I return your kiss, opening myself to you like that was not easy. Just because I can be intimate with people without loving them, does not mean I don't have the capacity for a deeper connection. It means that, for me to love, I need something more than just physical intimacy. I need someone I can give all of myself to, who won't just take it and run. I need someone who proves themselves worth the time and effort to get to know them, and who will patiently uncover the parts of me I keep hidden, even from myself, behind my friendly smile. I am always loyal, I've never been anything but loyal. To my beliefs, to my passions, to my lifestyle. Any person I've felt worthy of my loyalty has left me as soon as they had it. Right now I'm hit with a crushing fear. My chest constricts, making it difficult to breathe. My grip on you tightens, and my hands tremble. I turn into your neck, pulling away from your kiss to hide my face against you. I want to give you all of me, and past experience has shown me that it will make me loose you.
"Please, please, Bin, don't desert me. If there is something you don't like, talk to me, I can fix it. Tell me what you need and want. I will make myself into whatever you need me to be. Just, please... I don't think I can do that again..." Tears fall onto your skin, and my whole body starts to tremble as I try not to cry. Ive never let myself feel any sort of hurt or remorse, once I could stop. Thomas just left me, without a word, right after I lost the baby, and I only let it hurt when he suddenly came back to tell me it was his issue, not me. Luck promised he would never leave me, and I haven't seen him in months. Alex... That one should have hurt still. I'm terrified I will fail somehow, and you, too, will just dissappear forget about me.
@Jake