack of use of the word better, you did make me feel better in a lot of ways but I did also lose a house and many other non material things because of you. Like your sanity? That was definitely the biggest one. 'Airport please.' I tore my eyes away from you to look down to the floor again when we pulled off of the curb so that I didn't watch as the burnt remains of my life disappeared behind us. For awhile I stayed sitting there not knowing what to say or what to do and I could feel anxiety buzzing under my skin like a horde of angry bees.
13:44
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I learned over in the seat until I was laying down with my frizzy head in your lap and my hand on your ash ridden knee. It was like you had smoked the bees and what was turning into a roar of buzzing was dulled down to a tolerable volume. I felt like I could breathe again, somehow in the past week or so you had become my anchor. Whenever I was feeling something negative or felt like I was spiraling out of control I just had to touch you to feel better, at least a little. "What's the first thing you want to do when you-. When we get home?" It felt weird referring to a place I had never been to before as home. Really I felt like I was home wherever you were even though I had told myself multiple times not to make homes of people, I've always been a shit listener.
@bonghitsforfeds
Alive. Rolling the round marble-glass word in my mouth felt pleasant. I’ll admit at first the ego did a crossing of its arms and huffed at your inability to meet the tier of words I had chosen. Although the longer this jawbreaker melted the more I began to enjoy it. Alive, sour on the outside for sure, but sweet enough with you in the middle that it will do for now. Little fire licks of happiness managed to curl the edges of my lips into a smile. The perimeter to your neighborhood had a stone walkway that led to a cute little pond. My glance of the area had been short through the clearing of trees before we rounded a corner, but there were little ducks floating in colored rows. A fountain must have been spreading water somewhere nearby causing a phantom rippling of waves that chopped up the sun's reflection. I longed to be with you as a normal person in that space. It only made me feel worse to drag you out of here. Would you have still put up with my sharp edges had we met naturally? I wonder if you ever put two and two together that I left that receipt in your car all those days ago? Notes were mentally filed to tease you with that next time we were toying around.
14:28
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Sugary sick memories replayed of when you mentioned car rides making you sleepy, and it popped into my head the moment you fell into my lap sideways. We had been on the highway all of about thirty seconds before you capitulated into this lump. I loathed car rides. My favorite part of traveling over the pond is getting to use trains and buses. Although, I could probably get used to them if it meant you cuddled into me like this every time. I was using a hand to pet your scalp in the direction your hair grew, and was just about to cook up a joke about your skin being paler than the ash. However you interrupted with that cute question. *We get home,* The correction was not lost on me, and more car hate subsided at how you called it home. “Other than showering in my own bathroom and sleeping in my own bed? Hmm...” I replaced the hand petting at you with my other and rested the displaced one in that little hourglass hip zone it likes so much. It always made me feel better to have that motion of your breathing body rising and falling beneath me. My eyes fluttered closed as I tried to ignore all of the awkward mind rattling things that await you in Washington. Everything I thought of doing had you as the star. Little reels of us fucking in every sunlit spot of the house, your hand in mine as I drag you around the statue garden, another one of us in the roof top hottub while a freezing snow covers the area around us. Arm in arm in that home hospice suite when she realizes you are a sick freak? God, was I thankful you were looking away for the look that crossed me then. Shit, I still needed to answer, “I am going to drag you around and introduce you to every single staff member. That way everyone knows you are my baby.” Pathetic bitch. The blush on my face was so hot it had my eyes watering. There was something so tantalizingly exciting about everyone having to be jealous of this thing I snagged up in Cali.
14:28
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We were rumbling along the smooth blacktop, and everything seemed okay. There was this sobering moment of universal clarity. As if the gods took a step back and grabbed my chin to say, ‘Look Ivon, remember this.’ Something told me this car ride will be in our memories forever. Will we grow old together? The thought of me rocking gray on a porch forced me to stifle a giggle. Part of me wanted to ask you the same question, but you had me soft with that emotional rawness. “Since you have convinced me of your loyalty now.” You really did too. If this was a long con it’s a dastardly one. “Is there anything pressing you want to know about me or where we are headed?” Last time we did this I sort of planted the questions in you beforehand, so I was curious to see where you went with it this time. While my hand was finger combing your hair this little hard spot in your upper neck caught my attention. With one hand I pushed your head forward just enough for the muscle knot to reappear. Now the other hand worked soft gradual pressure into the hard soreness. Every time it rolled under my hand you winced, and being so close to your brain stem like this had me breaking out in sweat. Before you could answer, “Baby...” My tone mocked that of the one you used in the café flower garden, “Why are you so tense up here?” As if you don’t know.@killahxkylie
"A shower sounds nice.. really nice. I can imagine your bathroom is really nice to if I've learned anything about you." I smiled softly letting out the breath of a laugh at that, letting my eyes close from the soothing way you were playing with my hair. I wonder if you do it just because you want to or if it's because you know how good it makes me feel. My mind settled on an answer of a mix of both. I felt your hand rest against my side and it was like that sweet blanket of warmth was on me again. I hadn't even noticed that it had been a few moments since you started to answer with the way your hands were distracting me. "Every single one huh? That makes me feel pretty special.. it's so hard to wrap my head around living in a house that has staff." Another soft laugh before I nuzzled into your lap more.
My eyes opened wide when you said that I had convinced you of my loyalty anda small part of me briefly remembered that I was supposed to be wanting to kill you, that that had originally been the goal of staying with you but if that was still my intention there was no way I would be following you all the way to Washington to do it. Not when you had offered me multiple escape options. I mulled over your question for so long that it was dripping juice and pulp through the cracks in my psyche. Just when I went to open my mouth to answer you you found a hard knot of muscle in my neck and I yelped in pain. "Ow!" I winced and sucked in a breath and frowned when your hand kept rolling over it like a hunk of muscley dough. "I carry all my tension in my neck and shoulders.. according to a chiropractor I saw a couple times."
.
15:36
I kept wincing every time your hand rolled over that spot but it felt oddly good to have it being worked at even though it hurt. I was still trying to think of the things I really wanted to know since I didn't think I would get too many chances to ask questions so freely like this. All I could keep thinking of was wanting to be able to picture where we would be spending the foreseeable furture together. "What's it like? Your house I mean what's it look like? Is it big? Are there trees around? I keep trying to.. well it's silly but I keep trying to imagine us doing things together but it's hard when you've never seen the place you're trying to think of." I felt my cheeks heat in a blush at the question and the simpleness of it. "Also.. will I be able to get all new stuff? I won't get anything I don't need but a few outfits and some good damn hair stuff would be great." I didnt like not having my own money to spend anymore, it made me uncomfortable to ask for things but I assumed I needed to get used to it since this was going to be my life now.
I must have thought the roof of that Mercedes had my answers, because I kept staring up at its fuzzy snare-drum tight surface for them. Whirling in ashy dust devils were cyclones each depicting a memory of a home I had spent any meaningful time in. Each time one would spin through me I was picking apart the scene for lack of housing staff. Had I ever been in a place without some sort of care? Obviously there had been hotels, but until recently I had never been in one like the place we shared after our woodland adventure. I could picture myself getting used to bathing and what not. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, the mounting mound of random things you have to get done alone. How do you even have time for anything? Now I was feeling really spoiled.
When you said Chiropractor stony fake videos of someone using their hands to manipulate your perfect body rattled around. We just did this dude. At some point hanging out with you eye rolling had become a common thing I do. Here they went again painting a circle that you could not see from the way that cute face was pointed away. Regardless of his intrusion into the secret ruins of you that I guard with zealot's oath his observations about your neck were right. I wonder if Nicole would massage these out of you? She is going to push Nicole out a window. I’m not sure about those odds. Who would I even bet on?
16:14
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While waiting for your answer I rubbed that little sore ball until it broke apart into smaller knotted fragments. When the rest of the little pieces finally dissolved back into normal muscle I saw the shiver go down your spine. “Yeah honey? That feel better?” Pressing a warm kiss into my fingers I used the same hand to press that smooch into the red spot of where that knot had been. “It’s not silly...” For some reason it made me pouty to hear you put it that way, but I just waved it off as my mood today. “Our Washington estate has seven bedrooms, and nine bathrooms. Most of the bedrooms have their own washing space, and then two of them share a Jack and Jill style walkthrough.” I closed my eyes trying to picture the home, and one of my hands was twirling your hair in an absent minded spiral. “The staff quarters have their own bathroom, we actually had that upgraded to full last year.” I detected your body stiffening at ‘we’ so in an attempt to clarify, “The estate manager recommended that for the ones who end up sleeping overnight. Don’t worry though, their space is in a cabin separate from the main structure.” She is so worried about such things, Ivon.
16:14
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Now worry spread with a fierce ooze that this just came off pompous. If I stop there might be tears so I just kept talking, “As for what it looks like?” I exhaled some frustrated air at my own inability to do this in a descriptive way. “It’s a Colonial style home, but we had it repainted white from the red in the older pictures in case you look it up or something.” With her smart phone that she doesn't own you dumbass? “There are lots of trees, yes, the whole three-hundred acre property sits a thirty minute drive into the mountains. Let’s see what else... Oh! There is a pool house, a rooftop hot tub,” There were actually two jacuzzi, but that weirdly felt like bragging to mention, “The basement has a bowling alley...” I could do this for hours, the Washington house was my favorite. “Father has shitty memories there so he only comes around maybe once a year. It’s our space baby.”
The brutal cute overload that filled my torso up at the mention of a few outfits was so mushy it finally stole one of those oaky laughs out of me. “We have a couple seamstresses who can come visit and get your measurements. They do sketches and stuff there at the house then a few weeks later you will have a whole new wardrobe princess.” Petting at that hip valley again only felt appropriate. At one point your shirt had ridden up and I worked to pull it back down as if modesty mattered back here anymore. “If you don’t want to fuss with your hair anymore we can get someone to do that for you too.” I was definitely going overboard, but there were an infinite number of ways I was going to discover to spoil you. “Unless you want to teach me how to do it?” That made me blush so hard my eyebrows probably lit on fire.
@killahxkylie
"It does.. you're really good at that." I hummed in relief when the knot was gone and I heard you press a kiss to your fingers to press them to my neck and another similar shiver ran down my spine. I let my eyes close again to listen to your description of the house that I'd soon call home. You made it sound so magical, the idea of having so much land filled with trees and maybe even some wildflowers was so pleasing to my minds eye, I could already imagine myself wandering the grounds on a spring day to pick fresh ones for inside. I wonder if you would let me do that instead of just having staff do it. You two are never going to be alone. Not really. That thought settled weird in my gut but I pushed it down and out of the way for now, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe I could get you to let me do things. I couldn't help but laugh softly to myself when you told me not to worry about the staff sleeping separately from us as if I had any experience in things like this.
16:47
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"It sounds beautiful Ivon I can't wait to see it." That much was true, as nervous as I was I couldn't wait to see your home and try to figure out my place in it. I was so excited to take a shower and sleep in a nice soft bed with a real comforter instead of a scratchy one or a hospital blanket. Not to mention I would get to sleep tucked in right next to you for the rest of our lives, that sounded like its own little piece of heaven. "Wait does that mean I'll have all fancy clothes? Because I'm sure you've seen how much I enjoy my sweatpants when I'm relaxing at home.. n-not that I don't want them to do that for me it just- I mean shopping might be fun right?" The idea of people doting on me so much was making my skin crawl with anxiety again and even your hand petting at dip near my hip wasn't working to stifle it this time. "I would love to teach you honey.. I think I'm going to struggle with having so many people willing to do everything for me I've never been good at asking for things." Not to mention the fact that I've always had to do so many things for myself it was the only way I really knew how to live. "I like washing yours too you know, there's something soothing about it."
How starved for affection are you that pressing into a hard lump on your neck is, ‘good at this?’ She is flattering you. I’m not so sure anymore. I bet she melts like that for everyone. Wow, okay it really is just going to be like this all day. I wouldn’t even care anymore if you did honestly. You make everything I do seem important and unique. Perhaps someday there will be no more clever arrangements of charming words to wow you with and then you’ll flutter away. Jaded wisdom suggests you will, but this time we have spent together proves otherwise. ‘I can’t wait to see it.’ Hundreds of hours I spent marching those halls picturing you floating about them beside me, and that was long before we had gotten properly acquainted. When you mentioned wanting comfy clothes I managed a small smile, but only for a brief moment. “Of course honey. Whatever you desire.” My tone was just the slightest bit flatter. Anyone else would not notice, but it’s likely you did. It doesn’t make me angry per se... I think it just confuses me that you don’t seem to get excited over the prospect. Maybe it makes me an objectifying asshole to always picture you in some gorgeous multi piece outfit with your waves in a diamond studded hairpiece. Another one of Father’s lovely views on women rumbled through my soul, ‘You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.’ Fuck you dad, maybe my life needs a little loud mouthed bitch who walks around in basketballs shorts. Now with some teasing heat, “You know what, fuck it honey, if you want to fill every goddamn closet in our home with gray Target sweatpants then knock yourself out.” The idea of us showing up to a black tie White House dinner with you in sweatpants and covered in spitty bruises is a tad hilarious.
17:39
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‘I like washing yours too.’ Out of all the pleasant musings so far this car ride, that one was my favorite. Your soft hands massaging soap into my scalp is an orgasmic version of a comforting hug. Just thinking about it now in this stupid car I can feel little pseudo shivers running over my shoulders at the memory of it. Some part of your body pressed to me as you stand tall to work the soap in. “Wait until you see the Main bath. It has these tiled benches running one end that are wide enough for two people to lay side by side.” It also had two separate shower heads so you could boil yourself in the corner if you so pleased, but you didn’t really seem to respond the same way to luxurious talk as most other women did. Why did talking about the benches make me blush? “I uh- only mentioned it because one of us can sit while the other works their hair.” Yeah, okay pal.
A group of motorcycles blasted past one after another in an annoying never ending interruption of ‘look at me’ zooms. “I can’t wait to get you there, beautiful. Part of me thinks you are really going to like it.” Or maybe you hate it and we sell the thing and move to Italy. Honestly I am pretty indifferent about it as long as you tag along. Oh man, Father is going to hate this dynamic. It’s about time I get to turn the heat up on his side of this stovetop arena we kept each other dancing in. There is a reason he lives so far away from me. My mind was wandering lost in those hazy woods of racing thoughts. You would think since Cali makes so much money on taxes they would have more interesting things to look at on this road, but no you get overpass, cop car, overpass, abandoned car, overpass, and then maybe something interesting like an abandoned cop car under an overpass.
While still twirling at your hair I used the other one to rub at your shoulder blades in my continued search for knots. Suddenly the memories of our previous car ride guilty shuffled forward into the center of my attention. “Hey...” My voice trailed off a moment as I almost lost confidence, but turning my gaze away from your body and out the window seemed to help. The resolve to apologize for the specific act of slut shaming you was gone now, but it still felt like I needed to say something, “You are a sweetheart Camila.” You deserved more, but the stingy stab of regret from opening up back in that scorched bedroom had me clenching the honesty down. A bandage from where I had bitten your arm peeked out the ashy shirt, and the warm hateful feeling of ownership it elicited made me feel better. Don’t let her get control of us. Conflicting internal rulesets were colliding on how to handle these new feelings. “Why does loving you make me panic so much?” Immediate regret radiated out in embarrassing nuclear waves. Why did I say it like that? My hands froze in your hair and on your torso as I awaited your reaction. Do I even know what love is yet? I just want to hide you in a cave and raid local towns to bring you every shiny and tasty belonging I could get my hands on. No one can ever see you again except me. The slip up in my wording had that hot naked feeling settling into my skin again, and flight response demanded I roll out this door besides us. It had only been seconds, but already I was pleading for you to respond.
@killahxkylie
"I definitely still want sweatpants but I still want the fancy stuff too.. I know it probably sounds stupid to someone who's done this for so long but.. well the idea of going shopping together and actually getting to go into the stores I normally just had to window shop at is exciting.. that's all." I didn't want you to think I was completely turning down the opportunity to let you spoil me, especially when you seemed so keen on doing it, it just seemed like another fun thing we could do together as the most dysfunctional couple in the world. When you went on to explain how large the main bath was and specifically mentioned the bench that two people could lay on I felt my cheeks heat up, were you already thinking about all the places you were going to ravage my body over and over again or were you just genuinely excited about the bath? "It sounds perfect for all of its possible uses." I wondered if you could see just how red my cheeks were not only from that but just the excitement in general of everything. The more you told me about it and sounded excited to have me there the more my nerves melted away like wax from a flame.
06:05
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Whent the ripping engines of the motorcycles flew by I jumped a little in your lap, I had been so relaxed that the sudden loud noise was a horrible intrusion and it took a few moments for me to get my heart rate to slow back down. Your voice in my ear again helped and when you trailed off a little I wondered if you were even going to finish your thought. It sounded like it was important so I really hoped you were going to. 'You are a sweetheart Camila.' Oh. That's it? I nodded a little and then your next words came and stole the air from my lungs like you so loved to do. 'Why does loving you make me panic so much?' All I could focus on was the fact that you said you loved me again and it made my heart race all over again. You could probably feel my side raising quicker with how my breathing picked up. "Maybe.. maybe it's because you really do love me? And maybe that's something you haven't felt before? I don't really know but.. I'm here to stay Ivon. I promise I'm not going anywhere."
My beating heart shatters into steaming pulsing shards every time you start your thoughts with, ‘this is stupid.’ Someone had gotten to you long before I had and convinced you everything that floats off your lips is not worth the time of day. I hope whoever did it to you is still alive so I can throw them out of an airplane. Do people scream when they fall from that high? You distracted me by sharing that cute window shopping fantasy. I’d stand outside dressing rooms while you tried on every item in the building. ‘What about this one?’ Normally such trips would have me crippled with stomach pain whose source is the rage cooking away at being trapped, but with you it would probably just have this mushy floating everything else we do together does. Rubbing at the valley above your hips helped me to center while you answered my accidental admission. ‘Maybe it’s because you really do love me?’ See, that should make me feel better, but all it has succeeded in doing is kicking a pitch covered flaming ball of panic up into my face. All of these emotions are so concerningly new to me. What if this is just what people refer to as that ‘honeymoon’ phase, and then you just end up hating me? ‘I promise I’m not going anywhere.’ That at least managed to steal some of the anxiety via a tiny sigh.
07:00
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Moving that petting hand to the top of your hip I rubbed in little circles just to see if it would draw out this accelerating breathing you were doing. I suppose it’s not too bad falling in love if the other person feels similarly. Falling in love asymmetrically must actually kill people... Hmm, some of the things Father had done growing up were making at least some sense now. “Thirty years without any love is kind of sad don’t you think?” That sounded much less pitiful before saying it. Although if I get lucky maybe you will feel bad and dote on me over it. “You are going to have me throwing myself down the hallway just so you can take care of me.” That managed to form a chuckling dorky smile on my dour face. Biting at my lower lip, “Unless you want to throw me around yourself?” Tickling flames at teasing you scraped my empty chest cavity.
07:00
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Studying the roadside out the window it appears we were getting closer to the private airport. Buildings had gotten taller, and traffic was growing into that fun LA thick jam. Every time it started slowing down like this I felt very hooked to technology, because I would slay for a phone to browse. Obviously you lying in my lap is exciting, but something tells me you wont let me fuck you every single time the thought crosses my mind. While zoning out on the patterning circular motion of a nearby big rig’s tires I pondered the most times I had gotten laid in one day. Three? Maybe four? You had already gotten to me twice today, and already just holding you like this with sweet talks was stirring me up. Do I just use sex to distract from anything stressful or real? Is that even a bad thing? Probably not just as long as you don’t hate me for being a horny asshole. My head fell back so my view was on the familiar ceiling, and my legs were flexing to keep blood out of my cock. I hate this. Why are you always crawling all over me anyway? Just stay in that little corner over there until I call you over, please? Spit was filling my mouth at an annoying pace, and after working to swallow it, “I don’t think what you say is stupid Camila.” My new strategy is to distract my man-brain with gross soft talk. Part of me wanted to ask the driver how close to the airport we were, but the trip had barely started and it would likely just come off impatient. You are a whiny bastard.@killahxkylie
'Thirty years without any love is kind of sad don’t you think?' It was sad I but I don't think it was sad in the way that you thought it was sad. "If it makes you feel any better I don't think I've ever actually been loved either... come to think of it I don't think I actually loved anyone either.. so.. I guess we have that in common too." I laid there for a few moments before adding on "I guess it's sad but for different reasons. I think it's sad because real love is so rare because people suck." I hummed a little and then nodded as if I was consulting myself on if I was satisfied with my answer.
"I hate L.A traffic so much." I sighed as if I could sense that you were also agitated with the stop and go of it all, I could feel you shift underneath me and could only assume that you were either looking back out the window or up at the ceiling that you seemed to find so interesting. 'I don't think what you say is stupid Camila.' Where the fuck did that come from and why did it make me want to cry? I hated the way you managed to scrape away the thick barrier I had managed to build around the deep seeded issues that I had to bring them to light. I don't even remember who the first man who made me feel like I was stupid was, probably my father but I wondered who was the first to make me feel that way after.
"You really don't think the things I say are stupid?" I managed to somehow roll over onto my other side so that I was facing you, your face was better than the stupid view of all the overpasses and tall buildings anyways. "I've always felt like people are annoyed with every little thing I say or like everything I say is wrong or stupid. It's why I'm so quiet so often.. or at least I used to be."
@bonghitsforfeds
Cruel as it may be I almost scoffed when you murmured that no one had ever loved you. What kind of place spits out something dripping with this seemingly infinite vessel of love to share without having provided it with any to start? Are you doubting her? No... okay maybe a little bit, but I would never admit it to you. Oh, so pretty people can’t suffer? That is not what I am getting at either! Teeth pressed together with an angry click. I was rocking internally for any response, but thankfully got saved by the rushing motorcycles. Then my own attempts to distract myself backfired when you rolled over to point those fluttery eyes at me. I wanted to keep my gaze out the window. I really did, but when those things start their witchcraft there is no resisting. Eyes locked together I frowned in response to your last statement. “Honey...” That stupid counter sadness I get at seeing your emotions was trying to broil up. This felt awkward to explain myself around since I had literally backed you into a suicidal corner calling you an idiot only a few days ago, “No I really don’t. This will seem rich coming from me, but you shouldn’t preface what you say with qualifiers like that.” Are you giving emotional advice? “Let’s just ignore emotions for a moment right? People will hear you say that and one of two things will happen in their head. They will think, ‘wow this person has no confidence,’ or they will think, ‘what they are saying is stupid.” Am I trying to explain this like it's a business meeting? I felt like my father, and that is never a good thing. “Look, you are trying to have a crazy man explain feelings to you, but all I am getting at is that...” *Well idiot?” After a sigh, “I just like hearing you talk goddammit...” The final sentence again had me beaming a dorky smile. Oh my God, this puppy dog thing your face does when you look up through those eye lashes. My chest was so hot that little beads of sweat dripped down my neck.
20:24
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Replaying the last few seconds in my head had my face heating up in an embarrassed blush. “I don’t know how that went from me saying you are not stupid to me saying you need to be careful what other people think about you, but I’m sorry.” Even when I am trying to help you somehow there are still secret little complex giving statements slipping in. I was really digging a hole now, and your stupid magic orbs had my tongue drying up. “You know when you stare at me like that I can’t think because of how cute you are.” I gave you a sharp poke into the soft part of your belly. Not enough to hurt, but just enough to tickle. Since I had just made a complete ass of myself my new plan was to just turn it back on you. With the hand that had been on your hip I worked it up into the lower back of your shirt to rub at the valley of your spine. There were orange arrows flashing on giant black signs hanging off an overpass ahead suggesting the lanes were merging over left. Thankfully there were enough lanes that it wasn’t really slowing anything down, but people were still acting like assholes attempting to cut each other off. Get me out of here. We were two little roaches trying to scuttle back to our trash can, and this place was fighting tooth and nail to keep us here.
@killahxkylie
"It definitely does sound rich coming from you I figured you thought I was the dumbest person on the planet." I smiled softly though so you knew I wasn't trying to start a fight by saying so, or at least I hoped you knew that by the way I said it. I was tired of fighting for the day and exhausted from the ones we had already had. I had honestly felt like a weeks worth of time condensed down and crammed into one day. Everything you were saying made sense to me and I felt my lips tug into a frown as the realization that I was coming off a totally not confident and stupid sank in. Not that I had much confidence, I knew I was pretty but clearly it hadn't gotten me very far and apparently my personality wasn't any better since nobody ever stuck around for more than a couple months of using me for whatever it was they needed. 'I just like hearing you talk goddammit...' That along with the smile you gifted me was enough to lessen the weight of the sadness that was trying to pull me under again.
"it's okay.. it was good advice Ivon. Thank you.. nobody else would have ever told me that. And I'll try not to say so many of my thoughts or feelings are stupid.. promise." I wanted to add on a 'please don't smash my head into the floor if I mess that up' but I'm sure it really wouldn't matter anyway, if you wanted to do something you were going to do it, I'd managed to learn that much in my time spent with you. "Stop that it tickles!" I squeaked out a laugh when you poked me and scrunched up a little before settling again. That same rubbing at the bottom of my spine had my mind flashing back to what it led to the last time you did this and my cheeks pinked up because of it. "You know.. I think you're stupidly handsome. I don't know if I've actually told you yet." I reached up briefly to sweep a thumb over your cheek and then your bottom lip. "It's actually unfair how beautiful you are."
@bonghitsforfeds
The tiny appeasing smile was a smart move, and after slurping on the statement for a few seconds it began to sweeten up. It melted me to know that you were at least starting to feel comfortable with being honest. She is scared of you? Honestly, who gives a fuck? I had to roll my shoulders at the little dips into anger. The lizard's long sticky tongue lapped around the inside of my head for slips in my own confidence. There was this feeling of collapsing backwards through multiple layers of glass, and each pane shattered with an icy blast of concern. How many hours had I been convinced now this was all real? How did you push that finger far enough into my ear that you blocked the plotting hatred? You really can’t make up your mind hmm? I just love how my mind runs rampant in cars like this. At least your mouse squeak giggles and genuine thanks did a good job of waving away the hateful dissociative red cloud. You made a mistake telling me to stop though, because the very moment you did the heated wave of pulsing lust that ravaged my lower body had my mind going in what can only be described as naughty routes. I swear you had a goddamn radar for it as now your cold hand was softly brushing over my face and lip. When the pad of your finger left my mouth something in my face twitched, and I hoped you had not seen it. Handsome... My body betrayed me by pushing a blush from my cheeks to my chest. The flippy floppy heart attack feelings were back, and this was almost worse than just being horny. “Beautiful?” My eyebrows furrowed in mock of yours, and now the lip you had just played with was quivering. When was the last time someone had called me beautiful?
08:20
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Lost in memory’s juggling clawed hands I spun trying to recall the word being used on me. “I don’t think my mom ever even said that to me...” I definitely had not meant to say that aloud. Good, now hit her. What the fuck? The bad part about that intrusive thought was if we had been in the company of other people I may have. How is it fair that my slip ups made me want to hurt you, and why the hell did the fantasy of it publicly embarrassing me make me more angry? The hand I had poked you with now ran soft patterns over the same spot of your belly it had jabbed. I can’t recall ever rubbing at a person’s stomach like this, and it was surprisingly intimate to do so. Not only was your breathing easily felt this way, but your skin was just so pleasantly smooth. “That made me feel very fuzzy to hear you say.” My quivering lip spilled over into a few giggling laughs. “My mind is on fire right now Mouse, if only you knew the stuff I thought about...” I tilted my head while giving in to the sinking blood magic of the dark orbs. Maybe you do know at this point? Do you sit there and constantly expect everything to end in pain? That should make me feel bad, but my ego rolled in the mud of that evil thought. An uncontrolled sharp inhale filled my lungs in three passing shuddering gasps at this annoying spilling pleasure that had been exponentially ramping since your head had hit my lap. I propped the hand not petting you behind my neck to try and get the cold air of the AC to cool my head down a few degrees. When did it get so hot? The driver scooted up higher into his chair, and my paranoia was trying to convince me he could hear my thoughts. Both of you could hear my thoughts now that I ponder about it, and it was getting on my fucking nerves. This was escalating, and I had to end the sweet moment with honesty. “Baby you are so soft and gorgeous yourself that it is distracting me. If you don’t sit up I am going to make you do something about it.” The tone was not hostile
08:20
, but it had that dripping teasing woodgrain melody I used when trying to turn your crank over. There, at least passing the puck over gives you the choice. It probably would be nice if you sat up considering there had been zero time to rehearse my conversations for this airport visit. Jesus Christ, abducting people is a lot of work. Will we ever get to rest while not in medical care?
@killahxkylie
I nodded a little when your eyebrows scrunched up in a way that must have looked like when I do it and I couldn't help but to also find that attractive. "Beautiful." I repeated softly before my hand dropped away from your face and I swear I saw you twitch just a little bit when it did. 'I don’t think my mom ever even said that to me...' That broke my heart right in two that you had never heard it before, maybe it just wasn't a common think for men to hear but I've always thought people should hear it when it's thought. "It's okay.. I don't think it's a common thing for men to hear but I just wanted you to know." I smiled warmly when you admitted that it made you feel fuzzy to hear and just like that the buzzing of bees was back but this time they were filling my stomach, their wings brushing against my insides and making me feel just and fuzzy, even if it was mildly uncomfortable still. At least they weren't stinging anymore.
'...if only you knew the stuff I thought about..' I don't know if that excited me or scared me more as your eyes met mine, I wanted so badly to look away from the intensity of it all but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt so lucky to even be looking in your eyes like this right now when you could have easily made it so I never saw anything ever again so many times. Wow how romantic. Still it was just fact that I never knew if you wanted to fight me or fuck me, whether you were going to kiss me with your lips or your fist this time. I swallowed hard at the way your hand was rubbing over the skin of my stomach leaving goosebumps in its wake, the muscles there tensing and relaxing over and over again ever time your hand dipped below my bellybutton.
09:04
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I pouted up at you when you told me if I didn't move you were going to make me do something about it. I was so genuinely comfortable in your lap like this and it had easily become one of my favorite places to be. It felt like I always needed to be touching you, like if I wasn't physically attached to you in one way or another you would disappear and I would wake up strapped to a bed somewhere having fully lost my mind, you being an illusion the entire time. "But I love being in your lap." I made that puppy dog pout even more intense up at you, this was one thing that I was determined to make you used to was me being in your lap, even if it did lead to other things, as long as I got to settle back down in the same spot after I didn't care.
@bonghitsforfeds
“Hmm...” The calming note was chosen in an attempt to hide the gushy moan that definitely would have fallen out instead over hearing you admit loving anything about me. The distracting half erection was back with its insatiable addiction for your flesh, and if I was not so completely drained from bickering with you all morning it probably would have pissed me off you were pushing. “You brat.” With fact and punctuality the truth fell flat. I only managed to hold the false angry look for a few seconds before your toxic eyelashes reeled me back down. My head tilted over the other way and I pushed the hand that had been rubbing at your belly down into the seam of your pants just enough to feel the natural heat radiating from your core. I still continued the loving pattern of soothing swipes, but now my hand did not rise up far enough to touch your belly button. “I guess my only response to that is that I love your skin.” By far the creepiest thing I had ever said to a woman with sobering clarity, and that is saying a lot all things considered. Two rippling wavey gasps sucked into your lips. I couldn’t be sure if it was from my touch or the Bundy tier statement that I just spoke inches from your face, but I drank every second of those tiny breaths up. Now I didn’t even care if we fooled around again. I was just enjoying the even playing field. “What’s the matter babydoll?” Slowing the circular pattern of that massaging hand down I soaked up the way the prickly flesh rolled beneath it. “It’s only fair that you are a little warm too right?” I mocked your pouting lip while nodding along to my statement hoping to coax that look of agreement out of you.
10:43
.
Over highway traffic the sucking scream of a jet engine was audible high above us. The sound was not anywhere near loud enough for it to be landing within eyesight, but we had to be within ten miles of the airport. I had torn my gaze away from your body in a hopeful attempt to keep my head straight. Pacing our vehicle with only a few miles per hour of speed advantage was a stocky little topless sports car. Piloting the sleek Lexus was a man roughly my age who sported a stern gaze and a shiny watch. The blue car kept alongside us long enough that I got a good look of the guy, and something about him being near us so long made it feel like we were all in the same waiting room or something. My ego did happy little flutter kicks at how this stupid bastard had no idea a gorgeous illegally isolated woman had her head in my lap. Maybe he does too? Yeah? Well mine is definitely hotter. A tiny aftershock of fantasizing about showing you off to every person I know replayed. There has to be some rich boy thing I can offer that will wow my trashy rat. Although it also seemed like I could just keep you near me and that would do enough for now. What if I don’t want to keep all my cards for later and just want to soak the candle of our relationship in gasoline and throw it into a bonfire? Would you cook your life away with me in five years? Earlier when arguing you mentioned this was forever... Did you think that you could die a few years from now in a driveby shooting? I mean hell if Parker is making moves who knows if up is even up anymore. What if they used you to get to me? What if I come home after a business trip to find your beheaded body in my foyer as a message? She killed a man for you?
10:43
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That completed the erection instantly, and it was such a sudden rushing of blood my eyes fluttered at the simple pleasure of pressing against my pants. After that realization rocked me it felt rude to be touching you in such a perverse way, and I removed the hand painting your crotch. Pushing a few strands of hair out of your face, “You are kind of a badass, you know that?” Peering down at your huddled flushed form I pictured another future with you as my mob queen. “We always joke about having met each other properly in another life, but I think there is some of me snaking around in there too.” I gave your forehead a cute little poke. Not a comforting thought to most people, but no normal person would still be laying in my lap. “My crazy Mouse.”
@killahxkylie
'You brat.' I couldn't help but giggle again when your angry façade didn't last for more than a few moments. I made a mental note to remember what it was that I did that managed to snuff it out so quickly, even if you weren't actually angry maybe it could be something I could use to my advantage someday. I felt my breathing quicken the second your fingers dipped down under the waist band of my pants, the breaths I sucked in after you told me you loved my skin were so stuttered that it made me blush and I was fighting so hard against the urge to move so you would really be touching me instead of just brushing through the smattering of short hairs that had peeked through my skin over the past week. Get a razer.. or a wax. I made a mental note to have that be one of the first things I did when we got to Washington. 'What’s the matter babydoll?' Fuck. I hated it when you called me doll but something about you adding the word baby before it changed it completely and I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep myself from moaning just at the sound of it. "Y-eah that's fair." I nodded hoping that you wouldn't stop, even though it was only teasing something about it was making my head spin.
.
12:19
I couldn't help the pout that my face formed into when something outside stole your attention off of me and I couldn't help but crave the knowledge of what was running through your mind. I almost asked but things were mostly okay right now and I would rather chop my own foot off than risk ruining that. Whatever it was you were thinking about it must have been dirty because I could feel you getting hard, your pants getting tighter. My mouth started watering on its own just from feeling it. 'You are kind of a badass..'Huh? That wasn't what I was expecting you to say at all and I already missed your hand down my pants. You're sick. So so sick. I went a little cross eyed trying to look at your finger when you poked my forehead and then looked at you with that furrow in my brow. "Okay... first things first I miss your hand in my pants already" I laughed soft and playful "Second.. where did that come from? What do you mean a little bit of you?"
I spun the whore top a tad too hard, and that sad Barbie pink brain of yours revolved so fast around whatever stripper pole kept it anchored that it was going light afire. A confident smile was on my face even as your brow turned into a cross. Proud torchfire raged inside that part of me was becoming immune to your tricks. I am in control of this situation. All it took was the bowling ball of that giggle to come careening through the glass fortress of my willpower to have me panting like a dog again. Like a pathetically obedient trained pet my hand returned to that little mound of fuzzy flesh it had been at before. “Right here?” When your fat bottom lip slipped underneath your teeth I knew it was already working again. “Yeah honey? Is that all it takes to work my strong girl up? Just a little petting of her pale flesh?” With a fresh coat of teasing paint I swiped the brush with those sentences over your fragile whore brain.
“What do I mean?” Now I was referring back to your second question. Without any warning the hand torturing you dipped down and into you just enough to get a coat of your lust on the tip of my fingers. Pulling them from your pants I pushed them gently between your red mouth. “Drink.” Once you were sucking the taste of yourself off, “I mean that you got some crazy in you too darling, and it makes me hard as a fucking rock to have such a insane hot thing at my side.” At the word ‘fucking’ my hips rocked up and into the side of your face with hungry pressure. Popping the fingers from your mouth with a, “Good girl,” I returned them to your pants to start the circles on your clit. “You’ve been so good on the past few car rides...” There was more, but I had to take some time to bite at my own lip and watch your face twist around at how my hand worked your hot bud. “Maybe you get to go Ivon window shopping hmm?”
13:09
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My own dirty talk felt so silly that it had another hot blush coloring my cheeks a sunset red. Leaning forward so my lips were closer to your ear, “Do you want to sit on my face baby?” This was so maddening my dick throbbed with a little kick every few seconds. It took every ounce of self control to not grab your head and just grind your face into my pants. “Or do you want me to wrap my fingers up in that hair and mash that pretty head into my cock until I fill my pants?” The combination of threatening you, but also making a mess of myself pushed the blush into a hot lust that dripped down my neck and started the heart flopping. With a growl I increased the pressure in your pants until it elicited a vocal response. "Good job honey. You know that little teasing that tickles your brain when I touch you like this? That's what Mouses were made to do. You are doing such a good job too." Holy fuck. I had never gotten so hard just pleasing someone else. Is this how you felt? I just wanted to make you a cumming mess over and over. Why do you make me into such a slut?
@killahxkylie
"Mmhmm" I hummed in response to you asking me if that's what I wanted, the feeling of having you so close to where I was still absolutely aching for you was a tease but also somehow soothing in a weird horny way. Something about you made my regularly smart brain incredibly, incredibly stupid because I felt like I could barely even answer you, just giving you big sweet lust filled eyes and nods to all your questions. It wasn't until your fingers dipped down into the wetness that was waiting for you that I let out a surprised moan, quickly cut off by you pushing your fingers into my mouth. It was gentle but it was still demanding and I secretly loved it. Tasting myself off of your skin was incredibly erotic and it made my eyes lose focus as my tongue danced over your fingers to get it all. I barely even registered what you were saying but it all sank it rapidly when you pulled your fingers from my mouth, only for you to short circuit my brain again when you started to circle my clit, I wonder if you could feel it throbbing from you calling me a good girl. "I'll always be by your side-"
16:27
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I could feel my cheeks matching your own from your words that blanketed me like the softest velvet, nobody had ever ever spoken to me like this, any time anyone had ever tried it sounded so wrong coming off their lips but with you... With you they were like a fresh clear spring on a hot day and I wanted to drink them from the source. 'Drink.' The memory of the word from just a few moments ago sent a shiver up my spine that had me squirming just barely. Wait.* Did you just ask me what I wanted to do? Does the window shopping phrasing mean I'm still not going to be allowed to finish because I might cry if you do it to me a second time. The idea of sitting on your face was intimidating but the idea of having your warm tongue pressed against me sliding all over my clit again had me leaking even more sticky arousal into my pants. What if this is some sort of test though? Am I just supposed to say I want you to do whatever you want to do? I could feel my mouth just barely open to start a sentence before shutting again with the fear of getting the answer wrong. "I-. I-. I wanna sit on your face."
I blurted it out so fast and I really hoped you just assumed it was from the way your finger kept circling that needy ball of nerves and not the fact that I was panicked and waiting for you to punch me in the throat and watch me gasp for air until I died like a beached fish. "Please I- I really want to." Ah yes men like him value manners.
Not many things on this planet that I have experienced shoot to the center of my soul with such clear arctic power as your sweet swearings of loyalty. It blasted the core of my being with a magical wave of cold energy so condensed that if I was a few decades older it would probably kill me. I could live the rest of life hung by rusted hooks through my stretched flesh suspended above a pit of boiling tar if an old voice box radio would sit by my head and play your words on repeat. There is no drug, drink, or angel that has yet gifted this planet with an experience as holy as when you start getting frisky for me like this. I fucking loved it. The only thing going through my mind the whole time we fuck is, ‘when do we get to do this again after we are done?’ What will happen if you tame me? Hopefully you will just chain me to the bedframe and drain my balls dry on repeat until my mind shatters into madness and I die a cackling madman. That one had my cock pulsing so hard the rim of the head hurt with a flush need to be gripped upon.
17:46
.
It’s okay though because you escalated so much with your next moves I am pretty sure a blood vessel in my forehead ruptured. You started sliming the mess of yourself around by rubbing your legs together in a lustful squirm. I could feel the film of you glistening my fingers up into a gluey mess. Honestly I had been doing my best to keep my hand on your clit, but this rubbing motion you did was slurping my hand down toward your soaked mess. When you said please so much saliva filled my mouth up that two lines of it ran in quick spindles of drool before I managed to swallow the liquid. My hand was already so hot with viscous warmth, and my mind ran with you wrapping that seeping sex around my face. The fantasy of it being forcefully gelled down into my mouth in this backseat stole a strand of steaming cum from my cock in the fattest line of precum I’ve ever leaked. “Oh my fucking God babydoll, one day I am going pop and bleed out underneath you.” It hurt so bad my stomach turned over and nausea's evil grip wormed my gut. Blue balls had nothing on whatever the hell this teasing was doing to me. There was a squeezing pulse in-between my balls and erect cock that seemed to grow with warm energy as time went on. An experimental part of me wondered before slipping down into a sex haze that if we did this long enough could I get off on no contact? Maybe one day we can just spend an entire day in a hotel bed practicing what we can do without touching each other directly. My head was full of this shifting maze of mirrored paths that each ran with a different new sexual fantasy every time I would turn a corner. You just pushed my entire psyche into this pathetic slutscape when we did this. It was getting worse every time, and it was reaching a point that was neigh rapturous.
@killahxkylie
17:46
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You didn’t exactly take that as permission, so I yanked my hand from your lubed cunt to start manhandling you off my lap. Once you were shifted back into your seat I laid myself flat onto the leather chair with my knees raised to get my head all the way down. You were looking down at me now and that soft submissive side locked somewhere deep in my soul turned a switch which somehow managed to pump more blood into my cock. If I die of a heart attack when you put this fucking thing on my face it will be the closest thing to a warrior’s death as I could get. “Please wipe that thing on my face until I suffocate.” Now I was tapping at my head with that sex soaked hand like I was beckoning a dog onto a couch. “Right fucking now Cami Let’s go!” Just you working to shift around during this escapade had tiny ripples of pleasure storming my mind any time an iota of force was applied to my swelling dick. No one had ever done this to me with express invitation of my own, and the expected intimacy of the incoming act had me trembling with excitement. I’m about to go to heaven.
When you started to manhandle me off of your lap I couldn't help the way my heart started to hammer in my chest so hard I thought it was going to explode and splatter all over the back of the front seats. I didn't even know what to do at first until you snapped me back into it by telling me to hurry up. I scrambled out of my pants and suddenly felt very self aware of the fact that I hadn't gotten to shave, I was clean at least but I was insecure about this what if I squished you or broke your jaw or something? Or if you couldn't breathe?
My face and ears were bright red as I tried to carefully make my way to straddle your face, my one leg crammed against the back of the seat and the other on the edge of it next to you. "U-um just let me know if I need to like do anything different okay?" It didn't take longer than two seconds for you to have your arms hooked around my thighs to pull me down onto your face, the way your lips and tongue immediately latched onto my cunt had my letting out the whiniest lewdest moan, one hand coming to grip onto the door under the window and the other tangling into your hair.
I couldn't help but rock my hips against your tongue, the way it rubbed against my clit was too much and I didn't know how long I was going to last light this. "Am I allowed to cum this time? I don't want to be bad when you're being so good to me." It was so hard for me to get the words out with how quick my breaths were coming and the way you were pulling an endless string of pathetic moans out of my chest. "Fuck oh my god" I let my head fall back so my waves were tickling the small of my back. "You make me feel the best I ever have I swear to God."
@bonghitsforfeds
I am going to die. This is not some sort of adventure anymore. My heart hammered an out of control freight train of horny madness. The way you just tore your pants off like you were trained to do it had that train going downhill now while some giant boulder pushed at it from behind. The scratchy hair that grew in cute dark patches made me much less self conscious about my itchy face. Honestly if you did not press your pussy into my head in the next ten seconds things were going to get so incredibly violent that they would be calling in the coast guard to finish me off. You got this whole show inches from the beginning and then you started asking me questions? I could smell the sex that pooled within you, and already drool was filling my throat in thick slimy preparation. In all honesty I should have some mean words to throw your way, but you had me so monstrously thirsty to slurp this that my temper flared. Fuck it, wrapping my arms into the meat of your pale thighs I pulled your swampy cunt into my face with religious vigor.
19:37
.
So many batshit insane otherworldly universe bending events started unfolding all at the same time that you sheared more my sane man mind off and replaced it with that goopy pink whore brain. The first few passes of my tongue up through you lapped up so much viscous girl cum that I had to swallow it in a tiny gagging gulp. Feeling a glob of you work down my throat forced humming muffled moans up into your cunt. My hips bucked up in the air at nothing, and the entire situation was so torturous it gave Vlad the Impaler a run for his money. Whenever my vision started to darken I would switch to nibbling at your clit in hungry thudding passes through my lips and teeth. Every time that pulsing bud would roll out from my mouth you would either make a squeak or roll your hips down into me. This was way harder to endure than I originally thought only because air came at rarer intervals than one would expect. The aroma was mixed with sweet hints of your body odor and the whole thing was actual perfection.
19:37
.
In proper and expected fashion you accelerated my heart attack by asking me for permission to cum. So much pre had oozed out of my stiff cock that it was stuck to the side of my leg now with a caulking of it. You are going to have to walk through the airport with that. Oh fuck, that almost worked to throb me hard enough to unstick from my leg. There was no way in hell my mouth was leaving this until you got bored or I died so all I did was give you a thumbs up with one hand before returning it to a thigh. The weirdest part of the whole thing was there was no urge to grip your legs until they bruised. It may have been due to your own hand massaging my thoughts out via my scalp, or it could also be that I had made an internal soul-vow to swallow you dehydrated and dead. ‘You make me feel the best I ever have.’ My eyes were rolling into a red pulsing shade of ecstasy, and your words were all jumbled into a soupy storm of sex. You asked me for permission all on your own? We are going to die. It will be so glorious too.
.
The only thing I could think to do was more of what had you melting into my throat so I kept switching between the clit assault and cunt deep diving. Twice I hummed into your core that 'I love you', but it was lost to the muffled swapping of whatever this was. The fact a stranger sat only feet away had this purely lewd act working to tilt the car into that holy space. I could hear my heartbeat, and at any point we were going to vibrate through the seat and out onto the highway. Maybe if we careen into something and detonate in an orgasmic firework spray of hot gore it will relieve this world ending burning in my nuts for you. I love this stupid fucking woman. This dumb insane whore. This- My own conscious thoughts melted out into buzzing waves of harmony as I focused on not flying apart into atoms.
@killahxkylie
That thumbs up was the only thing I needed to know that hopefully I wouldn't be chucked out onto the concrete for using your mouth to get off and I used that knowledge to really start grinding myself on your face. I worked with your movements the best I could and I wondered if you could even breathe whenever I could feel your nose brush against me. I think I'd be sad if this is how you died, especially if it was before I got to ride your face into nirvana. I looked down to see your eyes rolling back and the idea that you were enjoying this just as much as I was made me throb against your tongue. I could feel my pathetic brain melting into some sort of unrecognizable pile of whoreish mush with every swipe of your tongue and nibble of your teeth. The filter between my brain and voice box that already only half worked completely disappeared and I couldn't stop the lewd moans if I tried. The poor chauffeur must think I'm an absolute skank.
.(edited)
19:54
I could feel you mumbling something against my pussy but you weren't trying to shove me off of you so I just assumed it wasn't anything important and kept enjoying the literal ride. I caught the eye of a woman passing by in some fancy car I could never afford, sipping on an overpriced latte and my brain immediately wondered if she'd ever felt anything like this. She must have felt me boring holes into her skull because she turned to meet my eyes right when my mouth dropped open in another moan. Does she think I'm just violently masturbating? I grabbed one of your hands that had unhooked itself from my thigh to plant it on my throat. Something about this strange woman who's name I would never know knowing that I was having my pussy ate like the last supper was exhilarating. Freak.
.
19:54
I put my hand on the window something akin to how another dumb girl did in titanic and felt the dumb whore blabber bubbling in my throat the closer I got to falling off the edge into oblivion. I wasn't sure if it was because I had gotten edged earlier or if it was just that good but it felt so much more intense than normal. I had already never cum as hard as I have with you and the idea that this one might be even stronger was actually a little terrifying. "O-oh my god daddy fuck your tongue feels so good." I whined, still able to suck in enough air to talk with how your hand gripped lightly at my throat. The woman in the fancy car finally got over into the next lane and sped off to rush home to her battery operated boyfriend. I felt some weird sense of cockiness knowing that I had you all to myself, at least for now, and it fueled me. I must have made eye contact with at least three different people before my thighs and gut started to feel even warmer and more wound tight than before. "Oh- oh- oh fuck! Oh fuck! I'm so close g-god fuck please don't stop please please please" I could barely even control my hips at this point and I probably sounded like an animal with how my ragged breaths were mixing with my moans "Ivon-" I squeaked out before it felt like everything inside of me snapped like a rubber band. My upper body fell forward so much so that I had to reach out and stop myself from smacking face first into the door, my abs were practically convulsing as my legs shook around you and I almost felt guilty for just how hard and I was cumming.
At some point you finally gave in and started painting my face with your hot pussy like our continued survival depended on it. Horny cries bounced around the inside of this car as neon pink laser beams. Every time one would pierce my head it forced another bucking of my hips into the nothingness behind you, and in between the intense focus of trying to get you off were little whines of frustration at my own unsatisfied lust. We had almost found a pattern that seemed to work for you, but every fifth painting of my face had you inventing some new weird spasming movement of ecstasy. At one point you grabbed my wrist and my own history told me you wanted me to grab your breasts or something. I should have known better that Cami would be up to something devious instead, and now my hand was gripping the pumping flood of life in your neck. With a grunt my fingers grasped into your throat and I squeezed just enough in timed waves to have a light swimming fog floating behind your eyes.
My legs trembled when you called me that fluffy name again, and I was uselessly begging into your filmy mess for you to touch me in any way. You were way too far gone into the hurricane of stupidity we danced in now to care though, and there was enough of me enjoying being used like the corner of a washing machine that I didn’t push the subject. Plus, if I edge you in any way again you may just use this angle to crush my head into steaming gore. I’d deserve it too. A cadence of pathetic wailing was spilling out of you in that sing song whore voice you only made for me. One of my legs bounced with attempted distraction at my own full cock. The vibration of my leg was almost enough to relieve pressure in the way I leaked for you, but no the universe demanded I pay for previous crime in this instance.
05:25
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My face was on fire with lockjaw at how unused muscle groups sacrificed themselves to please you. It’s a good thing you don’t just make these sounds for my appeasement, because if you weren’t going to cum in the next sixty seconds my mouth might shatter. I had given up at this point trying to swallow you all, and there were reflective smearings of pungent sex worked into every pore of my skin. ‘Don’t stop...’ You ladled spoonfuls of the hot word soup over me, and it turned on a pilot light of anger. What do you think I am doing? My body leaked with demand for the cunt currently sopping my face up, and here you are asking for more? Maybe it just takes a spice of anger for me to truly enjoy anything. ‘Ivon-’ The humming growl I buzzed into your clit after that must have sundered your mind, because your crotch was trembling as your cunt worked to rip my skin off. You truly came apart on top of me, and the way your body betrayed just how hard you enjoyed this swelled my ego so large someone else's mind probably huffed into darkness to compensate for how alive I felt. There was no way to pour the earned 'good girl' out you deserved for cumming for me, so I just used my hands to rub your back in comforting rewarding circles. I let you shudder out to a smoking stop before working to slide my mouth up past your slit to get words out. Your sensitive clit pulsed against my chin as I spoke, “That was a big one baby! I’m so fucking proud of you.” My eyes swam with lost lust, and my face was so red with exposed embarrassment that the burning hurt.
05:25
.
Every breath outside of you was still thick with the scent of your sex. No matter how much swallowing or sniffing I did it’s like you had filled my head with it. This stupid car must have libido enhancing chemicals worked into the leather or something, because if I didn’t get some release I was going to pass out. “Please Camila touch me. Just grab it and fucking whip it around a few times, it’s all it will take Baby please.” God, it hurt so bad that I wanted to keep begging before you even had time to move. “Babydoll please please milk me empty, there is so much spilled out already.” I didn’t give a shit how you did it, as long as this burning in my stomach got drained in some way. The begging was way outside my comfort zone, but I was stealing your notes, “I’m going to explode. Please.” Some strand of you was stuck in my patchy unshaven face, and the cold air of not being blanketed by you wormed a chill down my back. It was too many sensations at once, and the shame of being used like this was compounding into a weird panicked sadness. Oh, this is why you cry. Will you think of me as weak if I ever try to tell you how girly I feel in these moments? "It's not fair, I know, but I need it one more time today Cami." Absentmindedly my throat spasmed a swallow to try and clear itself of the invading liquids. Just force yourself on her. Not right now. This intimacy was working to repair our dysfunctional bonding , and nothing could make me compromise that.
@killahxkylie
"God I've never cum that hard in my life." I half panted half whined when you said that was a big one and even went as far as to tell me you were proud of me again. I was going to get addicted to hearing that if you didn't stop it. Little surges of ecstasy kept rushing through me as if I was repeatedly sticking a fork into a wall socket, each and every one making me tremble and jerk. I gave up on having control of my muscles. When I looked down at you and saw the entire bottom half of your face shiny with slick I felt my own cheeks heat up even more. "Fuck that was incredible"
When you started begging me to touch you it was so clear that the tables had turned on you and something about that had me feeling like I was floating. How did someone like me end up making someone like you beg for me to touch you. I looked behind me to see your sweats absolutely ruined from how much you had been leaking from me and for one of the first times in my life I felt powerful. I couldn't believe that just riding your face had you this worked up for me. "I don't know it really isn't fair..." But the temptation to touch you was too much to deny and I knew it. I managed to work myself back down your body and pushed the band of your sweats down enough for your leaky messy cock to spring free.
"Since you asked me so nicely.." I smiled sweetly at you before I slowly sank myself down onto your cock, the noise you let out sending shivers up and down my spine. "God your cock is so fucking hard-" I could feel my cunt twitching around you from how perfectly you always filled me up and I started to grind on you so slowly. "You fill me up so full daddy" I leaned down to press a messy kiss to your sex soaked face, licking my own slick off of your chin. "Swear we're both gonna be completely spent of cum by the time we make it to Washington."
@bonghitsforfeds
When you made that passing glance back to the mess in my pants, scrapings of swooning embarrassment tickled my forehead from the sunset sunny blush that stole my upper body. I needed it so bad that just your eyes having passed over me had another swelling pulse of pressure piling into my shaft. You went on to tease me and I never ever realized what magic like that did to someone. Already I thought we had found the edge of this cliff we hung off of with new experience today, but now that you teased me it morphed the dynamic again. Each word drummed on my skull with cloth wrapped mallets that echoed with traipsing swirls of sexy energy further down into my back with each syllable. This was powerful, and all the albums of people singing about fucking being a portal to in-between realms seemed much less silly now. With a fumbling hand you pulled the seam of my pants down, but only enough to free the sick rod to life. Cold air’s kiss softly brushed into several parts of it from the mess my own cum had made of the skin. There was this flicking pain right near the base from having been squeezed into you so many times already today, and the spikes of pain amplified the electric buzzing.
07:20
.
Since you had just finished I had been expecting you to suck it again. When you dropped your tight post orgasm cunt around me and slid down into my lap I moaned out a, “Fucking thank you Baby~” so ecstatic and surprised that I coughed and choked on what was left of you mixing with my own saliva. Face red with sputtering effort to regain control I bit at my lips while rolling my hips up into you. After hundreds of useless humps into the air behind your back while you sat on my face the fact these actually worked to numb the dam of pleasure was soulfully relieving. I had not realized how stressful it was to put up with until my chest relaxed enough so I could suck proper air again. Do people actually die from being erotically teased to death? The thought had phantasmal shivers clenching at my lower spine as our cum soaked messes slopped together with drooly shlorping. “I know Baby, it gets like that just for you. It was hurting so bad, thank you. Thank you.” I kept repeating my whorey thanks as that painful pressure resided into a pleasing pulse of desire. It was so hot how the increase in sexual stamina from multiple orgasms today allowed me to feel all these new possessed demonic feelings. ‘Daddy.’ “Oh fuck Baby please, you can’t just keep saying that.” More pre dripped out of me, and I felt it run into the mess that slipped from between us and into the swamp you turned our pubic hair into.
07:20
.
“I hope so. Just empty me. Maybe then I could think straight again.” Little wisps of tracer color would paint the roof you had me staring up at. They almost looked like the eye floaties you get after focusing for too long in one spot, but these grew with intensity every time your lap meant mine. “My brain is melting. You are turning me into a stupid Barbie like you.” Oh Jesus, I had to keep my mouth shut or it was going to work to get me off much faster than I wanted. “Sit on me forever, you were made for it Little Mouse.” You were torturously tight from how your body confusingly worked to put itself together after you already got off, and honestly I’m not sure how you kept riding through the pain. If I am raw and feeling crushed from this I can only imagine what you are putting up with. My ankles were rolling with my body's inability to contain its swelling lust. The driver's words about being married kept replaying in my head, and my ego was officially god-like at how it toyed with the fantasy of him going home to his boring life. I hope he sits there staring at his dark ceiling late in bed wishing he had a sex addicted cum vampire to take his blows and also his loads.
@killahxkylie
Every thanks you said to me had even more arousal slicking up your cock and I was starting to be convinced that I was going to drown us right here in the back seat. "M-me? You're the one who's driving me insane with everything you say god- you have no idea-" I could probably tell you but I don't think I had the right words to explain just how much yours effected me, it was like my ears were a direct line to my cunt when it came to you. "Ivon please-" You wouldn't shut up and I really felt like my brain was going to break. I'd never felt this feeling before and it was honestly a little terrifying. I always felt a little fuzzy when we fucked, probably because I was so submissive but this felt so much different, this really felt like my brain was going to melt and lean out every hole in my stupid face.
"Oh my- fucking- god-" I started to move faster feeling that same coil winding tighter and tighter in my gut again like I had a crank on my back and you were the only one who knew just how to spin it. "It hurts so fuckin good" I didn't even realize just how fucked up that sounded until it flew out of my mouth. Turning into a stupid little pain slut already? "I can't fucking stop god please let me just sit in your lap and bounce on your cock for the rest of my life please please I need it all the time for fucking ever-" I bit down on my lip just to shut myself up and to stop the desperate stupid moans from spilling out for a second. That's about how long it worked too, a second, before I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't let them out. The poor chauffeur was probably going to hear my whoreish cries in his sleep for months after this, not to mention the multiple people driving by watching me bounce up and down like a dick drunk slut. "Daddy please I need it I need your cum I need it all!"
@bonghitsforfeds
Those progressing frothing waves of ecstasy were emanating outward from the center of my torso, and the building orgasm normally would have happened already if not for how many times we had been at this today. They continued outward in a mix of cold and hot pulses that tickled down my arms and legs until my whole body was full of that prickling floating. Your pace was killing me, and both my hands shot to my face to cover myself from the embarrassing noises you wrenched from my neck. There was so much concentrated stabbing joy that the moans would air out into these pathetic airy gasps whenever I had to force myself to bring in more air. Every time we did this again today it took a little more effort to end me, but the proceeding mounting ecstasy before the unraveling would become mind meltingly more intense every time. If women felt this way every time you toyed with them it made way more sense why more guard themselves so closely. This wasn’t mind melting, this was character ruining. You kept saying my name, and every time you would electric currents of sex would lick at my balls. So much of me was lubing you up already that I wondered if there would be any left by the time I actually finished.
13:28
.
You sped up even more, and had my hands still not been hiding my sheepish face this car would be full of some career ending noises. I peeked up through my fingers at those unblinking robot-whore eyes and the flush in that perfect pale skin told me this was getting you just as much. What is wrong with you? You just rode my face like a dirty horse derby and you are getting worked up again? My eyes went wide at the prospect I did actually snag some insatiable succubus. Will I ever get work done again? Are they going to have to separate us so we stop ruining every room we go into with this ocean of cum we pour for each other? I was pushing my cock into you so hard that my calves were quaking with effort to keep doing it. A few times I hit this precipice where I thought it was finally going to end, but then it would just keep building and building. The ability to swallow faded away as my mind became a complete organ of useless whoredom.
13:28
.
Everything reduced to that dimensional slow motion and you officially pulled the plug by calling me daddy again. When I started draining up into you I had to shoot both my hands to your sides to not die. There was an attempt to make words, but all that left my throat was various assortments of broken word-sounds combined with the noises of a well educated man slipping into the slut pit. Each pulse of hot fresh sex that rocketed up into you stole such a fucked up feeling of squeezing in my core that my vision ebbed out at the edges from the effort. My fingers were locked into the soft flesh of your sides with anchoring fury, and with drool running out of my mouth I choked out through your cummy film, “That’ is the single hardest I have ever-” It was cut off by an, “Ohh fuck!” As you slurped more of me up into your destroyed pussy. It kept clenching and shuddering around my deflating and ravaged cock. “I have never been this sore. My dick hurts so bad.” My eyebrows furrowed with the admission, and I wanted to pull you down into a kiss, but I was worried about hurting one of us at this impossible backseat angle. The driver cleared his throat, and I took it as a chance to continue teasing you, “See, even he agrees you are my cum filled princess.” With that my neck gave out and I collapsed into a panting drained heap. I stared sideways at the back of the driver’s seat trying to piece back together the shards of my psyche. “Thank you Cami. I will never forget what we just did.” It felt concerningly final like this was going to end sometime soon, but it just felt so real and pure that I needed to share with you how important it all was to me. Who cares if you hate that seventy percent of my love for you is over this cult sex we perform, because it was doing something to heal me, and that is all my selfish mind cared for.
@killahxkylie
I wanted to see your face so badly that it was tempting to grab your hands and pull them away, I was so focused on what I was doing though that I couldn't bring myself to do it and I was rewarded with the feeling of you filling me up again. The way your hands gripped so hard as my sides had me crying out in even more pleasure and I was almost certain I would see the ghosts of your fingers in my skin in the days to come. I fell apart at the same time that you did and it was that same kind of earth shattering orgasm from before, if it weren't for the way you were gripped onto me I'm pretty sure I would have completed disintegrated into nothing.
"My-" I was trying to tell you that I was sore too but I couldn't even make a full sentence without it dissolving into pathetic whines and whimpers. When you told me that you'd never forget what we just did it made it sound like we wouldn't always be together to keep reminding each other just how wild our sex was and it made me so sad and scared that I just let myself lean forward to press my face into the side of your neck resting on your shoulder. I still felt like I couldn't speak, it was like you had mashed up all the words in my brain and then drained them out. "Don't- d-dont ever l-leave me." I was so embarrassed with whatever was happening to me that every little thing seemed to just shrink me further and further. I nuzzled my face against you not caring how much you smelled like the slick I had leaked all over your face, I felt this insatiable need to be close to you in a non sexual way right now. "I-I need you." I was trying to say that I needed you to hold me, at least I thought that's what I needed in the moment, something to make it feel like you weren't going to just leave me used on the side of the road. I hated this feeling, the plummet into sadness after the most intense high of my life. It was confusing.
@bonghitsforfeds
Reality was still careening orbiting comets flying in haphazard circles that had yet to collide back into anything semi-recognizable. Right as a few of my mind’s wires were about to tangle back into a knot you pressed your soft face into my neck. Hot breath against my throat spread little tendrils of tickling sensation up into my head, and the intimacy of it all while still being connected forced my eyes closed. That was a mistake though because now it was much too easy to focus on the floating. Admissions of need for me just succeeded in mashing the comets into a slurry that sloshed in the base of my skull. It was a nasty bubbling froth of sadness and elation that I had felt enough with you after our miraculous sex that it was unfortunately becoming familiar. I wrapped one arm up around your back so I could pull you down into my chest. We are both mushy enough we might succeed in finally melding into one being. “Cami shh...” I used my other hand to massage frizzy circles into the back of your head. The motion was mostly with my fingers, and I drew up long locks of wavy hair in an attempt to comb out your harsh emotions. “You will always be this close to me, my love.” I couldn’t tell if you were sobbing at this point, or if your breathing was just doing that shuddering thing.
06:06
.
Laying down in the backseat while the car changed lanes added an odd nauseous rocking which was not helping me focus on comforting you. Now I pulled with that hug around your back until you were so tight it worked to squeeze just a few spurts of precious air out of you. It was a loving maneuver with just a sprinkling of salty Ivon hatred, and I turned my head just a tad in order to get my lips closer to your ear. “You are stuck with me Camila. Forever.” I kept you crushed into me for several more seconds before letting go once I was sure my point had gotten across. Even if your feelings were valid you had made yourself valuable to my psyche’s gross repair, and that meant you were enslaved to me now. Selfish anger stirred at how you were allowed to doubt my loyalty, but when I did the same thing to you I got scolded instead. The frustrating part is that your lack of confidence instilled just enough equal sadness that I had a hard time locating confidence to respond the same way. “You're the one who turned my proposal down, Little Mouse. You could have been Ms. Feldt.” The car ride continued to rock us in that LA backseat lullaby we have become so attuned to. The poke was unfair considering how I had asked, but sarcasm was the only way I felt safe delivering my hatred for how it all made me feel.
06:06
.
Rubber rumbling over the blacktop was acutely audible from how my head rested on the carseat, and the weight of crushing anxiety at how this moment would be over soon pressed down atop both of us. Soon I will be walking through a place that should theoretically have the capability of getting us both home, but no, now my new luggage has me taking a cross country trip. At least by the end of that cute venture we will be sure or not of our interest in each other. A cold line snaked down between my thigh as lack of rushing blood failed to plug you up properly. It brought a smile to my face to have such a physical reminder of what we had just done. “I-” The stupid love phrasing almost slipped my face, and that was probably not what you needed to hear right now. More self hatred leaked that I was failing to locate proper comforting words. Someday I fear you will grow a flower of disdain over how I am unable to string together pretty words for you in raw moments like this. “Nobody deserves your love Camila, and yet I am going to unjustly steal it for myself.” I stopped the combing of locks and just fisted into your hair with that statement, “I wish you could feel the heated love emanating from my soul right now honey. Maybe then you would believe this is forever.” Forever for us may be until a team of motorcycles rolls up on our car to shred us in a hail of smoking lead, but together we will die and that's all I need anymore.
@killahxkylie
'You will always be this close to me, my love.' Just as quickly as I had caught any of my breath you managed to take it away again with those deceivingly simple words. I could feel my breath stuttering as I tried to catch it and I knew it was just from how intensely we had just came together. "I want to be with you forever.. that's not really being stuck." I said softly against your skin struggling to get the words out with how closely you were holding me, I couldn't help but wonder if you were doing it this tightly on purpose to hurt me or not and I was still floating so strongly that I didn't care. If you wanted to kill me now was the opportune time because I wouldn't even try to stop you. I would die happy.
"I- I only turned you down because of how you did it Ivon you can't use that against me forever... I still want to be Mrs. Feldt." I added on the last part quietly because it was still too much to say as loud as I felt it inside my heart. When you went on to explain that nobody deserves my love and your hand fisted painfully into my hair and couldn't help but whimper from the burn this time. I should have known you wouldn't just let me float in the bliss of being happy for too long, you would have to give me a sharp reminder of who you really are. "You-." You already have. "I.. I feel it.. I just.. I don't think I'll ever not be afraid of you changing your mind about me. Nobody stays, not even my own family I mean how.. why would you want to. I just-." I stop myself because I promised you I wouldn't do this anymore, at least not outloud. "I'm just adjusting still.. I like the reassurance though and I don't think that will ever change honey, it's just part of who I am I think."
@bonghitsforfeds
Frustration was mounting into a proper hill as you threw the marriage statement back at me. It’s true no doubt that the way I asked you was cruel, but maybe I just wanted a jabbing statement to land without a retaliating strike. The additional part about wanting to still be with me someday was a cooling cloth over the fresh burn at least. What I should be doing is taking advantage of how you get the same collapse of sanity after we do this, but instead I just let myself simmer. We are hidden behind the seat, just strangle her where the driver can’t see. Guilt sprung up at how internally I still toiled over something I had already audibly confirmed to you as solid truth. You must feel something similar because you tell me that you ‘feel it’ and then in your very next words there are these rumblings of uncertainty. Do you feel the same thing I do if you speak this way to me? Am I just taking it personally, and in fact you are just terrified of losing me? The frustration broiled into something meaner as it struck me how I should just be soaking up this hug, but instead my mind ran rampant with confused madness.
08:46
.
Addressing me with such a sweet pet name probably saved us from an even worse day. My ego bared its teeth at how you only labeled my actions as a ‘reassurance’. I carted you out of that shithole home I ruined your body in and got you fixed up at an experimental hospital. I risked my entire image and reputation to let you ride me dry in the backseat of a car you would never have sat inside of. Even if you don’t ‘like the way I did it,’ I have offered you my hand in marriage. Yet still you cry into me about being left alone? It was not lost on me how selfish the thought process was, but I had no way of stepping in front of the spiraling. Maybe the reason everyone else in your life dropped you like a sack of rotten potatoes is because even in your most true attempts of being grateful you came off like a selfish bitch. Now it suddenly makes sense why a girl as sweet and pretty as you lived alone. Sounds familiar huh? The few minutes of peace were nice I suppose, but already my jaw was clenching together in repeated fury. You can’t use that against me forever... Your words flicked at the thin veneer of sanity veiling my psychosis each time my consciousness replayed them. Why is it so easy for these girls to throw something back at me that feels so important for me to offer? You backed her into a corner? I don’t care, honestly.
08:46
.
Your words hugging into my neck were much too soft and pure for the scrambled eggs simmering away behind my eyes. My gaze was at the roof between the front seats, and I could tell from peripheral blue signs passing outside the car that we were exiting the highway. This girl whispering sweet nothings into my chest was an infinite responsibility. A new flavor of panic detonated in my hollow chest with explosive force. You have no family, and mine are either dead or madmen, so everything you felt and were dealing with really was my basket of apples to sort. How do you think she feels? I’m not even sure if she feels the same way I do about things. We have had a few real conversations to pick at each other’s head, but your true intelligence and emotional depth were yet unknown to me. My tongue tickled with hateful intention, and I fought at it with a bloodied blade to not lose my temper. “I don’t know what else you want or need from me as proof of my feelings. I guess all I can do is keep trying to prove it.” In hindsight a pet name would have made the sharp statement land with less force, but my tone probably would have given away how on edge I was now. My naked crotch felt very exposing out of nowhere, and the incoming task of walking through this airport felt much more daunting now that the love rich storm clouds were receding. “Nothing hurts more than when you doubt me out loud like this.” I’d buried my mother as a boy too, so I’d like to pretend I know a thing or two about pain. At least I was sharing my feelings without breaking your bones. It was a genuine effort too, because your temple was looking mighty soft and malleable.
@killahxkylie
'I don’t know what else you want or need from me as proof of my feelings. I guess all I can do is keep trying to prove it.' It frustrated me to no end that you couldn't understand that most people need more than a week to adjust to major life changes, hell some people never did. Why was it such a big deal that I wasn't able to fully 100% accept your feelings as true? You acted like you didn't beat me half to death more than once and it really pissed me off not that I would ever say that flat out and risk you hurting me again.
'Nothing hurts more than when you doubt me out loud like this.' I screwed up my face at that and propped myself up enough that I could see your face. "I'm not doubting you Ivon. At least that's not what I'm trying to do.. I don't know why you always have to make my feelings about you it isn't fair.. it feels like I'm not allowed to feel things sometimes. I'm just trying to be open and honest with you about the way I am.. the way I've always been." I wanted to add a jab about how I guess it wasn't obvious that I wasn't an actual barbie doll from just stalking me. That I was a human being with feelings and a past and my own issues that I was trying to work through all the time. "I don't want to hurt you.. I never want to hurt you and I'm sorry that the way I am hurts your feelings. I-. I care about you so much more than I've ever cared about anyone ever before and I want to be with you forever why can't you hear that part of it?"
I dipped down to press a kiss to your lips. "I don't ever want to be away from you and me saying that doesn't mean I think you want to be away from me.. I just like reminding you too sometimes. Okay?" I felt like I was tiptoeing around on eggshells. I never knew how you were going to react to different things and honesty it terrified me to ever speak up about how I was feeling now but I knew if this was ever going to actually work we would both have to get used to me doing it.
@bonghitsforfeds
My mind was already a boxing ring where guilt and hatred were slugging it out in a bare knuckle knock down match. With splattered blood littering the mat you cranked it up to a death fight when you raised your head. Then the tone you carried by mocking the word I used had regret doing somersaulting dragon kicks off the corner. Before you had even finished talking my ears were ringing and my tongue was churning a hateful word mess. My eyes were icepicks into your fleshy face, and I’m not sure what gave you the resolve to keep speaking. I wanted to be normal with all of this so badly, but the full body heating hatred was doing a good job reminding me of who I am. The exhilaration of sharing our bodies in the audience of the driver is no fun at all when he instead hears me being reprimanded by a woman half my size. Maybe I am mistaken in what this is. I thought somehow this bitch-thing I found had fallen in love with all of who I was. With some time and reflection it appears you were after the softer creature living inside of me. You supercharged guilt’s strikes by tripping my mind up mentioning I am not ‘hearing part of it.’
10:35
.
You leaned down to kiss me, and I could hardly get my lips to move in response to the true loving action. The blood from that emotional fist fight was soaking into my mind’s canvas, and if you kept going I was going to need to make the inside of this car match. You took a note out of my playbook by tacking on the agreeing qualifier that was meant to coax my nodding to you. Stiff neck muscles worked to crane my head up so we were directly eye to eye. Being called out so plainly by someone was beyond infuriating. Any other time in my life you would have been turned into a puree before you could pop us apart. That paranoia that you can read my mind returned, and now my heart rate picked up with the preparation of a fight. What if you are not even being honest? It was obvious your admissions of admiration were true, but what if the way you worded this was dishonest? Do manipulative cogs turn behind every decision you make too? I could feel my face churning as I tried to chew through all the emotions. The time that had passed while I tried to make sense of it all at least helped to cool the rage a tiny bit. I still wanted to rearrange your head like playdough, but at least now words might be possible. “That’s fair.” It was short, but it’s better than the alternative.
10:35
.
Now I was working to help you from my lap and off my sore torso. Extreme focus was taken in ensuring I did not move too harshly. To be honest it was not in respect of you, but more in fear of what would happen if I got started. After sitting up properly I handed you the tights from the floor before pulling my own pants back up. My clothing was disgustingly trashy. Will the airport staff just bring the paperwork out to us? I doubt it. Maybe I can get the chauffeur to run in and get it for me? Peering over at you as your hands worked to turn the pants right side out, I tried to picture us walking arm and arm into the VIP lobby. Father definitely has photos by now, and I am a dead man walking. Dragging out the road trip back didn’t seem like too bad an option now. The rushing thoughts only worked to distract my emotions for a short while, because once you were dressed again I felt the anger returning. What do I even say? ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ Ghostly echoes of your words hauntingly sang from some deep part of me. How do I explain that I do want to hurt you? These things you say to me, are you even aware of what you are signing up for? While sighing I tried to rub at my face and was surprised to find it much tackier and sticky than expected. Oh right. I kept searching for something to say, but it had not occurred to me how long I had sat there brooding until we were passing chain link fences with runways behind them. Perhaps honesty works to combat honesty? “You have to remember Camila. I don't feel things like other people claim too. I don’t mean to make it about me.” You just did. My nostrils flared so wide it made my nose tickle. “I hear you. I will work on it.” Why am I always apologizing to you? That was an apology? Get me out of this fucking car. If I step in here alone and grab a cross country flight how long would it take you two to realize I was gone? My mask was slipping, and I hoped to God you knew it was time to shut the fuck up. *You made
10:35
your point. Please stay quiet. Please?*
@killahxkylie
I could tell you were angry. I could feel it in the way you kissed me back, or rather the way you seemed to struggle to do so when normally it felt like you were trying to turn us into one living being connected by our lips. I could understand why you were angry, I doubted many people at all spoke their minds to you and I doubted even more that the ones who did were still breathing. A ventilator counts doesn't it? I was in shock when all you said was 'That's fair.' That's it? I wasn't disappointed but I was definitely surprised that you weren't more angry, or should I say that you weren't showing it.
You got so quiet that I didn't realize what was coming, I wasn't sure if you were going to slam my face through the glass window or if you were going to let me live again. It had been so long now that we were pulling into the airport and you still hadn't said anything else, it was honestly more terrifying than when you were screaming in my face. I didn't like the silence between us at all, my mind kept trying to fill it with all the things that you might be thinking and none of them were good. 'You have to remember Camila. I don't feel things like other people claim too.' That was a sharp stab of reality to my soft center. Did that mean that you didn't actually love me or care for me at all? Was I actually just the object of your current obsession? Did that mean that it would be as easy as it seems like it would be for you to kill me? Would you even miss me when I was gone?
.
11:08
I finally managed to win the fight with the stupid fabric of my pants and get them back up and on the right way. I was so lost in my own head that I couldn't even think of anything else to say, you were probably glad for the fact. Sometimes it seemed like the very pitch of my voice was like murder to you. I knew that either you or the chauffer was going to end up going into the airport in just a few short minutes and I honestly wasn't sure if I had fed you up to the point that you would just get a ticket for yourself a disappear to leave me here to rot in the memory of you. The thought of that had be scooching closer to you again to rest my head on your shoulder. Every minute of every day for the last couple days had been a battle to not let you know how I felt. To not let those three little words slip off of my tongue and sign my death sentence. Instead, since I was pretty sure you didn't want to hear me anymore anyway. I pressed three soft kisses to your shoulder.
The silence was golden drops of purity in this ocean of emotion. I missed the chirping birds and rustling trees of my home to the point it had my gut churning in pain. We were so painfully close to freedom from the car prison, but right now we were stuck in a weird traffic bubble on a wrap up road ramp leading to parking. Normally my mouth would be flapping with questions as to why the driver was not just taking us to drop off, however I secretly hoped it’s because he planned on going in. A gorgeous maroon luxury passenger helicopter poised triumphantly upon its landing pad a few hundred feet away on the roof of a nearby glass building. The structure itself had a shiny two way paint gloss that reflected gold whenever the sun caught it just right. It created a speckled shimmering effect that made you wish you had business there just to be closer to it.
My focus had been honed so inwardly that when your head hit my shoulder it made me jump. The odor of your hair and breath did a good job of slowing my blood flow down. It had been long enough now that most of the juicy emotions had dulled, but I was still moody at having been so directly spoken to by you. Honestly my thoughts had been on random things, but now that you were touching me again every cylinder of my mistimed engine fired about you. Why did I let you talk to me like that? People have said things about my behavior before, but what you said had been so poignantly true that it had caught me off guard. There is no way in hell that I will ever treat everybody this way you seem to ask of me, so I hope it’s just enough I make a mental effort to try just for you. Three honest smooches into my shoulder sent repeated rippling waves of goosebumps that tickled up into my lower neck. Crush her. Another thing I enjoy about us is that you make me want to disobey that stupid voice.
11:38
.
I let my head rest on yours and only stopped grinding my teeth when I could feel my jaw moving against your hair. We were only halfway up this tortuous spiral of a car line, and for now soaking up your scent seems pleasant enough to turn my attention too. One of my hands came to rest on the soft fabric of your knee, and I swiped little passes into it with my thumb. A few times my mouth opened to speak, but the sweet sweat of the moment might dry up if I said something. My mind began to wander again, and I tried to remember the last time I had been in a parking garage. While lost in thought a screaming whine rumbled somewhere above us as a lucky party of people got to escape LA. “Hey Baby?” The intonation was distant and somber, and the sound scratchy from how I had not cleared my throat before speaking. After doing so, “Do you want to leave town tonight? Or are we going to stay after we go shopping?” One thing I had always hated was making decisions, and the little sparks of joy I got at passing it off to you hopefully did not come off as lazy. I pressed a soft kiss into the top of your head just in case you decided to sit up when answering. Would you rub your head into me like this every morning so I can start my day with the smell of your shampoo in my nose?
@killahxkylie
Your hand on my knee was comforting. If you were touching me like this then maybe you weren't so mad at me anymore. I wished so badly that I could tell you how I felt without you getting mad at me and I wondered just how long I could hold out hope that someday that would change. The sound of the plane taking off above us had me ducking as if it was going to hit my head if I didn't, it startled me so bad that I tucked myself in closer to you. I just wanted to stay like this forever, tucked into your side feeling safe, being lulled by the rise and fall of your breathing.
'Hey Baby?' I would have peeked up at you if I wasn't so comfortable with my head on your shoulder. "Can we leave tonight? I want to get there as fast as we can and I don't know.. maybe it will feel good to get out of here." It felt so strange to say considering I was so upset about you forcing me from my home and having it end up destroyed. The entire town felt ruined to me now and the further away we got from it the better it would feel, at least that's what I told myself. I was also all too eager to get to your house, my new home.
My mind started to wander back to everything that you had described to me. The lavish baths and showers we would be able to take together, getting to fuck and fiight and sleep in what I imagine would be the nicest bed I had ever had the chance to be in. I wonder what it's going to be like to meet your staff. If they're all going to hate me or if they'll accept that I'm your.. girlfriend. It still feels weird to even say that I'm your girlfriend. When you want to be his wife? Freak. I couldn't help but smile softly to myself and put my hand on yours where it was resting on my knee. "I want to start our new life together as soon as we can."
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Can we leave tonight?’ Okay so maybe you aren’t so bad after all. Whatever reasons you had for wanting to get out of here so quickly filled me with selfish comforting licks of joy. Continuously heated water, fresh meals, soft beds, and a proper set of clothes have never held more luxury in my head than right now. Not to mention every new bit of surface we will find to press your back into while I pump whatever is left in me by the time we get home into your stupid head. At this point I was so eager to be out of here that it would not take much convincing for me to push Evenlyn’s head into the grass until she whimpered to a stop if it meant we could be there right now. I brought the panic that appeared over thinking about her upon myself, and barely managed to push the thoughts down into the trash pit. There was glowing heat upon the thought of sacrificing her for you though. I’d carve that woman’s beating heart out and take gummy chunky bites out of it if you asked me too. She will. The shiver I got was not perverse or scary, but it was not a comforting feeling either.
13:06
.
Your clammy hand on mine and the choking smoke of your succubus words had the concerning shiver tickling my neck and shoulders. This feeling wasn’t fear, it was akin to shocking acceptance. Somewhere in the rusting clockwork of my character was a spring that truly gave in to your presence in my life. This trembling was a subconscious reaction to the depth of the responsibility ocean I was silently drowning in. Are all relationships a clear frozen lake above all your evils that you and your partner pretend to not see through? How much of the world is built on relationships of beautiful statues that sit upon that thin ice wall that cracks and shudders threatening to ruin everything with one heavy step? The way your icy touch sucked the heat from my flesh was helping to ground me away from the raven’s claws of paranoia. I stopped swiping at you and turned the hand over so we could lock our fingers together.
13:06
.
It got dark as we pulled into an upper level of the complex. The ceiling was claustrophobic in height, and rows upon rows of exotic vehicles were parked within inches of each other. Our driver thumbed a switch and the headlights illuminated the brutalist space with a xenon blue glow. The man spoke up while turning us into a convenient parking space, “I am going to run in and get what you need.” My mouth had barely moved to respond before he read my mind, “Don’t worry I have Michaels’s phone number.” Knowing he was in contact with the efficient and eccentric concierge relaxed muscles in my neck that had been knotted for hours. Michael had a way of getting across to people how I needed to be handled, and the way this driver behaved was clicking more puzzle pieces of this whole nightmare into place. If only I was actually intelligent enough to see what had clearly been unfolding. I found a question that made me feel important, “What if they need something from me? How will you get to me?” While sliding the knob to P with a buttery transition response from the gearbox he glanced in the rearview mirror to meet my eyes, “I have legs Mr. Feldt, I can walk back out here and ask you.” With that he left us in the parked running sedan with a double kerklunk of his car door.
13:06
.
The elation of not having to haul my sex and sweat soaked form through the private airport dissipated fast when it dawned on me what that meant my time would instead be spent doing. The Mercedes was a prison of both our idiocy, and since we had just drained each other it seemed unlikely we would be doing anything fun during what was likely to be a frustrating weight. You were practically crawling through my skin since the jet engine had shaken you, and I cleared my throat in an attempt to lift the awkward weight that sagged over me. “He has given up on this car if he left us here alone in it.” Humor was the only blade that pulled from my sheath when I yanked on it. How did the Chauffeur even know what we needed? We had spoken plainly about it while in the car, but was he really professional enough to separate what I wanted from the sex finger painting we have been doing in his backseat? I really hope this car is not his and it just belongs to some company. Peeking up over the front seat the odometer read 21,040 and the fact it was so new only made me feel worse for what we had done to it. Usually boyish prankster joy warmed me whenever I broke something, but being in the company of the same guy for so long sort of made me feel some weird apologetic societal pressure. “What do you want to do Babydoll?” Already my mind wandered in boredom, and I suppose we were about to find out if we could talk without fighting. It seems as if every time we are in a car and our magnetized sexes are not glued together I start hurting you.
@killahxkylie
'I am going to run in and get what you need.' He's leaving? He's the one going? I had been thoroughly convinced that you would be the one going inside since it was your papers and such that were needed, clearly I still hadn't grasped just how little you actually need to do for yourself. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if you're even made to wipe your own ass. I had to work hard at holding in my snicker when he told you he had legs and would simply walk back to the car if he needed you for something. I wonder how long this is going to take. I wonder if you'll be alive when he gets back. That little voice in my head is starting to sound a lot like you. Once the door thudded shut it felt oppressively quiet in the backseat and I really wished I didn't look like such a mess so I could get out and stretch my legs and get some fresh air.
I couldn't help but laugh a little at your attempt at a joke. "Him letting us back into the car after the first time was his first mistake." I tried to joke back but I did feel a little guilty about the mess we had made back here. More than that though I felt bad for the things he had heard both filth and fight. Is that all we were any good at? "If we weren't so.. gross I would suggest walking around while we wait or grabbing an actual coffee from inside that we finish this time but.. probably best we stay here." I leaned up to kiss your cheek. "Do you wanna.. I don't know talk about anything?"
It was a dangerous door to open but I really was curious if we could be left completely alone together without tearing each other's faces off. Or more like you tearing mine off. I bet you would wear it over your own face because that's the kind of freak you are. The thought made me shudder. "I'm really excited to get home and explore my new house with my future husband." I blushed at my own words but I really wanted you to know how badly I wanted to carry the title of being your wife someday.
@bonghitsforfeds
You summoned a smile when you called us gross, and normally it would have offended my fragile ego had it not been so painfully true. Shifting around caused my sweatpants to sickeningly unglue from my thigh as if to drive the point home. You also had to mention coffee which was really rude because having something to sip on would probably make this more bearable. I suddenly felt very childish being locked up in the back of this stupid car with genuine reason to not get out on my own. I’m not sure what made me more upset, not being able to acquire a beverage, or not getting time to drag you around at my hip and make everyone jealous. The little kiss into my cheek lit my cheeks up red, and then you stole a chuckle with the question. It was just so funny to hear you struggle with the obtuseness of us just chatting as well. Everything made me so mad, and this was not just some quality other people had to handle. Internally I toiled over how easy my own mind’s dialogue will get to me. It’s honestly a miracle I have not washed out into some drug addict at this point. Not anymore. Parties don’t count as drug addicts. Every other night for five years? I must have summoned the evil asshole with my own previous thoughts about him.
14:16
.
I squeezed your hand once in a muted display of affection and was going to say something snarky, but then you added something so candy sweet to the end it made my eyes water. Why did ‘future husband’ drooling off your silky tongue with such flowing confidence hammer into the gong of my heart with such vicious presence? My entire astral body hummed from the hollow strike of those hammering words, and the swimming elation mixed with the cold spit of your kiss on my cheek had me falling backwards into the glass pit of emotion. The comforting fall soon ended when the sharp hidden reflective shards impaled my soul and killed it. ‘...explore my new house,’ replayed so many times in those brief seconds that none of those words will ever sound real to me again. How long will I get before you learn how deep the roots of my madness delve? It only recalls my joking about sacrifice, and now the extra time we got before Washington via this road trip didn’t seem so bad.
14:16
.
In an attempt to gloss over talks of the house I was scrambling for words. Using my free hand I traced light paths up and down the underside of your arm. A dastardly topic coalesced in my mind, and it only felt appropriate to share after everything we had been through, “Do you remember the receipt in your car door?” I wanted to expand, but I might get to relive some of the roaring high I felt when you saw it that day at seeing you put two and two together now. Craning my neck as far as it would go I peered over your head at those fluttering eyelashes. We could have just sat here in awkward silence, or maybe have taken a nap, but since you insisted on discussing something... There was a tiny piece of me screaming how this could make you like me less, but being so drained of willpower on so many different fronts had me willing to push at a soft spot. Plus my favorite part of knowing people is creating that thread of drama to yank at later, and unfortunately that still worked with you. Your shiny porcelain vase of a being didn’t appeal to me unless there were pieces of it I could work to fix. Maybe I just find things more beautiful when light exposes many cracks. Or maybe I just like smashing pretty things into tiny pieces. Either way the houndish look I gave you now would kill weaker people.
@killahxkylie
I squeezed your hand back as I looked out the window at the assortment of cars. Some of them were so fancy I don't think I had ever even seen one before, not even on my escapades I'm downtown L.A. It was crazy to me to think about the fact that this was probably the kind of luxury I would be surrounded by from now on. I almost giggled at the thought when I looked down at my pants and saw how ruined they were. Well.. the kind of luxury I'd soon be surrounded by. But for how long?'Do you remember the receipt in your car door?' I pinched my brows together at that trying to think about what the hell you could be talking about. A receipt in my car door? Why would I... It was then that it hit me like a freight train. I felt the air get knocked out of my lungs and I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing. I must have because my lungs were burning but I couldn't get myself to take in a breath large enough to make it stop. It was you the whole time. "I remember.. it was from the coffee shop..it was you wasn't it?"
14:49
.
I felt the muscles in my legs twitching with the urge to run but I couldn't. I was frozen, this was so different than that first day at my back door or the night in my bedroom, I had so much fight and flight in me during both of those situations and now all I had left was freeze. I don't know why it caught me so off guard to learn that that was also you, you admitted that you had been stalking me and I should have put two and two together a long time ago. Apparently one of the bashes of my head against the floor or the car door and who knows what else really did manage to scramble my brain around too much because I had almost completely forgotten it had happened to begin with. I still remember the feeling when I pulled it from the handle, I had felt so uneasy as if someone was watching me but there were way too many eyes on the street to possibly narrow it down. I had written it off and maybe if I hadn't I wouldn't be in this situation right now. But.. would I really want that? Would I really be okay with my life without you now that I knew you? I could feel everything crumbling in my head again, and so shortly after I had finally felt like I sorted it all out and had everything in its place like it should be. This wasn't fair, why were you bringing this up now? "Why.. why are you just now asking me about it?"
The way your entire body stiffened as the realization swept you filled me with a puffy scalding joy so pure that I will regret for the rest of my life not dragging out the stalking more. Your gaze became so distant with horror that I promised to myself if anything ever happened to us that I would instead change my angle to just terrifying people. ‘...it was you wasn’t it?’ My smile grew to that of the Cheshire Cat and I nodded along to the sick game. You had me so empty already today that my mind was able to focus purely on the evil words. I brought your clasped hand upward to plant a kiss on its top while the memory of watching you from afar replayed. How strongly I had yearned for you even then, and being able to touch you now while the aftershocks of that experience whipped through me was heavenly. Then you went on to inquire as to why I brought it up now. The logic behind that question tickled me so good that my sides hurt from the liquid laughter I dripped. Had you actually thought that one through, or had my breaching of the topic shaken you this hard? Had you really not connected the dots? “When else would I have brought it up before silly?” How were you not capable of coping with this after what I had done to you. Is it just the fact I had been after you for so long, or were you burying our first night together that deep? Why does it offend me to imagine you working to forget that evening.
15:15
.
“Oh my poor Little Mouse.” I was mocking you, but I worked to confuse you by unlinking our hands and pulling you into a sideways hug. In between peppered kisses into your head, “I’ll never forget how you looked that day. You bounded around in that little white sundress with the blue dots. I don’t know how you pulled it off, but even with your shorter height your legs were runways baby.” Heat pooled in my chest at how I really have gotten away with just plucking you out of the public garden without any permission. Still, pushing the topic after we barely managed to tape our pairing back together is not the best of ideas. Speaking softly into the top of your head my lips brushed at your hair, “Do you want me to stop Cami? Am I scaring you?” It was important that the two questions were distinct, because knowing us it was hard to tell what twisted parts of everything we actually enjoy. You felt so weak and small in my arms as your breathing quickened, and I had this cute aggressive urge to crush you like a tiny rabbit.
While holding the vessel that contained your broken mind our cab was illuminated to extreme brightness as a tall vehicle made its way behind us and deeper into the garage. Even though it had only been a moment my eyes were working to adjust back to the dim light offered by the green dashboard LEDs. Somewhere out of sight a helicopter was landing, obvious by the familiar whirring of its blades. We were surrounded by the beating heart of America’s entertainment industry, and yet nothing felt more personal than the evil moment I shared with you now. I had you constricted up in my scaled limbs, and it would take a lot of little raking kicks to free you of this grasp.
@killahxkylie
"I-." I didn't even know how I was supposed to answer you when you asked how you would have brought it up before. It had felt like I had been with you for such a long time that I was easy to forget that it had only been a little over a week. It felt like we had managed to cram a years worth of fucking and fighting and trauma into such a short timeline, no wonder I didn't know how to function anymore. I knew you were mocking me by the tone of your voice when you pulled me into that sideways hug but somehow I was relieved when you did it. I really don't think I'll ever understand just how you can be my worst nightmare and my saving grace all wrapped into one.
When you went on to describe what I was wearing the first day that you saw me at that little coffee shop I felt my stomach turn, if it wasn't mostly empty still I might end up actually being sick right here in the back seat of this car. I couldn't do that to the chauffeur though, we had already made enough of a mess. I could feel my heart beating so hard it felt like it was going to break through my chest again, one of these days I'm pretty sure you're going to make my heart explode like a ball of fire on the fourth of July. All that will be left is the empty splintered cavity of my chest and a splattering of different shades of red. 'Do you want me to stop Cami? Am I scaring you?' I was terrified. I don't know why the knowledge of you following me since that exact day was so scary to me given everything we had been through since that first night. My brain was so scrambled I couldn't even figure out how long it had really been. It was a month at least from that first night to the night in my bedroom but how long had it been since the coffee shop to that first meeting at my back door?
15:38
.
I was trying so hard to piece it together that I almost forgot to answer you. "N..no no I'm okay. I'm just-. I'm just trying to piece it all together." I practically jumped out of my chilled skin when the car lit up the way it did and immediately my hands were clinging in to you. My mother would be so disappointed if she knew this is how I ended up. Suddenly I was hyper aware of how loud the world outside the car was and it felt like it was closing in on me too fast. I wanted to bring my hands up to my ears to cover them and protect them from the sound, to muffle up the world. "How long were you following me.. from that day in the coffee shop to now.. how long has it actually been?"
I had to suck forced deep breaths to not pass out at how hard my heart thundered when you stuttered out that sad response. You were twisted up into a fray, and it was much different than your horny squirming. This tickled that scaled sewer monster, and appeased a different part of me. It caught me off guard just how uncomfortable it made you. Was I just that unaware of how deep a wound I had gouged into your psyche? In all honesty I could usually count on just assuming I was not reading a situation properly, but the thorny branches of love made this dark forest tough to navigate. Only thing to do is keep charging forward with blinders on like we have been. You hugged me like we were watching a horror movie when the car passed by us, and that first night you called me pathetic hazily repeated in hateful recollection. I hope somewhere in your skull a shred of awareness over how you behaved right now was alight with life. You are worried about her self awareness? Damn straight I am. I get to wave the standard around because it’s my turn to be on top right now.
16:19
.
Your final questions had me spiraling in memory’s ghostly grip while trying to make sense of it all. Letting go of your hand I wound you up in my arms and worked myself sideways in the seat so we could lounge against the door. I had you in between my legs now. One of them was propped on the seat and the other dangled into the floor on your side of the car. This was a much better positioning as it allowed me to pull you backwards into a real reverse bear hug. Now that we were snug and you were properly trapped, “Well, let’s see..” My heart rate pull-started into an engine's pace recalling all the beautiful times we had come so close to touching those first few days. “The receipt was the first thing I did. I followed you to work,” even that was sort of a lie because I had scooped your data, “and after planting the paper waited for you to find it.” You had asked me how long and this fact was not lost on me, but we had time to really run it all back. “After that I parked at the park near your old house and snooped in your backyard.” The shorts you wore were perfectly recollected and I felt a stirring in my core at how I had absorbed your leg’s image then. Now I could feel the press of the building’s siding when you had bathed. I had to swallow some spit, and my voice was quieter as I spoke over your head, “Then I watched you on the AC unit when you bathed. You were using that colored bath bomb, and I waited forever for you to finish to catch a glimpse of your angelic body.” Why was describing my peeping on you turning my heart over on such a scalding romantic stovetop.
16:19
.
We had yet to even get to watching you get frisky with the guy, or the window I broke upstairs. My entire being vibrated with sick excitement at this regaling, and my thighs trembled with nervousness. Was it just nostalgia’s red tint, or had god rays of sunlight filtered in over my head and onto you when you floated out of the bathroom. “Did you ever peer up at that little window and wonder if someone would look at you through it? Or did you just think, ‘Oh it's up high, someone will see them peeking in.” I wormed my nose into the back of your neck so I could nuzzle at your skin. With one of my hands I brushed at your taught throat with the back of my fingertips. I needed to stop so your mind would get some time, but this torture was better than our sex, “Your neighbors really failed you baby. You have no clue. Do you want me to keep going? I have so much more to share with you.” I brushed the final words into the top of your spine with my lips, and you felt so glassily fragile. At some point my mouth had slipped that I had been following you around, but I guess you really had no real idea. Would you still want to go to Washington after this conversation? Would your answer really stop me from telling you all of it? If you still followed me after I stole your trust that first night then this shouldn’t be so bad, however you never react to anything the way I expect. Oh well, at least this is the best I have ever felt in my entire life.
@killahxkylie
The new position that you wormed us into didn't help me feel any better, maybe if I was on my side against you or anything else but the way your arms were wrapped around me from behind right now only made me feel trapped. It felt like the entire world was closing in on me and you were only making it worse. I could feel your heart hammering against my back and I wondered if our hearts would slam against each other too hard and just completely stop. Maybe then we could stop this dance we were doing in a room that was rapidly burning. Of course you couldn't make it that easy though as you started describing every big moment that you could recall in that warped head of yours. Was this exciting for you? Had you been waiting for the perfect moment to torment me with this knowledge? To taint so many of the innocent moments I thought I was living.
There was some small part of me that found the whole thing exhilarating too and I didn't understand it. You came into my life like a tsunami and no matter how far I tried to run I was never going to be able to escape the life altering damage that you were going to do. Every time I heard the dogs annoying dog bark it could have been you creeping by my house and peering into my windows to get a glimpse of me. How many times had I been naked that you had seen me before that night in my bedroom? You answered quickly when you mentioned watching me in the tub. Was that the night I thought I heard someone or was that something different? I felt like I was losing my fucking mind with how every little thing seemed tainted with the possibility that you were there watching now. How many little noises that I wrote off were actually you? Had you been inside before that first night too? How many times? I know you left the taser.. nobody else would have done that.. right?
16:35
.
I felt myself hiccup on a small cry but it felt so far away, I felt like I was watching myself from a distance. The ghost of who I used to be watching the current me crumble to pieces in your arms once again. How many times would I be able to break until I wasn't able to put myself back together again? Would you pay to keep me in some fancy facility where they worked around the clock to keep me from taking my own life and kept me medicated enough to be compliant? Or would you just dump me on the street to suffer alone until the elements took me? At least he said you looked angelic. I had looked at that window so many times wondering if it was up high enough, if I should put some sort of stupid curtain in front of it but I had never bothered, why would I ever assume someone would be able to see into it? "I.. I want to know the rest." Maybe if I learned all of it now then whatever came out later wouldn't hurt so bad. If I could just break completely right here in this backseat the rest of my time could be spent putting the pieces of my brain back together again. Would you really ever let it be that easy though?
Your back heaved against me as that tiny sob tried to roll out. It was rather impressive that you managed to keep the lock on that rattling chest considering your track record with tears. Had you learned how much someone crying near me succeeded in infuriating me, or were you just that genuinely interested in my continued monologuing? There is no way you find this enjoyable with the way your flesh crawled beneath me. We had shared enough consensual time together that I forgot how I pulsed with life when you squirm so much. “Oh you do?” Humming the words into your neck my mouth watered with the memory of your wet grisly flesh locking my jaw up. A soft exhale wisped out into your soft skin as I relived that bite. I worked an arm up your side just so it would brush against that bandaged missing chunk. The way you hurt was such a sugary drink to me that I would gorge myself to popping if I got free access. A scuttling furry tic I would sit on your shoulder and drink your pain until I ruptured into a gooey mess.
17:03
.
While rubbing my nose and chin into your upper back, “After that I sat on the ground outside for a while running my hands through your long grass while floating in how you made me feel.” Muscle memory of how stiff I grew from such a small glimpse of you struggled to inflate me now, but it was going to take more than that to stand me up again today. “I sat there awhile because the next thing I remember was that douchebag coming to see you.” My entire aura shifted into something spiky and angry when recalling his hand slipping down your pants. “I watched him through your back window stick his hand into you, the same very parts of you I licked clean today.” It was impossibly fucked to passively shame you for that encounter, but you should know by now there is no cruelty I am unwilling to explore. “I got so mad, Mouse.” Clear as day I could feel that piece of rebar welded to my hand with furious grip. “I stormed back into your front yard and threw a bar at your house.” I pulled you even tighter into me, and the glass that showered down your front door was even easier to remember since we had laid in a pile of it at one point. “I hid in a bush outside when he left, and still even now it surprises me he abandoned you there.” All he had to do was play tough one night and he could have had a lot of access to you. You were obviously willing to put up with some madness as long as the person who wielded it stuck around. “It might have even scared me off had he stayed with you.” That was not entirely true as there was always the chance of it pushing me into murder, but I would say anything to scare you more right now.
17:03
.
There was a heavy silence as I rolled my shoulders in an attempt to swallow the anger of that cowardice fuck fleeing the scene. “You have no idea how good it felt to smash his windshield in,” The mid trim hatchback seems a poor trade for losing out on such a crazy toy. “That piece of shit was really worth more to him than the prospect of a future with you?” It occurred to me only then in hindsight he was probably just some quick fling, but I still hated how he got to just get invited inside. “After that I left for the night... I was worried you would wise up and call the police.” I poked into a floating rib, “You really should have called the cops... Maybe part of you wanted it to happen hmm?” My lips sealed little perverse kisses into the hair covering your neck as you got time to couple with the endless haymakers. It was like all these things I described had happened to a different person, and I was lost in selfish ecstasy sharing them. “How about now Cami? You still want me to continue?” The night I had spent under your bed when you brushed my ankle was still so far away, and if this freaked you out that was going to slaughter you. “We aren’t even to the good parts yet my gentle freak.”
@killahxkylie
I felt my blood run cold when you mentioned the asshole who I had come over. He hadn't meant anything to me other than a quick fling that wouldn't end up hurting my feelings and even then he had managed to. I had assumed it was a random asshole that had thrown that bar through my window, or hell maybe even someone that the guy had pissed off before and my window just so happened to be the one his car was parked outside of. "It was you.. it was you the whole time.. I thought it was going crazy." I'm sorry sure I am crazy now, between all of that and the last week with you, there was no way I was sane anymore. "I didn't think he would leave either.. but then again everyone does." I stiffened again hoping that you wouldn't think I was talking about you.
"I don't think I wanted a future with him.. things with him were meant to be quick and easy and painless." I wouldn't explain to you that I had gotten into the habit of useless flings so that I would stop having my heart broken time and time again. The second I would feel an inkling of feeling I would block them and find someone new to satisfy me. You would hate that though since apparently you were allowed to fuck your way through every whore in the country but I was meant to be a pure virgin. I rolled my eyes at the thought. 'Maybe a part of you wanted it to happen.' I felt you pressing kisses into my hair after saying that and it made my skin crawl, how could you be so cruel so easily and then also still be the one to make me feel better about it? "I- I told myself it was nothing." Clearly it was actually the biggest something that has and probably will ever happen to me but what the hell did I know then? I nodded a little when you asked if I still wanted you to continue. "I want to know all of it.. I need to. I- I think I'll drive myself crazy wondering if every little thing was you if you don't just tell me so.. please?"
@bonghitsforfeds
If my whole life was one sick session of murderous edging then this conversation was the manifest climax of my entire existence. The way your body shivered when your somber voice lulled out how it was me who threw the bar sent counter waves of ecstasy through my veins where your body shook against mine. Your passive comment about everyone leaving you was not missed, but I was too busy slurping this fear out of your back to really care. It would take a monumentally powerful force to halt this spilling of stalking obsession. I wrapped my legs up around yours to really lock you into this exposing belly up position, and I licked a primal slurp into your neck where your waves have begun to mat up from my repeated assault. Your please had me huffing another silent moan into that smooth hair swirl, and I used my nose to push the strands out of the way so whatever I did next would be on bare skin. Had you figured out consciously that this was a magic word to control my mind, or were you just lucky in your repeated use of it? “Every detail huh? Skimming over it only seemed polite, but if my dirty girl needs to know every detail then I suppose I can relish her... curiosity.” I nibbled a tiny piece of that exposed skin and rolled it in my teeth in a way I know hurt you from the yelping jump you attempted. Too bad my combined full body reverse pin made it so you could hardly move. The feeling of you struggling against me slapped the horses pulling my heart enough they started galloping quicker.
18:43
.
With my feet locked into your ankles I pulled your legs apart to spread you out. Even though it normally would serve just to uncover your crotch I only did it now to spiral your mind with how it no doubt made you feel painfully exposed. If anyone walked by the passenger side they would see your splayed gasping body helplessly held open. It was good my mind was so clear of that erotic haze as I was harnessing every wrinkle to make this as traumatizing an experience as possible. “That night I went back to the hotel and took a long cold shower. I emptied my nuts onto the tile wall of that bathroom while imagining your sweaty slick body struggling to escape me while in that shower.” The fantasy had been so frustratingly angering too, because at that point the only contact we had shared was the bump in the Cafe. “I memorized the way your lips and breasts pushed into me when we collided collecting our coffee, and that simple brush worked my mind mad that night.” Something stirred in my core, but it was just enough to distract my focus for a millisecond. “I came back the next day and snuck around the back of your house, and might I add it was so polite of you to not go to work.” I rubbed my bottom lip in an upward swipe in that same spot painting little reflective hazes of saliva, “Poor Baby, you must have been so worked up over the previous day.”
18:43
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I wish there was a way to harness the fire that burned within me and shove it into your chest so you could share in this hunting joy. “On the way over to your place that morning I stopped by a gun store and bought you that taser.” My head tilted over behind you in curiosity, “Interesting how you never used it on me. Hmm, some more circumstantial evidence that you secretly wished to be filled by me?” I blew hot air out of my nose in another attempt to control myself with meditative breathing. Regret churned over not setting this meeting up in a way you were face to face with me, although it might be a good thing considering this was somehow starting to turn my crank over. Just as long as you remained fearful and didn't suddenly grow aroused by my cruel recollections, as that would be low even for you. “Those cheap rear window locks were no match against my desire to be with you, and only the second day after seeing you I stepped foot into your home.” Oh God, the way you tensed up at that had my stomach fluttering with jittery butterflies. They may have been flaming butterflies that fizzled out with sad little puffs of smoke, but cute flapping bugs they were. Using my chin I wrenched it into your head until it worked sideways enough I could press my lips into your ear. With a hushed buzzing, “You walked within inches of me that first time you came downstairs to search Babydoll. I was in the pantry in that far corner of your staircase. Did you know even then I had to hide laughter at your poor ability to search?” It took maximum effort to not buck my hips into your back, and instead I just bit a hard nip into the top of your ear.
@killahxkylie
"Wh-what're you-" I tried to squirm away from you when you wrapped your legs around mine to keep me even more locked into place. I hated it. I hated it so much, it reminded me on the way I couldn't move that first night when you trapped me on my bedroom floor. "I just- I need to know it's not like that." Did you really think I was getting off on this the way you were? This was a rude awakening if I'd ever had one. This was a brutal reminder that no matter how things felt now you were always going to be my stalker and I was always going to be your pathetic little mouse. Trying to scurry away but trapped in a maze that you constructed. "Ouch!" I yelped when you but down on the skin of my neck. "I-Ivon please-" I wanted to cry when you spread my legs apart like this and even being fully clothed I felt shame and embarrassment rolling through my body at being exposed this way.
When you started telling me about the way you went home and thought about me while you painted the tile wall of your hotel bathroom I felt a dull heat roll in my gut. It was probably suck but the image of you fucking your first to the thought of me was something I couldn't pretend didn't stir a small something in me. It was overpowered by the fear I felt radiating through my body and the way they battled against each other was confusing and made me feel sick all over again. "You- you were at my house that day too.." I had told myself I was being stupid when I wandered around the house calling out for whoever was there. I hadn't been crazy the entire time and that knowledge was what was making me feel crazy now where the hell had you been hiding?
19:16
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"I- I didn't want it then I- I just couldn't get to the taser I- I just thought I could get away from you again I-" I felt so stupid. I should have tried to tase you why didn't I? Did I really want this all along? No.. no there was no way I could have I fought against you as hard as I could I almost died fighting against you. No. I didn't want it and I wasn't going to let you convince me of anything else even if I did want it now. The idea of you laughing at me as I walked around my house absolutely terrified made me cry a little harder and I tried to stop it before it got out of control to not make you angry. When you said those words in my ear I felt like everything inside me shattered completely. Not only was I embarrassed for not finding you but I had come so close to you and didn't know it. I had talked myself out of it so many times when I could have called the cops and saved myself from this entire thing. But that isn't what you really want. I yelped again and squirmed against you much like that first night when you bit down harder on the top of my ear and the cartilage made that sickening crunching noise. "I knew it.. I knew you were there."
Struggling pleases and begging cries did nothing but encourage evil behavior. Did you honestly think I would stop with such low effort begging? You had yet to even raise your voice properly. My name humming out of your desperate body had me growling into that humidified ear. Each time you would vocalize your sad epiphanies it accelerated the tornado that was trying to suck my mind empty of any loving logic. This practice of reliving every moment should have occurred to me much sooner, and I was dripping with thanks that the driver had left us alone. We had only been here minutes and already you were stuck in another Mouse trap. I couldn’t get enough of it. If hunting people is this fun, no wonder soldiers get bored when they came home. Nothing probably blows their skirt up anymore like searching for and killing people did. Your stuttering attempts to explain your feelings betrayed your façade. Even if you were not outright enjoying it your mind was still churning with a sick roaring wash of confusion. I could see each memory sliding in your mind's eye, and I wondered how many more previously safe ones would be tainted with this stalking paranoia.
19:56
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“Yes Cami, I was there.” I licked into your ear in an unflattering assault of your head before working the painting of my lips down into your jaw. This was eye opening for me because normally I hid behind a wall of trauma when being so outright appalling, but right now I was in full control and loving every second of it. Even if you hated me after this and never truly cared for me again it would probably be worth it just for the bank of new feelings this unlocked. I brushed my lips back and forth over your hard jawline while speaking, “After the pantry if my memory serves correct you sat down to watch a show. I snuck behind you toward the staircase and went upstairs. You had just finished showering and I huffed your scent out of the used towel while you were watching TV.” My character was burning to embers, and I felt a desperate need to force myself on you again now. I had to get through this though. I worked my grip to pull your legs wider, and would have stretched them more, but I ran out of room in the backseat. “I got so fucking hard after that inhale of you. I kept that towel on me while sneaking around your upper floor.” My face blushed up remembering the next part. You were so close to crying now and I was worried if you started I was going to drink the salty tears out of your eyes. I switched from tasting your jaw to pressing kisses into the side of your eye socket while you peered around in abject terror. “I was rummaging through that upstairs closet full of boxes when I fell and made a loud noise. We got lucky you didn’t hear me though because the worker arrived to fix your window. I rested in that back alcove while he worked on the the repairs." The fact we were surrounded by this airport elicited similar feelings of exposure that having an audience normally did.
19:56
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We were getting to a good part and my poor battered cock began inflating at the effort of keeping you pinned. Every time you would fight, move, or say my name it widened my eyes into more of a psychotic glare. Now I moved from the soft socket of your eye to your temple where instead of kissing you I just pressed my lips into it. “Then I hid under the spare bed because you almost found me when you went to check the closet. You were just a little too late though honey. So close. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t find me though or I would have taken you then.” It was killing me I only had the back of your skull to kiss on, but I had to pace myself out properly. I had lived inside my own head long enough to know how I get when lust over takes me. My body betrayed my attempts at serene explanation by bucking my hips up into your lower back. “I am trying to control myself, but I’m-” That annoying mouth full of saliva was here. Swallowing with an audible gulp, “I’m having a hard time holding you still. It keeps reminding me of how we got acquainted.” A sharp dark laugh leaked into the side of your head, and I wrenched your neck back over the other way using the same method so I could start sliming up the other side of your face. Again I almost asked you if you wanted me to keep going, but changed my mind when it occurred to me you had already agreed twice. See, I can learn consent. You are a monster. Oh if he was saying that then we were up to something real dirty. “How are you feeling my love? Are you hanging in there?” While checking in on you I crushed you backwards into the hug and yanked your legs with desperate fury against the back and front seat. It was doubtful my erection was capable of being felt yet, but the heat and accelerated breathing made it obvious how much I enjoyed this.
@killahxkylie
You were right behind me when I had been watching that stupid show and I didn't even have the slightest idea.. how could I be so stupid? My head started that similar downward spiral all over again, delving into every deep seeded memory of every single time that my intelligence was ever insulted. The cruel words of my father, man after useless man, strangers who's faces are blurred from mind altering substances I didn't choose to take, friends that didn't last. They all came together to form a violent storm that was ripping through my mind, bouncing off my skull like an echo chamber. I could barely even feel the wet kisses that you were leaving all over my face as tears welled in my eyes and threatened to spill over. How could I have let this happen? Was this really all my fault?
Did it really matter when you took me? When I found you? You did it anyway and nothing was ever going to change that. Somehow I had managed to stuff the memory of that first night so far down under everything else that we had been through that I almost forgot that it happened, Or at the very least I managed to somehow make it less violent. I don't know how I managed to twist it in my mind to make it seem like my entire house wasn't covered in my blood that you stole from my body, or how I felt like I was dying in that tub and then again in the shower. The entire thing was nothing but violent and somehow I made it okay in my head. That thought mixed with the violent verbal assault happening in my head was too much and I felt myself deteriorating in your arms. The way you were holding me so tight and too close was too much for me to handle. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. "Ivon- I- I'm not- okay"
07:44
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I wanted you to stop so bad but you just yanked my legs apart even harder, I should have known better than to think that me wanting you to stop would matter at this point. Had I really let myself become so delusional that I thought this would become a strictly consensual relationship? It was just lucky that I had been turned on at the same time as you for the last few fucks. At the end of the day though I was just a dumb little mouse who was stuck in your trap though and you were going to take whatever it was you wanted from me whenever you wanted it.
@bonghitsforfeds
At first when you said my name it only encouraged that hellish rocking into your lower back. Firecrackers of popping sadistic corription exploded in dazzling sparks of joy that were pulling me deeper into the ocean of hate. However when you finished the gut wrenching phrase it was like you stuck your hand in my hair and yanked me back above the water. It wasn’t that I felt bad for what I was doing, but the implication of its effect on your psyche was made apparent. Had you really buried those first nights under that much repression? Why did that make me so upset? I was feeling foolish for demonically convincing myself that you had actually liked it. Selfish sadness added its color to the fun emotional rainbow. I was struggling now with how to continue. My body yearned to be connected to yours again, but not in any capacity you were interested in. Anger saved me from all the other feelings by thankfully burning them all up in a spray of hate. I pressed an angry kiss into the back of your head before growling a half yell into that spot of matted hair. “Goddammit!” After one more strong vengeful yank of your limbs I let you go. It’s possible the only reason I decided to not pry you lengthwise into two streaming meat strings is because of how many times you had worked to tame my madness already.
08:52
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While waiting to see how you responded to freedom I returned my gaze to the fascinating roof of this cursed car. I was trying to grapple with combined states of foolish self loathing and confusion. It probably would just do me better to work toward being nicer. What made me like this anyway? My eyes were tracing the rippling fuzzy fabric and they stopped near the rooftop light. The more I thought about it the more that hissing in my ears turned to screaming, and the flexing in my hands desperately yearned for meat to mush. You were willing to throw yourself on to me, and still I got the highest from forcefully taking it from you. Is my pathetic existence that easy to explain? Am I really just a man who only wants what he can’t have? Your words rebounded again and again until the car was shrinking down over us. My anger was a gas that needed to blow these windows out, but somehow the vessel just kept compacting us together. “I-” My hands were clenched so tight that fresh pink skin in my knuckles strained to detonate. “Do you want me to move up front?” The bobbing my throat did now was an attempt to pump the ball of hot tears trying to jump up my throat. There were so many different things I wanted to say right now, but all of them were about me. Honestly I didn’t even care if you wanted me to move. I would if you asked me, but the only reason I inquired was a manipulative attempt at making you feel safer. A sick duct taping of that head closed. Is it still love if you go through all the emotions, but all that rings inside of you is an empty bell?
08:52
The careening elation only moments ago over being left alone out here crash landed in a waste processing plant and covered my entire mood in bullshit. I just want to feel the same thing for an extended period of time, is that too much to ask? Is this why old people are so jaded, because once you get to a certain age you have to come to terms with just how fleeting everything you enjoy is? Even worse when what you want to do is harmful to society or another. Suddenly simple drug habits seemed like the least of my concern. Maybe it would be easier to just leave you here and go balls in on the business. The slightest thought of work had me recalling the kidnapping and the endless loose ends. Okay maybe girl troubles are not too bad in comparison. You call wanting to molest a woman you love ‘problems?’ This was getting bad, and the ball was in your court now, which is always a risky play.
@killahxkylie
I tensed and prepared myself for you to either take another chunk out of any skin you could reach of for you to just reach your hands around to choke the life out of me when I heard that angry yell vibrating against the back of my head. I was in such shock when you let me go instead. Did you actually care that I wasn't okay? Or did I somehow ruin whatever sick fantasy was running through your head? Was me crying again just like that first night ruining the sick replay you were giving me? I sucked in air like I was trying to gulp down water and didn't move completely away, only sitting up enough to try to catch my breath. See he doesn't want you he let you go. I screamed out loud for the voice to "Stop it!" and felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment when I realized that I in fact didn't keep it in my head.
It didn't even seem like it penetrated into your thick skull because when I turned briefly to look at you your gaze was back on the roof of the car. What the fuck was so interesting about it that it always kept your attention off of me? Was I that easy to ignore whenever things didn't go exactly your way? Why did you have to give me some sick play by play instead of asking me something stupid like 'Hey Camila what's your favorite color?' Or anything other than what you decided to go with. 'Do you want me to move to the front.' It felt like the walls of the backseat were shrinking in on me. First you let me go, and now you wanted to leave me back here by myself? Did I mess up enough now that you didn't want to be near me anymore? Were you going to change your mind and head inside to buy the first flight back home without me? What the fuck. I sat there for a few long moments trying to reign in the whirl of bullshit that had been swirling around in my head for what felt like ages now before I shook my head no and haphazardly managed to turn myself in the seat to lay sideways in the space between your legs and wrap my arms around you.
.
09:34
I know how much you hate crying but I couldn't control the tears that were spilling from my eyes now. I hated myself for being able to spin that night into something so much different than what it was, I hate myself for falling for you now, and for killing a man for you, I hate myself. It felt like I was drowning and my head was completely underwater now. I was floating in the dark abyssmal space and the only person who was willing to float there with me was you. The person who I should hate and fear the most in this world and maybe I do but I also know that I need you and I don't want you to leave without me whether it's to hop on a flight to a different state or to the front seat. "No, no I don't want you to go anywhere Ivon I- I'm sorry I'm trying to stop crying I know how much you hate it please don't hate me."
Fight flight, or freeze just spilled its whole deck onto the floor with a shuffling waterfall of adrenaline. The silence after my question turned the volume on my hatred to eleven, and I hated how comforting and caring took this focused effort. I thought kindness was supposed to be easier? I tend to disagree because it takes a warrior's effort to process cleansing words and only a moment to crush your throat to wiggling wet nothingness. Kill her. No, I’m not going to kill her for fucks sake. Bend her? I had just been doing that, and it had been the best minute of my life. God, even now I wanted to just open you like a geode and taste every bony crystal as your heart slowly sputters out. Eyes still locked on that ceiling fabric my leg started trembling while I concentrated all of my frustrated energy to it. Do I like the resting peace in between the pits of hatred? Why does stringing you along with this leash of love and smacking you with a mallet when you get close my favorite flavor of life?
10:58
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You shook your fuzzy head no and for a second I took it as a response to my own inner monologue, but the absurdity of that thought only hit me once you started turning around. My body tensed up in preparation of you throwing a sharp fist into my soft jaw smashing it to powder, but instead you laid sideways into me. Your arm snaked behind me forcing my back to jut forward to escape the loving touch. Stuck between your cheek and arms my body was forced to slowly melt and surrender. While melting into a brooding pool of sludge you finally answered my initial inquiry. You said sorry, my name, and please in that classic Cami effort to assault me with every weapon you had, but this time they all struck true. Thick emotional life leaked out of me, and that monster was suddenly exposed to the piercing light shining in my hollow chest. It hated the love and was thrashing in a hissing spray of loathing that was demanding my body pulverize you. Destroy this nobody cunt! The noise hissed from the smoking craters your sweet words left, and having your body so close to my torso was too intimate. Can I just stay in control? I forced my leg to stop moving so you could rest easy, and now we entered another one of those slippery moments where every decision felt important.
10:59
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My lungs were desperately warring to suck extra air, but I was completely paralyzed. What part do I respond to first? This little mouse I had adopted was getting sick and the only medicine I had was to force feed it more of these red hot hate pellets. The dye from them ran out of your eyes and ears in nasty trails, but still you were crying. Your hot tears ran into my clothes, and a hurricane of hate from the feeling was twirling me up. My aura was this wound up tangled spindly flaming mess. This was an absolute disaster. I wanted to be anywhere else except here. You were this broken magic crack pipe, and no matter how hard I came down nothing stopped me from pulling fat pink clouds off of it again and again. You were spiraling and it was my fault. “I don’t hate you Mouse.” It was so flat and dry, but right behind it was this awful slurry of words about how I just want to rip you open and I barely managed to stop them. Using one of my hands I started finger combing that mess I made of your hair back into something semi recognizable. Each pass of my hand through your waves was agony on my soul, and the normally soothing task was winding me tenser and tighter. Specifically choosing to ignore your statement about crying my mind was laboring overtime to construct a wall from the anger army mustering. The flowing sadness was still freely pouring, and I was stuck between drinking them off your face or using my practiced fingers to turn them red. Sick gummy jello sensations tickled my hands in recollection of gouging that man’s eye out. If that kept flashing through my mind I wonder how your gutting of the other one’s neck haunted you. At least the one I murdered had been on the other end of a firearm. Can I think of anything pleasant?
10:59
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While working those locks down the internal war over what to do began. Do I just sit here and calm you down? Is that really what I am going to spend my time doing? The only way I know how to reset my own mind is through sex or cocaine, and neither of those were readily available at the moment. Take it from her. The circular path of thought had wrapped all the way around and all my muscles vibrated with tantrum’s lightning. Nothing in here seemed good enough to break, and knowing my luck the chauffeur would reappear right as I got started. It was not fair to make this about myself, but I was about to come completely undone. Through chattering teeth, “I- I- am trying to not give into myself right now.” Both my legs bounced with nervous energy. Why was I even bothering explaining myself to you? My tongue rolled into my teeth and the flesh that ripped would normally make me wince or cry out. Not this time though. This time the seeping of copper and iron was a secret release that only I knew about, and the hidden trail of pain in my mouth worked to relieve the anger just enough that some muscles in my shoulders relaxed. Without a second thought I sank my teeth down into the flesh of my mouth again. Immediate tears ran from my eyes, and every liquid that pooled out of my head worked to soothe the rolling. Swallowing the hot cathartic blood I convinced one of my legs to relax. The only current plan I had was to hope repeating the experiment can save me.
@killahxkylie
Silence. It felt like it was never-ending silence between us right now, the only sounds I could hear were my own quiet sobs and the sound of you breathing. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in your head. What kind of war were you waging against the monster inside of you right now? I knew enough about you to know that he lived there somewhere in your mind and maybe even in your heart too and I had seen you fight against it before. How often did you actually win the fights against it?
I didn't know what to do and I could feel myself panicking wondering what was going on in your head. I needed you to say something, to do something to give me any kind of sign that you weren't going to leave me here. I wanted to open up your ribcage and crawl inside so I could live there right next to your heart where I so desperately wanted to be. Was there even one really inside of you? Had my own broken mind made up that soothing thump, thump, thump that I had fallen asleep to every night in the hospital? Maybe you were just a hollow shell of a man that the universe sent here to end me and I couldn't see it.
.
11:17
I could feel your body tensing and shaking underneath me and wished so desperately that I could take away whatever feeling it was that was coursing through your body. 'I- I- am trying to not give into myself right now.' What did that mean? Were you trying not to hurt me? Trying not to run away and leave me here to be the chauffer's problem? Your legs were jostling me around like the rolling waves of the sea but I refused to move from this spot right now. It felt like if I let go of you you would disappear into thin air right in front of me. "Don't." I peeked up at you from where I was resting against your chest when a tear landed on my temple. I knew it could be dangerous for me but I would do anything to make you feel better. Anything. I felt one of your legs relax and pinched my brows together. "Don't do that Ivon please-" I could see the watered down crimson where your lips met and knew you must have done that same biting of your own flesh again. "Just- Stop trying to fight it let me- let me help. Just don't put me in the hospital again."
That wasn't something a normal person or someone who was sound of mind would say. They wouldn't offer up their body as a punching bag or something for someone to slam their dick into to make themselves feel better. I knew that was true but I couldn't make myself care. What I needed was for things to be okay again and it was the only way I knew how to do that. I would probably burn myself at the stake for you if it meant that it would rid you of whatever demons you were living with.
Calm’s webbed fingers barely made it inches into my flaming skull before you smacked them out by telling me not to do it. You only gave me time to enjoy the icy potion of rest for one swallow and those eyes were already burning holes of command into me. Already my other leg continued its motion of panicked shaking, and a dragon’s fury consumed me over you pushing my buttons right now. Now? Right fucking now? Can you just lay there be pretty and shut the fuck up? If fury gave superpowers we would have learned right then because you would have instantly combusted into a scorching flame. ‘Let me help...’ What? I had to agree and in fact at first the true meaning of your offer flew over my head. Finally my neck worked so my eyes could meet yours. Instantly I drained into them and the hard look I was burning you with softened. While tumbling into that stupid puppy dog gaze what you had really meant hit me. All of the anger poofed into cold lust and respect. It was a disgusting mix of emotions all things considered, but my upper torso thrummed with humming attraction. I’d let you heel kick me in the skull until it exploded if you asked for it. Even after thinking my way through what you had said it didn’t seem real.
12:21
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“Are you?” I trailed off when a shining line of the stinging red lulled from the corner of my lips and down my chin. Swallowing again the pain of my torn cheek and tongue was a world away. Would I even take you up on the offer? Would it be the same if you were asking for it? Yet it was plainly obvious you did not want it right now. She is tricking you. That seemed unlikely, and even though your offer had me willing to throw my life away for you the entire present was so blinding that nothing made sense. Did someone replace your water with liquid fucking stupid? Is that what I’ve been working to force into your body this whole time? With a shaking hand I scraped a few more locks of midnight out of your face before dragging my thumb over your bottom lip in a copy of the loving maneuver you make. I slurped the little bit of spit I stole off my thumb and let it moisten my tongue in a mix with the oozing crimson. My free hand traveled down your back in a massaging pattern that stretched to your lower torso before returning up to your shoulders. That humming was growing into a worshiping chorus. “Are you?” A blush traveled in rosy pigments out from my cheeks into my forehead and ears. You had me skipping like a broken record. Were you as addicted to this nonsense as I was? This nasty magnetic bonding? Or are you really just that willing to lay yourself down for me? Both of them were working to turn on an oven in my core.
12:21
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What would I even do? All that my mind was full of is images of me bending you around with hateful intention. ‘Don’t put me in the hospital.’ Again the vagueness had me melting in confusion within this hug of yours. Were you making a metaphor implying we can talk it out, or are you offering me the choice of emptying my madness into you? ‘Don’t,’ everything you had said was melding into one confusing line that made none of the syllables feel real anymore. “Why would you let me do that?” With my hands full of static from brushing at you I placed them both into your side and pulled you up into me in another one of our classic awkward hugging angles. Take her offer up. Ruin something in her. My hips bucked upward with that one, and my throat was thick with effort to swallow the saliva and blood. Without you having clarified yet I started a slow rocking of my crotch into your hips. Head tilting over my eyes squinted at your pale face. “You mean it?” Did you really just want to take this away from me? That may be the most personalized form of admiration I have ever received.
@killahxkylie
'Are you?' Am I what? Stupid? Fucking insane? More lost than I ever thought I could be in my entire life? Yes. The answer to all of them was yes. I watching you watching me and the entire thing was making my heart race with nerves. One of these days I really think that you're going to make it completely arrest but at least then I won't be so lost anymore. I'll just be floating in whatever weird state I'll be in after I'm gone. I almost let out a scared whimper when your thumb traversed over my lip but I couldn't manage to make a sound. It just travelled up my neck and died in my throat. 'Are you?' Am I what? Why won't you just ask me? Is this how it feels to deal with me when I can't find my words? I wished that I could reach my hand down into your throat and pluck them right from your vocal cords so I could know what the fuck you were thinking. Everywhere your hands went felt like you were leaving a trail of fire behind, I was terrified.
'Why would you let me do that?' Isn't it obvious? I'm delusional and in love with you. I don't know if I'll ever find the strength or willpower to tell you that. to force my lips and tongue to work together to form those words but I know already that I feel it. When you pulled me back into your lap I felt my brows pinch with the looming fear that you were going to slam my face into the glass again. Would I ever not have a fear of car windows now? Already you were working your hips up into mine and I was honestly shocked that your dick was even working so soon after the last bout of madness we let ourselves get lost in. 'You mean it?' Of course I do. I don't know why or how but I do.
.
13:07
After what felt like ages I finally was able to get myself to speak again only for more stupid to flow out. "Because I want you to feel better and... and I know hurting me makes you feel better.. and yes I mean it Ivon just-. Just please don't kill me." That's all I wanted was to stay alive so I could be with you longer. Every moment with you was chaos but I couldn't change it if I tried, and I had tried I really had. Sure you did. It was just easier to give in to the parts of me that felt for you, easier to bury down and warp the bits I didn't like. "Stop trying to fight yourself."
‘Hurting me makes you feel better.’ I had said it to you with my own words, but hearing it so plainly out of your precious frame kicked my swollen heart over to its other side. When you begged me to not kill you the release of ambrosia into my bloodstream was so gold and beautiful that colors got crisper. There were little swirlings of middle tone to everything I had never noticed before. Has your face always been so sharp? This car was a magical portal to sex-Narnia because there is no way this was real. Was I missing on a dynamic like this my whole life? Are there more of these dick worshiping spiders crawling around LA, or are you one of a kind? Not that it mattered because I liked my Mouse the most, but it still made a man wonder... I had just barely gotten the lid of this gross puzzle box worked back closed, and now you were trying to let this stupid evil out again. It didn’t help that the initial cleansing wash of peace was crumbling away to the roiling sea of hate beneath. What if I keep it together and we just hold each other softly? ‘Stop trying to fight yourself.’
14:28
.
Something possessed me after that. A nasty gash split in my forehead and with a sickly pop yellow fat, taut skin, and rippling muscle ripped to allow space for the Lizard’s peering eye. I wrapped a hand up into your hair and pulled you up toward my face. I kept increasing the force until you scrambled your head up even to mine. You were panting so hard and the lines of tears sprinting down your porcelain mask had me wishing you were wearing makeup just so they would leave painted lines in their wake. Now that we were eye to eye I wrapped my legs up around you like a snake and pulled you into my coiling form. You were glued to me, and nothing except a titanium enchanted crowbar would contain the capability to free you of me. You got an open shot at freedom, and you just handed me a personal invitation to wrap you back up. I was warden of this hell prison now, and in a case of pure luck my tastiest prisoner just volunteered to check back in. With a long dragging of my rough tongue I slurped from the side of your chin to your eye socket. The salty pain was already cool splashes in the maelstrom of evil. Increasing the pressure with my legs until you squeaked I coiled a free hand into the scalp of your hair. Pin pricks of feverish desire tickled my chest. The closer I got to you the more buzzing was added to my core, and the rumbling of your heartbeat against me tilted the car over a few degrees into that cloister of despair.
14:28
.
I feared what my eyes looked like right now, and while swallowing those tears I painted your face for what soft part of you to assault next. “You are my freaky Mouse aren’t you?” While still using your hair to hold your head upright I sucked at the edges of your lips to taste at more of you. Each pass of the silky flesh was heaven as your saliva mixed with the sting of fear. It all slurped down past the cut in my cheek and sent me tumbling through memory of our first night. I brushed my words into that corner of your mouth, “You are such a good girl.” A shiver gripped at my spine with how your eyes dilated. You were so afraid. Any moment I could start the real pain, but I wanted to ease into it. Is that why you were so jumpy, because at any moment I could drive a fist through you? While still painting your lips with my own, “At first it was just ‘keep you out of the hospital’, but now it's ‘don’t kill me.” I stole one shallow kiss of your top lip making sure to leave a coppery smear of my oozing life. “What are my rules babydoll? Make sure to be explicit because my rule is you can’t change yours later.” This was too much fun, and I had to pull you even closer into me to keep my body from shaking so much.
@killahxkylie
For a moment I thought that you weren't going to go for it, that you were going to call me crazy, rightfully so, and run away from me as far and as fast as you possibly could. By the look in your eye when I saw the switch flick I was probably going to wish that was the option you went with. Instead you forced my head up and up and up until I was whimpering and scrambling to move so you didn't pop it right off. I was trying my best to not act like I was as afraid as I was but my breaths were coming so quick and my pupils must have been absolutely huge already. When you wrapped me up with your legs again it felt like you were trying to mimic a boa constrictor and I thought my insides might explode out of my soft center. "Y-yes I'm yours Ivon I'm your Mouse forever" I didn't even know if you really wanted an answer or if you were just taunting me at this point with the things I was willing to do for you and I didn't care either, I was going to answer regardless. When your lips were sucking at my face I couldn't help but try to pull away even a little but your grip made that impossible. The way you were using my hair to move me again had that fresh line where the stitches were barely starting to dissolve aching and it reminded me all too much of that first night. Why did I do this to myself? I kept having these flashes of that night on the floor and they were so crisp that it scared me.
16:09
.
"D-dont punch me and don't slam my head too hard into anything and no biting chunks out of me." They were the only limits I could actually think of right now in my panicked haze of everything that was happening. My entire body was trembling with the anticipation of pain. How bad was it going to be? Was the backseat of this car going to be stained permanently crimson from my blood? Were you going to fuck me again? Could I ever really phrase it like that when I don't want it right now? God knows I can't bring myself to use the actual word for what brought us together in the first place. "And promise me that you won't let go of me when you're done. I'm always going to need you to take care of me Ivon." I met your eyes with that and pressed a kiss of my own to your lips.
@bonghitsforfeds
Mine forever? That was a triple stab to my gut and while my insides spilled out I savored the sweet way they tickled while flopping out of my belly. You were so nice to me while I was working with direct effort to be incredibly cruel. It still didn’t feel real. Would we just keep pushing the boundaries of what our bodies can feel until eventually one of us keels over completely drained of upper brain function? Typically one would have to traffic some sort of arranged victim in order to have experiences like this. What had happened in your sad past that made you enjoy being with me? There is no way that most men are cruel enough that I was a good prospect. I also find it hard to believe that you were here just for my money, so what actually gives? Are you properly knocked stupid? Was dating in the lower classes just that bad? Clashing thoughts clattered together with sparks of steel, and I had been so lost in the mental battle that I had almost forgotten you were supposed to be answering me. With a timid voice you shared the simple ruleset, and instantly this backseat became a colosseum of games to be played.
18:03
.
It was definitely a negotiation mistake to tell me the instructions on all this madness first as I barely caught the promise you requested of me before quivering lips stole a breath of my air. The sweetness of your request twisted your word-blades around. Distracting guilty pain danced in my gut and I fought for a moment to keep the hatred flowing. “I promise Camila. I’ll tape you back together every night baby.” I returned the soft kiss you had originally offered, but I drew this one out with a hot slurping. With a steady increase of speed I assaulted your mouth with mine. It was steamy, love filled, and our heads pushed into each other back and forth from the intimacy. Even if you wanted to avoid it there was no proper way to as my fist was still corded into the length of your recently finger combed mane. I drew the sloppy french kiss out until our faces grew red from lack of oxygen. My tongue gracefully waltzed with yours until our lips separated with a tiny smack. Long streaming cords of red-white ran between our mouths like dangling fishing lines before gravity snapped them apart to dry over our chins. Those saucer orbs for eyes shimmered in the dim parking garage light, and I leaned into your ear to whisper, “Thank you.”
18:04
.
Surrendering to the lizard is like giving into death. It’s a cold and distant place to be, but I’m just so tired when it finally happens that giving in is infinite peace. Stepping away from the controls he always lays me back into a pillow top bed with sultry smoothness. With loving softness he presses a forked tongue kiss into my forehead before slipping himself into the pilot’s seat. My eyebrows climbed high in rage and I used my free hand to wrap around your throat. While holding your lower body still with my legs I pulled you out tall like taffy in that dark backseat. You were so stretched out that your shirt rode up enough to betray a belly button. Squeezing into your neck made the pulsing hose of Barbie pink writhe against my palm, and the color in your face instantly began to pale as the blood supply was cut off. For a moment it looked like you tried to mumble something, but your throat only buzzed against my hand uselessly instead of producing words. I had yet to let go, and my head tilted as you began a thrashing for air. You managed to get one of your hands free, and while you started to slap around at me I leaned in to steal a cold kiss from your bluing lips. Watching from the backseat of my mind was like being front row to a personal thriller. The anger ebbed into a yin yang with lust and they spun together in a cute little circle of prime evil. This was better than sex no contest. Drawing out your soft body and finding ways to make you squirm is a science I would pioneer with a smile forever. Your face grew paler and lighter, until eventually tears sprung from your eyes and ran in thick confused lines. “What does your world look like right now doll? Is light ebbing out at the edges?” My head tilted over in the other direction as your eyes rolled back. “Can you even hear me right now?” I waited a few more seconds before letting go of your hair and neck simultaneously to see if you would collapse like a limp ragdoll.
@killahxkylie
It shouldn't have brought me the level of comfort that it did for you to tell me that you would take me back together every night but it did. My entire life I've craved someone who was willing to pick up my broken bits and put me back together and here you were promising to do it every night. I wonder if you know now just how much I belong to you, if you ever tried to leave me I would do everything in my power to spill my life into the earth so I wouldn't have to walk it without you. My thoughts were short lived when you increased the intensity of the kids you were giving me until my jaw and tongue were sore and my lungs were burning for air. "You're welcome." I panted out with the taste of your blood still fresh in my tongue. It was addicting tasting your literal life force like this.
That small bit of bliss I was feeling was short lived though because when you grabbed hold of my neck all I felt was that intense stomach churning panic. I had never felt it in it's most pure form until that first night I managed to escape you and since then you'd managed to make me feel it more than enough times for a lifetime. I couldn't breathe at all and I felt my face doing that thing where it felt like my cheeks were filling with cement and my eyes were losing focus and fast. I tried to swat at you to get you to let me breathe, the way you had me stretched out so far felt like it was making it even harder. I couldn't even squeak out a noise with the grip you had and I wondered if this was the part where my pathetic life would flash before my eyes before it all went dark and I never woke up again. The panic was rising higher and higher in my blood as everything started to get darker and darker and your voice sounded far away. I could feel the tears running down my face but I couldn't make a single sound. When you looked at me I could barely see your lips moving and I had no idea what you were saying but I tried to shake my head no anyway.(edited)
18:19
.
When you finally let go of me I felt all the blood rush back into my head and face so fast that my body couldn't keep up and I felt myself slump completely against you and the car seat. That was one thing I had never wanted, I didn't want to lose consciousness with you. I still remember the first time falling asleep with you in the hospital, I tried so hard to stay up longer than you every time and even though I always failed I did it anyway so I wouldn't have to worry about you disappearing when I was asleep. Or worse. Doing things I wouldn't be aware of when I was out. Did you even know that was something I feared? I wish I had mentioned it in the rules but it was too late now. At least I'm not dead, not yet.
Your limp body collapsed into me, and while you shuddered and gasped for air I brushed my lips against the top of your head in a loving kiss. Even from this angle peering down at you the color returning to your forehead and cheekbones was obvious. While you were still floppy with confusion I used the matted gluing of my fist into midnight waves to pull you back upright. It took genuine effort to get you straight again, and the way you exhausted air trying to refuel your brain worked the old engine of my heart into a mistimed rattling. Your eyes kept spinning to the left like you had just dismounted an amusement park ride, and once you were alive enough to climb back up toward the pulling of your hair I stole a sucking pass of your top lip. With the hand that had been choking you I slapped at your face as if rousing a collapsed drunk. “Welcome back cutie.” Another few slaps to the cheek, “How many times do you think I could send you to the edge like that before you die?” Without giving you any time to respond I corded my fist back around your throat and started squeezing again.
02:47
.
After a few seconds I let go of your hair so you flopped around and used that hand to wrap behind and pull you into the snake-like constricting hug. Now that we were cookied together I brushed my lips against your temple. My hand was clenched so tight around your jugular that it trembled with the effort. The circle of my limb around you made it easier to keep your arms pinned. Combined with my legs and the fist to your throat you could hardly move inches this time. Moments after the second wave of torture began I started painting your ear with my mouth. “I love you Cami. Did you know that?” Betrayal melted into icy liquid and flushed out over my mind. The Lizard is just supposed to hurt you. Why is he using my language to communicate? I guess it only makes sense that clear admissions come with such cloudy intentions. Knowing you I bet you hate that I am unable to just care for you normally. The warmth in my core pushed to blood in my cock, and I started to grow erect at the thought of you loathing this so much. That perfect porcelain mask was reaching a familiar mummy pale, and your eyes started to flutter again. “Good girl baby, are you going to the quiet place again?” Soft as fresh snow I peppered tiny kisses into the side of your face. Permission to commit sins you genuinely hold with displeasure is my favorite present you offer.
02:47
.
Like last time I let go of you all at once, but instead of letting you collapse forward into me I caught you and began maneuvering you down onto your back in the seat. We were in a familiar straddle to the first night when I got you positioned, and while straddling your upper legs I leaned down to leave two images of my lips in red on each of your fleshy eye sockets. One hand slipped under your shirt and while cupping the side of your body memorized the curves of you with long erotic drags. You rapturously rattled with fear, and the texture of water smooth skin beneath my hand quickened my breathing. Leaning down I necklaced you with wet kisses where the red mark of where my hand branded you like an angry tattoo. It must have hurt because you kept trying to turn your chin down in reaction to keep me from doing it. With my other hand I grabbed your chin with four fingers and forced your gaze up and back toward the roof so I could keep making out with your throat. Humming my words into your bobbing jugular, “I mean it. You are my God.” The Lizard and I were arm in arm during this exchange, and this was a coupling that was beyond dangerous, it was cataclysmic. After the desperate sucking of air into your body slowed, “Welcome back my love. You want to go again?" I love sending you to the edge like that. The teasing forced a rocking of my hips down into you. Moving my mouth back up to your lips I sucked at the bottom skin flap before letting it fall with a dragging of my teeth. “Unless you’d rather me hurt you in other ways?” I continued my assault to your neck while awaiting you to spin some thoughts out of your cog.
@killahxkylie
Am I dead? It feels like I must be dead, my body feels unlike anything I've ever felt before even when I was concussed. This was so much worse, it felt like I was spinning and floating and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. Finally the light started to leak back into my vision and I could see again even though it was all fuzzy. I could also hear again, just in time for your hand to meet my face and for you to ask just how many times I think you could do that before I die. I had just sucked in a raspy breath to try to beg you not to do it again when your hand closed around my throat again. I swear I could feel my windpipe crunching under the pressure of your hand and no matter how much I tried I couldn't squeak out that I wanted you to stop.
I could feel that same swelling feeling in my face and everything was starting to get fuzzy again and fast. 'I love you Cami, Did you know that?' No actually and I don't think this is helping. I think you need me, I think something in your brain has latched onto me and your twisted monster self has decided to substitute whatever it is for love. Are you even capable of real love? I wonder if I'll ever know the answer, if I'll ever be able to feel a difference. I couldn't answer you if I tried and it didn't take much longer for my eyes to be doing that weird fluttery thing again and the last thing I felt was your lips on my face. I think I could die like that and it would be okay.
.
07:14
What wasn't okay was how I came back into myself again. You were on top of me and your hands were running up and down my side. My eyelids felt sticky and I wondered if you had done something to me or if it was just from being right on the brink of death twice in a row. "S-stop it hurts" I managed to rasp out in a whimper when your lips attacked what was definitely going to be a nasty bruise around my neck. What were people going to think? Was I going to have to wear scarves and turtlenecks for the rest of our lives together? "N-no please I can't Ivon please it scares me too much." I was trying to shake my head but it wasn't working very well, probably because it was still swimming. "Please don't do it again please."
Like a starving street dog I lapped up fear filled sweat from your throat. Begging me to stop and declarations of pain only succeeded in strengthening my cruel willpower. The scratchy distant way you fought to speak filled me with electric pulsing current. Fresh from the healing assembly lines of a hospital your aura was flickering with frailty after having been choked out twice. After you begged me to get off your neck my pace increased and I patterned the licking up toward your chin. “Stop, it hurts.” Drawing the words out I replayed them to you with erotic mocking tension. The fresh water from your eyes mixed with the red of my blood to make a cute pink splotches on the pallet of your face. Your soft explanations only stiffened me and I drug my tongue between my upper teeth and bottom lip in anticipation of what I got to do next. “Oh no poor baby. You don't like it?” I flashed you a mocking frown before dragging the puckered lower lip up your chin to your mouth. Once you got the idea and sadly sucked on it for a moment I finally pulled my face back.
08:14
.
“Are you telling me I can’t do it again? It wasn’t in the rules.” Sitting up now I tilted my head over while pretending to ponder your confusion. With my legs sprawled wide near your lap like this my growing cock was visible protruding beneath the fabric. I grabbed one of your clammy shaking hands and rested it atop that pitched fabric. “Feel that Cami? You are doing such a good job of making me feel better.” After patting the top of your hand I let it sit there by itself. “You really want me to stop now after I was starting to enjoy myself? Does that seem fair to you?” I swore you scoffed at me when I said fair, but I just excused it as you trying to suck air past your bruised throat. With the hand in your shirt I moved the rubbing up to your upper belly and pet you in large calming circles. “Keep sucking air, that’s a good girl. Got to get you all filled back up for whatever comes next.” The circling pattern was large enough that my fingers would brush against the crease of skin just before your breasts begin to mound. That sweaty patch of soft under boob was likely my next target. You said no chunks, so what if I just leave deep gashes? It would have to wait a bit longer because your palm had started working little circles into the top of my dick. “What are you doing honey? Is your sad muscle memory kicking in?” With the hand I had originally grabbed it with I gripped your wrist and helped you to apply more pressure. “It feels better if you do it this way Cami.” Once you were doing the motion in a way that allowed my flaring head to ride the cup of your hand back and forth, a little airy moan escaped my mouth at how it rubbed against fuzzy pant fabric.
08:14
.
Another sweeping of peering lights filled the vehicle for a moment, and being so close to life while ruining such a beautiful woman had me swelling just a bit larger. We were completely illuminated for a moment, and the red marks I left on your eyes were shiny. Your neck already turned brownish black in certain parts as popped capillaries bled into a personalized collar of bruising. What would the media say if we just walked around in public with all of those marks? If you never said anything is wrong could they even investigate anything? The power fantasy of you being so clearly battered and still with me was filling my head with a choking smoke. “Well what now hmm? You kind of stole my thunder by telling me to stop. My next idea was to bite at your tits until I left a bleeding mark with my teeth. Would you prefer that instead? Every time you take a step and your shirt rubs at them you will think back on this decision, so choose wisely.”
@killahxkylie
I knew without a doubt even in my stupor that you were mocking me but there was nothing I could do about it as I shook my head no in response to you asking me if I liked it. I hated it, it was scaring me, you were sacring me and I knew that was exactly what I had asked for but it didn't change the fact that being that close to death was terrifying. I could barely even figure out what you wanted from me as I sucked your lip just for you to pull it away. Maybe this was a mistake, I should have just let you sit there and stew in your anger like the brat you are but instead I had to open my stupid mouth and offer to let you take it all out on me.
'It wasn't in the rules.' Technically no but I did say not to kill me and this felt way too close to death for comfort. When my palm met that bulge in your sweats it was like it started moving all on it's own, I hadn't even noticed until you gripped my wrist to make me apply more pressure. "S-stop that's not funny stop making fun of me I-I'm just trying to help" I don't think I had ever felt more stupid than in this moment. My brain had a lag and it's like it took me what felt like five extra minutes to process everything you said to me and even then it's like my brain didn't wrap around it. "I don't want you to stop I just- the choking that hard it's too scary Ivon please- I'd rather have you biting me I wanna think about it every time I feel it please" I knew I would regret that too but at least I would be conscious enough to feel it all and I wouldn't be floating on the precipice of death over and over again. Eventually if you kept doing that I really wouldn't wake up and as sick as it was I didn't want to die if it meant being away from you.
@bonghitsforfeds
It’s possible that in my desperate attempts to wrench your head from your neck that I may have squeezed the last drops of smart out of your eyes. The way you rambled on now about what you wanted or felt made no sense. To be fair none of this felt grounded in any reality, but the way you reacted now had me slightly concerned you were going brain dead. You and I both know how familiar with that particular topic I was. Your desperate palming of my hardening cock was growing more distracting with every passing moment, and at this point my true goals were unknown to even myself. How do you invite me into your body with lethal understanding, yet have absolutely no idea what to expect? Stop making fun of you? Do you fucking hear yourself? “You talk to me like we are carrying a couch up the stairs you dork.” Just trying to help? These stupid words had me so off guard I glanced around as if some invisible camera was going to make itself known. I guess the absurdity of all this would suddenly fall into place if it turned out to be some hyper dystopian reality television set up. Up until this point I had still been rubbing at your upper belly, and I stopped the circular motion to push my hand up between your breasts. Running my finger between them I collected the dew of nervous sweat. Pulling the hand from your shirt I sucked the finger dry.
11:17
.
“Oh! So you don’t want me to stop?” I put the hand still wet with spit and sweat to your neck. Spreading my fingers as wide as they would stretch I lightly grabbed at your throat. It wasn’t possible to be completely felt by you as the distance was barely close enough to send brushing tickles of pain through the bruising wound. There were no plans to choke you again. This was just a cruel teasing to make you worried it could happen at any moment. The pathetic rubbing of me you had been doing froze when my skin met yours, but I used my other hand to help you continue the motion. While shaking my head, “Don’t stop touching me Mouse.” When the motions continued I soaked up the godly feeling of leaning over you while holding you on that cliff of fear. The only way this could get any better is if I could peer into infinite eyes to see your thoughts. What were you thinking about right now? “You did say the choking is too scary...” With a pout my faux grip of your neck released, but not before I drug the back of my fingers over the quivering skin a few times. To be honest this must have been working to make me feel better, because there were sparklers of guilt at having choked you so much. We had already fucked so much today that I doubted there would be a true finale to this, but I was determined to ride the hate stallion until it collapsed dead.
11:17
.
With the hand that had been on your neck I looped a finger through the top of your shirt and yanked it asymmetrically down. When a perky tit fell free I hummed in amusement. “Oh my babydoll those nipples are hard for someone who supposedly doesn't enjoy this.” Poking you over a natural betrayal is one of my favorite fists to strike you with. Letting go of your hand and leaning forward I compressed your palming grip into my waist with the bending movement. Light as a fairy I dashed feather magic kisses into the white flesh of your breast. Starting from the outside I made a quarter circle down the mound until I got to the aforementioned seam of skin. Your panting at the incoming pain swelled my rock hard cock painfully against your smashed fingers. After a few more of the airy kisses I spoke with my lips still pressed to pale flesh. “You ready sweety? This one is going to hurt real real bad.” Spit ran from the corner of my lips into a tiny pool of reflective madness on your heaving chest. I can’t imagine how much the chunk in your arm had hurt, and even though this was not going to be near as gnarly a wound you were well aware now of what this felt like. “Are you still sure you don’t want to be choked instead? This is a real,” a quick kiss into the same piece of porcelain skin, “sensitive piece of flesh baby.”
@killahxkylie
"I- I don't know what I'm doing Ivon." I admitted through tears that started to come faster and harder. It was true I had no idea what I was thinking or doing everything in my head was like a whirlwind and the only thing I knew in the moment was me and you and the back seat of this car. The fear of your fingers wrapped around so much of my neck made me feel like I could pass out just from that, you didn't even need to squeeze my head felt light just from the memory of it. I didn't even realize that I had frozen again until you once again started moving my hand for me. I felt like I was basically a doll to you, for you to hurt or play with whenever you wanted and eventually when you broke me someone would just replace me.
When you finally let go of my neck after what felt like eons of time had passed I sucked in a breath as if you had been choking me. I yelped when you tanked down on my shirt convinced that it was going to rip and I would be left with nothing to wear, stuck topless until you got us somewhere that you could buy something new for me. Luckily the fabric held out for me but the relief of that was short lived when you decided to jab at me with the knowledge that my body was once again reacting to you without my explicit consent. "Sh-shut up! It's not my fault i-its just my body." As if that was going to make a difference for you, if anything it was probably going to make it better for you, knowing that my body was on your side even when my mind wasn't.
.
12:02
I let out a pained whimper when your body crushed against my fingers but I was so weak and dazed that I couldn't manage to pull them from between the two of us. The feather light kisses you were planting along my chest probably would have felt amazing had this been any other time and any other place. It was never going to stop shocking me how gentle you could be while also being so cruel. Did you even realize you were capable of being soft? Why did it always have to preface violence? You asked for this. That isn't the point. My chest was heaving with the effort it was taking to keep my body full of oxygen when I nodded a little. "I-I'm-" I couldn't make myself force out the words that I was ready. I was never going to be ready, it didn't matter if I was you would always take what you wanted anyway.
Buzzing with occult perverseness I drug my teeth across the soft seam of underflesh. The hyperventilating ravaging your heaving ribcage shuddered with increased speed until I was sure you were going to pass out. If I never bit you would you just have a heart attack and pass into hell right now? Would you regret your time with me when you slid down into the infinite inferno, or would a tiny part of you miss me? “Shhh.” Using my lips as a bristle of comfort I wiped them back and forth over the sweaty skin. “It’s okay honey, you wanted this, remember?” After you had just gotten on me for pointing out your natural arousal I hope that jab sank deep into raw flesh. A devious plot crossed my mind. “Hey are you?” Before I finished the question and in that brief moment you were processing the nonsense words I took my chance to strike. Using my bottom row of teeth I hooked a decent amount of tit into my mouth before working my head side to side to ensure my canines were the first point of contact. Wrenching down and outward I dove my teeth into the perfect flesh with a bubbling squelch. It was like the first time, because when it first happened they passed so buttery smooth through you it felt like biting into cake.
13:15
Your scream was absolutely legendary. I cannot honestly be sure if it was louder than that night on Highway 1, but it enhanced my vibrating to a spiritual tremble. While the horrible sound pierced my ears a gushing double spray of blood oozed into my mouth with sweet coppery syrupiness. I kept my promise to not take chunks out of you, and unfortunately that meant when you tried to climb free it was very easy to pull your ruined flesh from my mouth. There was a dragging snag as my teeth stuck into you, but with another yelping tug you popped the bleeding gash out of my face. Sitting back so you could collect yourself I bit my upper lip as a thick line of you ran down my chin. Swallowing, the hot trail of life crawled down my throat with a coppery slither. I felt the warmth of it work all the way into my stomach where the sensation finally petered out. While you still worked to piece yourself back together, “You taste so good Camila. Thank you.” God I meant it too. All the anger was gone, and the only feeling remaining was that soul winding grind of humming ecstasy. If we kept this mad sprint up my body was going to fade away into happy energy.
"J-just do it already if you're going to!" It felt like such a dumb thing to hope for but the sooner you have it over and done with the sooner we could hopefully get back to whatever weird semblance of normal that we seemed to tiptoe around in before things felt too real for you and you had to do something crazy like this. 'You wanted this remember?' I felt my eyes squeeze shut at that and the tears kept rolling down my cheeks leaving little pink rivers behind unbeknownst to me. 'Hey are you?' It was those same three words that you had stuttered on before and it caught me off guard when you said them again.
I should have known that it was a distraction or an attempt to fuck with me even more because the next thing I knew white hot searing pain was rushing through my chest in a way that was so intense I couldn't hold back the screams that bubbled up out of me. If anyone could hear us over the roaring of planes and cars outside they would probably assume somebody was being murdered and I mean, really would they be completely wrong? Whoever I was before you came into my life was long gone and dead so maybe, in a roundabout way you really were a cold blooded killer. The pain was like a million be stings and I felt the blood running down under my shirt, it's a good thing this one was at least dark colored. I tried to jerk away and that just led to even more pain which quickly had me screaming again in regret.
When I finally managed to work your teeth loose I could feel my chest heaving with the effort it was taking to calm myself down. I didn't want to let myself panic right now, not here, not in the complete spiraling way that I had done multiple times since that night on my bedroom floor. Watching my blood drip down your face may have turned me on at another time but I was so sexually exhausted from the day already that I didn't think anything could actually get me going right now. "I-is it helping?" Really that's what we're worried about right now?
<@22179
Admiration and respect mixed in a running slurry alongside hate pumpjacks to deliver an interesting sour concoction of feeling. You got yourself back under control in an impressively short time, and you even turned those big eyes up at me to lap a caring question my way. Sucking all the liquid in my mouth to one spot I swallowed again. I wonder if you saw it in my face, because the anger had indeed left in a hurry. The engines still worked tirelessly to produce a loathing sludge, but the rushing roar of cathartic cleansing magic turned it all to ash. With awe, “Yeah, actually.” The third eye squelched closed, and the tingling began to subside as I awoke from what must have been a thousand year nap. The sounds outside the car were clearer, and even my own fingertips rubbing against themselves seemed to be more tactile than normal. The absence of any rushing thought or rambling hatred left me hollow and sleepy. It worked too well. “Honey I don't...” I was looking down at my hands while flexing them opened and closed like I was high on thc the first time. Everything rang with beautiful crystal, and the moment my eyes came back up to glance over your form my evil shell detonated in a shower of red blood.
15:51
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“Oh my God.” It was such a drumming flick of focused guilt. Usually I have this churning counter spin of inward pity that I hide behind in moments like this, but now it was just me and this new woman I loved huddled in the far corner in abject horror. Twice I tried to move toward you for comfort, but both times I only progressed an inch before falling back into my original spot. “Cami I-” Nothing would fix any of this. All of these new emotions were like post nut clarity except somehow even more sobering and grounded than normal. We could be with each other in a miraculous five hundred year demigod lifespan and today would replay in your nightmares at some point. I almost said sorry, almost. On the third attempt I found the courage to cross the car and I wrapped your limp form up in a gentle hug. Like roadkill you draped into my shoulder, and you were so delicate at any moment I feared you would turn to sand and run into the floorboard. Rubbing your back in a comforting motion that will never make up for the selfish horrors, “I love you Cami.” Every time I said the word a different emotion was burning beneath the saying, and each time I had thought it was true. This time it was different. It was protective, guilty, but also acutely aware of how everything could impact you. Did I care you were hurting? Yes. Was I aware it was my fault? Yes. Would I do it all again to get you here? ...Yes, and maybe somewhere in that hypocritical vein lies the answer to my character flaws. One kiss into your clothed shoulder was all I felt invited to do. A warm trail of blood soaked between us in a fabric-sticker of crimson. “Why do you stay?” It was an honest question. Is it truly because you have nothing to go back home to? It was rude to make it about me, but you should be used to that by now.
@killahxkylie
'Yeah, actually.' Those words brought mild relief because at least the pain and the fear and getting a small glimpse of death wasn't all for nothing. The only unfortunate part was now I was watching that monster recede back into whatever deeper part of your mind it lives in and the look on your face when you realized what you had done was priceless. Did you really not know what you were doing? You had to have you seemed way too eager to have taken part in it to not be aware. 'Honey I don't....' What were you going to say? What possible excuse could you have for yourself? You could have easily told me no, said that you didn't want to hurt me, but you didn't you chose to send me to the edge of death more than once and then make me bleed again.
"Please just don't-" I shook my head and wanted to curl up into a ball and die in the corner of the backseat knowing that I had really offered myself up like this to you like some sort of pathetic sacrificial lamb. And even worse you had taken the bait and it made you feel better. Would this be how the rest of our lives together would go? You would get mad about something insignificant and then I would offer myself up as your personal punching bag until you felt better? Was it always going to take a taste of my blood to make you come feel something positive towards me?
.
16:48
When you finally moved to wrap your arms around me my eyes went wide because I honestly hadn't expected you to keep your promise. I thought that you would just be satisfied that you had gotten your fill of me and leave me to deal with the aftermath myself. 'I love you Cami.'Did you really mean it this time though? Could you? I honestly didn't know if you could feel genuine guilt or happiness or even love. I had no idea how your broken emotional compass worked. 'Why do you stay?' Why do I stay? Can I really tell you? Will you taunt me forever with it? Will it burn my tongue into ash when it comes out of my mouth? "I- b-because I-." I swallowed hard and buried my face into your neck more as I clung to you. "How do you really not know?"
Fool. Idiot. Fucking moron. A thousand angry voices screamed into the center of my mind in a hateful cacophony of madness. I am going to ruin this. All those lines about losing a girl and then spending a lifetime finding a replacement, that was going to be me. I declared my love. I think I meant it. Do I mean it? Does this endless twirling out of control spinning shit saucer of thought ever finally crash so I get a moment of rest? You kept shaking against me, and at this point who knows if it was from my new battering of you or the tears you shed. You began to stutter out an answer, and I froze to not interrupt whatever you were going to say. Your hot teary face smashed into my shoulder. You felt destroyed. A husk of a creature. No doubt my favorite and most prized husk, but an empty shell still. How do I not know? If there was any way for me to summon an anger specter in this moment it would have happened. Somehow though your new blood magic was keeping the sick things locked away. Instead of righteous fury there was just a empty lava bed where the magma should be pouring. “Do I strike you as a man who just grasps complex conversational topics? I mean yeah I trade gats or whatever, but I mean do you really think I feel things like a normal person?” We had a similar discussion at one point, but everything felt so far away after the woodland adventures.
18:21
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Frustration without anger was an interesting state for me. Normally any reasonable counter accusations got leg swept and curb stomped by hate’s wrath, but right now I was able to think clearly over the top of my emotions. If this is what normal people felt like all the time I was incredibly jealous. At least it allowed me to keep any more accusatory words on lockdown until you managed to respond. For now I kept you wrapped up in that loving hug while spreading the invisible calming balm into your back. “Sorry baby, that was harsh. I am trying.” The self stupidity rocked me again when it hit me I had just bit gashes into the raw flesh of your tit. For the second time perhaps ever in my life I just shut up. Rocking you back and forth like you were my dead girlfriend I cried my own scalding sorrowful tears into your shoulder. My free hand went to your head where I just cupped the back of it and held it closer to me. Whereas before the car was an inch long prison, now it was an infinite expanding hallway that if we didn’t work to clutch each other against would pull us away. There were many things I consider myself strong enough to endure, and a few more rare ones had been added to that list in the past month. Losing you was not one of them. I would die without you. It would happen either via heartbreak or drug overdose that much I am certain. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to my fuzzy Mouse... You can just stay silent if your mind needs rest.” I want to feel like this forever. This has to be a state of mind only achievable after mania ends right? Right? At the very least I hope it occurs more frequently. Preferably without me making swiss cheese of your soft body first.
@killahxkylie
"N-no it's.. it's okay you're right I should stop assuming you can just pick up on these things when you've t-old me you c-cant." The way you were rocking me back and forth was soothing me enough that I felt like I could talk a again and I could feel the guilt seeping off of your skin into mine. You told me that it was okay for me to stay quiet but I couldn't just leave you to cry on your own. Every time you said that you were trying I felt my heart ache a little more. Maybe it really was possible that you had actual feelings for me. That you actually cared about me in a way that was for more than something you just wanted to fuck. "Please don't cry Ivon.. I just wanted to make you feel better."
I nuzzled my face into your neck and let my shaky breath dance over your skin with every exhale. If you regretted all of this then it meant it was for nothing and I didn't want to experience that, my mind couldn't handle that. "I stay because-. B-because I- I think I'm falling in love with you." I clung onto you harder bracing myself for the reaction that you would have to my words, if there was one thing I knew about you it was that I never knew what you were going to do next. It felt like I had just pulled the pin on a grenade and now we were holding it between us, chest to chest so when it exploded it would blow us both to irreparable pieces. I know that it's wrong, and I'm sure you know that it's wrong too, or at least that it's supposed to be. But what am I supposed to do when my heart keeps screaming it over and over again? Rip it out.@bonghitsforfeds
I did not deserve you words. Nobody deserved them, and the scum sucking stain of a human I was really didn't. While sobbing out hot real tears into your shoulder I hugged you close with that back rub. It had been over a decade since I cried like this. It was choking, emptying, and it hurt. Everytime I would push all that heated depression out with a shuddering balling gasp it would instantly rush back in with a few added degrees. Panic nails stuck out from the edges of that scalding air, and fight or flight demanded I throw a door open and dive over the railing into traffic. We were nine stories up? A fall from this height would crush me flat into paste. The half erection still rubbed in my pants, and the reminder of how pure my arousal over your pain had been laughed at me in mocking jest. Were you shrinking, or was that the panic? If I keep pulling on you for comfort will you unravel like spent thread and spin apart into useless pieces of nothing? Is there anything worthwhile left in your head or had I scattered your mind apart when I huffed out that candle of sanity?
21:20
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‘Falling in love with you.’ In lovelovelove. A marching song of your words drummed me along with repetitive wooden whacks to my soul. Surprisingly it managed to help halt the flow of my sadness, and after pulling my head back I wiped at my nose with the shoulder of my shirt. God, I bet I looked fucking pathetic now. You had said it that first night, and even though it was not fair to hold you to that evening, it still doesn't mean the statement was false. My nose flared with annoying burning, and I could feel the red tinge of it. None of this made any sense. From the very moment this car ride began it has been endless shit-flinging madness. When does it end? When do I find time to piece any of this split consciousness back together? Why will anger not pour its familiar gas over this emotional trainwreck and burn it all away to nothing? “Do you mean it?” You had said you ‘think,’ and in classic Ivon fashion I had to push for a little more. Pry a little more. Maybe if I work the lid of you all the way off with this incremental separation of character destruction I can lean over the lip of you and suck dry whatever tasty meal is inside. Your crying eyes shattered me, and it felt like I had already been shards before. While you struggled for words I stickered kisses into the wet spots of your face. “Give them to me, baby.” Kissing up your chin I swallowed the spicy pain from that pale mask. “I created them, let me pay for it.”
@killahxkylie
I hate it when you cry. I don't know what it is about it, it isn't the actual action of the crying but the knowledge that you're feeling sad enough to cry makes my heart ache for you. I tucked myself as close to you as I possibly could and started to mirror your action, rubbing soothing circles into your back. I hated the sinking feeling of guilt that it was my fault you were crying and feeling like this right now, I should have just let you stay angry at least you would have gotten over it eventually... Right?
When you pulled back to look at me I met your eyes and I knew mine were still watery from my own tears that wouldn't stop flowing down my cheeks. "I.. I mean it." I nodded and the soft action of you saying that you created my tears and kissing them only made me cry harder. I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you more than absolutely anything but I couldn't. You broke me but you also put me back together again and now you were the glue that was keeping me in one piece. "I.. I k-keeo trying to tell myself that I'm not but I can't stop it and I-. I-I don't think I want to stop it either." Why the hell was I telling you this? This was just more fuel to the fire of the things you could throw back in my face and use against me. Did you even want me to love you back? I wondered if I would ever figure you out but the longer we were together the more desperate to do just that I was becoming.
@bonghitsforfeds
Now that we both rubbed at each other in the soothing hug something was finally working to alleviate the scalding shard of sorrow protruding from my neck. You had already heard it a hundred times, but I choked it into your shoulder anyway, “I fucking hate crying. I hate it so much.” Hearing my own attempts to overcome the sobbing had my body trying to make a withdrawal from the hate ATM but it still refused to spit any out. After the soft kisses into your eyes tears just started flowing harder. “There you go honey, that’s a good girl. Just give them all to me.” With a now familiar motion I worked at licking your face clean of the extra tears. My breath smelled of sex and hot gasping sadness, and now that same aroma was being slathered over you. When focused on drinking your sorrow like this it did wonders to calm me down. At first hearing you admit to suppressing the emotions fished up another few lines of water out of my own tear ducts, but the clarifying statements about not wanting to stop twisted the knob back right. In all honesty I was so used to being mad over things like this I just kept waiting for the other boot to drop. After several more seconds when the emotions never arrived I took advantage of the dry hate spell, “It made me reactively cringe to hear you admit to denying yourself the emotions.” A slight pause to swallow salty water, “Why would you feel any different though? I’m not a good person.” It wasn’t even a statement of pity or complement seeking it was factually true. For some reason I found that funny and it worked a tiny smile up on my soaked mask. “You are tough Cami. You are a good person.” You cared for me, and even if society didn’t think that was enough it made you ‘good’ to me.
09:27
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Without hesitation I pressed wet lips to yours and began to gingerly kiss you. It was very slow at first, and stayed that way for a long while. I would suck up a portion of your lip and while holding it inside my mouth would paint it with my tongue. After a few moments my mouth would relax so the flap of skin could slurp out. Continuing like this I passionately danced with your lips until a tiny bit of your tongue brushed mine. Then one of my hands slid to the back of your neck and pulled you down into me with loving intention. Using my core and legs to control the descent we slowly collapsed backwards into the seat. After two more passes of the hot lip sharing, “You don’t have to fuck me Mouse. Just love me. Show me.” Both hands were in the middle of your back now and with fighting need I pulled you into me again. I wanted to open my eyes so I could memorize the moment, but if I did there would be a ghost of loathing waiting to possess my fragile mind. The pace was rolling faster now, and now that your tongue worked with mine it ebbed into a classical French kiss.
@killahxkylie
"I know you do, it's obvious you do." I think if this moment weren't so emotionally charged I would've been able to muster a small laugh at the obvious statement but given the current circumstances all I could do was keep crying. I don't think I'd ever get used to you licking my tears like this, it felt so much more lewd than when you just kissed over them and I didn't know how to handle it. I knew in some weird way though that it was how you were showed you cared and maybe even felt a little remorse about what had happened so I certainly wasn't going to stop you. "I know.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I've been trying to fight it it just.. it's all so confusing Ivon." I couldn't bring myself to agree when you called me a good person though because what kind of good person would willingly stay with someone like you. Tough, maybe I could agree with because somehow I was still standing after everything you had done to me although I think it was more than likely just stubborness.
13:58
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When you pressed your lips to mine I thought maybe that monster had managed to weasel it's way free again and that you were going to try to force me into more. I worked my lips against yours hesitantly until it felt like you were content to just kiss like this so I let my tongue peek out to meet yours. You were being so gentle with me when you brought me down to rest on top of you this time and it twisted more of that sick love into my heart. Almost as if you could read my thoughts to told me that to didn't have to fuck you but the way you told me to just love you, to show you. I didn't know how to do that without using my body in some way and that realization made me cry more. Had I really been this twisted all along? Had the men in my life really broken me this badly? I broght my hands up to brush through your hair as we shared this kiss and resisted the urge to try to push forward into more, to just show you like this. "I love you" I hushed against your lips letting myself say it with more conviction that before. "I do"
Sorries, sweet whispers, and loving kisses. Why me? A week later and with love’s card traded I still found myself stuck on this bear trap of why? After whatever you wanted to call this evil outburst in the car you still pressed yourself to me in this embrace and told me what I needed to hear. The typical sneaking paranoia might not be so terrible if Chelsea’s face wasn’t peering out from that dark void as well. It didn’t make any sense for you to be a plant. Final anchoring pieces of that dam slammed into the stupid pink sludge you pumped into my aching head with a colossal psychic splash. That barrier of worry gave way for the first time since that awful night in Nevada. Even if it was some sort of sick trap I was head over heels in it to win it now. You raised that sacrificial love dagger above your head and drove it point first into my lips with a godly strike so powerful it split the planet apart. While we tumbled through the crushing magmatic void that was left of our world nothing but golden currents of real human emotion graced my mind. All I wanted to do was say it back again. Could we just sit here and juggle that ball back and forth while promising secrets into each other's mouths forever?
18:14
.
We kept ourselves wrapped in the blanket of selfish forgiveness, and I pondered how you constantly made me feel as if every moment was the new highest peak of experience. “I love you for this.” The vague statement filled the small space between our heads when the kiss finally ended. In all honesty my heart was still in the act, but the muscles in the corners of my lips were tensed and taught with over use. “Because you make me feel better even though I don’t deserve it.” That summoned a swell of hot sadness into my throat, and after a shaky swallow, “Maybe someday you can just give me a moment like this and we can go on with our day.” I had been referring to our sweet kisses and not the fanged gash that was now ripped into your breast. Still no anger, just sadness. I was enjoying this purity and lack of hate as much as the next guy, but I felt like a dethroned angel in a mortal’s body. Everything that should be natural was alien, and dervishes of guilt over injuring you were my main concern in this feeling desert. You straddled my lap and exhaled your breath into my face yet none of the normal reactions were occurring. I had been lying to myself before when assuming I had felt catharsis. This infinite ocean with no sign of life or light was catharsis. “I am warm with this new feeling for you Mouse, but other than that I am so...” I wonder if you would ever grow tired of my inability to complete thoughts in one go. Father always did call me a stupid fuck. Maybe that’s why we got along? “Empty. There is no rage or plotting hate. It’s nothing.” Some switch had definitely flipped tonight, because explaining these thoughts to you still gave birth to no anger. When will it return? Will it spin back up with no warning and then it starts all over? “I am scared now I will betray this somehow without meaning to.” I was just trying to get across that this bond you shared with me now was important to not lose. Staring up into those galaxies for eyes I waited with bated br
I could feel myself getting lost in this feeling we were sharing. The admission of my feelings for you was something I had planned to keep to myself, a greedy secret that only I would know for as long as possible but just like everything else you came in and stole that too. Was I ever going to be able to keep anything just for myself ever again? Did I really want to? Sharing everything in this life with you both in action and thought didn't seem too terribly bad of an idea. The burning in my chest was a reminder of just how this would really work, every time I would let my mind fully slip into that happy place with you it would sting sharply. And to think I had finally started to heal physically. Maybe you would always need to keep some part of me broken just so you could put me back together. Could boyfriends have some weird version of munchausens? Did I have some kind of Stockholm syndrome instead of really loving you? Was this entire relationship just one huge confusing mix of different mental illnesses? Were we actually just sick?
.
18:38
You pulled me out of my thoughts when you told me that you loved me for this and I wasn't sure if you meant for the sweet loving kisses we were sharing or the fact that I let you take a bite out of me as if I was your own personal Michelin star restaurant. Even after you explained that I made you feel better when you don't deserve it and asked if we could share moments like this and then just continue with our days I still wasn't sure which you were referring to. Did you just want to hurt me and then act like nothing happened or did you want to be able to share these kisses and soft moments without it leading to that mind numbing fucking we tended to fall into. 'Empty.' That was the word you used. Were you actually empty or were you just not angry for once? The fact that you were afraid of ruining things between us was shocking to me. I had been under the assumption this entire time that you would just pluck up some other innocent girl to replace me if anything had ever happened between us. Would you still? Would you miss me if I somehow got away from you?
18:38
.
I felt like everything I thought I had known about you and I was changing now and it made me nervous in a completely different way than what I was used to. What was just the fear of abandonment before was something new now, something more, now there was a growing fear of losing someone that I actually loved. Maybe I really was better off staying in denial about the entire thing because it would have saved me from this new feeling that was smothering me. I could tell you were waiting for me to say something, anything, from the way your eyes were locked onto mine so I dug deep into my excuse of a brain for an answer. "I.. want to have moments like this with you more too. I want to just be together. I know we aren't a normal couple we never will be but.. something in me craves the simplest of things with you Ivon. And I think the biggest thing you could do to actually betray me and this would be to have anything with another woman. That would ruin this.. it would ruin me." That voice inside my head was taunting me with the fact that I was already ruined but I tried my best to ignore it. I needed to be enough for you somehow for the rest of our lives to make sure your eyes and hands and the rest of you didn't ever wander on me and that was terrifying.
The hill you took me up with that statement was a scaling hell derby I did not sign up for. The whole thing played back through my head in revolving sweeps that dusted my brain with barbed hooks. More moments like this? I could handle that yeah. This mushy cuddling we did almost outpaced the melting sex. Almost. You managed to poke at my ego next with the mentioning of how abnormal we are. Normally such a declaration no matter how honest would result in the psychic beast roaring out of his hole in anger. Not now though. You still had me pressed face first into a puffy cloud. In all honesty you were right. We were far from normal, and I had admitted as much aloud to both of us in the past. It really isn't fair if I hold you to these standards. Even in the clear moment of peace I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that though. The last thing you did was pulverize my skull into shattered matter with this request of exclusivity. I knew it had been coming with the reaction back at Future Song, but I guess there had been hope it wouldn’t happen so soon? Thankfully my hand had still been doing the little crop circles into your back, and I was able to focus my nervous energy into that motion while my mind stumbled to catch up. It took three of the standard annoying sighs before I was able to begin formulating a response.
21:09
.
My attendant, countless foreign comet girlfriends, one senator’s wife, the professional volleyball player, and countless other fucks in the last year grabbed me by the shirt and smacked me in the face. Still now I could honestly tell myself the admission of love had been real, but this immediate progression had me nervous. Could I do it? Now my head tilted sideways while our eyes still lassoed each other inches apart. I suppose the conversation about being a thing had already been had, but just how clueless were you to a rich man’s life? “You ask me a lot with this.” Predictably it was selfish to phrase it this way and that fact was not lost on me. “How does it make you feel to know I will have to break it off with some lovely exotic broads?” A mischievous smile crossed my face, and I hoped through the scratch of past tears you could pick up the teasing tone. It was not meant to dangle anything in your face, and it had truly been delivered in jest. Still, I was nervous about my ability to not mess this up. It was no secret that if you grabbed my hand and traded spit with me it would guarantee you at least one night in a Feldt mansion. “I will do my best for you.” I didn’t like how that landed, and in the simmering sugar that still smoked from this new core memory I tried again, “I don’t want to ruin you or this. Our sanctuary needs to remain as pure for as long as our stupidity allows.” Madness had been the original word I was going to pick, but stupid just seemed a tad nicer. The smile shrank, but became real instead of playful. The hand rubbing your back moved beside my face in a mock raised pledge, “I will give my whores up for Camilla Roberts.” Now I rubbed our noses together in a little boop before laying my head back flat against the seat.
21:09
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Things definitely were not back to normal, but getting the words out had lifted a weight off my chest. In all honesty I just wanted to sleep now. That was an unlikely thing I would see anytime soon though, because once the driver returned it would be time for us to depart on something new. At least getting this conversation out of the way should make our shopping this afternoon enjoyable. Just as long I keep my temper under control. Desperately I prayed to dead gods that this airport pitstop would work out and I’d get my information back. Spending a grip of green on new outfits and some toys for our trip sounds like a great way to blow off steam. My bottom lip passed under my front teeth as a dirty thought skittered onto stage. I thumbed at your lip and spoke softly, “Maybe we can stop by a risque store and grab my babygirl something to wear during the next few nights?” Had you set foot in a sex store? Who the fuck is this woman I bubble with love for? Am I broken? “Unless of course you prefer to sleep naked?” Part of me knew you needed time to respond or your poor brain would turn to wax, but keeping you spinning is part of the show at this point. Not to mention it helped to prolong this illegally floaty mood.
@killahxkylie
'You ask me a lot with this.' If I wasn't so lost in the sotness of this moment I would probably be really angered by that statement. Did you not ask me to marry you? Did you think that if I had said yes you still would have been off screwing around with who knows what women? What was the point of even taking me if you didn't want to be with only me? Did you really think I would be okay with just being a part of some collection of pussy? I could feel the anger inside of me ebbing and flowing like the salty water of the beaches I loved to go to so much. "It-." I didn't even know how to answer that. It felt good to know that you would try but terrible to know that I was just one of many. Jealousy was licking at my insides with its hot fiery tongue and it was only barely placated when you said that you would try your best. Was it wrong of me to wish that I was your first everything? It wouldn't make much sense given how I came to even be in your life but somehow it would make me feel better. I couldn't compete with 'some exotic broads' and now I knew this was just a ticking time bomb to you getting bored with me and sticking your dick where it doesn't belong.
I let out a sigh of my own after you booped our noses together with the promise of giving up your whores. That should have made me feel better but I was still sad that they even existed. It bothered me more than it should that anyone else had ever gotten to touch you in the ways that I have, that they'd gotten to hear those sweet pleasured moans you let slip off of your lips when you were lost in it. I didn't even know their names and I wanted all of their heads on stakes. I let myself lean forward and rest my head on your shoulder against your neck again running my finger in circles against your chest, my own burning with the contact against your body. It's your own fault.
.
05:45
You caught me so off guard with the change in subject at what you said next. "I'm surprised you don't already know how I sleep." I said it teasingly and playful so you would know I wasn't trying to start a fight, or at least I hoped you would be able to tell. Would I ever not feel like I was walking on eggshells when I wanted to joke with you? "I would love to get something to sleep in.. what did you have in mind? Something tells me it isn't my classic habit of an oversized tshirt." I laughed a little but it was laced with this weird tinge of sadness. I bet the exotic women you had been with before never slept in ratty old tshirts. They probably slept in the finest lingerie no matter how uncomfortable it was. They were better than you ineveryway. Stop it. Stop it right now I don't want to ruin this. The fight I was waging internally was frustrating me to no end. Here we were finally having a good moment and my brain was working overtime to try and ruin it. I wasn't going to let it. I was going to float here in whatever hole we had ripped through the fabric of reality as long as I possibly could.
We were shooting nukes into nothing with this tilting exchange of emotional explosions. It was rather devastating to my cool rich guy persona to have this moment point out just how many times I lose my temper in a day. Every other thing you did had an expectation of hate poised for attack, but nothing would happen. Still just emptiness. My head was free space for my own twirling voice to spin in. Where is that creeping psychosis, and when would it be back? This tantalizing edging of madness is arguably worse than just being manic. We had been together at this point enough time that it was obvious my mutterings of other women had upset you in some way. Your nose did the scrunch absent of the eyebrow moment, and last time you made that face at me some pretty hurtful shit fell out of your mouth. I had deserved the mean words, but it still had made me pouty and left a sore spot. Cartwheeling for a way to save this conversation it occurred to me I should probably not bring up all the women I have been with like that. I definitely hated it when you did that, and I recall at one point responding negatively even when you had been attempting to use the information for a positive complement. What is your body count? What is my body count? Oh God, am I a whore? My face fired up into burning red at the combination of this thought and your response to my lingerie question. At least this means I don’t have to apologize for talking about girls. You’ll forget, right?
10:55
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Your poke about not knowing how you sleep slashed a smile into the blush. I think the reason it tickled me so good is because I did know how you sleep. That night standing above you before we properly met and how those silky shorts rode up your body after that shower... If we had not danced so many times today my core would be firing again. After that little tease I needed to touch you more, but didn’t want to interrupt what you were saying. My hand returned to painting circles into your back and I let myself float in the void of dark eyes while you whispered spells into me. The backseat of this Mercedes now housed a majority of my favorite memories. I wonder if the driver would let me buy this car off of him? There would be something twistedly romantic about driving this to Washington. This guy had to be a private chauffeur. I wonder how he was vetted... Does someone have blackmail on his family? I suppose having a family in general is good enough leverage to get what you need out of someone. Would they use you to get to me? Just more reason to always be right next to each other, that way if we get murdered Italian mob style we go out together. Why was the prospect of being taken out in a mutual hit so appealing? My new goal in life was to become infamous enough that we got a Bonnie and Clyde museum of whatever vehicle we get murdered in.
10:55
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‘What did you have in mind?’ You really strung the chords out of the cords of my heart’s harp with that one. A movie of you straddling my lap while wearing gartered laced white that wraps your heavenly body up in perfect succubus package plays out a hundred times. “Something lacey and white, or maybe a forest green?” The hand on your back ran down to the top of your ass and I drew an invisible line, “Right here a leather strap would hold up a gartered pair of matching panties.” Worming my lips into the side of your neck I kissed at where my fingerprints turned from red to purple. Buzzing words into the flesh, “Wrapped around your soft throat would be a gps collar with ‘Mouse’ in swirling letters.” My chest was melted sludge now, and hot sweat soaked into where my back pressed into car fabric. I had brought this necklace idea up to you once already, but that had been so long ago. “Would you wear a collar for me Cami? That way wherever we went everyone would know you belong to me? I would swear a knight's oath at that point you are my only woman forever.” Technically I had already made the promise, but now my mind was sprinting with this fantasy of you being marked wherever you go. Now my lips hovered over your ear, “I’ll beg if you want?” I liked this being able to tease you without immediately becoming a stupid fuck stud. Maybe we need to start every day with three rounds of sex so things can feel normal?
@killahxkylie
I was waiting for what you were going to suggest that I wear and I definitely wasn't expecting something that sounded so... innocent? You wanting to see me in all white not what I expected at all but something about it was really hot to me. "I'll wear whatever you want me to wear Ivon." I don't think I had ever owned any actual lingerie that came from anywhere nicer than a Victoria's secret. The idea of wearing a collar for you made something in me flutter. Did you really want everyone to know that I was yours and yours alone forever? "Would it be a different one depending on the occasion? Maybe you have one you put on me when you're fucking my brains out and then another nicer more subtle one when we're out doing day to day things, I can even wear it when we have to go to those stupidly fancy parties you were telling me about.. assuming I'm invited of course."
I didn't want to upset you with the assumption that I might not be invited but I really didn't know how these kinds of things worked. If I would be allowed to go with you just because I was the woman you were currently with. 'I'll beg if you want.' "You don't have to beg me Ivon. I would love to wear one for you.. the idea of it makes me happy to be honest." I felt my cheeks tint pink with the admission of that because the idea of you basically owning me was something I never thought I would enjoy. Didn't take too long did it? I felt my brows pinch together at that little nagging voice in my head. I sucked in a small breath when your lips kept pressing to the sore skin of my neck. "Is it bad? The bruising I mean.. I can feel it already."
@bonghitsforfeds
So many sweet words had been exchanged in this back seat that there were droplets of sugary word-dew condensation oozing from every surface. When you started out with the slap of my name and a promise to wear what I wanted all those tiny drops rained down on our conjoined forms. While soaked in that loving spray you continued running with the pylon of the fantasy with follow up questions. You had me beaming, and I pushed a piece of your hair out of that soft face. “Anything you want my love. We can have a thicker one with hooks for the house, and maybe a thin one with diamonds that you can wear to the dinners?” Toying with me over this was a real mistake for you as it likely only cemented this future reality for you. “If that still isn’t enough for my spoiled angel then maybe we can get some with different colored gems too?” I could already hear my father calling me over why I spent half a million dollars on Cartier jewelry for a street rat. Forcing the smile into a pout I thumbed at your lip again when you mentioned being invited. “Ten months together and you will be tired of parties. I can almost guarantee it. You are invited anywhere I go Cami.” This was so cliché and swimmy that it almost had me rolling my eyes.
17:02
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My lips were still against the sunset bruising in your your neck when you asked me how they looked. They were nowhere near the level of ruin as that first night in your bedroom, but there were still obvious darkening splotches from where my fingertips had been gripping into the sides. For a moment I considered lying to you about the level of destruction, but changed my mind at the last second. With another soft kiss into the biggest spot of blackening red, “You wouldn’t be able to cover it up with makeup, but by my guess it will be mostly yellow by tomorrow.” With a tad more honest guilt seeping through, “Thank you for trying to make me better baby.” This time I pecked a kiss into the rolling spot of flesh behind your ear between jawline and jugular, “I see you trying, and it means the world to me.” It sounded so much nicer than I had even imagined it would. Usually my statements tend to land on the other side of that spectrum, so it was very relieving to experience that happening the other way for once. It was true though I really did appreciate you like no one else before. Were other women not willing to put up with me because they had better prospects on the back burner? Has my reputation really spread that far? Anxieties’ stalking butler waited off in the dark to strike, and I rushed us forward into another conversation. I just had to keep us happy until the driver got back. “How do you feel about us buying this car baby? Maybe the man will give it up to us since we have spread so much of you around back here?” In all honesty there had been ample amounts of both of us poured into this seat, but I like to pretend it’s all your fault. Plus, it was fun to word the question in a way that made you part of the financial decision. “Not very nice for me to buy a car without talking to you first hmm?” I budded our noses together again, and really was trying to pour my charm onto this. Instead of worrying for when these moments are over I am just going to soak in the fa
"Surprise me my love. I'll wear whatever you want me to and happily tell anyone who asks who was the only to get it for me." The fact that you had so much seemingly disposable money that you were offering to circle my neck in diamonds was something I couldn't truly wrap my mind around. The only diamond I had ever seen was the small one on my mother's engagement ring and even that was stunning. If only it hadn't ended up weighing her down like an anvil instead. 'Ten months together..' I felt guilty about the fact that I didn't really absorb anything you said after those three words. You wanted ten months with me at least. Were you really thinking about our future together? Was that little fantasy of us getting married by the seaside and having a baby to raise into someone better really going to happen? "I could never get sick of going to them because I'll be there with you." I smiled at that and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.
"I had a feeling they were going to be dark for at least today." I sighed a little and it felt so odd to have you thanking me for what we had done. You are the one who offered? Still though. Had it really helped that much? "I'll always do what I can for you Ivon." My cheeks tinted even darker when you told me that the fact that I was trying meant the world to you. I really was trying, I would do anything to keep you to myself and make you happy. I wanted to be able to shut that monstrous side of you off as much as I could. The car? You want to buy this car? "But.. doesn't he need it for work?" I tilted my head a little in that stupid puppy dog way you seemed to either love or hate.. maybe both. I let out a small giggle when you brushed our noses together this time. "So being future Mrs. Feldt means I get to help in big decisions hm? It would be pretty cool to have it all to ourselves wouldn't it? We've made quite the memories back here." Just then another stinging reminder zapped through my chest and I sucked in a pained breath.
.
17:23
A small part of me wanted to ask if we could go inside and see if they had any kind of first aid but I thought better of it when I remembered the bruises that were forming on my neck. They would definitely suspect foul play and call security or even worse the police. If there was one thing I remembered it was the way you tensed up when we passed the police, I wasn't going to be the cause of you or your families business getting busted. I did not need to be 'Camila Roberts the kidnapping victim who brought down an arms dealer.' I could see the headlines now and I cringed at the thought. My mind was starting to flood with more questions about your family but I decided to tuck them away for later to not ruin the moment we were still sharing. "Do you think I'm more of a gold of silver person? Ooo or rose gold? I've always thought rose gold was so pretty. I feel like you'd look good in any of them you have such pretty skin." I cringed again at how creepy that sounded when I said it out loud.
@bonghitsforfeds
God, there was that supernova of a word again. Love. Seeing it come off your lips made it land with greater force. If you kept speaking it straight down at me like this my face was going to crumble away into coarse sand. You would probably like me better if I was just a walking set of limbs with a cock. At least then my mouth would be incapable of running anymore, and it would make me an enjoyable person to be around. An old friend’s words flashed through my mind, ‘Can you just shut up Ivon? You’d be easier to sit with.” A large sigh squeezed out of my tired body. It was only noon, and already I was completely exhausted. Damn this whole being in a relationship with a woman who you abducted is not an easy task. Your head was tilting over it and shot my heart with an arrow barbed with magic adrenaline. While trying to not have a heart attack over how cute you were, “Baby, if we pay the man for the car more than it's worth he can just buy another one?” If anything it was just shitty of me to assume he would take the offer, but it’s not like I would be leaving him without a job. “I mean he might just tell us to fuck off because we offend his ideals or something, but it would be a hard deal to turn down. Plus, I think I can even smell you back here.” I let your cheeks turn red at that statement before adding, “Unless that’s just my upper lip?”
18:31
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It pleased the spoiled rich brat in me to see you light up so much with talk of precious metal. Personally I had always hated the tacky glam of normal gold, but you wrapped in pink or silver sounded divine. “Your porcelain skin would go with silver or rose gold like the ocean does to pearly sand.” With a shaky finger I traced a tight path across your neck, “We can get you some sets in each metal maybe? I like the idea of you having enough to match anything you wore.” Images of your bony fingers passing over a long granite shelf of coiled metal and gems fluttered my mind light as humming bird wings. My core heated into an inferno imagining you clasping a skin tight silver collar around your neck. Little blue gems reflected out from a drooping swirling pattern of pin pricked Sapphire. Your comment about my skin pushed the inferno down into a growing erection. My mouth thickened up, and now I was swallowing nervous spit. That had inflicted a way more powerful blow than I could have anticipated. "Damn baby you spun me up with that one. I don't have a lot of jewelry for myself. Maybe you can help me pick some out?" I was just about to lean forward for a kiss.
18:31
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The driver side car door opening scared me so bad I bumped your forehead with mine in a jolting reaction of fear. The Chauffeur leaned in the car, and without apologizing for startling us dumped a pile of paperwork into the passenger seat. I spat out a, “Sorry doll,” while working to rub the pain of the impact from my forehead. “Good news, they had basically everything on file, and after they spoke to your Concierge for a bit they were willing to get your ID and credit information faxed over.” Something about Michael having to interact with a fax machine tickled me silly, and I was surprised to hear they even owned one. My shoulders rolled backward into the seat another inch from the level of tense stress that was lifted knowing I had access to my money again. It felt like we had been stranded on an island even though we were in the middle of California. He plopped another few items into the growing pile of stuff in the seat. “I got you guys a couple of burner flip phones so you can call anyone you need. I figured you wouldn’t mind me charging you to activate them, and it should hold you both over until you get something better.” This man was much too professional for what he had experienced in the past few days. What did we have on this guy? He continued, “You have to go rent a car yourselves, but unless there is anything else I can do for you I think this is where we split up.” Anyone else in the world I would be upset with how unhappy he sounded when saying that, but you still had me calm enough to not react. Turning back up toward your scrunched up face, “You ready to go Ms. Feldt?” I knew we were not engaged, married, or whatever, but if you were making me give up my women you get to deal with silly names I give you.
@killahxkylie
My cheeks were still glowing red from your comment about the smell of me being in the backseat and I wasn't sure if you had meant it in a bad way or not. Suddenly I was extremely self conscious and wanted to crawl into a small hole and never come out, but of course you weren't going to let me do that and had to woo me right back under your spell by telling me how pretty my skin would look with certain metals. "That.. that sounds really nice. I've never-. I've never really owned anything like that." I could feel a chill running up my spine from the way your finger was tracing my neck and it felt so sensual in such a different way than usual. "I would love to help you pick some" I let my tongue swipe over my lips before ours met only to be interrupted by the chauffeur. Why was a disappointed as if I wasn't already sore from fucking so much today?
I sucked in a sharp breath when your forehead met mine and then a series of small 'ows' as I rubbed at my own "It's okay" I couldn't help but laugh a little because that was probably one of the most normal interactions we'd ever had. I listened and felt so much relief flood me when the driver said that he was able to get everything and had even managed to get us phones. What shocked me was the fact that he had gotten me one too, had he really not caught on to this whole situation? "Thank you." I said politely, it was the least I could do for everything the man had had to listen to with us in the backseat. "I'm ready to go Mr. Feldt." Saying it out loud made my stomach erupt with butterflies and I couldn't help but smile, we were finally going to be on our own together in a way that wouldn't be completely tragic like it was after the cabin. Maybe this would be the start of something good. Don't be stupid.@bonghitsforfeds
Confidence had been spilling out of me until you answered my question. Am I ready to go? Some trained politeness in me demanded I thank the driver too, but you had already said it. He had failed to bring us a car which meant we did have to walk through the airport anyway. It didn’t help that his intrusion meant that our sweet moment was over. It was not lost on me that this was not any ‘fault’ of his own, but I had decided at this point to just hold it against him. Stupid trust must be zombifying any remotely smart part of my mind relating because his gift of two phones didn’t even register as a threat. I wonder if that is due to my belief in you, or more that I have just accepted the risk as worth it at this point. Your magic distraction sense must have been tugging because now you returned the tease and it crumbled whatever words I had prepared for the Chauffeur back into oatmeal. Pushing you back up into a seated position I sat beside you in the middle of the back seat and planted a kiss in your clammy forehead.
10:32
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Reaching over through the middle seats I snatched up both phones while speaking to the driver, “So, no car?” I made no glance towards his face and simply leaned back next to you while plopping one of the flat silver keypadded devices into your lap. My head was still turned toward the front, but I tucked my chin to my neck just enough to pass a cautionary glance down into your face. It took until now for it to occur to me what you could do with a phone, but you had already had so many chances. Control demanded I verbally warn you what would happen if you acted out, however it almost seemed insulting to imply you didn’t know the consequences. Ultimately I decided against saying anything to you and just fumbled through the menus of mine in an attempt to familiarize myself while the driver answered my original question. “To be honest sir it’s not that they wouldn’t let me, but more you lot seemed the type to pick out your own.” My lot? This dickhead was kind of pushing it now. Still no anger though. Now I shot a glance down at you as if expecting to find my hatred demon wiggling into your ear. What have you done to me? I might have still said something to the driver had he not been right in his observation.
10:32
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“Probably a good call...” I mumbled to him while still pecking at white backlit keys. Christ, when was the last time I used a phone with buttons? “Say, Mr. Driver guy...” Ah yes, this pitch was going to go swimmingly considering I didn't even know this man’s name. Something about that thought combined with the peeved look on his face when I glanced up changed my mind. Instead something far kinder fell out, “Can I leave you my number so I can cut you a check for a detailing?” Jesus, I almost retched at trying to be so pleasant, but I filed an excuse away with the emotion that the manners were just to impress you. She already knows you are an asshole. Lovely! The lizard is back. I guess all it took was me trying to make growth as a person. The driver chuckled at me, and for a split second I thought he was going to tell me his name, and for some reason that may have ruined the entire joke for me. He whipped a little checkered card out from his inner dress jacket and handed it to me between two fingers. Picking it from his grasp without checking the name I stuffed it into your hands like some kind of secretary. “Hold onto this doll for me, please?” Everything was tumbling forward again, and the pressure of getting us to Washington suddenly felt akin to transporting bombs by air. Am I even capable of managing this on my own?
10:32
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Leaning forward through that cut in the seat again I collected up the rest of the paperwork like a college student with no bag. There was temporary identification for Washington, credit information, a weird cardstock passport thing, and a grip of other stuff that already had me sweating with nervous apprehension. I stretched my arm over your form to pop the latch on the door and push it open. “After you honey.” Once we were out on the dirty parking garage floor all the noises of airport life weighed my mind with that feeling of being an ant in a colony. The driver shut the door behind me, and stood leaning against his which was still open. A normal person would likely feel a jolt of sadness or melancholy at leaving him behind, but now that his service to us was over and my debt was repaid he might as well have been a statue. He kept smiling at me as if expecting me to say something. Am I supposed to thank him now? How do people know what to say and when? “Well uh... bye!” Lacing my fingers into yours I tucked the paperwork under an arm so I could drag you in my awkward escape. There was a bridge connecting where we were parked to the reflective building from when we first pulled in, and unless we were diving over the edge this looked like our best option. My heart thundered with embarrassment and worry. Are they going to even let us in while dressed like this?
@killahxkylie
I felt my cheeks tint pink again when you asked the driver about the car, I had half thought you were joking when you asked me if we should.. or if you should by it and I couldn't bring myself to even look towards the front of the car when you asked him. "Thank you" I mumbled when you plopped the anciernt looking phone into my lap. If I had to guess the driver didn't want to get anything expensive on your dollar, and I imagine the availability is limited in an airport.. did they have entire phone stores in airports? I couldn't even remember the last time I had been in one and I certainly didn't have the luxury of looking around the overpriced stores that tended to litter them. I opened it and held down the little red button until the screen came to life and then looked at what my number would be at least for now. Should I text my mom to let her know I'm okay? My boss? Or.. my old boss. I hope they don't think that I'm dead, or worse that I skipped out of my job my choice. Seriously that's worse?
I was even more surprised when you were nice to the driver after he made a remark that could have definitely been seen as a smart one about his car. He wasn't wrong though, I would have assumed the same thing. The idea of getting to possibly have some fancy car to drive around made my insides flutter again but I pushed it down, I was more comfortable with the idea of never asking for anything you would have to spend a dime on because I truly didn't feel I deserved it. I was like some homeless rat you had found and brought home compared to the other women you had been with. I was a mutt trying to compete with pure breds and I knew it. I thought you were about to show the side of you I had grown to know, the mean side, when you offered to detail the mans car. I had to stop my mouth from dropping open in pure shock from it. Did you get abducted when I wasn't looking?
12:24
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I nodded and slipped the card into the phone so I wouldn't lose it, having no pockets and no bag of any kind was really going to be a hassel until we got new things. I waited nervously to go until you had your things gathered and the next thing I knew we were in the somehow always cooler but just as humid air of the parking garage. I laced my fingers with yours when you took my hand and couldn't help but smile. Finally it felt like we were taking the first real step to getting home. I was embarassed at my appearance and hoped that maybe somehow the people would recognize the family name and know not to tell you no, would they really care what we were dressed like as long as they were getting paid? Money seemed to rule the world and I doubted this would be any different. "Looks like we'll have to pick a different car to ruin the back seat of." I teased with a squeeze of your hand and a playful smile over at you. Some small part of me was really going to miss that car now that we had made so many memories in it. I should have waited to tell you I love you for the first time until we were somewhere I would be able to go and reminisce about it.
Five steps. You granted me five steps of focused thought before driving a pointed spear of sorcery into my brain via your teasing words. It only makes sense that the last thing the driver heard was some cursed erotic muttering. My face heated up, and I found myself pondering if it is possible to overcome the feeling of needing to blush. The bridge to the gorgeous mirrored building was built of a polished concrete floor and glass railed sidings. A bannister of chrome or possibly silver ran on either side of the crystal walls that made one stunningly suddenly aware of just how high eight stories is. A tree was planted at either end, and the way they swayed in the wind made it feel like the whole structure was rocking. Hate that. I turned my eyes down toward you to try and negate the dizzying effect. Hot California sun lit your skin up with dazzling beauty, and a choking gasp caught in my neck at just how many bruises littered your perfect throat. Forcing my eyes to stay on yours, “Do you think we even made a mark on that Chauffeurs map? Does he put up with worse than you and I?” I poked you in the belly before we passed through the hissing sliding doors.
13:10
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Central air conditioning fluttered us on the way in, and the sideways glance the security guards gave our party of two solidified how hard we stood out. Surely it’s all dry by now right? There’s no way in hell I was going to take a passive glance down at my pants. If my mind was burning with insecurity I worried how your psyche fared. “Like you fucking own the place baby.” Gripping into your hand just enough to feign confidence we started our green mile crawl to the rental car center. The outside of the building did well to not give way to the gorgeous interior architecture. The outside walls of the structure were three room thick offices and suites that sat cushioned to the wall of the glass outer shell. The inside of the terminal however was basically a giant multi story courtyard that housed the actual service areas. Not bad for LA, I guess. It would take Guantanamo Bay for me to admit a complement of this place, so we just continued our pace about the large fragrant space.
13:10
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Rivers of people snaked around us in various states of fancy dress all headed to who cares. Most drug or were followed by people dragging some sort of name brand luggage, and many of them actually formed a noticeable bubble of space around us as we made our way about. Clutching the paperwork and my doll like my life depended on it we eventually came across a row of counters with various car brands mounted on a wall behind them. To the left and right were elevators that assumedly took one to a lower garage that actually housed the vehicles. There were self service terminals, and normally doing something myself seemed rather hellish but right now it was a godsend. Talking to anybody we did not explicitly have to was going to be worse then preaching naked. These clothes might as well have been covered in blood for how many gazes I had to dodge. Her shirt does have blood on it... Dragging you up the closest screen I began scanning and pecking information into the textured touch pad. “Stupid fucking thing.” Not even twenty seconds into the endeavor the experience had me finally pumping with familiar anger, and a few pieces of my identification dropped from my arms into a spilling of shuffling papers. Just as I bent down to grab them my head knocked the kiosk and a confused cartoon rabbit appeared with a mocking expression. A voice spoke from the sleek device, ‘Would you like some assistance?' Two giant ‘yes’ ‘no’ options prompted a response and all I could think to do while bent over with pain hammering my skull was to shout, “Would you like any broken parts?”
13:10
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Now more heads were turning, and I was struggling to scramble up the papers while the screen returned to vehicle selection. Am I stupid? Did I just miss getting picked up as dumb because being privileged kept me in school? I earned my masters right? Somewhere deep in the court of mind a voice giggled. We had barely been set loose and already the noodles of this situation were spilling out of a fat filled pot. Everyone was looking at me. Even the birds stopped flying to stare at me. Sweat was soaking into locks of hair matting the top of my head, and I swore a train whistle was growing louder and louder. Was my face getting hotter? Can I handle anything? Oh God, is this how father feels when out with me? His voice echoed, 'You are the reason I smoke son.' The older I get the less I doubt it.
@killahxkylie
"I really hope not. I want him to remember us." I smiled and squeezed your hand as we made out way inside. My eyes went wide with the interior of the space, it was exactly what I imagined and more. The people were far worse as we made our way through them, you would think we had signs and caution tape wrapped around us the way the parted like the sea to let us through. One glance down at myself was all it took to remember why. My shirt was darkened with the blood that was undoubtedly going to stick to the open wound on my chest but at least we were getting closer to having fresh ones. I wonder if they would judge the marks on my skin the same if I was dressed to the nines in whatever overpriced designer garbage they all loved so much. Would it matter if I was battered as long as it was known I was some rich man's punching bag? Money talks right? More like money shuts people the fuck up.
The thought almost made me laugh but then we finally made it to the car rental counters and I was too distracted to anymore. My eyes were wandering all of the shiny things inside as you started tapping away at the self service kiosk only for me to hear you cursing out loud and dropping things. I was just about to bend down to help you grab them when you did the same and your head hit the kiosk. The face I made could only be described as 'yikes' mixed with that bubbling fear of your anger spiking again. It had to have hurt and I wished the second the kiosk made noise that it had a mute button before you worked yourself into a complete fit.
13:40
.
I could see you getting more and more flustered the longer you were on the floor trying to collect yourself and I couldn't help but kneel down next to you. I took your face in my hands for a moment and spoke softly, "Let me help?" I kissed your lips and brushed your sweaty hair back before I grabbed the last of the papers for you and then got back to my feet. I ended up tapping the screen on a fancy looking Audi and then turned to look at you. "I don't actually know all of the information they need yet.. I'm sorry." I frowned at myself because I felt useless not knowing what seemed like such basic information about you. I didn't even know your birthday but I had confessed that I loved you? What about your middle name? Your height? Fuck what's your favorite color? I could feel myself zoning out as my mind rattled off the multitude of things I didn't know about the man I was falling in love with. Sure it had only been a little over a week but how did I actually know so little?
Cold hands cupping into the corners of my jaw at first amplified rage with ice’s soft kisses, but after witch words and physical lip locking the rage glacially sheared into the ocean-void of nothing. Any that might have been left was banished when a hand brushed through my head. My eyes fluttered when your fingers hit my scalp, and while the resulting shiver electrified my back I wondered how you felt comfortable touching my nasty hair. You had said you love me, but I am conditioned to doubt everything at this point. It only occurred to me then I had failed to tell you back at the hospital that Chelsea had been a plant. Now the doubt over the reason I failed to explain the conditioning of my self doubt to you spiraled in a confusing paradox of madness. My own thoughts were hurting my head. Does this even make sense? You had already finished scooping up the mess, and while you pecked at the screen I rose to stand behind you. Wrapping my arms around you in a reverse hug I chuckled at your statement. After pressing a kiss into your own perspiration filled mane, “Don’t be sorry Cami, you are my refreshing spring pool.” It was so cheesy after I said it, but the metaphor had been directed at how you had just calmed me down again. Embarrassment tickled me at having been so worked up at a machine.
14:41
.
Instead of apologizing I pecked in my address information while a spinning yellow convertible’s image hovered in the top corner. “Two door convertible hmm?” The next screen was asking me about insurance, and I almost declined to select extra coverage. My eyes glanced over something about stain warranties and I just quickly selected the biggest package while glancing down to see if you had noticed why I did it. With puffy teasing, “You must not plan on doing very much shopping with so little trunk space.” Another kiss into that addicting spot of your head before next I was being prompted for my date of birth. Sliding the little bar down to November I pressed in a 7 before filling in more license information that I had to funnel through the paper work for. It was not in my stack and peering over past your head I saw the temporary license in your hand and snatched it up with a flutter. While copying more annoying numbers in, “Do you even know how to drive a stick?” Now my forehead was thudding at the prospect of maybe getting to teach you something, or was that a bruise from knocking my head? Finally a chance to make you think I know something perhaps?
14:41
.
It just kept going and going. The credit information was the last question it asked, and after another pained rifling of papers I found a black and white photocopied image of a credit card. After punching a handful more numbers in the screen hung up on a processing image before finally presenting a happy check mark and dispersing another bible’s worth of information for us to carry. The neon check sign was dumping criminal amounts of happy chemicals into my brain, and after a whirring electronic buzzing akin to bank transfer vaults a tiny receptacle shat out a set of keys. Damn, maybe we are living in the future. The new pamphlet of information the nice machine just cursed us with seemed to have a map to our car, and it seemed we were only a brief elevator ride away from freedom. One of the papers had a clearer image of the supercar, and the 'hi officer!' yellow had me suddenly nervous about our choice of color. “Pretty car baby, might as well get one with a target on it too?” I hope the teasing was obvious, but at the very least you would hopefully grow callous to my cruel jests. It was a coping mechanism that might never go away.
@killahxkylie
"You know Mr. Feldt you're pretty romantic when you don't even mean to be." I smiled softly that you calling me a refreshing spring pool and stayed there standing awkwardly in your arms as you filled out the rest of the information that the kiosk asked for. I made a mental note of your birthday, November 7th. I don't know why but somehow you being a winter baby made more sense than you being a summer baby. Somewhere in my mind there was a joke about you being so cold but honestly you weren't. Well.. not completely anyway. There were these moments in time where that heart would thaw and let the sun shine through and those were the ones I would cling to forever.
"Hey we can fit a lot back there, you've just never played trunk jenga clearly." I teased right back and I was probably right, I imagined you probably had people that carried your bags and put them away for you when you got home too. 'Do you even know how to drive a stick?' This was the opprotune moment to make a perverted joke about how I think you know the answer to that and even as the tiny smirk painted its way onto my face I couldn't make myself say something so stupid. "I... learned once but I don't know if I would be able to do it without stalling out a hundred times anymore." The idea of you showing me how to do it and maybe even being impressed when I picked it up again made my heart flutter. Why did I want to make you proud so badly? You had given me praise a couple of times and I was completely addicted to the feeling of it already.
.
16:35
I was astounded at the amount of information it took just to rent a car, granted I suppose it makes a lot of sense with how expensive they are but still. It felt like it took forever before we finally saw that big check mark on the screen and then the machine dispensed the keys as if it had been a simple task. "Okay so.. maybe not the most subtle but who's going to assume that someone in a yellow car is trying to hide.. right?" I was smiling but it was a nervous one. I hadn't exactly thought about the fact that you likely try to lay lower whenever you go out. Although you were also you and it wouldn't surprise me if you went out with a literal target on you just to laugh in anyone who tried to stop you's face. "Sorry I wasn't thinking."
@bonghitsforfeds
Concerning mixing emotions collided in a murky stream when you called me Mr. Feldt. There was a twisting in my core at how it invoked a response of authority from having so many staff say it before, and there was also this loving warmth at how you started doing it after I called you Ms. Feldt. Would it really be true someday? I know enough about myself to know that I have a tendency to get bored of things and drop them, but I would be denying true feelings to pretend what I felt for you wasn’t unique. Something tells me that you will change your mind in Washington. Even the seemingly unshakable loyalty you have demonstrated thus far will be tested in what’s contained four doors down and on the right of that far wing. At least for now I can soak up you calling me sweet names, and pretend that when we get back everything will be dreamlike and perfect. Your comments about trunk jenga only made me laugh in that oaky hollow way because you were more on point than you likely realized. Typically the only thing I brought in from a car was myself and whatever poor girl decided to get caught in my net that night.
17:40
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Being able to teach you something had me giddy with excitement, and now nothing sounded better than being on the highway with you. I could see your bony hand gripped into a shifting knob while the column navigated a precisely engineered set of metal grooves. A bare leg works a clutch pedal, and my hand worms between your legs in distraction... The rushing in my chest tsunamid up so hard that for a moment I thought it was going to be a nap for a second. Is that what swooning feels like? The way you worded it was tinged with lack of confidence and so I tried for a cheery joke, “What better car to practice with than a rental then? Don’t have to drive a shredded gear box home hmm?” I used my fingers to ruffle at your hair before running them down your arm and back into your hand. You were explaining yourself as we floated toward an elevator, and now I felt bad for pointing it out. I almost made the biggest accident of my life by implying you don’t have to apologize so much, but then I would be robbing myself of a sound that always made my balls jump an inch. If I told you that apologizing made me respond in such a way maybe I could eventually train you to get horny when you say it? Mischief danced in my head while we waited for the elevator. Something about the button I clicked to summon it felt cheap, and it satisfied the part of me that hates California. When the doors slid open thankfully no one was there to witness us up close, and right before the doors closed behind us I smacked you lightly on the ass and said, “You better be sorry Cami.”
17:40
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The glass room descended fast enough to make my stomach lurch with the feeling of riding a roller coaster, and after a harmonic chime the metal doors slid open to a basement level garage. Pulling you out behind me in classic hand laced fashion I found myself wide eyed at the pure level of exotic car we were surrounded by. I tried to recall ever seeing so many parked side to side outside of a dealer, and it made me wonder what kind of insurance they had on this place. If a fire broke out how much money would go up in smoke? Ten of these cars will be a million dollars and change, and there were rows labeled all the way to X. Turning the map over I glanced at where ours should be before dragging you further along. We had a ways to go yet, and the lights above would turn on and off as you got closer and further away respectively. It was kind of creepy because it made the already large room seem magically larger than it should have felt. “You know this thing has over six hundred horsepower and ten cylinders right?” Were you even car savvy? I glanced down at you while speaking now, “If you punch it while we are at a stop you are going to go nowhere while the tires squeal, so just keep that in mind babydoll.” I squeezed your hand with a head tilt before raising my gaze back to the labeled pillars. We were at G now and needed Q.
@killahxkylie
"You make a really good point, better than ruining a car that someone cares about." I laughed a little as you pressed the button to the elevator, the way you ruffled my hair making me smile softly. When we finally stepped onto the moving metal death trap and you lightly smacked my ass I yelped but it was playful. "You better be happy this elevator is only going down one floor or we would be getting banned from this airport." I squeezed your hand as soon as the elevator started to move. I had always hated them so much, I'd watched too many shows where terrible things happened in elevators.
When we stepped off what must have only been seconds later but felt like eons I let out a sigh of relief. When I took in our surroundings my jaw actually dropped into a tiny O shape. I had never seen this many fancy cars together in my life. There were some that I didn't even recognize and it really sank in just how different we were because you had probably seen all of these before. Hell you probably owned a few of them if I had to guess. I squeezed your hand again out of my own insecurity nipping at my brain. I really really hoped that somehow I managed to keep you entertained enough for you to not get bored of me with how many finger things you could have, and by things I meant women.
You managed to pull me out of my head when you mentioned something about cylinders and horsepower, words that I knew but had no idea what they really meant other than that it meant the car could go fast and quickly. I grinned over at you and swung our hands between us as I skipped a couple times, something that quickly had my cheeks heating in a blush. "That kind of sounds fun though doesn't it?" Something about that was exhilarating, the idea of driving something fast and dangerous, I had never really done it but now that I knew I could I wanted to.
@bonghitsforfeds
Hooks were a small word for whatever pointed circular barbs you had squelched into my heart now. I could tell it was bad because any time you directed the smallest of ego boosting praises my way the hair on my neck would stand up. All you had muttered was something about me having made a good point and the flutters that gave me in combination with the counter teasing in the elevator had me tempted to bend you over the door of one of the cars. Luckily we were nearing our row and the distraction of navigating pulled blood back to my brain. Of course you could not behave like a normal adult and had to start skipping your steps and immediately my heart is pumping blood to the wrong places. At least it helped to alleviate redness from the blush to be so lightheaded. Had my hands not been overflowing with papers I may have taken the chance to scoop you up into another over the shoulder carry and go through with my original plan of ruining one of these cars. There will be plenty of time for that later.
08:01
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Your response had me laughing on top of this scummy happy film our moods rested on. “Standing still at a stop light and burning rubber sounds fun?” It would probably be embarrassing when the back end of the car began to scoot sideways and we rumbled down on a bald spot from where you had spun out. “Unless you just mean going fast, in which case we might get along even better.” Doing my best to flash a charming smile I returned my focus to the map and not my growing desire to feel every inch of your body rolling beneath my hands. Focus. The goddamn thing stuck out like a sore thumb. An angry sloping hood bisected scowling headlights. Carbon fiber wheel wells and grill lattices clung snugly to recessed folds, and the glossed sun yellow paint job mockingly reflected our disheveled forms while we approached it. “Well baby,” I ruffled your hair again, and now the waves had cowlicked mats on top, “You have a thing for picking the German ones I guess.” The vehicle almost seemed to pout when I thumbed the large key fob and it chirped open with an echoing cry for help.
08:01
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Ticklings of just how free we really were licked up my chest and into this heart attack mush you had me stewing in. Seconds from now one of us would behind the wheel of this thing as we hurled off toward whatever mess we got into next. “Let me get us out somewhere not surrounded by a small collection of exotics and then we can spend as much time refreshing driving standards as you need.” With a hand in the small of your back I guided you around to the passenger door. The long oily hinged thing barely had enough room to open with how long they were, and after working to stuff you down into the convertible I latched it behind you. Pressing a kiss into your head I said, “Buckle up buttercup I rolled a sports car once.” Technically I had rolled one and totaled two, but I didn’t need you doubting me too much. The second I slid into the driver's seat all of the interior lighting illuminated in a soft white and the engine rumbled to life by itself. RPM limiters kept the vehicle at a quiet idle, and I couldn't help but rub my hands over the soft interior after dumping my grip of paperwork into the center console. The entire thing grumbled with an urge to get out of here, but I had to drag our sweet emotions out just a tad more. With a hand on your knee I leaned over just enough to get into your personal bubble, “Quick kiss for good luck?” It felt so stupid to ask after everything we had been through, but I had begun to catch on how much you like being treated with respect.
@killahxkylie
"Yeah! You know like those movies where they do a burn out and then screech down the street.. maybe it's just one of those things that are only cool in the movies." I felt my cheeks heat with that same silly embarrassment. Sometimes it felt like I needed to stuff parts of myself away from you so you didn't realize what a loser I really was. I mean would you even like the me that wasn't always cowering in fear? That thought sank into my stomach like a rock, only managing to float because you said we may get along even better. For some reason bonding with you over any little thing felt so special to me, even if it was something as small as liking to go fast. "I love to go fast." I said with a smile as you ruffled my hair again. It would probably serve to annoy me if I didn't know what a mess it already was from the day. How was it still so early? Were we always going to be stuffing full weeks into just a few hours because I was really going to need to sleep more if that was the case.
.
09:55
"It's gorgeous." I said with a grin as the car chirped to life. "And to be fair you picked me first." I teased again and smiling was becoming easier and easier to do around you and more genuinely, not just because I felt I had to. The way you guided me along with your hand at the small of my back had my heart racing and heat rushing between my thighs, it was so tempting to tell you to fuck me right here before we even got the damn thing out of the garage. "I'm excited! It's been so long since I've driven anything but an automatic." Flashes of an old friend passed through my mind. It was summer and we had driven out to a long stretch of empty road in the middle of the night so he could teach me how to drive his car. I stalled so many times and he never once got mad. The night was hours upon hours of easy laughs and smiles, I even tried to kiss him at the end but of course he was a good man so he told me he only liked me as a friend. It stung but not as bad as when he wrapped that same car around a pole after he and the girlfriend he ended up with got into a fight. I still wish I could ask him if it was really an accident or not. 'At least I have the memories.' And all that other happy fake bullshit everyone fed me for a week straight before they forgot.
Just like always you managed to pull me back from my thoughts and into the present moment again with the press of your lips to my head. 'I rolled a sports car once.' I swear to God if you leave me too I'll rip my own heart out just to find you in whatever afterlife there is and yell at you. I clicked my seatbelt into place, "Reckless driver? I'd never believe it." I turned to kiss you but there was nothing quick about it as my hand came up to cup your cheek and my tongue skirted over your bottom lip. "If you crash again you better make sure to kill us both. You're not allowed to leave me behind Ivon." Another kiss and I let myself sit properly, trying to ignore the fluttering mass of butterflies in my stomach.
If you kept heating my head up with these genuine hot smiles my eyes were going to pop sizzling out of skull sockets like spilled egg yolk. Hearing you go on about ‘being like the movies,’ drummed my ego with wet power, and I had to grip my hands into the steering wheel to not melt into a puddle. ‘I love to go fast,’ Oh sweet lord you and I were going to get into so much trouble. You almost had me convinced to share more details about the McLaren I slid off Mount Rainier, but you tore everything out of my mind with how sultry of a kiss you gifted me with. I barely heard the words in between the first and second pairing of moist lips, and I only regained my capability of thought after your hand left my cheek. Did my dangerous idiocy actually turn you on, or was my ability to be a daft man creature clouding my logic? Something you said earlier replayed in a red tinged room, and a few drops of anger dripped at how you pointed out I picked you. A typical psychopath may just rest easy knowing you at least tagged along, but I wanted to pretend you felt just as attached since the very beginning.
10:29
.
“Don’t worry, if we fly off Highway 1 it's straight into the Pacific.” Gasping for air as we sink a hundred feet a second almost seemed romantic. Would you smile at me as the white lines of lung grease floated in bubbles past your lips and we drowned peacefully together? With a final squeeze into that knee I focused my attention on operating this Rockstar’s first car. The knob had no wiggle when clicking into first gear, and it cleared the column so smoothly it almost looked as if the pole wouldn't fit the grooves. A hair's worth of drop on the clutch and transmission was biting into the engine, and next thing I knew torque was working to propel us forward out of the parking spot. Had the ground been polished the tires definitely would have spun, and shame would have filled me for fucking it up after teasing you about it. Luck, practice, and a sprinkling of bravado kept us rolling smoothly, and now we were turning back onto the main path we walked in on. The mid engine vehicle rumbled in the core of your body when any gas was applied, and the only real downside to the Audi so far is it had one of those electric clutches that made it hard to gauge everything.
10:29
.
Knocking the stick back into neutral we coasted toward a large reflective garage door that would soon open to a spiral ramp similar to the one the chauffeur had brought us up. Another kiosk waited for information before granting us an exit, and now I was fumbling back through the center console for the QR code it was demanding. I know it was a nice car, but the clerical work of getting it out of here was getting on my nerves. After a happy beep and some mechanical whirring we were blasted with California sun and were coasting down the ramp in second. Peripheral vision allowed me glances of your fluttering hair mess, and for the first time since we met a moment we shared beat with honesty. The textured barrier that protected one from falling off the side rebounded the sound of rumbling controlled explosion back into my ears, and now boyish adrenaline queued in anticipation of opening this car up on the highway. You definitely needed some sunglasses to complete the LA look, but there were so many other articles we also needed to acquire. When we reached the bottom and joined a line of traffic awaiting the long dark road exiting the airport I spoke up over idling cars, “Where does my girl want to go first?” I tilted my head just enough to get a full view of your face, but kept my main focus on not fucking up the switching of gears in bumper to bumper traffic.
@killahxkylie
"How romantic." I batted my lashes at you a couple times with a small giggle of course the idea of actually drowning was terrifying to me but there was something peaceful about floating in the abyss and you became a part of it that was somehow soothing to the soul. When the car came to life even just a little more and we could feel the full of it and the rumble of it I felt myself getting more excited. We were really doing this, we were getting the fuck out of here and starting over. At least sort of, I was anyways, in every sense of the word. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the small shred of teddybear I had managed to salvage from the fire. When we finally made it out onto that ramp and the California sun was beating down on us I felt alive, really alive, for the first time in awhile. Probably even before you came along. There was a small part of me that was sad to be leaving California behind, I had managed to really make myself a home and a life here even if it was a mediocre one and I think a piece of my soul would always long to be back here in the busy traffic under the glowing orange sun. Or maybe it was just the warm sand under my toes and the salty water licking against them that I would miss. I'd have to make sure we still got to go to the beach often. And I definitely need a convertible.
13:04
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There was a strange feeling like even though we hadn't even left yet I had already started to let go of the life I was used to. The independence I had found here was something that you didn't seem too keen on me having and honestly it felt nice to have someone that was wanting and able to take care of me in more ways than just the bedroom, not that many past 'lovers' did that either. I could feel my hair floating wherever it felt like in the breeze and I let my eyes close just to soak up the moment, and in part to keep myself from drooling watching you drive. There was something almost erotic about it but maybe it's just because it's you. 'Where does my girl want to go first?' I felt my mouth crack open in a slow smile before my eyes opened again and I looked over at you with a sleepy sunshiny haze in them. "Well.. there's this place called The Americana at Brand.. I've always wanted to shop there but I could never afford any of the stores." I felt my cheeks heat at that admission. "They also have this chocolate shop that I would love to stop at before we start the drive home..if that's okay I mean I'll get clothes anywhere I don't want to ask for too much." Don't want him to think you're just another golddigger huh?
So mutual cult like group suicidal fantasies also rung your romance bell? This was good to know and I filed it under the impossibly tall stack of things to remember about you. At this point I was going to need a little notebook to keep track of all the facets I love you for. In an embarrassing moment of hopeless love I made a plan to write two reasons down a day and then give them to you on our first anniversary as a gift. My face fired rose red at the prospect, and I was glad you were giggling because that was a much better excuse in my opinion to be so flustered. The bumper to bumper cars needed more of my attention, but shopping plans with you kept my mind hazy. A spiraled hill into Cali traffic was a hell of a way to catch up on driving a supercar. If I get into a fender bender now I am just going to get out while it's in first and let it run me over. Desperately this thing yearned to be above second gear, but the Gods had yet to grant us the proper space.
“That sounds divine, my messy Mouse.” Some traumatized egotistical little shred of me huffed in embarrassment at constantly throwing shopping into your face, but retail therapy is a real drug you were about to get a fat hit of. While working the center screen to punch in the shopping outlet you had requested, “You know Cami... chocolate is an aphrodisiac, are you trying to get into my pants?” After adding a mocking tsk-tsk I finally got the satellite to accept my wording, and now there were gps directions beside the speedometer to Glendale CA. They really do manage to cram a hundred towns around the festering tumor of LA. I almost vocalized my disdain with cruel humor, but decided to keep it to myself in order to stretch your excitement. We were within eye shot of an on ramp now, and a cataclysmic storm of butterflies buzzed in my stomach. I wish we were not going to be on it for such a short time, but if our plans stuck we would be flying out of LA by nightfall.
13:52
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Three cars before our turn I lost my patience and gunned us out onto the shoulder and past the clusterfuck of vehicles holding up the entire exchange. There was a chorus of honking horns from disappointed drivers that dopplered out into a drone behind us as the deafening whine of turbo charged engineering screamed to life behind our heads. By the bottom of the on ramp we were doing a buck o’ five and that was only a quarter way through fourth gear. The smile on my face would scare a flock of brooding vampires away, and my adrenal gland worked over time to get my heart to explode. I thought about taking it all the way through fourth and into fifth, but traffic was still thick enough I worried about killing us seconds into the whole endeavor. Finally I let the beast of a machine back off as we found a spot one lane from the furthest left to coast behind a row of motorcycles. The look on your face made every moment in my life up until this one worth the suffering to experience it, and once RPM leveled off and we were cruising, I thumbed the switch to flip the gears to the flappy panel mode so my hand could rest in your lap. I gripped into the flesh of your left thigh about halfway up from the knee while working my thumb in passing swipes over the ruined leggings. A stretched hole was almost big enough for a sweeping thumb to fit through, and I forced the ruined spot wide enough with the appendage so I could continue the motion against bare skin.
@killahxkylie
"Hey you're also a mess right now my love." I let my eyes travel down to the dried stains on your sweats and back up again. "I- I- I mean I won't not get in your pants again but I also just heard they have amazing chocolates and I've always wanted to try them. I'm a sucker for chocolate almost as much as I am for Germans." I teased remembering your words from earlier about how apparently I knew how to pick them and even if I hadn't chosen you right away it didn't take long for our obsession to become mutual. I watched you tap in the shopping centers name and I was so excited to actually get to explore the inside of it and not just have to look through the windows. I wondered how much you would really let me get. I was so used to getting myself the essentials and then maybe something just because I wanted it once in a blue moon, this was going to be an experience for me. Would you let me step foot into Saint Laurent and buy to my heart's content?
16:16
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My own thoughts were cut off by an involuntary yelp as you suddenly veered off onto the shoulder and tore down the on ramp at speeds I hadn't felt in such a long time. The entire thing was exhilarating and my hair was whipping wildly as I turned with a laugh to look back at all the cars we passed before turning to face forward again. The speedometer read 105 and I wondered if you would push it any further, the fastest I had ever gone myself was 137 before I convinced myself not to slam into the nearest object, it didn't seem right after losing such a dear friend that way. Bastard. I could still feel the wild grin on my face when you let back on the gas until we were cruising behind a group of motorcyclists. "Well look who's trying to get into who's pants now." I teased as your thumb weaseled it's way into my pants to be able to smooth over my skin. I put my hand on top of yours to try to keep you there though. Your skin against mine would always warm it more than the sun ever could and I wasn't about to act like that wasn't the case.
Did you always stutter like that when talking to people, or was the constant skipping of words something only I managed to yank out of you? To be honest it did not have to be unique to me, but part of me did wonder if I at least succeeded in increasing its occurrence. Is it selfish to want every single good feeling that spikes your icy blood to have its genesis be nestled against an action with me as its source? Would we run out of ways to tickle each other's perverted minds and then drop each other for a new toy? How many fucking times was a jealous fear-film of you leaving me for another rich man going to rattle about my pathetic mind? The void demanded I pull the emergency brake and send us careening wheels into the wall so we could become fireballs together. There were a few moments this past week that I likely would have listened to the order, but it was a good thing that our moods were stable. Maybe my real worry should be if we are capable of keeping our foundations solid enough to not have one of us get suicidally angry while operating the yellow death machine.
17:33
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Milky skin beneath my sore fingers, whipping wind in my hair, burning gasoline, and now your teasing words churned into a sweet shake that I greedily imbibed with primal gluttony. You spun the hundred spears of lust that hung from my whore-zombie skull at this point, and each twist made me less willing to wait until our destination to get frisky. My consciousness was begging on its knees with tear filled eyes to not abuse my dick anymore today. An honest to God tear snaked out of my own eye and down a cheek at the thought of how much it would hurt. It was so hard to piece together a response that for a moment I considered ripping the leg of the destroyed pants open with the purchase offered by my thumb. The only thing that kept me from going through with the erotic plan was how gentle the resting of your hand over mine was. The horny racing flash froze into a slow molasses of appreciation. “I love how gentle you are with me.” It felt feminine to say, and my dads hateful voice echoed with slur words deep in my tired soul. Women had used kindness and soft moves on me before, but when you did it my worries slid off like water on a hydrophobic coat. I wanted to expand on the feelings, but it felt creepy to explain that there was something motherly and fulfilling to how you cared for me. Was it a projection of my own problems to find that weird in the first place?
17:33
.
Shaking my head only worked to scatter it a tad thinner, and I tried to refocus on just driving the car. The motorcycles at least moved fast enough that I didn’t feel trapped in this spot of traffic, and it didn’t likely matter anyway because skipping ahead would only get us into the same spot two car lengths up. For some reason the mixture of driving and feeling exposed by what I had said to you amped a few volts of frustration into the battery that powers my hatred. I missed the hammock of the Mercedes backseat. Would anything ever come that close to safe nirvana again? We were nowhere near our destination yet and already this was rolling back into anger. With hot air spilling through my hair I decided now was a good time to discuss emotions. “You know whats pathetic Camila?” I probably should not have rolled so much angry remembrance into the word, but it did replay in my psyche every few minutes since you had said it, “My inability to keep a lid on my boyish rage for an hour.” I thought about exaggerating, but an hour seemed like a pretty good guess. “Honest to Christ, I seriously do not remember in any memory I am capable of recollecting of not being an hour out from a tantrum in either direction.” It felt like I had been monologuing, but I turned a quick glance your way while tacking on my final broiling question, “Do you think there’s any hope for me?” Desperately I wished to keep my gaze on you when those lips spilled answers, but we were moving too fast for me to not stay focused on the road.
@killahxkylie
I had let my eyes close again just enjoying the wind and the sun as we drive down the stretch of highway to the shopping center. I was looking forward to having clothes to change into after we bought them so we wouldn't stick out like sore thumbs like we had in the airport. You really think you'll ever actually belong though? Definitely not but I also didn't ever imagine I would be in the position I'm in right this very second so who knows. Maybe someday I'll earn the title of Mrs. Feldt rightfully. 'I love how gentle you are with me.' My eyes fluttered open at your honest statement and I was shocked to have heard it at all. You always managed to surprise me in one way or another and I loved it... Well I loved it when it was things like this. Soft little something's that managed to slither up past the monster and it's walls to make their way off your lips.
I let the words linger there for awhile, I wasn't exactly sure how to respond without making it sound like I was being overbearing or weird but by the time I had found any words you were speaking again. Something about the way you said pathetic struck a chord and I remembered how I had spat it at you like venom that first night on the bedroom floor. To be fair I was being brutally attacked and assaulted so I didn't feel completely bad about it, but now with how I felt about you I did feel guilty for how it seemed to stick. You explained to me how it seemed impossible to ignore your rage and I felt my heart ache. How long has you felt like this? Could you really not ever remember a time? I wonder if you would have turned out different had your wicked father not stolen your mother away from you before she had a chance to protect you from the things she could. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered at all and you would have turned out the same either way.
.
18:17
I took in a deep breath and squeezed at your hand a little before I spoke, rubbing my thumb against it as I did. "I don't think you're pathetic Ivon. I.. remember saying it to you that first night but I was angry and hurt and terrified. I don't think you're pathetic anymore.. honestly the fact that what happened happened feels more like a compliment now." I felt my cheeks having the nerve to blush, I shouldn't find it endearing that I made you cum in your pants when you were assaulting me but here I was trying to console you about it. "I wish there was more I could do to take it away from you baby but I do think there's hope. I think anyone can change if they want it enough and that includes you." I rolled my lips together a couple of times hesitating to say what naturally had come into my brain next before figuring there was nothing to lose. "I think we can have a good life together." I left it at that as my free hand landed on my stomach thinking of the things the future could possibly hold for us. The family we could have, the way we could live. I was probably being delusional and maybe I'd end up dead before we ever had the chance but the thought.. the thought was everything to me.
Quiet silence hung like cast iron weights inside the open cab of the rumbling supercar. In that span of awkward nothing a pressing regret at bringing up anything about myself grew outwards from my chest. Is it possible to keep adding embarrassing topics into a conversation until that pressure grows strong enough to pop me like an engorged leech? There would be satisfaction in detonating into a spray of chunky viscera that gets propelled over the back of this car and showered out into traffic. ‘Local man explodes into stinky gore and rains down over Highway 1,’ honestly there are worse legacies to leave. A decent stretch of road opened in the middle lane, and after cutting over toward it we were jolting up between lines of traffic again. At least weaving inches away from the blaring horn of Californians was decent enough therapy. You were squeezing at my hand now, and locking my grip into your leg kept me from putting the car into fifth and really getting us in trouble. The pace of my waving thumb over pale skin increased in nervous preparation of whatever words you were about to curse me with.
02:45
.
You went straight into discussion over my phrasing, and dissected the meaning down to the moment. Hearing you bring up that night spilled seeping regret into my muscles, and finally my rubbing of you froze. Perspiration glistened out over my already clammy brow, and no matter how many times I swallowed spit my throat was full of thick sludge. ‘I don’t think you are pathetic anymore...’ mind was working overtime to stay ahead of what you were sharing, and my ego rolled its lips back while curling into a hissing ball over hearing you admit that I had been pathetic to you. It was unholy levels of unfair to even be thinking such a thing, but I wanted you to have always loved me. This had me spiraling back to the state of mind we were in during that first sleepover at your house. These are the consequences of what I had done to you. There will always be sharp shards of assaulting evil covering the crawlspace of whatever relationship we built over them. You were hardly done talking and already I was sighing in desperation for it to be over. While free falling off the new emotional cliff you constructed a magical gust of air that stopped my plummet and sat me back on the edge. Did you just tell me that ruining my own trousers from how turned on your suffering had me was a compliment? Not even a nanosecond before you had me reconsidering the suicide lever between us, and now my ravaged dick was pressed against my jeans at new witch words.
02:45
.
In classic Cami fashion you kept going and now my vision kaleidoscope with tears while trying to drive this stupid car. The tiny whips of wind pushed them from my eyes and backwards across my face into already ruined hair. She thinks I can change? Glancing down at the dash the feelings must have had my foot heavy because we were close to a hundred again. Albeit disappointing, I backed off the gas and let us roll back down to the low eighties. Even after all the horrible things my mouth and hands had done to your body you still dreamed of more ways to take it from me. Are you just a trashcan that I dump my terrible qualities into? Would that emotional bag inside you eventually overflow and then it would be time to take you to a dump? Who had hurt you? Again I found myself making promises and swears to locate the people who made you like this and peel their skin with citrus clips. You want to kill the people who made her loving? The voice was trying his hardest, but I was too wrapped up in real love to care. One thing we shared was that whoever had nurtured us had worked overtime to pump qualities into our head that belonged to generations of trauma and not our natural psyche.
02:45
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‘I think we can have a good life together.’ One sob. One rattling childish sob shook my whole body with a gasp before I managed to lock it back down. Two swallows of spikey tears had everything back under control. Popping my finger from the hole in your pants I slid my hand further up your leg until my pinkie was barely brushing against warm core. It felt monstrous to make moves after such admissions, but in all honesty the movement had been subconscious. A silent and personalized Ivon thank you. There was an infinite army of words marching behind my face, but the tender moment had me over analyzing everything. Even the action of scooting my hand up had me regretting the decision to do so. Your words had the fantasy of a boat pier in Italy swimming around again. Gripping my fingers into the soft flesh of your inner thigh I finally found some words, “You are too good for me.” It wasn’t even an opinion, but simply an objectifiable fact. Unfortunately after all these years the only way I could thank people was with money or my body. Had I really been using women all these years, or had they been using me? Suddenly groups of girls sitting across courtyards and laughing carried much much different connotations. Pale embarrassment enveloped my face, “Thanks honey, you made me feel better.” I flashed you a smile with just a tad too much honest sadness before returning my stoic gaze to the road. Does the traffic even die down at night time? Part of me doubted it.
@killahxkylie
At first I thought I had said something wrong when you let out that one quick sob, it was so fast that you seemed to collect yourself that I almost convinced myself that I had imagined it. Who had made you think you weren't allowed to have any feelings? Is that why they were so violent and explosive now whenever you did show them? I hope someday you feel like it's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling around me. Your hand sliding up my thigh had my breaths coming just slightly quicker and my head racing with the things we could do in this car. How much would it cost if we completely ruined it inside? My core ached at the mere thought of having sex again today, I was already so sore but somehow that just turned me on even more.
"I don't think I'm too good for you." You could think that all you wanted but if you saw the inside of my head, if you could see all my thoughts I don't think you would feel that way anymore. You'd probably run for the hills honestly. Sure you were violent but were we both just as equally destroyed inside? Maybe we were both just as bad but in different ways. "I'm glad I could help." I smiled over at you and it was obvious how much sadness you were still feeling. "Say, how long do you think it'll take us to get back to Washington? I've never made that drive so I really have nothing to go off of." I don't know why but now that we were alone I felt that desperation to fill the silence again. It hadn't felt so heavy when we were in the hopsital but that was probably the amount of drugs in my system. It was never easier for me to understand why people used and abused them now. Sometimes it had to be better than whatever reality was. I let my hand find yours again even with it sitting up so high on my thigh and let my fingers trace your own.
@bonghitsforfeds
Did you have a gland in your stupid girl brain that made it physically impossible for you to not argue every single point that I attempted to make? Even when you were agreeing with me the wretched organ would pulse with liquid dumb that seemed to pump straight to whatever box synthesized your noises. What you had said was so sweet, yet my mind just took it as an insult. You must be teaching me something about myself because I at least recognized at this point that my mood was just sour. How many shining moments in my life and others had been ruined over my inability to contain brooding energies? ‘I’m glad I could help.’ Instead of rolling my eyes I just grunted out a half laugh. I must flip like a switch if you were still praising yourself for helping and my psyche was already pissy again. Maybe dad was right and I was the first woman born with a cock. His mean words almost functioned to summon one of my worst memories, but trying to operate the flappy panel gearbox with one hand was requiring monstrous focus. Anything I wanted to say was just frosted with cruelty, so I just squeezed at your leg in reassurance. I swore something snail trailed through the leggings and onto my fingers, but I just wrote it off as fantasy. No way she is remotely soupy right? It occurred to me then it may just be sweat and that only made my perverse wheel turn faster.
13:21
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Thankfully you distracted me with a logistical question, and I can answer these, “Washington is roughly twelve hundred miles?” My mind was whirling with attempted estimation. If we took highway 1 all the way to San Francisco, which is the much prettier route, it would add some time to our trip. “Twenty-Four hours of driving give or take?” My tone was not super confident, but that was more due to the madness I was working to dodge now. Another like minded sports car dickhead was weaving his own line of rage, and I desperately wanted to keep up. Unfortunately for me the conversation and lack of extra driving hand had me just trying to find a spot to linger in. “It’s a beautiful trip honey.” Sliding my hand up another scandalous centimeter, “Almost prettier than you.” Another squeeze into sore flesh carved a charming smile into my face. We were just over twenty minutes away from where we were headed now if the GPS was to be trusted, and had I been driving something less interesting boredom likely would have consumed me about now.
13:21
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Hot air pushed hotter air out of our faces while careening up the perfect dark road, and for a few seconds things felt nice again. Your distracting words had played their part well enough my mind was not even focused on how it was being re-focused. The further we got from the airport the less fun cars there were around us, and soon it was mostly just high end sedans and utility vehicles. The only part of me that disliked having the top down was the way scalding sun beat rays of pain down onto the back of my neck. Would you think it weak of me if I told you how easy I burn? ‘Even the sun thinks you are a pussy son.’ It was less the words and more how father had laughed after he said it that made me glow so hot remembering the moment now. Your hand tangled into mine, and the action of doing so had my pinkie directly brushing against you. There was something so deeply relieving to be in close proximity to you and not have the experience ramping with its typical fervor. Of course it would be unlike me to just leave it at that. I had to push some more, “You know... I have always been a sucker for fooling around.” In all honesty the conversation had not even been meant to push us into anything frisky, and was just an attempt at casual sexual discussion.
13:21
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“Every gal I have ever been with jumps straight to wanting to shove my cock in a hole.” When younger I had been much the same way. All I wanted to do was get straight to whatever could be considered conquering enough to add the face to my body count and then move on with my day. Now though, especially the more time I spent in your holy presence, I found myself wishing to try other things. Blood funneled into facial capillaries, and now my mask was scarlet red in embarrassment. Can I just shut up about fucking something for half an hour? “I guess what I am getting at,” my hand squeezed your soft flesh again, “is I just really appreciate you sitting on my face earlier today.” With a gulp I barely kept control of myself and drained my will to not turn and look at you. This was supposed to be classy and sly flirting, would a charismatic man glance at you for every reaction? These things came naturally to me most of the time, what gives? The shallow man in me demanded I keep pushing you around with these fuzzy words, but a whining plea from the motor told me I was doing a rather poor job of driving the abused Audi. Nothing was going to convince me to remove this hand though, so I just kept operating the car but decided to keep my mouth shut. What are the chances you say something that escalates the situation? Now I was swallowing again because the odds were not in my favor.
@killahxkylie
I don't know why but I hadn't expected the answer to be so high. I should have known it would be California isn't exactly small and we were almost at the completely wrong end to make this a fast trip. Twenty four hours give or take was a long time and that was just drive time. How long would we be able to drive each day before we couldn't keep our eyes focused enough to drive from exhaustion. This was going to be quite the trip. I smiled at you when you said that it was a beautiful trip and when you said it was almost more beautiful than me I shot you a pouty glare. It wasn't anywhere near intimidating but I was learning that you seemed to like the furrow that so often found my brows.
I was growing more and more aware of just how close your pinky was coming to touching me and when it finally did I could feel the extra pulse between my thighs increasing. I was trying so hard not to be a pervert about the contact but it was hard not to be when your favorite hobby seemed to be taking me apart to put me together again. Is there a word for what you do to me? For that intense high crashing into such a needy low? Was I just that much of a whimp? I turned my head in your direction when you told me you had always been a sucker for fooling around. Did you mean how your fingers were dancing tantalizingly close to my cunt or something else? 'Every gal I have ever been with..' That was all I needed to hear to have jealousy simmering and bubbling away in my guts. So you can talk about all of your past fucks but I try to compliment you in comparison and you're ready to actually kill me? Fair.
.
13:46
I was about to open my mouth to say as much when you continued on and somehow made it a compliment too. Can't be mad at him returning the favor. I guess now I could understand it not sitting well at least. I watched your face turn red and felt mine mirror the action and that's when your words from not too long ago ran through my head again. 'It's almost prettier than you'. I let my tongue peek out to swipe over my lips before I spoke. "You did have a pretty up close view didn't you? Tell me my love is the view on this trip almost prettier than how this looks wrapped around your dick too?" I pushed your hand up until it was more on my pussy than it was my thigh now and let my hips push against you so your hand pressed into me even more. You could probably feel how wet I was through my pants since apparently being around you doing anything even remotely attractive was enough to turn me into a mess.
@bonghitsforfeds
I should have known better by now than to ever assume you would just let something continue coasting undisturbed. We shared the quality of needing to escalate, and that definitely is not a good thing. Red lips parted to spill more ropes of erotic words into my ears. “Wha-” It was obvious you had some evil planned, but I was spinning to try and guess what it would be. Are you going to straddle my lap while I drive? A cold hand gripped into my wrist and drug my grip of you deeper into what we both knew I really wanted. You used a magic wet wipe to cleanse my head of all the wishes for just fooling around, and now I was trying to figure out if my own words had been a lie. I meant it right? The rolling of hips into my fingers pushed liquid warmth onto my bare skin, and now this stupid car felt a million miles from a safe space to fill you with my hatred. Guess the universe was going to curse me with just feeling you up right now. My once intelligent mind was a quarter pink from the last week of whore you managed to slop into it, and it was fighting with survivors' desperation to come up with something to say. In the meantime I forced my middle and ring fingers to paint between hot lips while you rolled against them.
15:35
.
“I’m not quite sure if it is possible to get any closer than I was, babydoll.” A memory of your musk sloshed about my head, and now I swear the sound of you greasing my face up was audible over the convertible. If you could read my mind you would be so disappointed. The flirting game demanded I still respond to the second half of your statement, but already the moistness of your girl cum slicking my fingers up had my own cock stiff with hungry need. It didn’t seem fair you got to enjoy all the fun, and something had to be done to even the playing field soon. “When we get home to Washington I am going to record a close up of me piercing you open and make you watch it an inch from your face while I fill you up.” Oh boy here we go again down our madness coaster. The tautness of my own pants against solid erection was so tender and painful from our past day together that another tear snaked out of my eye. “Because the movie of me splitting you in half is my favorite memory, and it’s only appropriate for you to know how pretty a sight it is too.” My tone was resonating with lewd perverseness.
15:35
.
“How come you get to enjoy everything, hmm?” Prying my fingers from the hot mess of your crotch I waved them around under your nose. Before you had a chance to react properly I forced the slick members sideways between lips and teeth and shoved them back into your cheek. “You have to drink it all Mouse, you know the rules.” Stupid car had me flipping panels behind the wheel to stay in gear, and it pissed me off because my free hand was legally required to be jerking my own cock right now. Am I going to pull over? The dash gps said we were fifteen minutes away. Jesus Christ we had yet to even make it to the first stop in town and we were doing this already? “Should we just plug you into my lap that way we are resting nicely inside each other the whole way?” I needed to shut up now because the words were starting a pulsing in both my heads. Silky tongue painted over my fingers, and I was so jealous of my own hand that it made me laugh in confusion. A new idea formed in my mind that built off of every trading of fluids we had participated in so far. The two fingers left your mouth with a pop, and a long line of your spit ran in a beaded stream from your lips that only dropped away when my hand crossed back to my side. Pressing the sticky liquid over my own tongue I slurped the taste of you from the dripping fingers. People had licked at me before in teasing playful ways, but never in my entire pathetic life had I once considered lapping up someone's spit like this. Even your tears did this to me. A sex beast pounded its hands against my skull with commands for me to beg you for more. Would you think I am gross? You forced yourself onto her? That repeated reminder convinced me, “Babygirl I think I need you to spit in my mouth.” I turned my head completely to lock eyes with you over the request, and if you turned me down I might never get off on anything again.
@killahxkylie
"God everything you fucking say makes me need you that much more." My words were dripping with an embarrassing lusty need. I hated how easily you could remove any sense of sanity from my brain and turn it straight into a useless pile of mush. "I wanna watch it while you fuck me over and over again, you could project it on a fucking screen in a room full of people as long as you were touching me at the same time Ivon, show everyone just how good you fuck me." I wasn't shy about taking your fingers into my mouth this time, dancing my tongue around your lips as I moaned around them, my hips squirming in the seat desperate for some kind of friction. You would think that with how sore we both were and how many times we'd already done this today that neither of us would want to keep going but both of us were too far gone in our obsession with each other to stop it. I nodded with your fingers in my mouth when you asked if I should just sit right in your lap the whole way to Washington, I wonder just how many loads of your cum I could take from you in that span of time. The thought had a strong pulse thrumming away in my clit and the need to be touched was growing uncomfortable.
Watching you suck my spit from your fingers was one of the grossest and also one of the hottest things I had ever watched and I found my mouth dropping slightly open in awe. 'I think I need you to spit in my mouth.' Huh? Did I hear that right? I was caught off guard but not even for a second did I want to say no. I knew I couldn't do it right into your mouth, at least not in the car like this the wind would make it impossible. My tongue swept between my lips as I thought about how I could give you what you wanted before I brought two fingers to my mouth to gather a glob on my spit onto before I held it just above your mouth to watch it drip into it. "Just be careful not to crash or you'll never taste it again."
15:54
.
I couldn't take it anymore, the ache between my thighs was so intense and I was so desperate that I shoved my hand down into my leggings to bury my fingers into my cunt with a lewd relieved moan, my other hand reaching down to palm at your cock. "You make me so fucking horny you have no idea, I've never felt anything like the need I feel for you." Anyone daring to glance over into our car was either going to think we were fucking crazy, or the luckiest people on the planet and I didn't care either way. "I've never been so fucking wet before in my life until we met, never cum so hard, I don't think I ever came before you at all." Another needy moan slipped off my lips as my thumb found my clit and worked in unison with my fingers. "God Ivon I fucking need you so bad nothing feels as good as you do."
My grip on the carbon fiber wheel was waning, and a familiar nervous shaking had progressed down into the fingertips working to steer the car. You think what I say has you needing more? I had to put effort into my dirty talk to get an effect out of you, meanwhile all those fat lips have to do is part and buzz anything and I’m on my knees begging for more. Pleading was an action I had always considered below myself, but of course not with Camila fucking Roberts. Nope not Cami, with you I am just a hopeless romantic ghoul whose soul crafted purpose is to get your rocks off as many times as physically possible in one day. How many sexy scenes were we going to force the sun and other unwilling onlookers to view before our lives finally snuffed off this rock? Over and over again? In a room full of people? I’d have rubbed at my eyes to try and collect my thoughts, but my fingers were still too full of mixed spit. I let the playwrights run with that one, and decided it would be incredibly hot to make a crowd of people watch us ruin each other. God, I bet we could really put a show on if we knew there was an audience too. Why was I pretending I didn’t know we were capable of it? At some point my leg had started bouncing, and thankfully the repeated movement worked to alleviate a single drop of pressure from the painful power building in my core.
16:56
.
My request of you seemed to register behind those slutty eyes, and when you started licking your lips my gaze peeled back to the road. There really were too many cars out today for what we were going to attempt. Hell, we had yet to get properly started and I had almost put us up the rear of multiple other drivers already. If we didn’t die and just sat bleeding waiting for EMS would we finish getting each other off before they showed up? Would we just fucking ravage each other like escaped fuck monkeys the entire ambulance ride to the hospital? Animal control is going to have to put us down if we keep this up. I know for a fact my dad would not post bail if I got picked up for indecent exposure. The racing fantasy of getting picked up for feeling each up in public had more precious grams of blood racing to the wrong head. Maybe the precinct would take a bribe and just let me keep impregnating you in the holding cell. Would they cuff us to the bench too? My own racing horniness had distracted me long enough that when your finger appeared dangling over my mouth it surprised me. Like a good whore my lips immediately parted to accept the dripping gift, and I moaned a rumbling hollow sound as the gravity assisted mound of saliva plopped onto my tongue. I swished the mass around tasting the stinging scald of it before swallowing it with a tiny gulp. The glob crawled down my throat and the sensation of your film coating my neck had me beaming with submissiveness. Your words stole another moan out of me, and now my hips bucked upward into nothing.
16:56
.
My mind must have had its wishes printed on the outside as you were now toying with my thick erection. “Thank you~” the floaty phrasing passed my lips with a yell over rushing air as each playful pass of your hand over my cock freed me of the greedy need building in my torso. I glanced over at you when more words started to leave those lips, and it was only then I realized you were touching yourself. This whole endeavor had me jealous of everyone's hands apparently. A nasty erotic part of my spoiled mind wished I was small enough to just crawl up into you forever and live pressed to some part of your sex like a creeping poltergeist. There is a very real chance your life may end with your ribcage splayed open and my hands rubbing your meaty viscera about my body like personal lotion. I needed all of you to be me, and all of me to be you. It pleased me to know you also felt the rushing roar of horny wishes, and I only knew this now because they were spilling out of your mouth void of any filter. “Yeah baby? Just for me?” I added little praising phrases over the end of each admission you rattled off, and it hit me then that the pooling sensation on the front of my balls was from the trails of pre you had leaking out of me. “Do you think when we get home you could fill a shot glass with my precum and down the clear liquid before you get me off?” More ribbons of the hotstuff snaked out of me, and the freeing sensation was still so new and loving that my hips bucked up into your hand. “You pull so much of it out of me, Mouse. It feels so good pouring out like that for you.”
16:56
.
Something about the way your thumb and pointer finger were swirling into my cock’s frenulum had my entire head buzzing with need to get off this highway now. A driver passed us on my side, and when he shook his head at us my vision glanced down to catch we had slowed to fifty five. The RPM was so low the engine was about to stall out, and I regained my focus like a drowning man surfacing above water to try and get us out of here. We cleared four lanes to the right in a matter of seconds, and now we were flying past red light traffic at the end of the offramp in my desperate attempt to locate a place to fuck you. Nothing seemed good enough, and I had already run two red lights much to the disdain of everyone around us. We were going to get pulled over if I kept it up, and now I had us hatefully stopped at a red light. While idling in traffic and waiting our turn I slammed the knob into P so I could use both my hands to pull your head over the center console and press our lips together. Smack after spitty smack of hot flesh in between wet skin filled the sunny space around us as I worked to suck air from your throat. Cute moany surprised gasps shuddered out of you every time my lips left yours, and I was genuinely working to drink the noises from your neck. You eventually gave into the sucking, and every other pass or so your tongue would vacuum up into my mouth. I couldn’t be sure if it was just my new saliva obsession or something you had been doing, but I swore there was extra spit you were working to shove into my head. Your pace of fumbling slowed with the distraction of my assault on your mouth, and I dropped a fist from my grip of your hair to encourage the movement over my dick.
@killahxkylie
"Yes fucking god just for you you have no idea-" I squeaked at that and if you kept this up I was going to cum all over my own fingers right here in the passenger seat. "I'd drink it straight from your dick if you'd let me." I felt my eyes flutter and roll back a little when you said how much of it I pull out of you. A part of me was so desperate to think that I managed to get you to give me more if it than you had anyone else. "Jesus Christ Ivon-" I had to slow my fingers down or I really was going to orgasm and it felt wrong to give that to anyone but you, even if the other person was myself. Before I knew it we were veering off the road in a way that had adrenaline flowing into the mix of mind numbing chemicals flooding my body.
Having to stop at a red light felt like torture until you pulled me right over the center console into a messy kiss. It felt like you were trying to consume me the way you kissed me this time, every time I had the chance a slutty noise would escape me just to be swallowed up by you. If it was possible I would let you suck the soul from my body right off of my lips. Every time my tongue met yours I could feel my eyes rolling back underneath the closed lids. "I fucking need you right now" I barely managed to mumble between our lips assault on each other, my hand picking up it's pace again when yours came down to remind it of it's task. "Please I'm fucking begging you." I took one of your hands to bring it over to my side of the car and starting to rub at myself again using your hand letting out such a whiny moan into your mouth as I did. This light was going to turn green and tear us out of this kiss any second now and if it weren't for the possiblity of ending up arrested I would climb over into your lap and fuck you right here in the middle of the street. "I swear to God if you don't find a parking lot or something I'm gonna fuck you when you're driving."(edited)
LA sun beat down from the sky with a thousand daggers of scorching heat. The open top posh space of the convertible we worked to suck each other’s faces off in was an oven of lustful intention. It was hard to keep kissing you with such vigor through the smile that your cries had slashed into my face, and the squeaks emitted from your whore neck spilled out into open red light traffic. “Good girl.” Floated off my own lips after ours finally parted when your hand continued its messy crawl about my cock. Praising anyone else in a similar regard not only felt desperate before we met, but it would have never worked to make me feel good. More Cami specific things that only felt right when done with you. The dinner plate of darkness your eyes would widen to every time I let a little bit of praise lull out of my stupid head was such an intoxicating image I vowed to do it forever. None of this made any sense. Why were our actions and words so powerful on each other? Every noise you make, every twitch in your face, and every ounce of air you breathe needs to be vented into tiny crystal jars so I can huff them selfishly forever. I would lay folded in the corner of a closet starry eyed in pink whore heaven overdosing on each remaining gram of tainted force in those little glass fixtures.
21:23
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With every meaning of the word you were begging for me now. I pleaded to dead ancient gods for your stupid hand to finally clear the seam of my pants and start physically handling my junk. Why were you such a goddess of a tease? I know for a fact you can feel my cock writhing beneath your grip for anything more. Do you drag me along the edge like this on purpose, or is it just a sick side effect of whatever infatuation disease we infected each other with? Is there a witchcraft black light that will shine any spot in the air rotten with your Barbie pink love gunk ultraviolet so I can work to avoid the hanging clouds of mind melting madness? Every single inhale I took would infect a small percentage of my body with sex obsession for your form, and someday there would be nothing left but that primal need. Would you let me chain us both up and throw the key away so we can fuck until so starved of energy and hydration that we die together in that enclosed space? How many times could we drain each other before we finally passed on? After three I was unable to stand up, do you think after six one of our minds would shatter into permanent whoredom? God, I hope so.
21:23
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You made a threat to me next that if I do not find a proper location to split you in half there would be car sex in my future. I wonder if you knew how badly I wished to waste time just to feel you bounce my cock in public? “Baby my mind is cartwheeling mad trying to park this thing while you barely fumble at me. You can’t just make threats like that.” Could you feel how moist the head was through my pants? You offered to drink it, "I may need you to lap some up before we get to where we are headed.” Honestly you didn’t even need to follow through with the nasty things I was saying. I think at this point you had enough of my mind mushed out into nothing that my own dirty talk spun my own brain up. Like the black plague my Little Mouse ran around emitting tiny puffs of pink smoke that were going to melt me apart. “At the very least please grip it harder.” With that the light turned green, and I was so up the ass of the car in front of me that the driver was flipping me off in his rearview mirror. Weaving right until I spotted a place to pull off the street the car now grumbled angrily through a parking lot full of separated medical clinics. I put the Audi in park near the far corner of the parking lot under a group of shady palms. Anyone from the road would never know what we are up to, but if anyone pulls around this side of the building or leaves the clinic they will spot us quickly. The need for you was so selfish and desperate that once we stopped moving I looped both my hands up into your hair and brought your face down into the wet mess of my pants. Using the purchase offered by my grip I grinded your mouth into my crotch so hard your buzzing attempts to speak only enhanced the feeling of everything. Like you were a blown up limp sex doll I rubbed against your mouth and chin until you finally gave in and just let yourself be used. “You like that baby? You like it when I just use you like a stupid little toy?”
@killahxkylie
"It's not a threat I mean it." I was absolutely ready to rip your pants down when the stupid light turned green and the frustration that ran through my veins at that had me granting your wish of gripping it harder. I wonder if I could actually fuck you while you were driving or if the feeling of having me wrapped around you would send us crashing in a matter of seconds. I can't help but want to find out someday, the people would definitely read all about that. The thought of it had my teeth digging into my bottom lip as you worked through the annoying congestion of LA traffic to try to find somewhere to pull off. At this rate we would make the 24 hour trip in no less than 72 I had no doubt in my mind. This poor rental would be drenched in sweat, cum, and knowing us probably blood by the time we made it there and that thought just rocketed more heat to my aching core.
When you finally found a spot to pull off and into a parking lot my heart was hammering so hard it was all I could hear in my ears, I swear it was so loud I wondered if little pink spurts of that mind numbing sex liquid were coming out of each orifice with every pulse. I let out a surprised squeak when your hands ended up in my hair and at first I thought you were going to mash our lips together again but instead you shoved my face down into the already wet fabric of your pants. I should have been so disgusted at the fact that you were just rubbing against me but every attempt at words fell flat because your stupid perfect cock was right against my face and that alone had my pupils growing into huge dark discs. "I love being your stupid little toy Ivon." Finally I managed to string enough words together to form a full sentence. "I want more though." Because of course I do I'm fucking selfish when it comes to having you this way and I'd do it all day every day if we didn't have shit we needed to get done.
.
07:07
I reached my hand between us enough to pull the front of the ruined sweats out of the way and the next time your cock pushing up against my face I let my tongue come out to taste you. The taste of both of us still lingering on your skin was enough to get me drunk. I'd never had anything remotely close to an oral fixation but with you it was like I couldn't get enough. It didn't matter if it was you shoving your fingers into my mouth or tasting the pre leaking out of your cock as long as I was tasting some part of you. God even your lips were addicting, a few minutes without them and it felt like withdrawals from the strongest of narcotics. "You always leak so fucking much for me." It came out drenched in lust and need as I managed to catch another drop with a swipe of my tongue. I'd never been a religious person but I was praying to every god that I'd ever learned about that nobody would walk out of those stupid doors and drag us away from that special tear in space that we were quickly heading towards.
Whorecraft words grabbed me by the seam of my shirt and pounded fist after pink flaming fist into my stupid man face. Each careening mound of erotic flesh that whistled into my head breached with lethal intensity. I’m not sure if it was the love in the statements or you admitting to being my plaything, but either way I don’t think I truly gave a shit. I got roughly one passing heartbeat to process how you had ruined me with that phrasing before you claimed that you were about to rob me of more sanity, and all I could do in response was gasp. The sad noise was accompanied by the arctic frozen tendrils that shoot up and down my neck when we begin to tilt toward our interdimensional home. My eyes had been fluttering at the pressure your face had relieved from the back of my balls that when you fumbled my cock out it startled me. “Wha-?” Was all I managed to squeak out as the warm summer air hugged me. Next your naked face was dredging into the seeping mess that had leaked out from us having barely gotten started, and everything was souping into such a thrilling experience I was about to level this city block. Let the staff come out and look, see if I fucking care. “Only for you baby, and I’m spoiled you take the time to drink it all up for me.”
12:45
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After dragging your messy face over the length of my pulsing dick a few more times I let your tongue lull around the flushed tip so I could force your mouth down me properly. You were such a trained sad thing already because your mouth immediately opened to accept its meal as if this was all rehearsed. “Good job baby, you know how to do just the things that made me happy~” Already you had the pitch of my voice fluctuating in that warbly sing-song sound you so easily summoned from me. “You dirty bitch, how do you pump me empty so easily?” Little lines of poor willpower wiggled in my periphery, and something told me you were going to kill me with this someday. My mind was running at a million miles an hour, and even though your mouth had barely gagged the entire pole a few times I wanted to just roll you over and pound a few grams of protein into you so we can get on with our day. However, the thought of actually plunging into you scared me because just the silky walls of your inner cheeks hurt. “I’m so sore.” A little flare of false anger flickered a candle in a cave of horny darkness. It spoke with a warbly whore voice and it whined about how it’s not fair you can work me up so easily. A pitiful way to feel no doubt, but the emotion was in me nonetheless. Unable to think properly I fisted a hand into your corded hair, and for a moment your jaw tensed up so taught I thought you were preparing to bite me in two pieces. “Oh did I scare you honey?”
12:45
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Still gargling down me like you were created to do it I kept running my mouth to distract me from how dangerous all this was. “Do you see what you do to me? Can you taste how you pollute my soul with this? How will I ever focus again with you making such an easy mess of me?” It was so fucking good to speak to you like this within possible earshot of any soul that it began to unlock power fantasies I never knew lie dormant. Everyone had to know how twisted we are, and the more disgusted they are upon learning it the better my mind melting orgasm would surely be. “You better pray to your whore gods that eventually my fuck toy will grow bored of me, because if not one of us is going to fall apart. I am so sore already Cami, I can’t imagine how you feel. God, I hope we find a way to fuck each other to death.” I had never spilled my stupid thoughts so openly like this without pause, but we were mounting into a garden of sex so perfect little cock shaped flowers were going to start growing from our skin. “This flavor you are swallowing for me right now is special just for my baby girl, and it’s only your appetizer.” That one sounded so moronically basic that I managed to giggle a sad whore sound out between all of the other sadder whorier sounds. “What the fuck have you done to me Camila?” It was an honest question, but laced with so much real humor I hoped it landed with the silly way I had meant it too.
12:46
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I was worried now that if our acts were already accelerating to such a taboo degree so quickly that we were eventually going to get caught doing something stupid. This is stupid. Good, it’s about time I finally let my life just crash and burn. “I hope someone catches us just so you have to pop your mouth off me and wipe the little lines of spit and cum off your icy face while they watch.” I meant it too, maybe we should just tour around LA and get kicked out of every acre of land in the city and then finally only release ourselves at the end. At least then I would have a legitimate reason to never come back to this shithole. What if Parker finds you? A sobering mental thought that at any other point in the past few days would have brought my psyche grinding to a halt, but for some reason right now it just increased the opacity of the pink fog that surrounded us. I hope his crew rolls up on us both as we share a simultaneous cumming gush of love just to blow our brains out in a spray of chunky gore. At least our erotic minds would flutter away in the wind forever remembering our favorite thing to be doing. Would our brain matter be glimmering shards of whore-dust and slut-gold? I was not even close to finishing yet, and it scared me how far we were going to roll this time with how many moments of animalistic fucking we had already shared today. “How am I going to take you this hour baby? Right here in the front seat? You going to bounce me while we lock our mouths and chew each other's lips off?” Oh sweet Jesus my dick hurt so bad already, and I swallowed in anticipation. Suddenly I felt less confident in my last threats.
@killahxkylie
"I was always told not to waste." I mumbled out the best I could with the way you were manipulating my head. The entire thing probably should have disgusted me but the fact that I made such a mess out of you only fueled my non-existent ego. I hummed satisfied at the taste of you on my tongue again, your threat of feeding me nothing but your cum for an entire meal ringing in my head over and over again. The pitch of your voice was doing that thing again that you always seemed to be embarrassed or angered by and it was music to my ears. I certainly wasn't going to tell you that but I doubted I needed to, you'd felt the way my body reacted to it more than once already now. "You love it." I managed to get out when you called me a dirty bitch and questioned out loud how I had this effect on you. It was ironic considering the slick mess that seemed to constantly be gathered between my thighs for days now.
14:39
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The fact that you admitted how sore you were only made me want you more, I wanted it to hurt for you just as bad as it did for me. There was still a small part of me that was feeling the need for revenge from those first couple nights and I wondered if it would ever die or if it would live there forever nestled inside of me. I managed to relax my jaw again after you asked if you had scared me, it was more like you had briefly torn me out of that fuzzy little headspace you so easily sent me into on a daily basis. Your words all worked to make me double my efforts as to just how far down my mouth made it on your cock until I could feel you buried in my throat, knowing that it probably hurt even more from how tight it was only made me want to do it more. You really are a sick sick bitch. I wanted to swallow you like this forever, then I would always know I was the only one getting the chance to do it. 'What the fuck have you done to me Camila?' That dumb little voice in my head was screaming that hopefully I was making you fall even further in love with me, that hopefully I was making you want to stay.
14:39
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Your little mention of how you hoped someone would walk out and catch us like this just so they would have to watch me in the humiliating state of wiping cum off my face had me sucking harder just to hear your voice struggle to stay even from the sick mix of pain and pleasure. 'How am I going to take you this hour baby?' I finally pulled my mouth away from you so that I could answer, wrapping my slender fingers around you so that you weren't getting a break from that ache of overuse. "I really want you to bend me over and fuck me from behind. It would hurt so good Ivon don't you think?" God I really hated the whore you turned me into when we were like this. I had never been this way with anyone else before, not even when we were in a relationship. I was almost always too shy to ask for what I wanted or to let dirty words flow off of my lips but with you it was like a constant drain of slutty thoughts coming straight from my brain and out of my throat. "Unless you think you wouldn't be able to handle it of course." Ah yes taunt him that's always been a great idea hasn't it? I let a playful smirk paint itself onto my lips before I ran my tongue slow and soft up your cock again.
Every single second of our continued sins in the front of this car was accompanied by a painful wrenching from the shaft to the head of my cock that occasionally had soft airy whimpers spilling my mouth. Can you get injured from going at it this much? Was I going to sprain my dick in a world record sex marathon will you? Try as I might your mumbled words of not wasting combined with silky walls bobbing my length had my pitch warbling into that unavoidable sing-song voice. “You better drink it all then princess, and clean up if any manages to run out of you-” I didn’t get to finish the threat because you rammed me down to the end of your mouth and I swelled so large during that the sore ache leaked lines of tears from my eyes. “Baby, it hurts so bad~~” There was no way in hell I was going to tell you to stop, but I had to say something because there was a genuine chance I may start crying. “I love it. I love it so much. You are right. Just ple-” You cut the pathetic begging off by yanking the slobbery mess from your face. My eyes lulled backwards from the momentary relief, but in typical wraith-like fashion you prolonged my torture by dressing my dripping cock up with your long fingers. “God, Cami please.” At this point I had no idea what I was even arguing for anymore, but the evil pits that had replaced your eyes told me that even if I did have an inkling of what I wanted you probably would not give it to me.
18:38
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Hurt so good? Had I officially shattered whatever proud woman was left in your pink oozing mind into a whore like gel? Every time we started our sacred dance the whore words left your head with less effort. I wonder if eventually you will just awake in the morning a babbling horny mess that only manages to choke out pleading sexy desires until you finally pass out unconscious and full of my cum? A thousand perverted ideas swirled into a pool of cotton candy that occasionally rippled and bubbled with a new fantasy or desire. I could feel blood trying to pump past your chastity-esque grip, but each pulse was only met with pain as you refused to relent. “Bend you over huh? Your such a dirty little victim Camila.” Venom leaked into my phrasing and tone over how you had me full of this frustrating ache. “Only weeks ago you were screaming at me to leave, but now you can’t even keep your lips off of me, and you called me pathetic?” It was cruel on a whole other level to taunt you with that first night like this, but in the fucked up rules of our game you had started it. Honestly I thought the ball was going to roll back to my side after that, however your stupid mouth parted to spill more dumb words in the form of a taunt.
18:38
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“Handle it?” My voice rose in pitch sharply at your jest. Will I ever figure out why some things seemingly randomly pissed me off when other neighboring actions were arguably worse. Probably not. The scaly bastard managed to shove me over into a mini fit. With one hand I fisted your hair up into a mat so I could use the other to grip the rear of your shirt and start shoving you toward your car door. I slurped up the way your eyes widened in fear when I first began to push you around. “Not so tough the second I start manhandling you huh?” None of our dynamic made any sense anymore. Has it ever made sense? Not even an hour ago I was crying over my treatment of you, and now it felt good to have you scared of me again. How long can we ride the line? I was still working to bend you over the inside of the car door, but it had yet to click with you what I wanted. “Put your money where your fucking mouth is you stupid slut. Bend. The. Fuck. Over.” With each intonated word I delivered a sharp jabbing shove using the hand in your back, and eventually you were bending over the car door. Tendrils of sunlight caressed your head from where it left the shadow of our alcove, and my heart swam in little circles at how beautiful you looked. I had planned on sharing words with you over the image, but a line of hot cum dripped from my cock onto the center console, and the exposed lewdness of the feeling ripped my head back to our demented act.
18:38
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Now that I was positioned behind you doggy style, I wrapped both my arms around your back and over your belly in a reverse bear hug. Using my chin I wormed my face into the side of your head until you craned it sideways. The soft flesh of your rosy cheek pressed into my face, and my mouth lapped sultry words into your ears. “Sweet little Camila. You are bent over the side of our car now babygirl. You are seconds away from me ripping your stupid little pants off and filling you up with daddy’s special drink.” The whole time I shared the demented words with you I was grinding my rock hard dick into your rutting rear. “Oh you really do want it don’t you Ms. Roberts?” I glanced up for a moment when the sound of rolling tires pierced the bravado, but they were far enough away that all they could do is wonder if they really saw that. With my focus back on your head I pecked a single kiss into your neck before giving into my houndish desires and began to lick at your sweaty flesh. Salty, savory, and musky perspiration glistened my tongue, and the scent of you combined with the taste had my knees wobbling in anticipation. A tiny bite into your ear and then, “I am going to take my sweet time with this one baby girl, and let me tell you, with how much we have been at it already it’s going to take a while.”
@killahxkylie
'You're such a dirty little victim Camila.' Those words had me whimpering in such a pathetic way, I hadn't thought about myself as a victim since that night at the rundown cabin where we both spilled more than enough blood for me to be satisfied with for a lifetime. I didn't like it, and yet for some reason it had even more of that sweet elixir running down my thighs for you. "You were pathetic that night but I told you I don't think you are anymore.. It is pathetic how much I need you all the time though. My body is screaming at me and I still need more of you." Maybe it was too far to double down on the fact that I hissed that word out at you that night but how could you honestly hold it against me with what you were doing to me then? The reality of the situation. I hadn't wanted it yet. I still half hate myself for wanting it now. You really are pathetic.
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The next thing I knew your hand was fisted into my hair and I should have seen it coming considering I had just tried to egg you on like a stupid bitch. I certainly got the reaction I had expected out of it. 'Not so tough the second I start manhandling you huh?' It was a fair taunt and it was true, the second you started treating me like this I felt like I turned to putty in your hands. A scared little moldable thing for you to do with whatever you pleased. It took my brain much too long for both of our liking to catch on to what you wanted me to do and by the time I was bent over the car door I could feel a bruise settling into my back from you repeatedly jabbing into the same spot. It probably should have disturbed me how the only part about that that bothered me was the fact that I wouldn't be able to see it well in the mirror later on. Would you take a picture for me so I could see it better? I’d have to remind myself to ask at some point.
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09:39
When you finally had me bent over the side of the car and all I could do was look out to see if anyone was going to walk out of one of the buildings just to be met with the sight of us like this it made my heart slam in my chest. "Is that a threat or a promise daddy?" I wasn't sure if it was just a figure of speech or if you were planning to actually rip the pants right off of me but either way I wanted it. I had lost pretty much all of my self respect at this point so what was having to get a new pair of pants because we were riding around with me in nothing but panties? I met every one of your movements with one of my own, pushing back against you wanting to keep that sweet ache going. "What happened to Ms. Feldt, hm?" The question came out at the same time that your tongue started to trace wet lines into my skin and the feeling had me letting out a strangled gasp.
.
"Good." Is all my dumb brain can manage to get out when you tell me how long it's going to take and that you fully intend on taking your time with it. With me. With us. I couldn't think of anything I wanted more in that moment than to feel you deep inside me for hours on end, only stopping when we both collapsed into a sweaty mess on the seats beneath us. Maybe this is how we would die, fucking each other to death. That would be the ultimate way to slip into whatever nirvana was awaiting us, although knowing the way we were ours would just be endless fucking in some sort of cotton candy clouds. The little dimension we slip into together finally becoming reality forever. The thought made me shudder in your hold. "Ivon- if you don't take my fucking pants off and touch me I might actually die right here."
09:39
.
The dramatics of that statement weren't completely lost on me but with how fast my heart was racing and the way I couldn't seem to catch my breath with the anticipation of feeling you again I couldn't help myself. I needed you and I needed you right now. "Please I need it- I need you" I pushed myself back against you more insistently this time trying to really get my point across. I didn't care anymore. Someone could pull right up next to this car and park with a camera pointed right at us and I don't think I would be able to make myself stop even then.
Tiny sparks of love flashed out in the mad sex darkness at your mutterings of still feeling strong desire through the pain. At least we both share that pressure and monstrous insatiable urge to continue pumping liquid into each other despite how we hurt. I’m so hard that your ass pushing against me only whipped more pain into the crying appendage, and I had to apply counter pressure against you with one of my hands to keep you from breaking me in half. The cheap leggings stretched against your form from the way you were thrown over the lip of the door, and the fabric seemed to magically shimmer with the shade of your skin as your ass peered through the struggling pants. My heart hammered with the chorus of a thousand drums, and your thick lips slipped out that magic word that made the parking lot swim with funny colors at the edges of my vision. You are a sick fuck. I could only nod my head behind you in silent agreement at my madness, but you only let me float in that happy horny cloud for a moment before casting an accidental hateful Cami spell.
12:18
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“What happened to...” my voice trailed off sadly when I lost the will to continue mocking your words halfway through the jest. A raging inferno burned and choked out the loving house we had constructed on the evil foundation of our relationship. It demanded I deliver a quick punch into your ribs in response to your stupid words. You had turned me down! The way you asked was unfair. This constant rattling of my whiplashed mind was unfair. We had already argued this point to death, and even though you had brought it up after I teased you for being taken advantage of, the anger still licked at me deep within. I was frowning down at the back of your head while you continued working yourself backwards into me. Some other words fell out of your empty head, but they were lost in the whirlpool slurrying around my skull. How did you fall into the little sissy girl dynamic so easily, but could not seem to wrap your head around the fact that there is something lurking within me that reacts despite what I do?
12:18
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The lizard must have felt summoned by my thoughts of it as the fist I had corded into your hair wrenched up backwards with hateful fury. The tiny noise you squeaked out while I did so rocketed more blood into my sore dick, and the anger from the pain only amplified the power I yanked your mane with. Your back arched into a concerning angle, and the white of your eyes was visible from the parts of your face that I could see over your head now. “You think I like everything that you share with me Cami? Do you think before you speak?” Each question would end with me yanking you harder, and the water running from your face was sweeter to me right now than substance leaking from your cunt. “Honestly, I don’t think you do. I think that you just sputter out whatever stupid girly thoughts rocket behind your pink eyes.” You do the same thing, son. Using the tangled mess of your hair I rocketed my arm out like your head was a boxing glove and smashed the side of your nose and lower eye socket into the top of the car door. Your whole body gifted me with a lurch, and immediately the impact site was painted with a pretty bright smear of your crimson. A primal gurgling noise rattled your throat and after the initial jumping motion your form slowly relaxed into a face down pose.
12:18
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Oh fuck, I killed her. I let go of your hair in panic and your limp face immediately impacted a lower part of the door where a slightly less vibrant smear of blood now glazed it. The first reaction I had was to try and flip you over to check you out, but your tight ass was still pressed against my hungry dick. Before I even knew what my plan was my free hand looped fingers into the seam of your pants and ripped the fabric backwards off of you. The leggings came apart with satisfying ease, and with one more handful of dark pants I ripped the rest of them free of your rear. Sunlight feathered onto your sad form and the shadows danced as the trees swayed in the wind. It was so quiet while your brain worked to reset itself, and I wondered when you woke up how long it would take to remember where you are. “Oh well, not my problem.” I spoke the hateful words to myself while my fingers looped around the crotch of your panties and shifted them aside. This is illegal. Now my chest rattled with laughter at the abject hilarity over only now being worried that I was about to fuck you half dead. Your arm stirred a bit, and I rushed to finish my initial plan before you woke up and ruined it.
12:19
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My cock slipped into you with pathetic ease, and the girl cum you worked to lube yourself up with delivered my mass to the end of your wet hole in two tries. I pulled your head back up toward the sky as my pace increased, and a split in your face leaked red while your eyes fluttered about. “Can you hear me Camila? Are you awake sweet baby?” My questions were echoed by the slapping of our sexes together, and the pure evil of the act had wisps of pleasure lightly running up and down my abdomen. With my free hand I slapped at the side of your face. A tiny wet noise licked out each time my palm met your blood soaked skin, and after you chortled out a confused sputter I sucked the liquid off two of my fingers before wiping the rest onto your ass in a few cute streaks. My gaze kept dancing between your face, the streaks on the door, the marks on your ass, and now my cock plunging into you. Pain, horny elation, otherworldly confusing love, and my whiny grunts filled the car up slowly from the bottom up. A part of me hoped you would regain full consciousness the second my cum began to release into you, but even at this angry bucking pace my orgasm still felt miles off. “Do you know what you did wrong stupid slut? Has your dumb fucking brain turned back on yet?”
@killahxkylie
I knew I had fucked up the moment you stopped mocking me and instead your voice trailed off into thin air. I really hadn't meant it as a taunt, I had only said it because the few times that you had let the words slip off your lips they had made me dizzy with some sort of sick love. That thought was short lived because the next thing I knew you were cranking my head back so far that I thought my back might snap in two. The noise that left my mouth was so strained and pathetic that it made my cheeks turn pink even as tears streamed down them. All of your words served to sink me back into that disturbing reality that I tried so much to avoid: You were a monster in a mask and I was your newest shiniest play thing.
Before I could even manage to squeak out an honest answer for you my head was flinging forward faster than I could register to stop it and the last thing I heard was a sickening crack before the light was snuffed out. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't move, couldn't really think everything was just black nothingness. I don't know how long it took me to feel anything again, all I knew was that my face was burning and something felt wet. I could hear the muffled sound of fabric tearing, feel the vibrations of the sickening rip against my skin and then the warmth of the sun against it. The far away sound of your voice penetrated my brain but none of the words made sense and then I felt it, the raw aching pain of your body once again invading mine when it shouldn't. You aren't really mad though are you? It was a relief to hear that stupid little voice in my head even when I was barely conscious, at least I wasn't dead yet.
.
15:24
I could feel the cooling sticky smack of what must have been blood against my face when your hand met it a few times but I couldn't bring my eyes to open. I couldn't make my mouth make words, I don't even know if I was making any sounds. All I could do was take it, just like that very first night when Mr. Ivon Feldt made himself known to me once again. How many times would I be forced to just sit, or lay, or be on all fours and take it? Would it always make me feel so torn? I could tell you were moving faster now, fucking me harder, the burning pain was forcing my brain to swim back up from the darkness faster and faster and a part of me wanted to stay floating in it forever. Would you even miss me if I died right here or would you just use my husk of a body until it went cold and you could dispose of me somewhere?
I felt my eyes flutter open, the sun feeling like knives when they finally managed to focus. I felt drunk and stupid but at least I was awake again. It took me a few long dumb moments to realize that everything I was feeling and thinking was real and you were indeed fucking me like a wild animal still. So many feelings rushed into my freshly reset brain as I reached for something, anything, to ground myself. I grabbed onto the edge of the car door and gripped it for dear life as more and more pain settled into my body. Between the fresh wound on my face and the assault on my battered cunt I couldn't help but start to cry. "W-wait please slow down I c-an't-" I tried to get you to stop, to give me even a moment to catch my breath and fully come back into myself. How many times would one person be knocked out until they suffered permanent damage? I must be testing the limits by now.
15:24
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"Ivon please! I'm sorry I didn't mean it in a bad way. I liked hearing you say it. You've said it more than once since we left the hospital. Please, I'm sorry!" My words were all coming out pathetically choppy and slurred and I didn't know if it was simply because I was so upset or if it was because of the fact that you just hard reset my brain without my permission. Either way the lack of feeling like I was in control once again had the tears coming faster, the salty liquid pouring from my eyes only making the new cut sting worse. Was my face ever going to be the same again? I still hadn't even completely healed from the gash from the gun and now this? Did you want me to be an unrecognizable monster? Would that make you feel better about the one that lived inside of you? "Please slow down!" I was willing to beg at this point. Hadn't you just said you were going to take your time with me? Or was that sentiment long gone from the stupidity of my words? Was I ever going to be able to figure out what was okay to say and when or would I constantly just be waiting for something to land wrong and have a new scar to remember it by?
The first evil question managed to summon no response from your perfect fat lips, but your limp form was beginning to resist my iron grip into your hair which betrayed your returning consciousness. Bare ass slapped into my crotch as my pumping cock continued to work our sore and tired sexes together. Your begging for me to slow down did nothing but spawn an evil grin over my features, and the licks of sadness wafting at my insides were overpowered by the selfish anger of your words still. “Slow down?” My growling question was almost too quiet to actually be heard, but the force of our bodies colliding worked to squeeze the words out with enough force. I briskly cleared my throat a few times, and afterwards had to swallow the drool that had pooled in my throat before I could properly speak up. “Can you just decide if you are going to be my little whore or not already? You want me to just enjoy myself up until the very point you regret it? That’s not very fair for me is it?” At this point the commanding evil words flowed as easy as the heated love filled ones did.
00:44
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Squeaking pleading cries stabbed into my ears, and now frustrated tears welled in my eyes over regret at having gotten so incredibly violent. You said sorry multiple times, and your specific mentionings of the hospital had me especially guilty because it only reminded me of how hard I had truly ravaged you that first time. A feeling of thick sludge cooling in my core grew into a powerful stomach ache, and my pace slowed from the resulting unconfidence of the stirring emotions. A few spikes of anger fanned up in retaliation that you might think my actions were the result of your begging, and my realization of that sad fact actually managed to make me grimace in self hatred. Drifting leaves freed just enough sun rays to reflect light onto the piled streaks of blood draping the supercar’s door, and the torso pain from before rose up into my chest and neck. My face flushed hot, and the open top car felt like an oven that was boiling my skin away in melting popping blister bubbles of torment. Your desperate muttering for me to slow down startled me out of my thoughts enough that my pace ebbed even more, and suddenly my own cock felt like an armed bomb that I no longer wish was attached to me.
00:44
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Shame is not the exact color of flooding feeling I would describe after the odd emotional tsunami ripped the docking of my mind away, but it was definitely close on the spectrum. Everything was so mixed and confusing by now, and the only thing I truly regretted was having damaged you so physically after barely being healed. In hindsight I could have inflicted just as much damage to your mind by pinning you to the door or something as equally hateful. Why did I always have to escalate to a level not yet reached? Words danced on my tongue, and mirrored spells of ‘sorry’ almost left my face, but some prideful phantom force froze me so still I wondered if I could ever speak again. I had stopped fucking you, but we were still buried in each other. Your fearful breathing chopped up by my once horny gasping was the only sound besides wind and far off car tires, but the infinite silence might as well have been a concert encore from how oppressive it was. The once heavenly feelings were yin yanged with hellish ones that were so hot and strong they probably scorched permanent brands into all of our sun kissed skin.
00:44
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A swallow in your throat reminded me that my fist was still looped hatefully into your hair, and my arm slowly relaxed in tandem with back muscles to rest you once again against the top of the car door. There was still enough taught force pulling your head back at this point you could not turn to look at me, and I was frozen in terror and fear that when I did finally fully let go you would point giant tear filled eyes at me. It was such a simple and expected nightmare, and one I definitely deserved, but it was a vision I am not sure I could handle this very second without becoming either permanently insane or murderous. Every gear in my mind turned a thousand times a second to come up with any solution to this new emotional minefield that did not result with you screaming and leaving me forever. I beat you senseless regularly, yet my first fear when you do this is to scoop you up and hold you close. “I want to kill you and hold you at the same time you stupid fucking girl.” What a loving thing to say to a woman while balls deep in her doggy style. I really am a piece of shit aren't I? My pathetic mind reeled so hard at trying to pick apart my own anger it failed to remember why I had grown furious in the first place.
00:44
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I leaned down over you in that same reverse bear hug from before, and I was forced to summon every drop of manipulation I possessed to not blubber in guilt at how your shuddering form against me had my cock swelling rock hard. I pressed soft kisses into the back of your neck, and the vein in your throat visibly pulsed with how much blood your fear-stricken brain was pumping to try and make sense of what was happening to you. I trailed the hot narcissist smooches down your head until I got to your ear, and after nibbling into the top lobe I whispered, “Do you want to keep going little Mouse?” I rammed my crotch down into your hips, and even though I was already pressed to you the stirring of flesh still licked my cock with silky walls. After asking the question I used the grip of your hair to turn your eyes sideways toward me. My chest heaved once at the tears running out of them, but I coped with this image by just lying to myself they were in pain and not complete abject fear of me. “Come on baby, I slowed down just like you asked. Can my perfect princess forgive me for going too far? I’ll lick your blood off the door to make it up to you.” My psychotic face stirred into a perverse smile at the thought, and I drilled my eyes into your gorgeous porcelain mask to memorize a reaction to my offer. Maybe I can keep your concussed brain rocking so hard in confusion you will somehow relate all of this to our erratic sex, and not proof you will forever be seconds from death when I lose my perfected temper.
@killahxkylie
'That’s not very fair for me is it?' How was any of this fair to me? That's what my brain was screaming back at you but all that managed to leave my lips was fearful whimpers that were full of shame. Maybe this was all my own fault, had I really led you to believe that it was okay to do anything to me? Even things that could potentially ruin me forever? I can't imagine one person can take many more blows to the head before the damage is permanent. Maybe that was your goal, to have your own little vegetable garden that only you know about. An assortment of pretty girls that were left as empty shells in the wake of your violence.
I wasn't sure which thing I said had made you actually slow down but I was grateful for it just the same. At least I was, until you had slowed to a complete stop and I swear I could hear both of our hearts slamming in our chests at the same pace. Fast. Afraid. Aroused. A mix of so many different things bouncing off of our ribcages. When you finally let my head down I let out such a broken sound of relief. 'I want to kill you and hold you at the same time you stupid fucking girl.' Is it really possible that I'm stupid enough to think that you love me with how you speak to me? How you treat me? Have I really managed to become this delusional in such a short period of time? Can one person alone completely break down and re-mold your psyche that fast? The thoughts filling my head from your cruel words were enough to have hot tears spilling from my eyes. I watched as a drop ran through the sticky crimson staining the once pristine door of the car and it was just another cruel reminder of what you're capable of, and the fact that I loved you anyway.
.
16:02
I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost jumped when you wrapped yourself back around me just like you had before and asked me if I wanted you to keep going. Yes. No. I had no idea what I truly wanted when the words danced their way into my ear. The way you ground yourself into me had me whimpering like a desperate whore because as much as I was begging you to slow down I don't think I wanted you to completely stop. A small part of me was aroused by the fact that you wanted it so badly you didn't stop even when I was out cold. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. I shook my head to myself before you were turning my head to face you. The mix of sweet and perverse words had my cunt clenching around you in a way that I know you could feel and my cheeks turned red because of it.
"I forgive you." I managed to mutter out with a wobbly bottom lip. I was trying desperately to stop crying, I had wanted this so bad just moments before you knocked my lights out, why did it have to change now... right? Right? I forced myself to push back against you trying to show you that I wanted to keep going, I wanted to keep feeling you.I wanted you to be happy with me. Maybe it was actually whatever little bit of foolish pride I was hanging on to but it felt like if I stopped this now that somehow you would be winning. With that furrow in my brow I reached back to yank you close enough to kiss me, grinding my hips back against yours to get just enough friction to make it feel good. "If you lick it off you have to share it with me after." I hushed out against your lips so quietly that if the wind blew hard enough it would have carried the words away. It wouldn't be the first time I had shared the taste of one of our life forces with you and I was certain it wouldn't be the last.
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16:02
I watched in awe as your tongue dragged slowly and precisely through the drying sticky mess of me that had managed to slow and stop along its way down the door. The way you seemed to genuinely enjoy even the rawest bits of me had my breath picking up again in newfound arousal. I wanted you like this, I wanted us to tear each other apart just to put each other back together again forever. If we ever stopped I think I would cease to exist. The thought had me pushing back against you with a fervor that I didn't have before and it was enough that I wondered why I ever asked you to slow down to begin with. The wet slap of skin against skin was once again filling the space we were occupying, would a passerby be able to tell what was going on in this car just by the sound? God I hoped so. I grabbed you again and managed to prop myself up enough with your help to be able to mash my lips against yours, pushing my tongue into your mouth to taste the tangy iron that was waiting for me there. “I love you Ivon.. I’m sorry I upset you.”
My heart is a gushing rushing wound of ego-nasty crimson that froths with scalding emotional tempest. The seconds falling by as I waited for you to answer progressed the pumping organ towards a heart attack with every moment. It could not have been very long before you said something, but I must have thought a hundred times of ramming your face back into the car door in that tiny space. You forgive me? Light danced in my eyes as a flickering betrayal that my mind was melting with confusion at your soft forgiveness. I don’t deserve this. You made her crazy. Had I actually succeeded in mindbreaking you into my own perfect slut? It’s likely a shorter list of things you wouldn't do for me at this point. The words had roared out of your mouth in a waterfall of carbonated pink soda, and every sugary slurp was ecstasy. You caught me so off guard with the answer that I forgot about the second inquiry entirely. “Of course princess, anything you want.” My smile widened into a toothy houndish thing that only held for a heartbeat before my gaze tore away for the meal smeared on the door.
21:23
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I had expected there to be a passing moment where I felt the urge to chicken out. Was it the horny cloud that allowed me to dive in so eagerly? Perhaps it was the half molten rock of love that cooked away inside of me for you that made it so easy? Either way the first lane of clean my tongue painted into the taught car leather might as well have been liquid ambrosia from the way my mind lit up with fireworks. My face was hidden from you during this ordeal, and another toothy grin grew over my mask at the realization of how joyous this was going to be. The greasy red substance already filled the gaps in my once white teeth from just the single pass, and I continued my penance for you by lapping up another few swipes of the mess. “You taste so good my love.” It took just a whisper more effort to part my mouth and speak from the gluey way your cooling blood sealed my head shut. My eyes fluttered closed in ecstasy, and as I finished the mess on the door I whimpered in sadness that the meal was already gone. Every disgusting primal moment we shared like this only rang more gasoline out of the madness hanging over the inferno of everything that is us. I wanted to burn the space between the world down with our swirling gross personalized love.
21:23
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Unfortunately my tongue would not get the liquid between the grooves, and after I sat back up my eyes locked with yours just as a little bit of you ran between my lips before carving a long trail of red down my face. It ran off somewhere into the scruff of my neck before soaking into the short stubble growing there. With a coating of blood fresh in my mouth I helped move you up before you rocked yourself forward into a passionate kiss. I had gotten so lost in licking you off the door like a deranged dog that the other half of our little deal slipped my mind. It’s a good thing you pushed me into this stinging share of tongue swapped gore or I may have failed to follow your instructions. I did not have to work very hard to push it into your mouth as you obviously dipped your tongue around my head to scoop out every drop you could. Our lips eventually parted with a panting slap of wet mush, and two tendrils of red spit split midway and fell between us lost forever. Staring down into the abyss of your perfect eyes you sent me reeling with another crafted sentence of mind control.
21:23
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I almost got time to respond before the earthquake of those words shattered the core of our reality and launched us careening into our special space. Spinning in an inky void of starry love I pushed my face back into yours for another hot kiss in that shady space. Tears ran between our faces as my eyes sprung a momentary frustrated leak, and my throat shook with a sad whimper. With another smack we separated, and I spoke with that commanding air of conviction reserved only for you, “You can upset me every day if it leads us to our colorful dimmed space, my love.” While that attempted line of sultry darkness ran through your head I rose back behind you into the doggy position from before and wrapped both my hands around the hourglass position of hips just above your rosy ass cheeks. With a horny grunt I gripped into soft flesh and pulled you back over my cock in a sheath of silky quivering sex. “Such a good girl shuddering for me like that Cami.” I licked my lips as we began to fuck again, and my eyes wandered your back lost in the way your exposed flesh rippled for me. The car rocked back and forth with every few thrusts, and after a few awkward moments finding a pace we eventually settled into a rhythm with the supercars shaking. Cradled in two hundred thousand dollars of engineered vehicle I laid into you with slapping skin and pleasured grunts. Your voice did this oscillating wailing thing when you would ramp up into a crest of ecstasy, and I could not help the way it made me smile to know you felt so good too. “Keep singing for me baby. It’s my favorite fucking noise.”
21:23
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My fingers only remained on the spot above your hips for a few thrusts before I could not help the way they crawled your body in a desperate search for more skin. A couple times intrusive thoughts stabbed me to fist your hair back up, but the love demanded we stay soft for now. Yeah bash her face into the car door and then absolve yourself of guilt by fucking her gently. The anger came out as nervous laughter, and I attempted to cover up the way it embarrassed me to do so by running my horny mouth more, “Your back has this little arch right here,” pointer and middle finger of my right hand poked into the middle of your spine halfway up, “that jolts up and down in time with your clenching against me. So many beautiful secrets your gorgeous body has to show me Camila.” My phrasing was broken by my own moans, and I had to slow the ravaging of soft flesh so I could keep my focus on speaking. “Can we do this forever baby? Ride around exploring the world and filling new spaces with your sweet sweat?” A muscle in my core spasmed with delight, and it must have been connected to my cock in some magical way because they both quivered in unison. It only occurred to me then that the soreness had been replaced with pulsing sensations of orgasmic foundations. “Do you feel me swelling for you sweet Mouse? Moments from now I’ll be filling your abused cunt up with more hot mess. How bad do you want it?” At this point a helicopter could land in the parking lot before God dismounted to personally offer me a ride into heaven, and I would just smile at him stupidly while pounding more miles into my favorite wet hole. “Good job baby. Keep working me like that. Just like that.” My airy cries for more of this angle rolled over the hot asphalt into the sweltering California air, and my ego wished for a megaphone so this whole cursed city could hear our passionate love.
@killahxkylie
"Oh my- god" I couldn't help the choked sound that came from me when you pulled me back onto you with that grip on my hips, the way your fingers dug into the pale soft flesh there made me dizzy. Every time you gripped on to me, every trail your hands made in my skin when we were like this felt like it was burned into me forever. Even though most of them weren't visible I felt like I could trace every inch of skin that you had ever blessed me with your touch on. Your praise went straight to my aching core and I could feel myself dripping down my thighs in a nasty mess because of it. Nobody else had ever managed to do this to me, I didn't even know I could get this messy. "Don't fucking stop." I panted out when you told me to keep singing for you, the words were so sickeningly perfect that I felt like I could fall apart right then and there for you, I could just crumble into tiny infinitesimal pieces that would never be put together quite the same way again and I couldn't care less.
The way your fingers ran up my spine and poked right into the spot where it arched special just for you made me shiver and I wondered briefly if you could see the way my skin raised in goosebumps for you even in the sticky Los Angeles heat. "It's all for you Ivon e-everything is just for you I'm fucking yours. I want you to know every inch of me." Would you ever get sick of they way you seemed to hold the ability to make me babble every stupid word that ran through my brain like this? Was your dick somehow the key that unlocked the door between my mind and my mouth and let it all flood out? I'd never been able to get myself to say anything like this before. Maybe that's why everyone had left me before, had sex with me been boring before I met you? If you could call it that. You also held this innate ability to pull me back out of my thoughts that I always managed to get lost in."Y-yes please yes I want to I want to see the fucking world with you and leave our mark on every inch of it
15:43
."
15:44
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"I want it so fucking bad!" I was definitely being too loud at this point but I couldn't stop myself, not when I could actually feel the growing swell that you were talking about, not when I could feel the stretch getting even more intense. I was on the edge and I knew I was going to fall over it at any moment now, your words were like the giant flashing lights the people who worked the runways at the airport held to wave the planes in and they were guiding me straight into ecstasy. Who was I to disobey? "Ivon! Ivon! Please I-" I couldn't even finish the sentence to let you know what was coming before it was hitting me like a freight train. The pleasure exploded from my core and seemed to rush through my legs first and then bubble up the rest of my body like a warm fizz, tiny little bubbles popping everywhere and filling me with need. I was practically choking out your name with the ragged moans that were spilling from my lips, my legs were shaking so violently underneath me that I felt like I was ready to fall face first right into the door again. I was dripping sweet cum down onto the already wrecked seats of the luxury car and I wanted to make them even messier. "God please give it to me" I whined pathetically wanting to feel the way you flooded my cunt with a warmth that seemed to fill my entire body again. "Please I need it!"
The chorus of whore spilled over the convertible's outer edge and pitter pattered down onto the hot asphalt where it sizzled away in hot pink swirling tendrils of evaporated love. If someone was walking through the low brush surrounding the parking lot they may think two homeless people are back here stabbing each other to death as opposed to fucking each other stupid. One of my hands was planted palm side down on your right ass cheek, and I used that leverage to keep myself steady as all the blood in my stupid body rushed to my swelling cock. I was worried that if you shifted suddenly without saying anything to me, or tried to crane your neck up to look at me, I may slip off the glistened sweat pouring out of your body and face plant unconscious atop you. That technically wouldn’t be the first time. Grunting at my own frustrating inner dialogue I was thankful you opened those fat lips to sing out more praise my way as it allowed my mind to focus on anything but the mind meltingly powerful orgasm that was broiling in my core. Wide carving arcs of beaming pleasure jutted out from my soul with such intensity I expected them to pierce a thousand bleeding holes into my body before ripping me into pure slutty energy. A warm core of happiness grew somewhere in my chest when you agreed to let me memorize all of you, and an unbelievable fantasy of me tying you sprawled to the floor in my bedroom while painting your naked body with my tongue replayed a thousand times in one second.
14:21
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“You don’t need to want it anymore babydoll. You have it. You are all mine, and I don’t intend to ever share for a second.” Our pace was forced to slow from how thick I began to swell, and the effort it took to stuff my fat leaking cock into your tight cunt hurt so bad that little lines of tears sprouted from my eyes and sprinted mockingly down my face. The sensation of exploding kept rolling, and my own body kept surprising me with how far it went in this sick dance of ours. “Holy... Holy fuck!” My forearms were trembling so bad the muscles were sore, and the tickling raw sensations were so powerful that I was scared my heart was going to stop. Car sex was so annoying and tedious to me my entire life, and the only time it had ever seemed momentarily enjoyable was the whore I always saw on the annual family trip to Rome. Somehow this back alley parking lot in the middle of my least favorite city in this entire festering shithole of a country was now going to be the site of my most powerful climax ever experienced. It had not even happened yet and my nervousness of its occurrence was already more distracting than the shuddering woman sweating sex out of her body beneath me. Was I even going to make it to your finish line? I tried to swallow in nervousness, but all I succeeded in doing instead was biting my tongue hard enough it made me yelp.
14:21
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It all happened so fast that the unraveling of myself even caught me by surprise. I was on a rollercoaster that magically assembled itself before me, but I’m also blindfolded, upside down, and spinning in random directions uncontrollable to me. I had been so focused on climbing the clicking track to the top of our newest sex adventure that when the ramp finally gave way into a somersaulting downward spiral I was nowhere near ready for it. The second time you blurted my name from your face the force gave way and my knees buckled forward into the center console which thankful served as the core pillar to this entire experience. I felt muscles in my abdomen curl up into tight little balls of hot pain, and I gripped both my hands into your tiny back so I didn’t have a repeat of whatever happened in the van all those nights ago. I kept waiting for precum or something to start pumping out of me, but all I could do was scream, “Fuck! Cami! Fuck!” Over and over while every fiber of my being tensed up in an attempt to impregnate you. I didn’t have any time to process why that was my stupid mind’s goal before your own collapse into heated ecstasy began, and your silky walls started that magical grasping pull of contraction. In all honesty I had tried my hardest to form words, but the sounds only choked out into unrecognizable trilly cries as my balls finally remembered their job and began to pump every drop of myself into you. You screamed out at me that you needed it, and I whimpered out “I’m giving it to you! Please!” Ounce after ounce of me blasted into your clenching cunt, and I was so embarrassed by the noises escaping my neck that a beaming stupid smile was spread from ear to ear.
14:21
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After giving up the last few drops of my soul I wrapped both of my trembling arms around your torso and collapsed forward into you. There was a tiny huff as my unexpected weight crashed downward and the air was pushed from your lungs, but you managed to squirm sideways a few inches toward the seat into a spot where you regained some ability to breathe. “Sorry I-” some hidden store of cum was found and my balls quivered as another hot line of me dripped down and onto the car seat. The hot California air felt rather exposing on the tip of my hanging cock, and I pulled myself closer into that awkward hug in hopes I sank into your skin and became one. My chest heaved like we had just ran a marathon, and your own rocking body underneath mine only spread the dorky grin wider across my face. “I genuinely don’t think I have cum that hard in my life.” The entire world would rock with a tiny earthquake every time my heart beat, and I was still not convinced I was going to live through this. “I am dead. You killed me. This is it.” I desperately wished we were in a proper bed so I could flop over and cool off, but instead we just stayed glued to each other with torn clothing and sweat. “Sorry about your pants.” I had meant it when I said it, but for some reason it reminded me of pile-driving your face into the car door and now I just felt stupid for getting away with everything again. “How is your head sweet baby?”
@killahxkylie
'You are all mine, and I don't intend to ever share for a second.' Did you really intend to keep me all to yourself? What would you do if anyone else tried to touch what was yours, or worse what would you do to me if I tried to reciprocate? Not that I would ever dream of doing that, you were everything I wanted, you consumed all of my thoughts. It helped that we hadn't had a moment apart since those men ripped us from my house but I don't think I would have wanted it any other way if I was to be honest with myself. Every noise and word that slipped from your lips and danced their way into my ears was like heaven, I loved that you weren't shy about letting me know how good it felt for you too, too many men in my life had been stone cold silent and it was always so awkward. You though? You were different in so many ways and thinking of all of them only added to the pleasure that was pouring out of me.
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07:24
When you started to lose yourself for me and said my name over and over again between curses of pleasure it only heightened my own, everything you did made my head spin even more and it felt like I was really going to completely lose myself this time, this was going to be the life altering orgasm that made my heart stop. Every single pump of that sweet hot cum into my aching cunt was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was far from the first time you'd cum inside of me but this felt so much different for some reason, I was a panting moaning mess and I couldn't stop the whorish noises that were spewing out of me like a geyser. Once you collapsed forward on top of me I felt the air push from my lungs and I couldn't help but whine when I felt you slip from inside of me. "I don't think I have either and that's saying something with the way you fuck." I let out a breathy laugh of my own, it made my heart race even faster than it already was when you said that though, I knew you had been with far more people than I had so that was high praise in my mind. "You can't be dead, you have to stay here with me." I managed to bring one of your hands to my face to press little kisses to your fingertips. "You owe me new ones." I let my own stupid smile paint across my face, only slipping a little when you asked me how my head was. "It hurts really bad and I probably have another concussion but I'll be okay I think..?"
.
07:24
I honestly wasn't sure if I was fine, my head was swimming in a way that felt like a combination of wild sex but also definitely the lingering effects of a concussion, pretty soon I would be an expert on just how severe each one you gave me was. I really hoped that you wouldn't keep giving them to me, but I also knew that I would take as many as I could until I was a lump of cooling flesh on the floor. "I.. I am sorry that what I said came off that way. I really only asked it because you called me that a few times before and I.. well I liked it." I chewed on my plump bottom lip for a moment before speaking again. "I... I would marry you, Ivon." It felt dangerous to say, like I might just add fresh blood to the freshly tongue cleaned door but it was true, if you asked me now in a nicer way I would say yes, I would tie myself to you forever.
Rocking in our personal cocoon of taboo sex that familiar toothy grin spread my features, and I soaked up the happy swirl of iced emotion cooling the hate of mind. It seemed our repeated experiments of exploring each other's body rendered us capable of floating in the sweet space afterward longer each time. Hopefully someday we will fully heal our minds of whatever possessive rain cloud hovers inside, and finally be capable of spending our lives together without pain. History and wisdom from our shoddy relationship taught me those days were still a long way off, and for now I focused on staying grounded here with you. You must have been learning to swell my ego properly, or love just had me drinking every word you said, because your counter praises had me scarlet with blush. “If I die just follow me shortly after, princess. That way we can enter together.” The first few words came out with my eyes still closed in blushing embarrassment, and they opened only when you started brushing softs kisses into my knuckles. I should have known better than to relax for a second because next your reminder of how I ruined another pair of pants had me clamming up. “I uh... Seem to have a repeating issue fucking these up for you.” I held up the shredded pieces of linen that had been resting between us. My head tilted in mock of yours, and I pressed a few kisses of my own into a piece of your exposed flesh, “We will have to carry some spares around in case my baby makes a mess.”
21:11
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My face twisted up into a frown, and my eyes narrowed at the mention of your pain. “If it means anything I really do regret hurting your head again.” I’d be lying if I apologized for causing you pain period, but something told me you noticed my lack of bringing it up. “I need to stop doing that. I don’t want to make you any dumber.” An unexpected intense stab of guilt sank straight through my armor and gouged my heart open with a squelching pop. As my mind spiraled backwards into a thought hole of Chelsea’s comatose body my breathing increased just slightly, and the only reason I managed to crush the panic back down was your continued words. My mouth opened a millimeter to begin my apology monologue for how I reacted, but the open statement over our possible betrothment was a boulder straight to the lead cab of my train of thought. While the entire thing derailed into madness, that stupid grin you pulled out of me so often wiped my face clean of any other emotion.
21:11
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I sat up behind you and helped to slowly raise you back up into a seated position. My lips pressed a kiss into the drying slice below your eye, and after swallowing the flakey substance I took my shirt off and used it to blanket your naked lap. You still had panties, but it felt oddly irresponsible of me to just leave you more naked than me in the drop top car. My lips pursed up at the state of you, and I shook my head at the absolute condition of our bodies. A thousand jokes, jabs, and silly phrases floated my head to spill out at you, but for some reason all I could manage was, “You are so beautiful Ms. Roberts.” After settling back into my seat, and tucking my ruined cock back into its sad home, I shot another glance back at your blushing face. “Someday we will marry each other.” The commanding tone behind my statement was propped up by the confidence your admission gave me, “But first we have to stop humping each other, I need to stop ripping your clothes off, and we need to get home.” With my best attempt at a comforting smile, which hopefully did not betray the wolf beneath, I wiped your hair out of your face.
The stupidly well engineered seat belt buckle slid snug into its home, and I caught a glance of my flush face in the rearview mirror. One of us must have knocked it at some point, and it offered a clear picture of my frizzy hair. I scratched a few loud scritches into the scruffy beard, and boyish mischief welled inside at the thought of my dad catching sight of us now. I let my head fall back into the river of hot sunlight. It was pleasant to soak the warmth of the day into my bare chest, and I let my hand wander to your lap where I laced my fingers into yours. After a few more seconds of selfish emotional overload I turned my gaze to yours again, and caught your eyes with mine. “Is the world's sweetest girl ready to go? I’m just the chauffeur, but might I recommend the lady visit a clothing outlet?”
@killahxkylie
Hearing you admit that you actually regret hurting my head again made my heart flutter in a way that I'm sure would convince most people of just how sick we really were together. I couldn't help the feeling though. It seemed like just days ago you wouldn't have felt any remorse for completely decapitating me let alone slamming my face into the car door. "It means more than you know." I responded softly, I'm sure you meant to inflict pain either way but still, it did mean so much to me that you hadn't meant for it to be so drastic. Maybe I would make it through this relationship with my brain intact after all, at least physically. When you pulled me back up into a seated position I could feel the earth swaying violently for a moment and I had to squeeze my eyes closed to regain my composure. When I opened them again you had already draped your shirt over my lap and the sweet simplicity of the gesture once again had my heart fluttering in my chest. Would the butterflies you managed to give me always be able to beat their wings so violently? I really hoped so.
.
14:09
The way you looked back over at me had me convinced that you were about to ruin the moment and sling some toxic insult my way but instead all that fell from your lips were kind words dripping in Feldt flavored honey. 'You are so beautiful Ms. Roberts.' It was so far from what I had expected that I couldn't even say anything, instead casting my eyes downwards as my cheeks pinked up all over again. I knew I must look like a mess, I could feel the way my hair was sticking to my sweaty skin, I knew it must be a disaster from the way your hands had been tangled in it before and still you thought I was beautiful. "You make me feel beautiful Ivon.. and I can't wait to be your wife someday." I couldn't help but laugh when you mentioned how we really needed to stop humping each other and make it home. If one thing in this world was true it was that we couldn't seem to keep our hands off of each other. "I'll do my best to give you and your dick a break." I said catching your hand to kiss your finger tips before you could completely pull it away from putting my hair back into place.
.
14:09
I followed suit in clicking my own seatbelt into place and when I caught you looking at yourself in the mirror I reached over to thumb over the growing stubble on your face. "Y'look pretty cute with facial hair." I smiled sweetly at you trying not to wince right after from the sting it caused the new cut in my face. I adjusted the shirt draped over my lap so that it wouldn't just blow away with the wind once we started moving again and when I looked back up your eyes locked onto mine. "I'm ready to go, and yes a clothing outlet sounds like a marvelous idea. Thank you for the recommendation." I let out a small giggle and tousled your already messy hair before we started to move again. I couldn't help but think as we drove away just how funny it was that that parking lot would forever hold such a potent memory of us now. I couldn't help but hope that we would leave little dots like that all over the map. Little marks of the two of us forever burned into the space there.
"You know when we get there you might have to go in alone to grab me a pair of pants first right?" It had just dawned on me that I definitely couldn't just traipse into a shopping mall in nothing but my ruined underwear. The thought alone had me blushing again as I focused my attention out of my side of the car. For some reason I found myself not wanting you to see just how embarrassed the thought of that made me, knowing you it would only make you want to force me to do it just so you could see me squirm. "I would really appreciate it if you did anyways. I'd rather not have the upper class of Los Angeles staring at my ass. That's for your eyes only after all." Maybe that would stroke your ego enough for you to not be pissy with me needing you to do something for me that didn't really do anything for you in return.
My hand froze mid scratch of the scruffy beard at your comment, and I wished it was much fuller to cover up the blush creeping up into my face. Every love bird comment you tweeted my direction raised the temperature of this sunny heaven a few degrees. I somehow bet if we kept this up forever we could melt each other into cliché pools of drooly affection. A shiver helped to vibrate the messiness of soul away, and I readjusted the knocked mirror before making a quick glance around the car. The poor attempt to lick clean the already darkened blood from the inside of the door stared at my peripheral vision, a trophy of my continued genocide of your body’s peace. I almost hated how good it made me feel for it to be there. For every drop of me that bled with guilt for having done it also dripped with a flowing current of hope that it helped you to shut up about certain things. A fleeting false fantasy of your still body folded into the corner of some cheap motel room while I panic over what to do flashed my mind in a few hot photo bulbs of white hot light. Thankfully your sing-song voice was whining some sort of command at me, and that managed to yank me away from another frustrating panic attack.
18:58
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My rich boy mind sprinted with glee in an attempt to discover every single way I could exercise power with your request to somehow make it worse for you. Not in direct cruelty, but through the lens of this teasing power game we seemed to be playing all hours of the day now. I could purchase something embarrassing for you to wear, like a mini skirt or an awfully patterned pair of pants. There is always the option of just outright denying the request and having you sheepishly walk around the store while blushing blood red. Maybe I should just tease you about how I know you would do it if I asked. The words were falling into place on my tongue when the ego stroking poker of a statement jabbed into my pathetic embers. It was a well done parley, and it made me swell with odd pride that it genuinely did its job of forcing me to rethink everything. My eyes refocused on the horizon ahead of the car, and it occurred to me then I had been drifting in thought. Sliding the vehicle into reverse I feathered off the clutch until the tires began to crinkle backward over the rocky pavement. After shifting us back into drive I began to speak, “I honestly cannot decide what would be more fun little Mouse; forcing you to scamper around in your panties with me seeping down your leg, or bringing you out some embarrassing little whore outfit to shop around in all day.” I paused just long enough to contemplate the traffic flow, and after spotting our place gunned us out into the street with a throaty roar from the motor.
18:58
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With hot wind whipping through the car a familiar ball of hatred grew inside from being surrounded again by LA traffic. I glanced over at your face before continuing, “However you do make a really good point, because I don’t know if I could keep myself from hurting someone if they decided to look at you the wrong way. Just because my baby girl likes to embarrass herself for me doesn’t mean that I want someone else to enjoy her perfect body.” It was fucked up to twist your offer back around as if your bodies autonomy was my choice, but it made me feel in control. The power dynamic gave me the confidence to continue, and we thundered along the psycho California traffic over an offramp that took us deeper into the city. My mind was barely focussed on the task of driving such a magnificent piece of machinery, and instead I prattled on lost in my own head. “You have been really good to me today, and despite my uncouth behavior earlier, you still treated me with a lot of respect.” A stupid grin parted my lips, and the wind whizzing into my face reignited the coppery taste of your blood still hiding there. I licked at the inside of my upper gum, and a teeny dried piece of you came free into my mouth. After swallowing, “I’ll go in and get you something reasonable to wear, but you have to make a big girl promise to behave for me the rest of the day.” A few seconds later we hit a straight path of the highway and I turned my head to you accompanied by the mocking tilt, “Can you handle that baby?”
@killahxkylie
It's taking him too long to answer. My mind was screaming at me as I looked between you, the windshield, and my shirt covered lap as I waited for you to say something about my request for you to get me something to wear. Would you really have me walk in like this? I would probably end up with the cops called on me if I was being honest with myself. I should have known that you would have to toy with me in some manner, the second your addictive lips parted and the threat of actually having to walk around the better part of naked slipped off of them I wanted to leap out of the car. I could handle you bringing out some too small skirt because at least that was passable in this god forsaken city that I loved and hated at the same time. Just underwear though? Everyone would assume I was some lost soul you scooped up that was too strung out to do anything about it.
I couldn't even bring myself to say anything about it as you gunned us out into traffic again. Pulling out onto the busy streets felt like entering another world compared to the little space we had just carved out for ourselves in that parking lot. I felt my cheeks pink up when you looked over at me and sang your praises of my body into my ear. Even if they were laced with that stupid teasing you constantly had to do they gave me butterflies. It made me feel like I was floating that you would hurt someone just for looking at me the wrong way, that you really wanted me to belong to you and you alone. Has anybody ever been so willing to protect me? I couldn't recall a single person. Not even my own mother could truly step up to the plate when she needed to, not that I could blame her. Focus Camila. "I really appreciate it.. and I promise that I won't fuck up for the rest of the day. At least I'll try." It really wasn’t saying much given my track record of fucking up without even realizing it. Even when I tried my hardest to make you happy it seemed like I failed at every turn. Typical.
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13:16
I was too busy trying to ignore the way that the evidence of you speaking to me like that was probably going to leave a wet spot on your shirt to make a sarcastic remark in return. Had I not just had my brains both knocks and fucked clean out of my skull I might have been annoyed with you treating me like some insolent child. Right now though I would probably let you say whatever you wanted to me as long as it was wrapped up pretty with a bow on it. You had this way of making me feel like I was being both insulted and complemented at the same time and I wasn't quite sure I would ever get used to it or figure out how to even the playing field. Were you really turning me into a mindless idiot? Was I really okay with that? I felt my eyebrows pinch together in thought as I tried to work out just what this entire dynamic really meant for me. I mean it wasn't like you would always expect me to just listen to what you requested.. right? "Ivon? Do you think.. I mean do you actually think I'm just a stupid little girl?"
The words blurted out of my stupid mouth before I could stop them and I was already mentally bracing for impact. It wouldn't surprise me at all if my words once again set you off right after promising to behave and it would surprise me even less if you punished me by bouncing my head off of the nearest surface again for it. Why can't you just shut the fuck up and behave? Why do I even need to behave though? It's not like you're actually an authority figure to me.. Sure you stalked me, got me kidnapped, and lost me everything I had ever known but that didn't automatically put you in charge.. right? Maybe it was the concussion talking or maybe my mind really is just that far gone that I can't think straight anymore. Either way it was too late to pull the words back into my mouth and tuck them into my brain where they were still safe so I was just going to have to deal with the consequences. Hopefully they wouldn't leave me on the side of the road to bake
Floating over the smooth LA highway was a magic carpet ride of sunny love. Our silly rental car encapsulated obsessive feelings around us into a nice refreshing soul soup. Beaming with floaty post sex joy, and swelling with fantasies of our road trip together, I found it hard to believe anything could break the spell this time. The gps painted a happy blue line on the dashboard, and I drug us along the map closer toward our destination. Would we share a silly food court lunch date? How many different ways could I find to spoil you at the fancy outlet? Already the dream I had all those nights ago of my fingers tangled into yours as you drag me around wherever that beating heart desires was going to come true. Would we feel each other up in the changing room while exchanging foolish giggles between our hot airy kisses? Now my own chest was fluttering in expectant excitement, and I stole a glance across the car when there was a brief break in traffic just to catch more pictures of that sharp porcelain jaw. God, I would bite the fucking thing off your face with a big glassy chomp if I thought you would still love me afterword. She loved you last time you did it. It took focused effort to stifle my own laughter, and I wondered how many bites I could take out of you before that trophy you kept of my fake character shattered. Would you sort the broken pieces of our relationship off the floor with me again and again forever?
15:52
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You saved me from the spiraling thoughts with your own teasing language. Promises to try and behave for me blew arctic winds across the firelight of my rekindled hatred. While it cracked and cooled in a confusing oscillating inferno my mind ran with the task of trying to slide into your headspace for a second. Empathy hmm? Ignoring the stalking evil it struck me that there was a growing gnaw of anxiety in your mind to change your behavior for me. Sure, it was obvious you liked to run your mouth, but I had to wonder how much of the game was truly having an effect on you. I hated that I loved it just as much as I drooled for the act of loathing it. Annoying grips of guilt tried to distract my enjoyment of mind-breaking a smart woman, but it was easy to ignore when trickling warmth of satisfaction ebbed inside at the absolute control fantasy. Can you be cruel forever? Probably. It may seem a horrifying admission to claim it openly, but something deep inside always told me my life’s years were limited. Hopefully the end will come from my hateful pixie’s hands.
15:53
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‘Ivon?’ Marble smooth notes of curious voice filled my ears from the angel beside me, and I had to resist turning my head to stare at you. Just the act of you choosing to speak to me still made my knees wobble. I tried to ignore the fact that forcing it on you only amplified the focused desires. With my eyes still locked on navigating the curling bends of inner city streets, “What’s got you rattled?” I failed to attach a pet name to the end of my statement, and I think it was because the nervous tone in your voice had me worried. Then the full bucket of self pity that soaked the porous words of that tiny statement froze my bones solid. A reactionary glance let me lick my eyes over your huddled form, and the way you visibly shrank after saying it blindsided my ego with a tackle hard enough to stop the rage. I’m honestly not sure if it was the budding love, or the fact we had just been at it again, but for some reason the only feeling answering my war cry was sadness. Deep crushing sadness. The kind that twists your gut up into bubbling burps of roiling nausea. Some spot of flesh behind my neck perspired with anxious sweat, and the line of it running down my back tired desperately to cool my worry. It didn’t work.
15:53
.
Driving the car was no fun anymore, and the task required monumental effort seemingly out of nowhere. I hated how these emotional pits came complete with their own self crafted ankle bracelets snugly secure to three hundred pounds of self loathing. Had I pushed the dynamic too hard? You had started it. Wow tough guy that’s your defense? The dashboard looked mighty smashable, and I bet the sweet wine leaking from my fingers after the obliterated plastic sliced through my fist would work much better than the sweat did to calm me down. I truly had thought it would be okay to play with the boundary since you originally pulled us into it. Can you actually claim that she pushed us into anything? The lizard must really hate you, because it teased me about us more than anything else. God only knew how many different masks my face twisted into during those first moments of processing, and the fact it likely only worked to scare you more pissed me off. Did it even scare you? Was I locked up in my own thought prison on death row forever? For fucks sake so far I had yet to even try and process why you would ask this. The realization that you were just hurting after being robbed of an entire life presented its case to the hate caucus, and that finally managed to slow me down a bit. I had begun to speed, and after backing off the roaring motor we found another flowing spot of traffic. My mouth parted into an answer, but then a startling choke of frothing frustration leapt into my throat. Both my hands gripped into the leatherbound steering wheel with a tactile crackling pinch, and if my body possessed the strength the stupid circle would have ripped clean off. It is definitely a good thing the universe opted to not give this man godly strength.
15:53
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My mouth zipped itself shut under an angry lock and key. It was unfathomably frustrating that we were in a car for I desperately wished to lash out in some hyper aggressive way. I gulped considering the possibility that a side effect of ruining your psyche may be that you never possess a shred of confidence again. The only route I saw other than getting pissy and ruining all the progress we had made since the last time you almost got murdered by my hands was to try and twist this into a partial gaslight. Finally I found something to say, “No beautiful, I think I just... got carried away with the fun of it. I’ll knock it off.” Even though initially I had fully intended for the statement to just plant a seed of guilt within you, it seemed to also carry the magical power to shut my tap for it off. The idea of calling you little girl or something akin to that shade of flirting carried with it this ugly stink of not being desired. Not even a few inches within I knew that it was selfish to hold your words against you like this, but at the very least being able to passively dangle it over your head under the guise of being hurt is a power trip that satisfies the ego beast. The hot emotions of vengeful hate stewed with a belch of scalding anger, and there was a brief flash of disdain across my face for you that hopefully went unnoticed. Again I rolled my fingers into the wheel’s leather, and I tried to press you past being able to talk yourself out of it by launching us into another conversation immediately, “Are you excited to go shopping?” The deadpan delivery was most definitely on purpose.
@killahxkylie
Anger, sadness, guilt, indifference, pure boiling hatred. So many things seemed to flash across your face in an instant and I didn't know which one was the one you were truly feeling. I think that's one of the things that will always scare me the most about you. I never know what you're really feeling. You could be laughing hysterically all while bashing my brains in in a fury of hate and that was terrifying. The tires pulling us along faster and faster through the streets had me gripping onto the seat beneath me praying to whatever god might be above that you would slow down before you sent us into the back of an eighteen wheeler. At least you hadn't put a new dent in my skull over my question. I watched your lips part as if you were going to say something just for some choked noise to come out instead of words. Oh you really fucked up. He can't even insult you right right now. That thought was not a pleasant one considering you almost always had some kind of venom to spew at me, I used to think you could put a spitting cobra to shame.
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16:44
Watching you continue to struggle to say something, anything, had my own anxiety spiking. It rolled through me in waves that made me want to jump out of my skin, my stomach felt like it was full of angry hornets now instead of the butterflies that were fluttering around only moments ago. God I hoped they didn't sting them all to death. When you finally spoke again I was shocked that you called me beautiful and even said that you would knock it off. That isn't what you want though is it? Fuck. That stupid little voice was right, I just had such a love hate relationship with it that I didn't know how to cope. I felt a white hot flash of embarrassment run through me because now I wanted to tell you not to knock it off. Were you really never going to be like that with me ever again? Did I fuck up even worse than I thought?
16:44
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'Are you excited to go shopping?' The deadpan way you asked wasn't lost on me and I was finding it impossible to focus on the fact that you had even asked. I was still stuck on the fact that one, you didn't bash my head in after my question and two, you moved on from it so fast? Maybe he hates you now. I felt my stupid lip quiver at the mere thought of that. Maybe I had actually messed up and you were going to leave me behind in some dressing room like an idiot when we were in some store everyone would know I didn't belong in. Had I always been this way? Did I always have zero confidence? No.. there had to have been a time when I felt good about something about myself. I mean at least before all of this happened I felt like I was 'one of the pretty people' as my small group of friends and coworkers would call them. Now though, now I felt like I didn't know anything. Maybe you hated that too. My brows were still pinched together as I tried to figure out how you wanted me. You seemed happy when I was small and stupid.. or moldable maybe that was the better word for it, but you also seemed annoyed or angry with the fact that I doubted myself and never knew what the fuck to do anymore. That made two of us.
16:44
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"I-." I started but then lost my words as if the wind moving through the open cab of the convertible stole them right from my throat. "I don't mind that dynamic I just.. Well, I don't want you to actually think I'm stupid. That's all. I think I'm pretty smart... aside from figuring out someone is stalking me." I took a terrible stab at some kind of weird Ivon and Cami humor because the idea of ruining the day made me sad when we had been having, for us, a pretty good day. You literally have a split open face again? I really wish that little voice would shut the fuck up sometimes. We did have mind blowing sex and we're going shopping together as some weird couple. This was basically the closest thing we've had to a date and I really wanted it to go well still. Things had seemed so good when we had been talking about it on the way to get the rental, you had seemed genuinely excited and I wanted that back. I didn't like the deadpan tone of your voice. I didn’t like bringing you down.
16:44
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"I am excited to go shopping though." I tried my best to smile over at you, to show you I really meant it. The idea of walking around hand in hand with you, people knowing we were together, it made me happy. Now the butterflies were in an all out turf war with the hornets. I was so thankful they hadn’t all perished. Little thoughts of us shopping together, holding up shirts and dresses to ask your opinion of them and hopefully hearing you tell me they would look great. Picking out the ugliest things I could just to tell you they would look good on you to tease you. Dragging you into the dressing room to zip up the backs when I couldn't and trying to stifle the giggles when you inevitably teased me with those devilish hands of yours. Getting delicious food and drinks together. I wonder if you would let me take photos of the two of us having fun on the phones that driver got us. It wasn't much but at least it would be something. Were you even into sentimental stuff like that in the way I was? I really hoped so, or that you would at least humor me on the days when I managed not to piss you off. "Are you excited? I mean.. you must be looking forward to being comfortable again right?" I was trying so hard to sound genuine and excited. Maybe I could just trick you into being as close to happy as you ever get again.
Strained muscle fibers twitched and pulsed with genuine threat to rupture. In all honesty I wish the stupid knot would explode into pulpy gore so the pain would subside while simultaneously ending my life. The only frustrating part of dying so fast is that I wouldn’t get to witness your stupid body explode into a meat cooked fireball. I guess there is always the option of just swerving the wheel really hard and rolling us into a twisting spiral of metal and gore. What was it about cruising around on the road together that made me so hostile and suicidal? Maybe a cross country roadtrip is not the best idea. ‘I.’ You almost cut the murderous tension, but then you locked it back up again. I deserved this considering it is a move I regularly danced myself in our hellish conversational waltz. I kept wrenching on the steering wheel, and every second you held us in this silence was making that gripping muscle knot in my neck grow larger. My mouth moved in the motion of ‘please,’ but I couldn't summon the strength to manifest the noise. Every passing line of the highway was a drumming smack into my face, and at any point they would slice me open.
20:59
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You smashed the continued glass avalanche into even smaller pieces when you wrapped us back around. Of course you would dodge my attempt to forcefully progress the conversation. Of fucking course you would somehow be curious enough to have a surface level discussion about the intricacies of our playful teasing, but not be competent enough to pick up on my desire to skip this conversation. Did you even care? I snapped another sly glance at your face, and the infinite void of those beautiful eyes fluttering back up at me meant my glance was not near as stealthy as hoped. I wanted to be mad, but that soft tasty face framed by the image of you mouthing jokes at me disarmed the mine laid in my heart with ghostly skill. “I mean...” Fuck, am I really going to let you get away with this? “You did catch onto the idea after I tackled you on the back porch.” Desperately I wished to steal another snacking glance of your head, but I decided it was your turn to stare at my jawline. Did I have a good jawline? My hand left its place upon the ceiling wheel to brush at my face. ‘I am excited to go shopping though.’ Here we go again on another car ride that risks killing me.
20:59
.
I tried to absorb the words you shared with me. The pores of my sponge were filled with sick guilt over your repeated desires to be called smart. There was an attempt made on my part to try and picture your childhood. Was there a hateful father? A boyfriend? A stalker? That one got me good, and the next few minutes were silent other than the rumbling wind and open highway sounds. Kill myself. Fuck Cami. Kill myself. Fuck Cami. Kill Cami? Fuck myself? This was it. I was spiraling into proper madness and at any moment my consciousness would dissolve and this body would turn into a puppet of proper fury. I just don’t want to think anymore. “Yeah I am excited.” Was that a lie? I stole a peep down at my own disheveled state, and part of me had to wonder if you knew how personal every word was to a rich man’s ears. Eventually there would be long talks of how to behave in this new life of yours. Then again, that would mean altering more of the mind that I claimed to love. It’s arguably more fun to just let you blunder through it and let everyone wonder why you get to be the one I settled with. Settled with.
20:59
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Heat crept into my face, and there was no blaming it on the summer sun. “I think you are brilliant Ms. Feldt.” Sure it was continued cruelty to give you the name you wanted now, but maybe I was truly beginning to believe that you liked the weird way I dangled happiness over you. Your eyes were drilling into my head so deep it might work the knot out of my neck. It was obvious you expected more. “You should know I have seen a few doctors in my time, but none of them ever managed to fix me. Maybe it is selfish to frame it around myself, but you make me feel better.” Was this egotistical? “Is it possible that Camilla holds the key to unlocking my head?” I desperately yearned for this conversation to end. “I am not the best at building up a sad girl’s confidence baby... but if you give me some time I’d like to think I can show you how perfect I think you really are... and believe it or not I like to think of myself as pretty smart.” I turned my hand around and brushed at my chest with four fingers to exaggerate my brilliance. With my best charming smile aimed at warming the ice crystals visibly growing around your heart, “And smart men don’t choose boring company.” My hand drifted across the car, and at first I intended to brush it up your leg, but instead it wrapped up the back of your head in a soft grasp. My left hand was still on the wheel, and my focus remained on the road while palming sweet calming strokes into the only neck I ever felt as taught as mine.
@killahxkylie
'You did catch onto the idea after I tackled you on the back porch.' Were you really joking back with me right now? Had it actually worked? Your face didn't seem to match your words, you certainly didn't look amused but then again when did your face match your words? Very rarely and most often when you were balls deep inside me. The thought made my cheeks heat and I decided mentally to blame the afternoon sun. I keep peeking over at you hoping that you would turn to face me again but I was met with a shoulder so cold glaciers would be envious. At least it was still a nice view. Do you have any idea how handsome you really are? It's unfair. Disarming. I smiled softly to myself at the thought. I could probably tell you but something told me you weren't in the mood to hear it.
More silence overtook the car and I couldn't help but wonder what was running through your mind. Were you still angry? Had my attempt at disarming the seemingly constant bomb that was ticking down inside of you worked for now? I was waiting anxiously for you to say something again. The way you had my anxiety rising and falling so constantly reminded me of the waves at the beach. Ebbing and flowing and taking bits and pieces of the shore back with it every time it receded again.
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10:22
Once again your words caught me off guard when you spoke and I was beginning to wonder if maybe I had broken you for once. You were never nice to me for this long especially not right after I had seemingly fucked up so badly. You hit me with that sweet name again so soon after I never thought I would never hear it again and it cracked my face open with a smile so bright and genuine it felt foreign on my face. The next things to fall off of your lips and into my ears were the last thing I had expected though. You mentioned seeing a few doctors and none of them being able to fix you. Did you mean mentally? Physically you didn't seem very broken, at least not that I could see. Had you really tried to seek help for the monster that lived in your head? If a professional couldn't fix it with their magic words or magic pills how the hell was I supposed to help? I seemed to only piss you off unless I was doing something sexual for you so I was shocked that you really felt that way. It warmed me from the inside out that maybe I really did make you happy, or even that I could make a slight difference in your seemingly hellish life.
10:22
.
You went even further and told me that you thought someday maybe you could make me see how perfect you think I really am and sent me diving into the deep end of that sick pink pool of love you were steadily filling in the depths of my brain. "You make me feel so special... and I really appreciate the way you try for me. I know it must not be easy." It felt like such a strange thing to say to someone that had essentially forced me into this relationship in the first place but there was no denying that I was here of my own free will now. I could have stayed with the burnt down remnants of my life and chose to build it from the ground up alone but instead I had followed you. I made this choice and I would be lying to myself if I said I regretted it. "I will try my best to make sure I stay entertaining." I leaned to the side a little when your hand came to rest at the back of my head and it felt like both comfort and threat all in one. It was exhilarating never knowing what was going through your mind and I didn't care how toxic that was. "So.. what's your favorite store to shop at?"
Tracing tiny laps around the outside of a knot in your neck was an oddly hard motion to focus on while also driving a car. My left hand kept trying to mimic the same rolling massage, and my struggle to stop the mirrored shape had me convinced I would make a poor drummer. What am I good at? My eyes darted to your face, and the beaming smile you wore convinced me I am at the very least decent at stirring your mind around. Translucent spirits of sadness giggled from behind guilt tombstones at how you implied it must be difficult for me to make you feel special. At first I hated the way you phrased it because I agreed with you, but after chewing on it a little bit I decided it was not entirely true. I didn’t find it difficult to do it for you I just had a hard time not being a dickhead in general, or maybe that is what you had meant? “It’s getting easier to be good for you. I know I have... some things that make it difficult to be with me.” That’s putting it lightly. Rage was determined to find its foothold in my core, but for now the thick painful swallows past tense muscles in my neck seemed to keep it deep down. Golden sprinkles rained down over the scalding sea of hate, and they carried with them glowing messages reminding me you had said I also make you feel special. “You are special Cami. I’m going to show the world.” I’m not quite sure what I meant by that yet. Sure I intended on dragging you around behind me to every spot I go from here until I keel over dead, but now I wanted even more for you. How many people on the planet could we get to take up their brain space with your name? Your body would look good in a modeling catalog or up on a screen. Camilla Feldt the actress? Drawing that much attention to the family would enrage father, and that is always a tiny plus.
12:05
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“I don’t think you will have to try that hard to entertain me little Mouse.” I sang the words out with a tad more flirt than originally intended, but hopefully it landed as the gentle reminder I had intended it to be at first. “It’s important to me that you know it's more than just your body.” I let my hand drop from your neck and twirled a few fingers full of hair before returning it to the wheel. It felt wrong to try and talk about this while touching you, even if it had been reassuring contact before. “I want the little bugs that crawl around in your head. I want all your problems to be my problems.” I want, I want, is that all you can say? Frustration had me burning my palms into the steering wheel again, and at this point once we reached Washington I’d likely have melted it to the metal beneath. There was an awkward silence that held for a few brief moments, and now my thick swallows were also forcing down tears trying to spring free. Why is there so much crying in healing? Thankfully you pushed us on with your question about shopping, and I hoped you knew how much I was trying. Is that what you had meant by the comment about it being hard? Was I over analyzing this? My head threatened to detonate from overuse. “Is it too cheesy to say my favorite place is wherever you go?” With desperation I yearned to glance over and see if it at least made you blush. It was a good question though, “I guess if you mean the place I shop the most at it would have to be Calvin Klein, but I prefer Ralph Lauren.” Finally the upcoming payoff of slipping into something comfortable struck me fully, and the excitement you were hinting at earlier found a home.
12:05
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According to the GPS we were close, and it was directing us off the bigger roads and onto a two lane stretch that led into jam packed inner city traffic. We were only three miles away, but I worried we would be slowed down for a while. I juggled the idea of asking if you wanted to park and walk, but that would mean not getting to keep you trapped in close proximity like this. What else could I pick your mind about? “What about you sweet girl, where do you enjoy shopping?” Images of you slipping fresh clothes on in a changing stall wiggled into my vision, and I had to shift the way I was sitting to keep us from relapsing into another fuck session so quickly. While you chewed on the question my eyes caught sight of a window cleaner scrubbing at a highrise. His form was barely a spec from where we were at, and the little wriggling shape of him cleaning a window was only visible from the angled way sunlight beamed his form. Sad little strings played against my heart, and I wished to be in his place high above the city and secluded from its trapping energy. Maybe I was just homesick and missed rolling hills with refreshing lungfulls of earthy air.
@killahxkylie
I couldn't help the small bubbly giggles that I let out when you said you had some things that make it difficult to be with you. Firstly because that was the biggest understatement I think I had ever heard in my life. Secondly because if I didn't know that by now I would have to be seriously demented. It didn't matter to me that you had a monster inhabiting your body. It terrified me, sure, but I loved you anyway. I had seen tiny glimpses of what I had told myself was the real you through the cracks in your facade and I wanted to see more. I wanted to break down the walls of anger and hurt that you had built brick by brick until I could come and meet you in the rubble. The worst case scenario was it never happened but at least we had crazy hot sex and made memories very few people could say they'd ever made together. One thing I was certain of, life would never be boring with Ivon Feldt.
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15:05
When you kept going and told me that I wouldn't have to try very hard to entertain you my cheeks turned that same sweet shade of pink that they were more often than not when I was near you. Then you took my brain and tossed it over a cliff when you told me that it was about more than just my body. It was as if you were some kind of mind reader that could sense all of my insecurities and pluck them out of my head. I immediately missed the contact when your fingers left my hair but it seemed like you really were trying hard to get through this conversation that I had selfishly forced us into. I on the other hand couldn't stop myself from reaching over to copy the motion that you had been doing before, smoothing soothing circles into the back of your neck with my thumb. I'm pretty sure human muscle isn't supposed to be that solid, have you ever fully relaxed a single second in your wretched life? "It's not too cheesy." I said with another bright smile cracking open my still pink cheeks. It was sweet, maybe just a little cheesy but still sweet. Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren.. fuck. You were so used to the better things in life, the only Calvin Klein I owned were sports bras that I got in a three pack at Marshalls. You really had plucked up a person who was good at faking having the finer things in life only to have gotten them all in the cheapest most frugal way possible.
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15:05
"Oh um-." I blushed deeper, this time with embarrassment and borderline shame. Someday I really did want to feel confident around you but it still felt like we lived in two different worlds. You had probably had brand name, top quality things your entire life. Meanwhile I can remember my mom clipping coupons just to scrape by on store brand crap that tasted like cardboard sometimes.When your shit father blew all the money? At least the cereal was good. Is that why I still like cereal so much? I shook my head clear of the past and remembered I was supposed to be answering you. "Honestly I don't really know.. Any brand name things I had were gifts, thrifted, or bought at discount stores." I swallowed thickly before continuing. "I could always afford to have more that way so that's what I did. I also am a big fan of the crap you can buy at Target when it comes to clothes. I know I probably looked like I had it all together but that was just the image I made for myself so I would fit in at work and with other people in this city."
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15:05
I had always made enough to get by, I was able to afford a home, to pay my bills, to eat and to cloth myself but I really tried to be smart about my money. I didn't have a huge surplus of it and that forced me to either live smart or live hard. Sometimes both, especially when I was younger and trying to figure it all out. The thought of just how nice of a life I was able to make for myself managed to make me smile because it truly wasn't all bad. I was happy, I still am in some twisted kind of way. Probably because I was bored. Doing what you're supposed to do in this world is so boring it is painful at times. I wonder if you ever craved that kind of boredom in comparison to the hell it always sounded like your life was. I wondered too, if I would ever feel that kind of boredom ever again once we made it to whatever was waiting for us back in Washington. "Can I ask you for something? Why do you hate Los Angeles so much?"
Our honey flowed too thick, and the gunk gummed traffic down to a standstill. Well shit. Luckily a beautiful dame so perfect that reality itself melted around her was planted in the seat next to me. My fluttering shirt in your lap was distracting. It wasn’t the flapping fabric that made it so interesting either, it was the fact it had been pressed snugly to those milky thighs that pooled with sweat and sex that made the thing priceless. It was unfair to me that the shirt was yours now, and I needed to rub it along my face and permanently soak your scent into my skin. Porcelain edges of my favorite jaw threatened to melt into starry pools with the heat emanating from the blush flaming away. Did I do that? Confidence dripped into sharp solid points, and I broke those gleaming tips off and drove them into my soul. You stammered on about name-brand clothing, and I was thankful for the newfound confidence armor because immediate billowing plumes of embarrassment rose from the smoke of your statements. What about my question had you convinced I meant expensive items only? Were you trying to impress me, or was this an inferiority thing you had brewing inside?
23:10
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Since we had come to another standstill I canted my hips in the seat to get a better view of you. A hungry houndish hateful smile slipped my face ear to ear when you mentioned having yourself together, and it was sad to me how little you knew about all those hunting nights before we met. Was the common woman just as lost as the rich one? Did all human beings scramble around this fucking rock belly down unware of themselves? You were unloved and having casual flings with friends who barely interested you. Memories so fresh you could still smell the paint forced themselves into my face, and I had to stop the slideshow of familiar men I followed home after getting to feel the inside of you. My nostrils flared, and after swallowing the selfish anger down I tilted my head and closed my eyes in an attempt to seem softer. “You know Cami... One of the things about you I found so irresistible is the way you dolled yourself up.”
23:10
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Chewing on the inside of my cheek I tossed around the idea of even telling you this next bit. Sitting behind you that day at the matinee had been one of the first times I had felt intimately close to you. I had risked sitting two rows back at first, but then you and the party of friends had adjusted a row. Your hair hung over the backseat, and I could smell the peachy notes over the popcorn and sweets all around us. I don’t remember a goddamn thing about the movie, but by the end of that night I bet I could have accurately recounted the number of strands in your gorgeous mane. Even now a perverse sweat slicked up my palms at the memory, and being blessed to sit in such close proximity felt unreal. Just you being conscious of my presence sent skittering rocks etched with pink fluttering butterflies skipping through my stomach’s pond. “It doesn’t matter to me where your tops and shoes come from, someday you will have to let me regale you with just how many tasty little Cami outfits I got to see you skipping around in before we were properly... introduced.” My peering judgmental eyes narrowed into slits and my breath heated into hot gasps in my chest watching the V shape in your lower neck pulse as blood pumped through your body. Hopefully you didn’t get hung up on me bringing up that first night again. Would it always haunt us like a creeping specter of bad beginnings? Will you ever grow to love it just as much as I did?
23:11
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‘Why do you hate Los Angeles so much?’ It’s weird the way a simple question can grab you by the skin of your chest and launch you tumbling backwards into a trauma pit with such little effort. While twirling into dark memory so fast the blood was rushing to my head it was funny to me how hard it was to summarize it all into a concise answer. Truth be told there is no single reason or terrible evil event that made it easy to put it all into a nice necklace of shiny words. “My favorite thing to do on a brisk morning is step outside onto my balcony while the sun hangs low in the sky. Usually I enjoy sipping on a glass of ice tea and taking deep cleansing breaths of the wooded and soily air floating in from ancient woods surrounding my Washington property.” Was it my ego that forced me to say ‘my’ instead of ‘ours’? I could hear fathers deep rumble as he laughed in my face for suggesting I had anything to do with what our family had. “Nothing about LA is wooded or ancient. Maybe it’s hard to relax here when I know my sins are barreling down highways around us at this second.” At some point my shaking hands had folded into my lap, and still my gaze pierced straight through your body. Hopefully you caught onto my metaphors over the smuggling. It always made me nervous to speak plainly when in public, and being frozen in gridlock traffic didn’t exactly add to my desire to discuss it. “It could be as simple as having spent hundreds of hours pouring over maps of this stupid fucking stretch of land.”
23:11
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I looked around us as if this very block of cars and buildings was responsible for everything wrong with America. How did a dilettante like you end up loving a place like California? Tastefully framed rare prints, and plush stylish rugs from your pre-ravaged home accented even the color of the plants you had grown there. “Tell me Camilla, why does a self educated style obsessed little thing like you want to live in California?” The state's name left my mouth as if uttering it with anything but dripping disdain would cause the motor behind our heads to explode into fragmented metal. The universe detected my time to talk was over, and now I had to work on guiding the standard transmission deeper into stop and go traffic. At least from here the twirly sign of our destination peeked out from behind an old brick building.
@killahxkylie
My head was still spinning from your reminiscence over the way I got all dolled up to go to the movies. I could still vividly remember the occasion that you were talking about. A few friends and I had decided to get matinee tickets to a new action flick that had just come out. Truth be told I wasn't very interested in the movie but I loved spending time with people so I went anyway and had a great time. The fact that I found one of the actors to be stupidly handsome helped too. Little did I know that the very person who would take my world and flip it upside down had been sitting so close by. No doubt with disturbing thoughts racing through his head. Had you imagined grabbing the back of my head and ripping it back then? Or catching me in the bathroom to take what didn’t belong to yet? I was so torn between being creeped out and disgusted again, and flattered that you had thought I looked pretty just the way I was. Back before I had any concern about trying to fit into your world. It felt like it was years ago already.
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13:17
It took me a long few moments to even realize that you were speaking still, giving me an answer to the question that I had just asked. I'm sure if you looked over at me you would see the ever confusing combination of blushing cheeks and pinched brows. Do you love him or hate him still? The fact that it was still both sank in me like a brick. Would I ever be able to forgive you for just how you came into my life? Or the way you destroyed everything I had ever worked for just so you could make me yours? "No kidding...?" I looked over at you with surprise in my features. I couldn't believe that someone like you preferred being closer to nature in that way. I had assumed, like so many other things, that you would prefer the city. Especially with your line of work. Now that I thought twice about it though it made perfect sense that you wouldn't want to be surrounded by people that may be after you or interested in sending you to jail. "I never would have guessed that you would prefer that. I always figured you were a city slicker." I laughed softly for just a fraction of a second, it was so brief it barely even felt like a real laugh. "I mean I guess it makes sense. It’s dangerous being here." I swallowed hard, your gaze on me like this always made me nervous. It felt like you were looking straight through me, and with the amount of times you called me out on my shit sometimes I wondered if you were really a mind reader, digging around with your eyes through all the seemingly useless pink mush in my skull.
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13:17
I had to think about that for a moment. Why did I want to live in California of all the places in the world? "Well.. it's not like I haven't thought about traveling elsewhere. Ideally I would like to leave the country someday." I left out all of the reasons why, I didn't need you to try to hunt anyone down on my behalf. "Anyways I came here because it's the place everyone goes to to make it you know? To have a good life.. to be happy in the sun and all that shit you see on tv and in the movies. I know it probably sounds silly or even stupid to someone like you but to me… well to me it seemed like a second chance to really make the life I wanted for myself." Things hadn't exactly turned out that way but even with all the bad things that had happened I still did manage to make a life for myself here. I got to swim in the ocean, and put my words out there for people to read. Even if they were mostly pointless assignments at least it made a difference in some minute way. At least that’s what I told myself when I poured my soul into those silly articles. "Plus I mean there's lots of fashionable people in California, I thrift a lot of cute things from rich assholes who throw them in donation bins after wearing them one time." I couldn't help but smile a little smugly at that, I had figured out a few loopholes in my time here. "Is that it?" I stretched up in my seat as if my neck could somehow grow to be longer to try and see past everything. I could feel excitement bubbling inside of me at finally getting to step foot inside the shopping center I'd had my eyes on for such a long time.
The complete and honest surprise glittering across your pointy face at learning I would rather live in the woods fired whistling shots across the hull of my heart. While my confidence leaked through bubbling holes I got lucky and the end of 1st gear covered up the odd choking swallow I performed to hide my annoying sadness. It was made worse by the fact I had no right to be upset over your reaction to any of this. The brown-red dried stain of your blood shooting like a trailing comet across the taught car fabric seemed a nice outline to practice again. City slicker? Fucking really? Why did that make me so mad? What do you know about me? The short starry laugh you melted between us steamed with a sugary caramel, and it dulled the edge just enough for me to not focus on the rolling hate boulders. For the record, and self awareness's sake, it is not lost on me that you likely also feel similarly. For the first time in possibly the entire duration I have known you an aspect of your personality stirred a drop of annoyance into my soul. I shot a quick glance at you in an attempt at some emotional recon, and all I got in return was that pensive confused look of inward reflection you wore so much. I deserved that for being lost in my own sea of bullshit so often. Were you always going to hate me? Why do we even care? A ghostly hand raked across my chest with hateful sad rocker fury, and I tried to lock the thought away, but couldn’t.
18:47
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I tried to distract the hateful neighborhood fire of evil burning within by focusing on your continued thoughts. It was obvious to me that your words carried no hostility, but unfortunately I was also aware of how when I get rolling like this everything jumps out as an attack. Would hanging out with you even make me feel better, or would it just make me aware of my problems? Oh fuck, is being aware of them not enough? I must have paled, because the hot sunny air felt icy and brisk across my face now. We almost made it through everything you had to say, but then that little lick about people like me finding it stupid poured lighter fluid back atop the entire thing. You sat up in the seat to peer around at our approaching location, and I waged a holy war inside of me to not crucify you for that clueless fucking happiness that you forced into my mouth all the time. God, it wiggled with worming maggot like swarming nastiness against my tongue and I wanted to spit the sight of your stupid emotion back into that beautiful face. Your pale back peeked out in an arch from underneath the cheap shirt, and I hated the swarming mass of horny wasps buzzing into my mind. You tossed me off kilter and my inner orbit wobbled with cosmic danger. How do I handle you if I can’t channel the hatred?
18:48
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“Yeah babe, what would a rich asshole know about anything?” Just as I finished, the front tires rose up into the layered parking garage, and the throaty motor echoed proudly around us no matter how light I was on the throttle. My jab may have not come off hard enough for the point to land, but the steely way I stared out the front windshield now may have helped to get it across. Were the fluttering wings in my empty chest the result of feeling in control, or just from being cruel? Am I just a shithead? Thankfully locating a parking spot was relatively easy, and less than a minute later we pulled to a stop. Thumbing the recessed blue switch our car rumbled to a halt, and I sat with both hands on the wheel staring off into space ahead of us. Stumbling for a next step I chewed on my inner lip while lost in the stupid mind tornado. Slowly I craned my head over to you, and my head tilted into that familiar mocking tilt. The little twig snapped again, and not even an hour after hurting you last I let my fire skip over to your side of the lawn. Your face felt so warm cupped against the inside of my hand, and I brushed it down your face like one would pet a warm dog having just returned from a nap in the sun. Already those pits for eyes widened, and I knew you well enough now to recognize the increase in your breathing. “Before we go inside, maybe I should take the time to remind you of my kindness, hm? You seem to be slipping in your manners, and it put me in a sour mood.” I slapped you just hard enough it made a noise and got your eyes to flutter, but not hard enough to leave a mark. Just a tiny lick of flesh into your face. “Now I am going to make you a deal dumbass.” My tone was smooth and dark with zero hints of kindness. The haunting night with Chelsea replayed in my mind, and I shook the hateful relapse away by squinting harder into your eyes. “You get to choose between coming up with a way to improve my mood before we go inside, or I get to come up with my own
18:48
solution to feel better.” Now I leaned over the center console, and my gaze pierced yours with murderous intention. “You have ten seconds little Mouse.”
@killahxkylie
'Yeah babe, what would a rich asshole know about anything?' I hadn't meant it like that. I realized after your comment that it probably came out like I meant you didn't know anything about wanting to get away, to live the life you always wanted, and judging by the things you had let slip to me about your life I knew that couldn't possibly be the case. I wanted to say as much but the way you made a point of not looking at me now made it clear you weren't in the mood to hear it. "I'm sorry." I mumbled quietly, I wasn't even sure if you could hear me over the rumble of the engine. Maybe it was best if you didn't, my apologies didn't always seem to go over so smoothly with you. I was surprised that we managed to find a parking spot so easily in the busy garage but I certainly wasn't going to complain about it. I'd never even been here so I had no idea if we were actually close to any of the stores we would go into anyway.
10:04
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I swallowed the ball of thick nerves down when you looked over at me, your hand met my cheek in a way that had my heart racing. Why did your hands on me in any capacity always do this to me? Would it always? I felt my lips purse into a pout when you told me that I had soured your mood, I really hadn't meant to but I doubted that would matter to you now. You seemed to get stuck in those places more easily than most. The irony of your so-called kindness wasn't lost on me when your palm met my cheek in a slap that was hard enough to piss me off, hard enough to sting, but not hard enough to be obvious to anyone else what had happened. I ignored the flames licking my gut in favor of the way it pissed me off. Your kindness? Which kindness were we talking about? The kindness of you breaking into my home? Or the kindness of you stalking me for god knows how long? Or maybe we were talking about all the kindness you showed me on the bedroom floor and in that pile of glass in the living room? You were a willing participant in that one. I huffed a hot angry breath from my nose at my own internal thoughts. It wasn't very kind of you to bash my head in until I was unconscious in that van, or to take a literal bite out of me, and lets not forget the very kind act of getting my house burned to the ground. Oh how I should kiss the feet of Ivon Feldt for treating me with so. much. kindness.
10:04
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Of course I wasn't stupid enough to let all of that come out of my mouth but I'm sure you could tell just by looking at me all the violence that was spinning around in my head like an EF-5 tornado. If I let any of it come out surely it would cause destruction that would take far too much time to repair. How much of that ten seconds had I already eaten up by stewing in my own anger and self pity? What the fuck would I possibly be able to do for you to cheer you up? Were you just after getting to use my body again? I was already in so much pain that I could barely press my thighs together. Maybe that wasn't what you were after though, I mean maybe I shouldn’t make assumptions since I have a talent for being wrong, at least that's what you let me think. "Ivon I- I don't know what you want me to do I don't know how I can make you happy right now." It was an honest answer but I knew it isn't what you wanted to hear and it probably wouldn't be anywhere near good enough. "I'm sorry I.. I didn't mean to assume anything about you, I just.. I was just talking from my own experience.. I'm sorry." I felt like a babbling idiot because all I could think to do was apologize. I wanted to look away from your piercing gaze, to crawl right out of this seat and run away into the shopping center to hopefully disappear among the crowd. As if it would be hard to find the one girl in there running around in tattered clothes and wrapped in a shirt from the waist down. "Please I- what can I do I just don't want to hurt anymore please." I felt like begging and pleading that you wouldn't choose a violent approach to how to make you feel better. I couldn't take any more pain for the day, I'd already managed to end up with more lost brain cells than before and I was sick of my body being sliced up and split open since we had met.
In hindsight the slap may have overdone it, and the predatorial scowl your face twisted into had me almost willing to backpedal in fear of retaliation. Atop a giant mental cast iron pan my mind scrambled for anyway to back us up. You slapped the long rounded handle leaning over its edge with your inability to come up with anything meaningful to say. My stupid thoughts spilled over our legs with scalding blistering pain, and while my soul pouted at your unwillingness to play along you started begging. Were you always going to dodge my attempts to parlay with my own madness by turning into a stammering annoying little fuck? Maybe the dumb slut is incapable. Some of my pressurized willingness to fight this out dissipated in a huff, and now I was just pissy that I may have abducted a dumb girl. Why are you even here? Is this sick emotion we shared for each other worth having you pout about how you have no idea how to make me happy? I could feel a twitch in my eye that connected to my quivering lip, and I leaned in so close our foreheads pressed together. Giving into gravity I let the force draw my weight down into you just enough that you had to adjust your position to keep our heads from painfully pressing together. “Talking from your own experience? Is that what we are doing now?”
12:03
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Experience told me that you were a daddy or mommy problem little harlot who probably swallowed her problems after highschool and college in the form of little pills, solo cups of cheap liquor, and whatever cock was willing to dispense its meal into you that evening. Oh, were you damaged? Was there a girlfriend in your story too? Hatred's current ran thicker than the Nile, and soon our precious sand bar was going to give way. One of the firecrackers flying out of your sad and scared pale face found an opening in my collar. The stupid flashing thing fell into my shirt and burned its quick white mark into the already sunken wreck of my heart. None of us want to fucking hurt anymore, but do I sit here and bitch about it? Yes. My temper was boiling over, and the flaring nostrils definitely gave it away too. “Nothing Cami. You came up with nothing?” Part of me wanted to just laugh in your face and then walk away, but the hate demanded at least one more stab into you before I left. “You have a right to be angry, but you could at least try and play along with me when I’m trying to give you a chance.” Gaslighting and manipulation seemed to do a good job of setting you on edge, and I had to find a way to keep you from running away in the mall. Fuck, were you going to be here when I get back? Your face smelled of sweat and our mixed breath. I ignored the option to lick it like an underpass freak and chose instead to sit back up and undo my seatbelt.
12:03
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A sly smile crept over my face. I patted one of your upper thighs and was gifted in return the soft whiffing sounds of my shirt muffling the noise against your skin. “I think you are going to follow me inside then. If you can’t come up with anything I don’t want you getting rewarded with the time to sit out here and let the pretty pink mind... wander.” At some point my eyes had narrowed again, and I had to consciously make an effort to not look evil. Is that a thought normal people have, ‘try to not look evil?’ Stepping out of the car without a shirt on felt extremely exposing, which is asinine considering I just left a convertible. You were still sitting still when I got out, and I leaned over the edge of the door like this was the most casual encounter in the world. “Are you coming baby? We have some shopping to do.” I may have been doing a good job keeping my behavior under control, but the spitting toxic venom was leaking into every word. “I don't like to wait.” Your 'sorrys' from seconds before overlapped with the many screaming ones I have heard you cry out previously, and the noisy memories worked their magic by filling me with equal parts guilt and lust. I could just do it again right here in the parking garage, its not like you take very long to finish anyway. Toying with the many evil ways I could flip the tables by abandoning you I stared at the bombshell pixie cowering in my passenger seat. I hated and loved the little dangling bells that rang in my heart from how much magic dust fluttered about you when terrified. Sometimes I am tempted to crush my fairy flat and snort what comes out of her.
@killahxkylie
"I'm-" The stupid five letter word almost slipped off of my lips again but I thought better of it from your reaction. How was it that I managed to do nothing right? It felt like I was constantly doing summersaults in a pile of my own stupidity. I'm not even stupid why did you make me feel this way? I'd never let anyone insult my intelligence and chose to stick around them before. Why was I doing it now? Do you seriously think you have a choice? It was a sobering thought that I hadn't really been wanting to face at the moment. I thought things were okay, I thought this would be a happy and fun thing for us but I guess I was seriously misguided in that idea. Stupid. "I just never want to make things worse." That was true, I felt like whatever I had come up with wouldn't be good enough. Maybe it would have been better to just ramble out something stupid than to have said nothing at all.
The way you pressed your forehead to mine was painful to the point that I had to adjust in my seat just to ease it. "W-what? I can't go in we'll get kicked out and so will you if you don't have a shirt on we- I-I mean can't we just go in and have a good time? Can't we just.." I let my words trail off as you got out of the car, it was obvious that they were falling on dead ears. There was nothing that I could do right now to make you understand just how badly I did not want to do this. Being exposed to you and being exposed to who knows how many strangers were two completely different monsters to tackle. "O-okay" I got out of the car simply out of the fear that you were going to leave me here and get a different rental, there was bound to be a place to in a shopping center this large.
12:53
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Once I got out I came to stand almost next to you, maybe half a step behind. I wanted to reach for your hand, to someone tether myself to you so you couldn't leave. As is something as simple as my fingers laced with yours could keep this demented yet sacred thing safe. "I really am sorry.. I'm trying I am. I swear." You probably wouldn't believe me, you probably thought I had some kind of actual brain damage by this point. I really needed to get it together before you got sick of me and ended up tossing me aside to find someone else. "Can I hold your hand?" I knew it was probably a stupid question but I was good at stupid today so I might as well embrace it right?
My willpower failed, and I was incapable of hiding the perverse joy that lit up behind my face at watching you stammer out excuses. Your fight went out so fast that your chin damn near rested on your chest from how low your head hung. Gritting my teeth made it possible to ignore how bad I wanted to ravage that blush off your face. I’m mad when you're happy, but also upset when you're moody. The seesaw was starting to make me sick, and it didn’t help that neither of us seemed capable of getting the rhythm right. Sheepishly you exited the car, and the shirt did very little to cover you up. It hung asymmetrically, and the soft flesh of your rear leg peeked out on the right. A slight breeze, bend, or push would have you exposed to your panty line. It was already painfully obvious you wanted nothing to do with this, and that assault of your unity in us and yourself alone made this more fun than anything we had done recently. Is it bad to lean into my evil every so often? Is there a manipulation cycle you are virgin enough to that I can keep you trapped in the loop of recovering from being mistreated forever? Your awkward saunter barely managed to keep you unexposed, and the euphoria from watching you invent muscle memory to just get to this side of the car without looking like a boardwalk slut had me tapping my shoe against the floor in jittery excitement.
13:51
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Apologizing again almost had me confident enough to back out of whatever this new layer of hell I had invented for you was, but the fanned embarrassment of you accidentally insinuating something about me was enough to turn me in a quick twirl and begin my angry walk inside. Then the tiniest sad plea squeezed its way past your lungs, and the words rattled through me with a chilling effect. You had not sounded that way since the visit to your house earlier. Wait, was that today? I grew dizzy from the century of evil you had witnessed in only a few moons, and combined with your question I had to rest my hand against the trunk of the neighboring car to not lose my balance. Turning back around to face you after having just started my temper walk away I had not noticed how close you were behind. A little flick of saucy paranoia spattered into my over-spiced emotional mix, and a brief worry of security flashed through my day's anxiety schedule. Am I that easy to sneak up on, or do I just trust you? Maybe it’s that I just don’t perceive you as a threat? I dismissed the idea of you backstabbing me as if my ego would shield my massive overstep in abducting you, and instead capitulated to the fact you had likely won this battle now.
13:51
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With my heart softened I offered a hand palm up to you. Your soft skin fused against mine somehow froze the hate even colder, and I swore the fucking mean energy was being vacuumed up by your dainty hand. The longer we stood in this stupid hand to hand romantic pose had me falling for you harder, and it was mixing rather poorly with the regret bomb in my stomach. Now you looked lost and disheveled like a missing puppy. What kind of man makes his sick and matted newly found pet follow him around naked at the store. I wanted to lean in and kiss you, or pull you into a hug, but none of it felt appropriate after my familiar repeated outburst. I rolled my eyes and was frustrated to find no solid reason for being so turbulent. A sigh stole my last bit of fermenting rage, and now I just wanted to wrap you up in a big blanket to keep you safe. Although admittedly there was still an under stirring of misguided lust. Nodding toward the parked car, “Just go sit down, I'll be back with some clothes in a second.” I replaced my hand in yours with the Audi keys, and after squinting momentarily at you as if to say, ‘Please God don’t run I will hunt you down and wear your skin,’ I began my solo sad guy walk inside. I knew if I turned around and looked at you again I would either just get upset or horny, so it was likely better to just make a quick exit like this before we get back into it. I could still feel your gaze burning into me only a few steps away, and a quick breeze through the parking garage reminded me of my stupid mistake. I almost considered just making the stubborn point of going inside shirtless, but most places would likely turn me away and the last thing I need is a photo scandal. Stopping and turning around for the hundredth time again I rolled my eyes so hard the moon probably got a few yards closer. “Cami, can I please borrow the shirt.” Yes doll, the one shirt we now share, look at how far we have come. Something in your eyes told me I might pay for this exc
13:51
hange, and now I finally regretted not giving you a proper apology before storming off. “I’d say sorry now, but it would probably only come off as dishonest...” My voice trailed off against the echo of itself repeating back in the garage interior, and I wondered how well you could see the shit eating grin I wore now. “Are you going to make me beg, little girl?”
@killahxkylie
I let out a breath that I didn't even realize that I was holding when you reached out a hand for me. I reached out for it as if it was water in a desert and the feeling of your soft palm against mine helped to tamp down the increasing anxiety that had my heart racing in my chest. I had expected that you were going to drag us into the shopping center now but instead you just stood there with me, fingers laced together in a way that almost made us seem like a normal couple. I watched your eyes roll half way into your head and I really thought that somehow I had done something wrong again and dipped my head in shame. It didn't stay that way for long as I whipped my head up quickly when you told me to go sit in the car. He's going to leave you here. "You- want me to wait here?" Your threatening look only quelled my nerves slightly because you could absolutely only be acting like yourself in order to make me stay put so you could rid yourself of me. I stood there unable to make my feet move instead just letting my eyes bore into the back of your head as you walked away. What the hell was I supposed to do? Go after you and make things worse? Risk us both not being able to go in and shop at all? It was the one thing that seemed to make even a flicker of happiness cross your face earlier in the car and I didn't want to take it away from you.
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14:51
I was still standing there when you turned around and looked so annoyed with something that I half expected you to come back and knock me out. "The-" Oh right. The shirt that was wrapped around my waist. I felt my brows pinch in annoyance that you could once again go from being so mean to trying to be nice or even ask me for things. It's his shirt to begin with? My eyes seemed to imitate that familiar roll yours had been doing since we got in the car and then looked at you in a pout. As if you were reading my mind you said that you would apologize but that it would seem dishonest. Is he actually some weird mind reading freak? I wanted to cross my arms and protest, to absolutely be as big of a brat as I could after the way you had treated me but then you hit me with that dumb little name that made me weak in the knees. "No.. but I'm not going to bring it to you."
14:51
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There was no way in hell I was going to force myself to walk however many steps it would take to get to you just to uncover myself completely and then walk back. I wasn't the one who did anything wrong.. right? Why did you make me question every thought that flickered through my head? I wasn't the one who smacked myself and I definitely wasn't the one who misconstrued my words and sent myself into a tizzy fit about it. If you weren't going to apologize then I definitely wasn't going to do you any favors, even if it was just saving you having to take a few steps.
Cute and sad you stole my breath away, and at first I was unsure how my heart desired you to respond. As the seconds lingered and our eyes remained locked together the stampede of hooves in my chest answered that question. Make me beg Cami. Demand I get on my fucking knees and earn it from you. I barely had time to process whatever that intrusion into my subconscious was before you agreed to share, but declined to make a delivery. Were you that full of power from me offering you the car keys already? No, of course not, you admitted to honestly loving me and this fun behavior was a reflection of that and an attempt to appease right? Is it possible you are just trying to survive? You said so yourself a few times for me to stop prying at your loyalty. I would honor that request, but inside I am forced to ponder if the stabbing in the woods was just self defense. I suppose we will find out after I leave you here. My head dipped a tad in embarrassment at you more or less ordering me to walk back over to you, and your ability to always shorten my fuse just after pulling it back out of the dynamite bundle will never cease to amaze me.
15:39
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With my pride seeping out of my pores I made the walk back over to where you stood. Stopping a respectful distance away the dynamic here reminded me of the time you choked me in the motel room, and that memory only succeeded in deepening the sunset red in my face. I knew from a lifetime of experience being slapped by women after saying stupid things that now was not the time to ask you to choke me again, but I would be lying if I claimed to not have filed the question away for later. “Ms. Feldt,” My arm rose to motion toward the parked supercar, “would you be so kind as to take a seat in the automobile so I may remove your garment?” I chose to leave out the purpose of why I needed it in this specific conversation because at the very least pretending it was a cute sex thing protects my ego from succumbing to your guilt trips. Are they really guilt trips? Someone will be discovering the effect of gravity after leaving the fifth story of a parking garage if this creature doesn’t stay in his mind hole.
15:39
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“I want to take you again right here.” My eyes widened into roaring tides of panic, and initially my arm jolted to cover my mouth, but I gave up on hiding the fact I let the thought slip. Honestly it was not even what I said that had me so terrified, instead it was your ability to just pull these things out of me without trying. “You already know enough about me to sink my entire life. You steal my deepest secrets. You remind me of someone and it scares me Camila.” What is happening right now? I stepped closer to you in a flirtatious threatening motion and scooped you up into an over the arm carry. Just then a startled scream pierced the air with threatened energy, and before I had time to turn us around I heard, “Don’t move! What the fuck is going on here?” The unfamiliar voice carried an air of authority, but I was unable to clearly see them. Millions of escape plans forced their way into my head. Jump off the edge, drop you, run away, but being disarmed from your pouty demand moments ago had me in a calm enough mind to simply stutter, “T-Thi-This isn’t what it looks like.” Please don’t be a cop. Please don’t be a cop. Please don’t be a cop. The fact the initial yelp had been a woman had me hopeful it was a couple, but the moment I started to turn again he just repeated, “Don't fucking move!” The ball was in your park now, and all I had to lean on was whatever acting skills you utilized when we borrowed the phone after our motel jaunt. The panic frog did manage to leap up into my throat and commanded me to whisper, “Please Cami.” From the way you were slung over my shoulder you could no doubt see them, but our fight before had me nervous this was your chance. This was it. I’m fucked.
@killahxkylie
I watched as you closed the distance between us again and ended up a few steps away from me. You disarmed me even further with that sweet name, one that I really hoped you intended to give me for real one day. I hated that I couldn't stay angry with you in the moment. Sure I had this deep hatred lingering and simmering deep inside for all the things that you had done to me but the short term anger never managed to last. You always charmed your way right back into my good graces. Maybe love just made me weaker than I already was. Or maybe it really was just something about you. I was just about to move to get into the car when your lips parted again only to let an admission slip that had my own cheeks turning cherry red. Was it something about fighting that made you ravenous or were you always this way? We went back and forth between the extremes so often that I felt like I was getting whiplash. "I would never do that to you Ivon" I felt my words get carried away in the breeze blowing through the garage as they left my lips. I really hoped they managed to reach you.
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16:47
The way you stepped towards me had my heart thumping in my chest so hard that I thought it might burst. Every time things were like this it felt like the air between us was electrified and I could feel my entire body buzzing with it. I let out a squeak when you scooped me up into that one armed carry and I was about to say something about how I wanted you just as badly when I heard what sounded like a startled scream. At first I had assumed that it was just someone else messing around minding their own business. That was until it was followed up with a stern sounding man's voice asking us what was going on. I couldn't actually fathom the way you seemed to crumble the second it seemed like we might be caught. Did some fucking alien come in and wipe my brain of the fact that it had switched with you? Where the hell was all that cocky venomous attitude you seemed to carry with everyone else? With me? I suppose it made a bit of sense considering my ass was in the air now and you were still shirtless. It must have looked pretty bad and the fact that I hadn't said anything yet certainly wasn't helping matters any. 'Don't fucking move!' I peeked my head up at that just to see if this guy was a cop or if he was only someone who needed to mind his business. As far as I could tell it was the latter.
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16:47
The way that you pleaded with me quietly to say something, to get this guy to leave us alone made me realize that I held almost all the power here. I could really play the victim, I could start screaming for help, claim that I hadn't walked away from everything and gone with you willingly. Did I really want to do that though? A million thoughts were running through my head faster than I could really process them. It was just like you had said only moments ago. I knew enough to completely destroy you if I really wanted to. The problem was that I knew deep down I didn't want that and if they took me away from you right now I knew that I would miss you forever. The last thing I wanted was to be left haunted by the ghost of another man. I picked my head up enough to shoot a charming smile at the man who thought he was way tougher than he was, one thing I was weirdly confident in now was my ability to gut someone like a fish and it was probably a dangerous illusion, that man at the cabin was lucky and I knew it. "I'm sorry we didn't mean to bother anyone, it's our first time in L.A and I think we got a bit carried away. My husband here was just going inside to grab me something a bit more appropriate to wear before we spent the day shopping." Was it too far? I didn't really care at the moment. I knew I needed to lay it on thick enough that it would actually be believable, at least to your everyday idiot. "Isn't that right honey?" I kissed your shoulder playfully and let out a soft giggle "I would have him put me down right now but I'd prefer two strangers didn't see more of me than they had to if I'm being honest."
In any other situation your breasts and torso pressed forcefully into my skin would be impossible to ignore, but in the current situation where my entire lineage and fortune were at stake it was only respectfully half impossible. When you said ‘sorry’ at the beginning of your monologue and just after I begged you to not turn me in I thought for sure it was directed at me. Lead seemed to fill my body from bottom to top, and before it started squelching past my eyes my knees actually wobbled. The panic in my stomach was so strong that it was a likely outcome my legs would buckle completely and we’d explode to the pavement. When Oklahoma’s cabinet walked in to discover me balls deep in their senator’s wife there had been no worry in my mind, so why now? When your glassy giggle froze my spine with rolling currents of electricity, and your soft lips pressed into my bare shoulder, I realized it was the risk of losing you that had me so ruined. The Feldt legal council was a powerful line of degrees that could get me off even if you had gone the rat route. How many times will I need to be reminded of our true obsession for each other before I stop questioning it? My sweet mouse will never rat, she will just scamper around me in pathetic worship. The question still remains how hard you are willing to bite my ankles.
17:46
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When you finished talking I let the words hang while also allowing myself to bake in the glow of your loyalty. I could hear the tension zipping out of the garage, but I was still nervous to move quickly. Wispy thoughts danced in my peripheral mind at the chance you only stuck with me to prove something to yourself, but I don’t think I cared anymore. Finally I slowly rotated to half face the couple, and the look on their now somewhat disgusted faces gave me the confidence to finally speak up. “Mind your own fucking business, my wife,” I patted your ass which now faced perpendicular to the entire conversation, “has demanded I fuck her everywhere we park. I almost went inside without ruining her here.” I almost laughed, but managed to swallow the noise, “So if you don’t mind, would you kindly leave unless you want to hear her echoing around in here,” I waved my free hand vaguely around the parking garage, “I suggest you leave us alone, perverts.” Desperately I wished to stare at them and memorize the reaction to our intrusion into their sanity, but instead opted to whirl around toward the yellow convertible and make our way towards it.
17:46
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It seemed to have done the trick because after dumping you like a sack of pink potatoes into the passenger seat they shared a loud hushed conversation that contained the terms, ‘white knight,’ and ‘not again,’ before hurrying deeper into the rows of parked cars. While they scampered off I silently worked at carefully sitting you upright in the car. “I hope you didn’t hit your head when I dropped you my love.” With two fingers I scooted your hair out of the way and planted a soft kiss into your forehead. Overflowing with undeserved and confusing love for you I ignored the primal desire to follow up the kiss with another one on your lips. The hot air you exhaled into my face needed to be bottled, and the urge to suck it out of your lungs was only growing stronger. I could feel the wide eyed psychotic look I wore because it had typically unused facial muscles pulled taught against my skull. I spoke in a slow whisper, “You have earned my good behavior for today with your loyalty baby, and when I get back I hope whatever gift I bring you will make up for my godly douchebaggery.” Of course it wasn’t enough for me to just walk away and I licked your face chin to upper lip and growled out, “Your my snack Camila Roberts.” Those warbling doe eyes stared up at me with earned righteousness, and I waited with bated breath for whatever parting words you left me with.
@killahxkylie
There he is. That's all I could think when you finally turned and let the nosey couple have just a little bit of that smug smart ass attitude that I had come to know and love and hate. I felt my cheeks heat when you managed to pin this entire display on me demanding you fuck me every time we parked. Nevermind the fact that it wasn't entirely off base considering how many times you had been buried inside me just today, it still wasn't what I had expected you to say. Especially not the way you phrased it. You really played into my little game and called me your wife right in front of the two strangers and it made my heart race even faster. So fast I was almost certain you would be able to feel it from where I was draped over you like a stupid pink ragdoll. Oh my god am I really that loud? Is that seriously what we're concerned with right now? I knew that there was still a chance that these people could call someone with actual authority for so-called indecent exposure and if that was the case I fully intended to show them what that really looked like.
I let out a small sigh of relief when it didn't end up coming to that and we turned to walk the rest of the way back to the car. I couldn't help myself, I was feeling so bold from the entire exchange that when you turned us around so I was fully facing them again I stuck both my middle fingers straight up and smiled. Maybe they would learn something about minding their own business. "I'm okay." I could have added the fact that I think that was one of the most gentle ways you had managed to put me down yet but I wanted to bask in the glow of everything that just happened for a little longer. It seemed like maybe for once we were on the same page and I wondered how long we could drag it out for.
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18:16
I leaned into it when you brushed the hair out of my face and if we didn't desperately need clothes I think I may have asked you to just stay with me and keep running your fingers through my hair. I usually hated it when people touched it but you? You could do it for hours on end and I would still ask you for more. "A gift huh?" I couldn't help but giggle as the words came out after you literally licked my face and called me a snack. "I guess we'll just have to find out." It was meant to be playful and I really really hoped that the smile on my face and the way I leaned up to press a soft kiss to your lips made that apparent. "Don't leave me waiting here for too long? I get anxious when you're not right next to me." It felt like a foolish thing to admit. It made me even more vulnerable than you already knew I was but it was true and I would rather you come back faster than to have you come back to find me gasping desperately for breaths curled into a ball of human panic.
@bonghitsforfeds
A fat upper lip was too much a temptation to ignore, and after you offered the soft kiss I robbed you of a momentary suck of it. After the spitty flap fell from my mouth you responded in a way that suggested you used my heart as a pillow. Magically alleviating my worries with your fiery sorceress words my chest heated with fluttering flaps at your ability to read me. “I promise I’ll be right back, little Mouse.” I leaned in to kiss you again, but instead decided to just smile and tussle your hair instead. I should know better than to sit here and make out with you, too much of that and we really will have your cries bouncing off the walls of this place. The cool blue letters of the recessed dashboard clock read ‘3:04’, and I was going to internalize the number, but something about our emerging dynamic reminded me of a thing my father used to do. I pointed at the digital numbers, and once your gorgeous eyes fluttered up to it I said, “You see that number baby? I'll be back before the first one says four.” One more kiss into that mess of a mane and I ripped the shirt off your lap. You had been sitting on part of it after dumping you back into the seat, and luckily there was only the stretching noise of a few stitches popping loose. “See you soon cutie.”
19:20
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I turned to start my personal trip into the store, and although an hour seemed a good enough amount of time, I was already worried about disappointing you. She should be worried about upsetting us. The lizard demanded blood, but it was not lost on the real me that you had just thrown your cute body under the proverbial bus for me. While waiting for the elevator I slipped the shirt over my head, and just as my face peeked through the top seam I got a whiff of your sweat. Not just any perspiration, but specifically the head filling musty scent of that musk between the crease of your cunt and thigh. The elevator chime ripped me from the mental spank bank with stunning force, and the confused look of the trio of women stepping out from the doors suggested I had been visibly lost in thought. One of them was dressed in a thick fabric suit, and she literally turned her fucking nose up at me as she looked me top to bottom. Stepping past them I ignored the pressing urge to ask the age old question ‘do you who know I am?’ and instead decided to just let it go. Just before the doors slid shut I quipped up, “Your granny panties are visible through your trousers lady.” I think one of her friends gasped, but luckily I was saved by sliding steel. Cowardly? For sure. Could they take the stares and jump me? Assuredly. Was it fucking funny? I tilted my head at the reflection of my own face in the polished metal elevator wall. “It might’ve been funny.” For some reason I paused waiting for your answer, and the sadness that already filled me from being away from you was tart. You always laughed at my stupid hatefulness. “God I hope she actually thinks I’m funny.” That was a new feeling, and I was saved from processing it by my arrival at the ground floor.
19:21
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It didn’t take me too long to find my way inside and locate a stall selling leggings. The plaza was broken up by a bricked courtyard with traveling salesmen. There was some awkward explaining in order to get the man to take my shady paperwork, but thankfully he cared more about not speaking to me than pressing the issue. The credit card number was accepted, and I swore after this to just memorize one of the things in case this happens again. I was shockingly unembarrassed by my own appearance, and was so focused on completing this quest of delivering you some new pants that I almost forgot about the apology gift. At first a gleaming rack of custom necklaces caught my eye, but from behind the well dressed woman’s stall was a flickering aged sign over the top of a man that held my answer. Walking so fast it was arguably running I floated over to the ice cream stand, and tried to ignore the magnetized glances of my peers judging what I currently wore. Armed with the softest pair of dark leggings I could find and a chocolate dipped waffle cone double strawberry ice cream monstrosity tower of melting stickiness I was finally confident enough to return to my sequestered pet. The return elevator ride was an eternity, and my patience ran out when it opened to our floor. Running loud enough my cheap shoes click clacked across the concrete your fuzzy head hovered into my view as I rounded the corner of the neighboring car with hunting grace. Fuck, I am out of shape. It hit me that I had been standing in front of you awkwardly panting for a few seconds, and I dropped the pants in your lap before offering the oozing cone out with an extended arm. “I brought you ice cream?” Why had I phrased it as a question? Why am I like this? Am I a fucking errand boy? “You are the only creature on this planet I would fetch things for Mrs. Feldt.”
@killahxkylie
'I promise I'll be right back, little mouse.' I wanted to believe you so badly and I hated the way it eased my anxiety a little when you pointed to the clock and explained how long you would be gone. I wanted to ask you for an actual kiss before you left but I didn't want to seem too needy so I just let you go after you tore the shirt from around me. "See you soon." I parroted and then turned to watch you walk away with my chin resting on the back of the seat. I truly felt like some kind of pet the way I just watched you walk away. Helpless. Waiting. Longing. Obedient. I didn't much care for the last one and had it not been for my lack of pants I may have gotten up to follow you just to prove a point. A point that would probably end up split into my face in some way but a point regardless.
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20:01
It didn't take very long after you disappeared out of sight for me to become restless. I didn't know what to do with myself to pass the time while you were gone. I looked at the clock and it still only read 3:09. It had been a whopping five minutes without you and already I felt like I was coming unraveled. Pathetic. I know. It was then that I remembered you had pressed the keys to the car into my hand before you had scooped me up and I quickly moved into the driver's seat. "Well how the fuck do I use this?" Much to my dismay there was no actual key. It didn't take me long to figure out that it was a push to start but when I hit the button nothing happened, no rumbling engine, no noise, nothing. "Why am I so useless?" I pouted to myself briefly before it dawned on me that whenever I shift in my car I have to have the brakes pressed, maybe this was similar. Luckily I knew which of the three pedals was the brake thanks to my asshole of a father drilling it into my head when I got my license so I didn't have to suffer the pain of embarrassing nobody but myself once again.
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20:01
Once I finally got the car started I glanced at the clock again, 3:24 that ate up a humiliating amount of time and I hope to God you never find out about it. I felt mildly better with the sound of music filling the echoey space and the blast of chilled air on my skin. Something about parking garages always managed to make the air feel ten times more sticky than they really were. He's going to leave you here. That thought kept playing on repeat over and over again in my head to the point that I started to believe it. It made so much anxiety seep into my bloodstream that I couldn't help but pick at the skin of my fingers. I was able to latch onto a hangnail and rip it off and for whatever reason the small dot of blood that oozed out numbed the violent buzz in my bones. 3:37. Am I impatient or is time really moving that slow? What if it got to the 4 and you still weren't back? Then what would I do? I desperately wished that I had someone's number in the new phone the driver had gotten for me just so I could distract myself. Had I always been this terrible at being alone? I feel like there was a time when I enjoyed it but now it felt like hell.
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20:02
3:52. I heard the clacking of what sounded like someone running and at this point I was too anxious to turn around for the fear of it not being you. As if the universe wanted to give me a break just this once it made you appear in front of me again, out of breath and holding a now dripping ice cream cone. The sight of it was enough to have me smiling so bright it outshined the California sun. I didn't even care if you only remembered how much I liked ice cream in a stalkery way or in an actually caring way. It was sweet. "Yes you did Mr. Feldt and it looks delicious… Thank you. Really. This is definitely the perfect apology and truly does make up for your.. how did you put it? 'Ungodly douchebaggery?'" I reached out a hand for the ice cream eagerly. "I'm waiting to put the pants on until after I finish this, I'll definitely end up dripping and after all that effort you put into bringing these back for me I'd rather it land on my thighs." I'm sure he would too. The thought had me blushing and wishing I could suck the words back into my mouth.
Initially when rounding the corner I had expected everything to be gone. At this point after pondering it in line for the last half hour it occurred to me I was just projecting my own abandonment issues, and it had nothing to do with your behavior or loyalty. If I had a tail I’d probably be wagging it, and I eagerly worked to hand you the ice cream cone. It was a task easier said than done, but with some struggle the sticky trade was completed. I was cooking up a response about your mocking replay of my own phrasing, however your words about thighs and ice cream immediately had me refocused to important horny business. Leaning in while simultaneously brushing a lock of hair behind your ear, I whispered beside you with hot breath, “Anything you spill I am going to lap off of you, so do a good job okay baby?” After planting a tiny kiss into the same spot I left the warm words in I kneeled down beside the car and rested my chin on the edge of the door. The rough concrete pressed painfully into the bruising still on my knees, and it was likely going to stain the cheap pants, but all I cared about was watching you smile and eat the sweet treat.
11:42
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My head slowly rolled to the side as you took the first few licks, and my eyes locked into the tiny trail of pink running down your wrist from the melty snack. “I tried to hurry back before it started to get sludgy, but for a big city no one here ever seems to be in any fucking hurry.” I opted to not inform you about the old lady who almost got knocked over when I bumped shoulders with her on the return trip. “I swear, the walk is only a few minutes.” I glanced to the left over my shoulder and out the side of the parking garage while you continued to eat your treat with wide eyes. “I think the sun is designed to just destroy anything that could possibly bring happiness here.” I whipped my head back around to you, and while using my pointer finger to wipe up a drooling line of pink near your lips, “Except you of course little Mouse. It has not managed to ruin you.” I popped the previously acquired face ice cream into my mouth, and just knowing it had glistened over your skin amplified the taste a hundred times. The flavor was just above average, but your magic being contained in it somehow managed to work blood into my cock.
11:42
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My chin dipped an inch or two, and looking up at you through a shadowed face a rolling tsunami of thought ravaged my mind. It twisted and shredded wooden yachts into streams of ruin. A culmination of new anxieties over how to be with a person burned like oil out of a warship. It occurred to me now that earlier in the elevator the reason I found it so odd to care about you finding me humorous is because I have never felt that way. Check another fresh experience off the list for Cami. My head flopped to the other side, and I let my hand rise over the door's edge to rest in your lap. Already you had managed to let a couple spatters drop to your bare legs, and I cursed myself for missing the show of it while lost in thought. With two fingers I pasted a poorly drawn smiley face onto your upper thigh just below the panty line using strawberry ice cream as a medium. While staring at the drying, and frankly rather creepy image, I spoke up in a shaky voice, “Do you think I am funny Cami?” It wouldn’t be a happy moment with us unless someone asked a dumb question that soiled everything. I had not meant it to come out so pathetic, but it did. You had backpedaled on the comment already, but now I was stuck wondering if it was true. Did most people find me pathetic? I tried to not let my face twist up, but there must be a hook in the flesh of it because now my lip quivered with apprehension.
@killahxkylie
"I'll do my best baby." I smiled when the cone was finally in my hand even though the exchange was messy and sticky I was so excited to taste the magical combination of sugar, strawberries, and milk that I couldn't care less. I flirted with the idea of letting more than I needed to drop onto my thighs with the promise of feeling your tongue on me but the Los Angeles heat was doing more than enough to make that not necessary. "Ah yes everyone was walking nice and leisurely as they love to do." I smiled over at where you were leaning on the car door. I wanted to tell you that you could always come into the car with me but you seemed so content with just sitting there watching me that I kept it to myself instead. Were you always going to look at me like I was made out of personified magic? I hoped so.
My tongue ran through the cold milky substance leaving a smooth spot on the cone before it was quickly replaced with more of the melting treat. My cheeks were pinker than the strawberry substance when you wiped the mess from near my lips. "Maybe the universe has kept it from ruining me so that you could find me in good condition." I teased with a flirty smile, letting my eyes lock onto yours as I ran my tongue over the ice cream again. At first I had assumed that the way you were looking at me now was because you wanted to eat me in place of the cone in my hand. The way you drew a demented looking smile onto my thigh with the only substance that could rival the milkiness of them had my skin rising in goosebumps. I was fully expecting you to ravage me at any moment but then you spoke and my brows pinched in curious concern instead. Are you really capable of caring about such seemingly trivial things? I never would have imagined that the man in front of me would concern himself with what anybody else thought of him, maybe I was wrong about more things that I had even realized.
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12:11
'Do you think I am funny Cami?' Did I? The few times that you had tried to joke with me or had done something amusing I had genuinely found it to be funny. I could imagine the two of us someday down the line just laid up together making jokes at other peoples expense. "I do think you're funny.. what makes you ask?" There had to have been something that sparked the sudden concern with my perception of your humor. Did someone say something to you when you were in the shopping center? The idea of anyone saying anything to hurt or upset you stirred a rage in me that I had felt so rarely in my life that I didn't recognize it, especially in someone else's defense. That was a feeling I hadn't felt since watching the way my father treated my mother. Daddy issues much? I huffed in frustration at the thought as I slurped up more ice cream. You weren't like him, not really. At least you claimed to love me. "I think I'll find you even more funny when we're settled in and have the time to make more jokes with each other. I’ve thought about that a lot." It dawned on me then that I really hoped you would find me funny too and not in just a way that was at my expense.
@bonghitsforfeds
It was actually completely impossible to not stare at that tongue I recognized all too well while it crawled through the dairy treat. You were doing a good job of putting on a show about it, and I already wanted to reward you for the way you handled the gift. This was dangerous. If I get locked into another obsessive contract where I constantly feel the need to one up myself that could result in disaster. What form would that end even take? Would father finally grow tired of me draining cash into women trying to win their heart and eventually cave my thick skull in? Perhaps I would smother out our love’s flame instead. How would I handle your rejection? The nuclear bomb that rumbled through my body the very moment I tried to fantasize the horrible scenario told me enough. Better lock that away before it spirals out of control.
13:42
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That big brow crossed into a plus while you spun the cog on whether or not I was funny, and I tried to ignore the assumptions I was already making on the fact you had to process it period. Were you replaying every joke in your head in a desperate attempt to find one that was remotely funny? Oh God, was it possible this pause was an attempt to let me down without pissing me off? I gripped into the center meat of your upper leg while allowing my thumb to trail loving circles on top of it. At one point my finger crossed over the picture, and now the lower lip of it was smeared down in a crooked frown. Even the gulping noise of your throat working to swallow the snack was distracting. ‘I do think your funny,’ Whew... ‘...what makes you ask?’ Ah fuck. Now my own face furrowed up into a look of deep thought. My eyes were still on yours, and your empathetic alarm bells must have been ringing. Your next sentence distracted me out of my answer just enough to slip my face into a smile, and I stole a kiss on the edge of your lips. My own cheek pressed into the cone you had been trying to take a bite of, and I could feel the waffle cone chunks and cold substance on my face after pulling back away. At least you were implying that you thought of our future too. Our conversation beside the van all those nights ago came spiraling back, and I pictured the smearing mess upon your face as a frosty wedding cake instead. I wanted to tell you how beautiful you’d look in a wedding dress, but kept it to myself in fear of ruining your treat.
13:42
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“I care what you think about me.” Could I have worded it with pretty prose and a fancy bow? Probably... but something about being near you is starting to have the effect of yanking true statements out of me. Your my secret vault, my truth serum, a fucking murder accessory. Is there anything you aren’t willing or capable of doing for someone you love? I replayed my own words in my head and my face immediately heated into an embarrassed flush when recalling the first night again. I broke our eye contact and while staring at the passenger floorboard ran my hands through my hair. How the fuck could I claim to care after doing something like that? What, I buy you a fucking ice cream cone and suddenly everything is better? Do I even listen to the shit that comes out of my own mouth? Holy Jesus, am I some kind of predator? Sweat was already rivering down my back, and it was getting caught in the tattered shirt somewhere midway down my spine. Closing my eyes I licked at the roof of my mouth in an attempt to not stammer when I spoke up. “I...” Doesn’t seem like it mattered very much considering I somehow failed to get the thoughts out like an adult anyway. A drop of pink splattered into a starry shape atop your thigh, and a leaking current of it that seeped in between your legs soaked into the thicker fabric edge of the underwear. The valley of flesh would not only taste of sex and sweat but also of strawberries now? The heavenly sound of cream sliding down your throat played itself out of your neck again, and it occurred to me I had stammered off and stared at your legs for several moments. “Can I please just shut up and be given permission to eat that now?” I nodded toward your crotch after the vague question, and hoped the sly smile that spread all the way to my eyes didn’t disgust you. I half expected you to slap me after skipping straight from the crash attempt of emotional words into lewd ones, and at this point I might actually let you just get away with it.
<@6
I watched your face furrow up in thought when I asked you just why you had suddenly asked me a question that made it seem like you gave a flying fuck what I thought about you. Did you actually care if I thought you were funny or was this just some weird Feldt ego thing? I was so torn between thinking that you didn't actually need anything from me and thinking that you had never actually gotten anything real from anyone else before in your life. Did you ever even want it? My tongue kept working over the cone of melting deliciousness as my own thoughts ran through my head on rapid fire, it was exhausting thinking this much. I didn't know how anyone managed to do it without going insane. Barely a week into this and I was already ready to find a clinic to check myself into for some pills that stopped the brain train from derailing completely and a pair of fashionable rubber studded socks. The curiosity of what you were thinking about interrupted my own slurry of thoughts just when you pressed a kiss to my face that had your cheek mushed into the mess of ice cream and when you pulled away and I saw it smeared across your cheek I couldn't help but to giggle.
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14:23
'I care what you think about me.' That was definitely news to me. This entire time since you had burst into my life it didn't seem like you cared about what I thought at all. Especially not when it came to what I thought about you. Threatening, mean, and insulting words flitted through my head and bounced around the inside of my skull. It was as though they were little bugs of pain and anger and they were so attracted to your voice that they would just keep plinking off of it in an attempt to get closer to the sound. I ran a couple of my fingers through the sticky mess on your cheek and put them into my mouth before I took another lick of ice cream. I was trying to figure out just how I could answer you. Was I going to be honest and tell you that the fact you claimed to care what I thought about you confused the ever loving fuck out of me? Or did I want to save face, possibly literally speaking, and just tell you that I believed you or something?
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14:24
Oh no he's spiraling. The second you tore your eyes from mine and looked down to the floor it was obvious that whatever thoughts you were having weren't good. It was clear in the way that your face flushed and your hands ran through your hair. The way your own words seemed lost to you when you tried once again to say something only solidified it further for me. Of course though in typical Ivon fashion I watched your eyes travel up from the floor of the car to settle on what I was pretty positive was my thighs. 'Can I please just shut up and be given permission to eat that now?' I wasn't actually sure if you were referring to the ice cream that had dripped onto my thighs or my aching core that I could feel it running closer to. Both of the thoughts had heat building in my gut faster than I could extinguish it either way. Still though I wanted to know what you were talking about and where this was coming from.
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14:24
"Well I would give you permission but I really do want to know where the hell that all just came from, when you left I was wondering if you were even really going to come back from how mad I made you and then you come back and say all of that? What happened?" I reached out either a very brave or a very stupid hand to tip your chin up, pulling your eyes away from my thighs so that they could be met with my own again. I couldn't help but wonder what you would do if I denied you the meal you wanted right now, if I just wiped it all away and didn't let you taste it before covering up my skin with the new leggings. Would you just take it by force again? Would the seemingly sweet facade you had right now disappear and be replaced with the same bitter anger as before? Would you hop back out of the car and disappear back into the shopping center for me to never find again? I wasn't sure if I really wanted to find out or if I was just feeling particularly sensitive to the whiplash after the day we had already had. "Will you at least give me something before I let you taste some of this dessert?” I briefly flirted with the idea of telling you that it was the least you could do but decided against it. You had gone in and gotten me pants and ice cream without making me come in with you. Should I be grateful that you showed me minimal human decency and didn’t force me into humiliation? Probably not as much as I was but given who you are and the situation that we’re in I figured maybe it was okay to be. "Please?" I tilted my head a little when I asked you, still keeping my eyes on yours.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Well I would give you permission,’ Honest to God your ability to immediately piss me off was impressive. One of my hands was still running through the back of my matted hair, and I gripped a fist full of it to distract myself from the rage. The pain proved invaluable in preventing the anger from reaching my face, and the strands of it popping loose into my hand each contained their own therapeutic dose of hurt. I sighed as you continued, and allowed my eyes to flutter close in an attempt to hopefully hide away any other glittering emotions. If I let the hate show right now everything I am trying to communicate to you would fall flat. This question hinted to me some part of you was growing wise to my bullshit, and even if that was not the point of it all I still took it that way. Slender fingertips on my jaw startled me, and when I jumped my leg thudded into the fiberglass door with a hollow thud. My chest melted into a slurry, and that little space heater of your attention burned away within me. My mind still tumbled for a reasonable answer. Where did it come from? For a second I considered back pedaling into anger and shutting myself out of this conversation. The vulnerability chokes me. Would I rather die an angry man with my fake pride, or live a healed nervous lover? Then you teased me with the taboo bargaining chip of ‘dessert,’ and I am too untrained yet to not let that idea light my face up.
15:34
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“I was talking to myself in the elevator...” I only trailed off because again I was distracted by the offer to let me eat you up, and I swear the filmy taste of you was already on my tongue. Focus Feldt. Focus! I ignored the way you hardly reacted to me admitting I have conversations with myself, “It was just after insulting some dolled up old cunt who... nevermind.” I pinched two fingers to the bridge of my nose to try and refocus my thoughts. “Anyway it just occurred to me while I was riding to the ground floor that I am kind of a useless dickhead who does not contribute much to the world, but making you smile makes me smile and...” The more I talked the faster my words would spill out, and I only snapped my mouth shut when the air ran out to keep pushing them through my lips. Your finger on my chin kept me from dropping my gaze again, and the sultry thoughts were washed away by an internal struggle of salty sadness. “I want you to enjoy being with me.” Are you going to tell her she truly has no choice? I dodged your finger and let my head fall far enough to catch it in my mouth. I sucked the strawberry skin-salt taste from it with a tiny pop before sandwiching your hand between both of mine. It probably looked like I was leaning over an altar, and I might as well have been because my goddess was currently staring straight into my eyes. “I’m obsessed with you. This is powerful it's something different.” Fuck I sound like a stupid boy explaining his first crush.
15:34
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Somewhere from over my shoulder came a giggle from a few cars over, and even though deep down I knew it was unlikely to be a response to us, it still succeeded in bruising my ego more. “I recognize I am a fucked up man.” The only lie I told in that sentence was titling myself a man. I feel like a lost child wandering through a situation way outside my paygrade. “I don’t know how much of that will ever go away. I know I have broken promises already to be better.” Tears were running down my face, and I couldn’t even remember when it had started. They were hot, and the ball of choking sorrow had skipped straight to the back of my mouth. “But I can tell you I am determined to keep trying. Maybe I can find a way to redirect it.” I was rambling now, and the point I was trying to make was being muddled by my continued inane stupidity. I let my gaze drop again to the seat. Even though my eyes were full of your legs the gaze was piercing through the car and into the parking garage floor. Down and down the trail of sight went until it carved through the earth and into hell. Somewhere in those rolling lakes of magma is the spot I belong. My voice was barely above a whisper, and the rumbling dark tone of the sound would occasionally crack with sadness, “At night when you stare up at the ceiling in bed I want you to not regret us. I want you to love what we have... no matter how we started.” Was it manipulative? I don’t truly know anymore. It's how I really felt, that has to mean something right? That first night’s act had been so evil neither of us could even vocalize the name, and it kept me from feeling comfortable bringing it up. It was inevitable we would need to discuss it, but for now making you aware I am not lost on its level of darkness is a necessity. “I’m sorry Camila.” Stupid floorboard, stupid car, stupid legs, stupid brain, idiot, moron. The words streamed through my head in a psychotic firework display of self pity. I couldn’t bring myself to look at you.
I had only meant to tease you when I had dangled the reward of getting to lick my thighs clean over your head. I really hadn't expected it to send you into a clear spiral. I should have known better than to tease you after everything that had already happened but we seemed to be in an okay space so I guess I had to go and fuck it up again. Just doing what you do best. I completely expected whatever your next move was to be something violent. To leave another stain on the once pristine interior of the rental, how much was it going to cost to get my blood out of the door anyway? And would they be worried and try to contact someone about it? I pushed those thoughts away to focus on the current moment.
Wait? Did it actually work? Instead of lashing out at me with a special kind of anger that I had only ever seen in you, you actually started to answer me and I had to make a conscious effort to not just stare at you with my mouth held open. I couldn't say that I was surprised you had managed to hurl insults at someone even after only being gone an hour and a small part of me wished that I had been there to see it happen. What is wrong with you? All of your words filled me with that sweet warm honey feeling that I cherished so much. 'Your smile makes me smile.' 'I want you to enjoy being with me.' 'I'm obsessed with you.' The last one was something that I already knew. It was quite literally painfully obvious that you were obsessed with me and the chunks of my body missing and the scars that already riddled it from our time together was proof of that. I expected you to stop there but you went on to tell me that you really wanted to keep trying to be a better man for me and I felt my heart crack right in half.
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17:17
It may not have been obvious to anyone on the outside looking in but since you had made those promises to try to be better for me you had been slightly less angry and violent with me. Sure it was slight but it was something. It meant that there was, just maybe, a chance that you could actually learn how to be around me without hurting me. Was there really a chance that I could somehow tame the monster that lives inside of you? Or at the very least keep it from lashing out so often? I think what I wanted most was for you to be the master of the anger and not the puppet dangling from strings of hatred. You brought up that first night and the cone dripping sweet pink sugar was long forgotten in my hand, fat drops of it landing on my legs and the seat. Do you think he means it? I couldn't be sure but the look in your eyes even as they pierced through the floor made me think that maybe you at least regretted how badly it had scarred me. 'I'm sorry Camila.' Those three simple words were like a punch to the gut and I felt like all of the air that had been in my lungs was sucked out in the second it took you to mutter them out loud.
17:18
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I wanted you to look at me so badly that it hurt. I wanted to be able to see that you meant it when you said it. I wanted to know that they weren't just hollow words, and most of all I wanted you to know that I was hearing you when you said them. I watched as salty drops of sadness dripped off of your face and down onto my legs to mix with the sticky mess of ice cream that had collected there and let what was remaining of the cone fall to the floor of the garage. I really hoped that wouldn't upset you but I couldn't keep eating when my insides felt like they were full of barbed wire and butterflies from your words. "Ivon.. Ivon look at me please?" I barely even waited to see if you would actually look up at me before I started to speak again. "I.. I really am happy with you. I know that we fight a lot and that I fuck up a lot because well I mean I don't fucking know what I'm doing but I really am trying too." I was having a hard time keeping my words straight with everything that I wanted to tell you, everything that I needed you to know. "I don't regret this. I don't regret you. I have no fucking idea what the future holds for me and you but I know that when I go to sleep next to you I don't even have time to lay awake and stare at the ceiling because you make me fall asleep faster than I ever have before." It had started in the hospital, the nights that we had gotten to sleep tangled together in the tiny bed. At first I was terrified but now I don't think I could fall asleep without you. "I love you and that's true no matter how this started so please.. Please don't stop trying for me?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Your silence was a blast of eldritch force that ripped the flesh from my body in streaming melted tendrils of goopy stretched skin. As it splattered onto the car behind me in a cratered heap of nastiness I was stuck wondering if it’s at all possible I deserved this. If you only counted the crimes of mind and body I had performed against women it probably tallied up high enough to kill me here and now. Electric trembles fried the muscles of both my arms with jitters, and I was just about to seriously consider my odds of death if I dove out the side of this complex when your loving voice issued a command, ‘Ivon look at me please?’ In all honesty when you first started speaking it was icy fear that pumped my veins, but that ‘please’ you tacked on the end like a fluttering pink ribbon managed to cool my mind. You got a few words in before my eyes locked with yours, and I was filled with hot embarrassment at my own tears. Good thing this thought managed to push a sob out of my chest, and only two more managed to spill out before I locked them back into their steel box. I nodded along while wiping my face and trying to ignore the fact I absolutely looked like a desperate housewife. You might as well have been speaking in some magic moon language with how unbelievable it came across. You really don’t regret this? I found it hard to believe with the tiny dots of blood marking your shirt where I had fanged open your breast like a fucking vampire. I hope you had not noticed my eyes dip into them, and I highly doubt you would believe my excuse anyway.
20:55
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Glancing at the impact site of your ice cream cone I felt foolish thinking you would be able to eat the whole thing anyway. Honestly I was proud in a stupid rich guy way to see you toss it so carelessly over the side like that. Had you handed it to me I would have done the same thing. My eyes trailed up the yellow car door where star drops of strawberry ice cream patterned across the lower edge of it. Okay, maybe I would have tossed it far enough away to not get it on the car. Doubtful though considering I had marked the inside with your viscera already. I squeezed at your hand that was still sandwiched between mine before letting one of them fall so I could plant a kiss atop the back of yours. “I love you too Mouse. I promise you on my name that I will keep trying for you.” It felt cliché to say aloud, but I hope you knew or at least grew to know how much that means to me. Father would laugh, but soiling the labor of hundreds years past is the only reason I had not gone completely off the rails previously. Say what he wants, but there has yet to be a tabloid printed with my face on it. Unless that changed in the last few days. Always pleasant to know my mind’s palace is still haunted by super Satan. My new found complexes demanded that I ask you if you really meant it all, but abandoning your ice cream cone to respond gave me all the inkling to your level of seriousness I needed.
20:55
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My mind was split pretty evenly on two paths right now. Road one led to a destination where I nicely cleaned you up before asking what you wanted to do next. The other forked path twisted off toward a destination where I pulled you into a hungry kiss and sucked the remaining flavor from your mouth. No one will ever believe me. God can read my fucking mind and he would laugh in my face if I claimed it, but I seriously considered the first road equally I promise. With your hand still laced in mine, and the other bracing my weight over the door I dove into your mouth. At first I tasted nothing, and the main sensation was your startled gasp getting lost into my throat. My patchy facial hair ground into you, and I kicked myself for not shaving before we left the hospital. For the first few mashing laps of our lips I was slow and sensual about it, but after that I licked around the inside of your mouth while trying to not bite my own tongue off. I laughed while overdoing it with the sole intention of making you giggle or back away. Finally the much too sweet taste of strawberry overpowered my mind, and knowing it was this strong after dissolving in your mouth made me genuinely afraid of the melting mound upon the concrete.
20:55
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I only pulled away after it got hard to breathe, and I swore an oath to see if I can knock you unconscious by sucking the air out of your lungs one day. Freak. That was deserved, but there was too much blood in my cock for me to think straight. I pulled away far enough to speak, and to relieve the pressure of the door biting into my stomach. “Do you want me to give you a bath before we go inside honey?” Sex after the traumatic discussion was on par for us, but it felt awkward to not ask you first. You are a clueless dipshit. Yeah. My spine was tensing with grasping ghostly hands of horny need, and I averted my gaze to your lap again. It had been an attempt to stop the racing thoughts, but now your pink spotted legs were all I could see. My balls jumped so hard it made my stomach lurch. I’m going to die.@killahxkylie
The pain that I felt from seeing you hurting was something unlike anything I had ever felt before. I hated it every time that I had to see you cry. Sure it was a slight relief that you could feel something other than pure hatred for the entire planet and everyone on it but I think I would rather see you angry than sad. I just wanted to be able to take away all of your pain and carry it myself. I would do it if it meant you never had to shed another tear again. "Please don't cry my love." I said it softly before I watched your eyes travel down, what exactly were you staring at? I didn't even honestly care as long as your mind was on something other than the obvious anguish you were in.
I didn't know if you were going to be upset with me for tossing the cone aside when I watched your eyes drift in that direction next. Honestly being on edge so often was starting to become painful. Would it be like this forever? I really hoped not because I don't think that I would be able to handle it. You didn't say anything about it and instead you kissed the back of my hand. "I'll keep trying too.. I promise." I didn't even know what I was promising to try, maybe to stop fucking everything up and making you angry. Truth be told if I could stop doing that we probably wouldn't even have any issues anymore.
10:02
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When your lips crashed into mine I was so caught off guard that I couldn't help but gasp into your mouth with the shock. I tensed briefly before I melted into it and slid my tongue against yours. The way that you were kissing me so slow at first quickly numbed my mind from all of the overthinking that it had been doing and before long I was smiling against your lips from the obnoxious way you were trying to eat my face. When you finally pulled away so we could both suck in a breath I couldn't help but giggle. When you asked me if I wanted you to give me a bath before we went inside all I could manage was a shy nod. It was so like you to be able to go from one extreme to the next like this, not that I was any better in that regard. "C'mere and clean up the mess I made." I ran my tongue over my lips before I spread my thighs apart for you just so you could get a better view. It was absolutely ridiculous for me to do because I was already so sore I knew I was going to regret it if you ended up fucking me again but I wanted it so bad I couldn't bring myself to care.
I was already tumbling off my own cliff into sex madness by the time our lips parted, and at first your words made absolutely no sense. You were licking your lips as if to entice me into them again, and I was so stupidly lost in love that all I could think to say is, “I already was cleaning your mouth out?” In typical fashion had I shut up for just a few seconds the universe would have answered my question, but no I was forced to stew in my own stupidity when your milky thighs parted to reveal the mess you had made. “I uh- But.” My eyes flicked up to yours, and the pink forest fire raging behind the glass orbs suggested I should just get to work. All the confident bravado was absent in this scenario, and for a passing moment I stumbled in my mind trying to piece together the logistics of this scenario. Do I lean over the edge? If I crawl in from the other side it would be difficult to lay flat. Our fuck-mist cleared just long enough to reveal a direct route to your legs, and I popped the latch of your door and scoot back just enough to open it past my previous spot. We got lucky and the parking space next to us was empty, and the long swinging bay door hung at a right angle. I hobbled a few feet on my knees up to beside where you sat, and just being head height with your lap had my fingers trembling in excitement.
13:56
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One of my hands landed atop either of your knees, and I pushed enough to make you stretch to a point it was subtly uncomfortable. Pink polka dotted porcelain was a valley of sweet drops that led directly to a finish line that was veiled in a white pair of panties. Had I just dropped to my knees while drooling for a girl I barely knew after being commanded? She’s breaking us too. The lizard likely intended that to make me angry, but all it succeeded in doing was causing my vision to darken at the edges as the rest of my body's blood supply inflated my leaking dick. I spoke without taking my eyes away from a line of pink that ran from a splattered drop of ice cream, “All of it?” At some point my lip had found its way between my teeth, and the chewing motion allowed my own saliva to escape and run down my face in a line of obsession.
13:56
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My body possessed me with a hungry need to immediately rush straight to what was behind the white fabric, but things like this don’t happen every day. “Don’t worry Camila. I'll savor it either way.” My tongue ran a long smooth trail from just above your knee to the top of the same milky thigh. At first it had been a smooth trip, but the longer the path became the less spit was on my lapping muscle. Occasionally it would pass over a droplet of shiny sugar, and the sticky substance only made it harder to keep pace. Once I got to the end of the initial licking lap my tongue was skipping across the top of your flesh from how gummed up it was. I ended up with my lips in the crease of sweaty skin between hot cunt and leg, and I pressed them down into that spot while swallowing the first mouthful. A spicy mix of sweet and salt slid down my neck in a gulp of pure heavenly ecstasy. I opened my mouth to say something sultry, but the butterflies twirling in my stomach made it so all I could do was moan. The noise was high pitched and snappy. It echoed off the pillars of concrete, and it was so paralyzingly embarrassing that it squeezed another one out of me. I kissed the wet spot growing on the front of your underwear, and afterword returned to the top of your knee to begin again. It would take me ten minutes to actually clean you at this rate, and this was obvious by the highway of sticky pink left over from just before. I didn’t care. The realization made me smile with beaming taboo fun, and the shape of my lips made it harder to keep my tongue pushed out properly. My nose drug through a pile of strawberry, and I laughed at the absurdity of this. Sitting up my chest rose and fell in a rhythm of panting attraction. My eyes locked with yours, and I traced the line I had just left up your leg with a finger. “You taste like a double scoop of whore. What’s your secret baby?”
@killahxkylie
Watching you stutter when I parted my thighs for you was both sweet and amusing. I really didn't intend for you to stay outside of the car. I was simply trying to draw your attention back to them when I'd done it. That didn't stop you from opening the car door and scooting forward on your knees though and honestly your dedication to being able to run your tongue along my thighs had me squirming in my seat. "Yes, all of it." I didn't want you to waste a single precious drop of the pink cream that had made a home on my thighs, especially not when I'd let it drip there purposefully just for this. Something about the way you used my full first name during moments like this always made me shiver, it didn't matter how hot out it was. Come to think of it, any time you used my full name it made me dizzy to some extent, whether it was filling me with fear, lust or love. It was one of my favorite things to hear fall from your lips.
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15:39
My thoughts were interrupted when you ran your warm wet tongue from my knee up my thigh. I was shocked when you didn't pull away at all to slick it up again but for some reason that only made it even hotter. Maybe I was overthinking it but it made me feel like you didn't want to pull away for even a moment and that was an even more delicious thought than dessert. "O-oh fuck" I stammered out when you pressed a kiss to that obvious patch of slick arousal showing through my panties. Everything in me wanted to fist my fingers into your hair to keep you right there where I needed you the most but I dug my fingers into the seat below me instead. I didn't want to rush this and I really did want to be less sticky when we finally made it inside. "Fuck that feels so good why does everything you do to me always feel so good?" My voice was already melting into something whiny and pathetic just from your tongue and I didn't care who heard it.
.
15:39
'You taste like a double scoop of whore. What's your secret baby?' I could have chosen to be offended by your choice of words but the musical sound of your laughter and your finger running up my leg made that impossible. "Well it could be the fact that you let me drip sweet strawberry cream all over myself.. or it could be all the slick you make ooze out of me all the time. Both of those things mixed with the sweat from all of our fucking earlier I bet that's what the secret combination is." I tried to sound as confident as I could when I said it but I knew the blush creeping down from my cheeks to my chest would give away how embarrassed I still felt saying such things. "I can't believe you don't know the recipe for your favorite flavor my love."
How far would you go to make me lap all of this heaven out of your lap? Would you threaten me? Just the thought leaked a ribbon from my cock, and the sensation sent shivers up my back. They rippled all the way into my head where they exploded in colorful starlight. I was halfway up your leg on the second pass of my very important task when you teased me for letting you drop it everywhere. Part of my ego grew furious that I was letting your words slide, but doing so also heightened my pleasure. How far into this can I play without making you think I am some submissive weakling? Are you even interested in exploring that side of my fantasies, or would you lose respect for me? I had to swallow the sugar gathered in my mouth so far in order to speak, “You are right baby, it was so rude of me.” The aroma floating from your core was making me dizzy, and I had to look up at your face in order to keep my thoughts rolling. I was a fool for thinking fat lips and infinite eyes were somehow going to save me, and the magic shooting out from them and into my skull had my chest pulsing. My heart stammered, and again you pushed my body into newfound layers of sex-hell. My eyelids were fluttering so hard they probably made a noise, and your quip about my favorite flavor had my core pulsing so hard I was going to drain down my pants. “Let me make it up to you.” Why did it feel like my face was in front of my mouth? This was druglike.
18:20
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I continued to drag my tongue up your legs just like before. At first I was greedy and made an effort to target the untouched spots. After a while it became obvious I needed to repeat the process over previously cleaned locations. You had dangled your legs outside the car, and I was rubbing my hips against them in an effort to dry hump anything. If there was any God in this world they would make sure the river of cum leaking from me was not visible on these pants. My mouth was tired, and I took a break to poke fun at you. “Honey my dick is glued to the inside of my underwear. If we keep ruining clothes like this we will never leave.” It occurred to me I had lacked to kiss you on the panties after the new laps. They were soaked so full of you that the spot was no longer visible. My lip rolled under my teeth, and I could barely keep eye contact with how cunt drunk I was. “Princess, allow me to tongue clean your pussy.” Your eyes snapped down to something, and I took it as a chance to continue flirting. “Don’t worry about my needs miss, this is all about you.” If I considered our first kiss earlier as diving into your mouth, the facial leap I did into your cunt was an Olympic triple butterfly backflip.
18:20
.
When my lips and face crashed into what I had been staring at since we parked I moaned with a muffled buzzing. The sensation of the noise must have felt good for you too, because you kicked your legs up an inch in subconscious response, and the pressure against my crotch sent my eyes rolling behind closed eyelids. I nibbled around searching for your clit, and despite my best efforts it was easier said than done when you were gyrating against my face. Body odor, strawberry, and girl cum was so unreal leaking from you that my mind recalled your comment a few seconds ago. “Oh fuck.” I mumbled the phrase into you while spiraling in fantasy of you truly dispensing some magic flavor for me. I am going to die. I am going to die. Each repeat of the mantra lit my dark skull with a flash, and we fucked in the shadows of those glittering lightning strikes. It seemed you were acutely aware of which part of your lips needed to be grinding against me, and I knew this because you were currently sawing it into my chin and mouth. The noises spilling your throat and the earthquake shiver your clit pulsed with said everything I needed to know about how you felt. Internally I beamed with pride and happiness for being able to make you feel so good. Were you just sensitive, or was there something special about me for you too? My ego was going to force me to ask you later.
@killahxkylie
"It's okay baby I forgive you" I let the words float off of my pouty lips when you looked up from my thighs to meet my eyes with your own. "I know you'll make it up to me.. you always do." I had considered leaving off the last part but I could already feel the sex drunk haze filling the atmosphere around it and this was always the time it was safest to say what I was actually thinking. Worst case scenario is that I ended up with a chunk missing out of my thigh. It wouldn't be the first piece of me you took for yourself. I bit down on my bottom lip to try to hold in at least some of the whiny pathetic noises that you were pulling out of my dragging your tongue and lips up my thighs like this. I wanted to avoid another encounter like the nosey couple from before if it was possible, not that it wouldn't be obvious what was going on to anyone who took more than two milliseconds to glance in our direction.
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11:31
"Well we're at the perfect place then aren't we? We can replace all the ones we ruin." My lips tugged up into a smile that was full of mischief and I wondered if it was really okay for this to be all about me. I couldn't ever think of a time where I wasn't expected or forced to reciprocate in some way because 'how would that be fair?'. I didn't have long to think about that though because the next thing I knew you were diving forward and your mouth was buried as deep in my pussy as it could be with the pesky panties still in the way. "Oh fuck" It was ten times more whiny than the first time it had left my lips as I echoed your words, the vibrations against my aching core making my head spin. I wasn't shy about the way I fisted my hands into your hair and moved my hips to get your tongue where I needed it the most. "Fucking Christ Ivon please I need it for real." I wasn't above getting on my hands and knees and crawling through broken glass at this point to get your tongue on my bare cunt. More broken glass huh? Not even the nagging voice in my head could ruin this for me right now. Not when it felt so good.
11:31
.
"Fucking please I'll do anything I want it so bad" Embarrassing. It was embarrassing how needy you had me right now. It didn't matter how good it felt like this, I needed more, I needed the real thing. The way I kept on desperately grinding my cunt against your face made me feel like a two bit whore but I was honestly okay with that right now. Judging by the way you were grinding against me I didn't think you minded it either. I wondered if you would cum in your pants again for me doing this? Would you let yourself do it again after the words I had slapped you with that first night with me?
So you were fine with us getting locked in an infinite loop of buying clothes just to ruin them. You already forgave me, but I still felt undeserving of the apology. The floor beneath my legs gave way, and we floated in a light studded space of pink puffy clouds. Any moment for sure the rumbling would stop growing in my entire body and allow me the briefest second of focus, right? ‘Fucking Christ Ivon,’ the raspy sing-song cries from your mouth stole a nervous laugh out of my own chest. My teeth wrapped around the Cami soaked fabric and I sucked so hard that something squelched into my mouth. Swallowing your cum I groaned a throaty moan, and right about that time you started begging for it. How many people have serviced you? It had barely been sixty-seconds and already your legs shook with the same trembles mine did. I sat up just enough to speak, “You don’t have to do anything my love, just relax and feel good for me~.” The trill to my own voice caught me off guard, and a rose red blush lit my face like a fire.
16:51
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It was my time to make you scream. I’m better than the stupid asshole who abandoned you after I broke the window. Maybe I can make up for some of my crimes by occasionally worshiping you. At the very least it would keep your head spinning a little longer. Is it morally implicit to do good things for selfish reasons? Mouth fucking your abuse target until she cums isn’t fixing it son. The lizard hissed at me through his flickering dripping tongue. I leaned up to leave a feather light kiss on your lips, “Just close your eyes and feel good.” While crouching back to my previous spot I hooked two fingers beneath sobbing panties and shifted them aside. Gleaming weblike strands of glistening liquid Cami held together your puckering pussy, and I lapped up a lipfull. “Oh thank you baby,” the words waterfall out with liquid horny. The spicy aroma of you filled my skull with pink concrete, but I burned my entire life’s energy to keep pleasing you. My whole mind shifted in that instant, and my new life’s goal became the hungry need to be the man that can get you off. I want you to glance across crystal galas and tell wealthy women, ‘that’s the man that makes me cum.’
16:51
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On command another strand of my own hot mix threaded itself into my trousers, and I moaned before switching my mouth's focus to your cunt. Your voice rose in pitch, but if you said anything it was lost on me. My lips wrapped your pulsing nub up with gentle pressure, and I sucked it back into my mouth before letting it roll out again. Bony fingers fisted into my own mess of hair, and your hands might as well have been finger banging my head with how good it felt. Every time you squeezed up a handful in ecstasy I would repeat whatever movement made you do so. Eventually we fell into a half baked rhythm, and your favorite seemed to be that suck and drop mouth movement. “Good job ba-” I couldn't finish because you bucked your hips into my face, and my lip split against my teeth. There was a possibility if I told you it hurt that you would make it worse for me, so I just swallowed the blood alongside your cunt’s drool while whimpering in pathetic pain. Part of me deep inside was scarred with permanent embarrassment mixed with roiling fury. I dangled one of your legs up and over my shoulder, and the moment it kicked up at an angle there was a rumbling of tires. They slowed just long enough to actually notice what was happening. The stranger peeping toms must have decided interrupting us was not worth the conflict. Being interrupted and discovered for even a second after all of our public sessions was its own level of exhilarating. My balls jumped another mile, and my whimpering rose into a higher pitch as I neared my own pathetic orgasm.
@killahxkylie
'Just close your eyes and feel good.' You didn't have to tell me twice. I was so eager to feel your lips and tongue on my cunt that when you pulled my panties to the side and I could feel just how messy I was I didn't even blush like I normally would have. That first lap of your tongue was enough to short circuit the crooked wired in my brain and the choked out noise I let out easily echoed off cement of the garage walls. "Fucking- god-" I let my head fall back, messy ruined curls pooling onto the seat behind me. I kept my hand fisted into your hair and the pleasure rushing through me had me pulling so hard that I was almost worried it was going to hurt you. Almost. You started to mumble out some kind of praise but the only word that I registered was the 'good' before my hips bucked of their own accord. It really wasn't my fault and I didn't mean to hurt you but the praise was too much in combination with your soft lips.
"I'm sorry" I practically panted out when I peeked down at you just long enough to see the pain mixing with the pleasure on your face. It shouldn't have turned me on so much to imagine you swallowing down a combination of my slick mixed with your own blood for once but the thought alone had my clit throbbing violently on your tongue. When I heard the rumbling of tires I had half the mind to try to act like this wasn't happening, to maybe play it off like you were trying to help me fix a shoe or something but the idea of you having to take your lips off of me for even a second had me pulling you even closer by your hair. "Don't you fucking stop." I didn't care if you lost it down your pant leg again, hell I didn't care if you lost it down your pant leg multiple times at this point I just wanted you to keep on giving me the kind of attention you were right now.
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18:22
"Oh my god oh my fucking god Ivon please- I- I- F-fuck" I was being loud at this point and if anyone was in this garage at all there was no way they didn't hear my pleading moans echoing off of the walls. I still couldn't bring myself to care, this was Los Angeles and there was a fair chance that they'd heard some whore being fucked somewhere they shouldn't before anyway. "I'm so fucking close you're gonna make me cum d-don't stop please don't fucking stop I need more." I brought my other leg to rest of the unoccupied shoulder and my thighs pressed against your cheeks "Finger me at the same time p-lease please fuck let me cum please!"
When you commanded me with a royal tone to continue eating you out I tried to recall a time you had ever sounded like that. Possibly while we were standing in the burned remnant of your old life at one point your voice had carried that flair, but to hear it now in this revealing setting was mind melting. In all honesty had you begged me to stop I wouldn’t have, and something told me you probably knew that already. My cock radiated heat and pre. At any moment I was going to ruin another pair of pants, or at the very least have some new found mini orgasm. Before now there was no way I ever would have admitted to believing that a woman can produce this much lubricant, and I like to think you only did this for me. Even my nose was slimed up with you, and I hoped that I would keep catching tiny whiffs of it for the rest of today. Perhaps you would allow me to rub my face through you like this every morning so I can live every day with a head full of you? I couldn't see your lips anymore, but when they parted again to scream my name that reverberating sound was audible.
19:28
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Will my sense of hearing at least survive? Maybe if I slick up enough of my face with you I’d go blind. Another mouthful of my own blood mixed with your special flavor guzzled down my neck. I will never forget this concoction. Just like that a pink kink puzzle piece labeled ‘vagina worship,’ slotted itself into my stupid mind, and whatever picture it completed turned my crank like a jet engine. I pulled my mouth back to whine about how I never planned to stop, but then you cut off my last remaining sense besides touch and taste by wrapping your thighs around my head. The crown of milky meat plunged me into a world of silence. The only thing acutely audible was the slamming stomp of my own heartbeat. If it exploded at least you would finish drenched in my gore. Not only would that be a fitting end for my waste of life, but it would probably satisfy you to see me die so violently. What fucked up ways would you want to fuck for the rest of your life if I died like that in front of you? Is my fetish trauma? You are disgusting. Tell me something I don't know. I wanted to smile at the silly thought, but that would distract me from my very important task of sucking your clit off. This would be a perfect death. To pass wrapped up in your legs while you scream my name in sweet cacophony. Every dinner, party, gathering, birthday, or fucking political venue we ever stepped into again needed to have everyone inside permanently traumatized by these sounds you make. Maybe we become some sort of legend, and for a thousand years after now they will tell the tale of the phantom whore and how her screams were heard around the world. This man was created to worship on his knees at the throne of you, and right now he was performing the most dutiful of sacred rituals.
19:28
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You sandwiched my head with impressive strength out of nowhere, and the act had the flesh of my split lip folding painfully. You were supposed to finger her, you fool. Oh yeah, that's right. I wiggled my head just enough to fit my fingers under my own chin. This task was not simple as the pressure mask of Cami cunt I wore was rather restrictive. However once you caught on that my desperate squirming was targeted at your increased pleasure there was a shift of your body and I found the proper angle. My fingers wormed into your soaked hole with ease. Every time they slid out of you in the slow beginning of the movement a strip of your wetness would glisten onto my chin. This only succeeded in amplifying the effect of my zombie like consumption of your clit, and I bit into the trembling bit of flesh just enough to make you yelp. At least I am assuming you made a noise judging by the little recoil you did. Unfortunately my world was still darkness, porcelain legs, and your running cunt. Once the space was properly made for my hand it was easier to start rolling my knuckles down, and this made it possible to begin the come here motion of tickling your g-spot. Again fingers curled into my hair with otherworldly desperation, and the tugging of my scalp must have flicked some magic switch because that very moment I came unglued.
19:28
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Every atom in my body exploded with anger I came before you did, and all I could do was hope you finished too. The glue holding each structured strand of modern man in my mind melted into honey pink goo, and every steamy thick rope that sprung from my dick carried with it a moan. My mouth cursed love filled bombs into your cunt, and each one went unheard while I died a fuck-death. Did the buzzing of my horny unraveling at least feel good for you? Your legs were trembling around my head, so I could only hope so. The only stimulation helping to shove me over the edge was the bottom lip of the car door now that your legs were over my head. Its not like I could touch myself anyway since both my arms were wrapped up in you. Humping the doorframe and whimpering into your pussy like a pathetic lapdog my mind resealed itself closed with just a fraction more obsession for you than before. Weeks and we were killing people for each other. What will months bring? After years will we wage wars?
@killahxkylie
At first when you started wiggling down there I couldn't figure out what you were doing other than taking way too long to stuff me full of fingers to go along with the current assault of your lips and tongue. I felt just a little foolish when I realized I was the one who was making the act next to impossible with the vice grip my thighs had on your head. When I moved to make enough room for you and I felt the warmth of your fingers slipping inside of me I choked on a gasp, it was exactly what I needed and I could feel myself already rapidly approaching the little death known as orgasm. Only there was nothing little about it when it came to Ivon Feldt and I wondered just how many deaths I could experience before I actually died. "Thank you thank you fuck thank you!" Thanking my own personal god for answering my whorish prayers was all I could think to do. The pain of your teeth nibbling at my throbbing clit melted with the pleasure in such a delicious mix that I didn't know how to react, my hips jerked on their own and I didn't even recognize the noise that slipped off of my lips. You were going to be the death of me.
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20:03
That thought was only amplified when you started to curl your fingers against that sweet spongy little spot inside me that you always found so easily. "Holy fuck!" I barely even managed to whimper out the words, my voice was shaky and pitchy, each roll of your fingers had stars exploding behind my eyes. Maybe this really will be how I die, bits and pieces of my brain melting guided only by your magical fingers and tongue. I yanked at your hair extra hard and judging by the way you seemed to snap I could only guess that you had just gotten off. The idea of you being able to do it just from pleasuring me made me feel an entirely different kind of high than anything I had ever felt before. "You're so fucking good to me" That was most definitely something my brain conjured up in the heat of the moment considering just earlier you had been treating me like yesterday's garbage. It felt right in the moment though. The sounds of your pleasure being muffled by my absolute soaking wet cunt only drove me closer to the edge and before I knew it you were flinging me off of it. "I'm cumming oh my- god I'm cumming-"
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20:03
It was probably the strongest orgasm that I'd ever experienced outside of having sex. My thighs were trembling at your cheeks and I couldn't stop the way my hips jerked and rolled against your tongue and fingers if I tried. I could feel the girl cum dripping around your fingers as my entire being shattered in your hold. Chopped up bits of moans and whimpers were falling from my lips in an endless chorus and at this rate somebody was going to call the cops on us. Did you have any idea how good you were at this? Were you even actually good at it or did it just feel like it because it was you? I didn't plan on letting anyone else touch me ever again to find out. I didn't need to, not when you sent me into orbit right here on earth.
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20:04
After what felt like ages of riding the impossible high my muscles relaxed and I felt like I could breathe again, my back settled against the bottom of the seat and I loosened my grip on your hair in favor of carding my fingers through it. "That was fucking incredible Ivon.. nobody has ever done that for me before without wanting something back." I really wished that we were already in Washington or at least somewhere with a bed. All I wanted to do right now was curl up with you and drift into a peaceful post orgasm sleep. Ironic feeling so safe with such a monster. It was true and I knew it but now it felt like you were a monster that would keep me safe from all of the other ones. "God I wish we could cuddle."
Our careening crash of linked climaxes slowly rolled to a stop. The structure it was made of crumbled to dust, and fluttering bits of flame came to rest atop the steaming wreckage. You finally relaxed enough to spill light back into my world, and even quivering in that post sex haze I still felt bubbles of disappointment to no longer be wrapped up in you. I was oddly proud of my work, and it was apparent most of you was now in my belly. There was a warming sensation heating my entire torso at the thought of being full on you, and I locked the hateful embarrassment deep away inside myself. Steeling my mind for the typical return of rage it was nowhere to be seen, and instead there was a spreading vine of reveration for you. Two times now I have been welded to your pussy, and hopefully the experience only became more common for me. Honestly the meat of your thighs was comfortable to lean into, and I let your half head leg lock hold me upwards while we recovered. Staring up into your eyes I beamed at the flush in your cheeks. Your platinum fingers combed my hair as if they were made to do it. Slyly I peered up at you and spoke with a growl, "Did I do a good job Cami dearest?" Something thick was stuck to the back of my teeth. My wriggling tongue worked to free it, and some more drops of you settled into my gut. "I'm still gulping you down." I was barely able to moan the phrase out, and every new sensation of friction from my pants punched my nuts with more impossible pleasure.
22:04
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It made me sad that someone so beautiful and pure had never been serviced like this. My head tilted to the side as my eyes narrowed just slightly to ponder the average man. I am a super shithead. A hyper fuckwad from another galaxy. A truly monumental selfish egotistical cock, and yet I still found pleasure in making you scream. Yeah, no matter what causes their wailing right? Was it shameful of me to assume you had been with more people even after claiming otherwise? Were straight women really cursed to put up with never having their cunt licked? I hated them for not treating you with the proper care you deserve, but loved them for making my life so much easier. There was still that reverse undertow of hatred over hearing you mention anyone else at all, but I suppose we were past that point now. Might as well keep my charisma train running, "The only thing I require from you is co-dependency and your arm at every event I ever visit." Jesus, I cannot wait to leash you up and drag you around to all my friends and make them look at my catch. No she will not be leaving with you, and she will be coming home with me forever. How many proud locales will you have me sitting in a sopping mess of my own cum? You mentioned the cuddling and immediately remorse assaulted me for being so lost in selfish thoughts. You wanted to hold me close and I wanted to trophy you around. Sadly somewhere therein likely lies the root of our future problems. My last name is Feldt though so I can just ignore my issues forever. Although now that you mentioned it, curling up together beneath a warm skylight does sound rather nice. "It would be love physical to tangle up with you my love." At first I had planned to just say what you wanted to hear, but now after speaking the words I glowed with happiness.
22:04
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"We need to get home so we can spend those first weeks locked in a room exploring each other." The fantasy of you tied to a bed post with your arms above your head would have me hard if we didn't just finish. Thank God for this continued cleansing of my mind. Maybe you are medicine, a pink sparkling bottle of sugary tongue melting elixir. Carefully I lowered your legs to the floor in front of you, and I rose up to wrap my arms around your thin body. A puffy somber love was flowing out of me right now, and if I could choose any single way to feel forever it would be this. Nuzzling my face into your neck, "We will have so much time to hold each other soon fuzzy mouse. I can't wait to press your humming bird heart to me every night for the rest of my life." If what you said earlier carried any truth then at the very least you should sleep better. That lovesick emotion was laced with depression heroin, and in the hug with you I finally nailed down the reason why. It was shame. Heavy weighted shame wrapped in the casting net of my previous pleasure. Did you find me gross and weak for acting so submissive? Our dynamic thus far has been dominant to a point of sinful hatred. My mouth opened a sliver, and I spoke with a tiny voice through the smacking stickiness of your strawberry cum, "Do you think less of me for getting on my knees?" I left out my infinite desire to explore this side of me with you. It was likely better to wait for your response, and my ego was shrinking me down into the mind of lost little man. Now this was truly pathetic. In the same scared tone, "I'm sorry Camila, this was supposed to be for you." Father was right, I do make everything about myself.
@killahxkylie
'Did I do a good job, Cami dearest?' Were you really asking me that right now? Was I the only one who had experienced the way whatever soul I had left just vacated my body momentarily? I'm pretty sure a piece of it didn't come back either. "Are you kidding me? that was amazing." I was still panting with the effort to catch my breath when I answered and I couldn't stop the airy giggle from escaping my lungs. "You're so gross... I love it." I smiled and draped one of my arms over my face for a moment just letting myself float in whatever space it was that only you knew how to make for me.
When you spoke again and told me that the only thing you required from me was my co-dependency I uncovered my face and looked down at you. Could you really not tell just how codependent I already was on you? If you were to leave me right now I think I would just curl up on the floor of the parking garage and wait for the sweet embrace of death to take me. "I already am, Ivon. More than you know." I didn't know how to respond to the fact that you wanted to bring me to every event that your life forced you to attend from here on out. It made me nervous, the idea of being around the kind of people that would do work or even just be associated with people like the ones in your family. You mean like you? I pouted at the thought for only a moment, it felt different for us somehow.
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08:22
"That sounds perfect." I couldn't wait to see the different ways you would learn and memorize my body when we had nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. When we were home. Would either of us ever end up leaving the house again once we were able to get our hands on each other at any given moment? As if anything has ever stopped you before? My hips were sore when you let my legs down off of your shoulders and I could only imagine how much it was going to suck to walk now. Worth it. I let my hand untangle itself from your hair when you came up to nuzzle into my neck and instead ran my hands up and down the smooth skin of your back underneath the shirt. "You have quite the way with words Mr. Feldt." Could you feel the way that very hummingbird heart was beating for you right now? "What? Why would I think less of you?" My brows pinched together quizzically and my hand paused on your back before continuing its up and down motion. "You made me feel incredible. How could I ever think less of you for that? Do you think less of me when I'm on my knees for you?" Do you think he's ever felt highly of you?
Anyone else calling me gross would have ignited unholy rage within me. There was still the kindling of anger, but it was funneled through a love filter that just turned all emotional slop pink. All I could do in response to you was giggle, and the light in your eyes told me the comment was meant in jest anyway. Why am I always on guard like this? How many times do you have to promise me that everything you do is prefaced with an aura of care. Is there something about our society that creates women who need to nurture and men who only want to destroy? It wasn't lost on me that these thoughts were in no way original, but there had to be something beyond nature that kept souls like you locked to evil like me. It's been weeks, you can hardly call it locked. Okay mind psycho, that was a fair point, but not one I really needed right now. Maybe you are more dependent on me than even I know. Is it emotional stability that makes you feel secure? Its possible exactly what I required was a someone who can look past the money. We can spend our days staying in love as opposed to discussing prenups and constantly being distrustful. Until you do it again. Guess the mindscape is suicidal ideation today.
10:23
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Still locked in my spiral I could feel the soft brushing of your eyebrows against my neck as you pressed them into a cross. In typical Ivon stupidity my words triggered your own complexes and now I was scrambling a way to explain a door out of this conversation. Does everyone regret every single thing they do like me? I might be the most second guessing man in existence. Do I just spend too much time in my head? Surely it can't be that. Instead of squeezing your throat until it popped I redirected my energy to speaking "No Cami of course not." Instead of the flat tone I was searching for the words just flew from my face in a fan of blades. Pushing against the seat behind you I sat up and mashed a cummy kiss into your forehead. "Listen Mouse. I'm new to this whole being open with our emotions bullshit." My eyes orbited their eye sockets in a sarcastic revolution, "There is nothing about what you do for me that causes me to lose any respect for you. Every single solitary second I spend with you my life becomes less about myself and more about paving it for Camila." A smile hung beneath my eyes as they closed. This was too raw and romantic for me to say while looking at your face, and I hoped this was not fluttering into your ears soaking with cheesiness, "None of our dynamic is familiar to me. I was this..." My face twisted up while I painted up words to describe myself, "Sex obsessed narcissist who was only interested in increasing his body count." There was a flicker of madness behind those perfect eyes, and I sat back on my knees in order to pick your hand up in both of mine. "I know you don't like to hear about it, but it's true. I just..." What asshole? What is my problem? Why do I turn into a sobbing boohoo pick me idiot after we do this?
10:25
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Glancing into your eyes again was my final mistake and all it did was complete the spell you had been building. Truth wrapped its commanding fat fist around my heart and pulped hot truth out of it. "I used to do this kind of thing for... her." Every memory that remained in my head of Chelsea struck in pity ponds with chest rattling detonation. One of her legs up on my head in a booth. Another time we were at a ballet Broadway show in Moscow and I went to my knees beneath the cinema seats to make her scream. Casinos, boats, planes, fountains, and just about everywhere you could prop a whore up or get beneath her was shadowed with a memory of me worshipping Chelsea's beautiful body. "I guess after..." After you beat her brain stupid and covered up the murder? It wasn't a murder. Oh so now we base slaughter on lawful technicalities, excellent. I was chewing on my lip too hard, and this was made evident by the new stream of blood leaking into my mouth. Was that the same wound from earlier, or a new one? My soul was screaming to be honest with you, and here I sat working my hardest to recite the feelings. Why is this so fucking hard? Even when you want to get better it sucks just as much. "In one of our last fights she tossed the dynamic in my face. She was pretending the whole time Cami." It was a half truth, and there was no way in hell I was going to reveal more without you prying. This story was swept way under the rug, and there were thousands of nails to pull before it's found.
@killahxkylie
'No Cami of course not.' I let out a breath that I hadn't even realized I had been holding while awaiting your response and it came much quicker than I thought it would. My face scrunched up comically when you pressed a sticky kiss to it but I didn't mind it much with you. I would take any sign of affection from you and horde it greedily like a touch starved dragon. "I don't know what to say.. it's so strange because sometimes I really think you hate me and others you show me more kindness than anyone has ever cared to before. Romantically I mean." The rest of your explanation had me physically cringing because you were right, I hated thinking about it. Every time you mentioned anyone else, but especially her I wanted to lash out like a deadly cornered snake pumping you and whoever you were talking abouts veins full of venom until you were left in a heap on the floor foaming at the mouth and attempting to beg for mercy. Just how many notches were on your belt from before me? And how many of them ended up okay in the end?
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10:59
Of course you kept on talking though and while I was grateful that you were being open and honest with me for once I still wanted to crawl under the expensive upholstery of this car and let someone sew me inside of it so I never had to hear about it again. Would I really not be able to ask more questions though? Of course not. I'm Camila Roberts and my curiosity is why people talk about it killing the cat so often. I tried to wrap my head around you and her having essentially the opposite dynamic as us. I couldn't actually imagine you willingly taking orders from anyone but the monster living inside of you, but a woman of all people? Were you that desperate for pussy or was it something you just buried deep inside because just like now you were afraid people would judge you for it. While I didn't think I really had a dominant bone in my body I was starting to slowly be less shy about asking for what I wanted. Why was I even thinking about this? You hadn't said a damn thing about wanting anything like that from me. I needed to stop making assumptions. Good luck.
10:59
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The thing that stuck out to me the most was you saying that she was pretending. Pretending to what? Was she faking it? She didn't enjoy the sex? The dynamic? What were you talking about? "What do you mean she was pretending the whole time?" It wasn't until I asked the question out loud that I realized you probably meant more than just sex since you said the whole time. Had she just been using you for your money? Your status? How much of that could really be had when you were doing something so illegal? I had so much to learn about how all of this worked and it was threatening to send me into a spiral if I didn't get a grip on it now. I pulled you back into a hug, I didn't want to lose control right now and something about you helped to keep me grounded when you weren't too busy sending me into orbit. "Will you ever tell me the whole story?"
@bonghitsforfeds
You might as well have unloaded a double barrel into my belly with how your admission of feeling hated landed within me. I felt each shredded flap of my torso remove itself from my body while the emotional blast obliterated my soul. This was deserved, and fair. It was going to take a meaningful amount of time for this sensation to pass. Unfortunately all this left for me was the option of swallowing my pride. I nodded along to your comments. Some part of me wanted to explain that I never feel that way, but the truth was is that sometimes I do hate you. The reasons were typically, if not always, completely unfair and adhered to no code of reasonable ethics. Would you still be upset if I explained I hate everyone all the time? At least with you it came in waves, and also seemed to be slowly receding. Suddenly a giant claw machine grabbed my mood and began to lift it higher into the air. It rose above the stuffy soulless faces of my other emotions. It seemed, at least for the briefest of moments, that your comment about how much I cared was going to save the spiral. Too bad your self awareness required you to tack on the romantic statement which only succeeded in pushing me backwards over the cliff of madness again. How many times had I truly been kind to you? Were there any?
15:11
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The whirlpool was monolithic this time. The churning planet sized storm twisted all of everything into its consuming maw, and at any point my grip on this whole situation was going to capitulate. I knew better than to hope that you wouldn't push. On queue you stumbled out like a drunk toddler and dropped a cartoon anvil on my head. You didn't even have the common courtesy to let my body finish falling first. The weight crushed my will flat. All of my secrets spilled from the flattened sack of my mind's corpse, and finally my spirit gave into the questions. My face slowly rose to lock your eyes, and I thumbed out at the side of your lips. The skin of your mouth stretched into a momentary half frown before snapping back into place. Beaming a sad smile, "To answer your first question she was faking the relationship. It was a lie." The winged fib almost fluttered out of my face on its own. "I'm so used to lying about this." How much do I tell you now? Do I just drip feed more and more? If I dump it all onto you at the same time will you run scared? My shoulders fell an inch as I sighed, and I used my other hand to play with the top of your bare leg. There were still feint roads of pink leading to your core, and the taste of you still hung from my mouth like a personal air freshener.
'Will you ever tell the whole story?' Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck this stupid concrete. Fuck the sun, and the God who made it. Fuck this entire expanse of stupid space with a hateful curse so deep no one ever remembers anything. Sweat was already springing from my forehead, and the hatred won the race to my face. You looked scared which only succeeded in making me more angry. Control yourself idiot. If there ever was a chance to come clean about it I suppose now is the time. Maybe I can leave out the fact she is a drooling vegetable in my library? I needed to say something because the look on your face was breaking my heart.
15:12
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When I opened my mouth to speak you jaw was hanging like a broken drawer. Your tongue dangled in a long forked line from the hole in your face, and all of your teeth were gashed into your face in cute little smiles. I blinked, and in that momentary spot of darkness within my own mind your mask was replaced by hers. Microseconds later when they opened again the hallucination was gone, but not the mile long tent stakes of ghostly fear that were driven into my heart. They found the fear oil they were looking for, and I stammered several broken nonsense sentences before letting my gaze fall to the floor. My knuckles burned with the visceral song of Chelsea's flesh, and I could hear the sound her ribs made when they shattered beneath my fists. 'Kill me Ivon. Do what your father taught you best.' Even as her smart mind was beaten from this world her final real words had been curses and evil. "She was a cop Cami. It was a setup." For some reason I hoped my voice had been to low for you to hear, but all that meant is I would get to repeat the fun information again. Years later and my chest still kicked with anger about it. My head shook in self pity while I sucked on this memory lozenge, and through grit teeth I hissed out some more, "From the very first time she approached me the fucking feds were behind it." One of my hands waved angrily around us like agents from capital hill made up the very surfaces around us. Then the most truthful statement I had yet ever admitted to myself escaped with a sad little sob, "I've never loved properly since."
The second I heard you say that the entire relationship was fake my brows pinched together as one cocked at the same time. What? What do you mean it was fake? You certainly hadn't made it sound fake before. Were you really that upset about a woman who had never felt a lick of anything for you? Maybe that was harsh. I'm sure she had made it seem real in the moment to trap you, it was her job after all. I could tell that you were struggling to stay honest and open with me but now I wish I had never asked the question that opened the floodgates of shit I didn't actually want to hear. I did my best to hide the secret disgust I was hearing, honestly I don't think I had to try very hard because it did indeed hurt to think about you with anyone else, especially someone that you apparently had the capacity to love. Did you even fucking actually love me?
Why did I do this to myself? Why did I crack the glass cage around my heart by asking stupid questions? I could have just let it go and we could be making our way inside to get you some new pants that weren't covered in pathetic man cum. Say that out loud again, I dare you. I was so annoyed with my own thoughts that I considered it briefly just so you would knock me out again. That could be a fun way to cope. She was a cop. Okay. Cool. Fine. Well no, not fine I realize that that could have ended everything for you, but obviously you had taken care of it and she was rotting in a hospital bed somewhere I'm assuming looked like the one we were at while we let some of our wounds heal.
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15:49
I could have been fine learning this. It wasn't that crazy of a notion that the feds would have sent someone to try to weasel their way into your life. What bothered me is that you said you've never loved properly since. Did you fucking love properly before? Did you even actually love her? Is that your special Ivon Feldt way of showing love? Bashing people's brains in? I could tell that it was still eating you up inside too. Why were you even sitting in this rental with me right now if you were still torn up about your stupid badge toting fake ex? I could feel misplaced anger that I knew logically stemmed from jealousy. I wanted to be her. I wanted you to love me so much that you felt like you hadn't been able to do it since. Would I ever make your face twist up in genuine heartbreak if I ended up not being what you thought I was?
"Why do you even care still? Do you still love her, I mean do you- why are you even here with me right now if she still has you this upset?" The words flew from my mouth before I could clap a hand over it to shut myself up. Why do I always make things so much worse for myself? I need to go back to fucking therapy. Yeah they'll definitely be able to unpack this. "Do you even love me? Why are you even thinking about her right now? Were you thinking about her when you were fucking knuckle deep inside me too?" I could feel the hot jealous tears of insecurity running down my face and reached up to try to wipe them away only to yelp in pain when I found the new split on my face. It stung and felt hot and I couldn't tell if it was bleeding all over again. "I don't want you to think about her when you're with me I don't want to remind you of someone else.. I don't want that to be why you want me."
@bonghitsforfeds
My eyes were slaved to the trail of sewed dots in the car's upholstery. The knotted crisscross pattern of tiny thread curled symmetrically toward the center of the seat. They were not interesting, but they were the only things distracting me from your growing silence. The lack of sound was an impossibly heavy void, and it was secured to my neck via barbed rusty meat hooks. Did I say something wrong? My mouth pursed while sucking down this new painful flavor. Surely you were so taken back by my honesty you were shocked into being quiet...right? I knew better than that by now, and I tried to ignore the mountain of murder rising out of my soul. Was it simply that I mentioned another woman? Even at the hospital you didn't lock up on me like this. How fucking naive are you? Do you think there was never anyone before the thirty years that we met? I saw the man who got to stick his hand down your pants. I knew whoever broke the silence first was going to have the shakiest ground, but all I could manage to summon was more self hatred.
16:51
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I gathered the strength to make eye contact, and just as I did so you opened your mouth to speak. The lines in your face screamed fury, and your hands were no longer on your lap for me to hold. My eyes fused with your mouth as they asked the question, and all of my willpower escaped with a hiss from my lungs. What the fuck was this? Why do I care? Why the fuck does it matter? And how is it fair in the slightest for you to instruct me how to heal. Is there some galactic rule stating that it's super illegal to see people while struggling with trauma? Do women just shed their last relationship like an old piece of skin. Fucking skinny soft lizards scrambling around our planet with the sole intention of ripping men's hearts out. You abducted her? I don't fucking care? You had plenty of outs by now, so if your standard was a man with no past and partner then I have bad news for you. Your stupid lips were hanging open an inch, probably so your stupid oxygen-blood vacuum of a brain could waste more air. If I fish hooked your jaw with my hands could I pull it off your face? Maybe that cute little premonition I just had was a glimpse of what I am supposed to do. "I-"
16:51
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The heard of rare Cami anger thundered over my river and into the next province. You were asking me if I saw her while knuckle fucking you, and that snapped one of the wires in my head. "Are you asking me if-!" I stood up quickly while cutting myself off. My shout still reverberated into our ears, and I began pacing back and forth along the length of the neighboring parking space. I needed to stay calm. If I lose my cool now there is nowhere to hide a dead toy. The noise of my own shoes slapping across the concrete was infuriating. Can I just cut my own legs at the ankle and walk around on leg stilts? You finally finished talking which meant it was my turn to answer. Typically now was the time I would toss in a quip about how you finally chose to shut up. The fact of the matter was I did see Chelsea's face, but it's not like you make it out to be. It's guilt. A toxic green rock of pained regret cooked away inside while simultaneously melting all of our relationship progress.
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I snapped. "Its called having history Camila." I had stopped and twirled my stance toward you, but was purposefully keeping my distance to not corner you. "Do you think I just walked around a billionaire my entire life without having my heart broken?" There was a groove forming in this logic, and I pushed with manipulative intent, "You knew weeks ago I'm a lawless shit head." My temper was in full swing now because the admission of criminality was currently echoing off a packed parking garage and back into my ears. "Do I strike you as a saint?" Then I pointed at your lap while continuing to raise my voice, "Do you expect wealthy men and women to walk around in diamond incrusted fucking chastity belts? I opened up to you." You forcefully fucked her mad in her own home. "She has had plenty of outs!" The last line was shouted, and my voice cracked over the last word in embarrassing fury. Great now I am talking to myself in front of you. Kill her.
16:51
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It took two steps to clear the space between us, and I wrapped both my hands up in the fabric of your shirt. Even since adolescence I found it facinating how easily you can man handle a small human while overcome with real barbaric rage. Your toes barely touched the ground, and in the blind anger I had lifted you out of the seat. Your mousy face was an inch from mine, and my wide eyes crawled your porcelain beauty with godlike destruction. That afternoon Camilla Roberts almost made national headlines by getting her face eaten off while alive, would the parking garage have become an attraction after that? Local man goes mad and eats date's face before leaping five stories to his death. Instead our timeline decided you lived, and I dropped you into the seat with a thud. I was already walking away before your ass hit the seat. Don't follow me. Don't follow me. I need to get out of here. I needed to go home. She hates me and I have known for weeks. A pink thundercloud raining blood hung over my head while I stormed across the parking garage in no particular direction. The true evil still lurked within me, and deep down he prayed you did follow so I had the proper reasoning to actually strike at your head.
@killahxkylie
’Billionaire.’ That word hit me harder than you ever could have. I knew that you were wealthy of course but billion? That was a number that I couldn’t even imagine in my head even if it wasn’t currently clouded with jealous anger. I did know that you were a lawless shithead, if I was being honest with the both of us I would tell you that that was putting it too lightly. You were honestly one of the worst people that I had ever met in my life and yet for some stupid fucking reason I stuck with you and now we were here. Why didn’t I just stay home? What home? Oh right. “That’s not what I meant Ivon and you fucking know it!” It pissed me off to no end that you were acting like I expected you to be a virgin just because I didn’t want someone else’s face to be flashing through your brain when you were with me. Was I really so terrible for wanting that? Because god FUCKING forbid Camila Roberts not want to share someone. The way you shouted so loud it made your voice crack startled me so badly that I jumped in my seat. I had seen you angry before, felt your rage first hand, and I would take the yelling over what I was used to.
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17:11
That was a short lived thought as you easily closed the distance between us and yanked me up by my shirt. My lip was quivering in fear and tears were still running down my cheeks but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything at first. I watched as your eyes wandered the entirety of my face as if you were trying to figure out the best way to crush it in and I was just about to ask if you were going to kill me when you dropped me back down into the seat with an unceremonious thud. Where the fuck are you going? He’s leaving obviously. So many different feelings hit me at once. Anger, fear, panic, relief, sadness, heartbreak, abandonment. I didn’t even think about it before I was on my feet coming after you, the door of the rental slammed shut behind me as if it made a fucking difference with the top down.
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17:11
“Where are you going?! You’re going to say all of that and then just leave me here?!” My voice was loud, too loud, and it was echoing off the walls in an even worse way than my moans had been not even fifteen minutes prior. Why did we always do this? Because you can’t keep your mouth shut? I have the right to know who I’m going to supposedly be spending forever with. The fear that you were just going to keep walking and never turn around to acknowledge my existence again had a harsh sob wracking my body and I felt desperate for you to stop even if it meant my own demise. Oh how I had fallen so far that I would rather die than be left alone to wonder what was wrong with me again. Again. How many men were going to deem me unworthy in my life? Was there actually something fundamentally wrong with me? Why was it such a problem to want to know the fucking truth. And- “Why didn’t you answer me? You were, weren’t you? That’s why you just went off on a fucking sad rich boy woe is me tangent instead of just TELLING ME THE TRUTH!” Too far. That was too far. “I’m trying so hard to fucking- to fucking DO THIS with you and you just- you give me an inch and then take away a fucking mile and I don’t understand?!”
When flaring temper lit the engines of my ego and I began to flee from the area there was a moment where I didn't regret it. A weight left my shoulders, and the sun glowed just a hair brighter. Was the lifting of stress in relation to me feeling responsible for you? Perhaps it had something to do with my inability to stick anything out. It was still true I had never felt attraction's glow like we share, but there had been women in my past dumped while I harbored real adult feelings. Was it my comments about occasionally enjoying being dominated by you? No, that made no sense either. Besides, you had already told me with your own angry lips that behavior didn't change your opinion of me at all. Is it at all possible that you lied? I wanted to stop and ponder my out of control thoughts, or just twirl for a final glance at your face. It was then that the lifted weight immediately returned to my soul, except this time the mass had found a way to triple itself. Am I doomed to be alone? Am I really an unredeemable asshole? The gravity assisted trip multiple stories down to the ground level looked mighty appetizing about now, and it was during this focused pondering about leaping to my own doom that you decided to give chase.
21:11
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You knew damn well where I was going. This is it. I am storming off back into my own world while leaving a ruined woman to cope with herself. Would the scars under your breast ever heal? Will certain damaged parts of your body click every step forever with a metronome pain reminder of how I hurt you? What about your arm? Internally I begged you to stay in the car. Just yell at me while I walk away, or throw some heavy object at my back. At least those outcomes I was trained and used to after my escapades with rich girls. I can live with a mark from your tantrums, its this dynamite bundle of my feelings for you that hurt so bad. Is it supposed to shred your insides to care for people? You call this caring tough guy? Okay listen, I am trying my hardest. Is trying your best not abandoning them on your secluded doorstep a quarter past midnight forty miles form the nearest town? That one actually got me to stop moving. I hovered there pouting while simultaneously the infuriating sound of a car door slamming played from behind me. We were being too loud, and at the very least we were going to get kicked out if we kept it up. Oh well, at least I have pants and a shirt.
21:12
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The pitchy rage in your voice was evident by the tone you delievered it with. Your cute body was storming up to me from behind, and I'd be lying if I claimed to not feel relief that you chased me. Had anyone ever followed after me before? The nagging fuck-ghost behind me was proclaming something about truths now. With a slow about-face my body rotated around and then my head fell to look at you. At least the universe kept making these women smaller than me, its the moment I land one that can fight back I become doomed. Would I die with an erection if it was by the hands of someone like you? Infinite bedazzled Cami brilliance decided it was time to properly insult me. 'Sad boy, woe is me.' I wiped at my mouth with a hand, and the movement was mostly made to hide my smile at your comment. Don't be fooled, majority of my being pulsed with visible nasty anger that seeped from all my open pores, but what you said was fucking hilarious. You were going to die today after saying it, but at least you were going to go down as a funny bitch. "You want the truth cunt?" It felt good to throw mean words back in your face, and in all honesty I could sit here all day flinging verbal shit off spoons at each other like this. "Yes, I saw Chelsea." I let it marinate for a moment, hopefully just long enough that you felt proud for nailing me down. "After I sucked your cum clean." Was I propping my own ego up by stating it like this, or was the hatefulness aimed at slut shaming? Now it was likely the latter, but I was currently too busy with a temper tantrum to think about it. Everybody calm down, daddy has to throw a fit.
21:12
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"It was after a horrific hallucination where your face was caved in like hers." Something in your eye twitched at my words, and the little evil prohpet within me held a cross high and prayed that your flickering emotions were changing course. "How the actual fuck do you figure I am taking away a mile when you throw my emotions back in my face? Sorry babe, your psycho boyfriend is still working through it. I guess I forgot Cami was such a good catch that every man should have it figured out by the time they are blesses by your perfect presence." Talking it out was not allieviating the rage fast enough, so I opted for a mix of chatting and assault. When I dashed to make a grab for you it was obvious that my antics were growing familiar because you almost managed to dodge me this time. Unfortunately with my height came longer arms, and one of my hands wrapped up into your hair. At first you probably thought I was going to yank it, but right after catching you I started cooing, "Shh don't scamper little Mouse. The snake wants to show you something." Once you settled down enough I could properly wrap you up in my arms I maneuvered your body over to the ledge. The concrete siding came to just about waist height. Below us six or so stories down was the arrivals pathway, and along it cruised little shuttles besides busses and luxury cars. Picking you up I pressed my knee against the wall so you could rest atop it. Even though you were straddling my propped leg the goal of the whole venture was not sexual, but instead aimed at just getting you no longer flat footed near an edge. You probably knew I was not going to drop you, however just being near the plunge without solid ground beneath you is a special gut churning fear. "What a beautiful view hmm?" I kept ramping the creepiness up by pecking a kiss into your hair.
21:12
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Your heart rattled like stones in an empty can, and your legs wrapped the one propping you up with a vice grip. "Don't worry little girl, I won't drop you." Now that I felt in control of it all again I was offered a brief moment of clear thought. It let me lay all the murderous urges into a neat row before gathering them up into a bitch vase. Once the bouquet of my beautiful personality was back on my mind's table I felt comfortable continuing. "Where was I? Oh yes, the manifestations of this Chelsea bitch only come when I start worrying about hurting you. See, when your are a dumb bitch it can be sort of difficult to know that just because someone processes a traumatic thought during sex doesn't mean that they love the person's face they saw!" My tone was mansplain mixed with condescending snark, and it was being layered over you so thick that your size had doubled. I hope you fucking hated being spoken to like this. This conversation should stick in your mind regardless of if you follow me out afterword.
21:12
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"Just maybe little mouse," now I leaned forward to bring my mouth down besides your ear and the way you squirmed to get away licked the furnace of my cock with flames of pleasure. If there is one thing I do know it's that you can feel my growing desire to have my way with you again. "Maybe I'm afraid I will hurt you." The word 'hurt' left my mouth with a hiss, and cummy spittle was stuck to the side of your face in a cute strand. You are my doll, and I was marking your mask up with a little sticker to remind me what's inside. God, I hated how selfishly angry I was over your misplacement of my trust. The anger went straight to my muscles, and I lifted you another inch above the lip. My cock drank the little gasp you made, and a fantasy of me jerking myself empty into this wall staring down at your splattered corpse teased me with angel's song. "Does my baby want to fly? Perhaps by the time her stupid body collides with the pavement she will realize her mistakes." Would you scream on the way down?
@killahxkylie
'You want the truth cunt?' That insult was such a slap in the face and you spit it with so much venom that I swear I could feel the paralysis. I could have handled that on its own but when you gave me the actual truth I felt my stomach roll so violently that I thought I might be sick. You really saw her when you were looking at me. The pain of that made me really wish I had never opened my mouth to ask. You threw it in my face that you saw her after you sucked my cum clean and it made me feel so disgusting that I had let you touch me at all. As if you ever really had a choice? Another violent churn of my stomach threatened to paint the floor pink but somehow I held it together. I could feel tears running down my face but I didn’t want to look even weaker by reaching up to wipe them away so I just let them fall and land in salty drops of sadness. “I’m not throwing it back in your face, I'm asking questions because it hurts my feelings!” I knew I wasn’t a catch, and I really didn’t expect anyone to have it all together just to be in my presence. Hell if anyone thought it was worth it to stay in my presence I wouldn’t have been chronically alone before you came into my life like a fucking tsunami. I had a feeling that you knew this and you were saying what you knew would cut the deepest and I hated how well it worked. The word daggers you were digging into my cut deeper than I could ever manage to do myself and I could feel the life draining from the wounds.
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13:58
All it took was a twitch of your muscles for me to know what was coming next and despite my best efforts I couldn’t evade your reach. I felt pure panic inject itself into my bloodstream the second your hand wrapped into my hair. This is it you’re going to actually kill me this time. Normally you cooing in my ear like this would have shivers running down my body but right now all I felt was dread in its purest form. I could have tried to run, I could have tried to knock my head back into yours so I had a moment to get away but would it even work? With how fast you managed to close the distance between us just seconds ago I don’t think I could actually outrun you. We were heading towards the edge of the garage and I knew all too well just how high up we were. Holy shit you’re really going to kill me. I’m so terrified of heights and falling to my death sounded worse than the way you brought me to the edge of it on the floor that first night. God if you’re there please don’t let me die like this. “Ivon please-” I half choked and half gasped. I could feel my breaths coming faster and faster as the panic increased tenfold being against the barrier this way. “Please don’t do this.” I was holding onto your arms so hard I knew there were going to be little blood crescents left behind in your skin. At least when they found my body they’d find your DNA under my nails. Would that make me the same as her when it ended up ruining your life?
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13:58
’Don't worry little girl, I won't drop you.’ That nickname would have done things to me if I wasn’t practically dangling over the edge of the fifth or sixth story of this garage right now. ’Where was I?’ You really weren’t done? You had more daggers to dig into me? I had to work so hard to focus on the words leaving your lips, apparently paralyzing fear was quite the distraction. “W-what?” I couldn’t wrap my head around what you were saying at all. You were actually worried about hurting me? You actually cared? It seemed pretty ironic given the way you could push forward a few inches and send me to oblivion. As if you were reading my mind you told me you were afraid to hurt me. That made me feel so much confusion I’m sure it was written all over my face. If you carried about hurting me then why did you do it so fucking often? Did you really have that little self control? If this was you having self control I really never wanted to see you lose it again.
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13:58
That extra inch you lifted me above the lip had me at my breaking point. I didn’t want to do this anymore, I wished that I had never said anything. “I-if you love me at all you won’t do this Ivon please, please I’m scared.” I wasn’t going to apologize, I felt like I had the right to ask questions. How many times were you going to bring her up expecting me to not ask anything? To not want more details? I could feel how turned on my torture was making you and it made my skin crawl. Did it always take inflicting some kind of pain to turn you on? It didn’t seem like it mattered if it was mental or physical as long as you were making me hurt your cock was hard. “Ivon please put me down.” The anger had left my voice to make room for pure fear and sadness. Why couldn’t you have just told me that you only saw her when you were afraid of hurting me to begin with? It could have been so simple. You literally taunted him? That was after he avoided answering the question. Would it always come to this when I wanted to know things or we had a disagreement? I really hoped that someday we would be able to talk like something at least akin to normal human beings.
The pure crystal fear growing in cute little mounds out of the noises spilling your throat were aerosolized sex. I wanted to squeeze you into this hug until all of the pink smoke spilled from your crumbling body. Powdered pink porcelain soaked in your gore would go down my throat smoother than melted butter. What would the witnesses think when they discovered me crouched over your bug splatter of a corpse scarfing down the bone chip filled steaming remains of you? Do they have a sentencing code for ‘tossed their lover over the airport railing and hungrily swallowed the smoking body?’ Who am I kidding this is California of course they do. Wait, did you just say ‘if I love you?.’ I had been centrifuging around ways to kill you so fast that the babbling whore choking out your face was not even registering. You have no fucking idea how much I love you. You broke into her home, forced yourself upon her, drove her friends away, kidnapped her, burned her house down. “No, no, no, no!” The words rose in pitch and volume until my voice snapped into a crack again. I would do anything for you. Right now all I want is to get you home and put a thick gleaming ring onto one of those cute bony fingers. My entire body had begun trembling in a recognizable move that typically occurs before I have a blackout rage explosion. You were begging, and hate's conquest over the horny desire to destroy you was making it very difficult to listen. Maybe I should toss myself off this ledge. Would you still follow me after that my sweet Camila? This was really really bad. I didn’t need the lizard to tell me that murdering you in public was not going to be something I got away with. All I feel is a consuming desire to annihilate, crush something, hurt someone, or run away screaming until my voice gives out with a scarlet squelch.
17:33
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It was an internal pathetic war in heaven. The consuming hellfire of mind and body scorching away demanding your blood be spilled was the single most powerful emotional army I had ever faced. Million dollar deals slid across sculpted table tops had never felt an easier thing to sign after facing whatever occurred within me atop that concrete spire. No one will ever know how hard it was for me to not dip your head over that railing and send you somersaulting down. Does everyone struggle with this? Am I the only fucking freak set to wander this earth endlessly searching for release to this expansion of darkness? I recall a time as a young boy sitting on a plush couch. Sinking into the cushions I nervously peered at the tv. The nervousness was rooted in the fact the show was on a channel I knew my mother hated me watching. The programming was about serial killers, and the current topic was discussing the memoir of a famous one. The killer mentioned that around seventeen years of age he began to feel a gripping hatred in his back. The pinching anxiety would slowly work up the base of his spine to his head where it would then explode into a painful migraine of rage. When he killed his first victim the sensation ceased for years, and his clarity of mind afterward is what caused him to become so addicted to murder and pain. Is that me? Am I biologically compelled by an evil broken meat sack who is currently seriously considering tossing his lover off a ledge? You dropped from my arms like a sack of broken bricks, and before you hit the floor I had already spun around in fury. It hadn’t been the plan, but your chin struck the ledge on the way down. You made a yelp when it happened, however my entire mind was red at this point and Ivon was somewhere far away.
17:33
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In memory the car had been several paces away from where we stood, but in that fluttering lunge of anger it seemed to reach me very fast. “Fucking why?” My lungs shook with the effort of my raised voice. At some point I had risen to one foot behind the car and with the forward movement of my sprint delivered a heel kick into the tail light. Pain reached my brain before the tinkling shattering of plastic did, and sharp points of edged ruin pierced into my ankle. This only heightened my emptying temper which resulted in me ripping my leg backward and falling onto my ass. Whatever had cut me shredded gouges when I drug the flesh of my leg backward. My tailbone ached from the tumble, and knowing it happened in front of you didn’t help. Have I ever been this angry? That night with Chelsea was too evil even for television, and yet now my heart threatened to melt from overuse. Stumbling back upright tears sprang into my eyes, and cold lines trickled down my leg from the unseen gouges I knew were free bleeding. The kick had apparently punched all the way to the bulb. This was obvious by the shattered remnant of it that clattered to the floor as I returned to my tantrum ground zero. Scrambling over the back of it like a bloodthirsty cryptid I pulled myself over the windshield and onto the hood. Hooking trembling fingers under a wiper I pried with all my might to rip it free. Unfortunately for me it popped loose with surprising ease, and I tumbled backward again off the hood before colliding with concrete. Stars exploded into my vision when my temple bounced with a clunk.
17:33
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The funny taste of spinal fluid replaced the remnants of you, and the edges of my vision darkened for just a moment. The universe decided unconsciousness was too kind for me, so instead I got to lay there with the world’s worst headache. I tried to shout at you to kill yourself and leave me alone, but instead all that came out was a pained moan. Oh good, I made myself stupid. Some foreign debris was clutched in my hands, and I must have rang my bell pretty good because it took me several seconds to figure out what a windshield wiper was. Oh yeah, I was throwing a fit. At least this dazed state was heavenly to float in. Is this how you felt when I hurt you? I'm fucking terrible. Hopefully you stepped around just to see a pool of blood and brains growing behind me. Except my Cami is a beautiful angel who feels remorse for me... and I just almost killed her again. Was the car’s alarm going off or is that Satan’s chariot approaching? It felt like everything was spinning, but the long fluorescent tube hanging from the ceiling suggested everything was still. “Cami?” The sad noise croaked my throat, and if you were a smart mouse you would have skittered away by now. The thought of dying alone didn’t even hurt a tad, but the thought of living without you had rocks tumbling in my gut.
@killahxkylie
The second you started shouting again I tried to shrink in on myself only to not be able to from the way you were holding up against the edge like this. I couldn’t stop crying. I don't think I’d ever felt genuine terror quite like this, sure there was that first night with you but even that wasn’t as terrifying as this. I could fight back then, in this moment I felt completely helpless. Even if I did try to fight back there was a good chance I would just send myself falling backwards and that was too big of a risk to take. The panic I was feeling kept coming in waves as my body just kept pumping out more and more adrenaline and I wondered how much one body could take before it just gave out. Wouldn’t that be fitting for my life, to have endured so much suffering only to have my heart stop from a chemical my own body was producing. If I wasn’t so busy trying to hold back terrified sobs I might actually laugh at the thought.
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18:07
When your grip left me all at once and left me in the hands of only gravity to fall and my chin caught the edge I couldn’t even control the noise that came out of me. It felt white hot and the pain reverberated through my head. Tiny red drips landed with soft splats onto the concrete below me and all I could do was cry. It was part relief, part pain and I was trying so hard to suck in air that I couldn’t even get up to chase after you this time. If you left me in this moment here in a heap on the floor there would be nothing I could do about it. Would I ever be able to find you again? Would you even want me to? I heard you yelling to yourself out loud again and couldn’t help but think you had finally lost it completely. Was that my fault too or were you always like this? I heard the cracking of plastic when you made it back over to the car and forced my pounding head up to look in your direction. It looked painful when you pulled your leg back and I saw the blood seeping through your pant leg. Why the fuck do I even care? You were just dangling me over an edge that I would have no chance of surviving if you had tossed me over it. Try having a bite taken out of you, asshole. I watched you climb over the top of the open cab like a crazy person just to attack the windshield wiper and once again unceremoniously fall on your ass because of it. A part of me wanted so desperately to come over and make sure you were okay, to take care of you, but the other part oh how the other part just wanted to sit and watch you suffer. Were you even alive? You had been still for a few seconds before you made any noise and I guess I did feel minor relief knowing that you weren’t dead. It would have made my life easier, or at least that’s what I told myself. As if I had anything to go back to.
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18:08
The way you said my name was sad and broken, and the car alarm was definitely going to attract attention if I didn’t get myself off of my ass to go turn it off. I was just about to peel myself off of the ground when some fancy looking sports car came up the ramp and decided to blare its horn in my direction. Why did I feel so much shame being seen like this? Would it be obvious what had just happened here? How would I even explain this one? So many different thoughts ran through my head on rapid fire but luck was on my side for once and they just kept on driving. Was I even in their fucking way? I managed to get myself to my feet to walk over to where you were laying on the ground, leaving a trail of blood droplets behind in case I ever needed to Hansel and Gretel my way back to the site of another living nightmare I had managed to walk myself into. “Are you okay?” My words came out so broken and small that I cleared my throat to repeat myself but then didn’t. Why did I care so much? Was it just in my nature to care for things and people that were just as broken as I felt inside? “I think the wiper won.” It was meant to be humorous but it came out sounded just as flat and broken as everything else had. At least I could sort of breathe again, even if they were half hiccuped on the way in. I managed to get the car alarm to shut off and then sat on the ground next to you, curling my legs up into my chest. It didn’t help with the whole breathing thing but it made me feel safer somehow.
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18:08
“I’m sorry.. I just wanted to know. I didn’t mean for it to end up this way.” That much was true. When I had first asked I didn’t think that it would end up blowing up to such extremes although I suppose I should have known better seeing how things had gone for us in the past. “I didn’t know you didn’t want to hurt me.” I kept going because you seemed like you were in the same half conscious state you had put me into multiple times and maybe that made you a little more safe to be open with like that. “You’ve done it so many times that I just.. I thought you wanted to hurt me. I thought you liked doing it. I didn’t know it.. I didn’t know it hurt you to hurt me? Or that you didn’t want me to end up like her.. I’m just sorry. I shouldn’t have taken it so far.” Really I should know that saying something someone doesn’t like doesn’t give them the right to dangle you over the line between life and death but right now I just wanted us to be okay again. As okay as we ever could be.
Wow, the inside of your own brain tastes like shit when it's leaking down your throat. Had I ever been hit in the head this hard? There was that one prince’s right hook that sent me tumbling after I called his wife a skank, but I had been so wasted it hardly registered. In my defense his lover had just finished fondling my junk for hours under the table, but when I mentioned this to him he only hit me again. Even then the pooling sensation of being rattled was not accompanied by this toiling stomach ache. I think you had slid into the car at some point, and when the alarm chirped off I expected you to just leave me here. Did you even hear me call out for you? My tongue weighed a metric ton, and if you just flattened me with the car before driving home I would thank you just for ending the headache. Oh fuck, this stupid thing is going to last hours isn’t it? I tumbled joylessly in a whiny fugue state. Every thought was packed to the brim with self pity, and if they attached a medical grade bitch radar to my head right now it would fragment the walls with shrapnel. Something in my peripheral vision moved, and hell’s most beautiful angel appeared before me. The sun peeking through slatted inner city concrete gave your head a backlit glow that only amplified the effect to a comical degree. God, you are so beautiful. I’d smile at you if anything was working properly.
23:46
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My eyes told me that your mouth was moving, but the sound coming out of it made no sense to me. As the seconds ticked by, more fuses in my head’s switch box flipped to the proper direction. Finally words began to sound like speaking, but the sensation would ebb and flow. The wiper definitely whooped my ass, “Yeah...” I wanted to add the joke, but speaking only made my gut start swirling in two opposite revolutions once more. There was a chunk missing from the ceiling, and the interruption of smooth building amplified my nausea. My eyes clenched shut while I repeated a soothing mantra. It went something along the lines of, ‘Don’t die, don’t die, don’t die,’ Did you really just apologize to me? Who the fuck are you, like really? Why was someone so soft and sweet sewing themselves to my madness? Your lover admitting she had no clue you did not enjoy hurting her is interesting to hear. I’m not stupid, at least I don’t think, so it did not surprise me to learn this information. It’s just that there are some things in our cursed reality that are better off not knowing. Occasionally the monsters lurking within the caves are better left undisturbed. Trauma doesn’t earn the hoard of stolen happiness it sleeps upon without first burning your spirit. Sure, reclaiming the mound of yourself and your relationships are worth it, but you still have to kill the fat monster on top first. Was our monster me?
23:46
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Just hearing you talk about ending up like Chelsea killed me. All of the blood in my stupid spoiled head could water fall out into a beautiful poem about my own ineptitude, and that death would pale in comparison to this rotten meal of a feeling. You only know half of the story and yet we already cannot discuss it without fighting. To avoid this entire scenario all you had to do is let her yell at you for a second. Is it really that hard to do you pathetic little man? Damn, okay. Wow, my own subconscious just shocked me into mental silence. Do lobotomized people still have this little fuckwad in their head? For a moment the sensation of instantly drifting to sleep pulled a thick blanket over my face, and just as fast I shot back awake. My leg jolted at the same time, and during the blip in the universe’s existence you had teleported to my side. You were still apologizing to me. You took it too far? “The least I can do is let you raise your voice at me without turning into a murderer.” Every word that left my face returned the favor by punching me in the head and gut. The back of my neck was split with the web-like feeling of having just run a marathon. Will you still take care of me if this paralyzes me? Maybe a quick knock to the head is my cure for being an asshole. Father did always say that I need to get my ass kicked. Funny coming from the man who used to backhand me with his wedding ring. Is it possible that those little thumps to my skull made it so thick?
23:47
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“Unless you are just clinically insane, just the fact you are sitting next to me says a lot about your character.” Yeah, that she’s a fucking moron. This prick really refuses to pick a side and it's kind of rude. “I actually care for you... Despite having just,” my voice trailed off into nothing again. Do you hate my inability to say anything without getting lost in thought? “Well you know, having just threatened to toss you into LA traffic. At the very least a girl like you deserves to get a classy flashy slasher death.” Talking was getting easier, but sitting up still hung over me as an impossible task. With every bit of regained strength I twisted my neck to gaze at you flat on. Blood dripped from your chin, and your shirt was splattered with it. Did I do that? I don’t recall striking you, but it would not be the first time I forgot the aftermath of my own abuse. My brain nicely requested my hand to reach for you, but all it did was a pathetic little flop. “I am the one who is sorry Cami. I sure do hurt you a lot for someone who claims to not want to.” That shirt told the story of two times I had maimed you now. I wanted to frame it just as much as I wished to burn it. The only lie I had told you is that I didn’t enjoy doing it. I hated wanting to hurt you.
23:47
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Little bug bites of pain radiated from my ankle, and the breezy feeling of running liquid licked at the surrounding flesh. At least I can still feel my legs. The wiper was still gripped in my other hand, and I let go of it with a soft clatter. Without turning my head to look at it my eyes shut before a sly grin spread across my face, “You are right, the Audi kicked my ass.” Our tension still hung heavy as if this garage was humid with dissolved metal. Are there perfect words to save me from this? “You honestly didn’t do anything wrong. You are allowed to lose your temper when someone is being my special level of asshole.” Is she really though? Every time she does you fuck her up. My lower lip buckled a few times in a sad shake and I spoke in a quiet voice, “Will you lay with me? I can’t stop shivering.” Yes Cami, join me on this blood and plastic covered floor after I crushed your face. I had not apologized for that yet, but it felt too late. Did my condolences even carry any weight? Proper apologies always eluded me, it’s an earned stupid whore that no money can buy.
@killahxkylie
’Yeah…’ I stood there waiting for you to say more as little drops of blood kept falling from my chin. I was half tempted to reach up and feel how bad it was but judging by the fact that it hadn’t slowed down at all yet I was assuming I had split it pretty badly and I’d rather not shove a bunch of germs from my fingers into it. Seconds ticked by as I waited for you to say something anything really. Did he fucking break himself trying to fight a windshield wiper? Now that would be a funny ending to Ivon Feldt. Or at least it would be if I didn’t need you so desperately that if you died right now I would just take the leap off of the edge you were just holding me against. So much for being scared of heights. Some things are even more terrifying. Like being without you for example. I was just about to open my mouth to ask you if you were even still alive when you told me that the least you could do was let me raise my voice at you. What? Were you actually telling me that I was right about something? At least partially? Am I sure that I didn’t actually get pushed over the edge and land on the concrete down below? Are my brains actually in a mushy puddle around me and I just don’t know it yet? That thought creeped me out so much that I shook my head to attempt to get rid of it.
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10:39
Maybe you hit your head even harder than I thought you had. Not only were you complimenting me on something other than what I looked like but you were telling me again that you cared about me. I managed to huff what was supposed to be a laugh when you told me that I at least deserved a flashy slasher death. Should I tell you that I thought that’s what you were going to give me the first night? The little bit of common sense I had actually won this time and I kept that comment to myself. “It’s-.” I almost said that it’s okay that you still hurt me even though you don’t want to but it really wasn’t. I didn’t want to live in constant fear of if and when my words or actions would set you off. I wanted to ask you if you thought that we would ever be able to communicate like two people who actually care about each other but my fear of your answer kept me from voicing it. “It’s not okay but I love you anyways.” That much was true. I really didn’t know if anything would keep me from loving you at this point.
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10:39
“I would say that you put up a strong fight too but I would be lying.” I huffed another half laugh, my legs felt wobbly from the steady rush of adrenaline tapering off and I felt like I might fall over myself. “Maybe we’ll figure it out someday.” It looked like you were about to start crying judging by the way your bottom lip was trembling and I wished more than anything for some reason that we were back in that stupid hospital bed tangled up in each other. I longed to be back in that cocoon of false security so badly. Without saying anything I let myself get down to the cool garage cement and rested my head on your chest. I suppose I could have just laid next to you and saved your shirt from ending up bloodstained right along with mine but why should you get that privilege when I didn’t? “Are you going to be okay? You hit your head pretty hard.” Somewhere in my head there was a joke about how nothing could damage your thick skull but I let that tuck itself away for another day.
@bonghitsforfeds
Cute mouse lips parted to gift me another joke, and I was thankful the resulting giggles weren’t excruciating. Every noise no longer caused my vision to shake, but the nausea was still powerful. Every time you floated the word love my direction it wrapped me up in a knitted sweater that seemed to add another layer onto my ability to deal with reality. Would years in your presence allow me to finally go a day without having a melt down? A future of entire months where we grotesquely skip around while head over heels in love would be the most beautiful of realities. You seemed to be pondering similar things because you mentioned ‘figuring it out’ as well. “I was just thinking about how nice it would be for us to spend long stretches of time just being sweet to each other.” It sounded sad to say it out loud. How many couples can’t even last hours without snapping at each other? “Look at it this way, if we stay together there is basically nowhere to go except up.” My finger pointed toward the low hanging ceiling to articulate my point, and my muscles seemed to be returning to a state of normalcy. Licking at the inside of my mouth no longer resulted in the overpowering taste of blood, and reality focused back to one version of itself. Had I been seeing double? It was incredibly easy to be compliant to everything right now, and a mini panic storm brewed over connecting the experience to you. Has this entire time you tagged along with me been the result of your concussions? What a terrifying conclusion to reach.
13:27
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Adding to the evidence of my point you quickly reacted to my inquiry by lying down with me. At first I thought you planned on just curling up next to me, but when the light weight of your head came to rest upon my chest the dizziness returned. This time the sensation had its roots soaked in murky pools of attraction, and a laser stream of butterflies rocketed into my torso from the point of contact. Like melted licorice the long flowing mass of your hair ran in perfect streaks off of my body. Something warm soaked into the spot you lay, and knowing it was pink blood seemed to escalate the dream like state. With less effort than it took to move before, I brought my hand up to rest in the valley of your hips. My thumb patterned a figure eight where it cupped at you, and I purposefully spread my fingers wide to grip as much flesh that would fit. It filled me with comfort to feel so big in comparison, and the ego trip of once again being intimate with you was intoxicating. Dying young seemed such a tragedy when every time you touched me electrocuted my soul with such intensity. “Thank you little Mouse.” My eyes clenched shut with the expectation of tears, but instead my chest just burned with the sensation of crying. Just the pain with none of the release. The flip flop between churning with love and burning with sadness was typical for us now. “It’d be so nice to just have this. The holding each other and feeling secure.” Why is it that we know what we want, but can’t seem to stop hurting each other?
13:27
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We laid there in the pathetic embrace while the Audi stared at us with angry eyes. Every time a rolling of tires would approach our position my heart would accelerate with the anticipation of being discovered, but our secluded location in front of the car was buying us time thus far. My free hand drug long handfuls of your hair backwards in a combing motion. Hopefully having your face pressed into me like this would hasten the clotting of blood from that split chin. Another wave of voidlike depression attempted to sunder my soul, and I had to clench my entire face and neck to not spill a sob. It hit me then I had yet to properly answer your final question, “I think I am going to be okay. Time is moving kind of weird right now and everything is tingly, but it seems to be getting better.” After a sigh that made your cute head dip up and down I continued, “I’m sorry about your face... I don’t even remember doing it.” I know we had flailed about when we initially began to wrestle, but had my elbow found enough leverage to bust your face up? Now that the fog was lifting my ankle’s radiating pain seemed to be the strongest. Was it still bleeding? I tried to lift it from the ground and after a bit of blood-glue resistance it separated from the floor with a wet smack. No fresh liquid ran up it when raised from the floor, and this satisfied me it had ceased leaking. “Everything is so swirly and funny. I keep wondering if the only reason you like me is because I hit your head so much.” Even though the statement was soaked in truthful admission I still delivered it like a joke. My fingers in your hair stopped to scruff at your scalp, and it was unfair how soft the mane was despite today’s events.
@killahxkylie
“That would be nice, Ivon. I would really like to be able to get there someday. Even if it takes a long time I’ll keep working at it as long as you do too.” It felt strange to say considering just today not more than a couple of hours ago now you had promised me that you were going to keep trying. Look where that ended up. Did your words actually mean anything or were they just empty shells like all of the women you’d encountered before? I don’t know how I would be able to cope with it if you never truly meant anything that you said. I wanted, no, needed to believe that somehow in your own twisted sick way you loved me. Otherwise this was all for nothing and I had thrown my life away just for it to be a waste in the end. An end that would probably end up coming sooner rather than later, if not by your hand then by someone who was using me to get to you. How many people like the ones that dragged us to that cabin were waiting for the chance to take you out? Given the dollar amount you tossed in my face earlier like a wet napkin I could only assume it was more than just a couple. “I looked up at the ceiling with just my eyes when you said the only way to go was up and it was ironic to me that it was an old crumbly ceiling with chunks of it missing. You’d think they’d keep up with it better in such a fancy shopping plaza. I sighed at the thought as your fingers started to trace shapes into my skin. Why were you the one person who made me feel more comfortable than anyone else had ever managed to? I was terrified of you and yet nobody else ever soothed my pain this way.
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15:19
“I want this more than anything.” I let out another heavy sigh and brought my hand to rest on your chest next to my head, making little shapes of my own on your through the tshirt that had now been through at least 3 layers of hell. It occurred to me that if anyone happened to see us laying here they would at the very least probably call security on us. Were we even going to be able to go shopping with you in this condition? I would be able to wipe off my chin once it stopped bleeding but you seemed like you were on a different planet still. “Well.. we can lay here until it stops feeling so funny. Although if it’s anything like the few you’ve given me that might take awhile.” It wasn’t meant to pile on more guilt to what you already seemed to be feeling, it was just a simple fact. I think I’ve been fuzzy more often than not since that first night. Did I ever even fully recover from the first concussion? Probably not. “It wasn’t you, at least not directly. My chin hit the edge of the wall when you dropped me.” At least it wasn’t over the edge. I’d take a split chin over a split everything.
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15:19
I relaxed as much as a person could while laying on concrete when your other hand started to comb through my hair and let my eyes close just to soak up the feeling only to open them again when I felt you stir. “Is it bad?” I asked peeking down at your leg and then settling again, truth be told as long as you weren’t going to bleed to death I wasn’t that concerned. It was a strange feeling, to not immediately want to fix it. Maybe that was my brain's way of coping with how many times you had hurt me in such a short time period. Maybe I wanted you to hurt just a little bit too. That made my brows pinch because as much as I hated how weak it made me feel, I liked being a caring person. I had always prided myself on it, I didn’t want to lose who I was because of this. Because of you. “I guess you’ll find out if you ever stop giving me concussions.” I knew that it wasn’t just because of that that I was with you still. It was so much more and I didn’t even know how to process it myself. I kept calling it love but it felt like more than that. It was intense and twisted, beautiful and sick, so many things that didn’t make sense all wrapped into one thing with a pretty little bow on top. “Speaking of, maybe I should drive when we leave. If you’re still feeling really off I mean. I know how to drive a stick.”
You were force feeding me pink powdered sugar with these sweet words. Would you really keep working at it that long? My inability to cope with complex emotions without turning into a hurricane could take years to unravel. How many times can I burn you down before that repeated hatred sends you screaming? How much effort suffices for bettering oneself anyway? The resentment building within you for me was a toxic stench upon our beautiful forest of candied mushrooms. Would the spore rot destroy our psychedelic sex paradise before we could invent a loving fungicide? Had I not already apologized today for breaking this very promise? I decided to keep my mouth shut. It would likely benefit me more to just not bring it up. Do you really want me more than anything, or do you just need any semi-healthy relationship? Most people in my life had a harbored evil side of them somewhere. Some may wear it proudly, but so far the only toxic trait you seemed to have was shouting, and even then it would be stretching it to somehow blame that on you. Another point of contact fluttered down onto my chest, and it landed with such soft grace that it had to be guided by invisible butterfly wings. My hand crept from the valley of your hips and rose up your shirt to pixie ribs and I let it drum across them like a mystic xylophone. The tactile bumping sensation of dragging over them was pleasing, and you didn't seem to mind either. It was a sensual motion, but one I hope came across as comforting. It was not meant to be sexual, however invoke more of this new magic energy we seemed to share. This little spot in front of the Audi was becoming another one of my favorite cursed nests. How many grimdark castles can we roost in before the exterminators catch on?
22:27
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If you and I were birds we would be the kind that drop rocks out of our nest at people. There would not be anything of value to protect either. It would be a groundbreaking case of creatures who are incapable of surviving without harming those around them. However, it is possible I am just projecting that facet of my personality onto you. What if part of us becoming symbiotic was me morphing your ruined mind into a weaponized bitch? Instead of getting better my love, let us just point our hatred outward onto the world. All those couples that seemed to worship each other but turn their nose up at everything make much more sense now. I always wondered if they just hated everything, and it turns out they do. They are forced to exist in this world, but are too cowardly or invested to take themselves out. Which ones were we? My mind must have remained intact because it was doing a good job of returning to the normal infinite jumble. Luckily you saved me a moment of its torment by explaining the injury. Oh, so I had caused it. You were being the typical gorgeous Cami flower by claiming it wasn't my fault though. Had I not drug you over there and played with you like a toy it would not have happened. Instead of saying sorry I did something my mother always used to do and squeezed your side three times. One press of flesh for each word in the phrase, 'I love you.' It was a silent code-like way to communicate the important information. I messed it up in typical Ivon fashion by not pairing it with the words when introducing it, but there is time for that later. 'Is it bad?' I flexed the wounded ankle again. "Nah, it should be no problem, just hurts like hell." It definiteley was going to sting like fuck every time I took a step, and also required cleaning, but complaining about that struck me as selfish. Besides I had to recoup some of the ego lost when losing to a windshield.
22:27
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"I guess we will also find out if you remain funny after I stop giving them to you too." The petting hand fell backwards into your shirt and poked at your spine. It was playful but just feeling the tower of bone made me thirst to see it. A few times now I have been blessed with its sight while we fell into our induced star-comas. Just today was my favorite however, and the mind polaroid of it dancing beneath the parking lot sun fluttered before my eyes. Were you close enough to my crotch to see me stir? The sticky mess I made earlier shifted while I grew for you, and the cold stretching of it only amplified the feeling. Up until now it had fallen out of my head that the pants I wore were ruined again. Fuck, drive, fight, recover, and then repeat. That was the motto of our coexistence. For a split second my Feldt tier stupid mouth almost parted to exclaim at your ability to drive stick, but that would be regrettably condescending. Totally Ivon, remember when you belittled her the same way while trying to kill her? My jaw set into stone at the intrusion, and the cording of my facial muscles did not help the headache.
22:27
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The stirring of my core only grew more desperate at the thought of you navigating us through traffic. You would not volunteer if not confident that was something I knew about you now. Unless this was a ploy to kill us both at the same time, which is only equally as sexy. "I look forward to seeing it. The focus of someone driving a car is sexy." Holy shit, did you just segway this conversation into flirting? Foolishness flooded into my veins and if the ground was not solid I would have sunk into it. "Sorry, not trying to hit on you, I am just hurt and need a nurse." Ivon, shut the fuck up. I beamed at my own stupid ability to keep running my mouth. At least it would not take that much to kill me if you wanted too. "I feel bad just laying here like a corpse while recovering. The princess still needs her day out at the mall. We can rest in the car and listen to something.* In all honesty the brain injury was making me sleepy. "I am always down to crash it hobo style down here, but some dick head might light us on fire for taking up the space."
@killahxkylie
The relief that I felt when you told me your leg wasn’t that bad was like a breath of fresh air after suffocating. When I first thought that you deserved to feel pain in the same way that you’d made me feel it I really hated myself for it. I don’t think I really want you to feel the pain, I just want you to have some kind of understanding of what you do to me.”I hope you still think I’m funny.” I was so afraid that when we got to Washington and got settled into our new life together that you would grow bored of me, that you wouldn’t need me anymore. That you would fall out of whatever love you were in with me. That same lingering question of if I could live without you if you were to ever let me go bounced around in my head again and I squoze my eyes shut as if I could will it to disappear. I knew it wouldn’t though, it had made a home inside my head and it was going to stay there likely until I died. Subconsciously I tapped against your chest three times with the lightest of touches. Maybe it was just wishful thinking but I wanted it to be your little way of telling me you loved me without actually saying it.
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13:22
I swallowed hard when I noticed the obvious stirring in your pants. How in the hell did you manage to be turned on so much? As if those fingers along your spine weren’t doing the same thing? I rolled my eyes at my own stupid brain. Of course it felt good. You were being soft with me for once. Would we ever have sex like that? Soft and gentle instead of rough in one way or another, or filled with hate. I pressed my thighs together just imagining it. How deep into a different dimension could we really go if we stopped being at each other's throats every other hour? “It is pretty sexy. I thought the same thing watching you drive.” I laughed softly, there really was something so attractive about someone that could drive and the way you had weaved us through traffic so effortlessly had me leaking the entire drive. “You can hit on me, Ivon. It makes me feel nice. I do like it when you’re nice to me you know.” I sighed and managed to get myself to my feet before I reached down a hand for you so I could help you up. The idea of someone catching us laying on the floor had been making me grow more and more anxious as the minutes ticked by and we were much less apt to be caught if we were at least in the car.
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13:22
“You’re really still going to take us shopping?” I realized after the words left my mouth that they sounded much more hopeful than I meant for them too. I really did want to go shopping with you, I still wanted the fun and the giggles of trying things on together and knowing us still ending up fucking or at least making out in the dressing room. I didn’t want the day to be completely ruined because of my idiocy and your lack of having a grip on your rage. We deserved something nice after everything that had happened so far. I opened the car door and helped you make your way inside before shutting it once you slumped into your seat. Once I was in my own seat I turned on the car so that we could listen to music, finding a station that was playing a song I listened to all the time on my laptop while I was writing. “What’s your favorite song?” My words were soft when they left my lips, my eyes having fluttered shut the second I was relaxed into my seat. It was such a simple question but it felt like one of the more personal ones I had asked you. One that didn’t have to do with your job or your life back home. One that was just about you.@bonghitsforfeds
My little mouse squeaked something out about wanting to be funny, and I was immediately assaulted by remorse's swift blade for having opened my mouth. Honestly by now I should know better than to make comments about you like that. It was obvious that they shot to the center of your character, and I had to wonder if that was an effect that was specific to me. Do you take everyone's words to heart like that? I'm not sure what made me more sad; The idea that you hang on all my hateful words, or that I'm not special enough to uniquely impact you that way. It was fucked that I was even worried about this considering either way you suffered in the end. Sorry Cami, your suffering is unacceptable because everyone is capable of inflicting this evil onto you. It'd be funny if it was not so god damn sad. At first I wanted to blurt out that you would always make me laugh, but my tongue found itself between my teeth instead. Will this honeymoon phase wear off and leave us stuck in the steel web of each other's madness? My shaken confidence in our ability to remain solitary was strengthened by your follow up comments regarding flirting and driving. So you had been peering at me while driving around town? Not only did that inflate my ego to dangerous proportions, but it directed more precious blood to the embarrassing erection. Wait, you actually enjoy the bad timed flirting? No doubt a lady would find sweet teasing words pleasing, but mine specifically came at inopportune times. Were you that void of attention? I answered your statements by drifting a hand toward your ass where it rested atop a perky cheek. "Well, good thing I am full of poorly timed sexual advances." Saying that to a victim of your own assault is a deep psychological pit gods would struggle with, but I doubt that it would be the straw that breaks a whore's back. I wonder if it occurred to you the level of suffering you opened to yourself by encouraging me?
23:09
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Of all the sad little phrases you had kissed into my ears, the way you delivered the question about shopping may have been the saddest. It coupled with this ticking bomb of obvious trauma. Were things in your past typically ripped from you when tempers flared? This only added evidence to my suspicion that your problems lied with a father. It may have been projecting, but my dad also had a history of holding every privilege in life above my head. No one believed a wealthy man's troubled son when he cried to the police about being locked in his room. I'll never forget the officer's face who laughed at me. I had spent an entire afternoon winding my way out of suburbia as a child just to arrive at a police station and be laughed at. They drove me back home to my father's custody, and the mustached cop scolded me for telling lies. I guess being secluded in your room and fed under the door is only abuse when the meal isn't passed over a plush carpet. A thread of societal trust snapped within my tiny mind that day. "It's the least I can do Cami. You deserve an afternoon of fun." The tendrils of excitement over spoiling you returned with a furious thundering hoofbeat. Dragging you around in a nice car is one thing, but let's see how bright those eyes light up when anything in that building downstairs can be yours. Was it a classic rich douchebag move to take the city side dame on a once in a lifetime shopping trip? Yes, but there is only one first time for it. At least yours will be burned into my mind's memory. This seemed to be your personal invitation for me to pry my horny ass off the floor and rest in the car. It was your idea after all, genius. Standing up off that blood spattered concrete floor took more effort than waking up after any bender I had ever been on. The entire space rotated violently when I first stumbled to stable footing, and the trip between that spot and my seat in the car was not registered to me. It was as if all of a sudden I had teleported
23:09
to the location with no memory. The only thing that kept me from panicking was your smiling face sliding into the seat next to me, and I immediately wrapped your hand up in mine like a dying hospital patient.
23:09
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Already just witnessing you sitting in the driver's seat was sexy, and your thin arm was currently stretching to poke at the dashboard. You started the car just on battery power, and soon the speakers were thumping softly with the comforting embrace of music. How many days had it been since the sensation had graced my ears? It felt like we had already lived multiple lifetimes together, and the happiness on my face caught me off guard. I guess it was fulfilling to know that your mind was pumping full with memories of Ivon Feldt. At the very least those other assholes would be compared to me forever, and for some reason I was confident in this belief. Even though you had me constantly second guessing my own ability to close the deal, there was just something about our putrid bond that was undeniably unique. Sitting up with you was not as intimate, but just having a question directed at me felt personal. God, even your voice gave me goosebumps. "Piano Man, Billy Joel." It's a question I had been asked before, but sharing it with you had me beaming. Maybe it was just the concussion making everything seem so dreamlike and fun, but I was going to enjoy it while it lasted. "Something about being the guy in the bar making everyone happy is a fun fantasy for me." The sharp words of your rich boy comment opened their wound once more, and I had to swallow the hot sad ball it forced into my throat. Do you even want to hear me ramble on about feeling used for money? In the song Billy Joel has people from all walks of life drinking merrily and sharing stories. When people came to my house they were only there to fuck me or do business. Maybe that's why I like my little Mouse... She tells me soft desires of love and sweet memories. All the other women in my life only talked of marriage. It's hard when you can feel it coming from every date after a few weeks. They want the money, the name, and the guarantee of a future. It's sad how sly they think the move is too. With you I had
23:09
brought it up first, even if it had been while simultaneously calling you a cowardly fool. "What about you sweet baby? What is your favorite tune?"
Your hand finding its way over into mine was a welcome addition of softness to this weird post fight afterglow that we had found ourselves in. Fight was definitely an understatement and my mind knew that but I didn’t really care, all that mattered right now was that it seemed to be over. After a few moments I detangled our fingers in favor of exploring every little bit of yours with my own. My eyes were still shut when you gave me an answer and somehow it made so much sense to me. It was like it was the complete opposite of what your life was currently like. Did you want to escape that? Would you enjoy it if you did? I ran my finger tips over yours and then down the palm of your hand before my pointer found a deep line that I let it run along. It must have tickled because your fingers twitched and that made me smile. It felt like the atmosphere had changed around us somehow when we had gotten into the car and instead of that vile mix of anger and hatred that was radiating off of you so often for once it felt like you were happy, or at least something close to it. It was hard to tell with you and it often threw me off. Although maybe given my track record with men I wasn’t as good at reading people as I had once thought.
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13:06
After a few long dragging moments I realized that I hadn’t said anything in response to you yet and finally conjured up some words. “Piano man. Not what I thought you would have said but it makes sense to me.” I was surprised that you found the fantasy of making a room full of people so happy appealing. You certainly didn’t act like it most of the time but I suppose that’s what happens when your life has been full of who knows what kind of trauma. Remembering that I had a sharp pang of guilt stabbing through my gut. In the moment I felt so justified in throwing it in your face, I was hurt and lashing out and just wanted you to give me an answer but I should have known better. I’ve never liked hurting people and even if you never let it show I had You had given me little bits and pieces but would I ever know more? Would I ever be able to ask you to give me more of your story without you lashing out at me in response? “Maybe someday we’ll find a bar with a piano full of people you can make smile, my love.” I had no idea if there were any bars that would have a piano in them but it was a nice fantasy to share with you. I could almost picture it now. Maybe I would be able to picture it more clearly the longer it had been since you last threatened to end my short life.
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13:06
"My favorite hm?" I hummed a little and thought about that as my fingers continued their expedition along yours. I tried to think about one that had always stuck with me, something that actually held some meaning the way yours seemed to. It was actually nice that you cared enough to want to know what mine was. I'd managed to collect a few over time but one had been with me since I was young. "I've always liked When I See You Smile by Bad English." It was a ballad my mom had played over and over again when I was growing up, she'd sang the words to me on more than one occasion when my dad was out doing whatever it is he was doing and she was fluttering about cleaning the house. It wasn't until I was much older that I realized just what those words had meant to her. Even still I could picture those days with her when the song came through the speakers. Whether that was for better or worse I couldn't really decide. I loved my mother more than I could ever explain but often times I also resented her for not taking us away to someplace better. "Have you ever heard it?"
Your finger swept about my hand in loving revolutions, and little pink sparkles of healing light were left in a trailing wake behind it. Surrounded by an alien feeling of safety I allowed my mind to drift in this state of fullness. Deep within that comforting warmth was a slithering snake of worry, but his forked tongue was easy enough to ignore. The crunchy sensation of blood in my hair against Audi leather was also a pressing concern, but at least dried blood meant it had stopped actively leaking, right? Pulsing thumps waved over us from the car’s sound system, and my eyes drifted closer together with each verse. Whatever we were listening to was not turned up loud enough for the vocals to be recognizable, but the transitioning beats and bass were heard at least. After a brief struggle fumbling for a switch the horizon was soon shifting as I reclined backwards. Flashes of me mid temper and ripping apart the vehicle replayed, and I almost felt bad for hurting the comfy car. How would you react to know I was currently empathizing with the car, and not for your split chin? Everything doubled into an annoying swirl of super imposed color when I turned my head to check your wound, and my eyes anchored their reality to your jaw while everything stabilized. Once the pastel whirlpools unwound back into hard lines and faces it startled me to have both those dark eyes staring back at me. The gear was working overtime, and my soul filled with sunshine to know the effort was directed my way. How long can I keep you focused on me little Mouse? Are you truly as loyal as the effort suggests?
16:34
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Perfect fat lips part to share their opinions, and the air passing through them and onto my face is so thick it makes me hungry. Hungry for a meal only Camila Roberts seems capable of producing. God, you were so beautiful it fucking hurts and I was so distracted by the annoying display that my ears almost failed to catch the words. Is it even fair for me to pass so much thought on how dumb you are when all it takes is a flutter of your eyelashes and I melt into a stupid whore soup? Normally I would be offended to have it even passively insinuated that my choice in music doesn’t match me, but that knee jerk reaction of childlike anger needed to go. You have made it clear that the cruelty will not stand, at least not in the ladle fulls I was force-feeding you. Maybe a better return question would have been, what do you think my favorite song is? For some reason this persona that floated in your mind on who I was is infinitely more fascinating than whoever I really am. Is it because I have never allowed myself to exist with someone so close to truth’s light? Maybe that’s why Chelsea pissed you off so much, not due to the fact she betrayed you, but instead because she knew the real you. Fuck that. The ugly beast’s face retreated to the cowardly hole it hailed from, but the damage to my confidence was already done. Your kind words did help to lift my spirits slightly, and I squeezed the hand you painted mine with. “Maybe you are my bar full of people Little Mouse. I don’t need a world to make happy when I have you.”
16:34
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Again sparks flew from your ears as that cute mind occupied itself with a thought, and I was stuck with my own broodiness once more. Another cap full of drunk smiles poured into my soul at the realization you also get lost in thought. Did you stare up at me when I was spinning in madness and think about how stupid I am? Somehow I doubted it, and in fact my experience with you told me it was likely more of the opposite. My gut told me when those doe eyes dug through the layers of my head they likely exuded sweet love. Or she thinks about how much of an asshole you are, Ivon. The flat tone of my own condescending subconscious caught me off guard, and I hated how much of an agreeable statement that was. It was likely truth that the substance of your fuzzy mind was made up of equal parts hatred and love for me. Honestly I don’t think I care since its one hundred percent me. My wooden ego took another ironclad blow from this day when you told me your favorite song. Shit, I don’t know that one. With a small frown I shook my head side to side, “I’m sorry sweet baby, I have never heard that one.” My concussed and sober mind reeled to think of anything to say next. I was supposed to be your forever drug, the one who knows everything about you. “Typically I carry myself with this shitty better than thou energy when it comes to music, so I am rather disappointed in myself.” Good job dipshit, make it about you and not her. “When we get access to a real phone, or when we get home, I would love nothing more than for you to share it with me. Your new estate has a theatre that includes a day bed.” I let your imagination run wild with the fantasy of us cuddled together on the plushy white seat. For once my mind didn’t immediately rush to sex. “Lock my hand up in yours just like this and show me your world baby.” My reclined seat made it hard to sit up, but the effort was worth it to press a tiny kiss into your lips.
16:34
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Falling backwards with your spit still fresh on my lips made it easier to ignore the churning throbbing in my skull. “I swear your spit tastes sugary, and not just after ice cream.” My tongue made a pass to drink up any of it I may have missed. Mentioning the Washington estate had me picturing you in its space again. What places would be your favorite? Would you sprawl in the aforementioned theater and watch movies? Maybe the pool would add your sweat to its collection of water as you paced back and forth doing laps? I recalled the workout equipment in that upper office, and the painting of you bouncing around in workout clothes nearly had me drooling. Remember how she liked to read? Maybe the library, Ivon? Chelsea’s corpselike body laid still in the sunny space, and I had to shake away the medical environment to not get lost in depressive spirals. Originally the space had been chosen by me because I thought she would appreciate having the sun on her face. The octagonal room was adorned with large floor to ceiling glass, and the nurses made sure to open the automatic blinds every morning. It felt heartless to imagine wheeling her from the room into a closet like space to make way for our fun. The sudden shift in my own mood caused my gut to stir, and all of the emotions surrounded that clusterfuck got stuffed deep inside for the millionth time. I almost made the stupid choice of bringing it up now, but that would shatter our recently found middle ground. The jab about rich boy crying heated once more, and that burning ache had me nervous to open up again. “Eventually you will turn over all of my ugly secrets, and after that you will still want me, right?”
@killahxkylie
’Maybe you are my bar full of people Little Mouse. I don’t need a world to make happy when I have you.’ That might have actually been one of the sweetest strings of words you have ever put together to float my way. I wanted to say something sweet in return but all I could do was smile softly as my cheeks tinted pink. I was still floating on that cloud of pink love when you told me you had never heard the song I mentioned and I opened my eyes wide to look over at you. “You’re kidding?” It had been such a commonplace occurrence in my childhood to hear that song that I couldn’t imagine someone not knowing it. You filled my head with sweet pictures of a daybed in a room large enough to be considered a theater.. Or maybe it was small enough to still be cozy while watching movies? My mind conjured up images of us hand in hand just like this watching movie after movie, or talking about everything and nothing as all of our favorite songs filled the air. The longing for sweet moments like that were so strong I could almost taste them. Not as well as I could taste the way your lips pressed to mine in what I was sure must have been a painful effort.
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13:07
’I swear your spit tastes sugary.’ My tongue danced around in my own mouth trying to taste what you could be talking about but all I tasted was my own flesh. There was nothing sweet about it aside from the lingering bit of artificial strawberry from earliers half melted treat. This time when I looked over at you the only thing that I was met with was that distant look that you got when you were deep in thought. What did you have on your mind now? I wasn’t so sure I really wanted to know after you had launched it in my face that you did indeed see the woman from your past when you looked at me sometimes. The fact that it was supposedly only because you didn’t want to hurt me, didn’t want me to end up like her, only helped to an extent. It still hurt. Was it selfish of me to only want your head filled with thoughts of me or of the two of us together? The feeling of competing with what may as well have been a ghost wasn’t a welcome one but something told me I would have to get used to it. “I don’t taste it.” A soft laugh accompanied my words as I leaned over this time to press another kiss to your lips. Did I do it solely to get your attention back on me if it wasn’t already? Maybe. But guilt was nowhere to be found.
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13:07
Ugly secrets. How many of them did you have? The number in my head kept climbing higher and higher and the images of nameless faceless women flashed through my imagination on rapid fire. ’You have such an overactive imagination Camila.’ Words from my mother echoed through my head reminding me not to fill in blanks that I don’t have with the worst possible outcome. It proved to be a difficult task when I already knew that somewhere out there there was already the empty useless husk of a woman who had just so happened to place herself opposite of your rage. Self preservation should have told me to get out of the car and try to flag down some help, to take one of the many opportunities I had to get away from you for once. I stayed planted in the seat instead. “What could you possibly tell me that would be worse than what I’ve already experienced with you?” The goal wasn’t to upset you but it was the truth. We had already been through more together in such a short time than I had ever experienced before. I never would have thought that those things would have happened. I certainly never thought that someone else's life would end at my own hands. “I love you Ivon. No matter what that looks like.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Unblinking my eyes stared into your face for any sign of emotional floundering. A cute little smirk upon that perfect canvas suggested you were more amused by my lack of knowledge rather than disappointed. I expected anger to meet my fuzzy mind in response, but instead my face flushed up at your questioning gaze. Was this how you felt when I called you out for being dumb? Perhaps normal people reacted with a warm glow when tickled verbally by their lover instead of hanging them over traffic… My lower lip retreated between teeth, and chewing on the dry flap helped me to not completely lock up. The older I get the less I care about the actual hit to my spirit for being naive or wrong. People are incorrect all the time in life and business, and its a lesson most learn as children. The part that pisses me off after thirty some odd years is the fact my gut still insists on twisting itself into hot knots every time it happens. Shouldn’t my time eventually allow a shell of confidence to grow around my mind to protect it from such simple intrusions? “I guess there are some things left on the planet for my baby girl to teach me.” That was the second time the horny phrasing felt wrong leaving my mouth. It left a nasty controlling film behind in a long winding trail. Fuck, I was starting to feel bad for treating you so poorly. Is that a bad thing? Father would call it weakness, but I prefer to label it terrifying. Perhaps the domination caregiver dynamic loses its flair when you keep thrashing your lover every few hours? At least until you grow wise to my antics I can keep stealing mouthfuls of that addictive saliva. Pathetic must be the word of today because your pouty face calling me gross replayed with a red glow. I am disgusting truth be told, but you also keep telling strangers you like it.
15:31
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Every centimeter of red lips your tongue painted over sent another tingling shiver ricocheting around my thick skull. We had been inside of each other so many times today that my body ached with just the thought of going again. Yet your floating personality and perfect angles bending the world with each breath was such distracting harmony I find myself winding up once more. I was stuck in a sex-stasis hell. Entire segments of my being begged with tear filled eyes to do anything but make my cock get hard again, but you made the task completely impossible. Not only that, but the longer you kept me hanging here the more I became enthralled with when we would go again. It didn’t need to be actual fucking, and this was obvious with how my mind reacted to that quick cleansing of your lips. I wanted to be between your silky tongue and hot face. Just shrink me down and press my entire being between two wet pieces of Cami’s body so I can roll around in giggling ecstasy until I pop like a cum filled tic. Your mouth separated with a cute little spray, and you told me the flavor was non existent. I wanted to argue, but instead all my mind allowed me to do was swallow and exhale a stream of steaming air. “Well, you are always right baby, so I guess I’ll just have to taste again and again to be sure.”
15:31
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Of course our ugly cunt of a universe knew things must have been getting better because it decided to ruin it all with your new line of questioning. What could be worse? She is kidding right? “Cami in the short time we have been in each others company you have confirmed me as a killer, a serial stalker, a sex pervert, a criminal, and worse of all a foreign immigrant.” I smiled over the last one, and hoped it worked to ease the awkward tension of running us back into another real conversation. At first the urge to jump down your throat and rummage around your guts in an angry storm once more offered itself as the first solution. However our recent bout had me second guessing the action. Am I learning? Good job Ivon, you didn’t beat the girl for asking a question. Maybe next you will be able to leave the house without getting in a fight? The Lizard was stirring its evil pot around, and inside was a gurgling brew of new fun. Apparently his new angle was to give me a pounding headache alongside the emotional torture. Ringing in my ears grew more powerful, had that always been there? I needed, no I wanted you to trust me. There is no real universe where one keeps getting away lashing out every conversation. When I glanced up your eyes were still trained on me, and the pink spotlight shining out of both orbs was peeling my face back in a burning truth fire. How do I tell you that the stupid cop was still alive in my house brain dead? ‘I love you Ivon, no matter what that looks like.’ Stupid girls. My hands fisted up into my hair, and thick boiling tear drops melted down into my lap. “Fucking…” I expected the words to just flow after the curse, but my soul still refused to relent. Lock it down. Hide the secrets. Bury the past.
15:32
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“I have lived my entire life covering everything up. Father gets caught with staff? Fire the worker and then run a good media stunt. Part of the business gets discovered? Dissolve the assets, send cleaners after bad drivers, and bribe key witnesses. A girl I know gets close to me and learns I have skeleton in my house? Kick her out, abandon her on the porch, yell at her so she flees, but then I met you.” A shaky emotionally charged finger hung in the air, and its warbling end was trained at the center of your face. “A silly little girl who refuses to relent no matter how hard I push back. I’m falling hard for the fuzzy mouse, and yet my life still lurks behind me. All I wanted this entire time was someone who knows everything and loves me regardless.” I had started to ramble again and my self directed disappointment was obvious in the growing pitch to my rambling speech. “Now I have shot at that. Someone who is seemingly immune to the ball room bullshit that comes with being born into wealth. She sits here right now staring at me with her huge trusting eyes…” The tears were flowing thick now, and the typical anger was nowhere to be found. So many gallons of the stupid salty things had fallen between us already that it no longer registered as an act. My eyes had been dancing between every surface of the car, and my back left the seat as I sat up with a quick swoosh. I had to be level with your face. This may be the last time I ever get to look at you. “She’s at the house Camila. The brain dead cop.” I chickened out of keeping my face locked to yours when delivering satan’s personal punchline. The oxygen in our space had been vacuumed, and the airless bubble we sat in now was toxic. “But I don’t want her there.” Could I somehow spin this in a way you don’t hate me when my mouth stops moving? “I will wheel her out into the street and let a passing car turn her into paste.” My entire body was trembling, and my teeth clattered in time with the anxiety trembles. Anger
15:32
offered its comforting blanket, and I snatched the fabric in favor of stewing alone with myself. I had to weaponize the rage. Hone it into a fine implement of conversational tact.
15:32
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“You want my secrets? You want what’s worse than my evil to you? I kept her. Like some… fucking pathetic pity trophy or personal reminder to not repeat it.” Foolishly I had thought it might teach me something, and possibly allow me to find some closure. “I have not been in there to look at her face for over a year.” How would I expect myself to look into the still face of a girl who I had personally destroyed? If there was one thing Chelsea could hold over our relationship’s head it was how badly I had maimed her. The wet separating pop, like wet meat being slapped against a dry counter, of her spine separating is burned into my psyche. Its the first and last thing I see every day. “You throw this thing in my face. Its veiled in the codependent special love we share for each other, but nevertheless you empty its traumatic contents onto me every time I bring it up. I am doomed to repeat the process of killing her every single night in my dreams. There is not a passing of the sun over this planet that occurs without that stupid woman’s death forcing itself into my face. Not only had the entire lesson been lost on me, but I had tried to repeat the crime again by assaulting you.” I thought some big weight was supposed to leave my body at this admission? So why do I only feel regret for saying it? This may be my only shot to ever get it all out to someone who has real feelings for me so my mouth opened to spill more, “In all honesty I had considered just hiding it. Calling ahead and instructing her to be moved to a place I can continue to pay for the care.” Still unable to locate any confidence my eyes remained glued to the floorboard, and they honed in on a tiny drop of strawberry melted into its fabric. “But I don’t want that with you Cami. I want the real thing. Besides, you are too crafty anyway…” The plan had been to launch into a complement spree to manipulate your feelings, but now the will to continue fighting left me in a huff. “So there Ms. Roberts. If you
15:32
are going to be cruel about it I beg you to just hit me instead. I don’t think I could handle a death by your words.”
Such a long list of things. That’s all I could think when you started rattling off all the things I already knew about you. I wanted to reiterate the fact that I asked what could be worse than what I already knew but you seemed to be on quite the roll so I just let you keep going. I couldn’t fault you for being a killer when I turned a man's throat into minced meat in that cabin when I thought he was going to have a chance at taking you away from me. I was a killer too. Sex pervert. That one almost made me laugh because it seemed like such an understatement. Could I really fault you for it though when my body had reacted the way it did even that very first time when I was screaming how I didn’t want it? Hell when we were in that broken pile of glass on my living room floor I’m pretty sure I was fucking you right back. That thought had that crease forming between my brows again and I tried my best to stop it so you didn’t think I was making the face at you. It must have looked awkward when I met your smile with one of my own as I still worked out how to stop every emotion from showing between my stupid eyebrows. “I’m still working on getting over that one, don't worry.” I tried to meet your attempt at humor with my own but it felt like something heavier was coming.
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19:57
I watched as tears started to run down your face and immediately anxiety spiked in my blood wondering just what kind of traumatic door I had just opened without meaning to. All I had meant to do was reassure you, to let you know that I didn’t plan on going anywhere no matter how incredibly fucked up things got between us. Criminal is more like it. I wish that I could hiss at that stupid voice in my head that this wasn’t the right time and for it to shut up. The only problem is that it was me and I hadn’t in my 28 years figured out a way to make it stop yet. To say that I was surprised by the sudden outpouring of information would have been an understatement. Surprised and overwhelmed. This time that stupid pinch in my brow was filled with nothing but concern. Why were you telling me all of this? Were you going to leave me after all? No, there was no way you would do that after confessing that you just wanted someone to love you despite it all. Didn’t you understand yet that I did? A soft smile painted my lips when you recognized the fact that I didn’t just want you for the money or the status or any of the frilly bullshit that came along with it. For whatever demented reason I only wanted you. I wanted Ivon Feldt and that included the ugly parts.
.
19:57
‘She’s at the house Camila.’ She’s at the house. She’s at the house. She. Is. At. The. House. Was it possible for all of the blood to leave your face at once? What about for every bit of dread and adrenaline to enter that same bloodstream at the same time? There was a very real threat that I was going to be sick all over this rental or pass out. Maybe both. Am I even breathing right now? The rapid rise and fall of my chest told me that I was but definitely not in the way I was supposed to. I needed to get a grip, I couldn’t afford to fall apart right now not when you were giving me such a huge piece of truth. One that you had to know had the potential to blow up apart forever if I couldn’t handle it. Could I? My mouth went dry when you reminded me of the way I threw the entire thing in your face. I wish that I had known the ghost from your past was still haunting you in ways that I hadn’t imagined. I had foolishly assumed that because you were the one who had hurt her, who had stolen the rest of her life away, that you wouldn’t have cared or been bothered by the violence of it. Did the fact that you were violent actually bother you? Obviously? Have you been listening at all? So many images of you seeming like you were remorseful after you hurt me flashed through my head. The way you took care of me every time you couldn’t control yourself and did it anyway. The fact that you just told me that you hated the fact that you wanted to hurt me. It had really been true all along and that knowledge was both comforting and confusing.
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19:58
Every fiber of my being was at war with itself in the front seat of this audi that suddenly felt too small even with the top down. Part of me wanted to get out without another word and walk until I couldn’t anymore just to put more space between me and the monster that called himself Ivon Feldt. The other part, the other part ached for you. Hearing that you suffered daily made my heart hurt in such a raw way that I didn’t know how to handle it. The few nightmares I had had about that night in the cabin, the way I had plunged that glass into that man over and over again. I could still feel the way his flesh gave way every time and hear the sound of his pain. How long had you been seeing that when you closed your eyes? “I-” The one syllable came out so soft and my voice still managed to crack when I spoke it. How could I possibly hit you after you practically bared your soul to me? Did I hate almost every word that came out of your mouth? Of course I did but I couldn’t fault you for being honest. Especially not when you had clearly wanted to keep it hidden from me as long as possible, if not forever. With a clearing of my throat I tried to find my words for the second time. “I don’t.. I’m..” I took in a deep and shaky breath “I don’t want to hit you.” My body was buzzing with the need to move and so I crawled over the center console and into your lap, my hands resting on your shoulders as I pressed my forehead to yours.
19:58
“Ivon I-. I am so sorry that you have to see that every night.” I didn’t have the slightest clue what I was doing or why but I dipped down to press a feather soft kiss to your lips. “I hope someday your dreams are full of you and I instead of the horrors of what happened. I’m sorry I threw it in your face I-. I had no idea how much it still plagued you.” It felt strange to be comforting you over the woes of a borderline murder you had committed but I really wanted you to be able to move past it someday. Were the intentions selfish? Of course they were. But I also wanted you to heal.
19:58
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“I want the real thing with you too, my love.” There they were. The words I needed to say. The ones that actually mattered the most out of this whole thing. My mind wrapped back around to you saying that all you’d ever wanted was for someone to know all of you and to still want you and I needed you to know that I wanted that to be me. I didn’t want you to ever have to feel that way again with someone else. Someone new. I wanted to be your everything in the same way that you had so quickly become mine. A small part of me wished that I could take away the choice like you had done to me but that thought quickly sank in me like a stone and filled me with guilt. How could I possibly put you through more than you already put yourself through? You’ve really fucking lost it haven’t you? Ignoring that little voice in my head my fingers traveled from their place on your shoulders up the sides of your neck and into the bottom of your hair. “I love you.” I hushed out those three sweet words before I kissed you again. Would they still taste as sweet to you now that I knew more of the truth? More of you?
Why does it hurt so bad to watch someone try for me? Even as a boy the urge to hide or flee when family was going out of their way for me was gut churning. That had to be some new layer of secret trauma to my cesspool of a psyche, and right now was not the time to investigate it further. Still, I hope that someday whatever rotten wound causes being loved to be a painful experience closes and heals. Did my anger come from attention making my skin crawl? That doesn’t seem to add up though as being in the spotlight always felt nice. Although I suppose being the center of attention and being loved while your personality is stripped naked are very different. Just the shiny effort of your jokes landed with tiny twinkling sparkles that detonated with that same emotional rending. Its kind of bullshit that every time I dredge through a new layer of myself there is something else to grow from. When do I get to be perfect? It seemed so easy for you to overflow with caring love. The only times I had personally witnessed you losing your temper was when I had riddled you with my own hatred. My gut dropped another inch at the prospect I could make you worse. Murdering you in that upstairs bedroom strikes me as infinitely easier than watching my influence slowly make you a worse person. Does the shrapnel of my outburst get stuck in others? Your no worse than your father. Swinging echoing thwacks of iron into wood. Those little chunks of others you take away don’t heal. The only retort I could cook up hinged on whining over the fact your arm appeared to be healing, but it read my mind and only cackled at the pathetic attempt. Fuck the rest of this putrid planet, I need to get better for you. Ill start by no longer strangling the little mouse, but for now there is nothing wrong with lashing out at everything else.
18:01
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An aching spasm of pain was progressing from my middle back and up into my shoulders. It gripped hot twisting fingers into the muscles of my neck where it combatted the nervous trembling. My admission to you still hung in the air like corpses on meathooks, and my eyes were clenched closed in fear of your reaction. The seconds ticked on, each one of the carrying with it more of my ability to not lose it completely. Scalding sadness finally forced my eyelids open, but the world was awash with color from my attempt to see through salty tears. Palms worked to wriggle the hot water from my face, however every gram of then I wiped away was replaced by two more. I choked out a sob, and that only amplified the pouring of annoying liquid. When my mouth parted to make a joke about how much I hate crying the only sound I could produce was a little croak that caught me by such surprise I laughed. Is this madness? Perhaps this is what insane people feel before plunging into an episode of true psychosis. In reality I knew it was just hysterics, but the thought that maybe I was somehow genetically damaged made it easier to appear so weak. ‘I-‘ My knees knocked together when leg muscles jolted at your single word. Just the individual little note splashed cold water onto the meltdown of my entire being, and I had to bite my tongue to not immediately launch into another tirade. Let her speak. Let her speak. Over and over the mantra ran in circles about my head while each pass increased the pressure I applied to my tongue. Finally a relieving trickle of blood sprinkled free, and each little slurp of it down my neck took with it an iota of stress. I didn’t care that you had shut down again. We had spent enough time with each other now that I knew your little squeak meant that mind was still churning. Just keep thinking about me, forever.
18:01
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‘I don’t want to hit you.’ Okay, that is progress. That still doesn’t mean the next the you say won’t be another punch to my gut. The statement I had mumbled out sadly had hinged on you also not murdering me with your perfect songs. The clenching in my back had progressed all the way Into my head, and two pained lumps on the rear of my skull threatened to detonate in soupy pops. Is this why old guys have heart attacks from stress? Oh God, I never even pictured how hard it can be to not get mad to prevent a medical condition. Already someone trying to make way for me while muttering apologies about my temper was embarrassing enough. If I had to endure a lifetime of staff muttering about my bad heart they would have to put me down. I’d go stark raving mad. Just as my chin lifted to chance a glance at porcelain perfection a stirring of mass and flesh brought you into my lap. Your weight forced me backward into the reclined seat, and both of those cold bony hands pressed my shoulders down. Pinned beneath a tent of dark curls my watery eyes were forced to lock with yours. It was mildly terrifying in all honesty to be stuck like this, and the stirring weakness brought on by my headache suddenly felt very important. The effort required to end me here would not be high. Normally the thought of you murdering me while straddling my lap would heat my body into a fire but right now I could only shudder with more sobs. Was my fucking lip quivering too? This is truly a new low for me. Definitely not my first time being compromisingly held down by a woman who knows some of my evil, but most assuredly the first time the hands belonged to a girl I love. Air froze in icy spikes of drunken affection when your forehead landed atop mine, and the clammy pressing of our sweaty skin was more intimate than any sex previous to this.
18:01
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Were you apologizing to me? I might as well have been an infant for how hard I was crying beneath you now. Push her off, run away, call her a whore, or strangle her neck. Explosions in the form of heartless escape plans rattled my sundered mind. This was one of those moments where people come back different afterwords. I hope you can build me into something a fraction as beautiful as you. Still you were spilling unfair admissions of acceptance and understanding into me. Unbelievable truly, and it was setting an example I am not sure if an eternity would allow me to live up too. Not only was this love undeserved by this perverted evil soul, but it was being layered on in thick goopy pink passes of your words. ‘I had no idea how much it plagued you.’ Up until then I had been lying beneath you with my arms between us, but after that soft phrasing they snaked up behind you to pull us into a true embrace. It never occurred to me that the reason you had lashed out previously was from not being able to find the empathy. For some reason, likely projection, I had assumed you understood my angle and had simply decided to rub it in my face anyway. Poor Little Mouse was stuck scampering in circles while I injected her with different concoctions of trauma, and here I had stood disappointed she started dodging the needle. Would the repeated dreams of harming Chelsea ever go away? Thus far life had told me no, but a lifetime full of mutual love hugs like this might make them not hurt so much. I’d endure a hundred manifested ghosts of my past every hour if you continued to love me like this. Angelic fingers crawled into my mop of hair, and each massaging circle they completed melted me deeper into our lovesick pool. I could feel your lips part from how close they hovered over mine, and that final admission of your love for me sealed my obsession for you.
18:02
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When our lips touched this time it was different than any time previous. Sure, we had shared soft kisses and passings of flesh, but this time it was underlined by a thick pink line of trust. Each second it continued my hand would creep further up your back until it tangled with the lower roots of my favorite mane. Slowly with intimate desire to know your shape my fingers laced into those strands of midnight. With just enough effort you could feel it my arm flexed to pull our faces closer together, and our lips lined each other with passings of tongue and spit. Without pulling out of the slurping French kiss I mumbled, “Th-thank you. Thank you Camila.” It felt unsafe to be so emotional with someone, and to be blanketed by your body in such an isolated state of mind was doing something to my mind that psychiatrists could make case studies on. Instead of wanting you to desire me through fear, I had a newfound need to protect you at all costs. Could I track down every person who had ever harmed you and slit their throat? Maybe you would know how much I care if each of their faces were sewed into a pretty drape for you to hang in our home? My other hand slithered down toward your pants where it stopped just beneath the seam. With a sob laced grunt I pulled your body against mine, and with a startled squeak our bodies crashed into one. Finally our lips parted and I was able to speak without hyperventilating, “I love you too. Nothing will ever change my mind of that, ever.” My heart was thundering inside its cage, and when I tried to spill more tears nothing would pour but hot burning from tear ducts. Was it a step too far for my legs to wrap around yours to lock us in that reclined hug? Probably, but my new fear was that at any moment you would fizzle away as a projected memory of my own insanity.
18:02
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Held together like this had my mind reeling with every memory of our bodies melding as one. Even though sometimes they had been spotted with moments of sweet adoration it occurred to me beneath the weight of your body in that damaged rented convertible that I had never been truly intimate with you. Do I even know what it looks like to worship someones being that way? My hips rolled against the center of you, and after my lips stole another quick kiss my eyes welded into yours again. Your breath waved over my neck, and the flesh behind each pass of its hot steam rippled with goosebumps. My chin tilted downward, and staring up into your eyes I mumbled, “Let me love you, Mouse.” Droplets of shame for pushing us into sex after opening up so raw forced my eyes closed, but my entire body needed to be with you. I wanted to be inside of you and feel our souls roll against each other while shadowed by true coupling. Chivalry told me the the respectful thing to do would be to push his off until later, but wisdom told me that the world worked tirelessly to rip everything away that I found sweet. I knew better than to think that you were immune to its clutches, and so maybe I selfishly wanted to do something just for us. My cock pulsed against your core, and I laughed a nervous naked sound mirroring the one I did mid breakdown seconds ago. “Let’s do something for us Camila. Memories to die remembering.” The words had been whispered into your ear, and after using the grip of your hair to turn your face back into mine I pushed my lips into yours again. Driving the pace of our dry humping forward I let a whiny moan spill loose as the pressure of your thigh drove against my growing erection. “Show me how to love you.”
@killahxkylie
Deceivingly soft fingers pushing their way up my back and into my hair had my insides filling with a warmth that was so different that anything I had felt with you before. The way your lips stayed so softly against mine, the way you didn’t yank at my hair when your fingers tangled into it, all of it felt so foreign. It was a dangerous feeling that I knew I could easily get addicted to. The gasp that left my lips when you mumbled a teary thank you between them could have easily been mistaken for a sound of pleasure and if I was being honest with myself maybe it was. Hearing those words, something about it was cathartic in a way. As if the purging of truth that you had just done had brought us closer in an entirely different way. It was a relief to know just a small piece of the real you even if that piece was corrupt and terrifying. It was still you and you clearly felt some kind of remorse for it even if it was warped through your own special lens. “You don’t need to thank me” Somehow I managed to get the words out in between your tongue passing over mine. I was going to try to follow it up with something else but I was cut off by my own startled squeak when you pulled me even closer to you. ’Nothing will ever change my mind of that, ever.’ There were no words that I could string together to let you know just how monumental it was for me to hear you say that. Nor were there words to let you know just how terrified that I was that it was just another lie like it had always been from everyone else before you. Would you end up being the first to actually make good on your words? Maybe the fact that you had seen far uglier things than most people had would make you less apt to run when things got even the slightest bit hard. Or maybe it would be just the opposite and you wouldn’t want to deal with any more of it so you would leave me in the dust the second things went south. The thought alone left a crack in my heart. Could you hear it?
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15:31
The way you caged me in as close to you as you could helped to pull me from those painful thoughts and as if you could read my mind you pressed your lips to mine to replace the pain with pleasure. How did you get so good at that? Sure you had brought me more pain than anyone else ever had but you also always knew just what to do to make everything better. You had become my personal double edged sword and I was keen on always sharpening both sides of the blade. Pools of golden honey locked onto my own and I found it impossible to look away. Maybe it was just the aura of romance surrounding the moment we were sharing but it felt like I was looking at you, really looking at you, for the first time. I didn’t just see some man who had permeated my life and every aspect of it against my will. I saw someone who was trying. A man who had experienced so much horror in his life, horrors that I had barely even touched on and would likely never be able to understand. I had taken a life but it had been to protect someone else. I couldn’t imagine the guilt you must feel having done it just in a fit of rage. At that moment I saw someone who might actually mean it when he says he loves me. One roll of your hips was all it took to have my breaths coming heavier and for my eyes to feel heavy with that lovesick haze. Could this really be a turning point for us somehow?
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15:31
’Let me love you, Mouse.’ Those five words sent a shiver so sharp up my spine that I felt my body tremble from its power. When you hid those sweet eyes from me I brought a hand down from your hair to thumb over the tracks under one of them before pressing a kiss to the fluttering lid. You continued on to tell me we should do something for us, something that would be worth remembering. Words about how every moment we had shared would be flashing behind my eyes when I died got lost in my throat on the way out. It didn’t matter how dark or damaging they may be, they led us to this moment right here and that alone was worth remembering. ’That brightest morning comes after the darkest night.’ That’s what my mother would always say. Would you be the orange glow of dawn for me, Ivon Feldt? Your hot breath feathering over my ear had my hips rolling in a slow lazy motion against you with the growing need to sanctify this moment. “I’ll show you.” I hushed out against your lips after you requested I do just that. So many images of us flashed through my mind, images that were different from anything we had experienced together so far. I wished that we weren’t stuck in this car so that we could truly do everything I wanted to but this would do for the time being.
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15:32
I pressed a kiss to your forehead before I brought my lips back to yours falling into that same lazy but loving kiss from before. Not even a minute had passed before I was hungry for more and I pulled us closer together again, licking deeper into your mouth with every pass of lips and tongues. The growing craving for you had grown so intense that it felt like my insides were on fire and I couldn’t hold back the soft and whiny moans I was letting out into your mouth. Reaching one hand behind me I managed to unhook my bra and pull my arms through the straps to toss it into the backseat without us ever having to break apart. “Touch me here.” I panted out before taking your hands to push them under my shirt and up to my tits where I cupped your hands around them before tangling my hands into your hair again. Regrettably I couldn’t help but wince and whimper when you brushed against the still painful bite that you had left there and before you could say anything I let a “Please don’t stop” fall from my lips. It felt stupid but I wanted to replace every rough touch you had left on me with a softer one. With one that was driven by love and not by hate or rage. I wanted to feel how much you loved me. “Show me that you love me.” I hushed the words out with another slow roll of my hips to emphasize. Had you ever truly shown someone before?
In most circumstances it would seem you magically located a specific key set of words that activates the worse in me. Sometimes they succeeded in spiraling me forward into liquid rage. Not today though. The pooling of sex hungry flesh and sweat functioned like a sieve to twist only the most beautiful of phrases from Cami lips. It honestly astonished me that despite how many years I had wandered around pretending to be a man that not once had somebody spoken to me like that. How do I not need to thank you? If anything I was universally required to be on my knees and begging for your forgiveness. Thanks should just be the calk that holds together the ripe art of whatever apology I pathetically sputter. It wasn’t fair! Diamond thick safety nets incased our precarious psycho-fuck cliff, and yet even the gleaming webbing of those stretched harnesses weren’t enough. Paranoia threatened to tear the sick gum of us apart. You must really love me. No person would risk pressing themselves against someone they hated the way you did with me now. Unless you were just that much of a twisted pervert and that angelic body found it incapable to feel good without standing in front of hell’s fire. Within that shadowy cascade of your curling hair the dark orbs that rested within your edged skull shined even blacker. Normally they sucked clean the thoughts resting behind my face, but now they managed to lick shiny even the deepest parts of my being. Slurp after soupy gulp your irises cleansed away my evil. I resisted the center of me screaming to flee and instead compressed your torso into me with more crushing leg strength. If we turn to powder maybe that coughing cloud of residual character will snuff out my never ending trauma flame. God I hope it did, because if it doesn’t I’ll just keep swallowing your stardust down until I gasp to death upon its chalk.
17:45
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My request lingers in the air like a frosty morning. At first its clutching pass of sound past one’s ears kissed you with loving dew. However your mind seemed to be working as the silence drug on, and that creeping paranoia began to return. The question turned to ice upon my stubble. A lost man gripped tighter around you, and it’s possible my plan may have been to constrict a Mouse dead if she didn’t agree to the task. Foolishness spread sunny hot sand into my souls muddy mix when you hushed a seal of words upon my lips. Of course you will show me. You are my Little Mouse. The sick skittering stupid fuzzy fuck who despite natures best efforts refused to leave the company of her hateful companion. Fang strikes following bloody swipes of his tail had failed to send her fleeing. Sometimes the Mouse may wander in confused circles trying to replace its boundary, but night after night it returned with peace offerings of its love and soft body. Hot wet flaps of promise’s catalyst pressed their mark to my forehead, and the kissy spit they left behind sprung me to shivers when air brushed over it. If a typical man’s third eye was opened by seeing beyond the world, this individual’s was awoken only by Cami’s lips. Now I wish we did exist within some twisted fantasy reality, because maybe then you could actually suck my mind out of my skull. Just fucking drain my mind empty. None of the stuff up there is of any use to me or the world, so its possible that digesting it through whatever brain straw evil Cami fairies drink from may serve as a better use of the energy. You switched the soul vacuum to my mouth, and via my face you continued to ruin me. Your eyes had closed in the kiss, and I stared at you with wide madness while kissing back with the same passion. I love you, I love you If minds could be read you would have felt the sounds I pushed into those closed lids.
17:45
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Smooth finesse soon had a bra sailing behind my head, and I beamed up at this woman straddling my lap. Who is this? A wicked lighting strike of panic reminded me that my words had tied me to you. Why does that bother me so much? Oh right, its because I have never actually intended to back up my promises to any girl. However now that I had chosen to swear my returned loyalty, the gut tickling itch of responsibility hung over every encounter. Luckily in an equally perplexing move from my body this revelation only seemed to amplify my hearts buzzing. This might be love. I was embarrassed to have ever once considered saying it before now. You only say that because she is fucking you again. Maybe, but is that so bad? This trusting of each others intimate toiling may be the very bonding exercise required of our pairing now. That’s why my hands were currently being guided up a milky crescent moon. The lovesick spell we were under amplified the electricity sparking from every curved angle my skin licked over. I gasped when your path brought my palms to soft breasts, and you mirrored my sound with your own when the rough skin of my touch peeled a hidden scab. Stop! Our history demanded that this moment would be ruined if I hurt you, but sweet encouraging followups immediately had our conjoined heart throbbing again. My entire being became featherlight, and the center of my chest disconnected in an otherworldly disjointedness. Your flesh was so cold, and the hardened point of flush nipples opposed that iciness with their own newfound radiated heat. You wanted me to touch you like this? To be invited into a rebuilt sanctuary you personally vandalized with pitchers of blood is heaven like no other.
17:45
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‘Show me that you loved me.’ With the your tits cupped beneath my hands I rolled the palm of them sideways before catching both nipples between thumb and forefinger. Muscle memory almost forced me to pinch them, but instead I used the leverage of my arms to raise the ruined shirt over my head. Sweat combined with the scent of strawberry soaked textile, and I inhaled the aroma while latching my lips to your breast. Sucking on the exposed nub until it rolled between my teeth I would gingerly lick the top of it before letting gravity and taught skin pull it back out again. Each one got its own special pass of attention until they glistened with a satisfactory amount of my own saliva. Your hips had been rolling me into a bowl of man batter, and if you kept pressing me backwards like this I may turn into a fucking biscuit. “Your body tastes so good for me baby.” Something warm ran down my chin, and it wasn’t until the coppery scent of your reopened wound filled my head that I realized how tender that pain must be. My lips moved to the split section of baby smooth skin underneath your breast, and I pressed them soft as pink clouds into that little gash. It was honestly sad how familiar the feeling of fresh Cami between my teeth was, and I had a moment of silent vigil at the prospect I may never spill it again. Giving up the rending of innocents is a small price to pay for the forever promise of us. A hot line of my own cum drizzled from pulsing cock with a connected moan from my neck. Wrapping you down into me with coiling legs I rutted our hips together with another whiney, “Fuck.” After the embarrassing noise replayed itself off concrete, I made sure to push my hips up before saying, “Do you feel that Mrs. Feldt? If you want to feel how much love my body has for you I need you to spread wide so I can fill you up with its warmth.”
@killahxkylie
I don’t know why but for some reason when I made a similar request the last thing that I expected you to do was to listen. You shocked me when instead of pinching hard like I was used to, you kept that same gentle pace and latched your lips around my nipples instead. Your tongue and teeth against the sensitive buds had my grip in your hair tightening and I had to remind myself not to pull too hard. I didn’t want this to hurt. “F-uck Ivon-” I moaned on a sharp exhale. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this good without anyone actually touching my cunt. It had likely happened with you but this felt different. Every second, every touch, it felt like we had slipped into a different kind of space. As if we were floating in pools of sweet molasses, everything felt slow and sweet and more importantly it felt right. My hips were grinding down against you in a slow steady rhythm now and I wondered if you could feel me through the thin layers of fabric that were separating us. “It’s all yours to taste forever.” Once again my voice was doing that embarrassing whiny needy thing it did whenever you got my blood pumping out of my brain and it had my cheeks turning a similar tint to the long melted ice cream on the garage floor. “Ivon-” My words once again failed me when I noticed the blood running down your chin and before I could find them you were leaving feather light kisses to the split skin. My eyes welled up with hot tears that escaped before I could stop them. There was something oddly healing in the way you were being so gentle and loving with me. I knew that it couldn’t last forever but god if I wasn’t going to commit every moment of it to memory forever.
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21:36
The feeling of you rutting up into me had me biting down on my lip to hold back a moan, my fingers once again tightening into your air gave away just how good it felt for me anyway. Could you feel the way the heartbeat in my cunt matched the one in my chest? The throbbing pulse was uncontrollable and if I didn’t feel our bodies fully intertwined with one another soon I thought I might explode into oblivion. “I feel it.” The words felt like syrup with the effort it took to get them out. “I need to feel it more.” More sticky words dripped into the atmosphere as a hand traveled down your chest to the hem of your pants to push them down enough that I could wrap it around your cock. “I’m gonna love you forever Ivon.” I pressed my lips to yours as I hooked two fingers into the side of my panties to push them over enough that I could slide the head of your cock through my slick. “Can you feel what you do to me?” My lips were brushing against yours as I spoke, I wanted to taste every gasp and noise you made for me. You always seemed so frustrated by the noises you made but I loved each and every one. After a few more teasing rolls of my hips against you I finally sank down onto you inch by sweet inch until I couldn’t anymore. The gravely moan that fell from my lips was definitely loud enough for anyone nearby to hear but I was so lost in our own little world that I didn’t care.
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21:36
“You’re so fucking deep.” I whined moving my hips slowly so I could feel every inch of you with every motion. “I like it like this.” My cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as I once again took one of your hands to show you how to touch me. Brushing your fingers over my clit in barely there circles had me biting down on my lip again to muffle more moans. “O-oh my god-” my head dropped back and I could feel my hair tickling my lower back and my throat bobbing from the string of pleasured noises that were coming out of me on repeat. “Don’t stop baby-” Both of my hands moved to your shoulders so I could keep myself upright while my hips kept working. Every slide of your cock was setting off fireworks behind my eyes and I didn’t know if anything would ever compare to this moment right here. Would we keep learning each other like this once we got to washington? Maybe even before then? Was this somehow what we needed all along? If my brain wasn’t so thick with the deep pink fog I would probably realize how ridiculous that sounded but being lost inside of it let me be blissfully ignorant. “I can’t, I can’t god it feels too good I’ve- I’ve never felt this good before.” I could feel myself teetering on the edge of my first orgasm already but I was desperate for this to not be over yet. I needed more of it, I needed more of my Ivon that loved me and held me like I was something precious. As if I was something he wanted to keep safe instead of something he wanted to shatter.
Is it mine forever? Can I handle being yours? Normally saying yes without a second of thought would be easy, but with our skin stapled together like this it was impossible to lie. Our spinning island was pure, and any attempt to poison that soil would render the fruit grown in the land ruined. Nobody likely knows what their future holds when swearing loves proclamation. It had to say something that I was at least thinking about it, right? Stupid pink bird and her soft throat sang my name in a rattly chorus that had me reprising with my own melody of laughter. Teasingly I whisper-shouted, “Cami!” The harsh noise did not echo as solidly, but your cute little smile told me that you were having just as much sweet fun. Each second our sexes spun against each other ballooned my cock with more desire, and that very same desire demanded it bury itself deep inside you. You read my mind because next a cold hand squirmed its way between us to fondle at my stiff cock. That pressure of your demanding grip trickled shockwaves of orgasmic lust up into my torso. I wonder if you could tell how powerfully my body responded when you grabbed me like that? If we managed to not kill each other before getting home I wanted to ask if you would just gently squeeze me empty like that one day. An entire afternoon of soft hands wrapping my mass and carefully working to massage each drop of cum from my quivering balls. Does everyone fantasize about multiple sex scenarios with the person they are currently in the middle of fucking? How pathetic, you more or less fuck yourself the entire time, Ivon. No, not this time. This love dance was for Cami and I only. The lizard only gets to pout and watch. I crammed that little bastard back into his hole, and I let one of my hands return to cup your sweaty chest. You had chosen this spot specifically, and so I scalded it into my psyche to worship it.
19:49
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‘I’m gunna love you forever, Ivon.’ Fuck, maybe I am pathetic, because just that sentence enticed enough liquid warmth to run free that it drizzled down the side of your hand. My mind conjured the image of it webbed between your fingers… I moaned, and the stupid noise echoed around us again. Will we get caught? God, I hope so. Someone else better run up and burn this into their poor brain so another piece of the universe can remember this. Everyone and everything must be marked with an annoying twisty heart encasing our initials. My dying legacy is going to be buying all the land in our wake so every living member of that property is forced to face billboards bragging about what we share. Fuck blowing a heart into the moon, I am going to rearrange the stars into your name so everyone knows it. The secrets of your body may forever be ours, but all the nobodies down to the last skittering LA roach will think about it. Dynamite detonated within me when your hand quickly began to paint my sensitive head with your sugar. “F-Fuck slower!” I involuntary wriggled to relive the sensitive sliming, but you only responded by teasing me with your state. “Y-yes my love, I feel it.” Jesus atom bombing Christ it was true too, every time my swollen cock slithered between your lips my hips would desperately try to buck backward. Then the universe began to unwind at the very filament when you sheathed me deep into where I belong. Your guttural moan leaked another line out of me, and knowing this one found its home at the end of your guts sent my knees into a tremble. “I wish I could keep you there forever. Perched atop me and gripping it like that.” Your body played its part in the play by gripping drenched silky walls down onto its meal of me. Dear heavenly father, let this woman’s cunt meld to my cock, please?
19:49
.
You were right. We were locked to each other like slut sick freaks. The pitch and roll of our water bound ecstasy had me bottoming against some part of you with every dip. My entire abdomen was clenched together in desperation to not empty my quaking balls. God, just the thought of my hot seed pulsing this deep forced my eyes clenched to not end now. With a sad whimper, “Me too. This is better than anything we have ever done.” I liked that phrasing, even though we both new our souls had been brushed by other people, if we just pretend in language neither of us have a past what can go wrong? Speaking of pretend, when the fuck had my hand migrated to your clit? Oh that’s right, you were showing me. “Good girl, guide me to your sweetest dreams.” I repeated that rotating figure-six pattern you taught me, and its shape was locked deeper into my mind than even my own name. Do I know who I am? Fuck no, but I know the secret movements to make this little bitch melt.So much of you ran down into the mass of my pubic hair now that you might as well be melting. I was toying with the idea of just letting myself drain when you said those evil words. ‘Don’t stop.’ “Wasn’t even thinking about it baby.” I sealed the lie off with a tad more pressure atop pulsing clitoris, and the pitiful way you delivered that next sentence told me it worked. Here we go again sucking and fucking our bodies into a newfound level of orgasmic flair. The wobbling was in my abs now, the core of pleasure above my balls began its own throb. “Oh fuck, this is-.” I wanted to say bad, because in all honesty that organ whispered to launch me forward into something unique to me. “I’m going to scream.” I wadded a mouthful of your shirt behind my teeth, and bit into it while muffling a prissy moan.
19:49
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I couldn’t make it. I promise I tried Camilla. Your required homework of me teasing that nub fell sloppy when my mind melted into slush. Screaming various slaughterings of God and curse words into your shirt my eyes rolled backwards. Never before used muscles behind my forehead pleaded in agony against the stretching of my fluttering orbs. They were craned so far backward my entire world was red light, and this was just the beginning. So much pre funneled upward that it already began to leak free before my actual contracting orgasm had begun. Involuntarily my neck craned backwards, and my next gasping moan rang free into the parking space. “Im cumming~” I’d kill myself for the girly way that sounded if not for the fact my entire brain was drizzling into your cunt. Someone honked several times in the distance, and knowing they were either congratulating us or cursing the sin of our flesh reset the clock on my once in a lifetime orgasm. Both my hands left their assigned spots as my arms pulled you into a hug. Each yanking thrust of my cock into you only drained more of its hot contents. I could fucking smell cum so much of it had been freed from me. When my back hit the seat my eyes were barely open, and still half of my world was darkness from their fluttering roll. My hips bucked with sad little trembles, and each one would repeat that lighting bolt tingle in my cocks tip. It just kept fucking going, and so many muscles clenched in my gut it *hurt.” The center of my sex contracted over and over. Was I going to die in this endless repeating cycle of emptying for you? “It won’t stop, please.” Why was I begging? If you got up I may cry, and besides each steaming drop of it only sealed our loves vows. I wanted it again. Again. If I had to pin you to the floor of this place to get it one more time before we stopped this ritual Ill do it. “That’s my girl, come apart for me sweet Camila.”
@killahxkylie
’Good girl, guide me to your sweetest dreams.’ The praise shot straight to my core and I could feel the obscene amount of arousal that was drenching your cock getting worse by the second. Being in control in any sort of way was something that I never thought I would enjoy but even the simple act of showing you how to touch me had me feeling a completely different kind of high. You kept touching me exactly the way that I had shown you when I moved my hands away and that made me dizzy. It meant you cared enough to have been paying attention to the way I wanted you to touch me. That you cared about someones pleasure other than your own. Something about the way you told me you weren’t even thinking about stopping told me that you were already close enough to not have a choice. Was this all affecting you the same way that it was me? Still though the way that you put that extra pressure onto my throbbing clit had me keening for you. “God Ivon-” The irony of using a name considered by the masses to be so holy along with yours wasn’t lost on me but as far as I was concerned they were one in the same. You were the only thing, dead or alive, that I would ever worship. How many times a day would you have me get on my knees? My own thoughts made me whine right when you started to say that you were going to scream and had my mind not been so hazed over with pleasure I may have ripped the shirt from your mouth just to hear it. Still the muffled noises of your pleasure had my cunt clenching around you. I watched my favorite color roll back into your skull and knowing that I was making you feel this good had me watching in awe. “Fuck yes cum for me I want it all baby.” I dipped down to leave wet kisses and love bites on the column of your neck when your head tipped back until you pulled me into a hug that made it possible to feel every panted breath you were taking.
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20:33
I had yet to slow my hips at all even as I watched you falling apart like this underneath me. Every spurt of heat that you let go deep inside me melted my brain that much more and it didn’t take long for me to be able to feel it sloshing around inside my skull. The only thing that mattered anymore was me and you. The car honking had barely even registered when it happened, had they driven by after? If they did I didn’t notice. The only thing I could focus on was your eyes fluttering back open to reveal that sweet honey to me again. Your pupils were blown so wide that if I didn’t know any better I would think you were on something. The only drug here though was the sweet love laced sex we were indulging in. ’It won’t stop, please.’ For a brief moment I thought you might want me to stop but then you used a phrase I didn’t know would rip through me the way it did. ’That’s my girl..’ Oh fuck. Every muscle in my gut felt like it was tensing and relaxing at the same time, the tension ran up my spine and back down again before it felt like tiny explosions started going off simultaneously all over my being. The heat that rushed to my cunt was unexplainable, I’d cum so many times before but nothing had ever felt like this. My arms wrapped around your neck and pulled you back into a close hug, if you could call it that. My chest was heaving under your chin and I couldn’t control the lewd high pitched things that were coming out of my mouth. My hips were stuttering as they kept chasing the high you were bringing me and the rolling pulse that my cunt was doing was so powerful it was bordering on pain. “Ivon! I-von!” The feeling of wet lines running down my cheeks alerted me to the fact that I was crying, the pleasure was so overwhelming that I guess my body had to send liquid gushing out from other places too. This poor car. Would we ever get in one that the soupy mix of our cum didn’t ruin?
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20:34
“I love you” I whined before I cupped your cheeks to press my lips to yours in a kiss that was hot and messy but still slow and not rushed. Everything seemed so slow down after being up so high and the lazy drag of tongues was the only thing I was craving. My hips were still rolling in your lap as we kissed, the feeling of it sending little tendrils of electricity through my body with every tiny movement. It was too much but it felt so good just being connected to you like this that I couldn’t bring myself to stop. “I wish we could always be like this.” The words fell hushed against yours between progressively slower kisses. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I didn’t want things to go back to how they were before. We were clearly capable of being good to each other so why weren’t we capable of doing it for longer than an hour? “I don’t want to stop.” My eyes drifted to yours before they fluttered closed momentarily so I could wipe my tears away. “Do you want me to stop?”
@bonghitsforfeds
As the sentence fluttered away from my lips the entirety of my being flashed with the aftershocks of that high. Who the fuck were you turning me into? The things happening with my own body were so alien it was scary. Am I going to die? Why the fuck was my cock still managing to stay hard after whatever that was? The desire to go again had not waned in our fiery aftermath. My true desire was to repeat what we just did, but with you facedown in the concrete. Another spiraling uppercut struck my jaw when the fact it would hurt you changed my mind. Okay, probably not a good idea to throw her into the ground after promising sugary forevers. A million new ideas on how to ruin more of this car revealed themselves. Most of them ended with our likely arrest, but wouldn’t those minutes of continued love bonding be beautiful? ‘I love you.’ Oh you were definitely going to get it again now. Ivon Felt void of anger and full of love. What is this? “I love you too Mouse. I love you so much i-it-“ It fucking what? “It makes me glow with this fluorescent gross warmth right here.” On the queue of ‘here’ my hand returned to its home in your chest. “It just skips, hops, and thumps.” Jesus, was I one of those sad fucks they wrote about in stories? Man whose heart has never taken a literal or figurative beat bleats out a sad tune when he gives love a single chance. If I told that stupid therapist all those years ago that what I was feeling now was love would he laugh at me still? If I focused hard enough I could summon my own image of his pudgy face scolding me on getting attached to quick. Oh yeah bastard? Attach this. “No Mrs. Feldt. I think we were just getting started?” With a demonic grin I rolled my half erect cock against the ruined mess of you. A stretchy wet noise met our ears as the fuck mess mushed around. “You did order me to give it all to you right miss? Well, I think it still has some more left.”
21:41
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Having my mind cleared from that first round allowed some of the snarky bravado to snake back in. “Unfortunately doll it may prove impossible for us to stay here forever…” I let the sentence trail off with a sad hushed whisper, and during that new silence began to twist you around. At first you sort of fought it as the angles made no sense. “It’s okay little Mouse, I’ve got you.” My arms flexed in a reassuring squeeze. The cork of my cock broke free when adjusting in the car’s space, and a perfect mix of us ran in a gummy line over my legs. “Good girl, keep covering me in you.” I knew the love was made out of both our cum, but I liked the teasing angle of pretending it was all your mess. In all honesty I really did like the feeling of it ribboning back into my lap. It’s what I deserve after all. This entire spell was for you, and it’s not fair if the filth only stays in you. Once we both faced the windshield I let your back rest against my belly, and I combed a few finger lengths of dark mane. “I look good wearing Cami, don’t you think?” The hot words tickled out into the top of your ear, and my cock only grew stiffer between us. The scene was already in my head. It was going to hurt stuffing you backwards like this. Already I knew the entire length of me wouldn’t fit at the awkward angle, but it was going to fill you like a good little whore balloon. While working to worm you backwards up my torso the small of your back draped up my body in a slow climb. My eyes fluttered, and the dangling leap in my balls stole with it a yelp from my throat. “Every part of you Camila. It belongs to me.” Why had I chosen that wording? Hopefully it didn’t turn your mind around, and the fact it fell from my face so openly fired my mask with scarlet.
21:41
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Your gushing hole was hovering above me now, and my lips trailed kisses into your head. I wish I had four hands so this raising of you could take place while still combing at your hair. Had I ever been this into someones fucking head? I wiggled my nose into your midnight locks to huff a lungful of it. The scent of shampoo was barely notable over the smell of your sweat. “Perfect.” Could you feel the line of drool I left in it? It hadn’t been on purpose, but something about this had me full of that first nights memory. Already my cock danced with an urge to spill rivers, and it served a clear reminder to get on with it. “My turn to drive.” With that my hot flush meat penetrated you once more. “Fuuuck.” The dark melody rolled from my neck, and it made my eyes water to stuff you like this. A little over half my girth made it up into your cunt, and the airy whines you gifted me sent my ego soaring. Something about this while still intimate felt more dominating than what we just did. Even slowly dancing you along my length was strenuous at this backwards position, but nothing would make me stop. The effort kept our pacing slow, but it allowed me to keep teasing you. “Maybe I do own you Cami. I sure do seem rather skilled at making you squeak.” I made sure to rocket my hips with a solid leap after that evil line, and the jolt of me made your throat spill another song. “That’s what you were made to do baby.” It fucking burned to have you around my full hot cock, and the squeezing press of our angle combined with overuse made me cry. No, not spill a few tears, but actually let lose a few sobs. “You are so fucking good to me.” How had this started in that cafe? “Stopping in that stupid coffee shop was the best decision I ever made. Can we go back? Can we cover the fucking walls in what you bake up for me?” I tried to giggle at my own stupidity, but all I could do was moan again.
21:41
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Squelching smacks and hot airy gasps were your bed. The structure of that fuck fort was me, but the squeaking sounds of our cot came from fat lips. “Can’t kiss you back here, but I can do this.” In that same twisty six pattern you taught me moments ago my fingers danced into swollen clit. “I’ll be gentle, shhh.” I don’t know why I shushed you as it was obvious your noises were involuntary. Could you even hear what I was saying anymore or was this all just mumbled horny talk to you? My free hand wrenched one of your arms to the side, and I pinned it to your hips while using the other to still toy at flush bud. “Stop touching yourself baby, surrender to Ivon.” My cock throbbed with leaky spools of teasing pre before the next words could even leave my mouth, “Just give in to it baby. We both know you love me.” Maybe what I should have said is, I love you, but it was time for me to do a little rebuilding of the pink whore goo you call a brain. “Just melt into one Cami.” It was getting harder to focus on the pattern of this all again, and it took physical effort to not let my eyes dance backwards. Your cunt clenching toyed at new parts of my Cami plug. “I hope they bury you onto of me like this so you spend all of death’s eternity resting where you belong. You better die first too, or Ill make them cover you in that coffin alive. Would you die oxygen less and thirsty perched atop daddy’s cock if he asked you?” Something told me you would, and the fantasy of that was so good I teetered near another edge. Is it bad I got sad at the thought of you getting off while I was in hell to not hear it? “If I die first you have to promise me to visit and ride my tombstone. You spill so much for me that I bet they would have to power wash the fucking stains off.” How do you even cum to my running mouth? Maybe this was why you choked me in the motel that week?
@killahxkylie
Listening to you trip on your words when you tried to find the right ones to explain what loving me so much did to you had my heart doing a flip in the chest you pressed your hand back against. I could feel that same warmth you were talking about spreading outward from my heart to the rest of my body. I really made you feel like that? “I want to make you feel that forever.” My lips turned up into a small smile when you said we were just getting started and I couldn’t believe you really wanted to keep going. How many times had we even gone at it today? I was shocked that you could even get hard anymore and of course just as the thought crossed my mind you rolled your hips and sent a jolt of electricity running through me. “I want it.” I gasped when you told me you still had more left to give me. At this rate I was just asking for the consequences of having this much unprotected sex but maybe somehow the universe would be on my side and it wouldn’t happen. At least not yet. The motion of you trying to turn me in your lap interrupted my thoughts and made me tense as if I didn’t know what you were doing. ’It’s okay little Mouse, I’ve got you.’ My muscles managed to relax just at hearing the words and when I felt you slip free and the warm gush of mixed cum run out of my I wanted to run and hide in embarrassment. ’Good girl, keep covering me in you.’ My cheeks only reddened further and I could feel it creeping down my chest too. Did you really like being covered in our mess?
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11:40
A hard swallow made its way down my throat when you held me against you and let out a pathetic whine when you asked if you looked good wearing me. I glanced into the side mirror and caught a glimpse of the lewd sight of us like this that had me desperate to take you again. “You look so fucking good wearing me my love.” I knew this was how you intended to take me and with how far you stretched me out in every other position I couldn’t even fathom how full I was going to feel like this. When I tried to recall if I had ever actually enjoyed being in this position before I couldn’t think of a single time that I had. It always felt awkward, forced, and uncomfortable but with you? Feeling your chest against my back like this and feeling every rise and fall of your breath, being held so close to you, it was making me dizzy. How did you always make me so dizzy? “And every part of you belongs to me, Ivon.” I wanted you to feel like I belonged to you because I did. There wasn’t a single part of my mind, body, or soul that didn’t feel like it was entwined with yours. There was no possible way that anyone no matter how skilled would be able to untangle the bits of us that had knotted themselves together. I would never want them to, were we ever to be torn apart whether by circumstance, another person, or ourselves it deserved to be messy. Brutal. Ugly. Us being apart should never be easy or pretty.
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11:40
You buried your face into my hair and it sent a chill up my spine, could you feel my skin raise in goosebumps against yours? Something about it seemed all too familiar but I pushed the thought down. That was just another memory I could replace with this one, with something that I wanted just as much as you did. “I hope you always think so.” I hushed out into the open air when you muttered out a ‘perfect’. “Oh my god!” I gripped onto whatever I could reach, the car door, then the handle, and finally your legs underneath me. Fingernails dug into soft flesh as my head rolled back against you. God how I wanted to tell you to shut up when you kept on teasing me but even if I did the squeezing pulse my cunt was doing around you would let you know how much I loved it. “F-forever I’ll do it forever.” The words came out so high pitched from the sharp thrust you delivered up into me and you just kept on talking. I knew it must have felt as good for you as it did for me because you were actually sobbing for a moment before you forced yourself to get it together again. Any other normal human would have felt disgusted when you mentioned the cafe where we supposedly met but it just had me feeling like I was drowning in a thick hot pool of love and lust. I was going straight to hell but it was okay because you would be there with me. “Fuck- please-” I didn’t even know what I was asking for and I could feel my brain melting, slipping into that space only you ever put me in or let me enjoy. Hell you played into it, it was like you read me like a book.
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11:41
“Oh god oh god oh god” I whined out when you started painting those same strokes against my clit again. It was too much and I felt like I was going to explode. Hot tendrils of pleasure were filling my entire body and I could feel something building more and more with every push up your cock up into my drenched cunt. The way you shushed me only pushed me deeper into that space and I couldn’t even make myself say words anymore, only pathetic noises of pleasure and nods. It was easy to melt into one when you had turned me into a puddle of lovesick goo for you. My eyes were fluttering with the effort it was taking to keep them open and focused and I was almost positive I was going to die just like this. Something that was supposed to come out as a ‘oh fuck yes daddy please’ was so slurred and broken up by panted breaths and sad little whines that I wasn’t sure if you could even understand it. Your fingers kept brushing over my clit and every touch sent a sharp jolt through me. Instead of trying to flee from it though I arched my back to push my hips down and take you in even further. That in combination with the filth that was dancing off of your lips was too much and I tipped over the edge without even being able to say anything. I’m pretty sure I screamed but I don’t know for sure, everything sounded muffled and my vision was fuzzy at the edges. How did you manage to make me cum harder than I ever had before every time our bodies became one? An embarrassing gush of hot girl cum squirted out of me and my legs were shaking hard enough that if you tried to stand me up right now I would fall over.
11:41
Choked breaths were trying their best to make it into my lungs just to keep me in this plane of existence and somehow I kept fucking myself on you. Was my whore body just on autopilot now? I couldn’t stop cumming and it was so intense I could feel the warmth of tears running down my cheeks again. If I did die right now I don’t think I would be upset about it. You did say I need to die first after all.
Reason was cross with me for ignoring its pleas. Wisdom was on her side, and their argument hinged on how fast this is happening. Why would this girl want to make you feel like this forever Ivon? My mind always makes the little leap to money, but I had a good radar for gold diggers. You did not care about the money, and this was a conclusion my mind had reached days ago. So what gives, is it just the sex? That might be the road a lesser mind would be willing to take, but you had said so yourself that you want it to be more than that. I know I did and there was no reason to doubt what you had said. So is it really just that we have no one else who has ever cared? Can that sort of bonding even last? I’m sure smarter men than me have a phrase for that sort of thing, but if my mind could ever hope to recall it plunging in and out of your moist cunt was not going to be the time. My new paranoia made its nest within trying to figure out why. Does it really matter how we find each other or how we go about the future as long as our now is real? The skin of your face was lit with so much sunset red that the heat of it waved into where I nuzzled at you. Making someone feel this way normally was a powerful high, but knowing Camila Roberts got her soul poked by me was better. That’s not even the right word, it’s fucking amazing. Not the way people today use the word, but properly awesome. I don’t even need to finish anymore as my entire life is now dedicated to your state of being. Only the softest of beds and whispers for my mouse. If for a moment there is a piece of comfort you feel is lacking I will have failed myself. There was some sort of epiphany trying to spring free, but your comment about looking good on me wiped all the progress away. Pink refreshing waters reminded my soul of what it was built to do, and my hips began rolling with newfound vigor.
16:17
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Oh fuck, hearing you claim ownership of my stupid form was word wax. That sealing goo covered my head with its heavy horny weight, and it forced my skull to roll around the seat. Why was it that the part of you my skin was most aware of is that tiny acre of flesh that makes up your lower back? Supple and soft it bent against my body, and I wish my lips were currently rubbing themselves about it. It was time to fall into our glittering canyon again because the racing fantasies were starting. Even while melding the taffy of ourselves into a sour candy my head was full of how else we could do it. Over the hood? Bend you backwards over the rear seats and make your long hair dangle over the coupe’s boot? The only reason that one got the axe was because it meant someone else would get to see your complete lock of hair spread out. Your hair, that little patch of back, and your curling fingers are things that only I get to see. Somehow though the fire of your sweat oiling up my skin enough braincells fired to remember the task of purchasing you some laced gloves. Your fingers were more personal to me than any other part of your body. Currently they were grasping at my legs, and each carving of red they left in them was kicking me closer to release. It all changed though when my shaft sank further into its home, because the chorus of our voices drowned out anything else. My thighs were clenched with trembling might to not explode now, but my mind was not helping by pre playing the mess of me spilling out over us and onto the seat. Focus! Well, not too much or else I might- You began to chant out the thundering rhyme for God, and the fact you were calling that fat bastards name and not mind was infuriating. I let the rage fall out of my finger and into your clit, where not only my pace increased but so too did the hateful pressure.
16:17
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You called me that stupid fucking name again, and it sent my eyelids into a fluttering pace that matched yours. This is the kind of thing that aliens will turn their nose up at. We were just rubbing our sexes together while screaming putrid titles into public air. After that everything you said was overpowered by wailing Cami gasps. Every sip of air you took was expended in another wail. Did you even know how loud you were being? There was an urge to cover your mouth so no one heard us, but I’d rather get eaten to death by dogs than stop the sounds stripping your neck. Up until this point I was proud of my ability to hold it together until your legs started shaking. Slender moon colored poles trembling against my clenched inner legs sent me over. It was a combination of knowing how hard I had sent you this time, but also just the overwhelming sensation of feeling every twitch of your harmonic undoing. My favorite piece of back was jumping with its own counter beat, and it wasn’t until your voice started to die down that I realized mine had been pitched up too. Your filmy painting of my lap only got a few inches before my own splurging ribbons caught up to it. It actually was too much for once, and I wrenched my head sideways to escape the sensory undoing. Too bad your fucking hair was patterned out in the shape of a semi circle, and that fluttering length only filled my nostrils with more of you. “You dirty bitch!” Why was I accusing you? I personally had no clue but it did help to distract from how the orgasms had reached my chest. Are my nipples standing on end? Blushing while draped in a lacy sheet of milky Cami it finally started to stop. My fingers had gripped so hard into the door cubby that the plastic had pulverized into shiny shards beneath my fist. I wiped the little bits of car onto the seat before wrapping you in a reverse hug.
16:18
.
For a while we just panted against each other. Slowly my cock grew soft, and when that dam fell loose more of our mess pooled out. “You really did keep your promise baby, you covered me in all of it.” There was no urge to drink it like a girl drunk whore, and that meant that we may have finally found the amount of times we can drain me in a day. Once your weight had settled back again it was possible to free a hand and let it gracefully brush up and down your belly. “Think about how much of me is in you right now.” I laughed at the absurdity of that flirt considering how cold and mucked my legs were. Still, you know the underlying possibly I was poking at, and for once the tease was not meant in evil jest. What would our children even look like? You are doomed, Ivon. If this is doom then damn me to the lowest layer of it. I let the draping dance of my fingers move to just beneath your breasts where they would reverse in pattern and continue back down to your lap. Another line of me ran out and onto the floor where my nearly empty cock now pointed. “How is it still pumping for you?” I pecked a kiss into the back of your head, and the cold perspiration locked there forced me to lend lips to it one more time. “I love you Mouse.” I hated that whatever came next meant you had to get off of me. This desire to keep you pressed against me safe and known was stronger than the original need to have my way with you. Was this why women always clutched around after sex? You are sad. Goddammit. I pulled you closer to keep the thought from stealing my tears. No crying this time dammit, we have to remember this one forever. “I wish I could wrap a belt around our waists and keep you hanging form me like this all day. I’d wear you around like a little suit of armor so I know you are safe… and also so we can whisper hateful things about all the other dipshits.”
@killahxkylie
Feeling you come apart at the same time as me always made me feel oddly special for some reason, it was like we were so in sync at least in this one way that we were able to perform some kind of sacred ritual that we only shared with each other. ’You dirty bitch!’ I wasn’t even sure why you were hurling the words at me but they made my cheeks glow with embarrassment along with the sun. Were you turned off by just how hard you had made me cum or something? I knew I made quite the mess of the two of us, I could feel it dripping along my legs. Has anyone ever made me do that before I met you? I don’t even think I knew it was something I was capable of before you and I connected like this. I tried not to think about it too much when you held me close to you with your arms wrapped around me. At the very least you didn’t seem disgusted enough to be pushing me away. “S-sorry I made such a mess.” My words were still light and airy from how we were panting to catch our breath. The trailing of soft fingers along my torso had my breaths coming even more choppy as my chest jumped and my stomach sucked in. My entire body still felt like it was on cloud nine and the soft touch was giving me goosebumps. It wasn’t even a sexual feeling this time it just sent wildfire through me. The implied meaning behind your words sank in and had me swallowing hard. Was that something that you would want? I know we had talked about it a couple of times but not in any serious capacity. We probably should if you were going to keep pumping me full of enough cum that I swore I could feel it in my guts.
.
16:53
“So much.” I whispered softly as your fingers trailed their way up higher only to travel back down to where they started. It was a strangely intimate moment that we were sharing and I found myself craving more of it. I wanted to let you hold me like this forever. “I love you too, Ivon.” A small laugh escaped from my lips when you said you wished you could just tie us together so that we'd never have to lose this feeling and so that we could talk about people that we saw in the process. It did sound like quite the Ivon and Camila thing to do. Had I always been like this and just in denial? “I don’t want this moment to end.” I brought your free hand up to my lips to press little kisses to your fingertips and then your palm. “I want more moments like this.” The words were simple but they had so much meaning when it came to you and I. We didn't know how to be gentle together the way most couples did, sure plenty of people enjoyed rough sex but our violence was real and raw and not just for fun. If I was being honest with myself it wasn’t all consensual either. “I want to learn how to do this more.” I didn’t want to lose the borderline animalistic way we were with each other but I knew that if we were going to make it, if I was going to make it, I would need more moments like this too. Moments of soft, moments of love.
.
16:54
I knew of course that we couldn’t stay like this forever though and after enough time had passed that I started to get uncomfortable I peeled myself away from you to get dressed. I couldn’t wait to get some new panties because these ones were absolutely drenched and there was no way I would have these leggings on for very long before there was an obvious wet spot leaking through. “Thank you again for getting these for me, my love.” I said after pulling my shirt on, the fact that we no longer needed to share one in order to keep my ass covered was a relief. Standing on wobbly legs I dipped down to press a kiss to your lips and let out a soft laugh. “You know I’ve never done things as crazy and risky as I have when I’m with you?” There was no way in hell I ever would have done the things we did in the places we did with anyone from my past and I certainly wouldn’t have been so shameless about it. Something about being with you was freeing. Of course I worried about impressing you and being my best for you but I didn’t care as much what anyone else thought about me when you were around. When you were the one I was drawing attention with. That would probably change when we got back to Washington, I knew I was going to crave the approval of your peers like a drug. I wanted to feel like I belonged with you more than anything in the world and right now, at least for a moment, I felt that. “Shall we? I am parched and ready to get some fresh clothes.”
I buzzed out a sweet note at your apology. My favorite part of the brave doll was she always turned into this stammering apology mess after we walk out of the glittering palace. Although that is easy for me to say considering I was at least covered up by you. The mean lean to the Audi’s forward cant lent it a shape that caused your chest to peer over the door’s edge. I suppose it made sense that you would be nervous considering your tone belly was poking up for the world to see. The urge to tease you was there, but it would be mean to betray you like that. Mean, are you serious? Something in my brain has no doubt short circuited as compulsive need to keep you under lock and key still remained. My hips wormed down into the seat as to allow your starry body a lower resting point. At least by what you were saying you wanted this to last forever. One thing we seemed to agree on is the hostility although scary fun in its own way is not sustainable. Had you really enjoyed it that much? My chest galloped at the rolling waves to your own heartbeat. It got worse when your plump warm lips started licking sweet kisses into my fingertips. You serviced each one in an intimate way, and the abject care in the action pushed my mouth into nervous laughter. It was criminal to be so cared for. There was a coup in South America that my family single handedly served the supplying benefactor for, and I lost less sleep over that then this prospect of being cared for by you. This trust was fragile, and any stupid step of my stumbling gait threatened to ruin it. “I want more of it too Mrs. Feldt, Ill do my best to keep supplying it.” Who knows how long we basked in that afterglow, but our pressed skin began to grow clammy. With the saddest separation of flesh you rose off of me and began to clean yourself up.
18:50
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I rolled to my side and perched my cheek atop a hand to watch you get dressed. You knew I was staring because your red face was avoiding my eye contact. “You are welcome, the least I can do is buy you pants.” The unspoken part about the fault existing with the fact I had been drenching them in cum hung in the air as fat pink hearts. I tried to not look taken back at your admission, but at first my urge had been to argue. Glimpses of that bastard and his hand down your pants fluttered my lips with a scowl. I suppose it was rude of me to assume everyone lead the life of a spoiled brat. “I’m honored to defile my little moon temple.” I wanted to add how we don’t have to do it if you don’t want, but I was worried it would muddy our clear waters with patronization. Once you were close to finishing I started the process of tidying myself up. My legs were soaked. After ruffling through various compartments the glovebox revealed the car’s manual. It took roughly half of the pages, but tearing them out and wadding up the slimy filth eventually got the job done. There was a sad stack of sopping bible-thin parchment in the floorboard by the time I got put back together. Would you let me rip the pages of a real biblical binding out and melt them to your body with waxy seals? We could pick out our favorite passages to taint with your milky sacrilege. Would you let me then dress you over those crumpling sheets of God’s lettering so all day everything we do He is forced to watch? Your lips were moving and it took a disappointing amount of shakes to clear my head of its distractions. “Ready to go spend my money already hmm?” The comical tease to my words hopefully got across how much I was kidding. Rising from the car I glanced around at myself a final few times for the mental reassurance no slimy bits were clinging.
18:50
.
I offered you my arm, and I swear your beautiful eyes glittered in that shitty garage light. “Let’s go get the princess a drink?” With you at my hip like this anything was possible. Is this how those murderous war room freaks could walk the expanse of a court hall without blinking? It’s the dame who grips into their flesh with that knowing touch. All this time I thought men lived their life hiding everything from their significant other in some Machiavellian game when infant it was more likely they had caught a fluttering crazy bitch. Years from now will you hold me like this while we galavant the world? In some ways you already knew my worst secrets. Not the worst things as far as the moral code book of law would say, but I had shared the ones that rattle my heart the worst. Gunna talk about mommy then pal? Okay so maybe there were a few things left to talk about, but at least the ones that woke me with screaming night terrors had been spilled. The absurdity that you actually knew Chelsea was an empty rotting fruit in my home and still you were crossing this place with me willingly drove itself home. “Who would have known that you enjoy the Snake’s company so much?” Your lower lip twitched while that brow furrowed into thought. Our walk to the elevator had the sun crossing your face in different shadowy shapes, and I had to look away to not reach down and lick it. I guess even when tamed by Cami’s magical body the awful thoughts were still there. Am I fucking doomed to always think like this? Three cars down we passed a man leaning against a company van, and he shot us a thumbs up while laughing around a cloud of smoke. He only chortled harder when I rolled my eyes at him, and if I wasn’t worried about losing my temper I’d have engaged in the fine art of telling one to fuck off. “He’s just jealous he didn’t bag the baddie.” I made sure to say it loud enough the notes met his ears.
18:50
.
Pulling you closer to not let you spiral in that slut shame circle I know you slosh around in we rounded the corner to the elevators. “See, I already scouted ahead for us my lady, so we know the route.” Did the accented flair to my voice sound just as pompous to you as my own ears felt it was? Maybe the real question I need to ask myself is if Ill always second guess your commitment. “You try so hard to love me baby, you may even have me convinced of it.” Smiling at your own joke has to be a red flag. Oh well, at least it wasn’t the outright typical egotistical laughter. The doors still weren’t open, and I cursed the slow function of everything in LA. How did this place have so much fucking dosh yet the stupid elevator is this slow? I swear the coke den that a split connection got interrogated in had faster shit than this. “Fuck, I’m kind of a whiney bastard huh?” How many times had I called other people a nag? Too bad the cult of moon doesn’t require one to go on apology tours. “The cool thing about us being together is I never have to think about making anyone else happy anymore.” Was it hellishly toxic to only be polite to one person? Yeah, but I bet you would drink up the attention. “Can I drag my little baby around to all the dances and treat everyone else but her like garbage?” Imagining the look on glitzed up big hair rich whores when I tell them to pound sand was quite a fun jaunt. “We could even lead them on with how kind I am to you just to double dunk on their stupid confidence.” My eyes drifted to the roof at the last sentence, and a hard look of evil settled into their depths. I swallowed heavy before saying, “I like being mean to people.” It felt edgy and pathetic to say, but it had a point, “But being sweet to you is my new favorite flavor.” Three squeezes into your arm transmitted the message buried there.
@killahxkylie
“Yes I am Mr. Feldt I can’t wait to be spoiled by you.” I smiled back at you, the teasing tone in your voice putting me at ease about the entire situation. It was definitely going to be a rather difficult adjustment to let somebody spend so much on me, or to let someone take care of me in any capacity really. I had gotten so used to doing everything for myself a long time ago, not that I had much of a choice. Looping my arm with yours so we could make our way to the elevator I felt like I was on top of the world. Was this what it felt like to have someone genuinely want to be around you? It felt so foreign but amazing to have someone look so proud to have me on their arm like this. We looked like an absolute disaster together at the moment and people were probably going to question if we were lost when we made it to the shops but I didn’t care. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that nobody else in this place could hold a candle to what we had with and for each other. Would any of them kill for anyone the way that we would? I highly doubted it. They would probably turn tail and run leaving a trail of cowardly shit behind. The thought made me laugh softly to myself. You must have been able to tell how happy I was feeling because you told me you never would have known I would enjoy the snakes company so much. Right when I was about to answer you and let you know that I enjoyed your company more than I ever would have imagined we passed a greasy looking guy leaning against his van. It was obvious he had been standing there listening and probably watching what we were doing and I felt my face flare red with shame. Your words helped to make me feel a little bit better but still, who knows what he had seen and knowing that he had heard it all embarrassed me. So much for shamelessness huh?
.
13:04
When we rounded the corner and you kept trying to not so obviously keep me from slipping into a shame cycle I was grateful for it. Did you even know that you were comforting me so much or did it somehow come naturally to you even with whatever demon inhabited your brain? “What would I ever do without my prince charming?” I snorted a laugh because we both knew that was the complete opposite of what you were. Still though, you had gone ahead on your own to get my clothes so that I would be more comfortable and that had to count for something. “I really do love you, Ivon. You know it’s ironic that you’ve felt upset with me for not believing it but you do that same thing. We’re both damaged idiots huh?” I leaned against you as we waited for the elevator which seemed to be taking its sweet time. Another giggle bubbled up and off my lips when you called yourself a whiny bastard. “You? No way.” I turned my head to kiss your side when you told me the cool thing about us being together was that you didn’t have to worry about making anyone else happy anymore. Did I find it hard to believe that you ever actually worried about that before? Definitely, but I wasn’t going to say that. It took me a moment to answer after you finished everything else you had said. Would I really be okay with going to events with you and watching you be rude to everyone but me? I hated myself a little for the fact that I thought I would be just fine with it. Hell, if I was being honest with myself it would probably make me feel fantastic to be someones first priority. “I would love to go anywhere with you no matter what the circumstances are, Ivon. And I know you like being mean, I’ve seen the look on your face when you do it. You always look so satisfied. I like you being sweet to me too, it’s way better than any ice cream cone could ever be.”
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13:05
Three squeezes to my arm to symbolize what I was almost positive was your silent way of saying I love you seemed to be the universe's elevator button because right after there was the ding signaling the arrival of the sleek box. After stepping into it and watching you hit the button for the ground floor I snaked my arm around your side and squeezed you back three times. “You know.. Somehow getting new things together sort of makes this feel more real. It’s like the first step of a new life. At least for me.” Anxiety and excitement were bubbling in my chest at the prospect of it as the box lowered us closer and closer to the ground. “Thank you.” From the rental to making sure that we could travel and just taking care of me in general, even it was in between hurting me. I was grateful to you for it all. The doors slid open and my eyes lit up like a kid on christmas. It was gorgeous and everything looked so neat and fancy. Even the people looked like they were from another world. The plaza was broken up and there were little traveling salesmen outside in the courtyard in between all of the designer stores. The grounds were so clean I couldn’t spot a single piece of trash. “It’s so pretty” I smiled up at you as we made our way deeper inside and I had to put a conscious effort into ignoring the looks we were already getting from people. Have they never seen someone having a rough fucking day? If it weren’t for wanting to actually do some shopping I probably would have asked them to their faces. “Let’s go in there!” I pointed to the sign for Burberry, one of the many stores I never would have stepped foot in on my own for anything. It was probably incredibly basic of me but I was so excited I was practically skipping as I dragged you towards the entrance.
@bonghitsforfeds
It was nothing but embarrassing how much my chest rang when you called me your prince charming. Obviously it was meant in jest, but just being the target of your attention made anything sickly sweet. It was difficult to not come unglued on the van leaning prick when your reaction was so obvious. Would he find it so funny if I made him chew and swallow the nasty cigarette he puffed on? For once I missed the car of body guards and the false bravado they provide me. Damaged idiots, even a few days ago if you had said that anger’s ghost would have phased into my skull. You could likely say anything at this point without pissing me off. It’s moronic to assume that the glittering magic dust will last forever, but might as well bask in the glow for this afternoon. You kept pulling yourself deeper into my waist, and the crescent moon’s aura was prolonging the spell. I wanted to respond how its nice that you disagree in thinking I am a nag, but it was hard to make words when my heart was sliding out of its cage. The pink hue faltered when you dove into my comment on being cruel. So it really is that obvious I revel in it? I wanted to hope that you just knew me and that bond allowed you to deeply observe, but I knew better. A sigh escaped my lips however I should have waited because you continued to wrap it up with a loving bow. It shouldn’t have cooled me as much to know that just my pleasantness being recognized by you made all my other sins seem less drastic. My eyebrows climbed high in mock astonishment at the ice-cream comment. “Better even than the sweet treats?” You had sat on the edge of your ruined life and scarfed down frozen cream, yet just me spilling a few complement coins your way was better? “I can use that against you now.” I felt better after the encounter. Not perfectly cured of hating my own enjoyment of cruelty, but at least there was now a vehicle for atonement.
14:16
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I couldn’t help but be taken back at your observation. This did make everything feel rather set in stone didn’t it? Even in the hospital you had been under the fresh veil of victim, and even though you still wear that shawl it had been made into an outfit. This was a proper date. Knotted together by the strings of our tired limbs we prepared to face the world as a.. couple? “Not just for the Mouse. I am full of nervous excitement too.” My free hand came up to scratch at my scruffy beard. “It’s better than the dip of a ketamine high it’s…” Am I comparing you to drugs? Shaking my head I spoke after a reflective chuckle, “I’m just excited to be with you Cami.” The tiny ‘thank you’ squirmed out of your lips, and I chose to just hug you close while descending to the shopping plaza. The star spangled dance to your phrasing still hung thick between us, and I felt the Ivon need to be a hopeless romantic flare, “Nothing brings Mr. Charming more joy than to make your day brighter.” I pecked a kiss into your head, and licked the dampness off my lips right as the lower set of doors parted. All the bullshit in the cabin was worth it for how your entire demeanor shifted when exposed to your chosen locale. It really is a freeing feeling to look at every brand on the wrapping brick wall and know any object inside can be yours. When growing up in the gross glamor of it all the raw enjoyment of the act fades quickly. The feeling is still tickled when you purchase something that truly floats your boat. Some dudes are into owning people, others like to polish planes. This man liked to light up the eyes of crescent shaped midnight headed dolls named Camila Roberts. My psyche teased that there could be another girl with the same description, but I assured it that you would probably just gut her neck if that was true.
14:17
.
‘It’s so pretty!’ It was alright. Normal people can still come bump into you here, and it didn’t exactly smells super pleasant. Not that it had a bad aroma per se, but it just didn’t have anything special going for it. At least it was clean, and the comical way your eyes lit up informed me to keep my snobby opinion on lock down. “Yeah, I really enjoy how its like… stores in a circle.” Excellent work Mr. Bond. I needed to salvage this. “Its hard to find anything striking when heaven’s most recent banished angel is laced up at my hip.” I bumped you with my side, but you seemed to already have selected a location. British fashion, hang me in this square and squash my remains. “Great choice little Mouse, get you all dolled up in a long coat and some big shoes?” Honestly as much as I didn’t want to admit it you would look cute as shit hopping around in draped earth tones. I was genuinely curious to see what you chose to peruse inside. Are you a gems and gold girl, or a sweaters and shoes gal? Heads around us turned to stare, and normally this would have my ego pissy, but it was easy to just float in pleasing you. A broad shouldered security guard eyed us up and down. He spoke into a radio, but we must have passed his vibe check because nothing came of it. My logistical mind was churning to figure out what they had talked about. Had his comment into the transceiver been directed at us at all? It wouldn’t surprise me if they knew we had been up to no good from parking garage cameras. Fuck, that managed to heat my cheeks into a flare. Were we just the slutty couple all the venue staff were giggling about now? Its hard to get in front of the stupid pity train, but at least we had crossed to the stores entrance. I pried the door open from its HVAC seal, and beckoned you inside with wave of my arm, “After you, Mouse.”
14:17
.
For a storefront sorta place this location was not large on the inside. It made up for the lack of floor space by being tall, and racks of various mannequins rose up in towers all round. They were segmented at various parts of body, and most displays only had enough fake person to display the specific article of clothing they were showing off. Lots of perpendicular lines, lots of hats, it’s Burberry. My jaw set into a sharp crooked point to not allow my eyes a roll of their sockets. Some universal dream came true, and you pulled my arm forward to drag me toward something that caught your eye. My eyes lulled back and forth like ice in a glass, and they were pinpoint focussed on the back of your frizzy head. “Drag me around forever baby…” Could you even hear me? After the sentence left my face I was already second guessing if it had been said period. Hungry, thirsty, drained of cum, void of rage, and now following the footsteps of my moon diety. This is better than anything. So many new plans for today were aligning themselves in my dream-like scrapbook. Can we eat somewhere with an appetizer I can plop in your mouth? Is there anywhere in these rows of buildings you will let me service your body more? Focus! No, I don’t think I will. Whore brain soup steamed my soul with evil plans while you guided me toward… something. A sense was tickling my head through all this pink mist though. Was I forgetting something? My head snapped to the and the door attendant was fumbling with a kiosk. Why hadn’t they credit checked us? Worry had enough time to lay its seeds down, but you distracted me by yanking my attention to a rack of sweaters. Whatever you spilled next from fat lips was going to be a Cami opinion, and so all vacant space in my thick head cleared way for your next words. One of my eyebrows rose to a point in drooling anticipation.
@killahxkylie
A pout had just painted itself onto my lips when you didn’t seem as enthralled with the shopping center as I did. Of course it made sense to me why you wouldn’t be you had probably grown up shopping in places like this and being able to get anything you ever wanted. There were no rules that people who weren’t well off couldn’t come to places like this but it was just depressing when you would leave with nothing but grease stains from the pretzel you ate while window shopping. Not that I knew from experience or anything. I couldn’t fight the smile that replaced the pout when you managed to come up with a line that was so perfectly romantic and cheesy. “A fantastic save Mr. Feldt.” Rolled fluttering eyes flashed in your direction before I tugged you through the door to look around inside. It wasn’t a completely unfamiliar sight, I had seen enough movies and been inside enough shopping malls to have at least looked inside the higher end stores. ’Drag me around forever baby…’ I almost said something snappy and sarcastic but I knew with the way you are you probably meant it. You would let me drag you around wherever I wanted to go as long as you were the one getting to spoil me. Was it only okay because I didn’t actually care about the money? I never wanted you to think that I was using you for your wealth. A Camila Roberts shaped scar left on your ego and your heart was something I didn’t want to add to your collection.
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15:26
My eyes landed on a rack of the softest looking sweaters I had ever seen. There was an array of muted colors but the simple gray one was the one I had my eye on. I plucked one off of the rack in a small and held it up against my torso before looking up at you. “What do you think?” Before your words could even part to answer I had changed my mind and put it back to take a cream colored one in the same style, I had always liked the way my hair looked against the color. “Nevermind this one is much better than the gray.” The thought that I could probably just get both and you wouldn’t mind hadn’t even made itself present in my head before I moved on to another rack full of long jackets. It wasn’t something I had ever owned before but the style was cute and I was definitely intrigued so I grabbed one of the classic tan plaid ones and draped it over my arm. Tugging you along through the store I kept purposefully trying to avoid anything shiny that caught my eye. Don’t be a gold digging whore Cami. As if anything in this store was cheap.
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15:26
“What do you think of these, baby?” My eyes had landed on a soft tan bucket hat that had that same classic plaid pattern in a darker tan and white all over it and without thinking I pulled it onto my head and then peeked up at you with a smile. I knew it probably looked absolutely ridiculous especially with how my curls had been neglected for however long we had been together now but it still felt like the cute coupley thing to do. Being with you like this and doing something so simple came much more naturally than I had thought it would and I found myself craving more and more domesticity with you. Images of us cooking food together in the kitchen, the way you would probably come up and rest your chin on my head while I was trying to focus on chopping something up, or the way we could dance in the moonlight on some balcony that my minds eye had decided must exist at the house awaiting us in Washington. I imagined bubble baths with silly bubble fights and lazy summer days full of chlorine and lemonade. All of it littered with the soft drag of lips against flesh and sweat dripping on the floor everywhere we went to mark our territory. I snapped back into it and asked you an absent “What?” As my cheeks tinted pink for the millionth time feeling embarrassed for having spaced out so terribly while waiting for your answer about the silly hat.
You wanted my input? Barely resisting the urge to rise to my toes in excitement I was going to complement your choice on something lacking plaid. That was until several nano seconds passed and the worth of my input apparently plummeted. You were shuffling items back onto the shelf, and I felt my gut churn at being forgotten. I knew better than to place any blame on your behavior as it was obvious you were just excited. Wooden hangers rattled while suspended from clinking metal hooks. The heat of the precarious few moments faded when you continued to search, and my head tilted curious what would pique that interest next. The exact same article was produced again, but this time in a smoother note that reminded me of your legs. Her legs aren’t even that color, Ivon. Yeah but they are… adjacent to that color and therefore the hue reminds me of it. My heels clicked together with an angry jolt as I snapped from the useless thoughts. Luckily I don’t recall you asking me a question again, so it seems this color was just a complete improvement to Cami standards. The West coast accent mixed with Germanic familial notes and I rolled as much sultry cream into what I said next, “Only I know how to fit it to your shape best Ms. Roberts, so make sure you let me help you get it on.” Fuck that one really was cheesy. I pointed my chin upward to let the cooler air of the ceiling unit blow away the heat radiating from my face. The butterfly was flittering its moon drop shaped wings to another shelf, and her hand clutched into a new garment. Your staring at her fingers again. I was mad to be interrupted because what I noticed afterword was that your next choice had those stupid lines that intersect. Plaid. That one would have to get ripped off of you in the next twenty four hours. Curiously my opinion wasn’t asked for on this one and now we had migrated to hats.
18:40
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I wanted to tell you that if any question squeeing those lips ended with baby that I would just say whatever you needed to hear for it to happen again. This fucking thing also was covered in my favorite pattern but the more you gathered the outfit up the more your image within it became easier to conjure. Fuck, it was going to work and I was going to like it. “I think it barely deserves the honor to sit upon a goddesses head, but you will make it work I can already tell.” Your eyes glazed over, and I couldn’t place a purpose to the cogs workload. It couldn’t have been what I said. Those long legs weren’t doing their familiar clench they do when my words send you there, so what gives? Whatever had you locked up must be good, because the love sick smile you forced into my face was honestly scary. Is she going to drink my blood? This is one of those shock images you see that jump cuts to a room full of murdered people. ‘What?’ So it does happen to you. That stupid look on your face copied itself onto mine and we stood beaming dumb grins at each other. “I said, I cannot wait to see you in it Mrs. Feldt.” God, it made my chest flutter to say that and I already wanted to just call you my wife. It would be robbing our future selves of that luxurious high to splurge now… but maybe there is something I can say to tease the notion further? “You know, there are a few big diamond names out there, maybe after this place we could get you something?” I obviously was not specifying ring shopping, but I was growing familiar enough with your madness to be confident that you thought of weddings too. Much too early for that, but it is my job to keep your head spinning after all. My arms reached for your gathered bindle, and I slung the load over my shoulder after you relented. “Can’t have you carrying all this.”
18:40
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You just stared at me a moment longer, and I waved you away with a glinting grin. “Shoo Mouse, keep picking things out I know you are just getting started.” This place still had accessories and shoes, and it wouldn’t be an outfit without everything. Might as well complete the walking advertisement look by getting decked out in a full get up. Normally muling around someones stuff would demean me to the action of just dropping it all, but being your insipid donkey is nirvana. It occurred to me after you continued drifting around that I hadn’t picked up anything for myself. Is anything in here even my speed? Across the far side were displays of pants that maybe looked like something I would wear if forced at gunpoint. The tight fitting trousers came in flavors like dark blue and maroon. The red ones were alright but that was about it. Perhaps on the way out I can swing by that end and snag it… but that would also mean giving into my original hatred of everything here. In all honesty this mule was obsessing about lunch. The snack of your dancing ass was easy to stare at while navigating this space, but the occasional fragrance of something cooking nearby penetrated the notes of fresh textiles. Mouth watering I kept forcing my eyes to the back of your head, but they would have to pass over that section of lower back first. It really was a repeating hell and it would be rather polite if you would just get uglier and not be so goddamn distracting. You stopped to manhandle another article of clothing and a redhead across the isle let her eyes hang on us for a blink longer than I appreciated. Was she judging us, or was she checking one of us out? Bitch better get her cum catchers off my abducted wife lady. “Already got this one under lock and key, trust me.” Her face screwed up into a look of, ‘I didn’t even talk to you,’ but she must have smelled the crazy and quick walked away to another isle. Dumb cunt should mind her own business.
@killahxkylie
“You’re seeing it on me right now, silly.” A teasing smile played its way onto my lips before they floated up to meet yours. Something told me that that wasn’t what you had said the first time when I hadn’t heard you but you complimented me the second time so it must not have been too bad. I hoped anyway. That sweet name floated off of your lips so easily now and the fantasy of us actually getting married was flooding my head now. You only made it worse when you mentioned there being multiple big diamond names here and wanting to get me something. Did you mean a ring? My face heated up at the thought and I wondered what kind you would pick out for me if you had to choose right now. Would you be able to nail down my style already or would you be way off base. I almost wanted to go into one with you just to ask you which of the array of them you would pluck out for me. I had to force the thoughts in my head from going too wild because I had a feeling you were dangling the idea in front of me on purpose. My face was scrunched up in thought trying to figure out just when or if you would actually try to propose to me again or if me saying no to the one in the hospital was going to be it for us getting married. That thought made my lips tug into a tiny frown for a moment until you reached for the few things I had gathered up to carry them for me. Now that was definitely something I didn’t expect. Ivon Feldt carrying around my things as we shop? Was there actually a gentleman somewhere in there hiding?
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17:29
“Okay I’ll try to find something to go on the bottom for this.” I smiled and made my way around the store keeping you in tow, partially because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t grabbing anything you didn’t like and partially because I didn’t want you to disappear on me. I really hoped that eventually that fear of you disappearing or wanting to leave me behind would dissolve. Then again it had been since I could remember that I had grown accustomed to people disappointing me so it certainly wouldn’t be a surprise if you did up and leave. After a couple of laps around the store my eyes settled on some plain black skirts and I picked one of them up to hold to my waist. I figured it would match everything else well enough but then I second guessed myself and picked up a dark brown one instead. Right when I was turning to ask you your opinion I heard you say something to some woman who must have been staring judging by your choice of words. Had she been looking at me for that long without me even noticing? No wonder he was able to get his claws into you so easily. Of course hindsight was 20/20 and now that I looked back on things I could easily point out all the moments I should have known you, well someone, was following me. The idea that I could have stopped this before it had ever gotten to that first night on my bedroom floor flashed through my mind and as quickly as it was there I pushed it out. I didn’t want to think like that anymore, I didn’t want to have any regrets, not about us.
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17:29
Little sparks on anger flickered in my skull when the tiny voice that lives there decided to chime in and remind me just how fucked up that was when I was just trying to have a nice day with you and I was desperate to direct it anywhere else. The woman who was rightfully probably wondering what the hell had happened to us would have been a great target had she not walked away so fast so I found myself just standing there seething with the skirt still held up. “Which color?” Maybe if I just focused hard enough on the task at hand the little flickers would dwindle back into nothing. Or maybe not. My eyebrow twitched for half a second before words came bubbling up out of me “You know I’ve always found it so INTERESTING how people in this city don’t know how to MIND THEIR BUSINESS!” Red tinted my cheeks from my own childish outburst and I immediately wished that I had kept my mouth shut when multiple customers turned to look my way. “Case and point.” I muttered before turning back to you to try and act as if none of that just happened so I didn’t have to explain the shit storm that was ensuing in my brain. “Do you think the black would match everything or is the brown better?”
The obedient nod was accompanied by a flush of your face then just as fast you fluttered off to a new destination. With the focus of a war dog I scanned the room for any new surprises while working to keep up with your invisible path. It was cute how we seemed to lap back around the same part of the store multiple times. Was there a Cami catalogue of the building’s wares amassing within that perfect head? There was a bright smooth finish to the shelvings facia, and I would let my fingers drift over it as we ransacked the space. We were passing the skirts for a third time, and I was dutifully cooking up something snarky to say about it when you reached out to grab one. Oh, are we verging on a possible decision? My legs stiffened into mock attention, and my eyes followed the garment as it was plucked from the shelf. The interaction with nosy bitch came and went, and I had already returned my focus to you question. Black or brown? I wanted to say black immediately just because it matched your hair, but the peripheral of all your previous choices hanging from my shoulder paired with the earthy tones in a pleasing way. At first when you started into the outburst your eyes had still been locked with mine, and I initially was under the impression the words were aimed at me. So, in the beginning there must have been a look of evil churning within my mask. Was this bitch talking to me- Oh, she is ganging up on weird lady. Multiple unrecognized heads were looking our way now, and funny enough having an audience put me at ease. Try and kick us out of the fucking store, we will walk across the street and pay homeless people five-hundred dollars a piece to come throw their drunk nobody shits at the windows. Before answering your question I had to get my own digs in, “They are from California babe, it’s very hard to not stare when they are manufactured and plastic.”
22:30
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Am I a manufactured West Coast fuckwad? My hand shot to my jaw where it rubbed long strokes as if searching for any cosmetic surgery that had occurred unknown to me. Nope, I’m still natural and perfect. You were still starting at me and it took a few flutters of your eyes before I could recall your question. “I think brown is where you find the win doll.” The next words about to come out of my mouth made me physically ill. “It matches the plaid better I think.” My finger followed a similar oaken hue in the stupid intersecting line of the hat you had chosen earlier, “See? Brown.” My words were definitely worded sarcastically, but I ladled in a golden spoon full of that encouraging proud tone you had unlocked in me. My eyes darted back and forth between both choices, “You can just get both if you want?” Why had I not offered before? Are you trying to be sweet by picking one? I almost teased you for the adorable display of self control, but it was such a pure part of your personality the concept of drawing any attention to it was scary. The last thing I needed to do was give you a complex about not being a gold digger. Better to not set my own estate on fire before getting my lunar nuclear bomb home. Speaking of home, we really were still in LA weren’t we? Barely managing to swallow a sigh my head rose to scan the room once more. A well dressed group of men two rows over were staring at us, and one of them whispered something to a taller member of the group. Were they making fun of us? Possibly police? Typically I would have lashed out at them too, but we already had made a scene seconds ago. Plus, I was not tempted to push the places willingness to kick us out when we were lucky they even let us in with our current crash landing survivor outfits.
22:30
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A recognizable tinge stuck to your mood, and sadness welled up inside of me. It truly had rustled you that attention had been drawn to us. Very deep inside of me locked within a cold metal cage was the ruined mess of self awareness. Some part of Ivon knows that I had caused this by lashing out at random store girl. I’d never fucking admit it. God could probably speak to me right now in the form of a burning shitty plaid hat and tell me to admit it out loud or else, and I’d just ignore the holy command. Honestly store girl should be happy I didn’t just kill her. Good job King, you didn’t kill an innocent women for the crime of shopping while near you. Damn straight, people should be more careful. Still the task of repairing your momentary drop in mood remained. “Baby…” I closed the space between us with a large step and wrapped the arm not supporting your shopping cart around the back of your disheveled body. In a soft voice I said, “The snake is so proud of you for lashing out at the LA idiots. Honestly, they stepped in your grass right?” I let your eyes rise to meet mine, and hooked a finger under your chin to pull our lips together. A quick kiss and swapping of sugary spit and nothing more. Our mouths parted with a precious smack, and I almost cried at how my cock didn’t grow hard. Damn, you really had emptied me out. “Now keep making me proud…” I almost added a bit about standing your ground, but I liked the idea of ending it vaguely more. Just make me proud little mouse, how? That’s for you to figure out I guess. Maybe the evil piece of shit within me can be satisfied manipulating you into making me happy. You see instead of striking my wife and forcefully fucking her when not expecting it Ill just subtly shift my preferences and watch her scamper to keep up. Healthy right? Would you scramble desperately to make me happy every time I willingly started acting out for seemingly no reason? I bet you would drive yourself mad trying to unravel my barbed wire sp
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All that remained was shoes, and we had made enough revolutions around this place that their location was acutely aware to me. I couldn’t help myself, “Is it part of the shopping tradition to walk by the last part of the store seven times before we pick something up?” I motioned toward the rack of sneakers with a nod of my head. Hopefully my grin betrayed my wish to not be directly hostile. I still caved and found the need to apologize, “I’m really just kidding baby please take your time.” I actually meant it to. What the fuck is wrong with me? I am carting all this stuff around and apologizing? In all honesty it felt grotesquely fun to be so nice with you. Is this our future together? Silly jokes, sweet apologies, obnoxious wet kisses, and mad shit talking while perusing stores all around the world? “I mean it Ms. Roberts, Ill carry your bags around all fucking day.” Okay perhaps that was laying it on thick at this point, but I really wanted you to know that your enjoyment was the priority. My hand laced into yours and I drug us to the angled spindles of wavy wood supporting different shoes. My preference kept worming its way into my mouth, and teeth currently latched themselves into sore tongue to not spoil it. It was important to me that everything you got today was your choice, and I had already committed to shutting up about British fashion. Inwardly however I hoped you picked sandals or open tops. It wasn’t about any weird fetish thing, but instead about insuring an uninterrupted line of skin from your thigh to bony ankles. You had already chosen skirts as a bottom, and it was important that as much milky moon meat was visible to the sky. It’s a religious thing you understand.
@killahxkylie
The way that you not only weren’t turned off by my little shit fit but also played into it made me feel a little more at ease about my own behavior which I wasn’t positive was a good thing. Either way all I felt for it was thankful because for a brief moment, even though you had had plenty of your own outbursts and had even admitted that you enjoyed being mean to people, I thought you may just berate my behavior and then leave me in the dust to rid yourself of the embarrassment of being seen with me. “Ah I see, you make an excellent point. I would have asked for a botox recommendation but lucky for me I’m not a wrinkled bitch yet.” Well at least I don’t have wrinkles. The bitch part was arguable. My eyes watched as your hand ran along your jaw as if you were checking for your own imperfections before you finally clocked back into the conversation and told me the brown would look best. I had suspected as much but it was still nice to get your opinion, even if you struggled to compliment the garments that were very obviously not your favorite style. The sarcastic edge to your words almost had me saying something smart again but they were also dripping in that encouraging honey so I let it go. “Are you sure?” Pinched brows and a small pout looked your way before drifting down to look at the two different options and I handed them both to you hesitantly. “Thank you my love.” I smiled when you really took both of them and I could feel it lighting up my eyes too. Those same eyes followed yours around the room until they landed on a couple of well dressed men and I wondered if you were worried they were following us or something. The space between us quickly closed and I thought you were about to tell me some well thought out plan to get out of the store unnoticed. Instead you spoon fed me sweet words about being proud of me for.. Being an asshole?
06:09
Why would I expect anything less out of Ivon Feldt. A laugh bubbled out of my chest before our lips pressed together in a sweet little kiss. Butterflies erupted in my stomach but nothing more. So that’s how it feels to kiss you and not melt into some pink puddle of goo. It was a rather enjoyable feeling kissing you casually like that. I wanted to do more of it.
06:09
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’Keep making me proud.’ Those words spun round and round in my head as we went round and round the store. How long would it take the sugary spindles of words to turn into a sweet cloud of cotton candy? I had lost track of how many times we had lapped the store at this point but I swear every time we went in a circle I saw something I hadn’t noticed before. I had managed to add one of the cute knitted looking pullover shawls to my pile of stuff along with a simple pair of black sunglasses with golden arms. I figured if we were going to be in the car for a while on the way to Washington it would be nice to not squint the entire time, the visor only does so much when you’re in a car with no top. “Hey! I’ve picked up a couple things” I gestured to your arm where I had added the whopping two things to the pile with a smile that was teasing. I knew this was taking me forever, shopping always did. Maybe once I got used to being able to have anything in the store it wouldn’t take me so long. “Be careful Mr. Feldt if you keep being nice to me like this I may get used to it.” I teased as your fingers laced with mine squeezing three times as they did. In all honesty I could get used to this but I knew it would be dangerous too. How long could things actually be this nice for? How long could you actually be this nice for. I certainly wasn’t trying to jinx it but a part of me had already come to terms with the fact that I would be better off just soaking up the good when it came but not trying to force it, and definitely not to expect it.
06:09
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Shoes. You brought me over to the shoes. It did make sense considering I had already built an entire outfit aside from that. Still though, weren't shoes the bane of most men's existence? I could recall several times where I was told I had too many and I only had maybe 8 pairs, all carefully picked out to be able to go with several different outfits and still match. “Okay let's see…” I let my eyes run up and down the racks of shoes as if we hadn’t already passed them several times. A sort of pale pink pair of sneakers caught my eye and I plucked up a pair in my size making sure to slip my foot into one of them and it fit like a glove. “Looks like I’m a size seven shoe here.” I have no idea why I bothered to say it out loud as if I wasn’t a size seven almost everywhere. Glancing over at the clothes I had picked up I also grabbed a pair of black heels, not too tall but not too short either and they had an ankle strap and open toe. You can’t go wrong with a pair of black heels. They go with literally everything. I had just started to walk away after only picking up the two, I really didn’t want to grab too many things and look selfish but then I saw a pair of strappy black booties that I knew would look really cute in fall with just the right sweater and some leggings. Looking up at you with them in hand the question was written all over my face. “Would it be okay for me to get these too? If it’s too much that’s fine! I don’t need them or anything they’re just- I just thought they were cute.”
@bonghitsforfeds
An honest thank you floated my way, and I basked in the glow of being its target. The feeling I had been searching for since we left the motel finally revealed its sneaky self to me. To this man the feeling of spoiling his lover starts in his shoulders and lower neck. It’s a warm spreading of relaxation akin to having a soft brat wrap her hands around sore flesh just before a massage. From there it progresses into a rapid spread of joy that shoots down to my legs and hands while simultaneously crawling to my skull. It typically ends in the face with a hot blush, and right now that experience was so powerful I was worried puffs of air would condensate into our space from how flush I was. With a fluid motion I added the new skirts to the growing arm pile and I had to shift the stack closer to my head to keep proper grip. Fucking hell the sensation of happy aftershocks still rocked my body, and it ceased the moment your quivering brow disappeared. Already I was slipping into the role of one upping myself, and the urge to offer another location in our shopping day was urgent. Our little kiss saved me from the destructive path, but I knew better than to assume the need to drown you in gifts would not arise again. We had barely made it to a new stop when you tasted those mental dew drops clinging to my head and offered perfect counter tease. Get used to it? Mr. Feldt. Dear grinding Jesus on Satan’s fat cock you were getting good at delivering that line. There was a forward tilt to your head, and the phrasing was given to me through fluttering eye lashes. I hope you did get used to it maybe then you can make me better, mold me into something nice, maybe even a loving man? “That would be absolutely terrible, wouldn’t it?” I let my eyes close to amplify the dorky smile on my face.
14:49
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The extremely life changing choice of your shoe was still upon us, and your eyes were sizing the wall up. In an atypical fashion your moon mask didn’t betray any emotion behind it. Was it living up to your expectation? Was that weird hollow sour feeling of not being completely fulfilled by spending already filling you up? Oh no, did I buy a broken bitch who hates shopping? I was just about to properly spiral into anxious unraveling when you spoke up about the sneakers. Were they what I had been hoping for? Not in the slightest, however they were Cami incarnate. Pink, weird frill lace effect to the raised sections, intersecting fucking lines. I’ll admit it wasn’t plaid but I was infected with hatred for it now. You were mumbling about sizes and pulling the cute shoe on. Finally you were about to have something to walk around in. Good work man, you finally got your date some fucking clothes to wear. Honesty everyone needs to leave me alone I am a grown man trying his hardest. Internally moping about the choice I had been fumbling for a complement when you plucked some more items off the shelf. Heels meant your leg would be firm, and you’d look at me above the neck. Heels meant long lanes of milky spires. The question you asked barely had a second to hang between us before I barked out, “Yes!” Awkwardly my weight shuffled back and forth until I regained the momentary horny loss of composure. “I mean, yeah baby get anything you want.” My delivery drug out like nails over anything, and I really fucking meant it. “You can get the whole goddamn wall if you want, but we can only fit so much stuff in that tiny rental trunk.” I nodded seemingly satisfied with my cleanup of that embarrassing outburst, when a nearby group of shoppers mumbled, ‘goals,’ to one another before wandering off in giggles.
14:50
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Were they talking about us? My ego seemed to like that prospect, and it filled me with the bravado required to keep carrying everything. You will never find out how sore my shoulder is. The pouty thought lingered just long enough to feel bad for myself, but then my eyes were back to covering our tracks. Was my paranoia evident? You better get used to that with the crowd you will soon be hanging around. Father always had a saying about pool parties being the best because its really hard to hide a wire in your pussy. As a younger man I wished to ask why he knew it was hard and not impossible, but if you knew Claus Feldt you would know why I chose not too. One moment you are laughing so hard that your gut is threatening to burst, and the very next he is holding your head beneath the pool at the age of twelve while screaming at you for being an inept clown. Sorry dad I was a kid and in my defense stomping an inured squirrel to death is fucking gross. I had gotten lost in my own melancholy, and I forced my best reassuring look of love onto my face before nodding at nothing in particular. Deep inside I hoped you didn’t push the momentary reflective sadness. My stomach growled, and I readjusted my uncomfortable weight around. Am I grumpy? Is the honeymoon sex effect wearing off or does baby Ivon just need a meal? Hopefully I will feel better after food. The beeping sweep of a far off cash register reminded me half of this dance still needed to be carried out, and a mischievous lick of silliness ran up my insides in preparation for this next bit. “All done little Mouse?” Unfortunately we still have to pay for it all. Should I tell you it was a pass time of mine to pick out the prettiest girls at parties just to take them on trips like this and bounce right as it was time to pay? I called it putting a whore in her place, you would likely find it less amusing.
14:50
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The best part of these inner city outlets is they keep the lines cooking quick. There were two parties in front of us, and nobody was carrying a large load so it was our turn soon enough. It was disappointing as I wanted more time to poke at you in the line, but at least it meant we were one step closer to food. Plopping the humble wad of clothing onto the counter I leaned against its surface to continue my scattered thoughts. She was greeting me or something equally as annoying, but my face was just turned toward you. It was canted a few degrees to the side and while lost in dark starry eyes I finally regained the controls to my train of thought. It had been over abandoning women for sport. Not my cup of stars. I’d dive over this register’s kiosk and eat the eyes out of the cashiers head if you needed me too. I don’t even think I would need to be convinced it was something that would truly bring you joy. Just the act of being asked by you would be enough convincing. The total came and went, but my eyes never left yours. Stuffing the paperwork into her face I ignored the follow up questions. She must have figured it out since product was being stuffed into plastic bags soon enough. Had you answered her? It hardly mattered to me because propped against that fake wooden counter I decided a lifetime with you was worth anything. The last few weeks might as well have been a few flights of stairs with how little of an effort it felt for the reward of pointlessly spoiling my Mouse. After this I get to go snag a quick outfit an then we will get to share a date. Not quite a choice venue so I would dare to yet call it a real outing, but as a fellow kidnapping survivor myself now I suppose beggars cant be choosers. Today was going to be perfect, nothing can stop our charge now that we are united. After what we have survived it would take a big snake in the grass to surprise us.
@killahxkylie
You were so excited about my second choice in shoes that it almost made me blush. God you didn’t have some sort of weird foot fetish that I didn’t know about somehow yet right? If that were the case then we were going to have a serious talk because that was one thing I was absolutely never going to do with you and if you ever tried the only thing my foot would be doing was kicking you straight in the balls. Really? That’s where you draw the line? It did seem ridiculous when I really thought about it but one, my feet were really ticklish and two it was never something I could get into. You wouldn’t be the first guy to try it if you did. “W-well thank you.” I couldn’t help but stammer when you said I could get the entire wall if I wanted if it weren’t for our tiny trunk and when I heard the mumbled ‘goals’ my cheeks did tint pink. Could they really have been talking about us? Did they actually mean us as a couple or just the way you were spoiling me right now? Surely they must have meant someone else I mean did they see the way we were dressed right now? “Yeah I’m finished.” Something inside me told me not to ask about the way you seemed to keep scanning the store for who knows what, I could only assume you were worried about more of the terrifying men like the ones who brought us to that cabin. If you were paranoid because you wanted to keep us safe how could I possibly have an issue with that? If anything it was only more of a turn on, instead of wanting to hurt me for once you wanted to protect me and that was honestly a feeling that I could get used to.
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17:45
Going to the checkout was a little intimidating in a way that I didn’t think it would be. What if they took one look at me and tried to deny your purchase or something? I knew the paperwork must have worked because you came back with not only food but leggings too. There were two people still in front of us and I could feel myself nervously rocking from heel to toe over and over again as my eyes wandered the store for a distraction. My eyes landed on another couple who seemed to be out enjoying the day together. So far she had picked out one of the plaid dresses that I had briefly considered before putting it back on the rack and a pair of black heels almost identical to the ones I had chosen for myself. Is that what we would look like to people once we were put together again? Like a normal couple out just doing normal couple things and enjoying each other's time and space? The idea sounded really nice to me. The woman behind the counter gave you a total that had my eyes feeling like they were going to fall out of my head and I realized then why nothing from these stores had ever graced my closet before. I mean seriously too many things in one shopping trip was the equivalent of buying a used car. The woman was nice enough, although I imagine working at a higher end place like this if you aren’t your job is probably snatched away from you like nothing. The face to the brand matters or some shit like that. “Thank you so much, have a nice day.” I was honestly a little surprised you hadn’t exchanged any pleasantries with the woman yourself. I mean she hadn’t been rude or overly friendly, it was the least you could have done. So much for that flickering thought about there being a gentleman somewhere in there.
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17:45
“You didn’t get anything?” The realization dawned on me when we were heading out of the store and I wondered if perhaps you had another store in mind before we finally got something to eat. My stomach felt like it was doing a weird twist inside me as if I hadn’t just given it some kind of sustenance. Apparently it wasn’t satisfied with just half melted ice cream and was now rebelling by trying to eat itself. What were we even going to eat? I had no idea if this kind of place only had your average greasy mall food or if there would be better options here as well. For whatever reason I was craving chinese food or some kind of sushi, just thinking about it made my stomach growl comically loud. “Sorry, I guess I’m a little more hungry than I had realized. You know I bet they have that one store here that you said you liked, Calvin Klein right?” I don’t know why but I was hoping that the fact that I remembered would be impressive or something. As if it isn’t the most basic human task to remember something someone else says to you. “I could use some extra underwear so I won’t complain if you’d rather go there for your stuff.” Not that I was expecting to get anything else for myself. I mean I didn’t want to be greedy, but I was having a good time with you here doing this and maybe a small part of me was growing more and more nervous about Washington. The excitement was still there buzzing about too, but getting just a small taste of what my new life would be like was definitely eye opening. Nothing was going to be the same once we were home.
@bonghitsforfeds
The fluffy way you thanked the cashier after checkout was endearing. How did you manage to lace so much frilly sweetness into everything you said? My shoulders ached from weeks of strain, and this was evident when I stopped leaning on the counter. Maneuvering myself to a normal standing position was painful and I cursed my body for its weakness. So many things about being home are so easily taken advantage of when they are there every day. I missed my nutritionist. I missed my morning and evening workouts with my chest facing the sun. Was it extra to have a mirrored workout setup to always face the sun? Probably, and the housing manager had told me that installing an actual mirror would accomplish the same thing. Maybe I just have a boyish problem with being told I can’t do something. The simple spectacle of Camila standing in front of me right now likely proves that observation true. You didn’t even give her the chance to tell you ‘no’ shitbrains. The same pain in my shoulder complained when I hoisted the thick plastic bag of clothes up onto it, and your continued smiles with the lady at the counter had me miffed. Would you be so nice to her if you knew what she thought about you little Mouse? That very woman will step behind those fluttering doors on her break and text her friends about the bitch who bought six months of her mortgage in clothes she will wear once. My eyes burned holes into the front of her makeup covered face. We hate makeup now? No, I hate this bitch and her bitch-cake makeup. My temper had returned with the hateful bow of hungry, and that meant it was time to really start hurrying. How desperately I wished to say something hateful to her, but instead I placed a hand into the small of your back and began to guide us toward the door. Besides, I only promised to be nicer to you.
07:19
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‘You didn’t get anything?’ I couldn’t help the wistful smile that crossed my cheeks. “You pay a lot of attention to me Ms. Roberts, do you perhaps have a crush on me?” Turning sideways to fit the dangling bags of merchandise I squeezed through their door and back into the pavilion. I hadn’t heard whatever you apologized for, but your adorable comments about being hungry made me feel not so alone in the world. Having your partner express hunger just as you begin to roll the desire off your own tongue is such a happy little feeling. I huddled around its unfamiliar warmth. You strengthened its heart steaming glow when remembering the outlet I had mentioned in previous conversation. You notice and remember me? That’s something that is rather new to this angry sack of meat. Typically soulful conversations had to be bought, and at the very least the underlying friendship had been payed for. Woe is me, but it is lonely knowing everyone is around you for something other than your personality. You want them to stay for your charming company Ivon? Do you listen to yourself? I attempted to distract my growing fit with conversation, “Don’t be sorry babe, in all honesty I am starving as well.” The weak emptiness to my gut definitely agreed. While scratching at your messy head, “I bet your bet is right cutie. Let’s go grab me an outfit, get changed without spilling ourselves onto our new clothes, and then find a bite hm?” Just talking about food had my mouth filling with drooling anticipation. “Let’s make it quick too, I-“ A flash of metal across the walkway caught my attention, and the sentence in my mouth fell to silence as I watched a man remove a shiny pen from his pocket. He scratched something into a checkbook before handing the now signed document to a salesman. I really am on edge today aren’t I?
07:19
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Your head had turned to follow my gaze and I let my hand fall to drift across your face. It stayed palm side down against your check just long enough to feel intimate before I let it return to my side. I suddenly had the urge to wash my hands, and already regretted touching your body before having done so. Being in public had me self aware of my state. At first it hardly bothered me, but society has a way of reminding you to behave. I could feel your curiosity at my distraction, “Don’t worry, I am just anxious. I’m hungry, and feel dirty.” Its a worriedly naked feeling to be so open about my emotions, but also oddly… nice. I needed something to distract you. “Say, why don’t you pick my outfit out at Klein, it might be fun to play dress up with your favorite kidnapper?” Did you like being teased about our pairing? It probably would have been a better choice to keep pretending. Is it normal to regret every third thing you say on a date with someone you actually care about? I felt out of my element and usually girls felt rather in my element. “Clothes, change, food. Good plan?” Maybe if I just keep fucking repeating myself you will forget how idiotic I am and agree to something. It took monumental effort to keep my focus on your face and not let it dance back to the man with the shiny pen. What if the original flash I had seen had been a weapon? Looking at him again would shatter the fake perception of not being worried. Truth was I am concerned. It may just be paranoia, but there was a creeping con sixth sense of being followed. As infuriating as it was to imagine father having us tailed, I would much prefer something like that than being thrown in the back of a van again. Last time we went through that I still had the strength of my previous life, and I didn’t like our odds of making it out a second time. Your lower lip had a tendency to pucker when deep in thought, and I resisted the urge to kiss it while awaiting your response.
@killahxkylie
Do I have a crush on you? God that made our connection sound so simple and I wasn’t sure if I loved or hated it more at this point. Did I have a crush on you though? When I thought about all the times I had that feeling before it certainly felt different than this. A normal crush felt like.. Wait.. oh my god I do have a crush on you. Can you have a crush on someone and be painfully in love with them at the same time? I could feel my face screwing up as I tried to think about it and had to actually force myself to pay attention to you again. “Yeah that sounds perfect. I’m sure we can manage to make it quick this time, sorry it took me so long to pick things out I’d never been inside that store before…” I was about to say more, about to make a comment about how I don’t think I could get myself to fuck again today if I put my all into trying to, when I saw your gaze trail over to where a man was handing someone a signed check. My observational skills were clearly lacking in comparison to yours because I had only assumed the flash was a harmless reflection off of someone's phone screen or the like. Was I just asking to be murdered one of these days because I was so blissfully unaware of my surroundings? That’s probably how I ended up in this situation to begin with. Obviously you had followed me out of that coffee shop the very first time we had ever interacted and I hadn’t even noticed. Well, I did, but I assumed you were just some innocent person taking a photo of something other than my car. Without even thinking about it I was leaning into your palm at my cheek, it hadn’t even crossed my mind how long it had been since you washed your hands last. “Well.. maybe after we eat we can get out of here and find somewhere to take a shower?”
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09:45
“I-” I shook my head when you said it might be fun to play dress up with my favorite kidnapper but I also couldn’t help but laugh because you were my favorite out of everyone who had ever kidnapped me. Nevermind the fact that the others had also been because of you. What would have happened to you if I had stayed behind? I could have. Would they have ended up killing you and then having someone come to take me out so I couldn’t say anything? I couldn’t believe my own naivety at thinking I ever really had a choice. At thinking that if I had stayed behind my life would have just gone back to normal somehow instead of ending in some tragically violent way. I bet people in my nice little neighborhood's blood would have curdled at reading what happened to their neighbor right under their noses. Something in me felt oddly satisfied at imagining their disgusted faces and guilt wondering if they could have done anything to stop it. Especially my old neighbor with the dog who kept trying to alert us both that something was clearly amiss at my house.
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09:45
“Sounds like the perfect plan, my love.” How long had you been waiting for me to answer as I was lost in thoughts that would make a normal person question my sanity? I hoped it wasn’t too long as we walked our way through the center courtyard of the shopping center until the large Calvin Klein sign came into view. “There's our next stop.” I pointed to the sign and tugged you along so we could peruse through the racks there. This was definitely more my speed when it came to the layout of the store and the items themselves. It was easy for me to pick out a few things for you, whether or not you would like them at all was a different story. Everything that I handed to you I did with a smile on my face. The first was a pair of deep navy pants, the second a simple charcoal gray colored t-shirt with the big CK logo on the front and finally a gray pullover sweater that matched for when the early morning dew was still clinging to the grass and the chill of early spring still hung in the air. I was about to announce that I was finished when I spotted a black button up that I thought would also match the pants alright and handed that to you too. Of course being myself I couldn’t resist plucking up a pair of pink sweatpants and a matching hoodie for myself after looking at you to see if it was okay and adding it to the pile. “Oh! Fucking underwear, we both need some.” Tugging you along I found the aisle and picked us each out a few pairs so that we could make it through the next few days without being absolutely disgusting. As much as I hated doing laundry before I would do unholy things to have access to a washer and dryer right now. “Think we can change in the dressing room after we check out? I really want to put something else on.”
Here you went apologizing again. What engine within you possessed that mind to churn out so many of them? I had visited the notion previously you may have been treated poorly as a girl, but this had to go deeper. A sneaking suspicion suggested you were afraid of me and I hated it. God, how many nice outings does it take to make up for the evil you have done to someone? You have to actually stop being an evil piece of shit as well Ivon. Being nice is a bitch to be honest. You distracted me though by moving our conversation immediately toward showering. Had it been my touch? You had seemed to enjoy the loving gesture, but everything of recent had my mind full of second guesses. The man and his stupid pen filled that space of madness nicely. I wanted to take the pointy thing and drive it through his fat fucking face. He isn’t even fat. Fuming, and with my hand woven with yours, we made our way up the pavilion. My stomach wished for food with sad churning gut-sighs, and it made everything out here smell so damn good. There was stand selling churros, and the employee was currently handing one out in a greasy bag. The swirling thing glistened with fresh melted sugars, and I swear it smelled so strong of cinnamon that there were cartoon lines rising from it. Various stalls sold toys, cheap clothes, and other various knick-knacks. My wandering eyes enjoyed the sight of one man tying together balloon animals, and I was thankful that his outfit was only goofy in a colorful sense. Honestly the three piece he wore that was dazzled in various colors somehow worked. My state of attire must be fucking desperate if I am jealous of a street performer wearing what looks like what happens when a tailoring shop sneezes. My lack of cash felt like I had lost a super power, and I wished for a few dollars to get you one of his floating animals. It reminded me to go by a real bank before we left.
22:06
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You finally said something, but my eyes only watched your mouth move as the words spilled. Those fucking lips… None of this felt fair, and it still alluded me how you managed to get this far in life without being kidnapped. You were pointing toward the sign now, and like a pathetic lap dog I followed you along. The bounding sway to your shoulders and hair had me wrapping back to similar thoughts. “You know Cami, people in history fought wars over women like you.” Before now those tales of men raising armies to win back a girl always felt foolish, just walk your ass to the King’s harem and buy a new broad, what’s the big deal? If anyone ever laid their fucking hands on you I would chew them off and spit the substance back into their eyes. My own wandering thought kept me distracted as we entered the store. Brisk air conditioning was a welcome change from the short walk outside. It wasn’t humid here, and the sun had a way of sapping all life from your body. LA couldn’t get by just stealing money and sanity from all its inhabitants, but it also insisted on robbing you of moisture. After no time you were stuffing a pair of dark trousers into my hands, and I nodded at you in response. Had it been because you were smiling when doing so? The next thing you gave me seemed to prove the hypothesis, as I didn’t even notice the logo on its front until a few aisles over. “Babe, I think if you smile at me I would let you rake my fucking guts out.” The sentence felt familiar in my mouth, and the fast moving pace we kept about the store made it difficult to recall the setting I said it originally. When had I been handed a sweater? Whatever, it was immaculately soft and it found a place atop my shoulder so I could lean into it.
22:06
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Something about underwear? It was sad how easily that plucked me back from mind’s storm. Just as fast we had new garments in hand. “I hate clothes shopping.” It had fallen much too flat before I got a real chance to explain my meaning. “For myself I mean… but you have a way of storming through these places that makes it enjoyable.” It wasn’t lost on me how many times we had paced around the last one, but maybe it was a combination of winding routes and your company. My hand gripped tighter into the un-purchased fabric as if I could ring the skill to speak not like a dumbass from its woven textile mass. Whatever I said must have worked, because you kept lasering me with that perfect face before talking of changing. Had that been a subtle flirt? Somewhere deep within my core there was a twitch to my desire for you, and I hated how easily that part of me was cranked over again. You don’t hate it. I leaned down and forward as if speaking to someone much shorter while also pointing my chin up to exaggerate the effect. “After we check out we can get my sweet baby whatever she needs.” But after that, it will be time for some fucking lunch. Checking out went faster this time as we got lucky and there was no one in line when it came our turn. I forced myself to at least make eye contact with the cashier, but both you fuckers will have to pry ‘thank you’ from my cold dead hands. With my hand in your soft pocket of lower back I guided you toward the changing rooms. The attendant there gave us two shiny numbered keys, and I hope she knew that only one of these will be getting used. Even if my body demanded it I may forgo feeling the inside of your cunt again just to get to lunch quicker. Hunger before women… maybe I am changing? Once we had rounded the corner from the worker I leaned into your ear, “Are you more of a number three or number seven kind of gal, doll?” I motioned toward the sigil etched into the colorful piece of plastic within your hand.
<@676219030142713868
I was still riding the high from you telling me that men in history fought wars over women like me when I plucked new underwear for us off of the display. Did I actually want men to want to go to war over me? That sounded so insanely stressful. I realized how ridiculous it was that I was taking it so literally but with a man like you it probably was. I didn’t have a single doubt in my mind that if some other man tried to whisk me away, or better yet managed to actually do so, you would rip the throats of however many men it took to get me back without so much as a second thought about it. Why did that thought make me blush? It quickly drained from my face when you told me that you hate clothes shopping and instead was replaced with a pout. “You’re getting pretty good at the quick saves today, Ivon.” I smiled again and followed you along to the checkout. “Honestly all I need is to change and get some food, somehow that ice cream only made me more hungry.” There had definitely been some playfulness to my tone when I mentioned the changing rooms but the idea of actually trying to have sex again so soon was painful, literally. We had already melded ourselves together so many times today that anymore and I was liable to sob the whole time. Not that that had ever stopped you before.
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11:25
“Thank you so much, have a nice day!” If you were going to be a stubborn donkey about saying thank you then it was the least I could do. I could see the judgment dancing in the cashier's eyes and it made being sickeningly sweet to her that much more satisfying, even if it was hard to resist asking her what her problem was when we were handing her more money than she made in a shift, likely multiple. When we made it to the changing rooms and were handed two keys I could feel my insides buzzing with excitement at getting to put on new clothes. At this point I would have taken anything over the tattered and blood stained shirt I was currently wearing. “Hmmm you know what they say, lucky number seven.” I grinned and held up the seven before once again tugging you alone to the right room. Honestly I was surprised you had been so willing to let me basically drag you around since we had gotten here. I wonder if that would wear off the more times we got to do this together, if eventually shopping with me would just be another boring and mundane task in the life of Ivon Feldt.
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11:25
I pushed the thoughts aside when we slipped into the dressing room and slid the lock into place behind us. Nothing was going to ruin this day, absolutely nothing. Least of all my own stupid meddling brain. Maybe if you let it meddle more you wouldn’t have ended up a captive. Is that really what I was though? I could figure it out later. Right now all I needed to figure out was which of the new items I had picked out I wanted to wear. “Do you think it’s going to be hot for much longer?” Everything in me was longing for the comfort of some cozy clothes and the new matching sweatsuit I had picked out would be perfect for that, if it wasn’t for the annoying way the sun was heating up the courtyard still. Eventually the sun would dip lower in the sky and it would be the perfect temperature. The thought of us on the highway with the top down in our new clothes made me absolutely giddy. I had alway loved night time drives, something in the air felt different when the sun went to sleep and the moon came to life. “Will you choose which new thing for me to wear? I can’t decide and it’s probably better to wait to wear the stuff I got here until later.”
Number seven? Oh God, you aren’t a gambler are you? How many successful mobsters in the past had been ruined by a beautiful matching pair of eyes whose depths hide a dark money problem. Oh well, let them write a book about how the multi century criminal Feldt empire fell to a girl. Dad did always say the real gangsters are all dead. One of the hardest times he ever struck me is when I felt clever enough to mention that most big movie criminals are family men. The tears streaming down my face at the time had been the opposite of funny, but in hindsight having the shit beat out of you while your father screams, ‘I do love you,’ is objectively hilarious. A bony hand rolled itself into the ruined fabric of my shirt and pulled me along into a stall. The inside was spartan spare a bench and a tall mirror. A few rods stuck from the wall, and I took the time to begin hanging our new clothes upon them. You were asking me questions about outfits and weather. Normally in a time like this all I would be thinking about is filling you full of me on the plastic bench. I swear to you my love the heart is willing, but the flesh is too weak. At this point I had separated the outfits, and already the task took too much attention form you. Staring at your reflection in the mirror, my eyes followed the locks of your hair while I spoke, “I think you can rock the sweats now if we grab you a parasol. We passed someone selling them on the way over here, and they had pretty laced ones that screamed ‘moon goddess.” Calling you that sacred title again managed to make my balls hop. Can you see the hunger in my eyes, and the desperate need to taste you again? Focus Ivon.
11:57
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11:57
With one hand in your back and the other on your belly I guided you backwards into a seated position. The bench didn’t even make a noise underneath you, and it is kind of unfair how light and perfect you are. From the new spot my arms offered me reach of the outfit and your seated form. Cheap inner store carpet cut into my knees, but I wouldn’t dare complain in service to my matriarch. “Why don’t you let me dress you up?” With that my palms reached to crawl up your leg. They started at your ankle, and slowly danced up clothed flesh until I got to your waist. My eyes danced to yours just as my fingers looped behind the seam of those ruined pants, and we held eye contact until I began to pull them down. “These are so sticky Mrs. Feldt, did you make a mess?” The fabric stuck to your skin from the spitty cleaning job I had performed of it earlier. As I continued to pry the garment off occasionally it would hang in mix of spit and strawberry, and the cute little tearing noise it produced I memorized. The process of sweet velcro removal was over quicker than it began, but not before I wadded up the ruined trousers and tossed the into the corner. They landed with sad sloppy flop. “I cannot believe you were wearing those, how uncouth and messy of you.” With a dramatized effort to lean into your face my hands now worked to remove the top. “Raise your arms up little Mouse.” The inside of my torso was ablaze with lust, but nothing else seemed to happen. Ravaging your shrine for an entire day made it so the lust lensed through my soul and shined with focus onto romantic effort. Okay, maybe peeling the cum soaked rags of your lover inside a glorified shopping mall is not what most consider romantic, but considering how our relationship started it was at least a step up. Whatever hungry obsession I harbored for that stupid hair made it so my eyes skipped straight past your breasts. What would a younger me think if I told him I was forgoing tits for hair? I am losing my mind, bu
11:57
t that’s okay because whatever crazy journey I was on allowed me to huff at your mane again.
I realized again just how many worlds apart we seemed to live when it took me a few long moments to realize what a parasol was. I'd never heard anyone use the word in actual conversation before, nor had I ever owned one that was made for sun and not rain. Then again they were two different things. *Maybe you are stupid." Noooo I've just never used a parasol before. Sue me. The hungry look in your eyes had my own drifting away just to try to keep my composure. My mind and body were just as hungry for you but I couldn't bring myself to act on it. God I hoped you wouldn't be upset with me for it after we had fantasized about fucking everywhere we went. There was always next time though right? You seemed to be on the same page as me because instead of ravaging me in the mirror and forcing me to watch as you filled me to the brim for the umpteenth time you sat me on the bench like a delicate piece of china.
Before I could ask what you were doing you were on your knees and for a brief moment I panicked thinking you were about to devour me instead of lunch. "Ivon I-." Oh. You just want to dress me up. I visibly relaxed again as your hands made their way up my legs and even just that was enough to send a shiver up my spine. "I think that sounds nice." I smiled softly even as the embarrassing sound of you peeling my sticky pants off echoed off the naked walls of the dressing room. Cheeks tinted pink at your loving teasing about how much of a mess I had made and I couldn't help but turn my head in embarrassment. "I did, I couldn't help myself. Thank goodness you're here to take care of me. What would I do without you?"
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13:38
You leaned in so close in your efforts to take my top off that I could smell the spice of your sweat and I longed to taste it. Instead I raised my arms up so you could peel the bloody dirty shirt from my body. Once it was off I sat there on the bench in front of you feeling more exposed than I had all day. Maybe it was just the softness of the moment that made it feel more embarrassing than before. Yes much more embarrassing than being fucked in a parking lot or a garage for everyone to see and hear you. It took an immense effort for me to not roll my eyes at the bitch living inside my brain. I didn't have it in me to feel you inside me again but I was still desperate for some kind of physical affection in the moment, for some sort of weird validation that I would wither and die without. Cupping your cheeks I pulled you into a soft kiss, tongue swiping over yours in the effort to be closer. "Thanks for taking care of me" Hushed words danced across your lips before I pulled away again. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let you take care of me in this way.
@bonghitsforfeds
“I don’t know Mouse, what would you do without me?” Not be so hurt, grow as a person, heal the unending trauma, or maybe get away from a corrupting lifestyle that will assuredly ruin you? That was only a few of the things that I thought of, and you likely would only gain from severing our bond. For once the Lizard was leaving me to just play with you, and I wondered if it had something to do with the gallons of me you had absorbed and leaked today. My eyes and heart drank the way you obeyed, and once that pesky shirt was off a loving wound was now visible under your breast. The flesh surrounding the gash was yellowed with sickness, and I felt my heart leap in thought of how much pain you still felt because of me. Before I could get to amending for my sins however, you pulled me into a surprise kiss that forced one of my legs to rise. You are a pathetic girly thing. Guess I had spoke too soon about that prick as his hissing voice returned to get a rise out of me. Not now asshole, I am practicing being nice. The evil within stole most of the short pairing of lips, but I was present in mind for the end. Afterward my shoe collided to the ground with a thud, and I prayed to our fuck God that you hadn’t noticed. “You are welcome Mrs. Roberts.” Before I turned to grab a pair of underwear my thumb brushed soft as a kitten’s whisper over that split gash in your upper chest. Genuine regret lit my face, “I will make up for this somehow.” Sadly all I could conjure were ideas for gifts, but I knew it would take change within me to convince you of my apologies. Oh well, that was a problem for later. Ripping plastic curled to the floor from my quick split of a band holding the fancy pair of panties secured to their tag. Currently I was holding it in front of me as if to display your new attire, but a dormant part of me just wished to hang eyes on your cunt.
22:21
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Twice my eyes flicked from your face to ruined crotch, and even from here I could smell what we had done to it. “That makes my mouth water after all we have done today.” I made sure to deliver the flirt with my chin angled downward and a spoonful of accent. My lower lip disappeared between teeth, and that action had been one of subconscious arousal. I tapped your knee twice with a paired slap, “Up!” Once a milky leg raised my hands quickly worked the garment up to its middle. Finally the cotton candy cog inside your crown spun to life and we were making progress getting you dressed. Not too long after we had you in sweats, and my favorite part had been when you stood so I could pull them up past your ass. At first you had reached to do it yourself, but I smacked at your arm upon doing so and shook my head with a predatory look of displeasure. It’s fucked how I loved your fear filled reactions to me just as much as I hated your ability to summon the emotion. Again my face darted across your split flesh. Would that resting infection wake and rush straight to your heart? My chest leapt in fearful loops at the prospect of holding your hand as a perfect pink brain died the real death. Panic of loss forced me to wrap your wrist up in both my hands, and I pulled your palm to my chest. Once it was resting upon me I trailed a line of wet kisses up your arm. Stopping at your elbow, “Will you ever not be scared of me?” I paused just long enough to peck a few more kisses back down toward your wrist, “I know I’ve only been nice for hours, but when you look ahead do you see a possible future where we have entire months like this?” It’s probably possible to overdose on this much passive affection, and inwardly I beamed at the prospect of being so in love it killed me. It would finally be something I had that father never did.
@killahxkylie
The last thing I expected you to do when I asked what I would do without you was for you to double down on the question and make it much more real. What would I do without you now? It’s not as if I could just go back to living my simple everyday life. Not when I had had a taste of what it would be like to live it with you. Being with you was exhilarating and different. I never knew what was going to come next. Of course the things that came next weren’t always good, hell half the time they left me broken and in more pain than I knew a human could handle without dying but still.. Would I trade them for anything else? No. No I wouldn’t. Even the meeting of our lips couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming and I knew you could probably see the struggle in my mind written all over my face even as you thumbed over the gash on my chest.
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09:25
Even with your touch being as light as it was it still caused this burning aching pain to spread along my flesh and I knew it was probably grossly infected. It was a human bite and the human mouth is disgusting. Why wouldn’t it be? I was going to need to get something on it or get some antibiotics into my system to keep it from spreading or rotting even further. Would you still want anything to do with me if my entire chest turned to necrotic flesh that needed to be removed to save my life? Finally the ripping of plastic pulled me back from my thoughts. Did you even realize how many times you had reached out a hand to pull me from the depths? Would you continue to do so if you did? “I’m sure you will, my love, but I think I’m going to need some medicine for it too.” My previous thoughts about it being infected were solidified when I glanced in the mirror and saw the yellowed angry mark with little spiderwebs of red spreading to the flesh below. Oh the irony that it would be to die from an infection you had inflicted upon me instead of the multiple actual life threatening injuries.
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09:25
’That makes my mouth water after all we have done today.’ Such simple but filthy words had a blush spreading from my cheeks down to my chest, there was no way you didn’t know what that slight bit of accent did to me every time you let your words drip in it. “I’m such a mess right now though.” I laughed softly as I picked up my leg for you and let you continue in the process of getting me dressed. I had tried of course to take over but you seemed insistent on doing it for me and honestly it felt good to let you. I also didn’t know what you would do if I didn’t. Perhaps it was some sick way of coping but if I just complied with everything you wanted from me then there was no way you could do something against my will again… right? That’s not how it works. Whatever. There was something both sweet and erotic about the whole act of you pulling my pants up instead of down that had my heart racing and I knew I was going to crave this from you now.
“I- I’m sorry I don’t mean to be afraid still.” Truth be told I didn’t know how to not be afraid of you. The few times that my guard had fallen you had hurt me so bad right after that it was quickly solidified in my brain to never do it again. That it was a mistake that would always be met with near lethal punishment. “I don’t want to be afraid of you, Ivon and I.. I can see it, yes. I see it all the time when I let my mind wander to the future.” I wasn’t about to share with you the future that I had imagined for us more than once, it felt like if I spoke all of it outloud I would jinx the possibility of it ever becoming a reality for us and my heart couldn’t handle that. “I believe that you can be kind to me, you’ve managed to do it before. I think.. I think I just need to get used to it happening.”
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09:26
“I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, Ivon.” I had hoped that my continued honesty would lessen the blow of telling you that I do still fear you, all the way to my very bones I feared you but for more reasons than you probably knew. Not only did I fear your rage and your violence but I also feared the power you held over me and the fact that my heart no longer lived within my own chest but within you. You had no idea how you leaving me would destroy me and leave me in pieces that nobody would ever be able to repair. I would probably rip open those same scars that would be left on my wrists once the wounds from the hospital were completely gone and let my love for you pour out onto the carpet if we were ever permanently torn apart. If you ever decided that you didn’t love me anymore. Even if I was only an object of your obsession, I needed to be that forever.
@bonghitsforfeds
Typically your ‘sorry’ did some pretty nasty things to my body, but in the tenderness of our shared moment it had hardly registered. It had been a clever way to admit your fear though, and inwardly I was proud of your ability to walk around my outbursts. This discussion hopefully proved that I hated the fact you felt the need to do it, but your surviving tenacity still manages to impress me. I wanted to make a joke about how you will yet make a good little mobster, but in a way it felt like committing you to the lifestyle so I opted not to share it. Removing your hand from my chest I let my head fall to plant final kisses into each fingertip. Placing it back into your lap my eyes found yours just as that sweet admittance of love slipped those fat lips. Afterwords I sealed the statement by ending my bodily assault of kisses on your face. It was a quick smooch, but still the wet sensation of you lingering upon me was enough to not freak out over your admissions. Anger pooled at how you found me scary, and I tried to ignore it by harboring safely under the fact it was a reasonable fear to have. You had admitted previously to glancing at a sweet future with us, and I felt guilty for forcing the admission out of you again. How do I deserve this newfound love from you? “If you have never felt this way before sweet mouse then you have chosen a hell of a target to practice it on first.” I couldn’t help but dive back in for another kiss. After sitting back up I turned to grab the pink sweatshirt from its hook, and the task of dressing you was proving invaluable to not losing my temper. Our crueler moments in the Audi resurfaced, and I had to forcefully remind myself to not lash out after opening up. This was about mending now, and I had to keep filling our wall’s gaps with pink concrete.
23:15
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Now that you new what my plans with you were a thin arm had risen to find its home within a sleeve. While worming the pink shirt onto your head I made sure to not let it snag at your hair. Once your head had poked through I rubbed my nose on yours as it peeked around the collar. It was an interesting top considering it left part of your belly exposed, and I bit my tongue instead of questioning you on the use of a sweater that shows off tummy. Curling my fingers around the lower seam I did my best to stretch it out flat against your body. I made sure to let my knuckles drag along your skin as I did so, and your flesh hopped in response like when you tickle the back of a resting cat. Chewing on your words without screaming something back was such an alien experience that it felt like I was doing something wrong, and I made meditative focus of smoothing out wrinkles in your outfit as opposed to focussing on how flighty I felt. Would you want to stick around after I got rid of the temper? What’s left underneath it all anyway except a depressive rich man who cant keep friends longer than six months. We sit here and have these silly talks about why and what ifs, but would you stick around afterword if I just got boring instead? My face twisted into emotional turmoil while I worked to fumble a bag of socks open. It was hard to locate the perforated tearing line when your world is awash with color. Reality shifted in a blur of grimy hues while the tears dripped from my eyes. They landed in little pools atop the plastic I attempted to rip, and all I could hope was that you didn’t reach out to comfort me. My sanity was thin right now, and any finger poking into my pathetic bubble was going to pop the nice guy facade. Just before I let loose a guttural scream the bag finally gave way and saved you from having to listen to my roar.
23:15
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With a deep breath I found a small center and pressed my soul against it while trying to not come apart. It felt fucking psychotic to gingerly wrap both your feet in socks with rivers of tears falling between us. The tops to the socks had a swirly pattern to them that spelled, ‘Klein,’ if angled properly. A hollow mad laugh shook from my chest and it was honestly impressive how every inch of you was going to be an ad. Next was the shoes, and silence still hung in the room while I removed the wadded balls of paper from within their mouths. While untying the lazy knot that came on top of the sneakers I finally found some words, “When my parents used to say that they loved each other I always had a sneaking suspicion they were full of shit.” Prying the shoe’s tongue back I caught sight of the logo emblazoned in the bottom and rolled my eyes while helping you work it on. “Even when I was really young and can barely remember the colors of the room I was standing in deep down I still knew they were lying to each other. Now that we have gotten to know one another I am one-hundred percent convinced of my suspicions.” It was time to put the second shoe on, and this one was proving somewhat difficult because of your lack of strength.
23:16
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Worry bloomed in my gut over your medical condition if you were struggling to push weight down into a shoe. One of my hands wrapped the back of your calf and with some more effort we had you dressed up. I finished my thought while tying them up, “I know I’m right because there is no way in hell that my father loved that woman if he treated her the way he did for as long as he did. We have been doing us for not too long now, and already I know just how evil my actions are… so thank you little Mouse.” My eyes found yours, and there really is an odd sense of shame to kneeling in front of someone. “Thank you for giving this broken man a taste of real love.” My gaze stayed welded to yours, and again I wished to just fall forward into your face while tumbling forever in dark starry void.
@killahxkylie
Silence. Why was silence with you always the most terrifying thing of them all? The unknown of whether or not you were angry at what I had said had my fingers trembling as I raised my arm to put it through the soft pink sleeve. You were still being sweet to me, still getting me dressed, and when my head had poked through the neck of the sweater you even went so far as to rub your nose on mine so why was I still so nervous? It was a silly question to even ask myself. I knew why I was nervous and it was because I knew that at any moment you were liable to snap, and whenever Ivon Feldt snapped I was hurt in the process whether by means of physical or emotional violence I was always the target. Even through my nerves I managed a small giggle when your knuckles dragged against my stomach and made me jump a little. It tickled and felt nice all at once.
I knew I was right about the silence being there for a reason when I watched your face scrunch up at the mere task of ripping open a bag of socks. Honestly if I couldn’t tell that you were on edge it would have made me laugh, this dangerous man losing a battle against some flimsy plastic. Would you think it was funny too if you weren’t lost inside your own head? Maybe someday we could laugh about such things but today I wasn’t going to risk it. Especially not when I saw the trails of hot tears running down your face. I was just about to speak up, to ask if you wanted help, when the plastic gave way to your efforts and saved us both.
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09:41
When you slipped the fresh soft socks onto my feet I wiggled my toes and smiled softly. They were comfortable and had some nice cushion to the bottoms, they would definitely be way more cozy than my cheap socks at home. Or..well.. The ones I used to have. “Ivon I-.” I had just begun to speak when you started to say something and the words that fell into the space between us had my brows pinching together in a frown. It was probably one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever heard. I slipped my foot into the first shoe as I listened to you and I could feel little bits of my heart chipping off with every word. I knew exactly how it felt to look at your parents and know that their love was fake, but for some reason I had hoped that it wasn’t a common feeling in the world. At least when I was young I was still foolish enough to believe my father loved my mother, and in all honesty maybe at one point he really had. Things hadn’t always been bad after all, that didn’t start until later. Yes, make it about you Camila.
When I tried to push my other foot into the remaining shoe I found it much more difficult than the first and I let out a frustrated huff when I couldn’t get it on myself. What the fuck is wrong with me? Am I actually much worse off than I thought? Worry painted itself onto my face when you had to force it onto me and aside from the weakness I felt better than I had in days. It’s amazing what fresh clothes can do to make you feel like a human again.
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09:41
“I don’t know what to say, Ivon.” It felt like my ability to make words had somehow gotten lost in my throat. How was I supposed to react to this? I wanted you to love me more than anything but I also wished that it didn’t take you having to rip me to shreds to figure out that it shouldn’t feel good to hurt someone you care about. Was that really how you were raised? It must have been so much worse than anything I had ever seen from my own father because never once did I think that his behavior was normal. How broken was your mind from your life after all? “Thank you for loving me too. In some twisted way I think I’ll always be thankful for the fact that you chose me.” It felt weird saying those words out loud but they were true and there was no reason to hide them if we were being open with each other now. “I do love you and I’ll keep loving you no matter what happens.” There was this look in your eye that I hadn’t ever really seen before and I found myself dipping down to catch your lips in a sweet kiss again while my thumbs swiped over the tear tracks on your cheeks. “Time for you to change so we can get some food.”
‘I don’t know what to say,’ may be the single most stupid grouping of words to ever have thrown in your face. I have never been able to discern if the statement originates from a lack of resolve in the people who speak it, or if they simply actually have no thoughts in their head. Is there no parallel line of internal dialogue running within other people’s skull? Do they think anything when someone is speaking to them? Surely there has to be something bottled up in that mound of dumb you call a head. My eyes were still pointing at your face, and the only betrayal of my rising temper was the twitch to my lip. Not to mention, how the fuck am I supposed to know what part you are talking about? My heart knew that you were just awkward and using the phrasing as a transitional statement, but I was so lost in boyish depression at this point that I was funneling all my aggression for the world into you. My entire life I suffer my own personalities fault of failing to stomach facts I already chewed on. Despite being perfectly aware of why such a phrase can be muttered I still allow it to fire me up.
I kept waiting for you to save me. Please, offer me kind words, fix me. A slide of tectonic soul shifted within and more of that sick fun left over form abducting you was replaced with responsibility. There had always been a shoddy harbor in the back of my mind. A nasty hut leaned near it that would hold me warm in cold nights of madness. This harbor was the skulking knowledge I could always just do it again with someone else. Sleeping beneath even the oceans of my hate was my scary truth.
There are plenty more girls in LA.
08:03
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However this crushing sadness was forcing my character down into an infinitesimal speck. Space around that place collapsed on itself and a mortal epiphany struck me. I’m getting older. Someday my wounds won’t heal as fast, and they already don’t compared to early twenties. Hands raised palm side down and the split stitches atop my knuckles supported my thoughts. One day a Cami would eventually clock me in the head hard enough it stunned me. Perhaps the police would catch up if society ever started taking missing women seriously. Point is, my luck will run out either due to health or fate and at that point there will be no more pretty dolls to soak my failures. Rushing currents of thought drowned out my ability to feel anger at least.
Then in a axe-kick to normalcy you said just what I needed to hear. Your statement about me choosing you paled my face with how eerily it had matched my soul’s rolling. Kneeling before my moon goddess rendered my being asunder. Bright reflections of white light from flickering bulbs wrapped around your head. Jesus, she even has a halo. I drank the icing of your closing comments. No matter what? My initial reaction had been to doubt such loyalty, but our history taught me you may be insane enough to mean it. What demons were you running from that dying to my wrathful fists was better than the alternative. Do you really just like me that much?
Pathetically I flinched when you leaned in to kiss me. How do I get to recoil at your movement? It tickled my ribs to be so unfair and our kiss was awkward through my dorky grin. Wiping the tears off my face tossed skittles into the mouth of my mind, and hell knows I’d stand at the bottom and munch your affection forever. “Are you making fun of my get up Camila?” Pausing after the comment just long enough to lick your tongue’s presence off my lips I simultaneously rose and turn toward the racks.
08:04
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Mentioning food had me much less inclined to make my dressing sexy, and therefore my body was stripped naked in a matter of seconds. Just standing above my own cock filled my head with the smell of us. “Jesus, I need a shower.” My face blushed at the mixed dishonesty of my own words. On one hand I really did feel disgusting and needed to bathe, but smelling you like that on my body stuck primal stirring spoons into my gut. Being marked by you is so pure. Would you ever let me work out my crazy energy by picking up girls to fuck and then backing out at the last second just to pull you from a closet? How long would they stand there in disgust watching us do what they wanted before storming form our house? Reception is poor at the Washington estate, would they wait in the foyer until we were done? Time truly will tell how crazy of a pet I targeted.
08:04
After slipping the underwear on and sliding into the charcoal jeans I had just turned to snatch the t-shirt when I spoke some more. “You know cutie, I had you picked out before you left the coffee shop.” Probably a good idea to not add in how much you reminded me of Chelsea at that point. “So,” my arms fingers were poking through sleeves now, “If you are weirdly attracted to my ability to pick you out. It may make you feel better to know it was impossible to ignore from the beginning. The first fantasy that popped into my mind wasn’t even one of power did you know that?” Smoothing out the bottom wrinkles the outfit really did look good on me. My hair was totally fucked, and I still needed to slip the shoes on, but just being in clean clothes did wonders for my confidence. From hobo to one too many at the VIP airport lounge. Something about it still screamed douchebag, but maybe that just came with my face. While starting at my chin stubble in the mirror, “All I wanted to do was feel your body pressed against mine… That evening in the hospital when I got to hold you close and kiss your face?” Why the hell didn’t I just ask you out? A sharp sigh slipped my teeth, which desperately needed brushing, “As you said then, no matter what happens. Forever.” You bless me with kisses of assuring loyalty all the time, perhaps it was my turn to start building your trust.(edited)
When you flinched away from me when I kissed you at first I thought I had done something wrong in the way that I answered and I was half expecting you to send my head smashing into one of the mirrors that lined the walls of the dressing room. It didn’t take me too long to realize that you were smiling against my lips though and that at least settled the anxiety thrumming through my veins. It seemed for now that the monster inside of you was satiated. For how long that would last I truly had no idea. This must have been the reason you asked me if I would never not be afraid of you and I really wasn’t sure if I was being honest when I told you that someday I wouldn’t be anymore. At the very least the fear of you leaving me behind would always exist. After all, what was stopping you from just plucking up another pretty girl off the street?
“I wouldn’t say I’m making fun of it, just that it doesn’t suit you.” A soft smile found my lips as I watched you undress and even just imagining the new clothes on you had me thinking about how put together you looked in the coffee shop the first time we had ever run into one another. Why did the thought fluster me? That was literally the beginning of the end of life as I knew it and I had the nerve to let tendrils of desire bloom from it? I seriously must have been born more demented than I realized. It didn’t help when you mentioned that you needed a shower and I knew exactly why, it smelled like sex the second you got undressed. “You and I both. This is what we get for fucking… god I don’t even know how many times it’s been today.”
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11:20
A soft laugh left my lips as I watched you slide fresh underwear up your legs and I couldn’t stop staring. I had never really paid attention to it before but you had a great ass when you weren’t in ruined clothes. Next came the pants and they fit like a glove. It really is incredible what some new clothes can do for a person. We definitely still looked a bit of a mess from your messy hair to my ruined curls but at least we didn’t look like two people that somehow wandered in here from their home in a box on the side of the road. It took me a few moments to tune back into what you were saying because I was busy drooling over the fact that you were all mine. “Wait.. really?” Why did that make my heart race a mile a minute in my chest? This entire time I had just assumed that you picked me out because you were some sex crazed freak and I was just the pretty thing that caught your eye. I was still the pretty thing that caught your eye but somehow knowing it wasn’t all about what had happened on my bedroom floor made me feel better.
Why hadn’t you just asked me out though if that isn’t what you were after? Was it just something that happened because of how I fought back and the situation devolved? Would you have not done what you did if I hadn’t fought so hard and just accepted your presence in my life? There were so many things I wanted to ask you but we were having a pleasant time right now and I knew any one of them would absolutely destroy that. It was oddly sweet that all you had wanted was to feel me close to you. “That was my favorite night with you.. That and the hotel in the shower.” They had both been sweet little moments where we somehow had escaped the hell you had pulled me into and then that the kidnappers had pulled us both into.
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11:20
“We’ll have more of those nights, Ivon. I know we will.” We could make them happen, I had no doubt that we could manage. Here we were shopping like a normal couple and you had managed not to cause me bodily injury for what I was pretty sure was a record amount of time. Outside of the hospital of course, but there isn’t a guard here keeping you in check so somehow it means more.
When you finished getting dressed I pressed another kiss to your lips and then to your cheek before taking your hand to head back out into the shopping center. “Where should we eat? Are you in the mood for anything in particular?” My own body was absolutely desperate for something that had some nutritious value. The simple combination of faux strawberry and sugar wasn’t cutting it and I think if my mouth didn’t taste a vegetable soon I was going to shrivel up and die. Always with the dramatics. To be fair it feels like it’s been a decade since we ate anything normal and hospital food, even the boujee kind, is still just that. I really couldn’t wait until we got home and could have some home cooked meals. I didn’t care what kind of staff you had running around the place, I was going to take over the kitchen at least a couple times when we first got back.
How are you this unaware of my obsession for you? I suppose it could be a survival mechanism to pretend that you weren’t plucked out of a haystack. Although the shock to your voice suggested you enjoyed the fact I had chosen you. What I planned on sharing next was risky, “Yeah doll. I snapped pictures when you were leaving in your car. You even looked at me, did you know that?” Now in the seclusion of a shopping mall miles away from the initial encounter my abdomen still lit with a perverse light at the memory. “Right in the face. While my phone had been pointed at you.” Leaning against the wall my swollen fingers were rolling a sock onto a raised foot. After slipping the other on I snagged the box of shoes before coming to sit beside you.
The entire experience had me a believer in premonition. I knew when seeing you that first time we would be more. There was an energy unlike anything I had ever felt when we locked eyes. Except with Chelsea right? Okay, so fucking what if my preferences are influenced by experience? Are we going to pretend Cami doesn’t have gross trauma if she is willing to let me do this? Pale flesh only stretched into a grin upon the lizard’s face, and the heat in my gut over imagining you with anybody else must have been its goal. Its cackling retreated into the darkness while leaving me to simmer.
18:05
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So you also felt the magic that night in the motel. The next morning had glowed with a certain warmth. Joking about murdering that random dude who lents us the phone is secretly my favorite part. A little drop of madness had bubbled to the surface. I can feel it when we are close. We are alike more than you care to admit, and the thought intensified my addiction for you. Strength was hard to summon in my hands, and thus tying the shoes took longer than expected. My head nodded in agreement to creating more memories. Mother would have loved her.
Jesus backflipping off a flaming ramp into an exploding boat. Those were the last things I needed to hear right now. False images of you resting with her on a couch while giggling about books shook a hot rattle in my throat. In all honesty I had tried to cry, but the tears refused to roll. Exhaustion was catching up faster than I could fight it off.
“Yeah doll, I know exactly what I am in the mood for.”
Glass cases near the front door displayed plates of cakes. Their frosted tops glimmered on a rotating platter, and occasional crumbs would litter a spot with a tiny sign that read, ‘Be back tomorrow!’ Your hand was wrapped in mine, and after getting dressed the pressure was squeezing knuckles with aching pain. Nothing would keep me from dropping your grip however, and thus we remained linked up to the counter. Rows of flatscreens spanned the wall above scurrying workers, who each carried some sort of precariously balanced meal in progress. The sucking gurgle of an espresso machine whirred from across the restaurant, and the smell of coffee had me back at square one all over again. The pressure of being predictable weighed over us. “What can I say baby doll. Your man likes sandwiches and caffeine.”
18:05
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Each time we had graced a place like this we had failed to finish our meal. Forcefully I summoned memories of us fucking snow angels into book piles, and still my core failed to churn. Damn, I really am running on empty. So goddamn hungry and desperate for food every item catalogued on the digital menu looked delectable. The only thing more tasty in the cafe was my goddess wrapped up in new clothes. Twice another man’s eyes had held themselves on your body, and mine would pierce with retaliation into theirs. A toxic display of man older than time, and yet one no one can say they have never done it. Just because you return the gaze doesn’t mean the message behind it is hostile. Usually the look only says, ‘this hottie is mine, and she is coming home with me.’ A familiar looking prick in a three piece was eyeing you up, and paranoia lent me the memo he had been here when I bought you ice cream. A fistful of your hip was gripped by my claiming hand and with a tad too much volume I said, “Anything float your boat sexy?” Usually my preference was to stick with our cute pet names, but this asshole had to know who you belonged too.
Memories flashed through my mind of that day when I quite literally ran into you at the cafe and sent scaling coffee all over the two of us. I did remember you standing at the edge of the parking lot and I distinctly remember telling myself that there was no way you were taking photos of me and that to think so would have been delusional. I told myself that you were just another tourist taking some bullshit touristy photo of graffiti or something. “I remember. I told myself you were taking photos of something else and that I was being paranoid.” Now looking back on it it made me laugh because perhaps if I had been a little more paranoid I wouldn’t have ended up where I am now. I still couldn’t decide if that would be good or bad. After all, if you had never gotten to me to begin with my mind wouldn’t be so broken that I think it’s where I want to be.. Right?
I was so busy trying to figure that out in my own head that all I could manage doing was watching you struggle to complete the simple act of tying your shoes instead of having the wherewithal to help you with them. For a brief moment it seemed like something caught your mind off guard and I couldn’t help but to wonder what it was. I mean.. What kind of things run through your mind that could throw you off. That was like wondering what makes Satan himself tick. Sometimes it was better not to know.
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18:26
Making the short trip to the cafe that you had in mind felt like torture, we passed so many little stands that were selling more deep fried garbage and I was so hungry that they smelled like something send straight from the heavens themselves. At least until we got to the cafe, that smelled like true heaven. The sweet smell of fresh ground and brewed espresso permeated the air and I hadn’t realized how much I missed daily trips to the local cafes before heading into work. Come to think of it, I missed work too. Had they bothered trying to call me to see what happened or had they just assumed I blew them off entirely? It wouldn’t be an out of the ordinary occurrence for the younger writers to just fuck off into the sun but for some reason it hurt to think they could assume I would do the same.
Something I didn’t miss about being in public like this was the feeling of strange eyes raking up and down my body. People liked to try to say that it was something that should make me feel good, that I should take it as a compliment but it just felt gross. It wasn’t as bad as unwanted hands but it certainly still felt violating. Subconsciously I moved even closer to you the first time I felt it and by the time it started to get really uncomfortable you were pulling me in closer by my hip. So you had noticed them staring too? Of course in typical Ivon fashion you made your point loud and clear by asking me what I wanted and it made me blush to have it done in public. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, I think I enjoyed it maybe a little too much. “Um… The harvest berry salad sounds good. And the biggest latte they have with some hazelnut in it. Oh! And whip. You can’t have a latte without whip.”
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18:26
I looked up to you with big eyes and a soft smile. It was funny how being in a cafe with you like this made my heart flutter. When we had gone to that first one I had expected to feel some kind of panic or disgust and to want nothing to do with that kind of environment, at least not with you, ever again. But instead I found my heart skipping beats and butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Every day we spent together and every new place we went had me wondering if my brain truly was broken beyond repair. Maybe I just needed to get used to the fact that this was the new Camila Roberts now.
Stupid fluttering eyes. Someday those glassy pools of grey were going to knock me unconscious with their allure. Purer than a clear ice sickle. Do they taste good? For fucks sake. I shook my head to try and clear the monstrous intrusion. Apparently after a Feldt’s body has been drained of lust the only thing left afterword is cannibalistic desire. Honed in on the burning planet of my own hatred your order almost slipped my senses. Whatever was left of my filter failed to catch the first snap back flirt that came to mind. “Someday I am going to cover you in whip cream and hazel. Do you think a moon goddesses’ skin slurps up like a latte?” A new nick name for you was unlocked just then, and I couldn’t wait for the chance to use it later.
My hand found its home in the small of your back, and with the click clack of new shoes we floated to the counter. Halfway through ordering our food my mind fell back into its seat with sudden lurch of consciousness. How long had I been on auto pilot? Your face was still staring up at me, and the cashier hadn’t reached her hand over the counter to hurt me yet. The lapse in reality struck me with doom. All the times my head had been knocked replayed, and the tumble in the cabin seemed the worst. Nothing felt wrong with me besides the normal lust to eat the pretty cafe worker’s lips. It was much easier to let malice rest on my face than desire, and it probably rested lighter on you to see it anyway. It was interesting to me how quickly dissociation seemed to latch its claws into my psyche.(edited)
19:27
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A similar curse used to follow me growing up. Once a staff member had caught me pouring ammonia into a fish tank. I recall how her look of despair had hopped between my face and the act so many times. So young my reach wasn’t enough to reach the tank, and I had been balanced precariously atop a step stool. In my defense the creatures belonged to my father, and the murder of his pets was the first of many revengeful plots I had carried out against him. After mom was gone he had deserved everything that came his way. Before pouring an entire half gallon of killer chemical into the bulbous eyed friend’s cage the lady had said to me, ‘There is something wrong with you little man.’ At the time I had wanted to say something about how she won’t be able to reach me before it was over, but I just kept silent while dumping murder. Point is, during that entire encounter I recall a sensation of ‘snapping to.’ Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to pretend my natural mind is removed from the more gruesome Ivon acts. Perhaps it terrified me more to know there is a chance it’s not a conscious decision?
A short time later we were beside each other in a booth. A bold plaque with golden ’42’ sat atop the table, and its number was beacon to whatever server eventually delivered our lunch. My jealous eyes would follow every dish that didn’t belong to us. A stack of waffles being torn into by a man twice my size filled me with hate to see being consumed. Usually sweets were not my preferred meal, but I’d take anything right now. My hand was tucked underneath your thigh, and my heavy head laid upon your shoulder. It made me feel small to curl into you so, and I soaked up the feeling of being cared for. “I can’t wait for my stupid burrito.” It felt so basic to say, but hash browns and eggs were going to go down excellently paired with steaming chai.
19:28
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Three squeezes of my hand into your leg flesh transmitted what my soul currently glowed with. Yeah I was over hungry, but I was loved. God could punch his stupid fist through the ceiling and turn me into a nasty little money stain on the seat and as long as we crossed the bridge of death together I’d die with a smile. The angle supplied from where we sat provided me a view of the cashier. Her stupid lips still flapped with lipstick sheen from here. Hate spilled my mouth before it could be stopped, “We should pick up someone like that loud bitch at the front and feed them their palms.” Being mean to her with an audience of perfect beauty like yourself helped to sieve some my desire to harm. “I read one time that supposedly the flesh in your hand is the tastiest part of a person.” Earth should be thankful this man had never come in contact with a crazy rich cannibal cult. Wait, does that mean its my destiny to start one? A growling chuckle shuddered my chest, and I let my eyes close while using your shoulder as a pillow.
Watching you end up somewhere else was something I was getting used to, honestly it was something I did all too often myself and in a weird way it was interesting to see happen to someone else. Where did your mind go when you were disengaged from reality? I tried not to think about where mine drifted off all too often. So many moments would replay in my mind's eye when I didn't want or need them to. Maybe I should thank you for becoming the new monster in my life because all I've been able to replay in my head as of late has been moments of you and I on repeat. Eventually you snapped back into it and paid the woman behind the counter who looked at you just a little too long and I found myself wanting to reach up and yank her face down into the cash register. Instead I smiled and said a polite 'thank you' before you guided me over to a booth to sit.
Resting my head atop yours in the cozy booth I let out a sigh. It seemed like we were both hawking down every plate that passed us with the wish that it was coming to our table. Stacks of waffles, slathered eggs, and a variety of sandwiches passed us by and I could imagine what each and every one would taste and feel like on my tongue. I was no stranger to hunger but it was different when it wasn't your own choice to starve. Apparently the feeling of your stomach eating itself is only fun when you've only had a handful of almonds over the course of a week because your dad called you a fat pig for having to buy new clothes after 3 years of the same ones. 'Nobody likes a fucking cow Camila.' I think I'll always wonder what I did to change his words from loving to filled with venom. I still feel guilty for scaring my mother with a trip to the hospital for passing out during gym class. Turns out you need food to live, who knew?
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20:02
My own thoughts had me huffing a sarcastic laugh when you said you couldn't wait for your burrito. I probably could have gotten something more filling myself but the idea of it made my stomach twist after having such a weird eating schedule since being snatched from my house. "Yeah no kidding, I'm starving too." Maybe you would let me take a small bite of yours just to try. Then again if you were as hangry as I was right now you also might slap me just for having the nerve to ask. "You'll have to let me know how their chai is." I said before turning to kiss your head where it still rested on my shoulder. It was nice having you lean into me like this and I found myself letting my hand come up to run through your greasy hair. God we really needed to bathe.
Three squeezes into my thigh had me smiling like an idiot, every time I felt it was like a drug. I liked knowing that you loved me and that you didn't even need to say it out loud to tell me. "I love you too, Ivon." I didn't care who heard me say it and that felt good too. Maybe we really could be an almost normal couple, today had me feeling more and more hopeful as the minutes passed by. Of course you had to open your mouth to say something I'd only ever hear from pretty Feldt lips and I couldn't help but laugh. It made me feel disgusting but knowing you found her annoying made me feel better about myself. That's so sick. I know but I don't care. "Really? I never would have guessed that. Hands seem so… bony and gross." I lifted the hand that wasn't carding through your locks to look at delicate fingers. "I mean there can't be much meat there right? Hey you aren't going to fucking eat me are you?" I was mostly kidding but a small part of me wouldn't put it past you anymore. You had taken a chunk out of me already.. had you swallowed that?
@bonghitsforfeds
Teasing petals from the billowing flower of your words fluttered to the table around us. Talking about the drink to come had my stomach growling again. With my eyes still closed I said, “Maybe this time we will get to finish our food.” Unless of course we end up fucking each other here too. For a moment I considered glancing around the room for a spot to do our deed, but you distracted me with the admission of love. Every time you said that it left your lips with more conviction. At this pace it would likely just come out a scream if you kept repeating it. Maybe we should make that a little rule, that whenever we say ‘I love you,’ it has to be loud enough for someone else to hear?
Typically you just giggled at my evil quips, but this time you humored me by engaging in the conversation. I was so tired that laughing at your fear of being eaten hurt my sides. Fuck, even fun is painful. One of my hands snaked to clasp at your wrist, and I brought the pale form of your fist to rest between us. My other fingers traced a path around your palm. Before speaking I brought it to my face for a sniff. “Hmm.” Letting my face twist up I recalled the chunk that I took out of your arm. Swallowing the bits managing to sieve past your shirt has been no problem, and in fact being full of you had made that night’s rest even deeper. My left eyelid quivered in awkward self realization. “Nah, I wouldn’t eat you.” I think. The back of my mind’s theatre was a little display of your fat neck hose pumping stupid. Time for distractions!
08:07
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While returning to the motion of painting lines on your hand, “You are thinking too hard about it. Don’t imagine yourself sticking someones entire hand on a spit and roasting it like a squirrel, but instead a specific cut of high quality flesh.” Watching father carve apart a steaming deep corpse did wonders for my ability to picture cuts of meat. “Like a tenderloin, or sweetbread.” Would your flesh take sweet like your spit did? Luckily the waiter saved both of us from topics of cannibalism.
Prolific self control was exercised to not start eating while our plates were still being slid across the table. Honestly their service was quick considering how busy it was in here. Our drinks got delivered at the same time, and I did let myself take a large slurp of the hot tea. My eyes followed the rest of our meal being set down while slurping down Chai. The little cafe our driver had dropped us off at was better, but considering this place was a chain it would do. A quarter of the scalding beverage was gone by the time the server left, and just for you I offered a, “Thanks,’ as they turned away.
08:07
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Sitting next to you was the highlight of my life until this burrito was set down for me. An oozing of chilé leaked from a tear at the end of spotted tortilla, and I drug a finger through it before plopping it inside my mouth. Before my lips had closed around finger the wafting aroma of spice already tickled my nose. A tiny hint of egg and bacon was evident in the taste, and I smiled so wide at the combination it hurt my cheeks. Turning to you I helped get a napkin settled in your lap. “Shall we say grace?” As if to imply how I felt about the question I took another sip of Chai while awaiting your answer. After licking a droplet of cream on my lip, “Oh don’t worry about this little bit Im drinking, God won’t mind.” The statement was phrased as if G-man and I were on the best of terms. “I’ve seen how churches work, he probably takes bribes too.” In all honesty I didn’t have specific hatred for the church, but its not like they get immunity to my hatred. Everything was silly, fun, and love filled. They could arrest me now on live television and I’d probably go down with a smile.
What could go wrong?
Why did it make me giggle when you inspected my hand and seemed to genuinely consider whether or not you would eat me, or more of me I should say. “You already eat me so often though, Ivon.” Just because I didn’t have the energy to actually do anything at the moment didn’t mean that I didn’t have the energy to tease. After all, we seemed to be good at that no matter when it was occurring. The giggles didn’t last very long though when you mentioned specific cuts of meat that different bits of people may compare to and if it weren’t for the fact that my stomach was eating itself it may have ruined my appetite completely. I was extra thankful I didn’t order anything meat based though.
When the waitress brought our food and drinks over my eyes lit up like a kid on christmas, I haven’t felt this excited about something since we left my house. Well, maybe the smoothies we had gotten in the hospital but this was real food and caffeine and after the day we’ve had so far I definitely needed the boost. I took a large sip of the steaming drink at the same time you did and this time I was the one who was too preoccupied to properly say thank you. “God this is so good.” I took another sip and let my tongue peek out to swipe away the leftover whipped cream that was left behind. I was just about to pick up my fork after drizzling some kind of sweet vinaigrette over my salad when you said something about saying grace and my eyes must have gone comically wide. There was no way you were being serious right?
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13:34
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not exactly the religious type my love.” I rolled my eyes and let out a breath of a laugh before I took my first bite. I didn’t even wait for you to be done talking about how god himself probably takes bribes before I was swallowing down the sweet mix of berries and fresh greens. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were still eyes on us and for some reason they felt different than just the lingering gazes of lonely perverted men. I tried to be subtle about the way I glanced around the cafe but nothing seemed out of the ordinary to me, then again I obviously don’t have the best track record with this kind of thing. I told myself I was just being paranoid and kept eating, having to remind myself that I didn’t need to scarf down the food and that it wasn’t going anywhere. The fact that I was with you made me feel like I was safe even if there was some creep keeping eyes on me. I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen to me and it was a notion that made my insides feel warm and fuzzy.
@bonghitsforfeds
Do I eat you that often? Argumentative Feldt brain tried to recount how many times it had tasted you. If you counted sucking the flavor from my hands the number was growing rather impressively. Our cheery mood continued when you joked about matters of the soul. Immediately the comeback had cooked itself to life within my skull, but first my mouth had a very important date with burrito. It was without a doubt the most mediocre thing I have ever tasted, and it was perfect. Over cooked egg, store bought stale tortilla, something shaped and flavored like bacon… delectable. I swallowed the first bite without chewing on it enough, and almost choked. Forcing it down with a gulp of Chai I made myself sit up straighter and focus on the act of eating. Just because I had looked lie a caveman for the better part of a week doesn’t mean that it’s an invitation to act like one. Ivon, you burned a woman’s house down and ate her arm. Both of those were technically exaggerations, but it was impossible to deny them outright. Good thing there was a lot of food to distract me. It occurred to me I had never responded to your religion comment.
That was when God decided to strike back at our Hubris.
“Ivon? Ivon Fedlt?” To say my blood ran cold is an understatement. My blood fucking froze. The sound of his voice was immediately recognizable, and the further intrusion of his approaching footfall sent my mind whistling with rage. Our feeling of being haunted all day was because we were being tailed by an old business contact. Patting my lip with a napkin I wiped my hand on the same paper before reaching across the table to shake his approaching hand.
“How many years had it been?” His huge beard made it hard to see his face, but from experience I knew two of his teeth were fake. Not that it really mattered, but it was the first thing I always remembered about him.
14:43
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“God, too many.” It had been three years, almost four. All of them had been a blessing since they were in his absence. He was good enough for his work and word, but both times our family had used his services he had jacked up the rate post mission success. Not by an insignificant margin either, but enough of a multiplayer that other people took pay cuts. One of those people had been me. His cheeriness either suggested he didn’t remember, or it was possible the asshole just doesn’t care.
After squeeing my hand with enough force to make a knuckle pop I almost plunged a fork into his neck. Honestly the only reason I didn’t is because experience told me his blood would get on our food. My ego was not enjoying how disheveled I felt in comparison to his stupid suit. It fit him well, and I wanted to squeeze the tabletop ketchup all over it.
What happened next was an exchanging of words that will sear themselves into my brain forever. The fat man said, “I had been sort of half trailing you since you came out of the car park the first time.” Okay, so I was being followed. Let the lesson be to trust instinct more. Although that is easier said than done when instinct regularly told me to push people into traffic. “Don’t worry through,” consider me worried, “I am here for some work and I have hours to kill.” How the fuck was that supposed to make me feel better? Before I could answer he delivered the punchline, “I wanted to congratulate you on your familie's win in taking down that debasing author.”
14:43
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14:43
There was smirk in his features that suggested deeper meaning to this delivery. Strings were snapping themselves apart in my chest, but my hungry mind wasn’t quick enough to keep up. He continued, “Your father said that the articles were closing in on business, but your lawyers did a good job nuking whatever office she worked out of.” A quick note, when you have the brain of a psychopathic pathological liar it can be easy to connect your past evils whenever you are passively being accused. It’s a survival mechanism that comes in tandem with living a lie. Basically your mind is constantly trying to invent lies to keep up with being called out on them, therefore most of your own bullshit is catalogued rather nicely within your head. That’s why when he said debasing I immediately knew this was in connection to that cute email I sent in your house. The same house that was now ashes. The same ashes that are now your career.
Reeling, I tried to come up with a way to make him shut up before you caught on. With vigor I replied, “I have been in hospital, it would be hard for me to keep up with familial affairs. There are many with my last name, perhaps it was someone over the pond?” Suggesting I knew anything about his angle was poor practice because now he had an in to correct me.
With nearly a snarl he said, “Actually it was some bitch out of LA. I thought you were here for the litigation.” There was no fucking way that my agent took care of your job that fast. I was so mad at myself that the entire meal was no longer appetizing. Fight or flight kicked in, and I turned to you with fresh sweat trickling my forehead. “Babe, I think we should leave.” Good thing your cog was free of any pink sludge, and surely the infinite guilt in my face gave nothing away.
One thing that I should have learned by now was to trust my instincts. That was the second thought that ran through my mind after an unfamiliar voice called yours by name. The first was 'we're fucking dead' and the only thing that kept my ass glued to the booth was the fact that we were in a crowded cafe in an equally crowded shopping center. If common sense was on our side for once it wouldn't be wise for someone to take us out right now, not in here at least. Too many cameras, too many witnesses. At least that's what I told myself. I kept myself small and quiet as I watched the exchange between the two of you. It was obvious that you at least knew the man, assumedly through business but there was this small twitch in your fingers every now and then that told me you hated the man standing in front of you.
I was trying to mind my business and not draw any extra attention to myself from the man who's name I still didn't know when he mentioned trailing us this entire time. My fork clattered into the bowl my salad was in and I cursed myself under my breath before picking it back up to shovel more food into my mouth. The mention of being followed by someone who wasn't you had my stomach churning and anxiety pumping into my blood so quickly it felt like my heart might burst. I forced myself to keep eating even though every bite felt like chewing quickly setting cement. Maybe if I acted normal somehow everything would be okay. Everything would be okay right?
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16:19
The fact of the matter was being with Ivon Feldt was dangerous and that was finally starting to sink in in all new ways. It wasn't just you that I had to worry about, I had to think about all the people who may be after you too. The people who would kidnap me right along with you, the people who may try to use me as leverage or some kind of bargaining chip. My fingers were digging into my thigh so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if it left bruises behind. We hadn't even made it back to Washington yet and already we'd been found on two different occasions. This man said we didn't need to worry but how often would we end up that lucky? Was there anywhere in the world that would be safe for us? My mind was racing a mile a minute and I was only catching snippets of conversation because of it.
There was some mention of congratulations for taking some writer down and I thought nothing of it at first. Knowing what you did and how nosey people were it wouldn't surprise me if your family was responsible for ending multiple careers that got too close to figuring anything out. It wasn't until you started acting flighty that I started to pay closer attention again. Surely it had to be a coincidence that this happened shortly after you came into my life right? There was no way you would stoop that low, after all my career had nothing to do with you and I so there was no reason for it right?
16:19
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For a brief moment I thought I was right and it was all a misunderstanding but then the man standing in front of you made sure you knew it was someone in L.A and my stomach did a violent flip. I was still holding onto a fragile thread of hope that it wasn't about me, that it couldn't possibly be about the publication I worked for, when you turned to me and told me we should leave. "You didn't tell me anything about this my love, what was the bitches name? You know how much I love to hear about other people being put in their place." I wanted so badly for the man to open his dumb mouth and say anyone's name but my own as I tried my absolute hardest to keep a look of genuine interest on my face before taking a sip of my latte.
My good guy persona imploded in a nano second. Usually there is a climb proceeding my loss of all ability to behave as human, but when you ran over my wish to leave with that question I knew the heist was up. Nothing would recover this situation shy of godly lies, telling the truth, or killing everyone in the mall. While I was confident in my chances to murder you, the guy standing in front of us was definitely packing. A spider web of possible escapes from you two would weave itself in my mind, then it would immediately disappear in fire before we-weaving again. None of them were worthy of exercising. I paused to take another bite of my lunch as there were no doubts of fat ass continuing his sabotage of our relationship.
Leather crunched from beneath me as the booth seat complained from my nervous movements. Both of my awkward lurches were in response to a primal need of violence. Twice this fat bastard almost lost his life to my fork. The Feldt fortune was worth throwing away to spill his cholesterol thick blood right? Sipping liquid filled the awkward silence as I refused to answer, and even your latte was pissing me off. Damn, I didn’t even get to call you my cute new nickname before everything went tits up.
19:48
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After a dramatic swallow I said, “Well, why don’t you tell the fine lady since you came all this way as a fucking errand boy.” I gave Santa Clause the most charming of Ivon smiles. He didn’t answer in the single second I would have hoped, and even though it was obvious he was about to speak I opened my mouth again, “Stealing from friends not enough for you anymore? At least you have the courtesy to rob me to my face.” A look of genuine confusion twisted his features. I suppose it was possible this was a true accidental encounter, but nothing is fate. Sneaking suspicion wormed my mind that something was amiss. His face was red now, and it made me feel better to know that it at least succeeded in pissing him off. In a flat tone he said, “It was a Camila Roberts. I believe they went with defamation and libel. Unfortunate honestly, I saw her face online and she seemed cute enough.” His eyes were on you now, and everything suddenly seemed to move slowly. He added, “The tabloid claimed she quit days ago without notice. From what your father said the lawyers just set their sights on the company after that.” Father. That figured. At least there was a person out there to single out and peel for all of this. What had I done to- Oh…
19:49
I’m not honestly sure if he kept speaking after that. Usually when my ears fill with the rush of real anger my body at least has the common decency to let me keep eye sight. Perhaps this was what swooning felt like, and reality came spinning back with my head dipped just a few degrees lower. Had I just blacked out in rage? It’d be funny if the side of my face wasn’t on fire from your gaze. The only thing I had left was truth. Without looking at you I said, “Before at your house. I threw a hissy fit when I stormed upstairs… I may have sent some shitty emails.” Internally there was immediate regret over how I had worded that. Summing up the ruination of your career deserves lighter delivery. I’m not stupid. I knew today was going to suck ass now.
At this point my entire brain was lighting signals while searching for any way to salvage you and I. With sass that had been directed at Santa I took another bite of my food. The emotional face fuck of this situation had everything tasting like wet book now, and maybe this was the price I had to pay to get a solitary meal again. Next I said, “I’m not sure why this time it came with a personal delivery. Unless of course you being here is just pure coincidence and the worlds worst smuggler just happened to be hanging out in this shit hole.” Why the fuck was this asshole here? How the hell was everyone finding me? Am I walking around with an AirTag up my ass? The urge to tell you I had forgotten about doing this piled behind my mouth, but nothing was going to fix this. “Can I at least finish my fucking lunch?”(edited)
I could already tell that I wasn't going to like what the blob of a man was going to say just by the way you asked him to tell me. Did you not even have the nerve to tell me yourself what you had done to me now? How was it that you could come into my life, no, force your way into my life and do unspeakable things to me claiming that it was because you loved me more than anything but you didn't even have the guts to own up to something you did? The fact that you tried to make this about you by bringing up past money problems or whatever the hell happened only fueled the growing anger inside of me, god forbid there be a moment in the world that doesn't revolve around Ivon fucking Feldt.
Just like that my name floated from greasy stupid lips and every syllable works to bring my anger to another level. In a flash the little I had left that I built for myself crumbled and joined the pile of ash that sat where my home once was. "Defamation… and libel.." I hadn't even noticed that the words came out of my mouth because I was so dumbfounded that this was really happening. How could this be happening? We were having such a good day.. well.. for the most part and now this is happening? Did I fall asleep in the car and this was all some twisted nightmare my brain conjured up?
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20:27
I felt hot tears threatening to spill down my cheeks from the feeling of anger and betrayal and I realized now that I was gripping my fork so tight my knuckles were white. I dropped it to the table with a clatter and balled my fists at my side. There was so much anger with nowhere to go that I could feel my nails digging into my own palms. How could you do this to me?
As if you read my mind you gave me some half assed explanation about what happened and why. 'Shitty emails.' That's what you were going with. That you threw a Feldt hissy fit and sent some shitty emails? So not only were you ruining my entire life and everything I had ever worked for but to top it off you were being completely nonchalant about it. Did you even fucking care? "How could you do this to me?" The words were so quiet when they left my lips I didn't even know if you heard me ask over your own misplaced rage. The stupid lump of fuck of a man was long forgotten as I focused my attention on who had actually done this. What's that saying? Ah, yes, don't shoot the messenger. Though if I had a gun I'd like to sit you back to back and blow a hole through both your skulls. Then your stupid could mix together in an ugly splatter on the wall.
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20:27
Something in me snapped when you asked me if you could finish your lunch. It wasn't a clean break either; it was splintered and ugly and had my vision pulsing with darkness at the edges. "Can you finish your fucking lunch?! Are you kidding me Ivon?!" It was a good thing I had dropped the fork because otherwise it would have been stabbed into the table, or better yet your arm. "I mean really can you finish your fucking lunch?!" I didn't even realize that the volume of my voice had raised substantially and now everyone was turning to see the scene unfolding. Without thinking at all I flung your plate off of the table and sent scrambled eggs and god knows what else flying. "That's all you can think to say right now?! Not I'm sorry?! Just 'oh sorry I threw a fucking tantrum and RUINED YOUR CAREER?' SERIOUSLY IVON?"
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20:28
Your stupid perfect lips parted to say something, likely to spew some bullshit excuse that I didn't want to hear right now or to insult me, to somehow make it my own fault. Whatever it was I didn't want to hear it and I did the first thing I could think to do to keep them from parting another centimeter, I hauled back and punched you as hard as I could in the face and I won't lie the crack of nose bone under my knuckles gave me some satisfaction. "Fuck you Ivon! I'm done! I'd rather go back to nothing than be with a man who doesn't respect me enough to even tell me the shit he's done to ruin me!" There was still so much anger and pain running through my veins that I'm almost sure I blacked out because I didn't remember sending the rest of our dishes to the floor to send shattering splinters of cheap glass flying into innocent people walking by. "I hope you're fucking happy!"
@bonghitsforfeds
At first when you repeated my question I did not bother to say anything. The second time you asked I replied with a simple, “Yes.” Why yes Cami I would like to finish my food. Honestly if you would stop freaking out over this it would be lovely. Your reaction was warranted, but it hardly seemed a problem in comparison to what we had been through. Kidnapping seemed pretty high up there. Also the fact I had beaten you unconscious a few times now. We have spun out on the highway, killed two men together, and shared our bodies plenty. This had to be one of these fundamental things my stupid psyche doesn’t grasp properly. The worst part likely was that I had completely spaced it. Third time must be the charm because when you asked again I said, “How many times do I need to say yes before you will stop?”
This must have been the wrong answer. In a flash your lashing arm sent my plate careening across the café. Spiraling shimmering lines of food circled out from it in a beautiful pattern before the entire platter collided to the floor. My lunch became a porcelain filled clusterfuck after that, and had we not been in public I would have ripped your hair out for it. My face immediately went red with rage, and every time I tried to lean over my own swelling emotion another wave of them would crash down.
Things were escalating and this was evident by your screaming. I’m not sure what pissed me off more: Your inane hollering, or the fact my fucking meal was gone. There were so many ways I could stitch this scene closed for us. Currently the leading plan was to get up and leave you here. Would you follow? My chest went into palpitations at the prospect of losing you. People all over the restaurant were craning their heads to look at us now. Seriously? You can just start writing again right? What fucking gives? After clearing my throat I opened my mouth to speak.
22:02
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That was when you broke my nose. When your fist had crossed the table to make ruin of my cartilage the shadow it passed across my face confused me. For a single frame of existence I assumed the lights had gone out, but that was just because your hand was a centimeter from my eyes. Immediately I was back at the top of your stairs staring down the barrels of assault rifles. When the butt of that one had impacted my face it hurt so bad that tears immediately sprang free. However, that was when it had been freshly broken. Before you smashed it open the poor thing was still sore from the last time.
22:03
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My whole world became pain. It was excruciating, and whatever sound I made could not have been manly. My throat croaked a noise of primal pain, and it was followed up by a guttural groan of rage. Blood ran like a waterfall down my throat. When my mouth parted to scream out a curse of hell at you a spattering of bright blood flew forth and splattered Santa’s suit. He opened his mouth to yell something about the intrusion, but whatever it had been was lost in a swirl of pain. I tried to remove the hand that had shot to my face after the initial strike, however all that succeeded in doing was spilling crimson down my new shirt.
The new fucking shirt. My lunch, the pain, our relationship, and Ivon hubris rocked my world in a deserved oblivion. Startled gasps had come from a table nearby, and most of the commotion dropped silent at the sound of my face popping open. Had it been anyone else I’d be so proud at the direct sucker punch, but surprise assault was much less fun when aimed at yourself. Since LA was a shithole the staff were all trained to respond to outbreaks of violence, and less than twenty seconds later security was coming through the front door. Initial responders were two middle sized men who looked surprised at the amount of free flowing blood from my face. Every time I tried to open my eyes and glare at you pain would force them shut, and if the sound of first responder’s boots wasn’t so familiar to me I’d likely have retaliated with a strike of my own. I sat beside you groaning and cursing while swallowing irony plasma. One of the security guards motioned upward with a hand as if to beckon your rising. In a commanding tone he said, “Ma’am can we speak to you outside please.” Santa continued to huffed displeased about his shirt, but there was a hateful grin on his feathers as the other guard led him away. I tried to whine out a phrase about nobody helping me, but all that managed to skirt past thick red was, “-boutme!”
@killahxkylie
“I hope it fucking hurt you piece of shit!” Anyone looking our way definitely assumed by this point that I was some sort of psycho bitch and they probably felt pity for the man sitting there gushing blood from a nose that had just begun its healing journey from the last time someone broke it. There was a feral smile on my face as I spewed more venomous words your way about how I never want to see you again and that I hope your nose resets crooked this time. At least then when I inevitably thought about your perfect face I could imagine you being slightly less attractive.
I was honestly surprised by the fact that you hadn’t managed to say or do anything to me in return. I literally punched you in the face hard enough to re break your nose and you were just sitting there. It was almost pathetic but even the rage bubbling out of control inside of me wouldn’t let me hurl that word at you again. So many thoughts were racing through my head at once and I couldn’t make proper sense of any of them. The main two were this; one, I’m going to fucking kill either you or myself perhaps both, and two, I fucking hate you. I don’t think I’ve felt so absolutely out of control since I was a teenager trying to get my mothers attention in all the wrong ways.
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12:11
The angry blood rushing through my ears made it take a moment for me to realize that someone else had entered the conversation, if you could even call it that, and were requesting that I come to speak with them outside. Like fucking hell. I probably should have thought about it for a few seconds longer but instead decided just picking up a handful of sharp silverware and launching it towards the man's face was a good idea instead. That’s when hands much bigger than yours wrapped around my arm and dragged me out of the booth without giving me a say in the matter. Maybe I should just get used to getting dragged off by strange men I don’t know since I seem to be making a habit out of it. Third times the charm right? Maybe they’ll bring me out back and shoot me like some misbehaving stray dog since that’s apparently all I am to anyone.
Of course that wasn’t at all what happened and instead I was walked out of the shopping center to some douchey looking cop who definitely took himself too seriously. Rights were read and cuffs were clicked around my wrists at least three notches too tight before I was tossed into the back of the car. Well good, great, this is just fucking amazing. Hot pissed off tears started to run down my cheeks and I found myself agitated that I couldn’t wipe them away with my hands stuck behind my back. How many times would it take bashing my head against the window for me to turn my brains into soup? Too bad they dragged me away from the one person who would surely be willing to help me find the answer. One sharp crack is all I managed to get in before words of warning were shot my way and I decided I didn’t want to make things any worse for myself. If only I had that thought 15 minutes ago.
@bonghitsforfeds
It did hurt. In fact, nothing had ever hurt more. Getting your nose broken once sucks. However, getting it re-pulped while still healing from the first time really sucks. Initially both hands had shot up to try and staunch the flow, but any added pressure was excruciating. When I tried to respond all that happened when my mouth opened to retaliate was a vapor spray of fresh gore. Pretty droplets of crimson peppered the table like fresh rain, and afterword there wasn’t a surface in direct vicinity not ruined. After that I wadded up a purple table napkin and pressed it to my face. The rage induced “Fuck!” I let loose came out as a desperate gurgle, and my senses were so overwhelmed that you leaving barley registered.
Stupid bitch. Dumb cunt. Desperate poor little thot. Oh you fucked up bad this time. Fury demanded something get obliterated. Leg muscles clenched and my knee collided with the underside of whatever table we had been sitting at with tantrum force. Apparently whatever they used for seating here isn’t nailed to the ground, and thus the entire surface flipped over opposite where I sat. Usually the destructive aftermath of my outbursts is an enjoyable sight, but unfortunately a street rat had just blinded me via sucker punch. Dishes shattered into tiny bits, and what was left of our lunch followed suit in a finale to the meal ruination.
19:59
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Cops are useless. They have not done a single helpful thing since their inception, and the fact they drug you out before I could murder you proved this. Would your body still be pretty after taking the time to remove every part I liked? Eyes, legs, lips, hair, and hands… What would be left of the moon goddess after all of those are filleted into gorgeous segments and put on ice forever? Would whatever stupid father had hurt you growing up care after Ivon was done with you? The hate monologue was verging into madness, and this was evident by the fact it no longer made sense.
I stood to run toward the first person I could find and bash their brains out, however that’s when a cold set of hands found me.
A familiar voice said, “Oh you poor baby!” It was the loud cashier from earlier. The universe must have me on its shit list today because every thing that could possibly go wrong was. One of her palms was on my shoulder where it reassuringly gripped into sore flesh. Her other had brought with it wet napkins to wipe off my face. Before I had a chance to shy away or complain she said, “Shh, don’t run away. Some meanie went and busted your face up, don’t worry medical is on the way.” I should have been grateful, but the only thought that hit me was, ‘of course this shit hole has medical on demand.’ As of this point her touch was still making my skin crawl, but the more she cooed gentle words into my ear the less I minded the hands.
20:00
She sat with me until more help arrived. Initially the EMTs requested I move outside, but the cashier continued her caring words by telling them, “A wounded beauty can’t hop around.” What the fuck did that even mean? Who the hell was this lady? I’d be a liar if the attention wasn’t helping to alleviate the pain over losing hold of my Mouse. It was hard to mourn or process what had happened when surrounded by people offering medical assistance. Neither of them wanted to reset it without imaging first, but after some back and forth arguing one felt safe enough to attempt it.
CRACK
More screaming, thrashing, and garbled cusses. This time I actually felt like a child as my legs kicked against the booth with echoing thumps. Perhaps a bit too forward, but my new friend pressed her lips to my forehead and held them there until the pain subsided. All I managed to get out was, “It hurts worse the third time.” It definitely worked, and I got what I wanted when she replied, “Who beats on a soft boy like you?” Soft boy? This bitch and I were going to have words. The only place I wanted to be was home, and Washington might as well be the fucking moon right now. Maybe I’ll put this lady on a jet and fly her home. Would you grow the balls to re-split those wrists open if I mailed you pictures of me balls deep inside cashier lady in Washington?(edited)
It took awhile for it to really sink in that I was in the back of a cop car right now getting carted off to some police station or jail for what I had just done and yet again I found myself trying not to cry. How the hell did I end up here? I’ll give you a hint, his last name starts with F. I let out a sarcastic huff of a laugh and slumped down further into the seat. There were no seatbelts back here, I wonder what would happen if someone t-boned us. The thought probably shouldn’t have made me laugh but I was so distraught I didn’t know how else to react. Not only was my career completely demolished but I didn’t know what had happened to anyone else who worked for the publication. What if they ended up losing their jobs and income too? I could have sworn I was doing a pretty good job of minding my business and keeping to myself but apparently Camila Roberts is just a bomb waiting to detonate and ruin everything around her at all times.
I was so lost in my own self pity that I didn’t even realize the officer had taken several turns heading out of the city instead of further into it where the majority of the jails were. Maybe it was from being around Ivon for a few weeks straight now but alerts were going off in my head that something was seriously wrong. “Where are you going?” I managed to sit myself up on the edge of the seat when my question appeared to fall on deaf ears and repeated myself “Where are you taking me?” I was met with a huf of annoyance before being told to sit back and enjoy the ride, we were almost there. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice so once again I did as I was told and waited for the car to come to a stop.
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09:07
I could still see the city but this was very obviously not where I was supposed to be right now. Is this prick going to shoot mer in the back of the head or something? It became glaringly obvious that this was my stop when the large man exited the car and came around to drag me from the backseat. “Don’t try anything stupid and I won’t have to hurt you.” Well, at least that wasn’t the initial plan. Pulling a card from Ivon’s playbook I bit down on the inside of my cheek until it was bleeding and nodded in agreement. That’s all it took for the cuffs to finally be off of my wrists and I brought my hands to the front of my body again to gingerly rub at the sore indents there.
It wasn’t until the man got back into his car that I really started to panic. I was being left out in what was essentially the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on my back and a shitty flip phone that had who knows how much battery left in it. Would I even get a signal out here? Chasing after the car seemed to fall into the realm of ‘doing something stupid’ so I just stood there and watched the cop car disappear in a cloud of dust. “Serve and protect my ass.” I mumbled before my feet started to carry me back towards the city. Who the hell told that guy to leave me out here? Was this all something that Ivon set up to get rid of me without having to say it? Taking a girl shopping and then dumping her off like yesterday's leftovers seemed like something he would do to me. I don’t know why I convinced myself that I was anything more to him that some fuck meat.
.
09:07
After miles of walking, flipping the phone open every so often I was starting to lose the hope that I would ever get help. It was definitely dramatic because if I kept walking I would end up back in the city eventually. The only problem was the sun beating down felt like it was much hotter out here and my outfit certainly wasn’t made for that. Bet you wish you behaved and got that fucking parasol now huh? Really? Finally I spotted what looked like a gas station not too far off in the distance and when I made it inside I finally called one of the only people whose numbers I had memorized. There was no way in hell I was going to call the only number programmed into the phone so Ashley it was. When she picked up the phone I found I was super out of practice with the art of weaving webs of lies. Still, at least she agreed to come and rescue me from the dump of a gas station when the attendant gave me the address. He must have taken pity on me because he also gave me a bottle of water ‘on the house’. How did I stoop so low that now people think I’m a charity case.
Speaking was painful. Hell, even trying to breathe would flicker some inflamed bit of pain in my nose. This is miserable. The stupid cafe booth didn’t feel impressive enough for my brooding. Several minutes after the EMTs left the acute hurt subsided enough for my eyes to stay open. Our table was still turned over on itself, and at the edge of the disaster zone was a broom wielding employee doing their best to clean it. From across the restaurant were multiple sets of staring eyes, and one of them had a smart phone trained on me. Great. Rolling my eyes would probably fucking hurt too, so I just glared at the person who had it pointed my way.
Beside me was a woman whose touch was quickly becoming familiar. Currently an arm of hers was thrown over my shoulders, and her other hand worked to wipe away my messy face. She had shiny green eyes, and whenever her mouth moved a piece of her nose scrunches up. God must know what permanent pouty features do to this man because he keeps sending them my way. Maybe you just like women who talk to you. The dumb bimbo who I call the love of my life just broke my nose and got arrested, can I catch a break?
Camilla Roberts. Your stupid face and name had flashed in my head a lifetime’s worth in the last five minutes. My entire body bridled with anger, and this was evident by the trembling in my hands. Whatever dumb bitch had taken a liking to me right now probably thought it was a sign of pain, but my Mouse would have known it as anger. Mouse. Ah fuck, this is going to be really bad. Had they really hauled you off to jail? A smile hidden behind blood soaked purple napkin hurt to wear, but the thought of you spending a night in a drunk tank is fucking hilarious. Bailing you out would be the chivalrous thing to do, but then again a chivalrous man wouldn’t let this stranger feel him up. With a broken nose. In public. My head turned to her and through ruined cartilage I mumbled, “Do you live nearby?”
09:46
.
Do I leave blood everywhere I go? My new friend, whose name had been said to me three times now, was currently chauffeuring me through LA traffic. Being driven in a Civic while holding your nose together is a new layer of Ivon hell only California could grant someone. At least she was pretty, and I was making no effort to hide my eyes lapping up her body. With my back pressed against the passenger door I eventually found a way to sit that didn’t hurt. There were so many things I wanted to yell about right now, but you shut me up good by busting my face up.
You have ruined me. Every single feature on her face was worse than yours. Her lips were thinner, her stupid hair was shorter, dumb eye brows didn’t do a cute crossing, and her voice had a pitchy timber to it that made my skin crawl… but she was pretty. It felt like sin to think such things about someone else, and I huffed an annoyed sigh of self pity. Cashier lady took this as a chance to say, “What’s wrong sweetheart? You still hurting?” No you stupid bitch I feel great now. That’s why I have a cheap napkin full of egg and blood wrapped around my face. Truthfully I had tried to let the rag fall away a few times, but it was going to take a peeling effort to separate it at this point. With the hate filled eyes of a fallen angel I nodded my head at her question. After a lane merge she said, “If you keep looking at me like that I’ll have to report you for harassment.” Was that like a shitty workplace joke? If she kept running her dumb mouth they will make up a new type of harassment when I am done with her filthy corpse. Of course some dumb cunt had broken my nose, so all I could respond with was a raised eyebrow. Not much was learned about her on that car ride to her house.
I should have checked her phone sooner.
It was about as awkward as I assumed it would be when the friends I hadn’t spoken to in weeks came to pick me up, because of course Ashley wouldn’t just come herself and save me the little dignity I wanted to pretend that I had left. Why would the universe grant me that after it had already made it so violently clear that it wanted to wipe me from existence. I had insisted that I could find somewhere to stay after making up some bullshit excuse about my house. The looks that were exchanged in the front seat made it obvious they had heard about the fire but I wasn’t going to mention it if I didn’t have to. Besides, these were the kind of superficial friends that typically you don't call on if you actually need something. Ashley used to be an actual friend but she decided that alcohol and drugs made better companions. Even just being in the car with them made me grateful my party phase was actually that, a phase.
After a little back and forth I agreed to just crash at her place for a few days until I figured things out. In a weird way I was thankful but there was still this tiny little alert going off in my head that told me this was a bad idea. At the very least the worst that would happen at her own place was the consumption of too much liquor and the obnoxious crying or sobbing that came with that. A small price to pay for not having to sleep on the street. It hadn’t really occurred to me until they brought up that I had nothing on me that I had no money, no ID, no nothing. Maybe that was the goal of the monster I decided to fall in love with, to turn me into nothing without him. Oh if you could see me now Ivon. You’d probably smile.
.
10:19
I really needed to let myself not think about him but it was proving next to impossible when every other thought was ‘Ivon this’ and ‘Ivon that’ I mean what was I even supposed to talk about with these people if not Ivon fucking Feldt? At least I had gotten out of the bloody cum soaked clothes before I got myself dumped out in the dust. That would have been way too much to try to explain away, although knowing the shallowness of everyone in my presence right now they likely wouldn’t have absorbed anything anyway. How the fuck did Ashley even manage to become a writer? The thought almost made me laugh in the backseat but I managed to stifle it. I didn’t need to try to explain away why I was laughing at my own little voice in my head now too. Maybe the rest of my life would be easier if I just wore a sign that said I had lost my mind.
The rest of the drive went by relatively quickly after a stop at the liquor store. Par for the course. I didn’t even know what day it was anymore but there was a three out of seven chance that it was a night they would all go out to get so drunk they barely remembered their names. Honestly the idea didn’t sound so bad right now, maybe if I drank enough the burn of alcohol would scrub away your memory. I doubted it though. Pulling up to the house was such a blast from the past and I didn’t really know how it made me feel. Following Ashley to the door I waited for her to unlock it, one of the few smart things she did in her life, and stepped inside to the relieving feeling of central air.
.
10:19
“I think I’m gonna grab a quick shower if that’s alright with you guys?” Nobody had any objections and I made my way to the bathroom with ease. I had been in this house enough times to know my way around. Some of my best memories were made here way back when we had both first started writing. The nostalgia of it all made me smile as I stripped off the cropped sweater and sweatpants and stepped into lukewarm water. It felt so good to scrub the sweat, dust, and god only knows how much cum away from my skin and to wash my hair with shampoo that wasn’t purchased in bulk for a hotel or hospital. If it weren’t for the Ivon shaped hole aching in my chest it would actually be enjoyable.
I let myself break down in the shower for what felt like far too long because eventually someone banged at the door complaining that they needed to pee and that I was taking forever. My eyes rolled as if they had any right to when I was being done a favor by even being here and I shut the water off to step out and dry off. Lotion was something I hadn’t even realized I was missing so much until I slathered some onto my neglected skin and felt it drink it up. I tried not to take too much longer brushing out the tangles in my hair and then scrunching it back up with my hands to make my curls come back to life before I padded my way back out to everyone else. Everyone else who was in the company of a man I never wanted to see again. “What are you doing here?”
@bonghitsforfeds
If this nobody takes me to an apartment I swear to God we will become a new wikipedia article. For the millionth time in the past week I sat in a car that shuffled off an LA highway. Stupid flat roads. There wasn’t anything in a two-hundred mile radius that I didn’t hate right now. If it was possible to energize your malice mine would separate this stupid State from the inner continent and launch it into the Pacific. Our destination was looking more like a complex as we continued to approach a multi doored building. All the lessons learned with my Mouse were exercised in not bitching at her when we pulled into the parking lot. Apartments are where porn is filmed, and drug deals transact, not where Ivon Feldt heals his face. You are human just like the rest of them. I’m not human I’m German there is a difference.
Not only did this cretin live among other people she also lived on the third floor. At least that meant no sound from above your home. When she opened the front door she gave me a nano second warning of ‘Axe.’ What the fuck is an Axe? Turns out that is the title of one-hundred pound Rottweiler who also lives within this shit hole. He only managed to tackle my knees enough times to make me hate him by the time Cashier wrestled the thing into a bedroom. After that she returned to the living room where I had been standing in the dark like a lost burglar. “Let’s get you properly cleaned up.”
11:16
.
Cleaning me up meant sitting me on the edge of a peeling tub and fussing with my state of being. At first when she had produced a pair of scissors I had assumed their function was to prepare bandages. Wrong again! The blades were summoned to strip me of my shirt in a matter of seconds. Will I ever get to keep an upper garment for longer than an hour? She tossed the ruined cloth in a corner while muttering, “Just get rid of this old thing.” Is this how you felt all the time moon goddess? I was still afraid to speak, and my body was being treated like a toy. Cashier’s eyes hung on my chest long enough that I thought something was wrong with it. Whatever mirror hung from the wall behind her sat an angle that made it impossible to see myself, how bad am I? For a while she worked in silence peeling the napkin away and then applying a warm washcloth to my nose. “Fuck, that is tender.” Her face lit like a lightning bolt at my voice, and her wide eyed grin was quite terrifying. I’m going to die here.
Twenty minutes later I sat on her couch in an old boyfriend’s clothes. My phone was on the coffee table within reach, and inside it was the number of my Mouse. Why didn’t I call her? On that note, why the fuck hadn’t I contacted Michael for help? In the kitchen Cashier was cooking me another burrito, and the manners you taught me made it so I only waited one second before demanding she do it after offering. From underneath a door in the hallway was the huffing puff of a dog’s nose, and I’m pretty sure the hollow wood separating us was only a suggestion. Every other thought was one of you, and I hated how deep it cut into my heart to acknowledge the yearning. Luckily the kind woman who had been cleaning me up appeared to distract me with a cold beer. “Something for the nerves?” God, I hate beer. With a tiny smile I replied, “Sure.”
11:16
.
While she returned to the kitchen my eyes happened across a stack of tabloids. Rising from my seated position occurred with minimal pain, and I was thankful for the fact my legs still worked. Rifling through the magazines was an absent minded action. At first it had been one of sub-conscious familiarity. Maybe I just wanted to see a yacht. That’s when I spotted a familiar looking edition that had been haunting my name for a decade. The glossy piece of media was titled, ‘Douches on boats,’ and I knew what was on pages four through seven before my fingers had begun their own act of flipping to them. Wait, where the fuck were those pages? The fluttering leaflets ended at three before suddenly beginning at eight again. Ice replaced the blood in my veins, but only for a second. Am I safe here? The day’s events replayed in my head over and over, and despite my best efforts Cashiers face never appeared until the Cafe… So why were the pictures of me topless swinging a golf club missing from this stupid magazine?
Coming face to face with a man I hadn’t seen in years was the last thing I expected when I stepped out of the peaceful shower only minutes ago. My eyes darted to each person in the room and when they landed on Ashley the only thing on her face was a smug smile. Had this all been a setup that I somehow waltzed right into? I hadn’t had anything to do with the shit these people got up to in a long time so why was he here? “You know we’ve been looking all over the place for you Camila, didn’t think you would be so hard to track down after all these years of doing the same shit day in and day out.” There was still no explanation as to why the scum of the earth would be looking for me for any reason when I hadn’t bought anything from him or used any of his precious supply in years. What the fuck kind of sick joke was this?
Mean eyes looked from me to the spot next to the man, Brody, or as he liked to call himself on the streets ‘blade’ and I knew better than to not just go and sit. The fact that there were multiple people who I still considered my friends just standing there and watching this happen made my stomach turn and I knew nothing good was going to come from this. Some small part of me was trying to hold out hope for the fact that this was just me overthinking and he was just here to party with everyone else. That all changed when he opened his mouth again. “You know Camila after all these years of knowing me I thought you would know better than to steal from me.” Steal? What the fuck was he on about? I twisted off the top of the water bottle I had been given before I got into the shower and didn’t notice the fact that there was no cracking noise of a seal. I was so nervous and on edge that I guzzled down nearly half of it before I set it back down on the table.
.
13:05
I went to open my mouth to speak when a rough nicotine tinged finger pressed on my lips and stopped any words from coming out. “Don’t worry doll Ashley and Sarah already told me all about how you managed to do it, pretty clever all things considered.” I was so baffled by the fact that this was really happening that I didn’t even have the wherewithal to object. There were so many different party drugs that were regularly in his possession that the possibilities were nearly endless. If it weren’t for this asshole sitting next to her she could have avoided countless nights of crying and wondering what happened at one particular party Ashley had thrown in celebration of her first big piece to be published. “I just figured since you were clearly in the mood to party we could have one of our own.”
.
13:05
Those were the only predatory words that I needed to hear to try to run out of there. I only made it a few steps before Sarah grabbed me and managed to get a grip in my hair, Ashley followed suit and between the two of them they managed to drag me down the hall to the guest bedroom, a task that all things considered shouldn’t have been as easy as it was. They somehow were able to toss me onto the bed and when I tried to get up the world spun violently as if I was already six or seven shots in on a friday night four years ago. At least there was carpet where I fell face first onto the ground. What the fuck is happening? My body felt sluggish and way too sensitive to everything that was coming into contact with my skin. “Feeling it already doll?” That voice sent shivers down my spine and I wished that I could go back and not drink that stupid water. I should have been more careful. I should have known better. I wish you were here. “You can handle it right? You’ve done worse.” There was the sound of the door closing and a lock clicking shut that made my heart sink. They really robbed this asshole and pinned it on me? Maybe this is what I get for my supposed writing crimes, Ashley worked at the same place and I could only assume this was her payback for losing her job.
.
13:05
Rough hands grabbed hold of my arms and yanked me up before tossing me back onto the bed like a ragdoll, the soft thud of the mattress pushing the air from my lungs. “Open up.” My cheeks were pinched until my lips parted enough for liquid drops of god knows what to drip past them and down my throat. “You can consider this payback for what you stole from me bitch.” It didn’t take very long for everything to feel so much worse than before. What could have felt like euphoria ended up more like a nightmare. I was so dizzy and confused that my clawing attempts to escape the man on top of me were borderline useless. I think I managed to claw him across the face at least once and that quickly earned me several blows to the face and body. Are my ribs broken? I tried to scream, at least I think I did, but none of the people that I had once considered my friends would come to help me. Was I going to die here? Tears streamed down my bloody battered face before it was shoved into the mattress. How long has it been? The room had gone dark from the falling sun at some point and in some weird way I was grateful most of my body was numb. I really hope the pathetic grunts that were falling from my lips weren’t mistaken for pleasure because all I was feeling was terror.
.
13:05
I started feeling the effects of coming down and knew then that it must have been hours. More drops of poison were forced past my lips and I tried desperately to fight it only to lose miserably. I’m pretty sure at some point I had gotten sick because vile words about how I was pathetic and disgusting were screamed at me before I was tossed on the floor for the violent assault on my body to continue. I wish you were here to save me. At some point shortly after having that thought for the hundredth time I blacked out. I don’t know if I actually lost consciousness or not but when I came to I was alone in the dark on the floor. My entire body felt like it was shattered to pieces and my mind couldn’t focus on anything in particular. I never wanted to feel this again, how did I end up here? I looked down to see that I was laying in a puddle of my own blood, that can’t be what I think it is. I couldn’t handle the thoughts that popped into my head and pushed them to the back of my mind. I needed to get out of here. I dragged myself across the carpet to try to open the door but it was locked from the other side and there was no way I could break it down. Ivon. I managed to pull my phone from my pants pocket because of course the piece of shit was too stupid to take it and dialed the only number that was in the contacts, praying to whatever fucking god might be out there that you would pick up.
You ever wake up from a dream so real you spend all day trying to separate reality from fiction? Holding that stupid magazine made everything feel surreal. My entire face throbbed along to my heartbeat, and I made the mistake of itching at my nose while returning the tabloid. There was this skin crawling feeling of being in a nightmare, and what I saw next didn’t help. Hanging at the front corner of the hallway was a standing mirror, and from where I stood in front of Cashiers entertainment center my entire form was visible in its reflection.
By now I was used to seeing my own face glittered with sunset red speckles. However the swollen knob of my nose broke my pretty boy heart into a thousand pieces. Hardly recognizable as nostrils both holes were near closed shut from bulbous flesh, and the top of it distended further than the bottom. You stupid bitch, I am going to need surgery. It didn’t take an expert to recognize a ruined face of this magnitude. Rolling my eyes hurt. I shot a clasped fist above my head, and was just about to bring it sideways through the top of Cashier’s coffee table when I heard the clink of a plate. My head whipped to the right and in the entry way of the kitchen stood the nameless woman with a smoking plate full of breakfast burrito. The entire space smelled of egg, sausage, and bacon. Had she really fried up all that food for me? Like a supreme moron I was still standing with a raised hand. Slowly my arm lowered to a normal position, and my eyes never left the platter of food.
“Hungry, freak?” There was a knowing light in her eyes, and I’d be lying if the way she talked to me didn’t stir my core. Would she fuck me if I still smelled like you? I wanted a shower so bad I’d kill this lady for access to it, but something told me that if she was willing to make me food then a bath isn’t that much more to ask for.
17:13
.
We exchanged minimal pleasantries as I scarfed down the meal. Maybe getting your face busted up is a good excuse to avoid casual conversation. I hated to admit it but the tube of food tasted divine, and I used every remaining bit of tortilla to mop the plate of remaining juice. After that she probably deserved something nice. Annoyingly my words were still muffled from my swollen face, but I did manage to say, “This burrito may have saved you and your dog’s life.” Of course her laugh had to also be annoying, and it went on for much longer than was required.
The way she was staring at me afterword made my skin crawl, and her glassy unblinking horse eyes made it easy to request a shower. At first when I had stripped my newly provided outfit she threw the door open to offer me a towel. Hanging from the rack three inches from my body were two pristine towels, but her intrusion hadn’t registered as odd yet. It was when she did it several more times that it earned a locked door. Cashier drove me insane, but all of her bath supplies smelled nice. Her body wash must have been a similar complement to my Mouse’s chosen shampoo because the scent was repeated gut punches. It’s okay though, because I only cried for about ten minutes. Kneeling in a shower is always shitty, but apparently apartment complexes have infinite hot water. Everything was getting overwhelming because you snuck in-between very action. Open a shampoo bottle, I wonder what Cami is doing? Apply shampoo to head, I wonder what Cami is doing? Lather the stupid soap into my matted hair, I wonder what Cami is doing?
Something shuffled outside the curtain. I’m quite actually a paranoid mob boss, and yet when I peeled the curtain back to do a check for ghosts I didn’t expect to actually find one standing there. Cashier’s face was inches from mine, and one of her hands was obviously stuffed deep into her pants.
17:13
.
“Crazy bitch!” Like a true hero I slipped and went sprawling. Screaming like a pussy the entire way to the ground my shoulder caught porcelain tub and was followed by a sharp snap. A fresh ache grew across my shoulder like hail in summer, but luckily my body still responded when the limb was summoned for service. There was a look of predatory desire in her face. While scrambling to sit up she lunged herself over the tub’s edge, and while fully clothed began to wrestle me downward.
Her wet shirt was easy to grab on to, and since I was completely naked she had a much harder time getting grip. It was obvious she had experience wrestling as the moment my arm sprung free of my own body to retaliate her own hand was pinning me backwards. No way, not me. A pair of fingers were stuffed into my mouth, and while leaning in close to my face the woman said, “See how good I taste for you Ivon?” The sensation of iced blood returned from earlier, and a spoonful of blood funneled into my cock. Why was I turned on, I fucking hate this? With my naked body betraying my own soul’s mutiny I did the only thing available to me at the time.
It felt like biting through two baby carrots, and my practiced teeth cut through her fingers with swift ease. With a crunching like breaking fresh limber I craned my neck upward to ensure solid separation. Her face barely had time to react in pain before my mouth spat its contents back into her face. This next bit was surrogate aggression toward you I will admit, and I head butt her square in the face as a coup de grâce. Her pained wails came from deep in her chest, and if adrenaline wasn’t demanding my escape I may have kept raining blows. Once outside the tub I whirled to find her still moaning in shock, and after scooping up my clothes and towel I shut her in the bathroom alone.
17:13
.
Sprinting to the far side of the living room I climbed atop a desk in the corner and stood with my back to the wall like a spooked cat. An old drink atop its surface spilled around my feet, and a computer monitor toppled over in defeat. My eyes were trained on the door like a bear cornered deer, and I stayed in that spot with raptured breathing until a few minutes had passed. A familiar copery grease snaked down my throat, and beads of her blood mixed with water on the desk around me. After she failed to appear with another passing minute I climbed to the floor while knocking more objects around with a clatter. From where I stood the water was still audible, and the only other noise was the dog’s concerned whining to my left. Luckily it was still secured behind the door as I doubted my ability to contend. Naked, terrified, and with my mouth full of stranger finger fragments I almost fell through the floor when a flip phone rang.
The device was vibrating itself across the top of a coffee table, and I stared at it unblinking. Hey wait, that’s mine. Snatching the cheap device up I clicked it open like a 90s TV add and stuffed it against my skull. My goddess breathed on the other line, and the wavy pitch to her shaky breath was matched by the hasty pace of my own. A thousand things fought wars to be the first past my lips, but only one phrase sprang to the front. One of my fingers fished a chunk of fingernail from behind a tooth, and after flicking it across the room I said, “Fuzzy Mouse, I thought you’d never call.”
"Ivon? S'it really you?" So many things had happened over the course of I don't even know how long and a part of me was terrified that my mind had conjured up your voice from whatever black abyss I was actually floating in. My words felt thick in my mouth and it took extra effort to get them to come out at all. Even when they did I could tell they were slurred. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and they felt extra hot as they made their way down swollen cheeks. Why did this feel so much worse than when it happened with you? The thought made me retch and I desperately wished I could get to the bathroom. What kind of psycho has locks on the outside of their bedroom doors? And who lets something like this happen to another woman under their own roof? Everything in me wished for the three main contributors' deaths and I didn't feel an ounce of guilt over it.
.
17:47
"Ivon I need help p-lease I need help please everything hurts and I'm so scared." Could you even make out what I was saying at this point? Would you even care? Part of me had forgotten that I landed myself in this mess after punching you in the face and there was definitely a chance you would hang up and never come looking for me. Maybe that's what I deserved. To die in a mess of my own bodily fluids and sick. "I didn't do it Ivon I didn't I didn't do it I didn't I- I didn't do it." My head was shaking as if you could see me and the motion made the room spin and my head whoosh in pain but I couldn't stop. I'd never felt more broken in my life and I didn't know where the only person who was capable of putting me back together even was.
"Ashley and Sarah said I did it but I didn't I swear I didn't I've been so good y'believe me right?" The fact that you had absolutely zero clue what I was talking about didn't register to me at the moment but I needed you to believe me anyway. Why did this have to happen? The day had finally turned around when we were shopping and it could have been so good. Why did you have to go and ruin it and why did I have to make it worse? That's all you've ever been good at. "I'm so thirsty 'n it all hurts so bad." I was dissolving into sobs now and I brought a hand up to clap over my mouth to try and muffle the broken noises. I didn't know if I was the only one who was currently awake and the last thing I needed was for someone to wake up and come hurt me even more. I'd never felt more like a helpless little mouse until now. "Please come save me."
@bonghitsforfeds
With my own hands I have delivered you to death’s door. When I cleansed your body of my sins in that shower you had barely felt alive. Each breath you took had rasps in it, and a majority of your blood got washed down the drain. Still, when you spoke to me a few times that evening your voice had hardly any life to it. Whatever strength you used to speak now was nothing in comparison. It barely even sounded like you, and whatever substance was coursing in your veins was evident in the slurry way words connected. Were you partying? With my eyes still fused to the bathroom door I cupped a spare hand to an empty ear. After blocking out all sound but the phone call there didn’t seem to be any music in the background. Typically the idea of you hanging out with anyone but me would be infuriating, but it had to be better than where I stood now. At least you were hopefully having a good time.
“Yeah babydoll, who else would it be?” Any assurance things were okay vaporized in hellfire when you spoke next. What the fuck had happened to you? A thousand evil scenarios played out in my head, but the absurdity of my own situation made it easier to focus on yours. If this situation required my attention it was going to also need clear thought. This cunt broke your nose, let her suffer. Yeah, but the way she is speaking right now shreds my soul to tatters. Besides, I had just spent a good while on my knees crying about the little idiot. “What happened Mouse? Slow down.” I changed the phone to my other ear and paced about the room as if my nervous jitters could be sent to you via helpful energy. Were you in mortal danger? Whoever had hurt you has no idea who they were fucking with. Something within my vicinity needed to be destroyed, but I was worried making noise would draw neighbors to the fact I just chewed off this lady’s hand.
19:51
.
What is this squeaky cunt prattling about? What didn’t you do? For a second I considered asking, but it would probably just distract you from any useful conclusion to this rambling. The entire thing had the aura of crime gone bad, and I recognized the repeated mutterings of having done no wrong. Impulsiveness got the better of me, “Did you hurt someone? Baby where are you?” It’s like my words didn’t even reach you. Speaking fucking hurts right now and I’d appreciate it if you’d fucking acknowledge me. “Yes baby. I believe you. Your such a good girl.” Empathetic tears were streaming down my face, and horrific images fluttered in my foresight. Did they cut your hands off or something? Some LA gangs liked to tie rivals to toilets and cut their toes off with wire cutters. My hands were trembling so hard that a cramping stiffness was waxing them up from within.
‘Please come save me.’ Something within me snapped at those words, and my entire body shifted into savior mode. When Cashier had let me in earlier I had noted a notebook on her desk. After my gymnastics atop her office space the papers has gotten scattered, but only a few seconds later I sat with my back to the wall and my face to the bathroom door. In my lap were writing materials, and to my left was a knife incase psycho bitch returned. “Camila I need you to tell me everything you can as quickly as possible. Think details. Are you somewhere you recognize? I need addresses and names. Were there any landmarks nearby?” I felt like a 911 operator. Someone had harmed my Mouse, and if I had to exercise all 1.2 billion dollars of my stupid ex-Nazi family fortune I would. A squeak came from the bathroom, and I was disappointed in how many of my muscles tensed in preparation of conflict. Noting happened after that. Probably for the better because if bathroom bitch came at me now her skin may become my canvas instead of this tea soaked notebook. “You can do this babygirl, just tell me enough to find you.”
When you answered me it felt like your voice was a million miles away and that made me cry even harder. Why did you have to be so far away? Where were you even? Had you forgotten about me already? Too many thoughts and feelings were running through my head and my body and it was so overwhelming I wished I would just pass back out. "Ashley's m'at Ashley's. I used to work with her. Ashley Harris and Sarah.. Sarah.. I don't know." Attempting to remember an address was next to impossible and all my brain could conjure up was that there were lots of buildings. As if the entirety of LA wasn't lots of fucking buildings. "I'm scared m'so scared everything's broken m'broken." I managed to drag myself up to sit against the bed but that quickly proved to be too much and my body flopped over to the side with a rather painful thud. Stars flashed behind my eyes and I wondered if it was from the drugs or from whatever head injury I might have.
"Store, there's a grocery store nearby." It felt like hours had gone by already since you asked me to try to figure out how to explain where I was, and had I not been beaten to a pulp I would feel really guilty right now for talking all that crap to people on TV who couldn't do the same. "Ivon please I don't feel good." That was the understatement of the century. It felt like my insides were scrambled, my lip was dripping fresh blood every time I spoke and I could feel a gash above my eye. That wasn't even beginning to touch on how every time I moved it felt like my core was on fire. Even when you had done this it hadn't been so painful, it really felt like the man tried to fuck me to death. Part of me wished he did.
.
20:13
"I'm sorry I'm so sorry I didn't mean it I didn't want it he- I-I tried I tried so hard Ivon I swear I didn't want this." There was misplaced guilt sinking in my gut like a stone and I didn't know what to do with it. I felt so helpless and out of control and all I wanted was to be sober again. Although that would mean dealing with everything that just happened, maybe it would be better to stay drugged forever. "Please come get me. Please m'sorry." I didn't mention that I was sorry about your face because maybe if I didn't bring it up somehow your mind wouldn't drift to it and you would really come scoop me off the floor like some twisted prince charming. You know your life is a fucking mess when someone like Ivon Feldt is the good guy in your story now somehow. "I love you, I'm sorry." If I did die here I at least wanted you to know that I really did love you. It didn't matter what I said or how many times we fought, I loved you so much.
Heavy thoughts of never getting to see you again, to hear your voice in my ear, or feel your touch enveloped me like a thick black fog and I couldn't think of anything else. If anybody heard my broken sobs they didn't care, they were probably planning on keeping me fucked up until they could dump me on the street to add to the collection of LAs homeless addicts. Nobody would think twice about me then. My thoughts were so loud I held my hands over my ears even with the phone against the one and just kept muttering a series of 'no no no's' because obviously if I said it enough the reality in my mind wouldn't come true. "Make it stop! Please!"
@bonghitsforfeds
Who the fuck are these people? None of the names you listed were recognizable, and it hit me in the corner of that shitty apartment just how little I knew about you. It didn’t matter, you were still the love of my life and nothing was going to stop this reunion. Everything you said got scratched into the notebook, and my heart splintered further when you began repeating yourself about being scared. “Shh, you are my survivor Cami. You are almost safe.” In all honesty I needed more than this to find you, but at least we were making headway. Every moment we spent on the phone felt like sitting next to a live bomb. Would someone find you speaking to me and rip the phone out of your hand? Will the last thing I ever hear from your end of the line be the sounds of my moon goddess being murked?
Somewhere in the mumbling slosh of your dying words was a useful note of information. “You worked with them?” My question landed flat, but that was fine as it was more of an out loud thought anyway. History with what I did had this spiderweb of bullshit falling into place. The assholes you wrote with probably staged some sort of fake help to harm you. Whatever they had done to you was obviously hellaciously tragic, and again the people of LA unlocked a new level of hatred within me. Next you started apologizing, and nestled within that string of nonsense was a hint. He. Anger frothed up from my neck with godlike force, and when it reached the base of my skull it formed a powerful muscle knot. Little stars danced in my vision alongside ringing ears, and while you continued to meltdown I had to rub out the center of pain in my head. May the universe have mercy on whatever Die Sau had placed their hands upon you.
22:59
.
With shaky hands I scratched down the few remaining clues you offered before I thought to give some comfort. I did my best to force a softness into what I said next, “My sweet princess.” Gallons of tears streamed down my face, and it tickled as they ran over the numb flesh of my destroyed nostrils. “There is nothing in this lifetime you will ever have to apologize for again once I find you.” Jesus, why did that sound so ominous? It was obvious in the deepest pit of your suffering that my nose still brought you guilt. “Every person who did this to you will be dead before the morning.” Teary eyes snapped down to the pink notebook in my lap, “I have enough to find you.”
Your breakdown progressed into nonsensical repetitions of denial. Holy shit she is drugged. After your final yell I spoke with venomous fervor into the receiver, “Camilla listen to me.” I paused just long enough to hope that my words had gained your attention. “I have to hang up to get ahold of people who can help you.” My eyes were focussed on the horizon, and my expression was flat. Everything felt like business now, and business was something I did exceedingly well. “You need to stay quiet. Appease them by doing everything they ask you to do.” God, it hurt worse than the punch did to say that final bit. The only thing that kept my resolve firm was knowing Mouse needed me. “I’ll be there in less than two hours doll. Then, nothing will ever separate us again.” Also, we will be purchasing you a firearm. Had I told you I loved you back earlier? “I love you more than I love myself Camila. Be a good girl, and you better not pray to God or Ill kick your ass when I get there.” Hanging up that phone was harder than killing your own dog, ask me how I know.
22:59
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If Michael was the family concierge, then the man who I was about to call was the same thing but for bad business. Father knew him as someone who made problems go away, but I understood the individual as something much different. Sometimes when you want a clear message sent you hire people who are capable of terrible acts. There are very few men on this planet who were capable of the type of work he did. As far as I knew there was only one who enjoyed doing it, and that was who I called next.
It took ten minutes after I hung up for a car to arrive, and I wanted to hug the duo of men who greeted me at Cashier’s door. Now three dangerous dudes were hovering in the mystery woman’s living room, and you’d laugh how easy it was to catch them up on my situation. They calmly explained through the bathroom door of fingerless lady that if she left they would kill her dog and then her. I never did see her face again, which is a bummer because I deserved to witness the aftermath of my legendary head-butt. It must have hurt because my head still rang like an empty bell.
23:00
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After stealing another set of clothes the two escorted me downstairs and to the double cab pickup they arrived in. Dressed in a girl’s hoodie, which fit too well, we began to drive across town. Previous psycho torturer for hire, we will call him Mark, called me back twice to discuss further plans. He informed me that while he will not personally be present tonight that all those who are being tasked to help are worthy of trust. I always liked Mark because he left out talks of payment until the end, and it made sense given our history. Feldt may be uptight assholes, but our checks are always on time and not one bounces. His second phone call occurred before we had left the parking garage. Thank God for social media, as it made pinning down stupid wannabe drug queens easier than running over children. It turns out Ashley really likes Instagram, and in the background of two selfies last week are four little numbers that will cost her this evening. Fortunately one of the men I rode with had a smartphone, and I was able to stare at Ashley’s whore face the entire drive over. I don’t think my eyes left the screen until we started to get close. Weeks of struggle were coming to climax. Within me surged electric currents of vengeful desire. This stupid prick who had been tasked to hurting you didn’t have a name to me.
But he was about to know mine.(edited)
I barely registered the words when you said you had enough to find me, I was so lost in my own suffering whirlwind of confusion and pain that I could barely even focus when your tone changed. “No please! Please don’t go, don't leave me here alone please I’m sorry don’t go!” The idea of you hanging up was terrifying and had me wanting to claw at the carpet to try to drag myself to the door again as if I could find you on the other side of it. Would you really be able to find me? And why did it feel like you were leaving me leaving me. It had my chest tight in a panic and it felt like I couldn’t breathe when you told me it would be less than two hours. That was still an eternity in my mind.
Please don’t leave me. That was all that was repeating in my mind. “Ivon… please..” I felt so pathetic in this moment and I wondered if you would even still want anything to do with me when you did find me. What if you thought I was disgusting? All I wanted was for you to make me yours again and I hated myself for even thinking that way. “I love you.. Please hurry..” The other line going dead felt like a dagger to the heart before I snapped the phone shut and held it to my chest as if I was keeping you closer to me somehow.
.
08:31
I tried my best to be quiet but it didn’t matter and the same two girls came in and dragged me into the bathroom to toss me into a cold shower. As if there was any way they could get rid of all the evidence that littered my body inside and out. The water was such a shock to my system that I broke a fingernail clean off my body trying to drag myself from the water. “Why are you doing this to me please stop!” Your voice ran through my mind telling me to try to appease them and I did my best to quiet my screaming. I don’t even know how long they left me in there but by the time they were done I was shivering and couldn’t feel my toes. Can your teeth break from chattering too hard? The only kindness I was granted was having my bloody clothes tossed back at me along with a towel before they locked me in the bathroom. I guess they wanted to clean the crime scene too. Or maybe they were just sick of me being in the way of using the bed.
Looking at myself in the mirror had the rest of my stomach contents emptying into the sink, or maybe it was because of the drugs. Either way it hurt and I wish the universe would just let me die. The entire right side of my face was red and purple with bruises and my lip was split pretty badly. That was nothing compared to the huge blooms that had settled into my torso and inner thighs, I may as well have been run over by a train. I felt even more pathetic than before when I put my damp towel on the floor and curled myself up on it like a kicked puppy. “Please find me.” I mumbled to myself hoping they would just leave me here until you hunted them down. The only solace was knowing that if you did find them, you wouldn’t be alone, and they wouldn’t see tomorrow.
@bonghitsforfeds
A couple times they tried to give me a handgun, but I wasn’t interested. Mark always sent enough help, and if things went bad I didn’t want residue on my hands. Every time I moved the spot in my shoulder from the shower fall would click. There was no accompanying pain with the noise, however it probably didn’t matter anyway because I was melting with emotion. Occasionally the truck would pass underneath a streetlight. The brief illumination would supply enough light to reflect my face in the smudgy truck window, and I was not appreciative of the broken nose reminder. They kept asking me questions about what to expect, likely to feed the information to whomever was in charge, but all I could reply with was curt grunts and nods. Besides I had told Mark everything I knew already. If my mouth opened sobs would follow. You had done a lot to soften my heart and help me grow, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to cry in front of my own hired hitmen.
13:54
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Cami missing limbs. My goddess with no teeth. Had they plucked out your eyes? Oh fuck, I’m gunna be sick. I had to plant my head between shaky knees, and take slow shallow breaths to not lose my center. Inner emotional state would flop from enraged to mourning. It kept happening so fast that it was making me dizzy. Every thought in my skull was hateful. There was evil directed at whomever harmed you. Deeper than that was regret for not following you out the door. Wait, hadn’t you left with a cop? God, this kept getting worse. You’ll never touch her the same way again now that someone else had her. Does everyone else just pretend that they are good? Am I the only freak who is struggling with evil like a sexy drug habit? The pitiful spiraling was in connection with the previous Lizard thought. I hated to admit it, but he was right. You had alluded that your past was traumatic, but it was something I could get over because we were the newest chapter to your life. This little incident was a psychotic pimple to the canvas of my madness. Right now the only therapy coming to mind for it is murder.
13:55
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In a groggy tone that suggested this man never clears his throat the driver said, “Bout five minutes.” Five fucking minutes. I didn’t say anything, but our eyes did meet in the rearview mirror. The top of my borrowed smartphone said that my original estimation of two hours was exaggerated. If the timeline I am being supplied was to believed, then it would seem it only took me forty minutes to find you. We both know however how much can happen in three minutes much less forty. Wherever we were headed was getting uglier by the second, and I shifted my position in the backseat to the middle in order to gain a better view. Cragged road looked like sunbaked mesa, and none of the streetlights were functioning save a flickering one on the first corner. It’s odd these big American cities. All the houses are extravagant, some even three stories, but they all looked like an occupied war zone. Sometimes you would happen across an oasis of a few that still had thoughtful owners, but most were pretty fucking sketchy. What takes my fuzzy Mouse to a place like this. Hanging out with us, dumbass.
13:55
.
Those five minutes felt like eons, but soon we were slowing down. The driver thumbed at a knob behind the wheel and it plunged us into darkness. Rolling up in neutral on the property it appeared that no one was out for late night walks. Perhaps I was just in the part of town where people mind their manners when tinted vehicles start pulling up. We had barely shifted into park when my door was being pulled open with a hollow clunk. Initial reaction was to prepare for a fight, but on the other side was a similarly plain dressed man with an outstretched hand. “Mr. Feldt?” Christ I missed being cared for. His offer of a hand was cute, “My nose is broken, I’m not a pussy.” Waving his fist away like it was a gnat I stepped out into the warm evening air. Nobody bothered properly latching their doors, and once I showed up they all produced different weapons from various trunks, gloveboxes, and other hidden compartments. Professional was the vibe I got as they all made sure to tuck away their tools. No one was here to make a show, and that was good.
13:55
.
A larger man who had the air of authority offered me an outstretched gloved hand. This one I took since it was for a handshake and not to help me out of the car like a tabloid princess. His voice was much higher than I had anticipated for a person of his brawn, “Small girl answers to Camilla right?” Since his throat made weird sounds maybe I wouldn’t get judged for a mumbled sound either, “Yes, someone hurt her. Whomever gets me the man who did it alive will get a million cold wired before the morning.” I could probably get it to them by noon at the best, but the stretched truth worked to get the exchanging of heads I was looking for.
Was everyone in the house complicit? My gaze lazily fell over a dark building full of people whose lives rested on whatever words fell my lips. “No kids, kill everyone else.” A couple grunts seemed to suggest some appreciated my rules, and a surge of ego flooded my veins from being in control of situations again. “Let’s show some drug rats what a real fucking gangster looks like.”
I think one of the worst parts of whatever they slipped me was the fact that time seemed to be going by so fast and also so slow all at the same time. Minutes felt like hours but hours felt like seconds. Everything was blending together into one big blob and I couldn’t make sense of it at all. I tried to walk myself through the entire night, talking myself through it out loud and trying to stop myself from beating my own fists into my head to try to remember the blank spots. A part of me didn’t want to remember but the other part needed to. I hadn’t even noticed the way my fingers were still shaking and when I tried to ball them up to stop it I let out a scream from the mostly missing fingernail.
It’s a bathroom. There must be bandaids in here somewhere. I managed to get myself upright on the floor and started to rifle through the cupboards and drawers underneath the sink, haphazardly tossing the contents onto the floor in the desperate search. Every time I tried to grab onto something with that hand another cry would break through and I was biting my lip so hard to try to keep them muffled. “Fucking bitch!” I slammed one of the cupboards shut when I didn’t find anything and I truly wasn’t sure I would be able to hold myself up long enough to check in the medicine cabinet. I managed to somehow pull myself up propping myself against the sink. The world felt like it was tilting from side to side but I got the door of the cabinet popped open only to find tweezers and a toothbrush that was way too old. “God damnit!” Another slammed door must have been pushing it too far because the next thing I remember I was being dragged by my hair down the hall to a closet and stuffed inside.
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14:55
“No no no no no please don’t shut me in here I’ll be quiet please!” I didn’t have it in me to say I was sorry but I wasn’t above begging. My back met the wall of the enclosed space with a sharp thud and my vision went white for a few seconds too long. I’m pretty sure I was still slurring out pleas to not be locked into such a small space but they fell of deaf ears. I am starting to believe the world is made up of more monsters than not. Even though it hurt like hell I curled myself up in the fetal position using the corner of the space to keep myself propped up. This wasn’t my first time being locked in a closet and ever since then I had been terrified of being in small spaces, especially in the dark. There was a reason I always slept with some kind of light on that could leak into my bedroom. I didn’t think I could take much more of this, I could feel what little sanity I had left crumbling as I dissolved once again into a pathetic mess of tears and pathetic whimpers. “He’s never gonna find me.” I cried to myself, feeling my heart cracking into a million tiny pieces. There was nothing I wouldn’t give, nothing I wouldn’t do, to be curled up in your side feeling your warmth and protection again.
Outside of the closet in what I could only assume was the living room and kitchen there was music playing and the sound of laughter. How could they be laughing? How did none of them care what had happened tonight? And most importantly why did they do this to me? Out of all the people I had called for help I didn’t think my old best friend would have been waiting to set me up for something like this. Did I know anyone in my life? The self pity was suffocating and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The thought of trying to kick the inside of the door ran through my mind but I was so weak and in so much pain that I didn’t think I would do anything other than get myself more hurt. The only thing I could think to do anymore was to give into the exhaustion making me feel so heavy.
14:56
I let my eyes flutter shut and my breathing slow, hoping that maybe somehow if I wanted it enough my heart would just give in and stop.
Big man who spoke to me about details took up position near the front door. Everybody else stacked up on the porch with him. Not a single one of them looked particularly disturbed by what they were about to do. Do their insides spin with nervous energy and they are just good at hiding it? I stood on the first step just behind the lot of them with one of my feet bouncing in worry. There was a breeze tickling at my face, and normally a cold wind has me shivering almost instantly. Not tonight though as coursing vengeful adrenaline warmed me enough to feel nothing, well besides fear that you’d be dead when we came inside. I almost did something really stupid and called you, but decided against it for obvious reasons. The man directly in front of me who I had previously witnessed tuck a shiny suppressed uzi into his shirt winked at me and said, “Don’t worry, these idiots won’t know what hit them.” All I could do was stare at him with a cold look before saying, “Don’t ever speak to me again.” I’m not worried about any of these idiots dying. I just want my Mouse.
Massive brick shit house of a man who still stood up front took this as a queue to kick the door inward. Cheap doorway gave way with a splintering crack, and the noise of it folding inward was so loud I thought someone fired a gun at first. A room full of idiots stood gawking for the first few seconds we all poured inside. For a shitty crash house the place has a good floor plan and this made it possible for us all to enter before any initial reaction could occur. Of course there were some shouts but no one made a move for violence until everybody was inside.
Then a whole lot of people started dying really fast.
16:04
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A handsome man had been lounging on an L-shaped couch, and his seated position had allowed him quick access to a hip stowed firearm. His hand barely cleared the holster before three suppressed hand gun rounds blared out with surprising volume. Whereas the ones we had heard in the cabin had been ear splittingly loud, this one was still rather noisy but had a much different timbre. You still felt the explosions in your chest and the sudden change in pressure would hurt deep in your head, but the actual gun blasts were about as loud as a slammed door. Two shots whizzed into his lower jaw spaced just centimeters apart and the bottom half of his head separated with a sick squelch. His tongue hung for a breath as both his eyes shot wide, but then the third round hit him in the chest and that sent him convulsing.
Three still remained in the room with us, and one whose fluttering hair betrayed her a woman fled down the hallway screaming about ‘the heat!’ Another girl who still sat wide eyed on the couch called another member of the home invasion party a stupid pig and he responded by opening her skull up with a forty-five. One shot was all it took, and the floor around her was covered in pink steaming skull chips. All of the men who had shot so far were equipped with casing bags, and thus the typical sound of clattering brass wasn’t heard after the initial gun fight ended. One man was passed out cold, likely from the bottles surrounding his unconscious form, and across the room seated in a spinning desk chair was another quivering stranger. Big man pointed a firm finger at the cowering individual and said, “If you move you’ll learn why they called me fuck stick in prison.” That seemed to get his point across rather quickly as nobody did anything stupid after that.
16:04
.
Fuck the dead whore, fuck the dead pretty boy, where is my Mouse? “Cami!” My muffled voice echoed down the hallway, and somehow I knew the dumb bitch who ran at the beginning had made her way to you. One of the thugs shot me a look as if my yelling was a problem, but he had just murdered a guy so blow me. The dripping of fresh blood still filled the space like calming water sculpture, and the first guy who took three bullets still shook and rattled to death. I hope it fucking hurts you druggy fuck. My subconscious kindly pointed out I like to do cocaine, and I ignored the intrusion while following two killers down the hallway in search of you.
I was floating somewhere between life and death I think when the crack of the door managed to break through and pull me closer to the life side. At first I thought I must have imagined it in the hope that you would really come to find me and let myself sink again. It only lasted for a few moments before the loud pops started coming in quick succession and I hoped more than anything that this was real. That somehow you had really found me and now you were here to get me out of this hell. I tried really hard not to think about the hell I could possibly be facing once I was back in your custody instead of theirs.
There were muffled voices but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I knew there must have been more than one person on the other side of my makeshift prison though because I hadn’t heard your voice yet. Even muffled I would know it. I think I would know you anywhere even if all of my senses were lost someday. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard that I thought it may explode and add to whatever carnage was taking place and that’s when I heard it. ’Cami!’ I tried to move way too fast and ended up smacking my face against the door when my body didn’t want to cooperate. “H-help.. Help, I’m in here.” I knew my voice was way too quiet to be able to hear over everything that was happening but I couldn’t make myself any louder. Every time I tried my voice would go raspy and crack.
.
16:21
I managed to smack my hand against the door and tried to call out for you once again. “Ivon, I’m in here!” Another smack to the door had me yelping in pain and everything in me was still ready to give up. “Please I’m here I’m in here I can’t get out!” I was so desperate for you to be able to hear me so that you could find me that I rammed into the door with my shoulder. Apparently it was easier to toss my full body into something than it was to lift my hand because it finally made a thump that sounded loud enough to hear. “Please let me out!” My voice cracked so hard that I coughed and I really hoped that after some rest and maybe some tea or something hot it would go back to normal. I didn’t even want to think about if it was sore for reasons other than my incessant screaming. I managed to ram into the door again before I had used up the little energy I had from my brief float in space and started to cry. I didn’t even think I had any tears left at this point but apparently my supply is endless.
@bonghitsforfeds
Each doorway we passed was already open, and a quick poke around with armed gunmen proved nobody within. Is she even here? Panic kept mounting that it was too late. Any moment I’d round a corner to find you dead, gored, or somehow something even worse. A couple thumps rattled themselves from further down the hallway, and my first assumption was to relate it with fleeing lady from earlier. Hitmen one and two must have thought the same thing because they pushed the sound with lethal vengeance. Slowly the point man crept the corner with his back against the wall.
A flash of light betrayed a knife's edge and just as he crossed the point of no return a lunging figure plunged her long blade into a shoulder. The two fell backwards into the wall with a solid thud. Both the guy directly in front of me as well as myself stood unmoving. It wasn’t a betrayal or anything just that he immediately regained the upper hand by emptying his entire uzi magazine into her torso. A zipper of bullets ripped her open like a bag of candy, and the over penetrating rounds sprayed the ceiling above them with a misting painting of gore. Overkill split her belly and greasy innards spilled around his panting form with a sloshing nasty pour of gore. Wide eyed and with a blade protruding his upper arm the man looked at us with hatred and said, “Crazy LA bitch and her fucking forty foot sword of death.” He was ether completely fine or really tough, and judging by the way his nose was turning up at the smell of freshly spilled intestine it was likely somewhere in the middle.
16:56
.
Your voice was so fucking soft and wounded but I’d recognize the sound among a crowd of millions. After watching the third murder of the evening play out I had been dreading stepping over her if it became necessary. However after hearing your cries I cleared the shattered mess of once human remains before the man who killed her had time to shuffle the corpse side. The one on the floor said, “Sir wait!” As if I didn’t know another person could still be hiding deeper within. I didn’t care, because your call for help had come accompanied with a slam of closet door that was within eye sight. Pressing my body against the door I raised an elbow high before bringing it straight down atop cheap door knob. It gave way with a bending snap and the noise was followed by the tinkling of screws and hardware falling to the floor. After that the closet door swung open on its own, and it was pathetically easy to fling it ajar.
16:57
.
There huddled on the floor of this last crime scene’s closet was the ruined form of my moon goddess. Your face was split open so bad the skull underneath peeked through above your eye. Those very same orbs were sunken so dark and deep that life barely peeked through, but of course my perfect baby still managed to shuffle at the sight of me. For some reason my first thought was a combination of embarrassment over my new outfit, and the fact how easy my worry of loving your body again went out the window at the sight of you. Desiring of her body already? Do you even think of others? It wasn't like that. All that filled me up was empathetic love and sadness so sickly sweet that I immediately burst into disgusting sobbing tears. It hurt so bad to cry past my broken nose that it amplified my break down, but still I threw myself to the ground beside you. What part of you do I even touch? It all looked fragile and broken, and my poor doll’s porcelain lay crumbling all around. Still yet to lay a finger on you I kneeled there on the floor and said in the a balling muffled pathetic voice, “Told you the snake would sniff you out.” After that my heart melted into sludge and I couldn’t help but pick you up in a cradled hug and pull you close to my body. It was obvious you hurt, but nothing would ever separate us again. Not even if my mom crawled out of her grave and swore you were the devil. I’d push that rotten zombie back into her grave while locking lips with you and apologizing for the intrusion to your day. “Never again. Never again.”
The loud sound of multiple rapid gunshots seeming to come from right outside the closet door had me letting out what was as close to a scream as I could as I scrambled back into the corner. As if the two adjoining walls would be able to keep me safe should bullets fly the wrong way. Everything in me wanted to believe that it was really you but a part of me was still terrified that my mind was playing tricks on me and it was someone else Blade had pissed off coming to hunt him down. There was no way it was the police with the way the guns sounded, not that I would ever trust a cop to keep me safe ever again anyway. Not after today and tonight. What time is it even? I didn't even know if it was the same day anymore.
The clanging of the doors hardware on the ground managed to pull me from my thoughts and when the door swung open I was so terrified that I had to fight the urge to tuck my face into my knees and hide. "Ivon?" I rasped out and tried to move towards you only to almost fall flat on the ground again. The light behind you was so bright you almost looked like an angel. It hurt my eyes so bad after being in the dark for so long though and I had to look away. "Ivon I-" what could I even say right now? I'm sorry that someone used what belongs to you, I'm sorry that I pinched you, I'm sorry I wasn't good, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So many apologies needed to be said but I couldn't make my lips move. 'Told you the snake would sniff you out.' Sobs started to wrack my body when you said those words and I felt so much guilt for ever doubting you. I desperately wanted to be sober and in control of my emotions at least a little more than I was now. "Y-you found me."
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17:50
The cradling hug that you scooped me into hurt more than any other hug you had given me before and that was saying something. Even that first night in my house hadn't been anywhere near this brutal, at least I didn't think so. Maybe it was because I was still high as a kite and my body was too sensitive. Whatever the reason I hurt more than I ever had before. "I'm sorry I'm so sorry please don't hate me I-I-I'm sorry." I managed to get my arms around your neck and to tuck my battered face against you. Your warmth felt like sunshine on a winter's day and it was the first thing that made me want to stay alive since this started. "I wanna go home." My voice was small and pathetic, I didn't even know where home was but I knew I wanted to be there with you. I wasn't ready for it when you scooped me up off the floor and if I was capable I would have screamed. Another blood stain was left behind on the floor where I had been sitting for who knows how long and I wondered first if that would be a problem if anyone came investigating what happened here.
The second thought was quickly wiped from my mind when we made our way towards the door and I saw carnage unlike anything I'd ever seen before. I thought shit like this only happened in movies but apparently I was once again very, very wrong. The only thing that actually bothered me was the gore of it all, the fact that they were dead made me feel nothing. A small part of me only wished that I had been the one to watch the life leave their eyes, after letting drips of poison take root in their minds of course. I wasn't expecting to see the devil personified still alive though and when I did the way I moved in your arms probably felt like I was trying to crawl right into your skin to hide. "P-please don't let him hurt me anymore."
@bonghitsforfeds
Whatever soul rag you rung that lifeless ‘sorry' from could have been spent on better things. Muttered apologies also failed to turn me on in their typical fashion, and thus I didn’t say anything while continuing to embrace you. It would be hard to talk over my sobbing anyway. You kept apologizing though and for what I couldn’t figure out. Was it the nose? Were you just guilty for separating us? All of it was silly considering what I had done to you. If anyone needs to apologize it should be me for not chasing after you when they drug you outside. I’d like to think the face punch startled me to much for any reaction, but I knew better than to think my lack of anything helped at all. In a round about way is what happened to you a fault of my own? The more I thought about it the easier it became to convince myself of this. Adrenaline still controlled me like a possessed ball of flesh and it didn’t leave me much time to ponder the awful thoughts further.
“There is nothing to hate you for baby, let’s get you home.” Home was Washington, and here we still were in LA inventing new trauma. Will we ever make it out of here or will I just continue to scoop you off the floor battered and broken? Eventually all the pretty pottery would chip off and after that the doll falls apart. You’d think after what someone like you went through they would feel lighter, but its like the weight of your new awful experiences made the trek to the door so much harder. Yeah, blame your weakness on her weight you piece of shit. The Lizard shut up as we retuned the hallway, and at this point the man who had previously been blanketed in innards was standing up. He looked like a Halloween prop and laughing at my stupid joke made it easier to step back over ruined corpse spill.
13:32
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I was proud of my ability to stay level headed until you pointed out the man in the living room as your abuser. That man should thank heaven for the last few minutes of his life that you were in my arms. If anyone else had been carrying you out, or had I already set you down again, it would have been my hands who peeled him apart. In hindsight it’s cruel how I stood there staring and forcing you to remain in the room with him a second longer. However it was impossible to not memorize his visage as the thundering in my heart grew to near fatal. Whatever smell of gore would typically have permeated the grisly sights were covered up by the gasoline already being spilled around. Weird how most of my pity was aimed at the building about to burn, and not the dead people scattered around. I hope hell is hot swine. No words on this planet were fit for the feelings within me for every passed soul in this place. If they are lucky Ill belong to a different layer of the afterlife and they will never have to see me again.
13:32
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Before carrying you from the building I spoke some directions to Big Man, “Hamstring him, pour whatever they drugged her with down his throat, and leave him here to cook.” Blade’s gaze only remained on mine long enough to twist into fear before two men had their hands on him and were wrestling him to the floor. As we turned to step through the leaning splintered remains of front door you could hear his initial scream from a blade passing through his Achilles tendon. After that they stuffed a wad of gasoline soaked cloth into his mouth and taped yelling lips shut. Without thinking I stuffed you into the passenger seat of the truck I had arrived in, and buckled you up while doing my best to not directly observe you. It was an odd mix of ignoring what had happened, and also not wanting to lose my stomach’s contents. Between triple homicide, the ruined temple of my god, and my own inability to handle emotion any added stimuli was going to kill me. I kissed you on the forehead, which tasted of sweat and blood, before tucking your legs into the cab and closing the door behind you.
Thankfully Big Man was willing to meet me on the front porch, and thus saved me from seeing any corpses again. Part of me wanted to peel that fucking prick myself, but our time was running short and this was evident by the fact fires were being lit and thugs were bugging out. I told him that Mark would have his money by tomorrow, and that I am going to be taking the pickup. He informed me it was lifted off a Walmart parking lot anyway, and that we are better of ditching it sooner than later. Back at the truck it took me a moment to summon the courage necessary to get in the driver’s seat. The only reason I finally climbed into it was because I caught your eyes peering at me through the window.
13:33
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Whoever had driven this before me was a tall motherfucker, and after adjusting the seat and mirrors we backed out and cruised up the street like we had just stopped to pick up some old books. Of course I wanted to be with you however it was important we fled the scene quickly. I’d be lying to discount the concerning growing tension within my soul for this entire situation. I spoke without looking away from the road, “My current plan is to get you back to Future Song. Unless you object?” Usually driving stressed me out, but with the past hour or so it was easier than breathing. “This time they will have no choice but to let me sit next to you the entire time either.” The addition was supposed to make you feel better. To plant a seed that I wasn’t having conflicting feelings of soul within me about everything happening. “All I want to do is hold you close and take away your pain, but its important we get you care.” Would you notice the lack of pet names? Was the lie evident in my voice? It was true you needed care though and this was obvious by the fact your skull was peeking out above your eye.
The longer you stood in that room where Blade was also present the more I wished I could just walk, no run, my way out of the house myself. I think if you tried to put me on my own feet right now though I could just collapse into a heap on the floor. After some harsh words were spoken I was grateful to be outside in the cooler air of the LA night. There was something soothing about the fresh air, as if I hadn't been breathing actual oxygen the entire time I was trapped inside that hell of a house. The screams of pain that managed to drift their way outside satisfied me in a way that might scare me if I was in the right state of mind. I liked knowing that he was suffering even if I couldn't see it. Honestly that was probably for the best because what I did see scattered throughout that house was the stuff of nightmares. It might bother me if it weren't for the fact that each and every one of them got what was coming to them as far as I was concerned.
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19:44
When you left me in the truck I really wanted to reach out and grab onto you to keep you with me but I couldn't get my arms to move. Everything felt so heavy, it was as if gravity had increased ten fold just around my personal orbit. Thankfully you came back not too long later and I could already see smoke leaking out of the house when you climbed into the driver's side. "No I.. that's fine I need a doctor." I could barely conjure up the image of my reflection in the mirror even though I just saw it not long ago so I really wasn't sure how bad the damage was. I could feel that ribs were cracked again, I remember that pain from when you sent me flying into a bookshelf at my old house. Funny how now when I look back it those memories almost seem happy in comparison to my journey through hell that I just embarked on.
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19:44
Comforting words, or at least I think that's what they were meant to be, floated from your lips about how they would have to let you stay with me the entire time. Why did it seem like you were somehow different now though? Were you just in shock or something? Because this isn't the first time you've seen me a battered bloody mess, arguably I'd say it's one of your favorite ways to see me. I told myself that I was just being paranoid and that you were just stressed like anyone would be in this situation but still something felt off in my soul. "Just don't let them take me away from you." If they tried to, I would probably end up doped up all over again and strapped to the bed because I would throw the world's biggest tantrum and leave them with no choice. "Thank you.. for finding me."
I found the motion of buildings and trees whizzing by to be far too much as we drove and let my eyes flutter shut so I wouldn't have to try to process them. "Nothing feels right.. I really don't feel good.." my words wavered at the end and I started to cry once again. Honestly I didn't even realize every time I started and stopped again. "I'm scared, Ivon." I really hated being this vulnerable, even with you. Everything about the situation made me feel weak and used and I didn't know how to cope with that or make it better. "I-I just want to feel normal again."
You needed much more than a doctor, and I would argue we were sort of verging on the realm of miracles. Although the type of medicine they perform at Future Song is sort of like magic. My stupid mouth almost snapped open to ask why would they take me away form you, but then again after today why wouldn’t they. In a round about fucked up way the universe had taken a part of us today. Deep within I knew it was my duty to get over whatever Lizard brain evil I harbored over what had happened, but it was going to take effort. It really fucking sucks when you are immediately aware of what character flaw is bothering you, but it’s still going to take recognized time to fix it. Why can’t I just be a motor? Pull out my pistons and rebuild me.
“I’ll always come get you.” After this there isn’t much else you could argue I wouldn’t do. I just had multiple people killed to get you rescued, and although it could have been done cleaner I was still thrilled with the results. You are thrilled she is ruined? That definitely isn’t what I meant, but it had been awhile since the fucker had spoken up. You were crying again, and it made sense all things considered. What parts of you are left up in that head anyway? If I dedicate the time to sticking around through your healing will you just be broken? I hated my own evil brooding. This was reflected in the fact I had passively begun to speed, but upon noticing I slowed back down. At least this part of town was becoming familiar.
20:22
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20:23
After your wish to feel normal I switched to steering with one hand and leaned over to plop my right fist into your lap. There was too much traffic to glance over, but I drug the hand around until it came across your arm. After that I wrapped it around a wrist and squeezed it three times. “It seems unrealistic to think right now, but we will get through this.” Well, I would anyway. The confidence lasted only seconds until I remembered the images of multiple murders. Okay, maybe I’ll be okay after a few months of restless sleep. I left my arm in your possession while guiding us through the city. At one point we crested a high part of the highway and the ocean was visible in the distance. It was so still and far away that it looked like the world just ended right after the beach. Sometimes a light would pass over the car and it would reflect your seated image into the windshield. My poor Mouse’s hair looked worse than the night we shared together. What had that motherfucker done to you? For the briefest of moments I regretted not dragging out his suffering, but he was dead by now and his perishing had been painful.
Initially I just wanted to keep my mouth shut until we got to the hospital, maybe then the doctors would take you into their possession and I would get a split second to process. Had I even taken the time to think about anything that has happened? My past weeks have been nothing but thoughts of you. Hell, even all those months ago while you had been moving I paced the Washington estate obsessed with you. All of that space in my head full of Camilla Roberts left little room for much else. How was the business doing? Why had father sent that man to bother us? Wires almost connected however guilt rapidly assaulted me for not handling this better. Those men back at the house had done the rescuing, my job was to comfort you and I was failing at it.
20:23
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I spoke up before there was any time to rethink it, “Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t follow you out the Cafe door.” This whole car ride had been your mumbled madness apologies, so it was about time that I retuned some your way. We hit a little lurch in the road and the bouncing movement scattered some fluid in my head. Suddenly it was possible to breath through a single nostril and the cold burst of air to sinuses was heaven. “Before you say some dumb Cami shit about how its all your fault or whatever, it isn’t.. and I had a part to play in this too.” Jesus my nose was squeaking every time I breathed now. Maybe some humor would help? Next I said, “Although I am going to make you stand in surgery and watch them patch my face back together.” Of course the threat wasn’t true, but I would do anything to get you outside that traumatized noggin for a second. “I thought about you the whole time by the way.” God, if only I wasn’t an idiot and had stuck around. Oh well, its not like I could say he did anything to you I hadn’t. Maybe this was karma. The universe knows the only way to harm a monster is to break its toys. The next thing surprised even me, “Your more than just a doll to me, you are the woman who will someday share my name.” Crying sure does make it hard to drive.
It’s funny the things that become comforting when you’re more traumatized than you’ve ever been before. The little things you notice. Words like ‘we’ become monumental in comparison to if only ‘you’ was used. I never would have imagined that I’d want myself so attached to you, before this all happened I thought that I wanted to be with you and that being separated would kill me, but now? Now I knew. It surprised me that your touch didn’t make my skin crawl in the way I imagined that it would. I think I was just surprised that you wanted to touch me at all. There was this fear blooming in my chest that you would never want me in the same way that you did before this happened and no matter how many times I tried to uproot it it just kept spreading.
Something about the silence in the car made all of the violent memories running through my mind even louder and I wished so badly that you would say something, anything, to distract me. I really shouldn’t put so much responsibility on you to fix this but I was more useless than a car wash on a rainy day right now. Every time my eyes closed even just to blink little flashes of that asshole's face would be all that I could see, it was a real pain considering my eyes wanted to stay closed more than anything right now. Am I actually dying? Didn’t you want to less than an hour ago? That was different. That was when I didn’t know if my snake would find me again or not. Now I had a reason to live again. I hated the fact that now I wondered if you would even miss me if I died right here in the passenger seat or if you would be relieved you didn’t have to deal with me anymore. Is it different when the goods are damaged by someone else?
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09:38
Finally your voice broke through my own thoughts with words that I never would have imagined you would say. Why were you apologizing when this is my fault? If I hadn’t punched you I never would have gotten into trouble and I never would have ended up calling those monsters for help. Granted I didn’t know they were monsters at the time but still. Almost as if you read my mind you told me not to say some dumb Cami shit and it almost made a bubble of amusement come to life in my gut. Almost. The joke about having to stand and watch them put your nose back together right didn’t even seem disturbing anymore after today. I doubt I’d feel anything watching them fix it, it can’t be anything compared to the gory splatters that painted the house you just carried me out of. I tried my hardest to huff something close to a laugh but I think it fell flat because the effort it took to try to push the air from my nose was too much for me.
“I’m so afraid you won’t love me the same now.” My words were quiet and hesitant. I really didn’t know how you would react to the honesty. Maybe I was more than a doll to you but that didn’t change how chipped up and broken I was now. “I can’t wait to be Mrs. Feldt.” I still wanted the same future that we had dreamt up on more than one occasion now I just didn’t know if it was possible. I used to be able to see it so clearly but now my vision of the future felt foggy. What if this was all I was good for? Being beaten on and used by different people who didn’t know what boundaries were. Life certainly had a way of making it seem like that was my actual purpose. “I really am sorry.. For everything.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Of all the ways I had expected to react to your statements the fanning flames of anger awoken in my gut were not one of them. My swollen fingers gripped into steering wheel and the fake leather underneath creaked from stress. You know the reason I am saying these things to you is because I can feel that seed of doubt in our relationship. Your follow up statements about wanting me to love you the same were a reasonable answer up to my points, so why was it twisting knives in my gut to hear? Why can’t it just be ‘thank you, I am so happy you found me,’ and not this sobbing heap of apologies? In between every selfish thought of mine was a reminder that you had just undergone a trauma so extreme my mind cannot even comprehend it. Whatever that crispy cooking abuser had done to you was obviously leagues beyond what happened to me at Cashier’s house, and therefore I needed to get over myself.
The sprinkles about wanting to be a Mrs. Feldt didn’t do much to shift my mood. Tantrum declared my hand needed to be torn from your lap, but I knew better than to lash out now. Still, the intrusive urge to open this truck door and roll out into oncoming traffic struck me multiple times. You crushed all your progress that may have been made by apologizing again. This time I sighed without squeezing the steering wheel. “Cami…” Why am I unable to build someones confidence up without feeling like I am lecturing someone?“Please, stop apologizing.” Honestly it was almost pathetic considering everything I had done to you previously. “Out of all the shit we have been through if you chose just now to break my nose I’d say that is legendary self control.” We were at the second to last turn before the hospital parking lot, and it’s tall reflective windows were kind of eerie since they betrayed no hint of light inside.
10:16
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“Maybe getting punched in the face will be a good thing for me.” It did seem to premeditate hospital visits though… kind of like a bad omen. “I mean, you have to admit getting hit by you is better than kidnappers on the staircase.” Cheap pickup suspension complained as we climbed off the street into Future Song’s parking lot. A friendly security guard nodded from a booth as we entered, and I tried my best to not look suspicious operating a stolen vehicle. While parking I had conversational regret for joking so much with you, but all I really had left was humor. Just keep shotgunning you with stupid comedy until your mind is full of nothing else.
Turning to glance at you was a mistake. In all honesty I hadn’t done it on purpose, and it was more a muscle memory thing. You know how one just sort of offers a customary friendly glance toward your passenger? In the co pilots seat of this vehicle was the ruined body of my love. After getting a proper look at your battered face and bloody pants I felt stupid for not getting here faster. Dark red trickled down your legs and into the floorboard. “Jesus babe, you are still bleeding.” Had he stuck you or something? Wow, you saved her just to let her die at the hospital genius.
10:16
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I wonder what emergency reception thought when I came running up to the automatic doors with you thrown over my shoulder. You had hardly said anything as I picked you up, and if you died on the way to the front door of this place I was going to burn the nicest national forest in this state to the ground. It turns out if you kick a sliding door to open it faster as it takes its sweet time parting that you break the little motor mechanism and it will get stuck. Bracing my back against one side I used another leg to pry it open far enough to slip through. None of the faces helping us were recognizable and therefore my battered woman story worked again. So focused on getting you any care I had totally forgotten about my nose until another nurse asked me about my own room. After a conversation that was predictably rude and rushed they figured out who we were. It felt much different traversing the circular ramp toward VIP suites again, and this time I was being pushed in my own wheel chair. Immediately my promises got broken when they separated us to emergency triage you. It had only been seconds since you disappeared on the wheeled cart, and I already hated every one of them. I knew they had to take away my goddess to put her back together, but what if she died while I was being pushed down a fucking hallway? I was just now passing the stupid tree again, and it was much less funny without you around.
I managed a small nod when you told me to stop apologizing. I really needed to figure out a way to stop feeling the incessant need to apologize for everything but I really did feel like this was all my fault. It is. It’s actually not funny at all how I can be on death's door and the little voice still doesn’t give me a break. I can’t even die in peace. The laugh that I somehow pushed past my lips at your jokes about getting punched in the face by me being better than some kidnappers was the most hollow sounding noise I think I had ever made. It was getting harder and harder to force my eyes to stay open and I didn’t know if it was from head trauma, blood loss, or the drugs. Probably a combination of all three. How much blood do you need to lose before you start to feel woozy from it anyway? My bet was on however much I had already lost because I barely even felt it when you hauled me over your shoulder to bring me into the hospital.
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11:24
Am I really dying? My own thoughts felt far away as my back met a soft surface and I lost the warmth of your body. I wanted to yell and scream about them taking me away from you, to beg for them to let you stay with me, but I couldn’t make my mouth open enough to get them out. I think I may have managed a whisper of your name before everything started to move much too fast. Every time my eyes opened I would get a little flash of the ceiling and its much too bright fluorescents passing by until eventually my eyes just felt too heavy to open anymore. Oh wow I really am dying. The little voice inside my head was finally quiet and as peaceful as it was, it wasn't as comforting as I thought it would be. Everything felt cold and warm all at the same time and I could just barely make out the sharp pokes of IV’s being jammed into my skin. There were too many voices for me to make anything out clearly and before I could try to muster up the energy to ask any questions everything went completely dark.
I have no idea how much time passed in whatever sterile surgical suite they wheeled me into and when I woke up in a recovery area that was much too bright my first reaction was to panic. Where had they brought you? What had happened? I took a few seconds to take in my surroundings and try to remind myself that I was safe now but that seemed next to impossible when I was supposed to be safe with that cop too. My shaky fingers managed to find stitches on more parts of my body than not and I think subconsciously I was checking to see if I was still in one piece. Multiple lines ran into my arm, a couple clear and one red. How much of someone else's blood can you get before you don’t have any of your own anymore?
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11:24
Finally someone noticed that I was awake and came over to tell me that a doctor would be in to speak with me shortly. Shortly felt like hours but I wasn’t sure if time was actually passing correctly again or not in my head. When they finally did show up so many words were thrown at me that I didn’t know how to properly process them. Several times I was asked if I understood what I was being told and all I could manage was a blank stared nod. Did you know that you could live without a large chunk of your liver? That was one of the many things I learned from the doctor who had so much pity in her eyes it made my stomach churn. The pity was probably from the fact that I looked like a victim of the man I came in with I’m sure, and the fact that they had to inform me that I may have lost something much greater than myself in that house. How was I ever supposed to tell you? Did you already know? More words were tossed at me and I was told if levels of some hormone decreased the next time they took my blood they would know for sure. How did I let this happen? If I wasn’t so strung out still from being sedated I think I would have a full blown mental breakdown but instead all I managed were silent tears.
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11:24
“Where is Ivon? I want to be with him.. Please, I don't want to be by myself.” The gawking look the doctor gave me should have been something I expected given they clearly thought you were the one who had done this. It took me telling her that someone else had and going through some of the more morbid details to get her to listen to me and I was told that she would see what she could do. I didn’t really believe her but there wasn’t much I could do about it. A liver resection, countless stitches, two broken fingers, a nasty concussion, severe contusions, and severe blood loss. Wasn’t that enough for the universe? Couldn’t it let me keep one small thing from all of this?
I want my mom.
A sudden and painful thought. She wouldn’t have a way to get to me and in all honesty I doubt she would come even if she did. Not that I could blame her when I managed to get myself out of that house and out of that town without bringing her with me. I wish I could have but it wasn’t like I had much of a choice, I was doing the best I could for myself and I couldn’t afford it. It didn’t change the fact that I wished she could come and cradle me against her to listen to her humming sweet lullabies. I willed myself to go back to sleep just so I didn’t have to travel further down that rabbit hole than I needed to.
@bonghitsforfeds
I’m going to look like Neo dodging all these harsh looks. It didn’t matter if it was a nurse, tech, or security guard as they all shot me glares when in my presence. Even last time we were here I had been so full of my typical wrathful energy, but now the only thing I felt was empty defeat. Laying down made my shoulder hurt, and so after they brought me back from imaging I sat in a chair instead. Boredom and worry had me counting the drops falling from my saline bag. I had stopped asking hours ago to see you. Whining about the power of attorney from last time didn’t do anything to convince them of our bonding, and one of the staff had even taken the time to call me a monster. Monster? It was hard to argue with her when my only come backs were thoughts of extreme violence.
First time we had been here it felt like hours before they brought you back to me. This visit they did keep you for hours. Over twelve actually, and they were so cagey with details that I didn’t even know if you were alive. They came back in the middle of your surgeries to tell me that my nose was set fine and that the MRI had been a waste of time. How the fuck was it a waste of time to rule things out? I felt like a whipped dog keeping all the anger to myself, but there was nothing I would dare do to risk your care. All the doors in this hallway were on those annoying automatic tracks from last time, and whenever the one across the hall would actuate I thought someone was coming through mine. For the first hundred times it happened I had jumped up in my seat, but by this point I was just brooding.
12:46
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Twice someone had come in to tell me that I have been discharged. I just kept replying, “I know,” and eventually they must have caught on. I like to think one of them had to walk to the offices and ask if I can be kicked out just to be told over half of this place's initial opening costs were paid for by my family. There was absolutely nothing to do while waiting since I had also left that flip phone inside the pickup. Besides, I was worried upon leaving the building they wouldn’t let me back in. Lost in sleepy thought and micro dosing weak painkillers I had fallen asleep when somebody finally came in with some good news. “She’s awake, and has asked for you.” Never in my life had any information coming out of a stuck up nurse’s face been helpful, but I could have kissed the fat lady who told me this.
While leading me toward your room all I could think about was grabbing the stupid bitch by her pony tail and ripping the scalp off. It made me furious to not know where they had been keeping you. Wherever it was had been outside the suites we sat in last time, and knowing they had you with normal people doubled the rage. Whatever you said must have convinced them good because the only instruction I got before being shut in with you was, “Mind her wires.” The small room was shaped like a tiny L, and therefore I had to round a corner before seeing you. A whiteboard with your name and a circle around eight on the pain chart greeted me first.
12:47
.
Immediately my eyes filled with tears at the sight of your sleeping body. The fact they had managed to save your life made me regret chucking a glass orb at the nurse days ago, but not enough to actually apologize for it. Honestly I was thankful you were unconscious as it allowed me to take you in first. My mouse was more of a mummy at this point, and the crooked wrap of bandages about your head would be funny if I didn’t know how they were caused. The few times we had slept with each other your eyebrows would twitch as you dreamed. Right now they were still as a corpse, and the effect really lent to your whole looking dead thing.
Scooting a chair up slowly as to not rouse you I sat down beside your shoulders. For several entire minutes I did nothing but stare at the rise and fall of your chest. Where would you be had I never picked you? Would those beautiful hands that unlocked kinks deep within me be typing away on a keyboard? Perhaps those same fingers would be shampooing shiny locks of midnight? Whatever it was I doubt you would be lying up in a hospital bed. The only cope I could latch onto was that those people were never your friends if they were capable of that. You are capable of worse. I don’t know… for once I think I might disagree.
12:47
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Leaning forward I pressed my lips to your temple with a kiss lighter than kitten’s tears. Your jaw immediately set into a strain upon my touch, and the change in your resting muscles gave way that my mouth had woken you up. A smile so wide that it probably left my face and carved into the walls crawled across my features that you are still alive. Still here. Still mine. “Good morning sleepy head.” A quick glance to the clock on your right gave way that it was just after 3:00 am. Without thinking a hand crawled onto the bed and using it I wiped a string of sweaty hair away. History told me you had just been experiencing a nightmare. At least for once I had reasonable doubt to believe that it might’ve not been about me. You smelled of fear and medicine, and I’d have offered you a bath if anything remotely akin to sexual advance didn’t feel crueler then infanticide right now. “I missed you so much. They were real assholes about letting me see you.” Your eyes were barely open, and I wondered if you even knew I was here. I booped you on the nose before saying, “How high they got you right now Ms. Roberts?” I’d be lying to say I wasn’t a little jealous.
Nightmares played themselves out in my head over and over again even with the various IV drugs coursing through my veins. If anything they put me into an even deeper sleep and made them even worse. I swear I'll never touch another drug again in my life. Everything from the night was replaying on repeat but in slower motion. It was one of those dreams where you couldn't run or scream and somehow that made the whole endeavor even more terrifying. For some reason I was watching myself be tortured from outside of my body and the new perspective made it seem even worse. Why does the subconscious mind insist on torturing people? The feeling of soft lips pressed to my skin in something so light I'm surprised I even felt it managed to save me from my sleep and I was grateful for it. I tried to open my eyes but they felt so heavy I could barely manage the simple task. You were smiling but I could tell from the way your eyes were glistening still that you must have been crying.
I wanted to get up and leave, I didn't want to be here in this hospital anymore. I didn't want you to find out what I knew, or better yet what I was waiting to find out. I just wanted to stop feeling scared. I don't even know how much time has passed from when I left that stupid cafe to now. "G'morning." I barely hushed out back, my voice raspy from having a tube shoved down it during surgery. I wonder how bad it really was, maybe I should have paid better attention. You mentioned that they were assholes about letting you see me and I had I feeling my suspicions were right. Funny how this time you really didn't do it. "Pretty high." I smiled just barely even though it was faker than half the people's tits in this place. Not high enough to make the pain stop but I left that part out for your sake
.
15:30
I honestly wasn't sure when they had let you come in to see me after I fell asleep, how long you had just been sitting there looking at my mangled form and crying. "Have-." I cleared my throat the best I could and tried again "Have they said anything?" It was a stupid roundabout way of asking if you knew everything that had happened, or rather the results of everything that happened. Did you know just how broken I was yet? That they had to carve the broken diseased bits away so they wouldn't ruin the rest of me? I would give anything to be able to have you in this bed with me right now, to be able to feel you close to me. Half for the comfort and half for the warmth. No matter how many warm blankets they piled onto me I couldn't stop trembling. Apparently that was common after surgery but it was also common when you've been running on nothing but adrenaline for god knows how long. Speaking of which, "what time is it? How long..." I wanted to ask both how long it had been since I last saw you and also how long I was in surgery for. Has it been hours since the cafe? Days? I had no idea anymore.
@bonghitsforfeds
At least you could still speak. The awful thought shook a laugh from me, and it sounded pretty sad slipping past a face full of tears. Still, it said a lot about our situation if there had been fear of that in the first place. Many of the hours slumped a few wings away had been spent worried if your cute pink brain had swelled one or two sizes too big. I glanced up at the monitor while you lied to me, as if any of the information displayed made sense to my dumb ass. None of it was yelling and no one was sprinting in here so things must be stable, right? Your fibs about being high enough went right over my head. I was so enamored with being in your waking presence again that nothing was properly registering.
When you began to talk even my heart stopped beating to wait patiently. “No baby.” Poor thing, are you too tired to repeat it? It was probably a good thing I didn’t know you were hiding the truth of your condition to me. With anyone else your odd paranoia would have sent me into plotting overdrive, but I guess at this point you could say I was truly in love with you because none of it matters anymore. Lie to me. Hit me. Fucking choke the life from my neck, I don’t care anymore. No one will pull you from me again. Although in a round about way you may have sealed your fate with the inquiry because it did plant a seed for me to ask what happened at a later date. Right now though the last thing I wanted you to do was recount your medical journey with me. There would be time later, and right now I need to start spoiling you anyway.(edited)
16:30
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“It’s early the next morning little Mouse.” All the faculty here were judgmental stupid cunts, but they did do one hell of a rush job patching you back together. “They fixed my doll before the sun came up.” It occurred to me there had been a day in-between at one point, but it was all running together now anyway. I hadn’t slept, and my forehead felt like it weighed a ton on its own. There was a piece of clear plastic stuck to your lip. Making a deliberate effort to remove it I kissed the spot it sat upon after it was gone. After flicking the piece of medical trash into the corner I rested my head sideways on your chest. Ah yes, staring sideways at your face while you rest in a hospital bed is becoming quite familiar.
“Fuck the roadtrip.” It fell from my mouth before there was any time to think. Whelp, guess we are committing to this angle. “When you are out of here lets just charter a fucking jet and go home.” That’s definitely one way to get us to Washington in record time. “After that you will never have to do anything in your entire fucking life you don’t want too ever again.” Who was I even propping up right now? The speech felt weirdly aimed at myself and I hated it. Even when trying to be selfless my mind eats itself with contradicting meta statements. It took until then for me to realize my head on your chest was forcing winces into your face.
16:30
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“Shit, sorry.” I sat up so fast the room span, and as it slowly revolved back to a standstill the nausea was replaced by exhaustion. Deep, bone slowing exhaustion. Hot skull chips laying on the lap of a man convulsing to death steamed on the floor besides us. Starting at the grisly scene at the foot of your bed it took me three solid blinks before it dissipated. Okay, turns out I am super tired. “Cami…” My eyes were still locked on the floor, and they didn’t return to your eyes until halfway through the next bit. “We will get through this. You will survive this.” Usually I took pride in my eloquence of comforting words, but exhaustion was pulling apart brain threads that held together important bits of psyche. For once in my entire life I was at a complete loss of words. Then I had a really, really stupid idea.
What if I snuck out while you were sleeping and bought a wedding ring?(edited)
Early the next morning. It was difficult, for some reason, to be able to process the fact that so much time was spent being drugged and tortured and then put back together again. Have you gotten any rest at all? I tensed a little when you moved the plastic that was stuck to my lip and then kissed the spot where it was stuck. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to remind myself that you weren’t the monster that tried to actually kill me but still the physical contact put me on edge. I was never going to tell you that though because without that what do I even have to offer you that’s worth anything? Fuck is that even worth anything anymore? If I wasn’t high on pain meds my own thoughts would have made me cry, spilling the precious saline they’ve been pumping into me right back onto the pillow. There was an ache when you rested your head on my chest but getting to feel you close in this way was comforting. I wanted more than anything to be able to run my fingers through your stupid hair but when I tried to lift my arm it felt like dead weight.
.
12:53
“That.. that sounds like a good idea.” I nodded weakly as I spoke, the idea of getting to just go straight home without having to worry about piling on any more trauma in the process was like a beacon of light in this shitstorm we were facing right now. There was also something oddly attractive about you being able to do that to get us home, and not because of the money, but because of the security and the fact that you obviously cared about us enough to want to get us there faster. Maybe it is about something more than just the sex. Maybe. It’s funny how many thoughts you can really fit into a day because it hadn’t been that long since you came into my life and I had already had so many differing opinions; he loves me, he hates me, it’s just the sex, he loves me for more than that, he’s a bad person, he has a good one somewhere in there. Honestly the way my thoughts bounced around like a pinball machine day in and day out with you was exhausting but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
.
12:54
When you sat up it was so quick that it made me jump which made me wince in pain and I was surprised at the sudden outburst. You looked lost in your own thoughts for a few moments and I honestly had no idea what you were even apologizing for. None of this was your fault, you couldn’t have known the cop was dirty or that my so called friends would turn on me the way they did. Nodding along when you told me that we would get through this I wasn’t sure if I believed your words or not. It made me feel guilty that I didn't believe you for some reason but I realized I had sort of blindly been trusting you for a while now. Even when I had my doubts I always believed you wouldn't let anyone else hurt me, and that somehow in some twisted way you really wanted what was best for me.
Now though. Now someone else had hurt me and even though you managed to find it it still felt like that warm safety blanket of being yours had slipped away. I wanted it back more than anything. There go those pinballing thoughts again. "You should get some sleep." I sighed heavily hoping that by this time tomorrow it wouldn't be so difficult to speak. "I can see it in your eyes.. you're exhausted Ivon." I wanted to sleep more too, even being awake this little was sapping the small bit of energy I had managed to recover while I was out cold. I just didn't want to come face to face with my most recent nightmare or miss being awake if the doctors came back to take more of my blood. I wish I had absorbed more of what the doctors say when they explained how often they would check but if I did that it would make it too real. "Is your nose okay?" Making it about you was much easier than focussing on myself right now, and I really would feel bad if I messed it up forever somehow.
@bonghitsforfeds
Well, at least you still knew to agree with me. For a little bit I had been worried that you had grown attached to the road trip idea. Although, I’d also imagine that after what you have been through anything but LA sounded nice. Perhaps it was just fantasy for me to think you were tired of this place, but I knew that I sure was. Part of me wished to just rip the tubes from your arms and wheel you home myself. Would my love be proved to you then little Mouse? There is something rather amusing about imagining me pushing you up the highway all the way along the coast.
You distracted me by calling out my exhaustion. Seconds ago ghostly steaming corpses were chilling in the room with us, so I suppose I don’t have much room to argue. “Yeah...” Some part of me tried to summon proper words to describe my level of tiredness, but nothing seemed to really fit. Truth be told, the only reason I feared going to bed was waking up without you. Since stepping into this room my eyes had been sizing up the one you laid upon to judge if we could fit together. So far my conclusion was maybe, and that was only if we tangled our legs.
“Me?” The single word was charged with a hundred questions. “They imaged it when we first got here, and then told me they found nothing.” Did my face show how pouty I was over that? It didn't really matter since I chose to lament next anyway. “In fact, their exact wording was that it was a waste of time.” Jesus, I should really just keep my mouth closed. Here I am rambling on about how they treated me. Your question did cause my nose to inhale a few test breaths however. “Whomever taught the Little Mouse to punch did an excellent job. That jab came out of fucking nowhere.” Part of me wanted to add a joke on about how it took me tired, weakened, and hungry for you to score a good blow though.
15:21
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Stupid wedding ring came spinning back into my mind to distract me. Would I even be able to order a driver, much less operate a stolen truck? “Hey I have an idea.” The natural darker roll of accent that accompanied my words whenever I tried to convince someone of something injected itself. “What if we nap a good long rest in this hosipital bed of yours, and then after we wake up Ill go get us everything we need before leaving town?” I hope you didn’t put the pieces together and realize I also needed time away. In all honesty I could just hire a shopper to grab smartphones, bags, and whatever other travel accessories we may require. However I needed to think. This soul needed to wander around and try to make sense of the last forty hours.
My entire stomach lurched with hot pain at the prospect of you not wanting to share a bed. Why do I insist on living my entire life with the habit of opening my stupid mouth before thinking? Now I waltzed us into the awkward situation of you having to reject the offer. I opted to make the same mistake again by speaking before processing, “Unless of course you want to be alone then I can sleep in here on the floor, or back in my own room.” The floor comment wasn't even meant to invoke pity, there was just no way in hell I could fall asleep in this cheap chair.
You managed to get a little giggle out of me when you complained about the fact that they told you it was a waste of time. Not because I actually found it funny, it pissed me off that they would talk to anyone that way, but because you looked so pouty about it and I found it hopelessly adorable. I was so relieved to know that at the very least I was still capable of being attracted to people, well, attracted to you. “One of the few things you can thank my dad for.” I smiled softly when you said my punch was good and even though I saw the damage myself it was probably because it was still healing. Still, I took the compliment. Selfishly I really needed the boost it gave.
I felt my eyes struggling to stay open when you suggested that we take a nice long nap together, that was exactly what I needed and knowing that you would be here with me was such a comfort. I only wished that you felt more comfortable around me. It made sense that you would hesitate given everything that had happened but it stung wondering if it was just because you were repulsed by me now or if it was actually just in consideration of my own comfort. “Ivon, the last thing I want to be is alone right now. Sleep sounds perfect.” I tried my best to give you a reassuring smile but I don’t even know if the corners of my mouth moved at all. I really wanted to plead with you to not leave me when we woke up, to tell you just how terrifying the idea of being even an inch apart was for me right now but the idea of coming off as way too needy kept me from opening my mouth. If you left and never came back I really couldn’t say that I would blame you. I was a fucking disaster and you honestly probably deserved so much better than me.
.
16:27
The process of getting you into my bed with me was definitely painful but I tried my best to keep the whimpers and yelps held in as we adjusted so that we could both fit. I really hoped that they kept me in recovery long enough that we could sleep undisturbed or that if they decided it was time to put me in my own room they would just wheel us there without waking us up. When we finally settled it was less than comfortable in some ways but in others it was absolutely perfect. You were close enough that I could feel your warmth and smell you, I didn’t even realize how much I liked the way you smelled. I had said that I wanted to go home but I don’t think home was even a place to me anymore, I think it was just being in your arms and feeling even just a little bit safe. “Do you think they make medicine that stops you from dreaming?” Raspy words barely managed to find their way out of my mouth as my eyes lost the battle in staying open. “I don’t want to see him anymore, Ivon. Promise you’ll be here when I wake up?”
@bonghitsforfeds
I am not completely useless if this vessel is still capable of squeezing laughs out of you. Is it dumb to pride yourself on the ability to make people giggle despite the situation? Abuse survivor in her hospital bed the night after her assault is pretty high up on the list of tough crowds. We must be two peas in a pod if the first thing that made you snicker was a backhanded complement though. I couldn’t help but sigh before shaking my head at the ego monster in making. Such a beautiful collection of sassy brain matter. You cemented my new opinion of you as a shithead by telling me your father taught you to swing fists. Ah, it makes sense that your dad would somehow find a way to hurt me. The self aimed phrase of pity had been meant to cheer me up, but all it did was summon a little ball of sadness that refused to go away. Goddammit, I do have daddy problems.
The entire mass of nasty emotional sludge that this conversation had slowly been secreting dissipated into a puff when you told me you didn’t want to be alone. “Oh thank fucking God.” My entire psyche seemed to deflate as I physically collapsed onto the bed again. I was still seated, however I did let my tired mass rest atop you this time. With my voice muffled from being half full of cheap blanket I said, “If I don’t get into this thing with you I’ll definitely be falling asleep just like this.” Honestly it wouldn’t even be a bad place to rest, but I know afterwords my back would hold a grudge for weeks. “Alright little Mouse, but keep in mind you asked for it.”
01:05
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01:05
I couldn’t help but laugh the entire time we struggled to lay down together. Whatever angled construction the hospital bed was designed from squeaked and groaned every time one shifted their weight an inch. Turns out when you are trying to climb into it with another person it will scream about it the entire time. We eventually curled together into a snuggle. You were the small spoon, and I had you in a sideways hug. Our legs were laced together like the frayed ends of an old blanket, and just being in close contact to you had my torso thrumming with energy. I liked being close to you like this, and with my mouth so near to your ear I was able to speak much quieter. “You know little mouse…” God, would my chest ever stop flipping around like a finless fish when we are embracing?
“Even after all this time I still feel lucky being near you.” Now was definitely not the time to have this conversation, but would I be me if my mouth had a filter? “It goes beyond a perverseness.” Oh yeah, this was a terrible time to talk about this. “My entire body fucking vibrates. Its a sick combination of feeling luckier than Jesus while also feeling starry eyed like a starstruck boy.” One time I got to meet the lead of my favorite childhood television show as a birthday gift from father. Having lunch and laughing about the inner workings of something I was previously obsessed with didn’t even come close to holding your corpse close to me like this.
‘Do you think they make medicine that stops you from dreaming?’(edited)
01:05
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Funny how the very lips that charge me with youthful life are also capable of robbing it instantly. Whatever trickling of fun I had begun to have here whiffed out like birthday candles in a sinking boat. There was no malice underneath for you either, but instead soul churning pity. Poor baby just had her entire life rocked inside-out and here I am stuck in my own head and feelings. When you asked me to stay the night that sealed my fate on buying a ring while you were unconscious. There will be a thousand other chances to marry you anyway.
“If the snake was asked he would spend every morning beside you forever.” A round about tease on matrimony, but also a simple truth. “So yes, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.” I was so unbelievably exhausted that my inner dialogue was skipping languages. What was I saying seconds ago? A muscle in my neck twitched and for a second sleep had found me. “And to answer your question babe, there are medicines that take your dreams away.” After watching your own father vivisect your mother’s neck and then spending the next lifetime lying about it in therapy I am intimately familiar with dream inhibitors. “They can be hit or miss, but they basically saved my life as a teenager.” It had taken my night terrors from unbearable to manageable three nights a week. Might not seem like much to most people, but it really makes a difference when you are going fifty hours between sleeping. Speaking of sleep, all I managed to say was one more thing before I fell into it atop your head, “I love you Mrs. Feldt.”
It was a confusing mix of emotions feeling so comforted and also so on edge and terrified. Knowing that you still felt as good as I did while holding me this way was a bigger relief than I had even realized it would be, and so was knowing that you weren’t even being a pervert about it, at least not right now. Still though it did little to buffer the mind breaking terror that had planted itself within my very bones. Maybe it would do more to help once we were in Washington and not in a hospital bed, hospitals were full of nothing but pain after all. Not the best place for healing.
I felt my body getting heavier and heavier once you said that you would be there when I woke up, even if you were only saying it to get me to go to sleep I let it comfort me anyway. I made a mental note to ask you about what you were talking about later when you said they saved your life as a teenager. I can’t imagine what you must have seen or been through to not want to dream either. I hated that you could relate to the feeling, as much as you’d made me suffer it was nothing like I was suffering now and if you felt that kind of pain at any time I felt sorry for you. “I think I might need some.” It was way too late to ask for them now as I was already more asleep than awake and the last words I heard before I drifted off completely were those of love and precious names.
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08:50
I don’t know if it was the fact that you were wrapped around me like a cocoon of safety or if it was just because my body had already been through too much but the nightmares weren’t as terrible this time. My brain skipped over the worst of it and went straight to you pulling me out of that closet and whisking me away to safety. The blood painting the house was oozing as if it was alive itself and tried to suck us back in when we made it to the front door. It was scary but it wasn’t anything as bad as having to relive the worst of the abuse. I think I would let the giant coagulated blob suck me in and drown me in the blood of my enemies I once called friends a million times before I ever volunteered to relive that again.
@bonghitsforfeds
Curious how I always get better sleep in new beds. Growing up I was always the same way, and I loved to seek out weird places to rest. Sometimes I would flip from the head of the bed to sleeping at the other end. Of course my father being a controlling nightmare hated the fact I couldn’t just be ‘normal.’ Whenever he left town I got excited because it meant no one was going to hound me for normality, and maybe a few nights of actual sleep could be had. There is a caveat to this cheat however. Every time I wake up in a place that isn’t home I get assaulted by panic. This is the very emotion that coursed my veins when a nurse woke me with a confused look upon her face.
It was odd, the assortment of thoughts all made sense on their own, but they all occurred out of order. Initially upon being roused I recognized the face as Purple from our first stay here. Since it had only been a few hours since falling asleep my body was running on fumes. For some reason seeing her put me in the mental state of our original stay. It was jarring to think you woke up months ago, and the fact our current room didn’t match the original didn’t help. She was saying something to me but it didn’t sound like words. Whatever I had just been dreaming about still filled my head with fuzz like a lazy cloud. Finally her mouth matched up to sound, “I need you to step out of the bed.”
10:19
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How is it that we keep waking up into scenarios that have me wishing for others? For once it would be nice to have a morning where I wasn’t yearning for it to occur somewhere else. How many fucking days have passed and still we are in this stupid city? Hyper grumpiness puppeteers my body and forces me to rise from the bed. It felt like highway robbery to have our cuddles broken by a third party. Your warmth still clung to me, and if I craned my head downward to the left I could huff at your scent. The nurse caught me doing it, and I guess this level of obsession isn’t attractive to a third party when they think you are responsible for great harm. Fuck you, judgmental cunt. For her information this time it wasn’t me, and Id appreciate being left alone.
You were out like a sack of bricks. No wonder someone like me was able to sneak up on you when they can shove needles into your arm no problem. My eyes were lazily drinking in the fact your chest still rose and fell with life when the nurse decided to pick a fight. “You shouldn’t be in here.” Her words hung in the air like cow shit would among a high class reception. She didn’t even bother to look at me when saying it. While busying herself with checking on your vitals I felt a pulsing hatred form itself in the middle of my back. With the same radiating sensation of heat that accompanies a broken bone hatred blossomed outward from that catalyst of pain. Twice I took tiny steps to lunge at her, and had your body not been laying behind the entire scene to remind me of my life’s purpose, I may have gone medieval on her. Who was she to tell me where I can go? The fact my presence didn’t seem worthy of her attention even during insult kept amplifying the rage higher and higher. Multiple times now you had used your own voice to tell these people that you want me around. So what gives this purple bitch the agency to offer advice on my life?
10:19
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“I think if going home with that woman you are caring for wasn’t of the utmost importance to me that’d Id ruin your life the same way you think I did her’s.” It was such a round about insult that it was possible it may not even land. Regardless of whether or not my words struck true I guarantee the dripping venom attached to them served enough purpose. I had expected more of a reaction, perhaps for her to turn around and give me an earful. After my outburst however she just quickly finished her rounds and left the room. Standing alone with you felt like much too heavy a burden. The short rest had refueled my body just enough for it to feel panic again, and now the feeling to flee returned tenfold. Why are you stuck in the bed Mouse? Just wake up so we can leave, please? Apparently the mental connection I hoped we shared is nonexistent because your nose didn’t even wiggle at my telepathy attempts. I hadn’t forgotten my promise to be here when you woke up, but the creeping evil in my body from the nurse’s intrusion wasn’t dissipating. Deep within I felt the obsessive roots of need take hold. These were different the ones I felt with you. There was no coupling desire to roll our bodies together. Only one pulsing frothing act of primality would fix me of my new affliction.
And that cure is violence.
The next couple of days seemed to go by in such a blur. They kept us stuck in that stupid recovery room for 24 hours after surgery before they finally gave us a regular room and the quiet was much appreciated. The noise of other patients hadn’t been keeping me from sleeping but it had been driving me insane, I just wanted some peace and quiet after everything that had happened. Once we finally had some I found it next to impossible to stay awake and I spent more of my time sleeping than up and communicating with you. A couple of times I had woken up to find you passed out next to me and I was grateful that at least you were using the time to get some rest too. Whenever I was awake to actually interact with a nurse making their rounds they always seemed to look at me with a mix of pity and judgment and it made me want to crawl out of my skin. Why wouldn’t they believe me that you hadn’t done this? Why did I have to keep repeating myself? As if what I’d been through wasn’t already enough. I just wanted to be out of this place.
.
12:30
Regular checks made sure my liver was doing fine after half of it being sliced away and I still hadn’t been told anything about the stupid levels of hormones they were looking for in my blood. By the time the third day rolled around I wondered if they had completely forgotten about it, was that possible for a doctor to do? I mean it had to be in my chart that they looked at day in and day out right? I found that I was barely able to focus on anything and had to apologize for not paying attention to conversations you were attempting to have with me. I had just finished choking down a smoothie that would have been delicious if there hadn’t been a lump in my throat all day when there was a soft knock at the door. “Ms. Roberts we have some test results we’d like to discuss with you.” The Doctor's eyes went from me to you and back again and I had this sinking feeling in my gut that I was going to hate what she had to say. I had no idea if it was better for her to break the news to both of us or if I should tell you myself later on but I honestly didn’t think I would be able to. “He can stay. I want him to stay.”
.(edited)
12:30
“I really think it’s best if you-” The Doctor started, no doubt trying to convince me to make you leave the room, they were probably afraid of what was going to happen if you were present whether the news was good or bad, I hated to admit it but I was also afraid. “I said I want him to stay.” Her head dipped a little before she let out the smallest sigh and began to explain my biggest fear. Every time they had drawn my blood the hormones they were looking for had dropped significantly and there was no way that I was successfully carrying anymore. “We’re deeply sorry and can provide counseling while you’re here.” I actually laughed at that because what the fuck was counseling going to do for everything I had just been through and what it led to. I could deal with the damage done to my own body but why after all of the hoping and borderline praying that I did did they have to take this away from me? From us? I didn’t think I was anywhere near ready to be a mother until the chance was ripped from me without me even knowing it had been there to begin with.
A solemn look and a ‘Please don’t hesitate to let us know if you need anything.’ was that last thing the Doctor gave before she left, closing the door behind her. How incredible it is that it can be someone's job to deliver life shattering news and then continue about their day as if they didn’t. Resentment bubbled in my chest as if it was personally her fault simply because she had given me the test results. I knew that it was foolish and misplaced but my heart needed more places to spread the hatred to. “Ivon I-.” I hadn’t even realized that I was sobbing when I started to speak and had to try again to make the rest come out. “I’m so sorry I- I didn’t know.”
Fuck hospitals. Every person who walks around in this place had a bigger ego than me, and that is really saying something. Purple felt brave enough to shoot me dirty looks every time we crossed paths, and the two doctors assigned to you didn’t communicate with each other. Fortunately this didn’t impact your care at all, but it did mean I had to listen to everything they said twice. No matter how many times I would politely remind them that the last person had just relayed their information they would ignore me and just keep prattling on. I couldn’t tell if they just liked the sound of their own voice or if it was done to torture me specifically. Before you say I am being a drama queen by feeling targeted let me remind you that these people lower their heads into hushed whispers when I pass.
Most of the time was spent with you unconscious, which meant I was doomed to interact with the outer world. In the three or four days we had been here I had only eaten twice. Both times had been meals from the cafeteria, and either instances I hardly ate any of it. My appetite had been ruined since the night rescuing you from the drug house, and nothing about this place was exuding hospitality. I did get sick pleasure out of leaving my trash on your side table so the nurses were forced to deal with it. At first they ignored it, but I just kept adding more and more until it was impossible to work around. Unfortunately whomever cleaned up the mess did so while I was napping. Our visit here set time into a strange stretch and the constant napping had me lost what day it was. All that mattered is we were together. As much as this place sucked, I’d spend forever in hospital limbo if it was beside you.
13:46
.
My favorite part were the evenings because we got to hold each other close. You’d crawl so far into me during the night terrors that you nearly burrowed straight through my chest. The night before our terrible news was delivered you sweat and shook so much that I ended up calling for help. At first when Purple came in and noticed I had thumbed the call button she shot me a gaze of daggers, but upon realizing the help was for you her demeanor softened. In perhaps the only shared moment between the nurse and I we carefully wiped your head and neck down with a damp cloth. How is it that I felt comfortable sneaking around your house, but now cleaning you in an act of love felt intrusive? It’s not like I could use the conscious excuse either because that time in the Audi was void of any waking consent. Her hand brushed across mine when I went to hand her the towel, and the flutter kick to my heart caught me so off guard I gasped. No.
Thus my time was tortured by this guilty obsession with Purple. For hours I would dissect my own emotions trying to figure out what they were over. It was assuredly different than what we shared. The foundation of this desire was malice. Honestly the fervor at which I originally chucked the hunk of glass at her all those days ago had been with murderous intent. It’s rather sad really, because within I convinced myself that the need would go away when we left. Surely all that distance away in Washington will be enough for me to focus on the now…. Surely?
13:47
.
Luckily the universe had another gift up its sleeve. When the doctor first came in to deliver us this wonderful bundle of information I thought it was going to be a topic of morality. Had they found a brain bleed? What other possible thing could require the secrecy of my removal? This entire time I had been met with stone walling individuals, but the urgent pressing of this doctor for me to leave was something different. Had that crispy fucker knocked you up? Suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room, and my chest was getting tighter. We’d flush it right? No way in hell we would raise his kid.
It was so much worse. I felt like a fucking cartoon character when my mouth dropped open into a little ‘O’. My fingers and toes scrunched up as if my body was trying to crawl in on itself and implode. Dryness hung in my mouth like a lead weight. No bad trip in my entire life had ever been accompanied by such a desert dry feeling upon my tongue. When she left the room my eyes didn’t even raise to meet hers, and the far corner of the floor became very interesting. That stupid seam of ground and wall contained the answers to the universe, and my gaze crawled up and down its length over and over.
God, then you had to speak. You didn’t know? Was that supposed to make it better? For a second anger missiles flared with you as their target, but immediately scuttled when pinged by rational thought. There was no way to blame this on you. How could you even know? Why would you carry whatever little devil I shoved into you? Oh, we could pretend that it had been during one of our half moments of consented love, but let’s be honest we know which encounter the thing got implanted with. Faster and faster my breath would draw until the world started to fade away at the edge. Smaller and smaller color grew until I finally sucked a large enough breath to think again. Had I been hyper ventilating?
13:47
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It didn’t even occur to me that the room had changed until an open window passed me on the right. The entire universe swam in wishy waves, and if I tried to place myself in the present I’d immediately spin away again. I watched myself round the corner outside. Back seating my own mind was a new one. Is this the feeling all those idiots online prattle on about? Grass was beneath my feet now, and the sounds of rushing car traffic surrounded me like a thick cotton blanket. Was it early in the morning or late at night? It was impossible to tell, and the dim lighting cast a dreamlike mood over everything.
LA couldn’t just be happy robbing people of their fiscal wealth. Or couldn't rest easy just taking your sanity. It would pick, chip, and cut until the only thing left is a mad dog version of your soul chasing its tail in a darkened corner. The evil in it all was in the way this place refused to put you down after. It would keep you trapped there as mad animal forever chasing an ending that never comes. Now it had gone and taken our child. A piece of us that no one could ever replicate. Tears trailed my face as I brought it square to the horizon. This little island of grass I had found at the edge of the hospital property was my island of emotion in the concrete hell of this world. How do you mourn something that has no face? It didn’t even exist. Am I twisted up over a concept or a soul? Whatever direct justice I could derive had already been won when your abuser cooked like an overdone egg. Too bad my shattered mind was ruined to not recognize its decision to continue the cycle of violence. Something had to bleed for this, and you and I have already suffered enough.
Hot tears kept streaming down my face as I kept trying to speak to you, to somehow explain what I had no possible way of explaining but you were so shut down I couldn't get a single response out of you. "Ivon please I'm sorry I'm so sorry." I don't even know why I felt the need to apologize as if I had a hand in losing the single most precious thing to me. A thing I didn't even know I had until it was gone, but I did. Because somehow I had managed to fail both you and whatever could have been without even knowing it. When you got up to leave without so much as saying I would panic spiked so strongly in my veins that I felt my vision blur. "Please don't leave me here!" But my words fell on deaf ears once again and the sound of the door closing behind you was deafening. "You promised you'd never leave me again." Weak pathetic words met the empty room only met with the rhythmic beeping of monitors.
I squeezed my eyes shut and gripped onto the mediocre blanket for dear life as I tried to convince myself that you weren't gone forever, that you would come back for me again. I let your words about spending every morning waking next to me and always finding me play themselves in my head over and over again but it did nothing to calm my racing heart. I understood that you were either hurting or furious with me but being alone in the room without you was making the loose grip I had on my sanity slip.
.
17:39
As if the universe thought I needed an extra push towards the edge, a doctor I had yet to see before came into the room and explained that they needed to do an internal ultrasound to make sure my body had 'passed everything completely'. Before I could even protest it was explained to me that I could die or lose the future ability to have kids if it didn't and I ended up with an infection. At this point just euthanize me. I opted for them to take me to the OB wing instead of staying here on the off chance that you came back. The last thing I wanted was for you to see me like that.
The process was surprisingly painful and the looks of pity I was given did nothing to make me feel any better. Apparently a doctor shoving a wand inside you doesn't feel good after being brutally assaulted, imagine that. I knew it wasn't her fault but yet again I found myself wanting to claw her eyes out. Anyone and everyone should have to pay for my pain somehow. Okay Ivon. Just thinking about you made my face twist up in even more pain. I was so afraid you weren't ever going to come back. I stared up at the ceiling for the rest of the time the doctor was digging around inside of me letting myself drift somewhere else in my mind. Funny how it chose to drift back to that shitty motel room. The two of us sharing a shower together and then curling up in the most uncomfortable bed on the planet. I bet it would feel like laying on a cotton candy cloud right about now.
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17:39
I barely even remember being brought back down to my regular room. It didn't take long for someone to come and let me know that they didn't need to do any further procedures to clear out remaining tissues. It's funny how the technical terms for it feel insulting. Baby. Our baby. Was just 'remaining tissues' now. That thought struck harder than I thought it would and I dissolved into tears again. Managing to roll onto my side I curled up into a ball the best that I could, pulling the blanket up over my chin as if I could hide. Honestly it was painful to lay this way but I didn't care, laying on my back staring at the ceiling replaying our happy moments was even worse. "Please come back." Whimpered words to no one seemed to echo off the walls as my body drained itself of tears. "Please."
@bonghitsforfeds
It’s kinda scary how fast my heart decided to spread our pain around. Why should we have to endure all of this? Surely there are others surrounding us who deserve to bear the brunt of all this suffering. Purple was an immediate candidate, and I could see her body sprawled in a hundred shapes of writhing hurt. Would she still shoot those hateful glares my direction if you and I took the time to cut them out of her face? That thought finally gifted me a deep breath. For the first time in days a cool calm washed over my mind. It’s like giving into an orgasm, or perhaps deciding to finalize a mission of suicide. Once you make the internal decision to cast your harm into another everything becomes… lighter.
Rising from the tiny circle of grass felt like waking up on an empty stomach. My soul was lean, and my entire body pulsed with need to act. That hunger to cure us demanded a meal of malice, and there were so many beautiful plates walking around now. Stepping back into the hospital still carried a weight of cursed energy, but it was a stress that was bearable now. Would you grow jealous or angry if I started taking this out on other people? Honestly you’d probably laugh when I told you I planned on lashing out to cure myself. In my imagination you are accusing me of doing that already. Would you believe that this is me on a leash?
21:30
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There was a security gate halfway to your room that requires a staff member to badge you in. Usually a guard sat nearby in a tiny booth, but this time it appeared to be empty. Thick metal doors separated us now, and while I waited a forgotten set of memories returned. The feeling of brimming with primal power when your bones had crunched under my fists. It had been so pathetically easy to snap them. The first blow to your ribs had shattered the structure like glass. I remember being amused by how it had meant to be stunning blow, and my back had not even been put into the swing. What did strength trainers feel like when they fought? Do they just cleave people in half? Although, I suppose most good strong men don’t beat on small women. Is it a crime to only punch down?
The stupid metal of your room’s door stared me in the face now. All my scheming for harm had made the trip back here easier than expected. However, now that I stood outside the courage required to enter was non existent. Were you even inside? Maybe I had gotten lucky and something had killed you in the time I was gone. Will you still love me? My sad mind flip flopped between trauma questions while I hovered outside. God, am I going to think of our dead kid every time your face is in front of me? My hand rested on the handle, and flight or fight kicked in the second it began to turn. Run!
No.
Greased hinges swung against each other with a silent whoosh. Turned away from my entry point and curled up in her bed is the love of my life. Every time her form would inflate with a breath my heart would follow with a similar swelling. If time and space would allow it I’d likely just sit in the doorway and watch you breathe forever. My biggest regret for the rest of time will not be dragging out our initial interactions further. We could have had so much fun little Mouse. Crossing to you with silent steps was easier now that I had a few day’s practice moving about the room.
21:31
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You jumped when my hands rested upon your hip. That dip of flesh into your hourglass figure naturally lead my hands to lower ribcage. Back and forth my fingers rattled over bone separated beneath moon-like flesh. Careful to keep my touch light I continued this pattern for several passes until your head stirred to look at me. Your eyes really do have a way of pulling my emotions forward via meat hook. Just keep dragging my soul out with your dark orbs forever, okay?
In a tired and earnest voice I said, “Hey Cutie. Lost my cool for a second.” An apology was owed, but the normal words didn’t feel right. I continued, “You are everything to me. My life is complete with you. Anything else your body chooses to gift us with is just that, an optional boon of flesh. Nothing will ever push me away from you, nothing.” Yes, this felt good. Another weight left my chest, and after everything I think I can reasonably claim evidence of my loyalty. “I want to die with you Camila.”
I had almost cried myself back to sleep, floating somewhere in between conscious and unconscious when I heard the door click open. I had assumed it was just another nurse or doctor coming to poke and prod at me so when warm hands landed on my hip I couldn't help but jump and suck in a sharp gasp. There's something about being startled when you're in that in-between space that makes it so much more frightening. Quickly my body melted under your touch though and eventually I turned to look at you. A soft smile finding my lips even though I was still terrified at what you would say. Thankfully the words that left your slips weren't ones of anger or leaving but instead they were so kind they brought more tears flooding to my eyes.
I patted the spot next to me in the bed and waited for you to make the painstaking climb inside so we could tangle ourselves together before I managed to find words to say. "I thought you left forever. I was so afraid you weren't going to come back I-" I didn't know if I could even explain to you in the right words how I was feeling but I figured the least I could do is try. "I feel like I let you down in the worst way I ever could have and I'm so sorry Ivon I… I'm just so sorry. I love you more than anything. I can't lose you I can't not after losing everything else." Sharp little inhales were being sucked into my lungs between sobs and I swear I never knew one person could cry so much. How many times will I have to learn what the human threshold for tears is?
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07:40
"Please don't leave me again. I understand if you need to be away from me just.. at least say something before you go." I probably should have told you about everything that happened when you were gone but it felt like too much and I couldn't get my mouth to form those words. Besides as far as I knew everything was fine, or as fine as it could be, and nothing else needed to happen. What was the point in explaining the added excruciating pain I had to endure to figure that out? As much as I was hurting I didn't want to make you hurt too. In some strange way I wanted to protect you from feeling any more pain, we'd already been through so much. "I want to go home Ivon, when will they let us go home?" The sad words were met with me nuzzling myself against your chest as if I was trying to bury myself in your body again. "Take me out of this place."
@bonghitsforfeds
I curled into that offered spot like a well trained lapdog. My moon temple was so void of life that the bed she left behind barely held any heat. We were used to tangling our limbs together by this point, and at least the actual room had a larger mattress. Typically you would take on a little spoon position, but this time we had chosen to face each other. Your breath was stale and tasted of medicine. How many lungfuls of oxygen had you taken under that machine’s supply? Soft locks of hair still held the spiced scent of your sweat, and I selfishly inhaled a lungful of lunar perfume. A heat spread in my chest at being so close to you. Will I always feel evil for wanting your body after this?
What you said next crushed my tired soul to dust. Why do you always think I am never coming back? I paid for a personal army of hitmen to come clear a building of- My thoughts instantly snapped to a close in a nuclear detonation of hatred. Why does everyone doubt me? Whatever kindling of love-like attraction had budded from your presence was replaced by a slithering hatred almost instantly. What else do I need to do? Oh of course! How could I be so foolish as to not request a personally written letter of release from Camila Roberts before stepping out to grieve? You only just dropped another fat dose of ruin into my reality that I am trying so fucking desperately to accept you as a part of.
One tiny warm campfire of cozy control maintained my sanity in this situation. You almost lost your life in the bed on that warm California evening. I guarantee in this weakened state that the air in your neck could have been silenced before anybody got near. Let the cute alarms chirp and whine about your demise, because I know my hands are strong enough to crush soft windpipe. It would feel heavenly to snap that pulsing hose of whore like a brittle frozen tube. You’d drink the fountaining candy too.
18:59
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Jesus, I think something about this place is driving me mad. Was I already mad? Healthy minds don’t hurt people like I did to you do they? Some of man’s greatest conquerers were brutal pillagers. Am I bad for what I have done? My head just kept spinning with endless revolutions of popping thoughts.
“My home is with you.” After laying down something in my neck had shifted, and at first my voice was accompanied by a growling gurgle. After clearing my throat I wrapped my arms underneath your chest and pulled us closer together. “You keep going on about how you think I will leave.” Perhaps now was not the time for a cool headed evil Ivon monologue, but it’s what you had earned. “Sometimes you trick me into thinking you are brilliant Mouse.” My hand rose with a concerning shake to fist itself into your hair. It was a motion of ours you were terrifyingly familiar with, but this time I performed it slow as ice. The grip of matted mane never grew powerful enough to hurt, however I made damned sure to hover it on the edge of pain. “Now I know you are a fool because you keep thinking there is a reality where you escape me.”
Being so tired, fried of emotions, and full of pain made it so my voice never found its typical pitch. It also had the effect of making me sound like my dad, and I hated that. “Do you think I went through all the effort of tracking you down after you moved to give you up after? Do you think I would walk among fucking plebeians for days on end if I wasn’t obsessed with you?” Rotating over onto your sideways form happened smooth as butter. Being on top of you sent blood rushing to a well rested cock and I exhaled through a moan at the feeling of awakening for you. My head tilted to the side, and the only part of my body that was actually touching you right now was a finger that scooped more hair away.
18:59
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I lowered my head closer to your ear like a hunting snake, and my words slithered into a pale head with hot whispers. “I hired over twenty million dollars of the cartel’s best hitmen to kill your shitty friends so I could peel you off the floor of that place and take you home.” Swallowing hurt from how tight my jaw was set, and the finger that previously painted your hair trailed down a cheek to your neck. “I like when your throat bobs up and down in fear like that Camila.” Now my eyes were level with yours, “Don’t ever tell me when I can and cannot be around you. And don’t ever imply that I’m not coming back.” I didn’t even attach a threat to the end, and I just assumed it went without saying. “I swear to fucking God Camila, nothing hurts me more than when you shit out little words that hint towards my non-return.” My point had already been made, so why was I continuing to lean closer with more hatred? I should’ve keep this next part to myself. “Im so fucking hard for you baby. Are you going to make up for all the work I’ve done?” This is the dynamic that heals me. Perhaps I don’t have to yell and beat you to get my violence out. “Why don’t you show daddy how grateful you are?”(edited)
I don’t know why I hadn’t actually expected you to react to my pleas of you just telling me you were leaving with such malice. Was it really that hard to believe that I might be terrified of being alone right now? Or that you might change your mind about me after having such a bomb dropped on your head? Why was it always my fault and why was everything I did and every way I reacted to anything somehow wrong? I didn’t want to escape you and I really wish I could make you understand that. If I did I wouldn’t be begging for you to stay within arms reach of me right now. When you fisted your hand into my hair it sent such terror coursing through my veins that I wanted to scream for you to stop. It didn’t even hurt, not really, it was just terrifying. Everything about you touching me right now was terrifying. I didn’t want it to be, I didn’t think it would be when your other touches were so comforting but this somehow felt threatening and I could barely breathe because of it.
“I don’t want to escape you-” I whimpered out as you continued on to toss the fact that you had hunted me down even after I moved and then hired the best to find me in that stupid drug house in my face. You were on top of me and I was scared. I hated the fact that I was scared when just days ago this would have had my heart racing in a completely different way. “I-I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do I just- I just-” My words got all choked up in my throat as tears ran down my cheeks. I don’t think anything I said right now would matter anyway, it never usually did when you were like this. I wanted to explain that I was just afraid, that you being near me was comforting, at least it had been before you came back. Now you were just as scary as that stupid closet. I didn’t want you to be though. I didn’t want to be afraid of you. I couldn’t be.
.
09:41
Your next choice of words had me swallowing a huge lump in my throat. You were so close to me that I could feel your breath on my skin and god I wanted to want it the way I did when we were in that stupid parking garage. I tried to say something about how I didn’t know if I could make it up to you right now, that I was still hurting so badly that the thought of being with you in that way made me want to scream but I couldn’t get the words out. A small part of me wanted to be with you again, I didn’t want the last person who had me in that way to be a different kind of monster than the one I loved. “I am grateful.” My words came out so small and pathetic that it was almost embarrassing.
I felt almost like I had forgotten how to do this, like I didn’t know what to do so I went with the easiest thing first and reached up to tangle my hand into your hair and pull you the rest of the way down into me for a kiss. It hurt my lip so bad but there was something weirdly healing about kissing you like this and it only made me want more. Pulling you even closer I let my tongue slip between your lips and tasting you like this again had a small whimper bubbling up and out of my throat. “I don’t want to be scared of you.” I mumbled against your lips between kisses that were quickly growing more heated. There was always a part of me that would fear you, that had never stopped, the part that wondered what you were going to do next and if you were going to hurt me every time I opened my mouth to say something less than satisfactory but that was somehow different.
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09:41
I let my hands wander down your back to pull you against me finally feeling how hard you were for me for myself and it managed to stir my insides in a way I had been afraid I would never feel again. “I want to show you how grateful I am, Ivon.” I managed to shuffle the ugly hospital gown up between us and parted my legs so you could settle between them instead of awkwardly straddling me. “Will you help me show you? I don’t think I can handle being on top right now.” It felt almost stupid to say but I really don’t think I was capable of moving that way right now but for some reason I was growing more and more desperate to give you what you wanted from me. Maybe I really did feel like I needed to pay you back for rescuing me.
@bonghitsforfeds
This was better than the first night. Our history made this act much more brutal, and my entire body yearned to have you now. Sweat dripped down my forehead from an instant flash of hot blood. For a moment it seemed you were going to make me fight for it, but then your hand wormed into my brain to assume direct control. Typically your kisses were warm however the poor vessels barely managed to push heat into your lips. Whatever resistance I had been using to keep myself propped up dissipated as you welded our mouths closer together. Our chests pressed into each other, and each one of your breaths was memorized by my flesh. You hadn’t given me time to swallow or prepare and so my nervous saliva greedily sought home within your face. As you whined I echoed the noise with my own moan, and the sound rattled between our shared lung path.
How do I explain that I want you scared of me? It took me a breakdown inside a patch of piss stained roadside grass to realize it, but I needed you to tip toe around me. Before you had hit me it seemed we were growing close enough to have a normal dynamic. Not anymore. Whatever sad heap of person the storm of our split had left behind no longer cared about being a ‘good man.’ Fuck good men. What does taking the high road ever get you? Anyone who believes they are fighting the good fight is only deluding themselves anyway. Its all cycles of endless violence, and nothing will stop it. We are all born with an evil that is carefully covered up by society and friendship. Friends and places have brought me nothing but rotting of the soul. If everyone else just does whatever they want, why shouldn’t I? Is it really up to the rich son of a weapons smuggler to break any curses?
15:06
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A ruined temple opened its doors to pull me forward. At some point your arms had trailed up my back, and now we were pulled so close nothing could happen. As you opened your legs wider my shirt rode up. Instantly fiery warmth from your core heated my skin into an inferno. Were you already frying your brain pink for me? The fact you still wanted me saved you from a worse evening. Either way my cock was going to sleeve its way into your ruined cunt, so you might as well make it easier for yourself by getting it ready. Your question lit a candle within my throat, and it had the effect of making my next words belch with malice. “Did you truly think I had expected you to do something yourself?” Being inside a hospital made it difficult to simply beat your stupidity away, but I bet my words had the capability of landing with solid whacks.
15:07
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Heat continued to pool into my skin from your sweltering hole. Right now I was stuck between either fucking you into a screaming mess, or crawling lower to slurp moon candy dry. “Did you know every time we perch on this precipice my entire body trembles for you Camila?” Even the words I spoke warbled with perverse energy. I sounded like someone who had just scored their first hunting kill, and the wide eyed unblinking glare probably didn’t help. Surely God would send me straight to hell for the thought that stood as my deciding factor: Another man had been inside of you, and I didn’t want my face near it. You are a scumbag. Truly. Grunting in rage I whipped a hand forward to grab at your chin. My thumb was opposite the other four fingers, and I used the grip of your face to crane your head back and forth. Inspecting your features like a show dog my eyes crawled every imperfection that had not been left by me. A sliver of broken flesh above your eye was my least favorite. “That one’s going to scar.” I spoke the sentence aloud like you had been following my inner monologue. Did you know me enough to know why I hated that so much? Every time I look at your face it will be with a distracted memory of someone else marking it up.
15:07
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Fucking you suddenly didn’t feel like enough. The only thing crueler that came to mind was abandoning the sex entirely. Would it tickle my mad psycho enough to crank you up for a show just to walk away before it started? How many times would you let me get away with it? The first time you told me no would be the very instance I finally gave it to you too. Thank Christ you cannot hear the evil within my mind. Sometimes just formulating the awful plans is enough, but nothing was satiating the need to harm. An awful migraine bloomed at the base of my skull, and tense waves of pain radiated down my back. My tone was hushed, “N-nothing feels right.” Hopefully you didn’t think I meant my body, because if you made a cock joke right now it would be the last thing you ever did. My free hand trailed your hip between us and while using my knees to create a gap my fingers pushed a white gown upward.
15:07
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I let go of your face to sit up. Shaky hands fumbled with a belt buckle, and soon my pants fell to expose a flush cock. A bead of shiny pre glistened the tip, and while leaning forward it broke off like a strand of drool to drip down into your lap. A palm found its place atop your cunt, and with two trembling fingers I spread your lips apart with a cute squelch. “You’re a freak.” Turn it around. Just keep her spinning. Never let her think. With a hound like thrust the girth of me stuffed you full. Immediately water sprang from the corner of my eyes. “Jesus fuck!” There was no filter, and my voice rebounded off the walls with a betraying volume. You were so tight it fucking hurt, or was I just that big? Either way I likely would have emptied by balls instantly if not for the added pain from your silky walls squeezing me out. Blame it on her. “I thought you wanted to show me how grateful you are?” Part of me wanted to turn your face sideways and pound a hole straight through your center. The other half wanted to sit here stuffed to the end of you while a sore cunt pulsed with distress to make room. “Relax Camila. Why are you so tense?”
“N…no I guess not I just-.” I just thought you said you wanted me to show you how grateful I was and I thought that meant me doing the work. That’s what I said to you in my head but instead my voice just trailed off with a pathetic noise of defeat. It hurt so bad having you speak to me this way again and feeling like you really meant it. What had I done to wake up this evil part of you again? It’s not as if I wanted any of what happened to me, I fought so hard I broke my own body, but trying to explain that would only leave it more broken I was almost sure of it. Even the way you were speaking to me now your words sounded different. I don’t think I’ve felt so afraid of you since that first night when I thought you might take my life on my bedroom floor. “Y-you make me feel the same way.” Or at least you did before this all happened. Now you just made me feel like melting into the bed and dissolving under the floorboards.
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15:54
Your grip on my face had me letting out a nervous squeak and when you mentioned that the one mark was going to scar I felt that panic spike back up, I forgot just how many times a person's body can pump them with more adrenaline. It was starting to make me feel sick. “I- I know I- I’m sorry.. M-maybe someone can help. I mean there’s tons of great plastic surgeons out there right?” I knew exactly why this scar was different from the ones that you had already littered around my body and I felt the same disdain for it. “I don’t want anybody elses marks on my skin either, Ivon.” I didn’t know if you would even believe me in the state of mind you were in right now but I still wanted you to know, I needed you to know. There were a few lingering moments of nothing but silence and quickened breaths and I was so afraid of what you were thinking that I didn’t dare ask. When you said nothing felt right I thought that maybe you had come to your senses and that you weren’t going to do this to me right now. I hadn’t said no but there was no way you didn’t know it would hurt me to do this right now, both physically and emotionally. How much damage could one woman take before they were allowed to give up? Because I think I was almost there.
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15:54
I should have known better than to think that you would care about how I was feeling because the next thing I knew you were sitting up and undoing your pants. There was still a small flame burning in my core from the part of me that did still want you, the part of me that was craving normalcy. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused in my life. I could feel the fact that my pussy was drooling for you and yet the idea of actually doing it was still painful. Nothing made sense anymore. Even your fingers spreading me apart had me tensing in fear as if you were somebody else and I hated myself for it. Get it together Camila. I didn’t even have a moment to process before you were thrusting into me all at once and it felt like you were ripping me apart. The noise I let out was one of strangled pain and immediately tears pricked my eyes and ran down my cheeks. “I-I do.” I stammered out with a quivering lip. I really did want to show you but it hurt so bad it felt like I was on fire.
“I’m sorry I’m trying!” Even the way I tried to raise my voice was pathetic, what the fuck happened to my fight? Had I used all of it in that shit hole of a house? “I- I’m sorry I really am trying daddy.” Maybe somehow adding in the name that I’d only ever used with you before would make this better. I tried my best to relax my body so that it wouldn’t hurt so bad but every time I did I tensed right back up again. More than anything I wanted to show you that I could still do this, that I was still good for something, so I rolled my hips down and then back up taking you all the way in again. “Please just- fuck me please.” Fingers dug into your back on the hand that didn’t have the nail ripped from it as I tried to settle the panic inside of me. “Please I want it, I need you to fuck me.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I couldn’t tell what was worse; the outburst about plastic surgery, or the fact you called me that special word. It burned me with hellfire to hear you acknowledge how shallow I am. That new indent above your eye will be a permanent mark of shame. Since they had removed your head bandages the stitches holding eye socket together had been the first thing I noticed. Would getting plastic surgery even fix it? Perhaps my evil eye would permanently perceive the injury regardless of how much magic medical makeup was applied. Our only saving grace was that I know you were going to obsess about it forever. Hopefully I would be blessed with a small squirt of power when passing the bathroom mirror to see you vigorously working to cover the mark. As previously mentioned you weren’t happy just torturing me with one thing as I preoccupied replaying that pathetically pronounced ‘daddy.’ My cock throbbed at the prospect of you having said it just to appease me. I was beginning to accept that I’m hardest when I hate you the most.
Your begging now? Somehow that just made me less inclined to give it to you. Metal clanged against the wall when I leaned in so close to you that my lips hatefully rolled against your face. “I need you to shut the fuck up and let me think.” Yeah, chew on that one for a bit. The rocking roll of our nasty sexes squeezed me against you tight enough I yelped. A hand reached up the back of a sweaty mane, and with newfound energy a little doll’s head was yanked backwards. Every drop of my brewing evil spilled out over your face via hot words, “If you hate that fucking mark so much why don’t we cut it off?” My peripheral vision caught sight of a pretty row of needles, and next my brain hatched a plan so evil it would make terrorists squirm.
17:58
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Like a snake in the grass my arm snatched up a syringe full of Ativan. Your eyes got so wide that my chest actually shook with effort to contain creepy elation. Oh wait, actually I was just laughing. This is control. This is what you owe me. With your head still yanked backward I felt your torso squirm in fear. It’s entirely possible the movement had been involuntary, but I tortured you for it anyway, “Tsk tsk little Mouse. We are going to have some fun and I am only going to explain the rules once.” Honestly I was making this up as we went along, but this entire scenario was doing wonders to keep me thick. If we kept this pace up I was going to rip you open like a cute pink envelope.
With a gleaming needle hovering just inches from your eyes the position must have been terribly uncomfortable. Porcelain figure was bent so out of shape that at any point one of your joints could pop loose. “Listening?” Whether or not you were, this was about me, so I didn’t wait around for you to answer, the sideways fearful gaze your tear filled eyes gave me said enough. “I am going to fuck you to near death now. If you wrench away from me during my time with you this needle will go finger deep into your hose of stupid.” I’m not sure if you caught my glance toward your throat, but then again this wasn't for you. “While you are unable to move or react I will cut that ugly scar off of your fucking skull.” I barely left any time for it all to sink in before laying down more hellish monologue, “So be a good girl and take it real good for daddy or else I’ll cut up your pretty face.” My only bluff was a lack of cutting implement, but if push came to shove we both know I’m not above chewing it off.
17:58
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After that I simply pulled your head harder and began to pump you like an empty balloon. Maxing you to an immediate unbearable pace was harder to force than our evening in your bedroom. Your body was not having this, and despite ample lubrication cramping muscle was not any aid. “Don’t get any bright ideas princess, I know you can feel this things point.” Occasionally the needle’s side would brush a pulsing neck, and if you lurched or fought it was likely going to find a deep home. “If you don’t open up and let me in this is going to take a long time. I jerked myself stupid in the bathroom this morning, so don’t think your getting off easy.” It was a lie but that wasn’t the point. “Take my suffering like a nasty little trauma sponge.” Each echoing slap of angry skin proved just how much I meant it too. Tears ran freely down my face, and my widened eyes screamed psychotic. Next came the punchline, and my voice cracked during delivery, “We both know this is what you are good at.”
I don't know if I've ever been more afraid and confused than I am in this moment with you. I don't know how the human mind and body can both hate something so much but also crave it like a drug. I feel like I'm starting to not know anything but I knew when you got so close I could taste the hatred in your words that I was better off not pushing my luck. The strength in which you pulled my head back this time hurt so bad it had me squeaking in pain. Would the knowledge that putting a new mark over the old one would still basically be letting the old one live there make any sense to you? I'd rather not have a mark there at all but I guess when it comes to my body I'm the last one who should get any say in what happens to it.
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18:50
"I-." My words dissolved into thin air as all the saliva in my mouth dried up and made my throat feel like the desert. Why in the fuck would you threaten me with drugs for sex right now? Did you actually just hate me? Were all of the loving words and feelings from before just a lie? I felt so betrayed that you could do this to me, that you would stoop just as low as the man who brutally attacked me. He did it first. The reality check hit me like a freight train and I realized that this is all I'll ever be to you. A human punching bag that you can hit with both your fists and your words, and somewhere you can bury your dick when you see fit. If I had eaten enough I think I might actually be sick at the thought. I'm no less a prisoner here with you than I was with all of them. Did I ever even really leave that closet? Maybe I actually died in there and this is the hell that I have to live with now for all of the things I did wrong.
18:50
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"I'm listening." I barely managed to get the words out and I didn't even recognize my own voice anymore. Did you even care that you were already fucking me near dead? How did you so easily forget everything that I had just been through? A small nod against your grip on my hair was all I managed to get out as an answer to the rest of your stomach turning words. As if any of this was supposed to make me want it more. Did you even want me to want it? You started fucking me so hard that I couldn't help but cry out in pain, there was no pleasure to be had, I was bruised so badly and I wouldn't be surprised if I was still bleeding. It had only been a few days and apparently it can last for weeks. Not that you care.
"I'm trying, I'm trying! I'm- I-I'm trying!" I really was trying to relax but my body didn't want me to and it certainly wasn't cooperating. It's not even like I wasn't ready for it, it just hurt so bad. I honestly don't know if I've ever felt a pain like it, even that first night when you fucked me into the floor I hadn't been as bruised and battered down there as I am now and every thrust of your cock felt like it was going to rip me apart. Toxic words of knowing this is what I'm good at ripped through my heart like jagged glass and I almost wish you would stick me with the syringe just so I didn't have to hurt anymore. My eyes briefly fluttered down to look at where you were currently invading my body only to see bright red when you pulled your hips back. My lip quivered as I tried to quiet my own sobs but it was no use, I couldn't hold them in. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I kept choking the words out over and over again like some kind of sick mantra, I didn't even know what I had done wrong I just wanted you to forgive me.
@bonghitsforfeds
Each perfect repetition of trauma from your lips strummed every string of my heart’s harp. The melody was disjointed and only one monster in this universe danced to it’s song. That monster was currently pounding miles into a ruined cunt, and with great effort planned on filling it once more. Tears dripped off my face to pattern your nightgown. Each droplet carried with it a mountain of stress, but no matter how many were shed it didn’t make me feel better. I knew what was coming next. Creeping around the corner of madness was the tantrum that happened when hurting you didn’t help. Sure the unforgivable act was erotically pleasing, however the dragon of evil refused to slumber.
It didn’t fucking matter. God forbid we are allowed to be cruel to each other in privacy. To each other? Okay, maybe I was being mean to you, but that didn’t excuse Purple bursting through the door with security officers. Satan would be impressed at my ability to feel intruded upon. It would turn out after this was all over that the most illegal part had been the whole threatening you with a needle thing. Did you know that certain hospitals have microphones to keep an eye on patients? When the door slid open on powered rails I didn’t even notice. It wasn’t until a man twice my weight removed me from the bed with a powerful arm sweep. To a bystander it probably looked like he wiped me off your bed as if I was a little bug. Blood soaked cock pointing straight in the air my head swam with stars from slamming the hospital floor with such force. Someone was shouting instructions at me, and apparently I didn’t comply because next I was being electrocuted.
22:27
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Had there been a camera in that room it would have recorded for a later lawsuit the tertiary guard standing above my head basically executing me with a taser. The only thought in my mind the entire time was ‘fuckfuckfuckfuck.’ Getting tased feels like getting your heart directly fucked by a cattle prod. At any moment my chest’s red organ would surely pop and I’d finally die. ‘Crimson cock and three cops’ would be a fantastic band name, and it turns out intrusive thoughts can be humorous. Believe it or not this initial exchange was not the part that resulted in a lawsuit.
It was the part where three Future Song security guards drug me into a hallway closet and beat me unconscious. Being pulled by your hair fucking sucks, and it had me regret ever cranking on yours so hard. The three pigs yanked me out the door, dick still out, across the hall and into a closet before throwing me headfirst into a mop bucket. Crack My entire world became stars, pain, and gagging retches. I didn’t know getting hit in the skull so hard can immediately make you gag. Whomever kicked me in the ribs broke three of them on first impact, and the next two jabs broke three more. Six broken ribs, a contusion, and finally the coup de grâce was a ringed fist to the recently set nose.
22:27
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When you swam in the space between worlds could you still feel the headache little mouse? Its bullshit how when dying it still kind of hurts. I didn’t feel the cold though, and in fact the opposite sensation filled my body. That brief glimpse into nothingness taught me that this vessel will probably die angry. Born angry, live angry, and die angry. Tattoo it on my fucking face and ship me like a toy. When my eyes opened I was still upside down in the closet, and my entire mouth was full of congealed blood. Coughing knocked something loose in the front of my face and after flopping over onto the floor I spat a shiny tooth into cheap carpet. While staring at the chipped bone like a holy healing spell was inscribed in the side I took my first breath with six broken ribs.
I screamed and screamed. Between all three languages I’m fluent in are a quality spread of curse words. Most of them were shouted inside the small space, and I yelled until my voice gave out with a croak. After that it was hard to tell if the blood I coughed up was from my throat or lungs. Moving was excruciating. Breathing was abysmal. Walking was impossible. My only saving grace was that nothing got punctured in the end. Initially I had planned on crawling to the door after getting my pants up, but then I made the mistake of flopping over too fast and I passed out again from pain. My last thought before spinning into void was, ‘I’m a pussy.’
One thing that I couldn't wrap my head around was the fact that you had the nerve to be crying right now, I could understand crying about what happened, crying about what we lost, but crying while you're forcing yourself onto me yet again when I foolishly thought we were past that was something I couldn't wrap my head around. All I kept thinking was that I don't know what I did to make you hate me again. Was this really all because another man had forced himself on me or was it something else too? I must be getting better at dissociating because the pain started to feel further and further away and my vision started to lose focus. Did you inject me with that stupid syringe or am I dying? Either way didn't matter much to me anymore as long as it didn't hurt so badly. Maybe I'm just losing too much blood, this hospital is going to start charging us a premium if I keep wasting the precious bags of it. Not that you'd bat a stupid pretty eyelash at the cost.
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15:49
The next thing I knew you were quite literally being ripped out of me and the angle at which the man did it made something feel like it was actually tearing and I screamed so loud my voice did this ungodly pop in the middle. What a terrible way to get brought completely back to reality don't you think? Now I was bleeding even more, the purple bitch was yelling something about blood loss and infections, security was barking orders and I was hyperventilating. My vision kept blacking out and the way things played out was almost as if I was taking extra long blinks in between getting little blips of what was happening. You were on the ground making a god awful sound and I'm pretty sure they ended up tasing you. Normally I might feel bad but right now the only thing I could think was that I was grateful to have you off of me. So much for wanting you close.
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15:49
Still though what I didn't want was for them to drag you away but despite my best efforts nobody would listen to me. I was getting really fucking sick of nobody ever listening to me. I didn't even know where they were taking you and before I could ask everything went black and stayed that way. Apparently that feeling of tearing wasn't just in my head and when I finally came to it was with stitches in a place I never thought I'd need them until I did manage to have children. I must have earned some really bad karma in a past life if the universe refuses this hard to just let me die. Twice in less than a week now I've lost too much blood and yet my stupid body refused to give up.
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15:50
You were still gone and it didn't take very long for me to be awake enough to throw a fit about that. I hit the call button an unhealthy amount of times refusing to stop until someone came in and I demanded to know where you were. The nurse who originally came in supposedly had no idea what I was talking about until I screamed that I would call Mr. Feldt, as in your father, myself if they didn't figure it out. That seemed to spark a lot of different people's memories as they assured me they would take care of it, and by it I'm assuming they meant you. You certainly didn't deserve it, for all I knew they had left you somewhere to rot and that is what you deserved for what you just did to me. Nevertheless my heart longed to know that you were safe and to have you near me again so I tried my best to fight off the slumber trying to take hold of me until that's exactly where you were. I'd leave this hospital full of holes and lacking blood if they wouldn't let you back in this room with me.
Even if it killed me.
@bonghitsforfeds
So it turns out getting caught was an overall negative experience for me. Nobody actually knows how long they left me in the closet, but I wasn’t conscious when transported from it. Thus, waking up in a hospital bed is what happened next. At home this man hardly ever sleeps on his back, and waking up facing the ceiling was disorienting. Spinning nausea from a weightless center wasn’t even the worst part as my eyes watered from bright lights. Instantly I took a reactive breath of air which only succeeded in burning my lungs. Each breath felt like sprinting with a stick in my side. No matter how much oxygen I sucked in it would hurt the same too. Inhaling was much worse than exhaling. Unfortunately this meant I spent the first half hour or so awake trying to hold my breath. Thankfully a shattered ribcage did wonders to distract me from my nose.
I was afraid to move because it would likely mean visitors. If that purple bitch walked through the doors right now it was going to result in bloodshed that made Aztec sacrifice look tame. Also if this endeavor had cost me a Mouse it was going to spell real bad news for my future. As per usual it wouldn’t bother me if you never spoke to me again. We both knew you didn’t actually have a choice in the matter, but your actual feelings couldn’t be blamed. I’d spend my entire life tracking you down if that is what it took. There was a surprising lack of regret within me for trying to have you my way, and in fact the only thing on my mind was resuming where we had left off. If you decided to pair up with me after this then you likely already knew it was going to come with an ass whooping. I couldn’t tell if I was more mad that I didn’t get to finish what I started, or that someone else had made the choice for me.
18:16
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Another hour passed before someone came in to see me. Whomever this nurse was I had never seen them before, and their attitude said that they had been debriefed on my evil. He lazily did his rounds and shot me many dirty looks while performing them. Typically this time would be filled with my hateful words, but nothing was going to make me speak right now. It also turns out that you can just nod yes or no to a doctor and it legally counts as having received information. The damage was six ribs, a concussion, and a rebroken nose. Like a typical doctor prick the asshole recommended me plastic surgery. Can you even say stuff like that to people? Next were a few legal professionals who did their best to courteously inform me that they had lots of evidence. The entire charade was to scare me into not suing. All I wanted to tell people is that nothing mattered if they didn’t get you and I back together. Something told me that no amount of begging would win me that outcome, and thus I kept my mouth shut.
Three days without speaking will do wonders for your vocal cords, but I was bored as fuck by the second. The only distracting thing the entire time was my galactic rage. So much rage perspiration poured out of me that the nurses thought something else may be wrong. Last time something made me sweat this much had been after Father tried to remove mother’s photos from a house. My disdain for the situation didn’t change his mind, but I did mange to steal away a few frames. Regardless I had spent weeks shaking myself into sweaty rage sleep just like this.
18:16
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Nightmares, shitty hospital food, rude glares, not enough pain medication, and finally news that my father had been contacted did enough to keep my morale poor the entire time. A doctor told me that, ‘my family was aware of my unfortunate accident suffered here,’ and that said enough to let me know that things were worse than expected. It wasn’t even that he may know of my crime that bothered me, but instead that he knew about you. After the awkward Washington reprimanding he had made our continued contact pretty clear. That was all before we started punching each other in a cafe. Get me the fuck out of here.
At one point your voice carried up the hallway and into my room. Had they wheeled you out for a test? Perhaps I was growing delusional and these haunted walls were whispering at me in your voice. Did you miss me? If you flee where would you scamper off to little Mouse? It would be lots of fun to track you down years later after you felt safe again. Maybe I can lean on your past loyalty and just pray we will be together soon. An infinitesimal part of me was ruining itself over what I had done to you, but by day three it had been consumed my hared. Today was my discharge day, and despite hinting at not wanting to leave here alone they had made no attempts to elude about you. Before my doctor left the room I said, “I’ll wait outside all month for her.” All he did was shake his head before leaving me alone to sulk. Sitting up still fucking sucked. I sat there whimpering pathetically while clutching my discharge paper work. He had informed me that I had twenty minutes to rest before leaving. Maybe Ill just chase him down the hallway and stick a fucking pen in his head.
As it turns out sometimes even your name doesn't wield enough power to get a person what they want, of course I would find that out the first time I tried to use it to my advantage. I ended up epically losing my battle against sleep when I tried to wait for them to bring you back to me, imagine my surprise when they never did. I woke up alone and in the dark barely able to remember what had happened. I was so worked up when they first took you away and when I had woken up the first time after getting stitched up I was so dazed I barely even knew what I was saying. After enough begging they finally let me know that you were at least safe but also that they wouldn't be bringing you back into my room. Why did nobody care how traumatic what just happened to me was? I didn't want to be alone. I wanted you with me whether it made sense to them or not.
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10:51
Every time my door slid open with that automatic whoosh I would beg to see you, even if they didn't let you stay in my room I couldn't understand why they wouldn't at least let you in to visit. By the end of the first day I had turned onto my side so it would be easier to ignore everyone. By the second I felt like I was losing my mind. Sleeping without you had proven itself to be hellish. I hadn't realized just how much of a difference being tucked into you and having you there to chase away the demons in my dreams had made until I tried to sleep alone. I was exhausted both physically and mentally and not thinking clearly at all when I had ripped the tubes from my arm and made my way into the hallway to try and find you. I guess screaming your name a few times wasn't the best idea because it got me the wrong kind of attention, and fast.
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10:52
Apparently when you start acting insane medical professionals will start to treat you like you're insane too. I can't actually tell you how many times I was told if I didn't start cooperating that they would be forced to restrain me. I can tell you that I didn't listen to any of them. After the third time ripping tubes from my arm they decided it would be best to make it so I can't move my hands at all. I guess I can't really say I blamed them, they had to switch the IVs to my other arm because I had mangled it so badly. It'll be interesting when I get out and everyone looks at me like a failing heroin addict. Why didn't anybody understand that if they just let me see you that I would be fine? At least for a little while.
Having nothing to do but stare at the ceiling gives a person a lot of time to think and I couldn't help but wonder if you missed me at all. I don't know why I assumed you would want anything to do with me after our last interaction, it was full of more hate and malice than I think I'd ever seen from you before. I didn't even feel that much hate from you when you had dangled me over the edge of that parking garage and threatened me with the concrete below. Maybe I've really just lost my mind and I had imagined that you ever loved me at all. I bet the bitch dressed in purple would be happy to keep me locked up here forever in some cushy room where I couldn't hurt myself by means of Ivon Feldt anymore.
@bonghitsforfeds
Stepping out into the hallway felt like being reborn. Except this caterpillar had transformed into something disgusting. Whatever fluttering beast left this split chrysalis existed to secretly seed ruination beneath every other shitty forest critter. You were in these walls somewhere I could feel it, and no amount of beating me stupid was going to keep me from my Mouse. Every third step or so of the gait would pinch my healing ribcage something fierce. A fiery split of pain would burn in circles around my torso, and thus the acute aching would force me to change my step in a poor attempt to avoid it. The first few times it happened was accompanied by a whimper from my throat, and it took genuine focus to not cry on my awkward shuffle. Only one of the nurses at the station was recognizable. It was too bad really, I desperately wished to say something hateful to Purple on the way out. Instead I just addressed them all with, “Oath’s in my line of work mean something.” The universe chuckled at my declaration of upholding promises, but this short quip was about something else entirely.
12:40
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Little did I know that the three security guards had already been handled. Before I left the building the Feldt empire had already fielded a little agent to deliver its news. My father’s executive assistant was a short man whose face never betrayed an inch of emotion. Supposedly one time a delivery of his had gone bad, and the other party had kidnapped him and severed his leg in a moment of climactic interrogation. This crazy fuck killed all four of the men holding him hostage and crawled across the street to ask a neighbor for help. Definitely one of the few people on this planet who scared me more than my own father. Today he was dressed in a smart business casual outfit that hid his prosthetic impeccably. Not that one typically looks for someone else’s hidden handicap, but from personal conversation I knew the man hated it. We had always hit it off decently well, and this is what cemented to me that his news was going to be unpleasant. This man showed up when hard conversation needed to be had.
“Ivon, good to see you upright.” Honestly I am not sure if his greeting was alluding to my drunken partying, or the fact he had spied on me while in the hospital. It makes sense that he’d be involved if my father had three days to play catch up. My initial reaction was to spit a rude phrase into his face about being an errand boy, but the encounter reminded me so much of the cafe that I just burst into angry flames instead. I didn’t even turn to look at him and just hobbled by toward the front door. Freedom was a swiveling door only a few feet away, but from behind me came a voice that said, “We already got rid of the truck.” Without breaking stride I responded, “I’ll call cab.” From behind me again came a little click, and I spun around to see him holding my flip phone in a raised hand. “I have your phone too,” he said without a hint of any emotion across his face, “You should really be polite and let me bend your ear Ivon.”
12:40
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We didn’t share more words until both of us were seated in his car. Honestly even if I wanted to say something it would have been impossible because my ribcage felt like it was attempting to saw out of my body and fuck the wound. With an odd display of manners the assistant shut my door for me before stepping around to get in. The sleek black car shook with a wobble as his side slammed shut, and after that he started the engine for some white noise. Without skipping a beat he said, “The three security guards have already been handled. Your father saw to it that they suffered greatly for embarrassing you.” That was one word to use for explaining the brutality that had been unleashed on my body, but all I could think about was you. Is Cami okay? What is Mouse doing? Are you hurting? Do you hate me? Apparently I had missed something important because he was repeating it. “Ivon, if you don’t stop seeing her he’s going to do something about it.” Was he looking me straight in the face? Had this fucker ever made eye contact with me? My gaze turned to focus out the window like his look could melt my face. The edge to my jaw must have said everything because he just let the silence hang.
Stop seeing you? Did this fucker know what he was asking me? Why is he willing to kill people for me, but can’t let me fuck a nobody? It felt like sin to refer to you with such a terrible title, but my thoughts were rushing and too much hatred was sprinkled in. This car felt to small, and my insides swirled with a mix of feeling from our day in the forest. Part of me had deja vu from the van and wanted to scramble around like a trapped monkey until locating an implement of murder. The other side of me was just as scared as I was strapped to that shitty little stool. Kill him. It is truly concerning how hard it is getting to ignore that urge.
12:41
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Then the man opened his mouth to say, “He has something to offer in trade.” With that he plopped a set of car keys and small notebook into my lap. “Don’t open that until I leave.” His car door popped open with a whooshing click. While stepping out he said, “I really, really suggest you listen to him this time son.” That little word on the end boiled my blood instantly. This next part likely came straight from my Father’s lips and the big bastard was too coward to come say it himself, “You and him both know what happens in this family when someone can’t let a girl go.”
It had already been three days without you and it felt like a lifetime. I’m pretty sure that time itself managed to slow down just in the universes continued efforts to torture me. Yes woe is Camila her abuser is being kept away. If I wasn’t stuck to this bed I might try to climb to the roof and swan dive off just to shut that little voice up once and for all. In part because it was right and in another because it felt so wrong to call you that. The longer that I laid here the more it seemed true though. Even when things were good you got a thrill out of hurting me and I don’t think that’s ever going to go away. Not completely at least. I was spending far too much time alone with my thoughts and even before you traipsed into my life I knew that was never a good thing. How many different directions can my mind even wander in at once before it just comes unwound like a discount barrel spool of thread?
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16:53
We had the first direction which was insistent on trying to figure out how the hell I ended up in this position to begin with but no matter how many times and how many different angles I ran through that day in the coffee shop from nothing stood out to me. I didn’t do anything differently to make it seem like I wanted something from you I know I didn’t. The only thing I’m truly at fault for is doubting humanity's habit of being sick and twisted when I saw you in that parking lot with your camera out. Even now after having experienced so many different flavors of trauma with you I still managed to be caught off guard and dismiss so many red flags. What was wrong with me? That was the second direction my brain was pulling me in. Obviously I must have some sort of defect in my brain that keeps me so naive, how else would I still be here missing you? How else did I not realize so many things were about to go wrong when we were trying to eat lunch?
Each and every interaction we had ever shared together was running through my head on a loop and each and every time they restarted I found another thing that I had done wrong. There were so many different occasions where the blame lied with me and by the time the sun went down I was convinced that somehow I must have led you to me therefore making everything we had gone through my fault. It was during one of my many spirals that another nurse came in, a new one meaning the shifts must have just changed over, and I asked for you for the millionth time. That’s when I found out you had already left. You left and you left me behind. Is heartbreak audible? Because I swear I heard something shatter.
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16:53
I knew that if I stayed here I was going to actually go crazy and that was something I don’t think my mind would ever recover from. What was the point in staying when I wouldn’t be leaving with you anyway? I’m sure eventually I could find somewhere to stay even if it ended up being some grungy shelter for a while. The genuinely sweet nurse along with the doctor tried to convince me not to leave but I was sick of seeing the pitying looks on their faces. I wanted out of here and I wanted it now. It took some convincing but eventually papers were brought to me to sign so they couldn’t be held accountable for anything that happened from me leaving early and I signed my life away happily. Honestly at this point if I bled out on the street I wouldn’t be upset about it. How could you come into my life like this and leave me like I was nothing?
The hospital was kind enough to give me some clothes to wear out but my shoes were still my own and I couldn’t help but stare down at them as my feet made their way along the sidewalk. I think my mind was even busier than the LA traffic I was walking alongside. What if I just jumped in front of a bus or something? I bet it would be pretty quick if I managed to get the right angle. Or I could find some other tall building and swan dive off the top of it to leave my trauma splattered on the pavement. I wonder if the people that have to clean that shit up can smell the pain in the blood when they wash it away. What would mine smell like?
@bonghitsforfeds
A lazy mid afternoon sun filtered through a slabbed concrete garage and cast the car’s cab with soft light. I sat with my arms crossed and stared down at the little notebook. A peeled corner told me this wasn’t a new spiral, and the leathered top held a recognized evil. This collection of pages had sat atop Father’s desk. All that meant was whatever it contained had been written by him, however it also leant the book a horrible aura. Turning it sideways betrayed that it was almost completely devoid of paper. Sending a notebook with only two sheets left wouldn’t really stand out to anyone else, but it was such a Klaus move that his ghost was sitting next to me. That awful ghastly presence made it easy to step from the vehicle.
Being outside without you felt naked beyond comparison, thus I made quick effort of wrapping around to the driver’s seat. Outdoors felt awful, inside the car felt evil, so apparently everywhere today is just going to be garbage. Gritting my teeth was just succeeding in giving me a headache so finally I flipped the stupid thing open to read its contents. The first page didn’t even have anything on it and for a split second this situation felt like a practical prank. That was until the next page which listed a nearby address in swirly penmanship that was accompanied by the simple statements, ‘Go work it out on the nurse. Come home. Get your shit together.’ The last statement was bolder than the rest, and that mans heavy presence was evident in his writing. After pecking the address into the car’s gps I tucked the notebook beneath the passenger seat.
17:37
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If I thought that neighborhood you were assaulted in was sketchy wherever the fuck I was now might as well have been Normandy beach on D-day. Every single house either had bars or boarded windows. At one point I came across a group of men standing in the street drinking beers with chairs. They had an entire bonfire in the middle of the road that was happily chewing away on mattresses and couches. They didn’t really exude the aura of approachable so I ended up rerouting. Twenty minutes later I sat outside an equally horrifying house. Outside rotted an old American classic whose roof had been completely hacked off by a wannabe shop student. This gifted luxury car stood out like a whore at church, but there was nowhere to actually get it into the driveway. Had I not been in a decent hurry to get back to the hospital and stalk your release I’d likely waited until nightfall.
At least daylight meant I would witness whoever ran up and murdered me. Being outside a moving vehicle robbed me of any remaining confidence for this situation. Bushes, weeds, wrappers, and used cigarette butts littered the lawn like little shitty city flowers. Each step carried with it a crunch, and I did my best to quickly shuffle to the door. A quick glance around didn’t betray any witnesses, but I still worried that my weakness would be sniffed out like a sick dog. Every articulation of my torso was excruciating. Luckily whomever had set up this hell house had left the door unlocked, and I felt much safer inside with it closed behind me. Inside the cheap frame were three sliding locks, and you bet your ass I secured every single one.
17:37
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My entrance had been so distracting that when I whirled to discover purple tied to a chair I yelped like a startled cat. She was tied interrogation style to a folding chair, and her mouth was gagged shut via rags and duct tape. Where her hands and ankles were secured were deep gashes of dark red. It appeared she had struggled so hard for freedom that the restraints had cut through skin to raw muscle beneath. Her socks were stained crimson with fresh blood, and her eyes currently locked mine with tear filled pleading. Other than her makeshift cuffs no other part of her seemed visibly injured. Even her stupid scrubs were still being worn, and for once I actually felt bad for her. That was until a single second later I recalled her intrusion on my pillaging of your body.
“I have had a very long week.” None of this was okay. Deep inside I knew future Ivon would likely regret any harmful act. My body was so exhausted that rage was hard to summon, but whenever our separation replayed it dripped a little more hatred into my veins. Typically this time would be taken to monologue hatefully at her until she just begged me to do it. However this evening I found myself a man of few words.
In a level tone I asked, “Have you ever had any of your ribs broken?”
@killahxkylie
Los Angeles sucks. I get it now. The hatred that you always had for this stupid city. I used to look at it and feel so alive because the city itself felt alive but now it all looked just as dead as I felt. The buildings that I once thought were vibrant and abuzz with energy looked dull and lifeless, all of the fancy luxury cars had lost their waxy shine, and the beaches may as well have been swamps in the middle of nowhere. I hated it here and now I had nowhere else to go. Maybe I could run home to my parents, that would probably go over swimmingly and then at least I wouldn’t lose the calming presence of a man treating me like yesterday's trash. I laughed out loud at how pathetic my own inner monologue was, as if I was the first woman in the world to be left by a man who never really loved her for anything but her pussy or something. “How pathetic.” I briefly caught sight of myself in a shop window as I passed by and I barely even recognized myself. It wasn’t just the bruises and stitches but also the fact that my hair was a mess and I looked even scrawnier than usual. That’s what happens when you fall in love with a leech Cami.
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19:03
So far this week I can check off being treated like an insane person and being treated like a homeless person. Apparently if you look rough enough people will just hand you pity dollars when all you wanted to do was ask for directions. I honestly couldn’t tell if that was rude or polite at this point but the crisp sprite I bought with it was one of the best things I had ever tasted. The sun was just starting to dip a little lower in the sky when I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Somebody was following me and this time I could feel it and I wasn’t going to ignore it. I turned to face the car and I’d like to say I was surprised when it pulled over and a large man climbed out of the driver's seat but I would be lying. At this point terrifying men were a constant in my life. Judging by the man's attire he didn't seem like your everyday low life scumbag and that’s why, for some idiotic reason when he requested I get into the car and opened the passenger seat, I did.
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19:03
The car reeked of expensive cologne and the first thing that came to my mind was telling this guy that just because it was expensive didn’t mean more was better. I kept my mouth shut though, you may not have actually bashed my brains in but that doesn’t mean this guy wouldn’t. There were no pleasantries exchanged, shocking, and no explanations given before the man spoke and the accent gave away that he was someone who must work for your family. “You need to stop seeing him.” I think my mouth actually fell open. I need to stop seeing him? Either these people were brain dead or they had no idea how I actually came to know you. If I wasn’t so baffled and confused I might actually laugh. Maybe I should have stayed at the hospital because I think I’ve lost it. An envelope with some cash and identifying documents was handed to me and I realized when I took it that my fingers were shaking. I was terrified and hadn’t even recognized it. “There’s enough here to last until you’re on your feet and identification so you can get a job and housing.” Oh. That’s what this is. Hush money. All I managed was a meager ‘thank you’. I had no idea what else I was supposed to say. It certainly didn’t seem like anyone that you knew would care about what you had done or put me through and as long as I kept my mouth shut it seemed like maybe I would actually get away with my life.
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19:03
The man who ended up not being quite as mean as I would have imagined, probably because I was cooperating, ended up asking me if I wanted a ride anywhere and for some reason that shitty little motel was the first place that popped into my mind. The ride was shorter than I thought it would have been and I was grateful for that fact since it was painfully uncomfortable. The look on his face when we pulled up to what was quite honestly a dump was amusing and the only sign that it was okay for me to exit the vehicle was an annoyed grunt. “Thanks for the ride.” I mumbled before climbing out and making my way to the front desk to check into a room. After I was settled in, which didn’t take long considering I had nothing, I made my way to that room that we had snuck into that first night. It was still missing the little piece of metal from the door and that’s when it hit me; you were gone.
As if someone had swept my legs out from underneath me I dropped to my knees and started sobbing. “How could you do this to me?” I cried to nothing but empty peeling walls. It occurred to me that someone else had probably slept in the bed we shared since we were last in it but I crawled my way over the terrible scratchy carper and up into it anyway. Clutching onto the pillow you had slept on I sobbed and sobbed until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wish the stupid lumpy thing could have held me back and played in my hair the way you always did when I was upset like this. I wanted you back. All I wanted was to go back and keep myself from punching you in the face. Then I never would have gotten taken out of that cafe and we wouldn’t be here right now. Where are you? What are you doing right now? So many thoughts were running through my head. Were you already on your way back to Washington to wash away ever having known me?
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19:03
After what must have been hours of crying judging by the way the sky was almost completely dark I peeled myself away from the tear soaked bed and into the bathroom. I desperately needed a shower and at least this place had hot water. It felt so good to wash away the blood and grime of everything and were it not for the hollow feeling in my chest I would have felt much better by the time I got out and toweled off my hair. I wonder if I would get into trouble for coming down to this room instead of the one that was given to me. I don’t think it would matter much, this place certainly wasn't busy. I crawled back into the bed underneath the familiar itchy blanket and hummed trying to do anything to soothe myself. Maybe if I begged the universe hard enough it would bring you back to me or wake me up from some crazy nightmare. Why couldn’t it just be that I was still knocked out in the Audi and this was all some crazy concussion dream? I don’t even know when I managed to slip into sleep but I almost wished that I had just stayed awake when I started dreaming of you and I and the future we could have had.
@bonghitsforfeds
Hitting people hurts. Eventually your fists grow so sore that each blow explodes up your arm with impactful ache. At some point I’d switched to my elbows, and they proved useful in delivering sharp jabs. After awhile her ribs stabbed through soft lung tissue. A beautiful bubbling of poppy red oozed from around the mashed rags stuffed into thin lips. With the palm of my hand I pressed hateful force into a tear filled face, and when cartilage gave way like leaves under boots I smiled with hateful grace. Purple’s beating was delivered with such a demon like vigor that a twenty year detective would retire after examining the crime scene.
A crime scene whose grisly epicenter I currently danced around in like a hell sent dervish. Once she fell unconscious the assault had switched mainly to her face. After her skull gave away and her features were mostly unrecognizable my fire went out with a huff. Each of my knees gave out and when they hit the floor the crimson pool surrounding me splashed with a squelch. Her still breathing body hung sideways like a limp rag doll, and each breath of hers was sucked past a rattle. Am I a failure even in my ability to murder? Can’t even finish off a stupid whore. “God damn! Fuck you!” The woman whose body I had just ruined didn’t even flinch as I screamed so loud it ended in a sharp pitched crack. My throat tasted like blood, and my mind was awash with an infinity of self aimed hatred.
21:15
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21:15
In a way the lizard was right. The words of my excommunicated goddess declared me pathetic long ago, and my inability to kill girls is sad. It almost spurred me into murdering her outright. However I sort of like the prospect of her being braindead like Chelsea. You had already accused me of leaving a trail of pretty little bundles of ruined meat. Now purple had been added to my tally, and I didn’t even know her name. Would you still love me if you saw what I had just done Little Mouse? I didn’t need to look at my hands to know that each digit and nail was soaked in someone else’s insides.
Stepping from the living room I didn’t feel any different, and my luck continued when the building had no running water. How the fuck do I clean myself off? I kept cranking knobs on the sink as if eventually the tap would pity me and let me cleanse sin from my body. In a moment of pure madness the kitchen was the hotel in Vegas, and the only thing that saved me from officially slipping into schizophrenic madness was a few perfect memories of my moon. Where are you baby? Thinking of you almost got me to cry some more, but I was too paralyzed by endorphin to do anything. Like a road-struck deer I spun circles in the kitchen waiting for rational thought to return. Every time my shoe hit the ground another spray of Purple’s life would spatter about the space.
Ransacking a building for towels is hard when every time you pass through the middle of it your victim was lying their dying. Eventually I located some cheap cloth, and after failing to wipe much gore off my self I decided to just flee. On a morbid note Purple wasn’t making any noise when I left. There was a concerning clear liquid leaking from her eyes and mouth, and that was when this man learned of spinal fluid.(edited)
21:15
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21:15
When a street light would fill my car with light a new smear of red would be painted on the inside. First it had been just the steering wheel, but by the highway even my lap was smeared with it. The stuff was getting on my nerves. Does viscera just multiply? How fucking dirty are warzones? Even that tiny girl the hitman had murdered in her house had popped like a balloon when sieving her guts onto the floor. Jesus, will all of my thoughts eventually be violence? Nowhere in this city seemed a good destination. For a while I even considered going back to your house, as if your ghost would even bother holding me for a night. Semi trucks looked mighty comfortable to roll underneath right about now. With how this month had been going it’d probably just make me uglier and meaner to try and kill myself.
Only one place in this entire shitty city still stood intact that contained good memories of ours. Sure certain little bits of LA might have sweet drippings of our closer moments, but that awful motel held energy of actual Cami-Ivon love. Not to mention it was shady enough that no one of decent standing would witness me there. Since we had managed to kick a door open without raising any suspicion last time my only hope tonight was to wash up and plan my next moves. Chase cami, go home, kill myself, kill my father, and a hundred other equally pleasant ideas already preplanned behind my forehead. No matter how this all played out someone would be getting hurt… not that it really surprises anyone anymore.
21:15
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21:16
Pulling into the parking lot would have been nostalgic if I wasn’t in impossible levels of pain and panic. Every light that wasn’t white was a cop to this paranoid man, and there are lots of fucking lights in LA. A pair of raccoons murdering each other in the parking lot greeted me, and the bastards wouldn’t even move when I rolled up on them. I ended up driving around to avoid interrupting their bout. Funny how innocent women fold like petals beneath my hands, but the trash critters get to live in peace. Maybe I just relented since their fight to the death deserved respect. Truth be told I wanted to sit in the car and pick leather off the steering wheel unitil the racing thoughts stopped, but wearing the insides of a dying women serve as good motivation.
21:16
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21:16
A cheap hollow door swung with gliding ease, and it turns out that little piece of metal serves an important purpose. None of that matters though because lying in the bed was the single most vivid hallucination I had ever experienced. A Celtic knot of porcelain beauty laid tied like a personal bow of perfection. Late night light meant you were hardly visible, and the porch bulb filtering though open doorway showered you in a heavenly glow. God, even your eyebrows twitched for me as tired eyes fluttered open. If murdering girls is what this brain needs as fuel to deliver godlike mirage then every quivering pussy in this country better start padlocking doors. I tried to speak after a gulp, and when the saliva caught in my throat a subconscious hand rose to rub at it. A sheen of viscera slid across my neck, Oh yeah right, I just turned Purple inside out. After that manipulation helped me to finally start crying like a newborn baby. What do I do? Part of me genuinely believed none of this was real, and in between shuddering sobs I pleased, “Baby. Mouse. I think I did something real bad.” This soul knew it had done something unforgivable, but this mouth was also mastering the dark art of lies. If you are forced to comfort me tonight there is no time to process. Keep her spinning. After that we can rush home. No time to think.Then we get married and nothing can ever break us apart again. Put her in a tower.
“Baby please, I’m scared.”
Dreaming came disturbingly easily to me now that I wasn’t in the hospital being pumped full of drugs anymore and honestly I missed them. It wasn’t that I wanted to pretend that we never happened, just that it physically hurt to only be able to see you and feel you in my mind's eye now. It just wasn’t right, even if we were wrong we were meant to be together I know we were. Tonight my mind decided to skip over all of the violence between us and only showed me sweet memories. It’s a little cruel how real it felt when it replayed the two of us in this same bed sharing one of the few soft moments we’ve ever had together. From there everything sort of faded out and the next thing I knew we were in some bathroom that was fancier than anything I had ever seen or been inside before and your lips were planting little kisses across the back of my shoulders. I don’t know that anyone else's lips could ever send that shiver up my spine the way that yours did every time they touched my skin. Had I accidentally taken you for granted somehow?
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10:11
It’s always been funny to me how dreams can skip around and somehow make perfect sense at the same time. The little flashes of sweet smiles and laughs that we were sharing under a stream of warm water, the way you dried my skin and slathered it with lotion before you ran a comb through midnight locks. Sometimes good dreams can be cruel without meaning to because when I finally saw us from what felt like further away my tummy was clearly still carrying something precious inside of it. Would future me manage to conjure up what our child would have looked like? Did I even want to? At least in my dreams we could all be happy together. Maybe that was the safest place for us to exist together. The tossing and turning I did throughout the night was the only break I had between dreams that were so sweet I wished I could stay in them forever. You had mentioned that there were medications that could take them away, did they make the opposite?
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10:12
The sudden showering of light and the feeling of someone else being in the room roused me from my sleep and cried red eyes managed to flutter open to see someone standing in the doorway. The light behind you made it impossible to make out who you were at first but I still couldn’t bring myself to move. I think this is what it means to give up completely, to give in to whatever might be about to happen. For all I knew you could have been a hit man sent to make sure I didn’t make the wrong choice. I wouldn’t have cared, at least then I wouldn’t have had to live without you. My heart wasn’t even racing at the idea of my life ending, it wasn’t racing until I heard your voice. That smooth perfect voice that I never thought I would hear again. ’I think I did something real bad.’ It must have been pretty terrible for you to consider it bad, especially knowing some of the things you had admitted to doing in the past. What the hell could you have done in a day? Does it really take that long? I pinched my brows at my own comment because it was all too true, it didn’t really take more than a second to do something terrible.
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10:12
Hearing you plead with me that you were scared was something I didn’t know how to respond to. How was I supposed to make anything better when you hated me? Did you hate me? Had I been wrong about the entire thing? It felt like the room was spinning when I sat up in the bed and leaned against the headboard. That’s when you took a couple of steps into the room and I saw that you were covered in somebody's blood. I got out of bed in a manner that was much too fast and caused me to yelp in pain but still I managed to make my way over to you and cup your face, thumbs wiping over sticky blood. “Let me help you.” My words were soft and I pulled my hands away only so that I could tug you into the bathroom to turn the shower back on. I didn’t know what else to say, I had so many questions but you clearly weren’t in the state to answer them right now. I turned the water to hot and let it run to heat up before turning to you again. Tugging at the hem of your shirt I spoke a hushed ‘arms up’ and got it pulled off of you. It was absolutely ruined with the crimson fluid and there was absolutely no way for me to have a chance of washing it out. Maybe someone can deliver fresh clothes or something. At least that’s what I was going to tell myself for now so I could focus on the task at hand.
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10:12
The water finally started to steam up the cracked motel mirror and I worked on getting you out of your pants. Even under the blood I could see bruises littering your body and the thought of somebody hurting you made my heart ache and my blood boil. I had never seen you like this before, you seemed so broken and afraid, nothing like a monster at all. Was it all some kind of trick or show? Was I actually awake right now or was my mind playing tricks on me? I mean really what are the odds of you showing up at the same motel we had shared that night in? Probably pretty high since you’re both insane. I huffed at that. “Here, take my hands.” I held them up in offering so that you could step into the tub before I peeled off my panties and tshirt and stepped in right after you. “Ivon… what happened?”
It was a bit of a loaded question really. What happened at the hospital? What happened when you left without me? What happened that left you covered in another human's blood? You didn’t even need to answer me, I just needed to fill the silence somehow because it was starting to suffocate me. Delicate fingers started to wipe over your face first before working their way down to your arms, it was fascinating in a sick way just how much of the blood had seeped through your clothes and onto the skin below. “Who was it?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Murdering for emotional release has got nothing on being in the hands of your lover. Two lives had been permanently ended by the will of this broken man, and yet the one who refuses to die also holds the keys to my heart. Who knew that keys came in the shape of two soft pearlescent hands. When their fingertips etched forgiveness into the canvas of my blood soaked face I let loose a shuddering sob so raw that I gagged at the end of it. Deceit had for once led me straight into the arms of the exact person I needed to be with. At first I truly thought myself capable of master crafting this evening into a foundation of manipulated concrete, but apparently falling apart like a water logged corpse was in my cards instead.
“Okay baby. Okay. Okay.” Each word was accented by an ugly sob, and when you began to lead me toward the bathroom my entire world became a blur of running color. My eyes were full of tears, but their trailing water had turned the gore coating my face into a sick grease. It’s hard to see through blood and sweat, but I knew my goddess was leading me to a sanctum known only to us. When I pass my last vision better be you dragging me around this dingy corner into a motel paradise where we hold each other forever. While you worked the knobs I just stared at the floor between us. Cracked tile was a fitting flooring to have your psyche come apart above, and how I wished to be a snapped of bit of scuffed porcelain in a garbage bag somewhere far away. At least trash has a destiny for it, because I’m just going to fumble wildly through life leaving a legacy of shit behind me. I wished you would say anything to distract me.
11:15
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11:15
Thankfully you answered my prayer by peeling my clothes off. After awhile my crying petered off into nothing, and while you worked the gore soaked pants off I sniffled silently like a lost boy. What had I done to deserve you? Arguably fucking nothing. Charm and money doesn’t make up for hate and ruin. Yet here we are so painfully in love that a nasty pink sheen drips from the walls around us. We have the kind of love that it makes other people sick to look at. They hate it out of pure jealousy that they are unable to find it. Had we really found both of our ways back here like some Mouse Mecca? We can only pray for luck that while we hold each other to sleep tonight a gunman comes through the door and kills us together. Hopefully our souls would knit into something tougher, and we can spread the same nasty pink slime in an afterlife too.
“Okay.” I guess that’s all I’m capable of now, and I used your shoulder as a mount to step into shoddy bathtub. How does Purple’s ghost feel that I get to be cared for while she plummets to hell? It may be pathetic that I was having a mental break down, but it turns out there can be two sides to murder. Although I suppose its easer to sympathize with the killer when you live inside of him. The second my feet hit the tub’s bottom a highway of red trailed outward from it and toward the drain. Nobody ever tells you in fiction that blood clumps up into little chunks that stick to every surface. God help whomever has to clean this thing. No part of my mind was aware of your naked body, and that truly says something about the state of my head this evening. Instead I just stood awkwardly in front of you like a cockless mannequin. Speaking meant admitting to my acts, and those pretty images of death hadn’t stopped fluttering through my head since it happened. Do ghosts talk to each other? Does my mother know what I have done? I’d have fallen to my knees if it wouldn’t have knocked you down.
11:15
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11:15
‘… what happened?’ “I..I-I.” Yes a stammering idiot. God what a fucking moron. Why are you crying in this motel room for a fool like me? I carry myself like some mob boss motherfucker, but I only kill women and then cry about it in the shower. I bet they have a whole special ring of hell where they roast fuckers like me at either end over pits of flaming hatred. If God is forgiving he will let Chelsea and Purple twirl both ends like they are cranking up a special music box. I must have stood there for a while saying nothing because you asked me another question. Water ran past my ears and deafened every sound, but my thoughts were louder than anything else ever could be. Do I sugar coat it? Do I tell you everything? If you really crawled back to our den after I held you at needle point then you deserved truth.
“After they tossed me off of you they dragged me across the hallway and beat me stupid.” Raising my arm was nearly impossible from its combined ache of murder and defensive bruising, but it had to be done for a proper view of my ribcage. A field of pastel yellows and blacks clung to me like barnacles to a ghost ship. “They fucked me up real good. Broke my nose again too.” Had you asked me this morning my tone would have been full of malice, but after today’s events I was empty of any feeling. Even after our kidnapping by crazy hitman I still managed to summon lust, however tonight it was cathartic nothingness. It’s easier to open up when you are here though. Something tells me you will summon a smile on my face this evening regardless, but I had a whole lot more evil to monologue still.
11:16
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11:16
Is there any possible way to rush this conversation? “After that my father’s executive assistant found me. He instructed me to never see you again and gave me a note from my father. It- it lead to a house with… with.” Oh Christ fucking his whore on a bike, here come the tears again! How many gallons of blood, sweat, and pain had we single handedly flushed down this shit hole’s pipes now? Pain exploded through my legs like nails in rotten wood, and it took several seconds of spinning nausea to figure out what had happened. Ah, so you can fall to your knees without meaning too.
When you fake every emotion you have, it can be a shock to learn that some of them are real. One of my hands lazily clutched out at a milky thigh, “Sorry baby, I hope I didn’t hurt you.” Talking felt like too much effort. Everything had that aura of exhaustive impossibility, like trying to tell a story when falling asleep. “I killed her Cami.” Admitting to murder shouldn’t feel so helpless. Isn’t hurting others supposed to elicit power and strength? No wonder so many famous historical leaders just kill themselves, they probably stop being able to cope with their own evil when their moon goddess gives up on them. Not mine though, she’s still here, holding me together with blood stained duct tape. My chin tucked against sticky crimson spattered chest with a soft splash, and through a near silent voice I said, “The nurse from the hospital. Purple. I’m watching her run down the drain right now.” Little chunks of dead soul trickled past our naked legs and fell own a pipe. “Is that all I’m good at baby? Turning pretty women into pain that sieves through a hair filled drain?”
@killahxkylie
I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you cry this much for this long. Typically it's a sob or two and then you manage to put back on the mask that you seem to wear 24/7. On more than one occasion I had wondered if I had ever seen any real emotion out of you and this had me wondering the same time all over again. The rest of the bruising that I had missed quickly became apparent when you managed to lift your arm and just looking at it made me grimace. Somewhere on my tongue a joke about how now we had matching injuries died. It obviously wasn’t the time to make jokes and I wanted to hear whatever it was that you were trying so desperately to get out. Am I always going to find pity for you like this? It was like the second I found out that you were hurt I had forgotten all about what you were doing that caused it to begin with. Why was it only okay for me to get hurt? Even in my own twisted mind.
. The sound of knees clanging against the bottom of the tub pulled me out of my own brief moment of self pity, as if I hadn’t had enough of that for a lifetime. Crouching down with you hurt like hell but I didn’t feel right hovering above you so I did it anyway. You just kept on catching me off guard tonight. First you come back to me, then you cry for longer than a couple seconds, and now you’re saying that you hope you didn’t hurt me? Maybe I really am dreaming or somewhere locked away for going completely insane. “No you.. You didn’t hurt me.” This time. I had to put a conscious effort into ignoring that little thought. That stupid voice wakes up much too quickly for my liking. ’I killed her Cami.’ Two things immediately ran through my mind. The first; who? The second; please don’t pass out. I tried to speak a few different times but every time my words got caught in my throat and all that came out of me was pathetic little squeaks.
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14:07
Finally after what felt like decades you spit out who it was and even though the room felt like it was spinning I also felt strangely relieved. In part because at least you had told me and also as sick as it was, at least it had been someone who honestly in my head deserved it for what she had done to you. To us. I was still having trouble finding the words to say when you asked me a question that shattered my heart. “Ivon, no. That is not all you’re good at.” It may have been something you were good at but it didn’t mean that’s all there was to you. “Just.. let me finish and then we can talk more okay?” Truth be told, I really needed to sort out my thoughts in my own head before I was ready to put them out in the open. My fingers were trembling this time when I reached up to grab the shampoo and squeeze a good amount into your hair. The suds quickly turned pink and it wasn’t long before the color deepened into a red. Maybe this is why the directions always say lather, rinse, repeat. I did just that until the tiny bottle was empty and the bubbles stayed white. Now it was time to finish getting the rest of you clean.
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14:07
Half dried blood turned slimy once again as my hands worked over it to scrub it from your skin, the first pass I did with just my hands and the second I added what was honestly a repulsive amount of soap. It was strange being naked with you like this, without it being sexual. It felt like we were naked in more than one way too, you had actually told me what happened instead of just closing off and not saying anything, and I was too mentally exhausted to respond with anything but the truth and how I really felt. By the time you were finally clean my fingers were wrinkled and so were my toes. “Let's get you dried off.” I made sure you made it out of the tub without falling and grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall to start drying you off. This strange little thought kept on popping into my head in the process that I hated myself for but couldn’t help. Why don’t you want me right now? It never mattered what was going on between us before any time we had ever been naked around each other, hell even half the times we hadn’t, you had always very obviously wanted me. Right now though? Nothing. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about it in a moment like this but when you’ve grown accustomed to the idea that all you’re good for is your body the lack of response can be concerning.
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14:07
Shaking my head at my own thoughts I wrapped the towel around your waist and tugged you along back out to the main room. “These might fit you for now.. They’re really baggy on me.” I held a pair of plain black sweatpants up for you and forced a lopsided smile when you took them and they seemed to fit you just right. Once I had my own tshirt and panties back on I slipped back into the bed and waited for you to join me. It felt like it took you ages to get comfortable, or at least the closest thing to it, and although I understood the feeling I really didn’t feel bad for you. At least we were in the same boat now. “I-. I know I don’t know what happened but..” I took a deep steadying breath “I know that it isn’t all you’re good at.” I brought my fingers up to run through your damp hair and then to thumb over your cheek right under your eye. “You might not even realize it but you’re good at being gentle too. The way you’ve held me when I’ve been sad or afraid.. Or the way that you made sure I was cool enough when I was sweating that night in the hospital. I know I was barely conscious but I felt you doing it. You’ve kissed me like I’m made out of glass before and sometimes you look at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world.” I realized that all of my logic was about me and it made my cheeks heat because I felt like a fucking idiot. I didn’t even know if you wanted me like that anymore or if I just happened to be here when you showed up. “And I.. I know you loved your mother.” You hadn’t said much about her but you had said more than enough for me to know that. “And I know you- I- I- I know that you would have loved our baby too. You’re good at a lot of things, Ivon and that’s only a small list.”
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14:07
I wasn’t really sure if it was okay to kiss you but I leaned in and pressed a feather soft one to your lips anyways. I thought that maybe if I could somehow someday open your eyes and get you to see all of the things about you that I did that maybe, just maybe, we could have a happy ending. I didn’t know exactly what it would look like or how it would happen but as long as I was with you it didn’t matter. We could be living in a box on a street corner and I would still be happy because at least you were with me. Even just feeling your weight making the other side of the mattress sink a little brought me so much comfort it was concerning. I don’t think I had truly realized just how deeply in love with you I managed to fall until I thought I had lost you. Something about not knowing what you have until it’s gone. I just never imagined it would apply when the something you have is someone like you.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Just… let me finish.’ That was all I needed to hear to know my place in all of this now. At the center of my storm is a group of people who are too tired for my antics. You may not have been a permanent member of their ranks, but this did prove you have a limit. I could hear it in your voice, and feel it in the way you touch me. Washing me off right now may be an action of love, but it was akin to cleaning a dog of mess after it rips a neighbor’s pet apart. Will you still accept me as your own? Yes. Are you frustrated that I continue to destroy myself? Also yes. Shamefully I kept my eyes on the floor, and I felt an awkward pang for being in your naked presence. I don’t deserve it. You never deserved it. Then why don’t I want it? You do want it. What piece of this is am I missing? After that the realization struck me with a spinning brick of truth.
I respected your autonomy.
No part of this encounter led me to believe sex was expected. You were doing me a direct favor by cleaning me of murder-paint, and thus I didn’t want anything to do with you right now. Pathetic. Maybe it was. I only ever desired what couldn’t be easily gained, and women have a good nose for sniffing out freaks like me. Every ravaging night in bed was seen as a conquest, but now my pillaging of you was over and all that was left were smoldering embers of respect. So you fuck her body against its will, and now you respect her? Okay, so my wording is shitty but the point still stands. Did I want to be with you right now? Yes… but it’s like dangling fresh meat before a bear who just killed every other fishing fuzzy beast on the salmon coast line, and this led me to the next problem that was plaguing my conscious: Killing is fun.
15:22
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15:23
Is the reason all men are so pent up and weird now due to the fact there is no running conquest? Part of our nature craves violence, and almost all methods of consuming it are outlawed. Sure you can hunt, but that’s a sport locked behind wealth. Go to war? That could work, but in most civilized societies there are no guarantees of deployment. Watch a movie? To some the fake killing of Hollywood may scratch the itch, but its nothing compared to what the Colosseum held. No entertainment is equal to watching a soul snuffed before your eyes. Many members of modern royalty know this well, after all it’s the reason rich men own boats. A grip of years I’ve spent fooling myself into thinking what I felt when Chelsea died was a fluke, but when it happened again tonight crushing Purple like a tick it proved to me what I am. I get off when others’s die, and that’s a dangerous mind to live inside of.
15:23
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15:23
Dried off? Weren’t you just doing my hair? My head snapped back and forth expecting shower to surround me, but instead we stood outside dripping onto sad flooring. “Okay.” It was beginning to annoy even me now that I am unable to say anything else. With grace only a ravaged Camilla god managed you floated me back into the living room. The pants offered to me were less than satisfactory, but it beat naked or Purple spattered. They hugged my legs tightly, and for the first time in my entire life I was embarrassed of my own cock. Its like anything that made me myself was evil and ugly. Luckily I was saved by our getting into bed, but that action presented its own challenges. Injuries that I had witnessed you twist your face into empathy over made it impossible to settle in. Every time I thought a semi comfortable spot had been located a new broken part of me would complain about it. Eventually I decided lying on my side and facing you was the best spot to be. Only one rib on this side was damaged, and it must not have been as bad as the others. Its monumentally frustrating to feel weak inside of your own body. Another fresh experience was granted to me tonight, and it was feeling completely unable to defend yourself.
15:23
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15:23
With wide doe eyes I watched in awe as you gifted me sweet lullabies. Some of the things you described to me had been done without my active thought. There really are soft parts to me? A cold iron lock around my heart shattered into hot glass. It hurt to be peppered by the explosive fragments, but I was thankful to be free of the weight in my chest. A magical sigh left my lungs that floated with it more stress than I deserved to lose. I was proud of my ability to survive the mother comment. Had I cried all my tears tonight? Then you went on to mention the baby and my chest heaved with a painful dollop of depression. “Their hair would have been curly, I know it.” Swallowing past that pain kept me from balling, but I couldn’t have done it without a final present of my name leaving your mouth.
You read my mind like it was a flapping tabloid. A mere second before I leaned forward to kiss you a pair of fat lips splashed into mine with loving intent. God, I love the way this woman sucks my face dry. We were masters of our own pace now, and it was good to know that there was no rushing to be done here. Every time our lips parted it happened with a gross smack, and I swore you were working with me to make the noise louder. Our pairing of soft skin blossomed a bomb of love with my body. Tendrils of the stuff flooded my brain’s circuits, and if it was possible to fry on emotions I was doing it right now. My nose was so fucked up I was forced to main your upper lip. The flip flopped position coated our whole experience in virgin liquor. It felt like we were kissing for the first time, and in a way both of us had been reborn after that hospital.
15:23
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15:24
Do I have to ask permission now? That flooding desire fire had reached my cock, and it inflated the poor thing to a pulsing mass so painful it needed to be taken care of. We are disgusting. Truly. How is it that you awaken me more than any other stack of stupid flesh on the planet? History wanted me to just push us forward into the act. It’d be as easy as slipping my hand between your legs and pushing on a little spot we both know was pulsing with matched flame. Was the kiss an invitation? Why do I feel so goddamn inept right now? Our lips were still dancing in a sick fusing of spitty slush. When I pulled back there was a squelch, and our signature dangling line of saliva kept our mouths chained. “Camila Roberts.” I remember seeing on a TV talk show segment that trading sex for favors in a relationship is unhealthy, “Let me make this up to you by offering my body to your lunar altar.” My own poetic romanticism forced a blush into bruised features. “Please. I need you to fuck me. Nothing feels right.”
The few tears that managed to slip from my closed eyes when we were kissing burned so badly that I knew I had been doing way too much crying. The thought of a little us running around with deep raven curls made my heart ache in a way I hadn't experienced until the doctor had given me the news. There was this new longing that now had a permanent home inside of my chest and I needed to learn how to cope and survive with it there. Right now I didn't know if that was a future that we would ever get to experience, or if you even still wanted to, but the fact that you were kissing me back was a welcomed distraction from the train of thoughts. There was this small spark inside of me when our lips met and it had been spreading a slow smoldering warmth the longer it went on. I bet if you peeled back my skin my flesh would look like volcanic stone, not quite on fire but certainly not cool to the touch.
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18:43
Everything felt different right now and I couldn't really pinpoint why. Was it from what you had just experienced? That had to be it, maybe you were still in shock. I couldn't really even bring myself to suggest in my own head that maybe you regretted what you had done to me. I didn't believe you possibly could. No matter what the reason was it was nice to have your lips on mine without feeling the imminent threat of you ravaging me. Normally by now your hands would have wandered. The combination of relief and worry was growing more confusing by the second though because why didn't you want me right now? What was stopping you?
As if you had read my mind you pulled away just enough to speak and your words turned that smolder to an inferno in an instant. That small bundle of nerves you usually so easily targeted was throbbing and my cunt was already drooling into my panties. You would think that at my age I would know I shouldn't need someone to want to fuck me to reassure me that their feelings are real, that's how you end up getting used for sex and tossed away like nothing but here I was repeating the process anyway. "Let me help you baby." I knew that this wasn't the solution to everything but there was nothing wrong with at least feeling as good as we could while we were living in hell, right? I pushed my hands under the blanket so that I could scooch out of my panties, and then pushed your sweats down. "I'm still so sore so please.. p-please don't be too rough with me right now." With those words I wrapped slender fingers around your cock and pumped my hand up and down a few times, thumbing over the slippery pre that leaked out of you when I did.
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18:43
It had been a few days since the doctors had to stitch me back together and that should have been enough time for the flesh of my cunt to not tear again from fucking you, even if it did at least it would be of my own volition this time. Hooking my leg up over your hip I scooted as close to you as I possibly could before slipping the head you through the slick mess that was leaking from me like a faucet. Apparently you don't need to be mean to me to get me wet, imagine that. The tease was too much to take and I couldn't help but push you inside of me with the softest moan. That same hand came to wrap around your back and keep you held close to me "I missed you" I whined against your lips before pressing them together again. I missed you so much that I thought it might kill me and feeling you like this again had shuddering exhales leaving my nose as our lips worked their magic. I kept my hips still for a few long moments trying to get used to the feeling of you, and trying to let the dull ache settle but eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I started to rock my hips. Every push and pull of them was slow, taking you almost all the way out before pushing you all the way back in until I felt you nudging up against my very limits. "I love you so much."
@bonghitsforfeds
Anything could have happened after your breathy offer of help. Splitting my stupid throat like thin fabric and bathing in the spilling fountain would be a just method of dispensing aide. Of course the princess and I only have one currency we trade forgiveness in. It wasn’t backed by a flimsy piece of paper or a lousy minted coin. No, our bartering was done in slimy rubbings of sex flush flesh. When your hand wrapped around me a soft moan slipped my lips, and instead of hiding in embarrassment I locked my eyes to yours. Any pale remnant of my mask lit with desire’s fire, and already my entire being dripped with arousal. This voice you fluttered into my ears was new to your throat. It was fear beyond measure. Every note was warbled with pitchy pain, but it was the exact kind of promise I needed to be able to make. “Gentle as God baby, you have my word.” When I spoke it moved through a fire in my chest that lit each word with accented flair. The tiny noise I whispered earlier paled in comparison to whatever yelp you yanked by plugging us together. God, you were so fucking warm. A healing heat wormed through my balls, or was that just your arousal dripping down the back of them?
19:39
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19:39
I couldn’t have said it better. Seconds turned to hours spanned to days in that stupid building of “healing.” They had dripped ounces of saline and medication into my meaty body, and not a single drop of them was as useful as our sick pairing now. In all honesty I wasn’t being that good of a lay as I was paralyzed in awkward fear, but every pumping rise of your destroyed body reminded me of how this is supposed to work. Our tongues tangled, and I pushed it with desperate need to be deeper. Normally I’d just hook a hand in your hair and yank our lips together, but that would be a dirty betrayal of my precious oath. Instead I just pushed more each time, and slowly you relented to the sucking drain of your head. In between my deepest plunges were whimpers, and they were so high pitched that they could be mistaken as yours.
I was learning to fuck all over again. Nothing had ever felt like this. There was no hate, no rolling rocks of anger in my head, and certainly no ego defeated huffing at being sweet. It’s entirely possible the blush in my face was going to scar permanent after this venture of ours. We won’t even need to fuck everywhere forever, because my mask will wear the tattoos of our dormant desire. One of my hands finally twitched to life, and it snaked up my favorite dip in your hip. Up and up passed ivory steeples and gargoyles it climbed until it rolled over a glossy shoulder. Past the pumping line of perfect in your neck. Across a cute cold ear that perked to every word that left my mouth. Finally it fluttered to a stop in your hair, where my pointer finger twirled repeated curls into a damp mane. Your hair might as well be flowing platinum. Hell, no metal in this universe held weight to the worth of each running lock. When you got haircuts I already planned on asking for it. What for? I don’t even think this man knows, but no one else can have it, not even a fucking garbage man.
19:39
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19:40
Finally our mouths parted for a moment. Initially I just planned on zipping them back together after the shuffle, but instead a hundred words started spilling. “I love you too Mouse. I’m sorry. I’d prattle on about never again’s and how could I’s. But all I know is my entire head rolls with scathing regret for how I have done this.” There was more that wanted to follow, an entire militia of trained apologies pounded on castle doors for release. Instead my cock found angle against your deepest end, and the sudden pressure ended my speech with a hot moan. “Fuck just like that.” Forget words. The squeezing pulse in my nutbag was more healing than any shared feeling anyway. “You take it deeper than anyone else. Perfect for me.” Maybe whore words were all I was actually good for. For a heartbeat or two I thought this was going to end quicker than even I was known for. A spasm of rushing pleasure in my core threatened to fill you with my Mouse’s mess, but instead it kept building. Was this like some new kind of mini orgasm? It ended without emptying my fuck-drip into you, but I yelled like a flaming whipped stripper the entire time. “Fuck!” I growled that curse so deep and primally that the noise hardly formed words. It was more of a bark than an attempt at talking, yet I repeated the sound three more times while rocking my hips like a hurricane swept boat. My other hand had found your belly, and it pushed against your rolling dips of hip thrust like a guiding hand of love. You just kept scooping screaming moans out of me. “Cami please!” What was I begging for? Like you’d stop anyway. If we stay like this will you keep forcing me between these pitstops of ecstasy? “Let me just slip through your sewn cunt forever.”
19:40
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19:40
Fuck my father. Fuck his stupid fortune. Hell strike his pathetic skittering little do gooders that deliver every word of his like a gospel. Pull each strand of my family’s global empire into frilly bits that flutter away into fiery nothing balls of fuzz. Let’s single handedly ruin two wars worth of plotting with our love. It’s more of an American dream than any of them have ever felt. If sex could resurrect the dead we were on the verge of discovering it, and at some point a sweaty hand hand crawled your face to stuff between panting lips. “Nobody has ever made me feel this way.” My eyes were wide, and two women’s deaths played behind them in personal snuff films. “Marry me. Hell, split my skull one night while I am resting. Just let me pretend to understand this as love for the rest of my days.” Was I even making sense anymore? It didn’t matter. Our squirming sexes had succeeding in tilting the room to our steaming angle, and nothing short of a nuclear bomb through the peeling roof was going to stop it. “Forever. Forever and ever my Lunar Goddess.”
That kiss that just kept getting deeper and deeper was slowly chipping away at the wall I had tried to repair around my heart. Every slide of your tongue against mine made me want to let go and give in more and more until eventually I did just that. I let my body relax more and tried to let the fear in my bones dissolve little by little. You were still being gentle with me even though I could feel just how badly you wanted me and in some way it felt healing. A chorus of our whimpers and moans was all I could hear echoing in my ears and it was better than any music I had ever heard, the sound of us loving each other will always be my favorite. Finally you started to touch me back and for a brief moment I was terrified you were going to yank my hair back like you had in the hospital. I was so shocked when you only twirled your fingers through it that I let out a shuddered gasp against your lips.
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20:20
When we finally parted and you started speaking, really speaking for the first time since you had arrived your words had me dumbstruck. I don't think you've ever sounded truly remorseful about anything you'd done to me before this moment. Fuck purple, fuck the guy from the cafe, fuck the men from the cabin, I didn't care if you felt badly about any of that all I cared about was how you felt about what you'd done to me. Could it be possible that those security guards actually beat some sense into you, or was it the fact that we had lost each other for an entire four days that did it? I couldn't find my words and instead just kept rocking my hips against yours in the same way when you cried out 'just like that'. Every pleasured noise and bit of praise you let slip off your lips was bringing my own body higher and higher at an embarrassing pace. "God Ivon it feels so good~" My fingers dug into the flesh of your back in a desperate attempt to get even closer, it wasn't possible but I needed it. I wanted to crawl inside of your skin and stay with you forever.
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20:21
When your fingers came to press against my lips I parted them and gladly sucked the digits into my mouth dancing my tongue around them in a lazy fashion. The entire thing felt lazy but in the most erotic way possible. The moving of hips and lips was slow and the lack of rushed movements and harsh words was exactly what I needed and I hadn't even realized it. I think I could handle you using me like a ragdoll as long as you touched me like this a couple times a month too. Maybe I'm just pathetic but I like it both ways with you and I think I would honestly miss that Ivon roughness if it disappeared forever. The next words to leave your lips sent me into a brief spiral. Were you just rambling? Was it drugs? You could have been high for all I know it's not like I had been with you during the day to know what you had been up to. The rush of knowing you might actually mean it had my body climbing much too high too fast. "Ivon I- I-" I was desperately trying to tell you I was close, I could feel my thighs trembling with the effort it was taking to hold back but then the word 'forever' left your lips again in that fuck drunk love sick accent of yours and I lost it.
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20:21
I don't think I had ever cum so hard in my entire life. I've had the same thought with you several times now but this felt so much different. My nails dug into your back when it happened and it felt like all my muscles went tight and then relaxed all at once. My abdomen was shaking and so we're my legs and if it weren't for the fact that I was clinging onto you in this sideways koala grip I think I may have actually burst into a billion tiny pieces. Even with the mind shattering orgasm rocking my body I couldn't bring myself to scream, the only noises leaving my mouth were pathetic whiny moans. "Fuck fuck fuck Ivon- please-" My hips were still working to drag soaked silky walls against your cock as I rode out the high. "Please love me forever please I need you I can't do this without you please I'll die." I wanted desperately to know if you meant it when you said to marry you but my brain was full of nothing but pink goo and I couldn't make the words come out. Please mean it.
@bonghitsforfeds
A majority of the time when we finish exploring each other’s bodies Ill be so exhausted I can’t even pick my head up. Usually our animal pace drains every reserve mote of strength left in this sad vessel. This evening was different as our souls mixed with a new batter. Tonight beneath stars hidden by light pollution and encased in a cocoon of cheap materials known to cause cancer in the state of California, we lazily humped to silent melody. I can’t recall a time since becoming a man that a day or two hadn’t passed without draining my stress. We were going on four now, and so much pent up energy threatened to burst my core that it hurt. Is lust supposed to give you a stomach ache? If it wasn’t we needed to see a doctor, because every time we share bodies my entire being aches.
11:10
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11:10
Typically we finished within seconds of each other, but I had been so distracted by my own words that when your orgasm happened it caught me by complete surprise. A pair of perfect lunar legs shook with effort to contain pleasure. My perfect goddess’s face twisted up so fierce her lips curled back, and I don’t think you’d ever cum so hard you made that look. “Shh, good girl. That’s what you were made for.” Our plugging meats squelched, and watching you come apart pulled me over the edge with you. A dam of pleasure broke in my balls and a they drained into you before I could process what was happening. At first I thought the numb oozing sensation was all there was going to be, but then everything somersaulted into extreme sensation instantly. Every drop gushing forth thus far was just pre, and when I realized what was happening I wrapped your torso up with both my arms before bear hugging you into a sideways press. “Baby!” The cry of ecstasy was a warning and a plea. A heads up that you were about to be filled to the brim, and also a squeal of worry as my body climbed to new heights. After each pump of me I’d pant before my torso would clench in preparation to squirt another gallon of myself into you. It just kept going and going. Surely it was going to drain my brain down afterword.
11:10
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11:11
As the sensations petered out I kept grinding my hips into you like a coke high lab money. With each slide against your sex wet hole another tiny pulse of pleasure would convince me to do it again, and again, and again. At some point I started to feel normal, but that didn’t stop me from humping my private cum dump as if my life depended on it. “Cami. I“ What loving words could I share right now? “I love you so much that it does weird things to my head. I smell your scent on my shoulder when your gone and cum will leak out of my soft cock.” After saying that my face lit red with embarrassment. I was still panting in the aftershocks of your gifted rapture, and my eyes were so wide the muscles above them hurt. Yes genius, tell her about how she effects your flaccid dick. Brilliant, you are a modern word smith. The lizard must be on vacation as he sounded like me today. A new trick? It didn’t matter, nothing could distract me from the glowing angel lying next to me. With loving pace I corded a hand up into your hair. It was still cold from being freshly washed, yet at its roots was a warm scalp. “Just feeling the heat of your life makes me swoon little Mouse.” Will father listen to a deal if I offered to just stay here with you forever? Not here as in LA, but rather this specific dingy motel room. Occasionally my calf would tingle and twitch as my muscles attempted to settle. After removing my other hand from its wrap about your torso I sucked your spit from its moist tips. Endorphins had yet to fully drain from my head, and instead mania forced my lips to move.
“Let’s go to the airport, charter a jet, and fly home tonight.”
@killahxkylie
Something about the praise fluttering off of your lips and making a home in my brain just made the pleasure rocking my body that much more intense. I didn’t even know one orgasm could last this long, my vision was fuzzy and not in the way that signals danger this time. This time I’m pretty sure I was getting little glimpses of a heaven that you aren’t supposed to see until you die. The way you cried out for me when your own climax hit was so different from anything I’d heard from you thus far. It wasn’t calculated and there was none of that constant Ivon Feldt overthinking behind it either. It was raw emotion and it did something to me that I can’t even describe. It was as if being with you in this way was plunging me deeper and deeper into a thick pool of love that I would never be able to swim my way out of. I was either going to live in it forever or drown trying to escape it one of these days. The liquid love was so warm though and I had no intention of ever leaving. “Give it all to me, I want all of you.” Panted words barely made their way out through the ecstasy I was still lost in, and the memory of the look on your face as you pumped me fuller than I’d ever been on you will be burned into my memory forever.
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12:41
“Don’t ever let me go again, please Ivon I’ll do anything.” My own words were coming out before I could even think twice about it, that must just be what happens when orgasm turns your brain into a useless lump. I knew that the reason you must have left me behind in the hospital was someone talking to you the same way that they had me. I never wanted someone to be able to convince you to leave me ever again, even if it meant tagging along with you to commit murder. Your hand finding its way back into my hair made me feel like I was floating and I never wanted the feeling to leave. I would stay right here forever if it meant never losing this feeling. “You make me feel more alive than anything ever has Ivon, I don’t even know if I was really living until you found me and made me yours. I want to be yours.” More words were burning on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t bring myself to say them, not yet at least. I didn’t want to risk ruining this moment with you.
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12:41
The idea of going back to Washington suddenly felt like less of an escape than it had before. I wanted to be home with you, to feel like we were actually settling into life together but now it was blatantly apparent that people didn’t want us together. People as in your father and those that worked for him. Still I nodded my head and tucked myself under your chin against your chest. You were like my own little cocoon of safety and warmth right now and I never wanted to let go. “Let's go home tonight.” For all I knew I was signing my own death wish by agreeing instead of suggesting that we run far far away from here and there but I didn’t care. If I died by your side at least I was by your side. “Can we just stay here for a little bit longer? Just like this?” I let my hips roll just barely to emphasize what I meant, to stay completely wrapped up in each other in the closest way two humans can possibly be. “Let me love you just a little bit longer.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I got so excited at the prospect of sleeping in my own bed tonight that when you agreed I started laughing. It was a full sound whose honey notes stuck to the walls. Releasing stress via smiles felt alien. Funny how only a few days can turn you into a shell of your former self. Too bad it all skittered to a halt when you asked to stay here longer. Of course the sentiment wasn’t lost on me, but honestly I just wanted to get out of town. Anticipating anger it shocked me when no rushing hatred coursed my veins. Instead there was a tiny flutter of heat that immediately dissipated via a short exhale. “We can stay here forever babydoll if it’s where you wish to rest” A previous Ivon would have hated admitting it, but making sacrifices for you feels good. If stretching our resting hours here is what allows a cracked porcelain mind to heal then so be it. Plus, the tickling aftershocks of pleasure when you rock our hips together is hard to give up. “Just as long you keep waving against me like that.” Every time you did it my eyes would roll backwards, and it was a good thing we were holding onto each other or I’d melt away.
“Baby you never have to stop loving me.” To most it would go without saying, but the majority of relationships aren’t built upon smuggling empires. There were more forces at play here than just a blood stained father. Outside my family are hundreds of howling coyote who would love to topple an old den. Our bellies would splurge with scraps they’d love nothing more than to feast upon. At least if you and I do it by our own choice it’s better than dying in a car bomb. After that I tucked your head into my chest, and laced both my hands behind it to keep you close.
15:51
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15:51
Last time I’d stared at this ceiling fan my entire vision had gone dark from your choking hands. Ignorant me had passed out thinking this is what real love was. Our moments in the shower and our wet sex on the bed that night had sparks of true feelings, but nothing compared to our romance now. If that had been sparks, than this was county leveling detonations. We swirled in a sick soup of our own pairing so pink and thick you could smell it. At one point when my eyes fluttered closed the extra dose of melatonin from pouring my spirit into you cast me into a light sleep. Dreaming is better when you are wrapped in a cage of love. Naked, terrified, and reborn we clutched each other through a few hours of void drifting.
When I awoke it was without the typical spinning moment of panicking placement. Any place with you was recognizable as my home. A burnout car beneath a bridge would be luxurious with a winking mouse beside me. I wanted to soak up your sleeping image, but pressed together naked like this with last night’s mess still soaking was awkward. Upon shuffling out of our grip you stirred with a little coo. “Good morning little bee. Waking up with you is heaven.” It probably was barely the next day, and late evening darkness still blanketed our motel. “Want to brew up some cheap coffee and steal their water again before leaving town?” Desperation to flee LA oozed from my pours. I made no attempt at hiding my rushing urge to flee. In a much quieter voice, “We can only get away with stringing missing people up like a pretty necklace until someone catches on.” The metaphor was vast, but still the gallows humor managed to steal a chuckle. It feels good to laugh with you. How long can we keep it up? Earnest words choked past my filter before a psycho could analyze them, “Thank you for scurrying back to me. I promise to keep you safe from any threats to our obsession.”
Even if that meant killing my father.
@killahxkylie
The relief that flooded my system when you said we could stay here to rest was probably the most relaxed I had felt since you had burst into my life. “Thank you, Ivon.” I really meant it too, for once I felt genuinely thankful for something that you did for me, and for the first time it felt like you actually did it for me and not just for yourself disguised as something else. Was it possible that something in you really changed? Or was this just a fluke because you were exhausted and had a long day? After all, you already got your murderous rage out for today, quite literally. “I won’t ever stop, I was made just for you.” I punctuated with another soft roll of my hips into yours, the messy squelch of our cum mixing together filled my ears and made me blush. There wasn’t a raging inferno inside of me anymore but instead a softer, more delicate pleasure that ran little shockwaves through me with every move we made.
.
21:09
When you told me I never had to stop loving you a couple tears managed to sneak down my cheeks and land somewhere in my hair. I knew that I would never be able to stop loving you even if I tried but hearing you say it made it feel like it was really okay for me to do. To love you forever. “I’m gonna love you forever, Ivon. Nothing could change that.” I knew at some point that I should probably tell you about the man that picked me up, gave me money to keep me quiet, warned me to stay away from you, and then dropped me off, but once again the fear of ruining our small bubble of peace kept me from saying anything. I could tell you in the morning or whenever we got on the jet. Then maybe I had more of a chance of not being left behind in LA instead. “Forever.” I hushed out again, the way you laced both of your hands and kept me held close to you was like my own little cradle and it was quickly lulling me to sleep. The steady rhythm of your heart, the sound of you breathing, and your warmth were all things that worked together to concoct my own personal sleeping pill and I had missed them more than words could ever explain.
.
21:09
Even in sleep my hips would occasionally rock against you and pull the smallest of whimpers from my lips, the reminder that we were still locked together soothing even my unconscious mind. I found that my nightmares didn’t come as strongly when sleep found me this time around, it was as if for the first time in weeks my mind was quiet. I felt like I was truly at peace and I wished that we could float in it forever. I wasn’t sure how long we had been asleep for when you started to stir and all I could manage was a small sleepy sound. I wanted to just tangle right back up with you and it had my bottom lip sticking out ever so slightly in a pout. “G’morning” I mumbled with a pained stretch before I sat up in the bed tucking the blanket around myself. “Coffee sounds perfect, my love.” My voice was still scratchy and thick with sleep and my body was still feeling soft and floaty. I sighed heavily when you implied that staying here much longer would land us in trouble and then nodded. “I know.. We should go. It’s just going to be so hard to leave our luxury situation right now though.” My lips cracked into a smile and I couldn’t help but laugh with you. Every time that I got to hear you laughing so genuinely it felt like I had swallowed sunshine whole the way it warmed my soul. “If anything you came back to me. I thought I had lost you forever… I was so… broken.” I had to stop myself from crying when I thought about how I felt all day yesterday once leaving the hospital. It didn’t matter now, you were here and that's what mattered. “I can’t wait to go home and start our life together Mr. Feldt.”
@bonghitsforfeds
When you agreed to a cup of coffee it jolted me with enough energy to swing from bed. Not before I planted a sweet row of kisses up your nose and into a messy mane. Scooting to the edge I stretched my arms with a few creaky pops, and for a second was blessed with forgetting my body’s dire situation. That was before angled bone found a stitch in my side and squeezed swollen flesh. I tried to not yelp, but two hours of sleep had my will power reserves running low. The squeak was pathetic, and when your arm reached out to comfort me I caught it with a swiping palm. Three simple squeezes transmitted my message. Next I said, “It’s okay sweet moon. I deserve a little pain, let’s be honest.” Your words still hung between us, and I offered a rebuttal, “We found each other Mrs. Feldt. Let this be a mutual lesson that our obsession can’t be broken by petty laws.”
Mania is an interesting curse. Some days getting out of bed after twelve hours of luxury beauty sleep felt like forcing myself headfirst into a bayonet charge. Yet, operating on a few hours, no food, and a goddesses hug were enough to spring me full of life. Behind my head was a lead filled brick of exhaustion, but it was easy to ignore when every step took me closer to our actual destination. Pour some coffee down my little whores throat and then stuff her into a plane. I’d have said it to you directly, but I still didn’t like the optic of being mean. Would my nice streak last? Probably not, but it made for a nice high to soak in.
21:27
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21:28
Surprisingly the cheap coffee machine heated to life in a mere minute. By the time I had located all the disposable filters, cups, creamers, and stirrers the little brown object had beeped to life. “Isn’t it kind of concerning how the cheap shit still gets hot real fast?” My sentence was accented by the thick aroma of cooking plastic. Had this thing ever been used before? Who gives a fuck as pissing out its tiny funnel was a beautiful stream of heated bean water. Our initial meeting proved we both enjoy coffee, and now it was time to find out how low we will stoop for caffeine.
Carrying your plastic mug of Joe over, I made careful steps to not drip any on you as I leaned over the bed’s edge. “Remember little latte, its okay to spill on the cheap sheets.” These poor bastards, we really did owe them a fat apology check. Oh well, can’t feel too bad for people who refuse to mount a fucking security camera. Wandering thoughts wouldn’t distract me from subtle flirts as next I said, “You have no idea how many hours I have waited to float that stupid nickname your way.” I liked making you blush with silly words, and I bet by the time we touched down in Washington I’d have come up with another.
@killahxkylie
The audible popping that came from your body made me feel much more awake than I originally had as I was worried that you had somehow injured yourself even more. At first it seemed you might be okay but then another pain had you yelping and I couldn’t stop the urge to try to reach out and help. When you caught my arm at first fear pulsed through me in an uncomfortable wave but I was met instead with three soft squeezed. I love you too. I didn’t say it out loud but I did gift you a genuine smile. I wanted to correct you and say that our love, not our obsession, can’t be broken by petty laws but I honestly wasn’t sure if I meant it. Of course I wanted our love to be just as unbreakable but I couldn’t lie to myself that there was also a deep obsession there. It’s the entire reason we were even together to begin with.
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21:49
I managed to drag myself out of bed feeling a soreness between my legs from the night before but at least I didn’t appear to have ripped any remaining stitches. For all I knew they had all dissolved already. Padding my way over to the open bathroom door I splashed some water on my face and somewhat cleaned up before climbing back into bed. Sleep did not want to let go of me now that I was relaxed. “I don’t want to think about it.” I was almost 100% sure that we were about to be drinking a mix of coffee and cheap plastic but what was one more cancer causing chemical ingested in a day when you lived in America? I’d gladly shed a little time off of my life if it meant getting the caffeine boost I would need to make it to an airport. I wanted to suggest that we could get at least decent tasting coffee on the way there but there was something sweet about sharing the awful brandless beans with you.
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21:51
“Thank you Mr. Feldt.” I smiled and couldn’t help but giggle at the sweet little nickname. You had given me so many and I had compiled a list in my head, I couldn’t even pick a favorite. They were all so sweet. “I like that one, it reminds me of how we met.” I think we would always have some sort of crazy bond over coffee and cafes with how we met our beginning and how so many of our moments had involved them. From rolling around on old books and papers, to punching you in the face and breaking your nose. Honestly we could start a coffee shop scrapbook at this point. “I love all your little nicknames for me… I really need to come up with more for you.” I scrunched my face up in thought before I took a sip of the brown water and it tasted just as bad as it smelled. I knew it was obvious from my face that it was terrible but still I turned to you with a smile and said “mmmm gourmet shit right here my love. We're going to have to rate this place 5 stars."
@bonghitsforfeds
Kind of hard to not think about when piping hot liquid delivery was my job to handle. At least you smiled when the vessel of caffeine had been passed off. Your official titling of me always stole drips of lust from my soul. This morning the effect was powerful, and I suspected it had something to do with our shared glistening of sweat. Waking up paired with your soul mate will do wonders for amplifying your daily experience. I tilted my head to the side while you delivered a lazy morning monologue on nicknames. Poor little baby, always comparing herself to everyone around her. My first goal should be instilling you with the confidence goddesses deserve.
“This place might crumble under the weight of a five star rating.” Your grimace of disgust honestly undersold how terrible the liquid was. Not only was it the worst cup of anything I had ever tasted, but a healthy dropping of coffee grounds had seeped through the poor filter. Little bits of bean stuck to my teeth, and I spat them out with buzzing lips onto an equally cheap carpet. “I am so terribly sorry that I made you drink that.” For a moment I considered tossing the entire cup of nasty into the corner for a maid to find later, but disrespecting this place felt like badmouthing us. “I’d offer to take us by a cafe, but that only ever ends with our fluids being spilt.” The vagueness was intended, and I stepped back across the room to set my unfinished drink down beside the nightstand.
10:11
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10:11
Stepping into the bathroom immediately filled me with an odd sense of abandonment. Peeking a tangled head around the corner I said, “Don’t panic little moon, I’m just going to freshen up.” Letting you out of my sight hurt worse than before. Our mutual bonding was growing so tight you’d be able to study its physical pairing. They’ll have to write our love in as a new fundamental universal force. Splashing cold water on my face helped to scratch crusties out from red eyes, and I used my finger to brush my mouth of last nights film. At least the motel toothpaste functioned normally. Spitting the cleaned mess into the sink stole with it some crimson, and I made a note to stop chewing on my cheek so much. Before long I was waltzing back into the sleeping area. “Mrs. Feldt, if you would gather your things, I desperately wish to leave this sad shithole so I can fuck you stupid in my woodland mansion.”
@killahxkylie
The look on your face when you took that first sip of hot garbage was priceless and when you spit out whole coffee grounds onto the carpet I couldn’t help but break into a fit of giggles. At least it wasn’t just me who was disgusted with the hotel's coffee, it looked like caffeine wasn’t in our immediate future for the day but honestly the amusement had woken me up enough on its own. “It’s alright, another memory for us to look back on in disgust and amusement.” My face turned rosy at your comment of us spilling fluids in cafes whether it was cum and sweat or blood it was more than true. Hell, even that first time I ran into you we spilled coffees. We should just carry a carpet cleaner around with us at this point.
I set my drink down after another forced sip just because the liquid felt nice on my throat after crying it raw the day before. I hadn’t even really started to panic when you dipped into the bathroom, there was no way you could fit through the tiny window in there anyways so unless you were so desperate to get away from me that you offed yourself in there I knew you would come back out. Still the gesture of you peeking back out to reassure me was nice, it felt like you really cared about my feelings for once and I wasn’ actually sure if that was something you were capable of until right now. “I’ll be right here waiting for you, my love.” Funny how in the hospital you had gotten so upset with me for asking that you communicate you would be back when you left and now here you were doing it all on your own. Maybe Ivon Feldt really is capable of change. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
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11:23
When you told me to grab my things I got up and took your hand. You were really the only thing that I had here but then my mind reminded me of the envelope hiding in the night stand. I let go just long enough to grab it and then took your hand again. “This is everything.” I smiled up at you really hoping that maybe somehow you wouldn’t ask me what was in the envelope or where I got it from. Given the way that the universe liked to take monument sized shits on my life lately I doubted that I would be so lucky but maybe since you had been so sweet to me thus far I would get lucky and you wouldn’t be angry about it, at least not with me.
@bonghitsforfeds
You hadn’t hacked through my heart like that in weeks. A cute little stunt it was, but grabbing my hand and claiming the world in my being swooned a gripping heat into my spine. Had my eyes fluttered? Typical embarrassment over appearing feminine, a nasty bastion planted by my father, didn’t fan an inch above my soul’s normal rolling flame. Instead it felt pure to be exposed for you. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” My lips were heavy with earnest weight, and it took effort to rise above the natural accented inflection to my voice. If we ever got you back to the fatherland I have a grip of aunts who would fawn over teaching you the home tongue. “Come on my foamy latte, let’s get out of here before we spoil each other with too many sugar cubes.” A finger ran up your chest to pull at your chin before letting it drop with a pouty flop.
Leading you by my favorite hands we stepped out of our perfect nest and into LA midnight. The door hung from a single hinge, which is odd considering it clung from two when we left. “This place is melting around us fuzzy Mouse.” Did you even know what I was talking about? Fumbling with they key fob eventually opened two doors of the Porsche with mechanical hisses. Seating you inside I made sure to maneuver my glass princess with expert care. With two hands I swung your legs in and after muttering a, “Watch out,” shut the slender pillars inside. Sliding into my own seat felt like coming home in its own way. We had lots memories pressed against luxury leather already.
13:32
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13:33
However, before we left there apparently was some unfinished businesses. The knightly demeanor faltered when I pushed the frustrated sigh from my face. My question fell so flat it made thousand year soda look fresh, “What’s in the envelope baby?” Our ride’s engine had yet to be spurred to life, and I sat staring at you with big eyes. One of my hands crossed to your lap where it scooped up a ghostly mitt. “If it endangers us for you to tell me, we can wait until the plane?” Fuck, I hated extending trust to anyone, even the mouse. Trust is just setting yourself up for failure. If you give nobody a drop of yourself, there isn’t anything for them to drink, but it also means there is nothing for them to spill.
@killahxkylie
“Ooooh I’m a foamy latte now?” I laughed softly and before you pulled away completely after dropping your finger from my chin I leaned up to kiss your cheek. There was something about being with you like this that made me feel like I was on top of the world, not even my pained and aching body could stop that right now. “It’s funny, the place is such a dump but it feels like paradise with you.” Walking out to the car I was shocked to see such a nice one just waiting for us. I guess my assumptions about what happened at the hospital were true. I highly doubted this was that bitch nurses car, this definitely looked like the type of gift that would come from your father. I hadn’t even met the man yet and already my distaste for him was slowly growing into a foul hatred. Why did he want me out of your life so badly? I hadn’t done anything wrong. Okay so I broke your nose but it’s not like I permanently crippled you or something insane like that. And what the nurses did wasn’t really my fault.
I was so distracted when you had shut my door for me that I barely even heard you doing it and then climbing in yourself. There was a bubbling anxiety rising inside of me at the prospect of having to meet the man, or worse, having someone who was much bigger and stronger than you sent to come and get rid of me. It wasn’t enough to make me get out of the car and take my chances on my own but still, it was scary. Scarier I think than you had ever been in my eyes. A heavy sigh had me looking your way and I could tell that you were going to ask already. I rolled my lips in anxiety when you took my hand and then the words I was waiting for left your lips. I swallowed hard after the last part, not having expected even an ounce of trust for you and nodded
.
14:43
It took a few long moments but finally I found the courage to speak, I knew there was a chance of it ruining this illusion we were currently enjoying but keeping it from you felt even worse. “When I found out that you left the hospital without me.. I checked myself out against the doctor's orders and left. I didn’t really know what the hell I was going to do but I thought you were gone forever so there was really no point in staying anymore you know? I wandered around for a while and then some guy picked me up. I know it’s stupid but I got in because I mean.. Well I figured if I didn’t have you anymore maybe it would be a blessing in disguise if someone took me off the planet.” I squeezed your hand a little in the hopes that you wouldn't be too furious with me. “It was someone your father sent. They told me I needed to stay away from you, gave me a bunch of money and identification and then brought me here when I asked. I don’t care about the money though Ivon I don’t want it I just want you.. I swear I just want you.”
@bonghitsforfeds
When your lips started to purse like that it meant one of two things. Either A: You were about to say something so full of lust that I turn into a puddle of cum, or B: We were about to have a discussion that pissed me off. Most of the time you were a good planner and tried to get ahead of my anger. That likely meant this was a real rage bomb you were about to deliver. Before you began to speak I tried to find a center within myself. An island or floating rock of good memory to keep me locked here. I chose to meditate on our morning’s sweet words. I’ve been called paradise and funny by the moon this morning, so I should be more respectful of her singing.
Hearing you talk about my father damn near immediately ruined my calm. A rogue wave of murder swept my island of all pleasantries, and I was left alone on it clutching my own feelings. She loves me. It was a fresher mantra than most, yet my body still inwardly repeated the doctrine as if my life depended on it. We were only a single sentence in, and I needed to a get a fucking grip. After you were done I sat staring at you, and the only betrayal of my ruined attitude was my beastly gripping of steering wheel. The material rolled beneath my hands and groaned with a desperate whine. They really tried to bribe you? Guess that goes to show what Father thinks of my past ‘girlfriends.’
16:12
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16:12
A shaky hand left the driving column and crossed to your face. With the back of my pointer finger I painted an angel soft brush of assurance across pointy cheek bone. After my face lit into a hellish smile I said, “That’s quite annoying.” I sounded like my grandfather, his subtle old world way of speaking always made the biggest deals seem so small. Maybe that’s what I need to channel, that ancient Feldt cool that used to prop our family above others. Just don’t dig too deep into his, or his father’s character else you might find some nasty prewar surprises. My clammy palm fell to your lap where it painted a swirling circle atop bruised leg. “Guess that just means the idiot bought our flight home.” After starting the smooth motor and shifting us into reverse it struck me that in a round about way this was laying claim to your cash. “Unless of course you want to spend it on something else little moon, you need more practice blowing that man’s cash on stupid shit anyway.” Before long I had us into the never ending LA traffic, and my heightened temper shined through to the zippy way I drove.
I could feel the tremors of the earthquake that were threatening to break through to the surface of your being when I told you what had happened. I know that you wouldn’t like it so I certainly wasn’t expecting you to react well but the more I learned about your father the more I realized just how serious things between the two of you were. If I thought you were scary I thought he was an evil incarnate. It’s no wonder you ended up the way you did, something about nature vs. nurture ran itself through my head and it made me wonder if we really were capable of creating a happy future together, one that wasn’t as broken as we were.
I saw the way you gripped at the steering wheel and when one of your hands made its way towards me I couldn’t help the way my body stiffened up and flinched away at first. I wasn’t expecting the soft touch that found my cheek and when you first made contact I let out a shuddered sigh of relief. I took in a deep breath trying to settle my heart and the way that it had started hammering against my ribcage in a rhythm of terror. I really hope that one day I can get used to the fact that you aren’t always going to be trying to hurt me again. This wasn’t even your fault but apparently everyone must suffer the consequences of what the druggy fuck did to me. At least you genuinely didn’t seem to be upset with me for what happened and that was all that truly mattered.
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16:56
When your hand dropped back down onto my leg I wrapped my own around it and squeezed three times. Probably my favorite thing that we shared between us was this little secret way of sharing our love. “It is quite annoying. I only took it because I thought you had already made up your mind.” I let my head rest against the window for just a moment before I opened it to let the fresh air in. I loved the way the night air felt in LA, it had a strange way of soothing my nerves. Maybe I just liked driving at night. “What I want to spend my money on more than anything is getting us home… and maybe some more new clothes.” I flashed a brighter smile over at you, I did have a lot of fun getting whatever my eyes landed on and maybe someday I could even get used to the feeling. “So, Mr. Feldt… where are you going to fuck me stupid in your woodland mansion first?”
@bonghitsforfeds
You ever notice how when you do your best to let something go it has an ugly habit of repeating? Take this bullshit you were on over thinking I had given up on you. Seconds ago when you mumbled it first the wording had been phrased in a way for me to assume something else. Now that you repeated it I had a good chunk of stupid to grip my hate claws into. It wasn’t worth blowing our whole morning up over, and I didn’t want to freak you out by reacting poorly. So I did the next best thing by lacing hatred in-between the meaning of everything I say. “Three men forcefully tore me out of your bed and then beat me stupid, and you thought I just got up and left?” Even while cruising around that afternoon my entire plan had been to return to moon’s temple. If I argued it we would just somersault into fighting, so instead I quickly moved on to your sweet words. All part of keeping that head spinning anyway.
17:21
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17:21
Good thing that fuzzy head was learning my best distraction is your body. Streets were still packed with people, but the flow was slightly less from how late it was. We were making good time, and this trip was memorized by me after last week. Soon we would be back in that silly parking garage by the airport. Right now though there was a very important question to answer. Pondering your inquiry would take time, so meanwhile you could make good use of those perfect hands and touch me. The hand you pressed loving reminders with was captured and transported into my lap. “Touch me while I think.” When your hand began to fumble with my growing blood-stick it slashed a ego-high smile into my mask. I missed this: Driving nice cars and having my junk fondled. It was even better when the puppeteer was you. “There is a room my father used to practice his piano in.” May seem an odd habit for such an evil man, but my dad was an excellent musician. “On the grand’s backboard are all his music accolades. He keeps meaning to swing by and grab them as he doesn’t trust any staff to mail or transport them.” Now was time for the punchline, “Let’s rush in there, sweep all his stupid awards to the floor, throw a mouse on top, and fuck doggy style on his stupid antique.” Hating on your family while smooth skinned princess Cami expertly thumbs pre cum off your dick is a heaven only this man will ever know.
@killahxkylie
I swear you have this fancy way of taking my words and twisting them into something else. You did leave me at the hospital alone when you were discharged and chose to go seek out your own stupid revenge instead of coming to see me and see if I was okay from what you had done. I kept my mouth shut because I knew if I started to argue we wouldn't stop and it would only escalate and end up with one of us hurt. One of us meaning me since there were no security guards here to pull you off of me. Still though I couldn't help but to wonder if you had thought about me at all during your little murder adventure or if you were too distracted to care. Was I that easy to forget about? I really hope not. Maybe I needed to start doing more things to make sure you couldn’t ever forget about me.
That was going to start right now in this car with my hand on your cock apparently, not that I minded by any means. Feeling how fast my touch affected you was stroking my ego in a way that was honestly probably a little dangerous. Would I be able to use this to my advantage all the time? Would my hands wrapped around you like this stop you in your tracks if you were in a rage or would it only make it worse? I have no doubt that I’ll find out someday soon enough. Words about defiling something that was obviously precious to your father filled my ears and had me pressing my thighs together for reasons that I didn’t really understand. Maybe there was just something about doing the exact opposite of what we were told that turned me on. Honestly the fact that you would defy someone who was clearly powerful just to be with me made my heart skip a couple beats too.
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19:57
My thumb smoothed over the head of your leaking cock and I pulled it away just long enough that I could lick off what had gathered there. Would you let me suck your cock while you drove? “I bet if you fuck me hard enough you could get me to squirt all over his precious music.” I giggled mischievously before I tugged the front of your pants down enough to gain access to what I really wanted. I didn’t do this very often but right now I wanted nothing more than a mouth full of throbbing leaking Feldt cock. My tongue lapped up what you were already making for me before I took you into my mouth the best that I could from this angle. It hurt like hell trying to bend over this much right now but god was it worth it to feel you twitching on my tongue. Good luck thinking now, my love.
@bonghitsforfeds
This was a mistake. Practicing laps around a track for hours does nothing to help your ability focusing when an angel wraps slender fingers around your swelling meat. Dancing lights bordered reality, and that was just the beginning. When the icy giggle spiked your mouth like a low hanging sickle I knew that you were about to escalate. Our time together has cursed us both with mutual need to ramp higher and higher despite any situation. Its a dirty coping mechanism yours truly had taught the little Mouse. Cover emotions with a shield of surrogate aggression and bash your way out of any situation. Your weapon this time appears to be sexual conquest. It was working.
That was all before a drooling mouth sucked me up like my balls dispensed healing nectar. Morning wood typically requires a longer dance to dispel, but already trickling need to give you breakfast skipped across my back. No longer confident in my ability to rip lanes at triple digit speeds we slowed to a lustful right lane crawl. Right as you settled into a bobbing rhythm I felt remotely capable of keeping up with you slithered a forked demon tongue in swirling revolutions beneath flush head. That jolted my hips into your sore face, an action which was not met with any remorse, before stealing a “Shit!” From my oaky sounding throat. With each ocean roll of waving hips a core of pleasure behind red cock would twitch with desire for release. My body refused to relent, and instead you got an icing drizzling of pre with each rut.
05:45
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05:45
A light turned red long before we reached it, but my mind was far away. We almost got T-boned into a smoking wreckage of inside out flesh, and even though this would not be the first luxury car of rich pricks who fireballed themselves into a guard rail I preferred to not become one. Thankfully crossing traffic alerted me before death did, and we slowed to a jolting halt. The tires didn’t break traction, but we got close to spinning. When we completely stopped my head slammed backwards into a headrest, and both of my hands left the wheel to writhe inside black mane. Just as my gaze rolled left out the window they locked with a scrub wearing hospital worker. Her face was forward, but the reminder of nurses was all I needed to come undone. Fingers in angel hair, fat lips around my sore cock, and most importantly a visceral replay of Purple’s nostrils leaking brain matter. I came undone so hard I moaned upwards in a rising pitch of climatic song. “Stop! Fuck!” You did not stop, and truthfully this idiot didn’t want you too, however the feeling of splurging liters while you danced the stream with a slimy tongue was too much to handle. Usually head was never a personal favorite, as sharp teeth cut into swelling girth. Not with my Mouse apparently. Seconds inside is all it takes for me to pulse heated meals into a waiting belly. Through rolled lips and in a whiny voice that gives yours a run for its money, “Fucking drink it you feisty little street rat~~”
I could tell that what I was doing to you was having the effect that I was hoping it would when you had to slow down from the near race like speeds you had previously been driving at and if I had any room to curl my lips into a smile I would have. It was always nice to know that you had as strong of an effect on someone else as they had on you, even if they showed it with bucking hips and almost crashing the car. I honestly have no idea how I managed not to hurt one of us from the way you were rutting up into my mouth or the way the car jerked to a stop, maybe it was just the fear of what you would do if I accidentally caught you with my teeth.
When the car completely stopped and your hands made a home tangled into my hair I was already desperately squeezing my thighs together in the efforts to relieve some of the building need in my core. I heard you telling me to stop but your hands keeping me pressed down where you were coming undone for me told a different story so I kept doing exactly what I was doing, at a few different points I managed to get you so deep into my throat that it made me choke and had my eyes watering. Still though making you react this way was making me feel powerful in a weird way and I didn’t want it to end. You came so much for me that I really did have to drink it down in multiple swallows and the taste of you had me humming in pleasure, I don’t care what anyone says you tasted so good. I waited until I felt you actually trying to squirm away from the overstimulation to slow down at all and when I sucked my way to the top I came off with a lewd pop. “You taste so good daddy.” A soft giggle left my lips right before I parted them and stuck my tongue out a little. “I didn’t waste a single drop.”
@bonghitsforfeds
When you hummed around the sensitive tower of sticky fuck-meat I started crying. My bottom lip slid underneath teeth, and I knew moving could result in a tearing injury of your breakfast. Instead I was forced to endure. At one point my squirming shoes stomped into a gas pedal and that red lined our engine in a loud bark of angry motor. You had me acting like a virgin fool, and the feeling spread crazy smiles up into my face. The slow crawl to popping me out of your mouth was just as much torture, and when you finally left me alone I panted wide eyed. We had barely cleared one streetlight before you unzipped me and made a mockery of Feldt stamina. Your playful attitude and presented tongue stole another rising moan from me.
.
16:03
The light had already turned green, but I stole a slimy kiss of your lips before taking off. Honestly the act was rather revolting in the clarity offered post legendary blowjob, but I wanted to prove this body was your gift. Besides, I knew you’d find it hot, and pleasing you is worth every sacrifice. Warm air passing naturally through the vents was ice upon my exposed cock, but it was comforting to be exposed for you. Also the leaking thing was still deflating with pulsing oozes of snack. “It’s okay baby, I don’t blame you for missing that tiny bit. It’s not you making a mistake, but instead daddy spilling a little extra.” Working a clutch is awkward when each gear came with a rubbing of your own dick against metal zipper. “Say baby, do me a favor and put that away so I can focus?” I still needed to say thank you, but I was trying to operate a sports car while running on melted brain. “I can make it up to you at the airport when we park if you’d like?” It was fun to let your imagination run rampant with that one. Still, you needed a toy in the mean time. My hand cam to rest in your lap, and afterwords I said, “You are welcome to stuff yourself with my fingers until we get there? Afterword Ill do anything you want.” Truly it was a blank cheque, and I expected an impressive reason for cashing it.
@killahxkylie
There is something that is mutually sexy and disgusting about sharing a kiss with someone while their own sticky cum is still barely down your throat and every time you do it it makes my cunt drool with arousal. The entire thing had been exhilarating, including the danger of it. I wasn’t unaware of the fact that we could have crashed and died with your cock still in my mouth but it would have been worth it just to feel that rush. I think being in a car with you alone at night is definitely always going to be dangerous. It probably didn’t help that your newfound sweetness was making me crave you that much more. Somehow you were perfectly toeing the line between kind and demanding and it made me want to do everything you asked of me.
“Of course, my love.” I reached over to get you back into your pants “And next time I’ll stay down there longer just to make sure I really get every drop.” I would wait until you went completely soft in my mouth if that’s what it took, I had a point to prove. I thought that we were done after that because if you were driving there wasn’t very much you could do for me but then your words had me squirming in my seat wishing that you could. “How am I supposed to say no to that?” Just the thought of you lapping me up in the backseat or letting me perch in your lap had my chewing on my bottom lip and I was so needy that I was ready to start taking care of it myself right here in the front seat.
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17:01
Almost as if you read my mind your hand rested on my lap and the heat from your fingers felt like it spread straight to my cunt. I looked over at you almost completely dumbfounded when you told me that I could stuff myself with your fingers. “I-I-. Are you sure?” There was nothing about the way that you reacted that told me you weren’t being anything but serious and given the fact that you were currently wearing my pants there wasn’t too much to slip out of the way. A quick tug of soaked fabric exposed exactly what having you in my mouth had done to me and my own mess had me blushing a deep red. “You always make me like this.” I unclicked my seatbelt so that I could sit sideways in my seat with my back pressed against the door. Taking your hand I pushed two of your fingers into my sore leaking cunt and immediately felt it fluttering around them. “God even your fingers feel so fucking good.” I whined before I started working my hips to essentially fuck myself on them, keeping my eyes locked on your face the entire time.
@bonghitsforfeds
“So obedient.” The comment went directly into your ear from the lean you did to tuck me away. A few whimpers went with it from the feeling of being wrapped up in you. Those fucking hands, I was so obsessed it was problematic. Being caged by a buttress of my moon temple’s digits always re-sparked fiery need. It had been seconds and I wanted more. Lucky for me it seemed you were willing to supply lewd acts by the fistful. A slimy groove of girl cum glistened my hand in a snack for later, and I huffed out tiny gasps at being used by you. Guiding my useless man hand was my goddesses ivory mitts. Did I really always make you drip this much? “A melty vanilla ice cream cone.” If only my mouth was beneath the spattering drops.
When you began to scoot sideways I thought you were going to hit me again. Usually the feeling passed almost instantly, but today it remained until you settled back in. This new angle was much better though as it provided a perfect view of wet messy hole. Your gaze melted beams through my skull, and pouring out the exit wounds were pink waterfalls of love. Every rutting rise of your hips squelched as it swallowed my hand. “Good girl. Make sure you spill every moan for me too.” I had never been so jealous of a hand. That should be my face you are painting with your Cami-candy.
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19:56
Trying to drive was neigh impossible, but I did focus my best now that you were unbuckled. No other useless hive drone in this state can kill you by running into us. Murdering you is something only I can do, and even that was becoming too evil a sin. My new life goal was to hurt people with you. I’d heard it in the way you hatefully giggle at my nasty comments. There is a Feldt within you somewhere and cultivating it will be divine. We were pulling into the airport proper now, and already your cheeks were turning scarlet. “If you cum before we park you won’t be able to dance my face like a stripper pole.” God, I hope you did too. Horny Ivon had taken control, and the had more to say, “Or just let me taste. Please! It’s just not fair little Latte.” That last one was so thick with forced accent it may be impossible to hear. “Please!”
@killahxkylie
“I’m gonna spill more than just my moans for you, Ivon.” I could tell that I already looked like a lewd whore in the passenger seat right now. My face was flush and my mouth was dropped open just enough for the sounds of pleasure and panted breaths to escape, I could feel that my eyes were half lidded in a dick crazed lust. I don’t think anyone had ever or would ever be capable of doing this to me, it was you or nothing now that I had had you. It was pure torture not being able to go as fast on your fingers as I would be able to on your cock but I really didn’t want to feel one snap inside of me. I don’t know if that’s something I would ever recover from. “Fuck baby it’s so good.” More lewd whore words fell from my lips and I had the nerve to reach down and adjust your fingers so three of them were stretching me now. The sound that ripped from me was something between a gasp and a moan and I was starting to drip down your palm.
“I’m so close~!” It was a whiny pouty sound because I wanted to cum right now but I also really wanted to feel your hot tongue against me too. The first time you had let me sit on your face drove me absolutely crazy and I desperately wanted to watch myself paint your lips and tongue with pink. That fucking accent had my cunt pulsing around you with the urge to let go but somehow someway I managed to hold it back, I was getting better at getting my body to do what you wanted and it made me feel weirdly good. I think I liked being your little pet more than I had originally wanted to admit to myself. “Daddy please I fucking need it hurry up and park please please” Those words were almost embarrassingly high pitched and whiny as my hips bounced for emphasis every time I said please. “I promise I’ll be good, I just need you so bad I- I need you.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Is it illegal to park your car in the middle of traffic and drink your pet named girlfriend’s cunt dry? One moment officer, can’t you see I am busy licking liquid honeysuckle from the inside of this fine woman’s squelching gap? Something tells me they would not wish to play along. You were whining about being close, and we still had yet to pass into private parking. Our closing distance from here to poorly painted parking space might as well have been Earth to the Moon. You and I both know this man would crawl hands and knees for any lunar sighting, and thus the car dangerously approached its destination. You were screaming about being close, and you have no idea how many times those fingers almost got reclaimed. I needed you to drain so much hot melted cream down my throat that it came out of my eyes. “I am trying my hardest kitten. I’d appreciate you stop hissing before I turn i=us into a fire ball.”
21:13
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21:13
It was a lackluster parking job. Our back tire was in a separate spot than the front, and when I let off the break to cross the console we rolled forward and bumped a barrier. I didn’t even bother putting it into park and instead yanked the e-break until it wouldn’t move anymore. After that my seatbelt came undone and with a bouncing clang it ricocheted off the window it slammed into. Practically diving into your cunt I left my hand where it was so I could suck your clit like whore-god had possessed me. From around the swelling bundle of sex-stupid nerves I drank a glistening of sweat and you. It filmed my lips and teeth in a curtain of heat, and I buzzed a happy sound that pitched your wails higher. Your legs had become a kink for me, and being surrounded by them leaked ribbons of melting me into gifted pants. Not enough to be seen, but enough that later when your face pressed my lap again you’d smell it. I wanted to make fun of you for how those words had stopped when you started yelping in ecstasy, but that would mean removing this face from my pink waterfall. Instead my hand did something it hardly ever does and climbed up your shirt to cup a sweaty tit. I didn’t pinch or squeeze your nipple, but instead left my palm pressed to your chest so I could feel the lungs beneath balloon with precious air. Air that you breathe because I allow it. Air that your experiences says can and will be stopped whenever I need it.
Right now though this all about you, and that pretty brain needs lots of oxygen to die a mini death of pleasure.
@killahxkylie
Oh god that was a nickname I don't think you've used for me yet and it sent a rush of pleasure right to where I was wrapped around you "I'm trying daddy but I just need you to make me purr so bad." I swear I was dangling on the edge and when you hit that bump it was almost enough to send me over it. I don't even know how I managed to hold back. You made me feel less like a kitten and more like a well trained puppy with how you controlled me with only words. Kittens were cuter though.
I don't know why but I was half expecting you to just leave me dangling on that edge but instead you lunged over like a hungry animal and started to devour my cunt like it was the best thing you had ever tasted. The feeling of warm lips wrapped around my clit combined with your fingers inside me had me letting out noises I'd never heard myself make before. Little choked gasps of pleasure kept bubbling their way out of my chest and my entire body felt like it was trembling but you weren't slowing down at all. "Ivon~!" I borderline screamed your name and I knew you could feel the sound of it vibrating under your hand. It was so close to where you can permanently marked me and for some reason that made me dizzy. "Oh my fucking god!" That one came out as something akin to a growl as my fingers tangled into your hair and pulled you closer. "I'm fucking cumming! Fuck fuck I'm cumming oh my- fucking-". Whatever came out next wasn't even English, just a slurred sound of pleasure before I let out something so lewd it made me blush even more. I didn't even know I could make noises like that. My thighs clamped around your face so hard I thought it might pop but I couldn't control it, my hips were stuttering against your face and I could feel myself dripping cum down my ass and onto the seats. No vehicle will ever survive our relationship.
@bonghitsforfeds
When your breathing picked up into earthquakes I knew we were almost done. With the hand perched in your shirt I pressed you back into the wall just enough to lock you into desire. Then your legs aided in the death press by ensuring your prison beneath me couldn’t possibly falter. You felt every lapping press of mouth I forced upon you. Up until my entire world became a vice grip of girl skin your singing had been beyond pleasant. No whining climb of violin or chorus had ever neared the high of throat you let loose for me. Once enveloped into a darkness of sex all I could do was focus on making you squirm. It never occurred to me just how much a woman tenses when they cum, but when my only senses were squelching sex and clamping muscle it was impossible to not learn.
Let us leave a mark of love in this evil gift before we let it rot in this parking garage. Eventually it will be grabbed by security, and then my father will just own our cum stained Porsche. That would serve as a proper answer to his forced intervention of our mingling. Take your cheap gift back dad, and be lucky there is no bomb inside. Eventually artificial light returned vision to my brain. I had been so hungry to lurch for you that I had ended belly down over the center console. Prying myself from the spot was painful since half my body was destroyed, but it was worth the nuclear red glare to your face. “Enjoy that one honey?” My hair was so frizzy it scratched at the side of my head, and underneath the crazy haircut I used a sleeve to slowly wipe your drippings from my lips. Craning my arm around I pointed at the wet mark left behind, “Look at the mess you make.” The reactive blush in your cheeks swelled my ego mountains. From the top of that peak I’d let the whole world know that Camila Roberts is mine and mine alone. With a mischievous side eye I said, “Why don’t you let daddy fly you home and show you a real princesses mansion?”(edited)
All I managed to do in response to your question was nod and hum a pathetically whiny ‘mhmm’. Enjoyed was an understatement if I was being honest with myself every time we had touched since you walked through that shitty motel door last night has somehow felt different. It felt like more in the best way possible. Was it the feeling of both of us finally giving in to the fact that we couldn’t live without each other and that we would do anything to be together, including going against your father, or was it something that only I was feeling? “It’s your fault, you make it impossible not to make a mess.” I could feel the heat in my cheeks and if you pressed my face to something right now it would probably scorch it. There really was a fucking puddle of cum in the seat, honestly I didn’t even know that I could cum so hard until you had touched me. Is the man being absolutely unhinged the trade off for having good orgasms?
There was a small thought of the man who hurt me and how he was clearly also unhinged and I never came for him at all but I stuffed it deep down into the dark part of my brain. It would probably rot there for a long time before I ever actually dealt with it but in typical Cami fashion that’s how I decided I was going to deal with it. It can be later me’s problem, right now me just wants to enjoy this floating feeling with the man that I am stupidly head over heels for.
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10:34
“ I can’t wait to finally be home with you, Ivon.” I let out a fuzzy mouse sigh and leaned back against the door as I looked over at you. “So.. how does this work? I’ve never exactly been on a jet before and I don’t have any pants. Are they even going to let me get on?” Judging by your confidence in the fact that we would be able to get home on one of them I was probably just over thinking things as always but I was still getting used to this. I think the most money I had ever seen at one time was in that envelope the man had stuffed into my hand and even that was chump change to you. “Sorry, I think I’m just nervous. About going.. Home. And about the jet. I haven’t flown very often.” And your father murdering me without batting an eyelash at it. I left that part out though, we could worry about that later too, after we fucked in his precious piano room.
@bonghitsforfeds
I sat with folded hands in the driver’s seat, and watched you put yourself back together. Each little bit of the moon’s sprit had to reattach itself one dripping piece at a time. It was sad to see the fire in your cheeks slowly die out, but I had a feeling we’d revisit each other very soon. Mentioning home already filled my head with a false scent of pine. Soon we would be within the secluded personal resort, and I would have free run over every daily activity. No more surprise visits from unwelcome guests. If anyone tries to interrupt our solitude we will only find out when we are notified an idiot was murdered breaking in. After stepping over their steaming corpse we can make way for the glass covered rooftop hot tub and watch the sun come up.
You distracted me by asking how airports work. “We must be growing close baby-doll, because it doesn’t piss me off to be interrupted by you.” Most people would rightfully scoff at being told their vocalization is frustrating, but not my Mouse. It was obvious tiptoeing around my minefield of a personality was forming muscle memory in your guiding dance that granted you calm conversation. When we first met it felt like being disarmed to have you not set me off. As if the fact you didn’t make me angry was a threat. In hindsight I had been correct as now you were coming home to fuck up an entire legacy. Who would have thought drowning on destruction could be so wickedly pleasant?
13:16
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13:16
Ruffling through the paperwork suppled a week ago by our original traumatized chauffeur eventually granted me the number to my family’s preferred charter. The bundle of information was roughed up near past saving at this point, but thankfully the ‘fuck you go home’ plastic bag our hospital stuffed it into had kept it safe. “I am going to call these numbers, get us a plane, and then we will drive through a private gate to a hanger and go home.” Nervousness was to be expected but I had to drown my anger over your lack of excitement with sorrow. No doubt you were looking forward to it, but my ego didn’t like seeing a lack of total jubilation. Wasn’t I being nice? “You won’t need pants silly.” Interesting concerns for someone who is now property. Get in the fucking plane and go to my house, and make me feel better about it before I blow a gasket. Thoughts were spiraling, and we needed to move on before someone did something stupid. “After we get home you won’t have much time for nerves Mrs. Feldt, because I am going to throw a fuck-huge party.
And you’ll be the star.”
@killahxkylie
I watched with genuine interest as you rifled through the mess of papers, I honestly couldn't believe they had lasted through everything that we had been through but thankfully you seemed satisfied once you landed on a specific page. I don't think it would ever stop astonishing me that there are really people in the world that just.. get to live like this. Or that I was about to be one of them. A small sense of relief was gifted to me when you informed me the entire thing wouldn't even involve having to walk through the huge building. I think I had had enough of judging stares and hateful glances for at least a few days.
Of course in typical Ivon fashion though you dropped a bomb on me after that that took away whatever small sense of relief I was feeling. A huge party sounded terrifying. Rich people parties meant rich people behaviors and rich people behaviors often involved doing drugs. I was trying my best not to spoil things with my worry about being around so many people after what just happened but I was struggling. What if you went to get something and somebody tried to do something to me? I knew I didn't have to worry about it at the exact moment but it was hard not to. I managed to at least smile at your comment about me being the star at, even if it were for selfish and shallow reasons it felt nice that you wanted to show me off. Although with how you had been treating me since you showed up maybe it wasn't for all the wrong reasons. "That actually sounds like a lot of fun, I can't wait to see how the Ivon Feldt throws a party." There was genuine excitement in my words because I really was looking forward to seeing you more in your element.
@bonghitsforfeds
Booking a plane took less than two minutes. More time was spent on hold between a single transfer, and waiting for shit like this had me missing Michael with a vengeance. Loitering on phones to tell people things they should already know is at the bottom of my preferred past time. However for once our luck paid off because as it would turn out a pair of wings was already booked for me. Someone had expected my departure of this state soon, but it seems they didn’t know I would arrive with a guest. Good thing telling someone there are going to be two people instead of one on the private jet is an easy change to arrange. In my experience pilots worried about three things: how much time they are in a cockpit, how much their cargo will weigh, and how much they are getting paid. Their priorities align in that order and thankfully money can fix two. After hanging up I turned to your peering eyes and said, “It’s just that easy cutie.”
14:13
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14:13
After turning the motor off your previous words came spinning back. I had forgotten to respond, but taking care of any clerical task had a way of distracting my ability to communicate. Complementing my parties waved joy throughout my upper back and neck. It was a tingly sensation, and one I doubt this vessel would grow used to any time soon. “It’s funny you say that, I am actually quite well known for my galas*” Whether you needed a sparkling ball, massive dinner party, or a forty member coke binge this idiot was capable of arranging it. For completely unrelated reasons I did have a curse where the big ones always resulted in a death. Sometimes I think people only show up for the legends, but once news got out I was settling down with a single girl that may spark decent interest. “I think you will be surprised how many people will be keen on meeting you.” Part of me was aware how pushing you towards social gatherings was evil after your brush with death, but an equal chunk of me didn’t give a shit. I fought a fucking war to lasso the Moon all the way down from space into my backyard, and everybody was going to look at it.
Especially Klaus Fedlt.(edited)
“Why does that not surprise me?” I let out a soft laugh because somehow it made perfect sense that that’s something you would be known for. You had a certain attitude about you that just made it seem like you would have a flair for entertainment. As exciting as it felt to get to experience a big party I was also terrified, it didn’t surprise me that there would be people keen on meeting me I just didn’t want to find out why. I mean I never even thought to ask so many important questions like how many enemies did you have that could try to use me as a bargaining chip against you now? I really needed to learn how to defend myself better. Is that even something that you would let me learn? Technically speaking anything I learned could also be used against you after all. I’d have to ask once we were settled in.
“As long as you stay by my side I’ll meet anybody you want, my love.” I really hoped that it wasn’t too obvious how nervous I was and just how many things were running through my mind. You had this weird tendency to read me like a book and sometimes it drove me insane because even when I was trying to fake being confident you could tell I really wasn’t. Would I ever know you as well as you knew me? That wasn’t something that I was able to figure out in the short time it took to drive to the private gate and be shuffling out of the car and to board the jet. I could feel more and more nerves bubbling inside of me from the idea of flying and grabbed ahold of your hand so tight it hurt my still aching fingertips. “You must be pretty used to flying huh? I’m terrified of it, I’ve only flown a couple of times” And the last time I got myself so drunk waiting to board that I don’t even remember the flight or landing.
@bonghitsforfeds
I sat up an inch taller at your second complement. It stoked my ego volumes to have it implied I exude the energy of a fun host. You weren’t the first person to say that to me, and it was one of the few things known about me that wasn’t outright garbage. With your words over sticking together I wrapped your hand up in both of mine and squeezed the small thing three times. “Then you shouldn't have much to worry about baby, because we are going to be stapled to each other.” Stitched together via pretty a metal line of drooling red sounded heavenly. Would you yank away and cry, or would you and I find a way to make it hot?
That image kept floating in my head our whole way into the airport proper. Skipping an entire building and driving right up to our plane was already returning me to the world of being spoiled. I was so fucking excited to go home that your crushing anxiety into my hand caught me by surprise. We were only a few steps form boarding proper, and you looked preciously useless pulling the shirt down to cover yourself. Kneeling down before the plane’s door I took up your other hand so both were held out between us. “Beautiful Mouse. You worry so much.” I could picture you now standing just as naively outside a commercial gate surrounded by an old life’s friends. I continued, “This will be nothing like that. There will be an entire meal for you to eat, a personal flight attendant, and a wonderful bed for you to curl up on and dream of scrunching little whiskers.” A member of airport staff stood beside us waiting to shut us in, but we all knew everyone waited for our hold up. Their presence didn’t keep me from kissing your panty covered cunt which rested conveniently at head hight. After that I stood up behind you and placed both hands on tense shoulders. “Come on. There you go.” With exaggerated loving cooing we stepped into the cabin.
17:56
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17:56
Four plush chairs were arranged two each at shiny tables. A cracked door offered view of a fully furnished bedroom, and on another wall was a private bar of flight safe secured drinks. Did you even imbibe booze? Another cute thing we could discover while falling further in love. It didn’t take too long for our traumatized attendant to explain we needed to sit in the plush seats during take off, but other than that our actions were of our own desire. Once we were alone the pilot notified us a five minute warning. After that it was just snake and Mouse. Everything was charged with visceral uncertainty, and I could see the terror in your face. Taking my own seat I pat my lap with both hands and said, “Pouty Kitten, come here and let’s talk.” Nervous, scared, timid, and afraid. What does it take to impress this one? Dark anger laughed deep within, yet I still refused to relent my surefire loving boyfriend course. I can do this right?
@killahxkylie
The way that you dropped to your knees so easily and so often for me always had a way of catching me so off guard. You didn't care who was watching as you pressed your lips to my cunt and for some reason that made my heart flutter and my stomach fill with flapping butterfly wings. It also had my cheeks glowing red again but still, I'd let you eat me whole in front of them if you wanted to. Would you set me on the table and eat me like dessert in front of all your fancy party guests someday? That thought tumbled around in my brain as you coaxed me onto the plane and it felt like stepping into another world.
I had seen plenty of rich people luxury in the movies and shows that I watched but I never imagined that I would be stepping foot into one for real. My eyes didn't even know where to look first as I took it all in but they landed on the bed for the longest. I couldn't believe there was seriously an entire bedroom on this plane, it was basically a flying apartment. I had been so busy standing there gawking that I barely even paid any mind to the flight attendant but when you motioned for me I easily came and planted myself right in your lap. "I'm sorry I'm so nervous, this is incredible. I've never seen anything like it before…. Will you hold my hand during take off and then make a toast with me?" I motioned towards the private bar with my chin when I asked. I didn't plan on getting drunk or anything but a drink or two might take the edge off. Plus if we were going to be throwing parties I needed to be able to at least partially participate so I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. The last thing I wanted was to taint your reputation by seeming like too much of a goodie two shoes.
@bonghitsforfeds
With strict obedience you hopped in my lap like a learning puppy. You were seated sideways, and your legs ran away from the table in a draping fashion. Wherever those spires of perfect meat went my eyes followed, and I’d never have considered myself a legs guy before we met. Not only that but you proved my ability to love beyond the body. We had known each other for weeks now, and I found myself pondering your state of being over anything else. Perhaps a pathetic character development to occur in ones thirties however I had the helpful excuse of being raised wrong. Typically this was the point a self hating subconscious would pipe up a comment, but that lizard bastard was still nowhere be seen. Knowing my luck he would pop back up right when I didn’t need it.
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21:01
After your apology I kissed you on the side of the cheek. The facial assault was followed up by another one slightly lower that allowed me a greedy suck of puckering lip. Wrapping your hand up in one of mine I tucked it deep into your lap before worming my other arm around Moon white torso. “You got it baby, see? All secure.” Another kiss of your face, and then another. I just couldn’t help the small smooches. They reminded me of our first hospital trip when you had allowed me to drink every drop of your tears. Afterwords my eyes floated to the bar. Just then our flights breaks disengaged and we began rolling backwards away from the gate. “Sweet drinks with the sweetest baby?” God, you must have read my mind. Alcohol is not this mans first choice for taking the edge off, but it worked and was available. Once the tug stopped pushing our flight and we began to roll forward on engine power I gripped you tighter while explaining take off. “Now we are no longer attached to anything, and the pilot is steering us with nose gear.” You probably already knew most of this, but sometimes having things deliberately explained can be a healthy distraction. At least, that’s what staff told me when attempting to contain a Feldt outburst. We were idling on the runway now, and the plane’s engines were spooling for take off. From the cockpit came muffled chattering, and then after that we began to accelerate. Whining screams of burning jet fuel shot us up and up. Eventually we turned into a steep right turn. During our entire ascent my eyes were locked with yours, and I lovingly explained every bump or jostle of the cabin. Less than five minutes later we were in a typical cruising climb. “See babygirl? Easier than making you moan.” Truthfully my voice was dry from speaking so much, but outside our window was disappearing California and that practically had me high. “God, its so beautiful when its moving away from us at six hundred miles per hour.”
I nodded when you wrapped me up in your arms, it did help to make me feel a little more secure but it certainly didn’t change the fact that we were minutes away from being way too many feet in the air. Your small kisses that you were planting on my skin made me giggle and when I got the chance I managed to press on to your temple. Maybe taking off in a giant metal tin can wasn’t so bad when you got to see the sweeter side of Ivon Feldt because of it. “Just don’t let me have more than two, I don’t want to end up doing anything stupid.” I could probably get away with having at least three or four before I started to really feel it but I didn’t want to test the limits right now.
I could feel us starting to move and without thinking my arms wrapped themselves around your neck. You explaining helped to distract me at least a little bit but knowing what was about to happen didn’t ease my nerves about it. “Just please don’t let go.” It wasn’t long after that that you could feel the jet starting to accelerate and that was a feeling I absolutely hated. I had to fight the urge to try to crawl inside of your skin even as you lovingly explained every little thing that was happening. “Ivon! There’s no way it’s that easy to fly a jet!” I laughed at that but then made the mistake of glancing towards the window which made it way too obvious how fast we were going. That’s when I pulled you so impossibly close I’m pretty sure I was almost suffocating you in my chest that should be too small to do so that easily. “It’s going so fast.” I think my words came out even faster than we were moving in my half panic. How fast does my heart have to beat before it explodes and paints your face in it?
@bonghitsforfeds
There’s no way I found the only LA street rat capable of getting drunk on two drinks. Your warning was an interesting one. How perplexing that the little victim thinks herself capable of making demands. Put a cap on my fun before it even starts? Keeping the madness within was working thus far, but my mind’s plans were growing cruel. If I bent you backwards over this very table and forcefully poured the shit down your gullet then you would be having more than two cups, because it would be what I want. Captivating how you find the means to tiptoe around my madness then in the very next breath plunge a steely dagger straight through it. Luckily you pulled my mind away from murder by wrapping spindly arms around my neck. “Where would I let you go to little Mouse?” The only way out of here was a single door that you definitely didn’t want step out of right now.
.
09:19
Actually from what I had been told it is that easy to fly a jet. “Believe it or not baby, taking off is no problem. Most deaths occur during landing.” There now you can be nervous the entire flight since you ruined my fun vibe. This plan immediately backfired though because next you started crushing life from my lungs like a moon colored C-clamp. “Cami!” The name fell from my lips with gasping effort. I tried to work my hand out of your lap to pry myself from your arms but the wrapping pretzel of our forms made it impossible. “Im not-!” I tried to say joking but things were genuinely growing desperate as my vision started to blacken at the edges. Finally with a kick of my foot I managed to scoot an inch higher and get my broken ribs above the squeezing pressure. By now we had long leveled out and assumed a typical cruising course. With enough air in my lungs for a full sentence, “Ms.Roberts if you don’t let go of my ruined body I may be forced to do something drastic.” For us that would be man handling you onto this cabin floor and pushing my hatred into you via ribbons of steaming love. Why do girl’s always hurt so much?
@killahxkylie
Your comments inquiring about where you would let me go weren't completely lost on me but they certainly weren’t going to get a logical answer with how I was absolutely terrified right now. There was zero comfort in knowing that more deaths occur in landing than take off and I swear you were just trying to make me panic even more. I heard you gasp out my name but the idea that you might be in pain was nowhere to be found in my brain that was too busy sending out red alerts from being way too high in the air. If we were meant to be up here we would be born with wings. You shifted underneath me and for a moment I thought you were going to try to dump me off of your lap. It wasn’t until you actually got a full sentence out that I realized I was hurting you and I let go so fast you would think your skin was burning me.
“I’m sorry!” I squeaked out and stood up without thinking. It was then that I realized we were no longer climbing into the sky and were instead floating in it at a steady pace. “I’m sorry I didn't mean to hurt you!” I was really hoping that your threat of doing something drastic would remain just a threat now that I was off of your lap and not crushing the life from your lungs anymore. It suddenly hit me that I was standing inside of a moving plane, something I had never done before, and it felt like the world did a flip and before I knew it I was no longer standing but instead sitting flat on my ass. I deserved that. I huffed in pain and crawled my way back up into one of the plush chairs, cheeks rosy with embarrassment. “Sorry.”
@bonghitsforfeds
What had gotten into you? You will crunch my face inward with a crater in public, but an airplane has you cowering in fear? Many future hours of your life will be spent high in the air surrounded by people working. Sometimes I even chose to fly instead of driving. At least I can get something done in the terminal and while seated on the plane. Some people can get things done in cars, but I always found myself cramped and struggling for space. This was the least of my concerns though as your double barreled sorry and lowered scared form opened the tap of obsession. Rising from the chair with practiced grace I took three large steps to the bar and grabbed a bottle of Whiskey. Honey almond light danced around me as the sloshing bottle of booze faceted light in twisting patterns.
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11:39
At first I sat in the chair behind you. Using my knees I pushed you forward so I could slide in-between godly body and plush chair. Secured between seat and babydoll I wrapped my arms around you and placed the shiny vessel of liquid between your naked legs with a soft clink. Already my body was lighting up with Cami colored fireworks, and our pressed angle meant you felt every growing inch of desire. My legs wrapped your ankles in a familiar motion from our evening in the Mercedes. You weren’t pried apart as far this time… just enough to securely lock you in my lap. My long pale fingers twisted a matte black lid and after it spun loose I flicked it into a far corner. With one hand I gathered up lacey liquid locks of hair, and the other raised a sloshing bottle of booze to trembling lips. My own mouth pressed deep into your cold ear while whispering, “Drink little baby. You’ll feel better afterward.” Aiding the tilt of your head with my grip of hair was easy, and a healthy double mouthful of alcohol poured down milky throat. As soon as the glass left your fat lips I set the bottle between our legs and clamped the same sweaty palm over your mouth. Beginning at your neck I worked slimy kisses up and down the back of your head. Spirits mixed with the smell of sweat, and as your throat gulped its remaining gift I rocked my hips forward. The movement was accompanied by a growling moan, and afterword another set of hot words pressed themselves into your skull, “Now its your turn to help me drink.” With similar floating lustfulness I helped you to spin around and face me. Pits for eyes locked with the evil in mine. I don’t think Ill ever grow old of melting into that gaze. With the romantic accented flair I know you love I said, “In a roundabout way little moon soaring up in the sky like this is where heavenly bodies belong.”
@killahxkylie
My eyes went wide for a moment when you rose from your seat but instead of immediately making your way over to me like I feared, you went over to grab a bottle from the bar instead. When you made yourself a home behind me in my chair my heart started hammering even harder. I never knew when you were like this if it was pain or pleasure that was going to follow. More often than not it was our special and demented version of both but right now that was still terrifying to me. You really did a number on my psyche in that hospital bed and even now the locking of legs and ankles had a sharp spike of fear flowing in my blood.
I watched you unscrew the bottle cap and discovered that the amber liquid was whiskey, I’d only seen that label a few times while pursuing the liquor store and it definitely wasn’t cheap. I don’t know why I ever would have expected it to be anything but the best when it came to you. “W-what are you doing?” The fear was obvious in my voice when your hand tangled itself into my hair and when you pressed the bottle to my lips I wanted nothing more than to turn my head and refuse. All that would do is make you angry at both my lack of cooperation and undoubtedly the spilled liquor so instead I let you pour the barely cooled liquid past my lips and into my mouth. The whispered words of ‘little baby’ in my ear and promises of feeling better had my legs trying to press together from growing arousal.
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12:07
There was a weird mix of panic and need growing inside of me when you put your hand over my mouth and I whimpered around a swallow of the smooth whiskey. There was an all too familiar burn when it slid down my throat and landed in a much too empty stomach. The lack of food made it feel like it was spreading heat through my gut and had it not been such a smooth liquor the feeling would probably make me sick. I could feel you against me and I knew that this was having the same effect on you and that only made my cunt slick up even faster. I swear our bodies have some sort of weird call and response built into them. Or at least mine does for you. When you turned me around so I was straddling your lap I pressed a whiskey flavored kiss to your lips before holding up the bottle. “You make me sound like something so special.” I mumbled before pressing the open bottle to your lips and tipping in a healthy amount of the honeyed liquid. "What does that make you if I'm the moon?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Typically before you fused our lips together your eyes would give it away when shiny orbs dipped to my lower jaw. Your lunge for my face had been lacking of this tell and thus our kiss was by complete surprise. Spirit coated lips painted sweet hints of sweaty love into mine. When you ended it so soon my heart beat with a heated pace of hate, but there was no time to retaliate because you quickly pushed our bottle of booze into my mouth. Your mumblings of sounding special were almost lost when I squinted my eyes to take the guzzling quaff of alcohol. It had to have been retaliation for my dosage of you because it was enough to almost make me sputter. No way this party animal would come off soft to his Mouse. It also helped my father would feed me cheap liquor and than force me to not cough. Rough ringed slaps to the face when young tend to solidify memories solidly.
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18:47
Before I could tease you for fucking me up you asked such a sweet question my heart grew little Dove wings and fluttered in circles. “Well I’d have to think for a moment.” Internally you were held at a higher regard then myself even though the abuse signified otherwise. Any higher order of object, such as the sun, would be off limits since that would tier me higher than you on the cosmological scale. I buzzed a, “hmm,” into your lips while buying time for an answer. “A Moon needs its guardian, no?” My head tilted at the inquiry in mock of your cute mannerism. Behind you I snaked a hand into flowing hair to massage at a tense neck. “I’d call my self a knight, but even I know that’s a disservice to them.” We were almost on it now, but the gap let me press more kisses into soft face. It wasn't fair to the rest of the world that I got to seclude you in a flying tower high up in the air and munch on this sharp jawline where no-one can see. “What about your lunar specter?” It went without saying you were haunted by me at this point. Finally I said, “No matter where you scamper off Ill always be one circling step behind you.” During the quip I walked two fingers up your chest and ended at your nose with a tiny poke. On an empty stomach my torso was sweltering from alcohol’s touch. “Ms. Roberts?” I leaned over so my eyes could flick directional queues toward the in flight bedroom. “Do you think that bed in there looks a little too well made?” I couldn’t stop the hot tone that burned into my words, like summoning my own ghost a hungry cock began pumping full of warm blood. “You know, the pilot doesn’t care if you scream, he has a headset on.”
@killahxkylie
I hummed in thought when you said that you needed to think as if I was also taking part in the process of figuring out just what astral entity you would be if I was the moon. I had absolutely expected that you would say you were the sun but instead you said every moon needs its guardian and I think I felt my heart skip a couple beats. Is love induced tachycardia a common cause of death or will I be the first? Your quip about even you knowing that you weren’t a knight made me laugh something so bubbly and my face flush. You may not be your average knight in shining armor in the fairytales but you have been mine on more than one occasion. “I like the lunar guardian. You make me feel safe and no matter where I go you’re there.. That’s like a guardian right?” I beamed at my own answer and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. I wanted to say that you were like the moon to my moon but that sounded stupid even in my head and I didn’t want to die of embarrassment when you never let me forget it.
I followed your gaze to the bedroom where through the open door you could see the bed in its pristine condition and even the suggestion of it being too nice had my blood running hot with fresh desire. How is it that you manage to flip my switch so easily? It’s unfair that you barely have to try and there will be a puddle in my panties. “Oh Mr. Feldt it looks much too perfect. I think we should go in there and leave our love soaking into the sheets.” I punctuated my suggestion by dipping down to kiss along your jaw and to your neck, licking over the throbbing pulse point there before playfully nipping at the same spot. “You know I’ve never been fucked on a plane before.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I would have laughed at your joke about soaking linens sopping, but with us it was just a simple truth. Fact isn’t as funny, however what was funny is the feeling in my chest when you called me a guardian. More than once the esteemed title rolled around my skull like a smooth lunar marble. I’ll care for you no matter where it takes me. Straight to hell? No problem. You smashed the loving thoughts to pieces with a horny hammer by kissing up my neck. The cherry on top was your nibble into soft beating flesh. In a return gesture I bit the crunchy cartilage of your upper ear. My voice rose higher in pitch thanks to your redirection of blood and in that squeaky voice I said, “You know they have a club for people who get fucked in planes.”
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21:18
After that you became my puppet. With fingers like marionette strings I cradled you up into my strong arms and lifted you from the floor. Your giggles were song, your eyes were islands. Id live on the sandy shore of your mind for eternity if it meant these perfect noises could serenade me forever. With a soft plop you were dumped onto the bed, and before any other words were exchanged I was peeling your clothes off. Starting with your shirt which got dragged over a mousey head in a swift motion. Diving into the flesh of your belly I lapped licks of spit into every exposed bit of skin. Pelvis, stomach, chest, tits, and neck. No piece of perfect flesh was left un-raided by my carpet bomb of love. For once I didn’t lock your body into place, and your limbs were free to twitch and wander while I laughed through the playful assault. Crawling onto the bed I placed two hands beside your head, and my knees came to rest by yours. Hovering over you like this was situational nirvana. We were built to be here. Our jet was tumbling into the cosmic place. “Would you be so kind as to ceremoniously grant your guardian his title by sharing a bed?” It was too much fun to be kind to you. Deep inside I knew it couldn’t last forever, but what’s the harm in indulging? Besides, we both know you can’t say no.
@killahxkylie
“Ohhh it sounds so exclusive Mr. Feldt.” I let soft carefree giggle bubble up from my chest at the cheesiness of what I had just said but for some reason right now it felt like it was safe to be more myself with you. It felt okay to just let go and be a little silly for a little while. I think it may be the first time that I truly felt that for longer than a minute at a time. There was a small bit of jealousy trying to worm its way inside my brain from the fact that I was probably far removed from being the first woman you had brought on a jet with you and fucked in one of those cushy beds. Selfishly I wanted to be your everything and that included your first everything. I crammed those thoughts and feelings into the ‘deal with me later’ folder in my brain so that I could continue enjoying this moment we were sharing with each other though.
More giggles made their way into the air when you picked me up and brought me to the bedroom. I knew it must have hurt for you to do it and in some sick way in my head that made it even sweeter. There was something softer in the way that you peeled my clothes off this time and in the way that instead of diving straight for my cunt you planted soft licks and kisses all over my body. My own hands wandered between your back and your hair as you moved to practically worship every inch of me and every now and then when you hit a sensitive spot on my stomach or hips my back would arch up into the feeling.
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21:32
I was already breathing heavier when you finally actually joined me in the bed and the way you caged me underneath you made me feel so small yet so seen all at the same time. I wonder if you actually know how powerful you are to me, and I don’t just mean your social status or financial standing. I may be your moon goddess but you were just as much my god. “Nothing would please me more, my love.” A soft smile spread itself across my lips before I tugged your shirt over your head, giggling again at the way it made your hair a mess. A brush of feather light fingertips made its way along your collarbones and then down to the bruising that painted your skin in blues and purples. “I wish I could kill them for this.” The soft words left my lips before I even processed them and once I realized I had said them out loud my cheeks turned rosy. “I love you, my precious guardian. Will you accept your title and carry it with honor?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Nothing? Do you really consider our joining of souls the purest of experiences to goddesses mind? It didn’t seem real, and no amount of arguing would ever convince this man that his mind is worthy. What about me is valued with enough godlike superstition that you continually worship at shared pink altar? I stole you like a bandit in the night. Worse I used you for my own devices before tucking you deep into suit pocket. How so you sit happily perched on my shoulder after infinite betrayal? There are cultures ancient and modern who consider people like me the lowest type of scumbag. Actual adulterers and murderers get less visceral reactions when spoken about. Why am I allowed to get away with it? At what point of status does society decide that someone has ‘made it’ to the level their morals are no longer questioned?
.
Honestly? Who gives a fuck. All I could think about while you twisted my hair was how good it feels to be in this space with you. Soon this wouldn’t be my jet, it’d be our jet. We won’t be landing at an airpot and taking my chauffeur home. We will be touching down in a hometown and taking a shared ride to our mansion. We can even get one of those cheesy curly signs that has our last names skillfully welded into it so it can be hung above the front gate. Let them all now the Fedlts live here. Evelyn is going to have a heart attack. Father may outright have us killed. It was all worth it to toss our bodies into sex’s chasm and twirl around like loving freaks. When your hand got to sunset pink bruises I captured it with my own and said, “If it pleases her highness to know, they have already been dealt with.” Who knows what terrible end is met when you cross my father. Will their families even know what happened to them? Another fat file tucked under ‘who cares.’
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21:53
“With honor?” I let my eyes wander to the ceiling while faking a scrunched look of genuine focus. “Only if the title is singlehandedly bestowed to me. There will me no moon’s guard. Only moon’s guardian.” This talk made young romance look sophisticated. Oh well, good thing no one was here to listen but metal careening through low orbit at near the speed of sound. Speaking of sound, my lips locked with yours while my knee found a grinding home in warm cunt. Sucking whines from your throat was a candy snack only bestowed to lunar guardians. This one was having his coronation, and deserved many ample gallons of spit to warm his belly. It was an exact copy of our first coupling of flesh all those nights ago, but this morning it was soft, pleasurable, and full of an emotion no Feldt has ever deserved. True blind stupid love.
@killahxkylie
All I could do when you told me that the people who hurt you had already been dealt with is hum. It did make me happy enough to know that they had paid for hurting you, even if it was in my defense, but still some sick part of me that was growing bigger by the day wished I had done it myself. I probably would have needed some help subduing them but I know for a fact now that I'm capable of taking a life. Strange how when it's done for you it barely even shows up in my nightmares. "Nobody else could ever be worthy of holding a title for me." Even outside of our cheesy conversation nobody would ever compare to you. Not as a boyfriend, husband, fucking kidnapper, nothing. It was always going to be you and only you or nothing at all.
"It'll always be you, Ivon." I barely managed to sneak the words out before you were pressing your lips to mine again and for some reason it stole a shuddered exhale from my nose. Being with you like this felt even more dangerous than when we were tearing each other apart like animals. This was intoxicating and I'd never felt anything like it. As messed up as it is I don't think that I'd ever actually experienced loving someone before you. Is this really love? Of course that little voice would turn up at the worst time. Nothing was going to ruin this for me though. Not right now. I was determined and if there's one thing I've been hearing since I can remember it's that I'm fucking stubborn.
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23:05
Your knee slotting between my legs and pressing up against my slippery cunt was familiar and new all at once. This time I wanted it and I made sure you knew, because the second you made contact with me I was whining into your mouth for you. Could you taste the difference? If you couldn't you'd be able to feel it in no time with how I started grinding against you. Just how long would it take for Cami candy to seep through cheap hospital sweatpants?
@bonghitsforfeds
Sucking the sweeter notes from your mouth always succeeded in cranking me to ten. This man’s body is a factory of energy built to produce lust for his individual goddess. A heavenly being who just informed me that I was her exclusive protector. An elected position of one vote, and that woman’s suffrage had been earned through blood, sweat, and tears. It didn’t take long for the heat of your desire to seep through my lended sweatpants. It was like that first day I got to stand in your room uninvited. You had been downstairs watching shows on the couch while I inhaled deep gasping breaths of your towel’s scent. The sex running into these pants was of different substance than that first day, but I wanted to suck its drenching from the fabric regardless. However if I was to indulge myself with this fantasy that would require removing my knee from your slimy cunt. The only way I could rationalize that betrayal was to replace it with something of greater worth.
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16:30
While ramping our kiss into a spit filled assault I pushed the seam of my pants down to flop out a leaking blood filled rod. I groaned at the release of pressure, and already it wished to be encased by something silkier. Reaching to shift aside your panties my fingers squelched thorough fresh mess. “Already grooling a cup of snack for me?” A cocky laugh was more air than noise, but it did well to relieve me of nervous jitters over the silly word. The sweltering roar of your cunt was felt long before the flush head of my cock found it. It served as a target for where I belonged, and not long after I stuffed myself home. “You take it so good for me.” It was a simple complementing tease, but I couldn’t do much better with how my brain had turned into a pink milkshake with frothing cream. Although frothing may be a better descriptor for the churned mess that will be left of your guts after this. Not to say I was pursuing at a hellish pace, but just that your cervix served a good indicator that slow still meant deep. Mined form that same depth were shared rasps of hot love. The noise was sealed shut by my re-locking of fat lips. One hand was behind your neck, and the other wrapped with yours to pin it backwards against a lacy white pillow. Close to your ear I whispered, “Let me know if it hurts too much, my little Moon.”
@killahxkylie
Grinding against someone's knee should be humiliating, it was humiliating the first time I did it when you had forced it between my legs that first night. Now though I had zero qualms at all about rubbing my slick mess over the bony joint like a bitch in heat if it meant I got to feel you where I needed you the most. It didn’t take very long for the fabric to be almost just as slick as me and that just made the friction even better. Every slide of cunt against fabric had me letting out little noises of sin for you and already I was desperate to have you stuffing me to the brim.
If there’s one thing about you and I it’s that our bodies are so perfectly in sync that the second I was going to beg you to give me what I needed you were pushing your waistband down to let your cock spring free. “I told you you always make a mess of me.” The moan that I let out when you pushed inside of me again had my cheeks glowing red because headset or not there was a good chance it was at least heart a little bit. “You give it even better.” If you were going to try to make an even bigger mess of me with teasing compliments I was going to do the same. It wasn’t too often that I felt like I actually had a big part in sex between us, usually I was just positioned how you wanted me and my job was to take it. This time was different and I was all too eager to hook my legs up around you to keep you closer, to pull you in deeper.
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16:52
I think the most sacred offering you had ever given me was when you told me to tell you if it hurts too much. The words almost brought tears to my eyes because it felt like you really cared. Was I really lucky enough to have sex that felt like this with you twice in a row? I must be fucking dreaming but I hope nothing ever wakes me up. “It’s perfect, you’re perfect.” I panted out, squeezing the hand that was laced with mine three times just for emphasis. My free hand had come to tangle into your hair again and I kept pulling you back into heated messy kisses just to have to break them to make room for the lewd moans that you were pulling out of me on repeat. Nothing had ever felt like this before. “I love you, I love you, I love you so fucking much.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Each sweltering complement you lapped into my ears rewarded you with leaking bits of pre. It was nearly impossible to not let lust over take me and pound you hatefully to climax. I could feel the tendrils of fuck-lust tickling the back of my balls, yet actually cresting that peak would require a quicker pace. Luckily the experience of having your heart float in a liquid honey pool of love is a much greater high. My eyebrows were likely about to flutter off my face from how raised they were, and our breath fogged windows due to raspy exhales. Our kisses that you forced us into would vary in pace and pressure, but my favorite ones were melty and slow. During this your bony fingers would scrawl invisible moon languages of love into my scalp via snaring twists of hair. Father may be tough, but he can’t shoot us out of the fucking sky. Maybe the play is to just take infinite repeating flights around the world and pound more miles then we soar into each others bodies.
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19:32
After the three squeezes I could feel those tendrils morphing into whipping cracks of building desire. In between each one a muscled core would relax more grams of seeping mess into ruined hole. It probably wasn’t what you wanted to hear after triple whining out, ‘I love yous,’ but what you got from me instead was, “If you keep letting me soup you up with my fat cock we may succeed in glueing your cunt shut Mouse.”Wretched words phrased with sweet accented notes is my favorite gift to give you. The amplified desire caused by such a lewd statement was obvious in the clenching walls of your cunt squeezing fatter drops of liquid Ivon. Whatever tiny ampule of bravado was left with those helpings of early climax dissipated into whining when you began to really play along. It wasn’t just you or I who had never fucked like this together, but this man had never once experienced missionary sex with love filled eyes. Like a love drunk virgin I wanted to call everybody I knew and inform them that fucking the moon goddess was better than whatever they were currently up too. Instead all I could do was slow my pace to keep from spilling early and cry out a, “Hurry babygirl, how do you want to take it~?” Hurried words slipped my spitty lips so quick they practically ran together as one. The hand wrapped into yours gripped on for dear life as my guts started to liquify in preparation of draining into your cunt. “Please Cami! Please! Tell your guardian where to dump his love for you.”
@killahxkylie
Something akin to a growl but still mixed with a moan worked itself out of my throat when you let such lewd words float their way into the space between us. It was hard for me to even look at you right now because this felt so different. It was even better than in the motel because this wasn’t just because we had been away from each other and you were in a post murder haze. This just felt like you wanted to love me with your body and not just your words, although even that is sometimes lacking. “Ivon- God- '' Every word that did manage to work its way out of me was rough with lust and I would stay on a plane a million miles in the air forever if it meant I got to keep feeling you like this. “Please don’t fucking stop!” My back kept trying to arch off of the bed in the attempt to wiggle from the overwhelming pleasure that was already building in my body. I wanted you to fuck me until neither one of us could even breathe.
I could tell just in the way that you were breathing that you were getting closer already and when you so hurriedly asked me where I wanted it I practically choked on the moan it ripped straight from my lungs. You’d never asked me that before and it lit an entirely different kind of fire within me. “Let me take it.” Panted words left my lips before I made the painful effort to carefully push you off of me and onto your back. The look on your face briefly looked like one of anger, at least until I straddled your lap and sank back down onto your throbbing cock. Pouty lips dipped down to kiss along your jaw again before making their way to whisper hushed and hot words into your ear. “Do you remember the first time in the motel when I was on top of you like this?” Delicate fingers traced along your neck before they settled loosely around it, not enough to affect blood flow but enough to be present.
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20:28
After kissing my way back to your lips I pulled back so that I could sit upright. Long curls of raven hair were tickling at my back and sticking in the sweat that had already started to make my skin glisten, and my eyes never left yours. My head tipped back just a little when I finally started to roll my hips perched on top of you like this and you were so deep I swear it felt like I could feel you in my guts. It’s really not fair that you were so attractive and had a huge cock to match, I’d never felt as full as I do when I’m with you and I don’t think anything else could ever compare again. “Oh my god d-addy you’re so fucking deep. I want it just like this. I want it deep inside me. P-Please I promise I’ll be good and keep it all inside-” There were other words burning on the tip of my tongue but it felt too soon to say them so I let them die there and swallowed them back down. “I’m so fucking close.” My nails were already digging into your chest where they were working to help keep me balanced and I felt them dig in just a little deeper with the mounting pleasure. One of these days I think I’m going to come apart so hard with you I’ll explode into actual fractals of moonlight.
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Let me take it,’ you almost got it right there. Divine comedy edged me in such brutal fashion I think my nut bag turned neon blue. Your uncorking of our dripping sexes was the catalyst to this awful event. An impressive amount of anger ruined my mood for milliseconds. However my growing trust for you allowed the positioning to be rearranged without immediately resulting in your execution. See how merciful I am little Moon? You have the privilege of living within boundaries provided as opposed to permanently locked beneath me. There was a short gap between you straddling back atop leaking cock and leaning down to kiss me that I got to witness a sprinting bead of sweat leap off your body and onto mine. I was balls deep in your gap currently, but that little share of bodily fluid sent me careening. I tried to say, “Fucking swallow me into you,” instead I only got a few words in before you sucked the rest of it from my face.
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21:21
Of course you couldn’t just let me give into your assault, no you also had to remind me of that perfect motel evening. “That- That’s my favorite!” When a snow angel’s fingers tied a sweet bow around my throat I whimpered for so long it likely resembled fennec mid rut. One of my hands tangled into lacey throat digits, and the other thumbed forward via a gripped thigh to toy at exposed clit. So engorged and full of lust the hood peeled back to expose quivering bud. My mouth should be on that. The thought only slashed a wry look into my face which couldn’t twist to go anywhere since your hand had my neck locked down. “I wish we could stay like this forever!” I sounded like mad love fool, which to be fair I was.
‘God, and daddy,’ in that order managed to annihilate me. Actual cannon blasts of steaming fuck-meal rocketed up to the end of a hollowed out Cami core. I knew you were on the verge of coming undone, and all I could do to help was sloppily run laps around your clit with my trembling hand. “O-oh fuck!” I bucked my hips so hard you almost lost your saddle. My eyes danced between lips, jawline, hips, and thighs while my entire world turned to swirling flesh. I tried to yell out how you were going to kill me, but all that shuddered forth was an animalistic growl. This was sacred ritual worth protecting, hell it’s worth murdering for. I’d done it once for you, and I’ll do it again if it meant we could dance like this forever. I helped you come down from your high by rubbing circles into your panting chest. “Good girl. What a sweet baby.” The cooing tone came easier when all my testosterone had just been pumped out my cock. Like a gelded beast I lay sprawled backward beneath you. I don’t know where the next words came from, “I’ll be your mad dog on a leash. Ms. Roberts. Point me after your worst fears and Ill rip them to ribbons.”
@killahxkylie
The whine that I let out was so needy and pathetic when your fingers started to toy at my sensitive clit, I swear it felt like I was seconds away from exploding and every brush of you against me was ticking seconds off the bomb. “I wish we could too-” I wanted this forever. This feeling between us, even if the fucking was different I wanted the feeling to be the same. I needed the feeling to be the same. Drugs and alcohol may be a vice to some but this right here was my new addiction and I would suffer from painful withdrawal and die without it.
I felt you cumming before you had even said anything and it was so hot and so much inside of me that I swear it almost made me drool. What is it about you that turns me into such a cum slut? I swear if you filled a pool with you I would dive head first into it and live there forever. Something about knowing that you’re inside me long after we’re done just does it for me. The bucking of your hips made the wet messy squelch of a cum filled cunt that much more obvious and the more you pumped into me the worse it got. It was the combination of hearing that, your moans, and the way you toyed with my clit that finally brought me over that edge and when I fell I fell hard. Somehow even still on top of you it felt like I was tumbling through some otherworldly dimension. I don’t even know if I was making any noises because everything got so fuzzy I thought I might actually pass out. This poor bed is going to be ruined with the amount we both just came.
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12:13
When things finally managed to unfuzz themself I heard you cooing sweet words at me and running soothing fingers over my chest, even now that the main act was done you were still being sweet to me. I was panting so hard and had come undone so hard that I couldn’t help but let out an airy laugh. “That was- I’ve never-” A cheesy fucked out smile plastered itself onto my face and I let myself fall forward to rest my head on your chest. “I love you much more than I could ever love a dog, Ivon.” Quiet words made their way off of my lips before I just barely pressed them to where my head was resting. “Did you mean what you said, when you told me to marry you?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Being locked deep into the love of your life while she melts into a cummy puddle atop you is a godly therapy no human deserves to know. Nirvana beyond coke and rum. It didn’t need to be this plush mile high bed either as a shitty box behind a shopping mall would do. Fold ourselves up into dough pressed fuck balls behind every nook and cranny of dirty humanity. We were everything envied in the world right in this holy instance. Screaming above a planet of writhing worms who poke their head above dirty soil we soaked their neck craning gazes. Let them bask in our ugly copulation. I knew you felt it too, and it was obvious in the way your mouth failed to form any meaningful vocabulary. My shaky fingers trailed selfish hand fulls of depression-black hair. This man’s face also wore a goofy look that only comes after you earn a medal of bodily conquest. Although.. the longer we chose to share our souls the less I found myself desiring the actual dripping rip of them, and more yearning for this soaking mess we lay in afterword. “Sometime we should try just laying naked together. Let our lust build.” Now that sounded so virgin and pathetic my face got even darker.
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12:44
Telling somebody you love them more than a fucking dog shouldn’t invoke such an emotional punch. While resonating on that flick of perfect words you offered me another gift of floating in marriage fantasy. “I mean it more than I ever have now.” It was picturesque in my mind, and a dastardly route to dethroning my father. “We can even sign a prenup that evenly splits my assets. I want you to be my other half, for real.” We would have none of that fake glamor mag bullshit where I leave you for cheap attention. “Let them write about how mad I am for going all in on the little sewer Mouse.” Fingers had worked their crawl all the way to a warm scalp. At this point it was more awakening for me to be so close to your brain. Centimeters and just a skull away pulses everything that makes you. I know what brains look like now, and the slimy gravy texture of Purple’s in my memory forced a happy hum from my throat. While massaging the top of your head I said, “Tradition will dictate the entire family comes." God, imagine the power when I slip the stupid gem on your finger in front of them. “Your dark eyes and hair would be so beautiful in a weeding dress little moon.” Crescent edges of shiny jawbone would gleam like crystal in cliff edge lighting. Leaning up and toward your resting form I whispered, “Would you let me dress you back up as my little bride and fuck you on our anniversaries?”
@killahxkylie
Laying naked with the love of your life sounded like the best way to spend a day. I could already imagine us now laying naked by the pool and shooing away anyone who cared to come and bother us. The slow drag of fingertips over curves of flesh. I wonder how long we would last before we ended up just like this, a tangled mess of love and sweat and pure unbridled lust. I think I'll make a point of making sure we have days where that's all we do. "We'll spend plenty of days naked just soaking up each other's company, my love. I'll make sure of it." Now that I had you back I was never letting you go again, even if it meant physically digging my claws into you and never letting go. I would rip all the flesh from your body trying to keep you with me before I willingly let go again.
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13:13
It didn't seem like that was an issue I would have to worry about though because you let the sweetest words I'd ever heard float into my ears. The fact that you were even willing to split your assets down the middle with me while making me yours in name let me know just how much you felt for me. I knew you had dealt with gold digging bitches before, had I really done well enough at proving I wasn't after your wealth. The satisfaction in knowing you at least trusted me a little and your fingers rubbing against my scalp had me humming softly. I realized then that already you had become my safe haven once again. "Let's get married then. Make me yours, really yours." A hum matching mine rumbled in your chest and the way it vibrated against my ear made me smile. I didn't even have it in me to care that your entire family would come, I knew that the only thing that would matter to me on our wedding day would be you. "I'll let you dress me up in it whenever you want, my love. I'm serious, let's get married. I want to marry you. I never want us to part again." I propped myself up just enough that I could look you in the eye and pressed a feather light kiss to your lips. "Make me Mrs. Feldt officially."
@bonghitsforfeds
Agreeing to my frilly fantasy of lying naked like hibernating sex-bears supercharged my blush to such a degree you could roast fresh meat atop me. Let staff approach to the point they can see what we are doing before directing their attention to other distracting tasks. When they left the room we could continue lapping up each others skin like ripe fruit. That sparkling scenario would have been considered my greatest dream. Weeks have been spent wrangling you back to my mountainside Cami-stable. During the month I paced those halls sick over the loss of you I had never truly expected to get you back. Inside I somehow knew it would end worse than Chelsea, the stupid woman who had plagued my life for years now. Annoyingly also the face conjured when you mentioned marriage.
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14:57
Kneeling in the Vegas ballroom had been humiliating beyond decency. To be overtly rejected by someone you thought special was betrayal enough, but come to find out there was true blasphemous lies seeded within her and I’s relationship had pushed be beyond madness. Up until Purple I had spent a quarter of a lifetime convincing myself that my response was an evil act of betrayal. I hated how devilishly smiley the process of powdering her bones had been. In the hallway afterword while trembling with murderous endorphins I had emptied my balls into my own blood soaked suit slacks. There was no conscious choice in the effort, and the pure adrenaline high of ending her miserable deceit had pushed me over the edge harder than our bodies ever have. In recent memory the only time I ever came that close to coming apart again had been when that bitch-nurses life snuffed out like a chewed candle tip. Chewing her wax had been tasty, and your return proposal had me stewing in a fat chunk of psychotic overload. There was no anger laced within, as the conversation had been raised by my own lips, but I was filled with a sudden blast of Chelsea’s being. I had been sure she was the one for me. Her facade had been so good that in hindsight her patterns are still barely noticeable, yet I knew for sure the bonding I felt was nothing compared to my lunar beauty.
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14:58
This emotional package was the reason I burst into sobbing tears when you asked me to make you Mrs. Feldt officially. It was ugly crying, and I hugged you to my chest like a moon colored teddybear. “I’m so sorry I asked you like shit the first time.” Apologizing once made the next one easier, “I’m sorry that your body and mind are shattered by my choices.” It didn’t feel like enough, and to be fair nothing ever would. However we were on the pathetic express and there were still many sad stops to barrel through. “I’m sorry about your job. I’m sorry about your friends, and your home. I’m sorry that even though what we found is special beyond words your life will never truly be yours.” It’s odd to sing apologies for a behavior you have no intention of changing. Even now with a heart full of true guilt and sorrow I still wouldn’t let you go if asked. “Weeks ago little Mouse I promised you I would set you free if requested.” A sniffling nose full of snot and tears choked on air while I tried to breath through the mental breakdown. “That was a lie, and I’m sorry for that too.” In a sad mockery of little moon I repeated the sorry mantra until my throat hurt from the act.
Forgive me God, for this creation of yours belongs to a selfish man.
@killahxkylie
Tears. Are there supposed to be tears right now? I thought that what was happening was a happy moment. The last thing that I had expected was that you were going to burst into tears. My first reaction was to try to sit up and comfort you but you held me so close to your chest that I swear I could hear your heart breaking. Apologies spilled from your lips and I only made it to the second pouring of remorse before my own tears sprang to my eyes. Of all the things that I expected you to say I never thought that sorry was going to be one of them. Especially not for shattering my mind and body. It was true that you had broken me, and up until last week nobody had ever done more damage than you. Somehow though after every incidence of violence I managed to forgive you. Maybe that was a flaw in my own character but I found it borderline impossible to stay upset with you. I think out of everything that had happened the part that hurt the most was losing my home. Even then it wasn’t so much about the home but the small few things I had inside of it that were precious to me. Everything else felt so small and insignificant compared to the love that we had found.
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15:13
“I-. I didn’t know that you wouldn’t have let me go but that doesn’t matter because I didn’t want to leave you. Even then I didn’t want to leave you and.. A-and even after everything else that’s happened since then I still wouldn’t leave you. I don’t ever want to leave you and I never want you to let me go. I’m yours Ivon and I don’t care how it happened anymore I’m yours and I want to be yours and I- I forgive you. For everything.” A blind hand reached up to wipe at your tear stained face, seeing you sad and hearing just how upset you truly sounded was heartbreaking for me. I wanted to make it all better but something told me that nothing really could right now. “Why are you crying my love I thought this would be a good thing I-. Did I say something wrong?”
@bonghitsforfeds
What is wrong with you Camilla Roberts? Has your whole life been a love letter to dumb? I took everything from you except the pillar of your parents, and its not like their support is stout. Your home is ashes, your friends are dead, and you no longer have a career to back you up. If all those things were intact my crime would still have left your mind permanently shattered. How many years would it have taken for you to put yourself back together? Would you still be confident enough to invite stranger men over? How many hours of back porch reading would have been in your life when the existence of men like me had been exposed to you?An egotistical core of my personality snarled at the idea of your future having contained anyone else. Currently I apologized for ravaging you, but another shred of soul held the opinion this was best for you.
My sorry song had long petered out into boyish sobs. It ramped into a sniffling when you forgave me for everything. Is this a fresh start? Taking you in the bedroom, and forcing your body in the hospital were all watered evils under a hate bridge? I don’t deserve this. I acted like a fallen angel swooping down from hell to scoop up whatever street rat I set my eyes on. It had been people shopping, and the only currency I spent was pleasure. Your hand in my face was an anchor of soul ichor, and I locked its position with fingers of my own. “No little latte, you said everything I needed to hear.” Mother never forgave me for killing her cat. Father never forgave me for being born. But my mouse… she offered me a gift no one else ever had. Chelsea had called me a faux prince, and a wallet with a cock. To be fair those two things had been her final words other than death rattle, but your sweet sounds now healed me of her pain.
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15:40
Suddenly my body’s weight felt bearable, and I was able to guide you off my lap with leading hands. An almost soft cock flopped out into a loosened Mouse-puddle with gross slap. I probably looked mad when I rose to sit beside you atop my knees. Two naked and love soaked earth-apes stared at each other through tear watered eyes. I took up one of your hands and encapsulated it with both of mine. After squeezing it three times I opened up your fisted grip to slide an invisible ring onto a bony finger. “You don’t know what it means to me to be offered forgiveness by something as beautiful as you Camila.” Pulling your hand to my lips I kissed that same incorporeal wedding ring. “Tonight is reserved for ruining our mansion with hound-like fucking… but tomorrow little mouse?” I paused for dramatic effect, “Tomorrow we are going to go get you a wedding ring worthy of a lunar goddess.”
@killahxkylie
It felt like my words hung in the small space between us for much too long before you finally spoke again. Endless possibilities about what could be going on in your head ran through mine and almost all of them terrified me. What if somehow I had managed to flip that switch back to evil and whatever was coming next was going to shatter me even further? What if you laughed at my forgiveness and threw it back in my face? It’s not like it wouldn’t serve me right, after all what kind of person forgives a monster? If you hadn’t taken me with you and caused a complete upheaval of my life what would it have been like? Would I ever have been able to live the way I had before? I don’t know that I would have ever been able to trust again. Now though? Now was different. I didn’t have to think about the what ifs because I had you and you were never going to let anyone else have me. That’s what I tried to focus on while I waited for you to say something, anything.
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15:56
The words you finally did say finally let me relax, at least for a moment because then you were guiding me off of your lap. Why did I want to whine at the feeling of you not being inside of me? The mess of both of us that ran down my thighs had my cheeks glowing so red a cherry would be jealous. When you took my hand in yours my heart started racing because I had no idea what you were going to do next. Three soft squeezes settled my racing heart but that was quickly undone by the sliding on an invisible ring onto my finger. You would think that it was real with the tears that started streaming down my face and the sobs that were trying to rack my body. I didn’t think that my foolish forgiveness would mean so much to you, or that you held the capacity to feel so grateful. I think I learn a little bit more about who you really are every day and it only makes me love you more. “I can’t wait.. For both of those things.” I was still crying but I was also smiling so bright I swear it hurt. “I hope whatever staff is waiting for you at home is ready to get no sleep tonight because I’m going to fuck my soon to be husband until the sun comes up.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I didn’t want to tell you that the Feldt mansion staff were accustomed to wild encounters. Truth be told this man was not that worried about being interrupted by them. The brooding force that terrifies me ghost white is a dragon of a man. In some twisted way of service only available to billionaire crime lords he likely already knew we were in bound. Did he know that our sanctimony threatened his sanctuary, or was he just worried of my distraction from work? The last month had been more than a distraction. Hell, one of our closer clients had been chosen to kill me. Wait… Parker’s face fluttered through my mind like a poorly sketched flip book. Every page was a tint of hatred that slowly grew cinnabar red the further I progressed. When it clicked for me that my piece of shit scum fucking father had tried to out me like mother a hot dose of anger-reality rocketed my heart rate to murder.
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18:57
Standing up backwards from the bed without saying anything I stumbled into a thin airframe wall before feeling my way for a door. Slipping back into the main cabin still naked I stepped for the bar top. Still searching for the precious vessel of Whisky I eventually located it perched happily on the floor. The top was open from having lost its cap to my mach-two corner flick, and this made it easy to guzzle bottled mouthfuls of liquid stupid. One, two, three, I kept counting how many smooth mouthfuls of burning amber I swallowed before your fragile hand reached to pull it away. Initially I had expected to explode with anger, but instead your gentle movements suggested you were asking me to stop instead of demanding it. Relenting to your greater thinking I allowed it to leave my lips while half stepping to the counter where I slammed backwards into it before sliding to my ass. “He tried to kill me.” My entire throat was coated with spirit, thus every word leaving my face carried a cloud of booze stench. It was hot to talk past my own nose, and already warmth was seeping my gut. “Before we were even official he sent Parker to your house… he was tailing me.” Whirling so fast it made my shoulder click my curled knuckles smashes through flimsy airplane counter door with a hollow splintering of wood chips. Afterwards I sighed an annoyed sound as my fist hidden from view already tricked with new splits. It hurt, but my chest hurt more. What had I done to be targeted? Did I just remind him of her? My voice was cool as ice while a practiced murderer’s eyes found yours, “My betrothed, I think its time we have a conversation on Klaus Feldt.”
@killahxkylie
The conversation hadn’t changed at all but the atmosphere in the room did and so did the energy radiating off of you. Something had definitely just happened that I wasn’t privy to and when you stumbled off of the bed and back into the other room my heart sank. Red alerts were blaring in my head that something didn’t feel right and I didn’t even bother to pull on my own clothes before I followed you. Much to my dismay when I made it over to you you had already taken too many gulps of expensive whiskey. There was a look in your eye that I don’t think I’d seen yet and that only added to my growing nerves. I knew that you ending up shitfaced wasn’t going to do either of us any good and brought a hesitant hand up to try to take the bottle from you. “Please.. Don’t?” I knew from experience you didn’t like being told what to do but this wasn’t coming from a place of control, I genuinely just wanted to help.
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20:06
Much to my surprise you let me take the bottle and I set it down before your back slammed against the counter. ’He tried to kill me.’ I didn’t even know what you were talking about yet but those words made my blood run cold anyway. Who tried to kill you? I sank down to my knees in front of you, partially to listen better and partially because I didn’t want my knees to give out from the sudden rush of fear. Why was I so afraid all of a sudden? Something was wrong. I jumped and let out a yelp of fear when your fist went through the flimsy wood. “W-what do you mean? Why would he do that?” The sight of fresh splits in your knuckles made me wonder what kind of magic you did to keep them feeling so nice, I swear I’d never met a man who split his own knuckles open as much as you have. I took your bleeding hand in mine and brought bloody knuckles to my lips to press small kisses to them. I was terrified to learn about your father but a part of me had been wanting to know more since you hinted at how terrible he was. I suppose now was as good a time as any before we started this life together. “I’m listening. Tell me anything you want to, my love.” I leaned in just enough to press a blood kiss to your lips. "I want to know."
When you came to rest on your knees in front of me my eyes followed a wavy highway of midnight hair until it disappeared from sight. The first question about ‘why’ only got a sad shake of my head for a response. In between the inquiries I whispered, “Such a sweet butterfly coming to check on me.” Your lips were a brush that painted pretty red pictures into my lips. My own blood somehow made the self inflicted injuries more shameful. I really needed to stop doing that, and your healing smooches had silently communicated as much. For a moment I considered backing out of the conversation, or at least reducing the severity of my honesty. With a smack of bloody and alcohol coated lips I said, “This is going to be a lot, so please bear with me, moon.”
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21:02
Both my hands tucked underneath opposite arms, and I hugged myself close while speaking with closed eyes. “When I was a young boy, maybe four or five years old, I-“ It was impossible to think about much less speak plainly. My mother had a been a beautiful soul, but her purity was no match for Klaus. “I saw her do it baby, he crushed her head flat with a power drill battery.” Its funny how easy it can be to open someone’s skull up. Now I spoke quieter, “After four or five strikes over the head her skull came apart like a watermelon.” There were probably better words to describe the action, but that was all I could think about when I saw it at the age. “My dad didn’t know I saw it happen until a few days later when I was still being non verbal.” At some point my teeth had started to chatter. My head must have been playing tricks because I swear my breath was visible in tiny puffs of fog. “After that our relationship became very… awkward. There has always been this creeping balance to everything.” Now my eyes found yours. Curiously they were free of tears, but I was trembling harder than a lost Everest explorer. He had taken my only happy place in the whole world and smashed it to Crayola red bits in our garage.
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21:02
“Do you know why he did it?” Of course there was no way for you to know, but the pause did help me to suck some helpful gasps of air. “She didn’t want white carpets in a billiards hall.” My mother, a creature of such selflessness she gave her bits of fortune to charity. Wife of a smuggling mogul who still wore hand me down clothing and drove a sun weathered Corolla. “My dad beat her to death with a fucking power tool battery because he couldn’t handle her opinion on flooring.” An angry chin had come to point upward through a set jaw while I hatefully spewed that line. “I tell you this because the man has obviously grown hatefully rash in his miserable age.” With bleeding knuckles and naked as a madman I took both of your hands in my clammy mitts and asked, “If you marry me I want to make it our mission to dynasty axe that motherfucker so brutally it makes Mongolian royal feuds look like boardgames.” Fuck just taking him out, our paired evil could be enough to topple everything. Finally I said, “It’s not fair to marry you without making you aware of what we are dealing with. I think that he hired Parker to kill me because he somehow knows finding love is a threat.” He was terrified of letting me out of my corner, but now I had a moon sized battering ram.
And fratricide is a game my people are very good at.
@killahxkylie
Listening to you recount what you had witnessed your father do to who I had always suspected was the one beacon of light in your life was more difficult that I ever could have imagined. I didn't move though, hell I felt like I could barely even breathe. I had witnessed my own father doing unholy things to my mother but nothing that remotely compared to what you had just explained to me. I kept my gaze trained on you the entire time you were speaking, only blinking long enough to wipe away the tears that were rolling quietly down my cheeks. There was no excuse for the monster that lived inside of you but now at least it made perfect sense as to how it came to build a home there. The only movement I made was shaking my head in utter disbelief when you told me why the evil man had stolen your light. It didn't seem fair to me, the way life seemed to bestow its worst evil upon the least deserving people.
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21:33
You surprised me by taking my hands and I could feel the shake in yours. What you proposed made my heart race and my breath catch. What was I supposed to say? How could I deny taking down the man who had hurt you so deeply and who tried to take you away from me on more than one occasion? "Wait here, just one second." I managed to get myself to my feet and padded back into the bedroom to rip the cushy blanket from the bed, bringing it back with me to where you were on the ground. I managed to wrap it around your back before sitting in front of you again and doing the same for myself, effectively making us our own little cocoon of safety to hopefully help in the fight against chattering teeth and trembling limbs. I knew if I said yes I was potentially signing my life away, but I did that the second I decided to give in and love you anyways. "Nothing could keep me from marrying you. You're the love of my life, my fucking soulmate, so if that means taking down that monster then so be it. I'll always be on your side, baby... and I-. I'm so sorry that happened to your mother and that you saw it. I can't even imagine.." My voice trailed off because you didn't strike me as the kind of man who wanted pity. "Whatever it takes. We'll do whatever it takes to take him down."
@bonghitsforfeds
‘Wait here.’ When you instructed me to stay and left me reeling in emotion I felt my confidence go out with you. Manliness physical followed you out of the space, and I could physically feel my aura deflate. There wasn’t even anywhere for you to go in an airplane, but I had no idea what you were up too. Hopefully it was getting something long and heavy to club me over the head with. In typical Cami fashion you came back with an object of care. Selfishly I barely leaned forward inches so you had to actually drag the blanket around me. It still didn’t feel like enough, but then you joined me in the gift wrap packaging. Just your head and neck peeked from above a cloud-like mass of puffy comforter, and for some reason knowing you were naked beneath it amplified the situation’s beauty. Does it make me weird to find you prettier when all wrapped up in cute brand fabrics?
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06:29
“Soulmate, huh?” I could feel the heat in my cheeks. At first it seemed your response was going to be of pity and judgement, but your look softened into one of recognition after you capped the thought with a heavy lid. Even after everything we have been through I still felt an urge to ask if you truly knew what this was going to be. Like princes playing court my father and I were going to start lunging attacks at each other from the dark. This man won’t be fighting in pitch black though, as the reflecting guiding light of his little Moon will illuminate all battlefields. A tiny piece of me was hung up on the fact your skull almost split the same way all those nights ago. Do you remember me raising my clubbed hands to crush your face flat? “I hate that I’m like him.” You couldn’t deny it either, but still I could feel the dissenting opinions forming within your mouth. Before you could spill any of them I sucked them out with a wet kiss. Being encased like two little codependent caterpillars did wonders to halt my nervous trembles, but my soul yet vibrated with the same nervous trembling. “Do you think our baby would have been like me?” These lips didn’t need to say hateful and mad for the implication to land.
@killahxkylie
My head moved up and down in a small nod when you repeated back my words to me in question form. I really did believe that in some weird way the universe makes two people that fit together better than they would with anyone else. For me that person was you. It didn’t matter to me if it didn’t make any sense from the outside. All that mattered to me was that we had each other and nothing was going to change that ever again, at least not permanently. The only way anyone could keep me from you in a way that wasn’t temporary would be to free my soul from this body and even then I think somehow I would manage to find you again. Some things are just written in the stars.
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07:01
Seeing you like this somehow made you seem smaller in a way. Not that you seemed weak but more so that you seemed human. Hurt. This entire thing had made it obvious that you were capable of more than just anger and apathy. Somehow as messed up as it was seeing you break down over something so obviously raw to you only made me love you more. Everything in me wanted to argue that you were nothing like him, even if parts of him were rooted in you you still weren’t like him. At least I didn’t want to believe that you were. After all, you had stopped yourself from actually killing me more than once. I wonder why. What made me different from Chelsea or the dumb purple nurse? The only answer I could come up with in my mind was that you actually loved me. The second I parted my lips to argue you pressed yours to them and the words died in my throat. When we parted from the kiss I pressed my forehead to yours and your next question broke my heart. Did you mean like you as in your violent tendencies? Or did you mean in all of the small wonderful ways that you probably didn’t even consider? “I think our baby would have been perfect. I-.” I hadn’t even realized that I had started to cry until a hot drip of salty sadness landed on my leg under the blanket. I guess not even our little cocoon could keep out this heavy feeling in my chest. I cleared my throat in the effort to finish my sentence. “I hope someday we can find out. I didn’t… I didn’t even realize that I wanted it so badly until it was ripped away from me.. Us. from us.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Whenever we pressed our foreheads together in this cosmic circuit of comfort I always wondered if it’s possible to have a heart attack from love. Mine would pound so hard that my vision shuddered when you blessed me with touch. Sometimes I would hold my breath in an attempt to hear yours beat. It had yet to work, and all I could hope is that my shuddering blood organ wasn’t annoying. Then you went on to humor me in discussing our babies, thus the familiar burning trails of tears spurt forth again. Eventually if we kept spending time together it’s entirely possible that my hatred of crying would cease. Not from some evolved capability to appreciate it either, but instead it was more akin to building tolerance. I wish that wall would make it capable to stop sobbing entirely. Do they make surgeries to remove human tear ducts?
At first I didn’t say anything, and my finger traced blood vessels on your upper chest. Your heart must react in a similar way because that little vessel of snaking crimson in your neck beat with a factory pace. “Well baby, it would have been half perfect anyway. Only part of its communion was actually pure.” My steely eyes roasted yours from the outside. This beautiful creature has no idea what presence it walks with. Its a common complement to tell someone they could be a model, but goddamn was it true with Camilla Roberts. The kind of person you see while driving down a busy road and grow so jealous of their perceived existence you get a stomach ache. Someone gets to call that one theirs. I can already imagine what I would think upon spotting your innocence. Hell, we can both say with full authority we know how I react to seeing you. My greedy hands had scooped you up before that head could stop spinning. You had yet to even be delivered to a final destination, and your captor was sitting here earning genuine pity.
.
11:34
“You give me a purpose Mrs. Feldt.” Scooting forward I swallowed a tiny mouthful of nervous spit as I felt a boon of confidence bloom in my gut. “There is nothing more on this planet I want other than raising children with you.” Imagine, being the generation of this family that manages to break the game-cycle of hatred. Would they have your eyes? What horrible beauty to release on this planet. No doubt their face would end up on the front of a glossy magazine. Time perhaps? Do you think we are capable of raising a president? Kissing you on the lips before continuing, “There is no safe world for us to exist in with that piece of shit still running everything.” What a fool my father is. An entire life time of his had been spent carefully corralling me into a corner. A poor mind broken Ivon had cowered in that sunken alcove. That was until a little moon put the flame of life back into my soul. Now instead of being out maneuvered I was a man with something to fight for. A future without Klaus is a reality where our family could prosper. Stepping back from smuggling firearms over the Atlantic would be pathetically easy afterword. “Camilla and Ivon Feldt, two children, and a cafe in Italy. You will run around with raven curls and bus the tables, I can manage the front.” Crying, laughter, and growing bodies was the perfect ending.
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11:34
There is no confidence to pursue this cosmic trial without my love. Now my hands found yours under the blankets again, where they squeezed repeated reminders of obsession. “Together we will do more than move mountains.” A far away look of dreams floated into my mask, and I disconnected our gazes to peer at a non existent horizon. “There are empires worth running that aren’t built upon… pointless killing.” I don’t think this man will ever think death useless. Perhaps certain species are capable of total peace, but the wild west taught us that there is something to be said about hanging madness. Letting crazy men loose without consequence is how you get Elons, Epsteins, and Feldts. Swallowing a mouthful of epiphany I kissed your nose to try and distract myself from the realization I am a piece of shit. Not to say the fact was lost on me, but more that the severity of assholery continues to shock. From underneath our blankets I drug your hand out for an inspection. Turning it over like a used shell casing I stared in awe at digits that had murdered for me. The same sweaty palm earned a sucking kiss from my lips. Alcohol had found home within my body, and everything began to tilt into a comforting swirl. “Do you think these hands capable of a few more killings?” Another kiss and then, “Daddy won’t ask you unless he really needs it.”
@killahxkylie
"Don't-. don't say that." I shook my head with overwhelming sadness. Thinking about what we had lost as anything other than completely perfect was too painful, it made me want to clutch at my chest to try to keep my heart together from the outside. Could you feel it threatening to combust? "When I found out.. if I would have found out I mean, I would have wanted them. I don't care if I didn't want it when we.. when you.." I shook my head again. "It doesn't matter. They would have been perfect." I reached up to wipe at my nose just before you scooched closer and told me that I give you a purpose. It almost felt too kind to believe but you hadn't ever seemed like the type of man to say something with the sole purpose of making me feel better. If it wasn't true you wouldn't say it. I needed to believe that right now.
.
18:01
I scooted closer too so that the space between us was minimal, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My mind ran absolutely wild with the possibilities of the future. You and I and our little family living a simpler life in Italy. It brought a teary smile to my face when I imagined it. I could already see you teaching our perfect curly headed little girl how to read, sitting curled up by a fire much too late at night drinking hot cocoa. We would obviously be well practiced in making the best owning a cafe of our own. I could also see you teaching them to be little trouble makers and playfully pushing you while scolding you about it before being pulled into a smiling kiss. The idea of one man standing in the way of that future made my blood boil and I knew in that moment I would tear your father limb from limb with my teeth if it meant we could truly live. "It sounds perfect, Ivon." Soft words seemed fitting for a soft future.
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18:02
Deep eyes fluttered shut when warm lips pressed to my nose and I had to fight the temptation to ask what else was on your mind. It seemed like there was a bit of nightmare floating around in your head along with the dreams but I didn't want to push and ruin it. The soft way you pulled my hand out to look it over had my head tilting to the side curiously and when hot whiskey breath fanned over my skin in question my heart started to race. I don't know if it was fear, excitement, or both but I knew without a shadow of a doubt what my answer was. "I would slaughter entire nations for you if it meant our future would be possible, Ivon. Nothing but death could stop me."
@bonghitsforfeds
Perfect… Is this how you felt when I called you the title? There are many undeserved praises you float my way, but this one definitely took first place for most insane. If anything remotely akin to perfection had been discussed in this conversation it was our agreed upon future. Christmas trees, flour dusted pans, and chuckling children that is perfect. For a creeping moment of inspection I titled my head up to look down into your eyes at the mention of death. Was that admittance that you accepted our future risks? Some part of you was aware. For a moment my lips parted to explain the fear in being murdered, but then it occurred to me just how unaware that would be. You were dead that night I bathed you in your home. You were dead the night I peeled you from that crack den floor. If there was one thing Camila Roberts is familiar with it’s knocking on deaths door.
Another seven hundred miles or so later tail number ’N-344IF’ requested landing at Dulles International Airport. A cleaner kiss of landing gear to tarmac couldn’t be attempted if the pilot tried, and thus the nameless sky nerd earned a gold star in my book. Personally I couldn’t care if the landing was smooth, but it did have the effect of cooling your nerves over the entire process. Of course, being wrapped in a cushy cloud of our own sappy love helped to keep us both calm. Who knows how many cheesy one-liners and kisses we shared on the way home. My favorite part was when you let me dress you back up in the bed. Dragging phantom light fabric over your head to conceal a lunar beauty from a prying world’s eyes was task to gentle for this man. In usual form my fingers had trembled from their closeness to milky perfection. By the time our flight pulled into my family’s hangar we were both ready as one could ever be.
.
19:28
Typically on these solo legs the pilot would come open the door for us, but while we waited for his appearance a mysterious set of concealed hands began to open it from the outside. When it hissed apart I had expected to see some nameless airport drone, but of course the universe had to punish our happy moments with curated hate. Slender arms attached to a tall torso floated their way to our vicinity beneath fire red hair. Evelyn always had a way of acting like she owned everything, and in a round about way before you came along she had been the closest to worming a ring around my finger. A practiced sexy waltz brought her within inches of my face, and before anyone could react she pressed a wet kiss to my lips. Demanding flaps hungrily swallowed my face in two spitty smacks. Afterward she fell back down to her heels before returning to her spot inside the jet’s door. With a pearlescent note she inquired, “Where the fuck have you been, you drunken dumbass?” Dumbfounded was to shallow a word for what I felt. Hate-struck? Confused? None of them worked, but boy howdy was the pause in between her kiss and my answer much too long. I could feel your own perplexed anger burning holes in the floor. With an outreached hand I motioned between you both and said, “My love, this is our executive assistant, Evelyn Meier.” Its a shame we didn’t explode upon landing.
God strike me down.
@killahxkylie
Floating in the clouds was a perfect way to describe how the rest of the flight with you felt. It was funny seeing as we really were physically cutting through the sky but mentally I felt like we were even higher than that. It's almost as if we had carved out another special dimension just for us but this one was one of love and not just lust. Soft kisses and softer laughs were shared for what felt like hours but it was over much too soon. There was something somehow even more special about when you pulled my clothes back on than when you pulled them off and I could tell you felt it too by the shake in perfect fingers. Whispered confessions of love left my lips like a song when you were finished. I would have stayed in the air forever if it meant never leaving this space with you.
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19:45
Life wouldn't let us press pause though and before I knew it we were back on the ground. Landing somehow seemed easier even with the reminder of most deaths occurring during that process repeating in my head. I had you to thank for that, I don't think anybody has ever been able to calm me down the way you do other than my mother. I was more than ready to finally get off the plane and see what would be my new home when the door opened. What I wasn't expecting was for sex incarnate to press decidedly whorish lips to yours. What. The. Fuck. Instantly my blood was boiling and I was picturing all of the violent ways I could leave red hair and redder blood splattered all over the hanger. I don't know if I've ever been more jealous in my life. Those were my lips meant for only me to kiss and yet now they were shiny with her spit. Her words made it obvious that you two had some kind of… something with one another and I felt my stomach drop. Has she been a thing this entire time? Am I a fucking idiot? Of course the man who just promised me a wedding would have someone waiting for him back home.
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19:46
When you introduced me my state of dress was suddenly all too obvious and I felt my cheeks turning red in fury and embarrassment. Why didn't you warn me? And how the fuck was I ever supposed to compare to Evelyn? "Do all of your employees greet you so excitedly, my love?" Somehow I managed to keep my voice relatively even although I'm sure if I held out a hand it would be violently shaking. Can you die from being angry? Hurt? Confused? What about a combination of the three? I wanted to turn around and sit my happy ass back down in one of those cushy chairs and demand a flight back home, the only issue was this is my home now. Why does it feel like we landed in hell?
@bonghitsforfeds
Previous to this lovely encounter I had thought about Evelyn a few times. All of them had been laced with a concern over how you would react. What made it worse was that explaining our bond was even more frustrating then it seemed. I didn’t love the woman, and her presence was one that was required by my father. There had been a decade long process where he had attempted to find someone capable of keeping me properly leashed up. Plenty of men and women had come and gone. All of them had been on my father’s pay roll, yet undoubtedly a few weeks living with me always drove them to find business elsewhere. The red headed monster standing before us now had been the final product in a long line of failed ventures. Through a combination of dominating presence and sexual allure the dumb whore managed to make me behave. Behave as in not get anybody pregnant, strangers killed, or somehow get myself murdered. I had outright failed in two them since leaving Washington, so it’s not like we can argue her job wasn’t warranted.
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21:30
This had all been before a perfect Moon had entered my life. Cold shock began to clear, and finally I found some words, “No, my betrothed,” there was a pause as I sighed out my entire will to live, “Just this one.” How do I sum this up to you quickly without causing a scene? Too bad the stupid bitch opened her mouth before either of us could continue, “Betrothed?” Her barking question still somehow carried with it an air of hot beauty. Fuck you, dad. The phrase repeated enough times to scratch a groove into the record of my mind. “Evelyn is a product of our previous discussion’s subject.” Did my sentence work to communicate the secret message? She is a problem from my old life, the one we are trying to destroy. God, if this broad somehow ruins my evening of amazing Cami sex… Are we trying to speed run a double homicide? So many questions stuck behind my mouth. Why did she come get us? How did she know I was coming home? Another sigh from my lungs took with it whatever willpower I had left.
But then, hatred.
“Give her your pants, Evelyn.” Her twitching response to being commanded proved that this tone was hardly ever taken. This entire scenario undoubtably spelled pain for me later, however there was a very important point to be made here. She wants to walk in and kiss me in-front of my future wife? Well, two can play shitty power games. She had yet to move, and my mouth opened to add more seething hatred, “If you don’t start taking them off in five seconds I will call your mother and tell her about the cocaine.”
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21:30
Funny how fast cunts move when you threaten their relationship with mommy. Within seconds a snug pair of sky blue leggings had been removed from thin legs. Yes, I have a thing for lanky, fucking sue me. She didn’t bother handing them to you, and instead tossed them on the floor so you could pick them up. Never before had her face held such a look of rage, but to be fair I hadn’t attempted to truly stand up to her until now. Perhaps you were lighting a fire under my ass that more than one person would cook upon. She spun to leave, but before doing so locked eyes with you and said, “His cock leaks rivers, doesn’t it?”
War it is then.
@killahxkylie
Dumbfounded. That's probably the only work I could use to describe how I looked in this situation. I tucked myself tight into your side to try to prove a point: I'm not going anywhere bitch. I wish I felt as confident as I was trying to act. Inside it felt like I was dying and honestly seeing her kiss you made me want to curl up in a ball and weep. Is this why you had been so angry with me in the hospital? Even if it was against my will someone else had touched what was yours and I had a glimpse of understanding now. The way she reacted when you told her what to do told me that it wasn't usually you that was in charge and that made my stomach roll again. It's a good thing I only had a few swigs of that whiskey. If she's your employee then why the fuck is she not used to being told what to do? Even the hint of her being a problem from your father didn't do much to comfort me after seeing that.
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08:08
I really wished that she had refused and kept her pants on when she pulled them off and revealed perfect legs. There's no way I can compete with that. If she was so eager to kiss you, what else had you two done together? My nails dug into your side at the thought and I swear I was close to grinding my own teeth to dust. I guess it was stupid of me to ever think this could be easy. When the pair of leggings landed with a soft thud on the ground in front of me I didn't move to pick them up. Why did I deserve such disrespect when I had barely even met this bitch?
It was her next words that flung me into an internal murderous rage. I wanted to pluck her eyes out and crush them like two balls of jelly so she could never look at you again and then gut her like a thanksgiving turkey. I guess that answered my question about what else you two had done together, and if I was really capable of wanting to kill another human being. Turns out I am. I would turn her into a skeleton chandelier right now if I could. "Oh trust me I know, there's one made of him leaking out of me right now. Maybe you can sneak a peek at it in the laundry later." I should have stepped right over the pair of leggings on the ground to make her stare at my legs but it felt more insulting to put them on instead. I picked them up and slid them up my legs and a small smile tugged at one corner of my lips, they were a little tight around the ass so at least I knew I had something better than hers. "I'd say I'll try not to get any on your leggings but there's just so much."
@bonghitsforfeds
In between your scathing insults of our new friend I disassociated to the far corner. Watching the argument take place from outside my own body made the entire shit sandwich easier to stomach. I couldn’t shake the feeling while huddling in my mind’s depths that my father was somehow behind this. It didn’t take many phone calls to figure out one of your jets is currently in the air. Seeing you get worked up over me was pretty hot anyway, and hopefully this encounter would just strengthen our bond. Although in order to grow from something you have to survive it first. I didn’t fully rejoin the current reality until you had already put the leggings on. “They look better on you anyway, doll.”
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08:50
By now Evelyn had stormed from the aircraft, and it was our turn to exit down the wobbly hangar staircase. Clean woodland Washington air filled my nose like God’s cold fingers. I actually stopped at the top and took a cliche deep breath of the aerosolized home. After that I looped my arm around your body, which was still stitched to me, and helped you descend without tripping. At the bottom were three sleek black sedans. All of them were similar models, but two were escorts. Typically cars full of paid off tough guys would have me at ease, but after our silent delectation of rogue war everything now had a heightened sense of paranoia. With an angry slamming of car doors, fire atop two gleaming legs secured herself in the passenger seat of the middle vehicle. At the very least this offered us a moment of privacy, and I motioned toward the man about to open our rear doors that he wait to do so. Once our peace had been extended I kneeled down so I could look up at you. “I didn’t intend for her to be such a surprise fuzzy Mouse, but I promise that next time she touches me I’ll make her hurt for it okay?” It would be a hard oath to keep, but I had to say something in order to keep you from sliding down your classic slope of anxiety. After standing up I leaned forward to whisper a hateful idea into a milky ear, “Maybe in the car you can fuck me on the way home while she watches.” My own words pumped blood into a hungry dick only hours rested, but cruelty does wonders to turn my crank like an old model T. Already I wanted to throw you in the back and get started, however an awkward air still hung between us. Hard to ignore the tension when Evelyn's spit still glistened my lips. Through soft eyes I said, “My heart and body belong to you little latte, we just have to whip down a few old bats first.”
@killahxkylie
"No they don't, they're too tight and the color is stupid." I sounded like a petulant child, the color wasn't stupid it was a pretty shade of blue but I hated her and thus I hated this color now. How much did these stupid buttery soft things even cost? Had you been the one to foot the bill? I could feel myself spiraling into a whirlwind of questions I probably didn't even really want the answers to. They would only hurt my feelings but somehow not knowing was even worse. Would you be honest with me if I asked you about her when we finally got home and had more than a moment alone? Would we ever even get another one with her roaming around the house? How the hell was I even supposed to not be around you for more than a minute without having to worry about her sinking her claws into you?
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09:12
I was so lost in thought that I hadn't even realized we were completely off the plane and down the stairs until you dropped down to kneel in front of me. I really wanted to snap at you and ask what the hell you thought was going to happen when she clearly had feelings for you that surpassed an employer employee relationship but fighting with you now felt like it would push you right into her arms. Would you really make her hurt for touching you again when it was clear you had wanted her before? How else would she know the hurtful words she hissed before she turned away?
I hated the way your whispered words shot straight to my core, and I hated even more that I wanted to make good on your words. Maybe if she was forced to watch the way we took each other apart she would get the hint not to mess with us. At least not our relationship. "I know you belong to me. It doesn't make it hurt any less." I pouted up at you and reached a hand up to thumb over your lips before I pressed my own to yours. Even that simple kiss fueled the hunger that was building inside of me, there was a sick need to let her know you were mine and it was so strong I started tugging you along to the waiting car. If Evelyn wanted a war I was going to give her one. "Let's ruin another back seat, daddy."
@bonghitsforfeds
I love it when this woman kisses me, and I hated to admit it but it was even more enjoyable when our breaths were full of fading spirit. When they parted with a smack it only erupted a need for more of it. Instead of what I want though you began to trail me toward the sedan. At least from this angle the lended leggings offered enhanced view of a perky ass. Each cheek had a tiny dimple in the middle, and the form fitting fabric hugged you so tightly that they were perfectly preserved. One day I am going to oil your body up and lay you belly down on a stone bench so I can snap photos from a million different angles. Lunar boudoir is porn for heaven, and this selfish horny gangster planned on hoarding it for himself.
Grunting in reaction to our unholy nickname I closed our distance so I could press my growing cock against your back. We were granted a few seconds as the chauffeur opened our door where my hot sex was allowed to angrily lean into supple spine. You get me so hard that I swear myself capable of fucking a hole straight through you. We were about to find out the truth of this statement when finally the goddamn thing swung open. Spinning you around I placed a hand on your head to dip it underneath carbon fiber doorframe. Once you were clear of obstacles I shoved you backwards into the plush seat with a huff from tired Cami lungs. These staff were used to my horny antics, and thus the door clicked shut behind us with practiced grace. Before he had even gotten into the drivers seat I had already begun peeling your shirt upward. The moment a writhing belly was visible I began lapping soft kisses into it with my own whimpers escaping between each one. Upward I tongue-combed snow white fields of pearly skin before finally arriving at your chest. Had I ever played with your tits before? A couple times I may have kissed over them, but now was a time to make a show for prying eyes.
.(edited)
09:43
Evelyn may not think I know she is watching us, by my peripheral had caught her suspicions attempts to record. She had been using the front facing camera, and being ‘secretly’ documented swelled my cock so hard I moaned from response to the pressure. With a puckering mouth I scooped up a ghostly nipple and let the tip of it fall out between my teeth. It only took two passes before it hardened into an angry bud, and once it did I switched to the other. After both were barely provided any attention my distracting lust forced my lips to yours. One of my hands grasped around until it found a cold wrist, and after another scramble of flesh I finally located a loose Cami-hand. Dragging it downward between us I pressed your digits into a swollen nipple. Sweltering kisses ended just long enough for me to say, “Pinch yourself pink, little moon.” Because my mouse is a good listener her fingers soon began to toy at what was demanded. After more spit trading I bit your lower lip and sucked it between both of mine until our teeth collided with a sharp click. Afterwords I locked the flap of hot flesh within my mouth so I could paint it abusively with a hungry tongue. Already a ribbon of hot cum stuck your lended pants to a hanging ball bag. Your lip fell away after proper assault for me to ask, “Do you want me to fill your cunt up some more, or should I face fuck you against your window doll?” I never gave our red headed hate mistress a choice, so let her stew on how awesome my bride glimmers.
Let them all go blind from you, my love.
@killahxkylie
You would think that by now I would be used to how it felt to be doing this kind of thing in front of people. Between the driver and the multiple witnesses on the road and the man in the parking garage.. How many people had seen us fucking by now? For some reason this felt different though and it made my blush spread from my cheeks all the way down to where your kisses were leading. There was something about being the way your lips and tongue explored my skin right now that made my head spin. It was almost as if your anger towards her only made you hungrier for me. I loved it. My stomach was quivering from tensing muscles and quickening breaths underneath your touch and when you finally made it up to pull a nipple between your lips I let out a soft moan. Embarrassment flooded my system from my own noises but I didn’t dare tell you to stop, I needed you so bad I wanted to sink my teeth into you. The thought became ironic when your teeth closed around the budding flesh and my back arched up into the feeling.
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10:50
Your lips and teeth were gone from my tits far too soon but I couldn’t complain when you sucked my lips into a kiss. All I did was nod when you spoke sweet whiskey words against my lips and told me to pinch myself, quickly my fingers closed around my nipple and had you swallowing up more songs of my pleasure. I switched from one side to the other when it got to be too much and when you sucked my lip between yours I whimpered something so pathetic and needy I barely even recognized it. Maybe letting you have your way with me in front of other people turned me on more than I thought, or maybe it was just that my appetite for Ivon Feldt cock was insatiable. “I need you inside me again, stretch my little cunt back out right here in the back seat, it wouldn’t be the first time.” I was sure it wouldn’t be the last either. Hell even when you were driving and we weren’t both passengers we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Would we ever be able to get in the car without something happening? God I hope not.
A pale hand slid further down between us to push the front of ruined sweats down and wrap around leaking cock. “Please I want you so bad, my pussy needs you.” I leaned up just enough to catch your lips in a kiss and swallow up the soft moan you let out when I thumbed over the mess of pre already dripping out for me. Did you ever make this much for her? Would you let me tease you someday just to find out how much I can pull out of you before I ever even fuck you? I bet it would be so much. My own dirty thoughts had my hips squirming underneath you and if I was strong enough I would rip a hole right in these stupid leggings that you could stuff yourself through and right into me.
@bonghitsforfeds
Our dance might as well be considered a broadway show now that our steps had been practiced so many times. Each piece was carried out with a smooth melody of moans that would make a fixed dog jealous. It’s not fair that one woman’s spit and sweat can be so sweet. How much of you had I swallowed so far? Mouthfuls of your messy cunt had disappeared down my eager throat. So many dirty acts we have under our sex-belt, and all of them needed to be displayed for Evelyn. Not a single part of me felt bad for the woman, which truthfully is rather sad considering what she had done for this family. Although if we were to make a spreadsheet of how I have personally benefited from both of you I have a feeling that yours would still have more tallies. Even if it didn’t, I don’t belong to any man or woman. You were the first horrible experiment I had embarked on by myself, and I was going to make my dragon of a father fucking choke on it.
Speaking of choking, the noise that growled out of my neck was close to one when you gripped my dripping fuck-meat. The thumb was a cherry on top of my cock sundae, and the syrup running out of it belonged to one mouth. Although that mouth was demanding I stuff your puckering hole with it. One of my hands laced your thigh with an angry grab and forced your hips down into the seat. “If you keep squirming I can’t put this where it belongs.”
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11:30
The leggings separated from your body with a shredding rip so loud it was neigh comical. Only half of them actually came off in my hands, and the other was still draped underneath you like a shiny sex placemat. With a nonchalant toss it landed in Evelyn’s lap. “Hold this, bitch.” I didn’t even bother prying the lips of you open before stuffing myself home, and the extra friction made the first plunge rather unholy. Something might of torn, and a pained whimper leaving your lips told me it was probably true. I dove to your ear like an angel tasked with apology. “I’m so sorry sweet lunar princess.” I was only half sorry, as the other part of me reveled in the act of ripping you with dripping girth. A desperate hand locked into your hair with gentle delicacy and with that leverage I carefully pried your cheek to the carseat. Right before I began fucking you proper I spoke at the side of your face through a wild smile, “Evelyn, make sure you zoom in on my ravaging of her wet hole, because later when we watch this back and laugh about you I want Camila’s favorite part to be in focus.”
@killahxkylie
“I can't help it, I want it so bad.” The panted words came out sounding so desperate when you pushed my hips down into the seat. Is it bad that wanting to show her who makes you feel good now was turning me on so much? I’m sure that thought would tumble in my head until it was smooth later on. The sound of ripping tore me from my thoughts, I didn’t even know that the ripping of clothes could be so sexy until this moment. I would happily spend an entire day shopping just for pretty little things you could tear off of my body if I got to experience the feeling that rushed through me every time. Judging by the look on your face you felt something akin to the same thing. The ’holy this, bitch’ That you let roll off of your lips with such venom made my cunt drool and before I could add anything on you pushed inside of me in one harsh thrust.
“Fuck~” The whimpred word came out pained and I could feel my lip wobbling from it, I really hoped that I wasn’t somehow bleeding again. I didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment of that. “S’okay.” My head turned to the side to press a soft kiss to the wrist of the hand that had tangled itself in my hair before you pried my face sideways. I hadn’t even realized that the bitch was recording us and the sudden knowledge had my cunt squeezing around you and the red tinting my cheeks deepening. Why would she even want a video of this? “It’s all my favorite part. I love all of it!” I locked my legs around you again and pulled you in so deep it hurt every time you pushed your hips forward. “F-fuck Ivon it’s so good you’re so fucking good.” I swear I’d never felt a man get as hard for me as you do, it’s impressive how much blood can flow to one body part. “We should watch it later while we make another movie of our own.”
@bonghitsforfeds
You swim alongside my shark of evil like a good baby fish. How many terrible things had I done that you immediately aided without question? We had killed together, fucked in all manner of places, and now been cruel to multiple strangers. Evelyn was no stranger, but she was someone deserving of our cruelty. She didn’t say anything else, but she did keep recording our sick coupling of sex. Occasionally while drilling cum from a well behind your belly I would glance up to see her hard set jaw peering out the windshield. Every corner in this trip was memorized from habit, and I knew by our current route we weren’t even halfway home. There was a joke in there somewhere about me finishing early, but the abject evil of our act combined with being recorded had me tensing with urge to empty already.
We had already fucked so much that our combined smell was recognizable. It was always obvious how close your own climax was because clammy thigh flesh would start to tremble. Eventually we will be able to hold each other at the edge with our cock-cunt rituals, but for now its fun to push instantly to our ends. My brain was overdosing on sensory input, and angry locks of red combined with my fistful of smooth raven curls is what finally did me in.
.
14:31
While coming unglued I moaned through every word of what I said next, “Take it all little moon.” Evelyn’s scoff at our nickname drained extra liters of my fuck-drink into your willing cunt. “God! Fuck!” Cursing blessings hardly sounded human with how gravely they were, and before my core finished tensing it already drooled from your lips and into the seat. Leaning into your ear while your body still coiled with ecstasy I whispered, “Ich liebe dich,” into a red hot ear. Up until now your face had still been craned into the seat, but I wouldn’t let go until you rapturous summersault into orgasm had ended. We hadn’t even made it home and our magnetism was forcing our mating rituals. We were doing more than making people choke on it, we were drowning them in our flagrant disgust.
@killahxkylie
Every time our bodies connected like this I think we learned each other a little bit more. I could tell now when you were getting close because of the noises you would make and the way you would start to tense. It always felt like you were holding back, like you were waiting for me to get to the finish line with you. I don't even know if you realized you did it but the roll of your hips would change ever so slightly and every time it happened it felt so good it made me see stars. This time it took me just a little longer to get there with you because my stupid brain kept trying to distract me by making me wonder if it was really only me getting you off this fast right now.
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16:27
It didn't take too much longer for me to follow you over the edge when you told me to take it all and let out a string of curses so gravelly my childhood driveway would have been jealous. "Fucking give it to me, don't stop, don't stop, I'm cumming!" I must have looked like a whore the way I was writhing on that back seat underneath you. A chorus of your name and plees not to stop fell from my lips on repeat as you pumped yourself into me over and over again. The feeling of your cum already dripping out of me made my eyes flutter as I dragged sharp nails down the pale flesh of your back. Was I making sure I left my mark of purpose? Yes. Your whispered words of another language into my ear sent another rushing jolt of pleasure through my body so strong that I'm pretty sure I actually came twice. It felt like I was floating for a long time after we had both finished and I found myself struggling to even speak. Only you can take me that high and let me float around there for so long. Eventually when my tongue stopped feeling like complete jello I asked, "what does it mean? Ich liebe dich?" I'm pretty sure I half butchered the pronunciation but it was close enough that you would know what I meant.
@bonghitsforfeds
If anger put out heat Evelyn would have melted through the car’s floor and into the road beneath. Almost a minute passed before rational thought took root in my mind once more, and we cuddled cum-plugged for long enough to be obnoxious. Watching your lips move while my love speaks is a personal play so beautiful I could probably write a sonnet about it. We truly were annoying, and if the redhead plunged her pen through my naked ass right now I’d likely deserve it. The idea wasn’t the least bit scary as I know my snarling Mouse would help me rip her head off. Your question made me giggle, but before I could answer past the oaky noise bitch mode in the front seat had already piqued up. “It means, ‘I love you.” Her mumbling tone made it so whatever she tacked onto the end went unheard, however we could both guess at its rude potential.
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17:29
Riding the wave of asshole maneuvers I hummed in agreement to her interruption. Rubbing our noses together with a loving bounce of cartilage I said, “Cunt is right little latte it-“ Before I could finish speaking an exploding temper from the front seat cut me short. A brash and angry tone spouted, “Little. Latte? Are you fucking kidding me Ivon? Christ on the cross, you leave for a month and come back with some little Cali amateur pornstar and you think your king of the fucking world!” Her accent was worse than mine when pissed off, and judging by the current level of it she must have been royally upset. All I could do is beam down at you while she prattled on, and I fake winced when she called you amateur. She continued, “Can you two at least put yourselves away?” Unbuckling her seatbelt the beautiful woman clasped her head rest with both hands so she could whirl to face us. “Does this little fuckwit even know what we do?” At her question my eyebrows furrowed in mock of your own and I tilted my head before saying, “Well little latte has daddy told you what your getting into?” Already Evelyn’s face twisted further into a heated spiral, and it was obvious no matter what you answer she would explode into further fury.
@killahxkylie
Somehow I had almost forgotten that the devil's right hand bitch was sitting in the front seat in our love drunk haze, until she answered my question for me that is. Hearing what it meant even from her had my heart doing somersaults in my chest. Not only had you said it out loud instead of just squeezing it into my flesh but you had also said it in your native language. Why did that somehow make it even better? My nose scrunched up like a happy bunny with a treat when yours bumped against it, even with the current company I was truly happy. At least I was until the dumb bitch opened her mouth to insult the both of us again. An amateur pornstar? Really? She wasn't doing a very good job of hiding her jealousy if that's the best she could come up with and if I weren't still underneath you with your cock nestled inside of me I'd probably lunge forward to try to rip the lips off of her face. I wonder if she'd be offended if I recommended to her a doctor that could do some filler and give her something to grip on to.
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17:44
I audibly huffed a laugh when she whipped herself around and requested we put ourselves away and made an obvious show of rolling my hips against yours, the wet squelch of cum easily filling the small space of the car. "I prefer if we stay just like this actually Evelyn after all I'm just an amateur and I really want to make sure I'm learning right." I smiled up at you when you asked if I knew what I was getting into, it made me feel better that you were playing on my side right now. "Daddy's told me alllll about what he does." I didn't like her implication that she actually helped with family business because she wasn't supposed to be your family, she was just supposed to be an employee and if I had it my way before too long she'd be an obituary. "Also you should probably get accustomed to hearing the plethora of sweet nicknames Ivon has for me or buy some ear plugs."
@bonghitsforfeds
I could only bite my lower lip at your admission to staying plugged together. It seemed a beautiful idea as any. Why separate our favorite part of being coupled just because a jealous pair of hateful eyes is watching? Powerful spurts of happy energy traveled throughout my body like little worms. Making you feel special like this was beyond exhilarating. Weeks I had daydreamed about flaunting you around every boring pawn of my previous life, and apparently the fantasies cooked up in my head didn’t come close to the real act. I answered your statement with a rocking tilt of my own hips. More squelching sounds filled the car with their flagrant disgust, and it was so much goddamn fun to watch Evelyn’s face twist up over it that I kept doing it again and again.
Suddenly her accented voice rose into another shrill attack as you finished. “Great idea Ivon! Why don’t we just hop around to every American epicenter and pick up no name fuck toys to spill secrets to?” Having her insult you a second time managed to flare some anger within my gut, but for now it was easy to ignore on the pretense we continued making her squirm. Outright fighting or violence would escalate this into something unpleasant. Besides, for now it seemed like we had the upper hand in being assholes anyway.
.
09:24
My mouth opened before the words had any chance to pass through a filter, “Honestly, that’s the best idea you have had in months Evelyn.” I knew you personally had issues with jealousy, but maybe I could get you to play along with my next evil? “I think we’d be good at it, don’t you little Mouse? I bet we could seduce all sorts of country lost whores and drag them home for screaming hags to complain about?” The inquisitive tone was pasted too thick as my head turned to shoot the words into Evelyn’s face. She was still turned backwards to stare at us, and there was no way to hide her melting glances down to our buried sexes. When she did it a final time I rolled our quivering fuck-organs together with more slimy sounds. “You keep looking at her cunt Evelyn, I told you she was perfect.” That got her to twirl around facing forwards again, and she locked herself into an arm crossed ball without saying anything else. It didn't feel like enough, but I was worried if I kept poking her things would escalate. Still, I couldn’t help but talk just loud enough for the whole car to hear, “You have no pants again babygirl, do you need me to lick you clean before we get home?”
@killahxkylie
I knew that you were rocking your hips into mine just to watch that bitches face twist up in anger and disgust but the pleasure it was bringing me was beyond real. Every plunge of your cock into my cum soaked cunt sent a shiver through me from how sensitive I still was. Were you even aware that you were still doing it as she opened up her stupid mouth again? You only stopped when she called me a no-name fuck and I felt my brows pinch in anger. That’s not what I was to you, I don’t think that’s ever what I was to you even before you knew my name I was something more than that. Maybe that’s what was making her so jealous. You didn’t even need to know my name for me to mean more to you than she did and if she really was in your fathers pocket like you claimed then she probably already knew that. Good.
When you first told her that it was the first good idea she had had in months my first reaction was to be pissed off and jealous but it didn’t take me too long to catch on to what you were doing. With a small smile that was dripping in sarcasm on my lips I nodded up at you. “Oh I think we would be expats at it, my love. Maybe we could even find someone to bring home just for the poor screaming hag. Maybe if she had a toy to play with she wouldn’t be so uptight.” I was so busy looking up at you that I hadn’t even realized the way her eyes kept drifting down to where we were still connected and when you brought it up I felt myself blushing. The roll of your hips pushed me higher than I had already been and I rolled my hips back just for a soft moan to slip off my lips. I nodded with a needy pinch in my brows when you asked if I needed you to lick me clean and wondered if you could feel my core pulsing with need all over again from how you had been teasing me with your cock. “Yes please.” I whined. “I don’t want to be a mess when we get home.”
@bonghitsforfeds
In my brief time on this planet I have also learned that undoing the seams in someone’s head does a good job of curing their ability to be annoying. Turns out all that meat packed behind stupid faces is an important part in granting their ability to grate on nerves. Unfortunately life has also taught me that cleaning up after rending the innards of fuckwits is a messy task. I considered myself a pretty powerful persona in this hemisphere, yet even I would not get away with pulping her red head right now. Luckily I had a dame trapped beneath me who excelled in the ability to spread mental ruin.
“Please?” My head was still near yours, “So full of manners today little moon.” Turning my head to pierce a gaze through Evelyn’s I said, “Don’t worry my love, I won’t waste a single dew drop.” Slow as molasses and just as sweet I began to clamber down to my favorite snack. Heat radiated from your lower legs like an overturned sunny rock, and I was about to lick the fucking moss from the underside. Our bitch audience knew full well this man had never gone down on her. Multiple evenings she had thrown a leg over my face to take a dominating seat, and every time I offered up such a fit it probably convinced her I hated it. Truthfully I had always wanted to rest beneath a pair of milky legs, but my ego had never allowed her mount. My little moon was a different vessel entirely, and her lips a much more deserving fusion of mine.
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11:16
Cramming myself into the far corner of the car I was able to angle my neck down far enough to reach what I wanted. For some clouded reason I had failed to remember my drizzling of ribboned cum inside. It was much too late to back out now else I look like a coward in front of hate-bitch. A mixed mess of our making ran from you like leaking icing. Before there was any time to second guess I plunged a hungry tongue between cum dressed cunt. Honestly? It wasn’t as bad as expected, and your Cami-candy aroma did wonders to mask any of my own. It didn't matter how gross it was once I started, as it appeared to be heating you into a fervor with surprising results. I stopped just long enough to pick my mouth up and say, “Yeah Camila? Do you like it when I clean your cunt like a melty ice cream cone?” I knew mentioning the treat would send you reeling through memory. Of course I wanted to offer more disgusting teases your way, but that would distract from my cleansing task. Again and again my hot tongue would lap through your stitched zombie cunt. It was a thankless task as every drip was replaced with two more, however we still had twenty minutes of driving to do.
And I had twenty minutes of diving to do.
@killahxkylie
I nodded again when you repeated my ‘please’ back to me and the tease of being told I was so full of manners today had me writhing underneath you. It honestly was pathetic how easily you got me going even after just getting off twice. I guess I have a greedy pussy, what can I say? At least when it comes to Ivon Feldt I do. “You’ve never let a single drop of me go to waste, daddy.” Letting the nickname slip off of my lips came easily when we were like this but it still made my cheeks heat knowing other people were hearing it. Other people were purposefully listening. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to record this too or if she had gathered up whatever evidence she needed already. Although it seemed like a picture of the two of us in your house would have been plenty I don’t know why she needed video of you plunging your cock into me over and over again. Whatever floats her weird bitch boat I guess.
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11:49
Every thought that was running through my mind was wiped away with the first slip of your tongue over my cunt. It wasn’t lost on me that you were consuming a sticky mix of the both of us and that knowledge alone had me leaking fresh nectar for you. “Oh my god baby~ Just like that.” My head was rolled back against the seat and my chest was heaving with the effort it was taking to suck in breaths between whiny mousy moans. “Yes! Yes I love it your tongue feels so fucking perfect, I love the way you fucking eat me~!” More half whined half growled words spilled from me and it didn’t matter who was hearing us anymore, I couldn’t care less when it felt like you were going to devour me straight down to my soul. “Ivon! Fuck! D-don’t stop!” Your lips had closed around swollen clit and it made my hips jump from the pleasure that coursed through my. “Don’t fucking stop please I wanna cum so bad please please please!” I fisted both of my hands into your hair and rolled my hips against your tongue and lips. “Please can I cum please please?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Every single praise you shouted for me shot straight to my heart, and then afterward an aftershock would pulse behind my balls. It didn’t surprise me anymore that my body already yearned for you again so soon. In fact it had become such a normal occurrence that if I didn’t want you it probably signified a greater collapse of character. My entire mouth was thick film, and I had to give up on inhaling through my mouth less pop cummy bubbles backwards into slimy throat. By now I was long cleaned out of you, but every dip still came up with more oozing sparkles of Latte foam. ‘Please don’t fucking stop!’ Why did you always say that? Someday I may pop my lips from you when that begging sound comes forth just to remind a crying whore who is in charge.
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13:29
Its easier to let the whore bully you when she’s your soulmate though. All those stories of men pulling strippers from gutters and claiming them as personal projects make much more sense now. I wanted to share how a backseat harlot is going to bring so much fun shame to this family, but you were a clever thing who already knew her place. It was at my side. I’d never worry about barking orders coming from beneath your mane of hair, and I could count that if something akin to one ever fell from your mouth that its purpose would be significant.
I didn’t want to interrupt your deserved climax, and thus your question was only answered by a buzzing, “Mhmm,” into silky cunt flesh. Either my approval or the buzz must have done it because you took the orgasm like a flaming axe kick to the core. Feeling your sex tense around my tongue is ample proof of my victory, and I could feel your candy dangling from the inside of my mouth. Once you had petered out into a slow moaning roll of pink goo I pulled my lips from your deepest dessert den with a satisfying pop. There was a long pause before she spoke first by saying, “You are a disgusting creature Ivon Feldt.
We both know she won’t like what she finds at home.”
@killahxkylie
All it took was a hum of approval from you to have me falling to pieces all over again. Funny how no matter how many times you make me cum it never gets old, I think I could do it twenty four seven and still be completely satisfied with my life. Something about you just made it so much more intense, even the rare times I had gotten off with other men it was never this good. It never made it feel like there was lightning in my veins. Everything was different with you and I think that’s one of the things that I loved the most. Once the high finally started to fade I felt so dazed and giggly that it felt like nothing could bring me down. Not even the bitch in the front seat. I let my legs relax before pulling you into an us flavored kiss, if you tasted your own cum it was only fair that I do the same, right?
I knew that she was probably talking about Chelsea when she said that I wouldn’t like what I found at home. Knowing about her beforehand probably wasn’t going to make being there with her any easier but at least I wasn’t going in completely blind. I would be lying if I said that her comment wasn’t at least a little bit successful in getting me lost in my own head. What else could you still be hiding from me? And was someone going to be waiting to shoot me in the face the second we walked in the door? I didn’t really know anything about your home life. I wasn’t going to let her know that it had worked though. The last thing I wanted to do was come off as weak to anyone else in your life, even if it was mostly a lie. I was weak. Or at least I felt it most of the time. “You are a little disgusting Mr. Feldt, and I fucking love it.” I looked at you with so much love in my eyes and smile it would probably make your average person sick. “Whatever I find at home all that matters is that I’m home with you.” Chew on that you ginger bitch.
The kiss you pulled me into was beyond messy. I made an extra effort of shoveling slushy love from the inside of my mouth into yours. Passing my tongue behind a flush lower lip made easy dippings for transferring the sticky mess into lunar face. A loving combination of your piercing goddess gaze and buzzing words of home pulled a whimper from my throat. My own body yearned for a release of tension, however I knew from experience that our trip was nearing a point of dirt road switch backs and rough trails. Sitting up from our fuck-hug was equal to killing fairies, but peeling apart is unfortunately part of getting home.
Settling backwards into the seat I motioned toward myself with a dramatic grouping of fingers, “I’m disgusting?” A charming smile crawled over my face while working pants back up my legs. “This is how I behave in public, wait until I get you into a private space Camila.” Your whole name was so rarely used in a hot tease that the sound of it shattered goose bumps into the glass of my back. Liquid ran down the corner of my chin and I scooped up the last runny drop of lunar paste with a pale finger before swallowing it down with a wet smack. Finally I settled into my spot for the remainder of our ride. My full attention remained trained on you while a sex drunk beauty put herself back together. “We will have to keep spare leggings with us from how often we do this.” From the front seat came a scoff and then, “Do either of you have any class? I mean my God Ivon! I am right here!” Was there a choke of genuine sadness behind those mouth noises? I’d feel bad if not for the fact she started it herself by intruding into my life period.
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16:32
With a hum of electric motor my window rolled down far enough to fill the space with split green essences of forest scent. I took such a large inhale that my chest heaved with the motion, and after letting loose the obnoxious puff of air I said, “You smell that baby? I told you it’s better than stinky LA.” Any other time using such simple language would be awkward, but I was doing my best to ignore Evelyn and continue laying our gross dynamic on as thick as possible. An answer from the front seat delivered in pure dryness, “You really think yourself the hottest shit, dont you?” Without skipping a single heartbeat I answered, “Yeah.” Once you got sat back up I pat the spot next to me to invite you into a sideways hug. “Come here sweet baby, we still have about ten or fifteen minutes. I can’t wait to see the look on that crystal gem of a face when it sees your new forever home.”
@killahxkylie
A giggle so sweet bubbled out of my chest when you pointed towards yourself and played along with my teasing. It was getting easier to joke around with you, or at least be playful, without having to worry about it always landing wrong and only pissing you off. I guess that was one benefit of Evelyn being around. We played best with each other when we were hurting someone else. The sound of my full name falling from your lips was enough to make me shiver so hard you would think I was half naked in the middle of winter. I was still fucked out of my mind and trying to catch my breath when she asked if either of us had any class. It was a bold question coming from the cunt who walked up in front of me to kiss you as if she didn’t know we were together. I guess in some weird roundabout way I had done the same to her but to be fair I didn’t realize the two of you were anything special.
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16:54
Air that was fresher than anything I had experienced since I moved to LA flooded my senses when you opened your window and I couldn’t disagree with you if I tried. “It smells amazing.” I mumbled before I tucked myself into your side and wrapped my arms around you. My lips were pouty with post sex sleepiness and if I didn’t know we were getting so close to home I probably could have drifted off listening to the soft thumping of your heart. I had a lot of questions that were flooding into my head now that it wasn’t so fuzzy anymore but I didn’t want to ask you any of them in the company of the competition. “I can’t wait to see it, it’s going to feel so nice to finally be there.” It had felt like we were battling our way to Washington for ages now and the idea of sleeping in a real bed and taking a real shower that wasn’t in a hospital or motel room sounded like heaven. Or at least it would, if I wasn’t too busy imagining you doing the same things with her in the spaces that were meant for me. Has she been in your bed? The one that we would be sharing? Could we burn it and get a new one? “I love you. I’m happy we made it back.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I cooed out a happy sound when you mentioned making it home. To call our path here a trial would be cutting our effort short. Actual blood, sweat, and tears have been expended in our war to make it this far. How many of our tribulations are already known by the older members of family? Father supposedly had kept eyes on us the entire trip, so where the fuck was my debrief? The longer I dwelled on what we have been through the more nervous rage spilled my gut. At one point we got fucking abducted to a murder lodge. Without saying I love you too my mouth flapped open in anger. “How is it that my estate supposedly has their heads so far up my ass they can smell my breath, yet there is not a single peep over the evening Camila and I spent in the California mountainside?” Funny how fast cocky air sucked itself from the cab of this vehicle when I call out the hypocrisy. Evelyn may not think I am very smart, but I knew the set edge to her jaw meant what I said struck a chord.
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18:40
Having you pressed to my side like a moon colored teddy bear did wonders to keep my confidence flowing. I squeezed your pressed form three times to remind you that your previous words hadn’t gone unheard, its just that daddy was about to throw a temper tantrum. One of my hands wrapped around passenger seat headrest like a spider’s legs cresting a dark corner. Using the purchase of car leather I pulled myself forward to hover inches from hateful red hair. My new angle had left you alone behind me in the car seat, but whatever I said next needed to land with frothing rage. It was difficult to stay propped up from the rumbling mountain path we took, “One thing I grow tired of in my age is prissy little Klaus suckling cunts rubbing their bottom feeding fish noses through every inch of my life.” I paused just long enough to press my teeth into the side of her face. Honestly I had expected retaliation, but maybe my reputation proceeds me as her body recoiled in fear instead. Our physical contact would probably make my little moon jealous, but I promise the gods this entire action one-hundred percent malice. Practically hissing I said, “However, it’s an entirely different arena to step into when one decides to,” Another pause as I inhale a lungful of blasting air, “Try and have me killed in the fucking woods like a court sniiiiitch!” The last word held until my entire body had been emptied of residual air. Even my own ears rang from the volume, and both the driver and Evelyn recoiled in surprise. Afterword I fell backwards next to you again with a huff. Pathetically my entire body heaved like it had just fought an entire pugilist bout. Without any words I snatched your hand and held it close to my chest. Closing my eyes allowed a hateful glare of emotion to turn into ash, but the sudden pressure of being trapped with people who wanted me dead was threatening me with rapid breaths. “All of them little mouse,
All of them.”
@killahxkylie
I swear I could feel the energy in the air change before you actually started to speak. It was almost like that feeling they warn you about before lightning strikes. You know when your hair stands on end on the back of your neck? At least this time it wasn't directed at me and in fact I found it weirdly comforting that I got to be your pillar of support standing by you while you went off on somebody else. At least I did until your teeth scraped against perfect cheek. It was obvious that it wasn't meant to be sexual and that it was fueled by hate but that didn't change the fact that a part of you was touching a part of her. I was the only one who was supposed to be allowed to touch you and vice versa.
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21:16
Nobody could deny that you were right and I could only assume that that's why they stayed quiet. It didn't surprise me that your father would let you die after what you had told me he did to your mother but still, you had a point. The more I learned about the people in your life the more I wished we could get away from it all. I didn't want to have to live a life like you did for as long as you did and I was willing to do unspeakable things to make sure we didn't have to. Your last loud dragged out word made me shrink in fear until you finally sat back in the seat with me. Your quickened breaths had me snuggling back into your side when you took my hand and I nodded against you in understanding. "All of them, my love. Every last one I promise." It really wasn't one that I could make with certainty but I did know I would stay by your side throughout whatever happened. Squeezing your hand three times I said what only we could share between us without words. "Whatever it takes."
Screaming hateful shit at everyone around you is a good way to make everything quiet and awkward. The only sounds after your reaffirmation of my murderous planning was hard crunching of rubber over loose set gravel. So familiar was the sound to my ears that driving over dirt did a better job of putting me to sleep then resting in a comforting bed. Only minutes after my outburst the backseat lullaby combined with mouse’s beating heart made a wonderful drowsy cocktail. Eventually your hand had fallen to my lap where my own finger traced the outlines of a moon-milk palm. When I would inhale the wafted aroma of us would fill my head like a spring time mix of herbs. I know you could feel the way it hardened my cock to a cutting edge, but now tension made me unwilling to outwardly participate. Besides it made a nice perch to rest your bony wrist upon. Only being separated by tight fitting sweats made it impossible to lose the flush blood inside.
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22:33
Being pinned beneath supple arm flesh helped our ride progress quickly. A handmade antique swing hung from a bended pole of copper. On its tip was a dangling bit of threaded cloth that my mother had hung there years ago. No one besides me knew this truth as I always feared its removal. Honestly I would spent more time on it if not for the fact it sat so far from the manor proper. The next hill we crested revealed where our kingdom would be managed from.
The Fedlt Washington Manor is a beautiful structure secluded within two hundred acres of privately owned forest. Glimmering spires of hemlock, fir, and pine surround the place with a blanketing hug of privacy. Each of the three stories progressed backwards into a far corner of the main building like stacked blocks. All of them were draped in perfect skirts of glass window, and over each terraced edge were hung vines adorned with various colorful flowers. A half circle drive dressed with three separate fountains all shown with polished edge that betrayed the land as well kept. Currently the cars were rounding the corner of a duck filled pond, and this offered a good view of the lowest floor. It was a wide half circle of crystal glass that displayed its interior of bar-tops, chairs, and couches without a shred of decency. Anyone naive to the abject power of wealth would be amazed to find such a perfect palace plopped in the middle of Washington woodland. I may have grown up around the flagrant display of power, but I knew my little baby hadn’t. “What do you think sweet girl? The pool house is out back, and the firing range tucked even further.” If only you knew how many inches of this place I had paced thinking of you.(edited)
A small smile tugged at my lips just from feeling the effect that I had on you. Even if we weren’t currently going to act on it it’s always a nice ego boost. Or at least it was with you, if anyone else were unable to not get hard around me I would likely be disgusted, everything is different with Ivon Feldt though. The sound of the gravel surprised me, honestly so did the entire scene. I still remember how shocked I was when you first told me about where you lived, your entire personality screamed fuck the outdoors yet here we were driving into a plush green haven. It was beautiful so far and I had only caught small glimpses of the surrounding wilderness through the windows. When we passed by the swing I wanted to ask about it, it looked like it was old and it definitely didn’t match what met my eyes next.
.
09:47
I had to sit up so I could lean forward and get a better view. The entire house was stunning, if you could even call it a house. It was bigger than any home I had ever set foot into and far more beautiful too. My mouth dropped open in a small ‘o’ at the sight of it. My eyes lit up in a smile when we passed the duck pond and you could hear them quacking away to each other. “This is incredible.” I breathed out, still looking forward in absolute awe. “It’s so beautiful, Ivon I’ve never-. It’s beautiful. I can’t wait to see the inside oh gosh and to get to go swimming! I haven’t been swimming in a pool in I don’t even know how long.” I had managed to stop myself from saying that I’ve never seen anything so beautiful up close but the pool comment slipped from my lips before I could think twice. I loved being in the water and before things went bad when I was a kid we used to go to the community pool all the time. I can still remember making my mom watch me dive over and over again when I first learned how. “Will you teach me how to shoot better?” I finally tore my eyes away from the window to look back at you and ask. If we were going to take down an empire it was probably a good skill to be polished up on.
@bonghitsforfeds
Soaking attention from you is a sinfully greedy act that never feels deserved. Although the moment you mentioned swimming proper my focus slipped. Dear God, what would you look like glistening with chlorinated water while draped in a thin laced swim suit. Already a rule was forming in my mind about not being allowed in the pool unless you are naked. How many cute sex-deals will we come up with little Mouse? Hearing you mention shooting swelled an extra embarrassing gallon of blood into an already flush cock. “I’ll teach you anything, my love.”
You had the calm focus of someone who would probably be good with a gun. Small hands and frame would make for a difficult time getting you used to recoil, but sharp wit and cunning survival do a lot for quick muscle memory. Cami in the pool, Cami at the gun range, Cami in my bed, and resting in a hot tub while bathed in moonlight. I had done it. All the way home by a swishy Mouse tail I drug you. Situational wisdom told me that staring at you with love sick eyes is a little disturbing, but nothing could keep me from drowning in the emotional ecstasy of this moment.
.
10:32
Our cars passed the fountains with rumbling care, and the most magnificent of the the three depicted a king chess piece draped in marble cape. “The other one used to be a Queen,” a bony finger lifted to point off toward a trickling basin void of art piece. “I guess after he murdered my mom and started fucking fake red heads he couldn’t stomach looking at it anymore.” The convoy was still rolling to a stop when Evelyn’s door flung open with a hateful huff. She almost tripped stepping from the moving vehicle, but Ill give her quick stumbling recovery some credit. Our driver didn't even flinch at the sudden exit, but he did step out of the car to give you and I a practiced moment of privacy. He had left the engine running, and now stood outside my window waiting for a motion to intervene. In our moment of shared solace I looked you square in the face and said, “You will find my love that everyone here runs from their problems.” My gaze flicked toward the front door, “Do you want to go take a real shower Mrs. Feldt?”
@killahxkylie
Sometimes you look at me like I'm truly the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Right now was one of those moments and the way it made my heart skip and flutter would probably be concerning to doctors. It was an intense look that honestly might come off as a bit creepy if I didn't know you but lucky for me I do and seeing the intense gaze made everything so much better. I peeked out of the window when you pointed to the fountain that was missing its most important piece and frowned. It was actually heartbreaking every time I learned more about what has happened to your mother and how your father tried to wipe away her entire memory. "You should put another one in. A king isn't complete without his queen you know." I managed a soft smile and squeezed your leg three times. The dramatic exit of the woman in the front seat only made me roll my eyes. It's not like the two of you were in an actual relationship when you stumbled upon me right? I couldn't wrap my head around why she was so upset.
.
16:03
"Well.. that will just make it easier to deal with them if we aren't running away from them right?" In all honesty there was a weird thrill in knowing we were going to take them all out and leave this life in the dust. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and we were both probably going to suffer in the process but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. "I would love to take a shower Mr. Feldt. And maybe I can borrow something comfortable of yours to slip into after?" I could already imagine us eating breakfast after a night, and knowing us a morning, of ravaging each other wearing nothing but some fancy button up. Or crawling into bed with you in nothing but one of your tshirts. Truth be told, I could probably spend more time in your clothes than my own and be content. "Show me this fancy bathroom that I've heard all about." I smiled and kissed your cheek before I took your hand so we could slide out of the car. A deep breath of fresh air was sucked into my lungs and in a strange way it felt like I was finally where I was meant to be all along.
Home.
@bonghitsforfeds
I rather enjoyed your insight into a King needing his Queen. It filled me with such buzzing happiness that I wanted to take you again in the car right now. Let them all watch as I ravage you backwards and forwards in the car before we even make it inside. A flick of my hand alerted to the chauffeur we were ready to exit. A click parted our door which was followed by a whoosh of woodland air. “Excuse me sir,” my words were directed at the polite member of staff who had drove us thus far, “I need to go turn this woman inside out.” With a playful tug I drug you from the backseat and before long we were both outside. A yet unforeseen doorman appeared to offer you his tuxedo jacket. “For the lady,” and then after a polite bow, “if she wishes of course.” Grabbing the soft textile from his hand I wrapped it around your waist and secured the expensive fabric by tying the arms together.
.
17:39
We were walking and talking now, and the huge box patterned double wood door was being held open for our entrance. I could only assume Evelyn had disappeared inside somewhere already, but truthfully I wasn’t paying much attention. “To answer your question from earlier little Mouse, you are welcome to wear anything you find in this building.” Passing underneath the entrance archway was like being splashed with a cold bucket of angel’s tears. Everything in here gleamed from the recent touch of cleaning service, and the long entrance foyer was line with plants and paintings. All of them were familial portraits. “Most of these date back to before the war.” An embarrassing resemblance rang true through most generations. All of them were beautifully crafted, “Supposedly they have all been done by the same family of artists… You’ll find tradition an annoying reoccurrence these parts.”
I tried to keep your attention as we passed the most recent addition to the hall, but it was impossible to contain those crawling eyes. Before the long entrance hallway ended with a spilling pour into lower living space there was a tall shiny painting of my father and I. A classic familial portrait depicted both of us near a cliff in France. I stood diagonally to his front, and had been about seven years old when the artwork had been commissioned. My curly hair fell into a pouty face, and the artist did a good job capturing the tense air between everyone that day. My father lorded over me with a wide and hard mask. Shiny blue eyes threatened to pull you into the drawing’s world, and a crooked scar danced his lower right chin. The only permanent thing my mother had left on this world besides me was that ugly mark across beautiful Feldt face. Honestly the man was almost prettier than me… almost. Absentmindedly I had slowed down as we passed it, and it felt awkward to not comment on it. “Believe it or not he’s taller in real life.”
A delicate smack met your arm along with a soft bubbling giggle when you explained that you needed to get us inside to turn me inside out. It's not like being shy was something that was necessary now after the driver had seen, heard, and smelled what we make when we fuck but now that we weren't shrouded in the space of the backseat I was feeling just that, shy. "Th-thank you." I cringed at myself for stuttering when the doorman offered me his jacket but I honestly hadn't been expecting such overt kindness. In fact it was just the opposite, I assumed that everyone was going to treat me just as poorly as Evelyn had. Maybe I had been wrong and things wouldn't be that bad. Maybe.
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17:58
Once we passed through the doors and into the house I found it was just as impressive as the outside if not more. Everything was so spotless it barely looked as though anyone actually lived there. I couldn't decide if that was a bad or a good thing, I mean who doesn't have anything out of place? I guess it's different when you have a staff of cleaning people though. Hopefully they didn't find me repulsive. Tucking myself back into your side I took a hold of your arm as we walked. "I can't believe we made it." My words were so soft as if I was going to disturb the long line of paintings on the wall. It was clear that they were all family because you shared so many of the same features. A couple of times my free hand reached out to run along the leaves of exotic looking plants and I couldn't help but smile.
It only faltered when we made it to a painting that had a different air about it. This one seemed tense and uncomfortable. It wasn't until I looked from you to the painting and back again that I put it together. This was the monster that we were going to be hunting. The one part about it that did manage to make me smile again was seeing you as a child, your curly hair, and that same pout that you still possessed. It made it even easier to imagine a future of little you and mes running around someday. "You were a really cute kid." Three squeezes planted themselves into your arm before I kissed you. "I never would have guessed you had such curly hair when you were younger. It's adorable."
@bonghitsforfeds
There were plenty of things I braced myself for you to say, but to hear you complement my image as a kid heated my face into an embarrassing blush. Behind us was a trailing line of people filling into the building. Most would take up posts on upper levels of the house, but a few would remain downstairs near doors. All of their faces were recognizable so at least there was a chance our guard hadn’t been compromised. When you squeezed my body in our private reminder of love I whirled my head to peek downward at you. That was when two soft lips sucked on mine in sweet passing hugs of saliva. When they parted my head still spun like a schoolboy’s first kiss. Shaking the stars from my eyes I wrapped my arm tighter in yours and said, “I bet you were cuter.” This man almost made the mistake of saying you needed to share embarrassing childhood photos later, but then I remembered they probably burned up in the fire. Better keep that one to myself.
Dragging you along, the lower floor revealed your new living area. It was three separate living rooms all plopped in an open floor plan that was well lit by the wall of windows. Couches, chairs, a pool table, multiple TVs, and an in house astrolabe sculpture accented the huge space in their respective places. “A couple months ago Evelyn said this room looked like a sports bar.” In a weird way she was probably right considering how many people had passed out in here drunk or high off their gourd. From multiple different far walls ran curving hallways to different sections of woodland mansion. In one corner was an elevator whose glass sides matched the rest of the building. Motioning towards it, “We usually use that for the delivery guys who bring kegs and stuff for upstairs.” It did feel like humble bragging to admit the upstair bar’s existence, but it was too much fun to keep wowing those big eyes.
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18:28
Without breaking stride I kept tugging you along to one of the aforementioned hallways whose sides were adorned with privately collected artwork. “That one was gifted by the royal family.” The simple image depicted was of a man fishing near a nondescript coast line. Plush carpets muffled our every movement passed never ending doors. Eventually we happened across a staircase that wound upward against a solid wall. “There are three staircases, but if you take this one it gets to the master bath faster.” We were alone for the moment, and the only noises were far off conversations between two members of staff. “This doesn’t feel real.” Halfway up I felt the need to share more, “You being here with me of course.” At the top were more doors, and a spindly chandelier hung to where its lights dangled through the stair’s spire. At the far end stood Evelyn. Currently a phone was pressed to her ear, and a nondescript conversation was taking place. She glanced over her nails before noticing our approaching forms, and after a roll of her eyes the gorgeous woman ducked into a doorway. “Do you want to hear about her now, or after I shove you around the shower?”
@killahxkylie
Evelyn. It hadn't even been a full day of knowing this woman and already I hated her with a passion. The knowledge that you two spent so much time together and lived in such close quarters, not to mention that she knew things she could only know if you had slept with her, made me so jealous it hurt. You mentioned her so casually and the feeling that sank in my stomach because of it had me letting out a sigh. I had hoped you didn't notice because I didn't want to ruin the moment of you showing me around. The entire place was so fascinating to me and it felt special to be shown around like this. I absolutely gawked at the glass elevator and when you explained what it was for I laughed in disbelief. "I can't believe people really live like this.. I can't believe I'm going to live like this."
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18:55
Curious fingers ran along the back of a couch as you tugged me along and I had to stop myself from doing the same to the artwork. I knew it all must have cost a fortune, especially after the mention of the royal family so I busied my free hand by playing with the gifted suit jacket that was covering me instead. "I know it doesn't, it almost feels like a dream. It's better than a dream though." You were better than a dream as weird and twisted as it sounded. When we made it to the top of the stairs and Evelyn was there I felt my stomach twist again wondering if her room was close to yours. "I have a bad feeling I'm not going to like what you tell me so maybe we should shower first…" My eyes were still trained on where she had been standing before she ducked away through a doorway. "Yeah, shower first…" I forced my eyes back to yours and smiled, the smile was real even with the less than ideal housemate floating around. I was still happy to be there with you after all. "I've been waiting to see this shower you bragged about for what feels like ages."
@bonghitsforfeds
There was a sun flare of anger that lashed out of my body and arced around the hallway at your implication of bad news. What’s pathetic is that you were right; the information I delivered was definitely going to piss you off. It was this moment of self realization that kept me from lashing out about it. There was also this creeping urge to treat you better than everyone else. It probably went without saying that you were supposed to treat your significant other better than your peers, but the feeling was one that was new to this sad vessel of a man. I wanted to go back in time and re-experience every memory ever lived, but this time with you stitched to my side. It felt like we had lived years before arriving home, and we were just getting started.
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19:22
“As you wish, little Moon.” After a bend in the hallway I opened a white door that led to my bedroom. This home’s master bedroom was rather extravagant. A four post bed draped in thin black and brown cloth took up the far center of the space. Two full sized wardrobes accented either side, and from there the room curved back toward us. A love seat, two reclining chairs, a television, and a telescope were the main features otherwise. Shelves also adorned the room and each were decorated with photographs of friends, trophies, and other worldly oddities. A single pile of clothes were strewn about an open suitcase in the middle of the room. Atop it rested a familiar pair of panties that had been stolen many moons ago. A blush of fear heated my spine and blossomed mid neck. There was a stirring of fabric as my hardening cock moved at the memory of skulking about your home. An open door on the side wall led to our heavenly bathroom, but before making a single move toward it my voice rose up in a sound of dark amber, “I never got to tell you in the Mercedes how I smelled those while hiding under your bed.” Slowly my head turned toward you, where a fuckable face peeked past midnight mane. “Did you know we have already watched a film together Camila Roberts?” I was so hard you were going to get sucked into orbit around the mass of my desire for you.
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19:22
I let your hand fall so I could cross to where they lay. Picking up the blue and white garment I ran it through my fingers in a familiar motion. It was the same worming dance of patterning digits I had done with the wire found within Chelsea’s blouse years ago. You didn't know this of course, but my mind was growing thick with secret memories of destroyed women. When I brought my gaze back towards you it still didn't feel real to have such a gorgeous beauty in here. How many models, wives, and athletes had graced this place? None of them made my chest detonate with fireworks of loving lust like those pools of grey did. After motioning toward the bathroom door I asked, “Will you do daddy a favor and stuff these in his mouth after he shows his princess her new bathroom?”
@killahxkylie
“Oh wow this is.. I mean I knew it was going to be incredible because so is the rest of what I’ve seen so far but wow” My eyes danced along the shelves and I couldn’t wait to be able to get a closer look at the photos, I wanted to learn everything about you and these people must mean something if you keep photos of them in your room right? When they landed on the open suitcase and the pile of clothes that was there my cheeks flared a deep red. They looked like a pair of mine and right as the thought ran through my mind you opened your mouth to confirm just as much. I knew I wasn’t crazy when I noticed things going missing. I couldn’t even meet your gaze when you looked at me because there was a weird storm of arousal and embarrassment roaring inside of me. “Something tells me we’ve done a lot of things together that I was unaware of.” The words came out so quietly that had the room not been silent they would have gotten lost before they ever even made it to your ears.
The room felt at least ten degrees hotter when you dropped my hand to go and pick up the pair of panties and the way your fingers danced along the fabric had me pressing milky thighs together. God you made me ache more than anyone ever had before. I truly didn’t even know that I was capable of being this turned on, especially not this often. I felt as if I was a woman dying of thirst and you were the well I couldn’t stop drinking from. My head fell down and back up again in a slow nod when you asked me if I would stuff them in your mouth after you showed me the bathroom. I should probably be disgusted that you wanted them in your mouth after they sat here, I’m assuming unwashed, for over a month. It only did the opposite though and before I could think too much about it I was moving for the bathroom door. “I’m surprised you don’t want to stuff them in mine.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Watching you activate like a little slut pylon in reaction to my handling of your stolen underwear was incredibly satisfying. Our time together meant I recognized the squirming of your legs as an awakening of a desire only recently appeased. No power felt equal to the one that flooded by body when you melted into a puddle over my simple movements. I could do whatever I wanted in this space with you and no one would stop me. In fact they would help me if requested. My eyes followed you across the room as a supple form made its way to a propped open door. Again and again my eyes would crawl the distance of your body like a hungry hawk. You were in the den of beasts now, and this monster was fucking starving.
You managed to push the door open before I joined up by your side. To say the space is exquisite would be an understatement. In fact the absolute brilliance of the place was so overdone that it was a tad bit embarrassing. A huge wall spanning shower was surrounded by gleaming bits of glass and stainless steel. Inside the space was paved with smooth cut stone and bits of sparkling granite. Two shower heads hung from separate sides, and from the roof in the middle was a rain spout. A bench wrapped the inside that was wide enough to lay three people beside each other. A full sized vanity stocked with a pathetic amount of facial beauty product sat opposite the shower. Another wide wall of mirrors and two sinks made up the yet to be described portion. Our entrance was automatically granted illumination by recessed smart LEDs, and a row of them twinkled above the impossibly clean shower walls.
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13:42
My voice piped up from right behind you, “The floor is heated, but it will take a minute because we just got here.” I wanted to mention that it prepared itself based on a computerized guess of when you would shower next, but saying ‘the house has to get to know you,’ is a little creepy. A large hand fell on your shoulder with a loving triple squeeze. Using that grip I guided you forward toward the sink’s countertop. You spun as directed and with a slight hopping lift I helped you to sit atop it. “Let me get the water ready for you, my love.” I kissed your bruised and stitched face before turning away to work at the touch screen mounted beside the bathing space. A few electronic pings later and a sputtering of water began to pour from both sides. “Be careful with the hot water here doll,” there was a pause as I opened the door to move around a set of shampoo and conditioner, “We have continuous water heaters and you will scald the fuck out of yourself.” Crossing the space back towards you I couldn’t help the beaming smile that lit my face at the sight of little moon. Standing in front of you I used a finger to drag a pouty face upward. I glanced at both sides of your neck like I was examining a prized show lynx. “Mrs. Feldt, do you mind if I undress you careful as snow fall and worship every inch of your body with a serviced shower?”
@killahxkylie
“This is.. This.. I mean it’s even better than I imagined it would be, Ivon.” My toes wiggled against the still cool floor, I didn’t even know you could heat the floors of your bathroom until this moment. “Everything about this place is beautiful.” I swear you could hear the absolute awe in my voice as you guided me over to the counter and then perched me on top of it like a precious porcelain vase. How long would it be that you would treat me so delicately before you added more cracks instead? I watched as you turned to get the shower going trying to pay attention to what you tapped on the screen to make it work. Who would have thought that smart showers were a thing? And endless hot water? I had a feeling I was going to be spending hours here just melting away in my own little slice of paradise. “That’s sort of incredible. I used to hate it when the hot water would run out. I feel like I could spend forever in here.”
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14:15
A soft laugh escaped me before your finger dragging my face up made my breath catch in my throat. It’s no wonder you have a list of women you’ve been with longer than I can imagine, who could resist this? If anyone was capable of it they were a much stronger woman than I am because you made me absolutely weak just by looking at me. Even just the structure of your face was enough to make me drool, I swear the gods themselves carved you from the finest marble. The most devastating features though would have to be your eyes and your lips. I swear every time you looked at me you could see down to my very soul, even when it wasn’t in a sexual way, every time your eyes met mine my heart would race. And your lips? Don’t even get me started because I would commit any sin imaginable to be able to kiss them. Am I actually the luckiest kidnapping victim to ever exist? Thinking about it that way made my lips curl into a smile. I think I’ve officially lost my mind and the craziest part is that I don’t care anymore. Maybe this is who I was really meant to be. “I would love nothing more, Mr. Feldt. Nothing makes me feel more spoiled than to have you caring for me.”
@bonghitsforfeds
If endless hot water and a nice shower is all it takes to blow the tires off of my favorite girl, then you are going to have a heart attack the first time I take you out for a night. All of your cute little comments made it so by the time I floated back into your presence my heart was hammering out new love spells. If it beats hard enough will it emblazon its thoughts on the inside of my chest cavity? At your mentioning of being spoiled I stole a few more head bobbing kisses from your mouth. They were slow and I allowed your tongue to pass further into mine than normal. After our lips parted with a wet pop I lowered myself down to tug your makeshift suit jacket off. When it fell to the floor with a fluttering plop I did the same to pull a shirt off over your messy head. All that was left now were cum soaked panties which slimed down your leg and soon joined the pile of removed clothing.
There she sat, on my bathroom counter. Her perfect spindles of milky leg flesh water falling over smooth countertop. Your thighs and ass spread out on its surface from the fleshy fat of their makeup. You were leaned slightly to the side, and it made for a nice angle to spill twirling strands of hair down your ribcage. You wore a mischievous smile that could down aircraft, but behind grey eyes you screamed lust. The removal of my clothing was less dramatic, but it did help to catch myself up to your state of undress. With an outstretched arm I waved for you to join me on the floor, and after you stepped down from the polished countertop I grabbed your hand to guide you forward.
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14:59
Stepping behind you into the shower made it easy to pull the sliding door shut behind us. The inside already steamed from hazy clouds of evaporated water. I couldn’t help the way my fingers leapt forward to stroke at your droplet glistened back. That movement got you to turn and face me where my arms wrapped around your back to pull you close by the midsection. My hardening cock pressed dutifully into the flesh of your torso while my eyes crawled the surface of your face. The only sound was our breath and trickling water, yet my heart beat so hard that God probably heard that too. After a peck on your nose I let the hug fall so I could gather up a gluttonous handful of lavender shampoo. The middle hoisted drizzle head made it so our hair was already soaking through with a fountaining outpour of warm water. With a commanding tone of pure ice, “Turn around and press your ass to my cock so I can work this into your messy hair.”
@killahxkylie
My heart raced harder and harder with every extra inch of skin that you revealed to yourself as if you had never seen me naked before. When you pulled the shirt up off of my head my nipples almost immediately tightened into buds from the cooler air and my hair fell with a soft swoosh back down my body. The flicking ends of a couple curls tickled against my side and I almost moved away until I caught you following their path down my body. God I hope you always look at me like this. My eyes drank in the sight of you when you pulled off your own clothes and added them to the small pile on the floor. For a flickering moment I wondered if you even knew how beautiful you are, but it was obvious from your behavior that you were at least a little bit aware of it.
When you reached out your hand towards me I hopped off of the counter with a soft thump before taking your hand. Stepping into that shower with you behind me felt like stepping into our own little oasis. It felt like we had earned this, after everything that we had to fight through just to get here, even if a good chunk of it had been me fighting against you in the beginning. We made it. We made it. We made it. The mantra played in my head over and over again as warm steamy water made its home on our bodies. Your fingers dancing across my back had me turning to face you and my god it should be fucking illegal to look so good. I wanted to tiptoe up to drink the water that was dripping from the ends of your hair and off of your chin. I would drink your entire being down if I could. “I love you.” Hushed words left my lips but they were raspy with an obvious growing hunger that had flames licking at my core.
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15:35
The tone in your voice when you told me to turn around left no room for argument, not that I even wanted to argue right now. I turned away from you and pressed myself back against your cock with ease trying and quickly failing not to grind against your when your fingers started working at my scalp. The soothing lavender along with massaging fingertips had me letting out such a satisfied groan. “That feels so nice.” The smell was so strong but also somehow delicate that it made me feel hazy, only adding to the love drunk feeling that was coursing through my veins. Even in the water I could feel my own need dripping down my thighs, it was impossible to control when the length of you was nestled right against my ass. There was something about being in your space, smelling the products you used, and knowing that you probably thought about me in here on more than one occasion that made me dizzy. At first the obsession scared me but I think I was starting to really understand it, I wanted to be so ingrained into every bit of your life that it was impossible to escape me.
@bonghitsforfeds
An expertly trained little princess plucked from her LA garden and smuggled home. At least transporting stuff that doesn’t belong to me finally paid off as a skill in life. A supermodel ass currently braced against my cock, and its owner was allowing me to ladle spoonfuls of heavy contact into her hair. Your head slowly bobbed against the scrubbing work of my fingers, and the encouragement you sent my way had me repeating laps of frothing circles just because I can. This fantasy had been lived out without your presence here, and while scrubbing the lather into lower lacey locks I said, “I came so hard to the memory of wrestling you on that back porch in this very spot that it made me *cry. “ The hateful hiss to my final word was accentuated by a rut of flush dick against wet rear.
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16:50
It was time to rinse it, and for this I turned you back around so you could dip lengthy midnight backwards. My fingers trembled with the silken effort to push washed suds from your head. A hot leak of my pre dripped from growing sex and disappeared down your belly. Now my words came slower and with more heat, “Just running my fingers through your hair is going to make me cum.” It wasn’t fair, how many people had shared this space with me? None of them ever made me drizzle icing onto my tiled floor with such disregard for reserves. There was a psychotic smile on my face as I said, “My fucking knees are wobbling, I- I can’t.” I had no words and it only made the corners of my lips crawl even wider. There were so many things I wanted to say to you right now. ‘I love you,’ was one of them. ‘Wrench my face off and eat the meat inside,’ was another one. None of these things seemed to fit the meltdown of psyche occurring within me. One of my soap covered hands slowly came to rest palm spread down on your chest. I felt every single heartbeat, and my hand’s spread was wide enough to poke at a wet neck. “Little Moon, I think this first load needs to be taken care of before I can finish this task.” A gentle push provided enough force to playfully shove you backwards. “Bend over my shower bench and let me put a baby in you.”
@killahxkylie
Just your words about cumming to the memory of wrestling me on my porch had my own knees wobbling and a whimper slipping past my lips. Never before had words had such a strong effect on me but yours painted such a pretty picture of your hand wrapped around a leaking cock with thoughts of me running through your mind and that was enough to undo a girl's sanity. "I was so afraid of you back then. I thought I was losing my mind." I pushed back against you one more time before you turned me around so you could tip my head back and start to rinse me. The familiar feeling of hot pre dripping out of you and onto me had my breath catching again. "You really love my hair don't you?" A smile painted itself onto my face again and when my eyes flickered open for a moment to look at you you had one just as wide. Could you really cum just from touching my hair like this? I really wanted to test it someday.
Today wasn't going to be that day though because you told me to bend over so you could put a baby in me and I almost tripped and fell like a baby deer when you pushed me playfully backwards. I did exactly what you asked and bent over the shower bench, obvious arousal dripping from my cunt and making my skin heat even more than the water. "Ivon~" It isn't even what I meant to say but apparently it's all my brain could conjure up after you made it short circuit. There was nothing more I wanted than to feel my belly getting all round from our sick exchange of love. To grow a little mix of the two of us from scratch. The images of you taking care of me during the entire process filled me with butterflies so strong I'm surprised I didn't float away. "Put a baby in me, please, I want it so bad. I've never wanted anything more."
@bonghitsforfeds
You have no idea how much I like your hair. When I look at it my chin will subconsciously tilt up, and a hot smoke of lust will fill my throat with a desire to roll around inside it. Having the very existence of my kink for your hair known amplified this experience higher. However even the perfect mane on your head was nothing in comparison to what you bent over and presented me. Its funny how we had already done this time and time again yet having the express permission to make this one a baby maker made the back of my balls tingle. Typically I would do something perverse like spit in my hand and wipe it through the mess of you, but all I wanted to do was bury my leaking cum-hose to the end of sweltering cunt.
.
20:06
Both my hands started on the top of your wet ass before sliding around to bony hips. I curled my fingers just enough to make the sky-flesh beneath them ripple with possessive energy. “I thought you’d never ask.” Was now a bad time to share the fact this man had a knock up kink? Not that any crazy Fedlt bastards were pillaging countrysides, but the fact it could happen is typically where my mind rested during sex. One of my hands left your rear to grab my cock and shove it home. There was a streaming band of me leaking half a foot down, but it got snipped off when half slid into seeping hole. The rising pitch to your warbling moan almost made me spill my load instantly. All I had done is stuff myself to the end, but already a tickling of pleasure was hazing my head with pink smoke. “Please, don’t move.” I was staring straight at the back of your thick mane. If any guiding thrust of flesh glistened my cock a single inch I was going to pour the fattest load you had ever taken into the base of your guts. “A single inch is going to ruin me, Mouse.” I could feel the fucking energy turn mischievous in the shower as our power dynamic flopped on its head. “I swear if you don’t let me soak the way my legs are trembling right now, I will scar your beautiful ass by biting a chunk out of it.” Part of me hoped you would just to see what I was willing to do. The other part wanted to stay soaking in your fuck-suana until we passed from malnourishment. “D-Do you think if I touch your hair it will be enough to make me fill you up little girl?”
@killahxkylie
It doesn't matter how many times you shove yourself inside of me, it's always just as good. I don't know if my body will ever get used to having you stretch me out because it's mind numbing every time, even if it hasn't even been a full day since the last time you buried yourself where you belong. Just feeling you had my nails dragging along the smooth stone bench and my eyes fluttering with pleasure. It really wasn't fair that you brought me so high so fast and so easy. How many times could we make each other cum in a row? We have to find that out someday too. "I-I won't." Resisting the urge to push back on you was next to impossible but somehow I was managing, I had already lost chunks of myself to you and I didn't want to lose a part of my ass. I like my ass. I think a part of me is always going to regret calling you pathetic for spilling into your pants that first night because now? Now the fact that I got you off so fast only turned me on and fed my ego. Has anybody else ever been able to do this to you? Had you had to beg other women not to move to keep yourself from losing it too soon?
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20:21
"Ivoooon~!" My head dropped down when you used that sweet name on me that had my legs trembling. Before you had come along I didn't even know I liked it so much but the second it left your lips I was always a goner. "Ivon please- I can't- that name-" The rest of my words trailed off into a high pitched whiny moan as my cunt pulsed around your thick cock in a desperate attempt to get you to fuck me. I tried to distract myself by watching the drops of water dripping off the ends of wet midnight but I was so needy for you I felt like I could claw right through this bench. "Pull my hair, find out if it's enough, please just do something daddy I can't take it I need you so bad it's like torture please I've been such a good girl for you today please!" If you didn't move soon I honestly might have to kiss a chunk of my ass goodbye because my entire lower half was shaking with the effort it was taking not to fuck myself on your cock.
@bonghitsforfeds
I am a strong man. I’ve murdered two women and gotten away with it. If that doesn’t make me strong in some regard it at the very least makes me clever. You may argue that killing women doesn’t make you a tough guy, but you’d be surprised the level of scrappy a girl can summon when cornered in their own home. In a way you were cornered in a home now, its just the implement I was using to pin you against the wall was one of man and meat. Another thing in common with what we did and murder is sweet screams filled the space around me. I’d likely have had an epiphany of character if not for the fact there was no blood in my brain.
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21:52
Then a whole lot of crazy shit started happening all at once. You told me to pull your hair, which combined with a good girl and a daddy were enough to literally knock my mind prone. “You are the best girl.” Truth be told the goddess bent over my shower siding deserved better words. As my arm reached out toward your mane little droplets of water exploded off my skin in clear splashes. Everything seemed so lucid, and my brain was so full of endorphin I bet a lick of my skin would taste of sugar. The very fucking second my fingertips curled through curtains of dark my cock started pumping. Both my eyes shot wide as my hand clasped shut through running locks. “Baby! Honey, please!” Why was I calling for help? And why did I expect you to provide it? There were no answers to these questions, but there was lots of cum being dispersed into your pussy. Two pulses of the thick stuff had already poured forth by the time I actually managed to yank your hair back. Lucky for you my muscles kicked into memorized gear and fucked the mess to the end of your cunt. It must have felt good judging by the songs splitting your throat, and I chorused your cries in matching moans of my own. This was nirvana, and I probably looked mad with the tears streaming down my face. “God, I love you! I love you~~” All of my insides liquified into a mess that splurged deeper and deeper. My knees threatened to give out, but I wanted to keep pounding you further dead until I couldn’t take it anymore. This was a cute thought that translated poorly into action, but it did win you a few dozen more whimpering thrusts.
@killahxkylie
Sometimes I open my mouth before I can actually think about what I’m saying. I realized that when strong fingers tangled themselves into my hair and I immediately felt hot cum starting to pump into me. Your cries for help had me pushing back against you regardless of what the consequences may be for it, I needed you as deep as you could get. “All of it I want all of it!” Every time you pushed your hips forward I pushed mine back to meet them and when you finally yanked my hair back my knees buckled. This was some sort of combination of the soft love we had been sharing the past twenty four hours and the rough love I was used to and it was so perfect it was melting my mind into pink goo. The combination of our moans bouncing off the walls was so loud I wondered just how many people could hear it at that moment. “Oh my god oh my- I love you too, I love you so fucking much, I love you!” Your words had completely taken me apart and my reply was practically screamed as a mix of our cum ran down my thighs. “Fuck, Ivon, I love you~!”
.
14:51
I kept pushing myself back on you to meet every single thrust until my legs were shaking so badly that I couldn’t anymore. Pulling away with a pathetic whimper I turned to face you again and wrapped my arms around your neck so I could meet your lips in a sweet and heated kiss. My tongue pushing deep into your mouth again and every pass of lips making a wet smack. “Ich liebe dich.” My pronunciation was still a little off and it made me blush but I hadn’t stopped thinking about hearing you say it since you had gifted me with the words. “Do you think you’ll be able to finish washing my hair now because if I don’t get some conditioner in it I’m going to look like a homeless poodle.” A giggle fell off of my lips and onto yours as rivulets of water dripped between our faces, my wildest dreams never would have been able to conjure up just how truly perfect this moment felt. If only I thought it would last. I knew once we were done in here we were going to have a conversation that I was going to hate. Would we make it through it without exploding on each other for once?
@bonghitsforfeds
There are no words disgusting enough for the pure acts of filth we committed together. I also couldn’t think of phrasing that was powerful enough to describe the way my brain would float in pleasure. Higher we pushed each other’s fragile little minds. The way we came apart plugged within each other this time was another new record. The very moment my red hot tip became too sensitive our linking made it to where you knew. A beautiful Lunar end peeled off my core and whirled to meet my lips. After our roaring finish I hadn’t expected such vicious pressing of tongues. After the third deep dive of your slimy mouth tentacle I couldn’t help but laugh at the assault. When they parted with our customary slurp your pathetic attempt at speaking natively forced my lower lip into a quivering smile. “What a beautiful song, little Mouse.” After that I took the time to peck a few dozen kisses into various important spots of your face. Nose, both eyes, two cheeks, and many other bits of flesh made the cut.
Your request for conditioning had me disguising tiny moans as short coughs. “Camila, there is a gun under my bed inside a Nike shoebox. If I ever answer the question of cleaning your hair as a ‘no,’ I want you to kill me with it.” Your giggles were enough reward to press another kiss into wet forehead. “A poodle you would be, but not a homeless one.” Pressure from our upcoming conversations pressed inward so hard that this space of ours was going to turn into a diamond. At least we would morph into something together.
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16:25
Grabbing the shower head hose from its mount allowed me to drag it over to where we sat on the tiled bench. My legs were wrapped around you in our favorite reverse hug, and this allowed me good access to thick Cami curls. I gave you two passing coats of conditioner, and I felt bad for how many strands of the stuff came out during brushing. The wet hair comb did an excellent job ridding you of loose bits, but I could tell you were oddly embarrassed by how much loss there was. “It’s normal when you haven’t had a good shower in so long.” A kiss atop your water caped back separated both statements, “A few months study at your temple will make me an excellent craftsman of your locks.” After a final rinsing of it I gifted myself several nuzzling passes of my face through the shiny draping of perfect black.
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16:25
There were still many tasks to our cleansing dance. My entire form had yet to be touched, and your body still needed scrubbing. Seeing your bruised form in my home filled me with an immense blast of guilt and responsibility. Slowly I fell to my knees in front of you, and with unworthy fingers picked up a spindly leg. Kisses started at your ankle and crawled the skyscraper of flesh until passing a knee. Twenty more smooches between there and hip. There may have been a hundred wet physical sorries placed up your torso, and by the time I got to your face my entire mouth ached from the silly effort. When our heads met at level height I had to lean up on the bench to not slip. This meant one of my hands was now in-between your still slimed legs, but the placement was not one of overt lust. There were no kisses planted into your angular face, however my other hand wrapped the back of your head to bring our foreheads together. If energy could be passed between people it was happening now in our head to head hug. I spoke in a quiet voice as my water glittered lips flipped droplets forward. “Thank you for giving me a real chance. If our future if a family… then its a future you granted me… and I-“ God, this shit is so fucking hard. “I just love you.”
@killahxkylie
You had a point. I suppose I wouldn't be a homeless poodle but nevertheless I didn't want to be a poodle, I hated it when my hair was frizzy especially after it had taken me so long to figure out what works on the god forsaken mop. I loved my hair but man was it a lot of work. When you sat me on your lap in our classic leg hug I let my eyes close for the majority of the time. When they fluttered open and I saw just how many of the long strands had plucked themselves from my head my cheeks heated in embarrassment. "No I mean.. I know I just-." Feel disgusting because I haven't been able to take care of myself right for so long. "It's just a lot." Your kiss to my back made me sigh and I nodded a little. "I can't wait until you learn all the tricks, my love." It made me feel special that there was a part of me you were so obsessed with. It also made me feel strangely powerful because it was all too easy to chop hair off. I wonder how mad you would be if you came to find me one day and it was gone.
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16:45
When you looked at me from your place on the floor in front of me there was a glint of something I didn't see too often in your eyes. Before I could ask what it was you started kissing up my leg and for some reason the action made my eyes well up with tears. You didn't even need to say the words for them to be heard loud and clear. Maybe the soft press of apologies into pale skin was even better than a spoken sorry. By the time you made it up to press our foreheads together your lips were pinked and kiss swollen and I let out a watery laugh before sniffling. Why did I always have to cry? My fingers found their way into your hair to hold us together too as I found my own words. "I.. I know this might sound strange but thank you for finding me. Thank you for choosing me and.. and for sharing your life with me. I love you so much more than I thought I could ever love a person, Ivon."
I let us stay just like that for a while longer, our bodies saying words that our mouths never could, before I pressed a soft kiss to your nose and pulled away. "Your turn, my love." A smile found my lips and I stood up so that I could get the shampoo and work it into your hair, that same heavenly lavender filling the steamy room once more. "This stuff is enough to put someone to sleep. It's so relaxing." Delicate fingers massaged your scalp until there was an adequate lather and I tipped your head back to rinse and then condition you. "Will you share all of your showers with me from now on?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Thank you for choosing you? That was a dash of crazy bubbling to the top of your ruined psyche. What’s even more fucked up is I could tell by the shining love in your eye that you meant every word. Not only had I plucked the most beautiful woman in LA off the street, but I had found one who was willing to take my ruined attraction. “If I got to re run my life in a sick repeated simulation forever, I would choose you every single time little Mouse.” More undeserved gifts were meteor showered onto me as you worked bony fingers into my hair. My mind was still melting down on the fact you somehow felt strange to admit being chosen as I watched purple suds flow down the drain. “It’s not just your hair you know.” More perfect Cami pieces rubbed my scalp as we spoke. “Your hands too, my love, that night I slept underneath your bed I watched them hang off the side.” The lightless atmosphere of the evening had cast a black and white glow to everything, and it amplified the memory with a dreamlike essence.
There had been more to add, but mushing my head in circles distracted me from any thought. “It’s imported. The shampoo.” Further explanation would have kept me from directly responding to your cute admission to sharing every bath. “There will be few moments we spend apart, I think.” It wasn’t enough. “But yes, I promise to spend all of them by your side.” Are we cheesy? Fuck yeah. But are we hot and better than everyone else? Also yes.
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18:02
Now that our hair had been cleaned it was time for body wash. There were a row of different cleansers on the wall, and I chose a fruity mix for us to share. “All your stuff was citrus.” A fat glob of the stuff was spurted onto a loofa which I very quickly began to scrub into your skin. Occasionally you would wince when I passed over a wounded portion, and each time I helped you by kissing the pain away. Already my fingers were growing pruny, but I would spend forever in here until we homogenized with the water before flowing away. When you had mostly been washed off my stomach growled with a horrible noise. “Did you know that your boyfriend has a chef on staff?” Now would be an embarrassing time to admit that he hadn’t touched my kitchen in months. “Can you think of something we should have for dinner doll?” Forgive me for rushing the conversation onward, but a warm meal was going to be mouth sex after our jaunt through California hell.
@killahxkylie
"I like fruity things, what can I say?" I laughed softly as you worked to slather the fruity bubbles over my body, washing away the last week. "I hope we're not apart often." And definitely totally one hundred percent not because I wanted to make sure nobody else could get close to you. At least that's what I'll tell myself. Pain would occasionally make itself known under your touch but the way you kissed it away made it almost worth it to feel it in a weird way. The butterflies that had been fluttering around in my stomach had become so strong from your words about choosing me over and over again and the way you were being so sweet with me still that I hadn't even realized I was starving too until I heard your stomach. I couldn't help but laugh at the sound of the angry grumble it was so normal of you that it almost caught me off guard.
Hearing you call yourself my boyfriend only added more butterflies into the mix, especially knowing that as long as things went to plan it wouldn't be long before you were using the word husband instead. "Hmmmm this may sound absolutely terrible but I want nothing more than a big juicy burger.. or sushi? Ugh it's been so long since we've gotten to have whatever we want it's hard to choose!" I hummed again thinking it over as I took the liberty to start washing you. The way you flinched when my hand smoothed over bruised rib flesh made me pout and I copied your gesture of kissing over the pain after. "I could just eat you instead." I teased before nipping at your arm playfully. "Actually, you know what sounds delicious? Some buttery garlicky pasta with shrimp. I haven't had pasta in much too long and I think I'm experiencing withdrawal from carbs."
@bonghitsforfeds
The more you talked about food the more I grew woozy with the effects of hunger. Burgers, sushi, and pasta? That was a lot of hopping between different food types. Had you not added the bit about noodles I’d have likely suggested we do both of the first two for the hell of it. Although you must have read my mind because shrimp was exactly what I had beeh thinking about as well. “I’d probably let you take a bite out of me under the right circumstances.” It’s probably fucked up to imply that I am important enough to warrant cannibalism aftercare even though you hadn’t been. “We would call it pay back after our little road trip.” Is there something wrong with me that I can recognize the right and wrong in things, except I just don’t give a fuck for the empathetic debt? My mouth parted without a thought, “Call me a psychopath, but you are the only creature on this planet I have ever felt guilt for.”
Two women had met their end by my hands. That was if you only counted the people I had directly killed. During the spilling of both their souls my heart hadn't shed a single tear for their loss. That wasn’t to say I didn't have nightmares or regrets, but rather that I held my own discomforting reaction more distressing then their actual suffering. Oh well, it was easy to ignore considering I was naked with the moon itself.
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20:30
Talks of dinner made it easy to clean myself off. It was embarrassing how red my skin got after being scrubbed of filth. “See my love, you aren’t the only one who shows signs of bad hygiene.” We both knew that our sad state was a reflection of our trials survived, but my goal was to make you feel better. After rinsing myself a final time my lungs were so full of steam that I felt cleansed inside and out. A palm of the touch screen shut the valves off with a smooth hiss, and not long afterword I draped you in a fluffy green towel. A second was passed to your hands for the waterfalls of raven locks, but mine was short enough to get by in a single towel. Wide glass doors, tall ceilings, lunar beauties, and budding obsession. Every step was bliss, too bad it was my turn to fuck up.
“Do you want to borrow Evelyn’s clothes?”
@killahxkylie
Everything was good. Everything was so good in fact that stepping out of the shower felt just as otherworldly as stepping in. The fluffy towel felt like a small slice of heaven, maybe it was in my head but it felt softer than any towel I had ever felt before. Taking the extra one I started to scrunch my curls into it, squeezing as much water out as I could with each pass. I was definitely going to have to go shopping for some actual product and some leave-in oils if I wanted to keep it in as pristine condition as before you plucked me off the street.
'Do you want to borrow Evelyn's clothes?'
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20:50
Everything felt like it slowed down the moment those words left your lips. I had just scrunched my hair into the towel again and my hand froze there wrapped around the midnight curls inside as my eyes drifted to you and tried to pierce your skull. Did you really just fucking ask me that? My brain started moving too fast for me to keep up. The first thought was why in god's name would I want to wear that woman's clothes when she so clearly wanted you for herself, and you two had obviously had something together. The second was that maybe it would piss her off to see me wearing them but it didn't make me feel good like I thought it might. The thought just made my stomach turn. I'm sure it was just a nice gesture you were trying to make but it infuriated me just the same. "Why would I want to wear her clothes of all people?" Somehow I managed to pull off my own miracle and didn't ask you outright if you were too stupid to remember me asking if I could wear yours. "She already hates me and I'd rather not wear the clothes you've probably peeled off of her before." I really didn't want to fight but jealousy was bubbly hot and nasty inside of me and I could feel toxic words crawling their way up my throat. "I'm not Evelyn so no, I won't be dressing like her. Sorry if that's a disappointment." I'd still have the clothes we bought if it weren't for you anyway. Okay so technically it's because I punched you in the face and got taken away but if you hadn't ruined my career that wouldn't have happened, so, it's your fault.
@bonghitsforfeds
You ever fuck up so badly you can hear God’s voice in your head screaming about your one ineptitude? His voice was so strong in its bellowing currently that my skull was about to chip apart like the flaking metal of a rusty car frame. Tension filled our space hot as the sun’s rays, and I bet if a match lit this very second that our entire two-hundred acres would erupt into hell fire. Your first question was glazed with so much hatred that I wasn’t sure an answer was wished for. My guesses were proved correct when you immediately somersaulted into the mean statement about peeling her clothes off. Okay so its time to fight. A repeating chord of anger strummed within my heart. In my defense of the madness lurking within me I did a good job trying to avoid it. The final little quip about dressing like her did it for me.
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21:29
I was dry enough now that moving around was easy without slipping. Not that I planned on doing anything physical, but it made my crossing to your personal space quicker than anticipated. “Did you know that I made her sign a release of medical information request so my estate can make sure she is on birth control?” There was a slight twitch to your face that suggested this information did something to stir reason within you, but those steely eyes remained unwavering. “There are many signed pieces of stupid paper that make it to where if she fucks up and gets pregnant we can then legally sue her.” There were countless differences between you and she, but of course the right ones weren’t coming to mind in between emotional flaring. It hadn't been my intention, but my voice began to rise in volume. “You haven’t the slightest fucking idea what is being sacrificed for you to be here.” Now I was closer and my hissing words brought with them flying droplets of spittle. They were landing on your face in craters of hateful impact. Maybe the smell of my breath on your face will remind you the beast the creeps around you? “Everything of her’s is mine! Her entire life is a lie anyway, so I thought maybe you’d be grateful enough to wear some of the never worn clothing that rots away in bags!”
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21:29
Whirling from your teary eyed form I stormed from the bathroom. Surrounded by my own bedroom made it harder to smash things to bits. Now my voice carried toward you from where I stood a room away. “God forbid one ungrateful cunt on legs in this entire building just put the fucking clothes on! No! We are all to good for it because in some roundabout technicality they belong to someone else!” Did you know the articles of Evelyn’s I mentioned had never been opened? It didn't matter, if I approached you right now those falling water droplets of pain would send me into a murderous fugue state. “What does it take?” The question was aimed at everything and the world. Embarrassment of my own temper coupled with the anger over fresh tears. “Goddammit!” A fist into porcelain decoration sent the image of earth shattering into tiny bits. “Fuck!” Another fist into the same surface statue had sat upon did nothing but make loud noises and hurt my hand. “Fucking cunts!” It was just curse words and smashing after that. Eventually you will both grow tired of my stupidity and flee, its just that only one of you would be followed.
Why can’t you understands that?
@killahxkylie
If there is one thing in my life that has managed to remain constant since I was a child it was the thought of ‘I shouldn’t have said that’ running through my mind. I could have easily just taken the clothes and let myself feel like crawling out of my skin but instead I had to go and run my mouth. Hell I could have even just calmly explained why I didn’t want to wear her clothes instead of having an attitude about it but I think the option of calm had flown out the window when she kissed you at the airport and you didn’t do anything to stop her. Angry words about forced birth control were leaving your lips and I couldn’t help but wonder if you really thought that would make me feel any better. Did you expect me to throw you a party for not knocking up the girl your father hired to keep you on a leash? When you got close enough to yell in my face I tried not to flinch even though it was terrifying for me after what had happened to me. “Well good for fucking you Ivon I’m so happy that you can cum in her whenever you want without having to worry. That makes me feel SO much better! If you’re sacrificing SO MUCH to have me here then why even bring me home?!” I hurled the words at you as you walked away into your bedroom.
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10:22
“How was I supposed to know they were never worn?! I’m sorry that I’m not accustomed to being a gold digging whore with bags of untouched things rotting in my closet!” I really hoped that the red headed cunt was close enough to hear that. “I guess I am the bad guy though for not wanting to use some other woman's things even though I asked to just borrow some of yours until I could get my own! HERS DON'T EVEN FIT ME RIGHT!” I really couldn’t understand why you were so angry with me for not wanting to use her things. You couldn’t even hear about me with another man in the past without becoming enraged but here I was living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed as where you fucked countless other women, including one who still lives here.
.
“You’re a fucking hypocrite.” The words came out mumbled through tears as you went on a rampage breaking things. I had to lean against the door frame to keep myself from curling into a scared ball on the floor at the volume and violence of it all. It wasn’t your fault I was terrified right now, well it was, but it was only from the trauma of the past week. “You expect me to just be okay with the fact that she CLEARLY wants you to herself but any time I even breathe a word about having been with anyone else in the past you look like you want to kill me. It’s not FAIR IVON I’VE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING TO BE WITH YOU AND YOU’RE SCREAMING AT ME OVER NOT WANTING TO WEAR SOME WHORES CLOTHES?!” My volume had significantly risen and I had spit the words out with so much venom I could feel my cheeks turning red from the sheer anger flooding my body. “So how about YOU tell ME WHAT IT FUCKING TAKES! OTHER THAN NOT MAKING ME SIGN PAPERWORK BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY WANT A BABY!"
@bonghitsforfeds
I couldn’t move past this lump of selfish anger in my throat. What you said regarding Evelyn was correct. It’s very likely they wouldn’t fit you, and even if they did you wouldn’t want to wear them anyway. This was plain as day to me now, but the way you delivered the information to me was distressing. I hadn’t even meant it to be a jab or rude proclamation. Now I know what its like to have your partner react with pointless fits over something that should be plain and simple. Every added shrill note to our exchange tightened the rip cord wrapping up my heart. The lack of love-flow made it easy to ride right past every part of my mind screaming to not hurt you.
Your mistake had been moving to the doorway. Physically seeing your level of hysterics was enough to push me over the cute crazy edge. A splitting headache rocked my head, and a stumbling step sent me bounding off a wardrobe. Tiny bits of broken porcelain clattered around the top, and my hand latched around one of the sharpest. For a moment while you yelled at me I rotated the shiny shard in circles enjoying the glinting cascade of light across its ruined surface. The thought of it passing through your body like a hot knife through watermelon didn't seem pleasing as just squashing you flat. Right after the word baby met your mouth a spinning book clattered off the doorframe next to your head. I had been aiming for your face, and the next one I tossed found home in the flesh of your ribcage.
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13:20
Your yelp did wonders to cure my anger, and the next three tomes landed in various spots around your body. After that I crossed the space to lunge for you. Ample practice at dodging my madness made it so you started backing up at my approach. My first two arm lunges for you didn't even make contact and only broke air as they whipped past your form. The third managed to brush my fingertips across your shoulder, but multiple bouts made it to where you kept slipping my grasp. After that I took up a tall posture where I stood. “Come to my house, rile me up, and now you have the indecency to run away from me?” Should I just kill you here? I’d probably have done it if not for the fact Evelyn would hold it over me forever. Part of me wanted to storm out and leave you crying alone, but it didn't feel climactic enough. Slowly a pale arm rose and a finger at its end pointed at the floor in front of me. “Come here, Mouse.” If you decided to disobey there would be a blood spilled in the Feldt Estate tonight.
@killahxkylie
Every cell in my body should have known better than to keep pushing and pushing because there was only going to be so far I could push you until your tantrum was aimed at me instead of the room. I managed to find that line with lightning speed and when the thick book slammed against the wall next to my face all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open in a tiny 'o'. That didn't last long because the next one made contact with my ribs and the pain that shot through me took my breath away and produced a yelp. They just kept coming and even trying to block them it still hurt. I was already broken. Why did you insist on trying to break me even more? My anger quickly turned to tears that were hard to even see through when you started trying to lunge for me. "Stop it! Stop it, I'm already hurt enough Ivon!" They were pitchy wobbly cries and I was growing sick of the way my body made it so obvious when I was afraid.
.
14:19
I wanted to point out the fact that it's not as though I just dropped by as some guest like you made it sound. As if I had willingly just popped by the house and then started throwing a fit. The part of my brain that was terrified of anything angry right now kept me from saying it as you would probably just get more angry, not to mention I did choose to come here with you. Or at least I made the illusion of a choice since you had already admitted you were never planning on letting me go. After swallowing past a thick lump on my throat I padded over to where you were pointing on trembling legs. I hated how afraid I was. Even before when I was afraid of you it hadn't ever been this bad but flashes of large dirty hands bruising porcelain skin kept flashing through my mind every time your voice raised or you hurled something in my direction. "I hate her, Ivon. I don't want to wear her clothes, I barely even want to sleep in a bed I know she's been in. I'm jealous and it makes me mad and I'm sorry I'm sorry please don't hurt me please." Everything came out so choppy through terrified tears that I wasn't even sure if you would be able to understand what I was saying, what I should have just explained from the beginning. Or if it would matter at all now that I had already filed you up.
@bonghitsforfeds
Screaming stop did a surprising job at halting my assault of you. When the fuck have I ever cared about someone wanting things to be over? While spiraling through that layer of insane I was next tasked with grappling the fact you actually walked over to stand in front of me when asked. For a few heartbeats our eyes just remained locked to each other. Its honestly kind of surprising you got so hurt about having the book tossed at you after what we have been through. Do you really still think me incapable of harming that fragile doll body? I suppose it made sense that you may hope for it considering I had promised a few times to not do it as much. It had been a day since direct pain had been inflicted right? Pathetic how given time I will likely soon master the art of harming you without leaving a mark.
Before there was anymore time for my ego to work out an evil plot you spilled out the ramblings over Evelyn. What you said at first was something we could definitely both agree on. I hated the stupid fiery haired cunt too, but for the immediate future we were both stuck with her. Sadly I felt my guts churn over you being upset over sleeping in the same bed she had. Is that how you feel about my body? Am I just a bed that other women have walked through? It wasn’t fair to bring up after giving you such direct hell for being with other men. Although, now that I thought about it I had never been mean over your body count, just declared I simply have no wish to hear about it.
.
14:47
Then there was this annoying ball of love that beat in my chest for you no matter what. Hearing you sadly proclaim such honesties snuffed my temper with surprising ease. Part of me wanted to reach out and touch you for behaving so well in walking over. Unfortunately even thought the hate had left my body, this man’s ego still swelled with vengeance. Inwardly I had already capitulated to finding another place for us to sleep for the night, and to make sure anything you wear had never been claimed by the woman. The other much stronger part of my character screamed at me to make a whore know her place. You were lucky my balls had already been drained tonight. My lips parted with smack, “Why don’t we get dressed in some stuff out of my drawers, and then go bug the chef for dinner?” There was a pause as one of my hands reached out to flick at your belly. The tiny impact undoubtedly hurt, but we both knew it was leagues less than typically dispensed. Arguably a playful move all things considered. Finally I said, “Afterwords we can go prowl the house for a place to sleep until we get new furniture ordered.” It was no apology, however it was better than beating it into you. Truthfully I almost did dispense a real sorry, but pride is a harder rock to erode than malice.
@killahxkylie
Standing there in front of you like this was like willingly putting yourself within striking distance of a cobra knowing there was a fifty fifty chance it was going to inject you with its venom and leave you to die a painful death. At first my eyes had been on yours but eventually holding the contact became too much and I let mine fall to the floor. I swear even the large room felt like it was closing in on me waiting to see how you were going to react to my words, it felt like I was going to suffocate and choke on the sobs I was trying to keep inside. Get it together you weak bitch. I couldn’t though. I was scared. Scared of being physically hurt again, scared of you tossing me out into the forest and deciding I wasn’t your problem anymore, scared that you would decide Evelyn was the better fit for you. Scared. Scared. Scared. God I was getting so tired of being afraid of everything. How was I supposed to make it stop?
.
15:10
When your lips finally parted I visibly shrank into myself expecting more angry words, what met my ears instead though had my eyes floating back up to meet yours. Should I have just been honest to begin with or would you have blown up either way? I guess it didn’t really matter because you weren’t tossing me to the floor and kicking me around like a well loved soccer ball. A yelp and wince were an instant reaction when you flicked my stomach but all things considered it was the least painful thing you could have done. A nervous laugh bubbled out from my chest as I wiped my eyes over and over again trying to get the tears to stop. My head bobbed up and down in a nod before I said a watery “O-Okay.” The fact that you were willing to order new furniture spoke volumes and now I just felt guilty for reacting like such a bitch when you were probably just trying to be nice. Something that was foreign in itself. Hesitantly I made my way over to pick out something to wear from your clothes and settled on a soft looking sweater and a pair of silky pajama bottoms that I had to roll at the waistband a few times to make not drag on the floor. “Thank you. Um-. For the furniture thing I just-. I know it’s stupid but I don't know.. I want our space to just be ours.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Hold the fucking phone, are you telling me that defusing a broken woman’s tantrum can be just as satisfying as causing it? When you melted into the puddle of ‘okays’ I beamed with such a shining bolt of pure pride that I was going to burn through the floor. Had I actually made you feel bad for it too? Maybe punching straight through every problem isn’t the best solution… Perhaps I should provide my personal life the same liberties I do the idiots at work. Although, it felt bad to compare you directly to those fools. One of the most disappointing aspects of people is how we can be so boringly similar. We want to think ourselves above the churn of shitty personality traits. Unfortunately the only assholes free of hating themselves for it are the ones lacking self awareness. It has to hurt less when the reason everyone hates you is a huge mystery.
You only got a few steps from me before I hovered over to observe your selection. A quiet, “Those ones are soft,” is all I could manage as a light tension breaker. I knew my behavior gross and uncalled for, but the same amount of me enjoyed watching others squirm in discomfort. The only thing I enjoyed more is when we teamed up and directed the hateful energy outward. My personal selection ended up being boxers, a similar pair of silky bottoms, and a loose fitting t-shirt whose collar betrayed designer brand.
.
15:30
God, everything looks stunning on you, even boy’s clothing. It’s not fair how no matter what situation you crawl out of those perfect shoulders mount beauty above and below. My stupid mouth almost parted to offer you a hair tie, but I wasn’t sure if the object also fell underneath the umbrella of ‘Evelyn’s stuff.’ Expertly avoiding broken statue led me to a bedside table drawer that had some various loose tools. Among the pen’s, notebook, and handgun magazine were a small pile of rubber bands. After plucking out one I made my way back over to where you nervously hovered. “These belong to me.” You’d laugh at the amount of careful effort I was exerting to not piss you off again. If only we could both communicate without tip toeing around boundaries that don’t need to exist in the first place. My warm hands wrapped up yours to dispense the cheap piece of rubber. “Just incase you want to put that hair up after it dries.” Now I felt silly standing so close to you with nothing else to say. Big lips were close to mine. After a dip of my eyes and a roll of bottom lip I offered an arm before saying, “Dinner time, meine Liebe?”
@killahxkylie
I peeked over curiously at you when you went over to the bedside table, for all I knew you could have quickly changed your mind and decided to whip a gun out to scatter my brains across the wall and ceiling. More guilt sank in my stomach when you produced a rubber band and the fact that you didn’t offer an actual hair tie to avoid hurting my feelings further was obvious. It didn’t go unnoticed that you were actually putting more and more effort into not being a twenty four seven asshole to me. “Thank you.” I smiled softly and slid the rubber band onto my wrist. I wasn’t about to ruin the thoughtful gesture by telling you that an actual rubber band would snag and make an absolute disaster of my hair. Taking your arm to make our way back out of the room and into the hallway felt so natural, it was honestly sort of incredible how quickly we could go from at each other's throats to being lovey dovey again.
“What does that mean? Meine liebe?” Pronouncing that one wasn’t as difficult for my tongue as ‘I love you’ but I was determined to learn and be able to say every little slip of native tongue you gifted to me. Had we not drained each others bodies so many times already today I would have asked you to push me up against the wall and fuck my brains out again because of it. The thought made me smile because I had a feeling that eventually every inch of this place, even the rooms that belonged to other people, would be marked with our twisted dance of love, lust, and hate. “I love hearing you speak German, I don’t know if I said that the first time you ever did it for me but I do. It feels.. Special.”
@bonghitsforfeds
Chewing on your words over furniture I wondered if you knew the lengths I would go for you. If you hated this building we would tear it down and move. I loved this place more than anyone in my own family. Hell, we had already agreed to embark on a quest to separate ourselves from the empire entirely. So gashing my family at the achilles and leaving them to bleed is another thing I will do for my Mouse. Rolling waves of anxiety mixed with love buffeted around my body like a turbulence rocked plane. Was I nervous at the new level of emotions we coalesced for each other, or was there some creeping level of harm a sixth sense was detecting?
Arm in arm we fluttered out of the room. Wandering in rich boy fantasy I kept myself occupied on thought of a commission for us. Perhaps some matching jewelry of snakes and butterflies? Then you gifted me a headful of ego by asking me about language again. “Mmm.” The long note cooed out and echoed off wide hallway walls. “In a lighter way it means, ‘my love.’ But a more direct translation is, ‘my treasure.” And a treasure you were. We had been through rougher seas then ship and storm can dish out. Instead of digging you out of the ground I peeled you out of LA. Fucking California. A selfish glint of anger glittered about over being reminded of the place so much. “You are special.” The simple complement earned us a glowing silent walk to spotless staircase. In a branching hall to our right a tired looking staff member vacuumed plush carpets.
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16:21
Halfway down the flight I said, “I was thinking about what you said earlier.” Subconsciously my arm locked tighter into yours. “Thanking me for new furniture, and all that.” We were at the bottom now, and a floral scent of hallway plants filled both our heads. I stopped us and with a strong hand turned your shoulders to face me. “I just want to say that your efforts aren’t going un-noticed.” Fuck, I hate saying sorry. How long can I go in life blaming my father for making me despise the act? “We will make this place comfortable for you Cami,” if it was possible to force my eyes to shimmer I was doing it now, “This is your home and palace, tell the fucking staff to change whatever you want.” Although before an entire house gets stripped of innards, this hungry grumpy asshole needed dinner. Turning my head sideways and through a lungful of air I shouted, “Who the fuck here has a cellphone?” Mine was long gone, and someone needed to call our goddamn cook.
@killahxkylie
Treasure. The meaning of what you had said to me made my stomach flutter with butterflies and I found myself tucking myself as close to you as I possibly could without it making it impossible for us to continue down the hall. I hummed happily in response and for once the lingering quiet between us didn’t feel oppressive. Especially not with the sound of you telling me I’m special playing on repeat in my mind. What you had said about Evelyn being forced to do certain things to remain here came bubbling back up and honestly even though I despised thinking about you sleeping with her it did make me happy knowing that you weren’t just out there taking that risk with everyone. Maybe, just maybe, I really am a special treasure to you. After all, you did go to pretty great lengths to find me and get me home with you. That wasn’t something that could just go unnoticed.
“Well.. thank you. And I’m sorry that I didn’t just explain to you why I was so upset. I should have just told you instead of blowing up. I think.. I don’t know for some reason it almost feels safer to be angry than to be vulnerable.” Even admitting it now felt scary in a way. Maybe I’ve actually just had issues being close and intimate with people my entire life and somehow you were the one who made me realize it. Talk about irony. “Also.. thank you for letting me make this my home too. Anywhere that I’m with you is my home but this, I mean this place is like something from a dream Ivon.” There was definitely some lingering anxiety around what you had said about not having any idea what was being sacrificed just for me to be there. Was I really worth throwing everything away for? That thought had my brows knitting together as you yelled for someone to bring you a phone. “You know, if you have the ingredients I could always cook something for us.”
@bonghitsforfeds
I nodded along at your observation to hide in anger. That was an angle to life that this monster understood. Had you said it just to please me then it had worked. Although one of my favorite parts about our relationship is that you don’t bullshit me. There was no time for me to respond to the beautiful outpouring of sounds because you rushed right into the bit about your home being with me. One of my hands reached out to palm at a smooth cheek. With a slight tilt of my head I said, “Then I hope we never wake up.” Being cheesy with you shouldn’t be such an easy shortcut to summoning happiness. While waiting for someone to approach with a phone you made the remark about cooking.
“You’d do that for me?” In my world constructing a meal for someone is typically seen as an act of labor. Not to imply that working a kitchen is menial work, but more that it seemed beneath us. You might as well have offered to shine my shoes, or to clean the flooring of the bathroom we just bathed in. “Pantry should be stocked with everything you can think of.” A soft approach of footfall betrayed the arrival of someone. One member of security offered out a glossy rectangle in his hands. It took two waves of my hand to dismiss his confused presence. He mumbled something on his way out, and had it been any other day wed likely have traded words about it. We were being rather indecisive. But this was our house, and if we wanted to spend all night fucking plans around then we can.
.
17:15
Without a word as to where we were headed I drug you further into the home. Our path had wrapped us back through the large entry space which had a few plainly dressed individuals with large firearms patrolling around. As if you had asked without speaking I mansplained, “Anyone in white or blue will die protecting you.” We were curling off an opposite hallway from that room from the first time we had left it. “All of them are well vetted, but if any give you trouble then let me know.” With your history there wasn’t much else that needed to be said. If any of these fucks touch you Ill personally neck them with a kitchen knife. Speaking of kitchens we had found ours.
Gluttonous amounts of white-pink counter top filled the room with gleaming presence. Enough grill-tops and fridges to make a battleship kitchen jealous, as well as a hanging assortment of pots. This room was large enough it was difficult to keep properly heated, and there was a typical noticeable change in temperature upon entry. One of my hands raised to point across the room toward a row of shelves, “Lot’s of cookbooks over that way.” And then after a blush crawled my face, “Not to imply you don’t know how to make anything.” Our peaceful moment was slipping into another one of action, and I took a second to plant kisses into the top of a fruity head. “For future reference, you are the last person who needs to apologize for communicating poorly.” The next thing I said was so cheesy that if you didn’t laugh I was going to be concerned, “Now get scampering before I set a trap for you.”
@killahxkylie
“Of course I would.” I nodded with a soft almost shy smile on my face when you seemed so surprised by the offer. I couldn’t imagine that it was very often anyone that wasn’t an employee made you anything and honestly the thought made me a little bit sad. When I was young my grandma always cooked for my grandpa and he always acted like it was the greatest thing anyone could have ever done for him, even when she was cooking for holidays and it wasn’t just his meal he was always just as grateful. It was the same way with my parents before things went bad. I can still remember being little and having this vision in my mind of having my own house full of kids and cooking for a husband who came home from work and kissed me on the cheek. Now looking back on it it seems so ‘white picket fence’ cliche but I still wanted at least parts of it. For me doing simple things like that for the person that you care about is an act of love. And this woman was definitely very in love.
The way back to the kitchen was a maze that I tried to memorize and I couldn’t help but laugh inside knowing that I was definitely going to end up lost trying to make my way around until I got used to the layout. “I will.” Was all I managed to say when you let me know to tell you if anyone gave me any trouble. I knew what you were implying without you having to say it and as uncomfortable as the thought made me it also made me feel safe knowing that you would take care of it. At least according to you they were all carefully vetted so hopefully that meant I didn’t need to worry about it.
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17:32
Walking into the kitchen was like walking into yet another dream space. There was every piece of fancy equipment that you could imagine and my eyes went wide taking in the sight. The dinner parties that you could throw with a kitchen like this must be insane. “Cookbooks are always good. There's always bound to be something in there that you don’t know yet.” I flashed a grin your way before you planted soft kisses atop my head. We were back in that nice peaceful place, at least for a little while. Would we be able to make it through the rest of the night like this? At the very least we both knew that we had trouble communicating so maybe we could figure out how to do it the right way together. Maybe. Your next words stole a laugh from me and like a kid in a candy store I made my way around the kitchen gathering everything I thought I would need. My arms were full of different ingredients and utensils when I picked a counter to start working at. Soaping up my hands after rolling up the sleeves of your sweater I got to work on chopping garlic and fresh herbs. “Have I ever asked you what your favorite food is before?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Beautiful, and humble? Or do you just react to everything I say pleasantly when I’m not being an asshole? Definitely too little data to arrive at a conclusion. Better to keep being a piece of shit for a few more decades before ironing out that quirk. Perhaps I had been walking around on my own eggshells to think you would be upset over the cookbook comment. Without much else to say you sprung into action. At first I stood awkwardly hovering in the same spot, but after you gathered most things up I transitioned to a barstool. Leaning forward on the counter pressed the cold surface into my arms. The moment your knife pierced through garlic the aroma lit my nose with bursts of yummy spice.
You saved me from coming up with something clever to say by asking a question first. Without a second of thought I already knew what my answer was. “Pancakes.” It shouldn’t be so embarrassing to admit a simple dish your favorite. “I should probably be answering something more refined, but my mom used to make it for me.” Had we been less involved you may have required explanation why that was important. Our new manifest plan to annihilate the foundations of my father meant you were already well educated.
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17:57
For some time I watched you work at the cutting board. My lower lip kept finding itself tucked behind teeth at the image of you creating something for me. Had a woman other than my mother ever rolled her sleeves up to make me anything? “You remind me of her in some ways.” Not a grouping of words that girlfriends may want to hear, but a hot flush found my face as I glanced down at the counter top. An absent minded hand wandered the surface and connected grains of mineral in an invisible pattern. “You care about me, like really care about me.” Another pause as I contemplated if Evelyn had ever shown signs of loving care. I couldn’t recall a moment she did me a favor that didn’t directly benefit herself. Finally I said, “She was the only other person I ever felt this safe with.”
@killahxkylie
Pancakes. I hadn’t expected such a sweet and simple answer. After all this was Ivon Feldt I was asking and I had expected an answer so exotic that I didn’ even know what it was. Your explanation for why pancakes were your favorite made my heart ache. One thing that we certainly had in common was we both had mommy and daddy issues. Making a mental note to myself to make you pancakes for breakfast sometime I moved to heat up a skillet on the stove with a little oil and tossed the garlic in. While that was getting aromatic I started working on the shrimp, definitely my least favorite part of cooking this meal was removing the gross vein that ran along their backs. At the very least these ones were big and they looked fresh too. “I think that’s sweet. There's nothing wrong with pancakes being your favorite.” Smiling over at you briefly I kept working on our dinner and the more I got done the more hungry I felt. How long had it been since I took the time to cook for anyone, including myself? I had let myself stop doing it for such a long time with the excuse of not having the time but really it’s all I ever had.
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18:13
When sweet words about me reminding you of your mother found my ears I had to try not to tear up and add salty tears to the recipe I was working on. Some people may find it creepy to be compared to their boyfriends dead mother but knowing how highly you regarded her only made the sentiment heart warming. Was I really that special? Why is it so fucking impossible for me to accept that I may be worth more than just my body to someone? Probably because tons of people had shown me that’s all I was good for, well, not tons but a few bad apples will quickly make an entire batch rot. “I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anyone before.” Knowing that you felt safe with me was probably the biggest compliment I could receive from you. It didn’t have to be said out loud that you likely hadn’t felt safe since you were a small child. Seeing what your father had done to your mother and then being stuck living with the monster for who knows how long, it was a hell I couldn’t even imagine. I had to reach my arm up to wipe a tear that snuck out from my cheek at how happy it made me. “I’m really happy that you feel safe with me, honestly that means the world to me, Ivon.”
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18:13
There was a brief pause while I got a pot for the pasta filled with water to start boiling, and let me tell you those little extra faucets that are made to fill pots right at the stove are life changing. Once my shock and awe from the small kitchen upgrade had passed and I had the burner on I spoke again. “I feel safe with you too. I know that you’ll protect me from the people who want to hurt me and that’s.. That’s a really big deal to me because I haven’t always had that I mean my own father wouldn’t protect me for fucks sake.” I laughed a little but there was still a hint of sadness behind it. It quickly turned into a subject I didn’t want to go any deeper into right now so I looped back around to something a little more lighthearted “So, what kind of pancakes? Personally I like mine with strawberries and a bunch of whipped cream.”
@bonghitsforfeds
God, you even knew when I needed to be built up. Is there any quality of mine that goes unseen to your eyes? You had definitely caught on to my weird ego centered lack of confidence. There had been an attempt to hide my glowing at your reaffirmation of my choice in pancakes, but the smile bled through to my face regardless. That was the third or fourth time you had told me that you care more for us than anything else. More than the good memories before, huh? It was beyond a deserved blessing to be held in such high regard. “I’ll do my best to not fuck up your esteemed opinions of me.” The dark laughter that followed that statement was hopefully not taken as a threat. It’s just we both know this stupid man capable of fat and gross evil.
When the garlic hit the stove this kitchen escalated into that, ‘something good is cooking,’ state. It wouldn’t be long before everyone here knew that pasta was being served up. You had to turn around to access the burners, and thus my eyes were allowed to crawl the length of your body. “You make loose fitting tomboy look runway sexy, doll.” It wasn’t enough to just sit over here and observe, I need you to know that my eyes were on you. It felt like interrupting to get in the way, but I couldn’t sit here and let God’s daughter sprint around my kitchen without being molested.
The moment you began to speak about feeling safe my arms wrapped around from behind. This perch offered me a much better view of what was being cooked. It seemed that you wanted to skip over deeper discussions of dads, so I answered the honest sharing of history with a kiss onto the top of your spine. “Excellent job pushing those bits of food around.” I had no idea what the fuck was happening other then things getting hot and smelling good, so my commentary was equal to the wisdom of braindead school fish.
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18:52
One of my hands tucked through the top seam of your pants to cup at an ass cheek. Occasionally I would squeeze it just enough to make you stand up a little taller, but my goal was to tease not completely distract. “None of that fancy stuff. We go to the store in town and buy the cheapest box of instant mix pancakes we can find. I’m talking fifty percent chalk dust and ground up bits of foreign workforce.” Your giggle earned another loving squeeze into moon-meat. “Mother used to bring it in a ziplock baggie when we had long jet flights.” Sweet images of her cooking me treats while father drug us along awful business hazily floated my memory like firebugs in a dark park. At some point my weight had transitioned forward and thus I was leaning on you. The weight pressed a perfect body into stout cabinets. Nuzzling my face into the back of damp mane I whispered, “Do you think I can eat you out while a little girl cooks?”
@killahxkylie
I couldn't help the creeping blush that made its way to my cheeks when you told me I made loose tomboy look sexy. Honestly I had worried that you wouldn't like how I looked when I was just at home and comfortable. Not that you hadn't seen it before, I had to remind myself of the fact that you had seen me in my natural state plenty of times. Hell you'd seen me looking much worse than clean and in loose fitting clothes before and still found me beautiful. Maybe I really am lucky that you plucked me off the street like a stray cat. When your arms snaked their way around my waist my breath caught in my throat. Hoping that it wasn't too obvious I kept focusing on cooking but I'd be willing to bet you could tell anyway. "Why thank you, I actually haven't done this in awhile. It's nice to use the kitchen again. Especially to make our first home cooked meal in what feels like a year." Honestly I was surprised you had even been willing to let me cook considering how surprised you were by my offer to.
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19:30
A soft hand slipping past the waist of my bottoms had me audibly sucking in a breath this time, and while I was still able to cook I definitely had to focus much harder on the task at hand. The way you so innocently kept on talking about pancakes while also squeezing at the flesh of my ass was just the right mix of sweet and dirty to have my brain melting into mush. "That's actually so sweet." Another mental note about making sure to get store bought mix was scrawled into the bits of brain that hadn't melted into pink fuck sludge and this time when your hand decided to squeeze I let out a whisper soft moan. The whispered dirty question that you let out into my hair gave me goosebumps that I could feel trailing up my spine. "I think I'll burn this entire kitchen to the ground letting you find out." Already my thighs were pressing together with the urge to feel what you had teased me with. "Does that make me the appetizer to our dinner tonight?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Our back and forth flirting exchange was lightning quick. At your mention of burning the place down I said, “Its insured.” But at the comment over appetizers I could only growl in response. “I can’t promise I’ll finish it, but my best efforts will be made to lick the sweetest bits off.” It seemed as much invitation as any, but you were dancing around so much that getting on my knees would be pointless. For a moment I considered just asking you to lean against my face with your cunt while I sat backwards to the cabinet, but this would be more annoying than anything. To be honest this was why we had a chef on staff, so we could busy ourselves with the finer arts of exploring each other’s bodies while some other loser makes dinner.
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20:15
The best plan I came up with was to hook three of my fingers backwards through sugar glistened hole. You were used to two, and I hoped the rude intrusion of triplet digits would be enough to make you squeak. After they had sank home I lapped hot words into a cold ear, “I sucked on those before plugging them into you.” Talking dirty always filled me with hungry blood. “Mmm.” The coo wasn’t directed at anything in particular, but it was accompanied with a rut into milky thighs. The heat of your ass sandwiching my arm was impossible to ignore while grinding fingers through hot pussy. “You get so flush for me baby, such a good girl~” The pathetic twinge in my voice was in response to how good it felt pushing a growing cock against you. At some point breathing had become thicker, and hot droplets of moisture patterned your neck from where my exhausted horny air wafted past it. “Since your being so kind as to cook for me Miss Mouse, would you prefer to get brutally fucked over the countertop, or are you a horny enough slut to cum on my hooked fingers?” Another pause as I pushed you hard enough to make lunar knees knock against hollow doors. “Either way,” My voice was ice, “You’ll be hanging off a wad of my blood stuffed flesh.”
@killahxkylie
The noise that I let out when three fingers plunged themselves into wet cunt was desperate and gravelly, I wasn't used to having you push this many inside of me and the stretch was fucking mind numbing. My arms moved forward on the counter for a moment to brace myself and the only thing that was keeping my head and torso from following were whispered dirty words into my ear. "Oh my god~" Why was it that the second you made contact with my pussy my brain melted? Having you close to me at all made me feel fuzzy but whenever you touched me there specifically it felt like I was only good for one thing and that was being good for you. "Ivon, I would never turn down taking your dick as deep inside of me as I possibly can." I still wasn't used to saying such dirty things out loud and my whole body went hot with blush.
That push forward that had my knees banging against the cupboards was all it took to solidify my decision that I wanted you to bend me over this counter. Reaching down with one hand, I pulled your silky bottoms down over my ass and bent forward a little over the counter. "I'll clean your fingers off with my tongue if you stuff me with something else." The disgusting offer slipped off my tongue before I could even think about it but it's not like I wouldn't happily dance it around your fingers to taste myself off of them. The same hand I tugged your bottoms down with reach behind me to palm over your hardened cock. "Are you leaking for me again already daddy? I bet you could drip it into one of those fancy cups for me to fucking drink."
@bonghitsforfeds
“Never? Do you promise?” Another knocking rock of bodies sent bones forward to clatter with cabinet doors. How many things will we break in our ravaging of each others forms? Hopefully every surface in this lonely place will cave-in from our love’s might. Although that’s if you don’t instantly melt into a puddle before any solid force could be applied. “Such a good whore knowing how to undress me without looking.” One less layer of fabric was enough to pulse me even fuller for you. At the very moment you called me daddy a hand yanked your pants just low enough to expose you. “We just cleaned this out and already you’re going to let me cement it shut again?” I let your whore words fall to the wayside while I stared in awe at where my cock belonged.
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21:12
Cami-candy coated fingers stuffed themselves between lips. Using the leverage I fishhooked your face sideways to look at me. “There we go, now you can watch.” What did it look like from your end when I stuffed to the back of you? It must be good because you vibrated sweet whimpers around my hand while lapping practiced laps back and forth with worming tongue. “That just never gets old does it?” A sly smile ripped my lips when beginning to fuck you proper. Like minced god meat you lipped swollen Fedlt flesh like a temple built to accept it. How many pounding strikes can your church door take before blowing open sweet sky thing? A glinting blade caught my peripheral and before either of us could react the hardened edge was pressed to your throat. Don’t worry, I’m not a mad man it was the dull edge pressed to pulsing neck, but you didn't know that. Hot hatred shot straight into the side of your face via lustful words, and there was no way for you to escape them while stuffed from both ends and held by knife point, “I own you. Your a sweet girl who gets sweet things, but at the end of the day you dangle from my cum soaked end whenever asked.” We both knew this, but saying it at you from a position of cruel power did wonders for full balls. “Do you like being talked to like a packaged pile of stuffable meat Camila Roberts? Making me a meal after being burned down to a jobless Ivon cock ornament?” We were going to do this forever,
And there is nothing you can do about it.
@killahxkylie
Before I knew it those same three digits that had been stuffing my cunt full were being pushed past my lips and pulling my head to the side. Without thinking I let my tongue dance over the slippery fuck treat and I had to fight the urge to bite down when you pushed your cock to the back of my pussy in one go. Whining around your fingers I felt my eyes flutter at the feeling and knowing you could see my face when it happened filled me with hot embarrassment. Is it normal for shame to make you even wetter when you're mid fuck? My drooling cunt didn't care what the answer was. Every meeting of hips against ass echoed off of every surface in the kitchen. There was nothing to muffle the noises we were making and I certainly wasn't making an effort to be quiet. My pussy was already so wet that you could hear it begging you for more. Everyone in this house was going to know it every time we fucked.
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21:28
Cool metal pressed to my neck had me whimpering in fear but past experienced told me not to move against it. Was this just kinky sex or were you about to open my throat over our unfinished dinner? I could feel myself swallowing against the edge of the blade and my first response to your words was fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. The sick part was I did love all the words you spewed in my direction no matter how cruel or demeaning they were. Apparently every switch that was set to normal was flipped to freak the second your dick was inside me. Had you said something so vile when we weren't tangled together it would infuriate me and make me cry but right now it just had me making my best attempt at saying a 'yes daddy' around your fingers and my cunt gripping onto you for dear life. Reaching forward I gripped onto the counter for dear life, every thrust of yours sent ripples through pale flesh and I swear you were trying to actually split me in half. "I love it, I love it, I love it!" More warbled words came from drooling lips. God I hope that dumb redhead bitch can hear us right now.
@bonghitsforfeds
“Wow, you got transformed into a willing fuck toy with impressive fervor, didn't you?” Slapping our sexes together with echoing song was going to get annoyingly common the longer we spend together. Although I don’t think this man will personally grow tired of the sweet cacophony. “Yes you do! Yes you fuck-ing-do!” Each syllable was broken up by more pounded inches of your ruined hole. Then your lips were allowed freedom when I needed to use the hand as a stabilizing post atop your ass. Not before taking the time to suck your spit from my fingertips. The act fattened my cock flush enough to steal whimpering moans from my neck.
.(edited)
22:37
After upstairs you’d expect me to last longer than a few minutes. Our knife clattered to the table with metallic tinkling. I had intended to slap you with the spit slimed hand, but without that leverage we would have careened forward into countertop. My other hand combed through your hair which was the only cold thing between our bodies. Each pump was frothed with such ecstasy I screamed your name out, “Camila! Camilaaa~” The last one held long enough it pierced my own ears with shrill pain. Collapsing forward onto you likely hurt, but it was my lover or the floor. Unfortunately we both know I’d probably fall atop you to break my own tumble to earth, but at least we’d die laughing about the betrayal. Bent over my mouse like a dog in heat it occurred to me that our brand of love was truly uncouth. We will be one of those couples whose dynamic is permanently confusing to peers. ‘Bitch’ will be a loving term of endearment, but this does make our sweet moments that much pinker. After I got footing again both my arms wrapped you up in a reverse hug, and with my hips you were guided back upward to a standing position. A hand fell to pull silky shorts up, and over the top of simmering pans I said, “You better leave that inside until we go to bed, or else a bad girl is going to get fucked full of twice as much.” A growl so desperate it almost fueled me into another spree of sex left my throat over anticipation of my final words, “How else is a good little cook supposed to bake us up a baby without keeping herself filled up?”
@killahxkylie
There’s something special to be said about a man who isn’t afraid to run his mouth while he’s buried inside of you. It was an experience I had never had the pleasure of having until you came barrelling into my life and god did it ruin me. It could also just be because everything you do takes me apart, it’s like you’re the Ivon shaped key to whatever weird Cami lock had been keeping all of these pieces of me hidden away. I think I’ll always wonder if this is who I was inside all along and you just brought it out of me somehow. Then again who wouldn’t like hearing just how much they affect the person they’re fucking? Right when the thought ran through my head you took your fingers from my mouth and all I heard from behind me was sweet whimpers. The collective sounds from our mad fucking were all overwhelming to my senses between the ones that were spilling from our mouths, the rapid bubbling of boiling water, the sizzle of shrimp in the skillet, all of it was building more and more pleasure in my aching core. How many times have we done this today? Am I going to spend the rest of my life this sore? A tiny voice inside hoped so.
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09:25
Hearing you cry out my name was the last added bit to the symphony of fuck noises I needed to reach a crescendo. My thighs were trembling with the rush of pleasure and if it weren’t for the half lean I was doing onto the countertop my knees would have given out and sent me falling to the floor. “Fuck Ivon~ Ivon~!” Your name kept coming out in sharp whiny gasps and every pump of hot cum into the deepest parts of my cunt made me feel more and more drunk. Am I a cum slut? If I am, it's just for you because the stuff used to disgust me. The weight of you falling forward onto me had me letting out a pained yelp from the way it pushed my ribs into the countertop but I suppose it was better than both of us falling like a sack of bricks onto the floor. Heavy breaths were coming in tandem with each other and I think even with the pain I might have been able to fall asleep there if you hadn’t picked me back up. The second your words registered a sad little whimper fell from my lips. “I’ll hold it all in, I promise.” My knees buckled again with your next words and I had to catch myself to keep from falling. “God Ivon- do you have any idea what you do to me with just your words?” A soft laugh made its way into the kitchen as my trembling hands reached to try and finish putting dinner together. “If this is burnt it’s your fault.” It was a playful tease and I really hoped it would land that way. “Can you do me a favor and find us some plates? I’m afraid that if I try to walk right now my legs might give out like jello.”
@bonghitsforfeds
It was obvious what my words did to you. Typically all my dirty talk got out of women was a few extra squeaks, but with you the spell words yanked oozing lust out. “Oh yeah?” Your wobbly knees always seemed an exaggerated reaction to what we did, but there was no way it was fake with how often it happened. “I can’t believe you lose the ability to stand.” Without strong arms wrapping my doll up in puppet strings you would be flat out on the floor. You were mumbling something about burnt food and plates, but my nose was still pressed to the back of your neck and huffing lung fulls of fruity air. “Whatever you need, woodland Queen.”
I made sure you were properly braced against the counter before leaving to search for plates. A double decker rolling rack at the end of island countertop held a vast assortment of dishes. “Do we want the ones that are bowl like, or are we going to-“ My voice cut out when I realized this is an answer I should be capable of arriving at on my own. Is this the weaponized ignorance women prattle about online? Selecting two wide dishes with lipped edges I quickly brought them back over to plop on the countertop. Cascading waves of void fluttered atop the head of my favorite person, and the body beneath them currently labored to create good feelings for me. “Your such a beautiful and witty little thing, Camila.” Perhaps it was demeaning to congratulate someone on their ability to stand at a counter and stir stuff around, but I hope the deeper meaning to my comment sank home.
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10:59
“Oh!” The exclamation held without explanation as I rounded the far end of the kitchen bar again. Beneath the protruding edges was a double row of wine coolers. A deep red whose name didn’t even make the cut to be remembered was my chosen drink, and a couple wine glasses were slid off an accompanying rack. Finally I joined back up with you after running around, and a lonely drawer produced one bottle opener. “Now’s probably the part where I should tell you that opening these things scares the shit out of me.”
@killahxkylie
“It’s just dinner, really it’s nothing.” That’s what came out of my mouth anyway but I’m sure the blush that pinked up my cheeks managed to give away the fact that I had really enjoyed the compliment. Come to think of it, why did I always have to deny it when you would give them to me? “Thank you. That’s actually really sweet and it makes me happy that you think so.” Maybe that was too far in the other direction, I sounded like something out of a sad seventies sitcom. I laughed out loud at my own awkwardness before I managed to get the food onto plates. Luckily it hadn’t burned too badly and it should still taste just as good. I was putting on a sprinkle of the fresh green herbs I had cut up before when you went to grab a bottle of wine. The entire thing was oddly romantic honestly. Just the two of us in the massive kitchen with two plates of food and some wine. It was like something from one of the many romcoms I used to consume on an almost nightly basis. It made me smile.
“You should have seen me the first time I tried to use one, it took me forever to figure it out. It was actually quite embarrassing.” I laughed and motioned for you to hand the bottle over and then picked up the opener. “Now though, I’m basically a professional.” In all honesty instead of twisting the screw down into the cork I should have asked for something non alcoholic. I had already had some on the plane and knowing myself it wouldn’t be good if this became a habit. Again? I brushed my own thoughts under the rug and told myself it was okay because this was a special occasion. We finally made it home and this was the first meal that we were going to share while living under the same roof. “Do you have a favorite? I feel like everyone always imagines wealthy people to have some crazy expensive old aged wine.”
@bonghitsforfeds
What nonsense rattled around inside that fuzzy head? Do you also chew yourself apart with standards that no one is pressing onto you but yourself? Is that why we get along so well, because our sick brains self destruct via the same methods? One of these days you and I will have to keep our hands off of each other and pry into the psyche of the individuals we supposedly plan on sharing marriage with. I laughed a small rich sound at the story of you struggling with wine corks, “There is absolutely no way it was worse than when I fucked it up.” Unless directly asked the story about me busting my own lip open with one will stay locked away forever. With curious eyes I watched you expertly de-lid our evening’s beverage. Was it a mistake to get you drunk? I guess it doesn’t matter that much, not only will booze be the least of your concerns, but we both know inebriation wont stop your body from being mine.
Is this broad really about to quiz me on wine in my own fucking kitchen? Dear God, don’t tell me I drug home a drink snob. “Are you one of those fools who stands huffing air after every sip to aerate your pallet?” A sad twist to your face meant that one had found raw emotion, but I also hated this exact conversation with a passion. “Babe, I don’t know a dessert wine from a dinner one.” Is there even a difference? “I don’t keep the cooler stocked doll, the concierge or whoever the fuck manages all of that.” Your reaction almost made me feel bad, but making fun of you is just too easy. My pale hand latched around the bottle whose neck was delivered straight to your lips. Gravity aided the rose flavored liquid to burn down an un-eager throat. “Mmm, I love getting you fucked up, little Mouse.” Perhaps if we can’t beat our pain into each other we can at the very least get each other high on earthly pleasures. “Does that taste like a favorite? It’s all flowery funny water to me, silly girl.”
@killahxkylie
My lips were just about to part to ask you about the time that you had fucked up with a bottle opener but before I could even get the words out you started teasing me. My smile quickly wilted into an embarrassed frown at your words. I certainly wasn't a drink snob and the only time I had ever done that stupid air thing was when a bunch of us from the office went on some fancy wine tour. I had felt almost as stupid then as I did right now. Was it really such a horrible question to ask? All I was trying to do was get to know more about you but apparently that was only allowed some of the time. Something in my brain reminded me that I should be getting used to this by now but I guess sometimes I let myself get lost in the illusion of this being something else. Something that you let me get small glimpses of in our time together. Was I actually just a stupid girl who fell in love with a monster hoping there was more underneath? My brows pinched at the thought as I tried to push it away. Why would you fill my head with silly fantasies of a better future if you didn't want it too?
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12:40
"I.. I was just trying to make conversation-" Just as quickly as my words started they were cut off by the pressing of cold glass to my lips. I worked to swallow the best I could, I really didn't want to drink that much and even though you would likely replace the soft sweater of yours I was wearing without batting an eyelash it still felt dangerous to ruin it. A small barely there whimper of fear made itself known as fuzzy images of a monster pouring drugged liquids down my throat flashed through my mind and I had to dig my fingers into my palms to stop myself from panicking. Is it still considered self harm if it doesn't bleed? When you finally pulled the bottle from my lips I sucked in a sharp breath of relief. "I-I've always been partial to white wine." Was all I could manage when you asked me if it tasted like a favorite. Hesitantly I reached for my fork to take a bite of food, avoiding making any sort of eye contact with you. What if you hated it? I seemed to have a penchant for fucking up even when I didn't mean to and now I was afraid you were going to make fun of me for that too. That's the problem with loving Ivon Feldt. You never know if he's being playful or being mean.
@bonghitsforfeds
There really is no pleasing you is there? It pained me that my knowledge of wine is so vague I was unable to rub your ungratefulness in its price. You probably hadn’t meant for the white wine comment to rub me so raw, but it just left a rotten taste in my mouth. Being so recently tamed by you kept a tight lid on my temper, but there were some seeds of hatred planted for later. There was a soft clink as glass came in contact with polished countertop. So many ways we could seize this moment. Do I lash out in abject anger, or just continue teasing you? There had been no real malice in my initial quips, so perhaps it would pay me off to just ride our wave.
“Just making conversation, huh?” I know you could feel the winding tension between us growing more taught. It was nice to flex that spooling wire and have the tight effects reach your psyche. “And I was just making fun of you to see what would happen.” There, choke on that madness. Is explaining your inner thoughts with such bluntness supposed to land so cruel? What’s sad is I hadn’t even meant the admission to be so mean. I giggled an evil dark little sound before saying, “Your so easy to work up Cami, its a shame you are stuck here putting up with me forever.” A roundabout way to remind you of our cemented future.
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23:23
It didn't seem fair to pour such a healthy helping down your throat without chasing you myself. The bottle’s neck was still warm from my last grip of it, and a firm arm raised it it to my lips. If what you had taken was considered one gulp, I took three. “How is it,” there was a pause as I tried to not cough from wine of all things, “Something so yummy as a grape tastes like fresh sieved shit when it finds itself into a wine bottle?” This time the glass impacted countertop with a much harder clang, and it was an honest miracle the bottom didn't give way to a rushing roar of red. Our moment was coming to an end, and it was obvious as you began to serve our plates up. A possessive mind reeled to come up with any excuse to keep us close.
“Will you sit on my lap while we eat, my love?”
@killahxkylie
Mean. It felt like we were leaning towards mean right now and I wanted so badly to turn the tables back in the other direction. Couldn’t we have at least one good night together before things went back to bad? We already had a blowout upstairs and I didn’t want to fight again already. Was it really that amusing to make fun of me just to see how I would react to it? I already knew the answer but that didn’t make it sit any easier in my mind. “I don’t think it’s a shame. I want to be with you forever.” It was true and I was also hoping it would diffuse some of that tension that was winding tighter and tighter between us. This time when you raised the bottle to your lips to take a much heavier drink than you had forced down my throat I didn’t try to move the bottle. This time I knew that if I had tried it wouldn’t have gone over the way it did while we were on the floor of that jet. “I’m not sure. Grapes are definitely much better though you’re right.” Is this what I needed to do right now to make you hate me a little less and love me a little more again? Feed your stupid man ego?
Maybe you didn’t want to have a bad night either. At least that’s the thought that ran through my mind when you asked me to sit on your lap while we ate. Could you feel it too? That growing unease just waiting to snap and send out shockwaves of pain in the process? I slid my plate over towards you before I got up and came to plant myself in your lap. The wine was working to ease my anxiety a little and I knew that if you kept forcing it into my mouth it wouldn’t be long before I was too buzzy to care. “I like sitting in your lap. I think I fit here pretty perfectly.” I turned to kiss your cheek before I forked up some pasta and shrimp and held it to your lips. “You should get the first bite.”
@bonghitsforfeds
If we had been winding tighter before things now felt like a pause in the spooling. A perfect shimmering collection of flesh sitting directly in your lap will do wonders to calm a temper. If there had been any summonable lust after our evening of body rampaging it would have coalesced now. At your comment of fitting perfectly I hummed out a happy sound, but right now my eyes were following the food. It was not done in disrespect to your cute complement, but in fact quite the opposite. Distracting myself with the gorgeous meal you made is better than having a fight. We had already been at each other’s throat upstairs anyway. There are more devious ways to torture someone than directly harming the,,.
Your kiss on my cheek caught me off guard, and when you presented the fork full of food I just looked at it a moment dumbfounded. After you waved it around in a small circular suggested of action, I nodded and then accepted the mouthful of yum. There was only a tiny hint of char on the shrimp from having been overcooked. Knowing it came from our distraction of flesh only made it a positive addition to the flavor. Shrimp and butter is a hard combination to fuck up, and you did a wonderful job pairing it with simmered garlic. Exploding bits of flavor popped with each bite of sea bug until it became a swallowable mush.
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19:17
A pretty woman to me is a bad kryptonite. Combine her looks with a personality that can create even a bit of laughter and they can kill me dead on glances. You did all of this while also being useful in a practical household sense. Do you enjoy doing this for me skittering scared little thing? There was a moment of silence while I licked around the backside of my teeth. “Wow Cami.” Had a four course meal been cooked by hired staff it wouldn’t have been half as good. “That’s, really yummy, doll.” There were probably better words to share that made for prettier pictures of thanks, but I was also getting sleepy from the slight wine buzz. Like a good girl you let go of the fork when I reached for it, and after spinning up a combination of shrimp and noodles it was your turn to get a bite delivered. After popping it in your mouth I set the fork down so I could press a returned kiss into your cheek. There was a grinding grumble in my skull as the crushing of your teeth worked its sound into my head. Why does hearing your bones and muscles flex fill me with such an odd sense of… pride? “I am honored you call me your lover.”
@killahxkylie
Watching you chew the bite of food was honestly one of the most nerve wracking moments I've ever had while cooking for somebody. All the times I had done it before had gone mostly unappreciated and even sometimes completely blown off and I'm pretty sure it had given me some kind of complex. Add that one to the list of many. Still, even if that hadn't been the case it's different when it's the first time the person you want to spend forever with tries your cooking. Every open and close of your teeth grew my anxiety and I'd be willing to bet you could feel my heart about to explode. Searching your face for clues didn't tell me much of anything so when you finally said something I audibly let out a sigh of relief. "You really like it?" An excited smile found my lips and if it weren't for the fork still being in my hand I would have excitedly clapped my hands together too, instead I settled for kicking my feet a couple of times.
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19:38
"I'm so happy you like it. I.. sort of really like cooking. I don't know why I stopped doing it as much." Yes I do but I'm not going to talk about it right now while we're sharing a moment of sweet domesticity. Handing you the fork I eagerly accepted the bite you fed me, bringing one hand up under my chin just in case anything fell. My eyes lit up when it really did taste good, a little burnt, but knowing why somehow made it worth it. A small giggle made its way through my chewing when you kissed my cheek and when your words landed there was a muffled sort of 'aww' sound made with my mouth closed. Forcing myself to finish chewing and swallow before I responded I leaned my head onto your shoulder "And I'm honored that you call me yours." Washing down the food with a gulp of wine, from the glass this time, I found myself getting used to the slight burn that alcohol always leaves you with. "You could have picked anyone and you picked me." I don't think I'll ever know why.
@bonghitsforfeds
All this amazing talent within the woman I love and yet she has some hidden reason for not pursuing any of it. A blossoming warmth bloomed in my chest at the prospect of providing you a safe environment to do anything you desire. What ascendant being could my goddess morph into if given the proper space to transmute herself? After your bite I took another for myself, and this one tasted even better. Garlic rich pockets of flavor clung to the bottom of our bowl via extra sauce. Dipping each spoonful through it was definitely worth the time. I didn’t bother responding until it was your turn to chew again.
Why had I chosen you? This topic had come up before and I think my answer changed every time. No part of me wanted to believe it was a type thing, but it was impossible to ignore your similar appearance to Chelsea. At the very mention of her name my heart rate picked up, and our meal seemed less appetizing at the simple thought of her. Before things got awkward I said, “Would it be so bad to suggest that I’m a spoiled brat who takes what he wants, and for once I chose something that was a good match for me?” My use of ‘something’ had been deliberately strategic. Had I said someone you would think of my past lovers. Perhaps we will learn to tip toe around each other’s crazy after all?
She was in this building, rotting away in a sad shell. There was a horror movie I watched on an overnight flight who’s plot had been focused on a girl in a coma. Her soul was trapped in hell, but she could hear everyone talking about pulling the plug on her. This friendly dough of thought would gunk my mind’s oven up any time I thought of visiting her. Definitely time for more wine. Another unhealthy helping of nail polish grape slosh drained down my throat, and the arm wrapping your sideways straddle of my leg pulled you closer.
22:44
.
You ever misjudge the bottom step of a staircase and for a moment feel your soul leave its meaty shell in a moment of panic? That was the feeling I got as an unexpected collection of footsteps entered the room behind us. A collective giggle between unseen women alerted me to their presence just before entering the kitchen from the hallway. It was hard to crane around with you on my lap, but after some angry shuffling Evelyn and her gaggle were visible. She was dressed painfully plainly. In just sweats and a t-shirt her image was predictably beautiful. Her two friends were unknown to me, but one of the faces was vaguely familiar. The only quality of either of them that stuck with me was the fact another one had red hair. My mouth opened before I could stop it, “Are we going to just stare at each other slack jawed? Don’t you nosy fucks have something to do?” An annoying quality of Evelyn is she is always quick with comebacks, and with a deeper voice than her frame suggested she said, “It had been awhile since you two screamed at each other, so I thought something may be wrong.” God, even echoing across this big ass kitchen her voice’s note is practically harmonic. One of her stupid friends smiled at the counter quip, and had we not been together she would have made the list for it. After bouncing you a bit atop my knee I turned my head to you and said, “Sweetheart, the woman would like you to yell at her.”
@killahxkylie(edited)
Watching you continue to eat made me feel much better about the fact that you weren’t just saying it was good to make me happy. Not that I thought you would ever do that anyway, I’m pretty sure you would rather see me cry than to say something just for the sake of my feelings. Every time it was my turn for a bite I happily accepted and when you asked if it would be so bad to suggest you chose something good for you for once I couldn’t help but smile. It helped that there was now at least a glass and a half of wine in my system, if not two, and it made everything seem that much better. “I suppose that wouldn’t be too hard to believe.” I couldn’t help but giggle and add on a little tease at the end, “Especially not the spoiled part.” I pressed a kiss to your lips just to make sure it was clear I was only teasing you.
The next large helping of wine you consumed was actually a little concerning, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk and to be honest the idea of it was scary to me. You barely had self control when you were sober, what was going to happen when even the small bit was gone? At least you were wrapping me up closer instead of finding reasons to fight over nothing. I thought that maybe we had gotten away with actually getting to enjoy this moment together and have a good first night at home, for the most part anyway, until footsteps interrupted and I had a sinking feeling on who they belonged to.
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10:32
It’s not fair how pretty she is even in just sweats and a t-shirt and I couldn’t help but feel insecurity sinking itself deep into my bones. How could anyone actually choose me over someone like her? I’m sure the wine wasn’t helping matters any but I could actually picture myself stabbing this fork into her neck. I bet her cunt friend wouldn’t find things so amusing then would she? I barely managed to keep in my own laugh when you told me that the woman wanted me to yell at her. My voice didn’t even need to be raised for what I said next after another sip of wine, the last of my glass. Setting it down with a soft clink I held myself impossibly close to you before saying, “Evelyn have you considered getting your ears checked? Surely you heard the screaming from him bending me over the counter not long ago. I’d be careful which surfaces in here you touch, although judging by how you kept staring at my pussy in the car earlier maybe you wouldn’t mind after all?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Its cute that we were developing a language for poking fun at each other without getting into direct conflict. Although most words of yours would be welcome if coupled with a sweet pair of fat lips pressed to my skin. Hell, every room in this building was boring except for the one you are in. Too bad teasing fun stands no chance up against Evelyn and her bitch gaggle. However my sweet mean thing did a good job of talking back to her. It was beyond any okay level of hot for you to slosh down the mouthful of wine before doing so. You are such a beautiful creature that no matter what you do it just drips moon colored rain. Am I a pathetic puppy for following you around and lapping it all up?
My face scrunched up into a grimace at your pussy comment. What’s even better is there was no attempt to fake it, as you really had just burned the fuck out of her. “Part of that may have been my whimpering, to be fair.” One of the three was staring at me with creepy unblinking eyes. “Nice to meet all of the people you are dragging into my house by the way.” An absent minded bounce accentuated your presence as I continued to speak about you, “My wife and I are enjoying a meal.” There was a flatness to how I said things that left no room for argument.
To someone who had just met her Evelyn may have looked to be taking our exchange well. A history of petty arguments with the woman told me otherwise. She did this thing where her foot would point outwards and do little taps whenever she got really upset. It was doing it now, and any moment we may actually enter the realm of meltdowns. On queue she began to speak in a raised voice, “Aaanyway,” there was a pause as she sucked in some extra air, “We were going to be in the library organizing books.
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18:44
You were new here, so the existence of our admittedly small library may be news to you. Most of the shelves were empty, but the laddered room did have a small collection of father’s books. There was a deeper meaning to her statement though, and the creeping message underneath did an excellent job throwing me off. Inside that haunting room is an expensive set of hospice equipment. That was when I realized the girlfriend of Evelyn’s I had recognized had been an off duty hospice nurse. I actually gulped in search for anything to say. Fucking cunt! Feed her the sharp end of a kitchen knife! Hog tie her to your dinner table and stuff firecrackers in her mouth!
Thanks Evelyn, you brought the lizard back.
Oh man, one of the worst parts of having a raging temper is seeing it effect the people you love. There is a deep look in their eyes when you are rising to an anger climax where you can see them mixing with fear and disarming plans. You were giving me this gaze now, and it only infuriated me to set you on edge so. This was precarious now as any push to her mood would inevitably end with her revealing the library’s contents. Unfortunately for the long legged rich boy’s pole dancer across the room she was poking a hound with no muzzle. “Honest to Christ, I am genuinely impressed you know how to read.” She rolled her eyes at the basic level of my joke, but I was digging in now, “No honesty Evelyn, I didn’t know they taught gold digging thin-lipped Nazi’s how to read in whore college.”
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18:44
She had already opened her mouth to respond before anything could be done to save our night, “Just thought you would want to know I was going to hang out with the braindead cop in your house.” When you threw my evil spirited proposal back in my face at the hospital that had been one of the fastest crests of anger I had ever summited. Tonight when this walking wikipedia article of a murder victim opened her mouth with the Chelsea quip it beat that explosion of fury ten fold. Immediately my arms and legs were trembling, and you were close enough to hear my teeth chattering from an adrenaline dump. I couldn’t bring myself to look at you, and thus I just slowly helped you to half stand so I could get up myself. With surgical precision I reversed gripped the wine bottle’s neck so I could hoist it backwards for an olympic throw.
It was evident in Evelyn’s face she hadn’t expected me to go through with it. There was a void smugness to beautiful features that suggested she was invincible to actual pain. Any other day in my past life she would have been right. A fear of my father combined with actual police repercussion kept me from outright harming her. A village ending avalanche of Klaus’s actions combined with all of LA and the Future Song adventures buried my psyche in a fluffy blanket of disassociation. It was this very armor to the redhead’s personality that made actually launching the bottle at her so sweet in its delivery, and it being full of liquid aided its super sonic travel across the kitchen.
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18:44
Unfortunately rage makes for bad accuracy. With a cartoonish clink the bottom collided with gleaming white cabinet beside their three heads. It exploded with a gorgeous mushroom of red that showered bits of glass and wine all over America’s one percent. Well, the nurse may have not deserved being drenched, but that’s what you get when siding against me in my own home. The next few seconds were going to be critical, and if I didn’t get defused there may be a Washington state trooper or two visiting later.
@killahxkylie
You know that feeling where you're watching something go from bad to worse but you can't stop watching? Almost like a slow motion car crash? That's what I felt like in this moment perched on your lap watching the exchange between you and Evelyn. The way she hissed out the word library reminded me that you even had one but it was clear that there was a deeper meaning to her taunt. The butterflies that had been fluttering around from you referring to me as your wife landed themselves quickly when I could see your temper rising and I swear I was trying not to look as nervous as I felt. Even when I knew I wasn't the target of your rage there was no telling what you would do if you were pushed too far to the edge. In all the time we'd spent together I think I've only ever truly seen you snap at me the one time in the hospital and I've never been more afraid.
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19:29
A laugh made it way out of my mouth when you said you were surprised that she could read, honestly it was worrisome how amusing I found it to watch you insult other people. I think in some weird way it's because it makes me feel better about myself. 'Braindead cop.' A strange and violent wave of vertigo actually made the room look and feel like it was spinning for a moment and I had to tighten my grip around you to try and ground myself. You had told me about the cop, and how she betrayed you, and how you had broken her beyond repair but somehow I had managed to stuff the knowledge deep down somewhere that I could forget about it. I guess it was easier to do after everything had happened with my so-called friends.
Swallowing now felt thick and dry and I couldn't bring myself to say anything even when you helped me stand and I saw you reaching for the bottle of wine. Experience told me that you were full of toxic and deadly anger from the tremor that was rocking your entire body. Is it bad that I didn't care if you ended Evelyn right here in the kitchen? The only fear that I felt was if you ended up somehow turning the feeling on me. My body jumped a little when the bottle landed with a crash and sent bits and pieces flying. There was still a sense of shock from being reminded I was under the same roof as a woman you essentially killed that was numbing my emotions and it took me a few moments to actually do or say anything.
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19:29
Reaching out a timid hand I rested in on your shoulder, my eyes flicking between you and the gaggle of girls. "M-maybe we should go, there still so much of this place I haven't seen yet and I'm sure Evelyn can clean up the mess she made." Really she didn't do anything but show up but it felt better to blame the mess of shattered glass and wasted wine on her anyway. "Baby.. please? Before one of us does something we're going to regret?"
@bonghitsforfeds
I love the moments after a tempter tantrum where you get to stew in the sounds of your own aftermath. Twinkling stars of pretty green glass danced the floor in a pleasing sound of destruction. There was a momentary rushing of liquid as wine ran between tiled cracks and sprawled itself over the floor. Evelyn hadn’t turned her head to look at the impact point like the others had, and instead her and I were locked in a hellish staring contest. A wobble to the corner of her lip suggested a facade was about to fall, and I don’t think this night will survive if her mask slips. Seconds felt like days. I almost felt bad for the fresh line of tears trailing from both her eyes. Was this bitch honestly offended I had done something? It’s not fair that people rile me up and then act super shocked when I pop. Why poke the bear who just wants to scratch himself on the tree of his goddess?
My chest was heaving with borderline comedic breaths. Was this hysterics? Every way she could die seems a nice way for her to go, but of course a wise Mouse was watching with twitching whiskers. When I jumped from your touch of my shoulder it wasn’t because it startled me, but instead a weird physical reaction to how much adrenaline was coursing my veins. What a sweet and familiar drug. Whatever you had said first didn’t register as thoughtful speech through my red haze, but the second thing did. Ah, she must have been talking me out of it.
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20:28
It was probably rude to storm from the room without saying anything to you, but speaking was going to result in more fighting. Unfortunately walking passed Evelyn was the required path to the rest of our home, but thankfully a door behind us lead to the courtyard. Both doors flung open so hard that they rattled off their respective walls. They weren’t on tension hinges, and thus you were granted an easy path to follow me if you so wished. I only made it a few feet away before turning to slump into a plush reclining chair. The screened in porch was nice for bug filled evenings, but now the luxurious space was used for moping. Had I really just stomped out and huffed into a chair like a emotionally stunted fool? The second your shape appeared I held my arms wide and motioned you toward my sitting form. “Make your selfish lover feel better, please?” Come tell me how wrong the world is for hurting me sweet girl. Seal the wounds with your pink aloe. “I want to make her hurt, but you make the awful things go away, sweet thing.” A forest full of critters croaked and chirped away in the distance, and my emotions were truly an undeserving accompaniment to its woodland chorus.
@killahxkylie
One of two things was going to happen next. It was simple really, things were either going to get better or you were going to escalate and end this night with more than just one red liquid spilling onto the floor. I really didn't think that my psyche could handle another traumatic event so soon without breaking me into smaller pieces then the shattered bottle so I really hoped it would be the former. Even if they weren't completely better anything was better than bloodshed, especially with witnesses that seemed to enjoy the bitches company. The way you jumped when my hand met your shoulder had me pulling back as if I had been burned. The last thing I wanted to do was make things worse.
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20:58
Unbeknownst to me some of what I said must have gotten through to you, or maybe it didn't and you just decided you were done. Either way you were turning and leaving the room before I could fully process what was happening. Honestly I hadn't expected for you to leave so easily and for a few long moments I stood there glaring at Evelyn. "Why can't you just get over the fact that he doesn't love you?" The spiteful words left my lips and before the bitch could say anything back to me I was turning to follow after you, our dinner dishes and the mess of broken glass forgotten in the kitchen. Something told me there were a number of different Feldt worker bees that would happily clean it up anyway.
The screened in porch let in all of the sounds and smells of the cooler night and in the midst of the mild panic I was experiencing I still managed to take a deep breath of the crisp mountain air, now I understood what you were talking about. Outstretched arms had this moon moving towards her home like a gravitational pull and I happily took my perch back in your lap, a leg on each side of yours and my hands resting at the back of your neck, my thumbs smoothing along the part of your jaw I could reach. "I want to make her hurt too." Pressing my forehead against yours I shook my head a little side to side. "I want to make her hurt for making you angry. For interrupting us. I thought about stabbing her with a fork." A soft laugh mixed with the chorus of chips and croaks. You wanted me to make you feel better and there were only a handful of ways I knew I could effectively do that, is that what you wanted though?
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20:58
Every cell in my body felt electrified. I was on such high alert trying not to make one wrong move that set off the explosion that is Ivon Feldt. Taking my forehead off of yours plush lips pressed themselves in its place, and then to your nose, your lips, and finally your cheek. "How can I make you feel better, my love? Do you want my words about how the world doesn't deserve you or do you want me to distract you in other ways?" My hips rolled softly in your lap to give you an idea of what I meant, it was funny how there wasn't a single thing I wouldn't do to make you feel better. If you told me to go back inside and actually kill Evelyn I would do it just because she upset you. "I'll do anything for you. Anything."
@bonghitsforfeds
Yes sweet Mouse. There wasn’t much else I thought when you took the deep inhale and moved toward me. Were you centering yourself before having to put up with me, or are you getting tipsy on the Washington air? A hungry snake’s eyes watched you take a seat in my lap, and they never left your face the entire time. Soft words about being angry too made me feel better for being so upset, and at your comment about stabbing her with a kitchen fork I couldn’t help the rumbling laugh you pulled forth. Why do I always feel the need to swallow my own giggles? Typically my sad mind would search for anyway to blame it on my father, but I couldn’t recall a particular reason he could have put the fear in me. It makes you weak. Does it? The lizard must not like to be questioned because he coiled up at the base of my skull. Whose the pussy now, asshole?
You stole me back to the current moment with the grind in my lap. Before we had left the kitchen an inkling of lust had pooled within me at watching you speak out against Evelyn. There was a chance we could play with each other here, but why did the prospect make me so sad? You had said yourself there are multiple ways to make me feel better. Normally this sex obsessed loser would love nothing more than to see a beautiful girl melt into my lap. You are better than that, but I was worried that pointing it out to you would awaken a new complex.
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15:25
Then you turned the tables on my own psyche by peppering my face in wet kisses. How did you always have such moist lips, little thing? Do you sit there and get them ready for me, or is that body just made to turn me over. So much for not fucking her.However when you mentioned doing anything it yanked my head from plugging you full again. Have we just done this too many times?Its impossible to grow immune to goddesses allure… I must be tired. How are you making me hard right now? I. Am. Pathetic. After dragging my own lips through my mouth to taste yours I couldn’t stop myself from pulling another kiss from your face. After both of ours parted with a smack I said, “Push your slender fingers into my hair and whisper sweet words into my mouth.” A gasping gust of air pushed from my lungs as I already pictured the fantasy. “She hates you because you make me feel better.”
@killahxkylie
Sweet words. Something that I liked to imagine I was good at doing. I was a bit caught off guard by you only wanting my words and nothing else but I tried not to think too much of it. We had consumed each other's bodies and souls countless times already today. It wasn't completely out of the question to think that maybe you were too tired for more, even if I could feel you half hard underneath me. Slender fingers pushed their way through your hair as I stole another kiss, keeping my lips close to yours even after we had broken it. "She hates me because she wants you." It was an obvious statement but it didn't make saying it out loud hurt any less. "She's never going to have you though, you're mine now. It's my job to take care of you and make you feel better." I think these words were making me feel better more so than you.
Pressing another barely there kiss to your lips I continued anyway. "You are absolutely everything to me, Ivon. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do. No matter what it is that I'm feeling you make it so… intense. It makes me wonder if I was even really alive before I met you." I couldn't help but smile softly at that, being with you really was like being reborn into the person I had been burying deep down inside of myself. Being with you, in a really twisted way, was like finally being free for the first time. It didn't matter if I had a meltdown in front of you or wanted to go on a murderous rampage, you accepted and even loved every different piece of me. "I wish you could see how magical I think you are. I may be your little moon goddess but you're just as much my god." My fingers carded through your hair again and rested there this time. "I want to find every person who has ever hurt you, every woman who has ever had you, and I want to watch the life slowly leave their eyes. They deserve it. All of them. Including Evelyn."
@bonghitsforfeds
The first thing you whispered into my face although true was not very sweet. Does Evelyn actually want me? You would probably hate how deep that thought plunged into my mind’s water well. All the way to the bottom until her stupid redhead aura splashed into gross Ivon muck. Part of me genuinely thinks that she doesn’t want anything to do with me, and is just jealous you make me better. Although she had joked a few times about me ‘finally’ getting around to proposing. Wait… All of the feeling in my body drained out until all that remained was a strange buzzing. I’m so on edge right now that anything could push me into a real fit. Can you feel it? Do you know how fine of a line you ride with me at all times?
Then you went on to claim ownership over me. Normally it would be hotter than hell to have two women fight over me, but now that I actually care about one of their outcomes it changes things a tad. Long boney fingers scampered through my hair in search of tangles. Fuck, you must be learning how much that turns me on. Whatever half hard thing had rested beneath your beauty now filled with so much blood it ached. I wasn’t sure if you felt it before, but you definitely did now. A long and pathetic whimper rattled out of my throat, “You can’t just kiss me and play with my hair like that doll.” A roll of my neck didn’t help to alleviate the hungry desire awakening. Were you doing it on purpose? “No one has ever turned me on so fast.” In this very screened in porch an olympic runner had danced my cock like she wanted to live on it. You definitely didn’t need to know this, but you were being compared.
And you were winning.
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20:31
If there had been even a shred of chance for us to not fuck again it was shattered with your final monologue. A God? Next came all of those sweet words of vengeance. When I opened my mouth to say something a warbled moan fell instead. It was matched with a spasm to my leaking cock that ached pressed against the bottom of you. No one had ever said anything like that to me, ever. “Would-“ Another pause as I licked my lips, “Would you really do that for me?” The question had mostly been rhetorical, but during it my hands had begun to crawl your body. “How are you shaped so perfectly?” Strong hands rolled past your belly and over clothed ribcage. “You just bend in all the right ways, Camila Roberts.” How had no one else done this to you already? Whisked you away forever?
“I-“ I didn’t know what to do, and there was no proper way for this moron to explain it to you. For as long as I can remember charisma has been my strong suit. Any situation no matter the individuals involved I could think of a pretty string of words to lighten the mood. You had me dumbfounded. Awestruck by pure commitment. One of my hands corded into your hair with a tad to much force and brought our lips together. At first our teeth touched from the pressure, but slowly I lightened up as senses returned. Both our hips were rocking into each other, and we kept echoing cute moans down each others throat.
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20:32
Sweet words wouldn’t be enough. I wanted you to prove it. With my ego swelling I let our mouths part so I could whisper at you. “That door is still open, they will hear us if we start to fuck.” A passive offer, the Ivon special. Make the cute doll think it’s her idea to pump my lap. Had that been our goal the entire time? Was I emotionally manipulating you into fucking me? None of these facets of the girl gem were things I had ever cared about before. ‘Who gives a fuck what the broad thinks as long as they end up back in my bedroom,’ had been the typical operation for this sex freak. A douchey laugh fell from my mouth. There is the confidence I need. “You want to kill her little Mouse? Let’s make her jealous.” As creatures of mutual loathing we both know how much it hurts. “Then tonight while she is asleep I’ll push you against her bedroom door and fill you up." You will forever be my dangling cock ornament, Little Mouse.
Welcome Home.
@killahxkylie(edited)
I think a small part of me in some twisted way understood you a little bit more in this moment we were sharing. You were telling me that I couldn't just kiss you and yet here I was, doing it anyway, and the best part? You loved it. You telling me that I couldn't do it only made me want to do it more and when you parted your lips to speak again I was busy leaving kisses along your neck. Alternating between barely there and longer wet ones where my tongue brushed against your skin at the same time. When you asked if I would really do that for you I sat back up so our eyes could lock together. "I would. And it wouldn't be like at the cabin when I did it just to try to protect you. It would be just for revenge, and I think I would love every blood soaked second of it." The smallest shadow of a wince met my features when your hands passed over my ribs but that didn't stop me from shivering from your words. Fuck being an arms dealer, you should have been a poet. Do you have any idea what your words do to me? I really don't think you ever will no matter how many times I try to explain it.
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22:06
There was a brief moment where the only thing breaking the silence between us were the sound of slightly heavier breaths before you pulled me into a kiss so hard our teeth crashed together in an ugly knock. It made me laugh and it wasn't long until we melted into a perfect rhythm with each other. The way our lips and tongues moved in tandem and our hips rolled against each other was like a sacred dance that had been ingrained in us before we had ever met. Only we could move this way with each other and have it be so perfect, anyone else would always be at least a step or two off.
The grip I had in your hair was rivaling your own in mine the longer we kept it up and when you finally pulled away to whisper against my lips I was already a panting mess. Embarrassing, I'm so embarrassing. My eyes drifted to the door before I turned my attention back towards you, you were laughing and I couldn't understand why. Until your next words came out and the idea of you fucking me up against her door had adrenaline rushing into my veins. The idea of hurting someone else shouldn't make me feel so good. Something about being yours made me toxic but I couldn't bring myself to care. What good would it do? All it would mean is letting her walk all over me and I'd had enough of that from anyone else for a lifetime.
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22:06
"I don't care if god himself is in the next room over I want you. I want you to fuck me in every room of our house." It didn't take much for me to reach between us and shove your pants out of the way, it was becoming a sort of talent of mine to be able to free your cock no matter what position we were in. Unfortunately mine were a bit more annoying and I had to stand up to slide them down. "How many times will this be today?" I asked playfully before I took my place again straddling your lap, for a brief moment I debated facing away from you but I wanted to be able to whisper more sweet words into your mouth. Rolling my hips against your cock pulled a soft moan from my throat right as I tangled my fingers back into your hair. "You're gonna make my little cunt so sloppy by the end of the night, I was so good at keeping so much of you inside." I emphasized by sinking down onto you, pulling your hair so hard it must have hurt when I did. "Fuck I'm still so sensitive~".
@bonghitsforfeds
A lifetime ago inside a pretty house you had said something about not being a killer. I can’t remember the exact context of the discussion, but there had been a passing thought in my sick head about twisting you into a monster. Part of the beastly thing had been peeking out of your sweet frame, and your comment about killing them all for the hell of it reminded me of it. Here you were straddling my lap and promising it straight into my face. Not only were you my loving little acolyte, but you were also a holy warrior. No Feldt, especially me, deserved such a sweet brand of loyalty. Multiple times now you had told me otherwise. I think I am starting to believe it.
After our crashing kiss your comment about God deserved a swift comeback. “I’m sorry bitch, I thought I was your messiah?” The hateful word had been spat in pure loving jest. Next a hand shot down between my legs. Typically your opening move was to fumble at me, so when your hand immediately stripped me to reveal a red hot cock you caught me by surprise. “Oh myy~” Perhaps there had been a cute follow up to my opening moan-words, but they were caught in my throat as you stood up. ‘How many times will this be today?’ Christ on the cross, this fucking woman is going to kill me. My brain reeled to remember the first time we had been inside each other today. Where the fuck did I even wake up? We must be nearing my old life’s normalcy again because the private jet made it hard to place where we had been. “Didn’t we fuck in a plane today?” The cluelessness to my tone must have given away how lost I am.
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15:43
It didn’t matter anyway, as if I had been collected before you would have spun my mind when sitting in my lap. We weren’t even plugged up yet, and your words already had me reeling. “S-sloppy?” I know the hoisting of yourself on my shoulders meant you were about to lower down onto me. Immediately I was rewarded by a slurping slide down the length of hot Ivon-Pole. “Fuck!” Honestly I am not sure if the exclamation was in response to your pulling of my hair or not. Did you have to yank so hard? No way in hell I would dare to say this out loud after the fistfuls I had ripped from yours. “I deserve that.” A surge of adrenaline granted me an avenue to regain power. Typically I would do something violent to let you know who was in charge, but my episode in the kitchen had hatred expended. Besides, it was nice to melt into this fountaining hole you call a cunt.
All I could do was rock my hips in an attempt to meet your bucking ass. “Good girl.” Jesus, can’t I do better than this? One of my hands found the upper portion of your back, and the other lazily traced the outline of your thigh. Eventually it came to rest beside one where it gripped into pearly flesh. “You take it so good, Mouse.” It was true, not only did you sink onto it with expertise, but now you would glide the full distance of it with a practiced hunger. A rising tension in my core foreshadowed a coming snap of pleasure. Already? We had hardly been at this a minute and you were threatening to take it all. “Wait! Waitwait!” The words fell so fast that it was hard to get across my intention.
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15:43
Like a trained thing you still slowed the pace a tad. Eventually you slowed to a halt, but not without the help of both my arms over your shoulders. It was a half hug that forced you to sit on the full length of me. Every second that passed was accompanied by a dozen twitches of me. What I said next whimpered out past such pathetic lips that you might have lost respect for me, “I- I don’t want to cum yet.” Were you going to push me over the edge anyway? The thought earned another rushing spasm, and you definitely sucked a few drips from me. “If you move a fucking inch I’ll-” God, even talking about it was going to edge me over. My gaze rose up to catch both your eyes, and now everything was in your hands. I am not sure how I’ll react either way to be honest. It’d be beyond hot to have you shove me into orgasm anyway. “When I am with you I can’t help it, you get me there so fast.” You could probably see it within the crazy smile upon my face that you were open to do anything.
“I’m pathetic.”
@killahxkylie
’You take it so good, Mouse.’ There were few other words that affected me the way that those ones did and it made it all too easy to ramp up the pace of which I was currently bouncing in your lap. It didn’t take long for you to be rushing to tell me to wait and for a second my brows pinched together in confusion. Still I slowed anyway and that’s when I could feel how hard you were already pulsing inside of me. Were you really that close to cumming already? Along with slowing my hips my death grip in your hair loosened as well. Stuttered words about not wanting to cum yet only made my pussy flutter around you. I don’t know why but for some reason I found it so hot that I got you to that edge so fast even after doing it so many times already. Honestly it was amazing that either of us could keep at it like this.
There was the beginning of what felt like a mostly empty threat, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to finish it. The fact that there likely wouldn’t be any real consequences for me like there had been in the past made it all the more tempting to move and make you spill before you wanted to. The only thing that kept my hips still was the fact that right now I held some sort of power over you and it felt good. I never really found myself in charge in any sort of way like this, to be frank I never really wanted to either but with you it felt so good. It felt so different. I was only in this position because you were letting it happen and somehow that made it so much better. ’I’m pathetic.’ My bottom lip stuck out in a pout when you said that, if I had known just how much I would have regretted hissing those words at you all those nights ago I never would have. How was I supposed to know that I was going to fall in love with you though?
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16:51
“Mr. Feldt, are you calling my future husband pathetic?” There was a playful but still hushed tone to my voice and as I asked I ran a thumb over your lips before settling my hand at your neck. “That’s pretty rude, I don’t like it when people talk badly about him.” I let my hips roll once just to watch your eyes go wide before I stilled again. “You’re far from pathetic, Ivon.” The hand that was at your neck wrapped around the front of it to squeeze at the sides. “Look at what you do to me baby.” Reaching down with my free hand I swiped through the mess of my own arousal before pushing those fingers past your lips. “Could a pathetic man do that?” I used those same fingers to shake your head slowly from side to side in a no. “Mmm mmm I didn’t think so either.” Another painfully slow roll of my hips punctuated the statement but when I felt you twitch inside me again I stopped. How long would you actually let me get away with playing this fun little game with you? I was ready to find out. This time I pulled down to get you to look at where we were connected before I lifted my hips just to sink them back down. “Look at how perfectly you fill me up.”
@bonghitsforfeds
At your question of calling me pathetic my lower lip quivered and afterword I nodded a sad yes. There was no sense in lying to the woman who currently held my entire life within her cunt. Every tiny bit of pale thumb skin that passed over my face stole with it airy whimpers from my throat. There had been a small chance of me having a comeback to your initial words, but the swim of our laps nearly ended everything. Of course you always had a dastardly new hidden way to push us even closer to an invisible edge. A pulse of fingers at both edges of my neck swam a hot emptiness into a horny head that if not for non-existent movement would have sprung you full of an Ivon leak. Here you are telling me what I do is special, and yet I can’t handle any solitary scrape of Mouse flesh without crying.
You really are a bitch you know that? Fingers of familiar candied slime stuffed into my mouth only made me smile a psycho look into your eyes. I’m sure you recognized the flare of my eyebrows that always accompanied my worst bouts of hatred. A powerful quake of just about every emotion capable of being experienced bounced around my body like pyscho pinballs. Last time a woman her put her hand in my mouth I had bit her digits off, had I even told you that story? Another swimming blast of madness buffeted me, what the fuck are our lives?
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19:43
Whatever tension we had been toying with was snapped like a toy string when you rocked your hips that final time. Instantly I grabbed both sides of your belly like my ability to stay grounded to earths gravity depended upon it. A little whore crafted perfectly for this Washington devil immediately resumed her pace when she felt my body squirm with pre release jitters. Over and over ‘fill me up’ played on repeat in my mind as every remaining ounce of cum within my body pumped into a soaking cunt. “Cami~” Was there purpose to my screaming? “Cami!” How many times can I scream your name? An open door behind you meant Evelyn and co had heard our rehearsal, unless of course they had left the room. There were countless armed guards who definitely know the sound of your cumming hum now. How many unique notes of your sex-song will various corners of the world know when we are done covering it with our play? I am pretty sure my balls climbed up into my throat with how hard I unglued my soul for you. “Forever right? Forever?” I meant our relationship, but apparently I also meant how long you were going to be full.
@killahxkylie
The smile that made its way onto my lips when I felt you starting to cum for me looked so similar to the crazy one that you had previously been flashing up at me. I didn’t really think that I had a bone in my body that was made for dominating in any sense of the word but you letting me have this moment made me feel so powerful. You made me feel powerful even if you did split your time with being sweet to me and beating bruises into my skin. Your screams of my name only fueled me to keep rocking my hips, chasing my own high this time. It wasn’t long that the sight of you cumming underneath me and the feeling of you pumping me full again pushed me over the edge, screams of your name added to the chorus of our crazed fucking. It was a good thing that I was used to people hearing and even seeing us together like this or the volume at which I came apart would have embarrassed me.
Before I answered you with words I pressed my lips to yours in a sweeter softer kiss this time. “Forever. I promise, forever.” In no rush to move and pull away from you I pressed our foreheads together, panted breaths fanning out across your lips. “I’m not sure if any of that counted as sweet words but I hope maybe it helped you feel a little better. I know I do.” There was definitely a significantly decreased amount of murderous rage running through my veins now that it had been dulled with the fuzz of orgasm. Picking my head back up I looked through the screen at the barely visible shadows of the trees, the air occasionally glowing with the brief flash of a firefly. This entire place really was magical and it would be as close to perfect as I had ever experienced if it weren’t for Evelyn and the brain dead cop. “So, where are we going to sleep tonight? I remember you saying something about finding a bed until we could order a new one?”
@bonghitsforfeds
Your words were exactly what this stupid creature needed to hear. Every syllable dripped with earnest love. If I ever had a chance of making it through life with a permanent partner I always knew it would need to be someone with the same level of madness. I can recall growing up watching romance in life and thinking just about every word that fluttered from someones mouth about the subject was at odds to my own thoughts on it. Most red flags were what I would have looked for. The type of life I had been leading made it to where I came in contact with people who fulfilled most evil qualities I desired, but before you I had never met one who didn’t care for the wallet. Not to say that your eyes didn’t come to life anytime I was given an opportunity to spoil you senseless, but I knew that you didn’t expect it again.
Another pointless peeve of mine has always been a hatred for having others in my face. Even in medical environments I hated having someone inches from me. With our heads pressed together this way every molecule of heated exhaust that filtered through your lips was lapping over mine. Typically breath from a heated body would make me coil into a heap of cringing snake flesh, but of course you must have a magic mouth to match your magic pussy because everything about it is heaven. “I think there were definitely some sweet words in there too.” If you tested me on what they had all been I would definitely fail the said exam. “It feels like being resuscitated each time.” I still couldn’t believe that you had gotten off too. For once I was sure my inability to keep it together when near you had ruined our streak of getting off together. Either we were linked in some creepy universal way, or the feeling of bodily obsession was mutual.
.
08:42
At your final question I said, “Full, sexed out, and now the little punk is ready for bed, huh?” You were still sitting atop me and thus a short shift of my hips granted you a drag of seeping hole over sensitive flesh. It was likely that both of our eyes went wide in bodily bewilderment, but you also need to be reminded that we were back in my cage again. Truthfully you were onto something as the chirping critters and clear air was making me sleepy. “Well, let’s see.” Yes, even after all this time my fugue state from emptying my balls into you had yet allowed me to coalesce any thoughts. “There are multiple guest rooms in the two upper floors.” All of them were evenly decorated, and none of their surfaces had been tested by me. Although, its not like I got to trial run the rundown shit holes we had been huddling in recently. There was a little pop as my lower lip flew out from its backwards chewing spot. “There are also three other smaller houses on the property.” Both of them were a larger square footage than the home we got to know each other in, so hopefully you didn’t judge me whenever actually seeing their size the first time. “Two of them are occupied by staff right now, but one sits dormant and its maintained.” All three of their layouts were hazily known by me only because of childhood exploration. It had been many years since their guts has been seen by me beyond pictures on a computer screen. I playfully poked your belly before saying, “You own this entire plot, Ms. Feldt, where do you want to stay?”
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08:42
While you chewed on an answer for that I recalled a precious promise about ravaging you over a piano. How drunkenly sick are we on each other that even while falling out of you I let my mind wander to our next coupling. It would probably be cute to camp out in the musical theater, but this spoiled man desperately wished to sleep upon a real bed. Our getaway in the plane had been an appetizer to actual mattresses, and I wasn’t going to let myself be teased by a fucking jet. “Oh! A final option.” Initially I had begun speaking rather loud, but a sudden intrusion from the kitchen of Evelyn’s voice had me crawling into an internal shell. “We could always just throw a bratty fit and get a new mattress delivered tonight.”
@killahxkylie
“You can’t blame me, we’ve had a really long day.” I mean we’d been up for how many hours straight now? We had left that motel when it was still dark and now it was dark again. I was exhausted and running on fumes and wine at this point. In the middle of you listing off different options I moved my forehead off of yours and rested my head on your shoulder instead. I could fall asleep right here to the peaceful sound of your breathing mixed with nature's song but something told me that wouldn’t be very comfortable for you. “You just keep on surprising me Mr. Feldt.” You telling me that I also owned this entire plot made my heart thump just a little faster in my chest. You were so willing to just share your life with me and that was something that I had never expected. I figured you would have at least told me that if we got married you would make me sign some papers to ensure I get nothing but instead you had done the complete opposite and promised me half. Not that I would take it, even if by some chance you really did decide to let me go someday I wouldn’t want to take anything. It wouldn’t feel right. Plus, in some weird way that would make me feel like so many people that you had encountered before and that was the last thing that I wanted.
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11:22
I had to admit while thinking over my options that while having a mattress delivered tonight I was curious about what the other place looked like. It was probably a little less overwhelming and most importantly, Evelyn wasn’t there. It would be nice to have one night at home without having to worry about her busting in and ruining it, she had already almost completely wrecked our first real meal together and I just wanted to get one good night of rest before everything assumably got weird. After all, you don’t just say you’re going to take down what’s basically an empire without things getting bad right? “I think, we should order the new mattress tonight just because we can but sleep in that empty house you were mentioning while it airs out.” I had only had the pleasure of buying a new mattress once in my life but I knew they tended to have that weird chemical smell at first and I’d rather not be breathing in face fulls of it all night. “I think we deserve to have one night of peace after the last week of hell don’t you?”
@bonghitsforfeds
It’s a good thing you feel surprised considering that was my entire life’s goal. Keeping that pretty head spinning is the only thing this man knows how to do. Unless you were lying to me, which didn’t really seem to be your strategy, every ounce of careful energy I had poured into your wowing was paying off. When you moved to settle that very same perfect skull onto my shoulder the shifting of our cores jostled my body with so much pleasure I whimpered some more. A tiny tug to your lips told me this had been planned, and I made a mental note to absolutely torture your clit next time we are done. God, just knowing it as fact we can do it again later is enough to keep me waking up forever. Is this how actual religious zealots feel? Is every day just another fantastic grouping of hours to spread their holy word? My God’s best scriptures were recordings of her screaming voice. All of her throat sounds had been heard by me, and all of them were my favorite.
As per usual your decision was just what I wanted to hear. Both of my eyes were locked onto the rise and fall of your bak as the verdict was delivered. “Yes, let us flex our richly douchebag muscles by getting it brought here tonight, but then take a car across the lot to your guest house.” You would soon find that ‘across the lot’ signified a ten minute curving car ride, but it would also serve as another excuse to stuff you into a vehicle. Would we be able to keep our hands off of each other? “The cool part about riding over to it is that its legal for you to sit in my lap since the entire trip will be on our property.” A hop of my hips reminded you why this was important. The buzzing sense of pleasure I get at referring to everything that’s mine as yours is so pure it should probably be outlawed. “You are such a powerful little creature that I think myself capable of overdosing on you, Mouse.”
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21:20
That seemed a good heads up as any to pack up the Cami-picnic, and thus you were given an arm to help get off. There was a familiar pout to your features that always accompanied dismounting. “Don’t worry doll, this man belongs to you.” I had almost fucked up by adding ‘now’ to the end, but that would probably have just caused problems. After helping you get put back together I pressed a girl-cummy kiss to your lips before lacing my fingers through yours and dragging us inside.
Swap spit and cum with me forever little LA street rat.
@killahxkylie
A soft laugh floated its way up from my chest and mixed into my own personal lullaby of breaths and heartbeats that you were making for me when you called us rich douchebags. It was going to take me a long time to get used to the fact that I was rich now, at least in your eyes. Would I ever actually get used to it? The idea of letting myself get comfortable with that kind of status was terrifying. Especially when in the blink of an eye you could change your mind and toss me out to be nothing again. I know I shouldn't refer to myself as nothing, my life really wasn't that bad before you but nothing I ever had could compare to this. The idea of sitting in your lap felt wholesome for all of half a second before a jump of your hips showed me what you really meant and stole a broken whimper from my lips. You're going to be the end of me. "I think another ride in your lap sounds perfect, my love."
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22:07
Your words about overdosing on me had me picking my head up so I could meet your eyes with my own while a hand came up to thumb over my favorite cheek. "You're not allowed to overdose on me Mr. Feldt, because you aren't allowed to leave me in this world without you." A soft kiss sealed my statement before you were offering to help me off of you, the fact that we should ever have to exist without being interlocked like this isn't fair but I let you help me anyway. There was an embarrassing amount of your cum leaking out of me now despite my best efforts to keep every drop inside. Gravity is a bitch. "I belong to you too. It just feels like we can never get close enough, I want to crawl inside your skin and live there." I definitely needed to go to bed if I was willingly saying the things that I had only thought about before. Part of me wondered if that's why we fucked so much, the irresistible urge to be closer and having no other physical way to do it. If we could connect the way we really wanted to I think we'd rip a hole in space and time itself. "Can we actually get a new mattress this late?"
@bonghitsforfeds
Bubbly Mouse laughs combined with perfect strings of words filled me with resolve required to enter my own home. Sad how pacing through the backdoor filled me with so much anxiety, but anybody would be nervous when forced to face Evelyn. I knew before we entered the kitchen that she would somehow smell the sex on us. Having just tucked my cock away seconds ago filled me with the societal shame that shadows talking with others after a good fuck. It didn’t help my hand was knotted together with the very fairy co responsible. A dorky smile lit my face like a paper lantern over a town square full of genocide.
I had psyched myself up for the encounter to such a degree that when she wasn’t in the kitchen it was rather disappointing. The blood red mess had spread beneath the cabinets, and two uniformed staff were working their hardest to scrub it from the ground. Eldest of them said in a worried tone, “I am sorry Mr. Feldt! I have no idea what happened, I heard a crash and-“ Her rushed explanation fell short as we hovered nearby. It seemed she either realized I had likely been the culprit, or her associate had shushed her without me hearing it. A polite homeowner would have responded to her, but I was annoyed that Evelyn had fled without summoning help.
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17:59
Dragging you along at my angry pace we left the two to deal with my own tantrum. Luxurious spacing allowed us to sidestep the entire mess safely without encountering any glass. My voice came with a flared hint of anger, “If we are able to get one, I know a man who would be capable of doing it.” My statement was an answer to your question earlier, and that housekeeper would learn to keep opinions to herself. Conveniently house security was passing through the hallway connecting kitchen and dining room. We were standing near the gifted painting discussed earlier. It didn’t take much convincing to get his phone and after punching in the number of Michael I held the receiver to my ear while staring down at you. Shooing the guard away with my hand seemed to confuse him, but he was a smart one as there was no arguing.
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17:59
For a second I was worried our family concierge wouldn’t pickup. When he finally did answer a groggy tone told me he had likely already settled in. Too bad, shouldn’t work for me then. His voice dragged through the earpiece, “Mr. Feldt, how can I help?” Without any attempt at context I blurted, “We need a new bed. Something with posts and fancy. Can you get it here tonight?” Typically the man had a witty comeback that pleased my ego and bought him some time to think, but the request must have caught him off guard as the line was silent for awhile. Finally he said, “Tonight? Are you back in town?” Without skipping a beat I responded, “That would be ideal.” It was probably somewhere between seven and nine, but after another delay he said, “I’ll do my best… should I call this phone back?” Before hanging up I said, “You can try!”
I set the phone on the edge of a nearby bit of shaped moulding that protruded from a corner before kneeling down in front of you. Staticy bits of your hair stood on end, and I made my best efforts of brushing them down before saying, “Anything you need from here before we head to the other property?” Should we be here for the furniture delivery? I guess it doesn’t really matter as there is enough minds in this building to figure out the placement of a bed. Besides, they can find us.
@killahxkylie
I felt bad for the people who we walked in on cleaning up the mess that we had made. The woman seemed so nervous as if it was her fault that the red liquid was currently staining the floor. A part of me wanted to tell her that it was okay and explain that we had dropped the bottle of wine, dropped seemed like a nicer explanation than hurling it across the room at someone's head, but it didn’t feel like my place so I just stood there by your side quietly. I did however mouth a silent ‘sorry’ to the women as you dragged me along past the mess, it was the very least I could do, after all it felt like the entire thing was my fault. If I wasn’t here with you then Evelyn wouldn’t be acting this way. At least that’s what I told myself.
The guard we met in the hallway seemed just as confused by us as the women in the kitchen had and I was starting to think that everyone in this place just lived in a constant state of being confused in one way or another. The thought actually made me laugh to myself as you held the phone up to your ear waiting for someone to answer. I’d been living in constant confusion in one way or another since the day we met, maybe you have some kind of secret powers you don’t even know about. You make everyone around you confused and stupid. When you spoke to the person on the other end of the phone and mentioned something with posts and fancy I tucked myself against you and kissed the side of your arm. The idea of getting to sleep in something fancy every night was exciting, not that I had a bad bed or anything but I’m sure it was nothing near like what you could afford. “Something fancy with posts hm?” I smiled up at you when you hung up the phone. “That sounds perfect.” We could get ourselves into a lot of trouble with a bed that had posts.
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07:22
Before my mind could run too wild with images of being tied up in a million different ways while you fucked me stupid you knelt down in front of me in a way that had my heart racing in my chest. “The only thing that I need is you Mr. Feldt.” I could have mentioned the fact that I didn’t actually have anything here that belonged to me yet but I didn’t want to risk pissing you off again. Sure you said everything here belonged to me but the fact of the matter was I still didn’t even have clothes of my own. Clothes, toiletries, I didn’t really have anything of my own yet. Still, it didn’t matter all that much to me because I was home and I was with you and everything else could be sorted out tomorrow. “And a comfortable place to sleep, I am all too excited to sleep in a real bed tonight.”
@bonghitsforfeds
“Oh you caught that?” I couldn’t help with return teases after you mentioned the four posts. Are you imaging yourself sprawled wide between all of them? “Perhaps we could have them install D-hooks on top so there are plenty of sweet spaces to knot you up.” Kneeling in front of you and making your entire face heat up was an act I’ll never get bored of. You were getting good at our game of perfect flattery as those words you muttered about needing me unlocked a glow in my heart. If you looked hard enough I am sure happy waves of hot energy are currently wafting out of my head. My hand crawled forward to grab at your arm but fell just inches short. “Just let me stare at you a little longer, please.”
Which is just what I did. In my hallway stood the prettiest creature to ever be snatched off the street, and her entire attention was trained on me. We had just finished fucking each other to total exhaustion, and that’s what made this next bit so special. Finally I allowed my hands to wrap around your waist. Typically I squeezed and held you as if no amount of man handling could harm you. This is probably why your entire body was covered in sunset purples that marked each heavenly moment we had shared. And he shared. Got to love how the lizard works tirelessly to undo us. In the past when it had done that your image would become temporarily unmanageable. As if the very act of pointing out someone else had been inside of you tainted your entire being with a miasmic sludge. Tonight must be different, because all I wanted was to worship you.
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07:03
Hands around your hips made an easy lever for pulling your shirt up. I didn't bother taking it all the way off, and in fact it only crept up a few inches. The moment a pale belly was visible I pushed my warm lips against it in a loving kiss. Just to the right of my mouth was a valley of pain someone had created, and it was chosen as my next spitty-target. A slide of wet tongue drug me over the top of it. Bruised flesh was hotter, and my face selfishly soaked the heat up like a gross kitchen sink sponge. A thumb hooked underneath your shirt and peeled it further up. Pushing against you so hard that it initially caused a stumble I drug my nose up your chest to just below perky breasts. “Mmm.” My heartfelt note was buzzed into the clammy flesh, “Do I give these enough attention?” It wasn’t about sex though, so after a simple kiss atop both I moved upward past pulsing neck.
It was harder to keep this stance since I was half kneeling, but the pain in my calves was worthwhile to endure for your worship. Licking at your neck felt silly enough it made me laugh, and the entire note rippled into your pearly chin. “You still taste like soap.” Your breath was catching in my face now, and God did it make me feel powerful to know you felt it too. A kiss just as tiny as the rest melted itself into fat Cami-lips. “Anywhere next to you is comfortable.” It was time for us to head to the garage, but this hallway was full of our pink slime. “Are you more of a truck girl, or do you prefer fast cars?”
@killahxkylie
You were much too good at making my face heat into a blush, more often than not you made me feel as though I was going to melt into a puddle and seep right into the earth. I wonder what kind of flowers would grow from the mess of liquid pink love. A simple nod was all I needed to do to let you know I loved the idea of you having them install hooks so that you could tie me up and have your way with me in a million different ways. Would you leave me there all wrapped up like a present and leave the door open for everyone who walked by to see what belonged to you? The thought alone sent shivers climbing up my spine.
“You can stare at me for as long as you want my love, I am yours after all.” It felt good every time I said it outloud. I am yours. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. Even if I had the choice to leave and be anyone else's I wouldn’t take it, not in a million years. Every second of suffering that I had endured because of your infiltration into my life had been worth it to get to this very moment. You kneeling in front of me and making me feel like the most beautiful thing you had ever laid your eyes upon. Was I really so special? I had never even wondered if I was before you. Now every now and then I actually think I may be worth the air I breathe. Your hands wrapping around my waist made me wonder exactly what you were going to do next, I could see your eyes traveling over every inch of me that you could see and the next thing I knew you were pushing up the hem of my shirt.
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10:43
When soft warm lips pressed themselves to the flesh of my stomach the muscles underneath tensed in a dance of soft arousal. I hadn’t been expecting such a gentle and loving gesture and before I could stop it a couple tears ran down my cheeks. There was a part of me that couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to experience you doing this so softly and so lovingly while there was still the life of a little us safe and sound inside. Maybe someday I’ll get to find out. Your lips traveling over to a bruise that there was no way of knowing who left it there made my heart skip a beat. Typically the thought of anyone else touching me in any sense of the word twisted you into a monster but now here you were doing more healing magic than any shitty hospital doctor could have ever done.
When we stumbled from your push against me I couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. It was getting harder and harder to keep my breathing even with your lips pressing into so many different bits of skin and when you asked if you paid enough attention to my tits my brain blanked on what to say. Honestly I hadn’t really paid attention to which parts of me got the most attention, every time we were tangled up in each other it felt like we were in our own little world and my entire being was just wrapped up in you. Not to mention the Ivon shaped mark you left underneath that would be there forever. “I’ll never turn down more attention from you on any part of me.” The honest truth was that you could never touch me too much and at the same time it never felt like enough.
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10:44
When you finally made it up to my neck and told me I tasted like soap I couldn't help but smile. My neck had always been sensitive and finishing off your trail of kisses I couldn’t help the way I was working extra hard to keep breathing. My heart was threatening to break through my ribs in the way it only ever has when I’m with you and when you kissed me it felt all too fleeting. Dipping in for just one more that lingered a little longer I pulled away and pressed another to your cheek. “I think driving around with you has given me a taste for fast cars Mr. Feldt but I do want to see you driving a truck.” I could easily imagine you behind the wheel of a luxury car by this point but I’d never seen you behind the wheel of a truck and if it was anything like seeing you driving a car I was going to be tortured by the sight alone.
@bonghitsforfeds
---
“You are a grown man, hold your piss for one hour.” A suspiciously serene voice delivered harsh words from the semi’s passenger seat. Light danced across felt textured roof from a small device they were currently pecking at. Darkness shrouded the triple convoy from all angles, thus even the briefest of illuminations would cast long shadows over both occupants.
A curt response from the driver’s seat, “You sleep with a fucking teddybear, who are you to coach me on adulthood?” His tattooed hands wrapped the huge steering wheel with such a firm grip you would think earth’s gravity would let him go at any moment. Since they were the lead vehicle their wide beam headlights shot into veiled black. Occasionally the asphalt would give away to dirt road, but none of the trucks would slow down.
After his comment there was a period of silence as a recognized pause was cast to allow navigation of harsh roads. When grumbling gravel had been cleared the passenger waited until all the rocks had been thrown from their tires to speak again. After pitter-pattering rock fall came into an end a similarly calm voice said, “Talk shit about my stuffys again and we will find out how much shiny sinew holds your nuts afloat.”
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12:38
Laughter may not have been what most would expect as a reaction, but that’s exactly what spilled the large man’s lungs. The deliver of said threat didn’t laugh, but her face did turn up at the corners. It was a silent gesture lost to driving focus and the blue screen her nose was pressed into. She spoke again without any warning to changing subject matter, “I think this piece of shit is almost working.” Displayed was a gps delivery location which supposedly served as their drop off point. “They never had us use this fancy shit before, what happened to just remembering the drop off?” Frustration was evident in her tone, but failing to operate the equipment meant failing her shipment. Failing the shipment meant disappointing her bosses, and she’d rather die than face one of those rage filled German pricks. “Have you ever met one of them?”
The question obviously came from nowhere, and the large man’s mind had been so trained on operating a truck full of illegally obtained weaponry that he hadn’t gathered any context. “Wha- Who the fuck?” A bump in the back of their trailer meant rough driving had jostled product loose. Both of them heard it, but neither made any adjustments to their course to suggest they cared. It’s a gun, it can survive some jostling.
“The men in charge, dipshit. Who did you think I meant? Jesus?” Her attention finally left the screen to float over to his face. Everything this man said next has to be memorized incase he knew too much. The worst part about being on the inside is every action spent getting to know others is laced with secret agenda. Her real motive was closer to something like: What had this fat idiot heard?
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12:39
Either the green driver knew enough about mob work to keep his mouth shut, or someone had tipped him off to an estate Mole. “Nope. Saw em’ a couple times… In magazines.” A nervous press of his jaw was the only other betrayal to his own worry.
It was a nice save, but she knew better than to let the slip up go uncontested. Had he met them in person? Could he pick them out in a line up if a cop asked them too? She shook her head in a silent judgment of her higher ups. All of the family had been getting too close to work lately. It was hard to blame them when every week brought a new backstabbing. “It just ain’t the same these days, working in logistics.”
The man nodded along as if he was remotely aware of what she meant. He had learned awhile ago that agreeing with those around him made for an easier day. Unfortunately this was a recognized character trait that made him perfect for leg work. A ripped stitch in her mind caught the wings of her thought to gently remind that she was also doing the same field work. It doesn’t count. Aiming bitter thoughts at her own psyche didn’t put the hateful fire out.
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12:39
Without warning she launched into a story. “One time, back in the nineties, we caught a guy who had sold out a boss to avoid two months jail.” She stopped long enough to let the man turn the truck around a wide bend. They had long ago left the interstate and had been crawling along ocean side back road. Never in all her years had a drop off been in the middle of national forest like this. It was a change of pace, but then again everything was these days. “I think the police caught him stealing gas or something, but he panicked and assumed it was part of a larger bust.” Back then everyone had complained of harsh laws and corruption, but compared to today it had been a mobsters playground. “Spilled enough beans that more than half their family had to move overseas to Austria.” She shook her head as if enough dismissive nods would undue bad history. For a while it seemed the story was going to end there as the woman busied herself lighting a cigarette and pulling a few drags. After filling their cab with the smell of ashy exhaust she suddenly exclaimed, “Oh! I almost forgot the moral.”
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12:40
For the first time since they had left town a real smile split her entire face in half, or maybe that was jus the odd way light was being thrown around. “They sent a hitman to brutalize the guys family. Two months in jail is a long time to torturously peel his eldest and wife before having it discreetly ground into his food. When he got out they took him uptown in a van and showed him videos of how they got the jail guard to lace his meals with ground up bits of his loved ones.” They just don’t punish them like they used too. “After that they broke his legs and threw him into the Pacific. Supposedly his wife is still alive somewhere in a creepy basement torture house… or something.” Now the last bit felt like a ruining anchor to her entire story. She had never heard anyone say otherwise though, and she didn’t really care to find out the truth. Her main goal had just been to scare the newbie, but now a distant sadness welled in her gut. “A lot of good friends have been lost because morons like that can’t just take the plea deal and spend a year in jail.” Smoke had been collecting in her face since the cigarette had been allowed to free burn. After waving the smelly haze away she added, “Maybe our bosses wouldn’t go missing if we fed a few loose ends their mom or whatever.”
Her conclusion earned a long respite. The driver didn't say anything for awhile, and instead busied himself with following the transmitter. Despite his request she had refused to relinquish the device, and thus he was stuck leaning over to peer at it in her lap. It didn't help that he used to be a smoker, so the historically tantalizing smell of smoke was filling him with nausea. They were getting close and despite the entire trip being equally as dangers the final stretch always seems the most desperate. Munching on her story had taken awhile, but finally he said, “I know who sold out Mr. Feldt’s son.”
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12:40
Flabbergasted? That probably served a good enough word to describe how her stomach had flopped at hearing him say that. So many questions filled her head at the same time she didn’t know where to start. Was he involved? Was it well known what had happened? How many others are gossiping about what until now had been considered a vague occurrence? Now it was her turn to sit in dumbfounded silence. Had that been a confession? She had expected him to stay silent after such a strange admission, but to her surprise he spoke again without prompt.
“I’ve been carrying that around for a few days.” He stopped to wipe at his face, and didn't speak again until something had been flicked off his finger into the corner. “Word is whoever did it has men on the inside. A real secret police situation.” Then in a shakier voice, “If you are one of them I ask that you make sure my girl gets my pay from this job. My kids won’t have a place to live otherwise.”
Damn, no wonder the story had sat so rough with him. The universe had robbed her of childbearing on a genetic level, so no spawn of hers would ever wander the earth. It was such an alien concept to ponder that she forgot for a brief moment that her very purpose was to weed out knowers like him. A look of pity crossed her face when glancing over at him again. Poor guy, he really did choose the worst person to admit that too. Parker is going to be pissed when he learns that in every corner of this sparsely populated gang is a know it all dumbass who is keen on every step of their plan. Thankfully her cigarette had been enough distraction to the man he hadn’t noticed her hand shifting hand. Currently it was clawing around the inside of her own top in a desperate attempt to find cold metal. Eventually the handgun slipped into her grasp before a surgical removal effort began.
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12:40
How many times had she killed a man driving her around? At least three immediately came to mind, and every instance had resulted in her injury. It turns out that murdering the individual operating your motor vehicle can result in dangerous situations. Before her piece had cleared the holster she was already mourning the long jacket. She had just picked the stupid thing up and now a goddamn bullet was about to tear the left side to shreds. Despite having done this as a job for over twenty years she always cringed to a nervous fear that her gun wouldn’t go off when fired. Only a few inches remained before a shot was lined up, but any quick movement would betray her motive. “How many kids do you have?” God how her soul burned to ask such a terrible final question. Had she been intending for him to think of happy thoughts before disappearing in a splatter? A professional would probably wait for the delivery to be finished before throwing it all for a loose end,
But she didn't work for the Feldts anymore.
Despite countless final seconds spent paranoid of firearm malfunctions she had never expected negligent discharge to be of concern. When a whizzing rifle round passed through the driver’s side window and opened her previous targets face like a ripe pumpkin she had mistakenly assumed it had originated from her handgun. There was no time to process the error in thought as her entire world became hot bits of skull, brain, and glass. A hellish noise left the throat of her nameless driver whose entire jaw and face had now become hamburger meat. Her peripheral caught sight of a waving tongue confusingly passing over the top of red soaked teeth which only the lower row still remained attached to his head.
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12:40
Instead of slumping forward as one would typically expect the man’s heavy soon to be corpse slid sideways over the console, which in turn cranked the wheel right due to his white knuckled grip. It had been a long time since something had startled the grizzled woman enough to scream, but that’s exactly what she did as the semi plowed sideways through guardrail. Fifty miles an hour may not seem like much to a typical daredevil, but it adds up to a lot of momentum when pulling eighty-thousand pounds of metal. Perhaps the only thing strong enough to stop their rampage would be the terrible strength of a wide tree trunk.
The only thing saving her body from becoming a pancake between load and nature was the sideways course they had taken off the asphalt. Jackknifing the truck sideways meant the trailer and cab both simultaneously impacted a row of Giant Sequoia. A terrible destructive sound shot through the woods as government property became debris, gasoline, and smoke.
The later two vehicles in the convoy hadn't been so lucky. The second one had gone left instead of right and its surviving occupants were currently drowning. Supposedly a fully loaded car or plane will sink in the water at two hundred feet a second when fully submerged. Did they hit the bottom before their lungs popped from pressure? The third semi directly impacted a tree after their driver had been assassinated, and the resulting explosion was big enough that the local news would report a false bombing the following morning.
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12:41
The lead vehicles passenger survivor was currently engulfed in a world of gore, sound, and pain. Their awkward sideways crash had resulted in the trucks power train being yanked to the extreme. Currently the hood was gone, and an exposed engine was revving higher and higher in result of pulled throttle cable. It’s possible if an able bodied person had exited the vehicle and stuffed the intake or cut the cable that the engines overspeed would have been halted. Since she was pinned beneath a headless man’s corpse and dazed beyond recognition all they could do was wait. Higher and higher the angry sound of rising machinery climbed until ending in magnificent meltdown crescendo. Finally motor metal had enough and the crankshaft came apart. A few pistons launched themselves free of their casing which was followed up by several more loud bangs. Despite failing machinery and threats of fire the team of ATF special agents closed the line of wrecks with zero apparent fear.
When the butt of a rifle shattered the window next to her head and relieved her wounded body of another’s empty vessel she mumbled a confused, “Thank you.” Sadly her savior was more an occupier than a hero and after dragging the dead man away he returned to give her a similar treatment of removal. Internally a fighting spirit urged her to argue, but wisdom told her saving strength was a better idea. Crazier situations had been escaped by others, but then again they probably didn’t have a mask full of sharded glass. Before being dropped into the wet dirt she intrusively wondered if any bits of him were embedded in her skin. A terrible thought that was unwelcome, but unfortunately shock had thinned her mind of any filter.
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12:41
They left her face down in the dirt for awhile, and had she not turned her head before passing out there is a strong chance they would have suffocated. When a shiner pair of boots approached her sideways view she didn't bother raising up until addressed directly. From above came a cool commanding tone, “Are you Haley Lazia?” The way this lady spoke carried the air she wasn’t used to being told no. Admitting to things such as this was typically well out of the question, but its hard to find argumentative willpower when face down next to burning car wrecks. Apparently too much time had passed for her liking as a face full of dirt was kicked into her mouth. While coughing and sputtering a simple repetition of, “I said, are you Haley Lazia?
“Y-Yes!” More choking coughs that resulted in spit soaked shiny rocks being cast over the dirt. How does this pig-cunt know my name, Fluttered the grounded woman’s mind so many times it was likely carved to the inside of her skull. She hadn’t taken the time to look up yet, as such the conversation her captor turned backwards to have was only spoiled because of sliding boots. Fucking idiots and their boots.
Agent Soto’s voice shouted backwards towards the road, “We actually got this one!” She’s sure the lowlife lying at her feet hated the cheery note to her tone. After announcing to on-site command their mission was a success she turned back toward the writhing thing that will likely earn her a medal. “You know, we had orders to just kill you all.” Two more bootfulls of dust seemed like enough hatred dispensed as she risked a write up attempting for more. It’s one thing to tell a court room you got lost in the moment, but its a whole other ballgame to admit you killed someone with dirt.
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12:41
She knew from personal experience.
Leaving a Feldt pawn face down in the mud was a nicer treat to her senses than any other evening had offered as of late. Once her boots were back on road a familiar sea of faces was working to categorize their killing spree. Helicopter blades overhead meant the news was already here, but if the plan was to be followed than roads were already closed off. Let them look at a curve full of bodies, it’s likely a certain tall mobster will get to see it personally. Apparently she had hovered too long as a recognized pair of reflective eyeglasses approached from the darkness. Well, what used to be darkness anyway, now the entire night was full of flashing blues and reds.
Her visitor suddenly said, “Better than sex, killing thugs like that.” Funny how an entire mood can be ruined by one dumbasse’s mouth sounds. His posture screamed proud for someone who hadn’t played a hand in this evening beyond walking around and standing wide. The real hero tonight was the sniper who has managed three consecutive driver kills without skipping a beat. Supposedly one shot had killed both passengers of the middle car, but that was an easy claim to make when they were currently underwater. It would suck to be the guy responsible for hauling that shit up later.
There was no attempt made to turn and look at him when answering, “J, you didn’t even shoot anybody.” An awkward shift in his posture meant her words had landed as intended, but his sunken form afterwords sort of made her feel bad. I’d rather be caught dead than admit to him I’m sorry. Shaking her head hopefully worked to dismiss any ill will formed by the silly comment. A smoldering dot in the grass caught her eye, but she didn't approach it until the man had spoken again.
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12:41
“To be fair ma’am, all you did was kick dirt in the survivors eyes.” A loud silence fell between them. An impressive amount of venom poured forth from the woman as her head slowly swiveled to take him in again. Did he gulp behind that stupid gator neck? A final line of hushed dialogue rambled out of his face afterword, “Which is a very important line in the debriefing, of course.” Not a single solitary sign was offered by her body language to give up any thoughts. It almost seemed like the idiot was going to spill more apologys, but she decided to walk away before things got worse.
At the roads edge nestled against a bushes stalk was the sizzling butt of a spent cigarette. Teeth marks in the filter betrayed the previous owner as a stressed individual, and Soto inspected it like her entire case hinged on its identification. Her voice rose into a shrill pitch that always accented her shouting, “Which one of you dumb motherfuckers was smoking next to crashed trucks and stolen guns?” She had never witnessed J personally smoke anything, but for some reason he took all the blame in her mind’s eye. A dismissive toss of the stogie to asphalt was its final glimpse of life before being stomped out to nothing.
“Even the embers, Mr. Feldt.”
@killahxkylie
A heavy pair of hands lay crossed over each other in the lap of a well dressed man. His practiced posture held a proud chin high, and piercing blue eyes made sure no detail went unnoticed. Scars covered both his mitts like rail lines in Europe. Everything from the way he sat to the way he breathed exuded an air of absolute authority. The only betrayal that he wasn’t in perfect shape was a slow slide of lower jaw that proved stress still affected the best. He’s the type of man you step out of the way of when crossed on the street. The kind of guy who prefers straight liquor over mixed. And he positively wanted nothing to do with what he had just learned.
Currently the sullen man was sat upright in the back of his Rolls Royce. Both his dress loafers were pressed firmly into plush carpet, and occasionally he would scoot them about as if finding hidden comfort in the other side of the floor board. A tuned engine idled at a low RPM, but occasionally freezing air would hiccup the motor into a higher speed as it adjusted for overworked heater. His gaze was tuned out his window toward a trio of men who were having a rather heated debate. Puffs of exhaled air would pattern a hot spray of fog over the window, but if it was cold in the car this tall man did nothing to make one assume he cared.
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18:29
Of course, he knew what the associates were discussing. His gaze was only trained on the mannerisms of one, a spindly man who originally called himself by the name of Charles. Charles was an MIT graduate who made himself famous by developing a system for explosives that allows them to be operated while deep underwater. Whatever mysterious mixture of talents had allowed him to make such a creation were long lost to a life of crime. Now he was known as ‘Ray,’ and he was the best fucking money launderer that the West coast had ever produced. Right now his rolling lip meant that what they had feared to occur had come to transpire. It wasn’t a coded tell or anything, just a recognized mannerism after many years of working together.
After that the luxury car’s occupant turned their head back toward the driver’s seat. Interesting how the slightest variations in fabric become so goddamn interesting when you are chewing on terrible news. If he was given until the end of the world to process what he just gleaned it wouldn’t be enough time to get over it. Worst thing is no matter how much he wished for it to be otherwise both his driver and launderer had to get in this stupid car, and that meant speaking to others when pissy.
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18:30
Scheiße. All he could manage to conjure was hatred, frothing madness, the kind that makes good men do terrible things. Problem was this was no ‘good’ man, and his insides were churning with a darkened evil so brutal it would make Dracula cringe. If mythical beasts wanted to pull curtains of darkness over the world this hateful pile of meat stewing in his Rolls Royce wanted to go even further. Soak the planet in gasoline, and burn it down. Better yet, make sure my- His own consciousness sputtered out to a sad stop while trying to process her name. Simply attempting to summon a relatable thought shook his core with such flaming hatred that a choreographed killing of every quantum survivor wouldn’t be enough to end this internal quarrel.
He was just about to exit the vehicle when both front doors opened simultaneously. Even though the dragon of a man was facing forward his mind was so far gone that neither entering occupants were registered. Don’t be mistaken, the man was consciously aware of who had just entered the car, he just didn’t give a fuck. Although that may be an inaccurate claim since the truth was closer to he was just too angry to notice.
Both Ray and his driver both knew from experience to not immediately open their mouths. Sometimes his own ego would eat at the tendrils of friendship by doing its best to convince him that their dancing of his temper was an act of babying. In reality there was no practiced way to handle him without skirting emotions. It wasn’t until the sled of unaffordable engineering had been put into drive and driven out of the park that one finally spoke.
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18:30
It was his driver, and the man opened with a clever parlay of business, “Sir, we will be departing to your home in Hamburg.” Sometimes when moods were cheerier the man would offer little bits about today’s weather. I guess when one is worried about their boss coming unglued at his seams of soul all the nice shit goes away. Am I really that scary? He leaned just enough to catch his own dashing face in the driver mirror. Feldt genes were something to be regaled, but today his features were denoted with hints of evil. I guess when the only thing you can think about is peeling your wife’s eyes from her head like ripe olives it tends to rest in your features. Okay, am I always terrifying? He already knew the answer to that.
Ray spoke next after a brief lane change, “Klaus…” Man, all that time to prepare and he still fizzled the speech out into nothing? It’d be sad if not so haunting a sign. He continued, “She fucked you boss. She bent you over the bridge and let you have it.” He might as well have admitted to robbing God of his own court. A sigh of stress dangerous enough to make warriors meek left billionaire Klaus Feldt’s body in a wave of frustration.
A deep voice of even tone came from the backseat, “We will only have this conversation once. How bad?” Honestly, he was impressed at his own ability to keep it together. Its not every day that one finds out their wife had been gathering incriminating information behind your back. Her mistake had been slipping up in her method of delivery. When you are caught stealing from the Feldt empire a typical response will be to have your ass tailed. When the end exchange finally happens an agent of logistics will make sure both parties are dispatched in a swift enough fashion to make guillotines smile. Unfortunately this isn’t always so easy when the other party turns out to be ATF in Washington.
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18:30
A pile of photos was dumped into Klaus’s lap. Any other day he would snap at the rude gesture, but no doubt every member of the drive was worried about their own future. Thus, tensions were high and expectations low. Glossy polaroids of Marlena in a cop car, more photos of her ducking into an unmarked office, and finally a half page blurry picture of her with an Attorney General. When his lungs had begun to fill with air it had been in a sucking reaction of anger, but as they inflated he realized it would be a waste to not expend it somehow. Both men sitting in the front seat jumped at his outburst, “Fucking cunt! Why? Why? How many dresses, how many balls, how many-“ His voice cut out after every single ounce of air had already been expended on maximum volume. Throwing himself sideways in the backseat crushed the other side’s plastic with a deep shoulder check. It was only an audible snapping as no obvious damage had been inflicted to pressed leather.
What happened next did though.
In a tantrum comparable to fitting toddlers Mr. Feldt pounded his heels into driver’s side rear door. At first it was mostly met with loud crumbling, but eventually it rewarded him by giving in with a snapping tear. Again and again he pounded scratched loafers into the door until strength had failed him. After that he lay belly up in the seat gasping with sobs between every breath. Even though his body had given out two lungs were still capable of pushing enough air to scream. “Stupid bitch had a fucking cleaner for a father! Oh, I’m sorry, are you suddenly above killing and murdering?” Now the ceiling asked to be destroyed, but he had yet to regain enough muscle control to do so. Luckily when his face turned over it was met with a picture of his wife speaking to a cop. He had just looked at this, but its image had spurted enough adrenaline into his body to throw another fit.
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18:30
The driver, who’s name is unimportant, had once delivered two twins in the back of his car. Another instance they had come under fire, and during the resulting exchange one of his passengers took a bullet. After twenty minutes of leaking he had considered those two nights the longest rides he had ever been a part of. Unfortunately for him the drive to this mansion was forty-five minutes, and apparently Feldt’s are capable of yelling for that long.
When they pulled into the wrapping driveway it was covered in a fresh snow. Every sound was crisper than biting a ripe apple, and this made it easy for door guards to hear backseat meltdown before laying eyes on it. The car’s windows were tinted enough that they weren’t offered proper view of destroyed interior until Klaus through his own door open with a powerful shove. Suddenly the porch was void of sound save for clinking bits of car rattling out of an open door. When he rose from the backseat his shoes crunched into the Royce debris in a second round of tantrum betrayal. Slowly and accompanied by a sore limping the tall man strode into his house. Neither doorman offered him any words, and already a house manager was making reparations with a rather shaken driver.
Once he was alone inside the entry way Mr. Feldt scanned the surrounding area with a stalking crawl. Somewhere within these very freezing walls are the hands of a woman who are going to be crushed beneath a hot iron. That and a hundred other hateful plans swirled the lumbering man’s mind while he carefully paced around. Hateful excitement brewed within from having no confidence in how this would play out. Will they just share words? Will he knock teeth out of her dumb head? Thankfully their accidental spawn was away in America for localization, and that meant nobody would interrupt.
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18:31
Marlena Feldt had already come to terms with nerves over her cunning plans. Being caught was an impossible anxiety to couple with, and thus her plan had been to just shove it down. Smother the worry deep and nothing will grow from its stupid seed. This strategy made it so the reserved beautiful woman walked her days without a single thought over her familial coup. Unfortunately it also meant her demise happened with proper surprise. Today she had been busying her time with cleaning a family sedan. It had been her car before marriage to Klaus, and sometimes they liked to take ‘normals’ into town by dressing in street clothes and cruising in her old Honda. Today was special because beaming pride of her life Ivon had come home early on break. A mixup in scheduling meant the semester had ended a week earlier than expected.
Currently a playful pair of eyes was toying with a stuffed giraffe, and their owners constant lines of questioning had made cleaning the old car difficult. Marlena was scrubbing a stain from the driver’s seat with soldier’s fervor, and Ivon was making every step difficult as possible. Just as her nail snagged over rolled seat fabric he said, “Why are ‘Raffes necks so long? Can they tie it in a tangle?” His head tilted sideways as if rattling a tiny boy brain around would suddenly produce an answer. A line of blood leaking from her pricked fingertip was tucked into a sweaty palm. Her son’s sweet inquiry is a lost characteristic of his father that she would do nothing to risk. Thus her wound was hidden from him, as the poor thing had a terrible reaction to seeing her wounded.
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18:31
Finally she answered, “Well sweet boy, its because they have to be long enough that they can reach the tallest of trees.” Ivon’s face lit into a glow at this discovery. “They have trees that tall in Africa?” An explosion of pride within her chest buffeted with motherly love. How did this one end up smart? “That’s right little man, and they even fight each other by swinging their heads around.” Right now Ivon was bending the stuffed animals fake neck. “Careful baby, you’ll hurt him!”
An orange blur rocketed through the air and collided with Marlena’s temple. Her body slumped against the inside door with a sick crunch, and the last sound she ever made was a groaning death rattle. One of her eyes bulged out of its socket with a cornering purple hue, and the other was trained directly on the only thing she had ever loved. Next Klaus Feldt collapsed to his knees beside her, and without skipping a beat picked up the power drill battery. Its orange surface was mostly crimson now, but if any had been left it was definitely covered in gore on its second plunge through her dying face.
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18:31
Two souls on this planet are the only vessels capable of sharing how many times the hunk of shaped material was driven into Marlena’s face. Neither of them were within their right state of mind to recall. How many droplets of his own mothers blood was splashed onto his mask? How young is too young to see the inside of your own mothers skull? Squelches, wet pops, gurgles, and groans will forever be on a list of things hated for Feldt Jr. It wasn’t until his father completely collapsed in exhaustion that their eyes found each other. A traumatized boy clutched mom spattered stuffy with such zeal that fingers and faux giraffe almost became one. Klaus was so empty of energy that all he could do was heave for breath while leaning against the seat his wife had just been painstakingly cleaning. Seconds turned to minutes as their eyes clung to each other like frost clings to the dead. Dripping from leaking corpse was so common that it almost sounded like the ceiling had sprung a leak. Finally Klaus spoke,
“When the fuck did you get home?”
@killahxkylie
All that cute shit about bottling up sounds had long gone out the window. I want to morph into the skin that makes up your throat. Vibrate your sweet sounds out past the entirety of me and let us harmonize in gross connection forever. I’d give up every luxury ever known to me if God granted such a fate. Honestly you can pour whatever you want past my transformed length, I deserved it anyway. Unfortunately speaking meant kisses were over. Hadn’t you just said yourself that you belong to me? That meant your lips can be passed between mine whenever desired. “A truck, hmm?” It wasn’t nessacary to fill space with so much musing, but now was time for our forever after. Well, at least the beginning of it
Without another word I rose up and relocked our fingers together. “If you don’t mind princess, it’s time to depart for our evening cabin.” A positively posh voice had overcome my demeanor, and it was followed by pitchy giggles. Flaunting ourselves throughout the house was better than imagined. At first we passed through recognized spaces. Connecting hallway to living room and then an opposite winding passage to a thicker door. Now I spoke more matter of factly, “This one is painted to look like the internal ones, but its construction is steel.” Soon you will learn that most outer portals are to built to keep us safe. “All part of a home designed to house the greatest babygirl.”
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22:07
After typing a code in that consisted of several hateful beeps there was the sound of sliding mechanisms. A sharp click denoted it was unlocked and now it was being pushed open by my hand. Upon our initial entry step a row of beautiful gleaming metal was cast in bright light by automatic fixtures. Pointing toward the first of twelve I said, “That one looks similar to our Benz we had so much fun in.” Except this one was an eight cylinder monster that burned a gorgeous deep red. “Almost looks purple.” Behind that was even more expensive metal, but I don’t think any car would ever hold as many prized memorizes as those stupid Mercedes. “Do you know a lot about cars, fuzzy Mouse?” I made sure to triple squeeze your hand in a gentle reminder of love
@killahxkylie
I nodded with a cheesy grin on my face when you repeated my words back to me about a truck before you rose back to your feet and laced our fingers back together. “You’re kind of adorable sometimes you know that?” It felt like I didn’t get to see the playful side of you very often but sometimes in little moments like this you let it come out and I felt so lucky to get to see it. It always made me wonder what you were like before the world made you into who you are today. A part of me was really hoping that as time went on and we hopefully took care of the people who broke you at such a young age that I would get to see more of it. Until then though I replied in just as posh of a voice with a, “Lead the way my love.” I almost told you that I loved your laugh too but didn’t in fear that you wouldn’t let me hear it as much if I pointed it out.
“If you’re trying to make me blush some more it’s definitely working.” A smile worked its way onto my lips as you typed in the code for the door. It was a little anxiety-inducing knowing that there was such high security here, places didn’t have security measures like that in place unless they were necessary. Has anyone ever tried to break in and do anything to you before? Would they try to get to me once everyone found out that you had someone special in your life? I tried to remind myself of the fact that you would literally burn the world to the ground to protect me but my brain also wouldn’t let me forget the fact that you had let me get taken out of that cafe without so much as following me to make sure I was okay. You literally broke his nose. I scoffed at that but tried to disguise it as a gasp in reaction to the door opening and revealing an array of cars. I may not want you for your money but I can’t lie and say it isn’t attractive to see your riches.
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21:53
“Well.. we’re just going to have to have just as much fun in that one too.. And the rest of them.” I wanted to run my hand over the shiny deep red paint but it was so spotless I didn’t want to ruin it. “Mmm not a whole lot. I know some of the basics, and I know what kind of body styles I like but that’s mostly just aesthetics. I can change my own oil and tires but anything much more complicated than that and I’m lost. What about you? You have quite the collection, is it because you like them or just because you can?” It was an honest question and I hoped that it didn’t rub you the wrong way like the one about the wine had. I truly just wanted to know if it was a hobby or genuine interest of yours.
@bonghitsforfeds
