ROLEPLAY HQ - healing-touch

TW: Self harm, mental illness, mentions of drugs(legally prescribed but still) and sexual content, alcohol

Adeline had been here many times before. She knew the ins and outs of how things worked but that didn't make it any less terrifying every time she got brought in strapped to a gurney against her will. This time it was pills, she swore up and down that she had just meant to take enough to fall asleep but nobody believed her when they'd found her in the almost dead state she was in. She was small standing at just 5 foot 2 inches and weighing just barely 130 pounds, there was no way she'd needed to take that many. She could barely even remember getting loaded up onto the gurney but she must have struggled at some point because she was restrained when her eyes flickered open, throat raw and veins loaded with IVs. Her eyes filled with tears when she realized she was here, again, the local psych wing. She'd just wanted to noise in her head to quiet down for a little while, she didn't want this. The sterile white walls and smell of misery. She'd managed to make it through the day without issue and the restraints were undone. After another 24 hours she was assigned to group therapies and given a room, this time one all to herself. It wasn't a complete shock, everyone there knew her, most of them pitied her... Well almost everyone, she had never seen the new nurse that had started peeking into her room every hour on the hour the first night. I wonder when he started she thought to herself. Not that it mattered. She would be out of here in no time. @Marcus

He came into the hospital to start his shift like he had only a handful of times. After starting just a week prior, he'd barely seen anything of note that had even made him blink twice. It was exactly what he'd anticipated the occasional assistance with IV's, changing bed pans. The job wasn't glamorous by any means, but it's been what he dreamed of growing up, the opportunity to help any and everyone he could was just what Cole wanted from life. Of course, what was expected from the job was bound to come at some point and it seemed today was the day. As he walked into the hospital a woman on a gurney rushed passed him. A woman on the cusp of lucidity strapped down, a sight he was unfortunately all too familiar with. His feet moved on their own before he'd even realized it, hearing every detail on how she came into the predicament she'd found herself in, along with the explicit information that this wasn't the first time she'd been here. Once she settled into stability, he found himself relieved that she was okay, but still finding himself checking on her every hour. Cole knew things could always change on the drop of a dime better than he would have liked. He asked about any potential updates on occasion. Looked through his periphery as he walked passed her group meetings, the slight pain in his heart consuming his being for seconds at a time. He walked into her room expressionless after spending the better part of a day learning what he could on her situation, finally looking her chart and seeing the very familiar words on the sheet. A single thought came to his mind, a thought he'd then spoken aloud. "You're not going to live long if you keep this up." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

She was so caught off guard when he had walked into her room, assuming at first that he was just doing his rounds and needed to make sure she hadn't managed to sneak anything into her room, she hadn't. She had given up on that on her fourth visit to this wing, someone somehow always managed to figure out what she had taken and confiscate it before she could use it. But then he spoke, something she wasn't used to anymore. Sure the other nurses on rotation would occasionally as the polite "How are you feeling today" But most of them who had seen her come and go had given up on trying to break past the barrier she kept up at all times. Her brows knitted together in almost confusion, why did he care what happened to her? "W-what did you just say?" was all she could manage to force herself to get out. It was such a simple statement, an obvious one, but somehow she couldn't wrap her mind around the man saying it. "Why would you say that?" Her voice came out soft and timid as if she was afraid maybe the man wasn't even really there. For all she knew he could be a figment of her warped mind. @Marcus

He looked back at her, almost in amusement, but mostly in apathy. "It's exactly what I said. You're going to die if you keep doing this. It'll be small escalations, maybe to chase that high or just to avoid feeling that deep and uncontrollable pain in heart for just a minute longer. Maybe you think it doesn't matter or no one cares, but it does and they do. But hey, I'm just one guy. What you do with your life is up to you. Each word Cole said was measured and matter of fact. Lecturing her wasn't the intention, but it tended to be a by product of the way he acted. Another person coming and going thinking they no better, he'd just seen it all and said it all. Indifference was all that was left at this point. Ironic, considering his job was to care. "If I'm being honest, I don't think you want to die, but I'm not the one that gets to make that decision. Still if, or rather when you come back based on your reputation of my peers, I'll be here to remind you that very simple fact. Unless of course, you want to just fill me in on your story now, rather than later." Did he care about her? As much as he did any other person, but could he really get through to someone so set in their ways? That seemed to be what he was about to find out. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

Adeline couldn't help but feel anger bubble in her chest at his words, it felt like a lecture to her even if it wasn't meant to be one. Maybe he meant well or maybe he was just another asshat who thought he knew better, thought that living this wretched life was some sort of blessing or something. He has no idea the hell she had to live through on a daily basis. Did he honestly care at all? She pulled her knees to her chest, her back against the cool wall of the room. One nice thing about being committed was she got to wear actual clothes and not just some terrible gown, granted that just meant she could wear her own sweatpants and hoodie, all strings removed of course, it was still better than those horrid gowns. "You don't know anything about me, I was just trying to go to sleep.." She kept repeating that, in every group and solo therapy session she'd attended in the past few days. She really hadn't been trying.. this time. "I've been so tired and I can never sleep I was just trying to sleep... to get my brain to be quiet for a little while" She rested her chin on her knees picking at the small beads of fabric on her sweatpants. She still wasn't completely convinced the man in her room was real I mean why would anyone waste their time on her anymore at this point? "Why do you care?" @Marcus

Her words rang into his ears as if they were trying to prove a point. Why do you care? "Well I guess you make a good point. I don't know anything about you. Maybe that's a good thing for you. There's nothing you can tell me that would give me any reason to judge you. And why I care? Well let's just say you remind me of some people." Cole looked her, curled up as if she was the most pitiful thing in the world, but her words had enough venom to tell him she was a fighter. Hardly one to give up that easily. "Let's just say I believe you, whether I do or not should hardly matter to you, after all I'm nobody. Why should I or my thoughts and opinions matter to you? A better question is why shouldn't I care? From where I'm standing everyone else here seems to have given up on you and for the life of me, I can't figure out why." He put the clipboard down and started walking away contemplating what had made him speak up to her and why he felt so compelled to be so black and white with her. "Whether you decide to tell me now is inconsequential, I'll be back in an hour, so if you'd like to think on it, you're more than welcome to. Or maybe you just want to get some rest. From your voice, sounds like you really need it." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

She listened to him. Let his words sink in. She still couldn't wrap her head around it. 'why shouldn't I care' she had never thought about it that way but she could list a million reasons. The first being one that he had already mentioned albeit briefly. "I've been in and out of here a bunch remember? Why would they still care? They're just waiting on me to die and stop taking up space" She had meant for it to remain a thought, not for it to leave her mouth the way it did. She didn't have anything to follow up with though, and she felt her cheeks heating up with embarrassment that threatened to make her cry. "Sorry" was all she could think to mumble, she wasn't even really sure what for. Probably just for having feelings at all. They had always been too big, too much, too many at a time for anyone to handle that didn't have a therapists license and even then she felt they were too much sometimes. When he said it was he was leaving and that he would be back in an hour she assumed he would just disappear, maybe request to be put on a different floor, moved to a different hospital, hell maybe even just disappear back into her mind. It didn't make much difference to her and she let herself curl up under the blanket instead of against the wall. Rest is what he'd called it but she hadn't felt that in years. @Marcus

He stopped at the door frame upon hearing her words. Her voiced sounded scared and confused to him, but still light enough as if saying 'I'm still fucking here'. He liked that in her. If she was going to be here for a few more hours, he may as well say just a bit more before leaving. "Yeah, that is true and maybe that is the case. But when did others decide how much we matter?" He walked over to her, kneeling at her bedside. He found himself wondering if he was a bit too direct, dry, maybe even too harsh with this woman. After all, he'd barely known her and he'd spoken to her as if they'd been acquainted for years. "Look, I'm not going to pretend that things get easier over night or that it'll be magically better, but if you wanna talk about it, any of it, I'm all ears. Mkay?" He took out a pack of cookie from his pocket, a small snack he usually kept with him to prepare for the long night, but figured she'd need it more. He finally went to walk away to leave her with her own thoughts for a moment, stopping one last time to say one thing. "My name is Cole by the way." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

Addie was surprised when the man turned back around to keep talking to her, she had thought for sure he would walk out the door to join the rest of the staff that had given up on anything other than doing their jobs for her. She didn't say anything back, didn't know what she could say really so she just tucked herself further into the small ball she was already in under the blanket. When he pulled out the small package of cookie she was even more surprised. It was a small gesture to most, sure, but she couldn't remember the last time anyone had given her anything that she hadn't asked for or that wasn't one of her three shitty meals a day. She wanted to say thank you but she was growing more and more tired by the second and the words felt like syrup in her throat. He got up to walk away again actually leaving this time and when he told her his name the ghost of a smile formed on her lips briefly. Cole. It was a nice name, she liked it. "My friends used to call me Addie" he already knew her name of course but it still felt like she should introduce herself somehow. Once he left the room she managed to drift off for a couple of hours and when she woke up to the crinkle of the cookie packet underneath her she couldn't help but feel a hint of happiness as she tore it open to munch on them. I'll have to remember to thank him She thought. @Marcus

He smiled at the soft sentence that left her lips. It wasn't anything monumental or overwhelmingly significant by any means, but it just right. The kind of thing that at least let him know he was right. Dying wasn't anything that she wanted at least at this point in time. Still, he had a job to do. As he made his rounds and listened to the advice of his senior peers. 'Smile, be pleasant and keep your head down.' The same advice his professors had been giving him for years. Still, regardless of how distracting his tasks had felt in the past, he kept thinking about the woman he'd met and how familiar her circumstances felt. He found himself wondering what led her down the path that she's lived, but still recognized that it was up to her to decide what was best for her and how she'd navigate life from that point forward. As she checked his watch, he noticed the time for his informal appointment Addie was coming near. He stepped into the bathroom, making sure to thoroughly wash his hands, the faint memories of a darker time in his life flashing forward. He closed his eyes slowly and breathed in before drying his hands and making his way to her room, pausing slightly before opening the door. "Hello sunshine. Miss me yet?" @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

It hadn't even been that long since she had finished the cookies Cole had left behind for her but she found herself growing anxious. Why hasn't he come back yet? Did he request to not have me on his list? Did I do something wrong? Her head was flooded with thoughts and only half of them made any sense. She didn't even know why she cared so much I mean he was just someone who was, likely begrudgingly, assigned to look after her. "Stop it Addie" she said aloud to herself before digging the heels of her palms into her eyes. It was in that moment she heard her door open and she immediately felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment from being caught mid meltdown. Had she missed him? Is that what she was feeling? She wasn't really sure. She just sat there with her knees drawn up to her chest and it took her a few long moments to bring her hands down from her eyes. "Thank you for the cookies" she mumbled quietly. She wasn't sure of what else she could say. Was this just him coming to see her? Was he just making his rounds again? Why did she even care? "You came back.." @Marcus

He walked into the room, with the agency of meeting an old friend. The conversation albeit brief, felt familiar. Comfortable even. As he took a seat in the chair by her bedside, the three word sentence that left her lips reverberated in his mind. 'You came back..' "I mean. Of course I did. I said as much, didn't I?" Cole looked back her quizzically. He found himself wondering what led to her getting to the situation; why it felt like everyone, including herself had given up on her; and so many other quandaries. Yet, only one thought prevailed in his mind more powerfully and prevalent than any other. "Are you okay?" He knew it was a simple question that so many, including himself, so easily avoid, but he just had to make the effort, at least, this one time." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

"Well yeah but.." she trailed off and picked at the tiny bits of fabric of her sweats. How could she say that she didn't think he was going to come back and not have it sound ridiculous. He worked there, she was on his list, of course he was going to come back. She felt so stupid and embarrassed. "Nevermind it's stupid" The next words to leave his lips had been directed at her more times than she could count during her visits here. 'Are you okay?' fucking obviously not or I wouldn't be here. She felt herself get frustrated but only for a moment, maybe he just meant that he walked in mid meltdown. "I'm.. I mean yeah I'm fine I was just.. Panicking a little" she mumbled the last bit. She'd been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder when she was young and had been embarrassed about it ever since. "Why are you so nice to me?" She asked resting her cheek on her knees to face him. It was a simple question, nobody else went out of their way to be kind to her anymore so why was he? Did he feel sorry for her? Was it just pity? She couldn't tell and she certainly had nothing to lose by asking. @Marcus

As he sat in the chair, he found himself getting comfortable, looking around the room as if there wasn't hundred identical to it in the very same hospital. Still paying attention to the girl in front of him, until a sentence left her lips that make his neck snap perfectly in her direction. 'Nevermind it's stupid' How could any of this be stupid? You're literally in the hospital after almost dying and you think your feelings can be stupid? Cole kept his thoughts to himself and instead just focused on the next words that Addie had to say. As she spoke, he felt his heart break for her a bit. His expression never changing nonetheless, bordering on boredom and indifference, even while speaking. "Well to start, don't you think it's kind of ridiculous to think your feelings at any point are stupid? I mean at the end of the day, you're the one that has to deal with them and the resulting aftermath of it. I think you should try to remember that you're just as important as anyone and should be moreso to yourself, but hey, I'm just one guy. As to why I'm nice you, why shouldn't I be? You seem like a nice enough girl and as much as it's within my nature, being an ass in this situation seems a little classless, don't you think?" As his thoughts came to life as speech, he partially wondered if he was lecturing her, thus rendering this moment pointless, but still felt that this is what she needed to hear. He reached into his pocket and took out the gummy bears he'd just purchased, his penchant for a sweet tooth getting to him lately. He began to toss them in the air, catching them in his mouth, then accidentally bumping his arm, he noticed one to his horror falling towards Addie's head instead. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

His words hit her in a way she didn't really like, what did he mean her feelings weren't stupid, of course they were or she wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. She wouldn't be such a mess. Maybe if she didn't have so many stupid feelings she would be able to just be normal like everyone else. She found herself struggling to figure out what to say in response, she hadn't felt important in years. She couldn't help but feel like somehow she had made him angry or disappointed him somehow. "I.. I mean they are stupid. They're the whole reason I'm even here is because I can't stop having stupid thoughts and feelings and just- everything." She felt her chest getting tighter again as she felt like she had to explain herself "Nobodies nice to me anymore not even the people here.. not even the people that I thought were supposed to help me" the admission made a couple tears slip down her face before she could stop them, she hadn't realized how much it actually hurt her to feel like everyone had given up, that she was just an annoyance. She watched as he tossed the gummy bears up in the air and she couldn't help but feel almost annoyed at how careless he seemed. Not in a bad way just in that he could do something like tossing gummy bears in the air. I guess that's what people can do when their lives aren't falling apart all the time. She felt envious in that moment and then a soft little thud on the top of her head pulled her from her thoughts. She watched the gummy bear roll along the bed from where it had landed when it bounced off her head, ending up in the dip caused by her body weight. She picked it up and put it in her mouth before she let out a breath of a laugh. "It touched me last so it's mine" @Marcus

He froze in fear of the result of his lackadaisical actions. TIme seemed to stop for him as he felt the air from his lungs freeze completely until she finally laughed and said that one little sentence. Once she did, he couldn't but roar with a laugh of his own, almost being brought to tears. "Yeah. Yeah I'd say that's more than fair. As a matter of fact, take the rest as an apology. Really I'm sorry for that." He left the packet at her bedside as he let out a deep sigh of relief. A lifetime's amount of tension condensed into only a few seconds, evaporated in an instant. "More importantly, let's just backtrack for a bit, shall we? You're right, your feelings are entirely why you're here and without them, your life would have an entirely different set of circumstance. That much, I will never deny you. On the other hand though, those same feelings make you exactly who you are. And it definitely sucks to hear you say that no one is nice to you." He paused for a moment, making sure to choose his next words carefully. "But what I see, is someone that cares too much and just wants someone to look her in the eye say "I care" and I do. Addie, I care. If I'm wrong about this, all of this, hell maybe I'm just projecting a bit. What do you think?" @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

She took the packet of gummy bears right when he set them down at her bedside and put another in her mouth, chewing it for as long as possible as she tried to remember the last time she had managed to make a person laugh that hard. Did that mean that she had managed to make him happy? Or was it just amusement? She couldn't really tell but it was nice to get a reaction out of someone other than disappointment. She couldn't help but be upset when he said her thoughts made her exactly who she was. She didn't want to be this person, she would rather be anyone else in the world, or nobody at all but that much was obvious or she wouldn't be here. "Why would I want to be this person? Being this way hurts." She frowned and tucked herself into a ball, back against the wall and her knees tucked into her chest as she kept slowly working her way through the gummy bears. "I- How could you possibly care? You don't even know me. You don't know all the.. everything you know nothing about me" she felt herself getting agitated, how could he say he cared when he'd only interacted with her twice? Was this some ploy the rest of the staff had put him up to or something? @Marcus

Cole listened to the venom in her words and felt the pain that they no doubt belied. Each syllable sank into him with the urgency of a house on fire. His face became almost sullen as he replied. "Of course you don't want to be someone so hurt. If that's how my words came off, I'm sorry for that. What I meant is that you're someone who cares so much, no only for yourself but for others too. No one feels this much much like you do and is just, well, selfish." He rubbed his hands out of nervousness, concerned for how she may take his words next. "Well....You're right, I hardly know anything about you, but don't you think it's unfair to say someone can only care about you if they know everything about you? But as for me, I just knew some people that have gone through what you are. I can say for a fact, life was much better with them around..." His words trailed off as he began to wonder if he spoke too much. He averted his eyes from her, looking off to side. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

"I.. It's fine. I haven't exactly had anyone around to care about though so I probably am selfish" she frowned at that and started to pick at the skin on her fingers. Am I selfish? I mean I haven't had anyone around but that wasn't my choice. She took in the way he rubbed his hands together and couldn't help but wonder if he was nervous too. It struck her as odd because she didn't ever remember making anyone nervous before. Scared sure but nervous? She couldn't even imagine it being possible to evoke that in another person. Unless it was because he felt he was walking on eggshells which her family did for years before giving up on her completely. Then he said it. That he'd known people who had gone through the same thing. The way he left off his sentence made her think maybe someone he had known wasn't around anymore but still.. how could he say it was the same? He didn't know that. It pissed her off all over again. "I'm not some... Redemption experiment you know. I'm sorry if you lost someone but that doesn't mean you get what I'm going through" @Marcus

He paused and turned his head at her words. A range of emotions were sent coursing through his body. From shock, rage, frustration, and ultimately; apathy. "Well, yeah. No one can ever 'get' what you're going through even if it's the exact same scenario. Just like you can't get what I went through. Don't sit there and act like you understand anything when you won't even let people be there for you." He stood up out of his chair, turning his back to her while scratching his head. This wasn't how he intended things to go, much less wanted to be. Cole closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing how easily emotional conversations can devolve rapidly into disaster. "I'll say this much, you're not selfish, you're just too scared to get hurt again to let anyone care about you. I want to care, but if you'll let me or not is up to you." Checking back on his watch, he figured he may have spent too much time away from his post. "Look, I'll be back in an hour, just....think on it, okay?" As he walked out of the room he wondered if there was any truth to her words. Was he looking for redemption or were his intentions as pure as he believed. This was something he figured he could decide through the day. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

She watched as his eyes changed from one emotion to the next and when he spoke again she couldn't help but sense the bite in his words, it caught her off guard especially for someone who worked there and her eyes instantly flooded with tears that silently made their way down her cheeks, refusing to fully let on how much they actually hurt she kept her face as neutral as possible. How could be say that she wouldn't let people be there for her? Who the hell was he to act like he knew anything? I've tried I've tried so fucking hard. She wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs but she knew nobody would listen, they never did. It had become easier, or so she thought, to just be alone. Even if it meant being in and out of hospitals. He doesn't really care either, he's just doing his job. It's his job to get you to trust him just to never see him again until you're back here for hurting yourself again. She told herself after he'd left as she worked herself into such a bad panic that she ended up being borderline forefed a strong antianxiety. 'You need to breathe.' the nurse tried to tell her, at least she thought she heard that, the roaring in her ears made it hard to tell though. She sleepily picked at her blanket counting the seconds that went by, wondering if Cole had heard what happened and decided not to come back. It's his job to come back he'll be back. She fought with herself. Not if he requests to be off your case. The thoughts in her head were so loud that she started humming to herself to try to drown them out, time seeming to move at a slower pace than normal. @Marcus

As Cole finished his rounds, he overheard two nurses talking about Addie. As soon as he understood the situation, he raced over to her room. Upon entering the room, he heard her humming, seemingly trying to calm herself down. Seeing this, he wondered how much of this was his doing. Still he understood there was no benefit to treating himself like a pariah. He took his seat by her bedside, slightly unsure of what to say and do. Wondering if he was even doing anything to help this woman before him or just torturing her by being with her. Each word sending her deeper into depravity and sorrow instead of towards hope and salvation. Cole's hands on his lap, he balled his fists tightly, tears streaking down his cheek. "I wasn't completely honest with you. I was in your position a few years back. I had some friends that tried to reach out to me. I decided I knew better than they did and that they didn't really want to help, just ease their conscious. It wasn't until they got fed up of my bullshit and moved on without me that I realized what I was doing. I spiraled and found myself alone and afraid until I got help. I just...I just don't want it to happen to you. Again, maybe I'm projecting and I'm making an ass of myself, but I just fucking care about you as a person, okay? I'm sorry. Just know I'm here because I want to be. No one can make me, you're not even one of my patients. So if you really want me to leave, just say as much. I'd hate that, but I'll respect your wishes." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

If the drugs weren't so heavy in Addie's system she probably would have felt embarrassed when Cole walked in and heard her humming to herself. A habit she had developed over the years of trying to fight with the voices in her head. She turned to face him, the task feeling like trying to roll over in cement from how heavy her body felt but she wanted to see him even if she was mad at him. She wasn't expecting to see tears running down his cheeks. Good job you hurt him too. She felt guilt sink in her gut like a stone in the sea, she hated making people cry. Between her family and her friends, past lovers, she had made so many tears spill from the eyes of those she cared for. She hated herself for it every time, she'd never seen one of the staff crying though, not for her. She was just about to speak, to rasp out an apology but then he spoke up and all she could do was listen. So that's what this is. You think you get me, but you got better and I never will. She could feel anger dulled and muted running through her blood, she couldn't remember when she turned to anger only that it was always easier than sadness. "Help doesn't seem to be working so great for me Cole" it came out sounding more cold than she wanted but it was still obvious how sad she was. "Why me? There's tons of more deserving patients here.. why care about me? You'll never see me again once I'm discharged." @Marcus

Hearing this, he felt like it was the best chance he'd had to really connect with Addie. With that, he took a deep breath, and let out all of the air he in his lungs. "I think a better question 'Why not you?' I mean how does any one person become more or less deserving of love, support, and help. Maybe I'll never see you again here, but who's say I'll never see you again at all? There's always the odd random encounter, or even maybe you'll want to get together. That much is up to you, I'd say." He rubbed the back of his hand across his cheek and eye, wiping away any tears left on his face. "I'll say it again. Why shouldn't I care about you? You keep asking for why I care as if you ever gave me a reason not to. Maybe I just care because I can. Is it really that hard of a concept to wrap your head around? Besides, you ate my cookies and my gummy bears. I'd say by now we're bonded for life, wouldn't you agree." He smirked in her direction with the air of someone who knew the exact degree of what a smartass he could be. Still, he'd hoped his attempt at a genuine conversation wouldn't result in pity, but rather a mutual understanding. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

"I don't know why don't you ask everyone who's already given up on me, my friends, my family, my exes.. I was too much for all of them.. it's just better this way. It's safer. For myself and for everyone else, I mean even the doctors have called me a lost fucking cause so just-" She had to stop talking because her lip started to quiver and she really didn't want to cry but before that thought could even register tears were running down her face. "You shouldn't care because I don't plan on being here much longer just give up Cole please... Fine someone that's actually worth saving" It was all she could think to say, it wasn't just a hard concept for her it was impossible. Even if she could let him in she knew he would see all the ugliness inside of her and change his mind. That's how it always went. She wished she could have smiled, laughed even, at the joke he had made. If she was in the right headspace she would have found it funny, maybe even cute, no don't go there but she wasn't and so she couldn't and she felt guilty for it. "You'd really want to see me out.. out in the real world?" @Marcus

Her every word dug deeper into him like a knife, tearing him apart from the inside out. Her pain, misery and suffering was so dense and felt that it was nigh impossible for someone to think they could separate themselves from the situation. At the least, he felt as much. His body moved without him even realizing. He found his arms wrapped around her. Holding her tightly as if she'd disappear if he were to let go. "You're not a burden. You're not a lost cause. This life, this world is a much better and brighter place with you in it. And even if everyone else has, I'm not gonna give up on you any time soon or ever for that matter." He leaned back to look her in her eyes, red and puffy as the tears. Looking back at her as he felt his own emotional state return to something of a basic equilibrium. A smile finally coming along his face as the words life his lips. "Of course, especially if you're bringing gummy bears with you, how could I ever say no to you? Why don't we make a deal? When you get discharged, your first meal: breakfast, lunch or dinner is with me and we can talk about anything and everything you want. How's that sound?" @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

"What're you-" She started but before she could even finish the sentence he had her wrapped up in a hug, something she hadn't had the pleasure of experiencing in such a long time she had all but forgotten what it felt like. Especially for it not to be a goodbye, all the hugs she could remember had been to do just that, say goodbye for one reason or another when they disappeared from her life. "I feel like one though and it hurts so bad but I can't stop feeling like one it's all anyones ever made me feel like for years Cole" She couldn't stop the flood of tears from coming now, not when he was hugging her like this. She let herself hug him back holding him so tight for a few long moments until he finally pulled back enough to look at her. "What if I never get out of here?" The idea of going out somewhere to get food with him was nice if she was being honest with herself but it felt like it was next to impossible with how she was feeling even with the meds they were pumping into her on a tight schedule. @Marcus

"It only makes sense that you do. When all anyone tells you is that you're a mistake, that's all you'll ever think of yourself. And I will be here for as long as you want me around to be." As he finished his sentence, he wondered if she would allow him to be in her life for more than just a fleeting moment. Whether she would allow him to be a permanent fixture in her life was something that was only for her to decide. Even if this was but a moment he'd last. he was intent on making this most of this moment while the opportunity was in existence. Cole then found himself confused by her words. Of course was going to be discharged. She was making great physical progress and her mental state was sure to follow. Potentially it would have already if not for his own interference. A fleeting thought that he decided not to let live in his mind for long. "I'll tell you what. If you're not out in two days, I'll go out, buy whatever food and clothes you'd like and we can have our little date in the courtyard. That sound okay to you?" He realized as the last words left his tongue, he'd said the word 'date' with all the implications that may entail, but also found it too late to take back so simply as he awaited her response. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

A date. The words rang through her mind over and over again as if she had heard wrong but she was sure she hadn't made this up, it wasn't a delusion and it wasn't wishful thinking, the words had actually left his lips, he actually called it a date. Who would want to have a date with a crazy girl in the hospital courtyard though? That was the thought that followed next and it had her pulling away even further from him. There was no way she was going to be out in two days and if they did let her she'd probably take the first chance she could at stepping in front of a speeding bus. She shook the thought out of her head and finally looked back at him. "Why me? Why would you want to have a date with someone like me? I'll only hurt you and let you down Cole seriously you could do much better than a trainwreck like me." She genuinely wanted to save him from the heartache she had seen she caused other people simply from existing to close to them. From her family and friends to past lovers that never lasted, she had seen the way she came into people's lives like a tornado and left them just as devastated and empty. "There's no way I'll be out in two days and I don't want you to embarrass yourself being seen with me like that.. plus wouldn't your coworkers talk?" She wrapped her arms around her legs again as she said it feeling her mood dropping so low it felt as if there was a ton of bricks tied to her heart pulling it down, down, down, until it couldn't go any further. @Marcus

He looked at her in blank confusion as if her words barely made a modicum of sense to him. As he began to process every word that had left her lips, a faint hint of a smile found itself spread across his lips. "Addie, I work in a hospital with well over a thousand coworkers, at least forty of which work solely on this floor today. Considering you're not my patient and I've coming here every hour and spending more and more time here, I'd be more surprised if they didn't talk. Besides, I've never been one to care to about any of that. I just do what I want to do as I feel like doing it." He reached his hand over to her bedside, if she were to take it that would be her choice. If not, he wasn't going to be hurt by that decision. Either way, it's just what he felt was right in that moment. "You know, you keep saying 'Why me', but all I keep wondering is 'Why not you?' If you hurt me in this venture, I think I'd be happier knowing that's the outcome, than wondering 'what if?' All this time you keeping talking about how you want to keep others from facing pain, but the way I see things, is that's just life sometimes. If it's inconvenient at times, that's just how it goes. Love and pain go hand in hand and to me at least, you can't care about anyone without hurting them at least once, even if it was an accident. How does that song go? Something somethings, I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." He looked at his watch, realizing he'd completely lost track of time. "Don't think of this as something you have to do. But an option if you want to. If the answer's no and you still want me to keep you company while you're here, I'll happily do so. Mkay? Just think about it and I'll be back before you know it." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

"I-.." She couldn't even figure out what to say when he mentioned how he'd kept coming back to her room even when she wasn't his patient. She knew that judging by the way he never seemed to ask her any actual medical questions when he stopped in but still, it was nice having his company. When he reached his hand over to her bedside she hesitated for a few long moments before finally taking it. "I'm just scared. We don't know anything about each other why would you want to go on a date with me?" Especially after seeing my chart. She thought to herself, wondering if maybe this was what he did, sought out patients to date just to get some weird kick out of it. When she watched him check the time she knew that it meant he would be leaving her again, so far he had always come back but she was just waiting for the time that he didn't. Waiting for him to realize she wasn't worth the time as a patient or otherwise. "Um.. okay yeah I'll think about it." @Marcus

As he felt the warmth in her hand take his own, he'd felt a slight elation in his heart that he didn't want to show too openly beyond a simple smile. Still, he squeezed her hand slightly just to let her know this was all real. "What I'm about to say, may sound a bit, well, weird. but hope that it at least makes sense in some capacity. I just feel drawn to you. An innate curiosity that just makes me want to know more about you on top of enjoying just being around you. I can't exactly explain why or even say if one even exists. All I can say is that it's simply you and only you as unexciting of an answer as that may be. And I can't say with any amount of certainty that you feel even remotely similarly about me, and that's okay, just know if there's anything you want to know, all you have to do is ask." Cole begrudgingly let go of her hand and stood up, already impatient for the next time he'd sit in this chair. "Think about it for as long as you'd long as you'd like and as hard as you need. Just know my biggest goal is making sure you can leave this place happy, healthy, and looking forward to something better. I'll be back soon." And just like that he left the room, contemplating what candy he'd share with her the next time. @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

She thought about that, about everything he said. Logically she could understand it, sometimes you really were just drawn to certain people but how could anyone be drawn to her? That part of it was something she couldn't quite wrap her head around. She knew he was being honest though a much as it was hard for her to believe anyone could feel such a thing for her his eyes were always honest and nothing had changed when he told her he was just drawn to her. When he let go it took everything in her to not ask if he could somehow stay longer, she didn't want him to leave, he was the only thing that had made her feel human, feel seen, in weeks. "Okay..." She said softly watching him turn to leave "I'll.. I'll keep that in mind." When the door clicked shut behind him she couldn't help but break down into tears again. Am I really worth knowing? Is he just saying all of that to try to get me out of here only to never speak to me again? She was so overwhelmed and so confused because she wanted to go on some silly little date in the courtyard with him, he was cute and nice and he even made her laugh and shared his candy with her. I hope he comes back soon. @Marcus

Cole walked out of the room begrudgingly, a sense of monotony filling him as he flowed into his mundane routine. The faint scent of peroxide filling his nostrils as he checked on patient after patient. Each person having their needs met as best as he possibly could provide. Some of which being fully prepared to be discharged in a moment's notice, a destiny he so wished for Adeline. 'Adeline.' At what point did he find her filling his mind and her named attached to his every thought. Wondering what his nect interaction with her would be like, if the candy he'd brought would even be to her tastes or if it was getting to be even remotely welcome. Still he found this new routine as mindless to follow as breathing. Then came the thought that had plagued his mind. Was she even accepting and okay with the premise of a date? He was just some guy who was weird enough to look after another patient that wasn't even his. Maybe she was fine with him keeping her company now, but maybe she wouldn't want to once she leaves. Who's to know? He found himself at the vending machine, so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even realized as much. His eyes wandering up and down as he thought over the choices in front of him. Finding himself more overwhelmed with deciding what candy to share with a girl than the profession he'd spent years studying that people's lives depended on. Cole looked down at his watch absent mindedly and saw he was almost late for his hourly appointment of sorts with Addy. He quickly made his decision and rushed to her room, slowing down just before he made it to her room. He made that familiar sharp left turn with a smile on his face. "Hey there princess, hope you didn't miss me too much." @⁺₊⋆ ☾ 𝓓𝓲𝓻𝓽𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓲 𝓚𝓲𝓽

When he took his leave again she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. So many thoughts were running through her mind all at once and she couldn't make them stop. Questions about why he would want to take her on a date, even at the hospital, about what he could possibly see in her than drew him to her. She couldn't wrap her head around any of it and after awhile the thoughts were too much and she forced herself asleep on the tiny hospital bed. When Cole came into the room again she was still asleep, brows pinched even in what should be a restful state and clearly caught up in what appeared to be a nightmare. Small noises of what sounded like a mix of fear and anguish slipped past her lips and she curled up tighter under the thin white blanket. @Marcus