ROLEPLAY HQ - out-of-love

ROLEPLAY HQ

Archive 15 / out-of-love

TW: Adultery, emotional turmoil, broken marriages, alcohol & drug use, mentions of miscarriage, and (later) murder

05:22

It was a particularly dark and gloomy spring day, rain pattered violently against the roof and windows of a two story home. Its white exterior partially covered in vines which gave it a picturesque vibe, rose bushes scattered neatly around the large wrap-around porch, a gravel walkway leading from the white picket fence up to a very bright blue door. A windchime clattered noisily with the strong winds as the nearby shutters slammed against the siding. A curvy silhouette could be seen standing in one of the front windows, her attention on not what was happening outside but by the man who was currently lounging nude in her bed. Something important was supposed to be happening tonight and in the back of Lana’s mind she had a nagging sensation that it was important for her to remember but the drugs in her system had her simply not caring about whatever it was and just as soon as the feeling came it was replaced. A drink was held out to her and as she took it her wedding ring clinked against the glass and a frown passed over her lips. She had married young, so lost in the romance that she had ignored the pleas of both of her parents. You're too young. He's too old. He isn't right for you. You'll be so lonely. She had ignored them all, swearing that none of them would become true. There had always been something about him that drew her in and kept her coming back for more. .

05:22

Then time had passed, the first couple of years had been bliss hidden behind rose colored glasses until her husband was no longer the man she’d fallen for, at least when it came to his interactions with her. Where there was once love seemed to be replaced with distance as he became more and more involved with his work. He's a hero. He's doing this for our country. You should be proud. You're so strong being the wife of someone like that. But was she? Lana didn't feel strong, not when she hadn't seen or heard from him since the last time her husband had been deployed. The fight that they’d had that day drove an even deeper wedge between them. It had been left to fester and rot and Lana had grown tired of feeling such negative emotions, of being left to put them back together again. "You alright, love?" A deep voice whispered at her side as she lifted the beer to her lips and took a long drink. No, she would never be alright but she was better than she had been yesterday, and she’d be better tomorrow still... "Mm, thank you for your company tonight." There was a seductiveness in Lana’s voice as she turned to face the man that was not her husband. Her free hand moved to caress his cheek before Lana planted a soft kiss on his lips. He was nothing like her husband, he was simple, wearing his emotions on his sleeve and gave into whatever was her desire. Why couldn't he look at her the way that her lover looked at her in moments like this? .

05:23

"You should go. It's late and I'm sure you're missed..." Lana’s words broke the silence as she turned to glance back out the window, her eyes focusing on the driveway, specifically the empty spot where her husband’s truck should be but hadn't been for the last year. "You sure? I can stay...told her I was still working." He moved up behind her, his arms wrapping around Lana’s waist as he placed a kiss on her neck. She slid from his embrace and nodded her head slightly, "Yes, please go... I'm tired." She forced a smile and he didn't push it, instead moving to the bed where his clothes were crumpled in a pile. He got dressed as Lana finished her drink. "Call me." He said, his eyes giving her one last look of appraisal before he headed down the stairs and out into the driveway. She watched as he disappeared into his car and began to back out of the long gravel drive. Her bottle was still in her hand and she sighed, rubbing at her left shoulder. She was so tired, but not in the physical sense and the ache in her chest began to burn more than the alcohol that was already in her veins. Lana reached up and shut the curtain before moving to her bed. She sat the bottle next to his empty one and slipped off her robe revealing her bare body beneath before climbing into the comfort of her Egyptian cotton sheets. She turned off her lamp, thankful for the darkness as her head and heart continued to throb. (edited)

05:23

. There were just a few blissful moments of silence before she was reminded of what she had forgotten… Her husband was to return home in just a few hours and she hadn’t prepared anything to welcome him home… His parents insisted that they would do it, though she would be the other ‘guest of honor’... But they didn’t know of the distance that had built between their beloved son and his wife. She had done as he had asked, pretended like everything between them was right, if for only one reason and that was to keep the gossip away. Did he want a divorce? Her eyes shut though it made no difference as the room was pitch black. One lone tear slid from her right eyes, trailing down the side of her face before she wiped it away, her face moving to be buried by the pillow from the empty place in her bed.

05:30

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt Eriksen had spent almost 20 years now serving his country in SEAL teams. As one of the senior operators he loved being out with his brothers, getting the job done, and getting everyone home safe. For the last five years, going home had been something even more special for him, because his wife Lana truly was the love of his life. His teammates had teased him at first, because even though he kept his personal life close to the vest, there was no denying how fine she was, or that she was 23 and he was a few months short of his 43rd birthday. Was she legal when you guys started. . . .dating? was one of the hilarious questions he always ignored. Of course things had been awkward, but he adored her completely. When he was home he built his life around her, and when he was deployed he had always written and called, she always said how much she loved his letters, and most importantly, he was always faithful to her. Two years ago, though, in the winter, everything had changed for them. February 24th had been the worst day of his life. After that, both of them were broken, they'd tried talking, spending time together, although there was never enough, and even therapy. He'd really tried, but he hated it in the end. No matter what they tried, and he knew she was trying, at least at first, things got worse, more awkward and distant. His wife had changed, she never reacted the same way anymore, it had only been a few short years and it was like she and the girl he'd married were different people. He knew deep down that it wasn't his fault. Or maybe it was. Fuck it. I'm not giving up. Matt was angry and bitter at the thought of going home. This last deployment had been the hardest he could remember, and was because stuff at home wasn't right. He'd performed well, but that sense of satisfaction was missing. They'd barely spoken over the last nine months. He'd promised her space, and she'd taken it, but he felt more broken than ever.

As he exited the interstate in Charleston, Matt knew he should have been excited. His mother and sister were thrilled to be flying down from DC to make his return home special, but it made him angry. He didn't want to pretend things were okay anymore, to tell them he and Lana were trying again. Everything seemed idyllic from the outside, but they would never know what was really going on. Matt wanted to be alone with Lana, to remember why they loved each other, hell, to remember that they had loved each other at all. As he pulled into the driveway though, he knew it wouldn't happen. He glanced at the clock before he shut off his truck. 05:34. Matt hadn't been to church more than twice a year in as long as he could remember, but he prayed, and then thought about sleeping in his truck. He'd done it before, and it was surprisingly comfortable, even for someone who was almost 6'4". Thinking better of it, he grabbed his bags and went inside. *Why was it so hard to climb the stairs to his own bedroom? (edited)

Restful sleep had been a cruel elusive beast for Lana. Whether it was from the excessive drinking the night before or her thoughts before she had been pulled into the darkness of unconsciousness. Instead of being granted a momentary reprieve from her inner turmoil she had been plagued with nightmares of that day over and over. Like her own personal demon felt she needed to be reminded of her failure in her marriage, she knew it was her fault. Maybe if she had quit her job when she had found out she was pregnant... if she had just stayed home and took care of herself instead of trying to live life to the fullest. Maybe then the baby wouldn't have had been lost to them. Lana tossed and turned all night, waking multiple times before she ultimately gave up on trying to sleep. Instead she lay her bed, the blanket punched up around her robed form with a sketchpad in her lap. She was not an artist by any means at least in her mind but it was something she had begun two years prior at the suggestion of a therapist. Putting her feelings on paper in the form of drawings when words seemed to fail her. She'd already filled two full sketchbooks that she hid in the very back of her walk-in closet in an unmarked box buried underneath some folded sweaters she hardly ever wore anymore. Why she felt the need to hide them was beyond her, Matt hadn't been home and even when he had been he rarely went into her closet for anything. Some time around four twenty-seven in the morning she felt sleep trying to claim her once again. Her fingers ached as she bent over the edge of the bed, replacing her sketchbook in her nightstand before shutting her lamp back off and sliding back beneath the dark red comforter. Her eyes shut and this time there was the silence that greeted her and it was blissful. -

07:47

She hadn't heard the door to the garage open or close, too deep in the sleep she had finally been granted just a short time before. The cover had loosely been pushed down towards her hips, her wild red hair splayed across her silk pillowcase in an almost angelic like halo as she slumbered. The dark purple robe had fallen open to reveal a bit of the freckled skin on her chest, one of her nipples even poking out in the cool morning air of the room. Her dreams or lack there of in the last hour were a welcome relief to the torment she had experienced prior. No longer was her face twisted up in the pain of her memories and instead was relaxed, her plump lips partially parted as she inhaled and exhaled. A floorboard creaked on the stairs and instead of being woken it caused her to turn over onto her back, her hand moving up beside her head on the pillow as a soft moan escaped her. Her robe fell even more open to reveal more of her skin though the coldness of the room did nothing in terms of waking Lana.

07:47

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt, used to moving silently, noticed the creak of the floorboard and instinctly ran the rest of the way up to the landing, and then to their bedroom door which he pushed open without a sound. The sight that greeted him, lit by the tendrils of dawn coming through the thin white curtain took his breath away. She was perfect. beautiful, and exposed in such a way that made him imagine for a moment that she had been meticulously placed exactly as she lay in preparation for his arrival. The brilliance of her hair made it all that much harder for him to resist. With a spring in his step he made his way to her, and found her hand. Her face looked troubled, but she was sleeping peacefully enough, and almost as a reflex bent to kiss her, softly, as if afraid to disturb her, then again because he missed the way she tasted, and he wanted to claim her again, beginning with her lips. When he had kissed and caressed her face, his attention moved down to the rest of her. He touched her, carefully. His hands moved as if they were afraid to leave an irreparable impact. I love you Lana Rae He thought, he felt as if saying the words might bring back all of their struggles. Matt got into bed beside his wife before carefully covering her. He wanted her to wake up in his arms, but instead he just played with her hair for a long moment, his lips finding a spot just below her ear that he knew very well, before he allowed himself to join her in dreaming.

10:58

@EnchantedNymph

She had not woken when there had been a dip in the bed, nor did she rise from her slumber while Matt played with her hair. Yet as he drifted off into his own sleep did her body react to him as if on an instinctual need. Lana's head turned so that they were facing, her nose pressing into his chest as she inhaled the scent so familiar to her that she could recognize it anywhere. The warmth that radiated from her almost bringing her body to life as their bodies pressed into one another. A content sigh leaving her mouth to caress the skin of her husband. Months after months of going to bed on her own every night had dulled her reactions to a full restful night of sleep. Tonight, though the hours would be fewer it would be the most restful sleep in the past year. As if being asleep dropped the walls of her inner mind's turmoil and revealed the woman she so desperately wanted to be again. If only she hadn't failed in giving Matt the one thing he had asked her for, a family. Instead she had given him nothing but loss and heartache. If only she hadn't failed at the one dream she also had wanted. At some point during the hours they both slept her body had nestled perfectly against him as she had once before, her leg ending over one of his. Her hand had reached out for his though just fell short, being splayed partially open as if thinking she was holding a hand. .

16:16

The ambient atmosphere that both of them wanted so badly yet couldn't seem to obtain completely was shattered by the shrill sound of a phone ringing repeatedly. It would be an unfamiliar tune to Matt, but one well known to Lana in the past several months. There were no words to the ringtone but the song was clearly of a sensual music. Lana stirred, a soft moan leaving her as she began to sleepily stretch only to freeze instantly when she realized she was flush with a very human male body. One she knew every inch of, every little birthmark or scar that marred his flesh. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest as she began to untangle herself. Her cheeks were flushed a light shade of crimson, though of embarrassment or resentment was unclear. There was an instant of uncertainty as she pulled free from her husbands arms. Her heart aching to join but also mourning that she had done something irreversible. Matt had given her space this last tour he took. She greedily took it, then heavy burden of guilt was dampened those months they didn't correspond back and forth. Then she had met Nolan, and he had given her a tiny shred of a glimpse from feelings she hadn't felt in so long. To be desired and looked at as if you weren't some broken mess, to be free of the guilt and just feel alive. What started out as a friendship where she could just be Lana, the twenty-three woman who had her whole life ahead of her. Did she love Nolan? No, but she liked the way he let her drown herself into the carnal act of intimacy without it feeling like a duty with a goal in mind. It was a whisper of what she felt for Matt but it was enough for her to keep him around. She would never love Nolan, but he didn't truly want that either. His wife and two kids were back home waiting for him to come home. Their dynamic worked and for brief moments in time she could escape her truth for awhile. .

16:16

Lana turned from Matt, sliding off the bed and grabbing her phone as she answered it, her voice low as if to not wake him. "Hello?" There was a deep baritone coming from the other line on the phone and she went into the master bath, shutting the door behind her and cutting off whatever it was Matt possibly could have heard. The conversation was short, one they had every other day to check in the day after. When the call ended Lana stood in the bathroom staring at herself in the large oval mirror. She looked like she'd had a restful sleep, and she hated to admit that. Instead she walked into the glass shower stall and turned on the water to the hottest setting her body could tolerate. @Mazen’s Ghost

Matt did wake up. He'd already had many more hours sleep than he was used to. But he pulled the covers up around him again and closed his eyes. No point in getting up. Not yet anyway. When he heard the shower go on though, he slowly sat up and then got out of bed, making it before he took the time to dress. He methodically unpacked, putting everything away while he glanced around, re-familiarizing himself with their bedroom. Not much had changed, but Matt did notice that Lana had put away all of their pictures somewhere, there were none on either the walls or the nightstands. It made sense to him, even if it didn't feel very good. Lana took her time in the shower, she always had, and she always emerged looking immaculate, smelling irresistible and just. . . He tried not to think about it, but his mind was flooded with how normal it had once been for them to share that space. He'd built that shower himself, largely with the intent of spending time in it with her. Matt was very conscious of respecting his wife's space, he didn't go near the areas of the room that were her territory but that was mostly because he was afraid of what he might find. Maybe she will tell me her secrets, or maybe she didn't have any, but there's no point in confirming things that will break my heart. That was the thought going through his head as he walked toward the bedroom door, he wanted to head downstairs for breakfast and have a look around the rest of the house, but just as he started moving in that direction, Lana shut off the water, and he decided to wait for her to come out of the bathroom instead. @EnchantedNymph

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She hadn't taken any clothes with her into the bathroom and by doing so she had left herself in a predicament. Lana knew her husband was on the other side of that door, but going out there in just her towel... it was almost like walking out in front of a stranger. He was one for all intents and purposes of the distance she had all too eagerly taken. Sooner or later she would have to face him she knew, but that didn't mean she wouldn't take her sweet time in her shower. The water beat down on her flesh in an unrelenting stream of scalding hot droplets and Lana relished the pleasurable pain. Her eyes shut so that she could force her face under the steady flow of water. Any evidence that she had cried last night washed away down the drain between her feet. She knew she was being a coward, avoiding Matt as long as she could but the way they had woken up... Her body betrayed her in a way she hadn't thought it could and it made her heart ache remembering just how content she felt when she had woken. .

11:40

She stepped out of the spray and lathered her loofah with her favorite bodywash, the scents of lavender and honey overtaking her senses and she inhaled deeply hoping it would help calm her, if even just for a moment. Lana hadn't expected Matt to just crawl into bed with her, it was his bed just as much as hers but it'd been months and months of him sleeping in his truck, or on the couch, or sometimes he'd even stay at the barracks to avoid another fight with her. The fights... she wasn't proud of any of them, lashing out at him because he knew they needed to talk, to work things through. But how did one work through the kind of loss that they had both had? How did one simply move on when the hope had gone up in flames same as the unborn child after her procedure? Lana shook her head, her nails digging into her palms. She didn't need to think about these things, no, she needed to put on the mask she had adorned so many times that it was almost like a second skin. A suffocating one, but a necessity nonetheless. With one more deep inhaled breath she shut the water off, grabbing her towel that hung on the bar beside the shower. She wrapped it tightly before ringing out her hair and stepping out into the steamed bathroom. The mirror was fogged and she swiped her hand once over it to stare at her face. Green eyes full of sorrow, self loathing and fear stared back at her and she pinched her cheeks hard. Color instantly spread over her freckles and she gave herself a nod. She could do this, she had to otherwise she just might shatter. Lana turned then pulling open the last barrier that separated her from her husband, his presence demanding her attention as soon as she did, he always had from the first time she had caught a glimpse of him. "Welcome home..."

11:41

@Mazen’s Ghost

Lana had clearly taken her time toweling off, and had wrapped herself so expertly and carefully that her modesty was as intact as it could be given the limitations of the towel and the perfection of her body. Matt could take a hint, she wasn't giving him anything. He shouldn't have expected anything less, he knew that, rationally, but this was not a rational moment for him, and it hurt. Almost as much as her two word greeting. He could read nothing on her face, and he neither felt welcome, nor particularly at home, but he had to bury the hurt, because he knew that she felt ten times worse. "It's good to be home." There was some truth to this, as he gave her a very reserved smile and strode over to give her a perfunctory hug. It was real too, it was just not the emotional release that he would have wanted, he neither pulled her into himself any more than necessary nor did he hold her for any amount of time that could be judged awkward before kissing her forehead and then pecking her lips. The forehead kiss was where he tried most to communicate his love. Part of her was still his, but that part, it was clear, was shrinking, and she'd buried it deep down. A very brave man might have been able to go in after it, but as brave as Matt was, she terrified him, because he knew she wanted to be someone else, and there was nothing he could do to change that. The more he forced, the more he tried to solve, to put back together to repair, the more she resisted, and he didn't blame her for that, usually. There was so much her wanted to say, so much he would have shown her if he knew how, but this once brave man increasingly terrified that he had broken the best thing in his life, and now, all he could do with her was his duty. "Lana I. . ." Her phone rang again, cutting him off.

The greeting she had given was no where near the level in which either of them wanted but their relationship had been stuck for too long, neither giving or taking what it truly was they wanted. Both equally hurt yet neither could see just to what extent. Lana thought back to the first time he'd been deployed after their marriage and his first time returning home. Her cheesy banner she had made by hand that her friends had made fun of. The look he'd had on his face as he saw her standing there in their living room with nothing but a cupcake in her hand... Lana was pulled from the memory when Matt broke the distance, coming over to her. She did not shy away nor did she move in to the hug. Instead she stood there, one hand still on her towel her other loose at her side. Her fingers twitched as he kissed her forehead, her eyes drifting shut for just a moment before he pecked her lips. It was the faintest of touches but it practically burned and tingled as he stepped back. 'Lana I...' Whatever it was that Matt had wanted to say was cut off by her phone ringing. Of course she would interrupt this moment, whether it would have changed anything for the better or worse now gone with the third chime of her phone. "It's your sister..." It was a statement made, whether he wanted her to pick the phone up or not she wanted him to say. Personally Lana would have let it ring until the end of time but she knew how Matt felt about family. "Probably calling to see if you're home yet... They're at the hotel downtown."

"Emily can wait a little longer." Matt stepped past her into the bathroom where Lana had left her phone on the counter and declined the call without looking at the screen. He turned to face his wife again. "We need to do things differently." He said quietly, not trying to hide either the pain or desire in his expression. "I've had a lot of time to. . . think and the thought that keeps coming back to me is that you are the reason I do everything, nothing and no one comes before you, no one ever has for me." Matt took a few steps toward her, still feeling the steamy atmosphere her shower had left in the bathroom. He caressed her face possessively, leaning in, coaxing her lips toward his. The were close enough now that for people between whom any spark existed, a kiss, a real kiss would be impossible. "I came home for you." He whispered, "I want you Lana. I love my wife." The kiss was soft at first, like he was remembering how to run or dance after breaking a leg, but it was clear that Matt had dived in fully. It was a huge risk, but tasting her lips like this, it was one he had to take. Rekindling what they had lost was worth burning down what he had. This woman had been his reason why, and without her, he didn't feel at home, anywhere.

PepeWhyyyyy

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sads

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'We need to do things differently.' His statement caused her heart to skip a beat. She hadn't expected him to ignore his sister's call. In fact she had hoped he would answer it and let the moment pass so that whatever it was he wanted to confront would stagnate even more. Lana had done something irreversible and she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge that verbally with him. He didn't know what she had been up to in the past year, and she had preferred it that way or at least that was what she had thought. But she couldn't help the tinge of regret that formed with a mix of guilt in her gut as he spoke. He'd been thinking while she'd been in another man's arms. Had been thinking of her. She stared at a small spot in the carpet though it held nothing significant. She was too afraid to look him in the eyes right then but he wouldn't give Lana much choice when he took steps towards her. Her eyebrows rose with surprise as he closed the remaining distance between them. His hand was almost scorching against her skin, her body leaning in to him though her mind was screaming at her to retreat. Nothing had changed in the last thirteen months, at least not in the way that he had been hoping and yet... The kiss seared her lips as he pressed into her, it was barely a shadow of what they had once had but it was enough to cause her heart to pull and ache inside her chest. To tighten the knot in her throat as he whispered against her lips. 'I came home for you. I want you Lana. I love my wife.' .

06:52

She couldn't help the tears that threatened in the corner of her eyes, couldn't stop him even if she truly had wanted to because Matt's thoughts had been correct. The part of her that wanted, needed him she had worked so hard to bury because with the love there was so much heartache. Heartache she had tried to snuff out in the past year but it never truly would go away. Lana needed him as much as Matt needed her which is why she hadn't left. She'd never had planned on it. At some point she had backed up, almost as if instinctually trying to flee though she'd only trapped herself against the low dresser. The edge of it dug into her ass through the towel but she didn't move, she couldn't. Not when his lips coaxed her so expertly that her own parted open, granting him access to slip his tongue inside her depths. To claim something that neither of them had tried to in such a long time. Her eyes drifted shut as her hands clung desperately onto the white oak of the dresser, her knuckles practically white as her tongue moved to meet his own.

06:52

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt picked her up, easily carrying her away from the corner she'd become trapped in. Their tongues danced for a few moments longer. When the kiss broke, he sat down softly on the bed with Lana on is lap. The towel was somehow still intact, covering her, but at least he had her attention. He looked at her intently, maintaining his silence. Then came his first mistake, with a glance down at her hands, Matt noticed that all of her fingers were bare. His first thought was to give her an accusatory look, to break the burdensome silence by demanding an explanation, but instead he just held her. Lana's damp hair could be felt against his skin, and he brought his face down into it, kissing the top of her head, and waiting what felt like an eternity for whatever came next.

He lifted her as if she weighed nothing, and Lana supposed that might have been the case. Her appetite had been non-existent for as long as she could remember. It made her self-conscious in his arms as he carried her to the bed, sitting her perfectly in his lap. Her legs were on either side of him, the head of him radiating through the thickness of the towel as he sat there staring at her. The silence was almost deafening as he took all of her in and when his eyes landed on her ring finger her heart plummeted and time seemed to stand still. Lana had expected him to say something, to acknowledge and bring forth the confrontation of it but nothing came, instead he rested on the top of her head as her heart continued to beat erratically. She wanted to escape, to flee the thick tension that was between them yet her body seemed to forget how to function, her legs feeling like they weighed a ton. When she had originally taken the ring off it had been freeing, had given her a chance to just be herself yet now she regretted ever taking it off and her eyes darted to the nightstand, the drawer in which she kept it in a small box with other mementos that she never could bring herself to put completely up. Instead of confronting the problem Lana did the only thing that could come to her mind and that was to grind her hips against her husband. Her hands wrapping around his neck as she leaned forward, her lips finding the sensitive skin right below his ear. She placed a delicate kiss, trailing a path along his jawline until she could find his lip. She wanted to apologize, to own up to it all but the words froze in her throat so instead Lana would convey her feelings through her body. Her lips were a little hesitant but at the same time there was a neediness in it as she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth and tugging. .

08:54

Her hips gyrated again to see what sort of reaction if any she could get from him as she released his lip with a soft pop. "Matt." His name came out as a whisper, an almost silent plea that had taken everything in her to get out but just his name would perhaps provide the hope that he was wanting.

If Lana wanted a reaction, she'd get it. Matt didn't really have a choice. This woman as irresistible, and it didn't help that he was in love with her. After he heard is name, which gave him faint hope that what was about to happen was not in fact a terrible idea, he gave her an expectant look. She could feel the impact of her practiced gyrations on his body and Matt knew how much power she had over him in moments like this, but he decided to encourage her. He didn't want Lana to be bluffing, but he decided to make the call anyway. Teasing her lips with his, Matt pulled his wife back into a deep kiss. As he did so, his arms slipped around her, and he cleverly undid the towel, just letting it fall, but maintaining determined eye contact. Matt then closed his eyes, trying to imagine the first time he had held her like this. And when he opened them, she was somehow even more beautiful. He wanted to tell her, to make her see that in his eyes she was perfect, always had been. Express the gratitude that he knew had gone unexpressed for so long, but somehow the more he tried, trying to predict her responses, the more frustrated he became. Lana had to know how much he'd missed her body, how much he needed her. Matt thought about all the times they'd spent days in bed, exploring one another, loving, ecstatic competitions to prove again and again all the ways they belonged to each other. This was not going to be one of those days. He knew he could take exactly what he wanted, and that temptation would always be there for him, but Matt wanted to give, that was the only way to start to repair things. So he held Lana, silently letting her know that he could take control at any moment, but he was letting her be as expressive as she wanted to be. Taking refuge in memories of the past, Matt tried to get lost, kissing her, feeling her move against him, admiring her beauty in person again. It was all a little overwhelming. This helped him let his body and eyes do the talking.

23:09

His look was loving, but there was a hunger there too, Once he relaxed it even got little playful. Keep going baby girl. I dare you to find out what happens if you stop.

Matt began to react to her attentions and the relief that flooded Lana was practically instantaneous. There were a lot of things that would come out of the woodwork later but for now she was just a wife giving her husband what he wanted. At least, that was what she told herself as her body began to react much in the same way it had before. Heat pooled between her thighs and her lips parted as her hands clung to his shoulders. He was already hard beneath her and as her hips continued their gyrations her eyes had drifted shut for just a moment, her mind slowly becoming lost to her desires. The kiss had become more like it was giving her the air her lungs so desperately needed. His hand moved to tug at the towel Lana had so delicately wrapped around her fell to the floor with ease and for a moment her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes opening to stare into her husbands eyes. The look in them had her grip tightening on his shoulders, her nails lightly digging into the flesh beneath them. Lana's eyes searched him and as the seconds ticked by, her bare chest rising and falling with each shaky breath she took. It felt like an eternity as they stared at each other yet it had only been a few minutes. It wasn't long before their lips were once again pressed against each other, her tongue taking liberty as it pushed past his lips and slipped into his mouth. A soft moan escaped her throat and it was that sound that startled her slightly. .

03:56

She had a desire and it surprised her. How long had it been since they'd been this close, this intimate with each other. Lana broke their kiss, her breath billowing between her swollen lips to caress his face as her forehead rested against his. Her eyes closed and Lana pushed him back against the bed, he could resist but deep down she knew he wouldn't. Afterall it was more her fault they had been so distant. Don't think about it. Just feel. Her hands slid from his shoulders down his chest, her nails lightly raking across his skin. "Welcome home." It had been the same thing she'd said minutes prior yet this time the two words held something they hadn't before...emotion. Her eyes didn't stay on his though as her hands continued south until she reached the hem of his pants. Her fingers deftly unsnapping the button before she slid from his lap and to the floor. Her fingers slipping beneath the fabric and helping him remove the material.

Matt wanted so much to keep staring at his wife, but he stayed on his back, and as much as her words had brought relief and sent waves of a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time over him, he remained silent. Lana's absence filled him with anticipation, but he also missed her body immediately, and was unsure what to do with his hands, he peeled his shirt off, closed his eyes, and let his arms relax at his sides, very conscious of his accelerating heart-rate, and trying to picture the woman on her knees, about to inspect his weapon. He'd spent so long now imagining, picturing, trying to convince himself that this moment would come, that Matt had to admit to himself he was nervous. He reached for his wife.

There was something about Matt being still, almost as if it were a form of permission for her to take what she wanted instead of him taking what he wanted and it was that decision that he had made that gave her the courage to wedge herself between his knees. Lana let her hands explore the muscles of his thighs, slowly letting herself refamiliarize herself with his body as her heart dared to pound inside her chest. This was different from when she had been intimate with Nolan all those times. She mentally shook herself, pushing the thoughts of her lover into the back of her mind. Matt lay there before her like an offering, a sacrifice and Lana didn't want to think about anything but right in this moment and how she felt. How she knew he wanted to feel as evident as his semihard cock that stood before her. Her lips parted and she licked her lips, her hands moving to encapsulate the girth of his base. Her petite freckled hands looking starkly different against the tone of his skin. Her breathing hitched as she felt him harden even more beneath her grip and Lana moved forward, her mouth watering. Her body was practically on autopilot, her own need taking over despite the truth that she shouldn't. She was flush against the edge of the bed as she moved up as much as she could, her wild mane of crimson waves cascaded and tickled his legs as her head dipped. Her lips softly taking the tip of him in her mouth. Her tongue swirling around it. Her eyes traveled up the expanse of his chest, her mind curious as to if he truly wanted this or if he was just doing it out of some sense of duty.

Matt truly wanted Lana, and everything that came with her. She had grown up a lot in the past few years, and is his eyes now, she was more beautiful, more of the woman he wanted, but not every change was positive. With experience, as he knew himself, comes choices, and baggage and regret, but he'd carried all that around alone for so many months now, and he was ready to let go. With a deep breath, he was back in the present, a blissful complete lack of control that he was trying embrace, because well, it felt amazing. Every passing moment made him want to hang on longer, the moment would end in fireworks he knew, and after the explosion he knew and was already craving the coming chance to reciprocate, to taste her again, to get to know the flawless young body that she'd given to him to make his. Matt killed that thought immediately, he knew the dark, fucked up failed place it would go. He took a deep breath, and tried, without much difficult to focus on the way he was throbbing in her mouth now. He amplified the involuntary sounds of pleasure she elicited, and whispered her name, it was almost a prayer, "Lana. . .." And with that. he crossed the threshold, his body was acting on its own, and he didn't try to hold back. Matt wanted to give her everything he had, at the very moment she wanted it.

Her name came out like a whispered prayer and just the rawness of his voice had sent a shiver down her spine, the fine hairs on the back of her neck rose as she stared up at him. Her name on his lips had her mind eager to slip into the memories from before but the task at hand was too important too...much as her fingers held the base of him still as her tongue continued the languid circling around his cock head. The suction of her mouth adding just the right amount of friction as she took more of him inside. She was warm and welcoming as she took inch after inch of him into her mouth until there was practically no room left for him to go but down her throat. His tip pressed into the back of her and she fought the urge to gag, slowly letting her mouth release him from the warmth that was her mouth. Her teeth lightly grazed his sensitive flesh but her tongue was quick to follow to relieve any pain if there had been. It'd been...too long since she had done this with Matt but his girth and length were well remembered by both her mouth and mind as she began bobbing up and down his cock with an earnestness. Lana's right hand slid from his thighs to cup his delicate sac, softly squeezing and kneading them. Her left remained near his cock in case she needed it though with each downward stroke of her tongue and lips on his cock she needed it less and less as her mouth took over the majority of the work. Her bright eyes were hooded underneath her long copper lashes and as she watched her husband's face she couldn't help but feel the heat of her own desire beginning to swirl between her thighs. He was everything and more than her memories that they'd shared. The blowjob might not have been as wild and free and needy as those in their earlier years but Lana knew what her husband liked, would never forget and she used those tools now to give him what she expected that he wanted, needed.

Matt had learned, through sometimes painful trial and error, never to compare one experience with Lana to another, each one was different, and exactly what was needed in that moment. This girl was amazing and the disappointments for him had only started to appear when he started realizing how unhappy she was and how powerless he felt to change it. It wasn't easy to clear his mind. Even now, when Lana was showing off her skills and knowledge of his cock, giving him, like the good girl she was, exactly what he had craved, and so much more than he'd expected, thoughts vied to distract him, until that is, his eyes met Lana's. . . Fuuuck baby girl. No sound was necessary, she could see it all on his face. He'd held out as long as he could, but even the longest fuse comes to an end eventually. She knew it was coming, but the way he exploded between her lips, and the speed with which he filled her mouth would have made him something between proud and embarrassed. Matt's body spasmed several times, and the feeling did not subside until he could get his breath back. His first instinct was to hug Lana out of gratitude, her talent for being able to blow him like that, not to mention what it did to his mind, was more evident to him than ever. Matt's second thought was to return the favor, to taste her, drive her fucking crazy and demonstrate his mastery over her body in a little game of oneupmanship, but instead, he looked into her eyes, tried to read her expression, and pulled her up into an embrace.

Her breath caught in her throat as their eyes locked. His cock pulsed beneath her grip and lips and she knew then what was about to happen. The options in which she had were to take it all or just let the load in which was about to hit her tongue land somewhere else. Yet as Lana squeezed him softly and the warm salty substance shot from the head of his cock Lana swallowed ever drop and she only pulled her lips from him when she felt the last twitch. She licked her lips, her eyes still hidden behind her heavy lashed lids, her tongue darting out to lick her lips as Matt pulled her up from her position. Out of all the possibilities of what might come after bringing him a release an embrace had not been one of then and Lana was frozen, though her arms instinctively moved to wrap themselves around him. She had given him what she thought he wanted and yet Lana found herself left wanting. Where was the man who would take what he wanted when even an inkling was given? Her arms squeezed him a little tighter, the breath she took a little longer and deeper as if trying to commit his scent to memory. It'd been so long, perhaps it was because of that fact that Lana found herself wanting her husband in a way that she thought she had forgotten. In this moment she wasn't thinking about what could go wrong, or the dark tinges of their past. Instead Lana tilted her head upward, her lips hesitantly pressing against Matt's, or perhaps a more apt term would be that she was shy... Uncertain, much like how she had been on their first date when he had walked her to the door to her dorm. Whatever was the cause for the shift on this moment it was up to Matt on if he would take advantage of the moment. Perhaps more moments like this would happen as her heart and mind were at war. The hesitancy and uncertainty of what she had thought she wanted and what she was being given jumbled everything yet all Lana could focus on right in the moment was the man who held her in his arms.

Matt wanted to hold his wife, continue to tease her and see what she would do with his measured, gradual provocations. Lana had never been shy. She did everything with intention and that had given him the confidence to coax her toward it when then they both recognized it. Accordingly, his kisses, soft, patient and warm at first increased in frequency and urgency almost immediately. Lana's lithe form moved against him, testing and exploring her own need, which thrilled in itself, but the fact that it was his hands and arms in ultimate control made him feel a comfort that felt like something out of a distant memory. With nothing but eye contact, Matt imagined they both knew what was going to happen, as Lana, straddling him, could feel just how fast his desire for her was replenishing itself. Not yet his eyes said mischievously as she moved over his groin. Lana was seated on his chest when his hands reached for hers, but they didn't grope, they knew exactly what they were doing. Matt knew just how far he could push her with his fingers and palms, and attention to her nipples. Just when she was about to react to his touch, he broke the silence. "Do you remember the first time I ever tasted you baby girl?" It was only a whispered question, but also a demand, he might as well have said, You did your best, but it's my turn to tongue fuck you now. Matt could feel his heart accelerate as her juices introduced themselves to his abdomen.

She was lost in his touches, her body on overdrive as her hips gyrated eagerly against his. She needed the friction. Needed him to take everything that she was willing to give but too afraid to voice. It had been too long since she had felt his hands exploring the expanse of her body. Her taut nipples pebbled at his attentions of his lips and hands. Her pale freckled skin on fire every place that his hands decided to grace and Lana let out a whisper of a moan as his eyes told her to wait and in response her hips gyrated against him again. With her hair cascading around her face Lana stared down at her husband, the need clear as day in her eyes as he continued to tease. It made her core ache and only heightened the need she had. His question could have broken the moment, causing her to retreat but to both her surprise and likely to his own Lana nodded her head. Her lips parting as her tongue traced her bottom lip at an inhaled breath. She swallowed the knot in her throat, her voice coming out slightly raised, the ache clear as day as she spoke. "Like I could ever forget..." Her lips parted, as if there was something more that she had wanted to say, perhaps tacking on the pet name she had called him that very first time he had mentioned. It was on the tip of her tongue but something stopped her from uttering the two syllable word and her mouth promptly shut, her tongue sliding over her pearly white teeth. "Are you going to taste me now?" Her heart beat wildly inside her chest, her core aching at just the thought of his tongue against her sensitive ball of nerves. She wanted it, wanted it as badly as she had that first time but needing it more now that she possibly ever had.

In answer to her question, Matt moved Lana so that they both knew where she was likely to land. She felt his tongue caressing the inside of her thigh like it was trying desperately to remember something of vital importance. He was looking up at her as he teased her, taking all of her body in. He sensed it was like a coiled spring, taught, ready for something, and as his tongue made its way across her waiting lips for the first time in as long as he could remember. Always treating this like a mission, Matt started to tease and explore, soon realizing he still knew all the right spots. As soon as Lana started reacting, writhing, his body started to need her again. He reached up and cupped her breasts as his tongue slid easily inside her, he loved the way her hips were moving, it almost felt like she was completely his again. Her body wanted to be, that much was clear. @EnchantedNymph

Lana had to admit that she still desired her husband, didn't really think she ever stopped as she felt his tongue trace up the length of the inside of her thigh. Her breathing hitched and she tried her best to stay still as she lay there. Usually much more involved and active, this time Lana took the back seat and let Matt do whatever he wanted. She wanted to know in truth if he still desired her as much as he had when she had first approached him. Their eyes locked and her heart nearly stopped beating as the answer to her question was clear on his face. There were still so many things wrong in their relationship, some hurdles would be bigger than other but right now Lana couldn't think of any of that. Instead she let her eyes drift shut as his tongue traced up her slit, her hips thrusting upwards slightly. Her bottom lip was between her teeth and when she felt his hand grip her breasts she let out a small moan. Goosebumps spread across her skin and her eyes fluttered open so that she could gaze down at him as he began to truly fuck her with his tongue. @Mazen’s Ghost

Ever determined, Matt, going slowly at first, made she she got as much unpredictable contact from his confidently exploring tongue as he could give her. His hands, reluctant as ever to leave her perfect breasts, slid down Lana's body, which amazed him in new ways every time he touched her until they gripped her already writhing hips just to give him more control. He loved doing this, Lana had been such a strong, confident young woman when they met. He remembered the way she had first smiled at him, the definition of irresistible. She played games with him, in and out of the bedroom, but he loved putting her in situations where she had no option but to submit to wave after wave of relentless pleasure. It did not take long at all for him to find the moan he was looking for. There's my good girl He thought, finding from the depths of somewhere almost forgotten, the strength to be ruthless and loving at the same time. Whenever Lana slowed her movements, he challenged her in a new way, and before long he knew she could not hold out much longer. Matt locked eyes with his wife, and withdrew his tongue, closing his lips, greedy for her as always, around her clit.

13:36

@EnchantedNymph

Matt remembered, he knew what amount of pressure to apply and where. He still knew her body like it was just yesterday and she could feel it as his tongue hungrily lapped at her core. It was impossible for her to not enjoy what he was giving her, knew that it was for her. Was it out of obligation or sense of duty, that Lana wasn't sure about. There were so many things that she knew, or what she thought she knew that when her eyes locked with her husband's and his lips avidly sucked the most sensitive button she possessed and she nearly erupted right then. Her heart skipped a beat or two and with one more suckle from the best of lips Lana came. Her cream spilling out like honey on a warm biscuit. Her eyes were still stuck in a trance with his as she crumbled into a million pieces before him. Her legs twitching with desire, her toes curling as the tingling sensation traveled down to the very tips. Her lips parted just slightly as a sighed moan erupted from them to break the silence that had been between them as he ate her. Rosy cheeks complimented her vibrant red hair as her eyelashes swooped down to half hide her gaze from him as she rode the waves of her release. @Mazen’s Ghost

Moments like this made Matt feel alive in ways nothing else could. The trust she gave him, to let him shatter her with pleasure and then carefully put her back together had given him so much strength over the last several years. Before he knew her he thought he was strong, but Lana put all that into stark perspective. He held her gently but firmly as the both felt the waves crest and crash. Like hers, his heart had kept pace and accelerated as she lost control, and as she gracefully got off of him Matt smiled up at her with a glistening face, especially when she didn't put any weight on her long supple legs. Legs he'd spent way too much time thinking about. Lana lay on his arm, her eyes closed, but Matt was sure she had not failed to notice that he wanted so much more. He would have loved to be able to read her mind, to find out if she was as lost in the euphoria of this moment as he was. No words passed between them, if they had, that might have brought the reality they had both tried to outrun that much closer. As it happened though, that reality was on their doorstep, and Matt, as he heard the knock wanted to protect his wife, as if keeping her from hearing it meant they would be able to hide from everything that had tried to tear them apart.

02:12

@EnchantedNymph

Her climax had been intense and after the last wave she collapsed into a puddle of twitching and aching muscles. Her eyes drifted closed on his arm as Lana tried her best to get her breathing under control in the post climax. There were so many things that needed to be discussed, but what stuck in her mind the most was that for the first time in almost forever she had found herself wanting to give him more. For them to consummate their relationship after the time apart. The shock of it had her heart pounding inside her chest more than anything else and when she turned to look at him, her fingers twitching to touch his face, to initiate the conversation the knock on the door had shattered the moment. On a breath of inhale she used that moment to rise from her spot at his side, suddenly bashful after the fact. "We..." Lana couldn't bring herself to look at Matt, the chance of a look of disappointment on his face was one she couldn't handle right in the moment. "Should probably get that. It might be something important." Lana rose from the bed, sliding off on shaky legs as she picked back up the towel that had been discarded and using it to clean herself before she moved to her dresser. She had prepared an outfit for the party and she intended to wear it. It was one of Matt's favorites, one that drove his mother mad and one that brought her pride to wear. "I'll... be down in a minute." @Mazen’s Ghost

As he watched Lana dress and head downstairs, Matt cursed almost silently and quickly got into the shower. There was plenty of hot water left and although he was always efficient, Matt took a few extra moments to enjoy himself and think of Lana. When he emerged clean after a few minutes, he dried and dressed himself in a pressed blue shirt that complimented Lana's dress, and grey slacks. He raced downstairs and found Emily sitting on the couch. The two women, who got along quite well with one another stopped talking immediately when he showed his face. "Hi Em, nice of you to come by." Matt was all smiles, "What's the occasion?" He teased. His younger sister hugged him tightly and didn't want to let go. He felt as if she was trying to protect him from something. Glancing at Lana he asked her with his eyes, What did I miss? but her gaze did not give away a thing.

She had been mentally preparing herself for facing his family again for the last week and a half, stealing her mind for the onslaught of backhanded and perhaps innocent comments that they normally got at family gatherings. However, as she made her way down the stairs the sense of foreboding was strong, her heartbeat quickening and palms sweaty as she reached for the door. Lana's knees went weak as she met the sight before her. Emily stood there rubbing gently on her stomach, a small bump protruding indicating she was at leas three or four months pregnant. The ache in her heart went into overdrive and tears threatened in the corner of her eyes. The softness of Emily's face as she looked up to greet Lana was hard to miss but she tried her best to ignore it. "Em, hi..." Her eyes traveled down once again to her bump and she cleared her throat of the ache that had formed. "Do...come in." She moved out of the way watching as Emily came inside, hand still on her baby bump. "Tea?" "Yes, please. Where's Matt?" Emily looked around taking in the living room before taking up a spot on the couch. Lana made both of them a drink and sat on the opposite couch. "How...far along would you say?" The soft look remained on her face as she took in her brother's wife. She knew it would have been hard to announce this and knew it would come and she hated that for Lana. Hated it for Matt, why did they have to have so many struggles when it had been so easier for her? "We will be four months in three days... When I go back home I get to find out the sex of the baby... how are you doing? Excited Matt is home?" .

09:54

It was a question she should have been able to answer with ease, yet instead Lana found herself at a loss for words as she sat there only managing to come out with a forced "I'm fine, thank you for asking and of course. It's great...having him home." It was at that time that Matt could be heard coming down the stairs and once Emily got up to hug her brother Lana stood as well, her eyes falling to the small bump once again as the two greeted each other. Her hands balled into fists as she waited. When Matt looked towards her she just looked away, not wanting to confront the complexity of her feelings.

09:54

@Mazen’s Ghost

Seeing his wife's reaction, Matt tensed, and then once Emily released him walked over and casually took one of her hands, and as best he could opened her first and interlaced his fingers with hers. "Are we all set? I don't want to keep people waiting." This was a particularly awkward time, Lana's frustration may only have been clear to him, but he also felt responsible for it. What troubled him most was that whatever was waiting for them at the restaurant was supposed to be for him. Getting to come home and be with loved ones was enough, but he struggled being the center of attention. That would always be Lana for him, and he was now hyper aware that what once had been such an easy, fun and drama free relationship where they could just take refuge in each other was probably fueled by drama, even between the people he cared about. Matt went into autopilot. Without letting go of Lana's hand he followed Emily out the door, and soon was in the driver's seat of her car. The one thing he did realize was it was her car and not a rental, and was remarkably clean given the long roadtrip that his nieces had endured. "You know you guys didn't have to drive all the way down here." Was the only comment he had time to make. The restaurant was only a couple of few from their house. "I love you." He said quietly to Lana as they got out and walked to the door. She knew that tone. What he was really saying was, protect me. He stole a kiss. Matt loved being around people, especially his family and loved ones, but it was just hitting him now that amid all the excitement about his safe return, they were also walking into a trap. As he held the door open for Lana, he allowed himself a long admiring look at his wife, and thought, I'd give anything to be alone with you again right now. As Lana walked through the door, the first thing she saw was her nieces. As soon as they'd seen the door open the girls had completely forgotten the value of not running inside.

She couldn't help but wish that the trip to the restaurant had taken longer but her wish had been ignored as Matt drove through the city with such an ease that they'd managed to miss every single red light on the way and before Lana could even catch her breath they were pulling into one of the last remaining parking spots. Shutting her eyes a moment she waited and took a few steadying breaths as Matt moved to open the door for her. It was one of his habits that she had loved so much when they had originally started dating, proving to her that chivalry wasn't truly dead. Lana offered him a forced smile as she took his hand to climb out, her hand covering the hem of her skirt so she didn't accidently flash anyone as she got out of the car. His whispered words caught her by surprise and she faltered on her heels almost twisting her ankle but thankfully she caught herself. She kissed him back, a soft peck on his lips before they headed towards the entry of the restaurant. Matt still the gentleman held open the door for her and Emily and she let Emily walk in first, her nerves through the roof as soon as she heard the sounds of the chatter of guests inside. "Auntie Lana! "Ah Ana!" Squeals could be heard as she stepped across the threshold, her steps pausing as she saw two tiny figures bolting towards her. Emily's daughters were cutely dressed in matching outfits with giant bows atop their heads. Their blonde hair flowing behind them as they barreled into her, their small arms each claiming one side of her. .

13:11

"I'm missing two teeth! SEE!" The older of the two opened her mouth wide to show her the gap in the front of her teeth and Lana felt her heart tighten. They were so cute and she loved them dearly but each time she saw them she always wondered, Would our kids have blonde hair like that? Would they have her freckles? It was a toxic way of thinking and even now she couldn't help but think similar things. Internally pushing it all down she bent down so as not to show her underwear but was on eye level. "Oh my, Mary... you're so big now, did you get to meet the tooth fairy?" Her voice was soft and warm and gave nothing of her internal struggles as she felt Matt come up behind her. "Can't forget the other princess here... Evie, I remember when you couldn't even walk! Now look at you. Oh my." She gave each girl a kiss on the forehead. "Now, how about you greet your uncle Matt hmm? He's home..." Lana turned to him then, her eyes glancing up to him then as she felt his hand fall to her shoulder. He had always been like this, needing the reassurance of physically touching her when they were at these type of gatherings and the fact that he still did... it had Lana's heart in more turmoil than before. @Mazen’s Ghost

The way Evie looked up at him, Matt had no choice but to scoop his younger niece into his arms. Lana could probably feel the reluctance with which his hand left her skin, but soon he had little ams of an almost four year old clinging around his neck to show for it. "I' ve missed you two so much." He meant it, and he was beaming. Matt produced a bar of Mary's favorite chocolate, and handed it to her clandestinely. "Don't tell your mom." He put the littler one down and watched Mary nod, as she did her best to hide the chocolate. "So who is here? Do you know what the plan is?" He asked Mary. "What was your favorite thing about the trip?" Matt was grateful for the buffer the girls provided, the longer they stayed between him and the adults the more time he had to adjust to the possible dangers of the reality they presented. Evie hugged Lana's legs and Mary took Matt's hand and confidently led him somewhere, and apart from the fact that it was away from his wife, Matt was happy to have the tiny escort, because although they now had an audience, no one was bothering them. Lana's father though had other ideas. "Welcome home Matthew." For Matt, the man who had almost always been either Colonel or Sir, loved to impose himself on situations. Mary somehow knew she needed his hand, and ran back to her mother. Matt endured the handshake, and it was his turn to force a smile. Why did he feel the need to apologize to his father in law? Meeting his gaze, he tried to find words, but nothing came.

She watched as he seemingly pulled a chocolate bar out of thin air and Lana chuckled as he warned Mary not to tell her mother. If she had been a better adult she might have taken it and told her to save it for after the meal but Lana was just the same as Matt when it came to the girls. It was their duty to spoil them and it truly made her happy as she hid the chocolate. Her large eyes looking at her Uncle like he was made of magic as he asked his questions. "Lots of people, mommy and daddy... grandma, the big scary man that looks like Auntie Lana... Some strangers I dunno and..." Mary continued to list them off and her voice drifted off as Lana scanned the restaurant for her father. She hadn't expected them to be here and she wasn't sure if she should feel relief that her parents had come or foreboding at what possible thing her father might say today. No one knew about her affair, having done such a good job at keeping it under the rug and most folks had given her space after the miscarriage which had been nice but eventually it had become quite lonely. "My favortest part was when we stopped at this gas station! Uncle Matt they had this biiiiiiiiiiiig drink machine and daddy let me mix all of the flavors! It was gross but so cool! I drank it all!" She beamed him a toothy smile where two teeth were missing. She took his hand and began to lead him off to where Lana wasn't sure but it wasn't like she could exactly follow as Evie was attached to her leg. As if sniffing out her predicament a shadow of a figure stepped forward and scooped up the smaller girl. Lana rose from where she stood to meet eyes with Emily's husband Paul. "Paul, hello. Thanks for the rescue." She offered a soft smile while she reached her freckled hand out to stroke some loose hairs out of Evie's face. .

12:11

"You're welcome, I believe your mother was looking forward to seeing you... she should be over by the gift table." He patted her own the shoulder as if he knew something, perhaps offering her his support in that way too and Lana nodded. "Alright, good to see you Paul." She nodded and headed off in the direction he had stated. Lana tried her best to avoid others if she could, though a few stopped her to either compliment her looks or to just give a greeting. @Mazen’s Ghost

The redheaded cavalry, it seemed, was not coming to rescue him. "Thank you for doing this sir, you really didn't have to, but I appreciate it." It was clear that Lana's dad had something to say to him, but whatever it was, he kept Matt guessing, Releasing his hand, he said suggestively, "Have fun tonight, and remember it's not all about you." Matt was confused, but he smiled, nodding, "Thank you for the advice." The colonel was still very sharp, playful even, and although Matt had never really felt intimidated by him, he'd never really gotten a read on him either. He felt a bit odd leaving the encounter, and made his way around the room, accepting handshakes and hugs, smiling as graciously as he knew he was supposed to and slipping into the mode of easy detached charm that had come so naturally to him in his youth. It was a mask that almost didn't fit these days, but no one else, apart from Lana had really noticed yet. There are too many people here. He wasn't hungry, but he wanted to sit down, and concentrate on eating, or something simple, he wanted to be close to Lana, hold her hand again, continue the task of making amends. Seeing everyone around only one word came to his mind. Family. and Lana was the only one he had, and the only one he wanted. Matt spotted his mother as she made her way over to him, and he embraced her as soon as he could. Her greeting was muffled by his chest. She held onto him as if she might never let go. This was ritual every time he came home, but somehow this time he didn't mind so much. "I love you too Mom." he responded, "But seriously, what's going on? you said just family."

"My darling!" Her mother practically oozed her excitement as she threw her arms around Lana, her similarly red hair though dusted with gray atop her head flew behind her with the force of her embrace and Lana had to catch herself from stumbling backwards. "Mama." She hugged back just the same, inhaling deeply and taking in the scent of her mother's mildly floral perfume. She missed her mother and she knew that the past year she had been a terrible daughter. Not once had she stopped to visit her out of fear that her mother would read her too well and catch on to what she had been up to. Her mother eventually released her from the embrace, though her hands moved down her arms to take her by the hands. "Let me look at my heart..." A raw and tender emotion was on her wrinkled face, her age clearly beginning to show and another pang of guilt ran through Lana. "Look at you, ever as pretty and I'm sure just as smart." She squeezed Lana's hands and sniffled. "Now... what have you been up to? Now that Matt is home are you going to try again?" Her eyes sparkled brightly as she looked over her daughter. "You know... Us parents aren't getting any younger and I—" "Mama—" The ache in her voice was as raw as the day she'd found out. Lana would have given anything to have an interruption though fate had gifted her with an inch of kindness as Mary came over. "Auntie. I have a mission for you!" The loud interruption had Lana's mother startle in response as the small girl ran up, snatching Lana by a crinkle of her skirt. "You gotta come now!" Lana often wondered if the girl was too smart for her own good, only being six and able to read people so well, or perhaps it was her empathic nature. .

12:22

"Sorry. I'll be back mama..." Lana was promptly dragged away into the direction of Matt where the girl released her. She leaned in and cupped her hands over her mouth so no one could hear her as she looked up at Lana. "Uncle Matt needs you. Be his prince." With a serious nod of her head she dropped her hand then grinned before running off in the direction of the buffet. Clearing her throat and still of kilter Lana cleared her throat. "Mother, it is nice to see you...you look lovely as always." Her left arm slid around Matt's waist, her hand lightly holding him as if she was trying to anchor him back. "This is...quite the gathering. I wasn't expecting something so big." @Mazen’s Ghost

Matt relaxed as he felt his wife's arm around his waist. Soon his his hand was on her bare shoulder and he was relieved as the weight he felt began to dissipate. He squeezed her to him, briefly and affectionately. Watching Mary's determined quest for food, gratitude filled his gaze before it turned back to Lana. "We wanted you two to enjoy yourselves and there are a lot of people who want to welcome home our heroes." His mother was saying, Matt wondered whether there were more people joining them for dinner. He neither considered himself a hero nor desired the gratitude and support in particular of anyone beyond his family. There was an increasingly steady amount of traffic around the buffet tables, and Matt was grateful there was no obligation to sit down for dinner. He had been thinking about sneaking upstairs with Lana, and her calming presence near him now hadn't quite chased the thought from his mind. As he habitually swept the room, looking for faces he knew, and maybe possible escape routes he noticed a man he didn't recognize, who was siting with his young family at a back table, and looking at Lana as if she were the only woman in the room. Instinctively, Matt held on to his wife just a bit tighter, realizing his mother was still talking, and he'd barely taken note of a thing she'd said.

Lana knew she needed to try and be nice, this was her husband's mother after all yet every word that came out of her mouth only seemed to irritate her more with each passing moment. The fact that she couldn't see that her own son was uncomfortable in these type of situations, her saying that everyone had a right to come and celebrate Matt was something that irritated her beyond no end. Truth was she hadn't thought that, especially back in the beginning of their marriage. Matt was hers, always had been but this time... This time Lana had felt like she had no right to say no. Too far caught up in her own guilt and circumstance that she had let his mother have her way and she was now beginning to regret that decision. She felt Matt's grip tighten, she turned to give him a quick glance and noticed he wasn't even truly paying attention to what his mother was saying. Lana however didn't have that luxury. Each word like a dig at her, she held her tongue up until his mother's next comment. "I talked to a friend, her daughter went to this one fertility specialist and I got the number. I want to give it to you, he's apparently the best in the country and I think—" "Stop." Lana felt her grip on Matt loosen, the ache in her heart even worse now than her own mother's comment. She was talking to others who had no business into what went on between her and Matt. As if it was so easy to stop mourning the life of their daughter. "It has barely been two years since we lost Amelia. Two years, Diana. Can you just fucking once in your life stop and think about others and not your own selfish wants and desires?" She was practically seething at this point as she continued. Once the well had open it was hard to shut it back. "You think we are in a good place right now? Do you seriously not see the rift that is clearly in your son's marriage this past year?" .

13:03

It was at that moment that her own mother and father had begun making their way over and Lana was shaking. She let go of Matt then, too far gone. "Are all of you so obliviously obtuse to not see your own fucking children struggling to stay afloat?!" Lana let her eyes slide to her own parents as her arm slipped from around Matt. All three parents looking like a deer caught in headlights as Lana spun on her heels and made her way towards the bar. Grabbing a bottle of whatever was closest she headed upstairs to towards the garden roof of the restaurant. Tears had filled her eyes as she shakily ran up the stairs while her hands pried open the bottle. Once upstairs she took a long swig from it. The metal door clanged loudly as she made her way to the rail. Lana leaned against it staring out at the cityscape. Tears now freely streaming down her face at realizing she had just outed the problem in their happy little marriage. If only Matt knew the full truth... how despicable of a person she truly was... @Mazen’s Ghost

At first Matt tried to deflect attention, to give Lana space, to let her go wherever she needed to, but it didn't take him long to realize how futile that was. Everyone had zeroed in on her outburst, and soon enough, all he could do was catch up. It felt good leaving everyone behind as he emerged onto the roof. His head had cleared, and his anxiety was replaced now with an unwavering sense that he had to protect and defend his wife. His arms slid around Lana as she stood there looking out at the city. She was tense, like a coiled spring, and he half expected her to lash out at him, if anyone was responsible for the mess they were in after all it was him. Standing steadfastly, he just held her. He was alert, and tried to be attuned to everything she was feeling. In truth he was more than a little proud of her for standing up to their parents like that. There would of course be consequences later, but at least there were precious few appearances to keep up anymore. He waited for her to put down the bottle, then kissed her neck softly from behind, letting go of her only long enough to retreat and lock the roof access door so that the two of them could be guaranteed the alone time she needed. Matt was soon back, and took Lana in his arms again. "It's gonna be alright." he was saying quietly, holding her against his chest. "We're in this together, no one down there understands, they don't need to. . . " He stopped as he realized someone was trying to force the door handle, and then finding it locked, had started knocking loudly.

There were a multitude of things that Lana could have felt in that moment along with her overwhelming guilt of her reality. Hearing the door open and shut behind her she didn't turn around to see who it was, already knowing that it would be Matt. When his arms wrapped around her she half froze half melted against him. The bottle still on her lips as she downed even more of the bottle, Lana wasn't sure how much time had passed as he sat there holding her but it felt like an eternity. She lowered the bottle and let out a long sigh, her eyes shutting as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Matt kissed her neck before his arms slipped back away and she missed the heat of him almost instantly. Her head turned slightly to see what he was doing, her fear of him leaving rising up and lodging itself in her throat. Thankfully he just locked the roof access and she turned back around towards the scenery before he realized she was staring. More drink from the bottle and his arms once again found themselves around her and she lowered the bottle, swallowing the liquor as it burned its way through the knot in her throat. "Matt..." His name came out as if just that one syllable would absolve her of her sins. Tears streamed continuously. Lana set the bottle down on a nearby wicker table and turned in his arms, her eyes baring all of the brokenness that she felt. She didn't even care nor did she give any attention to whoever was banging on the door, instead her hands moved to touch each side of his face. Her vision blurred from the tears she shook her head. Her mouth opening as if she wanted to say something yet no word came out, instead she pressed her lips against his in desperation. @Mazen’s Ghost

Both taken aback and relieved, Matt fervently returned her kiss, gently wiping the tears from her face as best he could as he did. He hoped, as Lana's beautiful eyes were cleared, she could see that as much as he wanted her to open her heart to him, no words were necessary between them in this moment. Every time he thought Lana had tired of kissing him, she continued to do so, and no matter was going on downstairs or outside the door, they were alone and safe. The look in his wife's eyes now was unmistakable, and Lana had a way of getting exactly she wanted with just subtle body language. Matt loved her dress, but he couldn't remember ever taking it off of her before. His mind, craving her touch and the closeness of her presence wondered about the most efficient way it could be done. His hands slid gently to her shoulders. toying with the dress, but leaving it, for now, in place. Lana felt his hands on her and knew before it happened that he would pick her up. There was almost no space between them as he felt her legs cling familiarly to him. Every inch of this woman was amazing, and he hoped, in this moment in particular that she could really see the depth of awe and desire with which he regarded her. Matt pulled her into another deep kiss. Nothing else mattered, not right now.

She was thankful that he accepted not talking and as his lips pressed into her own Lana let herself be swept up by the emotion that was at the forefront. A soft sigh escaped her as she felt his hands explore her body before they moved and he lifted her up off the ground. On instinct her legs wrapped around her husband's waist, her hands wrapping around his neck as he pressed her into him tightly. It didn't matter that someone was still banging on the door, that there was some shouting before all the sounds eventually grew quite save for the sounds down on the streets below. All that mattered in the moment was how good Matt was at making her feel. The alcohol still warm in her veins as her mind continued to become more lost. The whole roof seemed to spin slightly but it didn't matter to Lana, with Matt holding her she wasn't afraid about falling. She stared down at her husband as he held her in his arms and as they stared at each other it felt like another eternity had passed before his lips once again connected with an intense fierceness. Matt was practically crushing her as their tongues danced and teased. She felt her back be pressed into the wall and she hadn't even realized they had moved. The kiss broke again but only for a short time as Lana let her hands move to the buttons of his shirt, wanting- needing to feel him beneath her fingertips. @Mazen’s Ghost

As he kissed her and pinned her firmly to the wall, spurred on by Lana's nimble fingers' attack on the buttons of his shirt, Matt reached as quickly as he could to undo his belt, and the all important button at the top of his fly. He knew they didn't have much time, but as always with Lana, Matt wanted to make the most of every moment. The next thing he wondered about, and not for the first time, was whether her beautiful blue dress, could, or should come off, but tasting her lips again, Matt decided against further action on that front. They had already enjoined two momentary eternities there on the roof, in blissful oblivion, aware only of each other. He wanted to spend the next one inside her. As their gazes met, Matt removed without ceremony the last barriers between them, and it was Lana's turn to feel, if she had not already seen, how much he needed her. Just for a moment, holding his beloved, Matt was able to glimpse a past where all there was was how much he adored and wanted her. Poised for the inevitable, his kisses became softer, more playful and reassuring, inviting her too to remember, because it was something they could only return to, if at all, together.

Pressed up against the wall the roughness of the brick dug into the softness of her skin and while it was uncomfortable the pure bliss of her husbands lips against her own had her oblivious towards it. Lana heard the undoing of his belt, the metallic jingle music to her ears. She had seen his desire for her, had partially felt it against her in the earlier pressing of their bodies yet it was the heat of his exposed flesh that had her heart thudding wildly in her chest. Matt's kisses became soft and spirited as his lips brushed against her own, his tongue gently coaxing her towards memories that they both shared and everything else melted away. With a quick shift of her body she shimmied down his body slightly, the head of his cock pressing against her own heat, the wetness that was there had her slick and ready for him. Just a bit more and she would slide down the length of him, her lower lips eagerly waiting to claim what had always been hers. Her hands made quick work on the buttons of his shirt, skillfully keeping them tethered to the cloth material as she exposed more of his skin. A soft satisfying moan escaped her lips in-between their kisses, her head leaned back against the wall as she let her nails rake across the expanse of his chest leaving a faint trail in their wake. "Take me... Matt. Right now." She practically begged, her words coming out barely above a whisper. @Mazen’s Ghost

Not needing to be asked twice, Matt leaned just enough and took a deep breath, kissing Lana moments before he felt himself right where he wanted to be. Her moan had made his heart race in a way few things could, and the way she used her muscles around him, as he throbbed and grew inside her made him instantly aware that she had not forgotten this feeling. Her whole body reacted to his first thrust and he felt her arms around his neck again. Lana's desperation had triggered something in him that was neither romantic nor gentle, but it was protective, possessive, and full of a sense of relief, like these moments were something he'd wanted so much, and worked so hard for, but thought they might never come. If Matt were his wife's age, he knew he would have overthought this moment, but something in him just accepted that she was, in his arms right now, a precious and spectacular object, one he respected, but an object none the less. He took all the control she gave him, and tried, through strength and love and lust to let go of all the stress, uncertainty and fear that had governed their relationship for what had only been several months, but felt like an unbearable eternity. Part of him knew that it was a futile gesture, sharing this momentary bliss and release would not free them from the trauma they had shared, and which had so ruthlessly shaped them, but that was not the part of him that she held captive and was, as she opened her eyes and blessed him with a grin, expertly manipulating until, at a time of her choosing, his resistance would be broken. You can fuck me as hard as you want she'd told him once, But remember why you're doing it. He remembered that now, and accepted the challenge. We belong this close. He wanted to tell his wife, We belong to each other. You're never as alone as you feel tonight. Moving against her and wanting her to feel everything she needed to, Matt wondered if he could tell Lana all that with just his cock.

07:55

He wasn't sure, but everything he could see and feel, especially on her beautiful face, made him want to keep trying.

Matt slid into her with such precision and her walls instantly reacted to his girth. It was as if she had been made for him, her whole body craving only his touch. Try as she might have with Nolan to even get a semblance of this it had always been Matt that her heart and body desired even after all the heartache and pain they'd both experienced. Lana wasn't sure if it was because of the time they'd spent apart or if perhaps some other divination but as Matt picked a pace in which he enjoyed she was already dripping with desire and need for this, for him. Her nails dug into his shoulders, her back scrapped slightly against the brick wall but Lana found that it only added to the pleasure in which she was experiencing. A little pain with all the intense pleasure she was being given by Matt. Her eyes met his and that grin on her face quickly warped, her mouth forming a perfect O shape as he picked up speed. A moan escaped and Lana's walls clenched tightly around his cock. Over and over he slid in and out of her depths. Her nails holding true into his shoulder as he fucked her, and fucking this was as they both stared at each other with such a hunger. It reminded Lana of all the times she had tempted and teased Matt to get him to break early on in their relationship. He had questioned everything and kept putting off on crossing that boundary and when he finally had broke he had taken her with such a fierceness she had known then and there that he'd be the only one who could satisfy her the way she wanted, the way she needed. "Ohhh Matt. Yes! That's...it...fuck me, baby!" .

07:37

She moaned out, her head falling backwards against the brick wall, her random strands of her copper hued waves getting stuck in the uneven surface of the brick. Lana dug her heels into his back, pressing him even closer to her as if she wanted to devour him whole. She was drowning in the ecstasy and even though they were on the roof out in the open and someone was still banging on the metal rooftop door Lana didn't hold back the cries of passion that bubbled up inside her throat. She wanted Matt to know that it was him who was granting her this intensity, only him and no other.

07:37

@Mazen’s Ghost

It was not until he felt the entirety of Lana's bodily reaction until Matt felt truly at home. Here, inside her like this was where, and maybe the only place he truly belonged. He found the perfect equilibrium as their bodies moved against each other, building a tidal wave of ecstasy and emotion that would, they knew shatter spectacularly as they crested it together. It was a game they both played so well, but suddenly as her graceful, desperate movements elicited grunts and moans of unbridled pleasure from him, Matt knew he was out of practice, and would be the first one to explode. Quickening his pace because he wanted to give her everything he could, Matt tasted her skin with his lips, and met her eyes again, "I love you." He whispered, giving her a grin she recognized, that came with knowledge that they didn't have long. Matt kissed his wife and gave her a couple of final smooth thrusts, he kissed her, and then said breathlessly, "How the fuck are you so fucking good at this, you're incredible, and you're such a good. . . " Lana knew what was coming, and he finished before he finished. Matt held her close and she felt his body spasm as he filled her. ". . . girl." It was almost more than he could handle, not until then did either of them realize just how spent they both were. Holding his wife, caressing her hair, and resisting the serious temptation to close his eyes, Matt wanted to know everything Lana felt in this fleeting moment. His keen awareness of the need to disengage, to dress and return to reality, was there, but he pushed it away again. Now, however long he could make now last, all him wanted to be with Lana, it was she alone who occupied his mind. She had taken him somewhere only they could be, and whatever other reality there was, didn't matter. @EnchantedNymph

He expertly gave and took from their dance of passion. The wall gave support though Matt hadn't seemed to need it as he gripped her tightly in his arms. Wrapped around her back, securing her to make sure she was steady as he thrust into her repeatedly. Each upward thrust would elicit a response from those kissable lips of hers as her perfectly perky breasts bounced and rubbed against his chest. His name came out like a prayer as he whispered to her. Three words and she felt even more breathless than she had before, Matt taking her both physically and emotionally to a height she hadn't been in ages. Her body felt light she inhaled deeply, he leaned in to claim her lips and Lana gave in instantly. Needing it just as much as Matt did, perhaps even more. She moaned into him, her hands moved from his shoulders up to his neck as she held him there against her lips. Her tongue slipped between the threshold of his, taking and claiming his very essence in a passionate kiss before he all too quickly broke free to catch his breath. His words would elicit a hearty laugh, her head shaking side to side as he continued to speak. His pause on good had her pussy clench around his cock, her muscles twitching in anticipation to what he was about to say. It had been so long since he'd called her his good girl. Every syllable of those two words brought her right to the brink as he reached his own climax. The word girl coming out in a moan as his cock filled her with his release. She'd never felt so whole in her life as she did right in this moment. Even with the knowledge that her life would implode at any moment it wouldn't be this one. No, in this moment it was just Lana and Matt, no cares save for the pleasure of the other and as he looked into her eyes and he smiled at her she moaned. "I-mmm- love." Her walls clenched and spasmed then, her hips bucking just slightly quicker as she reached a climax. . (edited)

16:13

Her head fell forward, her chin resting on his shoulder as he held her, her own breaths coming out ragged against his neck. Her own whispered response stirring the sensitive hairs that resided there. "I love you..." ...I'm sorry. The whispered thought echoing in her mind. He wouldn't see it but a tear fell from the corner of her eye, dropping down and lightly plopping on the fabric of his shirt. (edited)

Slowly, with a shared reluctance, the two of them relaxed. Matt held her and gave her two more succulent kisses and then left a trail of kisses from the side of her face down to the far edge of her collarbone. As soon as the tension was gone he wanted it back, or maybe he just needed her close, and that had always been true. Matt released Lana, allowing her to slowly slide to her feet, but as soon as they had helped each other sort out their clothing, he put an arm around hr again and they melted into each other again, even if it was much more innocent than before. Matt took a last look at the skyline, and leaned down to kiss Lana deeply as if to seal this experience. Whoever had been pounding on the other side of the door had long sense given up, but as he opened it Matt still held his breath, sharing a smile with his wife. No matter what was waiting for them, he had her, and that was enough. They slipped silently back down stairs and re-entered the ballroom through an open side entrance, finding chairs next to each other and sitting down, both her hands in his. As they gradually caught their breath, and something resembling normality returned, Matt realized that if anything the room seemed more crowded and bustling than before. Somehow though, they felt protected, as if there was a barrier between them and the others at the party. In was unthinkable to Matt how someone like Lana could come into a room without turning every head, and he knew their solace would not last forever.

Slowly and reluctantly Lana slid from her husband's arms. She fixed her skirt and panties as he fixed his own clothes and once both were situated Lana found herself back inside his arms. The comfort there, the love and acceptance that she knew deep down that she didn't deserve but so desperately needed. She inhaled his scent, her eyes closing as she turned in his arms to admire the sky. It was beautiful, the bright blue sky with the puffiest looking clouds. She felt his body shift and tilted her head to the side just in time for his hand to cup her cheek. The kiss he gave her spoke of many things and Lana found herself once again grounded. How had they both gone this long without such a connection? And the question that plagued her most... would it remain intact when he found out the truth? He released her from his embrace, though his hand slid to claim her own, the last vestige of their shared experience up on the rooftop before he led her back to the door. He opened it and Lana had exhaled the breath she'd been holding. Whoever had been there before there was no evidence of them still giving the couple an easier time slipping back into the party that had been for them, for Matt. No one had noticed them yet, the two holding each other's hand still as they watched people dance, some still surrounding the buffet tables, a few select ones sitting at tables and just conversing. Lana spotted her parents deep in conversation with Emily and her husband, Matt's mother was dancing with someone close to her age though Lana couldn't put a name to the face. The girls were running around giggling with another set of children and it was then that her heart froze in her chest. .

13:29

Breath caught in her throat she scanned the ballroom again until her eyes locked with a familiar face. He was looking directly at her. The bubble Matt and Lana had been in instantly popped as Nolan made his way over to them. Whether she was giving anything away or not as she sat there holding her husband's hands Lana couldn't be sure though internally she was screaming.

She'd been here, he knew it, could practically feel it and when Lana had given her outburst earlier nearly everyone's head had turned, though his for a different reason. The context of what she had spoken was lost on Nolan as he watched that fiery temper that had drawn him in in the beginning. So completely different than his own wife, all fire and passion. Lana knew what she wanted and how she wanted it and gave no fucks about anyone else in the moment and that was something Nolan could admire. Sure she had her own reasons for coming to him. For reaching out and starting their late night rendezvous. Just as soon as she had been found no sooner had she disappeared up the stairs and to the roof. He had wanted to follow her but as soon as he had taken a step her father had ran up the stairs after the two of them. His wife had pulled him back into the conversation she had been having with some woman named Emily. Their kids becoming instant friends and running away to go and play. He'd have to wait, to catch her at a better time. That time would come thirty-eight minutes later when he spotted her coming in and taking a seat in the far back across the ballroom. He didn't immediately make his way over though his body ached to do such a thing. Instead he used the time to observe Matt, Lana's husband. He was older, but Nolan had known that the first time he had gone over to their house for late night drinks. What Lana saw in a man like Matt Nolan didn't know, but what he did know was that she kept coming back to him after she had broke down crying one night after a heated conversation she'd had with her mother-in-law. blankspace

blankspace

15:10

The man seemed completely enamored with his wife, though Nolan could sense the distance between them still. Nolan should have been happy for Lana but in truth he wasn't. He knew what Matt had put her through, knew how she felt about being abandoned after her loss. He'd been there to pick the pieces up that Matt had neglected. Taking an inhale of breath he quietly excused himself of the conversation with Paul, Emily's husband before heading in the direction of his true attentions. Lana's eyes went wide and Nolan plastered on a charming smile, the one his dad had taught him so long ago. "Nolan Green." He held his tie while he held out a hand to Matt. "I've worked with Lana a few times at her paper and just wanted to come over and congratulate you on coming home." His eyes stared into Matt's direction, though Nolan really wanted to stare at the beauty beside the man. (edited)

First subconsciously, and then with subtle intention Matt tried to shield his wife from the newcomers overtly covetous gaze. He returned the smile, somewhat more warily, and shook hands half heartedly, his left hand grasped Lana the slightest bit tighter as he did so. "Thanks for coming, I'm glad Lana has friends or this wouldn't be much of a party." He cast the briefest of accusatory glances at her, never having heard of this Mr. Green, who was even more enthusiastic than Lana made most men. "I'm really glad you brought your family, they look like they're having a good time and if I'm not wrong, I've followed your. . . wife's work closely, and we should have a lot to talk about." It was quite clear that Nolan unsatisfied. He clearly had more to say, or perhaps just wanted an excuse to hang around more, and Matt who, out of occupational hazard, missed nothing noticed that Lana's smile had vanished and she wasn't making eye contact with either of them. With some difficulty, Matt relaxed in the seat again, putting a protective arm around her and breathing a little easier as she leaned willingly into him. Looking reluctantly back at Nolan, he realized the intruder was still smiling vapidly. "Anything else we can do for you?" Matt asked, noticing now that across the room, his wife and kids had become conscious of the conversation Nolan was engaged in. Turning his attention to Lana, it felt like she had allowed herself to mentally escape. In his experience she had always been good at that, and in this case he wished he had the same talent. Unwilling to leave her alone, Matt started to wonder how soon he could make a final round, hug and thank everyone who deserved it, and then head back to the relative safety of home. Without wanting to disturb Lana, wherever her imagination had taken her, he squeezed her hand, to reassure them both.

00:37

Why does this happen so much? Matt was interrogating himself, How come I cope so well down range and feel so little control at home? He tried to meet Lana's eyes, as if she knew the answer, and perhaps only she had a solution. On the roof he had felt whole, and now, if only internally, he could feel himself breaking again.

Lana watched the interaction like a deer in the headlights with the car coming straight at it. She couldn't breathe let alone thing as she waited, too scared that Nolan would say something that would unravel everything. What was he even doing here at Matt's welcome home party? Who had invited him? Her eyes ping-ponged between the two of them, her heart beating wildly inside her chest. Matt spoke of Miranda, Nolan's wife and Lana checked out, the guilt too much too quickly, the post euphoria now gone. She thought back to better days, before everything had started going down hill. The memory of how her and Matt had first met. A party at Emily's old sorority house, life had a funny way of working and back then she had the whole world ahead of her, goals and things she had wanted to accomplish... Lana wondered if she had the opportunity to go back if she would do anything different. Her hand felt the pressure of Matt's squeezing and she momentarily felt reassurance course through her. Even if her world would later implode she was thankful for her husband, and that simple fact had the guilt churning in her stomach.

"Oh, you have?" Nolan's plastered smile remained as he shook the hand of the man who was blessed with the woman he wanted. "Ah, yes. Her works are quite decent. Your nieces seem to get along well with my son and daughter well." He released Matt's hand and wiped it on his pant leg. "Actually I was wondering if I can borrow your wife for a minute?" His eyes finally, blissfully slid to Lana and he had to fight himself for reaching out to her. "To dance, and discuss some upcoming work." His eyes slid back to Matt, his charm still in place. "If that's alright with you of course."

Her memory had been disturbed as she felt eyes on her and Lana snapped back into the present, her eyes focusing on Matt as her brain tried to register what had just been said. "W-what?" Her eyebrows rose, as it finally clicked. Nolan was asking her husband to dance with her... That, that was a terrible idea. There were so many eyes around, and she could just feel them, each and every one of them crawling over her skin like restricting binds that threatened to choke her. It was a lie of course, she wasn't working with Nolan currently, and as far as she knew none of the pieces that she had to work on had a photographer of Nolan's caliber. She swallowed, her eyes moving to Matt to see what his reaction would be.

07:07

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt looked gravely back at Nolan as he made his plea. Something about it made the alarm bells the SEAL had carefully cultivated in himself go off. Something, he wasn't quite sure what, but something was very wrong. His remained impassive, and he pretended to give the request some thought, before answering with a measured firmness, "I don't control Lana's dance card." His tone was dismissive. "And if you wanted to borrow her from me, I'm not sure you could afford the interest, so I suggest you take it up with her." His fingers gave the fiery tresses of her hair a caress and when she reacted, he kissed her, deeply. It worked to perfection because her body language gave away that she was enjoying it just as much as he was, and the surprise of the passionate gesture, totally out of place as it was left them both wanting more. "You two behave." His wink at Nolan failing to conceal something of a dangerous expression, "I'm gonna go dance with Ana and Mary." The look he gave Lana as he got to his feet told her in no uncertain terms, I adore you, and I'm not letting you out of my sight.

She had hoped that Matt would have outright refused Nolan's request but he hadn't and instead had placed that responsibility on her and when Nolan's gazed turned to her she felt her blood run cold. Lana wanted to say no, to ask him what on god's green earth was he doing here at the event when he hadn't been invited but somehow deep down she knew that answer. If she were to refuse she new that he might say something that would set her whole world afire and she couldn't have that. "I suppose...one dance couldn't hurt." Could it? She felt like it could but before she could say anything else Matt had leaned over, taking her face into his palm before he laid a kiss on her so passionate that she couldn't think, let a lone breathe but her body melted into him instantly. So starved for his touches even after what they had shared on the rooftop. A soft barely audible moan escaped her as heat flooded her body and when Matt pulled away Lana felt like she needed a bucket of ice water to cool herself as he told them to behave. With her hand on her chest she watched as her husband rose from his seat beside her, giving her one last look before he went off to find Mary and Ana. Once he was out of hearing range Lana turned her attention back to Nolan, an accusatory look on her face. "What do you think you're doing, Nolan?" He'd held out her hand for him to take instead of answering and Lana had to contain the emotions that coiled inside of her just beneath the surface. Eyes were still on them and she needed to be careful.

Her question was valid and in truth he hadn't originally wanted to come, but with her refusal this morning had thrown him off kilter. Never before had she turned him down, even if her husband was home he couldn't provide her with what he had been for the last six months. He would show her that. Though the way Matt had kissed her and Lana had responded... Nolan gnashed his teeth together though he offered her a charming smile regardless of how he currently felt. Being a Navy SEAL or not didn't deter the man as he continued to hold out his hand for Lana to take. He hadn't waited long before she accepted it, though he could feel her reluctance as she looked around. "It's just a dance, dear coworker. Don't fret." He grinned at her as he led her to the dance floor. The song currently going was fast paced but luck was on his side as it came to an end and a slower song came on. He moved his hand to her waist, careful of just how he placed it as he began to lead her in the dance. "Why did you refuse to meet me tonight?" His words came out as a whisper near her ear, his eyes following Matt as he found his nieces, leading them himself to the dance floor. "Because of him? Please don't lie to me. How many nights had you been left alone, crying." He led her into a spin and watched as her coppery locks shone in the light, nearly taking his breath away as he brought her back in against him.

She sucked in a sharp breath, her hands placed in the appropriate places though she tried to keep her distance, though it seemed Nolan had other ideas as he had pulled her in close. His question had her shaking her head, her eyes seeking out anyone who might possibly save her from her own mess. "My husband just came home, Nolan. Of course it is expected of me to spend time with him..." She sucked in a breath to protest but he spun her and Lana's eyes found Matt within the crowd, Ana in one arm while Mary danced with him with the other. Her heart squeezed in her chest but before she could even appreciate the sight before her Nolan had her spinning back against him with a soft thud. "It's not a lie, what ever troubles we have I still have a duty." Her mind traveled back to the rooftop and the passion that had happened between her and Matt. Something both of them had needed for such a long time... "My answer is still the same, Nolan. I can't believe you came here because of that... Do you want us to get caught?" She hissed under her breath as she gave him a glare.

12:02

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt was incredibly grateful for his nieces, with one arm around Ana who was hugging his neck, and giving Mary his other arm, it was amazing how graceful she was able to make them all look. The welcome distraction that Emily's girls provided did not reduce the vigilance with which he watched his girl across the room. The one thing he could see right away, knowing Lana as he did, was that she was not enjoying herself. His wife always maintained an easy casual poise in public. It probably seemed effortless to the initiated , but it still amazed Matt, maybe even more after he knew how much work went into it. Lana remained outwardly unshaken as Nolan made no attempt whatsoever to hide the fact that he was getting as close as he thought he could get away with. He trusted Lana, and Nolan might has well have been transparent, he was confident she would handle him as deftly as she had handled the other admirers who had tried to get close. The one thought that he wasn't able to push away was that Nolan Green had been nowhere on the guest list he'd looked over several times, but who was he to deny his wife, who had built a solid reputation as a journalist in conflict zones and embedded with combat units and moved in some of the same circles as Lana given that they'd both graduated from elite journalism programs. As the music transitioned and slowed down, Mary squeezed his hand and got his attention, both of them watched as Nolan pulled Lana in, hands on her waist as if he knew, or wanted to know, the territory. Even from the distance he'd put between them, Matt could see Nolan was enjoying every bit of permissible contact. "Uncle Matt?" Mary asked quietly, "Is that man with Auntie Lana a good dancer?" There was an unmistakable concern in her voice. Matt hesitated, trying hard not to think about it, and wanting to curse every time he did. "Not as good as you sweetheart."

The slower music was clearly not as appealing to her though, and she lead him over to the table where he filled cups with punch. Ana, who was quite contentedly doing an impressive koala impersonation, didn't want any, so there were only two of them. Finding a seat and balancing his nieces in his lap, Matt sipped his punch, and tried to stay focused on the room rather than thinking about the roof. He knew the desires to get into his wife's head or wire her so he could get a listen to whatever case Nolan was making were just as dangerous, but there were also harder to subdue. One thing was clear, however good a dancer Nolan was, his skills were not on display, he had begged this dance as the thinnest of pretexts in order to have a private, maybe even intimate conversation with Lana, who of course wasn't letting him. As he watched them, it was as if a fuse had been lit. At it's end, he would have to get up and intervene, and he wanted to let it go as long as he could, but this challenge, avoiding the possibility of unpleasantness between him and this unbidden guest was not going to be easy. Over the last several years he'd come to accept that very few things outside of the little world he and Lana had built for themselves were easy, but the time when that world was theirs alone, safe, impregnable were coming to a swift end. Matt grimaced, and then faked a smile. I love you Em. I promise to protect your kids from this. "More punch please!" "I wanna some too." said the koala, opening her eyes.

15:50

@EnchantedNymph

"Do you want us to? Because I can make that happen." His smile faltered, replacing it just for a moment with one that seemed more ill intent than suave charm. "I love you Lana, and I was serious this morning." His face searched hers as they continued to dance. His thumb from the hand that was resting above the curvature of her ass skimmed over the material of her dress and he bent close to her ear. "I'll leave her for you, I want you and I can treat you better than him." Nolan pulled her closer then, his grip growing tighter as she tried to push him away. "Think wisely about your answer, Lana." He pulled back then, his charming smile returning to his face as he looked from her to where his wife stood. He lifted his hand giving a small wave.

Lana gritted her teeth, the regret she felt at all the decisions she had made up to this moment now an insurmountable pile of a mess. "Nolan! Let go." She hissed into his shoulder as he whispered in her ear, her heart thudding wildly inside her chest as she heard him declare his feelings. She didn't believe it, couldn't believe the words. She had explicitly told him going in what their relationship would be if she were to agree to their affair. This? This had never even been on the table. "My relationship with my husband made be fucked beyond repair Nolan but I still love him. I was lonely. You knew that. You have kids for Christ's sake!" She shoved on his chest as he told her he would leave his wife, his family. She really had screwed everything up and this was the final nail in the coffin that had made her realize that. His charming smile wouldn't fool her and as much as she wanted to slap him across his face she couldn't draw more attention to them than they had already drawn. Thankfully the song was coming to an end and as Nolan returned his attention to her she shook her head. "I appreciate you offering me comfort when I had needed it... but this can not continue. Ever. Again." She pulled free of him, turning and looking around at everyone. Suddenly it was just all too much, too many eyes, too many mouths moving talking about who knew what, too much noise. Lana couldn't breath and with a deep breath she spotted Emily. Just as she headed off the floor Nolan had tried to grab her arm but she'd managed to dodge him, moving over to Emily she offered an apologetic smile. "I'm...not feeling to good I think I'm going to go and get some air... If you see Matt can you tell him?" Emily's eyes went wide but she nodded. "Yeah sure, you okay? You look kind of sick." She rubbed Lana's arm and Lana nodded. "I'm fine." blankspace

blankspace

13:34

Lana knew what it looked like, after having danced with Nolan and suddenly fleeing but she couldn't deal with it, not right now. With her earlier outburst and then that dance it was just all too much. She didn't even waste time looking for her purse, instead heading straight out the doors the three of them had originally came in and out into the parking lot. She took deep gulping breaths of air before moving further down the side of the building. Leaning against it Lana hit her forehead with her hand repeatedly. "I'm so fucked." @Mazen’s Ghost

Having been focused on his nieces, Matt looked up and his wide searching eyes caught a fleeting glance of Lana's red hair, and then swiveled to see Nolan, surrounded by his family, before settling on Emily, who was making her way over to him. The two of them stood close to one another, Matt could read the concern in her eyes, "What happened?" He whispered, "They were dancing and I didn't like it, but I guess I missed. . . " His sister cut him off with a nod, "I saw the whole thing, Nolan is an oily son of a bitch, he's lucky you didn't see. . . " She grabbed Matt's hand, feeling how tense he was, "Look, right now you need to grab your and Lana's stuff and get ready to head home. Give her her some space though, she is going through something." With a few deep breaths, Matt buried his anger, but could not resist a look over at Nolan, who was now deep in conversation with his own wife. "Thanks Em, I. . . this was really sweet of you." He embraced her, avoiding the temptation to delve further into whatever was going on with Lana, he knew deep down that was a mess the two of them would have to sort out by themselves. He went around the room collecting things, thanking people and saying farewell to them as he went, grabbing Lana's purse and jacket as he went by the chair where he had left them. When Matt exited the building Lana was leaning against it, eyes closed, deep in thought, and looking troubled. He stood at a distance for a minute or two, collecting his own thoughts and then made his way over to his wife and took her hand gently. He held it patiently, just appreciating their connection, but partially terrified that he might be collateral damage in an outburst or explosion. Whatever Lana needs, its worth the risk.

13:59

@EnchantedNymph

She wasn't sure how long she'd been outside on her own, only becoming aware of reality itself when she sensed a presence approach. Though her eyes remained closed she knew somehow that it was her husband. Matt had surely been informed of the debacle that had been the dance and her interaction with Emily... Emily would definitely have gone straight to Matt because of how poorly Lana had kept everything in check. She wondered what everyone inside thought of her, if they suspected the truth of what had happened or if they were all blissfully ignorant to the most obvious. Lana hoped it was the latter, her mind so frazzled with her affair, Matt's return, and the feelings that had unsurprisingly resurfaced between them after their time together. She had been so stupid thinking that seeking comfort for her heartache outside of her marriage had been a good idea. At the time it had been what she needed but now... Now she was questioning more than one of her life choices. Her head fell back against the brick wall as her left hand fidgeted with her wedding ring. The heaviness of it was comforting and suffocating at the same time. It was then that Matt moved to join her, his hand slipping effortlessly into her right hand. The tears that she had managed to keep in check now coming to the forefront and spilling from her closed lashes. She wept in silence as Matt just stood there like the dutiful husband he was, offering her support during a time when she truly didn't deserve it. @Mazen’s Ghost

Matt had developed a good internal sense of time, and the two of them probably stood there hand in hand for nearly three minutes before with the subtlest of pressure, he lead her, or rather encouraged her to follow as the black hatchback he'd called on Uber before he left the building pulled up. Before they got in, he took her in his arms and held her close, just for a moment, deftly drying her tears and lightly kissed her forehead before he opened the door for her and slid in after her, greeting the driver before they headed home. During the ride, which in contrast to the one that got them there, seemed to take an eternity, he held her hand in his and kept his other arm, not around the seat, in hopes that she'd let him in and lean into him. The way he played with her hair was absent minded. Normally not someone who fidgeted, he put it down to wanting to touch her, and an extension of the reminder that he was there for her. As the music from the car radio played softly, it faded into a song that he knew well, and despite an ambivalence to it, he remembered dancing to it at their wedding reception. Matt closed his eyes and pictured Lana that night, and then as the chorus started, opened his eyes, and found her looking shyly back at him. @EnchantedNymph

She had let Matt lead her blindly, her eyes too raw and tear filled to make sense of direction though thankfully he held her hand the entire time. She wasn't sure exactly where they were headed but as long as it wasn't back towards the party she wouldn't have a problem with it. Thankfully he'd led her to a black car, realizing it was an uber was a relief and when he pulled her into an embrace she felt what air she had in her lungs dissipate. Matt kissed her head before he opened the door and Lana felt like an utter disaster. Here her husband was being supportive though he wasn't aware of what she was upset about. If he knew... He guided her into the car before climbing in herself, both of them buckling in the silence as soft music played from the radio of the car. Matt took her hand back in his, his arm closes to her leaning against the back of the seat clearly leaving his arm open for her. Like the greedy woman she felt she was she took it, leaning in and burying her face into his shoulder as the silent tears continued to roll down her lightly flushed cheeks. She inhaled his cologne deeply, letting the warmth of his body pull her back to a happier memory. One where both of them could do nothing but smile as they danced. Their wedding had been beautiful, despite her parent's constant objections of Matt they had gone out of their way to make her dream wedding come true. Her dress with accents of lavender hues, the outdoor lanterns that were strung around in potted trees that added to the atmosphere. (edited)

15:24

https://open.spotify.com/track/3kZC0ZmFWrEHdUCmUqlvgZ?si=27dea5f45ac04e1e

15:27

As the song came to a conclusion so to did the memory of happier times. Pulled back to the reality that was her life now. An infertile woman who'd selfishly cheated on her husband to escape the feelings she'd struggled with for so long. A woman who despite what she had done still wanted for things to work, for their lives to once again be what they had both dreamed. The uber driver pulled into their driveway, if he had spoken Lana wasn't aware, her mind too wrapped up on the sins she had committed, and the fear that everything in her life was going to crash down at any moment. Her eyes flicked towards the house, her stomach queasy as she realized that Matt would want to talk. To find out what had happened at the party...which meant telling him the truth, the whole truth. @Mazen’s Ghost

"Thanks a lot." Matt said to the driver, who acknowledged him with a smile, holding up a hand as the couple exited. Following Lana inside, he texted Emily, and shut his phone off, steeling himself for a very different sort of alone time with Lana. Initially, he gave her space, watching her quietly as she made her way around the house at a distance. As much as he wanted to interrogate her about what happened, Did he touch you? How do you want me to kill him? or to thank her for giving him an unavailable excuse to leave the party early, he just took deliberate breaths, waiting for her to settle somewhere he could sit close to her, take her hands again and just listen, whenever she was ready for that. Matt had done a good job keeping his temper in check around her. She knew he had one, but she'd jokingly asked, before the troubles had started in their marriage, whether he ever got angry. While he didn't quite know why, he sensed that whatever she was about to say might test his typically even keel demeanor, but he knew that if he asked the wrong questions, his anger would be quick to follow. He was repeatedly encouraged every time Lana threw him glances, but each time it seemed that her struggles were intensifying, and the fear of the past stirred within him, why wasn't she smiling? that was obvious, but he wanted to know every little detail. What concerned him most was the immense feeling that it was his responsibility to make her happy. He knew he had failed in that before, and the more he thought about that failure, the awareness that he'd somehow almost lost her became increasingly clear. @EnchantedNymph

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pepewhy

1

As soon as they had gotten out of the car Lana had headed straight inside, first going into the kitchen and pulling out the tea kettle. It was something to busy herself, to ignore what needed to happen but what would inevitably happen whether she had wanted it to or not. Lana could feel Matt behind her, feel his eyes watching her as she paced around the kitchen. First to the sink to fill the pot, the next to place it on the burner where she'd wait until she saw the rings of it light with the heat before placing it down. While she waited for the kettle to heat she had grabbed two glasses, setting them on the kitchen island. Her eyes glanced in Matt's general direction briefly before she headed into the pantry to grab tea. Had he had a chance to eat at the party? Perhaps some cookies... maybe a sandwich? Bringing out the box of tea she also grabbed a loaf of bread, moving back to the counter. Clearly she had decided to make food, whether out of the necessity to drag it out longer or to actually provide him with some sort of comfort for what she needed to say. Then again.. would he even eat it? Wouldn't he be sick? Of her? Lana bit her nails before going to the fridge and pulling out the spicy mustard, Matt's favorite cheese, the ham and lettuce. blankspace

blankspace

12:10

There was relief in the fact he hadn't outright approached her, to demand her to explain. She could hear the bubbling of the water as she grabbed a butterknife and a small plate. Her eyes once again glancing over where Matt stood leaning against the archway from the kitchen to the living room. Her throat tightened as she turned back to the task she had set for herself. Lana took her time as she worked on spreading the spicy mustard on both pieces of bread before stacking four pieces of ham neatly onto one of them. The kettle began to hiss, screaming into the thick silence that was between them and Lana left the sandwich assembly to drop a teabag in each cup. She turned off the stove and picked up the kettle, pouring the scalding hot water into each mug she let them seep, returning to making his sandwich. Her hands trembled slightly as she added a slice of provolone carefully making sure it was neat before she added the lettuce and the other slice of bread. With the butterknife she cut the sandwich into two triangles and wiped the crumbs neatly off of the plate before checking on the tea. Seeing as each had steeped a sufficient amount she grabbed the glass container that held the sugar cubes. Lana dropped one into Matt's and three into her own. Using a spoon she mixed them, overly observing how the cubes slowly dissolved into nothing. It was almost poetic, perhaps she was like that of the sugar cube. So close to crumbling and becoming nothing. No longer having an excuse she cleared her throat as she set the two cups and plate onto a tray, picking it up and carrying it into the living room as she tried her hardest not to look at Matt again. Still trembling she slid the tray onto the coffee table before sitting on the far end of the couch. Her hands rubbing nervously on her thighs as she watched Matt come to join her. (edited)

12:10

@Mazen’s Ghost

Matt sat down and immediately become conscious of the tension that coursed through his body. He had watched Lana as she methodically and meticulously made this little lunch, but it was clearly the calm before the storm. The two of them had reached a point where skirting it continuously would only make it worse. What was obvious to him was that his wife too had seen this and had set a course straight through it. His keen eyes watched her nervous movements, aware of each one of her movements and seemingly trying to penetrate her thoughts as well. An earlier, braver version of him may have offered a first question, guiding and reassuring her, but bravery just felt the same as foolishness to him in this moment and he held his tongue. The more he considered the distance between them, the more vast it seemed to become. She had put herself there as if seeking the time and space to build protective measures around herself. Dammit Lana he thought in a moment of indiscipline, *You're supposed to be running to me when shit like this. . . * But then realization hit him, he had no idea what had happened, and this left him oddly undecided on whether he ever wanted to encounter Nolan again. Lana had been fragile with Matt before, especially in the months that precipitated their emotional and eventually physical separation. Never had he seen her in such a state as she was now, it looked as if whatever she was going to say might break her. A new stream of thought came upon him as his senses to refuge in the splendor that was his first bite of sandwich. Lana had long had the talent of turning the most meager of ingredients into beautiful and elegant things, this was true in almost every aspect of her life. In everything from the way his wife spoke to the way she dressed and carried herself to the way she interacted with others, there was an immaculate grace about it that was only matched by the sincerity and humility that gave each one of her deliberate actions a gravitas that

06:28

demanded both respect and awe. This of course was especially true of her writing, the way she touched most of those who were aware of her existence. Her words weaved searching threads of truth amongst the complex realities of life, she was uncompromising, yet always found a way to tell enrapturing stories that so often both enlightened and uplifted readers, and always left them wanting more. Matt was lucky, he had gotten to know and love the woman behind the words, and there were so many ways he'd come to appreciate cherish and adore her that others could not imagine. In this moment, his fear about the gulf of space on the couch between them dissipated, I'm right here he thought, and smiled, remembering all the times her research, investigation, and writing had been motivated by a righteous anger he wasn't initially sure she was capable of. He'd laughed at her more than once, and it had led to some wonderful playful moments between them, but unsurprisingly, the result had always been more beautiful than he could have imagined. Sipping his tea which had cooled perfectly, Matt wondered how much of Lana's righteous anger he would see now, whatever the outcome, he wasn't expecting anything playful. Not this time. @EnchantedNymph

"I have..." Lana began, though her mouth quickly closed as she rubbed her palms on her thighs, pulling at the fabric of her dress as she tried to put together how to word what she wanted to say. She took a shaky deep breath before she tried again. Lana couldn't look at him, instead choosing to look at the fabric of his pants where his knee bent. He always dressed so well no matter the occasion, even if it was just a plain white t-shirt and some slacks. The little fact popped into her head as her lips pressed together, her eyes closing for a moment. "We've..." No, neither of those were the right way to start. Her leg bounced up and down as she tried picked at her nail. "There is something I need to tell you." First obvious statement had been made. One step closer to the end? There was no way to know where this was heading but she knew it wasn't good, Lana chanced a glance at him while he sipped his tea. "Matt..." His name came out pained, like a whisper of what it should be. "I have been so lost and alone." Another obvious statement made but just as hard to make as the first yet somehow harder still. "Ever since we lost-" She couldn't bring herself to say the name of the baby, she wouldn't. Even just thinking the name tore at her heart and she couldn't handle that, not now. Not when she was about to rip his heart out the way he had to her when he left on this last stint. Her hands squeezed each other, her leg still bouncing away as she uttered the next words, clearly wanting to move on from that sore topic. "I was alone..." Abandoned. Though had she been? She had been the one to ask for time to mend, to heal... Yet a part of her had wanted him to fight for her, to make the pain go away. She swallowed the nonexistent razorblades inside her throat. blankspace

blankspace

17:48

"Nolan-" Just saying his name made her nerves rise. "He had been a shoulder I could cry on, to talk about...those things. I was lonely..." She'd stated again, Matt wasn't dumb and she knew that he would be able to piece everything together as she spoke, before she even would finish really. Her eyes closed tight as her hands squeezed tighter and became impossibly white. "It didn't mean anything." It didn't, not to her anyway. "He gave me a way to forget... and I used it. I used him as an escape from the pain and heartache I'd been left with to deal on my own." Lana knew she hadn't outright said what they'd done, but it was so obvious. So so obvious. "T-this morning I told him...that it had to stop, that you were home. I have a duty, to you, to our home." She opened her eyes then, the tears she'd been trying to keep inside coming out now. They spilled forth over her freckles, all the way down her chin and jaw until they plopped down onto the sky blue dress. "I never stopped loving you, I love you still but I was so lonely. Y-you hadn't touched me in months... and then we had that fight." She sobbed now, those tears no longer being able to be contained. "I told you to go, but I didn't want you to leave. I wanted to to stay, to help me. Yet all I did was yell, I threw that cup and it'd shattered." She covered her face with her hands now, her hair falling to hide her face as she continued. The dam had been opened and there was no stopping it now. blankspace

blankspace

17:48

"I-it's been six months... six months of using Nolan, the very last time had been..." She couldn't bring herself to say it but she knew she had to, even if it broke Matt's heart, even if it shattered hers by her own hand much like that cup. "The night you came home, but I swore it'd be the last.. I swear it, Matt..." The sobs came uncontrollably now as she waited. Waited for her husband to process the information bomb she'd just dropped and as that silence grew the more her anxiety and nerves rose. The more she knew she had to finish with what happened at the party. "He...told me he wanted to leave his wife... for me... that he-" Lana took a shaky breath. "I don't want it. I never wanted it. I've only ever wanted you..." @Mazen’s Ghost

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Listening intently to Lana's halting explanation and confession, Matt felt emotion building up and rising inside him as he tried in vain to maintain eye contact with his wife. As she spoke he was mentally scrambling to put the pieces together in a different way than the obvious. Please don't let it be true, he thought, how could she speak of duty having disregarded and broken the single sacred promise he had counted on above all? To his surprise, it was not anger that enveloped him initially, but fear, which meant that as Lana started to cry, and then lose herself in sobs, he wasted no time taking here in his arms. Something about the embrace though felt wrong. Matt wanted to be strong for her, but there was a real possibility as he held her that whatever was going inside him would shatter them both. He released her as her hands went to her face, unable to speak. What pained him the most was his total lack of reaction to her final comment. It was as if his heart had been turned to stone, and he started to remember how he felt after the loss of their daughter, and the reason Lana had seemed untouchable, unreachable for so long. The link between them, which had been so natural and so strong from the beginning was broken, and ever step either of them took to reestablish it led to misunderstanding, conflict and a deep sense of introspection where within himself he had only felt inadequacy. The silence that feel over them felt heavy, and absolute. Matt wanted to reach for his wife, to anchor them together in the relationship, but he couldn't bring himself to. He had prepared himself for something like this, but the shock of it still paralyzed him. Unsure if he wanted to respond in any way, or maybe even just run, Matt managed to feel alone, even in such close proximity to the person he loved most in the world. He was wrestling with a single thought, I have to do something, but anything I do will only make the situation worse. It had him in a stranglehold, one

02:13

he had only recently felt free of, thanks to his beloved Lana. @EnchantedNymph

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