ROLEPLAY HQ - till-death-do-us-part

Till death do us part, that is the promise Zéphyrine made at the altar, in front of all their friends and family, on her wedding day. A promise that made her feel as if all her hopes and dreams would come true, and it made her excited. Excited to live, excited to breathe, excited to just be with the man she loved, and just be happy. Their wedding was her dream, she couldn't imagine a better and perfect life. But that was 5 years ago. Now, Zéphyrine couldn't remember why she married him. They fought every day, about the smallest of things, that didn't even matter. They shouted at each other, spouting hateful and hurtful things towards each other. It has gotten to the point that they now are living in separate bedrooms, he stayed in the guest room, while she stayed in the master bedroom. Their life was a mess, and she was so done with it all. She had given up everything for him. Her dream job, her status as the best lawyer in new york, her home in Brooklyn. She gave it all up to marry him, and now their marriage was failing, and she had no idea what to do from here, she had completely given up. But for some odd reason her husband had convinced her to come to marriage counseling with him. So that's where they were now, sitting on opposite sides of the couch, in silence, she glared at the floor, ready to go home and get back to her work. She couldn't believe they were there, their hour-long session was finally coming to a close and so far all they have done is scream at each other. She was starting to lose hope again. Their therapist Dr Picani smiled softly. "I know you both feel as if the marriage is already over. Done, washed away, not worth it. But I'm here to let you know, it is worth it. This is just a small bump in the road, and I am going to help you both rekindle your love." He said softly, carefully giving them both notebooks. "These notebooks, I want you both to document your journey, write love letters to each other, write love letters to the past y

9:00 AM

ou, or the future you. This will give you a chance to stop, and reflect about your life.'He explained with a kind smile. "Your homework, this week, I want you both to write a love letter to your past spouse. So (your oc) I want you to write a letter to the Zéphyrine you married. And Zéphyrine I want you to write a letter to the (your oc) you married." He explained before dismissing them. In the car Zéphyrine just looked out the window, staying silent as her husband drove. She had gave up so much hope, and for this man to come in and say he could fix everything, she didn't believe it. Sighing she ran a hand through her curly hair as she looked over at her husband. "You didn't have to scream that I was selfish ." She said with a huff. "I am not selfish, I am realistic. There's a huge difference." She suddenly said as she looked away

9:00 AM

@Al the Killer

Amazing, how it only took five years for the happiest day of Lucien's life to spiral downward into the sort of relationship people ranted about on trashy daytime tv shows. Alright, maybe not quite - there was no infidelity that he knew of - but in all other regards, it was close. It wasn't for lack of trying. He recalled how he would listen to her troubles at first, his attempts at compassion. He wasn't sure when they'd both given up. He wanted to say they were both to blame. That little part of his brain screamed that, like everything else, their failure of a marriage was his fault. In his dreams, he'd imagined couple's therapy as a quick fix. A few short sessions of quiet, calm discussion and they all lived happily ever after. Instead, so far, it was an hour of a slightly more mediated shouting match right after a long day of work when he did not have the energy for it. He vaguely remembered having fallen in love with that fire that burned within her. But now it was burning him, and he liked it a lot less. He knew they would have to both put in the work, but the longer this went on, the more he doubted what they had was salvageable. Or worth saving. But he'd already paid for the counseling, since it had been his idea. At the end of the session, it was all he could do to hide his relief and his exhaustion and lead the way silently to the car. He kept his eyes on the road as he drove, still too tense to afford any distractions from driving. When at last she spoke, he still didn't look at her. He did regret the screaming itself, because his throat kind of hurt, but he had meant every word. "Well, if you had taken a moment to consider how your behaviour affects other people, you might know why I called you selfish," he said, every hint of irony in his words fully intentional. "I'm trying to fix this, Zéphyrine. I'd appreciate if you tried, too."

10:03 AM

Maybe it wasn't fair to her for him to say that. Maybe she was trying and he just hadn't seen it. He doubted it, though. His fingers tapped against the leather steering wheel, the quietest outlet for the frustration he felt. It didn't help much. The knot of anger remained in his throat, directed as much at himself as at her. Moreso, if he were being entirely honest. He didn't like honesty much nowadays. It was too vulnerable, gave too much of himself. A hard day at work, a few tough moments at home, followed by a nightmare of a therapy session... there was nothing left to give. "Have you had dinner yet?" he asked instead of lingering on the other topic at hand. He couldn't handle another argument right now, so he changed the subject, redirecting what little energy they had to more practical concerns. "We can get takeout unless you want to cook something." There was a time when he'd loved cooking. Sometimes small stuff, sometimes grand meals just for the two of them on evenings when she was working late, he was working from home, and he had time to surprise her. He still loved it, in theory, but nowadays he had no clue how he'd ever had the energy. @SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine looked at him as if he was crazy, hearing the words ‘I’d appreciate if you tried too.’ Hurt her a lot more than she would like to let on. Sure she had been more vocal about her anger, and yes she has an extremely hard time controlling her temper lately. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t trying, she really had been trying, if she wasn’t trying would she be at these counseling meetings. Her grip tightened around the notebook, she turned as if she was going to snap at him, when she paused. His sudden quicker had made her lose her train of thought, she hated when he did this, but Lucien seemed to know when to make her lose focus. As she thought about his question, she shook her head looking forward again. “I put soup in the crockpot before we left.” She said , a bit calmer in her words now. “The recipe we found before we got married, the loaded baked potato soup.” She explained looking down at her notebook; carefully tracing the cover as she thought. She couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if she didn’t give up her job, or if she was actually able to give him a family. There was so many what if possibilities that would sweep her mind daily, she was beginning to have a hard time remembering what was false and what was a reality. She turned her head again looking at Lucien, looking at the serious look that laid on his once joyful expression. She sighed knowing she did this to him, she wasn’t even sure if this was fixable, the realistic side of her screamed it wasn’t, and she should cut ties and let him go on and live life. But the other side of her, desperately wanted it to work. She wanted the joy in their marriage again. She hadn’t realized she had been staring for so long, she turned her gaze back to the road once more, watching the cars go about their day. The silence was killing her, so she tried to break it. “Will you be eating in the bedroom tonight? Or shall we try together?” She asked looking at him for the last time. “I

10:16 PM

can eat in the dining room. I rather not spill hot soup on myself again. Remember when we were at your favorite restaurant, and they spilled that tomato soup all over me and we didn’t even order it.” She was trying, she was trying to lighten the mood just a bit.They have been eating in separate areas in the house for months now, she normally stayed in the guest room and locked herself away, while he had the master bedroom. They very rarely ate together, and that was only on their good days, when they could tolerate each other. @Al the Killer

For a split second, Lucien swore he was about to get his ear screamed off again. He didn't, and she seemed to have calmed down, which helped him do the same. Especially given her answer. He had to admit, he loved that damn soup recipe. He nearly cracked a joke about that recipe being the reason they'd gotten married, after all, but decided now was not a good time for it. He wasn't sure if her tolerance for his humour had shortened or if he'd just gotten worse at it, but he wasn't about to test his luck. "Sounds good," was all he said at first. The silence stretched on, awkward but better than the alternative, until she surprised him with her question. "Shouldn't we work on...?" He trailed off, considering for a moment the spirit of their assignment, rather than the letter of it. Her question was an olive branch, and he knew better than to throw it away. "I mean, alright, let's try having dinner together." He glanced over at her at last, offering a small smile. Tense, hesitant, and short-lived, but a smile nonetheless. His attention returned to the road. "How could I forget? I freaked out until we were sure you didn't have any serious burns," he recalled. "I never asked you to go to that restaurant again, but exactly one year after, on the date, I made a nice, big pot of tomato soup, sure that we could laugh at the memory by then." He sighed, but it wasn't as heavy as the ones he usually made. The possibility of peace, the sharing of that memory, seemed to help him relax, just a bit. Not entirely. Not to how they used to be, but it was something.

10:58 AM

"I miss those days," he confessed, his voice soft. "I miss us." If only he could understand exactly where they'd gone wrong and how they could fix it. Maybe they couldn't go back, maybe the past could never return. But if there was a way to rebuild their relationship, to build something perhaps new but no less beautiful for it... he would like that. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to fall back in love with his wife, the way he used to every day they were together. But for now, he settled for peace. For a good day here and there. For the hope that they could still turn this into one of them. "We're here," he announced, pulling into the driveway that led up to their home. @SleeptoKEN

“And every year after that, we’d have tomato soup, and laugh at about the poor waitresses reaction.” She suddenly snorted as she put a hand over her mouth, listening to him retell a story that they relive every year. She couldn’t help but feel a glimpse of joy. It was one of the few things she looked back on and remembered why she married him. A tiny part of her hoped that with counseling she could find and remember more reasons why she had married him. Her smile slowly disappeared as she heard his confession. Zéphyrine’s stomach bubbled with guilt, the memories of their arguing coming back making her go silent and still. ’he misses us?’ she thought to herself as she sat there. They were the same people, just more tired and brutal towards each other. Life had gotten the better of them. Made them more miserable and blunt towards each other. She knew her temper was a big factor in their fighting, she just wasn’t sure where this anger was coming from. She didn’t know how to stop it, before she ultimately took it out on her husband. When Lucien announced they were home, she carefully grabbed her bag and the notebook before getting out of the vehicle. She gave him one last look before replying. “I miss us too.” Making her way into the house she quickly disposed of her shoes and bag, Putting them by the front door before walking to the kitchen. The smell of baked potato soup filled the air, she stood by the crock pot making sure it was ready, self consciously making herself busy so she didn’t have to talk, or talk about the serious stuff that was happening in their lives. ’write a love letter to your past spouse’ she heard the counselor say in her mind. She wasn’t good with her words when it came to herself. A case between feuding parents? She could write and finish that case within an hour. But a love letter not just to Lucien, but the young dumb madly in love man she married. That was a different story. She wasn’t one for reveling her emotions, she norm

11:14 PM

ally bottled them up to the point of breaking down. More times than not she’d have to be held by Lucien, and he’d have to help her figure out what she is feeling. So writing this love letter felt almost impossible, and to be honest. It scared her, it scared her a lot. She carefully got soup bowls out of the cabinet, getting the toppings they’d need for their soups. “Stupid letter. Stupid feelings.” She suddenly muttered under her breath, putting the container of cheese down harder than she thought. “He might as well of told me to write a hundred digits of Pi.” @Al the Killer

Lucien picked up the notebook he'd been given. It somehow felt heavy. Metaphorically, of course. The idea that it could be instrumental in saving their marriage sounded like something out of a fairytale. No wonder Zéphyrine proclaimed her cynicism as realism. But at the end of the day, it was a tool, and the type he was proficient in. It was a writing task; he shouldn't struggle with it. But it was also a memory task, one that he knew would require him to bare his soul on paper. He didn't do that. The writing he did for work was informative, his hobby writing entertaining. He wove words that kept his fears at bay, each joke a way of letting people think they knew just enough to keep them from prying deeper into him. Still, her words gave him hope, the knowledge that she missed what they'd had as much as he did. He left the car and accompanied her back to the house. He took his time to set his shoes on the shoe rack, taking in a deep breath. "The soup smells delicious," he commented, because maybe a compliment could start them down the right road. She was already a flurry of activity though. Most of the prep work would have already been done, but he knew well enough to keep out of her way when she was like this. He carried the notebook to the room he currently occupied, setting it on his writing desk for now. Dinner together was as good an excuse as any to put off the much more difficult task. As he walked back out, he heard the hard thud of tempered glass being slammed down onto the counter. He jumped, then peered into the kitchen. Maybe this was weighing on her, too. "Zéphie..." He trailed off, because his first instinct was to implore her to calm down, to be a bit gentler. He'd learned the hard way that that was as far as he could get from the right thing to say though, and he wasn't about to ruin what was otherwise shaping up to be a decent evening by sounding critical. "Is there anything I can help with?" he asked instead.

3:55 AM

The exhaustion deep in his bones didn't want to get to work, but he'd sworn to himself before he'd even met anyone he wanted to marry that he would never be the kind of husband who refused to lift a finger around the house. He knew that if he asked what the real problem was, though, she wouldn't want to talk about it. And she'd become all but untouchable lately, the distance between them a chasm where the only bridge was a rickety network of frayed ropes. "I remember building these counters when we first moved in," he commented, for the sake of lightening the mood a little bit again. "A friend had told me that building furniture together was the ultimate test of a relationship, and if a marriage could survive Ikea, it could survive anything, and I took that advice to heart." He chuckled softly. "In hindsight, we should've started with a coffee table or something. By the end of it, I think I was more splinter than man." He down at his left hand, the small scar one of the nails had left between his thumb and forefinger. "If I'd listened to you more, I probably would've gotten out of the whole thing without a scratch." He lowered his hand. "But it was fun; I don't regret any of it." @SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine jumped slightly as she turned around to look at him, she hadn’t expected him to be there when she was grumbling and complaining. Sighing heavily she pushed a strain of hair behind her ear, as she looked at him. “If you can get our drinks I’d appreciate it, pick where you want us to sit.” She said softer this time. She hadn’t meant for him to see her frustrated in that moment, especially after they had just calmed down after their screaming match in the counselors office. She needed to take a breather, she didn’t want to take her frustrations out on him. It wouldn’t be right. She paused as she listened to him talk, and speak about the past. The memories of them working together to build the kitchen counters was one she didn’t forget. They had fought, laughed and worked together until the project was done, one that everyone had said would test their relationship. But when they had finished it was a beautiful memory they could hold dear. “But you didn’t listen, but you never do a project without your gloves now so there a plus.” She looked at the counter and gave a small smile. “We technically did build a coffee table together. Remember when we first started dating in high school? You and I were trusted to help the first grade teachers get ready for their first graders after wonder break. Remember how many rocking chairs we had to build and paint.” She laughed softly. She couldn’t help but remember that day, they were class presidents and were out in charge of helping any teacher that needed to prepare for the school year. Most teachers had them help make copies, or things hung up on the wall. But the few who needed the rockers put together in trusted them to do it. They ended up covered in paints and a good story to share. She carried their bowls to the dining room, placing them where their drinks were sat. She carefully sat in her seat looking up at him with a tiny smile. “I hope it still taste good, I followed the recipe but I’m not sure if I got

6:04 PM

it right this time.” She hummed looking down at the soup thinking. She wondered how long this peace would last, it was almost making her feel uneasy. She carefully looked up again and watched him, trying to gather information to tell how he was and how he was feeling in that moment. @Al the Killer

"Got it," Lucien said, glad to have something to busy himself with. He set two spots at the dining table first, or at least set down the spoons and a few napkins. It was made to seat six, which was convenient when they had company. Had been when they'd still invited friends over. He set two spaces across from each other, to facilitate conversation in case they wanted to continue to chat during dinner, and to keep their distance in case things went sour. "What do you want to drink?" There were plenty of options, of course. He chose water for himself, but there was orange juice in the fridge, a few cans of different sodas and sparkling waters, and a small selection of wine and beer - also for entertaining their now non-existent guests. He'd stopped drinking even in his previous moderate, social capacity a month ago, himself. He'd never given an explanation as to why. "Smells good, at least." He was sure she'd done fine; it wasn't a complicated recipe, so unless it was really hinging on that secret ingredient being love, there was nothing to worry about. "But back to the chairs... Man, I lost count. I don't envy whatever custodian had to clean the stray paint. Remember back when we met? Junior high debate club, I think it was." He sat down and pulled his bowl of the soup closer to himself. "You absolutely destroyed me, and I fell in love instantly," he only half joked. Love had taken a little longer, but he'd certainly decided that he'd wanted to get to know her better. They weren't just here to reminisce though, and he wanted to eat before the soup got cold. He tasted the first spoonful and closed his eyes. She'd definitely gotten it right. Not that he'd ever had bad loaded potato soup. He tried to relax fully and enjoy his meal, but he knew this would be temporary. It always was. He'd say the wrong thing and piss her off, or misinterpret her words and get angry again... It never really lasted.

6:00 AM

"This is really good, by the way," he added after a moment, because a genuine compliment couldn't hurt the longevity of this moment. @SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine gave a soft hum as she sat at the table. “Waters fine.” She said softly. Watching him get busy getting their drinks. She stayed silently as she watched him pour them in the glasses. “We can always dump those you know.” She said motioning to the beer and wine. She liked to have a wine to unwind when she had a long day, or when she wanted a long hot bath. But she had noticed Lucien had stopped drinking, she wasn’t sure why but if he no longer wanted alcohol, she was going to make an effort to also not drink. “Well, let’s just hope it tastes as good as it smells.” She replied looking up at him. A small smile as he mentioned the debate team. “Ah yes, the debate club.” She chuckled softly. “I remember the shocked look you had, what was the topic? Marvel vs DC comics? All you boys kept joking saying I’d only mention how hot the characters were. No one thought a girly girl like me would know how to take Superman down by just giving him a spect of kryptonite in his food daily.” She giggled She ate the soup humming softly. “Thank you.” She said looking down at her soup. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness as they ate the soup, thinking of their past and how they had fallen for each other. But the sadness was almost unbearable. She looked up at him, watching him eat and be silent, she hated that she had made him feel as if he couldn’t speak freely. She remembered his words in counseling begging her to be more opened and vulnerable with him. Maybe if she tried, maybe it would help just a little bit. “I-“ she began, carefully setting her soup down as she looked at him. “I don’t know how to…..communicate.” She finally admitted. “This isn’t a debate, or a family court case. This is our marriage, and I don’t know how to explain why it’s hard.” She began. She knew he knew nothing about her family, or who she was when they met in junior high. All he knew was her parents were extremely strict and she doesn’t speak to them. She didn’t talk about feelings

12:01 PM

unless they were joyful. Why was it so hard to tell him now. “Luc, I wish I can change, I wish I can make it easier for you to see how I’m feeling so you can feel safer in your own home. I don’t know how.” She said softly. “And for that I’m sorry.” @Al the Killer

Admittedly, Lucien wasn't proud of the person he'd been back then. But who in their right mind was proud of the person they'd been in juniour high? Besides, he was pretty sure that particular conversation had just been a safe way for some of his friends at the time to almost-but-not-quite talk about the guys they'd personally found hot. But right now, the silence settled in. He wouldn't have minded it, if not for the seemingly permanent tension between them as of late. Then she spoke, and he set his own spoon down to listen, unsure whether to be hopeful or worried about what was to come. All he could say for sure was that the confession wasn't what he'd expected. I don't know how to communicate. It didn't make sense. It explained so much, though. He wished he could say that he didn't want her to change, but it was pretty clear she would need to. And so would he. "I knew this about you," he admitted. "Maybe not consciously, but I mean, it's not some big, recent shift in your personality. You've always struggled. I want to understand where you're coming from but you-" He caught himself before he could say the first thing that came to mind, could say you always shut me out when I try. Their marriage counselor was not the only therapist he'd been seeing, though he hadn't mentioned the other one to anyone, either. "-No, what I mean to say is that I feel like I'm having trouble getting through to you. I feel like I've failed to give you the support you deserve, and failed as a husband. But I never should have stopped trying to understand." He drew in a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he picked his spoon back up. "I guess what I'm saying is that I'm trying, too," he concluded. "I'd say we could pretend this is family court if that will make it easier for you to talk, but uh..." He chuckled nervously. "...I feel like you'd eviscerate me. Metaphorically speaking." He would never speak of literal evisceration at the dinner table.

11:13 AM

He sat back in his chair, trying to think of a quick solution. But there were no quick, easy solutions in the real world. "I mean, this... this is good, right? Just saying what the problem is, so we know what to work on... Actually, do you mind if I write this down? For Doctor Picani, and for the two of us to revisit on our own if we find the time and motivation." @SleeptoKEN

“You’re not failing as a husband Luc, you’re doing everything right, and you arguing for us to go to counseling is a sign you are being an amazing husband.” She told him in a serious tone, making sure he didn’t down himself to much. But the serious look went away when she heard his offer. She couldn’t help but snort when he offered to pretend this was family court. She couldn’t help but feel a bit touched at the offer. She knew she wasn’t making life easy, and she knew she could be a devil when it came to these deep talks. She let out a soft sigh nodding. “That’s true it is a good thing I think. If you want to you can write it down.” She agreed looking at him. She looked at her water, holding in her hands as she tried to be Vulnerable with him. She looked up at him. Her eyes soft and filled with emotions, one she didn’t have the knowledge to pinpoint. She set her glass down, watching him write. “I’ve been thinking about seeing a therapist on my own.” She suddenly blurted out, watching Lucien closely waiting his reaction. “I think it would be good to try and figure out something’s in my past, ones that’s you don’t know about.” She continued, holding her hands together as she put her hands on her lap. Not really looking at him, but the bowl of soup infront of her. “And before you go off about me not telling you things, I know. As a wife I have failed to allow myself to lean on you for support, that’s my fault. You are doing everything right, I’m the one failing you.” Zéphyrine finally looked up at him, watching him intensely. Looking for a sign of rejection, or amusement in her even suggesting going to a therapist on her own. She knew she really didn’t need his permission, heck she got him the tv he had been eyeing for months but wouldn’t buy for his birthday. But for some reason with this, she felt as if she needed his permission to go. She wanted to be better, she really did. “I just want to be a better wife.” She said out loud. Not really meaning too.

3:56 PM

@Al the Killer

It didn't feel like he was doing everything right. Like he was doing anything right. But then she let out that little snort, the slightest noise of possible amusement, and he smiled. At least tonight, he could make her laugh. Just a bit. "One moment, then." He stood up for just a moment and walked over to the small pad of sticky notes on the counter by the kitchen fridge, normally used to write and post small reminders to each other. He carried it and the pen back to the dining room to avoid being too distant for too long. Once he sat back down, he jotted it down so he wouldn't forget. Both need to work on communicating feelings, empathy - mutual agreement reached It wasn't much, but it would be enough. His hand stopped as she spoke about seeing a therapist and he looked up. "I think you should," he said, then realized how dickish that sounded without context. He grimaced. "I mean, it can be good for both of us to work on ourselves in our own time, I think." He set the pen down, considering how much to say or not. "I don't think blaming yourself exclusively will do any better than blaming me. We're in this together, Zephi. And I'm not angry at you for not telling me every detail about your life; whatever happened in your past, you'll tell me when you're ready. Married or not, I was never going to rush you." He rubbed the back of his neck, realizing that he couldn't avoid talking about it forever. Best to come clean now. "I've... actually been seeing a therapist myself. He's the one who suggested marriage counseling and referred me to Doctor Picani. There's no shame in getting help." He chuckled a bit, mostly at himself. "Well, I guess there is some shame in it, or else I would've told you sooner. But maybe there shouldn't be."

4:05 AM

@SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine hummed softly as she listened to him. It was true she shouldn’t be blaming herself, and she shouldn’t blame him, it was a team effort and if they wanted to get better they needed to lean on each other, not on themselves. She looked up at him with a surprised look, she didn’t know he was in therapy alone, that caused her to pause. She wanted to get mad and demand to know why he didn’t tell her, but she really didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. “Thank you for telling me. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for getting help, I wish you told me sooner yes, but you shouldn’t be ashamed.” She replied looking down at her soup, carefully putting her spoon down no longer hungry. “I’ll schedule an appointment for my self, and see a therapist then. Maybe figure things out. Hopefully.” She mumbled the last part, taking a sip of her drink, she wondered if she should bring up her desire to go back to work. She knew she quiet so she could be a stay at home mom, she really wanted to do that, but after so long of trying. Looking at Lucien, she wondered how he’d react. She knew he was very supportive no matter what she did, she just didn’t want him to think she was giving up on their possible family. But right now the thoughts of having a family was definitely a horribly sore subject for her to talk about, because she felt the delay was indeed her fault. “Luc-“ she began “I got a call from my old boss. They offered me my job back. I don’t know if I should take it or not. What do you think I want your opinion, if I didn’t I wouldn’t ask so don’t sugar coat it please.” She said looking at him. She had a look of desperation wanting to know what his thoughts about it was. @Al the Killer

Lucien arched an eyebrow at her calm response, then immediately scolded himself for it. When had he started expecting her to explode at the smallest provocation? He should have known better; she was a reasonable person. There was always a reason when she got angry, even if it wasn't always easy for him to wrap his head around. But then there was her question. It weighed heavy over the dining room, its implications bigger than than simply asking his opinion about a job opportunity. "I..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say. She'd quit for a reason, after all, but it had been so long, and they had made no progress. Backwards progress, perhaps. He had to consider the situation realistically, especially giving the whole direction paper journalism itself was going in. "While it is your choice, I think it could be a good opportunity," he admitted. "As our relationship - what's left of it - is now, I don't want to bring a child into this household right now." It hurt to say. The implication had been there already, but saying it out loud made it real. This was no home environment for a child. He drew in a deep breath and tried to walk back his statement in a way he truly meant. "That isn't... I don't want to give up," he said. "Not permanently, but now isn't a good time. When we fix things, I'd be willing to try again." Fertility treatments, adoption... at the very least, they could try to identify what the problem had been to begin with. He paused as a question came to mind. "...How long ago did you get this phone call?" he asked softly. @SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine gave a small sigh of relief, her shoulders visibly relaxing as she looked back to Lucien. “I understand what your saying.” She spoke again, looking down at the soup infront of her. “I don’t want to bring a child up in this type of environment as of the moment. Who knows, maybe our situation can change, maybe we can come out of this better people. But, yeah I would like to try again when we are more level headed and able to go more then 3 days without fighting.” She looked up once more when he asked her when did she get the call. To be honest she didn’t know how long it’s been, the days started to merge together, and there has been multiple calls from her old place of employment, begging her to come back. But she always said no. It was selfish but she didn’t want to let go of the dream of one day bringing a child of their own into the world, and never missing those milestones she sees her friends bragging about. “Most recent call was Monday.” She said softly, watching his face to see his reaction. “I can’t say it was the most pleasant call, more of a gut wrenching one. They asked if we finally had a baby, or if we finally gave up on our egotistical dream…. I swear I heard someone in the background shout ‘Thank God she can come back now.’ “ she recounted the call as she rolled her eyes, her hand tightening around the spoon as she sighed. “But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back….until today, after our counseling session. I figured I need a second place, one I can go to and give myself a chance to long and miss you.” Her cheeks went a bit red as she said that, she had never really mentioned that before, she wasn’t very opened about her positive feelings towards her husband. But she was going to try. For him. Zéphyrine opened her eyes to look at him, her eyes longing but seemed hesitant as if she was to afraid to open up more. “Thank you for giving me your honest opinion. I needed to hear your words. I knew wether good or bad I needed to hear it. So tha

7:28 PM

nk you.” @Al the Killer

Despite all that had happened between them, Lucien still carried that hope that they could change for the better, after all. Though her description made him want to take back his words of encouragement. It was the selfless thing to do, really, to tell her that she deserved a better work environment than that. That starting a job with a new firm could still get her what she wanted, without the ridicule of her old co-workers. She deserved a supportive environment, even if he'd done a poor job of providing one. But how long would it take to find a new legal firm? Pressure was building, with the looming death of print media and his employer's - his brother's - refusal to modernize or otherwise adapt. Could he really ask her to be picky, when his own professional future was so precarious? They might need the extra money sooner rather than later. He forced a smile instead. "It sounds like they really miss you," he said, even though it sounded more like her coworkers were a bunch of disrespectful pricks with no regard for work-life balance. "Probably falling apart in your absence. And it could do you some good to get out of the house." He couldn't fully hide the practicality of his reasoning either, but out loud, he focused on the best-case scenario. "If you go back, maybe we can get a head start on a college fund...? If we do have a kid, they'll appreciate it in the future, and if we don't, it's extra retirement money." Maybe dinner wasn't the time to talk about that, but it wasn't like it was a bad idea. He just still worried about the sort of work environment she'd be going into. Rather than voice any of it, he stood up to pick up his empty bowl of stew. "Will you want more, or are you done for now? I'll take care of dishes and leftovers, since you went to the effort of making dinner."

3:33 PM

@SleeptoKEN

She couldn't help but snort at his suggestion. “You're probably right, I'm surprised they haven't been sued yet.” she admitted honestly. She took one last sip of her drink before putting it down. She looked at him feeling a bit more at ease since she had asked for his opinion. She knew he was more than likely hiding some of how he felt, but it was the thought that counted the most to her. “If it helps this would be temporary, to rebuild my clientele. I would really like to open my own firm, that way when we ultimately do have our family, I don’t have to ask for a day off.” She gave a tiny smile, that really was a dream, so far away she felt it fading with each passing day. And with their recent fighting she could see it fading away a bit more. But Lucien was the more positive thinker, always looking for the bright side. While she always looked for the downfall. She looked a bit surprised when he suggested they start a college fund. She paused. “I like that idea.” She agreed. “Maybe, we should put aside some for you too.” She offered. “If your brother doesn’t modernize soon, I’m afraid you may be out of a job. What if….what if we set aside some for you, in case that happens, you can start your own paper.” She offered, she hated that this was another unknown for them to worry about, it was an unwanted worry. She couldn’t imagine how Lucien had been feeling about it. “We should sit down and figure out what we would like to save.” “Oh. Um I’m done, yes thank you. the new dish soap should be under the counter, next to the new sponge's” She said allowing him to take the bowl, she suddenly paused. “Lucien.” She said softly watching him walk away and towards the kitchen. “This is the first dinner in months one of us hasn’t left the table spitting mad or screaming at each other.” She said with a bit of a worried look. “Should this be seen as a victory? Or a worry for the future?” She asked him. She had no idea if it was a good or bad sign, this realization made her reali

8:31 AM

ze she really did need therapy, and the sooner the better.

Lucien opened his mouth at her suggestion to protest, then closed it. Had it truly been so obvious that he'd been struggling at work? Or more accurately, that his entire workplace had been struggling? He quickly gathered the dishes and his thoughts. He couldn't imagine himself at the head of any company larger than two or three people, having always wanted to focus on the creative aspect of his work. "You're... not wrong," he said. "I'm not sure I'd want to start a paper, though. Partly because print media is dying - it's all about online journalism nowadays, and not even good online journalism - but I'm also just not... we're very different people, y'know? You'd be great at the head of your own law firm, but I'm more or a writer than a boss." And this wasn't even the sort of writing he'd wanted to do. So much of his life had fallen short of what he'd wanted for himself, both professionally and personally. "But saving up a bit of a cushion is still a good idea, in case I need to look for something new." He raised his voice toward the end as he turned on the water, knowing he wouldn't be heard otherwise. He'd considered looking for new work anyway, to jump off this ship before it inevitably sank. When, though? With what energy? With what limited time he had, he could save his marriage or his career. And when it came down to it, he would always choose Zéphyrine. At her question, he quickly turned the water back off and turned around to give her his full attention. "I... it has been too long," he admitted. "But I want to be hopeful. We'll take the small victories where we can, and I'd like to think this is one." He managed a small smile despite his troubled thoughts. "Thank you for being open with me. Let's just... keep trying together, to make this work. Things used to be so easy for us, but I think we have to accept that it won't be as easy anymore. And that's... fine. We'll make it fine."

1:26 PM

@SleeptoKEN

’We’ll make it fine.’ Those four words sent a rush through her, a rush that seemed to take the weight on her heart away. She wasn’t sure why they seemed to calm her down, but it did. Maybe it’s because it sounded like a promise, or it was something she needed to hear, or maybe it was the fact her husband was the one to say them to her, a man she deep down still loved dearly. She gave a small smile as she brought her notebook a bit closer, writing those words so she could remember them. A small reminder for when she worked on the assignment the counselor gave her, and she got stressed writing, she hoped those four words would bring her peace. When he thanked her for being open her heart suddenly stopped. Her husband, her partner, her literal best friend should not be thanking her for being open, he shouldn’t have to beg for her to be open. She took a deep shaken breath as she carefully pulled her hair back. “Y-yeah, I’ll keep trying as well, I’ll make sure I open up and tell you things for now on. And I’m sorry for making it harder on you Lucien. I will be more open for now, I promise.” She said looking up at the doorway that led to the kitchen. She sat there just staring at the door, her peace now replaced with sadness, and resentment. For the first time the resentment wasn’t directed at him, but herself. “If you had to look for a new job.” She called over the water so he could hear her, brushing off her own sadness to continue the conversation. “What would you look for? I know you want to write, would you start a sort of blog?” She asked carefully to get up and go into the kitchen so that way they could face each other and speak without shouting. “I know you don’t really like the Boss position, I understand that kind of pressure really isn’t for everyone.” she replied softly. Zéphyrine walked over towards the kitchen island and sat at a stool, watching Lucien wash the dishes. She watched him, studied his body language looking for some sort of hint of his m

1:53 PM

ood, or a hint he was hiding something he wasn’t willing to talk about. She hated that she did this to him, she knew it wasn’t fair to assume he was hiding something. She supposed that would be another topic she’d need to bring up to her therapist when she starts going to see one. @Al the Killer

Maybe her promise should have helped him feel better. Honestly though, it just made him feel like a shitty hypocrite. How could he expect her to be open about what was going on in her life when he hadn't been? Therapy was kind of a huge thing to hide from one's own spouse, and he was still surprised she'd taken the realization as well as she had. "I'll... try to do the same," he said, looking down at the dishes he was washing. Backup plans... now that was something he'd had to think about a lot, and the answers were never as solid as he would have liked. "Something more stable, I think," he admitted. "I have enough experience to find work with an existing online publication, especially if I stick with news editing. Though more creative works might feel more rewarding, at this point. People are still buying books, so finding work with a publishing company doesn't sound half bad, either." He could relax a bit more. Having someone to bounce ideas off of helped, especially since it was a rare peaceful evening for the two of them. He set the last of the dishes aside in the drying rack and turned off the water. "My psychiatrist thinks I should take some time off from work altogether. A week or two at least," he admitted, wiping his hands off on the small towel in front of him. "But I always get the feeling that it will all fall apart the moment I step away." He laughed, though there wasn't any real humour to it, a slightly bitter sound. "Which now that I say it out loud, sounds awfully self-important." He stepped away from the sink and turned to face Zéphyrine, looking over at her thoughtfully. "Right now, I think planning a vacation is a little more stress than our marriage could handle, but once we're in a decent enough place for it... maybe we could? It might be good for both of us. I just want to finish a few sessions before deciding anything solid." He looked toward the notebooks from their counselor. @SleeptoKEN

“That’s true, Maybe by then we will be able to both mutually agree on a place to go too, and not argue about it. That will be a nice change for once.” She admitted that watching him out the last dish in the drying rack. “Could you imagine us going on a vacation and actually enjoying ourselves? I dare say the world may freeze over.” She teased, she looked at her notebook gently putting a hand in it as she sighed, she could do this, she knew she had too, but she needed out of that head space, she needed to want too. Zéphyrine snorted softly as she shook her head softly. “It’s not self important when it’s a fact Lucan, because you know things would fall apart. But you need to take care of yourself.” She said softly. “And I’m starting to see how much I’ve neglected you in this relationship, I’m so sorry for making you not put yourself first.” She said softly, listening to his words. She had to admit a vacation would put a lot of pressure on their marriage at the moment, especially when they both had different ideas for a perfect vacation. She wondered what the next couple months were going to be like, would it push them over the edge of not being able to recover? Or would it bring them closer together. Zéphyrine looked a bit surprised when he mentioned that finding a publishing company may not be that bad, she hadn’t thought of it that way before. She couldn’t help but smile as a thought crossed her mind, she look towards the window watching the leaves fall to the lawn. “You know, this is probably why you are the optimist in our marriage, I didn't think of it that way, it being a bit easier for you to find a job at a publishing company, your right people are still finding books. But I’m going to counter your optimism, what if you help edit and publish the next New York best seller? How you’d that make you feel compared to your job now?” She asked looking back at him so she could see his reaction. She knew he could do it, she knew he could do anything he co

8:28 PM

uld put his mind too, that’s another reason she fell for him in college. Maybe the homework the therapist gave them won’t be so bad. @Al the Killer

"Hm... that might be asking for a miracle," Lucien commented, before smiling. Surely, the fact that they could talk about their conflicts like this, keeping it lighthearted, had to be a good sign. He wanted to believe it was. It would be nice to relax, though at this point he could hardly remember what that felt like. He let himself feel a hint of relief at the thought that he wouldn't be their only household income for long and could let go of some of that nervous tension, but it was quickly followed by guilt at the knowledge of what sort of work environment she would be returning to. He smiled at her question. "Well, most publishing companies buy several copies of their own authors' books to get them on that list, so at least the odds of it happening are high," he joked. "Still, I think the work itself could be more enjoyable, no matter how rewarding it is. News is... a bit of a downer at times, to be honest." And according to his therapist, it was not helping his anxiety. He'd disagreed, pointing out that the news was very helpful in cultivating more anxiety. "The world is always doomed in one way or another, and when it's not, we've gotta make it sound doomed or nobody will read." He walked past her and picked up his notebook, looking down at it. A letter to the Zéphyrine he'd married... maybe he was ready to get started after all. It would take time, but a few ideas had begun to bounce around his head, and it couldn't hurt to take a few notes, outline a bit of a structure... what was this, if not a deeply personal writing project that might help save his marriage? "I think I want to get started," he commented, not needing to say on what. He was looking straight at the notebook, after all. Normally he'd just disappear after dinner and dishes were finished, even on one of their good nights, but today, he looked over at her first. "Do you want anything else first? It can wait if you do." @SleeptoKEN

Zéphyrine hummed softly. “We need better news, why can’t they just report on good things that happen. Like before our session when I was at the store. A elderly woman dropped her cane and a precious 3 year old picked it up and gave it to her.” She said softly. She knew the news would never report on good things, that’s why she never watched it, and stayed well away from the chaos she knew she couldn’t control. She didn’t know how Lucien could do it. As he walked by her to grab the notebook, she took a moment to think if there was anything else that was needed, she really wasn’t sure. This was the first night in a long while that they were able to just sit and not argue, and really she didn’t want to ruin it by asking for something else. She picked up her notebook and looked at it for a long moment, before looking up again. “No, I think I’m going to go upstairs, send that email to the office. And then I’m going to go ahead and start that assignment. Is there anything you need before I go upstairs?” She watched him with a curious look, wondering if he had anything else to add or if he was okay with her going ahead and going back to their room. She had gotten her glass of water and her bag, she had taken with them to the appointment. Tho she had her book in her hand, the bag had her things she would need to be able to complete the assignment as a whole. sorry for the late and short reply Al! Next one will be longer @Al the Killer

Lucien smiled at the thought, though he remained acutely aware that when good news was written about the small things, people generally didn't read it or found the most horrifying possible interpretation of it. Maybe the industry was inherently cynical. It certainly didn't help his anxiety. No, for something positive to go over well, it normally had to be major enough to compete with the murders and corruption that held peoples' attention so well. To be fair, the small tragedies of day-to-day life didn't get much attention either. He tried to imagine a news headline for tonight. Breaking News: Local Couple Gets Through One Dinner Without a Screaming Match Probably an inside thought. He kept it to himself and tucked his notebook under his arm. "Nope, I think we're good for now. I'll take the guest room for tonight, primary suite's all yours." He walked toward the stairs but stopped beside her, pausing to look at her. "I, uh..." He looked away, suddenly as nervous as he'd been for their first date. "Would it be too soon to offer a kiss goodnight?" Great, he could feel his face heating up, practically blushing like a schoolboy. But he couldn't remember how long it had been. The whole pattern of married life had slipped away from them, and he didn't want to feel like he was forcing anything. Especially not if she wasn't feeling it. It wasn't like they'd had a magical, romantic moment or anything. Just... a peaceful evening that felt almost like a breakthrough. You're fine! @SleeptoKEN