ROLEPLAY HQ - breaking-norms

His younger sister suddenly reaching out to him was strange. Especially with how mysterious she had been on the phone, not even telling him why she was calling. All Mikhail knew was that they needed him back home, and he couldn’t help but worry about that in particular. Was something wrong with the restaurant? Or their parents? He has had so many questions he would have liked to ask, but hadn’t been able to. So, of course, he took the first train back home to be with them and see what he could possibly do. Julian hadn’t wanted to join him. He had something going on at work, or something like that. Mikhail couldn’t quite understand what he had meant. Not that he had explained it very well to begin with, but his family was kind of weary of him anyway. They… They didn’t like him very much. It had been that way since the first time they met him, and Mikhail couldn’t even say why it was that way. He thought Julian was a nice guy. Sure… He was a little bit loud and rough at times, but he just wanted the best for him, slowly pushing him out of his comfort zone, so he could manage his daily life better. If anything, that was just his way to show his affection. Mikhail sighed as he moved around the train cars, looking for his seat. Even though he was trying his best, he had already bumped into three different people, which didn’t really help with his anxiousness. He felt wrong for being here, but there was no other way for him to get back home. He had no car, not even a driver's license. The train was his only option. Otherwise, Julian would have to drive him and…

He couldn't ask that of him. Even though he had been up to it in the past, in the last few months he has made him go to many things on his own and on foot. Not that it mattered, but if he had driven him now… It would have prevented some of the awkwardness that was about to be revealed. Finally reaching his seat, Mikhail was surprised to see that the spot right next to him was already taken. Not that that was a problem in any way… It was just… He felt bad for squeezing next to that person, even if they were small, he would probably still sit uncomfortably close. Not that he really tried to do that. It wasn’t his fault. But still… Lowering his head a bit before he spoke, Mikhail had already started apologizing, voice quiet, nearly inaudible. “I’m very sorry… I’ll stand if me sitting too close makes you uncomfortable…”, he began, only glancing up for a short second as the stranger turned to look at him. Confusion appeared on his face as he recognized the person in front of him. “Alex?”, despite already knowing the answer to his question, he still asked it in disbelief, as if he couldn’t quite understand if what he was seeing right now was the truth or just an illusion. How long had it been since they had seen each other last? During the holidays last year? They hadn’t met on the train then, just back home. Mikhail could remember the day very well, Julian had been annoyed and pissed at him for keeping the fact that his best friend was an Alpha hidden. Not that it had been Mikhail’s intention to hide it. It just hadn't come up, and he hadn’t thought it was that big of a deal. Since then, Julian had made him break off more and more contact with Alex. Should he even talk to him then? It would anger Julian, but… He had missed him so much, and just being in his vicinity… It was calming for his anxious nerves. Maybe for just a little bit? @Onyxx

Alex had been quick after the brief phone call with the sheriff, he closed his laptop and put on his boots with a sour taste in his mouth to accompany his feeling of unease. The walk to the train station also felt hurried. It wasn't showing on his face but so many horrible possibilities flitted through his mind. Of course the asshole on the phone wouldn’t tell him why, just “get here as soon as you can.” What could it possibly be? Had his dad gotten into some fight? No then he would’ve been the one to call Alex, begging him not to tell mom. Why hadn’t mom called if something happened? As soon as Alex took his window seat on the train he pulled his phone out only to be disappointed by the lack of any correspondence. Alex paid little attention to the other passengers boarding, he kept his eyes fixed on a particular crack in the concrete platform following it in its entirety. Someone should really take the time to repair that he thought, noting how various weeds had started to sprout. They would only make the crack wider and deeper if they weren’t taken care of. In the seat against the cool wall of the train he shifted his weight a little. Thoughts of cracks and weeds could only keep one’s mind occupied for so long and he started to question what this was all about again. It was a mantra: What is it this time? Alex grumbled quietly to himself before his hands clasped together and his thumbs started to twiddle, going around and around just like his doubts. The window was still where his eyes rested but he wasn’t looking out of it, at least he wasn’t present behind those blue eyes.

6:52 AM

Great, someone was sitting next to him. Alex didn’t look away from the window, but his thumbs ceased their little dance as he scooted closer to the inside of the seat. A voice, a familiar one at that, pulled him away from his mind and from the window. Mikhail? Had he been called home too? Had to be a coincidence. If it wasn’t? Well he wouldn’t think about that too much. They hadn’t spoken in quite some time. It was nice to see him outside of the crowded halls. Alex had thought of him often when he was alone, studying, doing anything really. If anyone had to sit next to him, this was certainly the best option. “You paid for your ticket, don’t stand up.” Alex scoffed at him softly. At first his face went back to the window, but really he wanted to ask him. “Heading home too?” Mik was someone he didn’t have to be standoffish towards, his tone was casual, but not quite relaxed. Honestly Alex was a bit surprised that Julian hadn’t offered to give him a ride, he usually made it a point to flaunt his vehicle. Alex scanned Mikhail; he seemed nervous though if memory serves that wasn’t too out of character for his friend on a packed train. @SirFüncelot

Mikhail was happy to see Alex. It made this confusing day a little bit better, and him certainly a lot happier. With a small, shy smile appearing on his lips, he took his seat next to his best friend. If he could still call him that after how little time they had spent together the last year. He wasn’t even quite sure what was currently going on in Alex's life. Even if he wanted to ask, Mikhail had no idea how to go about that. Should he just ask? What was he even doing here? This was such a huge coincidence… The both of them here, going home at the same time. The holidays were still far off, so it was a little bit strange. Fidgeting with the hem of his sweater, he looked down at his knees, nodding slowly at his question, feeling a bit unsure about himself. He always felt good around Alex. He managed to calm his nerves for some weird reason, and even if they weren’t talking, Mikhail just enjoyed being in his presence. Feeling the warmth of another familiar person next to him… It was very comforting for some reason, and after just enjoying the silence between them for a little while… Mikhail managed to speak up. Having had enough time to gather his thoughts. “My sister called. I don’t know what exactly is going on, but… I think they need help with the restaurant. Mom probably got hurt again or something. You know how clumsy she can be.”, he chuckled lightly, leaning back in his seat, the tension slowly fading from his body. There were still too many people on the train for his liking, but it had gotten a lot better than just a few minutes ago. At least he didn’t feel as bad as before for taking up too much space. Occasionally bumping into Alex was no problem. At least not to him, and he hoped Alex thought about it similarly. “Why are you going back?”, Mikhail asked further after a small pause, voice still quiet, but he had raised his gaze, studying Alex’s face now.

11:30 AM

He looked just like he remembered him, yet it felt so strange to finally see him in person again. Smell how nice his scent was… He had missed this, and slowly the urge to hug him or at least rest his head on his shoulder emerged inside of him. They had done that so many times before, and Mikhail certainly shouldn’t crave something as simple as that, but here he was. Longing for something nonsensical, like a fool. Julian would scold him if he came back smelling like another Alpha, and he didn’t want that. Angering him… It was never a good idea, so Mikhail did his best to hold back. Picking up the fidgeting with his hands again to keep himself occupied and distracted from everything else around him. Now he felt like it was getting awkward again. Should he talk more? But what should he say? He wasn’t quite sure, but there had to be something, right? What did they usually talk about? What did other people talk about? Why did this have to be so hard? @Onyxx

Alex only nodded in response to Mikhail’s answer. The train started it’s departure and he continued his staring out the window. It was doubtful that his old friend would notice but that blanket of unease over him got much heavier. Alex straightened his arm against the seat to sturdy himself; he hated bouncing around so much. Everytime Mikhail bumped him all he could smell was his scent, the scent that was the comfort of home for so long. That scent that he swore to this day he could smell in his childhood bedroom even though it had been what, years? Only it had something new to it now, the scent of his alpha peppered over him. It had an almost bitterant effect on Mik’s own warmth; he hated the change. Alex’s arms folded over his chest and he leaned into the back of the train seat. Giving only a side glance, noting those fidgeting hands. He thought he was definitely making Mikhail uncomfortable but it really couldn’t be helped right now. “I’m not sure, I wasn’t told much.” Alex sounded annoyed frankly he was, at the same time he didn’t want to increase Mikhail’s nervousness. A drained sigh came from him. God he hoped whatever this was didn’t take all night, he was ready to go back to his dorm already. “How have you been?” Alex peered at Mikhail as he questioned him, his voice was guarded only so his concern didn’t leak through. Really Alex worried about his friend quite often, he was soft spoken, soft hearted, a truly kind person. Hell, even the man’s shirt was soft. That could be so easily taken for granted or even abused. Just the thought of someone treating his friend like that pissed him off. Even if they hadn’t talked in a while he still cared. “Don’t even think about just saying good either.” Alex raised an eyebrow at him and even offered a small smirk, he was clearly teasing now. Trying to lighten this awkwardness between them. @SirFüncelot

Hearing annoyance rise in Alex’s voice made him shudder. Mikhail was sure it wasn’t because of him, but he couldn’t help but still worry. He hadn’t done anything to annoy Alex, that’s what he told himself, but his own mind was hard to trick and didn’t quite believe him. It was… Hard to deal with, but it couldn’t be helped. He hated not knowing what to expect at home as well, but it probably was just a coincidence. Or maybe their families had even planned something. Sometimes they did stuff like that. Making him worry, just to surprise him with a cake or a celebration of some sort. Surely they could rope Alex’s family into those strange plans as well… Yes, that’s what had to be going on! There was nothing to worry about! “I’m-”, Mikhail began, but stopped himself as soon as he heard the next few words. Alex truly knew him too well. They may not have seen each other for some time, but he was still his best friend. He couldn’t lie to him, even if he tried. There was nothing he could keep from Alex. To him, he had always been an open book, so Mikhail just sighed. Caving in and slowly letting his head drop onto Alex’s shoulder. With his eyes closed, he just breathed in and out for a bit, calming himself, before finally speaking up again. “Can I stay like this?”, he asked, his voice quiet and shy, a little bit reluctant even, ready to sit straight again, should this make Alex uncomfortable. He may have done this often in the past, but now… They weren’t children anymore. Surely other passengers would think they were weird for doing something like this. Maybe even Alex would think that…

3:33 AM

Considering that it wasn’t too comfortable to lean down this much… It was probably best if he raised his head again, but Mikhail didn’t want to. This was comforting and nice. It made the other sounds around him disappear while he could just concentrate on Alex’s steady heartbeat. “Julian didn’t want to come along…”, Mikhail started his explanation, sighing deeply again. “I know he’s not really getting along with my parents and siblings, and he’s busy with work, but… He didn’t even see me off.”, he continued, the tone of his voice making it quite obvious that he was hurt by that, but was swallowing the pain and keeping it down, to not seem hysterical. “He’s been working late the last few weeks. Yesterday, he didn’t come back until morning. When I left, he was still sleeping… He didn’t even say goodbye…” Mikhail knew he shouldn’t be hung up about this, it was a one-time occurrence and certainly not Julian’s fault, but he always made an effort to be there and say goodbye to him whenever he left for work, no matter how early or late it was. Was it too much to expect the same treatment every once in a while? “I’m probably just being silly.”, he laughed as if he had just told a joke, forcing a smile to his face, as he looked out the window as well. Mikhail became painfully aware of the other passengers around them once more, now that he wasn’t as lost in his thoughts anymore, but at least that kept him kind of occupied. Or at least on edge enough to not worry about such stupid things again. “He’ll call me as soon as he wakes up. I’m worrying over nothing. So… What about you? How are you doing?”, changing the topic had never been his strong suit, and he even knew it sounded kind of awkward and forced, but right now he didn’t want to think anymore about Julian. Mikhail feared what else might come up during their talk. @Onyxx

Alex almost moved away out of instinct when he saw Mikhail leaning down. Something stilled him, his arms stayed crossed over his chest but he didn’t shrug Mikhail off. It took him a few moments but he nodded a yes. Having his friend rest on his shoulder brought back a sense of nostalgia, it was surprisingly not uncomfortable; it didn’t feel awkward or unnatural. Mikhail told his troubles and Alex listened with his eyes settled looking at the floor that separated their feet. If these things were to fall from anyone else’s lips he’d find them small, but the way these things were spoken made them bigger. Alex nodded in a silent show that he was listening to the story. “I don’t think it’s silly.” Was all he replied, if Mikhail felt a certain way about these things then it wasn’t silly. These small things probably added up Alex thought. It was easy for little things to pile on growing larger until it burst at the slightest pressure. “All of those things sound easy enough to do.” It was true, to say goodbye, to see your partner off. None of these seemed like things that would take too much time or effort really. Alex thought he would do these things without question if he had a partner. There was no doubt in his mind that Mikhail likely catered to every need that Julian had, he likely did whatever was asked of him.

7:13 PM

“I’m doing fine ,” he responded in the exact way that he had forbidden Mikhail from doing. “I don’t think I like my major anymore.” He added, he had admitted this to himself many times in privacy to say the words aloud felt strange. What did Alex like? Noodles? Tea? Hardly anything of real substance, hardly anything so deep as relationship issues. In fact he hadn’t even been interested in anyone… No one seemed to get close enough, try hard enough to get to know him. The walls put up between him and strangers were built quite high, but would it be asking too much that he wanted someone to try? These were secrets that he wouldn’t say out loud. Nothing could make him admit that he had been lonely, or at least not unhappily lonely. @SirFüncelot

Not sure what kind of answer to expect from Alex, he was glad to hear what he did. His worries getting validated for once felt nice, though he really shouldn’t worry that much. It would be fine. They had always been fine. Maybe he and Julian could do something together when he got back. They hadn’t gone on a date in what felt like forever. Surely that would help them through this rough patch. Mikhail made a mental note to ask him when he called later, but now… He had other things to worry about. Mostly Alex, who seemed to have his own set of problems that he seemed to try and keep hidden from him. Raising his head slightly to turn and look up at him, Mikhail furrowed his brow, studying Alex’s features for a moment. “That doesn’t sound like you are doing fine to me.”, he began quietly, not remembering if he had ever said anything like that before. He had always found it strange that he went on to pursue a career in engineering. Mikhail had never felt like that was something Alex had been particularly interested in, so it wasn’t that surprising to hear this now. “Why do you think that?”, he added, trying to figure out if there was something he could help with. They may not have talked in some time, but he still wished for nothing more than Alex to be happy and content. If he needed some reassurance or support to make a decision that, in the long run, was best for him, he certainly would be there for him. “Do you want to change it? Or do something completely different?”, Mikhail did his best to nail down the problem, enabling him to say more helpful things than just bother Alex with questions. Though… Was he even able to help with that?

10:10 PM

He couldn’t even manage to keep his own life in check. It may be arrogant of him to think he would be of any help to Alex. It also hurt a little bit to know that he hadn’t told him about this problem right away. Before… Mikhail would have been the first person Alex would have come to for support and kind words, but now… Had there been others he had talked about this first? Not that he was jealous or anything, Alex was allowed to have a life outside their friendship, but before… During school… They had shared everything so freely, and now… They barely talked. But Mikhail was probably at fault as well. He never reached out to him as well, worried that he might bother Alex with his questions or by constantly checking in with him. They weren’t children anymore. It was natural for them to slowly drift apart. He better got used to it now before he got even more hurt and frustrated in the future. “We have a lot of time now. Maybe you want to tell me more about that?”, Mikhail offered once again, hoping that it might make Alex open up about that to him. Maybe he was pressing the matter too much, but knowing that he may be able to do something, anything, for Alex to help him feel a bit better and not doing it… It would haunt him forever. Maybe he had already talked about this with others, but the fact that he was bringing it up like this, looking sad while doing so… Surely there had to be more to it. And even if their relationship wasn’t as deep as it used to be, talking about such things helped. Even if Alex didn’t want any advice, he knew best that Mikhail was a very good listener first and foremost. Usually even preferring to listen instead of talking if the situation allowed him to do so. @Onyxx

Alex kept his arms folded over his chest still, his eyes focused at the ground between their feet. Mikhail clearly cared, and once upon a time it would have been easy to fully open up. In the past he would’ve gone on a long winded rant about everything that annoyed him or bored him. Mikhail would always listen, he would always give him room to speak. “It’s boring.” He grumbled, thinking of all the formulas, “and there is just so much.” He shook his head in exasperation. Alex didn’t know what he would even change it too, he hadn’t a clue what he would do if he felt like he had more of a choice. Alex felt trapped; he had already been through so many courses and put so much work into this. “I don’t even know.” At his side Alex clenched his fist, why couldn’t he talk? It was overwhelming and he shifted uncomfortable in his skin. “It’s so frustrating.” Alex breathed he was desperate for a subject change. “How are your studies going?” Alex’s voice was quiet and strained. “Can I just hear you talk?” He sounded almost defeated as he pleaded. Alex didn’t care what Mikhail talked about, he knew he had always hated being on the spot but he just wanted to listen. Alex wanted to run from his own issues, he wanted to ignore them. Why couldn’t he have put more thought into his major, what he wanted to become? Alex felt like there were so many barriers between him and happiness, these barriers he had built himself. @SirFüncelot

Mikhail just listened in the beginning, but it became obvious very quickly that Alex wasn’t really in the mood to talk about any of this. Probably because they hadn’t talked in quite a while. It had probably been stupid of him to assume that they would fall right back into their old habits. That would probably take a little bit longer than one single train ride, but as much as he wanted to help him get over this, there wasn’t anything Mikhail could do. Maybe when they got to spend some time together again, because it would truly make him sad to know that Alex was constantly unhappy with his current life choices. With a slight hesitation, Mikhail struggled to grab Alex’s hand, carefully approaching it before pulling back again. This repeated for a few times, before he finally got over his anxiety and managed to grab it, squeezing it gently and stroking the back of his hand with his thumb a few times. He tried his best to reassure Alex before he pulled his hand back again, letting it rest in his lap, to instead focus on talking. Yes, it wasn’t really his strong suit, but if there was one person he didn’t mind talking to, it had to be Alex. He had listened to him so much… Mikhail had basically no problem with it, just the publicity of this place made him a little bit uncomfortable.

4:28 AM

“I… I think I’m doing good. It’s a little bit stressful because my exams are coming up, and I have to do this group project with two other people…”, he began, speaking in a quiet voice, nearly whispering because he wanted Alex to be the only one who would be able to listen to him, though he wasn’t too sure if he was managing that. “They… They don’t really do their work, and I’m left with most of it.”, he added, forcing himself to smile a little bit. “I know they didn’t really help, but I feel bad should they fail if I turn it in just under my name. They are probably very busy right now… Maybe they have a family to take care of?”, Mikhail thought out loud, cuddling up a little bit more to Alex, while he closed his eyes, trying not to think about them, maybe just using him to do their work for them. “Oh!”, a sound of surprise, as if he just remembered something important, left Mikhail’s lips, and his smile turned a little bit more genuine. “I also applied for a small part-time job. I’m working at the library now. Just in the morning, when it’s not as busy, and usually I’m only sorting the books or managing online requests, but…”, Mikhail paused for a moment, trying to contain his excitement, remembering Julian’s unpleasant reaction when he had told him. His smile vanished, as did the excitement in his voice. “I like it. It makes me happy, and the others are nice too. I wouldn’t mind working in a library when I finish studying.”, he finally managed to speak up, now sounding shy and insecure again. He hoped Alex wouldn’t tell him that this was a stupid idea and that being a librarian wasn’t a real job. That he either should find something better paying or stay at home entirely to look after the children. Not that he didn’t like children, but expecting him to just go with that… Mikhail would probably agree to it sooner or later, but at least with Alex, he felt comfortable enough to share that little bit of information. @Onyxx

Alex had not noticed Mikhail’s hand reaching out and pulling away. The warmth of the small squeeze was a surprise to him, his eyes lowered to observe the way their hands tangled together. It was a kind gesture and for a moment he felt embarrassed simply because of the fact that he had needed a kind gesture. Mikhail’s hand pulling away left his with an absence, such warmth pulled away, distanced as they had. Alex did not move to seek anymore of that gentle touch but he wished for its return. He wished things were different. Different in a way that he could not put his finger on. It was thankfully distracting to hear Mikhail speak of his group project. Of course he was the one left to do most of the work, it was fitting. “Don’t give them credit for your work.” He shook his head but couldn’t help the smile that came to his face. Mikhail was too nice for that, he would probably still do it. As his friend began to speak again, about the library, he imagined that it would be a good place for Mikhail. Libraries were nice and quiet, cozy, so was Mikhail. Alex noticed how his friend retracted, as if his enjoyment of something simple was a thing to be ashamed of. It wasn’t, though Alex wasn’t sure how to tell him that. “That sounds nice.” Was that all he had to say? “I’m glad you like it.” Alex smiled lightly, he knew Mikhail didn’t care to be the one talking but he had done it anyway. Part of him wanted to say thank you but for what? Talking? That would probably sound weird. Quietly he sat there for a bit, they still had a bit to go but they were getting closer. “Hey, you want to get some tea or something once we get there?” He asked “After whatever is going on first, of course. If you’ve got time.” @SirFüncelot

It felt comparably easy to talk out loud with Alex around. It was still a bit different from a few years ago, when they had been a bit closer. He kind of missed that time. Mikhail hadn’t felt as lonely then, despite constantly being surrounded by people now. Somehow, he still managed to feel all alone. Would it be different if he had stayed in contact with Alex? He wondered what would have been different, how his life would have changed if he had stayed with him. Would it be better or worse? He sighed, forcing another smile upon his face despite the worries coursing through him to not scare Alex off. Mikhail turned slightly to face him a bit better, his smile slowly turning a bit more genuine as he heard his suggestion. There was even a little bit of excitement rising up in him. “I would like that. I’m sure I’ll find some time for that.”, he instantly agreed, blushing slightly at how eager he was. It was a bit embarrassing, wasn’t it? What if Alex had just said it, not expecting him to agree? But that wasn’t like him. Surely he meant it like this. “Maybe the small café next to the butcher?”, Mikhail suggested quietly, knowing fully well that it had been one of their favorite spots to go to after school. He wasn’t even sure if it was still operating, but in case it was, it seemed like the perfect spot for a reunion. Maybe they could even sit at their favorite spot by the window and get some cake as well with their tea. Just talking a bit more about the past and their current lives… It sounded rather nice. Mikhail was glad that they had gotten together due to these unforeseen circumstances.

4:11 AM

“I guess it was a good thing we stumbled across each other here…”, he chuckled lightly with embarrassment, scratching his neck, while he turned away again, not sure how to face Alex with all of this. “I wasn’t sure how to reach out to you.”, Mikhail continued honestly, growing a little bit more quiet again. “We haven’t talked in so long… It felt weird… Like I would be intruding or something.”, he added, eyes lowered down onto his lap. He fidgeted with his fingers again, attempting to distract himself, but wasn’t very successful at doing so. @Onyxx