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Archive 15 / our-love-story
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Ken The Ravenclaw 15-Nov-22 11:25 AM
TW: mentions divorce, fighting, shouting, arguing, thearpy, crying, deep feelings, deep conversations, threatening of divorce. More to be added as we go
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 15-Nov-22 12:15 PM
Till death do us part, that is the promise Zéphyrine made at the alter, Infront of all their friends and family, on her wedding day. A promise that made her feel as if all her hopes and dreams would come true, and it made her excited. Excited to live, excited to breath, excited to just be with the man she loved, and just be happy. Their wedding was her dream, she couldn't imagine a better and perfect life. But that was 5 years ago. Now, Zéphyrine couldn't remember why she married him. They fought every day, about the smallest of things, that didn't even matter. They shouted at each other, spouting hateful and hurtful things towards each other. It has gotten to the point that they now are living in separate bedrooms, he stayed in the guest room, while she stayed in the master bedroom. Their life was a mess, and she was so done with it all, she had also sacrificed things, it wasn't just him who had given things up when they got married. She had given up everything for him. Her dream job, her status as the best lawyer in New York, her home in Brooklyn. She gave it all up to marry him, and now their marriage was failing, and she had no idea what to do from here, she had completely given up, feeling as if it wasn't worth saving the marriage. But for some odd reason her husband had convinced her to come to marriage counseling with him. So that's where they were now, sitting on opposite sides of the couch, in silence, she glared at the floor, ready to go home and get back to her work. She couldn't believe they were there, their hour-long session was finally coming to a close and so far all they have done is scream at each other. She was starting to lose hope again. Their therapist Dr Picani smiled softly. "I know you both feel as if the marriage is already over. Done, washed away, not worth it. But I'm here to let you know, it is worth it. This is just a small bump in the road, and I am going to help you both rekindle your love." He said softly, carefully giving
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them both notebooks. "These notebooks, I want you both to document your journey, write love letters to each other, write love letters to the past you, or the future you. This will give you a chance to stop, and reflect about your life. 'He explained with a kind smile. "Your homework, this week, I want you both to write a love letter to your past spouse. So (your oc) I want you to write a letter to the Zéphyrine you married. And Zéphyrine I want you to write a letter to the (your oc) you married." He explained before dismissing them. In the car Zéphyrine just looked out the window, staying silent as her husband drove. She had gave up so much hope, and for this man to come in and say he could fix everything, she didn't believe it. Sighing she ran a hand through her curly hair as she looked over at her husband. "You didn't have to scream that I was selfish ." She said with a huff. "I am not selfish, I am realistic. There's a huge difference." She suddenly said as she looked away, watching the tree's go by as they drove by. @Kitten Naka take your time do not rush! love you Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 16-Nov-22 08:24 AM
Everyone always believed them to be so perfect together, how wrong they were. Sure, at the start they had been. The couple who did everything together, who supported one another.. but these days all they did was shout at another. They did not seem to agree on anything.. always blaming each other for everything. He was so sick of it, sick enough to put his pride aside and having told Zephyrine that there were two options for them.. divorce or marriage counseling. Lucky for him she had chosen the second options. So here they were.. at the end of their hour long session. One that had felt like an extension from their home. They had just showed how good they were at shouting curses at one another. When it came to their homework he could not help but sigh as he was handed that notebook. He rubbed over his face and beard. A love letter? He had never done that kind of thing. Yet since this was his suggestion he might as well give it his best shot.. “Alright Doc.” He said as he got up from his seat and let Zephyrine out to the car. She got into the passenger side as he put the keys into the car and pulled out. Luckily they owned a decently sized truck and were not sitting that close to another. “You didn’t have to scream that I was selfish. I am not selfish, I am realistic. Theres a huge difference.” He couldn’t help but scoff instantly at her saying that. “Really Zeph? That is the first thing you want to say to me after all that? Jezus christ..” he said to her as he pulled the car into the freeway. He stayed quiet for a moment, so many things running in his mind that he wanted to say back to her. “You just think the whole world should revolve around you, that is not how this works.” He said in the end, not able to hold himself completely. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 16-Nov-22 10:54 AM
Zéphyrine shook her head as she turned back to her husband, she wasn't happy about anything that was said in the marriage counseling room. She wasn't going to take blame for his actions, she had to admit she did have alot of fault in the relationship, but all of it no. "Really Björn? No the world does not revolve around me, you made that clear when I quit my job for you, but it doesnt revole around you either . You may blame me for all of the problems, but guess what Bjö, you also have fault in this marriage, it isn't all because of me." She said carefully tightening her grip on the notebook, looking at him either narrowed eyes. "What do you want me to day Björn? We just spent another hour shouting at each other? I understand this is our first session, but arnt we supose to pretend to like each other so the doctor doesn't think we are going to kill each other?" She asked leaning back in her seat, carefully brushing her hair out of her face, sighing heavily. "Poor man probally thought we were out for blood in there, I wouldn't blame him if he dropped us as clients." Zéphyrine was starting to grow tired, tired of the constant fighting, tired of the never feeling good enough for him, it all was becoming to much, and she wanted out. Dont get her wrong, she still loved Björn, he will forever be her soul mate. Just the last few years she has grown to not like him, she wasn't sure what had happened, but it was so fast, one day they were okay, then the next they had started fighting, hating everything the other did. After a moment she sighed. "Will the counselor force us to talk about our childhood? Hes not that kind of thearipist is he?" She asked looking at him, her face showed no emotion but her eyes showed a bit of fear. She had never told Björn about her past, she wasn't willing to tell him those deep dark personal things, so the fact that there was a chance she would have to tell him made her not want to do the counseling, but with divorce being her only o
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ption, she wasn't willing not to fight for the marriage.
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@Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 17-Nov-22 08:36 AM
“This again Zeph, really? Nobody asked you to quit your job for me! You were the one who was pushing for me to take that offer that brought us here. Saying that my career was more important because you eventually wanted to concentrate on being a mom.” He said to her as he gripped the wheel tighter. Because that is what they had wanted.. a family. Small children running around their place. Even now their house had two bedrooms just waiting for little kids to be able to take resident inside. But they had not been trying for a baby in a long time… They did not even share the same bed. Had that been their turning point? Should they never have tried? He sighed harder when she spoke about how they had just spend another hour yelling at each other. She was right.. what the hell were they doing. “I don’t know..” he said honestly. “I think, perhaps it is best to show him how we really are? At least we are honest.” He gave a chuckle that was half a scoff as he pulled the car off the freeway again. Her mention of not wanting to talk about her childhood made him raise his eyebrow a bit. It was true that she had never talked to him about it, yet he had never thought that it was a bad thing that she had not. He was just much closer to his family then she had been. “Maybe. Perhaps it is a good thing to get it out there for once?” He suggested. They got to a few sets of traffic lights, giving him more time to look her way and see the expression on her face. She seemed legit nervous. “From what I read there will be parts of the process that he will do with each of us individually..” he eventually said. “Perhaps that is when he will ask those things.” Somehow he still had that need to take those nerves away from her. Even between all the yelling that they did, he still cared for her and did not want to see her miserable. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 17-Nov-22 04:54 PM
"And then that appointment happened Björn, the appointment happened and we started fighting, so pardon me if I'm not in a baby making mood! "She snapped crossing her arms as she turned to look out the window again. That was the plan, the plan was for her to be a stay at home mom, to raise the kids and help keep the house in order while Björn worked. When she had quit her job, it was a mutual decision and she lived being able to take care of her husband, and care for the home. But after they began trying for a family it had went down hill from there. Maybe it was her fault, the stress had caused it to become harder for them conceive, the stress of remembering her past was beginning to cause a total, she didn't mean to let it get to that point, but when her doctor confirmed it, it hurt alot more to know it was huet fault. Nodding softly, she wiped a tear away not looking at him. "I supose your right, I'd hate to scare the poor man oneday." She said suddenely giving a soft chuckled. "Could you imagine, us being the perfect couple then suddenly sounding as if we are out for blood? I'd be afraid the poor doc would faint with fright." She giggled, for the first time in a long while, she had a emotion other then anger and grief. This wasn't fake like she'd do in public, the smile was genuine and real. Zéphyrine nodded softly, resting her head back against the seat looking at the cars, as their car came to a stop. She appreciated him trying to calm her nerves, even if they were at each other's throat, he was still there for her even when she's been acting horrific towards him. She finally looked at him again, listening to his words, the relief slowly washed over her as he talked. "It would be a topic I am allowed not to speak about yes?" She asked. Her past was one she wasn't ready to talk about, and was not ready to tell Björn about. He didn't deserve to feel shame knowing the things his Wife had to do, let alone what she still was dealing with. She sighed hugging
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herself as tightly as she could, looking forward. "I dont think I could do a homework If he forces us to talk about those things. I'm apologizing a head of time I will refuse." She replied looking to Björn with an anxious look. "I do not want to speak about those things and I will put my foot down about that, I know it's causing us problems with having a baby, but I'm not ready to unbury it all. " She was completely serious. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 17-Nov-22 08:57 PM
He once more just closed his eyes for a moment and bit his tongue. He wanted to say so many things to her, but if he opened his mouth now they would just be shouting at each other again in five seconds. So he did what the counsillor had told them. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, counted to ten and only started to talk then. “Maybe you should Zeph.” He said then, about the whole thing of not wanting to talk about it. “Because this is what you do. You go through the motions, yet the moment things get tough you stick your head in the sand. Anytime it comes down to you talking about something that gets even remotely close to you, you just throw your hands in the air and walk of as far as you can.” She had done it so often in arguments between them. The moment he got close to the source of the problem, she just shut him down. She would never let him get close, never let him in. It was probably one of the reasons why they shouted as much as they did, cause they never came to solutions. She was gone before they did. “When we agreed to go to councelling we promised each other to go through all of it and give it our all. I want you to keep that promise.” He said to her. “You don’t need to do it with me around, but do it.” He got out of the car before she could start an argument between them again. He walked down to their two story house, the outside white with a red roof on it. He unlocked the door and put his jacket on the hook before turning to her. “I am going to go for a jog before dinner.” It wasn’t a suggestion, more a statement. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 17-Nov-22 11:23 PM
Zéphyrine faced forward, listening to everything he was telling her, just taking it all in. She knew all these things were true, she ran when people tried to get to know the past her, and ran when things got to serious and real. It was a habit she didn't know how to break, a habit she has come to relize as she began to age, its gotten worse. "It's because I-" before she could say anything he was already getting out of the car. This frustrated her to no end, he wanted her to talk, and now suddnely he doesn't want her to have a say? She leaned back into her seat, gently pushing her palms against her eyes as she took a shakey breath. When the driver side door closed, Zéphyrine took that as her sign she could get our. Grabbing her purse and notebook, she carefully got out of the car and wiped her tears away, walking into their home, carefullt removing her shoes. When Björn told her he was going for a run, all she could say is "enjoy your run, I'll order pizza." It was barely a whisper, but it was all she could muster. In that moment she had alot to think about, and alot to relieve. Carefully going upstairs to the master bedroom, she carefully laid on the bed and faces the windows, watching the birds fly around, enjoying the weather. How she wished she could be a Bird, free from responsibilities of the world, free from reliving the past. She just wished her heart would soon be free from rhe turmoil she put herself in. When Björn returned home, if he came looking for Zéphyrine, he would find her on the back porch. Sitting on the porch swing as she looked over the notebook their therapist gave them. She had some tears streaming down her cheeks as she wrote something, a quick glance over her shoulder, the words 'Dear Mom.' Could be made out. But before anything else was relealed she tore the page out and crumbled it with a frustrated sigh. Zéphyrine couldn't do it, she didn't know the words to say or were to even begin. so she just stood up to go inside, gasping
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when she saw Björn standing there. She placed a hand on her chest as she looked at him. "Bjö, I didn't relize you came back, I forgot the pizza...I'm sorry I can order it now." She offered looking anxious at her Husband infront of her. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 19-Nov-22 11:38 PM
“Enjoy you run, I’ll order pizza.” It was so soft, and all he could do was nod to her. He made his way upstairs, changed into his running clothes and shoes and then went out the door without saying much more. He needed some time to himself, a moment to think without her talking to him from the other side of the car. He set a grueling pace to himself, wanting to wear himself out. His mind was racing so much and he needed it to calm down. So much had been said to them just today in that session. The therapist had tried to get to the bottom of their problems.. yet they were so stuck on the surface that he had gotten nowhere. It had stopped being about the root of the problem long ago, now it was just every small thing setting them off in a endless cycle of shouting and being angry at another. Where was the base? Was it because they had moved? Was it because Zephyrine gave up her job for him? Was it because they had been so unsuccesful in trying for a baby? He did not know anymore. All he knew was that he was hurt, day in and day out he was hurt over and over and over again. And he was unsure how long he could still do it. He knew that somewhere deep inside him he still loved her like nobody else, she was his soulmate, because if not he would have left a long time ago. By the time he got home he was wet from sweat, panting deeply. He was exhausted, but he loved it. Because if his body was exhausted, his mind finally seemed to leave him alone as well. He got into the house and indeed started to look around for Zeph. Yet he did not find her until she walked in on him and seemed to scare herself. She couldn’t help but sigh softly as she said she had forgotten to order pizza. It meant that they were probably going to have to wait for another thirty minutes before they could eat. Yet he was to tired to shout at her for that. Besides.. it should not be something for them to shout about either way. “That’s fine.. just order now. Get me a pepperoni one.” He said as he
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wiped at his forehead once more. “I am going to shower.” He said, he was sure he stank. But before he could properly turn around and go up he looked up at her once. Had she been crying? Yes.. she had been crying. Yet he could not bring himself to ask about it, not now. “I will be back down.” And he disappeared upstairs. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 20-Nov-22 09:23 AM
Zéphyrine nodded, watching Björn disappear upstairs. She sighed softly walking to the kitchen taking a moment to breath before she ordered a large pepperoni pizza and a small cheese. She knew he was probally upset with her for not ordering the food sooner, she had ment too, but talking about her past triggered her, sending her down a dark path of memories she wasn't ready to live with. So she thought maybe the letter to her mom would help, but in reality it just hurt her more. She carefully walked into the living room, laying on the sofa. Laying her head back ad she began to think. Björn wanted her to be more open, not run away when things got hard. She didn't know how he would react, when she does open up to tell him. Have pitty? Remorse? Or worse Shame? The guessing Game wasn't one she was willing to do. But if it helped her marriage , she supposed she could start trying. Zéphyrine finally sat up again and decided she may let Björn in a bit, maybe her telling him something, it would prove she wants to make this work. And she was going too, it will be hard, and very scary, but she is willing to do it for him. The pizza arrived awhile later and Zéphyrine carefully placed the boxes on the counter, lost in her thoughts as she began to think of ways she could talk to her husband , without running. Walking to the fridge she pulled out a tea for herself, and a beer for Björn, not sure if he'd want one or not, so she grabbed him a water just incase. When Björn joined her downstairs again, she took the chance to rip the bandaid. "I dont like talking about my past Bjö. It's not because I don't trust you, it's my fault, I'm just....scared you'll be ashamed of me, and not love me ." She admitted sadly ad she looked up at the Man. "Im willing to tell you a little bit if you'd like." She said softly looking up at the man, she hoped he awnsered, it took so much for her to not run, and hide. But she didn't want to do that anymore, she wanted to be there for him, and to
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do that, she had to talk about the past. "I understand if you don't, I just....I do want to make this right, and your right I do run and hide it isn't fair to you." She said, giving him his plate of pizza. "I dont want to run, I want to be able to talk and trust you. I'm just...scared." @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 21-Nov-22 10:51 PM
Making his way up the stairs made him feel so empty inside once more. He was exhausted from his run, yet had that really been enough of an excuse to leave Zeph like that when she had clearly been crying? It was not like he did not care that she had cried.. he cared a whole lot about that. It was that anytime he had tried to pry about why she cried that he had gotten shut down. Eventually he had just stopped trying.. and perhaps tonight he had just been so drained emotionally that he could not even bring himself to comfort her in that moment. He stepped into the shower, turning it almost too hot for his skin and just tried to wash his worried away from him. It helped nothing.. But at least it felt a little bit better to not be soaked in sweat anymore. He washed quickly, shampoo’d his hair and lathered his body with the soap that Zeph had always liked the scent of so much. Once he was done he stepped out and dried himself down, he put a comb through his hair and put it together in a bun at the back of his head. He dressed in a simply black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. Only after that did he make his way downstairs again. When he made his way downstairs and into the living room he was finally greeted by the smell of food and it was a welcome sight. But the his eyes caught Zeph and he instantly knew something was going on. “I don’t like talking about my past Bjo. It’s not because I don’t trust you, it’s my fault, I’m just.. scared that you’ll be ashamed of me, and not love.” His jaw clenched slightly. This was not what he had expected to walk into. Part of him just wanted to sit down and have his pizza, call it a day, continue this whole ‘working on their relationship’ tomorrow. But at the same time Zeph had never opened up to him before. He stayed quiet for a bit more, but his face was soft and his body language was not angry or hostile. He moved towards her to take the plate that held the pizza and also took the beer that she had provided. He motione
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d for them to sit down on the couch, feeling like perhaps that was a better place for them to talk. Somewhere casual and quiet. Once he did sit them down. “Go on then.” He said, with a gentle smile on his face. “I will listen.” @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 21-Nov-22 11:17 PM
Zéphyrine nodded softly, carefully taking her Plate and drink into the livingroom, sitting on the Sofa facing him. Making sure she was looking at Björn, so he knew she wasn't going to leave again. Hearing his words made her feel safe, she was glad that he was willing to listen to her, even after she had been horrific and terrible towards him. Anxiously she carefully set her water and plate down on the coffee table, swinging her legs onto the coach, so she could carefully fold them under her. It tool her a minute or so to finally look up at her husband, and when she did, her eyes were filled with sadness. "I grew up in a not so loving family, my mother was addicted to multiple diffrent substances, and my father...well I didn't meet him until I was in highschool. Why he waited until then....well....thats something i havent processed yet, so im not sure." She explained softly, trying to ignore every thought in her head telling her to run. She carefully pulled a pillow onto her lap hugging it as tightly as she could, taking a moment to close her eyes. "You grew up with your parents tucking you in at night, and telling you they love you. I grew up with my mom passed out, and I watching the motel door, making sure a angry dealer, or officer wasn't going to take me away again, because of my mothers neglect. It's why when we first started living together, I'd only sleep when you were awake, or if you were holding me." She admitted finally opening her eyes to look back at him, tears starting to pool in her eyes. "That was my life for maybe the first thirteen years, until oneday my mother got married to a rich man, he took us off of the streets of Italy and placed us in a home in New York City." She said sadly "He was kind, never let me mother shout at me, if I was scowled he would always bring me into his office, and we'd have a Cola. He knew my mother only used him for the money, and lavish life style, but he said he couldnt leave me on the street. We lived with
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him until I was sixteen....then my father came back into the picture and...." She suddnelt became very quiet, letting her tears fall as she quietly wiped them away. Reliving the life she never wanted to look back on hurt, it hurt to tell Björn just how messed up her life was. She took a deep shakey breath as she looked at him, trying to fins the look of discus or annoyance on his face. And if she didn't find any, would let more tears fall, getting up and walking out of the room. Making it seem as if she had walked away to shut him out again. But surprisingly she came back, and was carrying a shoebox. Carefully sitting back on the sofa, she wiped her tears away and opened the box, revealing old news paper articles, and some very old photos. Digging through the box, she got a photo of an elderly man, with a thirteen year old her. They both had wide smiles and were hugging each other. "Remeber me telling you about my Baba? That's him, he is the only family I have.....and he passes before you could meet him." She whispered sadly. Carefully giving Björn the photo for him to look at. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 22-Nov-22 01:06 AM
He sat down on that couch. His legs planted on the ground and his body leaned forward and leaning his arms on his upper legs. He was giving her his full attention. This had been a moment that he had been wanting for so long, one where his wife would open up to him. He had always expected that her life had not been easy before he met her. The signs had always been there. How much trouble she had falling asleep, the nightmares that she endured. The small sudden moments where she would freeze in fear for no appearant reason. Yet she had never told him why. Always shrugging it off, saying she didn’t want to talk about it. So this.. this was a big deal for them. He listened to her carefully, spinning his beer in his hards and occasionally taking a small drink from it. Yet the entire time his eyes would not leave hers. He tried to not let her words affect his expression, wanting her to get it all out before he would react to any of it. Anything to not scare her off once more. The look of discust that she was looking for was not there. If anything he was holding back the look of pity and sadness that he felt. To know that she was struggled so much at a young age. When she got up he got up as well. He reached a hand out to her, but didn’t quite grab her. “Zeph..” he said to her, thinking that she was once again running away. “Zeph!” He tried again when she did not stop. He sighed, but didn’t go after her. That had already been more then he had ever heard out of her, so if that was it.. he was just going to accept it. But she did come back and he almost could not hide his surprise. He sat himself back down as well and waited for her to continue. “Remember me telling you about Baba?” She asked as she pulled out a picture and handed it to him. He took it carefully, his eyes going down to it. “Yeah.. I remember.” He said as he looked down at it. She looked happy in that picture and it warmed his heart. He looked at it for quite a while before he handed it back to her. “
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Thank you for telling me Zeph..” he said as he offered her a smile. He had so many questions. What had happened when her father came back? How much abuse had she suffered by her mother? Where was her mother now? Why did her grandfather not do more? But he knew his wife by now and those questions would make her dive back into herself. But he knew there was more to this.. because nothing of this would explain why she was afraid of him being disgusted by her, or not loving her anymore.. He reached forward and took her hand, holding it between his own and rubbing a hand over hers. “Come sit with me?” He said then as he looked up at her. “Eat pizza with me, watch some tv?” He just wanted them to be normal again for a small bit. To do the things that they used to love so much. He loved her for opening up to him, but he also knew that pushing her more would not work for Zeph. “I miss you Zeph..” he admitted softly. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 22-Nov-22 10:41 AM
Zéphyrine nodded softly, she was shocked when she had the complete opposite reaction, then what her heart told her would happen. She relaxed, carefully placing the photo back in her shoebox, before placing it on the table, listening to Björn's next words. Sitting with him did sound nice, it was something they haven't done in a while. Nodding, she carefully moved the pillow away, inching closer so she could sit with Björn. Leaning against him, she wrapped her arms around his middle, carefully hiding her face against his chest, just taking in his scent. "I miss you too, I'm sorry I let my own feelings hurt us." She whispered letting her tears fall again. "Thank you for letting me talk, even if it is only a tiny part of my past, what you said made sense, if we want this to work I have to start talking." She admitted softly. She carefully tightened her hold on him, looking up with a sad look. "Im sorry I walked away, I should of told you I was grabbing something, I'm sorry." She said going into over apologizing. She just wanted them to be okay, and after a talk like that, she was desperate to apologize, her husband didn't deserve a wife like her, she wasn't good enough for him and she knew that, but she was glad he was still there for her. "Thank you for listening to me, I will try my best to talk more about this, that way we can heal....I just...it's hard, its hard to remeber all the happenings, that happened to me, and the later things is what I'm scared to tell you, but I know I an trust you, you have proved time and time again that it will be okay, so starting today I promise I will try." She whispered looking Björn in the eyes, showing she was serious, she was going to try, even if it was scary. "If you have questions I will awnser them to the best of my abilities I promise. " She carefullt picked up their plates of food, and gave Björn his. She gave him a tiny smile staying sat with him, she missed this, just being close to him, she hoped soon they could
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do this more often. "If the pizza is cold let me know, I'll heat it up for us." She smiled, carefullt placing a blanket over their lap, so they coukd take advantage of being close again. She craved this, and she didn't relize how much she missed being held by him, until she was already in his arms. She hopped they could do this more often, and hopped it would continue to things like this. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 22-Nov-22 11:20 AM
Her coming over to sit with him was a surprise. Physical affection had become difficult for them. Almost as if they were afraid that the very act of touching each other would cause another bad word to fly from their mouths. Or perhaps it was the opposite.. perhaps they had both just been afraid that once they touched they would want to open up to each other, something they both seemed to have trouble with. So when she did come over he adjusted himself a bit so it was easier for her to sit there and wrapped her arms back around him. To feel her against him like that again warmed something deep inside him and he closed his eyes almost instantly as he leaned into her, putting his chin on top of her head. “Thank you for opening up to me. I know that is not easy..” he said back to her. It felt so natural suddenly. To just be gentle with one another. At least something had come from today, something positive. He had needed it to bring them something and it was like a weight of his shoulders now that it had come. “I’m sorry I walked away, I should of told you I was grabbing something, I’m sorry.” She said then and h tried to shush her. “It’s okay..” he said to her. Just wanting to enjoy that moment with her. Yet she continued and he let her. “I know love.. I know.” He said to her as he rubbed a hand over her back. Did he have questions? Yes.. a thousand and one of them. Was he going to ask them right now? No.. he would not. Because more then anything he wanted her there. He wanted more then that and he would not risk scaring her away in that moment. Even as she picked up the plates he just wanted to pull her back against him. “Lucky for you I like my pizza cold.” He chuckled at her before he did indeed pull her just a small bit closer again. “Just stay here with me Zeph. That is all I need right now.” He said as he found her eyes and just stared into them. He loved this woman. Despite all her quirks, all her bagage.. all her secrets. He loved her deeply and perhaps
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this was the first time in a long time that he was able to feel that again. He almost leaned in to kiss her, wanting to feel her lips against his, but he hesitated. So instead he bit into his pizza, giving her mouth something to do instead. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 22-Nov-22 12:21 PM
"I'll stay with you Bjö, I promise. I'm not going anywhere." She whispered softly, she looked at him, wanting to kiss him, but was afraid if she did so, she would ruin theit moment, so she looked forward and just listened to him talk. "Can i....can I stay with you tonight? After the talk, I don't want to be alone and if I am I'm afraid I'll start...remebering more about the past, and the.....motel room." She sighed looking at her hands sadly. Zéphyrine actually laughed, a real laugh that hasn't been heard in a long while, she carefully wiped her tears away as she looked at him with a wide smile. "Oh, so that's why in college my leftover pizza would go missing all of sudden. I always assumed it was my roommate who took the pizza. But that makes alot more sense, im glad i could keep you fed during that time, of Ling nights of studying. " She teased gently patting his stomach with a smile as she began to eat again, humming softly. This was nice, just being eith him, not shouting, just relaxing. She wanted to do more of these type of things, and if that meant talking about scary things, maybe she could do this. With Björn by her side, she felt as if it wouldnt be as scary. He made things alot easier and made her feel safer. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something important. " She said softly looking at her plate. She figured since they werent fighting at this time, it may be best to ask for his opinion. "I was thinking about going back to work, retake my law licensing exam." She said softly. "Going back to work, but this time being a juvenile lawyer, to help kids in the system." She said looking at Björn. "But, I was wondering if you could help me sort if it would be a good idea, or if it won't be." She trusted him, Björn always knew if something was the right or wrong timing of things. And right now she needed his advice. If he said no she wouldn't do it, and just focus on healing so they could be okay. And if he said yes, she would find a way to
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do both, but she didn't want to do it without his insite in it. "This isn't a argument topic I promise, i just want to know your opinions , that way I can better understand if i should or shouldn't. And I won't use this as a excuse to run from out counseling, that's not what I'm asking. I just eant to be able to help financially support us, and prepare for our future family." She said carefully resting her head back on his shoulder looking at him with soft eyes. "Or we can pocket it for another night I don't mind at all." @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 24-Nov-22 05:04 AM
“I deny everything.” He said with a hearthy laugh underneath his breath. He had indeed sometimes taken her pizza as he had headed off to work. The fact that she generally blamed her roommate for it had just been added amusement. He had never liked the woman anyway, so he had never opened his mouth about it. He slumped in his seat a small bit as he relaxed. His hand came up to play with her hair gently. For a moment they were just.. them. The way they had always been. Loving, close.. happy. Yet that moment didn’t last long once she started about going back to work. He took a deep breath as he heard her out. His eyes never met hers, just looked in the distance at the table as he thought about it. He could understand that she wanted to go back, but at the same time he knew her.. “Zeph.. do you really think that is a good idea?” He finally met her eyes. “You used to focus on nothing but your work. I am just afraid.. afraid that you will drown yourself.” He said to her. Especially going into the system, after what she had just told him? Wasn’t she just.. trying to put her emotions somewhere else instead of letting them out like she should. “How about you find something part time?” He suggested then. “20 hours. It will give you time to still focus on home, on counseling.” He was not sure if she would like the idea of that. He just needed her to also be here, for them. He could not do this is she was going to focus on nothing but working again. At least once he was home, he tried to actually be home and not focus on what he left behind at the office. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 24-Nov-22 06:24 AM
Zéphyrine nodded softly listening to his words, and taking them into consideration. She knew that he knew why she wanted to go back to work, but it also made sense to work part time so she could still continue helping man the home, and do counseling. She rested her head back against his shoulder, not fighting, not shouting, just being there. "Okay, it's not set in stone. But if it helps I am willing to only work 15 hours if that helps." She said softly, carefully putting her finished plate on the coffee table, not rushing to get up. She actually, turned so she was facing Björn again. "It was an idea I had, I don't want to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. And if it does I respect that and maybe we can bring it up to the council?" She was trying, she really was. She wanted to go back to work, she really missed working long hours, the satisfaction she got when she won a case. But she also missed being at her husbands side, she missed falling asleep in his arms, and waking up to him kissing her. But their arguing and fighting has gotten in the way, and she really didn't want to believe it was all her fault. She sighed closing her eyes, gently wrapping her arms around him, staying close. This time she didn't speak, just soaked in the moment thinning, what was she thinking? She really couldn't be sure, it was a mixture of grief, jealousy, and so many other emotions she was to sure of. She just hopped one day soon, she will be able to figure them out, and when she does, it doesn't scare her to much. With those thoughts circling her head, she just hugged Björn tighter, not willing or wanting to let him go. "Can we stay like this for a little while?" She whispered, opening her eyes to look at him. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 24-Nov-22 10:33 AM
Of course it was not all her fault. Bjorn was not always an easy man to live with in one house. He could get moody and grumpy. Winters were rough for him and depression often took a hold of him once the sun showed it’s face less. He got antsy when they spend to much time just sitting around and he was someone who was easy to anger when it came to the wrong things. It was perhaps why their arguments and fights came by so easy, it didn’t take much to get them going and once they started, they were hard to stop. He also did not talk about his emotions very well, usually resorting to anger and shouting when crying might have been a more reasonable responds. It is just how he had grown up. Men don’t cry kind of upbringing. He tried to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want to flat out tell her he didn’t want her to work. He knew that was an unfair expectation of her. But he did not want her to go back full time. Not when they were trying to work on things. “15 hours would be good..” he just said. “I just..” he tried to say, but before he got much of a chance to continue she had grabbed into him tighter and was holding him close. “Can we stay like this for a little while?” He looked down at her as she opened her eyes. There was so much emotions written in them. He knew that she was struggling, he was struggling as well. But at least they were not shouting and perhaps that was just what they needed right then. He also wrapped his arms around her a bit tighter, bringing her body closer to his and taking a deep breath in before letting it out again. “Okay.” He whispered back to her. He leaned into her and put his chin on top of her head, closing his eyes as he just let the sound of their breathing fill his ears. It did not take long before they were breathing in unison, sounding like a single breath instead of two individuals breathing. “I do love you.. I hope you know that.” Rare words spoken from him, yet he felt the need to say them. <@523865598871076864
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@Ken The Ravenclaw (It broke my ping >.>)
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 24-Nov-22 07:01 PM
Zéphyrine laid in his arms, closing her eyes as she listened to his breathing. Longing for times like this again, she carefully moved so her head rested comfortably against his chest, listening to the soft rhythm of his heart rate, the warmth of his arms around her. It was moments like this she didn't want to disappear, and Björn holding her made her relize, if they didn't fix their marriage , they wouldn't be able to do this again, which also meant she needed to try harder. Hearing him not finish his sentence, she was worried. Worried that he was upset, worried it would cause a fight. So she carefully tilted her head. "Its okay Bjö, I wont take a Jon until we both are comfortable and healing." She said, gently rubbing circled against his back, trying to be as soothing ad she could, as much as she missed work, she missed him more then anything. "I do love you... I hope you know that" He had told her, she looked up at him a bit shocked, she hadn't heard him say that to her for a while, and oh did she miss those words. She gave him a small soft smile, carefully lifting her head to gently kiss his jaw, something she hadn't done in a while, but she felt maybe it was right for this moment. "I know you do, and I love you too. " She whispered, carefully placing a hand on his cheek, gently using the pad of her thumb to pet his cheek. "And you know I love you too right?" She looked at him with soft eyes, watching his reaction, waning to make sure she said the right thing, as to not scare or make him feel uncomfortable. They had just began to finally talk like a couple again, she would hate to ruin it. "And you know...you can tell me anything, I will try my best to listen, and not run." She promised softly. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 27-Nov-22 02:41 AM
“I know..” he just said. He knew that she loved him, it was the same for her. If she did not she would have been gone a long time ago. She wasn’t one to stay in a place she didn’t like. She was always changing, always searching for that next step to go to. Yet she had always stayed with him… It made him feel like there had to be something that he was doing right for them. “And you know.. you can tell me anything, I will try my best to listen, and not run.” He looked down at her for a moment. She was right there, being so open to him suddenly. Instead of shouting they had actually been good for once. But how long would that last? They had only just started their therapy.. they were not ready to sit here and talk it out on their own. He was not ready to tell her how much she had hurt him, how her rejections had made him feel. To be banned from their own bedroom for weeks now. It had hurt him.. it had hurt him a lot. “Why don’t we concentrate on those letters first? Do our homework?” He suggested to her, not wanting to get into it to deep in that moment. “Our next session is already in two days after all..” he told her. It was soon, but their therapist had believed that they needed those quick succession session if they were going to make process. He rubbed casually over her back before lifting his beer to his lips and taking a good swig of it, letting it go down his throat. “This was good though.. Thank you.” Another thing the therapist had told them. To try and show you were grateful for the other when they did something right, instead of just being angry when they did something wrong. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 27-Nov-22 07:59 AM
Zéphyrine paused, she relized she was going to fast, for what? Maybe to distract herself from the problem at hand, or maybe she just didn't want to believe revisiting her past was something that would help her. Either way, she wasn't suprised he changed the topic. "Right, the letters." She agreed, sitting up so she was no longer leaning against him. She carefully got up, walking to the desk, that was in the livingroom, she grabbed a few pens before she walked back to Björn, giving him one of the pens. She sat on the other side of the couch, her back gently resting against the armrest as she pulled her knees up, to hold her notebook better. "Yeah, yeah it wad nice. Your welcome, thank you too." She said softly looking at her notebook trying to figure out what to write. If she was being honest, she couldn't remember much from college , she had spent so much time studying, and trying to get her masters in Law, she blocked out alot of those years, she only remembered snippets of her and Björn life together. "We are supose to write love letters to our past selves. Like I write to college you?" She asked with a soft frown, making sure she got that correct. She looked at her paper, trying to find thr right words to say, but right now, she didn't know what to say, or what to write even. This was rare for her, she wasn't normally lost for words but today she was one of those days, she was completely at a loss. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 11-Dec-22 09:58 PM
The moment that notepad and pen was in his hands he could feel the daunting task before him. To write a letter to the woman he married.. How did that even look? It seemed he wasn’t the only one who struggled as Zeph soon asked her questions. He couldn’t help the soft smile on his face. “Yeah, I think so. At least from before things got bad.” He said, at least that was how he had understood it. He brought his own pen down, writing the words Dear Zephyrine at the top, but that was the extend of how far he got in that moment. He closed his eyes and leaned back, laying his head back so he was looking at ceiling. He thought back about their college days. God.. it had been good hadn’t it? He and her had fallen in love so quick. From the very start they were inseperable. Even if they spend so much time studying, they made sure to do it in the same space, just wanting to be near each other. He had fallen for her looks, but it soon became so much more then just that. It became about her.. all of her. About how tough she was, how loving she was, how happy she could be even when everything seemed to be looking down. After a moment he finally felt like he could put it into words, that he had found a small bit of that Zeph that had once been the centerpoint of his life. His pen brought to paper as he started to finally write down the words. @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 12-Dec-22 05:04 PM
She nodded softly as Björn awnsered her question, thankful he seemed to have the correct awnser. Zéphyrine looked down at the blank paper, trying to find the right words to say, she knew she wasnt good with her words, she never had been. But she was going to try her hardest, expecally if this may help them with their marriage. She just hoped her lack of words wouldn't upset or hurt her husband. My Dearest Björn...' That's as far as she got, before she had to pause and think. College was a hard and stressful time for her, But it was also the most thrillarating. When she met Björn, she had been running late for her first law exam. She had ran into a Café to get her morning coffee, on her way out she wasn't watching were she was going, causing her to run into poor Björn, getting coffee all over hos shirt and homework. For her it was love at first sight, he was the most handsome guy she had ever laid eyes on, but after she started to get to know him, her heart began to melt whenever he was around her. Smiling at the memory, Zéphyrine began to write down her love letter. She tried her best to make her letter make sense, trying to find the right words to say. Writing the memories that helped her relize she was in love with Björn. Having the memories, helped her put her words onto the paper, making it easier for her to know what to write. After a bit, Zéphyrine carefully placed the pen down on the coffee table. Looking at her notebook she took a deep breath looking at him. "Did he say we need to read our letters to each at home, Or the office?" She asked softly, carefully sitting up so she could see Björn better. "I dont mind whatever we do, I just want to make sure we are doing the homework correctly, you know how I don't like to get things wrong." She said not meaning to sound spoiled or rude. In school if she gotten anything wrong or was told she was wrong, she would spend all her trying to fix her mistake, or to prove why she was right. It was somethin
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g she struggled heavily with, not only did it make her less popular with her friends, but it also has caused alot of fights with jer and Björn. @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 14-Dec-22 04:08 AM
The silence in that room was so thick that it might have suffocated them both if they had paid it anymore mind then they were doing. The pages would slowly star filling for them both. Yet Bjorn found himself very often scratching something through. His notebook ending up in a mess and a jumble that surely would need to rewritten later. It wasn’t that he couldn’t find the words to say, it was just that all of them ended up sounding silly to him. To cheesy, or to dumb, too romantic. Yet was that a bad thing? Perhaps not.. but was it something that he wanted to say? No.. He just wanted his words to sounds genuine instead of seeming like they were a high schoolers poem about love. It was only when Zeph spoke up again that his yes lifted from that piece of paper and found hers. A look of frustration written on his face, but he quickly rubbed over his face and tried to get it gone. “I think we need to do it during a session.” He said. After all, what if they ended up shouting at one another again because they didn’t agree? And he believed the therapist would learn from what they wrote down. The memory of how she would freak out whenever she had gotten something wrong made him chuckle though. It was both her worst and her best quality, but it had for sure gotten them to start a few more fights as well. It had been something that had started out cute, but slowly had started to create a wedge between them. Even simple things as claiming that she had said she would do the dishes and the didn’t do it created an endless argument where she claimed to have never said such a thing. When he wished to drop it, she would not let go until he would tell her that she had indeed never said it. And sometimes he just didn’t want to admit to that. “Oooh yes.. I know.” @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 14-Dec-22 10:45 AM
"Im working on it, im trying bor to be so rash and harsh when it comes to that, but its hard." She hummed softly, carefully closing her notebook and putting it on the coffee table. Maybe reading it in a office with the doctor wouldn't be so bad, maybe having another there, to act as a buffer was a good idea. She wasn't sure, but she'd like to hope they wouldn't need that buffer forever. She looked at the show box on the table, the memories that were in there held the most important and desistaing moments of her life, some she would take to her grave. She knew her husband was upset with noy knowing alot of her past, knoeing it may upset him to know she wasnt willing to tell him everything, but it confused her why she had to talk about it now. Sighing softly, she looked at Björn with a sad, confused look. "This question isn't one for an argument I promise, I just need help understanding why I have to share my details about past. I'm having a hard time understanding why sharing the bad details is important." She admitted, being completely honest. "When we started dating I didn't tell you any of it, and when you asked I said I didn't want to talk about it and it was fine. But now I have to? I'm not understanding Bjö." She was being honest, she wasn't sure what the big deal was if he didn't know the scary things, she didn't want him to know, so he could feel bad. She just wanted it to be them, and the future. "Me not sharing isn't against you Bjö, I promise its not. I don't want you to feel guilt because of it, and the people who were in it no longer are apart of our lives, so I don't see why it has to be spoken of." She said softly, carefully moving to see Björn better. "If you don't want to awnser , or wait until we are in the doctors office that's fine, I won't talk about it any more. I just want you to know my confusion." @Kitten Naka
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Björn Russo BOT 01-Jan-23 06:58 AM
He knew that she didn’t want to start an argument with him, but he couldn’t help in that moment but feel the frustration inside of him bubbling up to the surface. He just put his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in. Only after a second did he look back down at her. “Because we are married Zeph.. we decided to share our entire life together. Yet every single time anything comes even close to that part of your life, you snap at me.” He explained to her, not able to keep the bit of anger from his voice. “And because appearantly whatever it is you don’t want to talk about, is still bothering you. If it wasn’t, this wouldn’t be such a big deal.” He said to her. He got up then, tossing his own notebook at the table and took a small walk into the living room, hoping that the movement would calm him down. “You are my wife Zeph, you need to start acting like one. You need to start letting me into that brain of yours and tell me what is going on in there. No more running away, no more shouting at each other just so we don’t have to face the other emotions that we are feeling. I want you, all of you.” He explained to her then. “And honestly, it hurts Zeph. It hurts that you arn’t willing to share that part of your life with me. It feels like you don’t trust me. You know everything about my life. Every ex, every silly childhood story, every issue I have with my parents. Everything. Why won’t you give me the same?” @Ken The Ravenclaw (Sorry I took so long 😭)
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 01-Jan-23 01:51 PM
Zéphyrine froze, she looked to Björn with wide eyes. Listening to him go on as she stayed silent, for the first time in months she didn't argue back, she just sat there and listened to him speak. She listened to everything he told her, not lifting her head. She let a single tear fall as she finally lifted her face to look at him. She did flinch slightly when he told her she needed to start acting like a wife, just those words hurt her alot. "We arnt the same Björn, you had loving parents, parents who tucked you in at night , made sure the nightmares stayed away. When you were sick yout mom would hold you. I didn't even have the pleasure of knowing if my parents loved me. I don't tell you things about my past because you eill try to fix it. I don't need it fixed love, I just want to bury it and leave it there. My childhood did not make me the person I am today, from My senior year in highschool till now has. " She replied trying her best to stay calm, but her heads were trembling, she so badly wanted to blow up at him, but he didn't deserve that, he deserved someone being patient and kind. The more she thought about what happened in her past, the more tears Began to pour down her face. "I never got the silly childhood stories, I don't have the stories of my mom holding me when I was scared. Instead I just have trama, so much trama it's better for me not to tell you! Dont you dare tell me i am not being a wife, i do everything i cam, just because i cant tell you things about my childhood im a bad wife?" She suddnely snapped, she was shaking alot, her breath was coming in short and quick, was she panicking? At this point she didn't know. "You want to know something? Fine! I was sold, my mother sold me to get her fix of drugs then kidnapped me back and sold me again, she did this to me until i was 10, then i was use to trick cps for money. This was my life Björn and its not even the worse thing that has happened to me, I have been told by countless people that it n
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ever happened, that I made it up. So I wanted to protect you, as my husband from the burden of knowing no one believed his wife, so she has to live with the constant reminder that no one was there to save her, until we met in college ." She said tears pouring freely now. "This is all happening to fast, i-i dont want you to feel bad im sorry i hurt you by not telling you, but Björn, it is alot to unpack and 12 couple councling sessions will not be enough for me to tell you all of this safely." She said hugging herself as tightly as she could trying to stay grounded, she really needed to be held, but she wasn't going to ask her husband, she didn't feel she deserved it. She ran a hand through her hair whimpering "dang it." She whispered shaking her head. @Kitten Naka (Your fine I promise)
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Björn Russo BOT 02-Jan-23 05:12 AM
He should be happy that the big word came out right? He should be celebrating that step into their relationship where she was opening up. So why was it the way that she had done it that caught his attention the most. The fact that it was shouted at him, thrown at him. Instead of sitting down together and talking about it in a way that adults should, she had just dumped it on him like she had taken out years old trash. “Really? This is how you are going to tell me about it? Shouting it at me in the middle of an argument?” He couldn’t help himself. He was the type to speak his mind. He didn’t keep ghosts in the closet. He told her when he disliked something even if that often was not the best way to do it. “After all these years of wanting to know what exactly happened to you, this is how you share it with me?” He turned on his heels away from her with a scoff again on his lips. He needed to walk, that would calm him down. Needed to keep those feet moving. “Why Zeph? Why!?” His voice starting to get stronger then he would have liked it to. “What did you think I would do?! What are you actually protecting me from?” He could feel the emotions prickling at his eyes, threatening his tears to start falling in his furstration with what had just happened. “What I really think Zeph is that you never told me because you believed that I would not believe you. You were not protecting me.. you were protecting yourself!” It was the only reason he could think of in that moment. Why else hide something like that? Saying she protected him by not telling him smelled like bullshit to him. “Do you even trust me? Do you really think that bad of me?” @Ken The Ravenclaw
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Zéphyrine Russo BOT 02-Jan-23 08:19 AM
Zéphyrine was hurt, she was forced to tell some of what happened to make him happy to know she would try and some yet how he managed to spin it into it being about him, and how horrific she was, She already knew that, she didn't need the constant reminders from her husband. Her heart visible shattered as he raised his voice at her it, telling her she eas only protecting herseld, that was too much she couldnt take it, her face crumbled as she just began to sob. She had never cried like this infront of him, not even when she broke her arm the year before that was she this Hysterical. Sure she's cried with him, she'd cried plenty of times but nothing like this. She wasn't sure what to say or do, so she just cried. Slowly lowering her self to the floor she held her knees close and sobbed, this is what felt right in the moment. She had been through so much in her life the words 'you were only protecting yourself' hit so close to home it was terrifying. "Im sorry for being selfish, I'm sorry for not telling you and im sorry for throwing it in your face. I do trust you Björn, I trust you with all of my heart, but it was hard to tell you any of this." She said running a hand through her hair as she trembled, she was inching closer to a panic attack, but tried her best to hide it from him. "I didn't want to tell you, because then you'd find out those horrible people moved here, and they keep trying to reach out, and I'm scared, yes agter years of bo one believing me, and how our relationship is right now i believed you wouldn't. And i didn't tell because in the small chance that you did believe me, I didn't want you to go to them." She said being completely honest. "I didn't want you to fight them for the hurt they have caused, you can call me a bad wife all you wish, I already know and I live with that reminder every time I look at you, I talk to your mom, I see other wives in town. " She tried to calm herself down the world was spinning and she needed to stop so she
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wouldn't spiral, this wasn't how she wanted to tell him at all, but it was what the cards had dealt. She desperately wanted to run, go to her room to try and cool off, but she knew as soon as she tried he would just shout at her for that as well. She felt like she couldn't win, she didn't have a role model to look up too, to know how to be a perfect wife, they didn't exactly have classes to know either. Carefully resting her head on her knees she continued to try and ground herself, she didn't feel okay in that moment, and knew she may not be okay in the morning, but Björn didn’t deserve that burden. "Call me selfish, tell me how much you hate me go ahead, it's not the worst things I've ever heard." @Kitten Naka
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