ROLEPLAY HQ - it-was-always-you

TW: Substance abuse, feelings of inferiority, mental health struggles, murder, will add more as they come up! (edited)

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It took four years for James to finally burn through whatever trust fund he was left, to dissolve any friendships he had formed throughout his life, and to destroy what little family he had left. He never meant to burn those bridges, yet finding a place in this world was far too hard for James. He never knew what he wanted to do with his life, yet was terrified to even try. It took four years for James to finally realize what he had been missing. It hit him like a ton of bricks one night, sleeping in his car that he had no gas for. Unfortunately for James, he had no gas money, and he was two states away from where he knew that something was. Where that someone was. James got a temporary job, a bartender at this local strip club. He needed money and half a chance to pull this off. He knew he had to be with him, the man he finally realized he loved. He was closing the bar one night, the night he had just about enough saved. Almost a thousand dollars of wages, working as often as he could. A man came in, already drunk as a skunk. James didn't think much of it, until he went to put the trash out. The man followed him out back. The man stank of strong booze, yet it took James a second to realize he had been followed. "I think you have something that belongs to me, Bud." James turned to face the man, though his face was backlit by the street light that faced the man's back. "I dont know what you're talking about, Man" James' own voice replied, though James had falsed his confidence.

18:57

"Oh? See, I think that's my wallet in your jeans. Isn't it?" The man took a gulp from the bottle of booze he was holding, before slamming it against the trash bin, denting the flimsy metal, holding it by the neck. He swung for James.James was never an extraordinarily strong man, but over time he had been in enough fights that he knew how to hold his ground. He punches the man in the nose, dodging the broken bottle neck. The man falls on his back, and James could feel small pinpricks of rain on his neck as he looked down at the man. "Look, you need to leave. You're not having my wallet" He turns his back to close the trash bin. It takes the man to find his footing, and he swings towards James again. He tried to wrap his arm around James' neck, and as soon as James felt the man's arm he gripped it, flipping the man over, into the garbage bin. He could feel the pounding in his ears as he saw, in the dim, yellow light, a red splotch on the man's neck. He had been cut in the flip, the bottle neck sliced his neck. James never intended to hurt anyone, but how would this look to a cop? He took a step back, frightened of what he had done. He looks around for a split second before going back into the bar and locks up, leaving the key under the mat. He had enough money for gas anyway About two miles away from where Blair Daniels lived, or where James last known him to live, his car finally ran out of gas and he had no money left. It had started to pour rain by then, the ominous sounds of thunder adding to his ever growing anxiety. He thought about his next steps for a moment before getting out of the car and grabbing the duffle bag of clothes he had. He locks up before sliding the keys into his pocket and making the hour long trip to Blair.

18:57

By the time he was at the other's doorstep, he was soaked and chilled to the bone, rain seeping through his jacket and plastering his hair to his head. He takes a sharp breath and examines the puff of warm air in the cold air night, before ringing the doorbell, hoping to see the face he missed so much.

18:57

@maryyelenorr

Four years. It was four years of hazy days and forgotten nights. Briar had spent most of his life priding himself on being a fairly easy going guy. Not a lot ever got to him. Fired from a job? No sweat, he could find a new one. Lost a shirt he really liked? He could buy a new one. Broken up with? Maybe it was for the best. Well… most of the time. His last break up had… broken him. It had broken him so deeply, right down to his very core. James Thompson, his last boyfriend, the man who always seemed to be on Briars mind, no matter what. The one who got away, as cheesy as it sounded. Briar had never felt a love like that, a love that burned so bright, but unfortunately, too fast as well. The day James had left Briar, he didn’t know what to do with himself. It felt so… unreal. Briar drove to the liquor store, staring at the walls of glass bottles as he tried to figure out what he wanted. At the time, he wasn’t a big drinker. He hadn’t so much as touched a cigarette either, but things changed. Briar changed. It started with liquor and cigarettes. “It helps take the edge off.” He’d rationalize to himself when he’d open a new bottle the second he got home from work. Then there was the weed. The shitty joints he’d roll with the weed he’d bought from his questionable coworker. A few hours of bliss, a few hours where James wasn’t on centre stage in Briars mind. But the high didn’t last long. By the time he was in bed, tears soaked his cheeks as the thoughts quickly came back. He needed something stronger. Something that would last longer. In walked cocaine, and mushrooms, acid, really whatever he could find. He’d always rationalize whatever he did. “It takes the edge off.” was his new motto. And now, four years later, Briar still lived in the same shitty one bedroom house, working a job that paid the bills and his… addictions. And yet, those memories of James still danced in his subconscious. He looked like hell, sitting on his couch, high out of hi

22:38

s mind. It was late at night, a storm raged on outside, as Briar took another bump. Having the next day off from work gave him a small sense of happiness, though he knew he would just sit at home and find something to get drunk or high, most likely both. Music droned on in the background, now merely ambient noise as Briar laid on his couch, focusing on the sounds of rain hitting the roof of his house. The doorbell had almost given Briar a heart attack. He quickly jumped up, looking at the door. Had he forgotten to pay his dealer? He wracked his brain, slowly getting up from his couch as he looked through the peephole of the door. Immediately, he swung the door open, a look of disbelief on his face. “James?” Briar said, almost pathetically. He swallowed hard, yet despite his nervousness, and the small bubble of anger in his stomach, Briar stepped aside without another word, letting James inside so he would no longer be caught in the rain. “What are you doing here?”

22:38

@Lil Beanz

"Hey" He said, lamely. He honestly had gone over all the possible greetings he could have expressed, yet he never settled on one specifically. He takes note of how horrible Brair looked, but Brair moved aside so he steps in, his duffle bag in his left hand. It was all he had to his name, apart from his car two miles away. "I have nowhere to go, Brair. I was hoping I could crash here for a while..." He hoped Brair wouldn't turn him away, it would crush him. Now that he most likely was a wanted man, he couldn't just get a job and an apartment now, the cops would find him. He also hoped that Brair wouldnt turn him away because he realized he was still in love with this man, he did all of this to just get back. He looks around a little bit, yet doesn't judge whatever mess was around. He didn't have the right, this was Brair's home. He heard the music in the background, wondering what Brair had been doing before he rang the doorbell

Briar had stood there, looking at James, speechless. It had been four years since Briar had last seen him, and he was just… here. On his doorstep in the pouring rain. It could almost be the start of some cheesy romance movie, if it weren’t for the fact Briar was high. And the drugs on his coffee table. It wasn’t anything too crazy, cocaine and a small bag of mushrooms, but James knew Briar as the guy who would get drunk off two shots at the bar. Not… this. He almost didn’t process what James had said, but his voice had managed to pull him out of his thoughts. Briar reached up to scratch his cheek, closing the door behind James. “Uh…” Briar said, looking around. He seemed very jittery, his eyes darting around to look at everything except for James. Between the rapidly increasing high he was experiencing and the confusion of seeing James, Briar felt surprisingly numb. “I- Um…” He could barely form a sentence before he gestured towards the couch. “Sorry… about the mess…” He sniffled slightly, glancing at James for a moment. The air was heavy with cigarette smoke, and the lingering scent of the joint he had smoked earlier. A few beer cans were scattered on the table, cigarette butts sat in an ashtray nearby. “I was gunna clean tomorrow.” A lie. “I had a few friends here.” Another lie. The situation had begun to process in Briars brain, which in turn caused him to turn to look at James. It was really him. He was here, this wasn’t a drug fuelled dream. Briar had just… stood there, still by the front door, wondering what to do or what to say. He had spent every day wishing James would come back, but now that he was here, Briar felt… ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry- I’m a little.. out of it right now.” Another sniffle, the cocaine beginning working its magic in his system. “Are you okay?” @Lil Beanz

His eyes dance across the room, the various drugs spread around. James had seen a lot of places that looked similar, he too had gotten himself into sticky situations. Be it trying to make enough money to live, or just simply for kicks. But seeing how hard into this mess Briar was, he couldn't shake the guilt he felt rising in his throat. He takes a deep breath and responds to Briar having a few friends over, "Cool." "I? Yeah, Im just between apartments and the landlord can't get the current tenant out, Im flat ass broke so i cant wait up in a motel and my car is like... two miles away" James rambles a bit. He was never one to admit when he screwed up, especially when it was a four year mess up. He did worry about the amount of drugs spread out concerning, even if it was for a few friends. He knew Briar as a lightweight, James used to be the one into going out for drinks once in a while and insisting Briar joined. Even then, he had to carry his lover home after a few shots. It was nerve wracking to see the man he loves high and jittery @maryyelenorr

Briar kept his eyes fixated on the ground, nodding his head every so often as James spoke. “That… sucks. I’m sorry.” He scratched the back of his neck, walking over to the coffee table to tidy it up as best as he could. Which proved to be somewhat… difficult, as the drugs in his system began to affect his motor functions. He was swaying in place, he found it hard to hold things, the high was getting to him. “You can stay here as long as you need.” Briar said before clearing his throat. “I think I have some… pillows and blankets laying around somewhere.” He did. Briar had bought extras after James had left four years ago. Briar found himself unable to sleep in his bed for the longest time afterwards, the bed was a vast and lonely emptiness, so he found solace sleeping on the couch. It was… somewhat less lonely. Keyword: somewhat. Even the thought of using the blankets on his bed was too much for him. “Are you hungry? I can… order some food?” Briar asked, walking past James quickly to put the cups in the kitchen sink. The house wasn’t terribly messy, but it wasn’t to the standard that the Old Briar would usually keep his house. Things had their place, and now, it was… well, the old Briar would’ve been disappointed. @Lil Beanz

((@Lil Beanz @maryyelenorr Hello! ^-^ It’s been awhile since there was a reply in here and I just wanted to check in and see if you all wanted to continue! Let me know either way!))

(( I’m just waiting for Beanz to reply but if they wanna stop the roleplay, I’m okay with that! No harm done! <3 ))

Im planning to reply, just got hella busy lol))